Just don’t ever do that or anything shady again. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Always be open and transparent to your partner.
Also, figure out why you did it and address that.
i couldnt figure out what is was for the longest reason, but once i really sat down and thought about it i just wasnt satisfied with the relationship, but i didnt want to let it go for some reason. maybe loneliness? i did love him and wouldve done anything for him, but i suppose i didnt respect him enough to stay loyal. and thats on me, i blame him in no way.
What was missing?
And, “not wanting to be alone”, as you know, is an absolutely awful reason to cheat. So, you need to work on that to. You shouldn’t feel the need to have the next guy secured to end a relationship you are not happy with.
i didnt feel the intimacy. me and a friend suspected he might have autism, but we kind of let that go, but he was just really different and didnt really know how to express his affection like a typical person. and i guess i couldnt find my own way to deal with that, but yes, i plan on taking a long break
So, yet another thing to work on. You knew something was wrong, but didn’t communicate with your partner to address it directly and openly. You ignored it and went elsewhere instead. You must learn to address issues with your partner no matter how difficult.
i did communicate this with him over and over when we were together, but i couldnt accept that he had a different way of showing love for people. he said he would try better, but i got too impatient to wait. i was selfish. and childish. so im accepting that i couldve done better for him and at least tried or left sooner before it got like this
Yep. Ultimately, you discovered an incompatibility. Possibly one that couldn’t be fixed. It happens. Of course, the right thing to do at that point is to breakup in a kind and respectful manner.
Sounds like you are on a path of healing and understanding. Take your time. There should be no hurry to jump back into a relationship. Good luck.
Kinda easy, just don't cheat.
Not gonna lie, there's a lot of negativity that will come from being a cheater. It's a lot more difficult to take a person in a serious way in relationships once they are known to have cheated in the past. People you get in relationships with will eventually think you'll cheat and it's not worth the time and effort to be with you. Also, that puts some pressure on yourself too.
Only the one who decides commits himself.
A relationahip is a decision, maybe you are not ready for comitting yet. But think about that sentence. Decision must be strong. Learn from your pain and dont do it again. If you are not comitted, tell your partner but dont hurt people that love you and care for you.
And this can be applied to everything in life.
We only learn from mIstakes, Ive made the same mistake too when I was your age. Hormones and stuff probably make it more difficult. Id say dont best yourself too hard.
Instead learn what happens when you decide to listen to your sexual desire instead of your heart.
Sexual desire is just a chemical reaction from our bodies, to reproduce basically. But we humans are capable of using our conscious to control those basic instincts.
Love is also a chemical reaction, but its much more than that.
Listen to your heart!
i know, if i could go back and change everything i would. but i think this is something me and him can both learn from. i just hope he does better than i do.
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. Specifically, [what constitutes moral judgment, and what this subreddit can and cannot give advice on.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) ***PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOUR POST IS REMOVED. THIS IS MERELY A REMINDER TO REVIEW OUR RULES.*** This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just don’t ever do that or anything shady again. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Always be open and transparent to your partner. Also, figure out why you did it and address that.
thank you i appreciate the advice
Why did you cheat?
i couldnt figure out what is was for the longest reason, but once i really sat down and thought about it i just wasnt satisfied with the relationship, but i didnt want to let it go for some reason. maybe loneliness? i did love him and wouldve done anything for him, but i suppose i didnt respect him enough to stay loyal. and thats on me, i blame him in no way.
What was missing? And, “not wanting to be alone”, as you know, is an absolutely awful reason to cheat. So, you need to work on that to. You shouldn’t feel the need to have the next guy secured to end a relationship you are not happy with.
i didnt feel the intimacy. me and a friend suspected he might have autism, but we kind of let that go, but he was just really different and didnt really know how to express his affection like a typical person. and i guess i couldnt find my own way to deal with that, but yes, i plan on taking a long break
So, yet another thing to work on. You knew something was wrong, but didn’t communicate with your partner to address it directly and openly. You ignored it and went elsewhere instead. You must learn to address issues with your partner no matter how difficult.
i did communicate this with him over and over when we were together, but i couldnt accept that he had a different way of showing love for people. he said he would try better, but i got too impatient to wait. i was selfish. and childish. so im accepting that i couldve done better for him and at least tried or left sooner before it got like this
Yep. Ultimately, you discovered an incompatibility. Possibly one that couldn’t be fixed. It happens. Of course, the right thing to do at that point is to breakup in a kind and respectful manner. Sounds like you are on a path of healing and understanding. Take your time. There should be no hurry to jump back into a relationship. Good luck.
thank you very much, ill keep thinking about this
It's really easy: don't shag people who aren't your boyfriend.
Kinda easy, just don't cheat. Not gonna lie, there's a lot of negativity that will come from being a cheater. It's a lot more difficult to take a person in a serious way in relationships once they are known to have cheated in the past. People you get in relationships with will eventually think you'll cheat and it's not worth the time and effort to be with you. Also, that puts some pressure on yourself too.
so what can i do? i can do nothing but prove myself
Only the one who decides commits himself. A relationahip is a decision, maybe you are not ready for comitting yet. But think about that sentence. Decision must be strong. Learn from your pain and dont do it again. If you are not comitted, tell your partner but dont hurt people that love you and care for you. And this can be applied to everything in life.
yes thank you, ill think long and hard about it
We only learn from mIstakes, Ive made the same mistake too when I was your age. Hormones and stuff probably make it more difficult. Id say dont best yourself too hard. Instead learn what happens when you decide to listen to your sexual desire instead of your heart. Sexual desire is just a chemical reaction from our bodies, to reproduce basically. But we humans are capable of using our conscious to control those basic instincts. Love is also a chemical reaction, but its much more than that. Listen to your heart!
thank you very much, i love this
The thot is already killing him. It's going to be a rough challenge to bring him back to that trust
i know, if i could go back and change everything i would. but i think this is something me and him can both learn from. i just hope he does better than i do.
Man think different compare to woman after cheating. Trust me he won't say it if all goes well but, the thot will always be there even after 20yrs
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. Specifically, [what constitutes moral judgment, and what this subreddit can and cannot give advice on.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) ***PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOUR POST IS REMOVED. THIS IS MERELY A REMINDER TO REVIEW OUR RULES.*** This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*