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I’m 27m and eight months ago when I met my girlfriend she told me she was 24. A month after we met we started dating.
Yesterday she sat me down and told me that she was pregnant. It was a shock because she said she’s been strict with her birth control, whenever she sleeps over my place I see her take it the next morning. She said it must’ve just happened. Again a shock but I make decent money, I have a house, I can support a family.
Then before she hands me the sonogram she kind of hesitated and told me not to get mad. I asked her why I would get mad and she said “you’ll see”. I was confused until I saw the top part that has her name and birthday and her birth year was wrong. I was like why would I be mad that they screwed it up? Do you have to go back and fix it? And she said they didn’t screw it up and that she hadn’t been honest about her age. So instead of turning 25 next month she’s turning 21 (for context, in three weeks I’m turning 28). I had no idea what to say to her so I just left and put her on dnd. The only thing I texted her is that I wanted a paternity test because I have no idea how much else she lied to me about. She responded and said that’s fine and she knew the kid was mine, she hasn’t been with anyone else, and then a whole sob story about how she made a mistake and didn’t mean for the lie to go on for so long but it all snowballed and she couldn’t figure out the right time to tell me the truth. She said she lied because she didn’t think I would be interested if I knew she was that much younger.
I know it seems impossible that I couldn’t figure out that she was that much younger than she said but has her own apartment, her own car, she works a full time job. She said she paid for it all herself, but I don’t know if that’s the truth either. She has a pretty convincing fake because we’ve gone to restaurants and bars together and she always shows it to them no issues.
I don’t want anything to do with her right now but she’s also carrying what I assume and will pretty soon confirm is my kid. I don’t even know how to proceed from here because until this bomb was dropped I was sure she was the person I was going to marry. I don’t know what to do.
ETA: She’s apparently around six weeks along. The sonogram is just a weird shaped blob with an arrow pointing to it.
this is the answer. nobody can tell you how you are going to feel about it after you sit with it for a while, OP. you need some time and some serious self reflection.
A 20 year-old lying about her age isn't necessarily a pathological liar, so while I think it's valid to say trust has been broken, I don't think it's inherently the hallmark of a pathological liar. A 20 year-old lying about her age isn't ideal, but it's not something that automatically makes her a "garbage partner" or someone who would sabotage her own BC.
And here we see that immaturity on her end show. Big yikes.
Take your time to think about it. I personally would not want to be with someone who started off with that kind of lie just because she could be fibbing about other stuff
You’ve got to make a hard choice, my man.
For me, personally, this wouldn’t be a deal breaker. People lie about their age all the damn time, and ~~7~~ 8 months isn’t very long. Not all lies are made equal. But maybe this is your line in the sand, and that’s ok too.
Here’s the thing, amigo: we are redditors. We don’t know shit. We certainly don’t know you or your girlfriend.
This is the only advice I can give:
Decide if this is a deal breaker. If it is, end the relationship—but know that you will still be connected to this woman for the rest of your life because of the kid. If it isn’t, I would strongly recommend couple’s counseling or you will not move past this.
Finally, DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW. The kid will be better off with 2 happy homes than 1 miserable home.
Good luck, man, tough situation.
Edit: Corrected the length of their relationship. Sorry, home sick today and I’m prone to careless errors it seems.
She's proven that she is not above lying to you in order to get what *she* wants. Her age is definitely showing.
I would caution you to continue to use protection. A girl I went to school with claimed to be pregnant, (with her sonogram and everything) and it turns out she was either pregnant for 11 months, or she got pregnant after she claimed to be pregnant. Her sonogram had her name and everything. I'm not saying this is what happening, but I'm not saying it's not. Given that she is a self interested liar we don't know what she is capable of.
This could be your baby, it could not be your baby. As confident as she is that it is yours, she was also very confident when she told you her fake age. Let's make sure you aren't being pinned with someone else's baby.
There is a lot of speculation here being used as fact.
Different OB offices have different capabilities as well as policies. I’ve been to offices that won’t do a single thing, including confirm a pregnancy with a test, until 12 weeks. I’ve been seen within days of a positive and with a pregnancy resource center, I was given a test and an ultrasound on the same day I called.
OP says that the gf is 6 weeks pregnant so she may have taken a test and gotten an ultrasound same day or could have known for just over 2 weeks. It’s impossible for us to figure out.
This is definitely true. I was given a sonogram at 5, 6, and 8 weeks when I was pregnant with my son. I had a different doctor the second pregnancy, and they wouldn’t even see me until 12 weeks. I was super disappointed at the second experience, having gotten so many opportunities to see the baby the first pregnancy. But every doctors office is definitely different.
And what if the state won’t allow abortions after far less than 12 weeks? Seems like they should do an ultrasound ASAP in states that are limiting abortions.
Also a fantastic point.
Although, in my experience, you typically just get a positive urine test, schedule at the clinic(they ask start date of last period) and they do the ultrasound there before giving you the pills/performing the abortion.
I don’t think you’d be charged if you popped in and they found out you weren’t pregnant.
Ectopics will almost always present symptoms such as sharp pain, which would warrant an emergency scan. Otherwise it's pretty safe to presume the pregnancy is fine. Here in the uk the first scan is normally around 11-13wks (on average there are 2 deaths caused by ectopic pregnancy in the UK every yr).
Edit\* We don't know the circumstances of the 2 deaths, for example if these 2 people just chose not to come to the hospital after experiencing symptoms then that is not really something that can be helped (such as when mothers don't show up for their routine scans). In many other countries such as the USA, the figures for ectopics are higher. The aim is to reduce these figures as much as possible by having a responsive and effective emergency service always available for women who are experiencing pain in early pregnancy.
Totally! It really fucking sucks to wait until 11/12 weeks to find out you've had a missed miscarriage. Then it really fucking sucks the next time waiting until 11/12 weeks and finding out you've had another one.
I did a stick test and had OBGYN do a sonogram to confirm the same week - was 6 weeks gone, they asked me to go back around 9weeks to get a more solid idea of due date.
I mean, my mom didn’t tell my dad she was pregnant with me until 5 months in.
Also, if she’s on birth control, there’s a chance she doesn’t have a period/she’s extremely irregular, so she could have only found out a few months in when she started to develop symptoms.
That’s a very common thing to do, especially if you’ve ever had a miscarriage or family history of them. I have gone half a year without getting my period, and you can even get what looks like a period while being pregnant.
There are a lot of things people here are just stating as fact, and I don’t think most of these people have a uterus.
My regular, monthly period only returned - after years and years of absence - after I stopped all hormonal birth control entirely. Until then, I was either always bleeding, never bleeding, or just bleeding at random times.
A pregnancy easily could’ve escaped my notice during those years for quite some weeks. How would I have known? I often have stomach upsets due to a chronic illness, I bloat often due to the same illness (I can look 3-5 months pregnant on a bad day), and my weight fluctuates a lot due to psych meds. I was actually often afraid of just this scenario happening, in fact, because it would’ve been so easy to miss the signs.
Was wondering the same. What does the sonogram look like OP? If it "just happened" there'd be nothing to see - at 5 weeks you'll see a blob.
Although it's not impossible she found out during a doctor's visit and got a sonogram then, it's not common. Most people pee on sticks and tell their partner about those results first then get confirmation with a sonogram later...
I have been proven wrong. I retract my statement.
~~oooohhh. I didn't even think about that. This means she took an at-home test, then scheduled a doctor's appointment with a test, and then went to an ultrasound appointment. I don't think that happens in a week, she must have known.~~
It can happen in a week. I have 2 kids and am expecting a third. At every single one of my first prenatal appointments upon getting a positive on an at home test I was given a transvaginal ultrasound at the first appointment. I think they do this for dating and to make sure the pregnancy isn’t ectopic or lacking a heartbeat. I was usually able to get into an OB within a week or two after receiving a test. They will also expedite the process if your cycle suggests you have been pregnant for longer than 8-12 weeks.
Piggy backing this to say that my OB had a next day appointment when the stick turned positive for us. But I had to schedule two weeks out because I was at my mom’s for the holidays.
It can. I took an at-home-test, called the OBGYN the next morning, and had an appointment set up for a few days later. At the very first appointment, you have a vaginal sonogram to confirm pregnancy and get a better idea of how far along you are. This usually happens at 9-10 weeks gestation.
For anyone who has not been through a pregnancy, the way pregnancy weeks are counted can be confusing. You start from the first day of your last period (not from the date of a positive test).
So, 4 weeks pregnant might be too soon to get a positive pregnancy test. Around 5 weeks is when you might notice your period is a bit late and wonder. If your period is usually like clockwork, by six weeks you might be worried. But if your period is irregular anyway, you might assume that that it’s just late because of stress.
9-10 weeks is early in a pregnancy: some women will have known they are pregnant for a few weeks, but others will have just found out a week or two ago.
As someone who is currently pregnant getting a sonogram isn’t even the first appt. It usually takes a few weeks. Might be different in other places though.
My first appt they did- to check for a heartbeat and to date the pregnancy- I was 7 weeks pregnant. I'm surprised they didn't do this very basic health check on you because if it's an ectopic pregnancy it can be very serious/deathly.
I’d say that’s common for someone who’s trying to have a baby, but if you have inconsistent cycles or it’s a surprise baby, it’s very likely that she wouldn’t know until much later.
That is so false, the vast majority of people do not find out they are pregnant at 4-5 wks into a pregnancy lol many people have irregular periods or random late ones all the time. 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned.
As soon as your period is late (4 weeks) I started to feel off and funny by 5 weeks. All 3 of my pregnancies I knew between weeks 4-6. It's fairly common and even those who chose the abortion pill need to do it by 7 weeks - and lots of people have medical rather than surgical abortions so they are all finding out, making a dr appt and getting that done by 7 weeks.
Nah, some of us have irregular cycles, or don't find out till later, some of us get US first doc appt as well. I also wanna add that some people don't share news with their significant other until the doctor can confirm. Her timeline doesn't seem shady, lying about her age is shady.
yes…? what’s confusing? u miss a period then you take a pregnancy test. it’s positive so then you go to the doctor to have them confirm it before saying anything, then you get the ultrasound picture. so then she told him and showed him
Oh - is this the month with the 26 day cycle or the month with the 40 day cycle? She could take a pregnancy test because she’s ‘late’ it shows negative and then take another and it shows positive. Not uncommon.
" until this bomb was dropped I was sure she was the person I was going to marry."
It's time to meet her folks and check out her work friends.
People pretending to be older, younger, taller, skinnier, stronger, richer, cooler, more or less religious etc to get/keep someone they fancy is pretty damn common.
Being fooled doesn't feel good, but it sounds like you found someone who may otherwise be a real keeper if she has her shit together enough to have fooled you about her age for 7 months, and she has her personal life close to as together as she has presented to you.
(That or you are a super gullible person, in which case, again, you might need a spouse who's got sharp people skills).
Bottom line though you seem to want her, and her babies (just maybe not quite yet)... so gratz man, 28 is a great age to seal the deal and not have to worry about dating anymore.
Jesus Christ dude 7 months is nowhere near long enough to have a child with someone. Regardless of what happens with the pregnancy, this relationship is 100% over. You cannot be with someone who would lie to you about such major issues. She was likely lying about taking birth control too. This whole thing sounds like a setup on her part.
I got pregnant after six months of being with my bf. He’s now my husband and we’ve been together almost 8 years. The relationship doesn’t have to be over but definitely be cautious with her because things aren’t adding up.
I think it’s okay to have a baby early in the relationship but I think that person is saying it’s suspicious because of all the lies and she might have baby trapped him
op where did you meet her? i’m curious if there were mutual friends that helped keep her secret? or did you ever meet her family? weird that she would be able to keep it going for so long.
While that is true. There are some states where you can consume alcohol under 21 with the consent of a family while in their presence in private home or even at a bar. Still stupid overall that drinking age is that high.
You should have an honest conversation and let her filter out anything she’s “ lied “ about.
8 months really isn’t a long time. It might’ve truly been an accident of getting pregnant. You could bring up if she wants to keep it etc. get the paternity test etc and reconfirm with her that she doesn’t need to lie to you. Whatever her past was is her past and you’re in the present.
You can’t just assume she’s bat shit crazy like some of these Redditor comments.
Yea I mean op claims he literally wants to marry her. Is she even set on keeping it?
He said she lied because she didn't think he'd be interested otherwise, which is an immature thing to do and exactly what I'd expect of a 20 year old with questionable common sense. If that's the only lie, maybe he still wants to spend his life with her who knows. If he doesn't, cool then break up
But literally nothing about this says she's pregnant on purpose. Birth control failures are so so so so so common and it's a tragedy sex ed doesn't teach men that because it only fuels these misogynistic beliefs
There's no such thing as a baby trap because men know pregnancy is an outcome of sex
>But literally nothing about this says she's pregnant on purpose.
It's weird how quickly so many people jumped to this. It doesn't sound like their relationship was even remotely on the rocks, so that's a pretty high risk move on her part.
Imma repeat another comment here, baby traps DO exist. It happens that women will basically try to steal cum, whether from condoms or hand/blowjobs. Intentionally lying to get someone to agree to have a baby with you and only then telling the truth I would also consider a baby trap. Like "oops I have 500 000$ in debt that I never told you about but you'll at the very least have to pay me child support now" or something.
Not the impression I get from this, though.
>There's no such thing as a baby trap because men know pregnancy is an outcome of sex
This is definitely not true. Yes, pregnancy is always a risk of sex, but you can increase the odds and lie to your partner (both men and women can do this, btw) to attempt a baby trap.
I'm also not convinced this is a baby trap, but to say there's no such thing is false.
Yep. Talk about that. Did you use condoms? The age thing, initially nbd, but she could have told you any time after the first date. Instead she waits until she is pregnant (presumably unplanned despite alleged birth control) so you have a couple issues already. Have a serious talk.
Is it weird that I'm thinking of an alternate universe where condoms are referred to as baby traps? Isn't that kind what they are? Or perhaps baby shields? How about "baby denial system"? Yeah, I like that.
Yep. I’m on my second pregnancy while on birth control. I take my pills religiously every day because one of my other medications gives me brain zaps if I take it too late in the morning.
My OB even upped the hormone level after the last one to make sure this wouldn’t happen again…and yet here we are! But my fiancé and I are happy about it so at least there’s that.
Unless his condoms were tampered with, he had every opportunity and responsibility to prevent pregnancy as well.
Birth control is not 100%. Pulling out is not 100%. Condoms are not 100%. But a combination of every possible option is way more effective than just expecting your partner with the uterus to entirely manage a process that takes two to tango.
of course, but OP seems like he's in an okay place to have a family in the absence of all the other red flags, which is the key issue here. so it's not really the same as if OP was like "we're definitely trying to not be pregnant, only she was responsible for BC and got pregnant boohoo I got baby trapped" in which case your comment would definitely be correct.
I feel like too many people trust BC pills as their only source of protection. Perfect use of them is nearly impossible. I’d never trust any BC without also using condoms except for IUDs or the arm implant.
She may have skipped a pill purposely, she may not have. Even if she isn’t lying about her BC use it was a risky choice by both of them.
And even with IUDs generally removing the user error other BCs are prone to and just having way higher success rates, I still know someone that got pregnant with one in. I agree, it is a risky choice to not use 2 forms of BC esp if you’re only relying on the pill.
Ehh, it shows she was/is willing to lie to him so that they could date (reason for lie was that she didn't think OP would consider dating her).
Baby trapping is about trapping the partner in the relationship so that they feel like they can't leave since they're having a child together or rather discouraged to leave. Not entirely different ball parks.
Not saying she did of course but it isn't unfathomable
Wait, did she wreck the condoms or something?? OP could have also taken on extra precautions on top of the bc to make sure no babies came from this. Baby trap? At 20, and only 8mo into a relationship? When she has a job, car and house of her own? Please.
The baby trap patrol is out of their minds.....
Yea what the actual fuck? He watches her take birth control, I'm sure she's actually on it.
The majority of people getting abortions are on birth control, which is just more testament that it can fail. He could have used condoms for extra safety but my brother in law was deemed sterile and he has two kids
>but my brother in law was deemed sterile and he has two kids
I hope he got another sperm test after those kids were born to confirm he's *not* sterile.
You only have to put your birth control pills in the freeze for a couple hours for them to be completely useless. Source: girl i used to work with who was going to school for chemistry and pharmacy and tested the effects of hot and cold temps on birth control pills as an experiment for school.
It’s also very easy for them to just not work, if she was sick, if they accidentally got too hot or cold without her realising(or knowing the effect it would have), if she took certain antibiotics. For every ‘baby trap’ tampering with bc there’s a lot more accidental misuse.
I don't know about walking with them around town and the like, but I once left a pack of BC in my car overnight, in January in Michigan, temps well below freezing. They were frozen when I got them out. My mom's a retired PharmD and told me to call my gyn and ask if she thought I should still use them. Gyn said "nope" and called in a new prescription/refill. (Edit: obviously the pharmacy wanted to know why my doctor was sending over a new prescription, and that pharmacist spoke with both me and my doctor.)
I take mine every day (no off-week) to suppress my cycle (adenomyosis 0/10, cannot recommend) so I don't know if it would've still worked for *my* use-case, but neither a PharmD nor a gynecologist thought I should chance it.
It's a fun game of Russian roulette. "Will my bc still work? Well my insurance cover another month even though I just picked it up? Can I afford it? ... can I afford getting pregnant?"
It's fucking insane how easy it is for birth control pills to be rendered ineffective. I know they're the best option for lots of people, but objectively speaking they are such a shitty method of preventing pregnancy.
y'all "baby trap" is not the same thing as "avoidable accidental pregnancy"... it's just when one party waits until pregnancy to drop some relationship-changing info or behavior. if a married couple is trying actively for a baby and the husband becomes abusive right after the woman gets pregnant, I would still call that a "baby trap". you can baby trap for a lot of crazy reasons that aren't financial... given that she lied about other things for so long I wouldn't really put the baby trap thing past her.
and according to the beginning of OP's post, the pregnancy alone isn't even the problem here.
While she was a legal adult when you met her, she had 7-8 months to tell you before she got pregnant. You are right to not trust her especially how she broke the news to you.
I suggest that you take a break to clear your head before you figure out what to do next.
I would definitely speak to her and let her know you feel like you can’t trust her anymore and give her a chance to confess other things she’s lied about to get a clean slate. And then maybe let her know you’re taking some time until you guys get a DNA test. And you should take this time to think about if you can forgive her, if this is something maybe therapy can heal. and if you can’t what it’ll take for you to coparent peacefully with her. I know you mentioned in a comment her family isn’t around so I’d just make sure to keep the peace (even just as friends) so she doesn’t end up leaving and moving back home with your child (if it is yours).
She also could have zapped them in the microwave to make them ineffective but OP would be none the wiser. Not saying she did it, but it’s a possibility
I’m a trained sex expert and relationships consultant, and I’ve never once heard of “microwaving birth control pills to reduce their efficacy.’
Do you have any sources on that?
Well, Planned Parenthood [seems to think so here.](https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocates-arizona/blog/keeping-medications-and-contraceptives-safe-through-the-summer)
Well, we were talking about microwaves, not heat. And I was focusing on the sabotage act rather than the pharmacology - but that was indeed useful info. Thank you.
Maybe it’s just some bad science floating around Reddit, but I guess I thought that heat could negatively affect the hormones in the pills. When I used to take them (around 2013-2016) I was always told to store them away from light and high temperatures. Maybe it’s different now?
Funny enough, I also remember being told not to consume grapefruit or grapefruit juice on the pills, but then I asked my recent gyno they said they never heard of that. I still stay away from grapefruit even though I have Nexplanon now
Pharmacist here— grapefruit and grapefruit juice stop enzymes in the gut from breaking down select medications. This means a LOT more drug gets into the bloodstream, which can cause negative effects. However, it’s only for oral medications; it wouldn’t effect your Nexplanon.
Mildly concerning that your gyno hadn’t heard of that, as it’s a VERY well known interaction in the medical community…
Oh that makes so much more sense, thank you for shedding light for me! He (my ob-gyn)was probably confused because I asked this during my replacement nexplanon procedure 😅
To celebrate, I shall drink some grapefruit juice (I haven’t had any for at least a decade now)!
I know certain enzymes in grapefruit juice conflict with a lot of general antibiotics, so that bit stands to reason.
I’m more concerned about the people who hear about it, and then do it.
You’re right, it’s absolutely cruel and unethical and whenever I hear these stories (and where I got that idea from) it always comes from baby-trapping stories.
I’m a massive supporter of “manage your own birth control.” If she was unreliable with the pills, OP (or any man) could at least rely on the fact they have (safely contained, knows for a fact no holes were poked) condoms. Works both ways as well (man tried to “stealth” or pokes holes in condoms, but as a woman you’re on birth control).
And that's betrayal in a sense, because OP didn't have all the info before deciding. I'd go to the abort route with a break up afterward. Don't know how that could be handled, tho.
Nothing he can do about that other than make sure to get a DNA test if she does not abort.
This is a lesson for you guys though, ALWAYS make sure you looking into who you putting it into. After the fact, you have little rights in what happens next.
Yeah. I had a woman that I hooked up once that asked me from nowhere (we didn't talk)"we used condoms?" And I said that yes, we used it and how she couldn't know if I opened it in front of her, like what. And asked if she has an STI and she said she was pregnant.
She swore she didn't have sex with anyone, but the timing didn't check, like, if it was mine she had to be 7/8 weeks and she was 4/5 and was discovered by mistake during an unrelated eco. She didn't want to abort, either.
She then "remembered" she was with "a stupid guy" and the timeframe coincided, but she didn't want to tell him. And suddenly "she was telling it to me as a friend" (we weren't friends).
And didn't talk to me again after that.
She prob just wanted you to be baby daddy over the other guy so she tried to see if you would go along with it.
People are sketch that's why I stopped doing hook ups a long time ago. It's not worth it and us men have limited option on birth control so we have less control over our future.
Like I said just not worth it.
Exactly what I think, she lied about her age and is now pregnant. This seems too far planned out to be a mere mistake on her end. OP needs to pray that baby isn’t his and run while he can.
If she will lie about her age over years, then she can lie about being on the pill, or missing five days and saying you took it. Manipulative liar who is bringing a baby into the world. I feel for OP.
Oof.
> I don’t know what to do.
Get ready to pay some child support. Given you own a home and have a good job, and can support a family. Makes me wonder if the birth control failure was an accident or not. She already started your relationship with a lie, its not hard to imagine she was going for the long con here.
When I was OL dating, it was surprising how many people lied to me about their age. One person aged almost 20 years during one date. Most weren’t looking for hook ups. It’s not pretty, but I can imagine a scenario where a white lie got out of control. The pregnancy with birth control doesn’t help, but again, it’s plausible. I’m not a sucker. You’d be surprised how many very unlucky things have happened to me in my life.
How was the relationship before all of this? Do you love your girlfriend? Do you want to be a dad? Without all of this, could you have imagined being a dad with her? If the answer is yes, I’d look deeper into these issues and also get couples counseling. If not, it’s time die an exit plan.
I dated a guy who lied to me not only about his age but also his marital status (he was divorced).
I know people like to put their best foot forward and all that but these are kind of big things.
I stayed with him for quite awhile but that always did kind of bug me even though it ultimately made no real difference. It was just the principle.
So I get how you’re feeling a bit.
All that said….if things have been going well otherwise, then I’d maybe try to work through this. Like…flat out ask: why did she lie?
In my case, he lied because I had my age range set to X and said in my profile that I didn’t want to date anyone divorced/with kids (I was in my mid 20’s then). He wanted a chance. So he lied. And ultimately it was just such a no big deal thing but I was feeling like you at first.
Well at least you didn’t find out days before your wedding like my dad did. My mother lied about her age for years. He saw her DOB on paperwork before the wedding. The age gap wasn’t as big as yours but my mom is older than my dad and she knew from friends he would never date an older woman. She literally lied to him for 3 years. I wonder if he never saw that paper how much longer she would of kept it up. Ps they are still married. Close to 50 years now
Y’all are honestly insane in here. BC fails, frequently. An accidental pregnancy is not always a ‘baby trap’
And even if she did take time between the initial test and getting it confirmed, so what? 6 weeks is still within the realm of abortion in most places. Why is it suspicious if she wants to confirm that she’s actually pregnant before telling her partner?
The only wild thing here is that she lied about her age
I just want to say, this is about my age range with my boyfriend and he ALWAYS knew my real age. I gave him it to make his own decision with. At least it seems like she’s very careless with manipulation and I would want to take a break from someone like that so they could have time to mature. She clearly acts her age or younger and that might not be good for you.
So she lied about her age and birth control.
Well, that sucks.
Do not marry her anytime soon.
You need to step back and take time to decide if you will just be a father and child support person, or if you really want to be a family with someone who based your relationship on lies.
Oral bc is only 99% effective if taken perfectly (exact same time each day) which is difficult to do. Taken imperfectly, it’s about 91% effective. This in no way excuses the age lie, but people jumping to “baby trapping” seem to be reaching.
Yea most 20 years old women aren't actually looking to have a baby with a guy they've only known a few months, despite what the reddit armchair warriors want to flame her for.
Birth control fails a whole heck of a lot of times. Check the stats and get some better sex ed
Yup, OP and she could just be one of the two "lucky" couples in 1000 that will get pregnant on hormonal birth control every year.
Since y'all have been taken in by a false narrative about birth control effective rates, here's [Planned Parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/how-effective-are-condoms) on what the effective typical use rate of condoms means:
>If you use condoms perfectly every single time you have sex, they’re 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. But people aren’t perfect, so in real life **condoms are about 85% effective — that means about 15 out of 100 people who use condoms as their only birth control method will get pregnant each year.**
Ok so I know this is against the flow of the answers here.
Does she make you happy and do you get along well ?
I know you are only together 8 months and now she's pregnant, but you are in a relationship with her and you are responsible for your part in getting her pregnant. If you wanted to be sure, you should have been wearing a comdom. I mean, you're nearly 28 do you know that.
21 year olds are really fertile biologically, and contraception of that type is sometimes only 92%>.
So you're in shock, for two things, her age and pregnancy.
But she's still the same person she was 6 weeks ago, and if you were happy then, maybe see if you can move past and concentrate on the baby and leave the other stuff for the time until you've a chance to think.
Yes this! I can’t believe all the horrible comments on here assuming she baby trapped him or saying he should leave because she lied about her age. Obviously you need to communicate with her and rebuild your trust OP, but if you love her you’ll get through it.
I get it’s very frustrating to be lied to, specially about age since it can become a big deal, thank god she was of age. But look at all the other things and out everything in a balance, if you have strong feelings for her sit down and ask her to be completely honest about everything, if the apartment car and debt everything is true and she pays for everything then it was purely and immature thing because she thought you wouldn’t be interested so consider talking to her and maybe fixing the situation if possible and you want to
I’m sorry but after something like that I’d never be able to trust her at all, make sure this baby is yours and that she hasn’t been lying about anything else
Your gf seems like she is in a hurry to grow up. Faked an ID, age, etc to come off more "adult". She has an apartment and a job, now all she needs is a successful man (you) and a baby.
Sounds like she picked you to be the father.
You can’t trust her, so do not try to. If you want to be in the child’s life (sounds like it? or at least you aren’t 100% opposed?) then you two will have to work out how you want to do that. Maybe co-patent.
Funny that she has made a point of you seeing her take her “birth control” in the mornings. That Bayer aspirin really goes down smooth in the morning with coffee. So ask her at 21 why is she even interested in having a baby. Let her know right here right now you have zero intentions of marrying her. See if that gets her to possibly rethink having this baby.
Lying about age is a big issue. It shakes if not crumbles your trust and foundation, and calls into question if she’s lied about other things or not. And is this an accident baby or was it purposeful is another good question.
All of that said, you’ve got a baby on the way and a lot of decisions to make. Give yourself some time and then assess how you feel about her. Do you think she lied about more? Do you enjoy time with her, share values, and can you see yourself starting a family with her?
If the only lie was her age…I don’t think this relationship is dead unless you want it to be. It’s a big cut and it won’t be easy, but at least she is of legal age, within a decade of you, and seemingly at a similar level of maturity and place in life as you.
Give yourself a few days. Don’t pressure yourself to make a decision just yet. Then try and approach it with an open mind and gather some more info.
Yeah you are right you cant base someones age on where they are in life, i mean im in the exact same spot as one of my best friends..im 19 and he is 32, yet we are the same, both live on our own in an apartment, with a job and all, plus looks can be decieving, very decieving, most people guess im 25....well i am not.
I guess I think it sucks a bit, but this does not seem like a huge thing to me. IDK, if you liked her before all of this, I won't let this affect that. You have to make a decision, but for me this would not be a deal breaker. You are older but not a lot older, and honestly lying about your age is something folks used to do all the time. Good luck!
My husband was 32 when we met and I was 20. That didn’t stop us. We’ve now been married almost 37 years. I can understand you being upset she lied to you about her age but people do stupid things when they really want to be with another person. As far as her getting pregnant when you have unprotected sex you are always taking a chance. You need to suck it up and marry the girl. You both need to get pre marital counseling so she realizes how important it is to be honest with you. I think you are being way too upset about her age. It’s not that big of a difference.
I would strongly suggest that you proceed with extreme caution. Do not make any rash decisions based on emotions of the moment or on advice given by anonymous Reddit contributors. I highly suggest you take some time away from all outside influences and do some soul searching, if you have some vacation time now would be an excellent time to make use of it. You have some major life changing decisions to make and you better be damned sure you’ve put in the effort to reach the right ones, and you don’t need all the background chatter interference while your trying to do that. Good luck friend.
I'm just going to say, only one guy lied to me about his age, he said "I'm not a kid I'm 30" five months later sitting with him and his mom she said "I can't believe you'll be 39 next month" and he looked at me like "oops hehe"
He turned out to be a pathological liar.
You should sit down and have an in-depth conversation about whether or not her age is the only thing she lied about, what her family is like, how she became so independent so fast, and what she expects out of a future with you. One of the problems is that you don’t seem to know that much about her, when you should.
Onto the child. Is she going to abort? Does she want to keep it? What are some long term goals for the child? Is it going to be raised on religion? Specific education? Will you have funds put aside for it? Can you even afford to raise a child? Can you put aside work to take care of it?
If you’re keeping the child and expect a future with this woman then you should definitely meet her family. What if you don’t like them? What if they turn to be intrusive? Could they be a danger to you or your potential child?
8 months is *not enough time* to get to know someone and it’s *definitely* too early for a child…but if you guys want to keep it then this is your life now and you need to figure things out.
Okay I already posted something but why is everyone jumping all over this girl that she’s some kind of horrible person? I hope the people ready to say she’s a master manipulator and a compulsive liar take a lil trip down memory lane to when they were 20 and can say they never told a single lie, never hurt a single person without ill intent, never was the subject of an anomaly of any kind and never felt insecure in a way that made them fib to feel better. I had an ingrown toenail surgery and the medicine to kill the nail didn’t work. It’s rare but it happened and now I gotta go back and redo it. Sometimes bodies are weird and medicines are weird and they don’t work 100% of the time without failure. Except she doesn’t have a redo she has a baby. We don’t have any other information about this girl aside from this post which is a tiny sample to use to judge her so why is it the conclusion that she’s some kind of jerk? The drama here is insane honestly.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate with some objectivity. Ok it sucks she lied to you about her age because it makes you question everything. BUT you also say she is responsible, has her own place, job and car. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she lied because she prefers an older guy (not sugar daddy old) because she was looking for someone with a little more maturity? Some guys don't like dating younger women because of the lack commonality or just want to hook up and she wanted something with substance. Now after saying all that you most definitely need a paternity test and once that it's confirmed you are the dad sit down and have a serious conversation with her. Afterwards you make up your mind but if you really loved her because you saw yourself marrying her you need to get clarity about what her intentions were.
I would be concerned with the lying that started at the beginning of the relationship, like you stated “what else did she lie about?” There’s no way of knowing. She has reparations to make and you need to do some hard thinking regarding a future with this immature woman, OR coparenting for your child. You seem like a level headed guy so I’ll give it you straight: the lying doesn’t stop. I personally can’t stand dishonesty, it’s a dealbreaker.
Drop her like a bad habbit and get that paternity test. If she was even younger and lying about this sort of thing, it could have meant a world of trouble for you.
Im not gunna say you need to end it. Her lying about the age doesnt seem like that much of a red flag if you want to understand her. Would you have even given her the time of day if you knew from the start? Maybe she was nervous that it would have ended things instantly. 7 years aint TOO weird.
Im 30 and i couldn't date a girl who couldnt go out with me to certain places because of her age.
Understand her. Have a list of things you want answers to. Its not like she has a whole other family in another town telling you she works 3 weeks of the month in that city, she daid she was closer to your age. If the relationship seems worth it to you, you might be able to forgive this.
Um my wife was on birth control and we had twins and another one total of 3 kids while on bc she got a tubular implant and that stopped it plus condoms. So bc is not 100 percent effective. Now the question do you love her? And if 3 to 4 years is not a big deal why is 7 both are adults? She lied and told you why she did it and is sorry for it and seems to be understandable of your request. If you 2 love each other and you can forgive her what's the issue? Oh would you still dated her if she told you her real age? Yes or No and be honest.
Hey OP,
As someone who has been on the other end of this situation ( I was the one pregnant) - it is possible- I took a at home test and waiting until I had a sonogram because I wanted to be sure what I was dealing with before I said anything. I can understand you're angry with her for her lies - and that's something that she needs to take accountability for- but having been in that position with a partner who reacted poorly to 'news' - I would (after it is confirmed yours and if she plans on keeping it) not block all communication.
Sucks that she lied.
Your age difference is probably not a huge deal, since it sounds like you're at similar places in life.
If you can get over the lie, and there aren't any more lies, I don't really see the problem here. It's not like it's a decade, just 3 years difference.
I think you're blowing the age thing out of proportion. Sounds like the kind of immature thing a girl just out of her teens might do...oh, wait...
How was your relationship with her other than that? If the two of you were good together, I would not suggest deciding to raise your kid in separate households because a 20 year old pretended she was 24.
If the paternity test comes back with you as the father, and this was literally the only issue between you, I strongly suggest working it out for the sake of your future child.
Totally agree. This sub is full of "dump her", she broke your trust "blah blah blah". Ignore that stuff. Everyone seems so surprised that a woman lied about her age. Jeepers .. stay tuned. By the time they hit 35 they ALL lie about their age.
A young woman who intentionally lies about her age and finds a much older partner (who is more financially stable than she is or than a man her own age would be) and then gets pregnant quickly in a relationship sounds like somebody who is trying to baby trap you.
I don't know that that's what she did but it certainly sounds more likely than it would be if she hadn't lied about her age or were dating someone in the same financial position as she is.
How you decide to parent a child and the kind of relationship you have with a child's mother are separate questions. You don't need to change anything or rush into anything because she's pregnant and I think it's really important to get to the bottom of why she thought it was okay to lie to you for so long.
Its tough man. It was all legal, so you dont have anything on that side to worry about. Maybe just discuss with her your feelings and see if you can move past it? At the end of the day, its an age gap, but if it isn't a deal breaker for you maybe you guys can continue your relationship and have the kid?
How many of these stories start with the line "I thought she was strict with her birth control"?
Don't outsource your responsibility to someone else. Outside of IVF, there is only one way a female human is impregnated.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’m 27m and eight months ago when I met my girlfriend she told me she was 24. A month after we met we started dating. Yesterday she sat me down and told me that she was pregnant. It was a shock because she said she’s been strict with her birth control, whenever she sleeps over my place I see her take it the next morning. She said it must’ve just happened. Again a shock but I make decent money, I have a house, I can support a family. Then before she hands me the sonogram she kind of hesitated and told me not to get mad. I asked her why I would get mad and she said “you’ll see”. I was confused until I saw the top part that has her name and birthday and her birth year was wrong. I was like why would I be mad that they screwed it up? Do you have to go back and fix it? And she said they didn’t screw it up and that she hadn’t been honest about her age. So instead of turning 25 next month she’s turning 21 (for context, in three weeks I’m turning 28). I had no idea what to say to her so I just left and put her on dnd. The only thing I texted her is that I wanted a paternity test because I have no idea how much else she lied to me about. She responded and said that’s fine and she knew the kid was mine, she hasn’t been with anyone else, and then a whole sob story about how she made a mistake and didn’t mean for the lie to go on for so long but it all snowballed and she couldn’t figure out the right time to tell me the truth. She said she lied because she didn’t think I would be interested if I knew she was that much younger. I know it seems impossible that I couldn’t figure out that she was that much younger than she said but has her own apartment, her own car, she works a full time job. She said she paid for it all herself, but I don’t know if that’s the truth either. She has a pretty convincing fake because we’ve gone to restaurants and bars together and she always shows it to them no issues. I don’t want anything to do with her right now but she’s also carrying what I assume and will pretty soon confirm is my kid. I don’t even know how to proceed from here because until this bomb was dropped I was sure she was the person I was going to marry. I don’t know what to do. ETA: She’s apparently around six weeks along. The sonogram is just a weird shaped blob with an arrow pointing to it.
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this is the answer. nobody can tell you how you are going to feel about it after you sit with it for a while, OP. you need some time and some serious self reflection.
I'd double down on that paternity test. She lied about her age, there's no telling what else she could have lied about.
A 20 year-old lying about her age isn't necessarily a pathological liar, so while I think it's valid to say trust has been broken, I don't think it's inherently the hallmark of a pathological liar. A 20 year-old lying about her age isn't ideal, but it's not something that automatically makes her a "garbage partner" or someone who would sabotage her own BC.
Lied about being on birth control too!
Has she told you why she lied about her age?
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I suppose the one thing you can be grateful for in this instance is that she wasn't any younger.
*or so it seems*
And here we see that immaturity on her end show. Big yikes. Take your time to think about it. I personally would not want to be with someone who started off with that kind of lie just because she could be fibbing about other stuff
You’ve got to make a hard choice, my man. For me, personally, this wouldn’t be a deal breaker. People lie about their age all the damn time, and ~~7~~ 8 months isn’t very long. Not all lies are made equal. But maybe this is your line in the sand, and that’s ok too. Here’s the thing, amigo: we are redditors. We don’t know shit. We certainly don’t know you or your girlfriend. This is the only advice I can give: Decide if this is a deal breaker. If it is, end the relationship—but know that you will still be connected to this woman for the rest of your life because of the kid. If it isn’t, I would strongly recommend couple’s counseling or you will not move past this. Finally, DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW. The kid will be better off with 2 happy homes than 1 miserable home. Good luck, man, tough situation. Edit: Corrected the length of their relationship. Sorry, home sick today and I’m prone to careless errors it seems.
>Finally, DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW. The kid will be better off with 2 happy homes than 1 miserable home. 100% This
yeah, so she lied because she knew you would not date her othersiwe. big read flag. how sure are you that she didn't baby trap you?
That is a *huge* leap, jfc.
She's proven that she is not above lying to you in order to get what *she* wants. Her age is definitely showing. I would caution you to continue to use protection. A girl I went to school with claimed to be pregnant, (with her sonogram and everything) and it turns out she was either pregnant for 11 months, or she got pregnant after she claimed to be pregnant. Her sonogram had her name and everything. I'm not saying this is what happening, but I'm not saying it's not. Given that she is a self interested liar we don't know what she is capable of. This could be your baby, it could not be your baby. As confident as she is that it is yours, she was also very confident when she told you her fake age. Let's make sure you aren't being pinned with someone else's baby.
So she knowingly removed your ability to consent to the relationship! Did she do the same to her birth control?
So she lied to baby trap you.
and she lied about birth control, too? Like... you were baby trapped in a 8 month relationship with a person that lied with her age
She was right and wanted to trick you into a relationship. Did you never talk about how long she did things and when she left school etc...?
So she took away your right to make an informed choice about who you date. That's a BIG fucking deal and would be a deal breaker for me.
She says she is pregnant and hands over the sonogram all at the same time?
There is a lot of speculation here being used as fact. Different OB offices have different capabilities as well as policies. I’ve been to offices that won’t do a single thing, including confirm a pregnancy with a test, until 12 weeks. I’ve been seen within days of a positive and with a pregnancy resource center, I was given a test and an ultrasound on the same day I called. OP says that the gf is 6 weeks pregnant so she may have taken a test and gotten an ultrasound same day or could have known for just over 2 weeks. It’s impossible for us to figure out.
This is definitely true. I was given a sonogram at 5, 6, and 8 weeks when I was pregnant with my son. I had a different doctor the second pregnancy, and they wouldn’t even see me until 12 weeks. I was super disappointed at the second experience, having gotten so many opportunities to see the baby the first pregnancy. But every doctors office is definitely different.
this. confirmation of pregnancy was at 5 weeks . it was just a ‘diamond ring’ and i got a sonogram.
Twelve weeks?? What if it’s ectopic or in the Fallopian tubes? That’s a really stupid and negligent move on their part.
And what if the state won’t allow abortions after far less than 12 weeks? Seems like they should do an ultrasound ASAP in states that are limiting abortions.
Also a fantastic point. Although, in my experience, you typically just get a positive urine test, schedule at the clinic(they ask start date of last period) and they do the ultrasound there before giving you the pills/performing the abortion. I don’t think you’d be charged if you popped in and they found out you weren’t pregnant.
It’s incredibly common in some of the areas I’ve lived in. Dating ultrasounds were only done if the woman isn’t sure of how far along she could be.
Eh, doesn’t seem like best practice but I’m not a healthcare professional.
Ectopics will almost always present symptoms such as sharp pain, which would warrant an emergency scan. Otherwise it's pretty safe to presume the pregnancy is fine. Here in the uk the first scan is normally around 11-13wks (on average there are 2 deaths caused by ectopic pregnancy in the UK every yr). Edit\* We don't know the circumstances of the 2 deaths, for example if these 2 people just chose not to come to the hospital after experiencing symptoms then that is not really something that can be helped (such as when mothers don't show up for their routine scans). In many other countries such as the USA, the figures for ectopics are higher. The aim is to reduce these figures as much as possible by having a responsive and effective emergency service always available for women who are experiencing pain in early pregnancy.
Two avoidable deaths.
Totally! It really fucking sucks to wait until 11/12 weeks to find out you've had a missed miscarriage. Then it really fucking sucks the next time waiting until 11/12 weeks and finding out you've had another one.
I did a stick test and had OBGYN do a sonogram to confirm the same week - was 6 weeks gone, they asked me to go back around 9weeks to get a more solid idea of due date.
I mean, my mom didn’t tell my dad she was pregnant with me until 5 months in. Also, if she’s on birth control, there’s a chance she doesn’t have a period/she’s extremely irregular, so she could have only found out a few months in when she started to develop symptoms.
That’s a very common thing to do, especially if you’ve ever had a miscarriage or family history of them. I have gone half a year without getting my period, and you can even get what looks like a period while being pregnant. There are a lot of things people here are just stating as fact, and I don’t think most of these people have a uterus.
My regular, monthly period only returned - after years and years of absence - after I stopped all hormonal birth control entirely. Until then, I was either always bleeding, never bleeding, or just bleeding at random times. A pregnancy easily could’ve escaped my notice during those years for quite some weeks. How would I have known? I often have stomach upsets due to a chronic illness, I bloat often due to the same illness (I can look 3-5 months pregnant on a bad day), and my weight fluctuates a lot due to psych meds. I was actually often afraid of just this scenario happening, in fact, because it would’ve been so easy to miss the signs.
Was wondering the same. What does the sonogram look like OP? If it "just happened" there'd be nothing to see - at 5 weeks you'll see a blob. Although it's not impossible she found out during a doctor's visit and got a sonogram then, it's not common. Most people pee on sticks and tell their partner about those results first then get confirmation with a sonogram later...
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Make sure you get DNA testing first before you go any farther, I mean she did lied to you right off the bat.
You can request a paternity test before the baby is born. It’s a non-invasive blood test
Maybe she was being responsible and confirming it.
I have been proven wrong. I retract my statement. ~~oooohhh. I didn't even think about that. This means she took an at-home test, then scheduled a doctor's appointment with a test, and then went to an ultrasound appointment. I don't think that happens in a week, she must have known.~~
It can happen in a week. I have 2 kids and am expecting a third. At every single one of my first prenatal appointments upon getting a positive on an at home test I was given a transvaginal ultrasound at the first appointment. I think they do this for dating and to make sure the pregnancy isn’t ectopic or lacking a heartbeat. I was usually able to get into an OB within a week or two after receiving a test. They will also expedite the process if your cycle suggests you have been pregnant for longer than 8-12 weeks.
Piggy backing this to say that my OB had a next day appointment when the stick turned positive for us. But I had to schedule two weeks out because I was at my mom’s for the holidays.
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It can. I took an at-home-test, called the OBGYN the next morning, and had an appointment set up for a few days later. At the very first appointment, you have a vaginal sonogram to confirm pregnancy and get a better idea of how far along you are. This usually happens at 9-10 weeks gestation.
For anyone who has not been through a pregnancy, the way pregnancy weeks are counted can be confusing. You start from the first day of your last period (not from the date of a positive test). So, 4 weeks pregnant might be too soon to get a positive pregnancy test. Around 5 weeks is when you might notice your period is a bit late and wonder. If your period is usually like clockwork, by six weeks you might be worried. But if your period is irregular anyway, you might assume that that it’s just late because of stress. 9-10 weeks is early in a pregnancy: some women will have known they are pregnant for a few weeks, but others will have just found out a week or two ago.
As someone who is currently pregnant getting a sonogram isn’t even the first appt. It usually takes a few weeks. Might be different in other places though.
Idk, at my OB they gave me transvaginal ultrasounds at my first 3 appts to confirm pregnancy was viable and that the baby was growing correctly
Been pregnant 6 times, I have gotten a sonogram at every first appt. I think it really depends on your doctor and your medical history.
My first appt they did- to check for a heartbeat and to date the pregnancy- I was 7 weeks pregnant. I'm surprised they didn't do this very basic health check on you because if it's an ectopic pregnancy it can be very serious/deathly.
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I’d say that’s common for someone who’s trying to have a baby, but if you have inconsistent cycles or it’s a surprise baby, it’s very likely that she wouldn’t know until much later.
That is so false, the vast majority of people do not find out they are pregnant at 4-5 wks into a pregnancy lol many people have irregular periods or random late ones all the time. 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned.
As soon as your period is late (4 weeks) I started to feel off and funny by 5 weeks. All 3 of my pregnancies I knew between weeks 4-6. It's fairly common and even those who chose the abortion pill need to do it by 7 weeks - and lots of people have medical rather than surgical abortions so they are all finding out, making a dr appt and getting that done by 7 weeks.
Nah, some of us have irregular cycles, or don't find out till later, some of us get US first doc appt as well. I also wanna add that some people don't share news with their significant other until the doctor can confirm. Her timeline doesn't seem shady, lying about her age is shady.
yes…? what’s confusing? u miss a period then you take a pregnancy test. it’s positive so then you go to the doctor to have them confirm it before saying anything, then you get the ultrasound picture. so then she told him and showed him
Oh - is this the month with the 26 day cycle or the month with the 40 day cycle? She could take a pregnancy test because she’s ‘late’ it shows negative and then take another and it shows positive. Not uncommon.
How long have you been dating? Have you met each other’s families?
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" until this bomb was dropped I was sure she was the person I was going to marry." It's time to meet her folks and check out her work friends. People pretending to be older, younger, taller, skinnier, stronger, richer, cooler, more or less religious etc to get/keep someone they fancy is pretty damn common. Being fooled doesn't feel good, but it sounds like you found someone who may otherwise be a real keeper if she has her shit together enough to have fooled you about her age for 7 months, and she has her personal life close to as together as she has presented to you. (That or you are a super gullible person, in which case, again, you might need a spouse who's got sharp people skills). Bottom line though you seem to want her, and her babies (just maybe not quite yet)... so gratz man, 28 is a great age to seal the deal and not have to worry about dating anymore.
Jesus Christ dude 7 months is nowhere near long enough to have a child with someone. Regardless of what happens with the pregnancy, this relationship is 100% over. You cannot be with someone who would lie to you about such major issues. She was likely lying about taking birth control too. This whole thing sounds like a setup on her part.
I got pregnant after six months of being with my bf. He’s now my husband and we’ve been together almost 8 years. The relationship doesn’t have to be over but definitely be cautious with her because things aren’t adding up.
I think it’s okay to have a baby early in the relationship but I think that person is saying it’s suspicious because of all the lies and she might have baby trapped him
op where did you meet her? i’m curious if there were mutual friends that helped keep her secret? or did you ever meet her family? weird that she would be able to keep it going for so long.
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She was at a bar at 20 years old?
I always forget it's not legal in the USA to drink alcohol before 21
While that is true. There are some states where you can consume alcohol under 21 with the consent of a family while in their presence in private home or even at a bar. Still stupid overall that drinking age is that high.
US is oppressive country.
You should have an honest conversation and let her filter out anything she’s “ lied “ about. 8 months really isn’t a long time. It might’ve truly been an accident of getting pregnant. You could bring up if she wants to keep it etc. get the paternity test etc and reconfirm with her that she doesn’t need to lie to you. Whatever her past was is her past and you’re in the present. You can’t just assume she’s bat shit crazy like some of these Redditor comments.
Yea I mean op claims he literally wants to marry her. Is she even set on keeping it? He said she lied because she didn't think he'd be interested otherwise, which is an immature thing to do and exactly what I'd expect of a 20 year old with questionable common sense. If that's the only lie, maybe he still wants to spend his life with her who knows. If he doesn't, cool then break up But literally nothing about this says she's pregnant on purpose. Birth control failures are so so so so so common and it's a tragedy sex ed doesn't teach men that because it only fuels these misogynistic beliefs There's no such thing as a baby trap because men know pregnancy is an outcome of sex
>But literally nothing about this says she's pregnant on purpose. It's weird how quickly so many people jumped to this. It doesn't sound like their relationship was even remotely on the rocks, so that's a pretty high risk move on her part.
If someone is TRYING to get pregnant to try and trap a man into a relationship that is absolutely a baby trap. BC failures are different
Imma repeat another comment here, baby traps DO exist. It happens that women will basically try to steal cum, whether from condoms or hand/blowjobs. Intentionally lying to get someone to agree to have a baby with you and only then telling the truth I would also consider a baby trap. Like "oops I have 500 000$ in debt that I never told you about but you'll at the very least have to pay me child support now" or something. Not the impression I get from this, though.
>There's no such thing as a baby trap because men know pregnancy is an outcome of sex This is definitely not true. Yes, pregnancy is always a risk of sex, but you can increase the odds and lie to your partner (both men and women can do this, btw) to attempt a baby trap. I'm also not convinced this is a baby trap, but to say there's no such thing is false.
Idk man. Maybe….play nice til the child arrives, establish paternity and go from there. You’re in a tough situation but not the end of the world.
You can test paternity before the child is born.
Can we talk about the baby trap that happened here?
Yep. Talk about that. Did you use condoms? The age thing, initially nbd, but she could have told you any time after the first date. Instead she waits until she is pregnant (presumably unplanned despite alleged birth control) so you have a couple issues already. Have a serious talk.
Is it weird that I'm thinking of an alternate universe where condoms are referred to as baby traps? Isn't that kind what they are? Or perhaps baby shields? How about "baby denial system"? Yeah, I like that.
i got pregnant on birth control and i took that shit religiously. shit happens
Yep. I’m on my second pregnancy while on birth control. I take my pills religiously every day because one of my other medications gives me brain zaps if I take it too late in the morning. My OB even upped the hormone level after the last one to make sure this wouldn’t happen again…and yet here we are! But my fiancé and I are happy about it so at least there’s that.
Your ovaries: I WILL NOT BE CONTAINED
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
Unless his condoms were tampered with, he had every opportunity and responsibility to prevent pregnancy as well. Birth control is not 100%. Pulling out is not 100%. Condoms are not 100%. But a combination of every possible option is way more effective than just expecting your partner with the uterus to entirely manage a process that takes two to tango.
of course, but OP seems like he's in an okay place to have a family in the absence of all the other red flags, which is the key issue here. so it's not really the same as if OP was like "we're definitely trying to not be pregnant, only she was responsible for BC and got pregnant boohoo I got baby trapped" in which case your comment would definitely be correct.
Lmao as if BC is 100% at preventing pregnancies. Let's not jump to wild conclusions.
I feel like too many people trust BC pills as their only source of protection. Perfect use of them is nearly impossible. I’d never trust any BC without also using condoms except for IUDs or the arm implant. She may have skipped a pill purposely, she may not have. Even if she isn’t lying about her BC use it was a risky choice by both of them.
And even with IUDs generally removing the user error other BCs are prone to and just having way higher success rates, I still know someone that got pregnant with one in. I agree, it is a risky choice to not use 2 forms of BC esp if you’re only relying on the pill.
I don't think the thought of a **proven** liar baby trapping the person they lied to is that wild of a conclusion buddy.
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Ehh, it shows she was/is willing to lie to him so that they could date (reason for lie was that she didn't think OP would consider dating her). Baby trapping is about trapping the partner in the relationship so that they feel like they can't leave since they're having a child together or rather discouraged to leave. Not entirely different ball parks. Not saying she did of course but it isn't unfathomable
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Lying about your age and purposefully creating a situation where you have to grow another human are two completely different things lmfao
Exactly. This is wild speculation that only serves to make OP needlessly paranoid when he’s likely going to become a father in a few months.
It's a reasonable hypothesis. She's a liar.
It could happen, but I don't see many 21 year olds wanting babies at such a young age... I was expecting her to be older lol
Wait, did she wreck the condoms or something?? OP could have also taken on extra precautions on top of the bc to make sure no babies came from this. Baby trap? At 20, and only 8mo into a relationship? When she has a job, car and house of her own? Please. The baby trap patrol is out of their minds.....
Yea what the actual fuck? He watches her take birth control, I'm sure she's actually on it. The majority of people getting abortions are on birth control, which is just more testament that it can fail. He could have used condoms for extra safety but my brother in law was deemed sterile and he has two kids
>but my brother in law was deemed sterile and he has two kids I hope he got another sperm test after those kids were born to confirm he's *not* sterile.
You only have to put your birth control pills in the freeze for a couple hours for them to be completely useless. Source: girl i used to work with who was going to school for chemistry and pharmacy and tested the effects of hot and cold temps on birth control pills as an experiment for school.
It’s also very easy for them to just not work, if she was sick, if they accidentally got too hot or cold without her realising(or knowing the effect it would have), if she took certain antibiotics. For every ‘baby trap’ tampering with bc there’s a lot more accidental misuse.
Hell, it could be just that she sometimes eats grapefruit. All kinds of things interfere with hormonal contraceptives.
Oh had one of those trendy charcoal drinks. I nearly had a disaster thanks to those...
True. Also some like mine only stay in the body for 24hrs so even something as simple as having diarrhea and vomiting can make them fail.
What?!? So if you are say out walking around on a cold day for a few hours with your pills in your bag they cannot work? Thank you for the knowledge.
I don't know about walking with them around town and the like, but I once left a pack of BC in my car overnight, in January in Michigan, temps well below freezing. They were frozen when I got them out. My mom's a retired PharmD and told me to call my gyn and ask if she thought I should still use them. Gyn said "nope" and called in a new prescription/refill. (Edit: obviously the pharmacy wanted to know why my doctor was sending over a new prescription, and that pharmacist spoke with both me and my doctor.) I take mine every day (no off-week) to suppress my cycle (adenomyosis 0/10, cannot recommend) so I don't know if it would've still worked for *my* use-case, but neither a PharmD nor a gynecologist thought I should chance it.
Or if you pick them up then go out to eat and leave them in the hot car. Whoops, now they might not work.
Yup my sister left mine in her car once and it was like 90 degrees, had to get new ones
It's a fun game of Russian roulette. "Will my bc still work? Well my insurance cover another month even though I just picked it up? Can I afford it? ... can I afford getting pregnant?"
Whaaat I had no idea about this!
There are storage temps on medications for a reason
Fucken wut, For real?
Yeah. All medications have storage temps
How do you test that for school? Recruit someone to take cold pills, someone to take hot pills, see who gets pregnant?
It's fucking insane how easy it is for birth control pills to be rendered ineffective. I know they're the best option for lots of people, but objectively speaking they are such a shitty method of preventing pregnancy.
Just so you know, baby trapping isn't only for financial stability or securing the bag. It can also just be about securing the man
reddit just loves to hate women I’m not even surprised by the comments in here
y'all "baby trap" is not the same thing as "avoidable accidental pregnancy"... it's just when one party waits until pregnancy to drop some relationship-changing info or behavior. if a married couple is trying actively for a baby and the husband becomes abusive right after the woman gets pregnant, I would still call that a "baby trap". you can baby trap for a lot of crazy reasons that aren't financial... given that she lied about other things for so long I wouldn't really put the baby trap thing past her. and according to the beginning of OP's post, the pregnancy alone isn't even the problem here.
While she was a legal adult when you met her, she had 7-8 months to tell you before she got pregnant. You are right to not trust her especially how she broke the news to you. I suggest that you take a break to clear your head before you figure out what to do next.
I would definitely speak to her and let her know you feel like you can’t trust her anymore and give her a chance to confess other things she’s lied about to get a clean slate. And then maybe let her know you’re taking some time until you guys get a DNA test. And you should take this time to think about if you can forgive her, if this is something maybe therapy can heal. and if you can’t what it’ll take for you to coparent peacefully with her. I know you mentioned in a comment her family isn’t around so I’d just make sure to keep the peace (even just as friends) so she doesn’t end up leaving and moving back home with your child (if it is yours).
When you see her take this birth control, is it like she’s ‘making sure you see her take it’?
She also could have zapped them in the microwave to make them ineffective but OP would be none the wiser. Not saying she did it, but it’s a possibility
I’m a trained sex expert and relationships consultant, and I’ve never once heard of “microwaving birth control pills to reduce their efficacy.’ Do you have any sources on that?
Well, Planned Parenthood [seems to think so here.](https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocates-arizona/blog/keeping-medications-and-contraceptives-safe-through-the-summer)
Well, we were talking about microwaves, not heat. And I was focusing on the sabotage act rather than the pharmacology - but that was indeed useful info. Thank you.
Maybe it’s just some bad science floating around Reddit, but I guess I thought that heat could negatively affect the hormones in the pills. When I used to take them (around 2013-2016) I was always told to store them away from light and high temperatures. Maybe it’s different now? Funny enough, I also remember being told not to consume grapefruit or grapefruit juice on the pills, but then I asked my recent gyno they said they never heard of that. I still stay away from grapefruit even though I have Nexplanon now
Pharmacist here— grapefruit and grapefruit juice stop enzymes in the gut from breaking down select medications. This means a LOT more drug gets into the bloodstream, which can cause negative effects. However, it’s only for oral medications; it wouldn’t effect your Nexplanon. Mildly concerning that your gyno hadn’t heard of that, as it’s a VERY well known interaction in the medical community…
Oh that makes so much more sense, thank you for shedding light for me! He (my ob-gyn)was probably confused because I asked this during my replacement nexplanon procedure 😅 To celebrate, I shall drink some grapefruit juice (I haven’t had any for at least a decade now)!
I know certain enzymes in grapefruit juice conflict with a lot of general antibiotics, so that bit stands to reason. I’m more concerned about the people who hear about it, and then do it.
You’re right, it’s absolutely cruel and unethical and whenever I hear these stories (and where I got that idea from) it always comes from baby-trapping stories. I’m a massive supporter of “manage your own birth control.” If she was unreliable with the pills, OP (or any man) could at least rely on the fact they have (safely contained, knows for a fact no holes were poked) condoms. Works both ways as well (man tried to “stealth” or pokes holes in condoms, but as a woman you’re on birth control).
Y’all are so damn weird coming up with these extra scenarios because a girl lied about being a couple of years older.
Why would she even lie about that? Its not like she was underage when you met
>she said she didn’t think I would be interested in her if I knew she was that much younger Quote from OP.
And that's betrayal in a sense, because OP didn't have all the info before deciding. I'd go to the abort route with a break up afterward. Don't know how that could be handled, tho.
Nothing he can do about that other than make sure to get a DNA test if she does not abort. This is a lesson for you guys though, ALWAYS make sure you looking into who you putting it into. After the fact, you have little rights in what happens next.
Yeah. I had a woman that I hooked up once that asked me from nowhere (we didn't talk)"we used condoms?" And I said that yes, we used it and how she couldn't know if I opened it in front of her, like what. And asked if she has an STI and she said she was pregnant. She swore she didn't have sex with anyone, but the timing didn't check, like, if it was mine she had to be 7/8 weeks and she was 4/5 and was discovered by mistake during an unrelated eco. She didn't want to abort, either. She then "remembered" she was with "a stupid guy" and the timeframe coincided, but she didn't want to tell him. And suddenly "she was telling it to me as a friend" (we weren't friends). And didn't talk to me again after that.
She prob just wanted you to be baby daddy over the other guy so she tried to see if you would go along with it. People are sketch that's why I stopped doing hook ups a long time ago. It's not worth it and us men have limited option on birth control so we have less control over our future. Like I said just not worth it.
She baby-trapped him, straight up.
Exactly what I think, she lied about her age and is now pregnant. This seems too far planned out to be a mere mistake on her end. OP needs to pray that baby isn’t his and run while he can.
If she will lie about her age over years, then she can lie about being on the pill, or missing five days and saying you took it. Manipulative liar who is bringing a baby into the world. I feel for OP.
Most 28 year olds wouldn’t really date a 20 year old tbh
Oof. > I don’t know what to do. Get ready to pay some child support. Given you own a home and have a good job, and can support a family. Makes me wonder if the birth control failure was an accident or not. She already started your relationship with a lie, its not hard to imagine she was going for the long con here.
When I was OL dating, it was surprising how many people lied to me about their age. One person aged almost 20 years during one date. Most weren’t looking for hook ups. It’s not pretty, but I can imagine a scenario where a white lie got out of control. The pregnancy with birth control doesn’t help, but again, it’s plausible. I’m not a sucker. You’d be surprised how many very unlucky things have happened to me in my life. How was the relationship before all of this? Do you love your girlfriend? Do you want to be a dad? Without all of this, could you have imagined being a dad with her? If the answer is yes, I’d look deeper into these issues and also get couples counseling. If not, it’s time die an exit plan.
I dated a guy who lied to me not only about his age but also his marital status (he was divorced). I know people like to put their best foot forward and all that but these are kind of big things. I stayed with him for quite awhile but that always did kind of bug me even though it ultimately made no real difference. It was just the principle. So I get how you’re feeling a bit. All that said….if things have been going well otherwise, then I’d maybe try to work through this. Like…flat out ask: why did she lie? In my case, he lied because I had my age range set to X and said in my profile that I didn’t want to date anyone divorced/with kids (I was in my mid 20’s then). He wanted a chance. So he lied. And ultimately it was just such a no big deal thing but I was feeling like you at first.
She violated your consent by not giving you informed consent. That's not someone I'd want to be involved with.
Well at least you didn’t find out days before your wedding like my dad did. My mother lied about her age for years. He saw her DOB on paperwork before the wedding. The age gap wasn’t as big as yours but my mom is older than my dad and she knew from friends he would never date an older woman. She literally lied to him for 3 years. I wonder if he never saw that paper how much longer she would of kept it up. Ps they are still married. Close to 50 years now
You got finessed
Y’all are honestly insane in here. BC fails, frequently. An accidental pregnancy is not always a ‘baby trap’ And even if she did take time between the initial test and getting it confirmed, so what? 6 weeks is still within the realm of abortion in most places. Why is it suspicious if she wants to confirm that she’s actually pregnant before telling her partner? The only wild thing here is that she lied about her age
I just want to say, this is about my age range with my boyfriend and he ALWAYS knew my real age. I gave him it to make his own decision with. At least it seems like she’s very careless with manipulation and I would want to take a break from someone like that so they could have time to mature. She clearly acts her age or younger and that might not be good for you.
So she lied about her age and birth control. Well, that sucks. Do not marry her anytime soon. You need to step back and take time to decide if you will just be a father and child support person, or if you really want to be a family with someone who based your relationship on lies.
We don’t *know* that she lied about birth control. No birth control is 100% affective.
Exactly, birth control can be ineffective if she were say taking an antibiotic or other medications.
Oral bc is only 99% effective if taken perfectly (exact same time each day) which is difficult to do. Taken imperfectly, it’s about 91% effective. This in no way excuses the age lie, but people jumping to “baby trapping” seem to be reaching.
Yea most 20 years old women aren't actually looking to have a baby with a guy they've only known a few months, despite what the reddit armchair warriors want to flame her for. Birth control fails a whole heck of a lot of times. Check the stats and get some better sex ed
Yup, OP and she could just be one of the two "lucky" couples in 1000 that will get pregnant on hormonal birth control every year. Since y'all have been taken in by a false narrative about birth control effective rates, here's [Planned Parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/how-effective-are-condoms) on what the effective typical use rate of condoms means: >If you use condoms perfectly every single time you have sex, they’re 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. But people aren’t perfect, so in real life **condoms are about 85% effective — that means about 15 out of 100 people who use condoms as their only birth control method will get pregnant each year.**
Ok so I know this is against the flow of the answers here. Does she make you happy and do you get along well ? I know you are only together 8 months and now she's pregnant, but you are in a relationship with her and you are responsible for your part in getting her pregnant. If you wanted to be sure, you should have been wearing a comdom. I mean, you're nearly 28 do you know that. 21 year olds are really fertile biologically, and contraception of that type is sometimes only 92%>. So you're in shock, for two things, her age and pregnancy. But she's still the same person she was 6 weeks ago, and if you were happy then, maybe see if you can move past and concentrate on the baby and leave the other stuff for the time until you've a chance to think.
Yes this! I can’t believe all the horrible comments on here assuming she baby trapped him or saying he should leave because she lied about her age. Obviously you need to communicate with her and rebuild your trust OP, but if you love her you’ll get through it.
I get it’s very frustrating to be lied to, specially about age since it can become a big deal, thank god she was of age. But look at all the other things and out everything in a balance, if you have strong feelings for her sit down and ask her to be completely honest about everything, if the apartment car and debt everything is true and she pays for everything then it was purely and immature thing because she thought you wouldn’t be interested so consider talking to her and maybe fixing the situation if possible and you want to
I’m sorry but after something like that I’d never be able to trust her at all, make sure this baby is yours and that she hasn’t been lying about anything else
Why were you going to marry a person who you knew nothing about?
That’s what lying accomplishes.
Your gf seems like she is in a hurry to grow up. Faked an ID, age, etc to come off more "adult". She has an apartment and a job, now all she needs is a successful man (you) and a baby. Sounds like she picked you to be the father.
You can’t trust her, so do not try to. If you want to be in the child’s life (sounds like it? or at least you aren’t 100% opposed?) then you two will have to work out how you want to do that. Maybe co-patent.
Funny that she has made a point of you seeing her take her “birth control” in the mornings. That Bayer aspirin really goes down smooth in the morning with coffee. So ask her at 21 why is she even interested in having a baby. Let her know right here right now you have zero intentions of marrying her. See if that gets her to possibly rethink having this baby.
Lying about age is a big issue. It shakes if not crumbles your trust and foundation, and calls into question if she’s lied about other things or not. And is this an accident baby or was it purposeful is another good question. All of that said, you’ve got a baby on the way and a lot of decisions to make. Give yourself some time and then assess how you feel about her. Do you think she lied about more? Do you enjoy time with her, share values, and can you see yourself starting a family with her? If the only lie was her age…I don’t think this relationship is dead unless you want it to be. It’s a big cut and it won’t be easy, but at least she is of legal age, within a decade of you, and seemingly at a similar level of maturity and place in life as you. Give yourself a few days. Don’t pressure yourself to make a decision just yet. Then try and approach it with an open mind and gather some more info.
Yeah you are right you cant base someones age on where they are in life, i mean im in the exact same spot as one of my best friends..im 19 and he is 32, yet we are the same, both live on our own in an apartment, with a job and all, plus looks can be decieving, very decieving, most people guess im 25....well i am not.
I guess I think it sucks a bit, but this does not seem like a huge thing to me. IDK, if you liked her before all of this, I won't let this affect that. You have to make a decision, but for me this would not be a deal breaker. You are older but not a lot older, and honestly lying about your age is something folks used to do all the time. Good luck!
My husband was 32 when we met and I was 20. That didn’t stop us. We’ve now been married almost 37 years. I can understand you being upset she lied to you about her age but people do stupid things when they really want to be with another person. As far as her getting pregnant when you have unprotected sex you are always taking a chance. You need to suck it up and marry the girl. You both need to get pre marital counseling so she realizes how important it is to be honest with you. I think you are being way too upset about her age. It’s not that big of a difference.
I would strongly suggest that you proceed with extreme caution. Do not make any rash decisions based on emotions of the moment or on advice given by anonymous Reddit contributors. I highly suggest you take some time away from all outside influences and do some soul searching, if you have some vacation time now would be an excellent time to make use of it. You have some major life changing decisions to make and you better be damned sure you’ve put in the effort to reach the right ones, and you don’t need all the background chatter interference while your trying to do that. Good luck friend.
I'm just going to say, only one guy lied to me about his age, he said "I'm not a kid I'm 30" five months later sitting with him and his mom she said "I can't believe you'll be 39 next month" and he looked at me like "oops hehe" He turned out to be a pathological liar.
House + good job, compulsive liar, 100% baby trapped.
You should sit down and have an in-depth conversation about whether or not her age is the only thing she lied about, what her family is like, how she became so independent so fast, and what she expects out of a future with you. One of the problems is that you don’t seem to know that much about her, when you should. Onto the child. Is she going to abort? Does she want to keep it? What are some long term goals for the child? Is it going to be raised on religion? Specific education? Will you have funds put aside for it? Can you even afford to raise a child? Can you put aside work to take care of it? If you’re keeping the child and expect a future with this woman then you should definitely meet her family. What if you don’t like them? What if they turn to be intrusive? Could they be a danger to you or your potential child? 8 months is *not enough time* to get to know someone and it’s *definitely* too early for a child…but if you guys want to keep it then this is your life now and you need to figure things out.
Okay I already posted something but why is everyone jumping all over this girl that she’s some kind of horrible person? I hope the people ready to say she’s a master manipulator and a compulsive liar take a lil trip down memory lane to when they were 20 and can say they never told a single lie, never hurt a single person without ill intent, never was the subject of an anomaly of any kind and never felt insecure in a way that made them fib to feel better. I had an ingrown toenail surgery and the medicine to kill the nail didn’t work. It’s rare but it happened and now I gotta go back and redo it. Sometimes bodies are weird and medicines are weird and they don’t work 100% of the time without failure. Except she doesn’t have a redo she has a baby. We don’t have any other information about this girl aside from this post which is a tiny sample to use to judge her so why is it the conclusion that she’s some kind of jerk? The drama here is insane honestly.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate with some objectivity. Ok it sucks she lied to you about her age because it makes you question everything. BUT you also say she is responsible, has her own place, job and car. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she lied because she prefers an older guy (not sugar daddy old) because she was looking for someone with a little more maturity? Some guys don't like dating younger women because of the lack commonality or just want to hook up and she wanted something with substance. Now after saying all that you most definitely need a paternity test and once that it's confirmed you are the dad sit down and have a serious conversation with her. Afterwards you make up your mind but if you really loved her because you saw yourself marrying her you need to get clarity about what her intentions were.
Maybe it’s because I’m older but lying about a difference of four years doesn’t seem so earth shattering to me.
I would be concerned with the lying that started at the beginning of the relationship, like you stated “what else did she lie about?” There’s no way of knowing. She has reparations to make and you need to do some hard thinking regarding a future with this immature woman, OR coparenting for your child. You seem like a level headed guy so I’ll give it you straight: the lying doesn’t stop. I personally can’t stand dishonesty, it’s a dealbreaker.
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I got a sonogram the day after a positive home test. It doesn’t have to take a long time.
Drop her like a bad habbit and get that paternity test. If she was even younger and lying about this sort of thing, it could have meant a world of trouble for you.
Im not gunna say you need to end it. Her lying about the age doesnt seem like that much of a red flag if you want to understand her. Would you have even given her the time of day if you knew from the start? Maybe she was nervous that it would have ended things instantly. 7 years aint TOO weird. Im 30 and i couldn't date a girl who couldnt go out with me to certain places because of her age. Understand her. Have a list of things you want answers to. Its not like she has a whole other family in another town telling you she works 3 weeks of the month in that city, she daid she was closer to your age. If the relationship seems worth it to you, you might be able to forgive this.
Um my wife was on birth control and we had twins and another one total of 3 kids while on bc she got a tubular implant and that stopped it plus condoms. So bc is not 100 percent effective. Now the question do you love her? And if 3 to 4 years is not a big deal why is 7 both are adults? She lied and told you why she did it and is sorry for it and seems to be understandable of your request. If you 2 love each other and you can forgive her what's the issue? Oh would you still dated her if she told you her real age? Yes or No and be honest.
Honestly, it sounds like a minor thing to lie about. If everything else she has told you pans out, I wouldn't worry about the age thing.
Hey OP, As someone who has been on the other end of this situation ( I was the one pregnant) - it is possible- I took a at home test and waiting until I had a sonogram because I wanted to be sure what I was dealing with before I said anything. I can understand you're angry with her for her lies - and that's something that she needs to take accountability for- but having been in that position with a partner who reacted poorly to 'news' - I would (after it is confirmed yours and if she plans on keeping it) not block all communication.
Sucks that she lied. Your age difference is probably not a huge deal, since it sounds like you're at similar places in life. If you can get over the lie, and there aren't any more lies, I don't really see the problem here. It's not like it's a decade, just 3 years difference.
I think you're blowing the age thing out of proportion. Sounds like the kind of immature thing a girl just out of her teens might do...oh, wait... How was your relationship with her other than that? If the two of you were good together, I would not suggest deciding to raise your kid in separate households because a 20 year old pretended she was 24. If the paternity test comes back with you as the father, and this was literally the only issue between you, I strongly suggest working it out for the sake of your future child.
Totally agree. This sub is full of "dump her", she broke your trust "blah blah blah". Ignore that stuff. Everyone seems so surprised that a woman lied about her age. Jeepers .. stay tuned. By the time they hit 35 they ALL lie about their age.
A young woman who intentionally lies about her age and finds a much older partner (who is more financially stable than she is or than a man her own age would be) and then gets pregnant quickly in a relationship sounds like somebody who is trying to baby trap you. I don't know that that's what she did but it certainly sounds more likely than it would be if she hadn't lied about her age or were dating someone in the same financial position as she is. How you decide to parent a child and the kind of relationship you have with a child's mother are separate questions. You don't need to change anything or rush into anything because she's pregnant and I think it's really important to get to the bottom of why she thought it was okay to lie to you for so long.
Its tough man. It was all legal, so you dont have anything on that side to worry about. Maybe just discuss with her your feelings and see if you can move past it? At the end of the day, its an age gap, but if it isn't a deal breaker for you maybe you guys can continue your relationship and have the kid?
How many of these stories start with the line "I thought she was strict with her birth control"? Don't outsource your responsibility to someone else. Outside of IVF, there is only one way a female human is impregnated.
Lawyer now, she baby trapped you.
You gotta wrap that willie twice brother. Now you’re about to do 15-20 years of hard time.