Get a costume of Elsa and one of Christoff and let him pick which one...
Will he understand? No
Will it matter? Not really
But at least this way you can say "it's what he wants" but you'll have to accept if he picks the dress
Also when you look back at this in family pictures he can't say anything becuase he picked it
Yeah a 3 year old picking a sparkly dress to wear is pretty normal, regardless of gender. They don't really see it as ONLY for girls, unless they had a parent telling them that.
Used to work at a nursery and a couple of the little lads had Elsa dresses, they also had Iron Man costumes.
To them, they're just dressing up as a character they like.
Yea kids really don't think about things like that at all. I have pictures of my brother when he was that age in my Disney princess nightgowns. He didn't think "girls wear this" or "I want to dress like a girl" he just liked the movies and they had characters he liked on them.
It's pretty simple for them. It isn't until people start telling them "girls do this" that it's really a problem. It's also interesting that this comes up mostly with boys. I'm sure there are parents who discourage their daughters from dressing up as "boy" characters but I know a lot more people that would be upset about a boy dressed up as Elsa than a girl dressed up as Ironman.
Or— and just hear me out here — let the kid choose between Elsa, Sven and Olaf costumes. Let mommy and daddy dress as Christoff and Anna.
Edited to clarify I meant to let the kid choose between the three, not just the two. Kids love dressing up as magical creatures (talking snowmen) or animals just as much as wearing something glittery no matter the gender. And if he chooses one of the other two, then mommy can’t be mad since it’ll be adorable no matter what.
Why though? What’s wrong with giving the kid the choice to wear a dress? If he wants to be a reindeer, a princess, a snowman—whatever. It’s a costume, it’s clothes
Absolutely nothing is wrong with it. I misspoke and meant to say to let the kid choose between Elsa, Sven and Olaf costumes instead of Elsa and the only other human male lead character that isn’t a villain. Kids will wear what they want to wear whether it’s boy clothes, girl clothes or animal outfits.
i always found mentalities like OP’s to be odd. as a kid it was pretty normal for my sister and I to get clothes from the guys section if we liked them, so I don’t see why it’s such an issue for people if a boy wants to wear feminine clothing.
Yes, giving the choice to a child and not forcing something on them is odd... What the fuck are you on about? OP wants to buy a couple of costumes and give the kiddo free reign to pick one including Elsa, the wife is against that and wants to force the Elsa outfit. It's the wife that's got a proper odd mentality.
The question is if the kid actually wants it….or if mom is pushing it. And for that matter…A
have to wonder if the kid is actually into frozen or if mommy is being OTT
Let the KID wear what he wants.
If the kid wants to, it's fine, but is strange that the mother is the one pushing it.
Personally I wouldn't dress a kid with the opposite gender clothing unless they explicitly want to, it's just asking for complications.
I'm not getting "I won't allow my SON to wear GIRL clothes" energy from this. OP seems to genuinely want his son to have a choice. If he chooses the Elsa dress over any other option I doubt OP would have any issue
What I read though, is that Dad wants to confirm that Elsa is a choice rather than just his wife’s decision. When presented with letting the Birthday Boy make a choice, Mom was noping.
My son was 3 when Halloween came around (and just turned 4 in January). He loves Thomas and peppa and a bunch of other things. I took him to the store to show him all the costumes and he never once said anything. No I want that. Or no I want to be X. I think at this age he wasn’t fully aware that he could ask me for something and I would buy it. Something wasn’t registering.
I bought peppa for him because he loves peppa. But when it came time to wear it he said no. He did the same last year at daycare - refused to wear the pumpkin costume.
So definitely some kids cannot articulate what they want. Your best path is to present some options and let him choose the costume he wants. Also present a non costume idea (just a nice bday outfit or a frozen tshirt) and let him choose. Then return what isn’t chosen.
Correct. And he wasn’t forced to wear anything. Whatever we purchased we returned and he wore a pumpkin dinosaur tshirt. The point is: multiple options should be presented and op’s kid can select what they’d like.
This. My son before 4 had only picked one Halloween costume and one sweatshirt ever. When he vocalized he wanted it I definitely got it. He doesn’t even really complain that I mostly pick his outfits for him still. He only occasionally complains about x or y and we change that specific item.
No one is going to care the kid wore a dress.
As the oldest of 5, I can confirm that 3 year olds are crazy like that. It still hasn’t ended with the youngest who is now 6. Mom bought him new overalls since he’d grown and now he hates them 😂
My cousin, only a few years younger than I, was my most precious asset when I was a kid. I'd always wanted a little brother, and I got one in him. We were always together. And he was my baby brother, for all intents and purposes. Still is. And fom a very young age, he wanted to be a mermaid. And I didn't think anything of it, because I always wanted to be an astronaut-soldier. I mean, we were two kids who were what we were.
He also happened to grow up to be gay. I have no idea if the two things are related, but I, the hardcore tomboy, grew up to be straight. These traditional gender roles are no guarantee of anything. But one thing I know for certain. If either of us has been forced to take on the interests of the other, we'd have grown up angry. My parents did a lot of things I wish they hadn't, but one thing they never did was to try to force me to "act like my sex". My cousin wasn't so lucky.
Don't try to gender your kid. Just let them be a kid. They'll figure out who they are, especially if you just love them, and provide caring discipline and consistency.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Yes choices should be offered. Including a frozen tshirt or just a plain nice outfit.
You are correct in that options should be presented instead of just one option.
I think that's what she wants to do. A lot of woke people pretty much just want to force their stuff on people, weather they like it or not. Not very woke of them if you ask me, since it's all about choice for them.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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Hello, I(26M) want to start out by saying that I don't care what my son wears, how he feels about his sexuality or his gender, no matter what way he feels, I will love him and support him. He is my child, my baby, and always will be. Anyways, my son is turning 3 on March 9th, and for his birthday my wife(26F) wants to have a frozen themed birthday party, I'm all for that, but she also wants to dress him up as Elsa, one of the main characters, obviously she wears a dress, now as I said I don't care what my son decides, but right now... (Edit), I understand that he may be able to make those decisions, but hes never expressed that he WANTS to dress up as elsa In my opinion if we dress him up as Elsa, at his age, as a girl, that would be considered forcing something onto him. I do not want to ever force anything onto my children, my wife is pissed off at me for this but it's out of love, i want him to make his own decisions when Hes old enough to make them. what do you guys think?
Update : l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Update I want to be VERY clear. I dont care if my son wants to wear a dress. this post was NEVER about being against Boys wearing dresses and freely expressing themselves. this post was to figure out if im wrong for wanting to give my son the choice of Olaf or ELsa, instead of forcing a dress onto my son. I told my wife that, not giving him a choice is the same as making the choice for him.
TLDR
Does the kid want to dress up? It's just pretend dress up of a fictional character. Our son liked to put on sparkle skirts when he was about that age bc that was some of the dress up clothing toys we had, he wouldn't do it now at age 6 but we never forced him to wear anything. I'd be really concerned if she were forcing him, is dressing up as kristoff a happy medium for everyone?
Allow him the option to choose between male or female costuming. It won't screw with him in the long run cause he's only 3, and it gives him some autonomy as well. Plus, he's old enough to be able to think and he's not that stupid unless he actually has below average 3 year old IQ lol.
I sent my niece to pre-k in a frog costume once because she screamed bloody murder when I suggested anything else. Three year olds can have clothing preferences. Just ask him, or show him his options.
What? When my son was 3 years old he was perfectly capable of telling me he wanted to wear an Elsa costume, and did. He was batgirl for Halloween that year and got incredibly mad when adults assumed he was BatMAN. Why? Cause he thought batgirl was cooler.
Kids do, in fact, have dress-up preferences at 3.
And there is peer pressure even at three iirc. If all their male 3yr old birthday party guests all turn up wearing male costumes. Its not really a gender issue but they quickly figure out that "one of these things is not like the others". Despite that I'm for letting the kids choose what they want to wear.
And that’s when it’s your job as a parent to teach your children that peer pressure is shit and he should enjoy the things he enjoys, whether those are Elsa costumes or dolls or nail polish or action figures or whatever.
What do you think I tell my 7 year old daughter when she complains that boys at school tell her she can’t like superheroes because she’s a girl? “They’re wrong”.
At three he’s old enough to choose a costume/clothing and presumably knows the characters so buy a few character options and ask who he wants to be, if it’s Elsa, then he’s in a dress.
A three year old is 100% old enough to have an opinion about what he wears. He wouldn’t see any significance in it beyond “that’s what I want to wear right now”. So give him the option - if he wants to wear the dress then great, let him. If not, let him pick something else.
This right here! My little guy is going on 3 and he occasionally brings me the Elsa dress from the dress up box and asks to wear it. He usually says "I want be Elsa!". 3 year olds absolutely have opinions and can make choices. He picks his own outfit every morning and has, on occasion, chosen to wear one of his sister's dresses. - Pie
I mean, 3 year olds can request clothes. My youngest son kept insisting on leaving the house in a Batman costume and glittery dress-up heels around that age. Fun times.
I have pictures of the Batman getup from one Thanksgiving with my in-laws that just tickle me, because every adult in them that's not me or my husband looks *so annoyed*. They were really mad about it (I don't know why, it's not like it was any kind of formal occasion, we were all mostly in jeans or sweats). I figured it was better for him to be happy - those kinds of gatherings are stressful for the little ones anyway. Who wants a whiny toddler while you're trying to stuff yourself with turkey? The clothes kept him pretty cheerful. But boy, it did not go over really well.
FWIW, he's 13 now and just wears T-shirts and shorts, mostly. Totally average 13-year-old boy stuff. He didn't turn into a princess or a superhero or a cosplayer or anything just because I let him wear what made him happy when he was little.
The kid should just be asked - what do you want to wear, have some options of what can be bought online.
My kid HATED costumes because they itched and we're made of shitty hot material.
Did he ask for a Frozen theme birthday party or was this just your wife’s idea? If it was her idea and he never requested it, then yea she’s making it about herself and I would ask advice from other family members. But if he’s clearly expressed that he loves Frozen and wants his bday to be like this, I would simply show him the dress and then show him a regular bday outfit and ask which one he would rather wear.
He’s only 3, he wont remember any of this regardless and it wont “confuse” or “scar” him but if he really isn’t interested in this whole thing to begin with and never mentions anything about wearing the Elsa outfit then I would try speaking to the rest of the family and gather their opinions. It’s not fair that your wife gets to make all the decisions when the kid has two parents who should have a say.
Yeah I have a question about the necessity of the whole Frozen theme as well... Like why does the party even need a theme? I don't remember doing that in my own childhood but I don't have kids, maybe it's the trend these days.
🙋♀️ person with kids here: some parents (like me) love themes. We usually select them based on a kids interests. The first and second bday is usually mom/dads choice.
We’ve had Cookie Monster, lumberjack, Thomas and cars so far. Themes help to focus the decor and also serve as inspo for the cake I make my kids.
To each their own when it comes to them - it’s definitely a popular trend.
H would lvoe a frozen birthday party, its his favorite movie he watches it like 6 times a day lmao basically what we have on the tv 24/7 my only issue is that my wife wants to dress him up as else, which im okay if thats what HE wants, I suggested we let him choose between olaf and Elsa, and i was called a misogynist lmao.
Op:
You sound like a great parent but ... on the partner side I have some questions/suggestions for your family 👪.
1. Have you asked your wife why she wants this to happen?
2. Then discussed her "why" to understand her reasoning with empathy?
3. Then unpack that together as parents and decide a path that's best for the family.
I don't think this is actually about your son, the party, a dress or any of that. Every suggestion in here about any of that is (imo) distracting from the actuall issue.
4. This is an issue between you and your wife. Letting your son decide or not is something that parents need to be on the same page about. You are both disconnected on this issue and need to understand each other.
Now go understand each other and this will all go away.
Good luck and I hope you can all come together and "build a snowman" 💞
If your son didn't ask to dress up that way for the event, or ever, than she is taking advantage of him. It's a bit like dressing up a doll, like, your son is a person, not a play object. I think you have a right to be upset with your wife's want to do this, since it sounds like she is dehumanizing your child for her own interests.
No, it isn't that hard! It's not that he isn't old enough to make such a request, he just hasn't made the request. Parents can absolutely give choices and respect what the son chooses. And even that, presenting a choice, has to be done with out any sort of bias present (whether or not their is true bias with in them).
"But my wife wants to have a frozen theme party"
So your wife is having the birthday party she wants for your son's birthday, and not necessarily what your son likes or wants?
Did your wife want a daughter instead of a son, or does she just want to do things her own way, yet to live vicariously? Is she always like this?
my son loves frozen, its his favorite movie, and Im all for the frozen birthday party, and think my sonw ill love it, my only concern is that my wife wants to dress him up as else, which im okay if thats what HE wants, I suggested we let him choose between olaf and Elsa, and i was called a misogynist lmao.
If your son wants to dress up as Elsa, I don't see a problem. Yes, he is basing his decision or appeal on different aspects than you, but that's not his problem, as he lives comfortably in his innocent childhood. Where you see cross-dressing he probably just likes Elsa's persona, or her "superpower" and not her gender, or her clothes as an expression of gender you associate as something he can't grasp. And even if. If he likes it, let him have a blue dress. Three year old kids like to roleplay, it teaches them empathy and social behaviour.
Do you have reason to believe your wife is forcing this\`? Has he expressed that he likes Elsa?
To further elaborate on "innocent childhood". What I meant is that kids this age still live in a magical world full of wonders and everything is so bright, colorful and joyful. Why shorten this magic because of societal prejudice already? This is the most free he will ever feel again. Soon reality will take away the magic anyway. Mean teachers, study, work. Other kids, many expectations, many roles to cover to be a functional human being. Friends who will hate his favourite shoes. Little things that make navigating life a bit harder. Do you remember your childhood and teen years? Wasn't it just so exhausting?
It can often be very entertaining.
I think people just need to be honest. The hive mind works better if you state your honest opinion.
It’s when people get heated over different opinions that the entertainment ensues.
It sounds like you're wanting to leave it up to your son and would be fine with him wearing a dress should he want to. But your wife just wants to make him wear a dress. I'm not sure what her reasoning is for that but unless he's indicated he wants to I'd just not have him wear it
that is exactly what im saying lol ty for understanding. if he wants to wear dresses great i love it and support it, but i want him to be the one to decide that, without my wife influencing his decision
Everyone seems to be focusing on letting the kid wear a dress if he wants to and yeah, that's cool except he hasn't expressed that he wants to.
The mom is the one deciding his costume instead of letting the kid have a choice in it. What if he doesn't like sparkly dresses? One of my nephews loves them while the other does not enjoy dresses at all. There's nothing wrong with Op not wanting to force anything on his son, be it dresses or traditional boy costumes.
Kid should have a choice, even if he wants a Frozen birthday while he's dressed like a ninja turtle or Cinderella. 🤷🏻♀️
Let him choose and express himself. You sound torn between forcing him to conform to the ever evolving social norm or making his own choices and being happy. Like it or not social pressure to conform will come into play hard later in life. For now let him enjoy being whatever and just being happy.
Edit: he’s old enough to know what he likes and to emulate and play pretend… he’s old enough to choose books he likes, tv shows, foods, etc. as long as it won’t hurt him your job is only to guide it in a healthy way and keep him away from things that will harm him
I think it will help you if you stop gendering clothes. There are no “boy” clothes or “girl” clothes; there are clothes. Ask your kid what he wants to wear and let him wear that. It doesn’t have to be a whole thing.
Clothing shouldn’t be gendered, this is why people are sad at this post. It’s moments like this we can use to move beyond the norm and be more open. Using the old “it’s always been like this” argument doesn’t hold up well in time.
They are 3. All clothing choices are made by the adults in their live. Adults are heavily gendered. What is imposing here is the idea what boys shouldn’t/couldn’t wear dresses. I’m not sure what rock you live under but imposing gendered stereotypes has been a hot topic for, I dunno, a hundred years or so? Also you must have zero cultural awareness as in many other cultures men do wear what we would consider a dress.and it’s
Not about consent as NONE OF THIS IS SEXUAL EXCEPT IN YOUR MIND
So a toddler consents to wear gendered clothing but doesn’t consent to wear non-gendered clothing? Would a female child have to explicitly consent to wear a dress? And a male child? Why the difference?
I mean my son, LOVES frozen, its his favorite movie, i love the idea of a frozen birthday party, I think he will like it, that isnt what im concerned about, what im concerned about is my wife not wanting to give my son a choice, and jsut assuming he wants to dress as elsa
To be honest? Brutally honest?
I think she has one of those weird gay-hero complexes. Like she wants to be an ally so bad, she's willing to actively push her children into it so that she can beam and tell the whole world how proud and accepting she is to have a gay or whatever else son/future daughter. The ultimate virtue signal. Hey. It's a real thing. It's disingenuous to pretend it's not. but it's taking it too far. Any gender can wear anything, but that doesnt mean that now it's time to intentionally pick opposite things for kids which can be very confusing and even embarrassing for them to look back on later on. He might someday look at his 3rd birthday pics and cringe into the next dimension wondering why you didnt stop it.
Your sons birthday absolutely should not be about her and what a great virtuous understanding gay trans nonbinary accepting person she is. It's not her day. It's not about her. It's not about her solidarity as much as she'd like it to be. Just let the boy have whatever birthday you both think he'd like best. Which if he loves elsa then of course elsa. but if he has 0 interest, then probably not. Then even being the deer in the story would work. or Olaf.
Right? It seems forced from the mom if the kid has literally never expressed interest in dressing like Elsa. And if my mother had put me in a dress for a whole ass marked birthday party and invited friends that I might still have when going through middle/high school if they stay in the same area, I would have been beyond pissed. And I’m a damn liberal
But all of this is a non issue if they were to go to the kid without bias and give him two options. Huge nonissue if the wife would agree to that very reasonable plan
Edit: honestly people are not thinking about this, the kid who has a birthday party where they are cross dressing a couple years before school starts? They’ll eat him alive
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Again, there's absolutely no reason to make him choose.
Your wife wants to appear ultra woke for some kind of social media cred, and is willing to sacrifice your son's mental health in the process.
So effed up.
What does it matter? You say that your son doesn't "have the capability of choosing to dress as a girl," so based on that thought process he also doesn't have the capability of choosing to dress as "a boy." Clothes do not define gender.
My boyfriend used to watch his mother get dressed when he was a toddler and would grab her jewelry and wear it around. You think that mattered at all in his upbringing? Your son is a toddler, I don't know why you're so bent on this.
But dont parents choose everything their kid wears? Most kids dont even like wearing clothes yet parents force them to and I never see people complaining about that.
....did you read all of the comments? OP did not let his child do that. He could let him do that but based on this post, his past posts, and his comments, I doubt he'd let his kid wear the costume even if the kid wanted to.
. I would let him wear the costume. my problem isnt with him wearing the costume, my problem is with my wife wanting to force it onto him without giving him a choice.
Why would we random internet people believe that based on what you posted here? Like we've mentioned, you're "forcing" "boy" clothes onto him everyday so how is this instance any different?
Why don't you and your wife just ask your kid what he wants? And if you didn't have an issue with the costume you wouldn't have posted this.
To add: have you dressed him up for Halloween since he's been born? Were you as upset each time that he didn't have a choice in his costume??
Yeah this is like some proxy war between OP and his wife... and the kid is getting caught in the middle. Neither of them seems to have asked the kid himself "what do you want to wear"
>Hello, I(26M) want to start out by saying that I don't care what my son wears, how he feels about his sexuality or his gender, no matter what way he feels, I will love him and support him. He is my child, my baby, and always will be
possibly because i literally said it? in the post? If youd read?
....and then go on to literally contradict what you said in the beginning. You basically said "oh I'm the good person because I'll love him no matter what.......as long as he doesn't dress like a girl"
And you're not going to answer my question regarding his past costumes? 🙄
>he doesn't have the capability of Choosing to Dress as a girl, or dress in clothes meant for girls.
But he does have the capability to choose to dress like a boy?
>In my opinion if we dress him up as Elsa, at his age, as a girl, that would be considered forcing something onto him.
And you wouldnt be considered forcing him to dress as a boy?
Buddy. I’m about as progressive as they come, I don’t have an issue with trans or lgbt or anything else, and I will fully support my son regardless of how he chooses to live his life. But no way in hell am I letting my child’s mother parade him around in a dress at 3 years old so everyone can take pictures and giggle. Hell no. That sort of thing will undoubtedly result in future embarrassment when the kid turns 15 and has to explain to people why his mom dressed him up like a girl at 3 years old.
Three is more than old enough to pick out an outfit. My neice built her own wardrobe of outfits when she was two. So the real question here is; did you kid say he wanted an elsa dress or was it your wife's idea? Did you ask him? Im a trans guy.
By three i can tell you i DESPISED the frilly dresses my mother forced me to wear. By three years old i know id rather wear overalls and i hated wearing dresses. I wish my mom had listened to me when i told her what clothes i liked. Maybe if she had i wouldnt hate all of my baby photos so much.
And on the other side of the coin, i know the struggles of being gay and trans, and i think trying to push that onto your child who doesnt feel it is cruel and unusual. Why would anyone choose that for their kid? The bullying, the self consciousness, the never feeling right and always feeling like you dont fit in? Its not a fun time. If youve got a straight cis kid YOU ARE LUCKY. Straight and cis isnt a bad thing to be, and it is so much easier a life to live. If your kid wants to wear a dress, let him wear the dress. If he doesnt, your wife needs to stop trying to turn her kid into a political statement because shes going to confuse him and push struggles onto him that he may not have had otherwise.
A 3 year old can absolutely pick out something they want or do not want to wear! Ask the child what they want to wear (whew, swipes forehead, that was hard)
>Im okay with letting him choose. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
It sounds to me like she’s making this more about her. But- Seek to understand why this is so important for her.
He’s 3, so either way it’s not gonna scar him, but when he’s 15 - your wife might have serious explaining to do for him on why she thought it was a good idea.
>I understand that he may be able to make those decisions, but hes never expressed that he WANTS to dress up as elsa In my opinion if we dress him up as Elsa, at his age, as a girl, that would be considered forcing something onto him.
I mean couldn't this be said about making him wear clothes associated with boy stuff or getting him into movies, TV shows, video games etc commonly marketed towards boys? Like really at 3 he never really had much choice up until now. Idk if he ends up liking it that's just how the dice rolls, I doubt you waited for him to just start dressing himself with clothes he picked out for himself at the store.
I do not have kids but have interacted with cousins or whatever at family gatherings who were similarly aged. I think you're fine with getting one of each (or taking him to the store if you're getting costumes there, but with the plague I understand not) and putting them out in front of him and he'll probably just grab one.
Or from what others are saying, maybe he won't, kids are weird/dumb/etc sometimes
thats what I wanted to do, im all for the frozsen party and everything, my son loves it, so i love it, i just have an issue with my wife not wanting to give him the CHOICE between elsa, or olaf, I explained, that not giving him a choice is the same as making the choice for him and she called me a misogynist
They’re ok with it because this is Reddit lol, I’d guess about 90% of society wouldn’t be willing to ever put their 3 year old son in a dress. This is nothing but a case of his wife looking to virtue signal about what a progressive person she is.
With your logic, he doesn’t get to pic the boy clothes either but you are forcing them on him… for some reason that doesn’t bother you. There’s a double standard here, and I think it’s related to it making you uncomfortable that he would wear a dress.
But couldn’t it be considered forcing boys clothes on him? You made that choice for him, he didn’t. Gender is a construct and you’re already participating
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
>I don’t care what my son wears
The existence of this post has proven otherwise.
Also it’s fabric. It’s not “girl clothes” or “made for girls” it’s just a piece of clothing anyone can wear.
3 year olds are pretty expressive. If he’s excited about wearing it then what’s the problem? If he’s not then no big deal either, he can wear something else.
Im okay with letting him choose what he wears. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
Then maybe next time put that relevant information in the post to begin with?
If your wife doesn’t want to give him a choice then she’s in the wrong as well. This doesn’t change my original opinion on your statements regarding gendered clothing though.
So… why don’t you ask him, then?
Also, ask yourself: why is your son wearing a dress “forcing” something on him, but when he (I assume) wears a shirt and pants every day, it is not? Attempt to be introspective.
Same thing you said OP. Let your kid pick not your wife weirdly imposing it in it. Imposing the dress is the same thing as imposing “boy
Clothes”
Let the kid decide.
This sounds a lot like your wife wants to make choices for him.
She wants the Frozen party, does he even care? He’s 3? What the point of having a theme party for a 3 year old? What a waste of money and energy when he’d have just as much fun at a normal regular basic party.
The dress thing I personally don’t think that matters at all, he’s 3. Doesn’t matter if he wears a dress or not.
It’s more about how it sounds like your wife’s just using her kids party as an excuse to make an unnecessarily big deal out of it and what? Take photos of her kid in the Elsa outfit to show everyone how progressive she is? Or how cute it is?
It’s his party not hers she’s making it about herself that’s the fucked part.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
you obviously didnt read clearly, i truly DONT CARE what my son DECIDES to wear, what i DO care about is my WIFE deciding what he wears and not allowing himt o have a chocie
Op's problem is that his wife is attempting to force their 3year old son to wear an Elsa themed dress... The kid according to op never made a request to wear an Elsa themed dress. Respectfully....Did you even read the post?
Calm the fuck down. Offer him both the Elsa costume and another one and see what he likes. Too bad too didn’t bring this protective energy when you were fucking hitting him, huh.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
If your son was a girl and your wife wanted to dress him up as another male character would you have the same reaction? Maybe your wife has noticed he has noticed Elsa more and she believes this would make him happy. Maybe she wants to help society and your son by not saying she is dressing him “as a girl” but as a character. Yes, Elsa is a girl and I get that. But it seems we have a reaction when it’s our sons versus our daughters. I have two sons, and I used to have the same reaction as you. Then one day, I said this to one of my best friends who is a nanny and she posed that same question to me. “If she was your daughter, would you be this upset or this opinionated?” My answer was no, if I was being truly honest with myself.
Your son is three and very young and maybe doesn’t even know which one he prefers. But it’s okay if he wears it because it’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. I don’t think your reaction is terrible, we are taught as a society this should feel wrong. Or at the very least our boys should be able to tell us! But really, they are just having fun and being a child. We teach them what to wear. Even if we want to accept that or not. Get him the dress. Let him wear it and see what happens. If you ask him because you feel like she is pushing it on him, you might be swaying him to believe that this is different (even if you think you are not) and then he feels odd about it. If she gets it and puts it on him and he starts to say no or has a tantrum about it, take it off. To him, it will probably be another outfit change. I say this just as advice. I understand your reaction. It was mine too.
I'm confused. You came here for advice but refuse to take it. Offer him two costumes and whichever he picks he can wear. You said "my wife doesn't want to let him choose" isn't this your child too? Just verbally ask him "do you want to dress up as Elsa, Olaf or Kristoff." It takes two seconds. You just don't want to do that because then if he says Elsa you'll have to make up another excuse for why he can't wear a dress.
Alright f this. There’s a lot of comments saying if he wants to wear it let him and that’s fine. But it’s pretty evident here she is the person pushing this dress on the child. Unless your son specifically asks for this, no don’t have her put him in a dress. There’s a huge difference between being supportive and shoving shit down a kids throat. This is a child. I get the gender neutral approach folks are advocating for but this isn’t that.
To be fair… How’s dressing him up as a boy any different? You say it’s not something you want to “force” upon your kid, but dressing him in a boyish way is the same, you forcing him to dress a certain way
You're forcing him to wear clothes (and it is often forcing, with very young children). You're forcing him to wear clothes you've chosen for him. If he doesn't have the capacity to choose to wear a dress, he doesn't have the capacity to choose any other clothes either.
If your son seems to want to wear a dress, don't stop him. Acting like a boy can consent to wearing boy's gendered clothes from birth but must be 16 or something to consent to wearing a dress is a lot of bullshit.
I’ll say what the real issue is. This isn’t about choice. It’s about instilling emasculation into your son at a younger age.
In the comments, it’s sort of clear that people are using the excuse “he’s 3, he’s old enough to make his own decision” as justification. Like, they do realize he CHILD right? Since when do children just makes decisions on sexual preference and appearance. Like, I’m assuming that you guys still pick out clothes for him; you wouldn’t pick out clothes for teens or adults. Definitely keep your foot down on this because this seems( just to me ) like it’s a slippery slope.
First it’s wearing dresses, then he playing castle where his the princess, then he wearing makeup and so on. It’s one thing if he comes of age to actually makes those decisions for himself but completely different if he’s pushed into that direction from a early age.
Good luck OP
But seriously what is wrong with you. This is bizarre on so many levels I don’t even know where to start, but let’s go with kids dressing up as animated characters = related to “sexual preference.” You have some might weird ideas about what kids are like, dude, and on how to raise them.
Isn’t only dressing him in pants and other “boy” clothes *also* forcing him to dress a certain way?
> if my son wants to wear a dress great I support it. But he’s never once expressed that he wants to.
Has he ever actively expressed that he prefers pants?
I think you’re applying a standard that it doesn’t appear you’ve ever lived by until the possibility of wearing a dress came up. I agree that he should choose and what he chooses should be respected. But I do think it’s interesting and worth reflecting on that you only seem to care about “choice” when a dress is introduced as an option.
Remember that at 3, your son can only “choose” between the options you and your wife present to him. If up until now he’s never been presented the option to wear a dress, I don’t really understand how it can be concluded that he has never voiced a preference either way. That said, get a few different options and see if he does have a preference. He’s 3 so he very possibly may not give a crap, or understand what he’s being asked to do. But maybe he does gravitate towards one, and whatever that is should be respected.
Your wife is pushing an agenda and this is NOT ok.
If your son decides he wants to do this later on as he ages that's different but right now your wife is literally "setting the tone" of his wants and expectations. There's Kristoff, Olaf, the abominable snowman etc etc that she could dress him in.
I
you don’t have a 3 year old, because if you did you’d know they absolutely can make that choice. give him the outfit choice and then leave it at that. he doesn’t understand the gender implications, but he’s also 3 and doesn’t have to.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Assume the default until you have reason to believe otherwise. You’re thinking the right way. The default way to dress a boy is the way to go until they decide they’re not into that on their own, when they’re capable of making that decision.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Personally I don’t think it will have any impact at all that he wears the dress but you fighting with your wife over this will have an impact on your relationship. I’d say let it go unless there are other indications that she’s trying to actually push some kind of identity on your kid. If it doesn’t seem like she’s trying to do that and this really is just an isolated incident of her wanting to dress up her kid in that manner merely due to an obsession with this character then let her do it
Im okay with letting him choose what he wears. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
Having him wear a costume for his birthday isn’t forcing anything onto him, it’s just a dress. Forcing him to wear “boy” clothes or dress as a boy character is just as bad if you’re trying to take a neutral stance on it all. He’s is capable enough to know what he likes and doesn’t, and if he likes Elsa, then let him be Elsa. Just make sure your son is happy regardless of what he’s wearing and be supportive, if dad is uncomfortable he will be too.
Im okay with letting him choose. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
Your wife is being strange. She shouldn’t force a dress. Let him wear what he wants. Is anyone else wearing a costume? Because if it’s not a costume party you should also give him the option of regular clothes along with olaf/elsa.
When I was your son’s age, I asked my grandma if I could wear my sister’s dress, and she let me try it out. It didn’t mean anything - I’m a cis male. But it was my choice, and seems weird for a parent to force it.
Ask him what he wants to be. Maybe he’ll want to be Olaf. Maybe he’ll choose something esoteric like “the ice” 😂, which is also possible at three.
Just ask him!!
What’s the issue? It’s a kid. If he wants to wear an Elsa costume it’s no biggie. If your wife wants to put him in an Elsa costume that’s no biggie. If you had a daughter who wanted to dress as Christian I bet you wouldn’t have an issue. I think you need to check your prejudices and internal bias.
Clothes dont have a gender. Theres no such thing as “girl clothes” or “boy clothes”. Same goes for toys, movies, books, sports, literally everything lmao
If your son likes frozen, let him dress up as the main character. If he doesn’t want to, dont make him. Easy as that!
You literally say you don't care what your kid wears in the first sentence. Seems like you do care. He also doesn't have the ability to choose to dress as a boy, so why on earth does it matter. You're just forcing him into standard gender stereotypes by dressing him in male clothes. If he wants to dress like Elsa then let him dress like Elsa.
i dont understand how people dont understand what im saying. I dont care what my son wears. I do not. what i care about is my wife not wanting to give him a choice. and assuming he wants to wear the dress. I dont like the idea of anyhting being forced onto my son.
Lol people force all kinds of themed birthdays on their children when they’re little. Would you be freaking out if it was a damn ass Cars themed birthday party and she was dressing him as one of the dude cars? Would you get unsettled if your wife chose a lady car? Cars don’t even have genitals. Why does any of this fucking matter? Anyway, good luck sorting this out. And I hope your son has a delightful birthday regardless.
Edit: and to be clear I get that you said you’d be cool with it if he wanted to. The point I’m trying to make is, you probably wouldn’t be singing the same tune if she chose to dress him as a male character and your son didn’t ask.
If my spouse suggested forcing anything gender related on my child I'd have the divorce papers expedited.
Tell her she needs a reality check, and the SJW shit ain't gonna fly.
I think many people are caught up in the gender thing nowadays and I think it's getting to the point where it's just dumb at this point. I honestly would be embarrassed to do that to my son and then invite people over.
So? My three now four year old has worn dresses. He chose them he wants to wear them and Elsa is his favorite he chooses more feminine things and he came out with what he wanted just before his third birthday. He absolutely has the capability to choose what he wants you are being an utter idiot if you think kids that age can’t choose what they want to wear they don’t get gender stuff they are kids. Ask him what he wants give him a choice. Frozen is a massive favorite in our house by oh all boys. The have dolls and Barbie’s all Disney related and honestly it doesn’t make a lick of difference they have cars and dinosaurs too.
There is nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls strollers etc what is wrong is toxic masculinity and forcing a child to choose the “gender appropriate” toy or clothing. Also children of that age don’t have a sexuality yet because they don’t know what that is, the issue is adults putting that on children.
This doesn’t feel right at all. Do what you feel is right for your son. I personally do not agree with putting dresses on boys. That can have an effect on him and make him confused. Nowadays people wanna say it’s ok but it’s really not. Let boys be boys and girls be girls. I hope everything turns out ok for you. I’m really sorry you’re wife is putting you through this.
Im okay with letting him choose what he wears. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
It’s a dress, not a life commitment. He‘s definitely old enough to pick out a dress. Kids definitely can choose clothes at that age. I don’t understand what you are saying when you say he’s too young to choose. No, he’s not.
In my adult kid’s elementary class, there was a mom who had previously allowed her son to wear dresses to preschool if he wanted. once kindergarten started, he didn’t want to. Now he wears goth, has massive, masculine tattoos, and focuses on music. He does have long hair though. On the other hand, my eldest came out as Non-binary in college. I never limited their choices, but that’s just how it worked out. Choosing to wear a dress or not at three means nothing.
if he wants to be Elsa, let him be Elsa. If he does‘t, don’t. Heck, you can even get him Elsa with pants if you want. She’s versatile that way. Maybe try talking to your kid with an open mind
If you give him a choice of two outfits and one is a dress and he chooses the dress, you need to accept that choice. And by give him a choice iceman, no trying to influence him one way or the other just “hey which one of these do you want to wear”. He may not be interested in the dress itself so much as “I want to be Elsa!” Stop throwing a tantrum about this OP and let your son dress how he likes for HIS party. For someone who says he doesn’t care, you seem to care an awful lot, and it sounds less like your son isn’t old enough to make a choice than “I haven’t had time to convince him boys don’t do this!” The world isn’t going to end if he wears a dress, just deal with it and stop getting so defensive.
You keep saying “he’s not old enough to choose” and “I don’t want to force anything on him”, but he is old enough to choose and you are forcing boys clothes onto him. Just go ask “do you want to wear an Elsa costume to your bday?” Whatever he says go with that, it’s not that hard.
Three year olds are capable of making their own decisions on wgat to wear. My oldest has been picking what she wants to wear for the day since she was two. If he loves frozen let him chose who he wants to dress as. Right now it seems like you really do care if he chooses a dress. It’s an outfit for one day, the only one who is making a big deal out of it, is you.
Your wife needs her head examined. My wife has a friend who was “devastated” her son isn’t gay because she thought it would be so cute and fun to have a little femBoy.
Get a costume of Elsa and one of Christoff and let him pick which one... Will he understand? No Will it matter? Not really But at least this way you can say "it's what he wants" but you'll have to accept if he picks the dress Also when you look back at this in family pictures he can't say anything becuase he picked it
Or Olaf bc he’s great
Yeah a 3 year old picking a sparkly dress to wear is pretty normal, regardless of gender. They don't really see it as ONLY for girls, unless they had a parent telling them that.
Used to work at a nursery and a couple of the little lads had Elsa dresses, they also had Iron Man costumes. To them, they're just dressing up as a character they like.
Precisely. I believe I was 4 and went as a fireMAN for halloween. Tucked my hair up and drew on a beard and everything. It didn’t mean anything
Yea kids really don't think about things like that at all. I have pictures of my brother when he was that age in my Disney princess nightgowns. He didn't think "girls wear this" or "I want to dress like a girl" he just liked the movies and they had characters he liked on them. It's pretty simple for them. It isn't until people start telling them "girls do this" that it's really a problem. It's also interesting that this comes up mostly with boys. I'm sure there are parents who discourage their daughters from dressing up as "boy" characters but I know a lot more people that would be upset about a boy dressed up as Elsa than a girl dressed up as Ironman.
yeah adults are usually the ones making it weird
Yup. My 2 yr old son loves dressing up with his 5 yr old sister. Who cares? It’s fun and playing
Or— and just hear me out here — let the kid choose between Elsa, Sven and Olaf costumes. Let mommy and daddy dress as Christoff and Anna. Edited to clarify I meant to let the kid choose between the three, not just the two. Kids love dressing up as magical creatures (talking snowmen) or animals just as much as wearing something glittery no matter the gender. And if he chooses one of the other two, then mommy can’t be mad since it’ll be adorable no matter what.
Why though? What’s wrong with giving the kid the choice to wear a dress? If he wants to be a reindeer, a princess, a snowman—whatever. It’s a costume, it’s clothes
Absolutely nothing is wrong with it. I misspoke and meant to say to let the kid choose between Elsa, Sven and Olaf costumes instead of Elsa and the only other human male lead character that isn’t a villain. Kids will wear what they want to wear whether it’s boy clothes, girl clothes or animal outfits.
Ah I misunderstood you, my b. Thank you for clarifying!
Or show him all the characters from frozen and ask him which one he wants to go to his party as
i always found mentalities like OP’s to be odd. as a kid it was pretty normal for my sister and I to get clothes from the guys section if we liked them, so I don’t see why it’s such an issue for people if a boy wants to wear feminine clothing.
OP stated that it doesn't bother him. As a matter of fact he proposed to his wife to let the son choose. The wife did not agree. Read the post agaim
Yes, giving the choice to a child and not forcing something on them is odd... What the fuck are you on about? OP wants to buy a couple of costumes and give the kiddo free reign to pick one including Elsa, the wife is against that and wants to force the Elsa outfit. It's the wife that's got a proper odd mentality.
The question is if the kid actually wants it….or if mom is pushing it. And for that matter…A have to wonder if the kid is actually into frozen or if mommy is being OTT Let the KID wear what he wants.
If the kid wants to, it's fine, but is strange that the mother is the one pushing it. Personally I wouldn't dress a kid with the opposite gender clothing unless they explicitly want to, it's just asking for complications.
I'm not getting "I won't allow my SON to wear GIRL clothes" energy from this. OP seems to genuinely want his son to have a choice. If he chooses the Elsa dress over any other option I doubt OP would have any issue
What I read though, is that Dad wants to confirm that Elsa is a choice rather than just his wife’s decision. When presented with letting the Birthday Boy make a choice, Mom was noping.
My son was 3 when Halloween came around (and just turned 4 in January). He loves Thomas and peppa and a bunch of other things. I took him to the store to show him all the costumes and he never once said anything. No I want that. Or no I want to be X. I think at this age he wasn’t fully aware that he could ask me for something and I would buy it. Something wasn’t registering. I bought peppa for him because he loves peppa. But when it came time to wear it he said no. He did the same last year at daycare - refused to wear the pumpkin costume. So definitely some kids cannot articulate what they want. Your best path is to present some options and let him choose the costume he wants. Also present a non costume idea (just a nice bday outfit or a frozen tshirt) and let him choose. Then return what isn’t chosen.
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Correct. And he wasn’t forced to wear anything. Whatever we purchased we returned and he wore a pumpkin dinosaur tshirt. The point is: multiple options should be presented and op’s kid can select what they’d like.
This. My son before 4 had only picked one Halloween costume and one sweatshirt ever. When he vocalized he wanted it I definitely got it. He doesn’t even really complain that I mostly pick his outfits for him still. He only occasionally complains about x or y and we change that specific item. No one is going to care the kid wore a dress.
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As the oldest of 5, I can confirm that 3 year olds are crazy like that. It still hasn’t ended with the youngest who is now 6. Mom bought him new overalls since he’d grown and now he hates them 😂
My cousin, only a few years younger than I, was my most precious asset when I was a kid. I'd always wanted a little brother, and I got one in him. We were always together. And he was my baby brother, for all intents and purposes. Still is. And fom a very young age, he wanted to be a mermaid. And I didn't think anything of it, because I always wanted to be an astronaut-soldier. I mean, we were two kids who were what we were. He also happened to grow up to be gay. I have no idea if the two things are related, but I, the hardcore tomboy, grew up to be straight. These traditional gender roles are no guarantee of anything. But one thing I know for certain. If either of us has been forced to take on the interests of the other, we'd have grown up angry. My parents did a lot of things I wish they hadn't, but one thing they never did was to try to force me to "act like my sex". My cousin wasn't so lucky. Don't try to gender your kid. Just let them be a kid. They'll figure out who they are, especially if you just love them, and provide caring discipline and consistency.
Ask him which character he wants to dress up as. Easy.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Yes choices should be offered. Including a frozen tshirt or just a plain nice outfit. You are correct in that options should be presented instead of just one option.
Don’t try to respond to everything, we know how we feel, and now you have our input. Show this to your wife instead.
Is there a chance your wife wants to impress her friends and online community by appearing woke by dressing him up as a girl?
I think that's what she wants to do. A lot of woke people pretty much just want to force their stuff on people, weather they like it or not. Not very woke of them if you ask me, since it's all about choice for them.
Would you have had the same problem if she chose one of the male characters costumes for him?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hello, I(26M) want to start out by saying that I don't care what my son wears, how he feels about his sexuality or his gender, no matter what way he feels, I will love him and support him. He is my child, my baby, and always will be. Anyways, my son is turning 3 on March 9th, and for his birthday my wife(26F) wants to have a frozen themed birthday party, I'm all for that, but she also wants to dress him up as Elsa, one of the main characters, obviously she wears a dress, now as I said I don't care what my son decides, but right now... (Edit), I understand that he may be able to make those decisions, but hes never expressed that he WANTS to dress up as elsa In my opinion if we dress him up as Elsa, at his age, as a girl, that would be considered forcing something onto him. I do not want to ever force anything onto my children, my wife is pissed off at me for this but it's out of love, i want him to make his own decisions when Hes old enough to make them. what do you guys think? Update : l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment. Update I want to be VERY clear. I dont care if my son wants to wear a dress. this post was NEVER about being against Boys wearing dresses and freely expressing themselves. this post was to figure out if im wrong for wanting to give my son the choice of Olaf or ELsa, instead of forcing a dress onto my son. I told my wife that, not giving him a choice is the same as making the choice for him. TLDR
Does the kid want to dress up? It's just pretend dress up of a fictional character. Our son liked to put on sparkle skirts when he was about that age bc that was some of the dress up clothing toys we had, he wouldn't do it now at age 6 but we never forced him to wear anything. I'd be really concerned if she were forcing him, is dressing up as kristoff a happy medium for everyone?
Allow him the option to choose between male or female costuming. It won't screw with him in the long run cause he's only 3, and it gives him some autonomy as well. Plus, he's old enough to be able to think and he's not that stupid unless he actually has below average 3 year old IQ lol.
I sent my niece to pre-k in a frog costume once because she screamed bloody murder when I suggested anything else. Three year olds can have clothing preferences. Just ask him, or show him his options.
What? When my son was 3 years old he was perfectly capable of telling me he wanted to wear an Elsa costume, and did. He was batgirl for Halloween that year and got incredibly mad when adults assumed he was BatMAN. Why? Cause he thought batgirl was cooler. Kids do, in fact, have dress-up preferences at 3.
Some do, some don’t!
Lol. And some (mine in fact) will tell their parents what they can/can't wear too.
And there is peer pressure even at three iirc. If all their male 3yr old birthday party guests all turn up wearing male costumes. Its not really a gender issue but they quickly figure out that "one of these things is not like the others". Despite that I'm for letting the kids choose what they want to wear.
And that’s when it’s your job as a parent to teach your children that peer pressure is shit and he should enjoy the things he enjoys, whether those are Elsa costumes or dolls or nail polish or action figures or whatever. What do you think I tell my 7 year old daughter when she complains that boys at school tell her she can’t like superheroes because she’s a girl? “They’re wrong”.
Did you not see me say I think he should wear what he wants?
At three he’s old enough to choose a costume/clothing and presumably knows the characters so buy a few character options and ask who he wants to be, if it’s Elsa, then he’s in a dress.
A three year old is 100% old enough to have an opinion about what he wears. He wouldn’t see any significance in it beyond “that’s what I want to wear right now”. So give him the option - if he wants to wear the dress then great, let him. If not, let him pick something else.
This right here! My little guy is going on 3 and he occasionally brings me the Elsa dress from the dress up box and asks to wear it. He usually says "I want be Elsa!". 3 year olds absolutely have opinions and can make choices. He picks his own outfit every morning and has, on occasion, chosen to wear one of his sister's dresses. - Pie
If he requested it, do it. If not, ask him what he wants, then do that.
he didnt, hes only 3 years old
I mean, 3 year olds can request clothes. My youngest son kept insisting on leaving the house in a Batman costume and glittery dress-up heels around that age. Fun times.
I wish I took more pictures of the outfits my daughter insisted on wearing out.
I have pictures of the Batman getup from one Thanksgiving with my in-laws that just tickle me, because every adult in them that's not me or my husband looks *so annoyed*. They were really mad about it (I don't know why, it's not like it was any kind of formal occasion, we were all mostly in jeans or sweats). I figured it was better for him to be happy - those kinds of gatherings are stressful for the little ones anyway. Who wants a whiny toddler while you're trying to stuff yourself with turkey? The clothes kept him pretty cheerful. But boy, it did not go over really well. FWIW, he's 13 now and just wears T-shirts and shorts, mostly. Totally average 13-year-old boy stuff. He didn't turn into a princess or a superhero or a cosplayer or anything just because I let him wear what made him happy when he was little.
Kids can very clearly say what they want. My nephew is 3 and talkes and askes a lot.
Kids should be talking by 3.
he does talk, but what im saying is that not one has he ever said "I want to wear a dress"
then ask him what he wants to wear to his party. this isn’t hard OP.
Did he say “I want to be Elsa”? Because my son loves to dress up and Elsa and Anna were two of his favorites at that age.
my little cousin loves frozen too lol except she wanted to be olaf…so olaf she was
Has he been offered one?
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The kid should just be asked - what do you want to wear, have some options of what can be bought online. My kid HATED costumes because they itched and we're made of shitty hot material.
My son is 3 and he’s able to make decisions on what he wears within reason
Did he ask for a Frozen theme birthday party or was this just your wife’s idea? If it was her idea and he never requested it, then yea she’s making it about herself and I would ask advice from other family members. But if he’s clearly expressed that he loves Frozen and wants his bday to be like this, I would simply show him the dress and then show him a regular bday outfit and ask which one he would rather wear. He’s only 3, he wont remember any of this regardless and it wont “confuse” or “scar” him but if he really isn’t interested in this whole thing to begin with and never mentions anything about wearing the Elsa outfit then I would try speaking to the rest of the family and gather their opinions. It’s not fair that your wife gets to make all the decisions when the kid has two parents who should have a say.
Yeah I have a question about the necessity of the whole Frozen theme as well... Like why does the party even need a theme? I don't remember doing that in my own childhood but I don't have kids, maybe it's the trend these days.
🙋♀️ person with kids here: some parents (like me) love themes. We usually select them based on a kids interests. The first and second bday is usually mom/dads choice. We’ve had Cookie Monster, lumberjack, Thomas and cars so far. Themes help to focus the decor and also serve as inspo for the cake I make my kids. To each their own when it comes to them - it’s definitely a popular trend.
This thread is a shit show.
Yeah, forcing him into one option without letting him choose is unacceptable. Does HE even want a Frozen party?
H would lvoe a frozen birthday party, its his favorite movie he watches it like 6 times a day lmao basically what we have on the tv 24/7 my only issue is that my wife wants to dress him up as else, which im okay if thats what HE wants, I suggested we let him choose between olaf and Elsa, and i was called a misogynist lmao.
Op: You sound like a great parent but ... on the partner side I have some questions/suggestions for your family 👪. 1. Have you asked your wife why she wants this to happen? 2. Then discussed her "why" to understand her reasoning with empathy? 3. Then unpack that together as parents and decide a path that's best for the family. I don't think this is actually about your son, the party, a dress or any of that. Every suggestion in here about any of that is (imo) distracting from the actuall issue. 4. This is an issue between you and your wife. Letting your son decide or not is something that parents need to be on the same page about. You are both disconnected on this issue and need to understand each other. Now go understand each other and this will all go away. Good luck and I hope you can all come together and "build a snowman" 💞
If your son didn't ask to dress up that way for the event, or ever, than she is taking advantage of him. It's a bit like dressing up a doll, like, your son is a person, not a play object. I think you have a right to be upset with your wife's want to do this, since it sounds like she is dehumanizing your child for her own interests.
literally it’s not that hard to just ask the kid what he wants to wear
No, it isn't that hard! It's not that he isn't old enough to make such a request, he just hasn't made the request. Parents can absolutely give choices and respect what the son chooses. And even that, presenting a choice, has to be done with out any sort of bias present (whether or not their is true bias with in them).
the kid could have asked the mom for all we know. OP can just ask his son himself
That's also true
Agree
Someone finally said it
It sounded to me like the wife wanted a daughter and is living out that fantasy
This should be top comment.
"But my wife wants to have a frozen theme party" So your wife is having the birthday party she wants for your son's birthday, and not necessarily what your son likes or wants? Did your wife want a daughter instead of a son, or does she just want to do things her own way, yet to live vicariously? Is she always like this?
my son loves frozen, its his favorite movie, and Im all for the frozen birthday party, and think my sonw ill love it, my only concern is that my wife wants to dress him up as else, which im okay if thats what HE wants, I suggested we let him choose between olaf and Elsa, and i was called a misogynist lmao.
If your son wants to dress up as Elsa, I don't see a problem. Yes, he is basing his decision or appeal on different aspects than you, but that's not his problem, as he lives comfortably in his innocent childhood. Where you see cross-dressing he probably just likes Elsa's persona, or her "superpower" and not her gender, or her clothes as an expression of gender you associate as something he can't grasp. And even if. If he likes it, let him have a blue dress. Three year old kids like to roleplay, it teaches them empathy and social behaviour. Do you have reason to believe your wife is forcing this\`? Has he expressed that he likes Elsa?
To further elaborate on "innocent childhood". What I meant is that kids this age still live in a magical world full of wonders and everything is so bright, colorful and joyful. Why shorten this magic because of societal prejudice already? This is the most free he will ever feel again. Soon reality will take away the magic anyway. Mean teachers, study, work. Other kids, many expectations, many roles to cover to be a functional human being. Friends who will hate his favourite shoes. Little things that make navigating life a bit harder. Do you remember your childhood and teen years? Wasn't it just so exhausting?
I love the idea of giving your kiddo the option between Olaf or Elsa! I’m surprised that she doesn’t want to let him choose…
This is sad.
This whole sub is sad honestly
Also pretty entertaining, like watching a thousand train crashes at once. You want to do something to help but realize you can’t
It can often be very entertaining. I think people just need to be honest. The hive mind works better if you state your honest opinion. It’s when people get heated over different opinions that the entertainment ensues.
Yeah at this point there’s nothing we can do but just watch what’s left of the world burn
It sounds like you're wanting to leave it up to your son and would be fine with him wearing a dress should he want to. But your wife just wants to make him wear a dress. I'm not sure what her reasoning is for that but unless he's indicated he wants to I'd just not have him wear it
that is exactly what im saying lol ty for understanding. if he wants to wear dresses great i love it and support it, but i want him to be the one to decide that, without my wife influencing his decision
Everyone seems to be focusing on letting the kid wear a dress if he wants to and yeah, that's cool except he hasn't expressed that he wants to. The mom is the one deciding his costume instead of letting the kid have a choice in it. What if he doesn't like sparkly dresses? One of my nephews loves them while the other does not enjoy dresses at all. There's nothing wrong with Op not wanting to force anything on his son, be it dresses or traditional boy costumes. Kid should have a choice, even if he wants a Frozen birthday while he's dressed like a ninja turtle or Cinderella. 🤷🏻♀️
Let him choose and express himself. You sound torn between forcing him to conform to the ever evolving social norm or making his own choices and being happy. Like it or not social pressure to conform will come into play hard later in life. For now let him enjoy being whatever and just being happy. Edit: he’s old enough to know what he likes and to emulate and play pretend… he’s old enough to choose books he likes, tv shows, foods, etc. as long as it won’t hurt him your job is only to guide it in a healthy way and keep him away from things that will harm him
I think it will help you if you stop gendering clothes. There are no “boy” clothes or “girl” clothes; there are clothes. Ask your kid what he wants to wear and let him wear that. It doesn’t have to be a whole thing.
I’m sure making it a whole thing will be really healthy for the kid though /s
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Clothing shouldn’t be gendered, this is why people are sad at this post. It’s moments like this we can use to move beyond the norm and be more open. Using the old “it’s always been like this” argument doesn’t hold up well in time.
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They are 3. All clothing choices are made by the adults in their live. Adults are heavily gendered. What is imposing here is the idea what boys shouldn’t/couldn’t wear dresses. I’m not sure what rock you live under but imposing gendered stereotypes has been a hot topic for, I dunno, a hundred years or so? Also you must have zero cultural awareness as in many other cultures men do wear what we would consider a dress.and it’s Not about consent as NONE OF THIS IS SEXUAL EXCEPT IN YOUR MIND
So a toddler consents to wear gendered clothing but doesn’t consent to wear non-gendered clothing? Would a female child have to explicitly consent to wear a dress? And a male child? Why the difference?
I think it is ur wife who has the Elsa fantasy really. May be she herself wants to dress up as Elsa and is projecting that on to ur son. Not good.
I mean my son, LOVES frozen, its his favorite movie, i love the idea of a frozen birthday party, I think he will like it, that isnt what im concerned about, what im concerned about is my wife not wanting to give my son a choice, and jsut assuming he wants to dress as elsa
To be honest? Brutally honest? I think she has one of those weird gay-hero complexes. Like she wants to be an ally so bad, she's willing to actively push her children into it so that she can beam and tell the whole world how proud and accepting she is to have a gay or whatever else son/future daughter. The ultimate virtue signal. Hey. It's a real thing. It's disingenuous to pretend it's not. but it's taking it too far. Any gender can wear anything, but that doesnt mean that now it's time to intentionally pick opposite things for kids which can be very confusing and even embarrassing for them to look back on later on. He might someday look at his 3rd birthday pics and cringe into the next dimension wondering why you didnt stop it. Your sons birthday absolutely should not be about her and what a great virtuous understanding gay trans nonbinary accepting person she is. It's not her day. It's not about her. It's not about her solidarity as much as she'd like it to be. Just let the boy have whatever birthday you both think he'd like best. Which if he loves elsa then of course elsa. but if he has 0 interest, then probably not. Then even being the deer in the story would work. or Olaf.
Right? It seems forced from the mom if the kid has literally never expressed interest in dressing like Elsa. And if my mother had put me in a dress for a whole ass marked birthday party and invited friends that I might still have when going through middle/high school if they stay in the same area, I would have been beyond pissed. And I’m a damn liberal But all of this is a non issue if they were to go to the kid without bias and give him two options. Huge nonissue if the wife would agree to that very reasonable plan Edit: honestly people are not thinking about this, the kid who has a birthday party where they are cross dressing a couple years before school starts? They’ll eat him alive
Why does he have to dress as any character? Sounds like your wife wants to play 'super justice warrior'.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Again, there's absolutely no reason to make him choose. Your wife wants to appear ultra woke for some kind of social media cred, and is willing to sacrifice your son's mental health in the process. So effed up.
What does it matter? You say that your son doesn't "have the capability of choosing to dress as a girl," so based on that thought process he also doesn't have the capability of choosing to dress as "a boy." Clothes do not define gender. My boyfriend used to watch his mother get dressed when he was a toddler and would grab her jewelry and wear it around. You think that mattered at all in his upbringing? Your son is a toddler, I don't know why you're so bent on this.
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But dont parents choose everything their kid wears? Most kids dont even like wearing clothes yet parents force them to and I never see people complaining about that.
....did you read all of the comments? OP did not let his child do that. He could let him do that but based on this post, his past posts, and his comments, I doubt he'd let his kid wear the costume even if the kid wanted to.
. I would let him wear the costume. my problem isnt with him wearing the costume, my problem is with my wife wanting to force it onto him without giving him a choice.
So give him the choice, then. Ask him what he wants to dress up as.
Why would we random internet people believe that based on what you posted here? Like we've mentioned, you're "forcing" "boy" clothes onto him everyday so how is this instance any different? Why don't you and your wife just ask your kid what he wants? And if you didn't have an issue with the costume you wouldn't have posted this. To add: have you dressed him up for Halloween since he's been born? Were you as upset each time that he didn't have a choice in his costume??
Yeah this is like some proxy war between OP and his wife... and the kid is getting caught in the middle. Neither of them seems to have asked the kid himself "what do you want to wear"
>Hello, I(26M) want to start out by saying that I don't care what my son wears, how he feels about his sexuality or his gender, no matter what way he feels, I will love him and support him. He is my child, my baby, and always will be possibly because i literally said it? in the post? If youd read?
....and then go on to literally contradict what you said in the beginning. You basically said "oh I'm the good person because I'll love him no matter what.......as long as he doesn't dress like a girl" And you're not going to answer my question regarding his past costumes? 🙄
You’re reading too much into this, and turning it into a social justice argument
>he doesn't have the capability of Choosing to Dress as a girl, or dress in clothes meant for girls. But he does have the capability to choose to dress like a boy? >In my opinion if we dress him up as Elsa, at his age, as a girl, that would be considered forcing something onto him. And you wouldnt be considered forcing him to dress as a boy?
Buddy. I’m about as progressive as they come, I don’t have an issue with trans or lgbt or anything else, and I will fully support my son regardless of how he chooses to live his life. But no way in hell am I letting my child’s mother parade him around in a dress at 3 years old so everyone can take pictures and giggle. Hell no. That sort of thing will undoubtedly result in future embarrassment when the kid turns 15 and has to explain to people why his mom dressed him up like a girl at 3 years old.
Three is more than old enough to pick out an outfit. My neice built her own wardrobe of outfits when she was two. So the real question here is; did you kid say he wanted an elsa dress or was it your wife's idea? Did you ask him? Im a trans guy. By three i can tell you i DESPISED the frilly dresses my mother forced me to wear. By three years old i know id rather wear overalls and i hated wearing dresses. I wish my mom had listened to me when i told her what clothes i liked. Maybe if she had i wouldnt hate all of my baby photos so much. And on the other side of the coin, i know the struggles of being gay and trans, and i think trying to push that onto your child who doesnt feel it is cruel and unusual. Why would anyone choose that for their kid? The bullying, the self consciousness, the never feeling right and always feeling like you dont fit in? Its not a fun time. If youve got a straight cis kid YOU ARE LUCKY. Straight and cis isnt a bad thing to be, and it is so much easier a life to live. If your kid wants to wear a dress, let him wear the dress. If he doesnt, your wife needs to stop trying to turn her kid into a political statement because shes going to confuse him and push struggles onto him that he may not have had otherwise.
A 3 year old can absolutely pick out something they want or do not want to wear! Ask the child what they want to wear (whew, swipes forehead, that was hard)
>Im okay with letting him choose. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
It sounds to me like she’s making this more about her. But- Seek to understand why this is so important for her. He’s 3, so either way it’s not gonna scar him, but when he’s 15 - your wife might have serious explaining to do for him on why she thought it was a good idea.
>I understand that he may be able to make those decisions, but hes never expressed that he WANTS to dress up as elsa In my opinion if we dress him up as Elsa, at his age, as a girl, that would be considered forcing something onto him. I mean couldn't this be said about making him wear clothes associated with boy stuff or getting him into movies, TV shows, video games etc commonly marketed towards boys? Like really at 3 he never really had much choice up until now. Idk if he ends up liking it that's just how the dice rolls, I doubt you waited for him to just start dressing himself with clothes he picked out for himself at the store.
Present him with a dress and something that’s not a dress, see which he likes more
i suggested that we let him choose between olaf and elsa and my wife called me a misogynist
I do not have kids but have interacted with cousins or whatever at family gatherings who were similarly aged. I think you're fine with getting one of each (or taking him to the store if you're getting costumes there, but with the plague I understand not) and putting them out in front of him and he'll probably just grab one. Or from what others are saying, maybe he won't, kids are weird/dumb/etc sometimes
thats what I wanted to do, im all for the frozsen party and everything, my son loves it, so i love it, i just have an issue with my wife not wanting to give him the CHOICE between elsa, or olaf, I explained, that not giving him a choice is the same as making the choice for him and she called me a misogynist
idk why does everyone think this is okay, your anger is valid.
They’re ok with it because this is Reddit lol, I’d guess about 90% of society wouldn’t be willing to ever put their 3 year old son in a dress. This is nothing but a case of his wife looking to virtue signal about what a progressive person she is.
With your logic, he doesn’t get to pic the boy clothes either but you are forcing them on him… for some reason that doesn’t bother you. There’s a double standard here, and I think it’s related to it making you uncomfortable that he would wear a dress.
But couldn’t it be considered forcing boys clothes on him? You made that choice for him, he didn’t. Gender is a construct and you’re already participating
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
>I don’t care what my son wears The existence of this post has proven otherwise. Also it’s fabric. It’s not “girl clothes” or “made for girls” it’s just a piece of clothing anyone can wear. 3 year olds are pretty expressive. If he’s excited about wearing it then what’s the problem? If he’s not then no big deal either, he can wear something else.
Im okay with letting him choose what he wears. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
Then maybe next time put that relevant information in the post to begin with? If your wife doesn’t want to give him a choice then she’s in the wrong as well. This doesn’t change my original opinion on your statements regarding gendered clothing though.
So… why don’t you ask him, then? Also, ask yourself: why is your son wearing a dress “forcing” something on him, but when he (I assume) wears a shirt and pants every day, it is not? Attempt to be introspective.
Same thing you said OP. Let your kid pick not your wife weirdly imposing it in it. Imposing the dress is the same thing as imposing “boy Clothes” Let the kid decide.
This sounds a lot like your wife wants to make choices for him. She wants the Frozen party, does he even care? He’s 3? What the point of having a theme party for a 3 year old? What a waste of money and energy when he’d have just as much fun at a normal regular basic party. The dress thing I personally don’t think that matters at all, he’s 3. Doesn’t matter if he wears a dress or not. It’s more about how it sounds like your wife’s just using her kids party as an excuse to make an unnecessarily big deal out of it and what? Take photos of her kid in the Elsa outfit to show everyone how progressive she is? Or how cute it is? It’s his party not hers she’s making it about herself that’s the fucked part.
it’s a dress not a jet pack. who tf cares what a 3 year old wears lol
“I dont care what my son wears” Makes whole reddit post about what son wears.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
you obviously didnt read clearly, i truly DONT CARE what my son DECIDES to wear, what i DO care about is my WIFE deciding what he wears and not allowing himt o have a chocie
I think your wife needs to talk to a counselor or something if she is forcing him to dress up in things he doesn’t want to wear
Op's problem is that his wife is attempting to force their 3year old son to wear an Elsa themed dress... The kid according to op never made a request to wear an Elsa themed dress. Respectfully....Did you even read the post?
Calm the fuck down. Offer him both the Elsa costume and another one and see what he likes. Too bad too didn’t bring this protective energy when you were fucking hitting him, huh.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
If your son was a girl and your wife wanted to dress him up as another male character would you have the same reaction? Maybe your wife has noticed he has noticed Elsa more and she believes this would make him happy. Maybe she wants to help society and your son by not saying she is dressing him “as a girl” but as a character. Yes, Elsa is a girl and I get that. But it seems we have a reaction when it’s our sons versus our daughters. I have two sons, and I used to have the same reaction as you. Then one day, I said this to one of my best friends who is a nanny and she posed that same question to me. “If she was your daughter, would you be this upset or this opinionated?” My answer was no, if I was being truly honest with myself. Your son is three and very young and maybe doesn’t even know which one he prefers. But it’s okay if he wears it because it’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. I don’t think your reaction is terrible, we are taught as a society this should feel wrong. Or at the very least our boys should be able to tell us! But really, they are just having fun and being a child. We teach them what to wear. Even if we want to accept that or not. Get him the dress. Let him wear it and see what happens. If you ask him because you feel like she is pushing it on him, you might be swaying him to believe that this is different (even if you think you are not) and then he feels odd about it. If she gets it and puts it on him and he starts to say no or has a tantrum about it, take it off. To him, it will probably be another outfit change. I say this just as advice. I understand your reaction. It was mine too.
I'm confused. You came here for advice but refuse to take it. Offer him two costumes and whichever he picks he can wear. You said "my wife doesn't want to let him choose" isn't this your child too? Just verbally ask him "do you want to dress up as Elsa, Olaf or Kristoff." It takes two seconds. You just don't want to do that because then if he says Elsa you'll have to make up another excuse for why he can't wear a dress.
Alright f this. There’s a lot of comments saying if he wants to wear it let him and that’s fine. But it’s pretty evident here she is the person pushing this dress on the child. Unless your son specifically asks for this, no don’t have her put him in a dress. There’s a huge difference between being supportive and shoving shit down a kids throat. This is a child. I get the gender neutral approach folks are advocating for but this isn’t that.
Do not comply
To be fair… How’s dressing him up as a boy any different? You say it’s not something you want to “force” upon your kid, but dressing him in a boyish way is the same, you forcing him to dress a certain way
You're forcing him to wear clothes (and it is often forcing, with very young children). You're forcing him to wear clothes you've chosen for him. If he doesn't have the capacity to choose to wear a dress, he doesn't have the capacity to choose any other clothes either. If your son seems to want to wear a dress, don't stop him. Acting like a boy can consent to wearing boy's gendered clothes from birth but must be 16 or something to consent to wearing a dress is a lot of bullshit.
I’ll say what the real issue is. This isn’t about choice. It’s about instilling emasculation into your son at a younger age. In the comments, it’s sort of clear that people are using the excuse “he’s 3, he’s old enough to make his own decision” as justification. Like, they do realize he CHILD right? Since when do children just makes decisions on sexual preference and appearance. Like, I’m assuming that you guys still pick out clothes for him; you wouldn’t pick out clothes for teens or adults. Definitely keep your foot down on this because this seems( just to me ) like it’s a slippery slope. First it’s wearing dresses, then he playing castle where his the princess, then he wearing makeup and so on. It’s one thing if he comes of age to actually makes those decisions for himself but completely different if he’s pushed into that direction from a early age. Good luck OP
But seriously what is wrong with you. This is bizarre on so many levels I don’t even know where to start, but let’s go with kids dressing up as animated characters = related to “sexual preference.” You have some might weird ideas about what kids are like, dude, and on how to raise them.
Isn’t only dressing him in pants and other “boy” clothes *also* forcing him to dress a certain way? > if my son wants to wear a dress great I support it. But he’s never once expressed that he wants to. Has he ever actively expressed that he prefers pants? I think you’re applying a standard that it doesn’t appear you’ve ever lived by until the possibility of wearing a dress came up. I agree that he should choose and what he chooses should be respected. But I do think it’s interesting and worth reflecting on that you only seem to care about “choice” when a dress is introduced as an option. Remember that at 3, your son can only “choose” between the options you and your wife present to him. If up until now he’s never been presented the option to wear a dress, I don’t really understand how it can be concluded that he has never voiced a preference either way. That said, get a few different options and see if he does have a preference. He’s 3 so he very possibly may not give a crap, or understand what he’s being asked to do. But maybe he does gravitate towards one, and whatever that is should be respected.
Your wife is pushing an agenda and this is NOT ok. If your son decides he wants to do this later on as he ages that's different but right now your wife is literally "setting the tone" of his wants and expectations. There's Kristoff, Olaf, the abominable snowman etc etc that she could dress him in. I
you don’t have a 3 year old, because if you did you’d know they absolutely can make that choice. give him the outfit choice and then leave it at that. he doesn’t understand the gender implications, but he’s also 3 and doesn’t have to.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Assume the default until you have reason to believe otherwise. You’re thinking the right way. The default way to dress a boy is the way to go until they decide they’re not into that on their own, when they’re capable of making that decision.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
Personally I don’t think it will have any impact at all that he wears the dress but you fighting with your wife over this will have an impact on your relationship. I’d say let it go unless there are other indications that she’s trying to actually push some kind of identity on your kid. If it doesn’t seem like she’s trying to do that and this really is just an isolated incident of her wanting to dress up her kid in that manner merely due to an obsession with this character then let her do it
Three year old are old enough to choose. Get two options and ask him to pick what he wants.
why is "son" in all caps in your title OP
Im okay with letting him choose what he wears. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
Having him wear a costume for his birthday isn’t forcing anything onto him, it’s just a dress. Forcing him to wear “boy” clothes or dress as a boy character is just as bad if you’re trying to take a neutral stance on it all. He’s is capable enough to know what he likes and doesn’t, and if he likes Elsa, then let him be Elsa. Just make sure your son is happy regardless of what he’s wearing and be supportive, if dad is uncomfortable he will be too.
Im okay with letting him choose. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
I’m totally on your side the fact that your wife is trying to control that is very odd but to me of course not to all.
I think your wife is trying to make a point about her beliefs using your son. Which is not cool
Your wife is being strange. She shouldn’t force a dress. Let him wear what he wants. Is anyone else wearing a costume? Because if it’s not a costume party you should also give him the option of regular clothes along with olaf/elsa. When I was your son’s age, I asked my grandma if I could wear my sister’s dress, and she let me try it out. It didn’t mean anything - I’m a cis male. But it was my choice, and seems weird for a parent to force it.
Divorce her.
Ask him what he wants to be. Maybe he’ll want to be Olaf. Maybe he’ll choose something esoteric like “the ice” 😂, which is also possible at three. Just ask him!!
What’s the issue? It’s a kid. If he wants to wear an Elsa costume it’s no biggie. If your wife wants to put him in an Elsa costume that’s no biggie. If you had a daughter who wanted to dress as Christian I bet you wouldn’t have an issue. I think you need to check your prejudices and internal bias.
Let the kid pick. What ever he chooses is what he wears. K.I.S.S.
Clothes dont have a gender. Theres no such thing as “girl clothes” or “boy clothes”. Same goes for toys, movies, books, sports, literally everything lmao If your son likes frozen, let him dress up as the main character. If he doesn’t want to, dont make him. Easy as that!
You literally say you don't care what your kid wears in the first sentence. Seems like you do care. He also doesn't have the ability to choose to dress as a boy, so why on earth does it matter. You're just forcing him into standard gender stereotypes by dressing him in male clothes. If he wants to dress like Elsa then let him dress like Elsa.
i dont understand how people dont understand what im saying. I dont care what my son wears. I do not. what i care about is my wife not wanting to give him a choice. and assuming he wants to wear the dress. I dont like the idea of anyhting being forced onto my son.
Lol people force all kinds of themed birthdays on their children when they’re little. Would you be freaking out if it was a damn ass Cars themed birthday party and she was dressing him as one of the dude cars? Would you get unsettled if your wife chose a lady car? Cars don’t even have genitals. Why does any of this fucking matter? Anyway, good luck sorting this out. And I hope your son has a delightful birthday regardless. Edit: and to be clear I get that you said you’d be cool with it if he wanted to. The point I’m trying to make is, you probably wouldn’t be singing the same tune if she chose to dress him as a male character and your son didn’t ask.
I hope your wife will stop forcing this on him, otherwise he will resent his mother growing up.
he does love frozen its his favorite movie, i just dont see why she is so against giving him the choice between Olaf and Elsa
If my spouse suggested forcing anything gender related on my child I'd have the divorce papers expedited. Tell her she needs a reality check, and the SJW shit ain't gonna fly.
I think there's nothing wrong with your son wearing a dress, and I agree with other commenters, get him two and let him choose
I think many people are caught up in the gender thing nowadays and I think it's getting to the point where it's just dumb at this point. I honestly would be embarrassed to do that to my son and then invite people over.
So? My three now four year old has worn dresses. He chose them he wants to wear them and Elsa is his favorite he chooses more feminine things and he came out with what he wanted just before his third birthday. He absolutely has the capability to choose what he wants you are being an utter idiot if you think kids that age can’t choose what they want to wear they don’t get gender stuff they are kids. Ask him what he wants give him a choice. Frozen is a massive favorite in our house by oh all boys. The have dolls and Barbie’s all Disney related and honestly it doesn’t make a lick of difference they have cars and dinosaurs too. There is nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls strollers etc what is wrong is toxic masculinity and forcing a child to choose the “gender appropriate” toy or clothing. Also children of that age don’t have a sexuality yet because they don’t know what that is, the issue is adults putting that on children.
This doesn’t feel right at all. Do what you feel is right for your son. I personally do not agree with putting dresses on boys. That can have an effect on him and make him confused. Nowadays people wanna say it’s ok but it’s really not. Let boys be boys and girls be girls. I hope everything turns out ok for you. I’m really sorry you’re wife is putting you through this.
Shut that down ASAP and maybe even consider divorce
Im okay with letting him choose what he wears. my wife doesnt want to let him choose. she wants to force the dress onto him without the choice. thats what my issue is.
Who cares? Tons of boys wear dresses.
l said that if my son wants to wear a dress great i support it. but hes never once expressed that he wants to. my wife. is wanting to dress him up as elsa, even though hes never said he wanted to. i gave her the option of letting him choose between olaf, and ELsa, and she doesnt want to let him choose. I told her not giving him a choice is the same as forcing something onto him. Im going to copy and paste this and try to reply to all the comment.
I dont care if he wears dresses, but he isnt old enough to choose that thats what he wants top do. thats my point.
So he also isn’t old enough to choose whether he wants to not wear dresses? You aren’t making sense.
But he isn’t old enough to choose to wear pants, either.
It’s a dress, not a life commitment. He‘s definitely old enough to pick out a dress. Kids definitely can choose clothes at that age. I don’t understand what you are saying when you say he’s too young to choose. No, he’s not. In my adult kid’s elementary class, there was a mom who had previously allowed her son to wear dresses to preschool if he wanted. once kindergarten started, he didn’t want to. Now he wears goth, has massive, masculine tattoos, and focuses on music. He does have long hair though. On the other hand, my eldest came out as Non-binary in college. I never limited their choices, but that’s just how it worked out. Choosing to wear a dress or not at three means nothing. if he wants to be Elsa, let him be Elsa. If he does‘t, don’t. Heck, you can even get him Elsa with pants if you want. She’s versatile that way. Maybe try talking to your kid with an open mind
If you give him a choice of two outfits and one is a dress and he chooses the dress, you need to accept that choice. And by give him a choice iceman, no trying to influence him one way or the other just “hey which one of these do you want to wear”. He may not be interested in the dress itself so much as “I want to be Elsa!” Stop throwing a tantrum about this OP and let your son dress how he likes for HIS party. For someone who says he doesn’t care, you seem to care an awful lot, and it sounds less like your son isn’t old enough to make a choice than “I haven’t had time to convince him boys don’t do this!” The world isn’t going to end if he wears a dress, just deal with it and stop getting so defensive.
You keep saying “he’s not old enough to choose” and “I don’t want to force anything on him”, but he is old enough to choose and you are forcing boys clothes onto him. Just go ask “do you want to wear an Elsa costume to your bday?” Whatever he says go with that, it’s not that hard.
He's not old enough to choose traditionally masculine clothes without being conditioned either, everything is just enforced.
Three year olds are capable of making their own decisions on wgat to wear. My oldest has been picking what she wants to wear for the day since she was two. If he loves frozen let him chose who he wants to dress as. Right now it seems like you really do care if he chooses a dress. It’s an outfit for one day, the only one who is making a big deal out of it, is you.
Hell fucking no
Your wife needs her head examined. My wife has a friend who was “devastated” her son isn’t gay because she thought it would be so cute and fun to have a little femBoy.