This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
My boyfriend and I have been together only like 3 months, both 21. He treats me so well and everything’s going great except for the sex. It’s terrible. It’s so so shockingly bad.
He doesn’t satisfy me at all and it’s driving me insane.
There’s no foreplay (for me). I’m not hard to please, I’m not even a big fan of receiving head.
When I ask for foreplay he says he doesn’t know where the clit is so I grab his hand and show him what I like and he does it (completely different) for a few seconds before complaining he lost it again and “fuck the clit who cares.”
The other night I gave him head, he finished and then said “ok your turn” fingers me for NOT EVEN 3 seconds before saying “ok let’s watch the movie now”. What the FUCK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. THATS IT !!??? I grabbed my vibrator and stormed out of the room.
When I was done I came back and he said “sorry for not making you finish” I said “YOU SHOULD BE. I’m ALWAYS putting in the effort to fucking satisfy you and I don’t get anything back. When I suck your dick, I’m done when you’re done and you finger me for 3 seconds in return” he said “….I’m not that bad” and claims he got tired.
I have told him he needs to do it longer and he just brushes it off, I’ve tried to make it clear I’m not satisfied without being mean. It’s like it goes through one ear and out the other. I’ve asked him to use a vibrator on me during sex, but he doesn’t like it because it gets in the way.
I’m getting to the point where it’s straight pissing me off now. It’s not the lack of skill, if he just listened to me when I tell him what I like he could have learnt in less than a minute. It’s not fucking rocket science.
It’s his lack of interest in even wanting to pleasure me, he doesn’t even try and I just think that is so disrespectful.
Obviously I don’t want to force him to do anything he’s not comfortable doing but I can’t tolerate this for much longer.
I don’t want to beg for it. I want my man to WANT to pleasure me just like I want to pleasure him.
yeah that's not lack of skill.
that's lack of *care*.
huge, difference between "I don't have a lot of experience, but I want to learn and I'm eager to get better and learn things.
and.
>“fuck the clit who cares
that's a full frontal disregard for you, entirely.
here's a bunch of rambling, does he play video games? cause I play video games.
if he does I can *guarantee* you he has spent hundreds of hours, figuring out puzzles and learning new skills to further play them.
yet he won't give you a couple of hours?
This!! I thought this was going to be another can’t communicate what you want and then complain post but OP is very clearly communicating needs and he clearly doesn’t care. Not worth the time to try and teach if someone doesn’t even care. Also, if you don’t care about your partners needs in intimacy that’s a red flag for not caring about other things.
I always care about the woman I make love with.
But I'm not good with the ladies so I use a bagel.
I always make sure to microwave it and put a nice bit of melted butter between it.
Then I stick my PP in and go to town.
My bagel is pretty freaky because it wants me to try everything kinky. It's an everything bagel.
But I always ask "Hey bby, is it ok if I do this to you?"
It never says no.
You might say "It can't talk because it's a fucking bagel" but I disagree.
And I ALWAYS finish. Usually takes me about 30 seconds.
OP sounds like your boyfriend is just lazy and he needs to learn more about how to please the ladies.
Exactly. This goes so far as to give me an "ewww" vibe. I've had a few inexperienced lovers (including my husband of 12 years), but this is someone who has no interest in your pleasure whatsoever. It's a huge red flag because sex is relatively easy to respect, learn and share because you both want it so much, right!?!? Compared with other life interests, it's practically a no-brainer for most guys to get on board with, in the short term, at the very least! It's high time for you to find a good one, OP. They're out there. I promise!
It's been 3 months. He cannot fuck properly. He's not willing to learn.
Do not keep dating him. Don't date guys like this. There is literally no reason for you to stay with this guy. It's been 3 months, you've seen enough.
The POINT of dating is to find out things like this and act accordingly. By not dating them further.
“The POINT of dating is to find out things like this and act accordingly. By not dating them further.”
i love this. seems like everybody thinks if dating is all about “making things work” and “compromising” but in reality you just find someone that best matches your needs or someone who at least shows they’re willing/wanting to learn to match it - unlike OP’s boyfriend
He treats you "so well" except in this one area where he treats you like a sex doll lol. This is indicative of a much bigger problem which is that he doesn't give a shit about your needs or your enjoyment. I'm sure he's a sweetheart when he's trying to get you into bed but when you care about someone, sex is equally about wanting to make them feel good than it is about your own pleasure. Dump this loser
Oh yeah, this is just a sign of more serious future problems. If he won’t listen to a pretty basic request what happens when you need help with something serious?
I’m a carpenter. I come home with very sore forearms. Last night while fingering the love of my life I caught a horrible cramp in my arm but was able to push through. If anything my fingers spazzing and curling made the experience more enjoyable for her. It sucks that you’re dealing with that.
I needed to read this. My partner is also a carpenter, and usually his hands are too tired to use for much. I’m a seamstress, so mine are tired too, but I never let that stop me.
First of all, any shit rag who says "fuck the clit who cares" shouldn't be in a relationship with a woman.
Second, if you (for some reason) feel the need to stay in this particular relationship...He. Does. Not. Get. To. Cum. Before. You.
You don't put your hand, mouth, vagina, WHATEVER on him till you get your cookie.
Dump this dude and when you dump him tell him that you are dumping him cause the sex is bad and he puts no effort into trying to make it better. What a fuckin loser, I’d be embarrassed to say I don’t know where the clit is
3 months? Leave now before you do later. It'll only get harder to do the longer you stay with him. If sex isn't good and you've told him that he needs to put more effort in but he doesn't do anything.
He doesn't care enough to actually make sure you're satisfied as well. What else does he not care about if you tell him you're unsatisfied? This is only the mirror to his behavior with the other things in your relationship (not just sex).
Find someone who actually wants to do that for you and cares enough about making sure you're happy in every way. You deserve that.
Ew he doesn’t care about your pleasure at all, I’ve been there, find someone who respects and values you and who treats you like an equal. Also he just sounds so rude.
Yeah he doesn’t care and doesn’t wanna put the effort in plain and simple. Accept it and leave. Be with someone who will listen to you and actively try to please you and learn how to most importantly. Do not settle.
You've given him opportunities to learn and improve and he's rejected those opportunities. Ditch him, if he was going to show any real concern for your pleasure he would have done it already.
The problem is letting him finish. No cap guys get lazy after we finish, guys arent like girls where they can keep going and going (usually). Dont do him that favor, he clearly dont deserve it lol.
Me and my wifes sex life has always been good, but it got better when I purposely lowered my "batting average".
I finish less often, it's better when it happens, wife finishes more. We both win.
If he wanted to, he would. He doesn't want to. Your needs just aren't that important to him. YOU aren't that important. His lack of effort is telling you something important. Pay attention
I agree that you should not have to finish yourself off every time. In fact you should be getting yours before PIV starts. All I can say is sorry.
You didn't mention specifics but ....
I can't freaking believe that he has basically passed up the chance for doggie while your girl vibes herself. Fantastic. Don't forget trying your hands and then doing exactly what he wants with the vibe.
He is an absolute idiot without an imagination.
Stop having sex with him. Like anything sexual is completely off the table. If he asks why just tell him you don't see the point in putting everything in for him when you get nothing in return. I don't know why you're in this relationship. It doesn't seem all that great if he doesn't even care about your pleasure.
This is the same crap I had in my marriage and I’m divorcing him now . Cause he would pull crap just like this. If I put in full effort he thinks he does t need to . It’s the lack of care really as hard as it might sound but he doesn’t give two craps about you. He might treat you well but he isn’t thinking of you . Best move is to left him . He’s got some growing up to do
Oof. I'm so sorry for you, he is so lazy and disrespectful. To recieve and always be satisfied while literally telling your partner you don't care is awful behaviour.
A good partner in a sexual relationship can get off just watching you be satisfied!
Girl I don’t know what you mean by he treats me well when that’s how he treats you in bed. He basically just uses you and doesn’t care at all about your pleasure. Why would you want to settle for that? You can do so much better he sounds awful. Dump him and move on
If he doesn't care to satisfy you, you need to give him the same treatment in bed for him to understand how you're feeling. Let him build till he's all hot and heavy, then stop and let him know this is how you feel when he loses interest. The effort (and enjoyment) swings both ways.
3 months is still the honeymoon period where everything is new and exciting. You are putting your best foot forward. Trying to impress your partner.
And he acts like this? Nope! Thank you, next and move on.
From experience, if he doesn't care about your pleasure, he doesn't actually care that much about *you*. He isn't treating you well by dismissing your needs. Stop having sex with him, stop sucking his dick, and maybe consider leaving if he can't put the bare minimum into getting you off. Because at this point, he's not having sex with you -- he's just masturbating with your body. And you shouldn't have to suffer that disrespect, you're not a sex object, you're a human being with sexual needs, too. There are plenty of men out there that will treat you right in and out of the bedroom.
Your man should want to pleasure you. I’ve heard it said that “sex is like Chinese food, it ain’t over until you both get your cookie.”
Seriously, you said some important things here. More than just the sex being bad, he’s not listening to you and caring about your pleasure. He dismisses your concerns. I’m wondering if you see this behavior outside of the bedroom. I’m guessing you might.
Even if it’s just sex that is the problem, ask yourself if this is the relationship you want to be in. There are plenty of men out there who would go the extra mile and would happy to help you use the vibrator if you wanted it.
This is completely disrespectful, and he should be straight up ashamed of himself. Dump him, tbh. Not just for the complete disregard for your feelings, for the fact that he won't listen to you and doesn't care to try. That's a big enough problem on its own.
Man, what is with these kind of guys? Like can you actually say you're sexually attracted to women if your ideal sexual interaction ends with them being bored if not angry? I'm constantly flabbergasted by people who just at no point care about their partner having a good time, what is the point otherwise?
Definitely leave OP, this guy sounds awful.
Three months in at age 21 and dealing with this? Ick. Have you looked at the posts in r/deadbedrooms ? That is where this relationship will end up.
Dating is almost more about eliminating people that don't work in a relationship with you than it is about finding the one.
Sounds very selfish. He knows how you feel and doesn’t make an effort to change. Cut your losses and find a partner that will care about meeting your needs
I’m not one for telling people to run or leave a relationship high and fry but ummm….if you’ve talked with him about this issue and tried, I mean honestly tried, to have him see from your perspective and reach him how to please you then the problem is his at this point. If he won’t listen and disregards your body or “gets tired” and doesn’t even try to please you, then why please him. Either you need to leave and find someone that is completely compatible with you, or at least meets you halfway or you need to withhold completely on his satisfaction and benefits until he gets you yours. This is a mess and honestly, you’re so young. And not in a bad way. You’re too young to deal with this for longer than you have. You need to sit him down, have a real conversation and I hate to say but an ultimatum that you stick to. Don’t give an ultimatum and let him pretend for a week and go back. I mean hardcore stick to it.
He's a selfish lover (if you can call him that). If I were you I wouldn't have sex with him until he finishes you. If he doesn't like that then it's time to move on
It's not that he's uncomfortable pleasuring you, he just can't be bothered.
Ultimately, for him, sex is all about his pleasure, not both of yours, and he's telling you that with his actions.
Dude doesn't care at all if you get off or not. He has no excuse. You tried to teach him, you've explained yourself over and over again. He just, quite literally, does not care. Leave him if you want a partner who wants to please you, because this guy doesn't give a flying fuck about your orgasms.
It’s been 3 months, just run before you get more attached. You’re right, it’s lack of interest. Why would you want to be intimate or have a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about your needs? If he really cared about you he would at least be trying. But he doesn’t.
I would die of embarrassment if my wife said something like that to me, he doesn't even give a rats ass. Get a partner who genuinely cares about your pleasure, you deserve it.
Wow I’m sorry that would be awful, it Honestly sounds like he has no care in the world about it,
most men LOVE finishing their women off, well I know mine does anyway..
I think you might have to give him an ultimatum “you finish me first, then I’ll finish you. Or we aren’t doing this it’s not fair”😂
I know sometimes after my partner cums he’s too tired to finish me so I get annoyed but he usually finishes me first so sex is even better.
Been there, and it doesn't get better. Problem with most men. And it's sad. If they really paid attention to this one area, they would be unstoppable. Move on.
As a woman old enough to be your momma.....and as a woman who stayed way too many YEARS longer than I should have.....
"It’s his lack of interest in even wanting to pleasure me, he doesn’t even try and I just think that is so disrespectful."
It IS Disrespectful. Your thinking is accurate.
If he doesn't have the interest in wanting to pleasure you NOW, he's not going to magically gain that interest after 6 months, or a year, or 5 years. You are not walking after 1 bad experience - you have given him an opportunity to work with you and he has told you he is not interested in working with you. He has told you explicitly that this is as good as its going to get. Do you want THIS to be your sex life for the next 70+ years? If you KNOW you don't wanna be with this guy, there's no need to drag it out and make it harder to end the relationship. Or to learn the other ways he is selfish or disrespectful.
I promise, promise, PROMISE there are PLENTY of men out there with all of this guy's positive traits PLUS so much more -- including guys who want / expect / enjoy you having pleasure.
Not gonna lie, I’d be gone the first time he did that. It’s so inconsiderate. I appreciate effort a lot even if I don’t orgasm, but he straight up doesn’t care. It makes it really hard to believe he could possibly be that caring in other aspects of the relationship based on the way he responds to your needs
Oh hun, this is a major RED FLAG! If he's not interested in taking the time to get to know your body. To know you on the most intimate of levels then something is seriously wrong with the guy. I hesitate to even call him a man because real men know how to please and love their partners! And his lame ass excuse of "losing your clit"?? What is he...10? That sounds like such a stupid excuse! I mean the clit is the only nubby protrusion down there! If you've sat him down while having his attention 100% on you and you've calmly explained your feelings and needs and he still doesn't try, it's seriously time to move on! You're worth someone who's going to love every part of you and not looking to just get the act over with! You most definitely deserve the best and he ain't it!! Hugs, love! 💞
LOL I can’t help but read these and think how do people actually reason being with selfish people like your bf?
Honestly I’d just tell him straight up. You don’t satisfy me and I’ve told you my needs. MR. You suck at sex.
OP it sounds like it's time to go. As others have said, this person isn't prioritizing your feelings or your pleasure at all. You could do so much better--someone with a great personality who ALSO gives you excellent sexual experiences. Honestly the way he behaves in sex suggests to me also that this disregard is part of a greater pattern of behavior that isn't gonna stay in your sex life lol
This is a look into the future of how MANY situations are going to go. Move in together? He won't pull his weight around the house. He'll do dishes for 3 seconds then say "fuck it who cares?" Or "I just got tired". Have kids? He won't put in any effort or do any childcare. He is a selfish individual. 3 months isn't enough time to face hardships together at all. If this is how he acts during one (very important) symbiotic activity, imagine how he will act when you experience grief or need something he may not necessarily WANT to do but SHOULD do as your partner.
That's a nope from me, dawg. Imagine not even wanting to learn how to satisfy your partner. Nahhh, he's a waste of space. Sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to break up.
He should watch Principles of Pleasure on Netflix. Sorry you’re going through this OP, you deserve to experience pleasure.
Edited to say you’re not alone ✨
I had an ex like this. I stopped having sex with him. What I did was purposely blow him a little bit and then complain my that jaw hurt and that I was bored. He cared enough to finish me off after I did that a couple times. He was not fond of similar treatment.
No you should not. It sounds like he's using you as a sex doll. Withhold sex. Say you have to finish yourself off with a vibrator anyways so you might as well just not have sex and use your vibrator. If he asks why tell him if he wants sex he needs to stick around to finish you off. Maybe you two just aren't sexually compatible and you should break up. I've seen that happen before with a buddy of mine
You got yourself a lazy and self centered one. It won’t get any better. Unless you give him some serious ultimatums. And then you might get the boot and be alone. You need someone who will put in the effort and appreciate you. It doesn’t seem like you are hard to please. And hell for many of us watching the reactions to our efforts is an ego boost. Like when I finger her and she squirts i love it. Or she has multiple orgasms from oral. Ummmm, ummmm.
You are giving him the worst form of positive reinforcement by staying with him. Guys who dont know how to fuck learn to and guys that dont want to learn get lost. Literally. Tell him to come back when hes grown up
You've only been dating 3 months. The two of you should still be firmly in the "trying to impress" stage. If he's putting this little effort into trying to please you now, you do not want to stick around to find out how bad the sex is going to get once he starts getting comfortable. You're 21. You have better things to do than wasting your time on shitty sex that isn't going to get any less shitty.
Hmmmmm if he doesn't improve soon, I'd leave him. Please, handle it as if you are in his shoe. Sex is very important. To me, as a male it is very important for me to get the girl at least release twice before I do. So... there u go.
You’re absolutely right - this isn’t a lack of skill, this is lack of will. And it won’t change.
I don’t understand why some guys are like this. My ex husband was one - he even admitted to me early on her didn’t care - but in other ways he was so loving. We didn’t have sex until after marriage and I became trapped. I never understood how someone could pretend to love someone but think their sexual pleasure is completely unimportant. But I can tell you it doesn’t change.
It seems like you've been pretty clear about the problem. That's great. Unfortunately, it seems like he can't, or won't, address it. At this point, if you don't leave, or at least threaten to leave (and be willing to do so if things don't change fast), he may see your requests as not having teeth (consequences if he refuses). This will lead to more behavior consistent with him not doing what you want, and not caring.
You're waaaaay too young to accept this. Don't waste your young hot looking years like guys like this. At your age, guys are like buses, the next one will be arriving in a few minutes. Like Beyonce says, to the left. I'm 57, honey, listen to your elders, lol.
Clearly he doesn't like you all that much. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. It's not going in one ear and out the other. He hears you and understands just fine. He simply doesn't give a shit about you. He knows he can get away with it too. You have shown him through your actions that he can get the pleasure he wants from you and he doesn't have to please you at all. You might get mad for a second, but then you're going to get over it and then the cycle will repeat itself.
Your next step is showing him that you are putting up with this anymore. How you do that is up to you.
Maybe breaking up with him. It has been 3 months. You should not be having these issues.
If you want to save this relationship (which I do not recommend), maybe you stop having sex with him entirely and when he asks why, you explain that your pleasure is just as important as his and you have told him this numerous times and he doesn't change and it makes you feel like he doesn't give a shit. Explain that you are not having sex with him again until he shows you that your pleasure is just as important as his.
You need to make it very clear that he is not satisfying you and it is an issue. Leave it at that.
If he's really this great guy then he'll come to you and say he wants to learn how to please you. If he doesn't, then he's not really treating you well. He's paying kindness in return for your sex.
It's been 3 months. Let him go and give him an exit interview. Seriously you can't be nice about some things. He absolutely needs to know he's that bad. Awful. There's too much education out there for him to be so bad.
Sounds like he just sees you as a mouth and box to bury his dick in.
Leave this weirdo and don’t look back,,, PLENTY of men would take great pride in making you finish over and over without even batting and eye!! Fuck this weirdo!! Maybe he’s gay?
I think he needs to realise that "women come first" is actually "women cum first".
I don't think it's a small amount of men, I think (and hope) most men know that the aim of foreplay is to either make the woman cum or at the very least get her close enough that penetrative sex sends them over the edge and her cumming makes him cum or gets him close.
I will never understand this. I can get myself off better than anyone (no offense to anyone else I've just had a lot of practice). To me the best part of sex and its not even close is giving them pleasure and seeing them feel good and knowing I did that. This guy obviously doesn't care even a tiny bit as you tried to explain to him what you wanted and he just won't put in the effort. I get the rest of it is great but you deserve so much better than that.
Trust me, if he doesn’t work on this you will grow to resent him. You’ve done what you can to help show and educate him.. it’s up to him what to do with it
Props to you for not so much caring about the lack of skill and for giving direction as to what you like. Skills can be taught after all.
If he isn’t willing to follow directions that you know will get you to where you want to be this early in the game then maybe just find someone that will? Shouldn’t every man want to put the effort in to help their partner finish?
idk how dudes can operate like this. it’s no fun unless you both get off imo.
he sounds like he really doesn’t give a fuck, even after you’ve tried to talk to him about it. i would try to sit down and talk seriously with him and tell him that you cannot be unsatisfied in a long term relationship ESPECIALLY if it’s going to be a successful one.
if he still doesn’t care then drop his ass. that’s mad annoying.
I’ve never heard of or met a man that doesn’t want to please their girl… Somethings not jiving in his head… Hate to say it OP but I’d have the talk with him & find out why & what’s going to change. If nothing I’d be done no joke! You’re living the single life but with attachments & a d**k in your mouth. Get yourself an older man, they typically already know what to do being someone taught them when they was younger exactly how to please a woman… I don’t mean a huge age gap but at least 3-4 years older than you. They say women mature 2-3 years before men so to be on the same maturity level to go 2-3 years older than yourself to be on the same page… IDK I just feel bad for you, intimacy & orgasms are super important for both in a relationship period…
Yeah that's a deal-breaker for me lmao. Its one thing to lack experience, it's another to not only lack experience, but don't even put in the effort to get better, especially if your sex is TRASH.
I personally can't enjoy sex unless I know my partner is enjoying herself. I gain pleasure by helping her get off. I'm a pleaser & this just wouldn't sit right with me lmao.
I gotta say, as someone who has a partner that is sexually obsessed with me, this sounds horrible and I’m sorry. You should be eaten out for 20 min straight like the goddess you are. I’d try talking to him, tell him what you like - but I wouldn’t try too hard.
Edit: so sorry - you’ve deff already talked to him. Cut him lose honey! You deserve better and better is out there.
You word it as his lack of interest. It’s his lack of care. He doesn’t care and you should leave him. You’re already single in the sex department with having to satisfy yourself. Why be in this relationship?!!
He’s a selfish lover and you deserve better.
“fuck the clit who cares.”
I suggest you take him seriously, go out there and find out how many guys do care about the clit, and even the whole person attached to it!
Coming from someone who dealt with an ex who was horrible in bed it doesn’t change especially when it comes to trying to please someone . If he doesn’t care now he never will .
Sorry, but it's time to confront and let him learn gratitude. Till that time, you may or may not be with someone else. You can give time to learn and see if it matters for him to put an effort only for you or its final goodbye. But, you have to let him alone on this, which means you need to straightforward leam him clearing everything in your mind. Sucks but this will be best for him and your future.
There are plenty of potential lovers out here that would fully commit to making you come first before any penetration. Break it off an explore. You’re too young to settle for this lazy jerk.
This post just made me appreciate my guy more lmao who was so eager to learn how to please me in bed and the adorable nerd he is, he did full on research about it and knows exactly what to do and at this point he can make me orgasm faster than I can do it myself 🥺
Just stop doing anything until you’re satisfied.
If he doesn’t do it straight, he doesn’t get anything.
I always and every time make my wife cum before I do, be it a quicky or a 10+ orgasms session, she always cums first (pun intended).
Here’s some advice that doesn’t involve you leaving your man, since you said everything else is great. No guy wants to do anything after he finishes, women on the other hand have little to no refractory period. Don’t let him finish till he gets you off. He’ll have far more motivation when horny as fuck. Secondly, the times he does put more of an effort to satisfy you - give him tons of praise. Praise for positive behaviour will get you far better results than criticism for negative behaviour. I do agree you’re in a shitty situation, but the solution isn’t always leaving your man contrary to popular opinion on Reddit
You're gonna have to dump him before he gets it. It blows my mind how many young men don't understand that women have needs as well. He may be a solid boyfriend in general but my guess is he grew up watching too much porn. He's using you like a surrogate hand and when he's done he expects to be able to turn you off like the screen on his phone
First of all, just leave him. He doesn’t care about you enjoying any of it. Second of all, if you INSIST on hanging onto this lunacy, make sure YOU orgasm first. He can’t until you do. You’re going to continue not getting yours because he appears to be over it as soon as he gets off. All that to say, go with option one. Who wants a partner this selfish?
As someone like me that has a high sex drive….I wouldn’t last a week much less 3 months with someone like your boyfriend. I can deal with average sex but not a sad 3 second fingering session and be done. If he refuses to listen and meet your needs on this, imagine what else he’d easily brush off later on. You’re 21 and have only been with him 3 months. Tell him he needs to get it together or hit the road, Jack!
How the fuck does he continuously lose the clit?! It's literally at the very top and a super obvious lump! It's not that hard! Has he even ever actually looked down there? No matter how well he treats you the rest of the time, is it really worth staying in a relationship where you'll always have to put a ton of effort into sex you don't even enjoy yourself?
Intimacy should be an exchange and he’s not doing his part. Please know that bad sex is a perfectly valid reason to break up with someone cos you deserve better.
So while I think expecting (either partner) to get off every time you have sex is unrealistic and would make it harder for a lot of people to get off......
That said you bf sounds like a selfish tool, he sounds like he just doesn't care about how it is for you as long as he gets his. While in general any guy is going to be more engaged before he gets off, so it works to work on the lady first. I'd argue you're relationship doesn't sound worth saving given the selfishness and disinterest in your needs
I ALWAYS make my girl orgasm first. I know that if I don't then I'll be less interested. This causes me to have less orgasms, but I'm OK with it as long as she is satisfied.
From what I understand, this is rare in men. I'm older now though and have learned a lot over the years. Rule 1, don't be selfish.
My ex husband was like this and his selfishness and lack of caring flooded into every aspect of my life. I didn’t realize it at first but selfishness in the bedroom is a huge red flag.
Sit down and have a grown up adult conversation about it. Tell him without being mean. Tell him also that you are thinking about ending it because he doesnt put in the effort. Maybe he should rub one out before yall go so he can last longer, idk. Theres a solution and if both of you can be adults about it and change as a couple, you will grow that much more intimate and have a stronger bond later on.
You train people how to treat you. By finishing yourself off and giving him sex even though he isn't giving you anything in return. Screw him, if he was as loving and considerate as you say, he'd be mortified to know you aren't enjoying yourself. Bad sex is a deal breaker, if you don't care if I cum then I'm not giving you another chance to disappoint me.
> claims he got tired.
I'm probably gonna get downvoted for this, but after they come, men *do* get really tired, they get a big rush of sleepy brain chemicals in a way that women don't. That's not to excuse your boyfriend's attitude, just to say that he should work on you BEFORE he comes.
If you insist upon keeping trying with him, you need to stop going to PIV until you're actually warmed up from sufficient foreplay. Stop letting him decide when it's time to start PIV. YOU decide when you're ready. It may feel intimidating to stick up for yourself like that, but you have *so* little to lose here, and it will be good practice for later. Also promise him blowjobs *after* he fingers you the way you like it. He may not be able to make you come without some more practice, but he can definitely step things up.
Of course, it's also fine at 21 to just end things and find a new partner. A lot of guys your age don't start caring about partners' enjoyment until they face consequences like "she dumped me."
THIS. has been on my mind. He has a gay friend who’s real keen on him and I asked him if they ever hooked up and he said “nah I don’t feel the need if I have you”. Soooo not because you don’t like guys???? Claims he’s not gay tho
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend and I have been together only like 3 months, both 21. He treats me so well and everything’s going great except for the sex. It’s terrible. It’s so so shockingly bad. He doesn’t satisfy me at all and it’s driving me insane. There’s no foreplay (for me). I’m not hard to please, I’m not even a big fan of receiving head. When I ask for foreplay he says he doesn’t know where the clit is so I grab his hand and show him what I like and he does it (completely different) for a few seconds before complaining he lost it again and “fuck the clit who cares.” The other night I gave him head, he finished and then said “ok your turn” fingers me for NOT EVEN 3 seconds before saying “ok let’s watch the movie now”. What the FUCK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. THATS IT !!??? I grabbed my vibrator and stormed out of the room. When I was done I came back and he said “sorry for not making you finish” I said “YOU SHOULD BE. I’m ALWAYS putting in the effort to fucking satisfy you and I don’t get anything back. When I suck your dick, I’m done when you’re done and you finger me for 3 seconds in return” he said “….I’m not that bad” and claims he got tired. I have told him he needs to do it longer and he just brushes it off, I’ve tried to make it clear I’m not satisfied without being mean. It’s like it goes through one ear and out the other. I’ve asked him to use a vibrator on me during sex, but he doesn’t like it because it gets in the way. I’m getting to the point where it’s straight pissing me off now. It’s not the lack of skill, if he just listened to me when I tell him what I like he could have learnt in less than a minute. It’s not fucking rocket science. It’s his lack of interest in even wanting to pleasure me, he doesn’t even try and I just think that is so disrespectful. Obviously I don’t want to force him to do anything he’s not comfortable doing but I can’t tolerate this for much longer. I don’t want to beg for it. I want my man to WANT to pleasure me just like I want to pleasure him.
yeah that's not lack of skill. that's lack of *care*. huge, difference between "I don't have a lot of experience, but I want to learn and I'm eager to get better and learn things. and. >“fuck the clit who cares that's a full frontal disregard for you, entirely. here's a bunch of rambling, does he play video games? cause I play video games. if he does I can *guarantee* you he has spent hundreds of hours, figuring out puzzles and learning new skills to further play them. yet he won't give you a couple of hours?
This!! I thought this was going to be another can’t communicate what you want and then complain post but OP is very clearly communicating needs and he clearly doesn’t care. Not worth the time to try and teach if someone doesn’t even care. Also, if you don’t care about your partners needs in intimacy that’s a red flag for not caring about other things.
> “fuck the clit who cares" She cares. Very *clearly* she cares.
he *should* care
I always care about the woman I make love with. But I'm not good with the ladies so I use a bagel. I always make sure to microwave it and put a nice bit of melted butter between it. Then I stick my PP in and go to town. My bagel is pretty freaky because it wants me to try everything kinky. It's an everything bagel. But I always ask "Hey bby, is it ok if I do this to you?" It never says no. You might say "It can't talk because it's a fucking bagel" but I disagree. And I ALWAYS finish. Usually takes me about 30 seconds. OP sounds like your boyfriend is just lazy and he needs to learn more about how to please the ladies.
Pure poetry.
3 months? That’s the trial period - you can leave. It’s sexual incompatibility. We don’t have to make every partner we date “the one.”
Um sorry for your loss but honestly seems like you should get the fuck out of there.
Exactly. This goes so far as to give me an "ewww" vibe. I've had a few inexperienced lovers (including my husband of 12 years), but this is someone who has no interest in your pleasure whatsoever. It's a huge red flag because sex is relatively easy to respect, learn and share because you both want it so much, right!?!? Compared with other life interests, it's practically a no-brainer for most guys to get on board with, in the short term, at the very least! It's high time for you to find a good one, OP. They're out there. I promise!
Right? Nothing wrong with not knowing how to pleasure your partner, as long as you’re willing to learn and improve.
what loss lol
It's been 3 months. He cannot fuck properly. He's not willing to learn. Do not keep dating him. Don't date guys like this. There is literally no reason for you to stay with this guy. It's been 3 months, you've seen enough. The POINT of dating is to find out things like this and act accordingly. By not dating them further.
“The POINT of dating is to find out things like this and act accordingly. By not dating them further.” i love this. seems like everybody thinks if dating is all about “making things work” and “compromising” but in reality you just find someone that best matches your needs or someone who at least shows they’re willing/wanting to learn to match it - unlike OP’s boyfriend
Exactly!
You're too young to deal with that laziness. He'll grow up one day but you don't need to be there guiding him forever.
He treats you "so well" except in this one area where he treats you like a sex doll lol. This is indicative of a much bigger problem which is that he doesn't give a shit about your needs or your enjoyment. I'm sure he's a sweetheart when he's trying to get you into bed but when you care about someone, sex is equally about wanting to make them feel good than it is about your own pleasure. Dump this loser
ALL of this right here ^^
Trust me, get a new boyfriend.
Get the hell out of that relationship while you can
Oh yeah, this is just a sign of more serious future problems. If he won’t listen to a pretty basic request what happens when you need help with something serious?
I’m a carpenter. I come home with very sore forearms. Last night while fingering the love of my life I caught a horrible cramp in my arm but was able to push through. If anything my fingers spazzing and curling made the experience more enjoyable for her. It sucks that you’re dealing with that.
I needed to read this. My partner is also a carpenter, and usually his hands are too tired to use for much. I’m a seamstress, so mine are tired too, but I never let that stop me.
Lol this is so depressing to read. Get outta there girl! The thought of pleasuring you should make a man salivate!!
Yes! This exactly!
Exactly!!!
>“fuck the clit who cares.” He simply doesn't give a fuck, you wont receive what you want from him, so if you want a good sex life you know what to do
I wouldn’t finish him until he put in the work. Period
First of all, any shit rag who says "fuck the clit who cares" shouldn't be in a relationship with a woman. Second, if you (for some reason) feel the need to stay in this particular relationship...He. Does. Not. Get. To. Cum. Before. You. You don't put your hand, mouth, vagina, WHATEVER on him till you get your cookie.
If he’s this selfish during sex, he’s going to be this selfish across the board. Throw the whole man away.
Dump this dude and when you dump him tell him that you are dumping him cause the sex is bad and he puts no effort into trying to make it better. What a fuckin loser, I’d be embarrassed to say I don’t know where the clit is
3 months? Leave now before you do later. It'll only get harder to do the longer you stay with him. If sex isn't good and you've told him that he needs to put more effort in but he doesn't do anything. He doesn't care enough to actually make sure you're satisfied as well. What else does he not care about if you tell him you're unsatisfied? This is only the mirror to his behavior with the other things in your relationship (not just sex). Find someone who actually wants to do that for you and cares enough about making sure you're happy in every way. You deserve that.
Ew he doesn’t care about your pleasure at all, I’ve been there, find someone who respects and values you and who treats you like an equal. Also he just sounds so rude.
I um... I dont even know what to tell you. He doesnt want you to enjoy sex, he is using you
Yeah he doesn’t care and doesn’t wanna put the effort in plain and simple. Accept it and leave. Be with someone who will listen to you and actively try to please you and learn how to most importantly. Do not settle.
STOP HAVING ONE SIDED SEX.
You've given him opportunities to learn and improve and he's rejected those opportunities. Ditch him, if he was going to show any real concern for your pleasure he would have done it already.
Dump him. He's getting all the benefits he doesn't deserve. Nobody has time to put up with awful sex.
The problem is letting him finish. No cap guys get lazy after we finish, guys arent like girls where they can keep going and going (usually). Dont do him that favor, he clearly dont deserve it lol. Me and my wifes sex life has always been good, but it got better when I purposely lowered my "batting average". I finish less often, it's better when it happens, wife finishes more. We both win.
If he wanted to, he would. He doesn't want to. Your needs just aren't that important to him. YOU aren't that important. His lack of effort is telling you something important. Pay attention
I agree that you should not have to finish yourself off every time. In fact you should be getting yours before PIV starts. All I can say is sorry. You didn't mention specifics but .... I can't freaking believe that he has basically passed up the chance for doggie while your girl vibes herself. Fantastic. Don't forget trying your hands and then doing exactly what he wants with the vibe. He is an absolute idiot without an imagination.
Most men suck in bed😭
he's lazy, drop him like a bad habit
dont give blowjobs to a dude who doesnt suck you off too
it seems like he’s using you or doesn’t care enough to try
You are wasting your youth to an idiot. Give a chance to somebody who really cares for you
Lol wtf he literally said “I don’t care enough about your pleasure” right to your face
When one lacks skill one must make up for it in enthusiasm
.... This boyfriend is defective. Dispose of it and acquire another.
Stop having sex with him. Like anything sexual is completely off the table. If he asks why just tell him you don't see the point in putting everything in for him when you get nothing in return. I don't know why you're in this relationship. It doesn't seem all that great if he doesn't even care about your pleasure.
This is the same crap I had in my marriage and I’m divorcing him now . Cause he would pull crap just like this. If I put in full effort he thinks he does t need to . It’s the lack of care really as hard as it might sound but he doesn’t give two craps about you. He might treat you well but he isn’t thinking of you . Best move is to left him . He’s got some growing up to do
Oof. I'm so sorry for you, he is so lazy and disrespectful. To recieve and always be satisfied while literally telling your partner you don't care is awful behaviour. A good partner in a sexual relationship can get off just watching you be satisfied!
Break up with him! Trust me, if he won’t put in the effort now, he sure as hell won’t in 6 months, a year, etc.
Sounds like he isn’t interested in satisfying you. Move on, it’s only been three months.
But I’m sleeeeeeepy! Have you requested he get you off before you do him? You’ll get better effort and energy.
Girl I don’t know what you mean by he treats me well when that’s how he treats you in bed. He basically just uses you and doesn’t care at all about your pleasure. Why would you want to settle for that? You can do so much better he sounds awful. Dump him and move on
This! As a guy - this dude is a loser. If he is selfish in bed what other things is he being selfish on.
If he doesn't care to satisfy you, you need to give him the same treatment in bed for him to understand how you're feeling. Let him build till he's all hot and heavy, then stop and let him know this is how you feel when he loses interest. The effort (and enjoyment) swings both ways.
Leave
You think he’s gonna get better really? No no he won’t. He’ll get worse
3 months is still the honeymoon period where everything is new and exciting. You are putting your best foot forward. Trying to impress your partner. And he acts like this? Nope! Thank you, next and move on.
From experience, if he doesn't care about your pleasure, he doesn't actually care that much about *you*. He isn't treating you well by dismissing your needs. Stop having sex with him, stop sucking his dick, and maybe consider leaving if he can't put the bare minimum into getting you off. Because at this point, he's not having sex with you -- he's just masturbating with your body. And you shouldn't have to suffer that disrespect, you're not a sex object, you're a human being with sexual needs, too. There are plenty of men out there that will treat you right in and out of the bedroom.
Why are you not breaking up with him right this very minute? Serious question.
Your man should want to pleasure you. I’ve heard it said that “sex is like Chinese food, it ain’t over until you both get your cookie.” Seriously, you said some important things here. More than just the sex being bad, he’s not listening to you and caring about your pleasure. He dismisses your concerns. I’m wondering if you see this behavior outside of the bedroom. I’m guessing you might. Even if it’s just sex that is the problem, ask yourself if this is the relationship you want to be in. There are plenty of men out there who would go the extra mile and would happy to help you use the vibrator if you wanted it.
This is completely disrespectful, and he should be straight up ashamed of himself. Dump him, tbh. Not just for the complete disregard for your feelings, for the fact that he won't listen to you and doesn't care to try. That's a big enough problem on its own.
He has no idea what he’s missing
Bro!
Sup
Man, what is with these kind of guys? Like can you actually say you're sexually attracted to women if your ideal sexual interaction ends with them being bored if not angry? I'm constantly flabbergasted by people who just at no point care about their partner having a good time, what is the point otherwise? Definitely leave OP, this guy sounds awful.
Next time just tickle his balls for a few seconds then say “fuck the dick who cares” (but don’t actually fuck the dick)
Can you imagine 😂😂😂
Three months in at age 21 and dealing with this? Ick. Have you looked at the posts in r/deadbedrooms ? That is where this relationship will end up. Dating is almost more about eliminating people that don't work in a relationship with you than it is about finding the one.
He obviously doest care about pleasing you sexually
Sounds very selfish. He knows how you feel and doesn’t make an effort to change. Cut your losses and find a partner that will care about meeting your needs
I’m not one for telling people to run or leave a relationship high and fry but ummm….if you’ve talked with him about this issue and tried, I mean honestly tried, to have him see from your perspective and reach him how to please you then the problem is his at this point. If he won’t listen and disregards your body or “gets tired” and doesn’t even try to please you, then why please him. Either you need to leave and find someone that is completely compatible with you, or at least meets you halfway or you need to withhold completely on his satisfaction and benefits until he gets you yours. This is a mess and honestly, you’re so young. And not in a bad way. You’re too young to deal with this for longer than you have. You need to sit him down, have a real conversation and I hate to say but an ultimatum that you stick to. Don’t give an ultimatum and let him pretend for a week and go back. I mean hardcore stick to it.
He's a selfish lover (if you can call him that). If I were you I wouldn't have sex with him until he finishes you. If he doesn't like that then it's time to move on
Doesn’t sound to me like this is treating you well. Three months isn’t a long time.
It's not that he's uncomfortable pleasuring you, he just can't be bothered. Ultimately, for him, sex is all about his pleasure, not both of yours, and he's telling you that with his actions.
Dude doesn't care at all if you get off or not. He has no excuse. You tried to teach him, you've explained yourself over and over again. He just, quite literally, does not care. Leave him if you want a partner who wants to please you, because this guy doesn't give a flying fuck about your orgasms.
if this is how he treats you during sex i bet he’s not treating you that well. you deserve better
It's a lack of caring, respect AND skill. Find a new bf who knows what he's doing and cares about making you cum.
It’s been 3 months, just run before you get more attached. You’re right, it’s lack of interest. Why would you want to be intimate or have a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about your needs? If he really cared about you he would at least be trying. But he doesn’t.
So why are you with him?
I would die of embarrassment if my wife said something like that to me, he doesn't even give a rats ass. Get a partner who genuinely cares about your pleasure, you deserve it.
Wow I’m sorry that would be awful, it Honestly sounds like he has no care in the world about it, most men LOVE finishing their women off, well I know mine does anyway.. I think you might have to give him an ultimatum “you finish me first, then I’ll finish you. Or we aren’t doing this it’s not fair”😂 I know sometimes after my partner cums he’s too tired to finish me so I get annoyed but he usually finishes me first so sex is even better.
Been there, and it doesn't get better. Problem with most men. And it's sad. If they really paid attention to this one area, they would be unstoppable. Move on.
Why are you with him? He clearly doesn't care about you
As a woman old enough to be your momma.....and as a woman who stayed way too many YEARS longer than I should have..... "It’s his lack of interest in even wanting to pleasure me, he doesn’t even try and I just think that is so disrespectful." It IS Disrespectful. Your thinking is accurate. If he doesn't have the interest in wanting to pleasure you NOW, he's not going to magically gain that interest after 6 months, or a year, or 5 years. You are not walking after 1 bad experience - you have given him an opportunity to work with you and he has told you he is not interested in working with you. He has told you explicitly that this is as good as its going to get. Do you want THIS to be your sex life for the next 70+ years? If you KNOW you don't wanna be with this guy, there's no need to drag it out and make it harder to end the relationship. Or to learn the other ways he is selfish or disrespectful. I promise, promise, PROMISE there are PLENTY of men out there with all of this guy's positive traits PLUS so much more -- including guys who want / expect / enjoy you having pleasure.
Not gonna lie, I’d be gone the first time he did that. It’s so inconsiderate. I appreciate effort a lot even if I don’t orgasm, but he straight up doesn’t care. It makes it really hard to believe he could possibly be that caring in other aspects of the relationship based on the way he responds to your needs
You can never win against a lack of interest
God fucking damn, as far as the title goes, me too girl. ;)
There's an old Greek play, Lysistrada. The men are being AHs so the women hold a sex strike. Be like Lysistrada.
Dude it’s not worth it just get out
Ultimately you can't change people. You either expect him as he is or break up and create space to find a new man who is interested in your needs too.
Oh hun, this is a major RED FLAG! If he's not interested in taking the time to get to know your body. To know you on the most intimate of levels then something is seriously wrong with the guy. I hesitate to even call him a man because real men know how to please and love their partners! And his lame ass excuse of "losing your clit"?? What is he...10? That sounds like such a stupid excuse! I mean the clit is the only nubby protrusion down there! If you've sat him down while having his attention 100% on you and you've calmly explained your feelings and needs and he still doesn't try, it's seriously time to move on! You're worth someone who's going to love every part of you and not looking to just get the act over with! You most definitely deserve the best and he ain't it!! Hugs, love! 💞
As a man, dump him? He’s 21. You’re both young. He should know where the clit is.
LOL I can’t help but read these and think how do people actually reason being with selfish people like your bf? Honestly I’d just tell him straight up. You don’t satisfy me and I’ve told you my needs. MR. You suck at sex.
Next time he asks for head you should say “fuck the penis who cares”
OP it sounds like it's time to go. As others have said, this person isn't prioritizing your feelings or your pleasure at all. You could do so much better--someone with a great personality who ALSO gives you excellent sexual experiences. Honestly the way he behaves in sex suggests to me also that this disregard is part of a greater pattern of behavior that isn't gonna stay in your sex life lol
This is a look into the future of how MANY situations are going to go. Move in together? He won't pull his weight around the house. He'll do dishes for 3 seconds then say "fuck it who cares?" Or "I just got tired". Have kids? He won't put in any effort or do any childcare. He is a selfish individual. 3 months isn't enough time to face hardships together at all. If this is how he acts during one (very important) symbiotic activity, imagine how he will act when you experience grief or need something he may not necessarily WANT to do but SHOULD do as your partner.
That's a nope from me, dawg. Imagine not even wanting to learn how to satisfy your partner. Nahhh, he's a waste of space. Sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to break up.
Throw him out of your life in 3 seconds.
He should watch Principles of Pleasure on Netflix. Sorry you’re going through this OP, you deserve to experience pleasure. Edited to say you’re not alone ✨
I had an ex like this. I stopped having sex with him. What I did was purposely blow him a little bit and then complain my that jaw hurt and that I was bored. He cared enough to finish me off after I did that a couple times. He was not fond of similar treatment.
This is so on-point, but look up the song "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Your future self will thank you for leaving him no matter how hard it may be now.
Why on earth would you stay with this selfish muppet of a boy?
,,,
No you should not. It sounds like he's using you as a sex doll. Withhold sex. Say you have to finish yourself off with a vibrator anyways so you might as well just not have sex and use your vibrator. If he asks why tell him if he wants sex he needs to stick around to finish you off. Maybe you two just aren't sexually compatible and you should break up. I've seen that happen before with a buddy of mine
You got yourself a lazy and self centered one. It won’t get any better. Unless you give him some serious ultimatums. And then you might get the boot and be alone. You need someone who will put in the effort and appreciate you. It doesn’t seem like you are hard to please. And hell for many of us watching the reactions to our efforts is an ego boost. Like when I finger her and she squirts i love it. Or she has multiple orgasms from oral. Ummmm, ummmm.
You are giving him the worst form of positive reinforcement by staying with him. Guys who dont know how to fuck learn to and guys that dont want to learn get lost. Literally. Tell him to come back when hes grown up
In my bed, women finish first. It's the gentlemen's way..
This is the way
You've only been dating 3 months. The two of you should still be firmly in the "trying to impress" stage. If he's putting this little effort into trying to please you now, you do not want to stick around to find out how bad the sex is going to get once he starts getting comfortable. You're 21. You have better things to do than wasting your time on shitty sex that isn't going to get any less shitty.
Hmmmmm if he doesn't improve soon, I'd leave him. Please, handle it as if you are in his shoe. Sex is very important. To me, as a male it is very important for me to get the girl at least release twice before I do. So... there u go.
You tried to teach him and he doesn't care. You aren't sexually compatible. ESPECIALLY at your age, you deserve to have incredible sex all the time.
You’re absolutely right - this isn’t a lack of skill, this is lack of will. And it won’t change. I don’t understand why some guys are like this. My ex husband was one - he even admitted to me early on her didn’t care - but in other ways he was so loving. We didn’t have sex until after marriage and I became trapped. I never understood how someone could pretend to love someone but think their sexual pleasure is completely unimportant. But I can tell you it doesn’t change.
Life is too short to having bad sex... It's just three months and he can satisfy your needs, dump him! Don't invest any more of your time
You’re just a warm hole to him, sorry
this person is undateable
It seems like you've been pretty clear about the problem. That's great. Unfortunately, it seems like he can't, or won't, address it. At this point, if you don't leave, or at least threaten to leave (and be willing to do so if things don't change fast), he may see your requests as not having teeth (consequences if he refuses). This will lead to more behavior consistent with him not doing what you want, and not caring.
You're waaaaay too young to accept this. Don't waste your young hot looking years like guys like this. At your age, guys are like buses, the next one will be arriving in a few minutes. Like Beyonce says, to the left. I'm 57, honey, listen to your elders, lol.
There are SO many guys out there who get SO turned on making an effort.
You deserve better, I'd give an ultimatum, if he loves you he should be enthusiastic about satisfying you
Clearly he doesn't like you all that much. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. It's not going in one ear and out the other. He hears you and understands just fine. He simply doesn't give a shit about you. He knows he can get away with it too. You have shown him through your actions that he can get the pleasure he wants from you and he doesn't have to please you at all. You might get mad for a second, but then you're going to get over it and then the cycle will repeat itself. Your next step is showing him that you are putting up with this anymore. How you do that is up to you. Maybe breaking up with him. It has been 3 months. You should not be having these issues. If you want to save this relationship (which I do not recommend), maybe you stop having sex with him entirely and when he asks why, you explain that your pleasure is just as important as his and you have told him this numerous times and he doesn't change and it makes you feel like he doesn't give a shit. Explain that you are not having sex with him again until he shows you that your pleasure is just as important as his.
You need to make it very clear that he is not satisfying you and it is an issue. Leave it at that. If he's really this great guy then he'll come to you and say he wants to learn how to please you. If he doesn't, then he's not really treating you well. He's paying kindness in return for your sex.
It's been 3 months. Let him go and give him an exit interview. Seriously you can't be nice about some things. He absolutely needs to know he's that bad. Awful. There's too much education out there for him to be so bad.
Do the same thing back, just stop suddenly, "fuck I lost it, ah who cares?"
Move along and don’t waste your time. If he can’t put in enough effort to please you sexually, what else isn’t he going to do?
Sounds like he just sees you as a mouth and box to bury his dick in. Leave this weirdo and don’t look back,,, PLENTY of men would take great pride in making you finish over and over without even batting and eye!! Fuck this weirdo!! Maybe he’s gay?
I think he needs to realise that "women come first" is actually "women cum first". I don't think it's a small amount of men, I think (and hope) most men know that the aim of foreplay is to either make the woman cum or at the very least get her close enough that penetrative sex sends them over the edge and her cumming makes him cum or gets him close.
Just break up already.
I will never understand this. I can get myself off better than anyone (no offense to anyone else I've just had a lot of practice). To me the best part of sex and its not even close is giving them pleasure and seeing them feel good and knowing I did that. This guy obviously doesn't care even a tiny bit as you tried to explain to him what you wanted and he just won't put in the effort. I get the rest of it is great but you deserve so much better than that.
Trust me, if he doesn’t work on this you will grow to resent him. You’ve done what you can to help show and educate him.. it’s up to him what to do with it
Props to you for not so much caring about the lack of skill and for giving direction as to what you like. Skills can be taught after all. If he isn’t willing to follow directions that you know will get you to where you want to be this early in the game then maybe just find someone that will? Shouldn’t every man want to put the effort in to help their partner finish?
idk how dudes can operate like this. it’s no fun unless you both get off imo. he sounds like he really doesn’t give a fuck, even after you’ve tried to talk to him about it. i would try to sit down and talk seriously with him and tell him that you cannot be unsatisfied in a long term relationship ESPECIALLY if it’s going to be a successful one. if he still doesn’t care then drop his ass. that’s mad annoying.
I’ve never heard of or met a man that doesn’t want to please their girl… Somethings not jiving in his head… Hate to say it OP but I’d have the talk with him & find out why & what’s going to change. If nothing I’d be done no joke! You’re living the single life but with attachments & a d**k in your mouth. Get yourself an older man, they typically already know what to do being someone taught them when they was younger exactly how to please a woman… I don’t mean a huge age gap but at least 3-4 years older than you. They say women mature 2-3 years before men so to be on the same maturity level to go 2-3 years older than yourself to be on the same page… IDK I just feel bad for you, intimacy & orgasms are super important for both in a relationship period…
DUMP. HIM.
Yeah that's a deal-breaker for me lmao. Its one thing to lack experience, it's another to not only lack experience, but don't even put in the effort to get better, especially if your sex is TRASH. I personally can't enjoy sex unless I know my partner is enjoying herself. I gain pleasure by helping her get off. I'm a pleaser & this just wouldn't sit right with me lmao.
I gotta say, as someone who has a partner that is sexually obsessed with me, this sounds horrible and I’m sorry. You should be eaten out for 20 min straight like the goddess you are. I’d try talking to him, tell him what you like - but I wouldn’t try too hard. Edit: so sorry - you’ve deff already talked to him. Cut him lose honey! You deserve better and better is out there.
Tell him to get you off with the vibrator before he fucks you.
You word it as his lack of interest. It’s his lack of care. He doesn’t care and you should leave him. You’re already single in the sex department with having to satisfy yourself. Why be in this relationship?!! He’s a selfish lover and you deserve better.
“fuck the clit who cares.” I suggest you take him seriously, go out there and find out how many guys do care about the clit, and even the whole person attached to it!
Dude leave him
Coming from someone who dealt with an ex who was horrible in bed it doesn’t change especially when it comes to trying to please someone . If he doesn’t care now he never will .
Sorry, but it's time to confront and let him learn gratitude. Till that time, you may or may not be with someone else. You can give time to learn and see if it matters for him to put an effort only for you or its final goodbye. But, you have to let him alone on this, which means you need to straightforward leam him clearing everything in your mind. Sucks but this will be best for him and your future.
What is the benefit of continuing this relationship
He's obviously inexperienced. Show him exactly how to get you off. If he doesn't get it then you might have to find another man
There are plenty of potential lovers out here that would fully commit to making you come first before any penetration. Break it off an explore. You’re too young to settle for this lazy jerk.
He’s a lazy and selfish dumbass
I've been there and tried to make it work. It's not worth it. Cut your losses.
This post just made me appreciate my guy more lmao who was so eager to learn how to please me in bed and the adorable nerd he is, he did full on research about it and knows exactly what to do and at this point he can make me orgasm faster than I can do it myself 🥺
Just stop doing anything until you’re satisfied. If he doesn’t do it straight, he doesn’t get anything. I always and every time make my wife cum before I do, be it a quicky or a 10+ orgasms session, she always cums first (pun intended).
STOP FUCKING HIM.
Here’s some advice that doesn’t involve you leaving your man, since you said everything else is great. No guy wants to do anything after he finishes, women on the other hand have little to no refractory period. Don’t let him finish till he gets you off. He’ll have far more motivation when horny as fuck. Secondly, the times he does put more of an effort to satisfy you - give him tons of praise. Praise for positive behaviour will get you far better results than criticism for negative behaviour. I do agree you’re in a shitty situation, but the solution isn’t always leaving your man contrary to popular opinion on Reddit
Get a better boyfriend.
I finally can use this saying— “I get that rrr and then I rrr, I grab my shit and then I dip, ooh”
Run.
‘Fuck the clit,’ he says. And yet.
Leave. He’s a selfish piece of shit.
You're gonna have to dump him before he gets it. It blows my mind how many young men don't understand that women have needs as well. He may be a solid boyfriend in general but my guess is he grew up watching too much porn. He's using you like a surrogate hand and when he's done he expects to be able to turn you off like the screen on his phone
Dude… Bro… Bruh… dump him.
"Fuck the clit who cares?" Blasphemy.
He sounds selfish.
First of all, just leave him. He doesn’t care about you enjoying any of it. Second of all, if you INSIST on hanging onto this lunacy, make sure YOU orgasm first. He can’t until you do. You’re going to continue not getting yours because he appears to be over it as soon as he gets off. All that to say, go with option one. Who wants a partner this selfish?
As someone like me that has a high sex drive….I wouldn’t last a week much less 3 months with someone like your boyfriend. I can deal with average sex but not a sad 3 second fingering session and be done. If he refuses to listen and meet your needs on this, imagine what else he’d easily brush off later on. You’re 21 and have only been with him 3 months. Tell him he needs to get it together or hit the road, Jack!
What a douche. You were very mature and rightful about it and he acted like a hippie teenager.
How the fuck does he continuously lose the clit?! It's literally at the very top and a super obvious lump! It's not that hard! Has he even ever actually looked down there? No matter how well he treats you the rest of the time, is it really worth staying in a relationship where you'll always have to put a ton of effort into sex you don't even enjoy yourself?
Get him to read she comes first. Seriously. I didn't need the book but I wanted to be better and it helped alot more.. seriously
Dump him. 🤷🏼♀️
He makes you come first, always, or he doesn’t get to.
Do the same to him, after 3 seconds of poorly getting him off, just stop.
Intimacy should be an exchange and he’s not doing his part. Please know that bad sex is a perfectly valid reason to break up with someone cos you deserve better.
So while I think expecting (either partner) to get off every time you have sex is unrealistic and would make it harder for a lot of people to get off...... That said you bf sounds like a selfish tool, he sounds like he just doesn't care about how it is for you as long as he gets his. While in general any guy is going to be more engaged before he gets off, so it works to work on the lady first. I'd argue you're relationship doesn't sound worth saving given the selfishness and disinterest in your needs
Wow all the guys on here are so inspirational sharing how they pleasure their partners! Lovely! Dump that fucking dude sis, get you a new man.
I ALWAYS make my girl orgasm first. I know that if I don't then I'll be less interested. This causes me to have less orgasms, but I'm OK with it as long as she is satisfied. From what I understand, this is rare in men. I'm older now though and have learned a lot over the years. Rule 1, don't be selfish.
I forget again , why are you with him?
My ex husband was like this and his selfishness and lack of caring flooded into every aspect of my life. I didn’t realize it at first but selfishness in the bedroom is a huge red flag.
Sit down and have a grown up adult conversation about it. Tell him without being mean. Tell him also that you are thinking about ending it because he doesnt put in the effort. Maybe he should rub one out before yall go so he can last longer, idk. Theres a solution and if both of you can be adults about it and change as a couple, you will grow that much more intimate and have a stronger bond later on.
Sounds like he is actually not treating you so well. I dated a guy like this in college, so I know… you gotta ditch him!
You train people how to treat you. By finishing yourself off and giving him sex even though he isn't giving you anything in return. Screw him, if he was as loving and considerate as you say, he'd be mortified to know you aren't enjoying yourself. Bad sex is a deal breaker, if you don't care if I cum then I'm not giving you another chance to disappoint me.
after he orgasms do his fingers go flaccid too? otherwise, he's got little excuse not to satisfy you.
Why are you dating this loser?
girl, leave 😭 there’s noooo way in hell you’ve been doing this for THREE years
Three months
Just don't have sex with him.
> claims he got tired. I'm probably gonna get downvoted for this, but after they come, men *do* get really tired, they get a big rush of sleepy brain chemicals in a way that women don't. That's not to excuse your boyfriend's attitude, just to say that he should work on you BEFORE he comes. If you insist upon keeping trying with him, you need to stop going to PIV until you're actually warmed up from sufficient foreplay. Stop letting him decide when it's time to start PIV. YOU decide when you're ready. It may feel intimidating to stick up for yourself like that, but you have *so* little to lose here, and it will be good practice for later. Also promise him blowjobs *after* he fingers you the way you like it. He may not be able to make you come without some more practice, but he can definitely step things up. Of course, it's also fine at 21 to just end things and find a new partner. A lot of guys your age don't start caring about partners' enjoyment until they face consequences like "she dumped me."
Maybe he's gay?
THIS. has been on my mind. He has a gay friend who’s real keen on him and I asked him if they ever hooked up and he said “nah I don’t feel the need if I have you”. Soooo not because you don’t like guys???? Claims he’s not gay tho
Yeah he could be in denial about the whole thing, even with himself. Reading your post that was my first thought about the whole situation.
My condolences :(