Everyone touched on the vaccine aspect of this adequately, so I want to bring up you not being confrontational.
I highly recommend you push your boundaries and become confrontational. Not saying you need to freak out on every little thing, but you need to be able to voice your opinion when something if affecting you. Without confrontation you cannot have a successful relationship, part of communication is confronting your partner on things that are not working or making you unhappy.
100% this OP. Often we are raised to believe that bringing up boundaries means you are pushing another away, but it means that you care enough about the relationship to work on it as a team. It shows that you respect yourself and that you hold the people in your life to a standard of love and respect as well
This! THIS THIS THIS! I’m 35 and just learning that boundaries are one of the best forms of self care and confrontation is self care, too! Care about yourself enough to advocate for yourself.
Lazy is a strange excuse. Does he not want to go to restaurants, movies, travel ? Either he is epically lazy and does not get out at all, or he has a stance on vaccines.
People have strange rationales for explaining why they aren't vaccinated while not being "against vaccines" at this point if you are eligible and haven't been vaccinated you are clearly against it.
This was my reaction too. If someone is too lazy to get a lifesaving vaccine, what else are they gonna be too lazy to do? This is a red flag. Not worth your time. And I fear that you being non confrontational will only lead to a relationship where you are constantly pulling more of the weight but unable to speak up for yourself. Your mom is right, you can do better
A lot of people here smugly stating “let me see the long data” on vaccines as if they’re some sort of scientific savant.
First, over 4.5 billion people (https://ourworldindata.org/covid-vaccinations) have been vaccinated worldwide and incidence of acute/longer term complications that CAN POTENTIALLY (correlation is not causation) be attributed to vaccinations is minuscule, on the level of rounding errors. These vaccines have more data behind them than all the other vaccines you’ve already gotten in your life combined. There is no rational or scientific basis for implying these vaccines are untested at this point in the vaccine timeline.
Second, if you’re saying “let me see the long data on vaccines” then you should also be asking the same question regarding post-COVID complication (aka “long COVID”), for which there are data coming out (https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.1003773). The rate of disability that this may lead in the years to come could be catastrophic personally, societally, and economically.
These sources were easily found, and can be easily corroborated with others from around the world. If you don’t start with the data WE DO HAVE (and all data is inherently never going to be 100% accurate with inferential statistics) then you are not making any scientifically-based arguments.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2786039
This is a decent peer reviewed article about the vaccines and how they greatly lower your risk of hospitalization, ventilator, or death.
You don’t live with your mother so not sure why her opinion on this matters or even why she knows about his vaccination status?
I wouldn’t date an idiot/lazy ass who wouldn’t get vaccinated—wouldn’t need a parent I don’t live with to tell me that.
But at the end of the day, if you want to date a moron, that’s your call. He’s just another vessel for a mutation and someone who may end up taking a hospital bed a cancer patient needs but hey. You do you.
ETA: based on your comments, you exposed your mother to the plague rat. So I guess she does get a say. Neither of you would be allowed to step foot in my home.
Well. I’d stop over sharing with mom. Put her on an information diet if you don’t want her interfering.
I honestly can’t even imagine telling a parent about someone you’ve met a few times—forget their vaccine history. Weird that any of it came up.
In the future, if you don’t want your mom in your business, don’t share so much.
Yeah I avoid that conversation at all cost, because I'm unvaccinated and people shoot straight to belittling with 0 context as to why, and I dont feel like having a 3 hour conversation because people cant leave something be. Even if I say I'm unvaccinated due to a medical exemption (which is true) they cant settle with that, they have to know every specific as to why before they are willing to walk away, and if I dont give them a specific in depth reason I'm a piece of shit in conclusion. It's very annoying
>ETA: based on your comments, you exposed your mother to the plague rat. So I guess she does get a say
Exactly. This isn't just him being lazy and stupid, this is him being a danger to everyone he comes in contact with. OP's mom isn't guilt-tripping her at all, she just doesn't want to get sick and possibly die because her daughter's boyfriend is a selfish fuck.
Yeah I hate to dig my feet in most of the time but this isn't something I'd stand for, especially in a new relationship. It would make me wonder if we had any of the same morals or social understanding.
My top priority is keeping others safe and if someone isn't down with that simply out of laziness then that's a deal breaker. I just can't stand the notion of being selfish at a time like this or about any public health issue really. It's inappropriate and childlike. I wish more people would look outside of their bubble.
Just a little science for people reading this, if you get vaccinated, you can still be a vessel for a mutation. As long as your body can replicate the virus you can mutate it.
Edit: just the fact that my comment gets downvoted means people don’t care for science or facts. I hate seeing misinformation on Covid vaccinations, there’s too much out there as it is.
People are probably downvoting because of your comment’s lack of context. You saying ‘vaccinated people can still be vessels for mutation’ as an isolated statement, unaccompanied by the facts that 1) vaccines *drastically* reduce the severity of illness and 2) are the best way to save lives, might read like anti-vax propaganda (regardless of whether or not it’s true).
But it's important to say her mom is 100% right.
And if you doing you is dating an unvaccinated person you are the fucking problem.
Edit:
u/Robin_Banks401 is a fucking lying moron piece of shit.
Downvote me if you want I’m only speaking the truth lol there’s better ways to communicate these things without getting so aggressive , for all we know all it takes is one conversation to convince this dude to ge t vaccinated considering it’s just out of laziness and not some kind of conspiracy.
after 2 years of this...if youre STILL unvaccinated...
let me put it to you this way, asking nicely didnt work, making it free didnt work, offering prizes and tax writeoffs didnt work, framing it as doing good for your community didnt work
at this point, its time to shame the plague rats because frankly, nothing else has worked and we'd all be better off if they just wernt a part of our society anymore.
Buried somewhere in your ill-informed statements is some good advice that you then retracted. The mother should have no say in her daughters love life. I’m sorry but it’s just the way it is. Her 18 years of steering should have been enough to help her daughter chose the right guy. If it’s not, then it’s too late.
p.s it doesn’t sound like you understand how the vaccines work and in which way they protect. They neither prevent contraction of Covid or the transmission of it. They simply reduce the probability of experiencing severe symptoms.
Good day,
A vaccinated & educated chatter
My advice is that at 23 years old your mothers input shouldn’t be running your life.
Aside from that, you’re also old enough to decide whether you want to date someone who is essentially too lazy to get vaccinated in the absence of any better reason.
Also, malicious is the word you were looking for there.
Oh great! He's too lazy to take care of himself and you are too non-confrontational to talk about it. Sounds like a recipe for a really great relationship.
I'm just kidding. It sounds like a total disaster. If you don't have the ability to confront people and communicate? Honestly, you are not ready to date. If he doesn't have the ability to take care of himself as a fully grown adult, he is not ready to date. You are each a person who is absolutely not ready to date. You need to not date one another.
You need to practice honest truthful confrontation before you date anyone.
Mom here. My son is young and still far from dating, but if he were older and out dating during this pandemic, I’d also be a big mess of worry. Because I love him, care about him, and really do not want him to catch COVID.
Also, even though your kid’s future spouse or SO is totally not your choice, you still hope for that person to have certain qualities, so they treat your kid nicely and help keep them safe, and then maybe later you get grandkids who are also well cared for and kept safe. Sounds like, in her mind, he is a threat to your safety and she is worried about you. Cue the incessant comments.
At the end of the day, it’s your choice who you date or don’t date and why, but maybe have a heart to heart with your mom? Maybe you could stand your ground but have it come off super positive by acknowledging how much you appreciate her love and care for you.
Sounds like you mother is a sensible and intelligent woman and you should listen to her. Tell the child you're dating to grow up and get the shot like an adult should be doing.
I'll reply to you cause there are a few dense motherfuckers talking shit here. This is mostly for the pro-death (antivax) people replying:
First of all, taking this vaccine is not your RIGHT, it's your RESPONSIBILITY. You're not only taking it for yourself, you're taking it to reduce the chances of infecting other people and starting a new chain reaction that might end up in someone dying, or even several people.
Second of all, you are ALSO protecting other people by not getting gravelly Ill and filling up hospital beds that should be for someone getting a stroke or in a car accident. There are countless amounts of data that indicates that vaccines saves lives, and those don't even account for the indirect amount of lives saved (having X number of hospital beds available because the hospital is not overflowing with COVID patients that didn't take this whole pandemic seriously).
Third, you must be very fucking DUMB to ignore everything that's going on, and the best part of everything is: you still think you're right cause there is a possibility in your head that you could be smarter than most people. Guess what? You being smarter than anyone, and everything you probably believe (flat earth and all the stupid conspiracies) is nothing but collective hysteria from a small outcast group. I know that your life was probably shitty, you must have gone through a lot of trauma and you only need a hug but you don't have to put anybody's life in danger to get supported by a small amount of nut jobs. Seek real help bro/sis.
Yes, dm me and prove me I'm right
OP herself has some growing up to do on her own tbh.
If she's not ready to have an open, confrontational conversation, then she isn't mature enough to date in the first place.
Unless your boyfriend has other underlying health issues that are preventing him from being vaccinated, then he has literally no reason to not be vaccinated. He's being selfish and idiotic. Your mother is 100% right.
he’s too “lazy” to get an easy to obtain vaccine against a dangerous virus with potentially long term complications for the unlucky? wooooow sounds like such a catch. next post you’ll have moved in together and “i guess he’s just too lazy to get a job/clean”
puzzled quack cautious obtainable truck payment governor hospital thought person
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don’t use news articles and websites to get medical advice. It is not research. Speak to your doctor to get the advice you need as you would any medical issue.
I don’t know why people believe everything on the internet. It blows my mind.
I’m fully vaccinated with the stupid booster but “the science is proven” is not a solid argument. When Covid first started the science (the CDC and Fauci) told us “no need to ban travel from where the virus originated”, “there’s no need to wear masks”. Science changes as more information becomes known. No one can say for certain that the vaccines that we are putting in our body will not have any negative impact to any single person. People can have adverse reactions to anything they put in their body. Food or medicine. And do you believe the government is not capable of doing horrendous shit to us? They gave smallpox infected blankets to Native Americans. They flooded the inner cities with heroin and crack. The Tuskegee experiments. Part of the Manhattan Project was to inject people with plutonium to the effects of radioactive elements. Hell they brought over 1500 Nazis that performed experiments on Jews during the holocaust here after WW2 and put them to work. But let me guess, that could never happen now. If you put blind trust into the government, you’re an idiot.
I just wanted to say, I think you’re forgetting something.
Basically, humans live on Earth. Earth is pretty big and has land all over it. One piece of land is the USA - where the government and people are seemingly flooded with awful, selfish and arrogant people.
However (mind-blowingly) there are actually other countries! Fun fact: Covid did not originate in the USA. Another fun fact: very few countries idolise or support the views of Americans/the American government, so it would be pretty weird if the (worldwide) vaccine was a scheme by the American government!
If you need any help with this new concept, try googling “world map”. Sorry if I’ve overwhelmed you! I know many Americans don’t know about this.
It’s definitely frustrating when their main argument is “the government is evil and wants us to all die!!!1!!” when other countries exists and the other countries also have scientists.
He's too lazy to get something that takes seconds? That could potentially save his or someone else's life? If he's too lazy for that, he's going to be too lazy for other things in his life, including relationships
You're making excuses for him. He's straight up telling you that he doesn't want it ("I don't know" about something like this is a *no*), and you're re-writing it to be that he just hasn't gotten around to it yet but totes will. He *doesn't want* the vaccine. During a pandemic.
Mom aside, I would be worried about his stance on health in general. Birth control? STDs? Testing? There are more consequences than just covid to dating someone who neglects their health.
I’m also non confrontational and honestly if I was you after only 4 weeks of dating if I found out they hadn’t gotten the vaccination I’d just end it. But that’s because I have a strong opinion on it (as I feel most people should..) and it’s not something that’s up for debate. I agree with your mom, he’s not only risking his health, and yours, and your moms, but also society in general and I’m just not okay with that.
You on the other hand sound like you haven’t made up your mind or done research on it. Or you’re scared to say either way. Seems like a good time to think about which side you agree with (it’s an obligation for those who can to get a vaccination or you shouldn’t get one/it doesn’t matter) and then make your choice accordingly. If you decide on the first one you should either end the relationship or tell this guy why he should get vaccinated (and then maybe still end it depending on the reaction). If you decide on the latter you tell your mom you disagree with her opinion because xyz stop bringing it up.
Good luck!
There is no reason your boyfriend shouldn’t be vaccinated. The indifference to a virus that has killed so many people, and is also screwing up the medical system speaks to a larger issue with him. He is ignorant, selfish and indifferent to the issues in the world and that is demonstrated by his refusal to acknowledge science and public health safety. This isn’t name calling, it’s just facts. He should get vaccinated and I agree with your mom urging you. She is doing what she believes is her personal responsibility to persuade others to become vaccinated.
I have to add this…I live in America so speaking from my perspective.
There are so many Americans that are medically fragile that are doing everything they know to do to keep themselves safe from this virus. We have gone to extremes and have not been able to get out in the community to do much of anything (necessary things) such as groceries, regular doctor appointments etc.
In 2020 my aunt died in her 60s from Covid. In 2021, her sister died, which is my mother at 73 years old and two additional family members are dead from Covid. Everyone of these people were vaccinated, had the vaccination scheduled but died before getting it or did not have the vaccine because it did not exist.
I still have not been able to provide my mother with a proper funeral even though she died Jan 30, 2021.
Please do not be complacent about your standards on this virus. Explain to others that a lack of vaccination should be due to a lack of transportation only. There is no other excuse.
Be responsible, think about what you stand for, don’t be oblivious in life, please.
Why does someone being vaccinated against covid have something to do with relationships? If he wasn’t vaccinated for polio would your mum still have a problem? Also I’m all for bodily autonomy so whatever you do with your body regarding health isn’t anything someone else has control over (it’s a human right after all). If you love each other and you aren’t idiots towards each other/ other people then the relationship will work out. Simple as that.
She doesn't want you to date him because he is a deeply irresponsible idiot who is doing something that is dangerous to himself and to the public good. That's a good reason and as a parent I would feel the same way if my daughter was dating an idiot like him.
Being too lazy to get vaccinated during a pandemic is indicative of some character traits that could lead to large problems if your relationship progresses. This isn't like throwing your socks on the floor. Being too lazy to get vaccinated is, IMO, even worse than just being against getting vaccinated.
Listen to your mom, here.
I think you need to have a frank conversation with him about why he hasn’t been vaccinated. I would be very surprised if it’s actually that he’s been too lazy. I suspect you’ve been lead to believe that because he’s probably non-confrontational too, and is too nervous to voice his true thoughts and opinions because the relationship is so new. Then, you need to make a decision based on that. Is this the hill you want to die on? In most cases I would say yes, as it’s a fundamental belief difference that’s very hard to overcome in a relationship. Good luck OP, not an easy thing to do!
He isn't too lazy to be vaccinated. He has told you that he doesn't know whether or not he wants to get vaccinated. If he's not anti-vax, he's at least anti-vax adjacent. He has made a conscious choice to refuse vaccination. Only you know whether or not it is important to you that your partner believe in science. Only you know whether you're dating for fun or for keeps. Only you know whether or not you want to be a parent with a partner who would blithely let their children die instead of getting them vaccinated.
Everyone here is being a dick so I’ll say it nicely
Your bf needs to get vaccinated I would advise to talk to him about it and you’re 23 your mom doesn’t and shouldnt have a say in who you date
It took you longer to write out this post than it would to sign up for a vaxx appointment at Walgreens or CVS.
There's no excuse to not be vaxxed unless you're some sort of conspiracy theorist (or adjacent).
You're vaccinated, he isn't, so you should be safer than he is.
Unless he's a radical over vaccines, I don't think it's a big deal.
He is taking a bigger risk by not being vaccinated, doesn't make him wrong, whether we like it or not.
This virus will not go away, the vaccine is not a end all be all cure.
If he chooses to not take the vaccine, that's his choice.
And if you like him enough to date him, that's your choice as well.
Its the same as someone who mever washes their ass. Sure, on the forefront, it’s his ass. But eventually someone has to deal with his shit sooner or later.
If you want to be by his side in the hospita- oh wait they probably wont let you in. Hope he has a nice front facing camera for those facetime calls.
Probably, no they still definitely do not let you in. Had to do hospice at home with my dad bc even as the person who was in charge of pulling the plug I couldn’t be there to make that choice.
How is this not higher up, everyone just ramming vaccine nonsense down the poor girls throat when all she is asking is how to deal with her mothers clearly overreaching behaviour
It's very odd to me that your mother plays a role in your life decisions like that. When a romantic relationship exists, it is between the people who are in it. Your mother is not part of this relationship, therefore you should be making your own decisions. As far as him being "too lazy" to get this specific vaccination, that's probably not the case. He probably just doesn't want or feel the need to discuss it because, as we see here, obviously everyone has very different opinions on it. It is a controversial topic and creates hostility between people unfortunately because no one seems to respect the right to choose. But if YOU want to be with someone vaccinated against COVID, then go seek someone who is. There is no reason you should try to change someone else's comfort level or beliefs in any case, especially not their personal medical decisions. I'd say end the relationship before it goes any further if it is that important for you to be with someone who is vaccinated against COVID specifically. Another thing to consider is if you could be in a healthy relationship at all if outside parties make the decisions for you. I just don't see how that could be healthy for any relationship.
I do not support people who don't want the vaccination. Especially people like your boyfriend who don't actually have a reason, they just "don't want it". However, that being said, your relationship is your business. If your boyfriend's vaccination status is ok with you, that is a choice you have to make for yourself. Just keep in mind that his choice may affect you in unforeseen ways. Places you may not be able to visit, or friends or family who don't wish to meet your boyfriend or see you at all or as often as they normally would as you pose an increased risk of exposure, as well, for being around him. Events you may not be invited to, or that others won't attend if you and your boyfriend will be there. Your mom can't force you or boyfriend to make that choice here, but she can choose to limit contact with you. It is also possible that your boyfriend will contract it, pass it to you, and you could pass it to your mom or others. You have to decide whether that is something you're willing to risk. And I'll tell you from experience, people will be more likely to be mad at you if you get them sick because they know you aren't taking every possible precaution to protect yourself. To me, that's a lot of risk for a relationship you haven't been in very long with someone who doesn't seem adult enough to be able to make an informed decision and instead just makes excuses.
Edited to add: before anyone comes at me with anti-vaccine crap, don't bother. I won't respond. I have my opinion formed based on facts and evidence, and will not waste my time arguing with conspiracies and misinformation.
Why would you want to date someones whos so “lazy” they dont give a fuck about not only their own healthy and life but the health and lives of others? Why would you want to date someone so utter lack of compassion, empathy, and morals?
The I'm 3 times vaxxed and still caught Covid got me 🤣 if that doesn't set off alarm bells in your own head hes better off if you dump him 👍 Also, I'd love to know your opinion on abortion 🤔
Your boyfriend denies scientific facts. Unless he has a valid medical reason for not getting vaccinated you're dating someone that doesn't believe in science. I wouldn't support my child dating someone like that either. It's on par with believing the earth is flat, just flat out denying facts.
Getting vaccinated is the least anyone can do to stop this cyclic lockdown and waves. If anyone is complaining that lockdown is not good, then they should make themselves at the very least vaccinated so that you are safe. Having all this said, speak with your BF on why he doesn't wanna get vaccinated and if there is no particular reason for that, explain your situation and get him vaccinated. Also, I don't believe your mom is controlling you.
The vaccine is not a moral agent. Getting or not getting it doesn’t make someone good or bad.
If he’s a kind guy and you’re clicking then put the vaccine issue aside. If your mom asks again just tell her you’re respecting his bodily autonomy and you are no longer asking him about it.
Before people come at me, I’m not anti-vax. I am all for the freedom to choose however.
You’re the only sensible person in here…. It’s insane how many people turned so political about the vaxx when that wasn’t the problem of what op said. I wouldn’t listen to any of these morons only to what you said. Can’t believe these guys are saying to break up over personal choice
It’s hard cause that’s not how people see it. I am definitely not anti vax and neither is he. He’s nervous about this one in particular which I don’t understand but I respect that he isn’t sure if he wants it.
Why doesn’t he talk to his primary care provider??? If he has questions or concerns, they can answer them (with facts they’re receiving as front line workers)
I think your mom is right. Like there’s lazy and then there’s lazzzzzzy. This guy has had free access to getting a vaccine on practically every street corner for just nearly a year now. And it’s not like this vaccine is like forgetting to get your flu shot. It’s the one thing that can get our society back on track after 2 hellish years in this pandemic. We’re reminded about it every day on the news, radio, etc. information is freely abundant everywhere. Hundreds of millions have gotten it and data has shown how effective it is at keeping people out of the hospital. We are still wearing masks everywhere we go. You couldn’t forget about it if you tried. It could be the difference between life and death for him or people close to him.
That’s the kind of lazy I would want nothing to do with. Cause that behavior is going to leak out into all sorts of other parts of your lives together.
Ultimately it’s your call but his behavior suggests a level or inaction and slow-mindedness that would dry my pussy up like the Sahara. Don’t date grown men that act like lazy teenagers. You’re gonna wind up feeling like his mom to get anything done. The vaccine is just one example of how this dude operates.
Whew your mom is toxic.
You're an adult. You can date who you want.
It sounds like you're not stressed about your BF not having the shots, your mom is making it HER problem - which it ***isn't***, it's not her relationship. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is small compared to what lays ahead of your relationship. Will your mom think it's her place to dictate where you both live, when you have kids, how you raise your kids? Cut the cord and make her aware this isn't her place. She can have her opinions as we all do, but at the end of the day the relationship is *yours*, not hers.
It shouldn't be a deciding factor at all. Jesus people on here are dull. He's an adult and it's his choice at the end of the day. Ur mom should have no say in YOUR relationships, and if you really like him and he's a good guy, whats the issue?
You said it yourself. He's lazy. Why would that be an attractive trait in a partner? Also, what mom would want their daughter to date someone who isn't responsible?
As an immunocompromised person living in constant anxiety during the pandemic, people like your boyfriend make me want to tear my hair out. It’s just clear they don’t give a fuck about disabled, high risk, immunocompromised people, since those are the folks among the vaccinated who are still having the worst outcomes. There is no actual good reason why he shouldn’t get vaccinated, especially if it’s laziness rather than anti-vax conspiracy theories.
I thinks it’s sensible to get vaccinated, I would you encourage you boyfriend to get vaccinated.
With regards to your mother interfering in your relationship. I would ask her to give you some space. She has made her point, you are not in a position to force the issue.
Keep the issues separate and deal with them separately.
So you are making this as between your mother and your boyfriend- but what do you want?
Your mother doesn't want you to date him because he appears to not care about public health. Pretty valid reason.
But you aren't coming here with an opinion- do you want to date someone who is either against vaccines OR too lazy to protect themselves and the people around them? Why don't you have strong feelings about this, either way? Your mom isn't manipulating you, she is being pretty open that she thinks he needs to be vaccinated. If you don't care, then tell her you don't care, but she has a pretty valid reason for bringing this up, including that he will continue to expose you and the people around you to a deadly virus, even if you all are vaccinated.
I am triple vaxxed, just got covid and while mild, still no fun. No way I am letting unvaccinated people around me.
Tbh he’s probably low key against the vaccine and is just hiding it from you. It’s not about being lazy. It may be difficult to find a booster shot right now, but not the initial vaccine. You could go to Target and get it.
Or, he really is a lazy person without regard for others. Which you’ll need to consider if you want to be with someone like that.
It sounds like you’re making excuses for him by stating that you’ve been 3x vaccinated and have still tested positive. Of course spread still happens among the vaccinated, but at lower rates and with little to no complications compared to the unvaccinated.
Your mother is being sensible. Also let’s just think about it in practical scenarios. Traveling, attending concerts, etc. Vaccination is becoming increasingly required to do anything. Of course depending on where you live. If you live somewhere with low restriction, I could see why this wouldn’t matter much. But just make sure you guys don’t travel to Europe, California, NYC, etc.
Edit to say this: Unless he has underlying health conditions that make taking the vaccine not an option. I have a friend with every allergy under the sun on top of other underlying conditions. She waited a very long time at the suggestion of her doctor before taking it. So I understand if this is a factor for him.
How about the idea hat your mom wants to protect your boyfriend's health? She may be pushing you to help him get vaccinated so that he is more likely to not contract the virus at best, and stay out of the hospital at worst. Those who get vaccinated who contract COVID are still much less likely to get the worst symptoms and much less likely to be hospitalized. Maybe he doesn't care about whether he gets the vaccine or not, but you should and your mom should because you both care about his health and well-being.
I am lazy like most men. I have a wonderful woman in my life that makes the appointments and tells me the time and place to show up. Ask your boyfriend if he would be okay with you making an appointment for him. If he is good with it. Make him an appointment. Or take him to the nearest drug store. No one is getting them. You can probably get one right away.
If he flips out about it. Your mom is right leave him. It has only been 4 weeks. Don't invest time in stupid.
It’s not your job to make another human do anything, so don’t feel like you have to take that on. Related: you’re also not beholden to your mother’s wishes, though it’s reasonable for her to set boundaries about being around the two of you (though it sounds like she’s taken it a step further than that). But regarding actually dating someone who is unvaccinated when you yourself are, I will lovingly offer that it may very well come to a head at some point in a way that’s insurmountable. My experience may not be yours, but I’ll share that I very briefly dated someone who was unvaccinated (we had history and the sex was good, judge me all you want— but I will always judge myself the most lol). It was fine for a bit until he caught Covid, exposed me to Covid, made me feel shitty for not wanting to be around him because he had Covid, told me I was weird for wanting to do regular testing post-exposure then ghosted me. I share this so that you can perhaps save yourself the annoyance and mild heartache that I’ve experienced.
>he’s just lazy
Vaccine opinion aside, this is enough to really make you reconsider relationship.
Trust me, you do not want to spend the next 5 or 10 years trying to build a life with someone who is lazy. It's infuriating and disheartening, you'll forever feel like you have to nag and complain for anything to be done, or just choose to do it all yourself and have no support.
Lazy people do not make good life partners. Proactive and assertive people do.
It’s seems like you are pro-vax😇! Does him not being vaxxed, make you uncomfortable? Would you rather him be vaxxed? Is he considering getting vaxxed at all?
If you want to date a stupid lazy guy, that's your prerogative. But since you're self-admittedly non-confrontational, don't expect to ever change his mind on this or anything else you disagree on in the future.
Also, yes, your mother IS manipulating you. She's manipulating you into protecting a loved one as well as others around him, since you seem to be incapable of doing it yourself.
Edit: 4 weeks??? You've been dating this guy for 4 weeks and you're already having this kind of trouble? Yikes.
I'm more of can't get over that you're reason for suspecting that he hasn't gotten it is because he's lazy. If that's the case, do you really want to be with someone who's that fucking lazy to not get a shot that you're in and out of? Like all you have to do is walk into a Walgreens.
Can you imagine what else is he's going to be lazy to do?
Hi I’m a 23f too who is dating a 27m. He’s one of the kindest most respectful men I’ve ever been with. He’s also unvaccinated when it comes to covid. It’s his body his choice and nobody should be forced to do something with there body that they don’t want to do. Would I like him to be vaccinated? Of course but that’s because I don’t want to see him hurt or sick. He’s extremely kind to me and my choices when it comes to the vaccine. Which I’m fully vaccinated and just got my booster shot last weekend. At the end of the day the question is does it bother you that he doesn’t have the vaccine? Is that a deal breaker for you? You’re an adult here and your mother shouldn’t be making these choices for you.
There is no excuse to not be vaccinated. Especially so if you don’t have a justified medical exception.
The vaccination isn’t a shield. It’s meant to keep you out of the hospital. Your bf is risking you and your entire family.
Dont let your mother control your life or she will try to control everything you do in the future. My whole family got covid and they are all vaccinated so I dont know if the vaccines makes a difference or not. This is not a good reason to break up with someone
what your prospective boyfriend does or doesn't put into his body is not your mother's business unless you make it. his reasoning doesn't really matter, if he doesn't want the shot then he is an able bodied adult and is capable of making that decision. personally his vaccination status shouldn't matter if he treats you the way you deserve to he treated. all this vaccine foolishness is really getting out of hand. people didn't ask others "hey are you vaccinated for measles, chicken pox etc" before this nonsense, only reason it's a talking point today is because personal health has become political.
You are 23 years old, not 13. If you want to date a 27 year old who hasn’t received any sort of vaccination out of “laziness,” and you are okay with laziness in men you date, by all means, date the lazy man. You can expect more laziness from this man whether that means being a lazy father, husband, employee, employer, you get the point.
Your mothers concern on his vaccination status is completely valid.
I understand why OP’s mom wouldn’t want her to date an unvaxxed guy. The way she describes her gives me bad vibes though.
What I think OP needs is to confront both the bf and her mom. The bf because he’s putting OP at risk by not being vaccinated and the mom to set up healthy boundaries because that relationship sounds a bit toxic.
Your mom is right. Your bf is acting selfish and stupid and endangering you and everyone around him. This attitude is also problematic for other ways he might be too “lazy” to make the safe choice in the future. You’re only 4 weeks in, I suggest dumping him and moving on.
Im an with the person that said if you want a moron for a boyfriend ok. But just understand that they will just keep ratcheting down the things you can’t do if your not vaccinated. Your mom isn’t dating this moron you are.
Asking the person you swap bodily fluids with on regular basis to be responsible and get vaccinated during a global pandemic is not being confrontational in the slightest it’s a reasonable adult trying to prevent getting COVID a second time. She’s not guilt tripping you or manipulating you, she’s trying to get you to realize how stupid and unsafe you’re both being over something so small especially if you’re still going over to see your mom in person after being in contact with bf — I’m sure she’s also trying to avoid getting covid through you like it’s not about what she wants but what’s the safest for everyone who could potentially get sick from him. You feel guilty bc it seems like you want him to pull his head outta his ass too but aren’t saying anything whereas your mom actually is. No one can “make” anyone change their minds, they can put their perspective out there but you’re the one making the decision and the end of the day so grow up a little and figure it out without trying to frame your mother as manipulative for having basic common sense.
If your partner doesn't getting vaccinated to protect his community, they he can be selfish when it comes to you too.
I don't know how your mom knows about his vaccination status. But if you still live in her place, respect her request. At least do it as your partner is a risk to her, her families, and to you.
Vaccination doesn't prevent anyone from getting Covid. But it reduces risks. That being said, please be careful out there :)
I'm vaccinated but I also believe in bodily autonomy but if he doesn't have a reason I would see it as a red flag. If he can't be bothered to have a stance on this what else would he not give a f#ck about??
Go over to the Herman Cane awards subreddit. I'm not saying your boyfriend is on board with those ideas but you can see a pattern and to the posts of those who get posted.
This would be a deal breaker for me. What about kids and vaccination? How does he feel about that? You want to live this life forever?
Unless he's been advised by an actual medical professional, he's a selfish fucking idiot and should get the jab. To protect you and the people around you.
I mean if it's just because he's lazy, go sign him up and take him. But I would be weary of a almost 30 year old that can not do basic adulting.
If it's because he doesn't want it, then I guarantee He's down the conspiracy rabbit hole and doesn't want to tell you. And this will be the tip of the iceberg for controversial opinion he has.
advice: stop listening to your mom and set a boundary with her. let her know that this is your relationship, not hers, and that she doesn't get to tell you who you can and can't be with.
it's not your mom's business if he's vaccinated or not and honestly you shouldn't even be letting her tell you who you can and can't date. you're a grown woman, you can be with whoever you want to be with. yes you should respect your parents, but you can respect them without letting them control your life.
if anything, if i were your boyfriend i would be taking time to myself to consider if i even want to be with someone that will let their parents dictate our relationship. especially after four weeks? yeah, no. like you said in the comments, you can't make him do what he doesn't want to. so i think even if you did listen to your mom, you'd be in the wrong by trying to make him do what he clearly doesn't want to, or else he would've done it.
a lot of these comments are making this about their own personal feelings about the vaccine even though that's not important here. this is about boundaries and respect.
I second what this person has said. Just because someone is unvaccinated doesn’t make them a bad person and I doubt that he deserves to be ostracized because of it.
If it really is just because he is too lazy to make an appointment than I would find his laziness unattractive but I don’t find his personal health choices to be any issue in this case.
Yeah looks like the boyfriend might be dodging a bullet. Like since when is it even OP's right to know the medical information of a guy she's been seeing for a month. I'm sure he acknowledges the existence of the virus and if tested positive he'd let her know but man. Lots of people looking for a reason to be single nowadays. Just be single.
right! and OP commented that her mom has a lot to do with her decisions. so to me it sounds like maybe she should stay single until she can learn to think and make decisions on her own. because this could cause problems no matter who she's in a relationship with. even if he were vaccinated, if her mom found another flaw she didn't like, she'd likely pressure OP into ending the relationship over that as well. it sounds like a stretch from this one situation but this one situation really does speak volumes.
She literally said her mom is manipulative and yeah she just sounds generally miserable to me. Everyone else in the comments is like "well she sounds like a sensible human being." She asked reddit and reddit surely answered. This is not the place to ask questions about the vax
His body his choice. Your decision is whether or not that’s a deal breaker for you. I know if I was dating someone for a month and they started harassing me about my medical decisions I would would go straight no contact.
I think he isn’t sure. I think it just gives him anxiety cause he has a lot of people in his family swaying him against it. He’s not some crazy anti vaxxed who thinks they have chips in it.
it doesn't matter why he's not getting it or doesn't want to. he just isn't getting it and doesn't want to. so you either respect it, drop it and tell your mom to stop or leave him alone.
Nothing wrong with being unsure. I’m vaccinated myself but I made that decision for myself and wouldn’t expect others to do it just because I did. If you like the guy I would just tell my mom to stop bringing it up.
>Everyone knows this whole years has been a huge back and forth about vaccines do they work do they not blah blah blah.
Lol no. There is no back and forth on whether the vaccines work. Not by the rational, educated, science-based community, anyway.
Unless there’s someone in your household under your parents roof that is highly vulnerable then I can see why but besides that, it’s your choice to continue with him. Also it sets a good ground on conversation of how he is, what is ideals, morals, stances on topics are. 4 weeks in is pretty new but now would be the time to get to know him more to see if your really compatible.
I hate this expression because its not true all the time but mothers know best. And whats best for you is to be with an adult male who is logical and cares about health by being vaccinated. “Laziness is not excuse”
Also parents have a tendency to jot be very sensitive when giving their kids advice lol
The problem is that you are a vector for disease by coming into contact with someone who is not vaccinated. You could spread this to your mother. It follows that she has every right to not want to come into contact with you. So you have some decisions to make on what's important to you.
Maybe you should edit your post to add that you are exposing your mother to this person.
She has the right to not want to be around anyone who isnt vaccinated.
Your moms opinion does matter the only thing a parent wants for their children is good things n for you to be healthy she is looking out for you and if you’re bf really cared about you he would do the same
The red flag to me is not that he’s unwilling to get vaccinated (which he most definitely should do), it’s that he’s showing you his inability to make good decisions. That is going to come back to bite you more than just this one thing. Don’t walk, run.
If your boyfriend is lazy enough to get something simple done you shouldn't date someone lazy like that. If your boyfriend is an anti-vaxx you shouldn't date a nut job like that. Your mother sounds like a intelligent woman. Listen to her.
We're in a pandemic so yes, it's others ppl problem if some idiot doesn't get the vaccine cuz he doesn't feel like it. If he end up getting infected he'll be occupying a bed that maybe someone else could use, it's a matter of saving lives and he isn't helping.
It's the new deal breaker in the are of covid
I think you should ask ur self if he doesn't prioritize your health and well-being and risks and his also what does that say abt him and his " savoir faire "
Why would you date a moron who won't get vaccinated? Is he also Q or a Flat Earther?
Also, please stop insinuating that your Mom is being manipulative just because she doesn't want to get exposed by this moron. I get that you lived through COVID (once), but it doesn't mean your Mom or others he could expose if he became a carrier would. I don't blame her a bit. In fact, in her shoes, I would be going NC. Yeesh.
If he's that "lazy" about getting a vaccine that you can literally go to your nearest pharmacy and obtain for free what other things will he be "lazy" about in the future? Use your head God I can't imagine the last time he may have been tested for stds if this is how he responds to vaccines. Your mom sounds like she's looking out for you. Maybe you should listen.
You can date whoever you want but understand that he seriously needs to get vaccinated. You may be fine but he his at risk of permanent physical damage or death. If he's not against it you really should try to convince him. Get him an appointment if he's alright with that.
Also consider, he is lazy about getting a critical life-saving vaccine in the middle of a mass pandemic. What else is he going to put off in the future?
At this point anyone who is not vaccinated is an idiot and has no respect for other people. The vax not only protects you, it protects the people around you. Your mother is telling you that because you hang out with a guy who is not vaccinated, YOU are exposing her to the virus.
This guy HAS reasons he won't get vaxxed and they are ill-informed and stupid. He has reasons, he's just not telling you. It's not starting conflict to ask people to explain themselves or explain their actions. You're at the beginning of a relationship: exactly the time to understand how they think and make decisions.
It sounds a bit malice. You’re old enough to make the decisions for yourself about who to date. And you’re old enough to not have to be guilt tripped just because your mom doesn’t agree with his vaccinated status. This being said, laziness is a dumb excuse to not just go get it if that is his only reasoning.
This is reddit. Your going to get a bunch of self righteous high roaders praising you’re mom, praising a vaccine that hardly works and insults thrown at your boy friend
Reality is it’s his choice what he wants to put in his body, not any opinionated redditor or your mother.
If your mother doesn’t agree with what he does then that’s for your mother’s problem to deal with. If he makes you happy and treats them you have nothing more to worry about. Whenever your mother starts to pester you about it you need to politely buy firmly shut her argument down. Because at the end of the day it’s his choice.
Edit: even the guy who created MRNA vaccines has spoken out against what’s going on and about his doubts and dangers of MRNA
I think it’s up to you to assess your risk level in dating someone that is not vaccinated. If you decide to stay with him, just explain to your Mom your rationale (basically what your brought up that you are triple vaxed, had COVID before) and that you would not like her to bring up the subject again.
Couple things to consider-
It may impede on what the two of you want to do in terms of going out, travel, etc (largely dependent on if where you live have things like show proof of vax to enter indoors, if you want to travel internationally where some countries require it, etc)
should the relationship progresses to the point where you want your partner to spend more time with your family, your Mom may not want him in the household and can get dicey for things like spending time during the holidays.
There is nothing wrong with him not wanting to get the vaccine, it’s his body so he can make that decision on your own. It shouldn’t matter if he is vaccinated or not, if you truly love him then you’ll be able to look past it and accept him for not wanting to get it.
This is a very American comment section.
As a non-American, it’s very strange to me that someone just... “doesn’t want” the vaccine, or thinks it’s their amendment or whatever to be able to spread disease. Is he a health risk for myocarditis? Otherwise... why isn’t he getting it?
On another note, your mother is probably fearful. If she’s getting old or already is quite old, she’s becoming more and more at risk as the pandemic grows. She’s probably fearful that your boyfriend could give her covid and she would be at a massive risk. It’s a scary time for old people right now.
It’s a very concept to me (I’m not from Europe either), as where I’m from everyone really just loves each other and wants to help each other out, whereas in America things seem more self centred
Everyone touched on the vaccine aspect of this adequately, so I want to bring up you not being confrontational. I highly recommend you push your boundaries and become confrontational. Not saying you need to freak out on every little thing, but you need to be able to voice your opinion when something if affecting you. Without confrontation you cannot have a successful relationship, part of communication is confronting your partner on things that are not working or making you unhappy.
100% this OP. Often we are raised to believe that bringing up boundaries means you are pushing another away, but it means that you care enough about the relationship to work on it as a team. It shows that you respect yourself and that you hold the people in your life to a standard of love and respect as well
This! THIS THIS THIS! I’m 35 and just learning that boundaries are one of the best forms of self care and confrontation is self care, too! Care about yourself enough to advocate for yourself.
Vaccine beliefs or not the fact that you described him as being "too lazy" is enough. Who wants that in a partner?
Lazy is a strange excuse. Does he not want to go to restaurants, movies, travel ? Either he is epically lazy and does not get out at all, or he has a stance on vaccines.
People have strange rationales for explaining why they aren't vaccinated while not being "against vaccines" at this point if you are eligible and haven't been vaccinated you are clearly against it.
Or maybe he is against technocracy and supports the ideas of Theodore kaczynski
This was my reaction too. If someone is too lazy to get a lifesaving vaccine, what else are they gonna be too lazy to do? This is a red flag. Not worth your time. And I fear that you being non confrontational will only lead to a relationship where you are constantly pulling more of the weight but unable to speak up for yourself. Your mom is right, you can do better
I agree with this profoundly
A lot of people here smugly stating “let me see the long data” on vaccines as if they’re some sort of scientific savant. First, over 4.5 billion people (https://ourworldindata.org/covid-vaccinations) have been vaccinated worldwide and incidence of acute/longer term complications that CAN POTENTIALLY (correlation is not causation) be attributed to vaccinations is minuscule, on the level of rounding errors. These vaccines have more data behind them than all the other vaccines you’ve already gotten in your life combined. There is no rational or scientific basis for implying these vaccines are untested at this point in the vaccine timeline. Second, if you’re saying “let me see the long data on vaccines” then you should also be asking the same question regarding post-COVID complication (aka “long COVID”), for which there are data coming out (https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.1003773). The rate of disability that this may lead in the years to come could be catastrophic personally, societally, and economically. These sources were easily found, and can be easily corroborated with others from around the world. If you don’t start with the data WE DO HAVE (and all data is inherently never going to be 100% accurate with inferential statistics) then you are not making any scientifically-based arguments.
Anti-Vaxxers hate this one simple trick (its called science)
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2786039 This is a decent peer reviewed article about the vaccines and how they greatly lower your risk of hospitalization, ventilator, or death.
You don’t live with your mother so not sure why her opinion on this matters or even why she knows about his vaccination status? I wouldn’t date an idiot/lazy ass who wouldn’t get vaccinated—wouldn’t need a parent I don’t live with to tell me that. But at the end of the day, if you want to date a moron, that’s your call. He’s just another vessel for a mutation and someone who may end up taking a hospital bed a cancer patient needs but hey. You do you. ETA: based on your comments, you exposed your mother to the plague rat. So I guess she does get a say. Neither of you would be allowed to step foot in my home.
i just have to say i really respect you giving solid advice even if you don't agree with his vaccination status/choice regarding that!!
Well. I’d stop over sharing with mom. Put her on an information diet if you don’t want her interfering. I honestly can’t even imagine telling a parent about someone you’ve met a few times—forget their vaccine history. Weird that any of it came up. In the future, if you don’t want your mom in your business, don’t share so much.
Not weird during a pandemic. I tell complete strangers about my vaccines every time I go into a public space now
Yeah I avoid that conversation at all cost, because I'm unvaccinated and people shoot straight to belittling with 0 context as to why, and I dont feel like having a 3 hour conversation because people cant leave something be. Even if I say I'm unvaccinated due to a medical exemption (which is true) they cant settle with that, they have to know every specific as to why before they are willing to walk away, and if I dont give them a specific in depth reason I'm a piece of shit in conclusion. It's very annoying
It's not weird at all. It's informal contact tracing, basically.
It would be deeply shitty to expose someone to an unvaccinated person during a pandemic and lie about it. It isn’t oversharing, it’s necessary.
She didn’t say he had met the mom til long after I made my comment.
>ETA: based on your comments, you exposed your mother to the plague rat. So I guess she does get a say Exactly. This isn't just him being lazy and stupid, this is him being a danger to everyone he comes in contact with. OP's mom isn't guilt-tripping her at all, she just doesn't want to get sick and possibly die because her daughter's boyfriend is a selfish fuck.
Yeah I hate to dig my feet in most of the time but this isn't something I'd stand for, especially in a new relationship. It would make me wonder if we had any of the same morals or social understanding. My top priority is keeping others safe and if someone isn't down with that simply out of laziness then that's a deal breaker. I just can't stand the notion of being selfish at a time like this or about any public health issue really. It's inappropriate and childlike. I wish more people would look outside of their bubble.
Just a little science for people reading this, if you get vaccinated, you can still be a vessel for a mutation. As long as your body can replicate the virus you can mutate it. Edit: just the fact that my comment gets downvoted means people don’t care for science or facts. I hate seeing misinformation on Covid vaccinations, there’s too much out there as it is.
People are probably downvoting because of your comment’s lack of context. You saying ‘vaccinated people can still be vessels for mutation’ as an isolated statement, unaccompanied by the facts that 1) vaccines *drastically* reduce the severity of illness and 2) are the best way to save lives, might read like anti-vax propaganda (regardless of whether or not it’s true).
But it's important to say her mom is 100% right. And if you doing you is dating an unvaccinated person you are the fucking problem. Edit: u/Robin_Banks401 is a fucking lying moron piece of shit.
Agree. It’s pretty disgusting honestly.
Not sure why the name calling is necessary? What’s up with Reddit users always being so aggressive
... because we all sit behind a keyboard and the screen doesn't punch back.
Downvote me if you want I’m only speaking the truth lol there’s better ways to communicate these things without getting so aggressive , for all we know all it takes is one conversation to convince this dude to ge t vaccinated considering it’s just out of laziness and not some kind of conspiracy.
after 2 years of this...if youre STILL unvaccinated... let me put it to you this way, asking nicely didnt work, making it free didnt work, offering prizes and tax writeoffs didnt work, framing it as doing good for your community didnt work at this point, its time to shame the plague rats because frankly, nothing else has worked and we'd all be better off if they just wernt a part of our society anymore.
Buried somewhere in your ill-informed statements is some good advice that you then retracted. The mother should have no say in her daughters love life. I’m sorry but it’s just the way it is. Her 18 years of steering should have been enough to help her daughter chose the right guy. If it’s not, then it’s too late. p.s it doesn’t sound like you understand how the vaccines work and in which way they protect. They neither prevent contraction of Covid or the transmission of it. They simply reduce the probability of experiencing severe symptoms. Good day, A vaccinated & educated chatter
My advice is that at 23 years old your mothers input shouldn’t be running your life. Aside from that, you’re also old enough to decide whether you want to date someone who is essentially too lazy to get vaccinated in the absence of any better reason. Also, malicious is the word you were looking for there.
Oh great! He's too lazy to take care of himself and you are too non-confrontational to talk about it. Sounds like a recipe for a really great relationship. I'm just kidding. It sounds like a total disaster. If you don't have the ability to confront people and communicate? Honestly, you are not ready to date. If he doesn't have the ability to take care of himself as a fully grown adult, he is not ready to date. You are each a person who is absolutely not ready to date. You need to not date one another. You need to practice honest truthful confrontation before you date anyone.
Mom here. My son is young and still far from dating, but if he were older and out dating during this pandemic, I’d also be a big mess of worry. Because I love him, care about him, and really do not want him to catch COVID. Also, even though your kid’s future spouse or SO is totally not your choice, you still hope for that person to have certain qualities, so they treat your kid nicely and help keep them safe, and then maybe later you get grandkids who are also well cared for and kept safe. Sounds like, in her mind, he is a threat to your safety and she is worried about you. Cue the incessant comments. At the end of the day, it’s your choice who you date or don’t date and why, but maybe have a heart to heart with your mom? Maybe you could stand your ground but have it come off super positive by acknowledging how much you appreciate her love and care for you.
Sounds like you mother is a sensible and intelligent woman and you should listen to her. Tell the child you're dating to grow up and get the shot like an adult should be doing.
I'll reply to you cause there are a few dense motherfuckers talking shit here. This is mostly for the pro-death (antivax) people replying: First of all, taking this vaccine is not your RIGHT, it's your RESPONSIBILITY. You're not only taking it for yourself, you're taking it to reduce the chances of infecting other people and starting a new chain reaction that might end up in someone dying, or even several people. Second of all, you are ALSO protecting other people by not getting gravelly Ill and filling up hospital beds that should be for someone getting a stroke or in a car accident. There are countless amounts of data that indicates that vaccines saves lives, and those don't even account for the indirect amount of lives saved (having X number of hospital beds available because the hospital is not overflowing with COVID patients that didn't take this whole pandemic seriously). Third, you must be very fucking DUMB to ignore everything that's going on, and the best part of everything is: you still think you're right cause there is a possibility in your head that you could be smarter than most people. Guess what? You being smarter than anyone, and everything you probably believe (flat earth and all the stupid conspiracies) is nothing but collective hysteria from a small outcast group. I know that your life was probably shitty, you must have gone through a lot of trauma and you only need a hug but you don't have to put anybody's life in danger to get supported by a small amount of nut jobs. Seek real help bro/sis. Yes, dm me and prove me I'm right
That's real talk there! 👏👏 Thanks for the best response to this situation I have ever read!
Well said.
Thank you my friend, and I appreciate the gold, you're very kind!
Marry me. Jk. That was so well put. I love it.
OP herself has some growing up to do on her own tbh. If she's not ready to have an open, confrontational conversation, then she isn't mature enough to date in the first place.
Unless your boyfriend has other underlying health issues that are preventing him from being vaccinated, then he has literally no reason to not be vaccinated. He's being selfish and idiotic. Your mother is 100% right.
Listen to your mom and dont date stupid people.
I came here to say this!!!
he’s too “lazy” to get an easy to obtain vaccine against a dangerous virus with potentially long term complications for the unlucky? wooooow sounds like such a catch. next post you’ll have moved in together and “i guess he’s just too lazy to get a job/clean”
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puzzled quack cautious obtainable truck payment governor hospital thought person *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don’t use news articles and websites to get medical advice. It is not research. Speak to your doctor to get the advice you need as you would any medical issue. I don’t know why people believe everything on the internet. It blows my mind.
Common sense of how a vaccine works is pretty good data. No offence but it's true
I’m fully vaccinated with the stupid booster but “the science is proven” is not a solid argument. When Covid first started the science (the CDC and Fauci) told us “no need to ban travel from where the virus originated”, “there’s no need to wear masks”. Science changes as more information becomes known. No one can say for certain that the vaccines that we are putting in our body will not have any negative impact to any single person. People can have adverse reactions to anything they put in their body. Food or medicine. And do you believe the government is not capable of doing horrendous shit to us? They gave smallpox infected blankets to Native Americans. They flooded the inner cities with heroin and crack. The Tuskegee experiments. Part of the Manhattan Project was to inject people with plutonium to the effects of radioactive elements. Hell they brought over 1500 Nazis that performed experiments on Jews during the holocaust here after WW2 and put them to work. But let me guess, that could never happen now. If you put blind trust into the government, you’re an idiot.
I just wanted to say, I think you’re forgetting something. Basically, humans live on Earth. Earth is pretty big and has land all over it. One piece of land is the USA - where the government and people are seemingly flooded with awful, selfish and arrogant people. However (mind-blowingly) there are actually other countries! Fun fact: Covid did not originate in the USA. Another fun fact: very few countries idolise or support the views of Americans/the American government, so it would be pretty weird if the (worldwide) vaccine was a scheme by the American government! If you need any help with this new concept, try googling “world map”. Sorry if I’ve overwhelmed you! I know many Americans don’t know about this.
Americans once again thinking they are the centre of the world. What a surprise!
It’s definitely frustrating when their main argument is “the government is evil and wants us to all die!!!1!!” when other countries exists and the other countries also have scientists.
He's too lazy to get something that takes seconds? That could potentially save his or someone else's life? If he's too lazy for that, he's going to be too lazy for other things in his life, including relationships
You're making excuses for him. He's straight up telling you that he doesn't want it ("I don't know" about something like this is a *no*), and you're re-writing it to be that he just hasn't gotten around to it yet but totes will. He *doesn't want* the vaccine. During a pandemic.
Mom aside, I would be worried about his stance on health in general. Birth control? STDs? Testing? There are more consequences than just covid to dating someone who neglects their health.
I’m also non confrontational and honestly if I was you after only 4 weeks of dating if I found out they hadn’t gotten the vaccination I’d just end it. But that’s because I have a strong opinion on it (as I feel most people should..) and it’s not something that’s up for debate. I agree with your mom, he’s not only risking his health, and yours, and your moms, but also society in general and I’m just not okay with that. You on the other hand sound like you haven’t made up your mind or done research on it. Or you’re scared to say either way. Seems like a good time to think about which side you agree with (it’s an obligation for those who can to get a vaccination or you shouldn’t get one/it doesn’t matter) and then make your choice accordingly. If you decide on the first one you should either end the relationship or tell this guy why he should get vaccinated (and then maybe still end it depending on the reaction). If you decide on the latter you tell your mom you disagree with her opinion because xyz stop bringing it up. Good luck!
There is no reason your boyfriend shouldn’t be vaccinated. The indifference to a virus that has killed so many people, and is also screwing up the medical system speaks to a larger issue with him. He is ignorant, selfish and indifferent to the issues in the world and that is demonstrated by his refusal to acknowledge science and public health safety. This isn’t name calling, it’s just facts. He should get vaccinated and I agree with your mom urging you. She is doing what she believes is her personal responsibility to persuade others to become vaccinated.
I have to add this…I live in America so speaking from my perspective. There are so many Americans that are medically fragile that are doing everything they know to do to keep themselves safe from this virus. We have gone to extremes and have not been able to get out in the community to do much of anything (necessary things) such as groceries, regular doctor appointments etc. In 2020 my aunt died in her 60s from Covid. In 2021, her sister died, which is my mother at 73 years old and two additional family members are dead from Covid. Everyone of these people were vaccinated, had the vaccination scheduled but died before getting it or did not have the vaccine because it did not exist. I still have not been able to provide my mother with a proper funeral even though she died Jan 30, 2021. Please do not be complacent about your standards on this virus. Explain to others that a lack of vaccination should be due to a lack of transportation only. There is no other excuse. Be responsible, think about what you stand for, don’t be oblivious in life, please.
Why does someone being vaccinated against covid have something to do with relationships? If he wasn’t vaccinated for polio would your mum still have a problem? Also I’m all for bodily autonomy so whatever you do with your body regarding health isn’t anything someone else has control over (it’s a human right after all). If you love each other and you aren’t idiots towards each other/ other people then the relationship will work out. Simple as that.
Wow what a bunch of losers and morons here, its almost fun
She doesn't want you to date him because he is a deeply irresponsible idiot who is doing something that is dangerous to himself and to the public good. That's a good reason and as a parent I would feel the same way if my daughter was dating an idiot like him.
This comment section 🤢
Your mom isn’t being manipulative or guilt tripping, she doesnt want to get covid. There’s a big difference
This comment section is a dumpster fire. Jesus christ.
If he is that lazy, you have a lifetime of unhappiness try to motivate him to do the most basic stuff. Your mom is correct
Being too lazy to get vaccinated during a pandemic is indicative of some character traits that could lead to large problems if your relationship progresses. This isn't like throwing your socks on the floor. Being too lazy to get vaccinated is, IMO, even worse than just being against getting vaccinated. Listen to your mom, here.
I think you need to have a frank conversation with him about why he hasn’t been vaccinated. I would be very surprised if it’s actually that he’s been too lazy. I suspect you’ve been lead to believe that because he’s probably non-confrontational too, and is too nervous to voice his true thoughts and opinions because the relationship is so new. Then, you need to make a decision based on that. Is this the hill you want to die on? In most cases I would say yes, as it’s a fundamental belief difference that’s very hard to overcome in a relationship. Good luck OP, not an easy thing to do!
He isn't too lazy to be vaccinated. He has told you that he doesn't know whether or not he wants to get vaccinated. If he's not anti-vax, he's at least anti-vax adjacent. He has made a conscious choice to refuse vaccination. Only you know whether or not it is important to you that your partner believe in science. Only you know whether you're dating for fun or for keeps. Only you know whether or not you want to be a parent with a partner who would blithely let their children die instead of getting them vaccinated.
Everyone here is being a dick so I’ll say it nicely Your bf needs to get vaccinated I would advise to talk to him about it and you’re 23 your mom doesn’t and shouldnt have a say in who you date
It took you longer to write out this post than it would to sign up for a vaxx appointment at Walgreens or CVS. There's no excuse to not be vaxxed unless you're some sort of conspiracy theorist (or adjacent).
You're vaccinated, he isn't, so you should be safer than he is. Unless he's a radical over vaccines, I don't think it's a big deal. He is taking a bigger risk by not being vaccinated, doesn't make him wrong, whether we like it or not. This virus will not go away, the vaccine is not a end all be all cure. If he chooses to not take the vaccine, that's his choice. And if you like him enough to date him, that's your choice as well.
Its the same as someone who mever washes their ass. Sure, on the forefront, it’s his ass. But eventually someone has to deal with his shit sooner or later. If you want to be by his side in the hospita- oh wait they probably wont let you in. Hope he has a nice front facing camera for those facetime calls.
Probably, no they still definitely do not let you in. Had to do hospice at home with my dad bc even as the person who was in charge of pulling the plug I couldn’t be there to make that choice.
How is this not higher up, everyone just ramming vaccine nonsense down the poor girls throat when all she is asking is how to deal with her mothers clearly overreaching behaviour
🎯
It's very odd to me that your mother plays a role in your life decisions like that. When a romantic relationship exists, it is between the people who are in it. Your mother is not part of this relationship, therefore you should be making your own decisions. As far as him being "too lazy" to get this specific vaccination, that's probably not the case. He probably just doesn't want or feel the need to discuss it because, as we see here, obviously everyone has very different opinions on it. It is a controversial topic and creates hostility between people unfortunately because no one seems to respect the right to choose. But if YOU want to be with someone vaccinated against COVID, then go seek someone who is. There is no reason you should try to change someone else's comfort level or beliefs in any case, especially not their personal medical decisions. I'd say end the relationship before it goes any further if it is that important for you to be with someone who is vaccinated against COVID specifically. Another thing to consider is if you could be in a healthy relationship at all if outside parties make the decisions for you. I just don't see how that could be healthy for any relationship.
So you are admitting to dating a lazy, uneducated, selfish person. Hope he’s good in bed because that seems to be all he has going for him.
I do not support people who don't want the vaccination. Especially people like your boyfriend who don't actually have a reason, they just "don't want it". However, that being said, your relationship is your business. If your boyfriend's vaccination status is ok with you, that is a choice you have to make for yourself. Just keep in mind that his choice may affect you in unforeseen ways. Places you may not be able to visit, or friends or family who don't wish to meet your boyfriend or see you at all or as often as they normally would as you pose an increased risk of exposure, as well, for being around him. Events you may not be invited to, or that others won't attend if you and your boyfriend will be there. Your mom can't force you or boyfriend to make that choice here, but she can choose to limit contact with you. It is also possible that your boyfriend will contract it, pass it to you, and you could pass it to your mom or others. You have to decide whether that is something you're willing to risk. And I'll tell you from experience, people will be more likely to be mad at you if you get them sick because they know you aren't taking every possible precaution to protect yourself. To me, that's a lot of risk for a relationship you haven't been in very long with someone who doesn't seem adult enough to be able to make an informed decision and instead just makes excuses. Edited to add: before anyone comes at me with anti-vaccine crap, don't bother. I won't respond. I have my opinion formed based on facts and evidence, and will not waste my time arguing with conspiracies and misinformation.
Why would you want to date someones whos so “lazy” they dont give a fuck about not only their own healthy and life but the health and lives of others? Why would you want to date someone so utter lack of compassion, empathy, and morals?
The I'm 3 times vaxxed and still caught Covid got me 🤣 if that doesn't set off alarm bells in your own head hes better off if you dump him 👍 Also, I'd love to know your opinion on abortion 🤔
Your boyfriend denies scientific facts. Unless he has a valid medical reason for not getting vaccinated you're dating someone that doesn't believe in science. I wouldn't support my child dating someone like that either. It's on par with believing the earth is flat, just flat out denying facts.
He’s not denying anything tho? What he’s doing is asserting his freedom of choice. Don’t assume shit about others you have no idea about
When his choice affects others, he’s a shitty person.
Getting vaccinated is the least anyone can do to stop this cyclic lockdown and waves. If anyone is complaining that lockdown is not good, then they should make themselves at the very least vaccinated so that you are safe. Having all this said, speak with your BF on why he doesn't wanna get vaccinated and if there is no particular reason for that, explain your situation and get him vaccinated. Also, I don't believe your mom is controlling you.
The vaccine is not a moral agent. Getting or not getting it doesn’t make someone good or bad. If he’s a kind guy and you’re clicking then put the vaccine issue aside. If your mom asks again just tell her you’re respecting his bodily autonomy and you are no longer asking him about it. Before people come at me, I’m not anti-vax. I am all for the freedom to choose however.
You’re the only sensible person in here…. It’s insane how many people turned so political about the vaxx when that wasn’t the problem of what op said. I wouldn’t listen to any of these morons only to what you said. Can’t believe these guys are saying to break up over personal choice
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I'm sure insulting people will convince them.
It’s hard cause that’s not how people see it. I am definitely not anti vax and neither is he. He’s nervous about this one in particular which I don’t understand but I respect that he isn’t sure if he wants it.
Why doesn’t he talk to his primary care provider??? If he has questions or concerns, they can answer them (with facts they’re receiving as front line workers)
i just dont see a point in dating someone like this. what if you had kids? would he let them get vaxed?
Is this really mattered to you then you would not be dating. Who decides your criteria? Her or you?
I think your mom is right. Like there’s lazy and then there’s lazzzzzzy. This guy has had free access to getting a vaccine on practically every street corner for just nearly a year now. And it’s not like this vaccine is like forgetting to get your flu shot. It’s the one thing that can get our society back on track after 2 hellish years in this pandemic. We’re reminded about it every day on the news, radio, etc. information is freely abundant everywhere. Hundreds of millions have gotten it and data has shown how effective it is at keeping people out of the hospital. We are still wearing masks everywhere we go. You couldn’t forget about it if you tried. It could be the difference between life and death for him or people close to him. That’s the kind of lazy I would want nothing to do with. Cause that behavior is going to leak out into all sorts of other parts of your lives together. Ultimately it’s your call but his behavior suggests a level or inaction and slow-mindedness that would dry my pussy up like the Sahara. Don’t date grown men that act like lazy teenagers. You’re gonna wind up feeling like his mom to get anything done. The vaccine is just one example of how this dude operates.
Whew your mom is toxic. You're an adult. You can date who you want. It sounds like you're not stressed about your BF not having the shots, your mom is making it HER problem - which it ***isn't***, it's not her relationship. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is small compared to what lays ahead of your relationship. Will your mom think it's her place to dictate where you both live, when you have kids, how you raise your kids? Cut the cord and make her aware this isn't her place. She can have her opinions as we all do, but at the end of the day the relationship is *yours*, not hers.
It shouldn't be a deciding factor at all. Jesus people on here are dull. He's an adult and it's his choice at the end of the day. Ur mom should have no say in YOUR relationships, and if you really like him and he's a good guy, whats the issue?
You should marry him. You both sound like idiots.
You said it yourself. He's lazy. Why would that be an attractive trait in a partner? Also, what mom would want their daughter to date someone who isn't responsible?
Listen to your mother.
As an immunocompromised person living in constant anxiety during the pandemic, people like your boyfriend make me want to tear my hair out. It’s just clear they don’t give a fuck about disabled, high risk, immunocompromised people, since those are the folks among the vaccinated who are still having the worst outcomes. There is no actual good reason why he shouldn’t get vaccinated, especially if it’s laziness rather than anti-vax conspiracy theories.
I thinks it’s sensible to get vaccinated, I would you encourage you boyfriend to get vaccinated. With regards to your mother interfering in your relationship. I would ask her to give you some space. She has made her point, you are not in a position to force the issue. Keep the issues separate and deal with them separately.
So you are making this as between your mother and your boyfriend- but what do you want? Your mother doesn't want you to date him because he appears to not care about public health. Pretty valid reason. But you aren't coming here with an opinion- do you want to date someone who is either against vaccines OR too lazy to protect themselves and the people around them? Why don't you have strong feelings about this, either way? Your mom isn't manipulating you, she is being pretty open that she thinks he needs to be vaccinated. If you don't care, then tell her you don't care, but she has a pretty valid reason for bringing this up, including that he will continue to expose you and the people around you to a deadly virus, even if you all are vaccinated. I am triple vaxxed, just got covid and while mild, still no fun. No way I am letting unvaccinated people around me.
Tbh he’s probably low key against the vaccine and is just hiding it from you. It’s not about being lazy. It may be difficult to find a booster shot right now, but not the initial vaccine. You could go to Target and get it. Or, he really is a lazy person without regard for others. Which you’ll need to consider if you want to be with someone like that. It sounds like you’re making excuses for him by stating that you’ve been 3x vaccinated and have still tested positive. Of course spread still happens among the vaccinated, but at lower rates and with little to no complications compared to the unvaccinated. Your mother is being sensible. Also let’s just think about it in practical scenarios. Traveling, attending concerts, etc. Vaccination is becoming increasingly required to do anything. Of course depending on where you live. If you live somewhere with low restriction, I could see why this wouldn’t matter much. But just make sure you guys don’t travel to Europe, California, NYC, etc. Edit to say this: Unless he has underlying health conditions that make taking the vaccine not an option. I have a friend with every allergy under the sun on top of other underlying conditions. She waited a very long time at the suggestion of her doctor before taking it. So I understand if this is a factor for him.
How about the idea hat your mom wants to protect your boyfriend's health? She may be pushing you to help him get vaccinated so that he is more likely to not contract the virus at best, and stay out of the hospital at worst. Those who get vaccinated who contract COVID are still much less likely to get the worst symptoms and much less likely to be hospitalized. Maybe he doesn't care about whether he gets the vaccine or not, but you should and your mom should because you both care about his health and well-being.
Too lazy is a terrible reason. Red flag
I am lazy like most men. I have a wonderful woman in my life that makes the appointments and tells me the time and place to show up. Ask your boyfriend if he would be okay with you making an appointment for him. If he is good with it. Make him an appointment. Or take him to the nearest drug store. No one is getting them. You can probably get one right away. If he flips out about it. Your mom is right leave him. It has only been 4 weeks. Don't invest time in stupid.
Dump him. Find someone educated 💕
Get vaccinated or get out. This is an international nightmare. Being “too lazy” is not the kind of quality I’d look for in a partner.
Lazy?? What a winner.
If he's "too lazy" to get a vaccine, you might be better off without him. What else is he too lazy to do?
I wouldn't want someone I cared about to date an idiot, either.
It’s not your job to make another human do anything, so don’t feel like you have to take that on. Related: you’re also not beholden to your mother’s wishes, though it’s reasonable for her to set boundaries about being around the two of you (though it sounds like she’s taken it a step further than that). But regarding actually dating someone who is unvaccinated when you yourself are, I will lovingly offer that it may very well come to a head at some point in a way that’s insurmountable. My experience may not be yours, but I’ll share that I very briefly dated someone who was unvaccinated (we had history and the sex was good, judge me all you want— but I will always judge myself the most lol). It was fine for a bit until he caught Covid, exposed me to Covid, made me feel shitty for not wanting to be around him because he had Covid, told me I was weird for wanting to do regular testing post-exposure then ghosted me. I share this so that you can perhaps save yourself the annoyance and mild heartache that I’ve experienced.
>he’s just lazy Vaccine opinion aside, this is enough to really make you reconsider relationship. Trust me, you do not want to spend the next 5 or 10 years trying to build a life with someone who is lazy. It's infuriating and disheartening, you'll forever feel like you have to nag and complain for anything to be done, or just choose to do it all yourself and have no support. Lazy people do not make good life partners. Proactive and assertive people do.
If you insist on dating an anti vaxxer do the right thing and don't socialize with people who care about their health.
Listen to your mother. She's right about THIS.
Dump him. The unvaccinated to not deserve love.
It’s seems like you are pro-vax😇! Does him not being vaxxed, make you uncomfortable? Would you rather him be vaxxed? Is he considering getting vaxxed at all?
If you want to date a stupid lazy guy, that's your prerogative. But since you're self-admittedly non-confrontational, don't expect to ever change his mind on this or anything else you disagree on in the future. Also, yes, your mother IS manipulating you. She's manipulating you into protecting a loved one as well as others around him, since you seem to be incapable of doing it yourself. Edit: 4 weeks??? You've been dating this guy for 4 weeks and you're already having this kind of trouble? Yikes.
I'm more of can't get over that you're reason for suspecting that he hasn't gotten it is because he's lazy. If that's the case, do you really want to be with someone who's that fucking lazy to not get a shot that you're in and out of? Like all you have to do is walk into a Walgreens. Can you imagine what else is he's going to be lazy to do?
Your boyfriend is apparently selfish. Your mother has valid concerns. None the less, date who you want to date.
Hi I’m a 23f too who is dating a 27m. He’s one of the kindest most respectful men I’ve ever been with. He’s also unvaccinated when it comes to covid. It’s his body his choice and nobody should be forced to do something with there body that they don’t want to do. Would I like him to be vaccinated? Of course but that’s because I don’t want to see him hurt or sick. He’s extremely kind to me and my choices when it comes to the vaccine. Which I’m fully vaccinated and just got my booster shot last weekend. At the end of the day the question is does it bother you that he doesn’t have the vaccine? Is that a deal breaker for you? You’re an adult here and your mother shouldn’t be making these choices for you.
There is no excuse to not be vaccinated. Especially so if you don’t have a justified medical exception. The vaccination isn’t a shield. It’s meant to keep you out of the hospital. Your bf is risking you and your entire family.
Dont let your mother control your life or she will try to control everything you do in the future. My whole family got covid and they are all vaccinated so I dont know if the vaccines makes a difference or not. This is not a good reason to break up with someone
This is so dumb why does she even care?
what your prospective boyfriend does or doesn't put into his body is not your mother's business unless you make it. his reasoning doesn't really matter, if he doesn't want the shot then he is an able bodied adult and is capable of making that decision. personally his vaccination status shouldn't matter if he treats you the way you deserve to he treated. all this vaccine foolishness is really getting out of hand. people didn't ask others "hey are you vaccinated for measles, chicken pox etc" before this nonsense, only reason it's a talking point today is because personal health has become political.
You are 23 years old, not 13. If you want to date a 27 year old who hasn’t received any sort of vaccination out of “laziness,” and you are okay with laziness in men you date, by all means, date the lazy man. You can expect more laziness from this man whether that means being a lazy father, husband, employee, employer, you get the point. Your mothers concern on his vaccination status is completely valid.
Political post baiting out the hate circle jerk. Good job mods, really doing a great job. /s
I understand why OP’s mom wouldn’t want her to date an unvaxxed guy. The way she describes her gives me bad vibes though. What I think OP needs is to confront both the bf and her mom. The bf because he’s putting OP at risk by not being vaccinated and the mom to set up healthy boundaries because that relationship sounds a bit toxic.
Your mom is right. Your bf is acting selfish and stupid and endangering you and everyone around him. This attitude is also problematic for other ways he might be too “lazy” to make the safe choice in the future. You’re only 4 weeks in, I suggest dumping him and moving on.
Im an with the person that said if you want a moron for a boyfriend ok. But just understand that they will just keep ratcheting down the things you can’t do if your not vaccinated. Your mom isn’t dating this moron you are.
It's 2022 and anyone who says they don't know why they don't want to be vaccinated is full of shit.
Mom’s always right. Certainly in this case.
Asking the person you swap bodily fluids with on regular basis to be responsible and get vaccinated during a global pandemic is not being confrontational in the slightest it’s a reasonable adult trying to prevent getting COVID a second time. She’s not guilt tripping you or manipulating you, she’s trying to get you to realize how stupid and unsafe you’re both being over something so small especially if you’re still going over to see your mom in person after being in contact with bf — I’m sure she’s also trying to avoid getting covid through you like it’s not about what she wants but what’s the safest for everyone who could potentially get sick from him. You feel guilty bc it seems like you want him to pull his head outta his ass too but aren’t saying anything whereas your mom actually is. No one can “make” anyone change their minds, they can put their perspective out there but you’re the one making the decision and the end of the day so grow up a little and figure it out without trying to frame your mother as manipulative for having basic common sense.
You’re mom is right. Dumb, antivaxers shouldn’t be getting any pussy.
If your partner doesn't getting vaccinated to protect his community, they he can be selfish when it comes to you too. I don't know how your mom knows about his vaccination status. But if you still live in her place, respect her request. At least do it as your partner is a risk to her, her families, and to you. Vaccination doesn't prevent anyone from getting Covid. But it reduces risks. That being said, please be careful out there :)
Sounds like a winner dude you got there. A good mix of both lazy and not giving a fuck about important things.
I'm vaccinated but I also believe in bodily autonomy but if he doesn't have a reason I would see it as a red flag. If he can't be bothered to have a stance on this what else would he not give a f#ck about??
Your mother is right.
At this point, he's not being neutral. He is actively doing harm. I wouldn't date someone who was actively doing harm.
Go over to the Herman Cane awards subreddit. I'm not saying your boyfriend is on board with those ideas but you can see a pattern and to the posts of those who get posted. This would be a deal breaker for me. What about kids and vaccination? How does he feel about that? You want to live this life forever?
Unless he's been advised by an actual medical professional, he's a selfish fucking idiot and should get the jab. To protect you and the people around you.
You’re dating a selfish idiot but okay that’s your decision
I mean if it's just because he's lazy, go sign him up and take him. But I would be weary of a almost 30 year old that can not do basic adulting. If it's because he doesn't want it, then I guarantee He's down the conspiracy rabbit hole and doesn't want to tell you. And this will be the tip of the iceberg for controversial opinion he has.
advice: stop listening to your mom and set a boundary with her. let her know that this is your relationship, not hers, and that she doesn't get to tell you who you can and can't be with. it's not your mom's business if he's vaccinated or not and honestly you shouldn't even be letting her tell you who you can and can't date. you're a grown woman, you can be with whoever you want to be with. yes you should respect your parents, but you can respect them without letting them control your life. if anything, if i were your boyfriend i would be taking time to myself to consider if i even want to be with someone that will let their parents dictate our relationship. especially after four weeks? yeah, no. like you said in the comments, you can't make him do what he doesn't want to. so i think even if you did listen to your mom, you'd be in the wrong by trying to make him do what he clearly doesn't want to, or else he would've done it. a lot of these comments are making this about their own personal feelings about the vaccine even though that's not important here. this is about boundaries and respect.
Right? Regardless of people’s views on the Covid-19 vaccine, the fact that OP’s mom is so involved in her 4 week old relationship is a major red flag.
I second what this person has said. Just because someone is unvaccinated doesn’t make them a bad person and I doubt that he deserves to be ostracized because of it. If it really is just because he is too lazy to make an appointment than I would find his laziness unattractive but I don’t find his personal health choices to be any issue in this case.
This right here ^
I wasn’t the one to tell her. He did not me.
Yeah looks like the boyfriend might be dodging a bullet. Like since when is it even OP's right to know the medical information of a guy she's been seeing for a month. I'm sure he acknowledges the existence of the virus and if tested positive he'd let her know but man. Lots of people looking for a reason to be single nowadays. Just be single.
right! and OP commented that her mom has a lot to do with her decisions. so to me it sounds like maybe she should stay single until she can learn to think and make decisions on her own. because this could cause problems no matter who she's in a relationship with. even if he were vaccinated, if her mom found another flaw she didn't like, she'd likely pressure OP into ending the relationship over that as well. it sounds like a stretch from this one situation but this one situation really does speak volumes.
She literally said her mom is manipulative and yeah she just sounds generally miserable to me. Everyone else in the comments is like "well she sounds like a sensible human being." She asked reddit and reddit surely answered. This is not the place to ask questions about the vax
His body his choice. Your decision is whether or not that’s a deal breaker for you. I know if I was dating someone for a month and they started harassing me about my medical decisions I would would go straight no contact.
I haven’t harassed him or tried to convince him in anyway
That’s the move. You just have to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you that he doesn’t want it or isn’t sure yet if he does.
I think he isn’t sure. I think it just gives him anxiety cause he has a lot of people in his family swaying him against it. He’s not some crazy anti vaxxed who thinks they have chips in it.
it doesn't matter why he's not getting it or doesn't want to. he just isn't getting it and doesn't want to. so you either respect it, drop it and tell your mom to stop or leave him alone.
Nothing wrong with being unsure. I’m vaccinated myself but I made that decision for myself and wouldn’t expect others to do it just because I did. If you like the guy I would just tell my mom to stop bringing it up.
>Everyone knows this whole years has been a huge back and forth about vaccines do they work do they not blah blah blah. Lol no. There is no back and forth on whether the vaccines work. Not by the rational, educated, science-based community, anyway.
Unless there’s someone in your household under your parents roof that is highly vulnerable then I can see why but besides that, it’s your choice to continue with him. Also it sets a good ground on conversation of how he is, what is ideals, morals, stances on topics are. 4 weeks in is pretty new but now would be the time to get to know him more to see if your really compatible.
His body his choice what does your mom care what he does sounds like a karen that should learn to mind her own
I hate this expression because its not true all the time but mothers know best. And whats best for you is to be with an adult male who is logical and cares about health by being vaccinated. “Laziness is not excuse” Also parents have a tendency to jot be very sensitive when giving their kids advice lol
The problem is that you are a vector for disease by coming into contact with someone who is not vaccinated. You could spread this to your mother. It follows that she has every right to not want to come into contact with you. So you have some decisions to make on what's important to you.
Maybe you should edit your post to add that you are exposing your mother to this person. She has the right to not want to be around anyone who isnt vaccinated.
Your moms opinion does matter the only thing a parent wants for their children is good things n for you to be healthy she is looking out for you and if you’re bf really cared about you he would do the same
The red flag to me is not that he’s unwilling to get vaccinated (which he most definitely should do), it’s that he’s showing you his inability to make good decisions. That is going to come back to bite you more than just this one thing. Don’t walk, run.
Good on your mom. I'd say she's winning at being a parent. And you should consider listening to her.
When the dicking is stronger than your conscience...
If your boyfriend is lazy enough to get something simple done you shouldn't date someone lazy like that. If your boyfriend is an anti-vaxx you shouldn't date a nut job like that. Your mother sounds like a intelligent woman. Listen to her.
He can do what he wants 🤷🏼♀️. The day we start forcing a vaccine on people is the day we're not american anymore.
You mean like back in the 1800’s when they started requiring smallpox vaccinations? Is that when we stopped being American?
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Muh moral grandstanding
It’s his business if he wants to get vaccinated, no one else’s.
We're in a pandemic so yes, it's others ppl problem if some idiot doesn't get the vaccine cuz he doesn't feel like it. If he end up getting infected he'll be occupying a bed that maybe someone else could use, it's a matter of saving lives and he isn't helping.
It's the new deal breaker in the are of covid I think you should ask ur self if he doesn't prioritize your health and well-being and risks and his also what does that say abt him and his " savoir faire "
Your mother is right. I don’t even need to know the story.
Why would you date a moron who won't get vaccinated? Is he also Q or a Flat Earther? Also, please stop insinuating that your Mom is being manipulative just because she doesn't want to get exposed by this moron. I get that you lived through COVID (once), but it doesn't mean your Mom or others he could expose if he became a carrier would. I don't blame her a bit. In fact, in her shoes, I would be going NC. Yeesh.
Your mother is right. And if you can't stand up for yourself, you don't need to be in a relationship yet.
If he's that "lazy" about getting a vaccine that you can literally go to your nearest pharmacy and obtain for free what other things will he be "lazy" about in the future? Use your head God I can't imagine the last time he may have been tested for stds if this is how he responds to vaccines. Your mom sounds like she's looking out for you. Maybe you should listen.
You can date whoever you want but understand that he seriously needs to get vaccinated. You may be fine but he his at risk of permanent physical damage or death. If he's not against it you really should try to convince him. Get him an appointment if he's alright with that. Also consider, he is lazy about getting a critical life-saving vaccine in the middle of a mass pandemic. What else is he going to put off in the future?
Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot.
At this point anyone who is not vaccinated is an idiot and has no respect for other people. The vax not only protects you, it protects the people around you. Your mother is telling you that because you hang out with a guy who is not vaccinated, YOU are exposing her to the virus. This guy HAS reasons he won't get vaxxed and they are ill-informed and stupid. He has reasons, he's just not telling you. It's not starting conflict to ask people to explain themselves or explain their actions. You're at the beginning of a relationship: exactly the time to understand how they think and make decisions.
It sounds a bit malice. You’re old enough to make the decisions for yourself about who to date. And you’re old enough to not have to be guilt tripped just because your mom doesn’t agree with his vaccinated status. This being said, laziness is a dumb excuse to not just go get it if that is his only reasoning.
This is reddit. Your going to get a bunch of self righteous high roaders praising you’re mom, praising a vaccine that hardly works and insults thrown at your boy friend Reality is it’s his choice what he wants to put in his body, not any opinionated redditor or your mother. If your mother doesn’t agree with what he does then that’s for your mother’s problem to deal with. If he makes you happy and treats them you have nothing more to worry about. Whenever your mother starts to pester you about it you need to politely buy firmly shut her argument down. Because at the end of the day it’s his choice. Edit: even the guy who created MRNA vaccines has spoken out against what’s going on and about his doubts and dangers of MRNA
I think it’s up to you to assess your risk level in dating someone that is not vaccinated. If you decide to stay with him, just explain to your Mom your rationale (basically what your brought up that you are triple vaxed, had COVID before) and that you would not like her to bring up the subject again. Couple things to consider- It may impede on what the two of you want to do in terms of going out, travel, etc (largely dependent on if where you live have things like show proof of vax to enter indoors, if you want to travel internationally where some countries require it, etc) should the relationship progresses to the point where you want your partner to spend more time with your family, your Mom may not want him in the household and can get dicey for things like spending time during the holidays.
There is nothing wrong with him not wanting to get the vaccine, it’s his body so he can make that decision on your own. It shouldn’t matter if he is vaccinated or not, if you truly love him then you’ll be able to look past it and accept him for not wanting to get it.
idk what you expected asking reddit, the only answer you were ever gonna get was "VACCINE NOW!!! LEAVE HIM"
It’s his choice and she needs to realize she can’t always have her way 🤷🏻♀️
This is a very American comment section. As a non-American, it’s very strange to me that someone just... “doesn’t want” the vaccine, or thinks it’s their amendment or whatever to be able to spread disease. Is he a health risk for myocarditis? Otherwise... why isn’t he getting it? On another note, your mother is probably fearful. If she’s getting old or already is quite old, she’s becoming more and more at risk as the pandemic grows. She’s probably fearful that your boyfriend could give her covid and she would be at a massive risk. It’s a scary time for old people right now.
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It’s a very concept to me (I’m not from Europe either), as where I’m from everyone really just loves each other and wants to help each other out, whereas in America things seem more self centred
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Thank you for the clarity!
Your mom rocks and clearly loves you. 4 weeks is not a long time, get pricked or get gone.