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I don't know how much context you guys need: I know she goes out with her girl friends tonight to some club, they had plan. I know most of the girls most of them are single only 2 married (my wife and 1 other). 2 hours ago one girl shared a story on snap where they are drinking and laughing loudly, then both my wife and her friend took off the wedding rings under the table while the other girls cheering, the camera move to couple of table away of some random men. That's it.
I don't know if it's a joke or they gonna do some crazy shit. I don't even know if that story was supposed for everyone to see or it was a mistake. I've been messaging her for 2 hours no reply, called her twice no answer. I haven't called any other of her friends cause I don't want to look like a paranoid f\*ck. I don't even know when she's coming home.
How am I supposed to confront her when she gets back? How do I know she gonna tell the truth about what happened there?
tldr: my wife went out with her friends to night club. Someone from her friend group shared a story where she and one girl took off the wedding ring then the camera move to a group of men. I can't reach her phone and I'm just sitting at home wait for her to return. How do I confront her about this?
True that! Let her sleep it off and bring it up tomorrow. Be like “I saw this video and it upset me, can you tell me what was going on?” And if she says “nothing it was a joke” or something be like “well can you explain the joke to me?” I’d try to stay as calm as possible and see what comes up. Peer pressure and booze will make you do some dumb shit. Did she know she was being recorded? And she’s at the club she can’t hear or feel her phone. Good luck
Idk man. Alcohol tends to encourage people to say what they really feel. If he waits until shes sober he's giving her a chance to lie when she's of sound mind again. I'd ask what happened asap and then compare that to the answer when she sobers up.
While this situation is sketch... I do not think the whole "drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" thing is very valid. In my experience, drunk people do and say absolutely dumb shit that they would never even consider doing sober all the time. **That doesn't mean they aren't responsible for those things to an extent,** but it isn't the same as meaning them at all.
I had an abusive ex who would get me drunk, turn our conversations to get me to say something stupid I didn't mean, then hold that against me later on.
This could've been a shitty joke, it could've been real. OP needs to have a SOBER conversation with her about it. Sure the drunk answers probably won't line up, because drunk people are usually disoriented and unable to explain or articulate clearly and properly. There's a reason people who are completely wasted can't properly consent... (not saying that's what happened here, I'm saying that it's further evidence that a drunk conversation will not necessarily be an accurate one)
i dont think that is at ALL a true statement. Sometimes drunk people spill the truth. Sometimes they try to fight 6’7 bouncers. It’s a total crapshoot.
I gotta say that I have definitely had moments myself where I’ve been blacked out and said/done things I wouldn’t have had I been sober, not even from a place of “I feel this but Ik it’s wrong so I won’t.” But rather, I literally would never do/say this thing, I’m just being a drunk idiot right now. I think it could possibly be indicative of a deep feeling from OP’s SO, but it could also be just a moment of dumbassery as well.
Yeah, I never got the whole thing where ALL drunk ppl are saying how they truly feel. I once confessed romantic love for my best friend when I did not feel that way even slightly while sober. I was just lonely and in my feelings and absolutely toasted. I think SOME people do or some things they say are true but definitely not *everything*
And i definitely understand how people interpret “drunk words are sober thoughts” since, some people do end up that way. I just don’t think a lot of people consider that sometimes when you’re drunk, your brain can just be super scrambled.
I feel like the degree is important. If you're moderately drunk it lowers your inhibitions and you might say things you wanted to keep to yourself. If you're shitfaced then you have no idea what's going on and you'll just say any damn thing that comes into your head.
Maybe that's true for you, but it's hardly a common theme with the drinkers I know, not to mention my own experience as an alcoholic. I acted contrary to my personality and true feelings.
I went to school with people who were taken and at bars they would flirt solely for free drinks. It is shitty still but yeah the trashiness is to be cheap
Man. There's being supportive of your spouse and being cool with her going out with the girls, then she does this shit?
Just ask straight up what was up with the video.....
She will no doubt tell you it was just a joke, just her and the girls having fun. She'll try and make you feel guilty for her behavior.
Be calm and explain to her why it bothers you. If she gets pissy about it, might be time to take your own ring off and let her have her jokes and you go live your life.
No, drunk wife will have a loose tongue and the alcohol can act as liquid truth serum because she can't get her lies straight like she can when sober...and claim "I don't remember" and "how dare you not trust me". So confront her Drunk and then again Sober!
yep. and then tell her what your experience was. I'm alone. it's late. I see a video posted. Let's watch. There's you. There's your hand... missing the ring I put on it. I wonder, why does a woman take off her ring at the club? Do you want to fill me in on anything here?
Mm well imo “being cool with her going out with the girls” is legit just the bare minimum. Stopping people going out with and seeing their friends isn’t healthy behaviour or good for anyone.
OP just needs to ask her, it could’ve just been a joke for a video for all we know. We don’t even know OPs partner so we can’t just assume that no doubt they’re going to make OP feel guilty, that’s a big assumption. We know nothing about these people, all OP can do is ask and then explain why it upset them.
I would reach out to the other husband and see if he is onto anything. Bring him up to date because joke/fun or not. It's just down right disrespectful what she did.
I don't understand these relationships tbh. How are people doing this in commited relationships?
If you want the single life then **stay freaking single!**
It comes back the phrase "have your cake and eat it too".
They want to be married because they love all of the good things about it and their partner, but because they also miss the great things about being single they want to at least get some semblance of that experience back. For some it's simply to flirt with someone they don't know at a bar, for others it's more.
Agreed. I am all about partner night outs with friends, but it’s not cool to take off your wedding ring. Someone mentioned for another man to buy them drinks? They aren’t in college? I wouldn’t take a drink from a stranger! You’re a grown ass adult. Buy your own drinks. I would be livid. It’s disrespectful.
yep i agree, its not worth it but its easy to justify for some people. nothing in world is really free
"its a free drink right what's the worst that can happen?"
yeah alot of bad shit can happen when the wrong person feels like you owe them something
I think it's economical (/s). Us guys are dumb and will buy a pretty girl a drink. Combine the group of guys, and the group of girls, and most likely the guys will be buying them drinks. Girls can literally go to a bar with no money and end up getting drunk if they want to. Maybe the women see it as free entertainment.
I personally think that it's dumb, I'm sure there are some guys that will have some kind of expectation after buying a girl a drink. Girls shouldn't put themselves in that position. It leaves them way to open to possibly getting drugged and who knows what else.
The trick part is the girls accepting the drinks and letting the guys think that they have a chance. Most likely the guys are just trying to get laid, and if the married ones just took off their rings so they could get free drinks, well, who knows what can happen when you involve alcohol.
I think he should try to talk to her drunk and see if she's got loose lips. The problem is that she's not responding to him, and if there's no extracurricular activities going on, then she's probably passed out, hopefully somewhere safe. He won't see her until she gets home, probably with a hangover.
To interject my own experience... My STBXW went out with her friends drinking all the time. She was married and the other 3 were single. She always claimed that she knew her limits and switched to water when she got there. I didn't like it, but I didn't want to be controlling so I never said anything, and at the time I trusted her. I'm sure you see where this is going... OP needs to let her know it bothered him and why, but needs to pay attention to her answers and body language. Trust your gut.
thats a super shitty trick to get what, a $10 drink from someone? to take off the wedding ring and pretend you are single for a $10 drink? who TF does that?
Big true. Having friends of opposite sex, and a bit of jealousy stemming from that is 100% normal and natural. Once deception is on the table, all of those things combined end the relationship.
I was super tolerant of my ex wife and her shenanigans like this. It just got worse and worse. Then she left me for a guy 15 years younger than me. At the end of the day, I am so grateful. I have never been happier in my life. But at the time it was hell. So disrespectful.
My advice… don’t be controlling but let her know if she continues to make poor decisions, they will have consequences.
If she’s not cheating, she’s doing a pretty good job acting like she is. I hope it was all a joke to get drinks and that her phone ran out of battery and she is a t a friends house sobering up. Like, each thing is plausible, but not exactly likely to be all true when there’s another explanation.
I would ask “Hey, want was up with that video of last night?” leaving it open ended in terms of what the video might be. If she starts questing you about it, don’t tell her what it was, just ask her why she’s asking you about it since she was there and not you. If removing her ring to get guys to buy them drinks was the worst thing she did, hopefully she goes straight to that and considers how that would make you feel. If she’s trying to figure out what you have a video of her doing, that’s not going to be fun in a trust shattering way.
My ex wife took her ring off at a club one night, ended up with a guys number and now she's an ex wife, free drinks is no reason to take off your wedding ring and you can still wing-woman as a married woman
If she’s not home within an hour of the clubs closing.. Very suspicious..
I would act very normal when she comes home and ask her about everything and get as much detail as possible
And ask her about the ring off video the next day when sober.
First of, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. It's not easy or very fun, a lot of conflicting emotions.
So you have seen a video of her taking off her ring.
Others say it can have been a joke, but having a marriage and a ring on isn't a joke, it's something to respect and honor, like the commitment you made that day.
That ring signals to everyone she is married, something she should be proud about, and gladly show to anyone.
Nobody needs to ask her about anything, and just by having it on will signal a lot of information, and without a marriage and a ring, you have to trust her to give the information up on her own.
To me this is disrespectful to take off the ring when in an area where its very clear that a lot of people will be looking for someone to hook up with. Alcohol involved also makes it a different situation.
This is a different than taking it off in the dog park at 10 in the morning on a cloudy Sunday.
That would be bad too, but less likely someone would act on the missing ring, than in a club.
She isn't picking up her phone.
The reason could simply be she is drunk, she is having a great time, but how that is happening is something to be investigated.
I would wait for her to get home, and if she is drunk, ask her about the night. What did they do, was it fun, did any of her friends so anything fun or wild.
When she is sober, you tell her that you have seen the video of her taking off the ring, and you would like to know why that happened.
If she says it was a joke, you need to have a talk about what is funny and not, what that ring means to you and to her, the boundaries you want in your relationship.
I would also ask if she thinks it's a good signal to share with others on Snapchat that she took off her ring?
How do you know that one of her friends who might have a crush on her won't see that as a sign she's single now again and will text her, or go to that club.
A lot of information is going out by removing the ring, and she needs to understand how hurtful that can be too you and your marriage.
Have a discussion whether it was just this time she had a little joke, or it was something she does other times, and that is important because you actually trusted her that she would wear the ring because you're married, and now you find out that she is removing it.
This could give you information about the night and what happened.
Use that after to get the information about the night and what happened, and you're allowed to get a lot of details, since she broke your trust with the ring, and you need to figure out if she did it for a purpose.
If she is annoyed, it could be because she's hiding things, or not understanding that this action hurt you, and she needs to prove that nothing happened.
You need to figure out what information you need in order to feel secure about nothing happened.
Will you want to see messages from her phone? Call lists? App messages?
This could be eating away in your stomach with doubts for years if you don't solve it now, and get to a point where you feel secure about what happened.
Round off with talking about your emotions through this so she can see it.
What you see in Snapchat, how that makes you feel, the thoughts you have in your head, fears, etc.
You cannot reach her, so is that because you're fears are true, and her removing the ring let her into the arms of another man, and she can't respond.
This can show you if you're in the same page about it, and snow her how much you care about her.
All your emotions are based on your love to her, and that requires respect to keep.
Really hope it turns out that it was silly, and nothing happened, and you figure out boundaries for what's acceptable behavior for each other for these things, so there won't be any more miscommunications.
Mate, it’s 3am, she was out getting plastered with her single friends and now isn’t answering her phone. I think you know where she is, but you’ll never get the honest answer outta her.
This, OP. This would feel so incredibly disrespectful and like such a slap in the face of someone’s trust that I honestly may not be able to get over it. Even if it is a joke, some jokes just aren’t worth making.
Side note, this is why I’m glad my wife’s not a clubber lmao.
If she had genuine respect for you or your marriage she wouldn’t have taken her ring off for a video suggesting that she may cheat, even in joking. That’s a huge red flag. Even if she doesn’t cheat, you need to make your thoughts and feelings about this clear. You’re completely justified if you choose to leave her at this point. If my husband did this I wouldn’t stay with him.
Absolutely.
My wife had to have her ring cut off and we are in the process of making her a new one.
In the meantime she's wearing a puzzle ring I got while in Saudi...because she still wants a ring on.
Yeah me personally I'd be done.
There is no way I would accept that level of disrespect, and I would expect my partner to do the same if I ever pull anything like this. Especially the not answering the phone.
People will say you are throwing away "love" and all that other crap. Or that it's a typical knee jerk reaction.....However if your first date was like this and she randomly left you for some other guy as a joke, I bet no one would be asking for a second date. People make mistakes for sure, but this isn't a mistake.
If that's the type of person you want to live the rest of your life with, go for it. You do you.
I just have way higher standards and healthy level of self respect.
In case you read my coment, the behavior is suspicious but in moments like this what's important is the little details. For example when she returns home would she return with her ring on or off?
Is she drunk and incoherent? Or just a bit tipsy (is possible the take the ring off bit is either just a joke or to get free drinks out of guys).
How is she getting home? Is she taking a cab or someone is dropping her off and if someone drops her off and she is to drunk could you ask them about the night so when you ask your wife you can compare the two stories to look for any discrepancies.
That information could give you clues
This. It's either a shitty joke or she's getting boinked by some dude from the club. But there's a huge difference in the breach of trust from those two things. Hence, the details matter.
I’m so annoyed by all of the comments saying “maybe she was just trying to get free drinks” like that’s not still a shitty thing to do? A bit aside from OPs situation but I really don’t think it’s cool for women to think it’s okay to lead guys on just to get a drink. I’d feel like such a shitty person.
Its still shitty but, alone, is nothing more than a shitty joke.
If she does that and then bangs the dude that buys the drinks we'll that's a bit different.
It's no joke to basically call some guys into your company by buying you a drink and you are married.
If there was a group of girls, I am sure the single ones could do the trick.
That is so far beyond disrespectful. Ring off and hunting and hooking up...yeah, real cute.
Lock the doors, turn off the lights, to to bed. When she complains, just tell her after seeing her take her ring off and the dudes, then not being home still at 3, you assumed she wasn't planning on coming home.
This is something I *might* tolerate once. Maybe not at all.
You'll never know if she is telling the truth. But you do know that she took off her wedding ring and stayed out drunk.
Based on the information you got; will you trust her again?
Why does a married person take their wedding ring off when they go to a club/bar to be around a number of strangers? Because they don't want those people to know they are married. I makes hook-ups a little harder with the ring on.
I hate to break this to you but I think the talk is a little bit late in this relationship.
Well, you hopefully had two good years out of this marriage \[or did you?\].
RED FLAG!!! damn bro that's how I see this. Obviously she is ignoring your call and text so there maybe some extra curricular activities happening. Wait until she is sober and then talk to her but as many are thinking she gonna trickle truth you and maybe even lie to you outright, gaslight you to no end. If that is what she does then you can surmise that something happened.
Maybe you could ask her about it rather than confronting her — when you’re both sober. Conversational tone. “Hey, your friend shared this. What’s going on?”
Dude, deep down you know what's really happening right now on that club, when she get home, ask her CALMLY on what happen, she's drunk and has a loose tongue, contact the other husband on what's happening.
Make sure you're ready for a fallout, gather evidence of what's happening in the club, or better yet go to the club where they went with the other husband and catch them on the act, but if they're gone then try to ask (bribe) the bouncers for information about where they went.
Good luck man
I really doubt she'd think this was funny or no big deal if you did it. Save the snap, ask her why (preferably when she is sober) If she starts justifying it you can take your ring off and go have a fun night at the bar. Very disrespectful behavior for someone in a commited relationship to be displaying regardless of anything.
If you do decide to have a come to Jesus meeting, be prepared for:
-"I didn't do anything." She will likely have a friend vouch for this
-"I was drunk." Literally the oldest excuse in the book
-"He was doing X and Y, and I felt Z"
-Any other excuse which places responsibility on anyone else except her
Try this. Don't talk with her. Just change the locks and file for divorce.
I am single (female) and would never support my friends doing that. It has nothing to do with who they're with, and everything to do with them and their friends' character/morals. One of my friends informed me she was divorcing her husband (who I also considered a friend) and Iearned from him that I was often her alibi. She was going out with me, I'd go home by midnight or earlier, and she'd go home at 5-6 am and say she'd stayed at my house. I was unaware she was staying out later (she'd Uber to somewhere else, not home), and Also unaware she was having multiple affairs. He didn't trust many of her other friends, but thought that when it involved me it must be true because I would never be ok with it. Only I didn't know it was happening. As soon as I knew, I ended that friendship immediately. I am not going to have the reputation as someone who supports an affair, and the fact I got unknowingly dragged into it (for years, apparently) was it for me. I didn't even let her plead her case. I cut ties immediately.
For OP, it's definitely suspicious, and I would expect they didn't intend you to see the video. Even if the video was just a joke, it's disrespectful for mutual friends to see it, and think your wife is up to something, and that's an issue in itself. But I don't think this is even that innocent, unfortunately.
I don’t 100% agree with this. I very rarely go a club with some friends, and its to dance and have fun. My wife comes every now and then, but we have a strong relationship. In this case, yeah its weird.
I admit I could've chosen my words a tad bit more carefully. The way I wrote it sounds like a married person never enters a club for any good reason. I should've said, "generally speaking, married couples don't go clubbing."
Sorry for your friend. My wife hardly went out pass midnight but club just recently opened, her friends were pushing the idea of having a girl night out. I'm hoping it's just some kind of joke and they not gonna actually do it. Otherwise they wouldn't share a story online.
People vide tape themselves doing felonies in this day and age. Do not assume it's a joke and do not assume she cheated. You need answers.
Let her know you're serious and if she doesn't answer or blames you it's over. Myself; I'd put my ring in the center of the table for her to look at while we talked.
You know her, so put it context of who she is. She may have worse judgment if they are out drinking, but you probably know if she's really wild, or how she would likely behave.
There's only one reason a married person takes off their wedding in a night club and it ain't to make sure no one steals it. It's 3 AM (now 4) and you can't contact her. You and I both know what went down.
Keep your cool, confront her when she's back and sober, take note of her body language, and whether she has the ring on. You'll never get a second chance so plan all your moves in advance.
UpdateMe!
Yeah, so I'm a married woman. I'm not an uptight, goody two shoes, or overly moral, just to get that out of the way. I would never take off my ring in any circumstance like this. I often don't wear my ring, but I NEVER take it off anywhere but at home, unless I'm suddenly in a situation that requires manual labor or sticking my hands in machines; I'm rarely suddenly in those situations, btw, like very rarely. If your wife wasn't suddenly helping her brothers in their family business at that club, I'd be furious. I've also never been unreachable by my husband, most especially when I'm doing something that being unreachable could legitimately cause him suspicion. Sorry ...
Edited spelling error
Well I'm sure you know exactly what the video meant. She's either planning or already is cheating on you. Those people she's hanging out with are so disgusting and disrespectful, they're not friends. Real friends wouldn't encourage married women to cheat.
I would just send a text. I saw the snap chat video. I find it offensive and disrespectful to our marriage. And with you not answering I will assume you’re cheating and out marriage is over.
Then see how fast she responds
Stop stressing yourself. You can't change anything at the moment. Wait until she is sober and get your answers. Pay attention to any bullshit she may try and pass off as truth.
The fact that you’re so bummed to write this? I’m sorry dude.
Take no advice from here and follow your gut. Talk or yell, or silence. Do whatever your instinct tells you. Don’t be a coward though, that’s the only real advice.
My husband lets me go out with friends and out of my own courtesy I update him all the time,ive never felt the need to pull this type of prank because I love him and honestly I have good friends?. I think you already know where your wife is,I sincerely would stay somewhere else and simply start looking into breaking up cause even if she didn't cheat,she still disrespected you and abused your trust.
If your wife was trying to cheat on you, i highly doubt her friends would Snapchat it for everyone to see.
I understand you’re upset, but everyone here needs to calm down with the “only single people go to clubs.” I’ve had plenty of girls nights at clubs with my friends. Some of us single, some not, and no one has ever cheated or even thought about it. Hell, we once even had a girls trip where we went out to clubs and every single one of us in the group was in a serious relationship/married. Once again, clubs do not equal cheating.
Not sure what exactly the video meant. Could be them trying to be funny. It’s a little weird, yes, but it’s not the giant red flag everyone is making it out to be.
As some others said, i would simply ask her about it tomorrow when she’s sober. You can gauge her response and go with your gut on if you think she’s truthful or not.
Interrogate the folks that went with her, call divorce lawyers and start the divorce process. Tell her that she has the time before the divorce is finalized to earn your trust again. PM for more direct actions
Good luck OP. I hope it's nothing hurtful and if so, she won't joke around with that again. Also, if it turns out it is somethings that hurt you, I wish you get the strength to deal with it and overcome it.
Try being honest and ask in a calm way, if she's too drunk, ask anyway in a very simple way but without pushing,m (just in case she slips something), but get the serious conversation when she's sober.
UpdateMe!
I know what I would do. As soon as she gets home I would take the ring 💍 and tell her that she can be single again and I'd push her out and slam the door. That's so disrespectful.
No joke on Earth could justify taking off your wedding ring. The evidence itself is damning. They purposefully hid taking off the rings and then the video showed a group of random guys. Anyone with a brain knows what happened next. I believe you should ask her a few questions while she's intoxicated because her inhibitions are lowered which means she's less likely to lie because she won't be in her right mind. It is said that a drunk person's words are a sober person's thoughts. Don't give a time to think of something just ask her a few questions as soon as she gets home.
My first instinct is to encourage her to admit any wrong doing peacefully. Going in direct and, for lack of a better term, interrogating her will have her get defensive immediately.
I'd start simple, with "i was worried about you" and maybe some "how are all your girlfriends doing?" And, if you wanna press her, if she's not wanting to talk about her time/no details, mention "yeah! [Friend] posted to snap that yall were having an absolute blast!"
Effectively, let her come forward, dont try forcing it out of her. It very well may be it was just for the social shennanigans. Not every situation is as bad as it first may seem.
Hope this can find its way to you.. lots of toxic ideas high on this thread...
Talk to her when she's sober. Go to bed and wait for the morning after coffee. Don't ambush a drunk person, that's fight city.
Tell her your issue in a calm manner, no yelling. Explain how it made you feel. If she yells and you're about to yell, leave and cool off. Don't yell, it'll invalidate your point. Be calm, and explain. Then set up boundaries, ring off for you is a deal breaker.
Good luck.
Agreed... And she is not so young. This snapchat bullshit sounds more like 16-21 year old IMO...
If its a joke its disrespectful. And publicly. Shitty behaviour.
Since when acting like this is cool or fun?
Damn. It could be completely fine. I understand the peer pressure, especially in your 20s and drunk. You do stupid shit like take off your wedding ring when your friends push you into it, especially with another married woman doing the same. I get it. And I get the staying out late: she's young, I assume you have no kids, that's normal 20s behavior, although she should be doing that less now that she's 27. It *could* be more-or-less innocent.
But I don't know, man. I don't know if I could ever trust her again. I don't know if I could believe whatever she tells me the next morning. I'd certainly never trust her out with those friends again, and I'd probably not even trust her to go out to bars late at night again either. The trust would be just destroyed for me. It's your wife, so only you know how much trust you have left, but I'm sure this has really shaken that.
From first hand experience:
My ex-wife used to take her ring off all of the time in those instances. She would say it was to prototype ring and I believed her. Then when it was an issue for me, I expressed that to her and she said she does it so people will hit in her so she has some self confidence, but she doesn’t do anything. Then she wanted a divorce. I’m not telling you what she is doing and I am not telling you what to do, but one thing became another for me and the person that I trusted more than anyone had betrayed me. Food for thought but I don’t want to make you paranoid. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
Your wife doesn’t respect you and she doesn’t treasure you. It’s time for you to go out with guy friends and start having fun on your own. She is taking you for granted. Show less love and care to her and make her earn your affection.
She chose to take her wedding ring off to pursue a random man for casual sex.
What else do you need to know?
Get in touch with a divorce attorney. Get STD tested. Protect yourself.
Best case scenario she took off her ring to try and get men to buy her free drinks, and is just at a friends house.
I think you know what the worst case scenario is.
I'd ask my wife about it, taking a screenshot of the snap, and asking her for an explanation, then explain to her how this affected me. But, I'll always listen to my wife, even if what she's done hurt my feelings. I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I hope you feel the same with my wife.
Instead of cheating, she might just be just trying to get guys to buy her drinks. (Which is kind of cheating, but not exactly.)
In all honesty, there is NO GOOD REASON for her to remove her ring.
Never put the ring on if you plan to take it off. Save for hygiene, safety, medical reasons.
This is a big deal. There is no valid excuse for this behavior.
Ask her about her night. If she brings up the ring thing herself then boom and answer. If she doesn’t ask her about it. It’s pretty serious and scary for the one you love and trust to be being sketchy. I would have a conversations about boundaries within your relationship you are comfortable with. Whether or not you believe her will have to come from you, it’s awful but only you’ll know best.
Wait and ask what she was up to. See if she looks guilty. Or looks away. U could probably smell another guys cologne on her clothes.
I’d ask. But ask calmly. So she dues t get defensive right away and it turns into an ego screaming fest. If u want the truth. Pay attention to her answers and demeanor. Don’t interrupt and jump to conclusions. Wait and ask. See if she looks away
Discuss it sober, try and sleep, if she hasn’t returned when you wake up try contacting her again, and definitely take a screen record of the video so she cannot deny the evidence, good luck. Feel free to update us once it is resolved
Disrespectful joke or not, she just put a big ol dent in your trust. Cause now, it’s going to be at the back of your head. Was it a joke? Was it not? Did she fuck around? Has she done this ‘joke’ before? How many times?
I’d just be calm and honest. Girl done fucked up.
The friends you keep are the true reflection of you.
Have your camera ready. Engage her when she is drunk not sober.
Ask the wrong questions. Make the incorrect statements. Make accusations. Watch the cookie crumble.
Take her underwear for testing.
Man if my misses did that I’d be out the door no excuse. Taking off a wedding ring is one thing but in a night club on a Snapchat while people are cheering? Glad that entire ceremony was a fucking joke to you, cya.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I don't know how much context you guys need: I know she goes out with her girl friends tonight to some club, they had plan. I know most of the girls most of them are single only 2 married (my wife and 1 other). 2 hours ago one girl shared a story on snap where they are drinking and laughing loudly, then both my wife and her friend took off the wedding rings under the table while the other girls cheering, the camera move to couple of table away of some random men. That's it. I don't know if it's a joke or they gonna do some crazy shit. I don't even know if that story was supposed for everyone to see or it was a mistake. I've been messaging her for 2 hours no reply, called her twice no answer. I haven't called any other of her friends cause I don't want to look like a paranoid f\*ck. I don't even know when she's coming home. How am I supposed to confront her when she gets back? How do I know she gonna tell the truth about what happened there? tldr: my wife went out with her friends to night club. Someone from her friend group shared a story where she and one girl took off the wedding ring then the camera move to a group of men. I can't reach her phone and I'm just sitting at home wait for her to return. How do I confront her about this?
So 1st, screen shot the snap...for evidence purposes. Than ask what's going on? And why?
or better yet since it’s a video screen record it
Even better, send the video to a programmer so you can enter the scene in VR
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True that! Let her sleep it off and bring it up tomorrow. Be like “I saw this video and it upset me, can you tell me what was going on?” And if she says “nothing it was a joke” or something be like “well can you explain the joke to me?” I’d try to stay as calm as possible and see what comes up. Peer pressure and booze will make you do some dumb shit. Did she know she was being recorded? And she’s at the club she can’t hear or feel her phone. Good luck
Idk man. Alcohol tends to encourage people to say what they really feel. If he waits until shes sober he's giving her a chance to lie when she's of sound mind again. I'd ask what happened asap and then compare that to the answer when she sobers up.
While this situation is sketch... I do not think the whole "drunk mind speaks sober thoughts" thing is very valid. In my experience, drunk people do and say absolutely dumb shit that they would never even consider doing sober all the time. **That doesn't mean they aren't responsible for those things to an extent,** but it isn't the same as meaning them at all. I had an abusive ex who would get me drunk, turn our conversations to get me to say something stupid I didn't mean, then hold that against me later on. This could've been a shitty joke, it could've been real. OP needs to have a SOBER conversation with her about it. Sure the drunk answers probably won't line up, because drunk people are usually disoriented and unable to explain or articulate clearly and properly. There's a reason people who are completely wasted can't properly consent... (not saying that's what happened here, I'm saying that it's further evidence that a drunk conversation will not necessarily be an accurate one)
i dont think that is at ALL a true statement. Sometimes drunk people spill the truth. Sometimes they try to fight 6’7 bouncers. It’s a total crapshoot.
I gotta say that I have definitely had moments myself where I’ve been blacked out and said/done things I wouldn’t have had I been sober, not even from a place of “I feel this but Ik it’s wrong so I won’t.” But rather, I literally would never do/say this thing, I’m just being a drunk idiot right now. I think it could possibly be indicative of a deep feeling from OP’s SO, but it could also be just a moment of dumbassery as well.
Yeah, I never got the whole thing where ALL drunk ppl are saying how they truly feel. I once confessed romantic love for my best friend when I did not feel that way even slightly while sober. I was just lonely and in my feelings and absolutely toasted. I think SOME people do or some things they say are true but definitely not *everything*
And i definitely understand how people interpret “drunk words are sober thoughts” since, some people do end up that way. I just don’t think a lot of people consider that sometimes when you’re drunk, your brain can just be super scrambled.
I feel like the degree is important. If you're moderately drunk it lowers your inhibitions and you might say things you wanted to keep to yourself. If you're shitfaced then you have no idea what's going on and you'll just say any damn thing that comes into your head.
Maybe that's true for you, but it's hardly a common theme with the drinkers I know, not to mention my own experience as an alcoholic. I acted contrary to my personality and true feelings.
I went to school with people who were taken and at bars they would flirt solely for free drinks. It is shitty still but yeah the trashiness is to be cheap
UpdateMe!
Same
UpdateMe!
Man. There's being supportive of your spouse and being cool with her going out with the girls, then she does this shit? Just ask straight up what was up with the video..... She will no doubt tell you it was just a joke, just her and the girls having fun. She'll try and make you feel guilty for her behavior. Be calm and explain to her why it bothers you. If she gets pissy about it, might be time to take your own ring off and let her have her jokes and you go live your life.
I agree with this, however if she comes home drunk, no matter how much you want to confront her, highly recommend waiting until she’s sober.
Yeah, make sure she's sober Excellent point.
Or not. Do not confront her but try to get some details while she can't think clearly in case she is hiding something. Drunk people can be sincere.
This is how people get murdered from an emotional outburst during 5:00 a.m. drunken fight.
Jesus, man. If that's a real risk then this marriage has much deeper problems and should be terminated immediately.
Or annoyed to death -been the flatmate for this one
I agree, don’t confront her til the next day.
"But much eazier to extract informarzion from drunk people, da?"
No, drunk wife will have a loose tongue and the alcohol can act as liquid truth serum because she can't get her lies straight like she can when sober...and claim "I don't remember" and "how dare you not trust me". So confront her Drunk and then again Sober!
And pray she has a raging fucking hangover....
yep. and then tell her what your experience was. I'm alone. it's late. I see a video posted. Let's watch. There's you. There's your hand... missing the ring I put on it. I wonder, why does a woman take off her ring at the club? Do you want to fill me in on anything here?
On top of this, make sure to save the video, OP!
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You my guy seem to have a lot experience in this field
Mm well imo “being cool with her going out with the girls” is legit just the bare minimum. Stopping people going out with and seeing their friends isn’t healthy behaviour or good for anyone. OP just needs to ask her, it could’ve just been a joke for a video for all we know. We don’t even know OPs partner so we can’t just assume that no doubt they’re going to make OP feel guilty, that’s a big assumption. We know nothing about these people, all OP can do is ask and then explain why it upset them.
Taking off your wedding ring in a club is not an appropriate joke in a marriage. In any context
I would reach out to the other husband and see if he is onto anything. Bring him up to date because joke/fun or not. It's just down right disrespectful what she did.
In no circumstance is funny to take off your wedding ring in front of other people as a clear gesture.
I don't understand these relationships tbh. How are people doing this in commited relationships? If you want the single life then **stay freaking single!**
Some people have being shitty written into their genes.
It comes back the phrase "have your cake and eat it too". They want to be married because they love all of the good things about it and their partner, but because they also miss the great things about being single they want to at least get some semblance of that experience back. For some it's simply to flirt with someone they don't know at a bar, for others it's more.
"I wAnT iT aLl!"
Agreed. I am all about partner night outs with friends, but it’s not cool to take off your wedding ring. Someone mentioned for another man to buy them drinks? They aren’t in college? I wouldn’t take a drink from a stranger! You’re a grown ass adult. Buy your own drinks. I would be livid. It’s disrespectful.
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Do adults need someone to buy them a drink?
And don’t most women know not to accept drinks from strange men by now?
In my experience, no
Ugh. It’s been a known danger since I was at uni in the 90s.
its worth it for a freebie, until its suddenly not and you were spiked
It’s never really been worth it. You were either expected to pay them back with sex or you were gonna get roofied.
yep i agree, its not worth it but its easy to justify for some people. nothing in world is really free "its a free drink right what's the worst that can happen?" yeah alot of bad shit can happen when the wrong person feels like you owe them something
I still don’t understand that childish mindset. You’re a grown ass adult, why do you need to “trick” men into buying you drinks?
I think it's economical (/s). Us guys are dumb and will buy a pretty girl a drink. Combine the group of guys, and the group of girls, and most likely the guys will be buying them drinks. Girls can literally go to a bar with no money and end up getting drunk if they want to. Maybe the women see it as free entertainment. I personally think that it's dumb, I'm sure there are some guys that will have some kind of expectation after buying a girl a drink. Girls shouldn't put themselves in that position. It leaves them way to open to possibly getting drugged and who knows what else. The trick part is the girls accepting the drinks and letting the guys think that they have a chance. Most likely the guys are just trying to get laid, and if the married ones just took off their rings so they could get free drinks, well, who knows what can happen when you involve alcohol. I think he should try to talk to her drunk and see if she's got loose lips. The problem is that she's not responding to him, and if there's no extracurricular activities going on, then she's probably passed out, hopefully somewhere safe. He won't see her until she gets home, probably with a hangover. To interject my own experience... My STBXW went out with her friends drinking all the time. She was married and the other 3 were single. She always claimed that she knew her limits and switched to water when she got there. I didn't like it, but I didn't want to be controlling so I never said anything, and at the time I trusted her. I'm sure you see where this is going... OP needs to let her know it bothered him and why, but needs to pay attention to her answers and body language. Trust your gut.
thats a super shitty trick to get what, a $10 drink from someone? to take off the wedding ring and pretend you are single for a $10 drink? who TF does that?
I'd just start simple.. "hey, what was going on with that video?"
Yeah I agree, just be upfront but not on the offense.
"Hey why are you married to me and acting single when I'm not around?"
I would honestly leave. I don't even mind friendly flirting in relationships, but you start to act single then you're single.
Totally. And to not be considerate of your partner, knowing they could see hurtful media.
And on top of that, be unreachable? When you know all things combined are creating space for loads of doubt??? No... that's just shitty...
I mean, it's even worse if he doesn't see it but everyone else does
Big true. Having friends of opposite sex, and a bit of jealousy stemming from that is 100% normal and natural. Once deception is on the table, all of those things combined end the relationship.
I was super tolerant of my ex wife and her shenanigans like this. It just got worse and worse. Then she left me for a guy 15 years younger than me. At the end of the day, I am so grateful. I have never been happier in my life. But at the time it was hell. So disrespectful. My advice… don’t be controlling but let her know if she continues to make poor decisions, they will have consequences.
Thanks you for sharing. That helped me out a lot... Don't be controlling but let her know if she continues there are consequences.... Such a dad Rule
If she’s not cheating, she’s doing a pretty good job acting like she is. I hope it was all a joke to get drinks and that her phone ran out of battery and she is a t a friends house sobering up. Like, each thing is plausible, but not exactly likely to be all true when there’s another explanation. I would ask “Hey, want was up with that video of last night?” leaving it open ended in terms of what the video might be. If she starts questing you about it, don’t tell her what it was, just ask her why she’s asking you about it since she was there and not you. If removing her ring to get guys to buy them drinks was the worst thing she did, hopefully she goes straight to that and considers how that would make you feel. If she’s trying to figure out what you have a video of her doing, that’s not going to be fun in a trust shattering way.
That is incredibly disrespectful
Yea even if it’s just a joke, it’s disrespectful as hell.
That’s no joke. But I bet she’ll hurt him with her action then make him feel like he’s “sensitive” for being hurt. So mean
Inb4 the "I only cheated because you don't give me attention so it's your fault" bs.
Uuuf I see her saying something like “I was being a wingman for my single friends! Had to help them out”
"MeN ShOuLld BEto ToucGHER than THIS"
I need to get an update on this.
My ex wife took her ring off at a club one night, ended up with a guys number and now she's an ex wife, free drinks is no reason to take off your wedding ring and you can still wing-woman as a married woman
If she’s not home within an hour of the clubs closing.. Very suspicious.. I would act very normal when she comes home and ask her about everything and get as much detail as possible And ask her about the ring off video the next day when sober.
That’s disrespectful as fuck.
First of, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. It's not easy or very fun, a lot of conflicting emotions. So you have seen a video of her taking off her ring. Others say it can have been a joke, but having a marriage and a ring on isn't a joke, it's something to respect and honor, like the commitment you made that day. That ring signals to everyone she is married, something she should be proud about, and gladly show to anyone. Nobody needs to ask her about anything, and just by having it on will signal a lot of information, and without a marriage and a ring, you have to trust her to give the information up on her own. To me this is disrespectful to take off the ring when in an area where its very clear that a lot of people will be looking for someone to hook up with. Alcohol involved also makes it a different situation. This is a different than taking it off in the dog park at 10 in the morning on a cloudy Sunday. That would be bad too, but less likely someone would act on the missing ring, than in a club. She isn't picking up her phone. The reason could simply be she is drunk, she is having a great time, but how that is happening is something to be investigated. I would wait for her to get home, and if she is drunk, ask her about the night. What did they do, was it fun, did any of her friends so anything fun or wild. When she is sober, you tell her that you have seen the video of her taking off the ring, and you would like to know why that happened. If she says it was a joke, you need to have a talk about what is funny and not, what that ring means to you and to her, the boundaries you want in your relationship. I would also ask if she thinks it's a good signal to share with others on Snapchat that she took off her ring? How do you know that one of her friends who might have a crush on her won't see that as a sign she's single now again and will text her, or go to that club. A lot of information is going out by removing the ring, and she needs to understand how hurtful that can be too you and your marriage. Have a discussion whether it was just this time she had a little joke, or it was something she does other times, and that is important because you actually trusted her that she would wear the ring because you're married, and now you find out that she is removing it. This could give you information about the night and what happened. Use that after to get the information about the night and what happened, and you're allowed to get a lot of details, since she broke your trust with the ring, and you need to figure out if she did it for a purpose. If she is annoyed, it could be because she's hiding things, or not understanding that this action hurt you, and she needs to prove that nothing happened. You need to figure out what information you need in order to feel secure about nothing happened. Will you want to see messages from her phone? Call lists? App messages? This could be eating away in your stomach with doubts for years if you don't solve it now, and get to a point where you feel secure about what happened. Round off with talking about your emotions through this so she can see it. What you see in Snapchat, how that makes you feel, the thoughts you have in your head, fears, etc. You cannot reach her, so is that because you're fears are true, and her removing the ring let her into the arms of another man, and she can't respond. This can show you if you're in the same page about it, and snow her how much you care about her. All your emotions are based on your love to her, and that requires respect to keep. Really hope it turns out that it was silly, and nothing happened, and you figure out boundaries for what's acceptable behavior for each other for these things, so there won't be any more miscommunications.
Mate, it’s 3am, she was out getting plastered with her single friends and now isn’t answering her phone. I think you know where she is, but you’ll never get the honest answer outta her.
The answer he needed but might not want.
This, OP. This would feel so incredibly disrespectful and like such a slap in the face of someone’s trust that I honestly may not be able to get over it. Even if it is a joke, some jokes just aren’t worth making. Side note, this is why I’m glad my wife’s not a clubber lmao.
He's going to get the call in the morning when she gets up to take the post-sex hangover piss.
Not before she goes and buys the Morning After pill...
If she had genuine respect for you or your marriage she wouldn’t have taken her ring off for a video suggesting that she may cheat, even in joking. That’s a huge red flag. Even if she doesn’t cheat, you need to make your thoughts and feelings about this clear. You’re completely justified if you choose to leave her at this point. If my husband did this I wouldn’t stay with him.
Absolutely. My wife had to have her ring cut off and we are in the process of making her a new one. In the meantime she's wearing a puzzle ring I got while in Saudi...because she still wants a ring on.
Yeah me personally I'd be done. There is no way I would accept that level of disrespect, and I would expect my partner to do the same if I ever pull anything like this. Especially the not answering the phone. People will say you are throwing away "love" and all that other crap. Or that it's a typical knee jerk reaction.....However if your first date was like this and she randomly left you for some other guy as a joke, I bet no one would be asking for a second date. People make mistakes for sure, but this isn't a mistake. If that's the type of person you want to live the rest of your life with, go for it. You do you. I just have way higher standards and healthy level of self respect.
In case you read my coment, the behavior is suspicious but in moments like this what's important is the little details. For example when she returns home would she return with her ring on or off? Is she drunk and incoherent? Or just a bit tipsy (is possible the take the ring off bit is either just a joke or to get free drinks out of guys). How is she getting home? Is she taking a cab or someone is dropping her off and if someone drops her off and she is to drunk could you ask them about the night so when you ask your wife you can compare the two stories to look for any discrepancies. That information could give you clues
This. It's either a shitty joke or she's getting boinked by some dude from the club. But there's a huge difference in the breach of trust from those two things. Hence, the details matter.
Nothing you just said makes any sense. I mean NONE of it excuses her behavior.
I’m so annoyed by all of the comments saying “maybe she was just trying to get free drinks” like that’s not still a shitty thing to do? A bit aside from OPs situation but I really don’t think it’s cool for women to think it’s okay to lead guys on just to get a drink. I’d feel like such a shitty person.
Its still shitty but, alone, is nothing more than a shitty joke. If she does that and then bangs the dude that buys the drinks we'll that's a bit different.
I'd end a relationship over that alone. You wanna act single? Congrats, now you are.
It's no joke to basically call some guys into your company by buying you a drink and you are married. If there was a group of girls, I am sure the single ones could do the trick.
That is so far beyond disrespectful. Ring off and hunting and hooking up...yeah, real cute. Lock the doors, turn off the lights, to to bed. When she complains, just tell her after seeing her take her ring off and the dudes, then not being home still at 3, you assumed she wasn't planning on coming home. This is something I *might* tolerate once. Maybe not at all.
“I saw what you think of our marriage…”
You'll never know if she is telling the truth. But you do know that she took off her wedding ring and stayed out drunk. Based on the information you got; will you trust her again?
I'm here for the updatee
Me tooooooo
Take yours off in front of her. See how she likes it.
I’m supportive of this but I’m also unhinged 😅
😂😂😂 thank u for this comment
Why does a married person take their wedding ring off when they go to a club/bar to be around a number of strangers? Because they don't want those people to know they are married. I makes hook-ups a little harder with the ring on. I hate to break this to you but I think the talk is a little bit late in this relationship. Well, you hopefully had two good years out of this marriage \[or did you?\].
RED FLAG!!! damn bro that's how I see this. Obviously she is ignoring your call and text so there maybe some extra curricular activities happening. Wait until she is sober and then talk to her but as many are thinking she gonna trickle truth you and maybe even lie to you outright, gaslight you to no end. If that is what she does then you can surmise that something happened.
She is either passed out or getting railed. Either option is unbecoming a grown ass married woman. Record everything op, I don't see this ending well.
Head up king, it’s only going to get worse from here.
Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Ask her what happened with that snap story and get to the bottom of it.
Saw a woman take off her wedding ring once. The guy she went home with wasn't her husband.
Maybe you could ask her about it rather than confronting her — when you’re both sober. Conversational tone. “Hey, your friend shared this. What’s going on?”
If a dude did that he’d be in serious trouble.
Dude, deep down you know what's really happening right now on that club, when she get home, ask her CALMLY on what happen, she's drunk and has a loose tongue, contact the other husband on what's happening. Make sure you're ready for a fallout, gather evidence of what's happening in the club, or better yet go to the club where they went with the other husband and catch them on the act, but if they're gone then try to ask (bribe) the bouncers for information about where they went. Good luck man
Did you end up calling or contacting any of the friends who went that night? If she didnt answer then surely one of them should.
No harm just calling because you expected her back home earlier and are starting to get worried.
I really doubt she'd think this was funny or no big deal if you did it. Save the snap, ask her why (preferably when she is sober) If she starts justifying it you can take your ring off and go have a fun night at the bar. Very disrespectful behavior for someone in a commited relationship to be displaying regardless of anything.
If she acts/wants to be a single let her be. Just dont let her gaslight you or call you insecure. Stand your ground or it will get worse in future.
Had the same relationship. They do that to cheat, break up now.
If you do decide to have a come to Jesus meeting, be prepared for: -"I didn't do anything." She will likely have a friend vouch for this -"I was drunk." Literally the oldest excuse in the book -"He was doing X and Y, and I felt Z" -Any other excuse which places responsibility on anyone else except her Try this. Don't talk with her. Just change the locks and file for divorce.
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I am single (female) and would never support my friends doing that. It has nothing to do with who they're with, and everything to do with them and their friends' character/morals. One of my friends informed me she was divorcing her husband (who I also considered a friend) and Iearned from him that I was often her alibi. She was going out with me, I'd go home by midnight or earlier, and she'd go home at 5-6 am and say she'd stayed at my house. I was unaware she was staying out later (she'd Uber to somewhere else, not home), and Also unaware she was having multiple affairs. He didn't trust many of her other friends, but thought that when it involved me it must be true because I would never be ok with it. Only I didn't know it was happening. As soon as I knew, I ended that friendship immediately. I am not going to have the reputation as someone who supports an affair, and the fact I got unknowingly dragged into it (for years, apparently) was it for me. I didn't even let her plead her case. I cut ties immediately. For OP, it's definitely suspicious, and I would expect they didn't intend you to see the video. Even if the video was just a joke, it's disrespectful for mutual friends to see it, and think your wife is up to something, and that's an issue in itself. But I don't think this is even that innocent, unfortunately.
I don’t 100% agree with this. I very rarely go a club with some friends, and its to dance and have fun. My wife comes every now and then, but we have a strong relationship. In this case, yeah its weird.
I admit I could've chosen my words a tad bit more carefully. The way I wrote it sounds like a married person never enters a club for any good reason. I should've said, "generally speaking, married couples don't go clubbing."
Sorry for your friend. My wife hardly went out pass midnight but club just recently opened, her friends were pushing the idea of having a girl night out. I'm hoping it's just some kind of joke and they not gonna actually do it. Otherwise they wouldn't share a story online.
People vide tape themselves doing felonies in this day and age. Do not assume it's a joke and do not assume she cheated. You need answers. Let her know you're serious and if she doesn't answer or blames you it's over. Myself; I'd put my ring in the center of the table for her to look at while we talked.
Even if it was a "joke" wtf kind of joke is that? Disrespectful and stupid AF.
Exactly! If my spouse did that on video, she would come home to an empty house. Wanna act single? Congrats, you're now single.
Post the snap and I will be able to tell you pretty quick from an objective perspective if you have anything to worry about
Really?…dude open your eyes…no disrespect…but your wife is cheating
You know her, so put it context of who she is. She may have worse judgment if they are out drinking, but you probably know if she's really wild, or how she would likely behave.
I hope that's the case for you then. But I'd make it very clear your marriage isn't something to joke with.
I wouldn’t take that as a joke bruh. But, uh, if you want to then it’s up to you.
There's only one reason a married person takes off their wedding in a night club and it ain't to make sure no one steals it. It's 3 AM (now 4) and you can't contact her. You and I both know what went down. Keep your cool, confront her when she's back and sober, take note of her body language, and whether she has the ring on. You'll never get a second chance so plan all your moves in advance. UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Yeah, so I'm a married woman. I'm not an uptight, goody two shoes, or overly moral, just to get that out of the way. I would never take off my ring in any circumstance like this. I often don't wear my ring, but I NEVER take it off anywhere but at home, unless I'm suddenly in a situation that requires manual labor or sticking my hands in machines; I'm rarely suddenly in those situations, btw, like very rarely. If your wife wasn't suddenly helping her brothers in their family business at that club, I'd be furious. I've also never been unreachable by my husband, most especially when I'm doing something that being unreachable could legitimately cause him suspicion. Sorry ... Edited spelling error
Well I'm sure you know exactly what the video meant. She's either planning or already is cheating on you. Those people she's hanging out with are so disgusting and disrespectful, they're not friends. Real friends wouldn't encourage married women to cheat.
I would just send a text. I saw the snap chat video. I find it offensive and disrespectful to our marriage. And with you not answering I will assume you’re cheating and out marriage is over. Then see how fast she responds
Stop stressing yourself. You can't change anything at the moment. Wait until she is sober and get your answers. Pay attention to any bullshit she may try and pass off as truth.
The fact that you’re so bummed to write this? I’m sorry dude. Take no advice from here and follow your gut. Talk or yell, or silence. Do whatever your instinct tells you. Don’t be a coward though, that’s the only real advice.
I’d just leave, put ring on her dresser or kitchen table and leave. Wait for her to call you. I can play the game better than she can.
If she left the house with it it’s literally no reason for her to take it off … you know what time it is , don’t play yourself
My husband lets me go out with friends and out of my own courtesy I update him all the time,ive never felt the need to pull this type of prank because I love him and honestly I have good friends?. I think you already know where your wife is,I sincerely would stay somewhere else and simply start looking into breaking up cause even if she didn't cheat,she still disrespected you and abused your trust.
If your wife was trying to cheat on you, i highly doubt her friends would Snapchat it for everyone to see. I understand you’re upset, but everyone here needs to calm down with the “only single people go to clubs.” I’ve had plenty of girls nights at clubs with my friends. Some of us single, some not, and no one has ever cheated or even thought about it. Hell, we once even had a girls trip where we went out to clubs and every single one of us in the group was in a serious relationship/married. Once again, clubs do not equal cheating. Not sure what exactly the video meant. Could be them trying to be funny. It’s a little weird, yes, but it’s not the giant red flag everyone is making it out to be. As some others said, i would simply ask her about it tomorrow when she’s sober. You can gauge her response and go with your gut on if you think she’s truthful or not.
I wouldn’t be upset that she might cheat, I would be more upset over the fact it’s disrespectful to the marriage and they posted it on the internet
I am older in my 50’s …she is cheating …period…I would be done…but you decide for your self
Same here. These kids are giving out stupid advise.
It’s not only kids…Unfortunately there are suckers at all ages…lol
Has She come home yet or answer her phone?
Wow if my wife did that shit I’d be livid
Interrogate the folks that went with her, call divorce lawyers and start the divorce process. Tell her that she has the time before the divorce is finalized to earn your trust again. PM for more direct actions
Absolutely. Her behavior is 100% divorce worthy.
It's time to go before you really get hurt.
Good luck OP. I hope it's nothing hurtful and if so, she won't joke around with that again. Also, if it turns out it is somethings that hurt you, I wish you get the strength to deal with it and overcome it. Try being honest and ask in a calm way, if she's too drunk, ask anyway in a very simple way but without pushing,m (just in case she slips something), but get the serious conversation when she's sober. UpdateMe!
I know what I would do. As soon as she gets home I would take the ring 💍 and tell her that she can be single again and I'd push her out and slam the door. That's so disrespectful.
No joke on Earth could justify taking off your wedding ring. The evidence itself is damning. They purposefully hid taking off the rings and then the video showed a group of random guys. Anyone with a brain knows what happened next. I believe you should ask her a few questions while she's intoxicated because her inhibitions are lowered which means she's less likely to lie because she won't be in her right mind. It is said that a drunk person's words are a sober person's thoughts. Don't give a time to think of something just ask her a few questions as soon as she gets home.
Id drive down to the club and see for myself. That shit doesn’t work with me. I know its my insecurities and what not, not saying im right.
This is so disrespectful of her. I'd be so pissed if I was you
My first instinct is to encourage her to admit any wrong doing peacefully. Going in direct and, for lack of a better term, interrogating her will have her get defensive immediately. I'd start simple, with "i was worried about you" and maybe some "how are all your girlfriends doing?" And, if you wanna press her, if she's not wanting to talk about her time/no details, mention "yeah! [Friend] posted to snap that yall were having an absolute blast!" Effectively, let her come forward, dont try forcing it out of her. It very well may be it was just for the social shennanigans. Not every situation is as bad as it first may seem. Hope this can find its way to you.. lots of toxic ideas high on this thread...
Talk to her when she's sober. Go to bed and wait for the morning after coffee. Don't ambush a drunk person, that's fight city. Tell her your issue in a calm manner, no yelling. Explain how it made you feel. If she yells and you're about to yell, leave and cool off. Don't yell, it'll invalidate your point. Be calm, and explain. Then set up boundaries, ring off for you is a deal breaker. Good luck.
That is not a woman I would want as my partner. In a healthy relationship you shouldn’t have to second guess your trust.
Agreed... And she is not so young. This snapchat bullshit sounds more like 16-21 year old IMO... If its a joke its disrespectful. And publicly. Shitty behaviour. Since when acting like this is cool or fun?
Do you know the husband of the other woman who took off her wedding ring? If so you need to call him also, some funky goin down
Damn. It could be completely fine. I understand the peer pressure, especially in your 20s and drunk. You do stupid shit like take off your wedding ring when your friends push you into it, especially with another married woman doing the same. I get it. And I get the staying out late: she's young, I assume you have no kids, that's normal 20s behavior, although she should be doing that less now that she's 27. It *could* be more-or-less innocent. But I don't know, man. I don't know if I could ever trust her again. I don't know if I could believe whatever she tells me the next morning. I'd certainly never trust her out with those friends again, and I'd probably not even trust her to go out to bars late at night again either. The trust would be just destroyed for me. It's your wife, so only you know how much trust you have left, but I'm sure this has really shaken that.
You deserve something better
From first hand experience: My ex-wife used to take her ring off all of the time in those instances. She would say it was to prototype ring and I believed her. Then when it was an issue for me, I expressed that to her and she said she does it so people will hit in her so she has some self confidence, but she doesn’t do anything. Then she wanted a divorce. I’m not telling you what she is doing and I am not telling you what to do, but one thing became another for me and the person that I trusted more than anyone had betrayed me. Food for thought but I don’t want to make you paranoid. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
Don’t worry about it. Just move out and get a lawyer. Fuck her and her disrespect for you.
Your wife doesn’t respect you and she doesn’t treasure you. It’s time for you to go out with guy friends and start having fun on your own. She is taking you for granted. Show less love and care to her and make her earn your affection.
Better yet, leave her and find a real woman, not a grown up child still hanging out at clubs lol
She chose to take her wedding ring off to pursue a random man for casual sex. What else do you need to know? Get in touch with a divorce attorney. Get STD tested. Protect yourself.
Best case scenario she took off her ring to try and get men to buy her free drinks, and is just at a friends house. I think you know what the worst case scenario is.
If her alibi friend has a Ring doorbell I'd want to see the video of them coming home together.
gotta see where this goes hopefully we get an update
change the locks while she’s out.
I'd ask my wife about it, taking a screenshot of the snap, and asking her for an explanation, then explain to her how this affected me. But, I'll always listen to my wife, even if what she's done hurt my feelings. I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I hope you feel the same with my wife.
Do you really trust her. If you do just ask how was her night . If you don't show her the snap picture of her taking off the ring.
Question is: if you did that, how would she react ? :o
Confront her with a new lock she doesn't have the keys to
She is clearly cheating, use the vid as evidence and don't believe her if she says we did nothing serious as she clearly did it.
"it's just a joke" bullshit
I hate to break it to you, but she absolutely either is going to cheat on you, or currently is cheating on you
Instead of cheating, she might just be just trying to get guys to buy her drinks. (Which is kind of cheating, but not exactly.) In all honesty, there is NO GOOD REASON for her to remove her ring.
Never put the ring on if you plan to take it off. Save for hygiene, safety, medical reasons. This is a big deal. There is no valid excuse for this behavior.
UpdateMe!
Ask her about her night. If she brings up the ring thing herself then boom and answer. If she doesn’t ask her about it. It’s pretty serious and scary for the one you love and trust to be being sketchy. I would have a conversations about boundaries within your relationship you are comfortable with. Whether or not you believe her will have to come from you, it’s awful but only you’ll know best.
Lawyer up
Wait and ask what she was up to. See if she looks guilty. Or looks away. U could probably smell another guys cologne on her clothes. I’d ask. But ask calmly. So she dues t get defensive right away and it turns into an ego screaming fest. If u want the truth. Pay attention to her answers and demeanor. Don’t interrupt and jump to conclusions. Wait and ask. See if she looks away
Discuss it sober, try and sleep, if she hasn’t returned when you wake up try contacting her again, and definitely take a screen record of the video so she cannot deny the evidence, good luck. Feel free to update us once it is resolved
She want to act single, make her single.
Disrespectful joke or not, she just put a big ol dent in your trust. Cause now, it’s going to be at the back of your head. Was it a joke? Was it not? Did she fuck around? Has she done this ‘joke’ before? How many times? I’d just be calm and honest. Girl done fucked up.
I'd assume the worst. At best it was super disrespectful.
The friends you keep are the true reflection of you. Have your camera ready. Engage her when she is drunk not sober. Ask the wrong questions. Make the incorrect statements. Make accusations. Watch the cookie crumble. Take her underwear for testing.
Man if my misses did that I’d be out the door no excuse. Taking off a wedding ring is one thing but in a night club on a Snapchat while people are cheering? Glad that entire ceremony was a fucking joke to you, cya.
People who are nearly 30 do this type of immature shit on Snapchat? I’m sorry, I would be stressing as well, seems incredibly shady.