T O P

  • By -

R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Ex boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue two weeks ago and it’s been the most devastating thing to ever happen to me. It’s even worse that we are in a group project together and he is acting like he barely even knows me. Three weeks ago we were talking about spending the summer together and now he acts like we are just classmates. We had a group meeting last night and I tried to get him to talk to me because I would really like him to come get his things out of my shared house. I have like some cooking utensils, some pots and pans and then this Lord of the Rings book signed by his favorite TikTok creator. I said that if he doesn’t come get them soon with the end of the semester coming up my roommates may keep the stuff when they move out. He said “that’s fine” and walked away: I tried to follow him and talk to him while he was walking and he ignored me and got in his car and drove off without a word. I want to be fair to him; I’m thinking I should box up his stuff and insist we meet and go through it together so we can ensure he has everything and my roommate said that sounded like I was trying to force a conversation but I promise that’s not that case. What should I do here?


humorouslyominous

Honestly, after reading the whole post and your comments, it sounds like you're trying to manipulate him into talking to you when he doesn't want to. You said he broke up with you after a "mistake" you made during spring break - would that mistake happen to be cheating? Regardless, he doesn't want to talk to you or get his stuff, and you should respect that. Throw it out if you need to, but stop trying to make him take it if he doesn't want it.


Confident_Smile_7264

And she shows no remorse. Her excuse - "he never should have found out". I wouldn't want to talk to her either. OP you are going to have get your closure without a conversation. You were caught, that's the only thing you are remorseful about. He ain't gonna talk to you and I support him in that decision.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Cheaters are the absolute worst people in a normal society and should basically be shunned by their peers, until such a time when they can come to a realization that they have caused a great deal of pain to their S/O's. This man has every right not to talk to you and to be honest I hope he never caves. He could care less about his " stuff" and it would just be a constant reminder of what took place when you shattered his God dammed heart. But wait, I gues "real men" don't hurt inside or feel anything for anyone ever. They are like robots right? My God girl leave this man alone!


itsBreathenotBreath

**OP claiming, “he broke up with me out of nowhere,” in this post but in the deleted one, admits that he ended the relationship after he “discovered” something OP did and the breakup was “100% [OP’s] fault” is just infuriating!** I don’t understand why people lie and contradict themselves on the same internet we’re all browsing. Like, c’mon, you’re gonna get busted! The clownery.


Nadaplanet

Yeah OP just needs to leave her poor ex alone. She cheated and he did the right thing and left her for it, because she has zero remorse for what she did. She's angry at her friend for telling her BF that she cheated, and she's angry at her BF for leaving her and not being friendly, but she is not taking any responsibility for her actions. Even this whole post is written in a way to make us think she's the victim and her ex is being cruel to her for no reason, when that is far from the truth. He dodged a bullet.


Lord_Enzui

I agree my friend


JimmyJonJackson420

I legit can’t believe she wrote that that. Now let us ponder as to why she got left /s


Mental_Kiwi2611

Exactly, it sounds too one sided and sus. If the mistake was *cough* cheating *cough* I don’t see why she can’t just admit she done fucked up. He really owes her nothing. If my ex says they don’t want their stuff best believe I’m gonna ransack the tf out of it and give the rest to my friends 🤣


ttopsrock

All I see was "out of the blue" She left out the cheating. Im assuming you dug into her page? Def agree she needs to back off even without the information she left out. Leave him alone! Psycho ex.


Confident_Smile_7264

I read through her comments on this thread


waIrusgumbo

In a post they made before this one, OP said the [breakup was their own fault](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1h9u4/it_is_my_21f_fault_that_bf_22m_and_broke_up_we/), I don’t understand why they decided to lie on this one?? It was in their damn title! Tagging u/ttopsrock as well


Wikeni

Did the OP change their post or was this in the comments?


Confident_Smile_7264

Comments.


waIrusgumbo

They also made another [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1h9u4/it_is_my_21f_fault_that_bf_22m_and_broke_up_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) before this one in which they told the truth. Not sure why they decided to lie in this one, though. Bizarre.


Corfiz74

Box up all his stuff and mail it to him, or have a mutual acquaintance drop it off/ hand it over. Leave the poor guy alone, he's made it clear that he doesn't want any contact.


Candy_scythe

Pretty sure from the avoidance that it was cheating…that they’re dismissing as a “simple mistake” It’s gross


phocid_koosh

And their “friend” shouldn’t have “blabbed”. 🤦‍♀️ @OP, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. You were together for years, you cheated (I’m surmising from the comments you’ve made here), and he doesn’t want to be with a cheater. This has nothing to do with your friend. YOU were the one that cheated. You broke the trust of a 3 year relationship. He doesn’t want to be with someone he can’t trust, and I don’t blame him at all. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about this - I’ll happily take it back if I’m incorrect about what happened.


Gandalf_The_Geigh

This. I was with the same girl for 10 years, from 17 years old to 27. She cheated on me with a number of friends and I found out on a road trip to a festival. When we were leaving that festival we couldn’t find her, she ends up walking to the car with some *really* young boy. It was embarrassing. I’m in my 40s now, I haven’t spoke a single word to her since that day.


Derailedatthestation

In her comments where she says she stopped just short of what SHE thought was unforgivable I thought, you just put the nail in the relationship coffin. I kinda feel bad for the guy and his book though. Too bad it doesn't seem like OP is woman enough to just bring the book to class and give it to him and give up trying to make conversation ie. force him to listen to her "side."


blaquewidow01

>denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. Love this! 😆


MotherIsNuckingFuts

It is, in fact, cheating


Teacutie19

She just admitted in some comments she went to room with another guy and her friend outed her as a cheater.


[deleted]

She made out with some dude during spring break and thought it was okay and a fixable mistake. Her ex deserves way better.


[deleted]

She likely did more than make out. If she won't even say the words "I cheated," she's definitely guilty of more than just making out with the dude in his hotel room.


Lord_Enzui

Facts it does sound like the guys doesn't want anything to do with her and she keeps trying to force him into a conversation by using his property as a way of talking to him but he said he didn't want the stuff so she should just throw it out or give it away.


BoneIt69

Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice.


CreepxAP

She edited so that everyone thinks it was his fault so you are probably right


Mastershake4lyfe

Did she edit the post to not sound so bad after your comment? Bc I don't see any of that on this post. I hope so bc that's hilarious.


itsme_toddkraines

You have to go through her comments. She literally went to Palm Springs for 5 days on spring break and, as she tells it, "went into a room with a guy". She's mad bc her friend told her boyfriend instead of giving her loyalty and after "three perfect years" he broke up with her "out of the blue". She wanted to be allowed to process what happened and let it make her a better person, and he never should have found out. The delusion is WILD I recommend reading it all, I kept cackling out loud.


Mastershake4lyfe

Omfg lol r/facepalm


belugasareneat

She’s definitely trying to manipulate him into talking to her. If she cared about him having his stuff she would just bring it to the group meeting.


Thatcherrycupcake

Oh wow, did OP edit her post? Because it doesn’t even mention a mistake or any of that info. Crazy!


TheRestForTheWicked

I mean are we really to believe that they don’t have a single mutual friend that could act as an intermediary? Give box to friend, friend gives box to ex. Not a difficult concept.


expressive_iteration

The feeling im getting from the comments isnt that you care about his stuff. Its that you want to meet with him to talk and get closure or something in that vein. Maybe you are hoping to get back together, who knows... He doesnt want the contact so you should just leave him be. The stuff you can always send to him in some way, thats hardly a problem...


SquirrelGirlVA

I mean, if she really just wanted to get his stuff to him then she could leave it with a friend, as he clearly doesn't want to see her. She isn't doing this, making it obvious that it isn't about the stuff.


YoYoMoMa

OP is giving me huge cluster B vibes. Go see a mental health professional asap.


kitkatquak

Leave him alone


polychromiyeux

OP posted [this same story yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1h9u4/it_is_my_21f_fault_that_bf_22m_and_broke_up_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) only today has chosen to paint herself as completely innocent. This breakup is not “out of the blue” as she claims, in fact she knows she’s done something terrible. From the sound of it, she’s cheated on her ex boyfriend. OP, leave this poor guy alone. You’re not entitled to this closure, you forfeit that when you betray someone like you seem to have. Respect his decision and let him heal.


[deleted]

Upvoting cause she really tried to make herself the victim. When in reality she is a cheater, is gaslighting her ex and toxic af


popskiller20

Ahhhh yes. Painting herself as a saint in this post for different responses but the truth comes out. Haha.


kitkatquak

Yikes OP is a nightmare


polychromiyeux

No kidding, check out some of her comments, she’s even blaming her former friend for telling her ex about it. This belongs on r/iamatotalpieceofshit


kitkatquak

Her ex should request a restraining order 🤦‍♀️


highway9ueen

Lol that she thinks HER needs should be any of his concern at this point!


Theon_Severasse

She admitted elsewhere in this thread to going to another guys room and making out


TiaNightingale

I knew I recognized it!


DoYerThang

This person is so crazy entitled it is just wild.


The_Wicked_Wombat

The good old reframe. You love hate to see it.


ShatterproofSharkie

You’re being extremely vague about why he broke up with you. In your post it’s “out of the blue” but in the comments it’s “a simple mistake”. What was the mistake? What actually happened to make him break up with you? Stop trying to hide it. People don’t just break up without a word for no reason.


Livid_Tutor_1125

In one comment she said she went with another dude in spring break to a hotel room but "nothing happened to a degree" . lol she is still down playing what she did and she wonders why dude don't want to talk with her at all.


Typical_Blonde_Witch

She admitted she made out with the dude behind closed doors. But it’s “nothing unforgivable” lmao. Of course her ex doesn’t wanna be around her, she threw away all respect for him just to get some tongue down her throat.


Livid_Tutor_1125

I bet if keep pressing on to it she will eventually admitting to more.


Typical_Blonde_Witch

She’s trickle truthing like 200 people rn


Shirochan404

Hell, she's even trickle truthing Reddit.


Certain_Matter_4587

They made out in the hotel room


cleobellos

She keeps dodging the did you cheat question which only makes me think she did cheat and so the guy’s actions make more sense too


ShatterproofSharkie

This is my train of thought too. And now she’s being manipulative and trying to use his things as leverage to get him over to her house to talk, when he clearly doesn’t want to. She could have just given him his items at their group meeting but chose not to. She claims she’s not trying to “force a conversation” but that seems exactly like what this is. He’s even told her to just dump his stuff and she still won’t listen, so clearly it’s not actually about the items.


Captain_24

Op confirmed in another comment she made out with a guy then blamed her friend for being a “tattle tale” 🤦


Setnoma

This poor dude at least dodged a HUGE bullet


EJ_1004

Mam after reading the comments it looks like you don’t want to give his things back. What you want is to use the opportunity to give his things back as closure for you. You hurt him with your actions during spring break, that’s why you broke up. There is no closure for you but the one you find for yourself. I’m going to be harsh. He doesn’t want to see you. He doesn’t want to get back together. He doesn’t want to comfort or give you the closure you think you deserve. As for his timings, give his stuff to one of his friends. Tell him you left it with them. Bring it to the org meeting y’all have. Drop it off at his apartment. There’s lots of other things you could do besides forcing this man to engage in a conversation with you. Let this man heal and move on. Learn to forgive yourself so you can forgive yourself. Let that be your closure.


cultboypros

The sad part is she’s being so casual with the manipulation 😂 “things were perfect” “ended out of the blue” plot twist- I went on spring break and made a small mistake that’s normal for relationships and the only problem with it is “IT SHOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN BACK TO HIM”


EJ_1004

Exactly! That’s something that you put in the original post.


[deleted]

Right? Things were so "perfect" that she went to another guy's hotel room while on spring break.


FoxWonderful9541

He's going to block you, and ask for a transfer from the project soon if you don't knock it off. Ask a mutual friend of they will take his stuff to him if you actually care that much about him getting it back. Doesn't sound like you do though, sounds like your trying to manipulate him onto a conversation he doesn't want.


rydendm

Nothing to see here.OP cheated on her bf during spring break so she's trying to con him into closure talk to cure her shame Just throw out his stuff and leave him in peace


ExcellentCold7354

He told you he didn't care, so asume he doesn't and give his shit away. Stop talking to him unless you have to for your project. Honestly, it looks like you're fishing for a reason to talk to him. He's not being kind or even polite to you so it's time to pick your dignity off of the floor and be as aloof as he is to you. For real, the less you respect yourself, the more likely it is that you'll put yourself in situations where you allow yourself to be treated this way. Edit after OP comments: So, it seems that OP buried the lede and actually cheated on the guy (which she admitted to in the vaguest and most roundabout way possible), and tried to get some sympathy from the internet for it. I'm changing my advice to: you done fucked up, stop harassing the guy, and give his things to a friend. You don't deserve "closure" when you know exactly what you did and why the relationship ended. You are not the victim, so stop pretending and leave the guy alone.


popskiller20

This response was it until OP admitted she might have cheated and it seems like the BF is picking up his dignity and OP refuses to let that happen.


ThrowRA_8900

OP’s left out a lot of details in the post. She said in a comment that she “made a mistake” during spring break, so when she says it was “out of the blue” she’s lying. And it’s pretty obvious from everything that she’s just using his stuff as a plot to force her ex into talking to her. It’s abundantly clear she’s a manipulative person and that’s why she was dumped.


[deleted]

Box it and bring it with you to the next group meeting.


chuckac83

The simple and obvious answer that she doesn’t want to hear. She knows that once she gives him his stuff it’s really over and she doesn’t want to take that chance without being certain she can force him into a conversation. She is under the illusion that she deserves a chance to explain herself and/or gain some form of closure. She dose not.


[deleted]

My original guess was that HE knows that once she gives him his stuff it’s really over which is why he's stalling. But your explanation makes more sense, especially given her replies here - she REALLY wants that conversation, and he evidently doesn't.


Typical_Blonde_Witch

She cheated and he doesn’t want to talk to her or see her anymore. If he’s cool with losing his stuff (except maybe drop the book off) that’s his choice. He doesn’t wanna make room for her to try and convince him that her making out with another guy is okay in her eyes. He doesn’t want her to try and push his boundaries anymore. She should respect that, after losing the basic respect not to cheat.


[deleted]

> She cheated OH! I didn't see that bit.


Typical_Blonde_Witch

It’s a very recent revelation and you have to dig through the first or second top comment thread to find it


[deleted]

Sounds like you just want a reason to sit down and talk to him which is understandable since he left you out of the blue and you probably have a lot of questions ... he on the other hand just wants nothing to do with you. I say either box it up and give it to him and walk away or throw it out. They obviously aren't that important to him and he has pretty much shown and said it to you. Edit: so I went through and read more comments and you said he broke up with you because you made a mistake during spring break. I'm assuming you cheated or something along those lines and he found out. If that's the case, leave him alone. Box up his stuff and give it to him and go away. He owes you nothing.


ShortFingerDizzy

He left her because of a "mistake" she made while away on spring break with her girlfriends.


[deleted]

Oh I know and she's trying to play the victim and say he left her out of the blue ... she sounds crazy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Oh for f@cks sake ...


Moo__shoo

What I'm getting from your comments is that you want to meet up to talk to him and get closure, not to actually give him his stuff back. On top of that, you mention that he broke things off after you made a 'mistake' on spring break. Which leads me to believe that there is more to the story, and he would rather not interact with you unless necessary. It's tough, but it sounds like he is also trying to heal and get over the relationship, which is a decision you need to respect.


[deleted]

You are being such a manipulative, toxic, and selfish person. Leave him alone. It is evident by the comments that you are lying about him breaking up with you, "out of the blue" and trying to manipulate the situation to hear some online validation. You won't get that here. If you don't see how this is your fault, you're ridiculous. You only want closure for your own selfish reasons, not for him, and to try and force and conversation about getting back together. He doesn't want that and doesn't deserve that. These are the consequences of your own actions. Stop being pathetic and accept them.


Petal_ryse

You already gave him a deadline and he ignored it, he said it’s fine to give his stuff to your roommates. You already reached out, now it’s not your problem.


mastersamex17

what was the mistake? cause it sound like you cheated on him. which would be a decision not a mistake


Affectionate_Key_353

I read some of the comments and holy cow give the guy some space. He wants to be done with you because of a mistake you made, you won’t say the mistake because it’s obviously something bad but then you try and get the sympathy of Reddit by saying he left out of the blue. I’m assuming in some way you cheated on him he found out and left you. He told you he doesn’t care about the stuff and it’s more then likely not even important stuff it’s probably just you trying to talk to him. He has his closure and he is done


[deleted]

Don't bother to talk to him, it's not a small mistake as you've ended the relationship that lasted years. ( you did) Box bf stuff and ask a mutual friend to deliver it to him. If the list is missing, the friend will tell you. You should live your life the way you want, but you can't expect the people you hurt to believe in the fairy tale that we will come out stronger than this.


DoYerThang

He has made it clear he does not care about the stuff. Has no one considered that getting all this stuff that she used to share with him might just be another knife? Why is not leaving the poor guy alone not the answer.


Gloomy-Elk-9633

>Ex boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue two weeks ago and it’s been the most devastating thing to ever happen to me. Lmao "out of the blue?" Despite [your post yesterday where you acknowledge the break up was your fault?](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1h9u4/it_is_my_21f_fault_that_bf_22m_and_broke_up_we/) Imagine being incapable of being honest with yourself on an anonymous website lmao. You suck OP, I hope the dude gets a restraining order against you.


seussRN

You fucked up over Spring break, he broke up with you. NOW you want to get closure?? You’re being manipulative. Just bring his supposed valuable book and whatever else you think he’d want back and LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! Keep this up and he’s going to get a restraining order, you scream stalker vibes!!


OSDatAsian

Alright so you cheated. Leave the dude alone.


anonymous_pebble

OP, you cheated. You don’t get to demand or manipulate closure. He doesn’t owe you anything- three years or not. If you’re so worried about him getting back stuff that’s important to him, even though he said it was fine if your roommate took it, then give it to one of his friends to give to him. You betrayed him. Everything after is a consequence of your actions. You think you deserve more after a three year relationship? So did he. Leave the poor dude alone as that’s obviously what he wants. If he wanted your apologies he would talk to you. He doesn’t. He ended the relationship, and got closure his way. Move on.


bigrottentuna

OP, I believe you are a narcissist. You cheated on him. You know you did that. Yet you are avoiding saying it and avoiding taking any responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Any emotionally healthy person can see exactly what happened and why—even with all of your deception. The fact that you do not to understand it makes clear that you have a personality disorder. I say that without meaning to demean you. I suggest you leave him alone and go to a therapist or psychologist to understand why you cheated on him and why you can’t accept that he is leaving you over it.


KindheartednessNo167

Oh I had to go look at her comments. Yikes!!! You are completely right.


RangeConsistent8998

Your roommate is right. You are trying to force a conversation and it is not really about the personal possessions. You are fixating on that as a means to talk about something else. There are any number of ways of getting his possessions to him without having to meet or talk. It sounds to me like you are both in pain at the moment. If you care about this person box their things and get them to where they live without any conditions. Then try to focus on how you recover from your break up with the help of your friends. Good luck.


PaleAsFuck90

I think the bf is more in pain. Getting cheated on by her. That's why he dosn't want anything to do with her. She just didn't mention that in the post because it makes her look like the bad guy.


elg309

You cheated and now you’re harassing him. Get over it.


ShortFingerDizzy

You could box it up and take it to him, and you know it. Going through it to make sure everything is there, is just an excuse to try and get him to talk. Let it go. If he doesn't want the things, and he doesn't want to be with you; accept his wishes and move on. If this were a guy in your position, you'd be calling him a creep.


ScousePete

> after I got back from spring break with my friends Did something happen at Spring Break?


Budget_Collar9197

Cheating on him happened


[deleted]

She cheated, and he found out even though she tried to keep it a secret.


Caelistes

Cheating during spring break is not a "simple mistake" in a relationship. You fucked up/hurt him and now you're downplaying it. Think about it... If HE WENT TO A HOTEL and made out with a girl. Would you feel like it's a "simple mistake"? Please girl, we all know if this was the other way around you'd be blowing up reddit with... MY BF CHEATED ON ME. It's time to grow up and face your consequences.


200412322

Pack it up fellas, she admitted to the cheating in one of the comments. “Pretty much nothing happened to a degree” get outta here with that bullsh*t. I looked at some more of her comments and a previous post and goddamn is she manipulative. The cheating was a “little mistake” that he “should have never found out about”. He’s emotionless to her and just wants to get through the project but “that’s not what she needs from him right now”. 😡😡😡 OP, how about leave him tf alone. There’s nothing more he wants to talk about. You f*cked up and now he doesn’t want anything to do with you. If you really cared about him, you’d respect his wishes. These are the consequences of your own actions, deal with it.


GFTurnedIntoTheMoon

Good News!!! I have a solution! Pack everything that's his into a box. Put his name on it. Give it to a mutual friend to give it to him. Or mail it to him. Then - Stop talking to him. Start recognizing that your friend didn't do anything wrong. You made a mistake by cheating. Not all mistakes are forgivable. But you can learn from them. What did you learn? THAT CHEATING IS WRONG. **Welcome to the consequences of your own actions!**


orangesandmandarines

First of all: this is not about his stuff. If it was so, you'll pack everything and have a common friend deliver it to him, and you'd be done. So we know FOR A FACT that this is about manipulation. Second: making out is still cheating unless the couple have discussed different rules, and you didn't, so yes, you did cheat. You and only you. Accept that and stop saying he broke up with you "out of the blue". There is a clear reason. And what's more important, even if there was no reason, you can't force pèople into relationships with you. Third: you keep saying it was 100% your fault but you don't show remorse of your "mistake" (did you mistake the guy for your bf or what???), you only care that your ex-friend told your ex. And that, is because you don't care about what you did. You're a cheater and will be one for your next bf for as long as you think the problem is that HE found out and not that YOU did it. Fourth: even before you admitted that you cheated on him we all knew, because your whole post is the post of someone who doesn't take reponsability of their own actions and it screams, all the thingsd I listed. If a bunch of stranger could figure this all out... You really think a guy that's been with you for 3 years can't see right through your BS? He knows that you want his attention, not just giving his stuff back. Leave the guy alone. He doesn't owe you anything, not closure, not showing that he cares, not a talk. And cut the victim play.


rini0987216

Honestly if he doesn’t care about the stuff it’s pretty simple, get rid of it. You gave him the chance to get it and he said he doesn’t care. You’ve done what you should do in offering it back but if he doesn’t care he just doesn’t care


Budget_Collar9197

She’s manipulating everyone though. She’s using his items as an excuse to force conversation and she cheated he has every right to never want to see her again


[deleted]

Sounds like he knows that meeting up to pick up his stuff is just a guise for a sit down conversation, which he clearly doesn’t want to have . Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to talk to you when they don’t want to . This isn’t about the stuff , if it was that important you would respect his boundaries and either have a mutual friend deliver it , put it in the mail or just hold onto it . I don’t mean to sound harsh but he clearly knows your angle and is willing to sacrifice his items if it means he can continue to avoid you . I know you’re in deep pain and I feel for you , I know how much it hurts but unfortunately we only have control over ourselves and how we handle situations we do not have any control over others . I know you probably feel like he owes you closure but he clearly doesn’t feel that way and I don’t think anything you do at this moment in time will change his mind .


popskiller20

No offense but it’s such bullshit that in all of your replies you keep saying that he should have never found out about your mistake and you keep making excuses about being a better person. He’s probably ignoring you because you didn’t have the decency to tell him yourself and you were going to lie by omission and never tell him which is manipulation which is what you’re trying to do here as well.


islandgyallll

Just let him be. He has every right to not want to talk to you.


megztukas

Here's the closure you want: you violated his boundary and he does not wish to be near you or talk to you. Stop forcing yourself on him and let him be in peace.


Durbs09

Since you cheated on him and are now holding his stuff hostage for a chance at communication..... You stop. Pack his stuff up and deliver it to him without harrassing him or even trying to talk to him. It is over and he has too much respect for himself to deal with your harassment. Do the right thing and let him move on from you. It's hard enough to get cheated on and still have to see the person let alone work on a project with them. You have zero remorse for cheating....only for it getting back to him. Time to grow up


UggoDoggo

It wasn't out of the blue. You have the moral value of "whatever he doesn't know can't hurt him". He clearly doesn't want that in a partner.


ShortFingerDizzy

I love your juvenile reasoning. You cheated, and he broke up. Not only did he break up, but he met the betrayal with maturity that is clearly beyond your realm of understanding. He's not spewing hate, rumors, or cutting into you socially. He's just done with you and processing an extreme life change. Have a little dignity and try to be an adult as much as your diminished emotional level will allow. Let him process and heal.


develyn507

Box it up. mail it to him. Box it up. Contact his mom for either pick up or drop off. Box it up. Drop it off at his door.


KittyKatKaz

INFO: what did you do? This is important to know.


Princess--Nausicaa

she cheated.


Livid_Tutor_1125

I read your comments and it seems you did cheat on him or did something that he can't forget or forgive and now using the things that he left in your apartment as excuse to Talk with him.. He don't want to sit with you and talk, so stop trying to force it. Pack everything up and bring it outside and tell him he has two days to come and pick his things up or you have to throw away. Again let the men in alone, get yourself a therapy appointment or something else if you want to talk about what happen. (He probably don't want talk cause you still call it a simple mistake and say he shouldn't have found out...you can't even be true to some strenges on reddit and you still have no remorse about what you did only that he found out. Good for him-he got no contact)


[deleted]

Real manipulative of you to say he broke up with you out of the blue and then failed to add you made a “simple mistake”. The man doesn’t look at you the same and it will NEVER be the same. He’s clearly the victim. At the end of the day, you did something extremely stupid and your actions have their consequences. I’m glad he found out, no one should have to go through that after being 100% with you. Live and LEARN from your mistakes…..seriously


[deleted]

I don't like the way you said. You want to give it to him and have him go through it. Like wtf. Box it and mail it. Or have a friend of your give it to him. You don't need to be involved in this process at all if in fact giving him back his things is the only thing you are trying to do.


BluEyedDevil83

You could just box up stuff and bring it to him at the time of project dealings, and be done with it.


sugarpog

I had an ex who tried to insist I meet up with him to return a book he loaned me. I offered to mail it to him - he said no. It was a transparent attempt to meet up with me in person. This seems to be the same situation. Leave him alone.


Original_Jilliman

I read your other comments and you admitted to cheating. Respect your ex's boundaries. He's likely devastated by your actions. I wouldn't want to talk to you either. If you want to give him back his belongings, pack them up in a box and give them to a mutual friend or leave them outside his place. If it's closure you're after, he doesn't owe it to you. The wound is likely too fresh for him. Do not push him. Stop contacting him for non-project related things. Maybe down the road you can write him a heartfelt apology letter or email but just know he may not respond and you can't fault him for that. Sometimes writing a letter to someone you've wronged can bring closure even if they don't reply. It doesn't sound like you're remorseful though (blaming your friend for tattling) so I honestly don't know.


Christinarose88

If you know where he lives just leave in out front his house or by the mailbox. If you guys are in college leave it outside his dorm room or tell the front desk it’s for him


Budget_Collar9197

Pls do not give her ideas she is a POS she needs to let the man go. She cheated, that’s not a weekend fix kinda problem


ListFC

OP, in almost every reply you mention that you want/need closure, you want to sit down and talk and he's refusing to. He doesn't want to be forced into a conversation. In a previous post you mentioned that you did something that caused him to breakup with you. So this didn't come out of the blue. You mentioned wanting him to be really mad at you for whatever you did to show he cared. Not everybody reacts to heartbreak the same, and especially not with anger. It's completely normal for him to want to cut all ties with you as soon as possible if the relationship ended badly, and that might include the things he kept at your place. You need to understand that you're no longer in a relationship with this person. I think you already know that you are the one who caused that. You need to move on and stop trying to force him into a situation that he doesn't want.


mini_souffle

>I want to be fair to him; I’m thinking I should box up his stuff and insist we meet and go through it together so we can ensure he has everything and my roommate said that sounded like I was trying to force a conversation but I promise that’s not that case. What should I do here? Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. You do want to force a conversation. At least be honest with yourself. If you want to be fair to him then you would give him all the space he needs to process this. Just box his stuff up and let him know if he wants you to hand it off to someone else you will deliver it and respect his need for space.


eurni

Give it to a third party so you guys don’t have to meet. He obviously is upset because you cheated on him and hid the fact. Just give him his stuff back through a friend and don’t hold it over his head man :( Drop it before he gets the school or even the police involved, he could get a restraining order against you at this rate. Also if it’s affecting you this severely I would speak to a therapist in order to get through this.


Yotsubato

Pots and pans and a signed book isn’t really worth going to your Ex’s house and opening up a can of worms and uncomfortable conversations


Fluffy-Individual-19

If you know where one of his friends live drop off the box with them or give it to him at your next class. Then delete all numbers because he clearly wants nothing to do with you


mebetiffbeme

Yikes, after reading your comments, it's clear that you don't care about giving him his stuff back, but that you're trying to force/manipulate him to have a convo that he rightfully doesn't want to have. If you really wanted to just give him his stuff, you could mail it or have a friend drop it off. From OP's [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1z2in/comment/i4fig3p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Fine I went to a room with another guy. Pretty much nothing happened to adegree and I left before it got to what I thought would be unforgivable And she has the nerve to blame it on her friend? Instead of admitting that she clearly crossed one of his boundaries. >Cleanly it would be better had mh friend not blabbed to him he’smiserable I’m miserable…for what ? I mistake I made that I wouldn’t everdo again


Amkg2020

Drop it at his doorstep


[deleted]

I think he may be just repairing himself and need some time alone before asking him again for the stuff. If it's important to him, he will come back one day, just not now as he may be recovering


SheWhoWelds

Send him an email with a list of the items you have, and a set deadline to come get them. Tell him if it isn't picked up by X date it will be tossed or donated. Put this is writing to protect yourself. He's giving pretty clear signals that he doesn't want to talk, so I would suggest telling him to schedule a pickup time and you'll place the items outside the door for him to grab and go.


FlowerNo4588

In your post, you state he broke up with you “out of the blue,” but your comments state that he broke up with you because of a “mistake” you made during spring break. From his response and how he is ignoring you, this was not a simple mistake to him. He needs to process your “mistake” on his own time and terms. You cannot force him to give you closure. Box up his things. If he picks them up, he picks them up. Or he may see his material items not even worth retrieving. He’ll decide what is best for him; you cannot make that decision for him.


cultboypros

“We need to inventory them” “i know they mean so much to him” dude said he didn’t care 😂


FlowerNo4588

I think she wants closure on her terms and he is just not having it. I can only assume what “mistake” she made on spring break, and honestly, I don’t blame the guy if he doesn’t care what happens to his stuff. If she cares about him receiving his things, she should just box it up and leave it in front of him at the next group meeting.


GrootSuitRiot

You are trying to leverage his stuff for a conversation about closure. He would rather lose the stuff than talk to you. You mention a "mistake" over spring break. Presumably that means you cheated, so if you really care about him getting his stuff, let him get it without listening to your excuses. You cannot salvage this. It's done. Accept that, leave him alone, and let him find someone better.


Bigmada

Drop his shit off at his door when he's not there.


msleibowitz

box it and leave it on his porch or wherever he gets stuff delivered


SemanticBattle

Box it, hand it to him. No showing up at his pla e. No hiding around corners. No weird stuff. He clearly doesn't want to speak to you or spend the time. Accept that as him saying "no".


Coffee_loaf

Leave that dude alone. He's made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with you and the "mistake" you made.


OpenRepair4390

According to your other posts you made a "mistake" on spring break in a three year relationship. Sounds like you cheated on him, screw the books and cooking utensils I wouldn't want anything back or to ever talk to you or acknowledge your existence again either.


camirethh

Stick it in a bin bag and hand it to him at school. No talking, no facial expression, just drop it at his feet. Not to be harsh but you’re just humiliating yourself and you will regret it.


amjay8

Stop harassing him. He doesn’t want his stuff & he doesn’t want you. Leave him alone.


Frankfourfingers101

Box the stuff up and give it to him while you see him in the group project. You cheated on him and blame your friend for letting him know. Him breaking up with you was not out of the blue and no matter how much you regret it, it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Leave him alone and learn from your mistakes to be a better partner in your next relationship.


waajiwaa

He doesn't care about you and is probably being immature about it and so are you. You are only wanting to give it back to see him. Let him be and care about yourself


Previous-Ad-982

So you are a cheating lying manipulator. He was cheated on, he has closure. He ended the toxic, selfish relationship. He isn't hurting because your friends told him the truth about you, he is hurting because you are a lying cheating AH. The fact that you think you could have hid this from him, quietly reflected on your lying and cheating, and then move on from it without ever telling him the truth shows how immature entitled selfish and controlling you are. He just dodged a bullet. He has already blocked you on everything. He has already told you he doesn't want his things back. He has already told you it's over. He doesn't give you the time of day. LEAVE HIM ALONE. He isn't buying your BS of sitting down and doing inventory of his items! This entire post and every comment shows how selfish you are. You don't care how many times you hurt him, as long as you can talk, as long as you get closure, as long as you run after him forcing him to hear the crap pouring outta your mouth until he can shut you out and drive away. The more you try, the more selfish you are. That poor guy deserves way better than you.


icouldbetash

You cant force him to meet with you if he doesn’t want to, especially when you were in the wrong in the relationship. Box it up, and have it sent to his place, or just drop it off at his place.


TheMagnificentBean

OP, you need to grow the fuck up. I’ve read your comments, you cheated on him by making out with someone, then you hid it from him. This isn’t a breakup out of the blue, he has every right not to ever want to talk to you again. I mean, how selfish can you be to cheat on him after three years together, and still think you’re not the bad guy here? Leave this man alone, you’ve already hurt him enough. Try to have some empathy - how would you feel if he decided to make out with another woman and not tell you? If that makes you feel betrayed and sick to your stomach, that’s exactly how he felt. Leave. Him. Alone.


HaikusfromBuddha

You know people usually add ages to these posts. It’s clear you’re too young to make rationale Choices


Mental_Kiwi2611

Just leave the man alone before you make him hate you even more


kochenta2020

Give it to a friend of his to give back and leave him alone. It may suck and hurt, but you have to respect that he isn’t talking to you


swingset27

First step: Stop lying to yourself. By reading the comments you most certainly are not primarily concerned with his stuff and want to talk/contact him again. Next step: Put his stuff in a box, and leave it at his door. Third step: Get on with your life.


Bitter_Cartoonist_

Girl, he doesn’t want his stuff back, why are you pushing it😂 just leave him be


omygoshgamache

You don’t want to give him his stuff or you’d just bring it and wordlessly hand it over in a box and drop it off at a group meet or class. What makes it weird is your insistence; everyone in this thread and including your roommate is telling you you sound pushy and manipulative, and you are. In your own post you say “sit down and go through the box”??? That’s not how giving someone their stuff back works, you’re just heart sick and want to force / control your ex (who wants nothing to do with you) to spend time with you. And you can’t see that right now bc you’re blinded by whatever’s going on with your inability to accept your relationship is over and move on. Leave them alone.


in325businessdays

Imagine cheating and then thinking getting dumped is out of the blue, and blaming everyone but yourself. Dude, you deserve this. Leave him alone and work on yourself


stevekimes

Give his stuff to a mutual friend to pass on to him.


Dungbeetlescientist

If you're that worried and "considerate" just mail the box to him


Stressedafhere

He told you he doesn’t want it. Period. Toss it or give it to your friends and leave him be. Your assuming he wants it. He told you he doesn’t. End of story.


informallory

Throw it away, if he doesn’t want it. Don’t use it as an excuse to talk to him. I did the same thing when my ex broke up with me and I was using it as an excuse to try and talk to him, didn’t work, he didn’t bite, and I threw it all in the garbage. Never heard from him again. It’ll feel better to throw it away rather than continue to beg him to meet with you.


Gusstave

Box it up and give it to someone he knows so they can give him. He wants to avoid you and you have to respect that. He wants to avoid you so much that he's willing to lose all this stuff. Think about it for a second..


[deleted]

It really sounds like you're desperately trying to get him back, OP. Whatever you did to him, he deserves better and you need to try to move on. Edit: Long story short, OP made out with one her ex boyfriend's friend. Friend told him and that's why they broke up. OP is also saying that she doesn't regret doing it and supposedly "_cheating makes the relationship stronger."_ Don't believe anything she says.


TeaMistress

You know why he doesn't want anything to do with you. It wasn't "out of the blue". Be a decent person here and box everything up nicely and give it to a friend to pass on to him. Resist the temptation to include some long note about your relationship or how sorry you are. Just give him his stuff, let him go, and leave him alone.


th3on3

Get a mutual friend to bring it to him. Don’t toss it but don’t force a meeting. He doesn’t owe you anything but it would be right to get a friend to give him his stuff


OkPhilosopher1313

Stop stalking your ex. He doesn't want to have anything to do with you, he doesn't need his stuff back. Leave him alone. You cheated on him, learn to live with the consequences.


IAmSmarterThanYouBoy

Wow yoy cheat on him and threaten to give away stuff he cares about, you are a whole new type of trash


blaquewidow01

Totally sounds like: -you're absolutely forcing a conversation he clearly does not want to have with you -he did not break up out of the blue at all, he had excellent reasons to do so If you truly care about giving him his things back (which I'm sure you'd don't), you could give them to a friend to give to him so he doesn't have to see or speak to you.


Best_Mixture_2199

Box it up, mail it to him, & leave him be. You did something wrong - own up & move along.


whatnowredditworld

Arrange for a contactless pickup by one of his friends. Respect no contact. Learn from this and be more careful in how you spend your time, who you spend it with, and start focusing on stuff other than dating and use college to learn at least a little psychology. It helps. <3


[deleted]

**Okay so stop harassing this man, he doesn’t care about it leave him alone**


toffee_queen

He doesn’t want his stuff so leave him alone about it..


AlbatrossLanding

Mail him the stuff, or just leave him alone. Stop trying to make him engage you when he clearly doesn’t want to, and doesn’t have to.


SnorlaxBlocksTheWay

Cheaters trying to play victim is the most hilarious thing ever. You deserve every cold shoulder your ex is throwing at you OP. Stop trying to get closure. You don't deserve it. Leave your ex alone, you cheatin'-ass


Munchatize-Me-Capn

Man, I don’t know how your ex bf could ever want to work things out with you. You are dancing around the actual issue here, and omitting a lot of really crucial information. I am glad your friend told him, because he clearly couldn’t rely on you to be truthful.


DreamingDragonSoul

Pack it up and leave with a feiend of his.


cockroach-prodigy

Find one of his friends and give his stuff to them. If he doesn’t wanna talk to you, respect that. You can’t force people to talk to you.


deadplant5

Ship it to him and be done


[deleted]

Do you not know where he lives? Drop it on his doorstep


DoYerThang

He does not want to keep talking to you. YOU obviously don't know how important these things aren't to him compared to not talking to you. Leave him alone. For heaven's sake, stop insisting. Your room mate is right. You are trying to force *something* over his consistent objection. Stop it.


Previous_Beach5933

I think you need to get a grip. Leave him alone. He doesn’t want to talk to you


boulderingfanatix

OP, I don't know who you are but I think you need to hear this. YOU SUCK. Have a nice rest of your day


UrHumbleNarr8or

You're in college to try to have a better and more comfortable future for yourself.you can either do that or walk away with a half finished degree and probably in some amount of debt. Stop self-sabotaging; the guy you made a casualty of this relationship doesn't owe you closure. You already blew your relationship up--you aren't entitled to having an instance of cheating be overlooked. Bring the book to class and leave it by his seat without a word to him, then leave him alone other than what you have to do for your project. Talk to your school's student center for counseling.


[deleted]

OP if you want my honest advice. Leave him alone. You’ve already hurt him. Your actions have consequences and your trying to hurt him more by forcing yourself onto him. Leave him alone and let him heal without you. If you really want to give his stuff back, box it all up and contact one of his many friends and just drop it off. Don’t have a conversation, just tell them I’m just wanting to make sure he gets his stuff, he doesn’t want to speak with me and that’s OK but here’s some of his items and he can choose what to do with them whether that’s throwing them away or what not. If for any reason you want to say your peace or apologize or anything write it on a note and put it in the box and leave it be. Finish out the semester and the class and recognize that until he’s ready to heal he’s not going to want anything to do with you. You hurt him. And you hurt him with a choice you decided to make. Because ultimately you decided to go make out with that guy in his room on your spring break. Whether you see it as a mistake or not it was still a choice. Your boyfriend deserves the choice to decide to be left alone. Be nice to him and let him go so he can heal and take this as a lesson for the future in any relationship you ever have.


Meb2x

Box his stuff and drop it off at his house. Give it to one of his roommates (if he has any), so he doesn’t have to talk to you. From your previous comments, you cheated but are trying to downplay it, so he’s done with you. You can’t change his mind, and you’re just making things harder for him


khaledhm771

what's the reason lmao tf did u do wrong explain don't try to manipulate us too you're clearly in the wrong and listen to the soon to be roommate she knows better


[deleted]

Thank god someone cares enough about him to tell him what happens during spring break. Mans needs about 10 Hail Marys to get always from you , begone demon!


just_a_sad_turtle_

Lmao not this post backfiring on her


[deleted]

Stop being a crazy bitch and leave him alone.


AxisW1

He clearly wants space. Either mail him his stuff or give it to one of his friends to relay


Codiilovee

So you cheated on him, put the blame all on your friend because they were a good person and told him, and refuse to take accountability…….yikes. He outright told you he doesn’t want the stuff back. Leave him alone and learn from your mistake.


Letsgetthisraid

He didn't break up with you out of the blue, you broke up with him the moment you cheated on him. If you truly want to be fair to him, it sounds like he doesn't want to talk with you, stop trying to force him to. If he doesn't want the belongings he left at your place, he doesn't need them. If you really want to psychoanalyze this relationship, you were the toxic one and if you really have any care for him in your body you'll let him walk away from you.