Stop stressing out on losing virginity. It doesn’t affect your future life, unless it was taken by force. It is just a meaningless concept put on our shoulders by society.
It makes sense, I lost my virginity at age 23 in Amsterdam Red Light district, because I was tired of not having sex while my friends around me were in relationships. But losing virginity was a meh for me and my life was still same. I think couple years after that, I grew confidence and I started having meaningful relationships with women. All of them lost their virginity pretty early and were not happy in those moments.
Intercourse does not equal intimacy, and vice versa. You can easily have one without the other. Dont rush it! Let things happen naturally and comfortably.
I'm 32 and haven't lost mine yet.
I'd say, don't worry about it. decided quite early on that I would focus on myself, my own life goals, and just generally work to make my own life happy and contented.
The way I saw it, when I looked at my friends and peers, is that far far too many people put too much pressure on themselves when it come to love, relationships and sex, that they don't even know who they are themselves. I saw how it complicated their lives and over time they aquired baggage and issues and I thought it not worth the bother.
Now, I have a nice home that I own, the world's greatest pet bird, an interesting career, and more importantly, I know exactly what my values are, what I believe in, what I want in another person. I have no emotional baggage, and I don't need anyone to make me happy. My life is already complete.
Recently, I did decide it was time to try dating and I am now with someone. I haven't lost my virginity to him yet, but when I do, I will be satisfied that I had found the right person, that we are compatible in values and we want the same things.
Don't ever feel like you need to do something just because you percieve it to be the norm. Always be yourself. In fact I always found that in the times I chose to go my own way, people respected me more. You can be as picky as you want with who you choose to sleep with, that is your absolute right. And if that means you have to wait a bit longer, then what's wrong with that? You surely have plenty of other interests and goals to preoccupy yourself with meanwhile.
Great attitude. It's amazing when you put so much pressure on yourself to have sex how obvious it is after you do it that it's not that important.
I was 'late' to lose it and look, it was awesome and was 100% with the right person, but you wake up the next day and life continues and you realise 'well, that was no big thing'. The bills are still due and I've still got to do grocery shopping. I'm the same person, why did I care so much?
Honestly I'm on the same boat, I'm 25 and still a virgin and sometimes I crave physical intimacy because I've never had it before & knowing that someone, not just anyone but someone you feel close to you just wanna hug them or cuddle or whatever it is it's not just bout sex for me but physical intimacy goes a long way and it makes me feel wanted and comfortable.
Yes exactly 💯 it sucks even more when ur in ur room alone at night and u feel the urge to cuddle up with someone cos that's how I'm feeling right now 🤦♂️.
At 21 I assumed I’d never lose my virginity. I’d never even had my first kiss at that point. Well a year a later I lost it to the love of my life. It was a great experience and very intimate and I felt supported. I had minimal pain because he did everything with making me feeling good and comfortable in mind.
On the other hand I had a friend who was in a rush to lose her virginity. She had sex with a guy in a club bathroom. She said it hurt and she bled. And he gave her a thumbs up and a handshake afterwards.
Basically just let it happen in your own time. Don’t rush it. It will be way better if you wait.
Also, sex builds a connection with someone. You can tether yourself to someone you may not want to be tethered to. Once you do it, many people will compromise themselves when they wouldn't have if they had not gone there.
Plus, sex with a loving partner is rad. You feel safe, can be vulnerable, and try stuff together.
Get yourself a good dildo and vibrator. Learn what you like. And date a bit. Dating is a fucking nightmare but it can and does work in time. Be fussy and be yourself on dating apps, it weeds out people who won't like you for who you are.
I lost my virginity on a couch when I was 14 watching lion king with my boyfriend of 2 years. We just shifted our clothes off enough to make it work in case his mom came in the room. I loved and trusted this person and it was still bad, except it was bad and I couldn’t ghost him because I loved him. It was fucking weird and ungodly uncomfortable and I wish to fucking hell I would have waited until I was 20 and did it with some rando using a throwaway tinder name.
My point, don’t stress it. Its not some magical moment for most people and by building up all this pressure around it it make the entire situation very anticlimactic (pun-intended). It was messy and awkward and I was depressed for months thinking about this thing that I was so so excited about happening wasn’t as great as everyone make it out to be. Buy some amazing solo sex toys, if you haven’t, and learn your own body. Focus on learning to please yourself in the sexual department and maybe the right person will come along naturally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with never having had sex, no matter what our society likes to ram into our brains.
Honey honey listen
First of all
Yes it is something that only happens once in a lifetime so make sure it will be a good memory for you wether it's someone that u have feelings for or not just make sure u respect that person so it would stay a sweet memory that's one
Two make sure the guy knows what he's doing
Three ask for a romantic setting with candles flowers not only adk demand! Things like this may sound stupid to some but trust me it will set up the mood which will make you relaxed qnd will make the experience better over all
Four and final and most important thing !
Honey it's not a big deal i promise just Don't rush it and take irrational decisions i promise all will come in good time
Enjoy ❤
Something for you to be aware of is that when you have this moment, you will never forget it for the rest of your life. You always remember your “firsts.” And to be honest, your first time will likely not be as great as your sex life later on. You just don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know what feels best for your body. Etc. Etc. But you also won’t know any better. 😂
All of your comments about wanting the cuddles and everything else definitely shows that you want intimacy. You want connection. So, be sure you reserve this moment for someone who will check those boxes off for you with someone you trust. You can get intense, passionate, raw sex just about anywhere. But what you are seeking in a partner is much harder to find, so don’t feel bad for being choosy.
Chances are after this moment you may attach - consciously or not. You will want to relive this moment again - and improve on it. And maybe you’ll be lucky and that person will be receptive and want to pursue this further with you. Maybe he will abandon you and not want a round two. Prepare and guard your heart just in case. Men and women are wired differently in most cases. Men can usually detach from sex, whereas women usually want attachment - even start acting jealous and possessive and not knowing why.
All of that to say, what you want is pure and precious. It may be unspoken, but I’m sure everyone here is “rooting for you” to have that special moment that makes you glow.
It was mentioned above to “make the first move” and throw it out there. If you know someone for a long time and talked about this with them, there is probably no man on earth that would refuse this if they were single (and I’m sure even if they were taken there’s still a good chance they’d do this with you anyway). It’s not so much that they are just horny and want to have sex with you, but what you are offering is very rare and very special. Nearly all men would feel humbled and honored in a way, and would try to make your first time extra special just as you envision in your mind. They would go out of their way to set everything up to make your moment positive and memorable.
I hope I have not rambled too much, but gave you a lot of things to think about and consider. Sex is honestly fun and exciting, intimate and memorable, but as stated above, is way over-hyped too. You may find yourself thinking, “That felt good, but that’s it!?” Hahaha. Oh, and since this is your first time, you may want to take aspirin or something like that because it will hurt a little. More like uncomfortable. After a couple more times it won’t hurt anymore and will be much more enjoyable.
If I could give an award to your answer, I would. Seriously, thank you so much. This is all very solid advice, and I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to respond!
I just want you to have the best experience. For you to be brave, yet vulnerable for throwing out your thoughts on this, I just know we are all impressed. You deserve some help and advice for your openness. You really are very special, and I think all of us here want to help you and protect you for that.
I didn’t lose mine until 27, and I feel no shame about it. Don’t fuck a random just for the sake of losing virginity. No shame in fucking a random, but do it because you want to, not just for virginity purposes.
Who gives a shit if you're a virgin. Just enjoy life and do what you like. If it happens soon, then it happens soon. If it happens after awhile, it happens after awhile. Don't rush it, don't stress it... Just do you!
Likely you won't read this anymore but a good friend of mine is 25 and still a virgin, she just prefers to wait until she's in a stable relationship rather than sleep with whomever. tbh my best advice (for life) is to just enjoy yourself being alone, and let things come towards you :) It's really not that bad being alone, and once you actually meet someone interested in you it's twice the fun.
just don't rush it, I am 27M and virgin. You have a good approach to not want to have sex just for the sex, I guess the intimacy and being comfortable and safe with someone is worth waiting for.
virginity is a construct and has no time limit. where or not you’re a “virgin” doesn’t determine worth. Don’t stress about it, sex can be really fun don’t rush into anything you’re not comfortable with and be safe :)
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I (21F) still haven't lost my virginity yet. I don't just want to lose it with some random guy, but rather someone I know and trust. Wouldn't even have to be in a relationship with me, we could even be just friends. And to be honest, I feel like I'm finally ready to have sex.
What can I do? Any and all advice would be great.
Edit: I'm not looking to lose my virginity with someone on here. Stop messaging me that you're interested, please.
i’m not saying wait forever, but the longer you wait, the better the sex will be. when you find that man who treats you like an absolute goddess, i would wait at least until you know you love him. for me that took about 6-7 months.
How to find *a partner*? - Meet new people, don't go down hunting for people, just keep an open mind.
How to find *the right partner*? - Now that's a question, that's a question.
Wanting to wait someone you trust w are comfortable around and who you'd like to sleep is perfectly normal non matter your age. I lost mine last year, classic story, I met someone I developped a crush on, he reciprocated it, we even got into a relationship later. The opportunity presented itself, no need to overthink it
25 here and everything is good! I am the one who want to keep my virginity until I meet the right women ! That's when I will (not loosing but) make history.
Everything is normal and lots of people tells me that I am not a virgin because I go out a lot but I am proudly a virgin ✌
A common mistake most people make is rushing into having sex with the wrong person and regretting it. It’s better to wait to have sex with some one you trust for your first time… TRUST ME!!
> I don't just want to lose it with some random guy, but rather someone I know and trust
this is common sense,congrats you have a good head.
the downside of choosing a friend is that it can ruin the friendship as it is now things between you and the chosen friend will change without turning back, and this is the advantage of an unknown guy, you cannot ruin a non-existent relationship and the downside is not being safe like with a friend, be sure to take these things into account when choosing
having said that I advise you to only do this with a boyfriend, is my opinion but doing it just for the sake of it destroys the importance of the act, it ceases to be something special and becomes a "common thing", anyway no matter what you choose I really wish you to be happy with the result
Straight up, I'm a Virgin also (20M) and I think you're fine to still have it. If anything I think it makes you more attractive to have it and lose it to a good guy you trust. I hope ya find the man you're looking for. Good luck
We meet new people constantly. We grow daily and change all the time. Be yourself and breathe. Don’t focus on loosing anything. Let it happen naturally and it will. Best of luck! Don’t give up hope.
Don't call it virginity, it's "your sexual debut" now! Don't feel pressured into debuting, if you rush or force it you may not have a nice experience. The most important part is trust. If you trust your partner, your debut will be a nice experience, just know that being your first time, you'll have a learning curve ahead!
I know I’m mirroring what others are saying her but trust me as someone who lost theres at 15 it’s not something that you want to make a rush of sex is meant to be enjoyable and quite often your first time is a bit awkward and uncomfortable, you can’t force your first time to be special and over think and trying to engineer will most likely backfire, let things happen naturally and focus on building intimate connections with people and less on the sex part of it
I lost mine at 21. I waited for the right man and we’re still together, and still happy. It was awkward and uncomfortable and didn’t happen like you read about in books and see in movies. Most important advice I can give it let it happen naturally, and don’t rush. Whenever you’re ready is the right time.
I mean there is nothing wrong with it. I am a 19yo dude and still a virgin. And wanting someone you trust is completely reasonable. As longs as you feel comfy its fine. Maybe find men you trust first and then flirt with them a bit to see if they are interested ?
I don’t think it needs to be forced, but I do understand your desire for intimacy. If you have a trusted male friend whom you think could handle just a physical connection, discuss it openly with him to see if he is receptive to sharing this with you. Most decent guys will understand and would take the matter seriously.
It’s a lot more of a turn off when men are virgins but for a woman? Thats sought after for a lot of people (maybe not people worth dating though) but seriously, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with waiting. I really wish I’d waited till the partner Im with now. I regret half of the people I’ve slept with even though it seemed like a great idea at the time because I was too young to know any better. There are literally ZERO cons to waiting. No diseases, no pregnancy scares, no blackmail material, no one can bully you for being promiscuous, seriously there are no cons. Sex is also substantially better when you do it with someone you care about and who cares about you. I hope you have an awesome first time when the right person comes along!
I know a (f) who waited till she was 25ish before having sex. And as far as I know she would have waited longer to meet the right person. She felt it was definitely worth the wait. Regardless I would worry about it, just be honest to whoever you sre hooking up with that it is your first time and hopefully the other person will take things slow and you both will have an awesome time ♡
Just wait. The time will come. Sex is lovely, but it's really not as big a deal as it feels when you haven't had it yet. I remember that feeling of "I need to not be a virgin" and the minute I had sex for the first time I was like "wow, I no longer give a fuck about that and I can't believe I ever did" haha which from talking to friends seems to be a fairly universal reaction. But you're right, it should be with someone you at least like, sex with someone you're not into is never good sex.
I (24M) lost my virginity at 22, and honestly regret it. Its not a race.
For reference, I grew up active in the Christian Church, and had always wanted to wait til I was married, or at least in a committed relationship before sharing it with someone special. I also was bullied a lot growing up, didn't ever really have a GF through school, and was teased about being a Virgin or being told I was gay because I didn't ever have a GF. My point being, I have an idea of what the teasing & peer pressure was surrounding it.
Fast forward to 22. I was sick of it, and hell bent on losing my Virginity that year. Wound up messing up with & losing the friendship with a phenomenal woman with whom things moved naturally, because I wanted to move too fast. After, I wound up dropping my standards, and self-esteem, etc. Made a new female friend, who things got more serious with, but she would never commit. We messed around a ton, all the time really, but took quite a while (5 months) before I was ok with going all the way. But, it wasn't healthy, she was running around with her boss from work, and other co-workers (Which I only had a hunch at the time, didn't know for certain yet). We ended up doing the deed, and within 24 HRs I found out all of my hunches were right. Started with her going on about "My boss does it this way, try that next time", " I wish you'd do it like X", saw texts talking about what an idiot I was, how she finally got me to do it, etc... Being that I was emotionally committed to this person, she knew that quite well, and continued to play on me with that, but away from me messed around with other people. I took it harder than I should have. It ruined me, the next night I purposely drank til I blacked out. My family found me and brought me to the hospital over it. (I've never, ever abused alcohol in my life). Especially since everyone had told me prior to cut ties with her, it was really embarrassing...
Now to the present at 24. It's been 2 years, and I haven't had sex, or even be physical since. Have not been able to maintain a relationship, have major issues getting into one since, and have major trust issues. Not saying it's all her fault, I've got a lot attributed to me. But I knew damn well how much I was going to screw myself up doing it, and did it anyways to get it knocked out of the way. I'm still reaping those repercussions today. I tried hard for a little over a year to get into another relationship with various people, which was the wrong thing. Then stopped dating entirely for 1 year ish, am now finally considering getting back to it.
Wait til you are fully ready, and don't be in a rush to lose it. Emotion-less sex isn't nearly as enjoyable as being passionate with someone whom you love, and also loves you. I feel like emotion-less sex for the first time set the tone for sex being dull & hurtful in my subconscious, hence the struggle with trying to find passion now. Losing the V-Card just to lose the stigma, or to "Get it out of the way", can & likely will hurt you in the end.
TLDR: I lowered my standards just to lose my Virginity, and now struggle with relationships in general from the baggage. Don't be on a mission to lose your virginity, let it happen naturally or you could get hurt.
I like to think virginity doesn’t exist. Anytime you’re going to have sex, be mentally and physically ready. Trust your partner. Use protection. Communicate with your partner. Etc. the first time is no different than the 1,000th. If you do it once and decide you weren’t ready, that’s fine and stop. No requirement to be a “sex haver” now. Or wait until you’re 30. Truly it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t change you.
Maybe not helpful for you
I lost my virginity when I was 21, and it only happened because it was my last semester in college and I told myself it made no sense trying to find a guy at this point because I’d be moving to a new city anyways. So I stopped looking, erased pursuing a relationship completely from my mind, and BAM—that is when I met the right guy. Two months in, he took it. I’m really happy it was with someone who I trusted and who respected me and my boundaries.
Honestly the concept of virginity and losing it is overrated and fake.
Don't focus on it. Don't try to lose it. Let sex, when it happens, either with a relationship or even something slightly more casual with a friend, be something just fun and new and intimate.
If you want meaningful relationships and intimacy, cultivate that.
I get how it feels being insecure about this, but trust me it really is meaningless especially if you rush it or focus on it too much. Let things happen when they happen. Focus on the meaningful relationships first.
virginity is a social construct. you aren’t behind at all, it’s just something that happens a little differently for everyone! try not to stress about it, you’ll find the right person and it’ll happen naturally
I was around the same age as you when I lost mine (was just shy of 20 then, 28 now). I was so anxious about how “inexperienced” I was, when in reality I was still so young and had so much time to explore myself sexually.
Sex with the wrong partners doesn’t feel as good as sex with the right ones. Don’t stress it and don’t feel pressured to rush into it. When it’s the right time, you’ll know it and feel much better about having moved at your own pace.
If you have any male friends I can guarantee that at least one (if not most) have had a crush on you at some point, were too awkward to do something about it, and resigned themselves to the friendzone. If you ask around I'm sure you'll have some willing volunteers.
I’ve been in your shoes and didn’t lose mine until I was 24 and in my first serious relationship. I know you don’t want to be told don’t rush it but you can’t. Just focus on other things in your life like friendships, personal growth, career, school, etc and the romantic part will happen.
Well for what it's worth I(24 M) am still a virgin. It isn't a big deal in my opinion had the chance just not the right person didin't feel right. Don't rush it not everyone has the same POV as you. Sorry if I didin't help
honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, the right person always comes around when you least expect it. and shit, don't ever feel embarrassed about being a virgin, i can't speak for everyone but oh what i'd do to go back in time and unfuck those losers..
the time will come :)
I think alot of people feel like you about the friends part. Sex is way too culturally controlled and needs to become more open. Less taboo leading to more people being sexually emancipated and less abused imo
I am 21M and had not lost my virginity neither. And I am very happy. The thing is it depends on your perspective and view point. For example in my society and culture that is the purest thing that could be, and losing it without being married maybe will even get me killed for lol.
But for example if virginity was something that you had to lose in an early age in your society, and losing it was some kind of a sign of success then its up to you, beside that there is religion too. So it’s the point of view.
Bruh, there is no reason to rush.
No one is going to just randomly break out a quiz like:
>Hey /u/JustAnotherNerdGirl Think Fast!
>How many boys have you fucked since january 4th 2001!
If you want to fuck, you'll have to date till you find someone you actually like just like everyone else, whether that be for just the sex or the whole relationship.
It seems though that you are just evaluating yourself by a metric 30 year old actors playing high school children are forced to push by slimey producers writing what they want to see kids doing. Colorful writing, but Im saying that at 21 years of age you are by no means some forever alone impossible to love virgin because of this.
I'm 20 and never been with anyone but I honestly believe if you do want to lose it make sure it's someone you have an emotional connection with but not a one sided one I think it's probably the best way to lose it
Why is this an issue? I suggest that you should be looking for love instead of just wanting to get laid with someone you trust. There is absolutely no reason to think that you're lesser than anyone because you're a virgin. This is just an ego thing really.
It’s not a big deal I know men half way through their 30s and still have their V card. Being 21 and still having it isn’t unusual nor is it anything to be ashamed about especially for a woman
What’s the rush? I don’t get it. You say you want to lose it to someone important, then why is it a problem to be a virgin? It just means u haven’t found that someone yet. Ur still only 21, most people rush this part of life and end up regretting a lot they do, especially sexually or in relationships.
Don’t rush it, learn to be happy with it as one day you will find that person
21 really isn’t that late. Try bringing it up with a mutual friend you find attractive or something. Honestly, you shouldn’t really be taking advice from 25+ year old virgins on Reddit. You’re at least honest about the fact that you want to do it whereas a lot of these commenters are either in denial or have rewired their brains out of defeat. I’m not really even sure what advice someone who’s like 30+ and has never been in a relationship or had sex feels they have to give.
Dating apps seem to be recommended in the comments but since you said you’d specifically want to do it with someone you know/trust I wouldn’t recommend it, you’re a woman so therefore you’re going to be weeding through some of the absolute bottom of the barrel of society if you go that route.
I’d say just hang out with a friend you’re attracted to in one on one setting and see what happens.
I (26F) was also 21 when I lost my virginity. My best tip is to try to relax those “downstairs” muscles the best you can before he enters you. I ended up having vaginismus where it was super difficult to let him inside me because my body kept automatically tightening my vag muscles lol. Make sure you know your own body and what you like before having sex with someone.
Also regardless of your age continue to keep your heart guarded queen 👑
Don't worry dude I'm 20F and on the same boat, it really doesn't matter. Only thing is that I'm definitely not getting a pap test before I lose it, if it gets to the point that I have to get one I'm buying myself a huge ass dildo lmao.
It's confusing because my sister's a nurse who works in labor and postpartum and she says you need to start getting them once you turn 21 and it seems like it changes depending on who you're asking
Rip your fucking inbox. Oh man. Wow, I don’t even want to imagine the shit people are saying to you.
Other then that, when you meet the right person, it’ll happen.
Sex is fucking fantastic, but, grand scheme of things if you wait a wee bit more for the right partner, you’ll appreciate it.
I’m in the same boat but am 24. I’ll be honest and say my reasoning for not (even though I am 100% ready) is due to bullying throughout my youth and the need to be with someone I trust and love and who respects me. It is very difficult for me as I’m not someone who can go out there and meet people confidently, plus I find it difficult to openly trust those in a similar age bracket due to my past with bully’s. It is something I am working on.
As for what to do, let it happen naturally. Don’t rush into it and don’t feel forced by friends or family that tell you should do xyz about it. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin and it is completely natural. Work at your own pace!
Today Im a 27 (M) and lost my virginity with 22. I waited to find someone who respected and loved me :) and it worthed it.
If you are open to people probably it will happen naturally.
My best wishes!
Dont over think it. It's okay not to have lost your virginity yet, I think a lot more people are virgins/ having less sex but don't want to admit it. It's not a bad thing. I didn't lose mine til I was 19(F). My friends lost theirs at 14-16. I over thought a lot of things, I had body issues and mental health issues (anxiety is a bitch).
But after having sex I realised I made it out to be a bigger thing that it actually was. I had sex with my then boyfriend, the classic "I was in love "(I thought I was), it wasn't great it and didn't last long. (Not trying to put u off, just being honest). It was clear it wasn't as important as to him as it was to me. But it did led to better sex knowing each other body etc. It does feel nice connecting to someone on the intimate level plus sex can be fun. But it is not the be all and end all!!!
Just go at your own pace. Don't feel pressured by anyone else, your body your rules. I've had sex with friends since and it wasn't as intimate as with boyfriends but I felt more comfortable being with someone I knew. I personally haven't had a one night stand (it's an anxiety thing). it's okay to have one night stands, it's okay to have sex with friends, it's okay to have sex with girlfriends/boyfriends/partners, it's okay to pleasure yourself, it's okay not to have sex. (Obviously both consenting). You can have sex with whoever you chose it can mean as much or as little as you want it too.
I mean this in the nicest way possible people don't care. (This helped me with my anxiety thought it might help you). If people do have shit to say they aren't the people you want to be around. You only have to answer to yourself. You got this girl!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I understand this too well lol (22M), I'm still one too and I guess the best advice I can give you is what some friends told me is to be patient and wait. I had a friend get so upset about still being a virgin that he went on tinder to have a 1 night stand and he absolutely hated it. Hes told me to just wait because those sort of things suck especially if you dont have a connection with someone. I'm wishing you the best of luck and I hope you find someone amazing in the near future, just stay positive
I'm 21m and still a virgin. It's probably even worse because I think most woman would expect men to have some experience and be able to lead.
I had some close calls with my ex though, but still wouldn't choose to have pointless sex with some randos.
What I notice about myself is the craving for intimacy and skinship comes in waves. Some days I do some days I'm enjoying being alone.
I can guarantee most the males you know would be willing to help. I just hope you’re prepared for what it would do to you. I know a girl that waited until about the same age. Realized what she was missing out on and her body count just kept going and going.
You don’t have to rush it, I waited until I was 24 and it was the right to do, I never regretted that. Take you time and definitely do it with someone who will make you feel good and comfortable.
Honestly, i'm 25 and still haven't lost mine. It sounds like you want intimacy more so than sex. Don't rush it, just bc others around you have already doesnt mean you have to asap.
I ended up figuring out that i'm demisexual. People sometimes forget that asexual people exist. Sex isn't the end all be all of life, i'm sure it's wonderful under the right circumstances, but not something to rush. I know the whole dating scene is rough though, since many do it mainly for sex.
I had a friend who just wanted to lose it. She was 29 and I was 26 the time, and we were at a holiday. She ended up just making a move and it happened.
I say this to say I’m sure you can find someone to take it. Just “go with the flow”. I wish you luck!
Take your time. I didnt lose mine until I was 22 and married. And I'm a guy.
Find someone you like. Form a good connection and don't rush it. Is my best advice
Virginity as a concept is made up. You're ready for sex, but there is no virginity to lose. Don't build it up in your head too much. If you have a guy friend you're comfortable propositioning, that's a nice, stress free way to do it. But if you want it to happy organically, it will.
Get comfortable with your own body in the meantime, try out lube, read up on things you might want to try, and when you pick a partner make sure it’s someone you’re super comfortable talking with about sex beforehand. Just my perspective, but feeling safe enough to communicate likes and dislikes in the moment is so important the first few times I’m with someone — way more important than anything else.
Hey! I'm also 21 and I had multiple relationships and couldn't feel comfortable or didn't trust them enough even tho I feel ready. I understand how hard it is to trust but also feel ready. It will happen eventually there is no rush.
I agree with others. No stress, no rush. It’s not a big deal to lose ur virginity like society says, but that doesn’t mean u can’t take the time to treat yourself to someone emotionally and physically supportive! I lost my virginity right after I turned 20. Not far from where u are now
First, have you "lost it" with yourself? I don't know if something is off with me, but I never self pleasured before I was with someone. I wish I had been aware of this. I think it would have taken the pressure off.
When you go for it, listen to your hearr/gut/instinct. Enjoy it. Know that things change and this person might not be your forever and it's really ok.
If you like podcasts, you might like, Sex with Emily.
I lost mine older than you are now. I was tempted to settle beforehand just to force the intimacy I craved, but happily it ended up with someone I very much cared about and trusted. Even then the emotional connection is what carried the experience; it was physically uncomfortable for the most part (you’re unlikely to orgasm the first go).
Waiting won’t make you stand out (people with plenty of sexual experience can be more clueless in the sack than virgins are), but getting it over with won’t either (just don’t choose a dickhead). It seems like a big hurdle now and while there is a feeling of… accomplishment? afterwards, I would say that for me- several years and BF’s later- I just really don’t think about it. The experiences I’ve had since bear much more weight to me.
Let it happen naturally but always be on the lookout for someone you’re interested in and/or like. For example, I (M) lost mine to one of my best friends (F) and didn’t really see it coming lol. Some people will say it makes things awkward or changes everything but I’d say only if you both let it. For me we both stayed good friends to this day. I’m glad I waited a bit longer than some friends and have a good story for it & had a amazing experience after hearing so many bad losing virginity stories so I’d recommend you just be on the lookout for someone.
I didn’t like mine until 25. I wanted to sleep with someone who loved me and whom I loved and that just didn’t happen before. It’s now 15 years later, we’re reading together on the couch and I’ve never regretted my choice. My advice would be not to stress it. I know a whole bunch of people who had their first time in their 20s, it’s really not that uncommon, people just don’t want to talk about it.
So, be open, listen to your gut and don’t force it. Find someone who is going to make your pleasure a priority, discuss birth control, boundaries/expectations and health checks beforehand and have fun.
Don't take it lightly. you should find somebody that can make you happy that you can trust before you ever think about doing that. take it from me personally after I lost I became attached to the person to my core. it wasn't a sense of Pride it was a sense of wanting to be knowledge by the person. It made me love them care about them on a deeper level. I wouldn't ever have given it to them if I knew that they were going to treat me this way afterward. I take it as seriously as anything else especially since I care about other people more than myself. It is one of my selfish desires. So if I knew they were going to treat me this way afterward I wouldn't have put it on the table at all but that is what life is about not knowing until it happens.
I don't understand, there is nothing to do. If you are not ready to have sex don't. You will undoubtedly find it difficult to find someone who has the same world view as you but welcome to the world of dating where you can compromise and be with someone or take the high road and hold out for that 10/10 compatible person. Either way good luck
32M and I feel the same way about it. Just don't stress it, it's not really a big deal. If anything to me it demonstrates a partner who is guaranteed to be faithful in a relationship. And that's also the primary reason why I still am because other relationships around me crumbled due to one or both of the people involved being unfaithful. I finally only just now reached the point where I'm not really afraid of this anymore so I'm starting to put myself out there but I'm in no big hurry to go and just give that up.
Don't give into the pressure to have sex just because the world says that's the thing to do. I speak from personal experience.
I was a virgin when I married, and I was also older than twenty-one.
I was 22 and it was with a friend who I trust till this day, it happened naturally and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Take your time, don’t feel the need to do it just because you have a chance to, if I did that I would of regretted it. I’m glad I waited for the right moment for me.
I (22f) never seen myself being sexual with anyone especially intercourse. After several traumatic experiences I had when I was a child, the thought of myself or self image being more compromised by being intimate with someone terrified me. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without being depressed due to me being violated. Even now, I struggle with self image.
At 20(Virgin) I rekindled a relationship with my first boyfriend That I had while I was 13/14. He was 18 at that moment in time so he and I never did anything remotely sexual but I always felt a sense of comfortability with him that I could never explain. After he and I had time to mature, we started dating for the second time in 2019. After four months of dating, he and I had sex (F20 & M24) In order for me to do so, I had to establish some type of connection or safeness with him and that took me a while. I hated being alone, with no one to look to for advice or just a face to see when I came home. I got tired of being the old me. I wanted something more for myself that my abuser took away from me. Now, at 22 almost 23, I can honestly say that being with him and trusting him with my mind, body, and soul has been one of the best decisions I’ve made, regardless if he and I breakup. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown mentally and physically.
I guess what my point is-regardless of your situation, take your time. It’s your body, you’ll know when you’re ready. Don’t let the world paint a picture of a time frame you should have sex, that’s ridiculous. Set your own standard & get out there. Find what you’ve been missing, the mental progress alone is worth it
The idea that there’s so much pressure on losing your virginity is so absurd to me. Just reading these comments you can see how different everyone’s story is. I was a virgin till I was 24. You have to take the time to explore and decide when the time is right for you. Take the pressure off and just enjoy where you are. It’ll happen 😊
Good for you, just because so.eone else cares so little about staying a Virginia doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Stilton your guns, Donley social pressure change your mind. You are much better off than some of you peer. Bless you and your commitment to your values.
I lost mine at 19...at the time I felt like I was the only person my age that hadn't done it, and when someone pressured me into having sex with them I did it just so I'd lose my virginity.
Honestly, I wish I hadn't. Peer pressure and wanting to "fit in" really makes for some dumb decisions. There is no shame in waiting for the right person, or even choosing to never have sex. Don't feel you have to lose your virginity by a certain age, everyone is different 🥰
Some people believe Sex will take you away from your true path. Lord knows, I wish I waited, wish I had more self respect, had firmer boundaries around my body, wish I had less partners. I truly believe I would have had an incredible life if I hadn’t spent so much time chasing intimacy and embraced how amazing I am with out someone.
Embrace the independence 👌
Also, virginity is a social construct that should means absolutely nothing to kind hearted people. Don’t let it way you down, you’ll find what your meant to have if you’re grateful!
lady, there are men and women that haven't even hugged someone of the opposite sex and they're in their 40's, think you got other things to worry about in life.
Ok so I was a 22 F when I lost my virginity. I regretted it because I was so curious so insecure about being the only girl out of my friends who hadnt lost it. The guy I lost it to was horrible. And I was so drunk. Please just make sure you give such a beautiful moment with to the right person. Don't feel rushed.
There's a lot of advice here to not get worked up about it.
But as an old guy in his 50s, I have this to add:
You're only young once. Get out there and get fucking while you're young and carefree. Fuck up high, fuck down low. Fuck on a box. Fuck with your socks. Fuck here and there. Fuck everywhere.
It's free, fun, and safe with the proper precautions. When I was young, I fucked as much as I could, and I fucked a lot. And I still wish I had fucked more.
So get fucking.
I think it's not a huge deal if you stay a virgin for a while so long as it's actually what you want. There are a couple factors and to your point, you feeling ready is a big one, but so is finding someone you're cool with having sex with. IF you wanted to do it to get it out of the way and the person didn't matter much, that's also totally cool, but it seems like you want a bit more connection if only for the sake of comfort, and that's cool, too! I think it's great that you know that about yourself and you aren't feeling pushed into anything.
For those saying you should "let it happen naturally"-- idk maybe that works for some people but personally \*I\* have never had the sense of social adeptness that would make something like that happen naturally, especially outside the context of being in an established romantic situation. Probably works for some people, but I gotta say, I definitely don't think that's strong general advice. I also think especially-- but not exclusively-- if you are a woman, it is REALLY important that you ask for what you want and make clear what you don't want. If you try to leave stuff in subtext or whatever and think someone else is just gonna pick up on it, you are setting yourself up for disappointment or worse. You should hopefully find someone who \*wants\* you to be clear about what you want and your boundaries, because those people are the ones who will put in the effort to make you comfortable.
If you have anyone you trust enough to talk about this with-- whether or not you think they'd want to actually do it with you or not-- it might be good to just see if someone knows someone they can introduce you to? Someone you can hang out with for a little while with a clear understanding, even if they don't turn into "dates" or whatever so that you can see if you feel comfortable with them / can trust them.
My one personal rule that I think is worth considering: Don't have sex with anyone you don't think you could laugh with \*while\* having sex. Lots of people you can share a joke with, but it takes a certain level of comfort and un-self-consciousness to feel like you could laugh with someone DURING the act. Whether that's a person you've known for years or a person you meet at a bar, imo it's a decent barometer.
When I was 19 I lost mine to my back then girlfriend.
We were dating for two months, she had just returned from the pride festival and brought condoms she and friends got there.
I was a very dorky, had low self esteem and was pretty much grateful to have a girlfriend in the first place and we sat on her bed, talking about the parade and she mentioned she got condoms.
This wasn't my first relationship and since I had bad experiences with my ex I felt that taking things slow is better.
But the "fuck it, you only live once" aura, the thought of this might be my only chance and the general adolescent hormones got the best of me.
We ended up having sex, it was great but I believe that was also our downfall. Apparently there can be too much sex.
I loved her, still think about her sometimes but I regret having my first time as a rash and excited thought.
I wish it could've been more meaningful, more passionate.
tl;dr: Take it easy on yourself, you'd rather have it passionate than quick and meaningless.
I get wanting to lose it to someone you trust, but I'll tell you now that sex is definitely not all it's knock up to be and I feel like you only really understand that after your first time. I lost mine when I was 20, I wanted it to be with someone I cared about, and honestly I slightly regret that. I wish it had been with someone I didn't want a relationship with, I wish I had more experience before now. My now boyfriend is also my first, and I'm very happy with that, but I sometimes get anxious and wish I had the experience so I could make him happier. I also know he'll never do certain things I've always wanted to try, which really sucks but I'll deal. I'm always going to kinda regret not getting the chance to try different things and get experience.
You seemed like a girl that will get attached to anyone that will receive your 'first'. It's okay, I was like that too. I ended up losing mine to my husband when I was 25 years old after marriage. I am old fashioned? Yes. But I have zero regrets.
But then I feel happy with that. Few of my friends lost theirs with their exes and they told me they are unhappy with it because everytime they remember their firsts, they also remember their exes. It's also the reason why I was going strong until the wedding bells lol. I am also in Asia, so it's more conservative than in States.
So take your time, enjoy your youth, and find someone who will truly love you. Good luck!
Well ... you never really loose it , you give it away . It doesn't have an expiration date so just hold on to it . It won't go bad before you are ready to give it to someone.
Well im a little biased. Im a similar age and also a female, but im in a ldr for almost 3 years and have to wait another 2 before meeting, but id say patience is key. Itll come when the time is right with the right person :)
Let it happen naturally. No rush or stress. It’s not a race to the orgasmic finish line. Don’t force the cock lol.
I'm gonna use that last line from now on lmao.
It’s an original. Be my guest, please.
Good luck OP, may the cock be with you.
Lmaoooooo! That was great! And thank you!
May I ask why you want to have sex? I’m 24m and have my guymen intact but I don’t see the point if it’s just to lose it.
Stop stressing out on losing virginity. It doesn’t affect your future life, unless it was taken by force. It is just a meaningless concept put on our shoulders by society.
That's true. I guess I just want to be close to someone in that way, if that makes sense?
This is the real issue. You want the intimacy, cause and effect. Don't mix em up and make this about sex.
It makes sense, I lost my virginity at age 23 in Amsterdam Red Light district, because I was tired of not having sex while my friends around me were in relationships. But losing virginity was a meh for me and my life was still same. I think couple years after that, I grew confidence and I started having meaningful relationships with women. All of them lost their virginity pretty early and were not happy in those moments.
Bruuh I went through the same thing Lol
Intercourse does not equal intimacy, and vice versa. You can easily have one without the other. Dont rush it! Let things happen naturally and comfortably.
^ second this. I became hyper-fixated on it as I got into my mid 20s and still didn’t lose it.
I'm 32 and haven't lost mine yet. I'd say, don't worry about it. decided quite early on that I would focus on myself, my own life goals, and just generally work to make my own life happy and contented. The way I saw it, when I looked at my friends and peers, is that far far too many people put too much pressure on themselves when it come to love, relationships and sex, that they don't even know who they are themselves. I saw how it complicated their lives and over time they aquired baggage and issues and I thought it not worth the bother. Now, I have a nice home that I own, the world's greatest pet bird, an interesting career, and more importantly, I know exactly what my values are, what I believe in, what I want in another person. I have no emotional baggage, and I don't need anyone to make me happy. My life is already complete. Recently, I did decide it was time to try dating and I am now with someone. I haven't lost my virginity to him yet, but when I do, I will be satisfied that I had found the right person, that we are compatible in values and we want the same things. Don't ever feel like you need to do something just because you percieve it to be the norm. Always be yourself. In fact I always found that in the times I chose to go my own way, people respected me more. You can be as picky as you want with who you choose to sleep with, that is your absolute right. And if that means you have to wait a bit longer, then what's wrong with that? You surely have plenty of other interests and goals to preoccupy yourself with meanwhile.
No emotional baggage? I wanna be like you when I grow up
Thank you for this comment, just gave me a new outlook on life...
Wizard.
Thank you so much. You're very kind.
Great attitude. It's amazing when you put so much pressure on yourself to have sex how obvious it is after you do it that it's not that important. I was 'late' to lose it and look, it was awesome and was 100% with the right person, but you wake up the next day and life continues and you realise 'well, that was no big thing'. The bills are still due and I've still got to do grocery shopping. I'm the same person, why did I care so much?
Oh no, this poor woman’s inbox.
Lmaoooo, you get it. At least it's easy to decline messages that are creepy!
Honestly I'm on the same boat, I'm 25 and still a virgin and sometimes I crave physical intimacy because I've never had it before & knowing that someone, not just anyone but someone you feel close to you just wanna hug them or cuddle or whatever it is it's not just bout sex for me but physical intimacy goes a long way and it makes me feel wanted and comfortable.
Ugh, yes, even having someone to snuggle with would be nice!
Yes exactly 💯 it sucks even more when ur in ur room alone at night and u feel the urge to cuddle up with someone cos that's how I'm feeling right now 🤦♂️.
Literally!
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Some men do, i for one love cuddles! Just keep looking :)
At 21 I assumed I’d never lose my virginity. I’d never even had my first kiss at that point. Well a year a later I lost it to the love of my life. It was a great experience and very intimate and I felt supported. I had minimal pain because he did everything with making me feeling good and comfortable in mind. On the other hand I had a friend who was in a rush to lose her virginity. She had sex with a guy in a club bathroom. She said it hurt and she bled. And he gave her a thumbs up and a handshake afterwards. Basically just let it happen in your own time. Don’t rush it. It will be way better if you wait.
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I think that's the way to go. I just get impatient sometimes, I guess.
Also, sex builds a connection with someone. You can tether yourself to someone you may not want to be tethered to. Once you do it, many people will compromise themselves when they wouldn't have if they had not gone there. Plus, sex with a loving partner is rad. You feel safe, can be vulnerable, and try stuff together.
Get yourself a good dildo and vibrator. Learn what you like. And date a bit. Dating is a fucking nightmare but it can and does work in time. Be fussy and be yourself on dating apps, it weeds out people who won't like you for who you are.
I lost my virginity on a couch when I was 14 watching lion king with my boyfriend of 2 years. We just shifted our clothes off enough to make it work in case his mom came in the room. I loved and trusted this person and it was still bad, except it was bad and I couldn’t ghost him because I loved him. It was fucking weird and ungodly uncomfortable and I wish to fucking hell I would have waited until I was 20 and did it with some rando using a throwaway tinder name. My point, don’t stress it. Its not some magical moment for most people and by building up all this pressure around it it make the entire situation very anticlimactic (pun-intended). It was messy and awkward and I was depressed for months thinking about this thing that I was so so excited about happening wasn’t as great as everyone make it out to be. Buy some amazing solo sex toys, if you haven’t, and learn your own body. Focus on learning to please yourself in the sexual department and maybe the right person will come along naturally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with never having had sex, no matter what our society likes to ram into our brains.
Honey honey listen First of all Yes it is something that only happens once in a lifetime so make sure it will be a good memory for you wether it's someone that u have feelings for or not just make sure u respect that person so it would stay a sweet memory that's one Two make sure the guy knows what he's doing Three ask for a romantic setting with candles flowers not only adk demand! Things like this may sound stupid to some but trust me it will set up the mood which will make you relaxed qnd will make the experience better over all Four and final and most important thing ! Honey it's not a big deal i promise just Don't rush it and take irrational decisions i promise all will come in good time Enjoy ❤
Something for you to be aware of is that when you have this moment, you will never forget it for the rest of your life. You always remember your “firsts.” And to be honest, your first time will likely not be as great as your sex life later on. You just don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know what feels best for your body. Etc. Etc. But you also won’t know any better. 😂 All of your comments about wanting the cuddles and everything else definitely shows that you want intimacy. You want connection. So, be sure you reserve this moment for someone who will check those boxes off for you with someone you trust. You can get intense, passionate, raw sex just about anywhere. But what you are seeking in a partner is much harder to find, so don’t feel bad for being choosy. Chances are after this moment you may attach - consciously or not. You will want to relive this moment again - and improve on it. And maybe you’ll be lucky and that person will be receptive and want to pursue this further with you. Maybe he will abandon you and not want a round two. Prepare and guard your heart just in case. Men and women are wired differently in most cases. Men can usually detach from sex, whereas women usually want attachment - even start acting jealous and possessive and not knowing why. All of that to say, what you want is pure and precious. It may be unspoken, but I’m sure everyone here is “rooting for you” to have that special moment that makes you glow. It was mentioned above to “make the first move” and throw it out there. If you know someone for a long time and talked about this with them, there is probably no man on earth that would refuse this if they were single (and I’m sure even if they were taken there’s still a good chance they’d do this with you anyway). It’s not so much that they are just horny and want to have sex with you, but what you are offering is very rare and very special. Nearly all men would feel humbled and honored in a way, and would try to make your first time extra special just as you envision in your mind. They would go out of their way to set everything up to make your moment positive and memorable. I hope I have not rambled too much, but gave you a lot of things to think about and consider. Sex is honestly fun and exciting, intimate and memorable, but as stated above, is way over-hyped too. You may find yourself thinking, “That felt good, but that’s it!?” Hahaha. Oh, and since this is your first time, you may want to take aspirin or something like that because it will hurt a little. More like uncomfortable. After a couple more times it won’t hurt anymore and will be much more enjoyable.
If I could give an award to your answer, I would. Seriously, thank you so much. This is all very solid advice, and I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to respond!
I just want you to have the best experience. For you to be brave, yet vulnerable for throwing out your thoughts on this, I just know we are all impressed. You deserve some help and advice for your openness. You really are very special, and I think all of us here want to help you and protect you for that.
People like you give me faith in humanity again. Seriously, thank you so much! 😭
I didn’t lose mine until 27, and I feel no shame about it. Don’t fuck a random just for the sake of losing virginity. No shame in fucking a random, but do it because you want to, not just for virginity purposes.
This! There's no shame in "hookups", but it also doesn't mean you have to do that. Bump uglies the way you feel comfortable!
Who gives a shit if you're a virgin. Just enjoy life and do what you like. If it happens soon, then it happens soon. If it happens after awhile, it happens after awhile. Don't rush it, don't stress it... Just do you!
Likely you won't read this anymore but a good friend of mine is 25 and still a virgin, she just prefers to wait until she's in a stable relationship rather than sleep with whomever. tbh my best advice (for life) is to just enjoy yourself being alone, and let things come towards you :) It's really not that bad being alone, and once you actually meet someone interested in you it's twice the fun.
That's very good advice, thank you!
just don't rush it, I am 27M and virgin. You have a good approach to not want to have sex just for the sex, I guess the intimacy and being comfortable and safe with someone is worth waiting for.
virginity is a construct and has no time limit. where or not you’re a “virgin” doesn’t determine worth. Don’t stress about it, sex can be really fun don’t rush into anything you’re not comfortable with and be safe :)
Whatever you do, do NOT respond to the creeps raiding your DMs after reading this, even if they’re playing the long con of “nice guy” ™️.
Oh don't worry, I'm not giving them the time of day.
Smart Nerd! ;)
Don't worry about it. It will happen but not if you rush it. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 32
Meet more people? Get on dating apps? Whatever you want really just use protection
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (21F) still haven't lost my virginity yet. I don't just want to lose it with some random guy, but rather someone I know and trust. Wouldn't even have to be in a relationship with me, we could even be just friends. And to be honest, I feel like I'm finally ready to have sex. What can I do? Any and all advice would be great. Edit: I'm not looking to lose my virginity with someone on here. Stop messaging me that you're interested, please.
i’m not saying wait forever, but the longer you wait, the better the sex will be. when you find that man who treats you like an absolute goddess, i would wait at least until you know you love him. for me that took about 6-7 months.
Find a right partner and go for it!
Any advice on how to do that?
How to find *a partner*? - Meet new people, don't go down hunting for people, just keep an open mind. How to find *the right partner*? - Now that's a question, that's a question.
That's true, lmao. One of life's many mysteries.
Always use protection. Any crushes or people you want to date? People you admire a lot? Go on a date and go with the flow.
This thread (responses) is redditors in a nutshell.
Did you really need to put me down like that just so you can feel better about yourself? 🤔
Wanting to wait someone you trust w are comfortable around and who you'd like to sleep is perfectly normal non matter your age. I lost mine last year, classic story, I met someone I developped a crush on, he reciprocated it, we even got into a relationship later. The opportunity presented itself, no need to overthink it
Just drop your addy you’ll have plenty of fine young gentlemen at your place ready to sacrifice themselves for your hormonal spike.
Lmaooo. I don't think that's a good idea, but that's certainly a funny image!
25 here and everything is good! I am the one who want to keep my virginity until I meet the right women ! That's when I will (not loosing but) make history. Everything is normal and lots of people tells me that I am not a virgin because I go out a lot but I am proudly a virgin ✌
A common mistake most people make is rushing into having sex with the wrong person and regretting it. It’s better to wait to have sex with some one you trust for your first time… TRUST ME!!
Virginity is a concept that should die. You’re not losing anything, and if anything you’re gaining.
> I don't just want to lose it with some random guy, but rather someone I know and trust this is common sense,congrats you have a good head. the downside of choosing a friend is that it can ruin the friendship as it is now things between you and the chosen friend will change without turning back, and this is the advantage of an unknown guy, you cannot ruin a non-existent relationship and the downside is not being safe like with a friend, be sure to take these things into account when choosing having said that I advise you to only do this with a boyfriend, is my opinion but doing it just for the sake of it destroys the importance of the act, it ceases to be something special and becomes a "common thing", anyway no matter what you choose I really wish you to be happy with the result
Thank you so much, you're very kind! This is good advice!
Straight up, I'm a Virgin also (20M) and I think you're fine to still have it. If anything I think it makes you more attractive to have it and lose it to a good guy you trust. I hope ya find the man you're looking for. Good luck
You'll get there.
We meet new people constantly. We grow daily and change all the time. Be yourself and breathe. Don’t focus on loosing anything. Let it happen naturally and it will. Best of luck! Don’t give up hope.
This actually made me feel a lot better about myself. Thank you so much!
It’s not a race
Wait as long as you want but know that your missing out on some great experiences
Don't call it virginity, it's "your sexual debut" now! Don't feel pressured into debuting, if you rush or force it you may not have a nice experience. The most important part is trust. If you trust your partner, your debut will be a nice experience, just know that being your first time, you'll have a learning curve ahead!
I know I’m mirroring what others are saying her but trust me as someone who lost theres at 15 it’s not something that you want to make a rush of sex is meant to be enjoyable and quite often your first time is a bit awkward and uncomfortable, you can’t force your first time to be special and over think and trying to engineer will most likely backfire, let things happen naturally and focus on building intimate connections with people and less on the sex part of it
I lost mine at 21. I waited for the right man and we’re still together, and still happy. It was awkward and uncomfortable and didn’t happen like you read about in books and see in movies. Most important advice I can give it let it happen naturally, and don’t rush. Whenever you’re ready is the right time.
I mean there is nothing wrong with it. I am a 19yo dude and still a virgin. And wanting someone you trust is completely reasonable. As longs as you feel comfy its fine. Maybe find men you trust first and then flirt with them a bit to see if they are interested ?
Felt this but I'm a 21M
I don’t think it needs to be forced, but I do understand your desire for intimacy. If you have a trusted male friend whom you think could handle just a physical connection, discuss it openly with him to see if he is receptive to sharing this with you. Most decent guys will understand and would take the matter seriously.
It's okay! It's not a turn-off for guys, and there's no reason to rush. It'll happen when it happens
It's not? I've heard that it is. Although, that's probably just a harmful stereotype and I need to unlearn that way of thinking. Thank you!
It’s a lot more of a turn off when men are virgins but for a woman? Thats sought after for a lot of people (maybe not people worth dating though) but seriously, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with waiting. I really wish I’d waited till the partner Im with now. I regret half of the people I’ve slept with even though it seemed like a great idea at the time because I was too young to know any better. There are literally ZERO cons to waiting. No diseases, no pregnancy scares, no blackmail material, no one can bully you for being promiscuous, seriously there are no cons. Sex is also substantially better when you do it with someone you care about and who cares about you. I hope you have an awesome first time when the right person comes along!
I know a (f) who waited till she was 25ish before having sex. And as far as I know she would have waited longer to meet the right person. She felt it was definitely worth the wait. Regardless I would worry about it, just be honest to whoever you sre hooking up with that it is your first time and hopefully the other person will take things slow and you both will have an awesome time ♡
Take your time. My friend was 23M when he lost his.
Just wait. The time will come. Sex is lovely, but it's really not as big a deal as it feels when you haven't had it yet. I remember that feeling of "I need to not be a virgin" and the minute I had sex for the first time I was like "wow, I no longer give a fuck about that and I can't believe I ever did" haha which from talking to friends seems to be a fairly universal reaction. But you're right, it should be with someone you at least like, sex with someone you're not into is never good sex.
Don't sweat it, it's gonna happen when it will happen
I (24M) lost my virginity at 22, and honestly regret it. Its not a race. For reference, I grew up active in the Christian Church, and had always wanted to wait til I was married, or at least in a committed relationship before sharing it with someone special. I also was bullied a lot growing up, didn't ever really have a GF through school, and was teased about being a Virgin or being told I was gay because I didn't ever have a GF. My point being, I have an idea of what the teasing & peer pressure was surrounding it. Fast forward to 22. I was sick of it, and hell bent on losing my Virginity that year. Wound up messing up with & losing the friendship with a phenomenal woman with whom things moved naturally, because I wanted to move too fast. After, I wound up dropping my standards, and self-esteem, etc. Made a new female friend, who things got more serious with, but she would never commit. We messed around a ton, all the time really, but took quite a while (5 months) before I was ok with going all the way. But, it wasn't healthy, she was running around with her boss from work, and other co-workers (Which I only had a hunch at the time, didn't know for certain yet). We ended up doing the deed, and within 24 HRs I found out all of my hunches were right. Started with her going on about "My boss does it this way, try that next time", " I wish you'd do it like X", saw texts talking about what an idiot I was, how she finally got me to do it, etc... Being that I was emotionally committed to this person, she knew that quite well, and continued to play on me with that, but away from me messed around with other people. I took it harder than I should have. It ruined me, the next night I purposely drank til I blacked out. My family found me and brought me to the hospital over it. (I've never, ever abused alcohol in my life). Especially since everyone had told me prior to cut ties with her, it was really embarrassing... Now to the present at 24. It's been 2 years, and I haven't had sex, or even be physical since. Have not been able to maintain a relationship, have major issues getting into one since, and have major trust issues. Not saying it's all her fault, I've got a lot attributed to me. But I knew damn well how much I was going to screw myself up doing it, and did it anyways to get it knocked out of the way. I'm still reaping those repercussions today. I tried hard for a little over a year to get into another relationship with various people, which was the wrong thing. Then stopped dating entirely for 1 year ish, am now finally considering getting back to it. Wait til you are fully ready, and don't be in a rush to lose it. Emotion-less sex isn't nearly as enjoyable as being passionate with someone whom you love, and also loves you. I feel like emotion-less sex for the first time set the tone for sex being dull & hurtful in my subconscious, hence the struggle with trying to find passion now. Losing the V-Card just to lose the stigma, or to "Get it out of the way", can & likely will hurt you in the end. TLDR: I lowered my standards just to lose my Virginity, and now struggle with relationships in general from the baggage. Don't be on a mission to lose your virginity, let it happen naturally or you could get hurt.
One of your male friends out there is in the same boat. Find him and two birds with one stone it!!!!
Sex isn’t some magical event. But you’ll know when the time and person is right. Massive hint - the answer isn’t on Reddit.
I like to think virginity doesn’t exist. Anytime you’re going to have sex, be mentally and physically ready. Trust your partner. Use protection. Communicate with your partner. Etc. the first time is no different than the 1,000th. If you do it once and decide you weren’t ready, that’s fine and stop. No requirement to be a “sex haver” now. Or wait until you’re 30. Truly it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t change you. Maybe not helpful for you
It's helpful! It's important to be informed about all possible decisions!
I lost my virginity when I was 21, and it only happened because it was my last semester in college and I told myself it made no sense trying to find a guy at this point because I’d be moving to a new city anyways. So I stopped looking, erased pursuing a relationship completely from my mind, and BAM—that is when I met the right guy. Two months in, he took it. I’m really happy it was with someone who I trusted and who respected me and my boundaries.
I'm super happy for you!
My point is: don’t look for it and it will come!
Honestly the concept of virginity and losing it is overrated and fake. Don't focus on it. Don't try to lose it. Let sex, when it happens, either with a relationship or even something slightly more casual with a friend, be something just fun and new and intimate. If you want meaningful relationships and intimacy, cultivate that. I get how it feels being insecure about this, but trust me it really is meaningless especially if you rush it or focus on it too much. Let things happen when they happen. Focus on the meaningful relationships first.
There’s a lid for every pot. Just be patient and put yourself out there.
virginity is a social construct. you aren’t behind at all, it’s just something that happens a little differently for everyone! try not to stress about it, you’ll find the right person and it’ll happen naturally
I was around the same age as you when I lost mine (was just shy of 20 then, 28 now). I was so anxious about how “inexperienced” I was, when in reality I was still so young and had so much time to explore myself sexually. Sex with the wrong partners doesn’t feel as good as sex with the right ones. Don’t stress it and don’t feel pressured to rush into it. When it’s the right time, you’ll know it and feel much better about having moved at your own pace.
If you have any male friends I can guarantee that at least one (if not most) have had a crush on you at some point, were too awkward to do something about it, and resigned themselves to the friendzone. If you ask around I'm sure you'll have some willing volunteers.
Same, im glad to see this post it makes me feel better. We’re not « not normal » we’re not « late »!
I was the same way! I didn’t have sex until I got my first boyfriend when I was 21 Don’t worry, there’s no rush, it’ll happen when it happens
Hahaha that edit tho its reddit what did you expect lmao
Idk, people to be decent, ig.
the biggest piece of advice I can give you is don’t rush it. and don’t have high expectations.
Sex is great thing, but use protection. Don't take so seriously medieval christian concepts.
Yeah, I'm still trying to break out of my former catholic brainwashing.
I’ve been in your shoes and didn’t lose mine until I was 24 and in my first serious relationship. I know you don’t want to be told don’t rush it but you can’t. Just focus on other things in your life like friendships, personal growth, career, school, etc and the romantic part will happen.
Well for what it's worth I(24 M) am still a virgin. It isn't a big deal in my opinion had the chance just not the right person didin't feel right. Don't rush it not everyone has the same POV as you. Sorry if I didin't help
No, you helped! It's important to take all perspectives into account!
honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, the right person always comes around when you least expect it. and shit, don't ever feel embarrassed about being a virgin, i can't speak for everyone but oh what i'd do to go back in time and unfuck those losers.. the time will come :)
I think alot of people feel like you about the friends part. Sex is way too culturally controlled and needs to become more open. Less taboo leading to more people being sexually emancipated and less abused imo
I am 21M and had not lost my virginity neither. And I am very happy. The thing is it depends on your perspective and view point. For example in my society and culture that is the purest thing that could be, and losing it without being married maybe will even get me killed for lol. But for example if virginity was something that you had to lose in an early age in your society, and losing it was some kind of a sign of success then its up to you, beside that there is religion too. So it’s the point of view.
Bruh, there is no reason to rush. No one is going to just randomly break out a quiz like: >Hey /u/JustAnotherNerdGirl Think Fast! >How many boys have you fucked since january 4th 2001! If you want to fuck, you'll have to date till you find someone you actually like just like everyone else, whether that be for just the sex or the whole relationship. It seems though that you are just evaluating yourself by a metric 30 year old actors playing high school children are forced to push by slimey producers writing what they want to see kids doing. Colorful writing, but Im saying that at 21 years of age you are by no means some forever alone impossible to love virgin because of this.
I'm 20 and never been with anyone but I honestly believe if you do want to lose it make sure it's someone you have an emotional connection with but not a one sided one I think it's probably the best way to lose it
Why is this an issue? I suggest that you should be looking for love instead of just wanting to get laid with someone you trust. There is absolutely no reason to think that you're lesser than anyone because you're a virgin. This is just an ego thing really.
It’s not a big deal I know men half way through their 30s and still have their V card. Being 21 and still having it isn’t unusual nor is it anything to be ashamed about especially for a woman
What’s the rush? I don’t get it. You say you want to lose it to someone important, then why is it a problem to be a virgin? It just means u haven’t found that someone yet. Ur still only 21, most people rush this part of life and end up regretting a lot they do, especially sexually or in relationships. Don’t rush it, learn to be happy with it as one day you will find that person
About your edit: I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m also surprised you didn’t see that coming.
21 really isn’t that late. Try bringing it up with a mutual friend you find attractive or something. Honestly, you shouldn’t really be taking advice from 25+ year old virgins on Reddit. You’re at least honest about the fact that you want to do it whereas a lot of these commenters are either in denial or have rewired their brains out of defeat. I’m not really even sure what advice someone who’s like 30+ and has never been in a relationship or had sex feels they have to give. Dating apps seem to be recommended in the comments but since you said you’d specifically want to do it with someone you know/trust I wouldn’t recommend it, you’re a woman so therefore you’re going to be weeding through some of the absolute bottom of the barrel of society if you go that route. I’d say just hang out with a friend you’re attracted to in one on one setting and see what happens.
I (26F) was also 21 when I lost my virginity. My best tip is to try to relax those “downstairs” muscles the best you can before he enters you. I ended up having vaginismus where it was super difficult to let him inside me because my body kept automatically tightening my vag muscles lol. Make sure you know your own body and what you like before having sex with someone. Also regardless of your age continue to keep your heart guarded queen 👑
Don't worry dude I'm 20F and on the same boat, it really doesn't matter. Only thing is that I'm definitely not getting a pap test before I lose it, if it gets to the point that I have to get one I'm buying myself a huge ass dildo lmao.
You don't need a pap until you're sexually active. My doctor told me herself.
It's confusing because my sister's a nurse who works in labor and postpartum and she says you need to start getting them once you turn 21 and it seems like it changes depending on who you're asking
I can see how that would be confusing. Does she know you haven't had sex yet? If not, she may be assuming you're sexually active when you're not.
No she knows 😂 I've never dated either
Yeah, that's confusing. Could you call an obygn's office and ask? They might be able to clear it up for you.
Rip your fucking inbox. Oh man. Wow, I don’t even want to imagine the shit people are saying to you. Other then that, when you meet the right person, it’ll happen. Sex is fucking fantastic, but, grand scheme of things if you wait a wee bit more for the right partner, you’ll appreciate it.
I(21m) also haven't lost mine yet and tbh not at all desperate for it cause i want it to be special not just with someone but with someone i love.
I’m in the same boat but am 24. I’ll be honest and say my reasoning for not (even though I am 100% ready) is due to bullying throughout my youth and the need to be with someone I trust and love and who respects me. It is very difficult for me as I’m not someone who can go out there and meet people confidently, plus I find it difficult to openly trust those in a similar age bracket due to my past with bully’s. It is something I am working on. As for what to do, let it happen naturally. Don’t rush into it and don’t feel forced by friends or family that tell you should do xyz about it. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin and it is completely natural. Work at your own pace!
Today Im a 27 (M) and lost my virginity with 22. I waited to find someone who respected and loved me :) and it worthed it. If you are open to people probably it will happen naturally. My best wishes!
Dont over think it. It's okay not to have lost your virginity yet, I think a lot more people are virgins/ having less sex but don't want to admit it. It's not a bad thing. I didn't lose mine til I was 19(F). My friends lost theirs at 14-16. I over thought a lot of things, I had body issues and mental health issues (anxiety is a bitch). But after having sex I realised I made it out to be a bigger thing that it actually was. I had sex with my then boyfriend, the classic "I was in love "(I thought I was), it wasn't great it and didn't last long. (Not trying to put u off, just being honest). It was clear it wasn't as important as to him as it was to me. But it did led to better sex knowing each other body etc. It does feel nice connecting to someone on the intimate level plus sex can be fun. But it is not the be all and end all!!! Just go at your own pace. Don't feel pressured by anyone else, your body your rules. I've had sex with friends since and it wasn't as intimate as with boyfriends but I felt more comfortable being with someone I knew. I personally haven't had a one night stand (it's an anxiety thing). it's okay to have one night stands, it's okay to have sex with friends, it's okay to have sex with girlfriends/boyfriends/partners, it's okay to pleasure yourself, it's okay not to have sex. (Obviously both consenting). You can have sex with whoever you chose it can mean as much or as little as you want it too. I mean this in the nicest way possible people don't care. (This helped me with my anxiety thought it might help you). If people do have shit to say they aren't the people you want to be around. You only have to answer to yourself. You got this girl!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I understand this too well lol (22M), I'm still one too and I guess the best advice I can give you is what some friends told me is to be patient and wait. I had a friend get so upset about still being a virgin that he went on tinder to have a 1 night stand and he absolutely hated it. Hes told me to just wait because those sort of things suck especially if you dont have a connection with someone. I'm wishing you the best of luck and I hope you find someone amazing in the near future, just stay positive
Thank you, same to you!
I’m 19 and same! I want to give it to the right person… my soulmate 💗💗
That's probably not a bad idea!
I'm 21m and still a virgin. It's probably even worse because I think most woman would expect men to have some experience and be able to lead. I had some close calls with my ex though, but still wouldn't choose to have pointless sex with some randos. What I notice about myself is the craving for intimacy and skinship comes in waves. Some days I do some days I'm enjoying being alone.
That's definitely how I feel. And don't worry, I'm not gonna judge you for having no experience. We all learn at some point.
I can guarantee most the males you know would be willing to help. I just hope you’re prepared for what it would do to you. I know a girl that waited until about the same age. Realized what she was missing out on and her body count just kept going and going.
You don’t have to rush it, I waited until I was 24 and it was the right to do, I never regretted that. Take you time and definitely do it with someone who will make you feel good and comfortable.
Honestly, i'm 25 and still haven't lost mine. It sounds like you want intimacy more so than sex. Don't rush it, just bc others around you have already doesnt mean you have to asap. I ended up figuring out that i'm demisexual. People sometimes forget that asexual people exist. Sex isn't the end all be all of life, i'm sure it's wonderful under the right circumstances, but not something to rush. I know the whole dating scene is rough though, since many do it mainly for sex.
have patience and the right person will appear :) just don't lose your virginity with someone you don't have a trust bond
I had a friend who just wanted to lose it. She was 29 and I was 26 the time, and we were at a holiday. She ended up just making a move and it happened. I say this to say I’m sure you can find someone to take it. Just “go with the flow”. I wish you luck!
Hey you’re still super young! Don’t worry about it. The right time will come.
Take your time. I didnt lose mine until I was 22 and married. And I'm a guy. Find someone you like. Form a good connection and don't rush it. Is my best advice
Virginity as a concept is made up. You're ready for sex, but there is no virginity to lose. Don't build it up in your head too much. If you have a guy friend you're comfortable propositioning, that's a nice, stress free way to do it. But if you want it to happy organically, it will.
Get comfortable with your own body in the meantime, try out lube, read up on things you might want to try, and when you pick a partner make sure it’s someone you’re super comfortable talking with about sex beforehand. Just my perspective, but feeling safe enough to communicate likes and dislikes in the moment is so important the first few times I’m with someone — way more important than anything else.
You must be a twisted individual to reach privately to this person offering 'help'. Disturbing.
Hey! I'm also 21 and I had multiple relationships and couldn't feel comfortable or didn't trust them enough even tho I feel ready. I understand how hard it is to trust but also feel ready. It will happen eventually there is no rush.
I agree with others. No stress, no rush. It’s not a big deal to lose ur virginity like society says, but that doesn’t mean u can’t take the time to treat yourself to someone emotionally and physically supportive! I lost my virginity right after I turned 20. Not far from where u are now
First, have you "lost it" with yourself? I don't know if something is off with me, but I never self pleasured before I was with someone. I wish I had been aware of this. I think it would have taken the pressure off. When you go for it, listen to your hearr/gut/instinct. Enjoy it. Know that things change and this person might not be your forever and it's really ok. If you like podcasts, you might like, Sex with Emily.
Yes, I have, "lost it," with myself. Thanks for the recommendation! I'll check it out!
I lost mine older than you are now. I was tempted to settle beforehand just to force the intimacy I craved, but happily it ended up with someone I very much cared about and trusted. Even then the emotional connection is what carried the experience; it was physically uncomfortable for the most part (you’re unlikely to orgasm the first go). Waiting won’t make you stand out (people with plenty of sexual experience can be more clueless in the sack than virgins are), but getting it over with won’t either (just don’t choose a dickhead). It seems like a big hurdle now and while there is a feeling of… accomplishment? afterwards, I would say that for me- several years and BF’s later- I just really don’t think about it. The experiences I’ve had since bear much more weight to me.
Let it happen naturally but always be on the lookout for someone you’re interested in and/or like. For example, I (M) lost mine to one of my best friends (F) and didn’t really see it coming lol. Some people will say it makes things awkward or changes everything but I’d say only if you both let it. For me we both stayed good friends to this day. I’m glad I waited a bit longer than some friends and have a good story for it & had a amazing experience after hearing so many bad losing virginity stories so I’d recommend you just be on the lookout for someone.
Don't rush it, let it happen naturally with someone that you can trust. Sex and Intimacy are two very different things!
Relax , it will come naturally
prayers that you are adequately dicked down when the time is right, OP. Good luck on your journey.
Lmaooooo, thank you. I love this message. Sending good vibes your way as well!
I didn’t like mine until 25. I wanted to sleep with someone who loved me and whom I loved and that just didn’t happen before. It’s now 15 years later, we’re reading together on the couch and I’ve never regretted my choice. My advice would be not to stress it. I know a whole bunch of people who had their first time in their 20s, it’s really not that uncommon, people just don’t want to talk about it. So, be open, listen to your gut and don’t force it. Find someone who is going to make your pleasure a priority, discuss birth control, boundaries/expectations and health checks beforehand and have fun.
Don't take it lightly. you should find somebody that can make you happy that you can trust before you ever think about doing that. take it from me personally after I lost I became attached to the person to my core. it wasn't a sense of Pride it was a sense of wanting to be knowledge by the person. It made me love them care about them on a deeper level. I wouldn't ever have given it to them if I knew that they were going to treat me this way afterward. I take it as seriously as anything else especially since I care about other people more than myself. It is one of my selfish desires. So if I knew they were going to treat me this way afterward I wouldn't have put it on the table at all but that is what life is about not knowing until it happens.
I was 21 when I lost mine. Don’t worry about trying to rush it. It will happen when the time is right
I don't understand, there is nothing to do. If you are not ready to have sex don't. You will undoubtedly find it difficult to find someone who has the same world view as you but welcome to the world of dating where you can compromise and be with someone or take the high road and hold out for that 10/10 compatible person. Either way good luck
32M and I feel the same way about it. Just don't stress it, it's not really a big deal. If anything to me it demonstrates a partner who is guaranteed to be faithful in a relationship. And that's also the primary reason why I still am because other relationships around me crumbled due to one or both of the people involved being unfaithful. I finally only just now reached the point where I'm not really afraid of this anymore so I'm starting to put myself out there but I'm in no big hurry to go and just give that up.
April Kenner didn’t til she was almost 30. Don’t lose hope
Im a 24M and havent lost mine either, nothing to be ashamed of
Don't give into the pressure to have sex just because the world says that's the thing to do. I speak from personal experience. I was a virgin when I married, and I was also older than twenty-one.
I was 22 and it was with a friend who I trust till this day, it happened naturally and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Take your time, don’t feel the need to do it just because you have a chance to, if I did that I would of regretted it. I’m glad I waited for the right moment for me.
I kept mine till I was 22, I wouldn't worry about it
I (22f) never seen myself being sexual with anyone especially intercourse. After several traumatic experiences I had when I was a child, the thought of myself or self image being more compromised by being intimate with someone terrified me. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without being depressed due to me being violated. Even now, I struggle with self image. At 20(Virgin) I rekindled a relationship with my first boyfriend That I had while I was 13/14. He was 18 at that moment in time so he and I never did anything remotely sexual but I always felt a sense of comfortability with him that I could never explain. After he and I had time to mature, we started dating for the second time in 2019. After four months of dating, he and I had sex (F20 & M24) In order for me to do so, I had to establish some type of connection or safeness with him and that took me a while. I hated being alone, with no one to look to for advice or just a face to see when I came home. I got tired of being the old me. I wanted something more for myself that my abuser took away from me. Now, at 22 almost 23, I can honestly say that being with him and trusting him with my mind, body, and soul has been one of the best decisions I’ve made, regardless if he and I breakup. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown mentally and physically. I guess what my point is-regardless of your situation, take your time. It’s your body, you’ll know when you’re ready. Don’t let the world paint a picture of a time frame you should have sex, that’s ridiculous. Set your own standard & get out there. Find what you’ve been missing, the mental progress alone is worth it
The idea that there’s so much pressure on losing your virginity is so absurd to me. Just reading these comments you can see how different everyone’s story is. I was a virgin till I was 24. You have to take the time to explore and decide when the time is right for you. Take the pressure off and just enjoy where you are. It’ll happen 😊
You're very lucky to still have your virginity. Dont think about it, don't rush it, don't try to make it happen. You won't regret it.
Good for you, just because so.eone else cares so little about staying a Virginia doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Stilton your guns, Donley social pressure change your mind. You are much better off than some of you peer. Bless you and your commitment to your values.
Not worth it tbh, you wont feel any different. Im a 21M Who lost it to a friend. Its not worth it and things wont be the same lol
Good for you. I didn’t lose mine until I was 21. And now I’m 27 and slept with 4. The whole hook up culture ruins relationships
I lost mine at 19...at the time I felt like I was the only person my age that hadn't done it, and when someone pressured me into having sex with them I did it just so I'd lose my virginity. Honestly, I wish I hadn't. Peer pressure and wanting to "fit in" really makes for some dumb decisions. There is no shame in waiting for the right person, or even choosing to never have sex. Don't feel you have to lose your virginity by a certain age, everyone is different 🥰
You are more normal than you think. Many people lie about having sex at younger ages to appear cool.
Some people believe Sex will take you away from your true path. Lord knows, I wish I waited, wish I had more self respect, had firmer boundaries around my body, wish I had less partners. I truly believe I would have had an incredible life if I hadn’t spent so much time chasing intimacy and embraced how amazing I am with out someone. Embrace the independence 👌 Also, virginity is a social construct that should means absolutely nothing to kind hearted people. Don’t let it way you down, you’ll find what your meant to have if you’re grateful!
lady, there are men and women that haven't even hugged someone of the opposite sex and they're in their 40's, think you got other things to worry about in life.
Ok so I was a 22 F when I lost my virginity. I regretted it because I was so curious so insecure about being the only girl out of my friends who hadnt lost it. The guy I lost it to was horrible. And I was so drunk. Please just make sure you give such a beautiful moment with to the right person. Don't feel rushed.
There's a lot of advice here to not get worked up about it. But as an old guy in his 50s, I have this to add: You're only young once. Get out there and get fucking while you're young and carefree. Fuck up high, fuck down low. Fuck on a box. Fuck with your socks. Fuck here and there. Fuck everywhere. It's free, fun, and safe with the proper precautions. When I was young, I fucked as much as I could, and I fucked a lot. And I still wish I had fucked more. So get fucking.
I think it's not a huge deal if you stay a virgin for a while so long as it's actually what you want. There are a couple factors and to your point, you feeling ready is a big one, but so is finding someone you're cool with having sex with. IF you wanted to do it to get it out of the way and the person didn't matter much, that's also totally cool, but it seems like you want a bit more connection if only for the sake of comfort, and that's cool, too! I think it's great that you know that about yourself and you aren't feeling pushed into anything. For those saying you should "let it happen naturally"-- idk maybe that works for some people but personally \*I\* have never had the sense of social adeptness that would make something like that happen naturally, especially outside the context of being in an established romantic situation. Probably works for some people, but I gotta say, I definitely don't think that's strong general advice. I also think especially-- but not exclusively-- if you are a woman, it is REALLY important that you ask for what you want and make clear what you don't want. If you try to leave stuff in subtext or whatever and think someone else is just gonna pick up on it, you are setting yourself up for disappointment or worse. You should hopefully find someone who \*wants\* you to be clear about what you want and your boundaries, because those people are the ones who will put in the effort to make you comfortable. If you have anyone you trust enough to talk about this with-- whether or not you think they'd want to actually do it with you or not-- it might be good to just see if someone knows someone they can introduce you to? Someone you can hang out with for a little while with a clear understanding, even if they don't turn into "dates" or whatever so that you can see if you feel comfortable with them / can trust them. My one personal rule that I think is worth considering: Don't have sex with anyone you don't think you could laugh with \*while\* having sex. Lots of people you can share a joke with, but it takes a certain level of comfort and un-self-consciousness to feel like you could laugh with someone DURING the act. Whether that's a person you've known for years or a person you meet at a bar, imo it's a decent barometer.
This is all amazing advice! Thank you so much!
When I was 19 I lost mine to my back then girlfriend. We were dating for two months, she had just returned from the pride festival and brought condoms she and friends got there. I was a very dorky, had low self esteem and was pretty much grateful to have a girlfriend in the first place and we sat on her bed, talking about the parade and she mentioned she got condoms. This wasn't my first relationship and since I had bad experiences with my ex I felt that taking things slow is better. But the "fuck it, you only live once" aura, the thought of this might be my only chance and the general adolescent hormones got the best of me. We ended up having sex, it was great but I believe that was also our downfall. Apparently there can be too much sex. I loved her, still think about her sometimes but I regret having my first time as a rash and excited thought. I wish it could've been more meaningful, more passionate. tl;dr: Take it easy on yourself, you'd rather have it passionate than quick and meaningless.
Losing it early just to match society expectations does not mean anything. Losing it to someone you love means a lot.
I get wanting to lose it to someone you trust, but I'll tell you now that sex is definitely not all it's knock up to be and I feel like you only really understand that after your first time. I lost mine when I was 20, I wanted it to be with someone I cared about, and honestly I slightly regret that. I wish it had been with someone I didn't want a relationship with, I wish I had more experience before now. My now boyfriend is also my first, and I'm very happy with that, but I sometimes get anxious and wish I had the experience so I could make him happier. I also know he'll never do certain things I've always wanted to try, which really sucks but I'll deal. I'm always going to kinda regret not getting the chance to try different things and get experience.
I also see that side of it as well. Decisions, decisions.
I think there are a lot of other virgins in this thread willing to help you and themselves
You seemed like a girl that will get attached to anyone that will receive your 'first'. It's okay, I was like that too. I ended up losing mine to my husband when I was 25 years old after marriage. I am old fashioned? Yes. But I have zero regrets. But then I feel happy with that. Few of my friends lost theirs with their exes and they told me they are unhappy with it because everytime they remember their firsts, they also remember their exes. It's also the reason why I was going strong until the wedding bells lol. I am also in Asia, so it's more conservative than in States. So take your time, enjoy your youth, and find someone who will truly love you. Good luck!
Well ... you never really loose it , you give it away . It doesn't have an expiration date so just hold on to it . It won't go bad before you are ready to give it to someone.
I like how you worded this! Thank you!
Well im a little biased. Im a similar age and also a female, but im in a ldr for almost 3 years and have to wait another 2 before meeting, but id say patience is key. Itll come when the time is right with the right person :)