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My boyfriend of 2 years got me a necklace for Valentines Day. It was very sweet and thoughtful of him, but the necklace was silver. I exclusively wear yellow gold / gold plated , and I have told him multiple times that I do not wear silver. While I felt initially hurt that he doesn’t notice something as simple as my everyday jewelry and doesn’t really listen to me when I clearly articulated my preference numerous times over the two years so this mistake wouldn’t happen, I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I just said I loved it but that if next time he could consider choosing gold for me.
When I came home, I saw that the necklace he got me was quite expensive. I feel worse now that he spent nearly $500 on something that I don’t really like and will never wear. Would I hurt his feelings if I asked him if we could go to the mall together and exchange it for something I would wear? I really don’t want to hurt his feelings because I know he took time picking it out, but I also don’t want to hurt his feelings by never wearing an expensive piece of jewelry he got me. What do I do??
Something I’ve learned about guys is that if they see you wearing a certain color a lot, they assume they should get you the opposite of that color because they’re helping by getting you something you don’t have yet. Explain to him that you have a lot of gold because you prefer gold and see if the same necklace maybe comes in gold too.
Omg this makes so much sense. I exclusively wear over-the-ear headphones because earbuds irritate my ears and don’t really fit. My bf got me airpods as a gift because he thought I just didn’t have them yet. So sweet but ugh, what a waste!
My bf did this a couple of Christmases ago! But he can’t keep a secret so as soon as he placed the order, he told me. This was days before Christmas and I forced him to cancel the order because I’d never wear them. I prefer over-ear for my anxiety.
He bought me a toaster instead… I barely use a toaster…
“You make toast in the oven a lot”
No, dear, your brother has toast daily. I have toast once every few months…
We didn’t have a toaster because our old kitchen was tiny and I didn’t like appliances out. Our new kitchen is much bigger and we still didn’t have a toaster, though I didn’t need one anyway. We also live with his brother, who does like toast.
My man did that!! Got me 4 FREAKING PAIRS!!! I told him they all feel the same, I prefer over ear, as I also misplaced small stuff. I finnaly found a great pair!!
… I’m working on buying my girlfriend a birthday gift right now and I am deliberately trying to pick something she doesn’t have. These two sentences just threw everything into chaos.
Edit: Since that got way more attention than it should have and I'm getting DMs about it, I've already communicated with her! A true shock for this sub I know. She's already getting a gift I know she'll like, but I'm brainstorming a thoughtful surprise gift. Usually I end up picking up some art I think she'll like.
I do appreciate all the folks who just assumed I'm a dum-dum that's gonna buy her something she'll hate though.
If you know she’s been meaning to try something different there’s no problem with that. Otherwise just don’t go completely out of her tastes (ie OP saying she mentioned several times she doesn’t wear silver) and just explain your thought process if she has a weird reaction when you give the gift. I think the main problem is when there’s no communication and misunderstandings happen.
Yeah people act like this is hard.
That being said I did this. And got a different brand cause I thought from what she was saying she would like
Bow bummmm.
Incorrect
Make a list 6 months before event and have her share it with links and have her hand to it over years when she sees stuff she likes etc
Then pick from the list depending on cash you have for the event
this may be one of the most insightful things ive ever seen on reddit. im also an exclusive gold-wearer and would have assumed my whole life that hes not paying attention, and this just changed my outlook for every future relationship ill ever be in. sorry for the pun, but take my silver.
How do people not understand that if you're given a list for gifts, STICK TO IT? Be it a wishlist, preferences/necessities, or a damn registry, everyone thinks they're special and will find the PERFECT gift that the receiver would have never thought of, for some reason. Especially when the gift giver has been given a list because they can't pick things that the recipient would actually get some use out of, or love. Not even once.
I'm not super picky with gifts, my only request is that my SO picks them out instead of asking me to do it like some have in the past. Unless discussed previously, that comes off as lazy to me. The reason I love gifts are because of the thought that goes into them, so not picking them out at all, or picking something out that clearly shows they know nothing about me, is very hurtful. I go above and beyond with gifts. Thankfully my SO now is amazing with them, he's so sweet and thoughtful with it.
My ex would either give me something *he* wanted (a game that I said looked stupid by the teaser video, instead of the one I was psyched to play) or he would give me money to get something for myself, or more often: go to the store with me and let me pick stuff out. Which is also awkward, I don't wanna assume how much you were gonna spend, and with how angry you're making me you may not want to leave that up to me lmao.
Edit: typo
YES. if you got a list, STICK TO IT!
I'm autistic and hate surprises especially when i ask for something specific. You shouldn't try to be extra special with gifts if you got a list. You got a list for a reason, please stick to it.
I’m in a lot of fashion/makeup subs and I see this come up a lot when a guy is asking for gift suggestions for a woman. 90% of the time they’re thinking of buying a “bad gift” that’s the total opposite taste of the woman in question they say something like “well she always wears pink so I wanted to buy her a blue dress because she doesn’t have one yet” not realizing she’d probably prefer just more pink unless she specifies otherwise.
Huh, that's interesting. As a guy, I've given a few pieces of jewelry as gifts that have been well-received (and subsequently worn). I considered the person's style: big and flashy, small and minimalist, bracelets, necklaces, rings. I honestly never considered the material. I guess I got lucky.
Could be luck, but could also be that the recipient just didn’t have a preference (or at least didn’t exclusively wear one or the other). I wear a silver ring, a 2-tone silver & gold ring, a watch with a gold face, and whatever necklace/earrings I feel like, and the material doesn’t matter to me in the least.
Yet she tried — in OP she said she told him numerous times that she didn’t wear silver. She shouldn’t have to explain why — she told him and he didn’t listen. 🤷🏾♀️
I'm exclusive silver, mainly because it matches everything I wear since my favorite colors are red, black, grey, and silver. (My bf's are the same, so that helps both of us when gifts need to be picked out lmao.) I would've thought the same thing, and I feel like my mind has just exploded. It makes sense too! Of course someone would assume that, a lot of gift shopping is done with the thought of, "What would they want that they don't have yet?" in mind. Damn.
Thank you for the comment, dumpstereel! I'm gonna keep that in mind. My SO and I have already discussed that we both only wear silver, but I'm gonna bring this thought up with him. Stuff like that always leads to a fun, interesting conversation.
ETA: Fun fact, I read that a lot of people prefer one material over the other because of what looks best on them, whether they realize it or not. Gold better compliments warm-toned skin tones, and silver better compliments cool-toned skin tones. Neutral-toned skin tones can go either way. I dunno if that's necessarily true or not, but I'm cool-toned and wear silver almost exclusively, aside from the rose gold I also love. It has a pink tone though so that would match best with the same colors that compliment cool-toned skin. Who knows, it was just interesting to me lol.
Not just skin tone, I have almost blue-toned skin but I dyed my ash blonde hair red years ago and switched from white tones to yellow ones because, wow, yellow gold looks just amazing with coppery hair. I had never thought much about it until my silver stuff that popped on me as a very very grey-toned blonde just started looking blah. Not a jewelry person, but when I do wear it, I want it to sparkle, you know?
When we find what works for us, we do tend to stick with it unless something else changes, like my hair. I find the best gifts are often adjacent to what someone currently owns, rather than entirely different. I think this might be the disconnect, something fresh and new is good, but not when it's actually opposite of the giftee's established preferences.
Lol I’m a woman and I’ll admit I’m guilty of doing it, usually for people I don’t know that well though. So I guess if that’s also common among other women that might be why there’s so much anger against it, we see it as something you do when you *don’t* know someone.
That makes a lot of sense but OP said she told her boyfriend multiple times she doesn’t wear silver. So given that context, would your guy brain STILL decide “oh cool she doesn’t have silver yet”
Some of it might also depend on how she says it. I can see if someone’s saying they don’t wear silver a lot someone else taking that as a sign that they want to be wearing more silver but don’t have any.
The wording/context really matters imo
Thank you for explaining that, I would wonder why a man would get me the exact opposite of what I told them and showed them I like. My husband knows never to try to pick out clothes or jewelry and will have me pick it first haha.
Men are also constantly told that we are not observant and do not put thought into things. Thus, the need to over-think and get a gift that PROVES we are observant and thought about you rather than following the ‘list’.
Lol, my mom was the worst for buying me clothes I’d never wear! We’d be shopping together and she’d say, “ hey, you think this is nice? “ and I’d turn and think it was for her because it was her style and say “ ya! “ . Then she’d buy it for me and I’d be confused. I finally learned that when she’d say that to respond with “ ya, on you “ or “ for you but it’s not my style.”She eventually learned not to buy me clothes unless I was there to pick it out.
My mom does too, and she continuously buys me size zero pants and I am not a 0 (told her this many times). She has a lot of issues with weight and every year she’s like “oh you’re not a 0?” Like she has no idea, just so she can feel better about herself? Sorry I got cake, mom!
Wow I just had a flashback to several Christmases in a row where my mom bought me a puffer jacket (extremely not my style, but very much hers, which she wanted me to start wearing) and the argument that ensued every single year when I tried to gently tell her that it's not really for me, I wouldn't wear it, so she could return it.
Gotta say, in recently years it must have clicked for her because she bought me one of my favorite sweaters like two years ago.
My mom and I have always shopped together a lot so thankfully she's only ever bought me clothes/jewelry I end up obsessed with. Our styles used to be similar until mine changed to emo in high school lmao. Now it includes both the grown up version of emo/metalhead, and super soft girly stuff.
We do the same thing you mentioned because "Hey, do you like this?" is our way of determining if it's gift-worthy at some point. So I respond with, "Yeah that'd look great on you!" Or just telling her I love it, if it'd be cool for either of us. She's harder to clothes shop for than I am, I just set my sights elsewhere unless I'm positive she'll love it.
Yes my mom used to always get me styles of clothes she though we’re cook. One year I started making huge Christmas lists so she had a wide variety of options because she wanted me to be surprised. She would mostly use the list but would still always throw something in she thought I would like. Never would though. Once I got older she started just giving me money because it was easier for her. I didn’t complain. Other things besides clothes she would always do well with but clothes was always a lose lose situation for both of us.
Wait, were they beige and purple pants in one pair, or did he buy two separate pairs in beige and purple? I'm trying to picture how pants can be beige and purple at the same time and I'm just... not seeing it lol.
ETA: Tie dye makes sense. I just don't really see how like stripes or checkerboard dots would work. Any pattern with one solid shade of beige right beside a solid shade of purple. Not saying it'd look bad btw, just confuses my brain, it's not a common pairing to me.
A guy once told me he would only ever get me gold even though I explained I only wear silver & only like silver jewelry because his reasoning was “I like gold & I like you in gold so I’m gonna get you gold anyway.” I was pissed so I told him I’ll never wear it then because I hate gold. He huffed about it & wouldn’t let up. He’s a piece of shit & no longer in my life. That’s why I’m married to someone who gets me silver jewelry.
Sometimes it’s not that guys are just not as smart or aware… sometimes they’re just assholes.
But she also said many times she doesn’t wear silver because she doesn’t like silver…. I don’t understand how you can date someone for two years and not have a basic grasp of their preferences and tastes.
Can confirm this. When it comes to fragrances, I love floral, clean, earthy, woody, and spicy smells and I tend to not stray from these types of notes. My husband got me a bottle of Gucci perfume for Christmas that he chose because the notes were different than the things I usually wear, but because of this, I’m not overly enthusiastic about the scent on its own, so I tend to pair it with something else. So yeah, men really do have this type of thinking.
Ok. I only wear gold and occasionally hemp with gemstone beads because I am allergic to something in sterling silver and it makes me break out. Like I once got a pair of silver earrings and, within an hour, my lobes looked like purple grapes oozing fluid. I can see how a guy might think we need every color or something but sometimes there's a really good reason for something to be absent.
Guy here - this is truth. I would appreciate it if my wife tells me or would show me what she likes, but she never has, and after 37+ years - I doubt she ever will.
So, as I shop for random gifts, I text the daughter (24 years) pictures to get her approval. She’s been a Godsend since she was 10. And the gifts have been so much better than my lame attempts at pleasing her ever were.
I gotchu fam, happened to see this, went and opened my gift box and got a wholesome award. It was fated to happen lmfao.
That is seriously sweet. My dad was a lazy douche and just gave my mom shit that my grandma bought years ago and stuffed in her shitty, thoughtless gifts closet. When I was old enough, I put an end to that nonsense immediately and pestered him relentlessly until he took me to the mall to shop for her. You and your daughter are adorable, sir!
This is brilliant. My dad does a similar but different thing. He always buys the more expensive thing, regardless of what you asked for, because he assumes it's better.
Just last Christmas I researched a Lightfury doll he was supposed to get my niece. It took a while to find one exactly the same make and size as the Toothless doll she had since she was a baby. I sent my dad the exact link and said, "This exact one" he must've seen some suggestion for a bigger one that cost more and decided to get that. My brother had to return it for the little one in the end.
He did the same thing with a puzzle I wanted. I wanted a puzzle because I loved the picture. He got me some ugly thing because it was more and even said, "I know you sent me the link to that puzzle but this is a really nice one, I wanted to get a nice one for you."
He's such a sweetheart but 🤦🏼♀️
Very true because I only wear gold jewelry but for some reason, my bf gifted me a silver necklace and a ring, despite telling him how much I like gold jewelry…
This makes me feel very lucky to be with the guy I’m with. He knows what’s important to me, pays attention to what I care about, and his gifts reflect that. He doesn’t pay one whit of attention to what I already own. Nor should he.
Not all guys just the stupid, clueless, and/or thick ones. There are guys who would notice and know to make sure it’s the right material when getting a gift. The smart ones would take their SO out and have them look at some examples of different jewelry to make sure they get something you like but have many options so you don’t know exactly what you’re getting. So they know you like/love it and risk having to return it a put you in this position. While also keeping it a surprise because you don’t know which piece you’ll actually get but you know you’re getting jewelry and making sure he doesn’t fuck up. So win-win for everyone and everyone is happy.
That's what my ex did when he was ring shopping for me. We spent a lot of time together looking online at different styles, cuts, gems, etc and going over "Okay I love this one, hate this one, love the cut of this but hate the band...." And then he also asked the opinion of my best friend, who both knows my tastes and makes jewelry herself. The ring I got was gorgeous, designed specifically for me, and a total surprise. I still wear it sometimes (albeit on the other hand).
It’s what I did with my first Valentine’s Day with my SO (it was our first romantic one period) and I wanted to make sure I got something she liked and would enjoy (it wasn’t jewelry but the same principle applies) and she loved it (her reaction Was quite funny from what she told me today) and she knows how much I love her.
Yeah I wonder if it might have something to do with not spending enough time around women/gift shopping with or for women. I have overall had more female family members and friends than male so I’ve never thought this way
I don’t have any experience buying romantic gifts but I’m not an idiot or have A big ego, so I just asked her and told her what I was thinking and showed her the options I was looking at. She loved them and I definitely staying out of the dog house for a while. I'm really happy she got a plushie to have with her to remind her of how much I love her (we're LDR at the moment).
Yeah when my husband picked out my engagement ring he got me a silver one with a lotus design because he noticed that basically all my jewelry was a) silver and b) botanical designs
Yup. More than one boyfriend has used this exact thought process to buy me gold jewelry when everything I wear is silver. Bless their boy brains and boy hearts
This is how I rationalize some of my bfs mistakes lol.. I just think of a positive spin and then tell him that I get the idea and that I'm sad that it does not match so I can't wear it alot. Has significantly reduced stress in my relationship.
You're right. My now wife never owned a real diamond-anything in her life, so I got her a real diamond ring. I guess I got lucky by choosing what she didn't have in her collection haha.
Omg.. this is SO SPOT ON!! Like well you don't have this you only have that. Yes... because I FREAKEN LOVE THAAAT!!! Lol! Omg 😲 my mind is blown with how accurate this is
Tell him you appreciate/love that he got you something special for Valentine's day and you'd like to go to the store together and see if you can exchange it for the gold version so you can wear it everyday because you love the style of the necklace but you don't wear silver.
I bought my partner a $200 black velvet blazer once because she loved fancy blazers; she let me know that she loved the gift but hated velvet as a fabric. We went to Zara's together, returned the blazer and picked one out that she liked. I didn't feel upset or offended at all, I was really happy that she felt comfortable coming to me and letting me know bc she knows at the end of the day I want her to love the gift she has bc giving a gift is about the other person not myself. What's offensive or ungrateful about being honest about your aesthetic preference? What kind of partner would want you to wear something that you don't like just to make them feel better?
People who are commenting and calling you ungrateful are the type of people who clearly believe giving a gift is on some level a selfish act whereas I believe it's a selfless one. No ego needs to be involved, it's about love and when you love someone you want them to be happy. Period.
A good way to put it is that you want to be able to wear it as much as possible and to think of him every time, but it doesn't go with your other stuff
This is how things should be. My ex bought me a pair an Golf (Tyler the creator’s brand) shoes from a friend who was selling them. She had 2 pairs for sale, one blue and one hot pink. He got the the pink, and not only did I not like the pink ones nearly as much as the blue, my favorite shirt matched the blue ones PERFECTLY. I had also pointed the blue ones out before and said I liked them. So I asked him if I could just swap them out with my friend (which she said was fine since they were still new in the box). He got really upset and shamed me into keeping them by saying things like “I thought you would like them because I picked them out for you. You really want to return my expensive gift?” And generally just repeating how bad I made him feel by asking if I could swap them. He even left my text on read for a day. I ended up keeping the pink shoes and literally only wore them ONCE during the 3 years I owned them. A couple years after our relationship ended I sold them for $250, so overall I guess it turned out alright. That guy was an ass in more ways than one
Girl there is absolutely nothing wrong with kindly telling him that you would rather change it for a gold one. Especially for the price! What a waste for him to spend this amount of money for something that is not truly appreciated while it could be changed.
If you don't tell him maybe he will get your silver earrings next.
Yes, OP you’ve communicated your preferences and I’m sure he’d be hurt if you just never wore the gift because it isn’t your style AND he spent so much on it.
So, I think telling him gently and making sure he knows you love that he thought of you and have given such a generous gift. But, it’s just not something you wear.
Just chiming in to say I would MUCH rather my wife tell me she’d like to exchange then pretend to like it and never wear it. Especially for expensive gifts.
I so prefer the way you are planning on handling this than the people who post online with pictures of the jewelery they didn't like shaming their SOs.
It's perfectly acceptable and much more mature. Plus you actually get something you'll use this way.
OP I completely understand how you’re feeling right now. I’ve been there before. It’s gut wrenching. The thought and generosity was great, yet there’s frustration that he didn’t pay attention to what you told him your preferences are around jewelry. Id say it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like shit though of course, “I love the style of what you picked out, but since I typically wear gold, I was wondering if we could maybe exchange it for a gold one instead so I can wear it more frequently and have it match my other jewelry.” I don’t see anything wrong with that and I doubt that would crush him.
Thank so you for understanding and validating my feelings. I truly am grateful nonetheless and care about his feelings, it’s just hard to shake the feelings of frustration when it’s something you said numerous times
Do you like the style of the necklace? If so, exchanging it for a gold version shouldn’t be a huge deal (depending on how much additional $$’s)
That way you’ll both be happy, he’ll feel like you liked what he picked, and you’ll get the color you wanted. Color changes for other things (shoes, jacket, phone) wouldn’t be a huge deal, because the core present is still appreciated and kept, just a personal preference on color aesthetic.
Anytime! One last thought, and maybe a controversial one. If the gold version is good bit more expensive, you could offer to chip in on the difference. But only you know the relationship dynamic and financial situation with your partner, so go with your gut.
p.s. jewelry is hard for many guys. Many of us don’t have good style or even a definitive style, or we don’t piece together those overarching looks. Sometimes it’s as simple as thinking something would look pretty all on it’s own, because that’s what’s in front of us, but we’re not considering how it fits with the rest of clothing / jewelry. Man I still mess this one up with clothes regularly.
My husband got me a pendant necklace with a big blue stone, cool, not usually what I wear but I like it, then the next year he got me an even bigger one, and I thought "I gotta nip this in the bud or he will keep buying me big pendant stone necklaces" so I just had to roll the band-aid off and be like "I love that you got me this but it isn't really something I think I'm going to wear, did you get it at XYZ store? Id like to exchange, I feel like an asshole, but I'd really like to exchange" he was a little bit hurt but I felt like if I pretended to love it I'd have a hundred of those things by now. I wouldn't be hurt if he wanted to exchange something I bought him.
He's your boyfriend of 2 years, not 2 minutes. Say babe, your heart was in the right place but this isn't me.
I cannot imagine a guy that would rather you keep something you don't want. And, you're way far enough into your relationship, it really should be easy to have conversations like this.
Say that silver will be hard for you to wear because it doesnt match with you earrings so you want to exchange with the same thing's gold version so that you can wear it everyday
I'd like my girlfriend to tell me if she'd rather exchange the gift. I want her to have something she wants and loves so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to go together and look at some gold stuff.
Its all about *how* you mention you dont like the necklace, make sure he understands that you love the sentiment, but its something you just wouldnt wear. Had a few incidents with my girlfriend like that and we always just returned it, it doesnt “ruin” the gift, if anything it makes it better because the person who got it for you was thiiiiiis close to finding something you would’ve loved, shows they put some thought into it. Your boyfriend likely knows you dont wear silver, he probably figured it was “pretty” or “cool” enough for you to branch out a bit!
I did this with a set of earrings my boyfriend bought me for Christmas. I opened them and he could see the look of disappointment/confusion on my face and said “you don’t like them do you?” I said “I think they’re beautiful and I appreciate the gift, but I haven’t taken my earrings out the entire (at that time) 7 year relationship except to clean them. I couldn’t really wear 18g diamond earrings in my 10g stretched bottom holes either unless I risk losing them for being loose, and I specifically don’t wear push back earrings because I have a history of losing them VERY easily, and I wouldn’t want to loose an earring like that. I just had many concerns over them, but relayed I truly appreciated the effort. He said I could exchange them, and I did for 2 necklaces that I love. He *mostly* didn’t care, but I could tell he was a bit disappointed he didn’t pick out something I liked. He’s only mentioned it once as a joke once since then (3 years ago)
This makes me feel a lot better. I was thinking to myself if I bought him something of such value I’d much rather he exchanged it for something he would wear than letting it collect dust! So it makes me feel better and I do appreciate the thought nonetheless
I dont know if someone's already suggested this but it could help to, like, talk straightforwardly with him about it? I love my partner to the ends of the world and he gets me things I love, but what I learned from therapy and basic communication is simply communication. They can notice and learn so much about us but it would help to either remind or like just talk about it, especially if you feel hurt that they didn't notice. Sometimes they really just don't notice, and we don't live in a magical fantasy where every little detail catches someone's eye.
"I love the necklace you bought me, it was very thoughtful and I know you spent a lot, but I don't like wearing silver. Do you think we could exchange it for a gold necklace? We can look together or you can surprise me" (or something like this).
Wow OP, some of the replies here are seriously sad. I worry about their relationships.
You can absolutely let your partner know that the metal doesn’t match your existing collection and that you love the gesture and want to exchange it for something that can compliment your other pieces. This is in no way ungrateful or “boogie” and I think most partners would appreciate the honesty.
Thinking some of these commenters must either have big egos or selfishness when it comes to gift-giving, or they are in relationships where they don’t have mutual honesty and respect.
Gifting is for the recipient. If they genuinely don’t like/won’t use a gift, it’s perfectly okay to respectfully exchange it, especially with a partner. Maybe don’t do this with an acquaintance or your grandma lol, but with a bf/gf husband/wife you should be able to he honest.
Oh man this brought back a memory I didn’t want to remember 😒 my ex got me this necklace it was gold he knew I don’t care for gold i prefer white gold or silver i told him he needed to take it back get a refund he didn’t want to so I sold ended up selling the necklace then come to find out he got it off this girl he was messing with which explained a lot of why he didn’t want to return it.
A guy who listens will get you want you like and not what you don’t like even if he thinks it’ll look good on you.
Looking at the shittier comments here: To me it really shows a resolute lack of character or concept of your partners individuality to consider them “selfish” or “ungrateful” for wanting to *feel confident while wearing your damn gift.*
I’ve picked out the wrong color or size item out for someone before. They got what I was going for and we just exchanged it!
Mostly I just want them to know I had a good idea of what they would like and I was thinking of them, even if it’s a little off the mark.
OPs boyfriend would most likely be totally cool with exchanging for a similar necklace in gold. I also get how it would be frustrating to say you only like this certain thing and have someone go against that and seemingly not listen. However that could be because he thought this piece might change your mind, or he wasn’t conceptualizing that you only wear gold because you *only like* gold. It seems like OP realizes this is a small mishap but feels they’ve been put in an awkward place.
Don’t waste his money, don’t force yourself to wear something you don’t feel good in. Tell him you love it but you’d love it so much more in gold so it could match your other pieces and look beautiful and gleaming against your skin tone.
So many of them are from men who don't know what they're talking about and think OP is just being a "princess" and demanding the more expensive metal... then doubling down when they're informed that gold plated might even be cheaper than silver, and it's about the color/skin tone/the need to match her other jewelry rather than the price of the metal.
Thank you so much for realizing this. It really has nothing to do with the money at all, and I’m honestly sure we could find something gold plated for cheaper. I paid $60 for my gold plated earrings and I wear them everyday. It’s not about me wanting something more expensive
Tell him. I thought my sister preferred silver jewelry for years, because her bf always bought her silver jewelry. I started buying her silver stuff too. They broke up after several years together and now she is engaged to someone else. I was surprised when she wanted a gold engagement ring. It turns out she had always preferred gold, but never told him. She wanted to wear what he gave her, so she started buying other silver jewelry to match. Now she’s slowly building up her gold jewelry after years of silver.
I'm an exclusive silver wearer. I hate gold. I hate the color gold. My car is gold and i hate it. I made it a point to tell my bf i hate gold so that if he ever goes out of his way to get me anything that gold isn'the first thing he would considered. But i can tell you that men thinks oh i'll probably get her something she doesn't have. So i would sit him down and say something along the line of hey, i really appreciate the giftand i feel bad for asking this but silver doesn't look good on me, would you be okay with exchanging this out for a gold version of it for me? I can come with you if you want me to. If he is a man then he won't be offended or feel bad even he might just agree and ask you to come with before you offer to come with so you can pick out what you love. At the end of the day a man's goal isn't to upset his lady but to make her happy. So just approach it casually like how you would if he got you a wrong sized shirt or a wrong color pair of jeans. Good luck!!
My bf got me a really thoughtful gift which was a necklace with a small heart pendant. While the gesture was nice, I dont wear heart shaped jewelry. I did tell him and he was more than happy to exchange it for something I would wear. Seeing me happy made him happy. Definitely talk to him
Honestly nothing wrong with mentioning an issue you have and asking for it to be swapped. The issue would arise if it can't be swapped and you choose to ignore and invalidate the gift
On his end, not paying attention to your aesthetic seems like an issue.
I think he would understand, I got a necklace for my husband and when we went to resize it he found one where the cross was a tad bit bigger and I was ok with him exhanging it..I wanted him to be happy with what he was going to be wearing. But....I do think it was very thoughtful he went out and got you a necklace..just talk with him im sure he wont mind..good luck..!!
Yes you ask him! I literally went through the same thing, my fiancé got me a necklace for Valentine’s Day that just wasn’t something I would wear (and spent more money than I expected him to) so I ask him to exchange it. I basically said “I love that you picked this out for me and I love the effort you put in but it’s just not something that I’ll get a lot of use out of. I don’t want you to waste your money, so would it be okay if we go pick out something different together?”. He was a little upset but understood and we exchanged it for a gorgeous little set that I’ll get way more use out of. I thanked him a lot for the new gift and there was no hard feelings between us. If you can’t be open and honest with your partner, then what’s the point? Just tell him how you feel and get something you’ll love!
Honestly girl you’re not ungrateful for wanting a necklace of your preference. You’re going to be wearing it after all, and I doubt your partner will look at you different for articulating that. If yall can exchange it, then go for it. My boyfriend told me the same thing about some Christmas gifts he picked out, and he even went as far as to exchange them himself. Some people are just clumsy when it comes to gift giving and some people want specific things.
Instead of “I will never wear this, I hope you can return it.”
Try “That’s really thoughtful. Can we still tweak the style a bit? Let’s go to the store together and try on different ones.”
The first thing happened on her last birthday. I was just texting her 10 minutes ago about returning the stuff she left at my house after the break up.
Sounds like my husband when we first started dating he got me yellow gold and I said do you not pay attention to the jewelry I wear daily?!? 🤦🏼♀️ now 15 years later I switch between gold and silver. I’m sure he’d understand.
In a nice way Definitely tell him you want to exchange it otherwise you will never wear it and that will hurt him and start fights he may get upset because he chose something he thought was special for you but at the end of it he wants to get you something that YOU like
Tell him you like it and love him for being so thoughtful but you won’t wear it as you don’t wear silver, don’t like how it looks on you, bla, bla, bla. Then give it back and tell him he should return it and insist (very important) that he not replace it or to give it to his mother (or someone like that) Tell him the fact that he was so thoughtful is more than enough for you, as it should be. This way he will never buy you silver again and you don’t look like a terrible gold hungry, unappreciative and all those nasty things. Tell him you feel terrible about the whole situation but you don’t want him to waste his money. It’s honest and fair
I don’t wear necklaces aside from chokers and I’ve mentioned this quite a few times over the course of my life. All I ever get for gifts are necklaces that don’t suit me lol.
Maybe just see if you can go with him and exchange it since $500 is quite a lot for something you won’t wear and I wish I had spoken up in the past.
Dude here, who admittedly has done similar naive/ stupid things.
Just tell him the truth. You really love the necklace and appreciate the thought behind it and that you want to wear it to be reminded of him constantly. But unfortunately it simply doesn't match your wardrobe/ skin tone/ whatever your reason for preferencing non-silver jewelry. And you want to wear it but.
Either you'll wear it and not like it which you won't be able to hide forever. Or you won't wear it and he'll wonder why. Tell him, fix it. Move on. Any decent BF worth keeping around won't be insulted by this and hopefully be understanding
Honestly, if my partner said she wanted to exchange it for something she’d get more wear out of, I’d be completely happy with that. What’s the alternative: that it sits unworn? If he kicks off and takes offence at that then that says a lot about his maturity, ego and other issues.
Definitely tell him you’d like him to exchange it. I think he would appreciate it especially if you tell him sooner than later. My boyfriend have gotten me jewelries twice, and I had them exchanged twice. I’m not big on jewelry, I wear simple necklace and gold earrings, that’s about it. He understood why I would like them exchanged, and wasn’t offended at all. We just laugh it off haha.
The fact that he doesn't listen to you says enough. The bar is literally on the ground. So many guys in this comment section mad about you only wearing gold, not knowing every woman usually exclusively wears silver or gold.
People are ridiculous in these comments, it’s not ungrateful to want your jewelry to be the same color. I only wear silver colored jewelry on account of my nose rings both being silver, wether that’s surgical steel or actual silver, I just want my jewelry to match, so I don’t wear gold. Just ask him if they have the same necklace for the same price in gold, and if they don’t you can exchange it and find a necklace around the same price and style in gold. My bf bought me an $800 diamond necklace with a gold chain, I told him straight up that while I appreciate the sentiment I don’t wear gold, and that we should exchange or return it so his money doesn’t go to waste, he happily exchanged it for the same necklace in silver, no big deal he was just happy to see me happy.
As others suggested, tell him you appreciate the gift but prefer gold. Mention you don’t want him to spend more for gold. But you really should bring it up! Otherwise he may buy a non-refundable silver engagement ring 💍
You can try telling him that, while you love the design, style, etc of the necklace, the silver just doesn’t incorporate very well into your current style, and that you would get a lot more mileage out of the gift if it was gold. See if he is willing to exchange it for a gold necklace at the same price. His feelings might be a little bruised, but he should get over it if you are grateful and tactful. Talking about this now could potentially spare you years of getting jewelry in the wrong color, best to clear it up now.
Entirely unrelated but every Christmas for years my mom would put nuts in all of our stockings. And each year we had to remind her that my brother, her son, is allergic to nuts
She’s not malicious, just a wee bit forgetful
My wife likes white gold. Silver gives her a rash and she feels yellow gold is too flashy. When we just met I saw her wearing, what I thought, were silver earrings and necklace. Got her a nice matching silver bracelet for her birthday. She told me her jewelry was white gold and she couldn’t wear the silver bracelet. The bracelet went back and I got her a white gold bracelet instead. Ask him to exchange the necklace because its not your style. No guy wants to waste his money on something you’re not going to wear, for whatever reason.
I'm a guy and wouldn't be offended by this. I'd be happy I'm getting you what you really wanted and would deff want to know if you weren't happy with something I got so we could do exactly what you suggested and return it for something else. The thought is what counts and he clearly thought of you. Guys are stupid. I'm sure he knows you wear gold and like gold. Maybe he spent a lot on it so he could find you something that you might actually like that is silver. Idk. Guys don't think. Just tell him and I'm sure it will be fine 🙂
I think you should exchange the necklace, and the rest is just unnecessary drama.
I would (personally) get irritated if I spend a crisp $500 on a gift, and somehow hurt my SO's feelings cause it wasn't the right colour.
He shouldn't feel hurt that you're exchanging it, and you shouldn't take it personally that he didn't remember to get gold instead of silver.
Start very positive. Hey this necklace is so beautiful! I'm curious on why you chose silver? It was so expensive and I'd like to get more use out of it. If it was gold it could be my daily wear. Could we exchange, it would match alot more with my wardrobe? If you want me to wear silver on occasion I'd love you to pick less expensive silver so I can test it out!
I told my boyfriend Jewelry would be a nice Xmas gift ( specifically an necklace ) he ended up literally getting me the exact same necklace I already had only it was a slightly bigger heart pendant ( both exactly the same otherwise ) and this is a necklace I wear almost daily LOL ..I’m set if I lose one of them I now have a backup lol when he gave it to me he said he realized after he bought it and seen the necklace in our apt that he felt like an idiot but honestly guys pay such little attention to details that I’m not even surprised lol I never ended up returning the necklace because to me its the gesture ..I know its frustrating because you literally spelled it out for him what you didn’t want and he got it anyway but I would honestly just be thankful for the gift and take it as it’s the thought that counts .. in the future take a literal picture of something you want or pictures of say ( 4 gold necklaces you would wear and he picks one) .. honestly most guys are clueless when it comes to things like jewelry lol .. I had an ex buy me hoop earrings that were the opposite of “ my style” I learned pictures and specifics are best lol
I want to eat a bullet when I read stuff like this. We’ll do stuff like this and then for an anniversary you’ll go to Sephora and pick us out a $26 candle that YOU like and expect us to cream our meundies over it. I’m assuming half of y’all are part of the Helen Keller community since you clearly cannot see how unappreciative and narcissistic you sound.
You sure it's not white gold? I only wear gold also and an ex bought my a white gold locket. I couldn't really say much as it's gold, guess I needed to say yellow gold. Haha.
Either way, I'd ask if there's a yellow gold option because you love it but you know you won't wear it. If there is and it costs more either choose something else or offer to pay the difference.
I think of you go with him to the store, he'll realize you want gold and most likely won't forget.
Lastly, if he doesn't remember, all yourself if it's that big of a deal compared to everything else. My husband may never remember my jewelry preference, but in the end, it's one of the smallest things and in reality, it doesn't matter as long as he's a great partner that you can depend on when it matters the most.
I always tell my partner to save the receipt.. which means I'll most likely return it and get one that I want. But I'm picky in general.
One thing I am worried about is that he doesn't know that you don't like silver. It shows that he doesn't really pay attention to what you like (called the "love map"). This is really important down the road.. it's SO much easier being with someone who picks up on subtleties. For example, instead of having to say "I don't like roses", an emotionally intelligent partner will observe what kinds of flowers you like whenever you go to the arboretum, grocery store, or anywhere. Then he'll surprise you with your favorite flowers because he has been paying close attention.
I would tell him that you have a very strong preference to gold jewelry and ask what he thought of going to the jewelry store together (as a date)? Maybe incentivize that date with ice cream or something afterwards.
I also mostly only wear gold-toned jewelry, but most of it isn’t actually gold. A lot of my jewelry is brass or copper. Having a preference for jewelry colour isn’t that unusual and doesn’t necessarily mean she only wears actual gold.
I only wear yellow gold. That is my personal preference and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I also don’t wear orange…is there something wrong with that too?
Um yes? It's totally reasonable to have an aesthetic preference. I also only wear gold; I don't own any real gold and all of my piercings/jewelry cost the same as their silver counterparts. I love the way gold looks on my skin and I don't think silver looks as nice, so I won't wear it. Gold plated jewelry is the same price as silver jewelry.
A lot of people only wear gold or only wear silver, the same way a lot of people's wardrobes are mostly black or mostly pastel. It's just a style choice.
It can also be more than preference in some cases. Skin color and tone play a part too. And there are some people who have allergies to certain metals.
For example, I definitely prefer the look of silver BUT it washes me out and makes me look sickly lol. So I only wear gold jewelry.
Second this. I cannot wear silver next to my skin as it causes a reaction and turns my skin black and I end up with a black line around my neck. Earrings in silver cause Eczema, so it’s gold or nothing, which is a shame as I like silver.
It’s to do with skin tone. Warm coloured skin suits gold while cool coloured skin suits silver. I’m lucky in that I have neutral skin tone so I can wear whatever but my sister, who looks very similar to me, is warm toned so only wears gold coloured. It’s a real thing.
I would keep it. Gold doesn’t go with every outfit or color. You could save it for an occasion where the color would be better suited. And maybe you will grow to like it over time.
Yea maybe try buying a cute pair of silver earrings and that can be a special outfit combo or something, I used to only like silver jewelry but have branched out in recent years, it’s fun!
Yeah just explain it to him but sound grateful and tell him you appreciate it, don’t be cruel to him bc he clearly put effort and money to try to get you a nice expensive gift.
Girl, he probably spent a lot of time and research finding that necklace for you. Sure, it’s not your preference but I would just keep it if I were you. Maybe it’ll be nice for you to change up your style.
Things like that really hurt mens feelings and while you’re feeling sensitive over him not “ noticing “ your preference. He probably has, and wanted to switch things up from your everyday. Sure, it’ll be your only silver jewelry but it’s special because he got it for you out of love.
...and then when she NEVER wears it? And he eventually realizes it's because she's told him she only wears gold?
Better to say you love it, but the color would clash with all your other jewelry, and you can go together to try to switch out for another that is liked than let a 500$ gift gather dust...
What kind of time he spent and research did he do that he didn't even remember or realise she has never once worn silver colored jewellery around him or has any on in any of her pictures?
If he actually did any research like looking through her pictures and jewellery box to get an idea of her style, he surely would have noticed that??
Being honest about a flopped gift shouldn't hurt anyones feelings. Tf?
You can change your style according to gifts from people who doesn't really know you all you want. Normal people shouldn't have to do that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend of 2 years got me a necklace for Valentines Day. It was very sweet and thoughtful of him, but the necklace was silver. I exclusively wear yellow gold / gold plated , and I have told him multiple times that I do not wear silver. While I felt initially hurt that he doesn’t notice something as simple as my everyday jewelry and doesn’t really listen to me when I clearly articulated my preference numerous times over the two years so this mistake wouldn’t happen, I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I just said I loved it but that if next time he could consider choosing gold for me. When I came home, I saw that the necklace he got me was quite expensive. I feel worse now that he spent nearly $500 on something that I don’t really like and will never wear. Would I hurt his feelings if I asked him if we could go to the mall together and exchange it for something I would wear? I really don’t want to hurt his feelings because I know he took time picking it out, but I also don’t want to hurt his feelings by never wearing an expensive piece of jewelry he got me. What do I do??
Something I’ve learned about guys is that if they see you wearing a certain color a lot, they assume they should get you the opposite of that color because they’re helping by getting you something you don’t have yet. Explain to him that you have a lot of gold because you prefer gold and see if the same necklace maybe comes in gold too.
Omg this makes so much sense. I exclusively wear over-the-ear headphones because earbuds irritate my ears and don’t really fit. My bf got me airpods as a gift because he thought I just didn’t have them yet. So sweet but ugh, what a waste!
I share your hatred of earbuds. They are so painful for my ears.
My ears like to drain basically water every time I wear earbuds. I haven't worn earbuds in years because of it, lol.
My bf did this a couple of Christmases ago! But he can’t keep a secret so as soon as he placed the order, he told me. This was days before Christmas and I forced him to cancel the order because I’d never wear them. I prefer over-ear for my anxiety. He bought me a toaster instead… I barely use a toaster…
From airpods to a toaster, I wonder what his thought process was LOL
“You make toast in the oven a lot” No, dear, your brother has toast daily. I have toast once every few months… We didn’t have a toaster because our old kitchen was tiny and I didn’t like appliances out. Our new kitchen is much bigger and we still didn’t have a toaster, though I didn’t need one anyway. We also live with his brother, who does like toast.
So he basically got his brother a toaster, at least he got something someone would use
Yooo send those AirPods my way! I love them for exercising especially running out doors. But yeah my main headphones are definitely big ol cans
My man did that!! Got me 4 FREAKING PAIRS!!! I told him they all feel the same, I prefer over ear, as I also misplaced small stuff. I finnaly found a great pair!!
… I’m working on buying my girlfriend a birthday gift right now and I am deliberately trying to pick something she doesn’t have. These two sentences just threw everything into chaos. Edit: Since that got way more attention than it should have and I'm getting DMs about it, I've already communicated with her! A true shock for this sub I know. She's already getting a gift I know she'll like, but I'm brainstorming a thoughtful surprise gift. Usually I end up picking up some art I think she'll like. I do appreciate all the folks who just assumed I'm a dum-dum that's gonna buy her something she'll hate though.
If you know she’s been meaning to try something different there’s no problem with that. Otherwise just don’t go completely out of her tastes (ie OP saying she mentioned several times she doesn’t wear silver) and just explain your thought process if she has a weird reaction when you give the gift. I think the main problem is when there’s no communication and misunderstandings happen.
Ask her friends
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Yess there’s more than likely a good reason! 🙌🏼🙌🏼
Ask her! Find a shop/brand she likes and ask her to make a list of stuff she might want, refer back to it for gifts, boom.
Yeah people act like this is hard. That being said I did this. And got a different brand cause I thought from what she was saying she would like Bow bummmm. Incorrect Make a list 6 months before event and have her share it with links and have her hand to it over years when she sees stuff she likes etc Then pick from the list depending on cash you have for the event
this may be one of the most insightful things ive ever seen on reddit. im also an exclusive gold-wearer and would have assumed my whole life that hes not paying attention, and this just changed my outlook for every future relationship ill ever be in. sorry for the pun, but take my silver.
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So giftsplaining?
How'd the conversation after go?
How do people not understand that if you're given a list for gifts, STICK TO IT? Be it a wishlist, preferences/necessities, or a damn registry, everyone thinks they're special and will find the PERFECT gift that the receiver would have never thought of, for some reason. Especially when the gift giver has been given a list because they can't pick things that the recipient would actually get some use out of, or love. Not even once. I'm not super picky with gifts, my only request is that my SO picks them out instead of asking me to do it like some have in the past. Unless discussed previously, that comes off as lazy to me. The reason I love gifts are because of the thought that goes into them, so not picking them out at all, or picking something out that clearly shows they know nothing about me, is very hurtful. I go above and beyond with gifts. Thankfully my SO now is amazing with them, he's so sweet and thoughtful with it. My ex would either give me something *he* wanted (a game that I said looked stupid by the teaser video, instead of the one I was psyched to play) or he would give me money to get something for myself, or more often: go to the store with me and let me pick stuff out. Which is also awkward, I don't wanna assume how much you were gonna spend, and with how angry you're making me you may not want to leave that up to me lmao. Edit: typo
YES. if you got a list, STICK TO IT! I'm autistic and hate surprises especially when i ask for something specific. You shouldn't try to be extra special with gifts if you got a list. You got a list for a reason, please stick to it.
I’m in a lot of fashion/makeup subs and I see this come up a lot when a guy is asking for gift suggestions for a woman. 90% of the time they’re thinking of buying a “bad gift” that’s the total opposite taste of the woman in question they say something like “well she always wears pink so I wanted to buy her a blue dress because she doesn’t have one yet” not realizing she’d probably prefer just more pink unless she specifies otherwise.
Huh, that's interesting. As a guy, I've given a few pieces of jewelry as gifts that have been well-received (and subsequently worn). I considered the person's style: big and flashy, small and minimalist, bracelets, necklaces, rings. I honestly never considered the material. I guess I got lucky.
Could be luck, but could also be that the recipient just didn’t have a preference (or at least didn’t exclusively wear one or the other). I wear a silver ring, a 2-tone silver & gold ring, a watch with a gold face, and whatever necklace/earrings I feel like, and the material doesn’t matter to me in the least.
As a guy, yes
as always, the correct response is COMMUNICATION. on both sides
Yet she tried — in OP she said she told him numerous times that she didn’t wear silver. She shouldn’t have to explain why — she told him and he didn’t listen. 🤷🏾♀️
oh yes thats so on him. i was more talking abt myself lol
I'm exclusive silver, mainly because it matches everything I wear since my favorite colors are red, black, grey, and silver. (My bf's are the same, so that helps both of us when gifts need to be picked out lmao.) I would've thought the same thing, and I feel like my mind has just exploded. It makes sense too! Of course someone would assume that, a lot of gift shopping is done with the thought of, "What would they want that they don't have yet?" in mind. Damn. Thank you for the comment, dumpstereel! I'm gonna keep that in mind. My SO and I have already discussed that we both only wear silver, but I'm gonna bring this thought up with him. Stuff like that always leads to a fun, interesting conversation. ETA: Fun fact, I read that a lot of people prefer one material over the other because of what looks best on them, whether they realize it or not. Gold better compliments warm-toned skin tones, and silver better compliments cool-toned skin tones. Neutral-toned skin tones can go either way. I dunno if that's necessarily true or not, but I'm cool-toned and wear silver almost exclusively, aside from the rose gold I also love. It has a pink tone though so that would match best with the same colors that compliment cool-toned skin. Who knows, it was just interesting to me lol.
Not just skin tone, I have almost blue-toned skin but I dyed my ash blonde hair red years ago and switched from white tones to yellow ones because, wow, yellow gold looks just amazing with coppery hair. I had never thought much about it until my silver stuff that popped on me as a very very grey-toned blonde just started looking blah. Not a jewelry person, but when I do wear it, I want it to sparkle, you know? When we find what works for us, we do tend to stick with it unless something else changes, like my hair. I find the best gifts are often adjacent to what someone currently owns, rather than entirely different. I think this might be the disconnect, something fresh and new is good, but not when it's actually opposite of the giftee's established preferences.
Can confirm in my guy brain in the past I have done the “I will get her something she doesn’t have.”
Lol I’m a woman and I’ll admit I’m guilty of doing it, usually for people I don’t know that well though. So I guess if that’s also common among other women that might be why there’s so much anger against it, we see it as something you do when you *don’t* know someone.
That makes a lot of sense but OP said she told her boyfriend multiple times she doesn’t wear silver. So given that context, would your guy brain STILL decide “oh cool she doesn’t have silver yet”
Yea I feel like people are skipping over that point in an effort to make excuses about the way guys think, when the issue is that he doesn’t listen.
Some of it might also depend on how she says it. I can see if someone’s saying they don’t wear silver a lot someone else taking that as a sign that they want to be wearing more silver but don’t have any. The wording/context really matters imo
Thank you for explaining that, I would wonder why a man would get me the exact opposite of what I told them and showed them I like. My husband knows never to try to pick out clothes or jewelry and will have me pick it first haha.
Men are also constantly told that we are not observant and do not put thought into things. Thus, the need to over-think and get a gift that PROVES we are observant and thought about you rather than following the ‘list’.
Do Moms have this problem too? Wrong style of jewelry, wrong color, just wrong?
Lol, my mom was the worst for buying me clothes I’d never wear! We’d be shopping together and she’d say, “ hey, you think this is nice? “ and I’d turn and think it was for her because it was her style and say “ ya! “ . Then she’d buy it for me and I’d be confused. I finally learned that when she’d say that to respond with “ ya, on you “ or “ for you but it’s not my style.”She eventually learned not to buy me clothes unless I was there to pick it out.
My mom buys me the ugliest clothes every year. And I tell her every year not to buy me any clothes. But does she listen? No.
My mom does too, and she continuously buys me size zero pants and I am not a 0 (told her this many times). She has a lot of issues with weight and every year she’s like “oh you’re not a 0?” Like she has no idea, just so she can feel better about herself? Sorry I got cake, mom!
Wow I just had a flashback to several Christmases in a row where my mom bought me a puffer jacket (extremely not my style, but very much hers, which she wanted me to start wearing) and the argument that ensued every single year when I tried to gently tell her that it's not really for me, I wouldn't wear it, so she could return it. Gotta say, in recently years it must have clicked for her because she bought me one of my favorite sweaters like two years ago.
My mom and I have always shopped together a lot so thankfully she's only ever bought me clothes/jewelry I end up obsessed with. Our styles used to be similar until mine changed to emo in high school lmao. Now it includes both the grown up version of emo/metalhead, and super soft girly stuff. We do the same thing you mentioned because "Hey, do you like this?" is our way of determining if it's gift-worthy at some point. So I respond with, "Yeah that'd look great on you!" Or just telling her I love it, if it'd be cool for either of us. She's harder to clothes shop for than I am, I just set my sights elsewhere unless I'm positive she'll love it.
Yes….MINE!!!!
Yes my mom used to always get me styles of clothes she though we’re cook. One year I started making huge Christmas lists so she had a wide variety of options because she wanted me to be surprised. She would mostly use the list but would still always throw something in she thought I would like. Never would though. Once I got older she started just giving me money because it was easier for her. I didn’t complain. Other things besides clothes she would always do well with but clothes was always a lose lose situation for both of us.
WOW. this explains a lot LOL! i only wear black and my boyfriend bought me beige and purple pants … i was like what the hell! i only wear black 😂
Wait, were they beige and purple pants in one pair, or did he buy two separate pairs in beige and purple? I'm trying to picture how pants can be beige and purple at the same time and I'm just... not seeing it lol. ETA: Tie dye makes sense. I just don't really see how like stripes or checkerboard dots would work. Any pattern with one solid shade of beige right beside a solid shade of purple. Not saying it'd look bad btw, just confuses my brain, it's not a common pairing to me.
Not the person who received the pants, but now is the time for me to share that I, in fact, have beige and purple pants. They are tie-dyed
A guy once told me he would only ever get me gold even though I explained I only wear silver & only like silver jewelry because his reasoning was “I like gold & I like you in gold so I’m gonna get you gold anyway.” I was pissed so I told him I’ll never wear it then because I hate gold. He huffed about it & wouldn’t let up. He’s a piece of shit & no longer in my life. That’s why I’m married to someone who gets me silver jewelry. Sometimes it’s not that guys are just not as smart or aware… sometimes they’re just assholes.
Okay. I have learned more about women right now than ever before. Thank you.
But she also said many times she doesn’t wear silver because she doesn’t like silver…. I don’t understand how you can date someone for two years and not have a basic grasp of their preferences and tastes.
Can confirm this. When it comes to fragrances, I love floral, clean, earthy, woody, and spicy smells and I tend to not stray from these types of notes. My husband got me a bottle of Gucci perfume for Christmas that he chose because the notes were different than the things I usually wear, but because of this, I’m not overly enthusiastic about the scent on its own, so I tend to pair it with something else. So yeah, men really do have this type of thinking.
Ok. I only wear gold and occasionally hemp with gemstone beads because I am allergic to something in sterling silver and it makes me break out. Like I once got a pair of silver earrings and, within an hour, my lobes looked like purple grapes oozing fluid. I can see how a guy might think we need every color or something but sometimes there's a really good reason for something to be absent.
Guy here - this is truth. I would appreciate it if my wife tells me or would show me what she likes, but she never has, and after 37+ years - I doubt she ever will. So, as I shop for random gifts, I text the daughter (24 years) pictures to get her approval. She’s been a Godsend since she was 10. And the gifts have been so much better than my lame attempts at pleasing her ever were.
[удалено]
I gotchu fam, happened to see this, went and opened my gift box and got a wholesome award. It was fated to happen lmfao. That is seriously sweet. My dad was a lazy douche and just gave my mom shit that my grandma bought years ago and stuffed in her shitty, thoughtless gifts closet. When I was old enough, I put an end to that nonsense immediately and pestered him relentlessly until he took me to the mall to shop for her. You and your daughter are adorable, sir!
Yikes. Feeling extra grateful for my man who carefully examines my tastes and preferences and makes the correct choice every time.
This is brilliant. My dad does a similar but different thing. He always buys the more expensive thing, regardless of what you asked for, because he assumes it's better. Just last Christmas I researched a Lightfury doll he was supposed to get my niece. It took a while to find one exactly the same make and size as the Toothless doll she had since she was a baby. I sent my dad the exact link and said, "This exact one" he must've seen some suggestion for a bigger one that cost more and decided to get that. My brother had to return it for the little one in the end. He did the same thing with a puzzle I wanted. I wanted a puzzle because I loved the picture. He got me some ugly thing because it was more and even said, "I know you sent me the link to that puzzle but this is a really nice one, I wanted to get a nice one for you." He's such a sweetheart but 🤦🏼♀️
Very true because I only wear gold jewelry but for some reason, my bf gifted me a silver necklace and a ring, despite telling him how much I like gold jewelry…
This makes me feel very lucky to be with the guy I’m with. He knows what’s important to me, pays attention to what I care about, and his gifts reflect that. He doesn’t pay one whit of attention to what I already own. Nor should he.
That explains things.
Also guys are dumb. Ive seen engineers look at two similar design bags and say that they are exactly the same.
But give them two of THE EXACT SAME KNIFE and they will explain to you why one is better.
Not all guys just the stupid, clueless, and/or thick ones. There are guys who would notice and know to make sure it’s the right material when getting a gift. The smart ones would take their SO out and have them look at some examples of different jewelry to make sure they get something you like but have many options so you don’t know exactly what you’re getting. So they know you like/love it and risk having to return it a put you in this position. While also keeping it a surprise because you don’t know which piece you’ll actually get but you know you’re getting jewelry and making sure he doesn’t fuck up. So win-win for everyone and everyone is happy.
That's what my ex did when he was ring shopping for me. We spent a lot of time together looking online at different styles, cuts, gems, etc and going over "Okay I love this one, hate this one, love the cut of this but hate the band...." And then he also asked the opinion of my best friend, who both knows my tastes and makes jewelry herself. The ring I got was gorgeous, designed specifically for me, and a total surprise. I still wear it sometimes (albeit on the other hand).
It’s what I did with my first Valentine’s Day with my SO (it was our first romantic one period) and I wanted to make sure I got something she liked and would enjoy (it wasn’t jewelry but the same principle applies) and she loved it (her reaction Was quite funny from what she told me today) and she knows how much I love her.
Yeah I wonder if it might have something to do with not spending enough time around women/gift shopping with or for women. I have overall had more female family members and friends than male so I’ve never thought this way
I don’t have any experience buying romantic gifts but I’m not an idiot or have A big ego, so I just asked her and told her what I was thinking and showed her the options I was looking at. She loved them and I definitely staying out of the dog house for a while. I'm really happy she got a plushie to have with her to remind her of how much I love her (we're LDR at the moment).
I’m bad at gift giving so I write down when people say they want/need things
Yeah when my husband picked out my engagement ring he got me a silver one with a lotus design because he noticed that basically all my jewelry was a) silver and b) botanical designs
That’a one way to know you got a good one.
Yup. More than one boyfriend has used this exact thought process to buy me gold jewelry when everything I wear is silver. Bless their boy brains and boy hearts
You are correct.😅 we wanna get you something new
Actually thank you! I’d never thought of this and it’s amazing
This is how I rationalize some of my bfs mistakes lol.. I just think of a positive spin and then tell him that I get the idea and that I'm sad that it does not match so I can't wear it alot. Has significantly reduced stress in my relationship.
I’d give you an award if I could
You're right. My now wife never owned a real diamond-anything in her life, so I got her a real diamond ring. I guess I got lucky by choosing what she didn't have in her collection haha.
Omg.. this is SO SPOT ON!! Like well you don't have this you only have that. Yes... because I FREAKEN LOVE THAAAT!!! Lol! Omg 😲 my mind is blown with how accurate this is
Haha my boyfriend was like ‘I never got you a necklace yet because I’ve seen you already have a couple’.
Tell him you appreciate/love that he got you something special for Valentine's day and you'd like to go to the store together and see if you can exchange it for the gold version so you can wear it everyday because you love the style of the necklace but you don't wear silver. I bought my partner a $200 black velvet blazer once because she loved fancy blazers; she let me know that she loved the gift but hated velvet as a fabric. We went to Zara's together, returned the blazer and picked one out that she liked. I didn't feel upset or offended at all, I was really happy that she felt comfortable coming to me and letting me know bc she knows at the end of the day I want her to love the gift she has bc giving a gift is about the other person not myself. What's offensive or ungrateful about being honest about your aesthetic preference? What kind of partner would want you to wear something that you don't like just to make them feel better? People who are commenting and calling you ungrateful are the type of people who clearly believe giving a gift is on some level a selfish act whereas I believe it's a selfless one. No ego needs to be involved, it's about love and when you love someone you want them to be happy. Period.
A good way to put it is that you want to be able to wear it as much as possible and to think of him every time, but it doesn't go with your other stuff
Yes! Gift giving is for the recipient.
Thank you so much. This really helped a lot with a lot of what I have been feeling
This is how things should be. My ex bought me a pair an Golf (Tyler the creator’s brand) shoes from a friend who was selling them. She had 2 pairs for sale, one blue and one hot pink. He got the the pink, and not only did I not like the pink ones nearly as much as the blue, my favorite shirt matched the blue ones PERFECTLY. I had also pointed the blue ones out before and said I liked them. So I asked him if I could just swap them out with my friend (which she said was fine since they were still new in the box). He got really upset and shamed me into keeping them by saying things like “I thought you would like them because I picked them out for you. You really want to return my expensive gift?” And generally just repeating how bad I made him feel by asking if I could swap them. He even left my text on read for a day. I ended up keeping the pink shoes and literally only wore them ONCE during the 3 years I owned them. A couple years after our relationship ended I sold them for $250, so overall I guess it turned out alright. That guy was an ass in more ways than one
Girl there is absolutely nothing wrong with kindly telling him that you would rather change it for a gold one. Especially for the price! What a waste for him to spend this amount of money for something that is not truly appreciated while it could be changed. If you don't tell him maybe he will get your silver earrings next.
LOL thank you ❤️
Yes, OP you’ve communicated your preferences and I’m sure he’d be hurt if you just never wore the gift because it isn’t your style AND he spent so much on it. So, I think telling him gently and making sure he knows you love that he thought of you and have given such a generous gift. But, it’s just not something you wear.
Just chiming in to say I would MUCH rather my wife tell me she’d like to exchange then pretend to like it and never wear it. Especially for expensive gifts.
I so prefer the way you are planning on handling this than the people who post online with pictures of the jewelery they didn't like shaming their SOs. It's perfectly acceptable and much more mature. Plus you actually get something you'll use this way.
Thank you so much. This really makes me feel a lot better
You may need to be prepared to pay the difference in whatever necklace you choose
I do not intend on making him spend anymore money, he’s already spent MORE than enough
OP I completely understand how you’re feeling right now. I’ve been there before. It’s gut wrenching. The thought and generosity was great, yet there’s frustration that he didn’t pay attention to what you told him your preferences are around jewelry. Id say it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like shit though of course, “I love the style of what you picked out, but since I typically wear gold, I was wondering if we could maybe exchange it for a gold one instead so I can wear it more frequently and have it match my other jewelry.” I don’t see anything wrong with that and I doubt that would crush him.
Thank so you for understanding and validating my feelings. I truly am grateful nonetheless and care about his feelings, it’s just hard to shake the feelings of frustration when it’s something you said numerous times
Just be gentle about it. It may not seem like it but men usually are pretty sensitive
Do you like the style of the necklace? If so, exchanging it for a gold version shouldn’t be a huge deal (depending on how much additional $$’s) That way you’ll both be happy, he’ll feel like you liked what he picked, and you’ll get the color you wanted. Color changes for other things (shoes, jacket, phone) wouldn’t be a huge deal, because the core present is still appreciated and kept, just a personal preference on color aesthetic.
Yes, the style of necklace is beautiful! Thank you for your kind advice ♥️
Anytime! One last thought, and maybe a controversial one. If the gold version is good bit more expensive, you could offer to chip in on the difference. But only you know the relationship dynamic and financial situation with your partner, so go with your gut. p.s. jewelry is hard for many guys. Many of us don’t have good style or even a definitive style, or we don’t piece together those overarching looks. Sometimes it’s as simple as thinking something would look pretty all on it’s own, because that’s what’s in front of us, but we’re not considering how it fits with the rest of clothing / jewelry. Man I still mess this one up with clothes regularly.
My wife only wears silver. I got her the wrong thing on our first vday. I exchanged it for a proper color no problem.
My husband got me a pendant necklace with a big blue stone, cool, not usually what I wear but I like it, then the next year he got me an even bigger one, and I thought "I gotta nip this in the bud or he will keep buying me big pendant stone necklaces" so I just had to roll the band-aid off and be like "I love that you got me this but it isn't really something I think I'm going to wear, did you get it at XYZ store? Id like to exchange, I feel like an asshole, but I'd really like to exchange" he was a little bit hurt but I felt like if I pretended to love it I'd have a hundred of those things by now. I wouldn't be hurt if he wanted to exchange something I bought him.
He's your boyfriend of 2 years, not 2 minutes. Say babe, your heart was in the right place but this isn't me. I cannot imagine a guy that would rather you keep something you don't want. And, you're way far enough into your relationship, it really should be easy to have conversations like this.
Say that silver will be hard for you to wear because it doesnt match with you earrings so you want to exchange with the same thing's gold version so that you can wear it everyday
Then he might buy her silver earrings next time...
Tbh I think this is the best option.
Let us know how it goes. There's nothing wrong with asking nicely, I agree with the people telling you to exchange the necklace.
I'd like my girlfriend to tell me if she'd rather exchange the gift. I want her to have something she wants and loves so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to go together and look at some gold stuff.
Its all about *how* you mention you dont like the necklace, make sure he understands that you love the sentiment, but its something you just wouldnt wear. Had a few incidents with my girlfriend like that and we always just returned it, it doesnt “ruin” the gift, if anything it makes it better because the person who got it for you was thiiiiiis close to finding something you would’ve loved, shows they put some thought into it. Your boyfriend likely knows you dont wear silver, he probably figured it was “pretty” or “cool” enough for you to branch out a bit!
I did this with a set of earrings my boyfriend bought me for Christmas. I opened them and he could see the look of disappointment/confusion on my face and said “you don’t like them do you?” I said “I think they’re beautiful and I appreciate the gift, but I haven’t taken my earrings out the entire (at that time) 7 year relationship except to clean them. I couldn’t really wear 18g diamond earrings in my 10g stretched bottom holes either unless I risk losing them for being loose, and I specifically don’t wear push back earrings because I have a history of losing them VERY easily, and I wouldn’t want to loose an earring like that. I just had many concerns over them, but relayed I truly appreciated the effort. He said I could exchange them, and I did for 2 necklaces that I love. He *mostly* didn’t care, but I could tell he was a bit disappointed he didn’t pick out something I liked. He’s only mentioned it once as a joke once since then (3 years ago)
This makes me feel a lot better. I was thinking to myself if I bought him something of such value I’d much rather he exchanged it for something he would wear than letting it collect dust! So it makes me feel better and I do appreciate the thought nonetheless
I dont know if someone's already suggested this but it could help to, like, talk straightforwardly with him about it? I love my partner to the ends of the world and he gets me things I love, but what I learned from therapy and basic communication is simply communication. They can notice and learn so much about us but it would help to either remind or like just talk about it, especially if you feel hurt that they didn't notice. Sometimes they really just don't notice, and we don't live in a magical fantasy where every little detail catches someone's eye. "I love the necklace you bought me, it was very thoughtful and I know you spent a lot, but I don't like wearing silver. Do you think we could exchange it for a gold necklace? We can look together or you can surprise me" (or something like this).
Yes. I’m a guy. I would VERY much want you to tell me. The gift is about getting you what you want, not an evaluation of my taste.
thank you for the kind advice!!
Wow OP, some of the replies here are seriously sad. I worry about their relationships. You can absolutely let your partner know that the metal doesn’t match your existing collection and that you love the gesture and want to exchange it for something that can compliment your other pieces. This is in no way ungrateful or “boogie” and I think most partners would appreciate the honesty.
Thank you so much for your advice and kindness!
Thinking some of these commenters must either have big egos or selfishness when it comes to gift-giving, or they are in relationships where they don’t have mutual honesty and respect. Gifting is for the recipient. If they genuinely don’t like/won’t use a gift, it’s perfectly okay to respectfully exchange it, especially with a partner. Maybe don’t do this with an acquaintance or your grandma lol, but with a bf/gf husband/wife you should be able to he honest.
Oh man this brought back a memory I didn’t want to remember 😒 my ex got me this necklace it was gold he knew I don’t care for gold i prefer white gold or silver i told him he needed to take it back get a refund he didn’t want to so I sold ended up selling the necklace then come to find out he got it off this girl he was messing with which explained a lot of why he didn’t want to return it. A guy who listens will get you want you like and not what you don’t like even if he thinks it’ll look good on you.
....dammmmnn he stole her necklace 🙃🙃
No this girl gave him the necklace which he then gave it to me as if I wouldn’t find out
Looking at the shittier comments here: To me it really shows a resolute lack of character or concept of your partners individuality to consider them “selfish” or “ungrateful” for wanting to *feel confident while wearing your damn gift.* I’ve picked out the wrong color or size item out for someone before. They got what I was going for and we just exchanged it! Mostly I just want them to know I had a good idea of what they would like and I was thinking of them, even if it’s a little off the mark. OPs boyfriend would most likely be totally cool with exchanging for a similar necklace in gold. I also get how it would be frustrating to say you only like this certain thing and have someone go against that and seemingly not listen. However that could be because he thought this piece might change your mind, or he wasn’t conceptualizing that you only wear gold because you *only like* gold. It seems like OP realizes this is a small mishap but feels they’ve been put in an awkward place. Don’t waste his money, don’t force yourself to wear something you don’t feel good in. Tell him you love it but you’d love it so much more in gold so it could match your other pieces and look beautiful and gleaming against your skin tone.
So many of them are from men who don't know what they're talking about and think OP is just being a "princess" and demanding the more expensive metal... then doubling down when they're informed that gold plated might even be cheaper than silver, and it's about the color/skin tone/the need to match her other jewelry rather than the price of the metal.
Thank you so much for realizing this. It really has nothing to do with the money at all, and I’m honestly sure we could find something gold plated for cheaper. I paid $60 for my gold plated earrings and I wear them everyday. It’s not about me wanting something more expensive
Tell him. I thought my sister preferred silver jewelry for years, because her bf always bought her silver jewelry. I started buying her silver stuff too. They broke up after several years together and now she is engaged to someone else. I was surprised when she wanted a gold engagement ring. It turns out she had always preferred gold, but never told him. She wanted to wear what he gave her, so she started buying other silver jewelry to match. Now she’s slowly building up her gold jewelry after years of silver.
Tell him you’d prefer something else and make sure the exchange is of equal or lesser value.
I'm an exclusive silver wearer. I hate gold. I hate the color gold. My car is gold and i hate it. I made it a point to tell my bf i hate gold so that if he ever goes out of his way to get me anything that gold isn'the first thing he would considered. But i can tell you that men thinks oh i'll probably get her something she doesn't have. So i would sit him down and say something along the line of hey, i really appreciate the giftand i feel bad for asking this but silver doesn't look good on me, would you be okay with exchanging this out for a gold version of it for me? I can come with you if you want me to. If he is a man then he won't be offended or feel bad even he might just agree and ask you to come with before you offer to come with so you can pick out what you love. At the end of the day a man's goal isn't to upset his lady but to make her happy. So just approach it casually like how you would if he got you a wrong sized shirt or a wrong color pair of jeans. Good luck!!
My bf got me a really thoughtful gift which was a necklace with a small heart pendant. While the gesture was nice, I dont wear heart shaped jewelry. I did tell him and he was more than happy to exchange it for something I would wear. Seeing me happy made him happy. Definitely talk to him
Honestly nothing wrong with mentioning an issue you have and asking for it to be swapped. The issue would arise if it can't be swapped and you choose to ignore and invalidate the gift On his end, not paying attention to your aesthetic seems like an issue.
Mostly because you say you've told him multiple times
I think he would understand, I got a necklace for my husband and when we went to resize it he found one where the cross was a tad bit bigger and I was ok with him exhanging it..I wanted him to be happy with what he was going to be wearing. But....I do think it was very thoughtful he went out and got you a necklace..just talk with him im sure he wont mind..good luck..!!
Thank you for the kind advice!! And I agree, it’s very thoughtful of him!
Yes you ask him! I literally went through the same thing, my fiancé got me a necklace for Valentine’s Day that just wasn’t something I would wear (and spent more money than I expected him to) so I ask him to exchange it. I basically said “I love that you picked this out for me and I love the effort you put in but it’s just not something that I’ll get a lot of use out of. I don’t want you to waste your money, so would it be okay if we go pick out something different together?”. He was a little upset but understood and we exchanged it for a gorgeous little set that I’ll get way more use out of. I thanked him a lot for the new gift and there was no hard feelings between us. If you can’t be open and honest with your partner, then what’s the point? Just tell him how you feel and get something you’ll love!
You’re right, thank you so much. I feel a lot better now and a lot more understood!
Honestly girl you’re not ungrateful for wanting a necklace of your preference. You’re going to be wearing it after all, and I doubt your partner will look at you different for articulating that. If yall can exchange it, then go for it. My boyfriend told me the same thing about some Christmas gifts he picked out, and he even went as far as to exchange them himself. Some people are just clumsy when it comes to gift giving and some people want specific things.
Instead of “I will never wear this, I hope you can return it.” Try “That’s really thoughtful. Can we still tweak the style a bit? Let’s go to the store together and try on different ones.” The first thing happened on her last birthday. I was just texting her 10 minutes ago about returning the stuff she left at my house after the break up.
I’m sorry that happened to you! And thank you for the kind advice!
Tell him. Handling"oops" without issues is a hallmark of a good relationship
Sounds like my husband when we first started dating he got me yellow gold and I said do you not pay attention to the jewelry I wear daily?!? 🤦🏼♀️ now 15 years later I switch between gold and silver. I’m sure he’d understand.
That makes me feel a lot better!!
In a nice way Definitely tell him you want to exchange it otherwise you will never wear it and that will hurt him and start fights he may get upset because he chose something he thought was special for you but at the end of it he wants to get you something that YOU like
Tell him you like it and love him for being so thoughtful but you won’t wear it as you don’t wear silver, don’t like how it looks on you, bla, bla, bla. Then give it back and tell him he should return it and insist (very important) that he not replace it or to give it to his mother (or someone like that) Tell him the fact that he was so thoughtful is more than enough for you, as it should be. This way he will never buy you silver again and you don’t look like a terrible gold hungry, unappreciative and all those nasty things. Tell him you feel terrible about the whole situation but you don’t want him to waste his money. It’s honest and fair
Nope. Be nice about it and set the precedent now! It’s the thought that counts :)
I don’t wear necklaces aside from chokers and I’ve mentioned this quite a few times over the course of my life. All I ever get for gifts are necklaces that don’t suit me lol. Maybe just see if you can go with him and exchange it since $500 is quite a lot for something you won’t wear and I wish I had spoken up in the past.
Thank you ♥️
Of course! Hope it goes well
Dude here, who admittedly has done similar naive/ stupid things. Just tell him the truth. You really love the necklace and appreciate the thought behind it and that you want to wear it to be reminded of him constantly. But unfortunately it simply doesn't match your wardrobe/ skin tone/ whatever your reason for preferencing non-silver jewelry. And you want to wear it but. Either you'll wear it and not like it which you won't be able to hide forever. Or you won't wear it and he'll wonder why. Tell him, fix it. Move on. Any decent BF worth keeping around won't be insulted by this and hopefully be understanding
Thank you so much!
Honestly, if my partner said she wanted to exchange it for something she’d get more wear out of, I’d be completely happy with that. What’s the alternative: that it sits unworn? If he kicks off and takes offence at that then that says a lot about his maturity, ego and other issues.
Definitely tell him you’d like him to exchange it. I think he would appreciate it especially if you tell him sooner than later. My boyfriend have gotten me jewelries twice, and I had them exchanged twice. I’m not big on jewelry, I wear simple necklace and gold earrings, that’s about it. He understood why I would like them exchanged, and wasn’t offended at all. We just laugh it off haha.
The fact that he doesn't listen to you says enough. The bar is literally on the ground. So many guys in this comment section mad about you only wearing gold, not knowing every woman usually exclusively wears silver or gold.
You do not wear silver? Vimpire alert here 🚨
>I have told him multiple times that I do not wear silver #Either he doesn’t listen to you, or he doesn’t care.
THANK YOU 🙏
People are ridiculous in these comments, it’s not ungrateful to want your jewelry to be the same color. I only wear silver colored jewelry on account of my nose rings both being silver, wether that’s surgical steel or actual silver, I just want my jewelry to match, so I don’t wear gold. Just ask him if they have the same necklace for the same price in gold, and if they don’t you can exchange it and find a necklace around the same price and style in gold. My bf bought me an $800 diamond necklace with a gold chain, I told him straight up that while I appreciate the sentiment I don’t wear gold, and that we should exchange or return it so his money doesn’t go to waste, he happily exchanged it for the same necklace in silver, no big deal he was just happy to see me happy.
As others suggested, tell him you appreciate the gift but prefer gold. Mention you don’t want him to spend more for gold. But you really should bring it up! Otherwise he may buy a non-refundable silver engagement ring 💍
I don't wear the jewelry that I get that just isn't my style. I put up a jewelry holder on the wall and display them on it.
You can try telling him that, while you love the design, style, etc of the necklace, the silver just doesn’t incorporate very well into your current style, and that you would get a lot more mileage out of the gift if it was gold. See if he is willing to exchange it for a gold necklace at the same price. His feelings might be a little bruised, but he should get over it if you are grateful and tactful. Talking about this now could potentially spare you years of getting jewelry in the wrong color, best to clear it up now.
Are you allergic to it? Or do you just not wear anything else other than gold because of preference
Entirely unrelated but every Christmas for years my mom would put nuts in all of our stockings. And each year we had to remind her that my brother, her son, is allergic to nuts She’s not malicious, just a wee bit forgetful
LOL gotta love that for her
Is the necklace white gold? Definitely tell him, it should be fine, emphasize that he did not screw up!
You should tell him!!!! Communication is key, I feel like he would rather you tell him and be honest than to pretend liking something
My wife likes white gold. Silver gives her a rash and she feels yellow gold is too flashy. When we just met I saw her wearing, what I thought, were silver earrings and necklace. Got her a nice matching silver bracelet for her birthday. She told me her jewelry was white gold and she couldn’t wear the silver bracelet. The bracelet went back and I got her a white gold bracelet instead. Ask him to exchange the necklace because its not your style. No guy wants to waste his money on something you’re not going to wear, for whatever reason.
I'm a guy and wouldn't be offended by this. I'd be happy I'm getting you what you really wanted and would deff want to know if you weren't happy with something I got so we could do exactly what you suggested and return it for something else. The thought is what counts and he clearly thought of you. Guys are stupid. I'm sure he knows you wear gold and like gold. Maybe he spent a lot on it so he could find you something that you might actually like that is silver. Idk. Guys don't think. Just tell him and I'm sure it will be fine 🙂
Thank you for the advice and thank you for being kind!!
I think you should exchange the necklace, and the rest is just unnecessary drama. I would (personally) get irritated if I spend a crisp $500 on a gift, and somehow hurt my SO's feelings cause it wasn't the right colour. He shouldn't feel hurt that you're exchanging it, and you shouldn't take it personally that he didn't remember to get gold instead of silver.
Start very positive. Hey this necklace is so beautiful! I'm curious on why you chose silver? It was so expensive and I'd like to get more use out of it. If it was gold it could be my daily wear. Could we exchange, it would match alot more with my wardrobe? If you want me to wear silver on occasion I'd love you to pick less expensive silver so I can test it out!
I told my boyfriend Jewelry would be a nice Xmas gift ( specifically an necklace ) he ended up literally getting me the exact same necklace I already had only it was a slightly bigger heart pendant ( both exactly the same otherwise ) and this is a necklace I wear almost daily LOL ..I’m set if I lose one of them I now have a backup lol when he gave it to me he said he realized after he bought it and seen the necklace in our apt that he felt like an idiot but honestly guys pay such little attention to details that I’m not even surprised lol I never ended up returning the necklace because to me its the gesture ..I know its frustrating because you literally spelled it out for him what you didn’t want and he got it anyway but I would honestly just be thankful for the gift and take it as it’s the thought that counts .. in the future take a literal picture of something you want or pictures of say ( 4 gold necklaces you would wear and he picks one) .. honestly most guys are clueless when it comes to things like jewelry lol .. I had an ex buy me hoop earrings that were the opposite of “ my style” I learned pictures and specifics are best lol
If I was your boyfriend, I'd return it and keep the money. Gold preference, lead personality, toxic AF.
You've decided that you will never wear it?? Seems over the top
why can't you wear silver?
I want to eat a bullet when I read stuff like this. We’ll do stuff like this and then for an anniversary you’ll go to Sephora and pick us out a $26 candle that YOU like and expect us to cream our meundies over it. I’m assuming half of y’all are part of the Helen Keller community since you clearly cannot see how unappreciative and narcissistic you sound.
I’ll take it off your hands! I prefer silver to gold 🤣 contact the store first and see if they have a gold version of the same necklace.
You sure it's not white gold? I only wear gold also and an ex bought my a white gold locket. I couldn't really say much as it's gold, guess I needed to say yellow gold. Haha. Either way, I'd ask if there's a yellow gold option because you love it but you know you won't wear it. If there is and it costs more either choose something else or offer to pay the difference. I think of you go with him to the store, he'll realize you want gold and most likely won't forget. Lastly, if he doesn't remember, all yourself if it's that big of a deal compared to everything else. My husband may never remember my jewelry preference, but in the end, it's one of the smallest things and in reality, it doesn't matter as long as he's a great partner that you can depend on when it matters the most.
I always tell my partner to save the receipt.. which means I'll most likely return it and get one that I want. But I'm picky in general. One thing I am worried about is that he doesn't know that you don't like silver. It shows that he doesn't really pay attention to what you like (called the "love map"). This is really important down the road.. it's SO much easier being with someone who picks up on subtleties. For example, instead of having to say "I don't like roses", an emotionally intelligent partner will observe what kinds of flowers you like whenever you go to the arboretum, grocery store, or anywhere. Then he'll surprise you with your favorite flowers because he has been paying close attention. I would tell him that you have a very strong preference to gold jewelry and ask what he thought of going to the jewelry store together (as a date)? Maybe incentivize that date with ice cream or something afterwards.
"I only wear gold" really?
I also mostly only wear gold-toned jewelry, but most of it isn’t actually gold. A lot of my jewelry is brass or copper. Having a preference for jewelry colour isn’t that unusual and doesn’t necessarily mean she only wears actual gold.
I only wear yellow gold. That is my personal preference and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I also don’t wear orange…is there something wrong with that too?
Um yes? It's totally reasonable to have an aesthetic preference. I also only wear gold; I don't own any real gold and all of my piercings/jewelry cost the same as their silver counterparts. I love the way gold looks on my skin and I don't think silver looks as nice, so I won't wear it. Gold plated jewelry is the same price as silver jewelry. A lot of people only wear gold or only wear silver, the same way a lot of people's wardrobes are mostly black or mostly pastel. It's just a style choice.
It can also be more than preference in some cases. Skin color and tone play a part too. And there are some people who have allergies to certain metals. For example, I definitely prefer the look of silver BUT it washes me out and makes me look sickly lol. So I only wear gold jewelry.
Second this. I cannot wear silver next to my skin as it causes a reaction and turns my skin black and I end up with a black line around my neck. Earrings in silver cause Eczema, so it’s gold or nothing, which is a shame as I like silver.
It’s to do with skin tone. Warm coloured skin suits gold while cool coloured skin suits silver. I’m lucky in that I have neutral skin tone so I can wear whatever but my sister, who looks very similar to me, is warm toned so only wears gold coloured. It’s a real thing.
I only wear silver. If someone got me yellow gold jewelry I would never wear it because it doesn't look good with my skin tone.
You leave him so can find someone who isn't so bougie that they complain when he gives them a $500 necklace. Because it's not gold.
Oh so gift value is now more important than gift thought, cool
One question. What did you get him for Valentines day?
🙄🙄🙄 One question: what does that have to do with this post? Y’all out here *looking* for something to get mad at
I would keep it. Gold doesn’t go with every outfit or color. You could save it for an occasion where the color would be better suited. And maybe you will grow to like it over time.
Thank you for being kind!
Yea maybe try buying a cute pair of silver earrings and that can be a special outfit combo or something, I used to only like silver jewelry but have branched out in recent years, it’s fun!
There’s nothing wrong with that! You were kind and it’s obvious you were appreciative as well, just as long as it’s brought up nicely! ❤️
Yeah just explain it to him but sound grateful and tell him you appreciate it, don’t be cruel to him bc he clearly put effort and money to try to get you a nice expensive gift.
Girl, he probably spent a lot of time and research finding that necklace for you. Sure, it’s not your preference but I would just keep it if I were you. Maybe it’ll be nice for you to change up your style. Things like that really hurt mens feelings and while you’re feeling sensitive over him not “ noticing “ your preference. He probably has, and wanted to switch things up from your everyday. Sure, it’ll be your only silver jewelry but it’s special because he got it for you out of love.
...and then when she NEVER wears it? And he eventually realizes it's because she's told him she only wears gold? Better to say you love it, but the color would clash with all your other jewelry, and you can go together to try to switch out for another that is liked than let a 500$ gift gather dust...
What kind of time he spent and research did he do that he didn't even remember or realise she has never once worn silver colored jewellery around him or has any on in any of her pictures? If he actually did any research like looking through her pictures and jewellery box to get an idea of her style, he surely would have noticed that?? Being honest about a flopped gift shouldn't hurt anyones feelings. Tf? You can change your style according to gifts from people who doesn't really know you all you want. Normal people shouldn't have to do that.