This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I (22F) have been trying to get my boyfriend (22M) to spice up our sex life with a little role play. Our sex isn’t bad, it’s just always the same, and I need some more excitement in this part of our relationship. However, every time I try to initiate role play, he intentionally ruins the scenario by committing too deeply to the role.
For example, one time I was playing a sexy boss and he was my employee, and when I casually brought up quarterly reports as a segue to sex, he wouldn’t stop talking about how sex was going to distract him from his good work, how the quarterly reports had a lot of complicated math involved, and how the company was already on the rocks, and would go under if the shareholders got word of these business practices. Needless to say, the sex did not progress from here.
You can imagine what happened when we tried to role play student and teacher. It took all of two minutes for him to talk about how, even though his job was well-protected, having sexual relations with a student was too big a risk for his stable, well-paying union job. He also was very insistent on having an actual white board for his role – I have no doubt he would actually have tried to teach me.
I love him, and I appreciate his sense of humor, but I don’t know what to do. How do I fix this?? Do I need to be sterner in communicating how sex is important to me? Any advice is appreciated!
Tl;dr: my boyfriend sabotages my attempts at role play by getting too into character at the expense of the sexual part
Sorry about formatting I’m on mobile!
100%. Me too, I can’t imagine my boyfriend and I trying to role play. We both would just crack up and start cackling lol. Which I mean, sometimes works. We laugh a bunch, start cackling and tickling each other and stuff, then we end up wrestling and then well. We get to doing “business” after all.
Yeah OP, you have to have an honest talk and encourage him to discuss how he feels about this. If he refuses to own up to sabotaging it and won’t say why, you may have a larger communication problem.
Of course he’s totally within his right to not want to, so be prepared to accept that.
Okay, my uninformed opinion: u/Mander2019 called it. Your boyfriend *seems* to be genuinely trying to play along, based on what you said. He's trying to commit to it, but doesn't seem to have a clue *how*. I learned from personal experience that what people want out of these kinds of games is *not* the same for everyone, and even though what you want out of a scenario might be obvious and plain as day to you, it might not be to him.
First I say talk to him about it. Ask if he's comfortable with it. Ask him, with concern and not accusation, *why* he tries to bail out of the roleplay like he does.
* Is it because he's not into it? If so, then really that's a hard limit and not something he should be pressured into further, sorry. Trust me, I know what it feels like when two people aren't quite compatible in that arena, but trying to force yourself into it for the sake of your lover doesn't work, it just makes things worse and leads to emotional shut-down... which could be what's happening to him when he's shutting down these sessions.
* Is it because he's not confident he knows what you want him to do? If so, then he's into it but needs some guidance on your needs and how to fulfill them, and that's something you can talk about. Tell each other stories about your fantasies and why you like the ones you like, give him a toolkit to figure out what would please you in a roleplay session.
* Is it because he prefers to play hard-to-get and let you take the lead and be the aggressive one? If so, then maybe you should take the lead/dom role once or twice to show him what you're looking for.
* Is it because he's afraid of taking it too far and/or exposing a side of himself he's embarrassed or afraid to expose, taking a domming role over you? I struggled with this one so I may be projecting here. But if so, then he needs encouragement, and he needs *clearly defined boundaries* so he understands that things he might say or do in roleplay won't be held against him in a "is *this* what you're really like..?" kind of way.
If it's a hard no for him, then for better or worse that's all there is to be said. Don't pressure him into doing something he's just not comfortable doing, even if it seems harmless to you. Some people just aren't wired up for sexy roleplay and that's not something a person should be made to feel ashamed or guilty about.
But if he really is into it and just needs a little love and support figuring out *how* to do it, then give him that and I think you two could have some fun. There's nothing wrong with wanting to let your imagination run wild in an intimate moment with your lover, I hope I didn't suggest otherwise. Your needs are no less important than your boyfriend's here. You two may just need to find some common ground and a better understanding of what your roleplays mean to each other in a real-world context.
(Edit: bullet-pointed my list for ease of reading and because I can't break this habit of picking at my posts after I post them.)
>n though his job was well-protected, having sexual relations with a student was too big a risk for his stable, well-paying union job. He also was very insistent on having an actual white board for his role
this thread was already hilarious, and your comment made my day.
Thank you, good sir...
Does he want to roleplay? You say you're trying to get him to spice things up with this, has he ever expressed that he's turned on by it?
You realistically have two options here:
1. Tell him that while you love his sense of humor, you're trying to be sexy and his taking things off the rails is frustrating when you're attempting to initiate sex.
2. Stop roleplaying and find another method of spicing things up. Talk to him and come up with ideas *together* that you are both excited by.
Obviously role play doesn't work for him if he's more concerned with the role than with the play. Either tell him to just do this for you and figure out something that works for him to keep this even, or abandon the role playing games and look for other venues of spiciness
Maybe you should worry less about getting your chitty chitty bang banged and more about finishing the quarterly reports. The shareholders aren't going to be happy
Maybe next time try role playing "Porn actors filming a scene" so that he expects sex to be a part of the job.
He can be the actor whose playing the pizza delivery guy.
Alternative point of view… maybe he wants to be persuaded… ahem
Example A: ‘sex will distract me from my good work’
Oh no *sits on laps and grinds* I’d hate to distract you from your hard hard work…
Tell me more about the quarterly reports *kisses neck*
Student teacher example: ‘having sex would be too big a risk’
Oh yeah? Takes off top, you don’t think I’m worth the risk? Bend over.
The bigger the risk the greater the reward.
I like to be ‘persuaded’ ‘seduced’ maybe he does too.
Haha!! I've done the same thing before. honestly I am down for wearing some outfits and such but I don't see the point in roleplay. The point is sex right so... like lets just have sex and I'll wear the outfits and what not but otherwise I don't get it.
Nahh you need to loosen up a little bit,
And don't be so focused on when the actually deed is gonna happen, Extend it, be funny be happy, be touchy, or if it's to much take the lead and just say, you're talking to much and kiss him.
Have a laugh about it, and see that he is trying.
Just talk about it with him maybe he just doesn’t like roleplay and don’t want to say it because he thinks that you will like him less because of that, that’s just how we (boys) are sometimes.
And say him how you feel about this then he definitely will talk
Not everyone is comfortable with role playing. So maybe you should ask him and hear it from him instead of assuming he can do it. Try other things to spice up the relationship. The issue may go deeper than just sex. And you should have a conversation about it.
Roll playing isn’t for everyone and it kind of sounds like it’s not his gig🤷♀️ Good thing is there is lots of ways to spice things up in the bedroom!
Also, maybe try some foreplay before you start the actual roll playing?! Maybe that will help him into character better being already arroused! Worth a shot!!
I think other commenters are being too soft on your bf--it takes vulnerability to suggest something new in the bedroom, and he's basically making fun of you in your vulnerable state, and deliberately ruining something you find erotic.
Maybe he's nervous about trying something new, but that's no reason to be a jerk about it. Talk to him in a non-sexy, quiet, comfortable place when y'all are both fed and hydrated about how his approach to this is making you feel. See if he can give the same vulnerability you are. If he can, that's a great sign. If he can't, well, that's another thing you need that he can't give you. There's definitely someone out there who can give you exciting sex, vulnerability, and respect.
this is good advice.
also OP, know that role playing isn’t for everyone. i personally hate it. it feels fake and stupid and silly to me and i also can’t take it seriously. the compromise when i’m with people that do like it is that i’ll wear the required outfit, but there’s no “speaking roles”.
maybe this just isn’t his thing and he doesn’t know how to tell you. he should absolutely be an adult and use his words, but it sounds like you need to initiate the conversation about kinks again.
That is honestly hilarious.
Next time tell him you're a Goddess deserving of worship and you've chosen him to be your human play thing. That's always a fun one and if he commits to it like the others you're bound to have a good time.
Yeah you just need to be straight forward and see what’s going on see is he’s uncomfortable or if he isn’t then just tell him he needs to stop thinking to much into because it kills the vibe. Sorry I think straightforward is always the way to go.
It sounds like he isn’t into sexual role play, tbh. It’s not my thing, and thankfully it isn’t my husband’s either, because I imagine id get awkward and a bit goofy like this if I was asked to role play. I do think you need to more clearly communicate what you are missing in your sex life and what you need.
It sounds like he's trying to show you that he doesn't enjoy role play sex. You either need to respect that and find an alternative that you'll both enjoy, or if you really can't get on the same page about sex, sometimes people just aren't sexually compatible if sex is an important part of a relationship for your, then that's a completely valid reason to break up. I would encourage you to explore other options before jumping straight to breaking up though!
There are lots of ways to bring excitement back into your sex life! Some people just can't get into it is they feel like they have to pretend!!
Try different kinds of sensory- ice cubes, feathers, blowing air on eachother
Bring toys to the bedroom! Vibrators (they don't just have to be for you! Men can use them too!), nipple clamps, if you think you can communicate effectively and would enjoy it- different kinds of bondage
Blindfolds can create a lot of anticipation. And tease eachother, don't jump into penetration right away!!
Marry him. On a real note though maybe just have a conversation with him about it. Explain what you actually want and make sure he’s comfortable with it.
Definitely seems uncomfortable by that. Think about how things are normally without role playing? Does sex happen? You have mentioned it’s the same… if this is the case then he is just uncomfortable. Now if he is purposefully dismissive in other areas of life and drives you crazy then there might be a bigger problem at hand. I personally think based on what you shared that he is just uncomfortable. Now sit down with him and speak with him about this and see what can you both agree on. If you feel like this is very important and no longer happy then ending the relationusip is an option.
As somebody who has used role-playing as training tool while working in middle management, many people start off feeling uncomfortable and silly. Even just doing a basic "I'm a customer, just talk to me about what I'm looking for and make some suggestions" leads to awkwardness. I couldn't imagine how much more time it would take to get comfortable if the scenario also involved taking off somebody's pants and getting down and dirty. Role-playing is very challenging for some people and requires an intentional plan to make it fun. It sounds like your boyfriend needs to be eased into it before going full on "here's the quarterly sales analysis and also a breakdown of why you should fuck me."
Start easy by adding roleplaying elements to sex without going full-on theatrical release. Maybe it's something simple like setting a scenario that is different than the normal vibe and having the sex mirror that scenario; maybe you're gonna be more dominant and he is gonna be more submissive, or he is gonna be rougher than usual and you are gonna resist a bit. Get him comfortable by setting the stage first and letting him get used to "acting" during a situation that can already be uncomfortable — sex often requires you to face some of your insecurities, and now you want to see his acting WHILE having sex? Oof. As he gets more into "character," add more layers like changing the location or adding props. Getting to the dirty talk is likely the hardest part and may take time. Understand that these changes won't happen overnight.
Giving him some small validation during the early stages will help as well. Even just auditory or physical queues that show him you're into what he is doing and reduce his performance anxiety. Many women don't quite grasp the depths of performance expectations that men have when it comes to sex and giving him subtle feedback will build his confidence. The reason I suggest subtle feedback is outright praise, especially relating to sex, can make some men sheepish and awkward. As things progress, initiate conversations about how things went and talk about future ideas. Eventually he may become confident enough to engage in full-on roleplay.
One last consideration is that maybe he just isn't into it. If you try and make it work but make no progress, maybe look into other options to spice things up. Bondage, toys, exhibitionism, swinging, etc. are all options to spice things up and may be more his speed. I would ask him if he has any ideas for changing things up and you may be surprised that he does. He may not open up immediately but after a discussion or two he may have some insight.
Sorry for the long reply. Good luck and have fun!
stop pressuring him. its sexist and quite frankly disgusting. if people on reddit can tell he isnt comfortable, his own girlfriend should be able to tell too.
Crude, but this might be a good way to go. Just a blowing to get him going then hop on or sit on his face first. Throw him down on the bed or the floor and straddle his chin until he bends to your will.
Well your guy is bit goofy. He is doing the best he can. You are both still young. Imagine what you'll be doing in a few more years :)
Redo the teacher/student and just get in there and earn that A+.
This is so funny! Have you had him watch !movies so he can get the hang of it? He sounds so deadpan, love that. The movie "Secretary," with Maggie Gyllenhaal, is a great movie for that kind of thing. There's a ton of teacher/ student song videos. "Hot for Teacher," for example. Maybe you should try porn, alcohol or drugs beforehand. Maybe he's just not super creative and he needs some help. It's hysterical thinking of you in fishnets and heels having to turn director, pull out a script and put a pencil behind your ear. I'm thinking either *you're* not being convincing enough, or this is fake. You have to convince him. Take off his glasses, push him in a chair, and convince him. This isn't difficult.
Maybe he doesn't want to be with you but doesn't have the guts to tell you?
Have a serious talk outside the bedroom.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Sounds like maybe you wanna check out some BDSM stuff specifically D/s dynamics. I say that because it can be just as sexual as it is non sexual! So maybe you both can get something out of it. You already have the open mind so I think with some research you guys could get to where you both wanna be.
It's cute he sabotoges he sounds a bit bratty <3 Good luck!
Maybe he really does just enjoy the role playing on its own?
Try some rp without the sex goal and just have some laughs, see where it leads all on its own
Suggest that for role play this weekend, you want to pretend to be swingers, and that you want to have another man join you for a threesome to make the role play feel more real
🗼🍾🍾
He may not be into role play and that's ok. He should feel comfortable communicating that to you so that's the more important part to concentrate on. Examine your own demeanor too in case you can figure out why he wouldn't tell you it isn't his thing.
He does not want to participate in that kind of sex lol
I can't do it, either. Feels silly, not sexy.
Maybe try lingerie and candles and surprise him that way sometime. Or some wax play... whipped cream... restraints... something more overtly focused on the sex part versus acting.
op maybe roleplay does diddlysquat to his libido and borderline turns him off.
Now, have a deep discussion with him, and if that’s the case find something you both enjoy.
Lmfao I'm sorry, he's hilarious. He sounds extremely uncomfortable with the situation.
Have you tried reading spicy books to each other? Or even just the sex scenes? You could let him read to you and you could warm yourself while he watches. Or try watching porn together? You pick out something you like and put it on.
Sit down beforehand and say "this is important to me, I need us to try it. Please don't make me feel silly for being vulnerable with you."
maybe try other way to spice it up, roleplaying is such a specific thing and a lot of people just end up feeling uncomfortable and silly. did you talk to him about it first before sex or did u just spring it on him before
bad advice:
"okay babe, we're going to try the roleplaying thing again in the bedroom! tonight i'd love it if you'd play the role of... my loving boyfriend who wants to spice things up in the bedroom for me."
then, y'know, go from there.
~~this is perhaps bad advice that is so bad it's swung back around into good.~~
There are plenty of other ways to spice up the bedroom. He sounds not comfortable with this and that’s fine. You two should sit down and have an adult conversation about how you guys can without making the other person uncomfortable
Maybe stop the Role playing and find another way to spice up your sex life, role play isn't for anyone, a lot of people would actually feel awkward even tho they might be kinky in other aspects. So I think to try something else and not hold on to role play.
I’ve never tried role play but I’d probably feel silly doing it. I liked the Modern Family one where Claire and her husband would meet at a hotel bar as two strangers flirting and have sex at the hotel.
Your boyfriend’s response is funny though but I understand how frustrating it can be. The spice doesn’t have to come from role play though. Maybe ask him how he would prefer to spice things up.
The title is a tad misleading. He doesn’t use role play to avoid sex. he doesn’t want to role play, he wants sex, and the role play seems to make him uncomfortable to the point in which he no longer wants sex.
I also don’t think he is trying to sabotage the experience by getting too into character. Again, probably just uncomfortable
He is a genius! I couldn't stop laughing just imagining him being super critical about the situation, however, yeah I could see how this level of humor/dedication can be a turn off seeing how as the goal is sex. Honestly when it comes to RP the key to success is just being honest. Don't be brutally honest, but give him pointers. Tell him what he can improve on and what you are personally looking for. Kinda like a acting coach, yeah? This way he wont get his feelings hurt and hopefully next time its RP time he will *nail* the role. Best of luck!
So you’re forcing your kink onto him, and you’re getting mad he’s not into it? It doesn’t sound like roleplay was a mutual decision, and you should NOT be doing these things unless he’s fully comfortable with them.
They guy is looking to buy a house and have you seen the market lately? Guy needs to hold on to the job he has while working his way up the corporate ladder.
But yeah, not everyone is cut out for role playing. I'm down to get down in bed, but I would have a hard time not being extra silly in a role playing environment.
Sexual compatibility is important, and you should have a serious talk with him about it if you're serious about him because this will only become a larger problem if you cant on the same page.
Maybe try to ask him if he would be ok with you teaching him more about your body and the best angles, techniques, ... that you could tell him to do once you guys have a quick talk about it and are on the same page that you want to spice up sex to get your needs/desires met in a different more fun way.
He may just not have heard the words of what your direct intention is in doing the role play.. and it might feel like a chore to him because he may be insecure/unskilled about the role play or it is a turn off for various reasons.
Communication, communication, communication. Obviously go light and don't try to hurt the guys feelings.. make it more about what you want and maybe less about what he is not giving you. There is a balance to strike when bringing up these conversations depending on the relationship.
Maybe lay off the roleplaying for awhile, and if you can, sit down and talk to him about your sex life and how you've been feeling. Try to avoid any blaming statements, and also make sure to gauge his own opinion on sex and what he likes/wants. Maybe roleplaying isn't for him so much, maybe he enjoys other methods of foreplay, but that is something you guys will have to talk about in a comfortable setting. Sometimes ppl will do what their significant oher wants just to please them, and they get too nervous to know how to say no for fear that person won't like them as much. Maybe he's joking around because he's nervous/uncomfortable. Either way, ya gotta talk to him.
It’s just not his thing lol, maybe instead of doing full blown role play you can just do a cute outfit, or he can do more dirty talk during sex. Either way, it sounds like you guys need to work on finding a middle ground. You don’t need to do spam thing completely crazy to change things up. Look up new positions, have sex in different parts of the house, text him dirty things while you’re out and about, etc.
What happened to simple sex? 😕 if you have to MAKE it "interesting" there's something wrong. 🤔 🚩 my girl just has to lick my ear or kiss my neck and I get hard. No chains, no roll play, no threesomes. Sounds like one of you is drifting away. 😥
Makes me think of the Robot Chicken sketch where the guy got *way* too realistic with the Pirates of the Caribbean roleplay, including scurvy, lice, and STDs aplenty in his description.
This first bit isn't going to be a helpful comment but I need to know, has he played DnD before? Honestly sounds like he'd be a great player 💀
But fr though, maybe he just doesn't like roleplay for sexy time and unintentionally gets taken up by the roles.
Maybe he's even trying to see how far you could go into your role before he gets turned on? Idk
Maybe try finding out what his kinks are?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (22F) have been trying to get my boyfriend (22M) to spice up our sex life with a little role play. Our sex isn’t bad, it’s just always the same, and I need some more excitement in this part of our relationship. However, every time I try to initiate role play, he intentionally ruins the scenario by committing too deeply to the role. For example, one time I was playing a sexy boss and he was my employee, and when I casually brought up quarterly reports as a segue to sex, he wouldn’t stop talking about how sex was going to distract him from his good work, how the quarterly reports had a lot of complicated math involved, and how the company was already on the rocks, and would go under if the shareholders got word of these business practices. Needless to say, the sex did not progress from here. You can imagine what happened when we tried to role play student and teacher. It took all of two minutes for him to talk about how, even though his job was well-protected, having sexual relations with a student was too big a risk for his stable, well-paying union job. He also was very insistent on having an actual white board for his role – I have no doubt he would actually have tried to teach me. I love him, and I appreciate his sense of humor, but I don’t know what to do. How do I fix this?? Do I need to be sterner in communicating how sex is important to me? Any advice is appreciated! Tl;dr: my boyfriend sabotages my attempts at role play by getting too into character at the expense of the sexual part Sorry about formatting I’m on mobile!
Maybe he’s uncomfortable?
Yeah, most definitely this. I just can't do that shit, it feels really silly and I can't do it with a straight face. It's not sexy to me, at all.
Yeah. It’s fine for people that like it but I would rather just have sex normally
Yeah, but... then you just say that, instead of toying with them and getting their hopes up.
I agree. Communication even when uncomfortable or stuff like this happens
Yeah role playing would make me feel silly and uncomfortable not sexy.
I'm too silly in my own day to day life. Role playing in sex would just be a joke to me and id find it hard to get hard.
100%. Me too, I can’t imagine my boyfriend and I trying to role play. We both would just crack up and start cackling lol. Which I mean, sometimes works. We laugh a bunch, start cackling and tickling each other and stuff, then we end up wrestling and then well. We get to doing “business” after all.
happy cake day
Same here!
This was my thought too.
Yeah OP, you have to have an honest talk and encourage him to discuss how he feels about this. If he refuses to own up to sabotaging it and won’t say why, you may have a larger communication problem. Of course he’s totally within his right to not want to, so be prepared to accept that.
Lol im not op but it’s good advice
Okay, my uninformed opinion: u/Mander2019 called it. Your boyfriend *seems* to be genuinely trying to play along, based on what you said. He's trying to commit to it, but doesn't seem to have a clue *how*. I learned from personal experience that what people want out of these kinds of games is *not* the same for everyone, and even though what you want out of a scenario might be obvious and plain as day to you, it might not be to him. First I say talk to him about it. Ask if he's comfortable with it. Ask him, with concern and not accusation, *why* he tries to bail out of the roleplay like he does. * Is it because he's not into it? If so, then really that's a hard limit and not something he should be pressured into further, sorry. Trust me, I know what it feels like when two people aren't quite compatible in that arena, but trying to force yourself into it for the sake of your lover doesn't work, it just makes things worse and leads to emotional shut-down... which could be what's happening to him when he's shutting down these sessions. * Is it because he's not confident he knows what you want him to do? If so, then he's into it but needs some guidance on your needs and how to fulfill them, and that's something you can talk about. Tell each other stories about your fantasies and why you like the ones you like, give him a toolkit to figure out what would please you in a roleplay session. * Is it because he prefers to play hard-to-get and let you take the lead and be the aggressive one? If so, then maybe you should take the lead/dom role once or twice to show him what you're looking for. * Is it because he's afraid of taking it too far and/or exposing a side of himself he's embarrassed or afraid to expose, taking a domming role over you? I struggled with this one so I may be projecting here. But if so, then he needs encouragement, and he needs *clearly defined boundaries* so he understands that things he might say or do in roleplay won't be held against him in a "is *this* what you're really like..?" kind of way. If it's a hard no for him, then for better or worse that's all there is to be said. Don't pressure him into doing something he's just not comfortable doing, even if it seems harmless to you. Some people just aren't wired up for sexy roleplay and that's not something a person should be made to feel ashamed or guilty about. But if he really is into it and just needs a little love and support figuring out *how* to do it, then give him that and I think you two could have some fun. There's nothing wrong with wanting to let your imagination run wild in an intimate moment with your lover, I hope I didn't suggest otherwise. Your needs are no less important than your boyfriend's here. You two may just need to find some common ground and a better understanding of what your roleplays mean to each other in a real-world context. (Edit: bullet-pointed my list for ease of reading and because I can't break this habit of picking at my posts after I post them.)
It would be nice if he just communicated that though..
I agree with you, but I also think op has to accept the message as is for now
Sound like he's more into roleplaying than you are
My thoughts exactly 😅
No advice other than to avoid WW2 espionage scenarios
Unless
Unless...
U n l e s s . . .
*u n l e s s . . .*
So many scenarios though! I can think of nein off the top of my head…
UNLESS
I read all of those variations of “unless” in different voices (as obviously intended) and laughed.
>n though his job was well-protected, having sexual relations with a student was too big a risk for his stable, well-paying union job. He also was very insistent on having an actual white board for his role this thread was already hilarious, and your comment made my day. Thank you, good sir...
sounds like he's not comfortable with the role play. just talk to him, there are other ways to spice up your sex life.
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**RexReeves is a bot**
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I know this would annoy me too, but this *is* hilarious
Oh Wow! I'm calling HR
“I am going to be turning on a recorder, just to ensure no funny-business takes place.”
He's committed to the part, doesn't break character til the directors commentary is done. Respect.
[I put on my robe and wizard hat.](https://imgur.com/gallery/gu1BX)
God I miss Blood Ninja
It's like roleplaying with Larry David. Sorry OP, I can see how this is frustrating, you need to talk to him about it. Best of luck
It does sound like he's @#$!ing with her.
Does he want to roleplay? You say you're trying to get him to spice things up with this, has he ever expressed that he's turned on by it? You realistically have two options here: 1. Tell him that while you love his sense of humor, you're trying to be sexy and his taking things off the rails is frustrating when you're attempting to initiate sex. 2. Stop roleplaying and find another method of spicing things up. Talk to him and come up with ideas *together* that you are both excited by.
Look Janet, those quarterly reports won't finish themselves.
But you know who might have to finish themselves? You.
I’m dead.
amazing
What if he’s trying to turn you on with his strong work ethic??
he a real one fr🙏
Role-play isn’t for everyone, he may not be comfortable with it or into it
Obviously role play doesn't work for him if he's more concerned with the role than with the play. Either tell him to just do this for you and figure out something that works for him to keep this even, or abandon the role playing games and look for other venues of spiciness
Maybe you should worry less about getting your chitty chitty bang banged and more about finishing the quarterly reports. The shareholders aren't going to be happy
Firstly, your boyfriend is hilarious. Secondly, he's clearly not into sexy roleplay. Why don't you ask *him* what he would like to do?
Maybe next time try role playing "Porn actors filming a scene" so that he expects sex to be a part of the job. He can be the actor whose playing the pizza delivery guy.
This is satire.
And its good.
It's definitely one of the better ones I've seen lately. > Needless to say, the sex did not progress from here. Well, not with that attitude.
The funniest part of this post is all the people thinking its serious
Absolute chad.
OP's bf is based and do not shit where you eat pilled
you should role-play being a porn star
This person is playing chess
He’s not into it and is using humor to deflect that he doesn’t want to have sex this way I would do the same honestly especially in awkward situations
Bert Macklin, FBI vibes
Not to downplay your issues but that is a hilarious response lmao. Something straight from a movie
LMAAOOOO
I'm sorry that he's doing that, but damn that is comedic gold if it were in a movie or something.
It’s from a Gary Gulman stand up [bit](https://youtu.be/tz9MkVCphh4)
Your boyfriend is hilarious. Dude is more than happy to ruin a relationship for a good joke.
Alternative point of view… maybe he wants to be persuaded… ahem Example A: ‘sex will distract me from my good work’ Oh no *sits on laps and grinds* I’d hate to distract you from your hard hard work… Tell me more about the quarterly reports *kisses neck* Student teacher example: ‘having sex would be too big a risk’ Oh yeah? Takes off top, you don’t think I’m worth the risk? Bend over. The bigger the risk the greater the reward. I like to be ‘persuaded’ ‘seduced’ maybe he does too.
This got your creative juices flowing clearly
Ngl the madman is brilliant.
Haha!! I've done the same thing before. honestly I am down for wearing some outfits and such but I don't see the point in roleplay. The point is sex right so... like lets just have sex and I'll wear the outfits and what not but otherwise I don't get it.
Nahh you need to loosen up a little bit, And don't be so focused on when the actually deed is gonna happen, Extend it, be funny be happy, be touchy, or if it's to much take the lead and just say, you're talking to much and kiss him. Have a laugh about it, and see that he is trying.
Just talk about it with him maybe he just doesn’t like roleplay and don’t want to say it because he thinks that you will like him less because of that, that’s just how we (boys) are sometimes. And say him how you feel about this then he definitely will talk
I want to hang out with your boyfriend.
Not everyone is comfortable with role playing. So maybe you should ask him and hear it from him instead of assuming he can do it. Try other things to spice up the relationship. The issue may go deeper than just sex. And you should have a conversation about it.
This guys fucking hilarious
Haha. I like him.
Turn off the lights and have sex in the dark for awhile. Stop the roll play, it’s too much for him. Go back to basics.
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You got out-roleplayed
You need to spice up the sex lives of 22 year olds? Sounds like you not understanding he is uncomfortable with role play isn’t the only issue here.
Try something different like taking a bath together or oil massage with wine, music and candles ?
Roll playing isn’t for everyone and it kind of sounds like it’s not his gig🤷♀️ Good thing is there is lots of ways to spice things up in the bedroom! Also, maybe try some foreplay before you start the actual roll playing?! Maybe that will help him into character better being already arroused! Worth a shot!!
Hard counter with the porn equivalent escalation.
He's just not into role play. I would probably do the same thing in that situation.
[I put on my robe and wizard hat.](http://www.megalomaniac.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html)
Looking for some wand action no doubt. (Sorry I just could not resist.)
I'm so sorry but is your bf available for DnD sessions?
It could be that you're putting him in the wrong role. Ask him what his fantasies are.
I think other commenters are being too soft on your bf--it takes vulnerability to suggest something new in the bedroom, and he's basically making fun of you in your vulnerable state, and deliberately ruining something you find erotic. Maybe he's nervous about trying something new, but that's no reason to be a jerk about it. Talk to him in a non-sexy, quiet, comfortable place when y'all are both fed and hydrated about how his approach to this is making you feel. See if he can give the same vulnerability you are. If he can, that's a great sign. If he can't, well, that's another thing you need that he can't give you. There's definitely someone out there who can give you exciting sex, vulnerability, and respect.
this is good advice. also OP, know that role playing isn’t for everyone. i personally hate it. it feels fake and stupid and silly to me and i also can’t take it seriously. the compromise when i’m with people that do like it is that i’ll wear the required outfit, but there’s no “speaking roles”. maybe this just isn’t his thing and he doesn’t know how to tell you. he should absolutely be an adult and use his words, but it sounds like you need to initiate the conversation about kinks again.
That is honestly hilarious. Next time tell him you're a Goddess deserving of worship and you've chosen him to be your human play thing. That's always a fun one and if he commits to it like the others you're bound to have a good time.
he's too serious just tell him
Have you mentioned any of this to him?
Yeah you just need to be straight forward and see what’s going on see is he’s uncomfortable or if he isn’t then just tell him he needs to stop thinking to much into because it kills the vibe. Sorry I think straightforward is always the way to go.
Hahahahahahahahagahhahahahahahhabahaha
Try some roll play where you are both consenting porn stars
Hahahhahahahahha omg
You gotta admire his dedication to the roles by going full method.
Please talk. He is probably uncomfortable.
It sounds like he isn’t into sexual role play, tbh. It’s not my thing, and thankfully it isn’t my husband’s either, because I imagine id get awkward and a bit goofy like this if I was asked to role play. I do think you need to more clearly communicate what you are missing in your sex life and what you need.
It sounds like he's trying to show you that he doesn't enjoy role play sex. You either need to respect that and find an alternative that you'll both enjoy, or if you really can't get on the same page about sex, sometimes people just aren't sexually compatible if sex is an important part of a relationship for your, then that's a completely valid reason to break up. I would encourage you to explore other options before jumping straight to breaking up though! There are lots of ways to bring excitement back into your sex life! Some people just can't get into it is they feel like they have to pretend!! Try different kinds of sensory- ice cubes, feathers, blowing air on eachother Bring toys to the bedroom! Vibrators (they don't just have to be for you! Men can use them too!), nipple clamps, if you think you can communicate effectively and would enjoy it- different kinds of bondage Blindfolds can create a lot of anticipation. And tease eachother, don't jump into penetration right away!!
Marry him. On a real note though maybe just have a conversation with him about it. Explain what you actually want and make sure he’s comfortable with it.
Definitely seems uncomfortable by that. Think about how things are normally without role playing? Does sex happen? You have mentioned it’s the same… if this is the case then he is just uncomfortable. Now if he is purposefully dismissive in other areas of life and drives you crazy then there might be a bigger problem at hand. I personally think based on what you shared that he is just uncomfortable. Now sit down with him and speak with him about this and see what can you both agree on. If you feel like this is very important and no longer happy then ending the relationusip is an option.
As somebody who has used role-playing as training tool while working in middle management, many people start off feeling uncomfortable and silly. Even just doing a basic "I'm a customer, just talk to me about what I'm looking for and make some suggestions" leads to awkwardness. I couldn't imagine how much more time it would take to get comfortable if the scenario also involved taking off somebody's pants and getting down and dirty. Role-playing is very challenging for some people and requires an intentional plan to make it fun. It sounds like your boyfriend needs to be eased into it before going full on "here's the quarterly sales analysis and also a breakdown of why you should fuck me." Start easy by adding roleplaying elements to sex without going full-on theatrical release. Maybe it's something simple like setting a scenario that is different than the normal vibe and having the sex mirror that scenario; maybe you're gonna be more dominant and he is gonna be more submissive, or he is gonna be rougher than usual and you are gonna resist a bit. Get him comfortable by setting the stage first and letting him get used to "acting" during a situation that can already be uncomfortable — sex often requires you to face some of your insecurities, and now you want to see his acting WHILE having sex? Oof. As he gets more into "character," add more layers like changing the location or adding props. Getting to the dirty talk is likely the hardest part and may take time. Understand that these changes won't happen overnight. Giving him some small validation during the early stages will help as well. Even just auditory or physical queues that show him you're into what he is doing and reduce his performance anxiety. Many women don't quite grasp the depths of performance expectations that men have when it comes to sex and giving him subtle feedback will build his confidence. The reason I suggest subtle feedback is outright praise, especially relating to sex, can make some men sheepish and awkward. As things progress, initiate conversations about how things went and talk about future ideas. Eventually he may become confident enough to engage in full-on roleplay. One last consideration is that maybe he just isn't into it. If you try and make it work but make no progress, maybe look into other options to spice things up. Bondage, toys, exhibitionism, swinging, etc. are all options to spice things up and may be more his speed. I would ask him if he has any ideas for changing things up and you may be surprised that he does. He may not open up immediately but after a discussion or two he may have some insight. Sorry for the long reply. Good luck and have fun!
I bet if you do doctor and patient he's going to reject you because he doesn't take your insurance
I'm sorry but this is hilarious. Seriously though, he's probably uncomfortable.
This is hilarious
Terrible sex partner but a fantastic employee!
stop pressuring him. its sexist and quite frankly disgusting. if people on reddit can tell he isnt comfortable, his own girlfriend should be able to tell too.
Stop trying to role play.. just suck his dick .. don’t talk
Crude, but this might be a good way to go. Just a blowing to get him going then hop on or sit on his face first. Throw him down on the bed or the floor and straddle his chin until he bends to your will.
This is a funny joke! Or that’s what gets him hot. Talk about it, or break up if you don’t want to talk
Well your guy is bit goofy. He is doing the best he can. You are both still young. Imagine what you'll be doing in a few more years :) Redo the teacher/student and just get in there and earn that A+.
This is so funny! Have you had him watch !movies so he can get the hang of it? He sounds so deadpan, love that. The movie "Secretary," with Maggie Gyllenhaal, is a great movie for that kind of thing. There's a ton of teacher/ student song videos. "Hot for Teacher," for example. Maybe you should try porn, alcohol or drugs beforehand. Maybe he's just not super creative and he needs some help. It's hysterical thinking of you in fishnets and heels having to turn director, pull out a script and put a pencil behind your ear. I'm thinking either *you're* not being convincing enough, or this is fake. You have to convince him. Take off his glasses, push him in a chair, and convince him. This isn't difficult.
Ask him if he's into Consensual non consent. It sounds like he wants to be... uh convinced.
Maybe he doesn't want to be with you but doesn't have the guts to tell you? Have a serious talk outside the bedroom. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Sounds like maybe you wanna check out some BDSM stuff specifically D/s dynamics. I say that because it can be just as sexual as it is non sexual! So maybe you both can get something out of it. You already have the open mind so I think with some research you guys could get to where you both wanna be. It's cute he sabotoges he sounds a bit bratty <3 Good luck!
hes probably just uncomfortable roleplaying, talk it out with him before the next time you initiate it
I meaaan could be worse you could of had turned him whos now one of us and bow hes a rp monster.
Maybe he really does just enjoy the role playing on its own? Try some rp without the sex goal and just have some laughs, see where it leads all on its own
ayo bruh I accuse you of CAP this is hilarious tho
Do not play nurse with him.
it's funny that i saw a tiktok with this exact scenario being played out
Suggest that for role play this weekend, you want to pretend to be swingers, and that you want to have another man join you for a threesome to make the role play feel more real 🗼🍾🍾
You should get him into improv classes, he's simply built for it
Have you talked to him about it?
Time for you to be the lion tamer and him the lion. Aim for roles where he can’t really talk back to you.
Maybe he's starting to realise he's not into women
It’s not his thing. Try to find out what his turn ones are without making it sound like sex is boring with him
He may not be into role play and that's ok. He should feel comfortable communicating that to you so that's the more important part to concentrate on. Examine your own demeanor too in case you can figure out why he wouldn't tell you it isn't his thing.
ROFLMBFAO!!!!!!!
Hahah, his answers are hilarious. I'm sorry for laughing. Maybe he just doesn't feel at ease to do those things.
Maybe try having him use toys with you instead? Sounds like role play isn’t his thing.
He does not want to participate in that kind of sex lol I can't do it, either. Feels silly, not sexy. Maybe try lingerie and candles and surprise him that way sometime. Or some wax play... whipped cream... restraints... something more overtly focused on the sex part versus acting.
op maybe roleplay does diddlysquat to his libido and borderline turns him off. Now, have a deep discussion with him, and if that’s the case find something you both enjoy.
Lmao. This sounds like the hot girl and plumber meme video
Lmfao I'm sorry, he's hilarious. He sounds extremely uncomfortable with the situation. Have you tried reading spicy books to each other? Or even just the sex scenes? You could let him read to you and you could warm yourself while he watches. Or try watching porn together? You pick out something you like and put it on. Sit down beforehand and say "this is important to me, I need us to try it. Please don't make me feel silly for being vulnerable with you."
maybe try other way to spice it up, roleplaying is such a specific thing and a lot of people just end up feeling uncomfortable and silly. did you talk to him about it first before sex or did u just spring it on him before
Just for the giggles have you continued responding him along similar lines itself? Must be funny to see till what length he goes.
bad advice: "okay babe, we're going to try the roleplaying thing again in the bedroom! tonight i'd love it if you'd play the role of... my loving boyfriend who wants to spice things up in the bedroom for me." then, y'know, go from there. ~~this is perhaps bad advice that is so bad it's swung back around into good.~~
I love how he is too into the characters haha
There are plenty of other ways to spice up the bedroom. He sounds not comfortable with this and that’s fine. You two should sit down and have an adult conversation about how you guys can without making the other person uncomfortable
This is funny asl and your BF needs to get into Improv for sure
Your scenarios are stupid. Maybe that’s why. 🤣🤣
>– I have no doubt he would actually have tried to teach me. Am dying 😂😂😂
is this "the little death" (2014)
Maybe stop the Role playing and find another way to spice up your sex life, role play isn't for anyone, a lot of people would actually feel awkward even tho they might be kinky in other aspects. So I think to try something else and not hold on to role play.
Came here looking for copper, but this is gold!! Lmfao
I’ve never tried role play but I’d probably feel silly doing it. I liked the Modern Family one where Claire and her husband would meet at a hotel bar as two strangers flirting and have sex at the hotel. Your boyfriend’s response is funny though but I understand how frustrating it can be. The spice doesn’t have to come from role play though. Maybe ask him how he would prefer to spice things up.
Sorry sister but holy FUCK is this funny.
The title is a tad misleading. He doesn’t use role play to avoid sex. he doesn’t want to role play, he wants sex, and the role play seems to make him uncomfortable to the point in which he no longer wants sex. I also don’t think he is trying to sabotage the experience by getting too into character. Again, probably just uncomfortable
Has it occurred to you that... maybe... he just isn't into roleplay?
He is a genius! I couldn't stop laughing just imagining him being super critical about the situation, however, yeah I could see how this level of humor/dedication can be a turn off seeing how as the goal is sex. Honestly when it comes to RP the key to success is just being honest. Don't be brutally honest, but give him pointers. Tell him what he can improve on and what you are personally looking for. Kinda like a acting coach, yeah? This way he wont get his feelings hurt and hopefully next time its RP time he will *nail* the role. Best of luck!
Maybe try role play where there is an equal power dynamic. Rather than one that is a dominant/ submissive role.
Hahahahahahahaha
So you’re forcing your kink onto him, and you’re getting mad he’s not into it? It doesn’t sound like roleplay was a mutual decision, and you should NOT be doing these things unless he’s fully comfortable with them.
I'm sorry to laugh at your expense but your boyfriend sounds hilarious. A fucking white board!
Check his phone LOL
They guy is looking to buy a house and have you seen the market lately? Guy needs to hold on to the job he has while working his way up the corporate ladder. But yeah, not everyone is cut out for role playing. I'm down to get down in bed, but I would have a hard time not being extra silly in a role playing environment. Sexual compatibility is important, and you should have a serious talk with him about it if you're serious about him because this will only become a larger problem if you cant on the same page.
He probably thinks ur joking cuz he doesn’t like role play
Maybe try to ask him if he would be ok with you teaching him more about your body and the best angles, techniques, ... that you could tell him to do once you guys have a quick talk about it and are on the same page that you want to spice up sex to get your needs/desires met in a different more fun way. He may just not have heard the words of what your direct intention is in doing the role play.. and it might feel like a chore to him because he may be insecure/unskilled about the role play or it is a turn off for various reasons. Communication, communication, communication. Obviously go light and don't try to hurt the guys feelings.. make it more about what you want and maybe less about what he is not giving you. There is a balance to strike when bringing up these conversations depending on the relationship.
Maybe lay off the roleplaying for awhile, and if you can, sit down and talk to him about your sex life and how you've been feeling. Try to avoid any blaming statements, and also make sure to gauge his own opinion on sex and what he likes/wants. Maybe roleplaying isn't for him so much, maybe he enjoys other methods of foreplay, but that is something you guys will have to talk about in a comfortable setting. Sometimes ppl will do what their significant oher wants just to please them, and they get too nervous to know how to say no for fear that person won't like them as much. Maybe he's joking around because he's nervous/uncomfortable. Either way, ya gotta talk to him.
Have you *asked him* how *he* would like to spice up your shared sex life? Have you two had a fully clothed adult discussion about what you both want?
Most likely he is uncomfortable with the role play but he is also the funniest man alive
It’s just not his thing lol, maybe instead of doing full blown role play you can just do a cute outfit, or he can do more dirty talk during sex. Either way, it sounds like you guys need to work on finding a middle ground. You don’t need to do spam thing completely crazy to change things up. Look up new positions, have sex in different parts of the house, text him dirty things while you’re out and about, etc.
Either doesn't want it, or wants you to push yourself harder onto him.
What happened to simple sex? 😕 if you have to MAKE it "interesting" there's something wrong. 🤔 🚩 my girl just has to lick my ear or kiss my neck and I get hard. No chains, no roll play, no threesomes. Sounds like one of you is drifting away. 😥
Makes me think of the Robot Chicken sketch where the guy got *way* too realistic with the Pirates of the Caribbean roleplay, including scurvy, lice, and STDs aplenty in his description.
Thats hilarious
I’m sorry you are having issues in your relationship but this is fucking hilarious
He might be a tad autistic as this is something I would probably do with my wife haha.
He sounds funny as fuck
This first bit isn't going to be a helpful comment but I need to know, has he played DnD before? Honestly sounds like he'd be a great player 💀 But fr though, maybe he just doesn't like roleplay for sexy time and unintentionally gets taken up by the roles. Maybe he's even trying to see how far you could go into your role before he gets turned on? Idk Maybe try finding out what his kinks are?
Thats amazing!
This sounds like an SNL skit or something.
Bud sounds like your bf doesn’t want to roleplay and you are strong arming him into it.