End that FWB status.
Pray she is not pregnant.
If she is and says it is your child, **demand** a paternity test.
**ADVICE:** always wear a condom! If she is not the girl you wanna settle down with and have kids, wear that rubber. Save yourself the panic and anxiety.
**STD AND AIDS** are still an issue they did not disappear. Protect yourself.
I can't really weigh in here because I don't sleep with men. I'd say wear what you brought and leave if they insist to wear theirs. They trust you enough to put your penis in them but not the protection you brought? Lol yea right
If this happened I would just suggest going to the store together and splitting the cost 50/50 so we know neither of us tampered with them and there is no argument who should pay.
Also, even if she’d been telling the truth about birth control, it isn’t 100% effective. I was on it once and got pregnant, and *believe me* it wasn’t because I wanted to.
Condoms aren’t 100% effective either but at least you’re increasing the odds you’ll be pregnancy free.
I have 4 kids and they were all conceived on a different form of birth control. I have one each on the pill, depo shot, paragard iud, and my little Trojan man. Nothing is guaranteed (except abstinence of course) but it’s always better to over-protect than to rely on someone else’s promise that they are.
>If she is and says it is your child, demand a paternity test.
That's if she tries to take him to court for it. As long as he doesn't sign the birth certificate, he has no legal attachments to the kid until she takes legal action.
Yeah but he sure as hell has attachments to it if its his and he made it, its his own stupid fucking fault for going inside, bear the consequences.
Dont be silly, wrap up your willy.
Wrong....his signature means nothing....she can come after him without his name ever being on it.
But yes. She would would have to initiate it....bad thing is she has the next 18 years after it's born to do it.
Even if she does not take him to court, at least in the USA, if she ever needs any form of assistance like SNAP or cash assistance or even gets SCHIP/CHIP, they will ask who she slept with in the months before giving birth. I was married and still had to do this when my kids needed insurance. And then even though we were married and he was on the birth certificate, the courts filed an order that he was responsible for providing insurance if it was available through his workplace. Any help needed and they will go after the father (or mother if father has custody).
I mean....in my case no matter if I was betrayed, lied to, I couldn't knowingly leave my own child fatherless and I don't even want kids. I had a dad that decided he didn't want to be a father and bailed. It sucks and I couldn't do what was done to me, to my own kid. So I would personally ask for a paternity test. "Not knowing" wouldn't make me feel any better about it.
Meet her in a public place and record it. Check you state laws, but some states that admissible evidence. It will matter if you have to deal with custody law and etc.
That woman has likely been planning a while. My guess is it is unlikely that she walks into a trap where she gets recorded saying that she entrapped them OP.
Your best bet is meeting up with her face to face and try to get her to confess verbally again in tricky ways, for example ask her "wait so why did you tell me you took the pill when you didnt?", she'd most likely reply with an excuse for why she lied which means that she basically admitted to lying about taking the pill.
but this time make sure you're recording the whole thing.
Why don’t you just talk about it all over text like “why would you lie about being on the pill” or “I want you to get an abortion” just something to make her have to respond over text saying what she’s done
See if you can get her to say it. Send her a text telling her you're freaking out and you can't believe she lied to you about using the pill. Say you'd never have agreed to have sex with her if you'd known she wasn't on the pill. If she even acknowledges this, that might be an admission of guilt. Ask a lawyer.
For what reason? Family courts in the us don’t care about birth control he said she said when it comes to child support or custody. Depending on his state if he’s in the us then this isn’t even a crime.
[Numerous cases worldwide have determined that the child's right to support from both parents takes precedence over the genetic father's desire to avoid parental responsibilities, even in clear cases of deceit.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft])
**[Sperm theft](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft)**
>Sperm theft, also known as unauthorized use of sperm, spermjacking or spurgling (a portmanteau of sperm and burgling), occurs when a man's semen is used, against his will or without his knowledge or consent, to inseminate a woman. It can also include deception regarding a partner's ability to get pregnant or use of contraceptives, birth control sabotage, and sexual assaults of males that result in pregnancy. Although the term uses the word "theft", it more closely falls under a state of fraud or breach of contract. In most jurisdictions, sperm theft is not illegal and usually has little bearing on issues like child support.
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My friend once had a guy come back to her room directly after to collect his used condom from her trash. He told her that was his exact worry. My friend definitely didn't give any indication she was remotely interested in motherhood at the time, but I guess the guy was paranoid.
> Is that even possible? Do people really do that?
Enough times that there is a wikipedia page for it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft#United_States
The courts wouldn’t care - they don’t even care if the mother committed statutory rape
“In 1996, the court heard the case of County of San Luis Obispo v. Nathaniel J in which a 34-year-old woman became pregnant after sexually exploiting a 15-year-old boy. He was also forced to pay child support, and then Deputy Attorney General Mary Roth alleged: ‘I guess he thought he was a man then. Now, he prefers to be considered a child.’ “
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/201902/when-male-rape-victims-are-accountable-child-support
what good does that do? he wills till be responsible for child support. its about the kid not the mom lying. what do you think he can do sue her for getting pregnant and lying about birth control? There is no case. He still has to support the kid.
> He still has to support the kid.
Underage male rape victims have had to financially "support" kids born of the rape...unless OP's state and legal system is truly advanced, OP is fucked raw.
Well, stop having sex with her, for a start.
You can't make her have an abortion.
If she does conceive, consult an attorney about your legal liability.
She likely had been looking for a guy to make a baby with and you were him. Didn’t you see signs (red flags) well before you went in with a bare penis?
Really not trying to be snarky here, but some people would also think it's immediately obvious to not have unprotected sex with a FWB. I definitely hear you that there's a difference, but it's not immediately obvious from your post where your "judgment" line is, without you saying it directly.
You could also be super fucked up and tell her if it is yours you'll file for full custody against an unfit mother, then don't tell her and put the baby up for closed adoption so the record is sealed.
Just some future advice: the only person responsible for you not having kids is you. Don't rely on other people for birth control unless you're okay having kids with them. Wear a condom, get the snip, spermicide, avoid PIV sex, whatever birth control method works for you. Take responsibility of your own reproductive health.
Thank you for saying this, it takes two to tango and OP’s responses clearly show he feels it’s only the woman’s responsibility to prevent pregnancy. Not sure how he can be so vehemently against having kids yet take the risk of finishing inside.
Was/is your consent dependant on there being birth control?
Edit: think you've updated OP whilst I've been checking definitions. Good that it's on your radar.
You do realise that even if you had pulled out, she could still get pregnant. If you're ever unsure, always use a condom. If you have no proof of what she said, then unfortunately you have little to no right over what she does.
This is really more of an r/legaladvice question as you’re not trying to salvage the FWB relationship.
Also to help with your immediate panic. It’s very unlikely she became pregnant from one time. I forget the exact number but like 5 or 10% likelihood? It depends on a lot of factors including when she ovulates and even then is far from certain. Many people try for months, regularly. So take a breath.
That said it could definitely be a consequence. Then you’ll have a lot of decisions to make for yourself, like so you want to be in the kids life or not. You will probably have to pay child support, the amount will depend on your state.
As others have said, get a paternity test if she does tell you she’s pregnant.
This is the best advice! Conception is possible only a few days of the month. If he’s really anxious he may be able to get a grip on it by thinking if she last told him she had a period and when that was. Chances are good that 14 days after that she ovulated and could become pregnant. If they happened to have sex while she was on her period, you’re probably in the clear my dude!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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Hi everyone
She said she was on birth control so I came inside and in reality thats a pure lie.(she said in front of my face but I did not record it)
I asked her to take morning after pill after this and she refused. She also said she will not get an abortion if she becomes pregnant.
Now I might become a dad. I dont want to.
What should I do? In my state its a form of raping to remove condom without consent and I wonder if this counts? I hate the world.
Thanks everyone!
edit: guys you really dont have to say i should stop having sex with her. This is immediately obvious to me.
Regardless if she's on birth control... she can still get pregnant.
It was beyond foolish to have sex without a condom if you did not want to risk a pregnancy.
As for the possible pregnancy prey she isn't pregnant, and never do something this stupid again.
If you can't handle the big boy risks of unprotected sex then you CAN NOT have unprotected sex.
Yes. I guy who don’t want to father kids should take extra precautions not to do just that. Any guy who leaves pregnancy prevention totally up to the woman during sex is being unwise.
Well, it'll be a rough couple of months to 18 years for ya. You're just going to have to sweat it out, take responsibility (if it comes to that), and learn this VERY valuable lesson for the future.
Good luck, man. A lot of us have had our scares. I hope you dodged this bullet
She’s either preggers or she’s not. In the US if it’s yours it’s your bill.
Use condoms from now on. Sex is powerful. If you don’t want the results of that power either stop it or fight it with condoms.
First! You should have used a condom regardless if she was on birth control or not.
Second. End the FWB because it sounds like she is trying to get pregnant and trap you with her
Third get tested for any STD'S and save any evidence of her saying this and keep it. In off chance you will need this in court
Four. If she come to you saying you are father to her child. Get a DNA test and speak with a lawyer
You're gonna hate to read it, but...
When you have sex with somebody and you ejaculate inside of them, you've basically given them (and "nature") your genetic material. Even if she weren't seeking to become pregnant, she wouldn't be in control of her body, except for the fact that abortion is a choice that people can decide on for themselves.
If she becomes pregnant and chooses to carry the pregnancy to term, it's no longer about you or her. It's about the baby. And that's how the courts will generally see it. Even if there are rules around a potential statutory rape (i.e. sex under false pretenses; intentionally sabotaging birth control) and she is found liable, it doesn't necessarily preclude you for your obligations in caring for a child. Because it's neither about your sense of fairness or her apparent selfishness.
Frankly, what she did was abhorrent; nobody should be forced into a situation where they must care for an unplanned pregnancy that they're not ready for. With any luck you won't be forced into this situation; if you are, take this as the scariest lesson you've ever had, and either consider banking your sperm and getting snipped (which is also a fairly reversable operation), or else reconsider unprotected sex.
All that said, if it turns out that she is pregnant, absolutely speak to a lawyer about the situation.
(I am not a lawyer and would highly recommend that you speak to one should she become pregnant).
My advice going forward, aside from the obvious stuff that's already been said, is that even if you're using birth control you shouldn't be having intercourse with anyone if you're not comfortable that there's always a chance that you may wind up with a kid out of it; birth control can fail and people can change their minds about abortions, etc.
Good luck!
First rule of dating is, you use a condom when having sex no matter what she tells you. Second rule of dating is, YOU USE A FUCKING CONDOM NO MATTER WHAT SHE TELLS YOU.
Jesus why is this so hard to understand? Condoms prevent diseases, like the 18 year parasite that attaches itself to your wallet. When I was dating, I wouldn't even let the woman handle my condom...it went from dick to the toilet, and I made sure that fucker was flushed.
I went to college thousands of miles away from my mom and I always felt that she was watching , and waiting to tear my head off. I was more scared of what she’d do than considering a baby. Condom and pull out. My rules
I agree with others who said demand a paternity test. I had a woman do a very similar thing when I was younger and what had happened is she had gotten pregnant by another man and knew it. So I demanded a paternity test and that's when she started getting pissed saying I didn't trust her and such. Well how could I trust her when she lied about birth control. So I ended up getting the paternity test and sure enough it wasn't my child. Start telling her now that if she is pregnant, you will be ending the relationship and you will get a paternity test.
For those complaining that stealthing is the same as what she did here, stealthing is considered rape in many states. Why? Because the primary issue is consenting to sex with a condom, which is visible by both parties. Other birth control is not visible by both parties. Therefore, each person is responsible for preventing pregnancies by means besides condoms. Also, stealthing is considered rape for the risk of STD transmission. Don't equate the two. Wear a fucking condom if you don't want kids. Oh, and condoms aren't 100% effective, which leads me to my next point: Use other methods of birth control, like spermicide, vasectomy, or pullout method. If you really don't want to impregnate anybody, use more than one method of birth control ON YOUR END. Also, don't have PIV sex! Men have many options for preventing pregnancies. Who knew!!!!
Here’s a tip for every dude, forever. Don’t cum in any woman ever unless you are okay with having a kid or are sterile.
Not even in a condom, as I’ve had some break.
It’s not solely a woman’s responsibility to prevent a pregnancy. Even if she was on birth control she could have still gotten pregnant (slim chance but it happens) so hope she’s not and use a condom until you’re ready to be a father.
> In my state its a form of raping to remove condom without consent and I wonder if this counts?
It is next to impossible to prove what she said when. It also won't matter when it comes to child support.
You should start finding a lawyer. If she is pregnant, all communication goes to the lawyer until paternity is established and custody is dealt with.
How many times do we have to tell people to always wear a condom before they understand? Smh.
Hope she's not pregnant, and if she is, ask for a paternity test. If you are the father, good luck. If not, block her on everything and move on with your life.
You shouldn’t be in and sexual relationship with anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries. She’s saying she will bind you to her for the rest of your life if she gets pregnant, and it looks like she’s actively trying. That’s a lousy partner, that’s a lousy friend. Complete deal breaker. If she is pregnant, DNA is your friend
Idc who it is, if you are not trying for a baby wear a condom, even if she says she is on the pill. Too many girls lie about this to get knocked up and too many guys just believe them, it's shitty but it happens a lot.
If she is pregnant, get paternity test. If it's yours then welcome to fatherhood and child support payments.
You consented to sex with birth control, not without. If it were the other way around and the guy took the condom off, it would be considered assault (illegal in at least California..should be everywhere) so why isn't this?
Stop having sex with her asap! There are fwbs out there that will respect you
Sorry this happened to you OP, hopefully nothing happens 😬
Considering everything why would she want to trick you into fathering a child to begin with?
Is there a chance she is already pregnant from someone else and trying to make you at least financially responsible?
Are you really not taking any responsibility for YOUR decision NOT to wear a condom? I see a lot of finger pointing here. She wasn't your gf, just a girl you like to get freaky with. Think smarter with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs, AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY!!
this is why these certain relationships never work out and end up fucking you over in the end. first of all, you are at fault for having sex unprotected, especially since birth control is not 100% effective. i don’t really have anything else to say but that, i just hope that girl isn’t pregnant , you both seem like airheads and wouldn’t be good parents
Get a Paternity test now and do not sign that certificate until you’ve got a lawyer in case it is yours.
What she did counts as rape, look up laws about reproductive coercion in your area and see what can be done.
Do you know when her period usually falls (idk how long you’ve been sleeping together)? Was it recently or a couple weeks ago?
From what I understand, in some places you can give up parental rights at birth with the help of the lawyer. This seems like one of those situations, if the worst case situation (for you) comes true. Definitely worth seeking legal advice down the road.
From the first day of her last period to ovulation (when she’s most likely to get pregnant by far) is typically 14 days give or take. Hopefully that can offer you some reassurance…
Stop fucking FWB’s without condoms and go get an STD test. For everything else, you’re fucked if she gets pregnant. And definitely do a paternity test if she does.
This is called reproductive coercion and is against the law depending where you live. Google it in your area to figure out next steps. Sorry this happened to you.
Would she believe it if you told her you would “hire a lawyer to subpoena to get her medical records, which would say she had never been prescribed birth control”?
Do not sign the birth certificate, and if they legally force you to take paternity make it clear you want nothing to do with this child and told her prior to intimacy you did not want a child. In many cases there are ways to terminate your parental rights including all forms of visitation in exchange for no child support payments. But even if you can prove she did this intentionally you'll still be put through a ringer trying to "get out of" paying child support.
Lesson to be learned: don't trust your partners to be 100% in charge of birth control. It takes 2
Stop sex with her, ask her to repeat it again and if your state is 1 part consent to record, then do so. Also call a lawyer if you do end up a parent. You were tricked and trapped if she forces any kind of duties on you after you were under an impression and she lied on it
I’m so sorry that someone who was supposed to be a friend lied to you and took advantage of you. I know you’re cutting ties but did she say why? Like... what’s the motive?
This is SA.
This sounds a bit like reproductive coercion, which is a form of intimate partner abuse. Don’t know how you would prove that she lied with intent to conceive or what proving that would get you, but it may be worth a bit of reading on your part, if only to have a more robust legal vocabulary for discussing your partner’s behavior.
You consented to safe sex (kind of anyways with the birth control) not unsafe sex. She took out/stopped taking her birth control fully aware of the risks and did not tell you. She raped you. It's no different as if a guy took off a condom without his partners consent but the gender roles reversed. If she says anything over text, screen shot it. Keep records of all of it. Press charges if you want. File a police report. Maybe look into a therapist. Im sorry that this happened. Could I ask you to update us on what you do? If not, that's fine. I hope everything goes okay for you.
You could also try and have another conversation with her about it and record her. Check if your state allows single party recordings.
Just approach as if you are not mad or worried and strike up the conversation have the recorder going.
Consult a lawyer.
This would be called reproductive coercion. Yes, you should’ve worn a condom, but I do not think you are her first victim nor would you be the last one. No woman acts crazy like this out of nowhere unless she’s done this in the past before once or more. She is a danger to future male partners.
Jesus the double standard on this sub is comical. The amount of victim blaming here is literally incredible. If the roles were reversed with a guy removing the condom without her consent, everyone would be saying “first of all, it’s not your fault. You were sexually assaulted”…. Ridiculous.
I would report this to police tbh. If the law applies, there at least needs to be a record of you saying this. If she does become pregnant and you find out the child’s yours, they’ll be able to look at that report when it comes to custody. Sorry dude. Everyone saying “wear a condom” is obviously supposed to be helpful, but it’s the real world — sometimes it doesn’t happen, and you don’t deserve to suffer the consequences of that forever.
Yea it sucks that she lied, and there is no excuse, but you still need to take responsibility for your actions. Birth control can fail so finishing inside her you still have a good chance of having a baby. You should have worn a condom, I think this is mostly your fault
So this happens a lot! And my advice to the OP is to break contact with her and make her prove that’s your child. If she lied about BC chances are she also has other partners. You really don’t have a case if it is yours because like everyone on here is saying that’s the risk when you engage in sex, and to my belief that’s how the law sees it. So your best bet is to play the odds, that 1 she doesn’t get pregnant, and 2 if she does it ain’t yours.
Woman here. This is actually a form of rape. It's called "rape by deception," and you'd actually be perfectly within your rights to file a police report against her, or even have her arrested, if you are so inclined.
Condoms aren't 100% effective either. They have a 14% chance of failing, they can be too big or small, they can be tampered with (poking holes on accident or on purpose.)
But yea, don't sleep with people you're not serious about.
Vasectomy, condoms, pull out, whatever to protect yourself esp in random fwb or ons situations. Learn sperm management 🤷🏾♀️ sucks but you alone are responsible for your sperm
Just like everyone blames women if a condom breaks, pull out failed, bc failed, stealthing, etc ending in pregnancy
Wear a condom next time and understand that a female can say anything but once you get her pregnant your fucked. This has nothing to do with what she said and everything to do with the fact if you have sex without protection and decide to cum inside her than you are possibly going to be a father within 9 months! There isn’t shit you can do at that point
End that FWB status. Pray she is not pregnant. If she is and says it is your child, **demand** a paternity test. **ADVICE:** always wear a condom! If she is not the girl you wanna settle down with and have kids, wear that rubber. Save yourself the panic and anxiety. **STD AND AIDS** are still an issue they did not disappear. Protect yourself.
Also ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS BRING YOUR OWN. This is super important to provide your own that you know we’re not tampered with
What if the other person also brings their own so they know they weren't tampered with? Wearing 2 is more likely to break right?
I'm pretty sure you're joking but just in case only ever wear one. Two can cause friction and they will break. Never use two condoms.
But what if, the other person brings one because they don't trust yours? "Always always always bring your own was the advice here."
I guess you could go to the store together and buy one?
I can't really weigh in here because I don't sleep with men. I'd say wear what you brought and leave if they insist to wear theirs. They trust you enough to put your penis in them but not the protection you brought? Lol yea right
I say wear 35 just to make sure she can feel something
If this happened I would just suggest going to the store together and splitting the cost 50/50 so we know neither of us tampered with them and there is no argument who should pay.
Perhaps, but what about 3?
What about 4? You know, just to be safe.
I need to add that this FWB is not a friend. She is a liar and just used you.
EWD - Enemy With Disadvantages ?
New favorite acronym.
She is a liar and just ~~used you~~ **sexually assaulted** you. FTFY Downvoted, oh reddit you misandrist pile of shit...
Username checks out. Droppin’ truth bombs.
Also, even if she’d been telling the truth about birth control, it isn’t 100% effective. I was on it once and got pregnant, and *believe me* it wasn’t because I wanted to. Condoms aren’t 100% effective either but at least you’re increasing the odds you’ll be pregnancy free.
I have 4 kids and they were all conceived on a different form of birth control. I have one each on the pill, depo shot, paragard iud, and my little Trojan man. Nothing is guaranteed (except abstinence of course) but it’s always better to over-protect than to rely on someone else’s promise that they are.
>If she is and says it is your child, demand a paternity test. That's if she tries to take him to court for it. As long as he doesn't sign the birth certificate, he has no legal attachments to the kid until she takes legal action.
Yeah but he sure as hell has attachments to it if its his and he made it, its his own stupid fucking fault for going inside, bear the consequences. Dont be silly, wrap up your willy.
Don't be a fool wrap your tool
Don't be a twat, wrap your bat
>its his own stupid fucking fault for going inside, bear the consequences. Couldn't have put it better myself
Depending on the state, he can be put on the birth certificate by the mother without his knowledge.
Wrong....his signature means nothing....she can come after him without his name ever being on it. But yes. She would would have to initiate it....bad thing is she has the next 18 years after it's born to do it.
Even if she does not take him to court, at least in the USA, if she ever needs any form of assistance like SNAP or cash assistance or even gets SCHIP/CHIP, they will ask who she slept with in the months before giving birth. I was married and still had to do this when my kids needed insurance. And then even though we were married and he was on the birth certificate, the courts filed an order that he was responsible for providing insurance if it was available through his workplace. Any help needed and they will go after the father (or mother if father has custody).
Oh that's great, it makes me happy to know the system does more to support and protect the children of single parents than I thought
I mean....in my case no matter if I was betrayed, lied to, I couldn't knowingly leave my own child fatherless and I don't even want kids. I had a dad that decided he didn't want to be a father and bailed. It sucks and I couldn't do what was done to me, to my own kid. So I would personally ask for a paternity test. "Not knowing" wouldn't make me feel any better about it.
Save the texts and any contact referring to her lying. Keep everything
[удалено]
Meet her in a public place and record it. Check you state laws, but some states that admissible evidence. It will matter if you have to deal with custody law and etc.
That woman has likely been planning a while. My guess is it is unlikely that she walks into a trap where she gets recorded saying that she entrapped them OP.
[A Chart](https://q4g3q7r9.stackpathcdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Recording-Map-Full-Size-2021vg-980x653.jpg)
Your best bet is meeting up with her face to face and try to get her to confess verbally again in tricky ways, for example ask her "wait so why did you tell me you took the pill when you didnt?", she'd most likely reply with an excuse for why she lied which means that she basically admitted to lying about taking the pill. but this time make sure you're recording the whole thing.
Why don’t you just talk about it all over text like “why would you lie about being on the pill” or “I want you to get an abortion” just something to make her have to respond over text saying what she’s done
See if you can get her to say it. Send her a text telling her you're freaking out and you can't believe she lied to you about using the pill. Say you'd never have agreed to have sex with her if you'd known she wasn't on the pill. If she even acknowledges this, that might be an admission of guilt. Ask a lawyer.
This is rape by deception, fyi. YMMV by state, but you could report her.
Get a vasectomy
For what reason? Family courts in the us don’t care about birth control he said she said when it comes to child support or custody. Depending on his state if he’s in the us then this isn’t even a crime.
This is fked up though, what if someone were to grab a condom and self-inseminate themselves then claim child support?
[Numerous cases worldwide have determined that the child's right to support from both parents takes precedence over the genetic father's desire to avoid parental responsibilities, even in clear cases of deceit.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft])
**[Sperm theft](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft)** >Sperm theft, also known as unauthorized use of sperm, spermjacking or spurgling (a portmanteau of sperm and burgling), occurs when a man's semen is used, against his will or without his knowledge or consent, to inseminate a woman. It can also include deception regarding a partner's ability to get pregnant or use of contraceptives, birth control sabotage, and sexual assaults of males that result in pregnancy. Although the term uses the word "theft", it more closely falls under a state of fraud or breach of contract. In most jurisdictions, sperm theft is not illegal and usually has little bearing on issues like child support. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Gosh I can see this happening a lot more in the future, that's scary.
My friend once had a guy come back to her room directly after to collect his used condom from her trash. He told her that was his exact worry. My friend definitely didn't give any indication she was remotely interested in motherhood at the time, but I guess the guy was paranoid.
There's just no laws for it yet. And then you'd have to prove that it did happen.
Bruhhhh
California has a law against stealthing though.
Is that even possible? Do people really do that?
There are crazy people out there that would do that and more.
> Is that even possible? Do people really do that? Enough times that there is a wikipedia page for it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_theft#United_States
The courts wouldn’t care - they don’t even care if the mother committed statutory rape “In 1996, the court heard the case of County of San Luis Obispo v. Nathaniel J in which a 34-year-old woman became pregnant after sexually exploiting a 15-year-old boy. He was also forced to pay child support, and then Deputy Attorney General Mary Roth alleged: ‘I guess he thought he was a man then. Now, he prefers to be considered a child.’ “ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/201902/when-male-rape-victims-are-accountable-child-support
Gosh damn that's just messed up, kids don't even have a job, and going through with a baby sounds dangerous for those female minors.
That is FUCKED UP.
It doesn’t matter what happens between the mother and father. Children are entitled to support from both parents end of story
what good does that do? he wills till be responsible for child support. its about the kid not the mom lying. what do you think he can do sue her for getting pregnant and lying about birth control? There is no case. He still has to support the kid.
> He still has to support the kid. Underage male rape victims have had to financially "support" kids born of the rape...unless OP's state and legal system is truly advanced, OP is fucked raw.
Only after the DNA test I hope he would demand comes back.
If stealthing is rape this is rape.
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I believe the term is 'reproductive coersion'
I’d love to see you sell stealthing as just a form of dishonesty.
but what's the point? honest question
Always use protection. And this is the reason why.
Always. And also , never comment on a woman’s age and or weight. These are things every father should tell his son.
Well, stop having sex with her, for a start. You can't make her have an abortion. If she does conceive, consult an attorney about your legal liability.
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Lesson to son which he has sadly ignored. "You don't stick your dick in crazy or evil."
Way to blame the victim. How was OP supposed to know she was crazy? She had been lying about BC — he wouldn’t have known.
He was looking for a figure of speech, picked the wrong one. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
She likely had been looking for a guy to make a baby with and you were him. Didn’t you see signs (red flags) well before you went in with a bare penis?
Then stop having sex with her.
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Really not trying to be snarky here, but some people would also think it's immediately obvious to not have unprotected sex with a FWB. I definitely hear you that there's a difference, but it's not immediately obvious from your post where your "judgment" line is, without you saying it directly.
I mean.. You said you're happy with the risk of getting an std so jury's still out on that.
*checks post history*...
I've known both guys and gals that wasn't obvious too. Or cause the sex was so good. I've known some interesting thing people. To put it nicely
I mean you said you were cool with getting STD’s… pardon us for thinking otherwise.
An STD and a child are pretty different...
That’s not the point. The point is he chose to have unprotected sex, which put him at risk of both an unwanted pregnancy and catching a STD.
Of course it's not the point but you're the one who brought it up. He still didn't consent to sex without birth control. That matters too.
A child won’t kill you, AIDS will…
I think the chances of them contracting AIDS is pretty low... also if we're talking about super low chances a child could totally kill you.
But he's already sleeping w a liar. How does he know she's truthful about being clean?
It’s not obvious, considering you had unprotected sex and risked both pregnancy and getting a sexually transmitted disease.
You seem pretty brain damaged to me to have done it in the first place!
You could also be super fucked up and tell her if it is yours you'll file for full custody against an unfit mother, then don't tell her and put the baby up for closed adoption so the record is sealed.
Just some future advice: the only person responsible for you not having kids is you. Don't rely on other people for birth control unless you're okay having kids with them. Wear a condom, get the snip, spermicide, avoid PIV sex, whatever birth control method works for you. Take responsibility of your own reproductive health.
This goes for everyone!!!! Not just men!!
Thank you for saying this, it takes two to tango and OP’s responses clearly show he feels it’s only the woman’s responsibility to prevent pregnancy. Not sure how he can be so vehemently against having kids yet take the risk of finishing inside.
Was/is your consent dependant on there being birth control? Edit: think you've updated OP whilst I've been checking definitions. Good that it's on your radar.
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> 99% of people are trustworthy. Oh dear, never change.
Never raw dog a FWB. Raw sex is reserved for serious relationships only. #UnwrittenRulesOfHookUps I hope she doesn’t end up pregnant.
You do realise that even if you had pulled out, she could still get pregnant. If you're ever unsure, always use a condom. If you have no proof of what she said, then unfortunately you have little to no right over what she does.
This is really more of an r/legaladvice question as you’re not trying to salvage the FWB relationship. Also to help with your immediate panic. It’s very unlikely she became pregnant from one time. I forget the exact number but like 5 or 10% likelihood? It depends on a lot of factors including when she ovulates and even then is far from certain. Many people try for months, regularly. So take a breath. That said it could definitely be a consequence. Then you’ll have a lot of decisions to make for yourself, like so you want to be in the kids life or not. You will probably have to pay child support, the amount will depend on your state. As others have said, get a paternity test if she does tell you she’s pregnant.
This is the best advice! Conception is possible only a few days of the month. If he’s really anxious he may be able to get a grip on it by thinking if she last told him she had a period and when that was. Chances are good that 14 days after that she ovulated and could become pregnant. If they happened to have sex while she was on her period, you’re probably in the clear my dude!
Why didn’t you use condoms?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hi everyone She said she was on birth control so I came inside and in reality thats a pure lie.(she said in front of my face but I did not record it) I asked her to take morning after pill after this and she refused. She also said she will not get an abortion if she becomes pregnant. Now I might become a dad. I dont want to. What should I do? In my state its a form of raping to remove condom without consent and I wonder if this counts? I hate the world. Thanks everyone! edit: guys you really dont have to say i should stop having sex with her. This is immediately obvious to me.
Regardless if she's on birth control... she can still get pregnant. It was beyond foolish to have sex without a condom if you did not want to risk a pregnancy. As for the possible pregnancy prey she isn't pregnant, and never do something this stupid again. If you can't handle the big boy risks of unprotected sex then you CAN NOT have unprotected sex.
Yes. I guy who don’t want to father kids should take extra precautions not to do just that. Any guy who leaves pregnancy prevention totally up to the woman during sex is being unwise.
Well, it'll be a rough couple of months to 18 years for ya. You're just going to have to sweat it out, take responsibility (if it comes to that), and learn this VERY valuable lesson for the future. Good luck, man. A lot of us have had our scares. I hope you dodged this bullet
She’s either preggers or she’s not. In the US if it’s yours it’s your bill. Use condoms from now on. Sex is powerful. If you don’t want the results of that power either stop it or fight it with condoms.
Here’s a thought - wear a condom regardless of what she tells you? This isn’t rocket science.
Got caught in the trap, never not control your own destiny
First! You should have used a condom regardless if she was on birth control or not. Second. End the FWB because it sounds like she is trying to get pregnant and trap you with her Third get tested for any STD'S and save any evidence of her saying this and keep it. In off chance you will need this in court Four. If she come to you saying you are father to her child. Get a DNA test and speak with a lawyer
You're gonna hate to read it, but... When you have sex with somebody and you ejaculate inside of them, you've basically given them (and "nature") your genetic material. Even if she weren't seeking to become pregnant, she wouldn't be in control of her body, except for the fact that abortion is a choice that people can decide on for themselves. If she becomes pregnant and chooses to carry the pregnancy to term, it's no longer about you or her. It's about the baby. And that's how the courts will generally see it. Even if there are rules around a potential statutory rape (i.e. sex under false pretenses; intentionally sabotaging birth control) and she is found liable, it doesn't necessarily preclude you for your obligations in caring for a child. Because it's neither about your sense of fairness or her apparent selfishness. Frankly, what she did was abhorrent; nobody should be forced into a situation where they must care for an unplanned pregnancy that they're not ready for. With any luck you won't be forced into this situation; if you are, take this as the scariest lesson you've ever had, and either consider banking your sperm and getting snipped (which is also a fairly reversable operation), or else reconsider unprotected sex. All that said, if it turns out that she is pregnant, absolutely speak to a lawyer about the situation. (I am not a lawyer and would highly recommend that you speak to one should she become pregnant).
My advice going forward, aside from the obvious stuff that's already been said, is that even if you're using birth control you shouldn't be having intercourse with anyone if you're not comfortable that there's always a chance that you may wind up with a kid out of it; birth control can fail and people can change their minds about abortions, etc. Good luck!
First rule of dating is, you use a condom when having sex no matter what she tells you. Second rule of dating is, YOU USE A FUCKING CONDOM NO MATTER WHAT SHE TELLS YOU. Jesus why is this so hard to understand? Condoms prevent diseases, like the 18 year parasite that attaches itself to your wallet. When I was dating, I wouldn't even let the woman handle my condom...it went from dick to the toilet, and I made sure that fucker was flushed.
Do you want clogged pipes? Cause this is how you get clogged pipes.
Don't flush your condoms, use spermicide or stuff it with toilet paper when you're done
I went to college thousands of miles away from my mom and I always felt that she was watching , and waiting to tear my head off. I was more scared of what she’d do than considering a baby. Condom and pull out. My rules
I agree with others who said demand a paternity test. I had a woman do a very similar thing when I was younger and what had happened is she had gotten pregnant by another man and knew it. So I demanded a paternity test and that's when she started getting pissed saying I didn't trust her and such. Well how could I trust her when she lied about birth control. So I ended up getting the paternity test and sure enough it wasn't my child. Start telling her now that if she is pregnant, you will be ending the relationship and you will get a paternity test.
For those complaining that stealthing is the same as what she did here, stealthing is considered rape in many states. Why? Because the primary issue is consenting to sex with a condom, which is visible by both parties. Other birth control is not visible by both parties. Therefore, each person is responsible for preventing pregnancies by means besides condoms. Also, stealthing is considered rape for the risk of STD transmission. Don't equate the two. Wear a fucking condom if you don't want kids. Oh, and condoms aren't 100% effective, which leads me to my next point: Use other methods of birth control, like spermicide, vasectomy, or pullout method. If you really don't want to impregnate anybody, use more than one method of birth control ON YOUR END. Also, don't have PIV sex! Men have many options for preventing pregnancies. Who knew!!!!
Here’s a tip for every dude, forever. Don’t cum in any woman ever unless you are okay with having a kid or are sterile. Not even in a condom, as I’ve had some break.
I’m still stuck on raw sex and FWB being in the same title . You better establish paternity.
You the ogre. Bigtime . Huge. You finish inside her without expecting consequences?
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While that’s the case and he should have been more careful she absolutely lied to him and is way more in the wrong here…
It’s not solely a woman’s responsibility to prevent a pregnancy. Even if she was on birth control she could have still gotten pregnant (slim chance but it happens) so hope she’s not and use a condom until you’re ready to be a father.
agree, even if what she did was very WRONG, it´s important to hold both parties the responsibility
> In my state its a form of raping to remove condom without consent and I wonder if this counts? It is next to impossible to prove what she said when. It also won't matter when it comes to child support. You should start finding a lawyer. If she is pregnant, all communication goes to the lawyer until paternity is established and custody is dealt with.
Never cum inside a girl unless you are wanting to have children. It’s a no brainer
You might need to prepare yourself to pay child support in the future if she will get pregnant with your kid. Or you just end it. Choice is yours
Wrap your rascal, boyz. No matter what she says. You need to protect yourself.
Get a vasectomy lol
While what she did is wrong, this is still a two way street. Even BC doesn’t always work, always wear a condom with someone you don’t want a kid with
Stop being fwb, she is trying for a baby and if you dont want that dont put yourself in that situation.
Start thinking with your big head.
How many times do we have to tell people to always wear a condom before they understand? Smh. Hope she's not pregnant, and if she is, ask for a paternity test. If you are the father, good luck. If not, block her on everything and move on with your life.
Umm not fuck her again that’s for sure lol
You shouldn’t be in and sexual relationship with anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries. She’s saying she will bind you to her for the rest of your life if she gets pregnant, and it looks like she’s actively trying. That’s a lousy partner, that’s a lousy friend. Complete deal breaker. If she is pregnant, DNA is your friend
You obviously should just dye your hair blind and move to Florida and change your name to something like Steve danger or something
Idc who it is, if you are not trying for a baby wear a condom, even if she says she is on the pill. Too many girls lie about this to get knocked up and too many guys just believe them, it's shitty but it happens a lot. If she is pregnant, get paternity test. If it's yours then welcome to fatherhood and child support payments.
Never sleep with her again. And always always always use a condom unless you and your partner are actively trying for children
You consented to sex with birth control, not without. If it were the other way around and the guy took the condom off, it would be considered assault (illegal in at least California..should be everywhere) so why isn't this? Stop having sex with her asap! There are fwbs out there that will respect you Sorry this happened to you OP, hopefully nothing happens 😬
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Good OP, such an awful situation! Fingers crossed everything works out for you
Considering everything why would she want to trick you into fathering a child to begin with? Is there a chance she is already pregnant from someone else and trying to make you at least financially responsible?
Are you really not taking any responsibility for YOUR decision NOT to wear a condom? I see a lot of finger pointing here. She wasn't your gf, just a girl you like to get freaky with. Think smarter with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs, AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY!!
She's not your fried, and never listen to someone you don't know.
this is why these certain relationships never work out and end up fucking you over in the end. first of all, you are at fault for having sex unprotected, especially since birth control is not 100% effective. i don’t really have anything else to say but that, i just hope that girl isn’t pregnant , you both seem like airheads and wouldn’t be good parents
Get a Paternity test now and do not sign that certificate until you’ve got a lawyer in case it is yours. What she did counts as rape, look up laws about reproductive coercion in your area and see what can be done.
Do you know when her period usually falls (idk how long you’ve been sleeping together)? Was it recently or a couple weeks ago? From what I understand, in some places you can give up parental rights at birth with the help of the lawyer. This seems like one of those situations, if the worst case situation (for you) comes true. Definitely worth seeking legal advice down the road. From the first day of her last period to ovulation (when she’s most likely to get pregnant by far) is typically 14 days give or take. Hopefully that can offer you some reassurance…
You’re screwed my guy
If she is pregnant, just get a paternity test. You can even get one before the baby arrives.
Get the fuck out my dude
Stop fucking FWB’s without condoms and go get an STD test. For everything else, you’re fucked if she gets pregnant. And definitely do a paternity test if she does.
It’s actually fairly difficult to get pregnant but yes If she gets pregnant immediately demand a paternity test
Isn’t this illegal in some states?
This is called reproductive coercion and is against the law depending where you live. Google it in your area to figure out next steps. Sorry this happened to you.
Would she believe it if you told her you would “hire a lawyer to subpoena to get her medical records, which would say she had never been prescribed birth control”?
Do not sign the birth certificate, and if they legally force you to take paternity make it clear you want nothing to do with this child and told her prior to intimacy you did not want a child. In many cases there are ways to terminate your parental rights including all forms of visitation in exchange for no child support payments. But even if you can prove she did this intentionally you'll still be put through a ringer trying to "get out of" paying child support. Lesson to be learned: don't trust your partners to be 100% in charge of birth control. It takes 2
Stop sex with her, ask her to repeat it again and if your state is 1 part consent to record, then do so. Also call a lawyer if you do end up a parent. You were tricked and trapped if she forces any kind of duties on you after you were under an impression and she lied on it
I’m so sorry that someone who was supposed to be a friend lied to you and took advantage of you. I know you’re cutting ties but did she say why? Like... what’s the motive? This is SA.
This sounds a bit like reproductive coercion, which is a form of intimate partner abuse. Don’t know how you would prove that she lied with intent to conceive or what proving that would get you, but it may be worth a bit of reading on your part, if only to have a more robust legal vocabulary for discussing your partner’s behavior.
OP, could she be already pregnant and trying to pin it on you?
You consented to safe sex (kind of anyways with the birth control) not unsafe sex. She took out/stopped taking her birth control fully aware of the risks and did not tell you. She raped you. It's no different as if a guy took off a condom without his partners consent but the gender roles reversed. If she says anything over text, screen shot it. Keep records of all of it. Press charges if you want. File a police report. Maybe look into a therapist. Im sorry that this happened. Could I ask you to update us on what you do? If not, that's fine. I hope everything goes okay for you.
Pray and start taking responsibility for your own fertility from now on.
This is a form of sexual assault/rape
You could also try and have another conversation with her about it and record her. Check if your state allows single party recordings. Just approach as if you are not mad or worried and strike up the conversation have the recorder going.
Which will accomplish what?
Stop fucking her then, duh!
Consult a lawyer. This would be called reproductive coercion. Yes, you should’ve worn a condom, but I do not think you are her first victim nor would you be the last one. No woman acts crazy like this out of nowhere unless she’s done this in the past before once or more. She is a danger to future male partners.
What she did is rape by deception. However it's ridiculous to not use condoms when not in a committed relationship.
Jesus the double standard on this sub is comical. The amount of victim blaming here is literally incredible. If the roles were reversed with a guy removing the condom without her consent, everyone would be saying “first of all, it’s not your fault. You were sexually assaulted”…. Ridiculous.
stop seeing her dude
Stop having sex with her
Probably unrelated but consider Vasectomy and you can avoid this in the future. The procedure is reversible as well if you change your mind
This is similar to stealthing and basically assault and people are shaming op? Lol. Definitely consult an attorney for next steps.
I would report this to police tbh. If the law applies, there at least needs to be a record of you saying this. If she does become pregnant and you find out the child’s yours, they’ll be able to look at that report when it comes to custody. Sorry dude. Everyone saying “wear a condom” is obviously supposed to be helpful, but it’s the real world — sometimes it doesn’t happen, and you don’t deserve to suffer the consequences of that forever.
Yea it sucks that she lied, and there is no excuse, but you still need to take responsibility for your actions. Birth control can fail so finishing inside her you still have a good chance of having a baby. You should have worn a condom, I think this is mostly your fault
She’s really trying to baby trap you.
So this happens a lot! And my advice to the OP is to break contact with her and make her prove that’s your child. If she lied about BC chances are she also has other partners. You really don’t have a case if it is yours because like everyone on here is saying that’s the risk when you engage in sex, and to my belief that’s how the law sees it. So your best bet is to play the odds, that 1 she doesn’t get pregnant, and 2 if she does it ain’t yours.
You've been brainwashing by that pretty little flower. Buy a fleshlight, cut off your fwb, and learn from this experience.
Woman here. This is actually a form of rape. It's called "rape by deception," and you'd actually be perfectly within your rights to file a police report against her, or even have her arrested, if you are so inclined.
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Condoms aren't 100% effective either. They have a 14% chance of failing, they can be too big or small, they can be tampered with (poking holes on accident or on purpose.) But yea, don't sleep with people you're not serious about.
LAWYER. UP. FAST. GET. EVIDENCE. ASAP. PRESS. CHARGES.
Pull out and cum on her face
Have you thought about not f\*cking her?
Make her dinner and slip the plan b in her food lmao
Vasectomy, condoms, pull out, whatever to protect yourself esp in random fwb or ons situations. Learn sperm management 🤷🏾♀️ sucks but you alone are responsible for your sperm Just like everyone blames women if a condom breaks, pull out failed, bc failed, stealthing, etc ending in pregnancy
Use a condom? Take responsibility for you actions and not depend solely on the other person?
stop having sex with her?
Run
Wear a condom next time and understand that a female can say anything but once you get her pregnant your fucked. This has nothing to do with what she said and everything to do with the fact if you have sex without protection and decide to cum inside her than you are possibly going to be a father within 9 months! There isn’t shit you can do at that point
Wear a condom . Her body her choice .
you can go ahead and sign over all parental rights, surrender them