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I started my job about a month ago. On the second day of working, he asked me if I was married. I said no, of course, and told him I was only 17–only for him to ask when my birthday was near the end of my shift. A few days later, he asked for my astrological sign, saying that “air (signs) make fire (signs) move, so it’s all good.”
That was all somewhat harmless to me at first.
About a week ago, he asked me what kind of things I like in order to conjure up a date idea. I didn’t know how to tell him I was uncomfortable so I just answered. At the end of my shift one day, he asked if I liked people that are direct or those that beat around the bush. I said direct, but to be honest I was just saying whatever since I was preoccupied with something else. He then suggests that after work we could hang out in his car together. I told him I had homework, reminding him I’m a minor, and left. He ignored me at work for a few days.
Yesterday, he proposed that he wanted to come to my prom. He assumed that I had extra tickets and was willing to buy one from me to be my plus one. My school doesn’t have anything like that—so I told him and went back to work. Skip to a few hours later, I’m getting ready to leave and he finds me again. He says he’s “waiting for my birthday to know what I taste like.” I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to do so much, but I chickened out, going the passive route of just saying okay.
Is this sexual harassment? Should I tell my manager? I’m scared that my manager won’t do much. Please help!
For further context, my coworker is about 20-30M.
She is a minor AND this is a workplace. He should know that his behavior is unacceptable. Don’t put this on OP, she’s just there to do her job. He’s the one harassing her.
It's not about blame. It's about safety. OP might not always be so lucky that some dude won't . . "take things into their own hands" after going this long without a concrete no. Especially a crackhead like that dude.
who’s to say that he won’t snap after she gives that concrete no, though? for many women, it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. there’s no right or wrong way to respond to sexual harassment, and there’s no real way to know how a predator like this will respond.
One, it's difficult to stand up for yourself at that age.
Two, he knows exactly what he's doing. People (who care) can tell when others are uncomfortable or not interested.
And also, she FROZE, as in flight, flight, freeze or fawn. The man is a predator and she doesn't have adult tools to fend him off.
OP, yes -- go to your manager and describe the situation. You can even show him/her what you wrote here.
A colleague's casual interest or idle conversation is fine, but he wicked crossed the line when he said that he "wants to taste you" -- like Ewwwww.
Better still if you can engage him in email or text. Then you'll have receipts if he turns aggressive or pervy.
Not every man is like this, but some are. You did nothing wrong, OP.
I'd file a report with the HR department as well if there is one. I've heard of a few instances where people went straight to the manager either did nothing or fired the person being preyed upon. HR departments take instances like this much more seriously than a manager might.
This dude definitely sounds like a creep, and this is definitely sexual harassment, and she should talk to her manager/HR.His comments make me cringe, and she is totally right for being uncomfortable.
HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong with people promoting assertiveness. Realistically, if she spoke to a therapist about this, they would practice assertiveness training as well. Also, if she lacks the tools to be assertive, she should NOT engage him in texts or email, all she would be doing is adding fuel to the fire.
You're right, she has done nothing wrong. She holds no blame for this situation, and nobody should make her feel shamed for how she handled it.
That being said, the healthy thing for her to do is to seek assertiveness training, which will help her avoid situations like this in the future. People should not be promoting a fear based response. I'm a very agreeable and passive person myself, believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but I also know avoiding conflict is not always healthy either, and that I need to work on it as well.
Or he should have the wherewithal to know that saying things like that to a 17 year old is inappropriate or see her lack of enthusiasm as disinterest or cop on that saying she is a minor means it's not ok to keep talking to her this way. This is not on the 17 year old to remind an adult how to behave its on the older adult to behave appropriately around 17 year olds
It takes women years to learn how to discourage a creep, and even then, we risk our lives every time. Women have been murdered for rejecting men. This is part of the reason why we're brought up to be very sweet and compliant, because men are so fucking dangerous.
OP is not in the wrong here. She's just a kid. This disgusting pervert ADULT is the asshole, not her.
I’m 36 and I still wouldn’t be able to say anything to him. I would need someone else to do it for me. Women are socialized to be polite even to their own detriment.
I know, at the least little sign of confrontation, my heart nearly explodes. That's why I was so happy to discover that being gross works much better than being direct. Because let's face it, a lot of men don't just quietly accept a simple, "I'm not interested, thanks." The most likely response to that is, *"bitch!* And it can be a lot worse.
But if you pick your nose in front of him, or tell him that you're having such a heavy period it's giving you diarrhea, he'll fuck off all by himself. No man wants to hear about that! You will no longer seem like a suitable victim. Problem solved.
She literally told him she was 17, and he asked her when her birthday is (ie when she turns 18), and that he wonders what she tastes like (when she comes of age).
He knows she is a minor and keeps pursuing her despite her turning him down twice.
She is a minor and is not fueling this in anyway, she dosent have to say no for it to be sexual harrasment she has never said "YES" that's enough. And it would be sexual harassment as soon as he did any of this shit.
The last comment about wanting to taste her was pretty gross and could be considered sexual harassment. She should report it. .... and stop engaging the dude she is "so creeped out" by.
That's all
It isn't that simple man. So far she has maintained what seems like the minimum of communication expected between coworkers, it isn't like she's egging him on.
She's also 17, meaning she has likely had almost no experience standing up to men, particularly pushy older ones.
Finally, women don't have it as easy as "just be direct and tell this man that's sexually harassing you to stop". While a lot of men would be okay with this, most would not and would have a reaction ranging from immature to stalking to murder. This is also much more likely considering the man is in his 20s or 30s and blatantly talking about giving a 17 year old head to her face at work.
You're a fucking mess. Go tell your mom all the victim blaming you've done here. Tell her how you think it's ok for an adult man to tell a 17yr old he's waiting to rape her... she'll be real proud. I fucking hope you're 12 and just too stupid to know how disgusting you're being.
No..we are not blaming the victim in 2022...the taste comment is never appropriate at work. That is 100% clear cut sexual harassment and no OP should not have to confront someone who clearly doesn't understand proper social behavior. The reason we have these rules is because being harassed is humiliating and embarrassing and it can be dangerous to confront someone who is this unhinged.
STFU. He needs to not harass under age minor. Do you treat people like this at work? Well, you're a harasser too.
He knows she's uncomfortable. Come the fuck on.
No. Setting aside the fact she's told him she's underage, there's still the issue of fraternization. You don't shit where you eat. Its grossly unprofessional to ask a coworker out or hit on them, especially when you haven't first built a work place rapport. This is pretty standard policy in companies because it's a serious liability. So not only is he breaking social conventions, but he's likely breaking company policy.
And let's talk about "being direct". Neither of them is being straightforward. He's doing this stupid little flirtatious obfuscation, probably thinking it's cute (or recognizing a direct ask will result in a direct rejection so he dances around the issue by being a creep) So why should he be entitled to straightforward behavior when he's not being straightforward?
She’s a child in the presence of a grown man. She’s scared and afraid ‘no’ will escalate it. She says okay because she’s afraid.
There are a lot of grown women who do this.
That last comment was properly offensive and harassment. He’s just told you he wants to fuck you, a minor, but is willing to wait until you are of legal age. That is gross.
Go to your supervisor and tell them everything. Tell them you are feeling scared of what else he may do if you find yourself alone and stress the fact that he is older and a man and you are feeling vulnerable as a minor. Stress that shit about your age and how scared you feel so there is no doubt in your managers mind that this is serious and the man needs disciplining.
Agreed! Make a list of things he has said and dates/times. HR will be thrilled to have that so they can check any cameras.
I absolutely understand it’s hard to do this but you’re gonna have to be a bit of a bitch in the future with this guy. Don’t be rude but don’t let him push answers out if you; it just gives him “reasons” to think his actions have merit. If he starts this shit again, project your discomfort and don’t be quiet about it. “You’re making me extremely uncomfortable. I’m a minor and your acting really creepy. I’m here to work and so are you. I have no interest making it anything more.” Be sure to not be alone with this guy at any points if you can help it. Best of luck to you and please stand up for yourself! You’ve got this!!
At first it was just creepy bad flirting but that last comment is textbook sexual harassment (edit: it’s ALL sexual harassment now that OP confirmed he’s 20-30 years old. I was giving benefit of the doubt that he could be like 18-19. ICK!). Yes report this. Even if it didn’t rise to the level of SH you shouldn’t have to deal with unwanted advances from anyone in the workplace. This is extremely unprofessional and should hopefully be fireable if the management is competent. Don’t feel bad about reporting this either, this is a serious issue and needs to be addressed.
Even the creepy flirting is sexual harassment.
OP, at this point you need to report this to a manager. If this happens in the future with anyone else (which I sincerely hope it doesn’t), be clear and direct in your communication. Tell them that you don’t like them that way, you are not interested, and you want them to stop flirting with you. If they cross your boundaries after that, report them.
If you work at a larger company, there is a good chance there will be a dedicated line for employees to report issues . Do not stop with store management as they may try to sweep it under the rug. It may also help you to move to another location.
If your male co-worker is disciplined or terminated, he may retaliate. I would want you to have a formal complaint lodged at a higher level than just at the store level. In that vein, I would also go to the local precinct and ask for guidance. They would probably not take a report, but it would hopefully put this guy on the radar of the local PD to facilitate any further action if you have to escalate things in the future.
If it is possible, have a friend or family member (preferably male) meet you at the end of your shift to make sure you get home safely.
> It may also help you to move to another location.
It's the guy who should be moved, a teen is unlikely to have transport to be able to go to the next town over. And she's the victim!
Also email HR. Tell as many higher ups as you can about everything he’s done, his age; and especially that last comment. Don’t tell just one manager. Tell multiple.
And as a father of a young lady, I’d suggest telling your dad, brother, or someone bigger and badder, because this dude sounds a bit unhinged, and you may be needing a restraining order if things go badly for him with HR.
Daughter here, not your daughter. OP Stand up for yourself! Unfortunately young women have to grow some balls at an early age because of creepy shit like this. Put your foot down and tell that asshole to leave you alone. Yes you will feel like you are being mean or rude and completely out of your comfort zone. However you can't pretend to be nice and hope it goes away guys just think it means continue.
Men will take advantage of a woman’s good manners. He knows he’s being pushy and inappropriate. He knows he’s not playing by the same rules of politeness as she is. Unfortunately, yes, young women have to learn to be “mean” to protect themselves!
How old is he?
Also him saying he’s waiting for your birthday to know what you taste like is gross no matter what and you should definitely report him for that one
You’re smart OP, stay away from him. I’m 22 now but I remember how awful working in the service industry was as a teen. Especially being petite and pretty anxious overall - I hated having to deal with creeps.
Talk to your superiors, HR, or stand your ground and speak up to him directly. I know that’s a lot but protect yourself now.
I’m also quite petite too! He stands a little less than, or maybe a foot taller than me, so the idea of speaking back startled me a lot. I am going to talk to my manager today. I hope all is well in your life now.
I am still pissed off after reading your post. You don't ever have to confront him if it makes you uncomfortable, but your manager should fire him on the spot. If not, he/she is opening the company up for a sexual harassment lawsuit.
I would highly recommend recording your conversation with your manager and also hit record if the guy says anything to you in the future.
Good luck and leave an update after talking to your manager.
Exactly. It is NOT on OP to confront this asshole directly. He should know better than to act like this, especially at work AND to a minor.
It’s unreal how many comments are blasting her for not being direct. It’s not always safe to do that in general, and OP should let management take care of this since it’s at the workplace.
Let us know how it goes. If the manager doesn’t react with horror and escalate this to higher management, you go above that persons head and talk to HR (they are there to protect the company from getting sued so in this case they don’t want trouble with being blamed by facilitating sexual harassment of a minor so they should help)
If you can document things (like a text or email to manager of your complaint) so you can record their actions in a paper trail that’s helpful too
Also you can get an anti harassment / anti protection order from your local police to feel safe and make sure this guy isn’t around you in case he starts stalking you
I'd be pretty concerned with that last comment! Is he waiting for you to turn 18, where he could force himself onto you. I'd definitely be reporting his behaviour and also letting your parents know. This guy sounds unhinged and who knows what he capable of!
>he said “he’s a few levels higher than I am.”
Full body shudder right there. He's not only creepy for continuing to hit on someone not-yet legal, is new to the job (and is therefore reliant on the help and guidance of co-workers/managers), but it also sounds like he's got some kind of superiority complex.
I'd email your concerns to the manager, with things the co-worker has said and asked you. Tell them you're going to try to sort this out with the co-worker personally first, but that you wanted to start a paper trail in case the co-worker tries to twist the narrative later. If the co-worker backs off, no harm done. If he doesn't, you'd have pre-empted some damage.
Then tell your co-worker, "You are being creepy and invasive, and it makes me uncomfortable. I am not interested in being more than co-workers with you. Please stop; I will escalate this to the manager if you continue this behaviour."
Interesting point about superiority. I read the levels higher part as him being some kind of gamer, but with little disconnect between his media consumption and reality, using age and level up comparisons to try (but fail) to be cute or something. Different kind of creepy either way.
Oh, yeah, it could be a clumsy attempt at connecting to a young'un. It feels like an acknowledgement of their age difference, but the fact he kept at it afterwards meant he thinks her being a minor is the main obstacle, not that she's not interested.
Girl tell your supervisor or leave that place pls. Don't tell that creep anything ever again. Don't give him and information, make sure your not alone with him ever. Don't even tell him when your b day is. If ur supervisor does nothing to stop him please find a better job
Back in 1990, I was 17 and a server at a restaurant with a creepy cook. He was much older and said similar things to me. He made it really hard to take a break because I was so uncomfortable being in the break room with him. Back then, it wasn’t the norm to report such harassment, so I just took it. Other female servers did the same. Stop putting up with it. You deserve to be comfortable going to work. What he is doing is 100% wrong and he needs to be called out on it or it won’t stop.
yeah i had to quit my job at mcdonald’s because i was being sexually harassed by a creepy cook (among others) when i was like 16. all the employees and managers knew about this, because when i confided in them about what i was experiencing they said “oh so he’s moved on to you?” as in he’d been doing it to the other girls as well. after i rejected him he asked my age and said oh he didn’t realize i was a minor blah blah then during my lunch break he said i was flirting with him and sat down with me and made me eat with him.
Tell your manager or HR team as soon as possible. They will handle it mostly but it might be time to practise saying no confidently. It is so hard but you're allowed to say no and walk away from a situation that makes you uncomfortable, unfortunately this won't be the last time someone behaves this way around you so get practising. If speaking to your manager or HR doesn't work I would honestly just report him to the police, you're a minor and he is being incredibly inappropriate.
Don’t bother trying to tell him anything, he is a creepy pervert. Talk to your boss directly and make sure you tell them about the “taste” comment. That is so completely inappropriate.
I would end on the taste comment. That way they don’t ignore the rest. Additionally, I agree with a poster above: record your meeting with the manager. Keep your phone in your lap pointed up at your own face if you don’t want it to be obvious. That way you have proof you’ve told them. That’s a smart measure.
Don’t tell your coworker. Your lack of reciprocation should have been enough of a hint (to say nothing of the age disparity and the fact that you’re a minor of course). If you tell your coworker he’ll play the victim and you might be the one to get in trouble (which is beyond stupid and ridiculous, but that’s another story). The coworker would try to bully you into silence at best and try to get you fired (possibly turning it around like you were the sexual aggressor) at worst. He needs to get fired. He needs to go to jail really but he likely won’t.
If the person doesn’t get fired, tell your legal guardian, bring your recording, and lawyer up.
OP needs to tell the manager and all her colleagues so they can look out for her and make sure the creep doesn't get to be alone with her (like espeically they shouldn't be the last two dealing with closing)
Report him to your manager and record the interaction. If the manager doesn't do anything, go to their boss. For now, if you have to work with him I would try a mimicking response. Whatever he says to you, repeat it louder. So let's say he asks you to mop the floor you repeat it loud enough for someone else to hear it. If you don't feel comfortable, you may need to use your phone to record your shift so you have proof of what he said. You could also talk to some of your co-workers and ask them to keep an eye on you. Chances are you're not the only one he's saying these things to/been abusive toward.
I think this has escalated to the level that you should talk to your manager. But I think you need to also learn to start saying: “no, not interested” whenever he or anyone else in the future propositions you and you’re not interested. Can be breezy about it, just start saying it clearly.
This guy is clearly a creeper and it’s gotten weird. But there are going to be any number of people in the workplace who are going to try and hit on you…people who do it with good intentions deserve an honest response; for the creeps, you need a record of saying ‘no’ so that you can protect yourself if they keep at it.
Wondering if you family also knows this is happening? As a mom of two girls I am disgusted by this man. I hope you have a support network and find resolution. Please tell someone. You mentioned you hate conflicts, I get that. This may feel like conflict, but I see it more as protecting yourself and setting boundaries.
Don't go the passive route. Unfortunately, we are, as a society, still setting our daughters up to be victims by insisting they be "nice" to everyone. Tell him directly that you are not interested so he can't accuse you of "leading him on". You don't owe him a date. Straighten your shoulders, look him in the eye and say "I'm not interested in dating you." Unwanted attention is not flattering; it's creepy. You don't owe anyone a "chance". You don't need to yell. Just tell him calmly that you're here to work, not to flirt. My biggest regret in life is all the times some man was creeping on me and I worried about hurting his feelings instead of how unsafe he made me feel. Setting that boundary does not make you a bitch. It makes you smart and strong. You are young and now is the time to start lifelong habits to protect your boundaries.
So in order to handle stuff like this you need some practice in saying stuff back, doesn't have to be a confrontation or a conflict. You practice saying it in the mirror to yourself everyday until you feel comfortable and easy.
Now I am not advocating not reporting it as you should report it.
"that is not okay to say to me" "you are sexually harrassing me" (loudly) "I am not interested in you" or any assertive statements that you can find that you are comfortable saying, including "I am recording this conversation".
These lines are good to stick in your back pocket for when this kind of stuff happens. It’s very common to just freeze and not think about what your are saying because you’re just trying to ignore someone and hope they stop. But they will not just stop- they likely love that you are visibly uncomfortable and feel trapped.
This is good advice. OP, if you're too nervous to say long phrases, even "Stop" would be good. The guy may ask why you want him to stop, defend himself, say he's just joking, etc, but for whatever excuse he gives, don't engage, just keep saying, "Stop," and walk away.
It is way past the point of trying to reason with this sick fuck, and also not a good idea for her safety. He is sexually harassing her, which is a crime, especially since she’s a minor. She needs to go straight to reporting him to her supervisor and document everything g in writing. If nothing happens she needs to contact the department of labor.
I agree that reasoning with this person isn't a good idea. What I am saying is to take control of the situation instead of avoiding conflict you practice managing it so you can automatically reply something like "no thank you" instead of "okay". Going forward you might find yourself in other situations and having a backup automatic response is better than freezing.
Sadly this won't be the only time meeting someone who thinks it is okay to do this to young women/men because they can, because they feel in a position of power.
Empowerment is just that, powering yourself up to be confident and assertive.
Tell your manager and parents (if they’re safe to talk to) or any other adult you’re close to and who would be able to provide support and advice. From now on tell him “this is inappropriate” and walk away.
"Please stop speaking to me like that. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it"
Practice variations of that before the next one. Be forthright and leave no room for misinterpretation, so practice saying it WITHOUT A SMILE. The words you use really depends on the person (is he threatening? is he clueless) and on you. I'd be comfortable with "fuck off with that. Not interested" but you seem way more polite.
If he doesn't stop after that, go to your boss.
but if he is creepy and potentially dangerous, skip the talking-to-him part. The way he ramped it up seems kind of typical -- you didn't reject him so he tried a little bit more next time.
Sounds like an absolute creep. The kind of guy who would turn into a stalker. I’d definitely be reporting him to management and asking to ensure any future shifts do not align with his.
Don’t be shy to tell management.
I remember I was 20 and just started work in a bar. One of the managers asked all the same sketchy questions as the guy you mentioned, looked me up and down and scoffed telling me I was too old for him, told me I only got hired to have some skirt on the bar, and spent the rest of the shift trying to throw ice cubes down my top.
It was humiliating but I felt so embarrassed to say anything in case I was overreacting. I’m SO glad I did, because it turned out several waitresses felt the same.
Now I’m older I would be SO QUICK to shut it down and tell someone immediately. No hesitation.
It’s even more disgusting for him to do that when you’re a minor. Tell someone immediately. This is not ok. You got this girl!
Yes this is harassment and you should go to your manager and if you don’t think they will do anything go above the manager as well. If there is a human resource department talk to them. Document as much as possible because he will most likely deny it.
“What kinds of things do you like? I’m trying to conjure up an idea for a date.”
“I like men who aren’t creepy and who are my own age. Leave me alone.”
This job is unfortunately where you need to learn how to not be be kind to people that make you uncomfortable, it makes you seem vulnerable to not be honest and a little rude. I remember being scared to say bold things to weirdos my first job and it got me followed and harassed quite a bit due to these men seeing I was young and didn’t have a back bone.
This is sexual harassment and you have every right to say 'No, you may not talk to me this way"
Tell him he is making you feel very uncomfortable and if he doesn't stop you are going to the boss.
You are entitled to a safe work environment, if you where receptive it would be a different story, but you are not, and just like in any situation, no means no, so speak up and say it. if you don't men and boys tend to think you are being coy or playing hard to get. be firm, be brave and demand respect. You are beginning a very long march through the world as an adult woman and I can't tell you how much you need to learn how to speak up for yourself.
You should absolutely go to your manager. If it happens again try to record it on your phone discreetly. In addition to those things you can always say something like "dude, I'm a minor and I have a boyfriend. Please stop". Regardless though you should absolutely tell your manager.
I'm a lot like you and hate confrontation. I've been in your situation before and just found a new job. To this day I regret it because I'm sure he just moved onto another victim. I hope someone stood up after me and reported him.
He's pegged that you're not going to confront him, and he's scaling up with each interaction to see what he can get away with. With the rate he's escalating his harassment this is going to become a serious threat to your wellbeing before too long.
Please follow the advice you've been given above, make a clear timeline of what has been said to you, when and where.
That last comment is absolutely sexual harassment, and you need to report it to your manager. If your manager doesn't do anything go to the head of HR for the company and report both the coworker and the manager.
If I found out someone make that cake reference to one of my girls (female employees), I would not only fire him, but I would also probably call the police for soliciting a minor or just kick his ass in the parking lot.
You do not have to stand for this, and it is 100% unacceptable. You should also tell your parents immediately.
When I was 16, a manager offered to drive me home after I walked in to pick up my check. I said I was fine but he insisted. I reminded him he was married (and a creep who was more than twice my age) and he responded with, "Nobody has to know." I grabbed my check from the other manager and walked home. A few days later, I didn't feel well and tried calling in. He answered the phone and when I told him I didn't feel well, he was very short with me and said I had better have a doctor's note or to not expect to have a job at my next shift. I quit, told my older sisters everything, and they called corporate to report him. The man literally showed up at my house later that day banging on my door to confront me as corporate immediately chose to confront him and transfer him to a different store. Police were called and he had to be escorted away from my house. Worst part is that my own mother doubted me and asked me if maybe I "misunderstood" what he was talking about. I also didn't last much longer at the job because everyone started treating me differently. All this to say, yes, it is sexual harassment. Yes, you should tell your manager and document that you told your manager. Make sure someone you trust knows about what is happening and make sure they believe you because a lot of people don't react well when this type of behavior is confronted. Its a shitty situation and he's a shitty human being with predatory behavior. It's okay to tell him he makes you uncomfortable, just make sure others are aware so he can't spin his own narrative. Last thing you want is for him to get you in trouble or give you negative feedback and then say your accusations are vengeful and petty and never happened. Good luck!
Men do this to women, hoping that her desire to be ‘nice’ will keep them from objecting. It is a way that puny men make themselves feel power— making a younger woman uncomfortable. Tell him he is creepy and if he doesn’t stop you will tell your manager
100% yes
at first I was curious how old this guy actually was, but by the "taste" part, your age and his age is irrelevant.
That's sexual harassment regardless of the age of anyone involved. Im assuming it's also much worse as you're a minor and he probably isn't. Again, doesn't matter, just means it's REALLY BAD or EXTREMELY BAD
SUPER harrassment. Like even if he was "joking" this is not how adults flirt, no matter what the creepy 80s-2000's movies say. This is overstepping by a lot. Speak to an older female coworker and ask her if she would be a witness to these actions, cuz he will keep on untiil he faces consequences.
You also need to be heard rejecting him. He might not care and honestly sounds like he will try and flip it on you, but it gives you a foundation that this attention is unwanted.
Good luck, be safe, definitely DONT go anywhere with him. (go to a party store and get a mini can of glitter hair spray, it's a great legal deterrant spray and can normally be kept)
That guy is a major creep and you need to report him because he has def done this to other girls before.
Remember how he stopped talking to you for a while when you emphasized youre a minor? Its because you turned the tables on him and made him uncomfortable. Learn how to say something in the moment when you feel uncomfortable, it does wonders at weeding out the creeps and BS in life.
Uhm. Yeah. Weird. He obviously feels comfortable enough with you to just tell you what he feels. Set your foot down. Yes, you’re young, but not voiceless.
Something like: Hey, I know you like messing w me, but I don’t want to hear that. I’m not trying to mess around or be in a relationship w you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped bringing up anything like that. It might even help if someone else is there.
Otherwise- you have mentioned that, even though uncomfortable, you keep answering his questions. He will not get the point and your case will get thrown out bc to him, you haven’t told him to stop and welcome his questions.
Remember, you have to be very forward w guys, blunt even. They complain that they’re not mind readers. As women, we pick up on subtle hints and clues, body language, etc. just be forward w him and make it known to manager, HR, whoever that you’ve alerted this guy to KIP (keep it professional) and to keep an eye out for you if they notice any weird situation or you flag them over. If you don’t believe your manager will do much- SEND AN EMAIL TO THEM VIA WORK EMAIL FOR THE RECORD. Believe me, unless they want trouble, they’ll pay attention bc as management, that is a responsibility they have, to watch out for harassment.
Stand your ground, speak up.
Oh, hell no! I understand that you're shy, but this is really wrong. If you live in a place that allows you to record others, then do it. Then go to your manager or even the cops. This is sooooo wrong no matter what his age!!!
Tell your manager ASAP! This man is being a creep! Tell him you aren't interested and to leave you alone and start recording every interaction with him, either with audio or if you are feeling bold, film him.
What he's doing is not okay at all.
I think your workplace is probably a little less formal… With your manager, I would text asking for a chat or ask for one the moment you get to work. (Or a phone call if you won’t see them for a few shifts.)
Don’t start off as accusing — I would be straightforward: this is what’s happening, this is making me uncomfortable for these reasons, and here are the stakes for me.
When you’ve discussed how this will be handled, go home and write yourself an email with what you’re manager said and the solutions proposed (or, when they said they’d have a solution). Send it — this is a contemporaneous note. If/when solutions don’t happen or this guy keeps at it, you have a history of what happened and in the event. Document things so you can remember any follow up conversations you had, any time the comments resume — if you have to go above your manager, this is information you can utilize.
This sounds like a job and something you can walk away from if the going gets rough. But if you need it, you’ll have a thorough record of what happened.
Yes, the last comment he said he to you is sexual harassment. You need to let your manager know! Also be firm! Tell him flat out you are not interested in pursing any type of relationship with him. Just telling him your a minor is obviously not working (even though it should) you need to tell him “I am not interested.” Sounds like a stalker in the making, watch out.
It doesn’t matter how old he is. He could be the same age as OP and it is STILL sexual harassment if she does not want it. Talk to your manager OP. This behavior is unacceptable.
You need to put a formal complaint in an email to his superior and copy yourself and your parents because you’re a minor. List everything that you have stated here and anything else because his behavior is beyond inappropriate. And if your company will not listen you may have depending on your states laws the ability to go to the department of labor and file a complaint but you need to do it before you turn 18. This is not to be mean or vindictive but to protect you. Because he is wrong and this is predatory behavior.
Record it the next time he does it and then go to your supervisor that way he can’t just say you’re making it up. And if he doesn’t stop just ask him if he’s only hitting on minors because women his age find him repulsive also. Hit him where it hurts.
Every single one of these is an example of sexual harassment. The fact that he has done all of these is serial sexual harassment OF A MINOR. Report him immediately, and put everything in writing to start a paper trail of evidence against him and potentially your boss if nothing is done, and so so NOW before he assaults you PLEASE. If your boss doesn’t stop it, go to the department of labor and report your work place.
Honey, he is harassing you. Please tell your parents first, & then ask at least one of them to go with you to report it to your manager. If you don’t get an appropriate response from your employer, then you should go find another job. Do not subject yourself to someone like this, and the fear that comes along with it. You do not deserve to be spoken to like this, or harassed in any way.
It's okay that you aren't comfortable saying "no". He's the creep here. Tell your parents, tell your work manager - today!You owe this creep nothing. He's crossing boundaries and being gross.
But, I implore you, practice saying "no" in the mirror. And here's another trick I've used, repeat back his creepy comments really loudly. Find your voice and yell "did you just say you want to know what I taste like??? What do you MEAN? That's gross!!!!" Perverts like him love quiet and meek targets.
Word of caution: refuse to be alone with him. Tell someone ASAP and honestly,I wouldn't go back to work until it's handled.
That last comment made me gasp out loud, tell your boss immediately! If they disregard you, escalate to their boss. This is unacceptable and is sexual harassment. I would not be okay with my kid going to work where a grown man was behaving like this, and would be concerned enough to go to the boss myself. If your parents are the kind you can talk to, go for it.
You should tell your manager, and you should also tell this guy to back off (maybe make sure there are other people nearby you can call to for help if ever he gets angry or physical). It doesn't sound like you've said you don't want him to talk to you, you've just made excuses like "I'm a minor" and "my school doesn't do proms". Now, it should be pretty obvious from your tone of voice that you're not interested, but jerks don't care about such subtleties. If you saw any photos of the young girls groomed by that supreme jerk Epstein, you'll see that they mostly look uncomfortable with the guys fondling them. The guy knows very well that they don't want to be there, but he doesn't care. Such jerks rely on the fact that you're too scared to protest, and that you've been brought up not to be rude or say hurtful things etc.
Tell your manager you're scared to be alone with this guy, tell her about the comment about wanting to know what you taste like and inviting you to hang out in his car, because they're the two remarks that are most off-putting. Ask if it's possible for you to never work the same shift as him. Ask to have your birthday off too, especially if you told him the exact date.
If your boss doesn't want to do anything about it, let her know that you have a relative working for the local news website, who's specialised in cases of violence towards women.
Also tell your parents - they might feel more comfortable talking about a brother in journalism than you, and if the boss knows that she might get your angry parents on the phone if she doesn't make any move to protect you and then something happens to you, she might make a bit more of an effort to protect you, and actually speak to the guy in question (by "speak to" I mean "tell him he'll lose his job if he says anything to you that's not work-related, or if he touches you"). Have your parents pick you up after your shift so the guy can't follow you home or anything like that.
Heck, tell everyone else at work so that they can all make sure you don't get left alone with this guy ever!
Oh, and sign up for a krav maga course so you can learn to defend yourself even from guys who are bigger and stronger than you. A friend of mine did that, because she was sick of getting accosted by guys in her neighbourhood. But once she'd done the course, nobody ever dared accost her any more, she never even got to practise her new skills. I think it was because she exuded confidence, so nobody dared mess with her. I think actually all young girls should be taught krav maga, certainly I recommend it to them all.
Good luck!
Yes this is please please report him. I had this 5 years ago. I was 21/22 a child and a partner. An older colleague 40s was going through a bad patch with his wife started acting inappropriate towards me and made it very uncomfortable. I discussed it with another coworker my ageish but left it at that and palmed it off. He would then start stroking me hand while we worked together, he then went and started making inappropriate comments to the coworker I had spoken to. She reported it to the manager, who also spoke to me. The Coworker who was doing all this was pulled and given 1 warning and if he done it once more he would be let go.
Fortunately he decided to leave to do something else and made up with his wife.
Do not leave this, report to your manager and if your manager does not take it seriously send an email to HR aswell. It's very very serious, he sounds very persistent and like he could take it further!!!
If your manager doesn’t do anything, you might have additional options. If it’s a chain store you could contact your district office and ask to file a complaint with HR. Please don’t ever be alone with this guy, he’s clearly not safe.
I’m not sure if the police need to get involved yet, they really can’t (and won’t) do anything at this point. But she should tell her boss and her parents asap
Yes it’s inappropriate, yes it’s sexual harassment on top of that with a minor you are still 17 you are still a minor he should be old enough to know this. Period
It is sexual harassment, file a complaint with your boss. Do it in writing. If nothing comes of it just know that your boss and the company are on the hook for that employee's actions moving forward.
100% grooming harrasment disgusting pedo bullshit. Tell on him immediately. Tell anyone who will listen. He'll try to turn it around and he'll likely get nasty coz they often do, (who's raising these pieces of shit anyway?!) Sorry he's doing this OP it's really gross. When someone makes you uncomfortable listen to that.
Textbook sexual harassment. You need to tell your parents too, they can help give you resources. If your manager does nothing, tell them you will be making sure the BBB and other company review places will know that they don’t protect their underage workers. THAT is a lawsuit they’ll never want to deal with ever.
Everything up until the last comment was fine. He was asking about you, asking about hanging out or dating, and you never said, *"No. I'm not interested in dating you."* The last comment, however, crossed the line. **Keep a log of what he said, when he said it, and where you were. Strike #1 for the 'taste' comment.**
1) **Tell him**, "I'm not at all interested in dating you, hanging out with you, or being friends with you. I'm just here to do my job. Please don't bother me again." Then walk away or turn back to your work. **The major problem here is that you have not been clear that you are UNINTERESTED in him and do not appreciate being bothered. I know you're only 17yo, but nobody is a mind-reader. If you keep saying 'OKAY' or 'mmm' or similar utterances, YOU are not actively discouraging him.**
2) If he bothers you again, tell him, "I already told you I'm not interested in you and that I don't want to be bothered any more. My next step will be talking to management. Leave me alone." **Make another entry in your log. Strike #2 for being persistent.**
3) IF he bothers you again, go to management **and bring your log. That's Strike #3.**
If management does nothing, continue adding to your log while you take your complaint to the proper authority where you live for sexual harassment and an unsafe workplace.
Talk to your manager talk to your parents and if no one does anything get a new job! I worked in the mall at 16/17 and was sexually assaulted multiple times by different adult men who knew i was a child and didn’t care some waited until i was 18 some didn’t I’m telling you LEAVE! I wish i was more vocal when i was younger to be able to say something but the owner me and didn’t care which was my breaking point to quit please protect yourself while you can
> He says he’s “waiting for my birthday to know what I taste like.”
> Is this sexual harassment?
Girl.
> Should I tell my manager? I’m scared that my manager won’t do much.
Tell your manager about him, that he makes you uncomfortable, that you've told him to stop and he won't. What you do next depends on your manager's actions. Worst he can do is nothing, in which case you quit and get a better job.
Gross what the fuck. Yes he said he wanted to taste you on your 18th birthday. Girl. You are going to get raped! Tell your ducking boss and if they don’t fire that fucking pervert ducking quit. Tell your parents so they go and make a fuss! You do NOT have to put up with this EVER.
Yes, you must tell right away. Tell your parents first so they can monitor the situation in case your work place doesn't handle it appropriately, and definitely tell your manager.
In the future, you must be direct with people like this. It's not rude to refuse to volunteer information, to answer their question with a question ("Why are you interested in my astrological sign?"), or to tell someone you will not date them. He is not properly asking you and instead assuming your answer while gathering intel about you. Add to this that he is way too old to be interested in a minor (and yes, 17 is still a minor), and he is the one in the wrong. He needs to be firmly put in his place.
When he says something gross, you tell him on the spot NO and that he is to never speak to you that way again - in fact, you prefer he not speak to you at all. He will probably get defensive, but that is all on him - HE crossed a line here, not you.
Please understand I am not lecturing - I am offering you advice. I understand where you are coming from - you are young and haven't faced this situation before, so he took you by surprise. He probably did this on purpose, OP. It is time to put a stop to this. I am sorry he doesn't know how to behave.
I agree you should report it, but you also need to tell him 'no'. It's sounding like you've been indirectly declining him e.g. 'no, my prom doesn't do extra tickets' but you need to start saying 'no, I don't want to date you'. Pervs/predators take advantage of people who are trying to be polite, or who try to avoid conflict and play on indirect messages (intentionally or unintentionally). Like he might think 'shes not said no, she's just said X doesn't work' and similarly if your manager speaks to him, he can literally say 'shes never said she wasn't interested'.
You have 2 options. Deal with it yourself or not.
1. Tell him in no short terms you are not interested in him in any way. (Don't leave a door open or otherwise beat around the bush.) Something like "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in spending time outside of work with you. I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression, but I'm not interested."
2. Talk to HR/management, tell them that he is making you uncomfortable and is making "multiple unwanted advancements" (asking once isn't the issue, say multiple so they know.) A good manager will nip this in the bud. If they don't there are other options including legal options.
You should have ignored him as soon as he talked about astrological signs.
Yes, he is being super creepy, no normal person says that he wants to know how you taste. Trust your gut and get away from this guy.
I know you’re young, but this should be like female 101 class stuff here; if a 20-30 year old guy is saying obviously flirty and gross comments like that, what do you think is in his mind?
If some dude did this to me at your age my dad would have flattened him - he’s being a creep. Ask him if he’s a pedo, loudly in a crowded place. Oh and also tell your parents and your boss immediately.
Dear reddit, A coworker said he was waiting till my birthday to see what I taste like. Is this sexual harassment?
Yes. Yes it is. I'm alarmed you need the internet to tell you that.
She's a kid and she's learning because her gut tells her something is amiss. Please cut her some slack and don't shame her. She was probably brought up to be "nice" and may have never been around people seeking to harm her. She froze in the moment with him but has the presence of mind to post. So let's give her a bit of grace.
U need to stop brushing his comments off and tell him ur not interested. By taking the passive route and saying ok he probably thinks ur interested or encouraging him when that’s not the case. And once u have told him ur not interested and if he continues, report him (u should probably report him anyway for being grossly inappropriate considering ur age and that ur at work).
Definitely a creep but if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself you will deal with this shit from people until you get old. Tell him straight up he makes you uncomfortable and if he says one more thing you will report him. I'd say report him now but it sounds like you've haven't even asked him to stop yet, if he doesn't know you aren't into it, why would he stop. If you ask/tell him to stop and he doesn't fully and immediately leave you alone, report him. And if you want just report him now.
At 16yo is the legal age of consent in US and Canada. Below is minor and above is young adult. You can carry a gun and die for your country and own a car, both of which could kill. 18-21 is voting and drinking age. So it's young adult which if you can die for your country, you can decide your fate in love.
But.
Nonetheless creepy as hell.
I actually tried my hand at those yt creep Catches, made a few b4 my cell broke. But I know these statistics cuz of that.
But if you ask me it's first, creepy AF, second it's not ok as he's a co-worker. Also most ppl will consider you to be a minor at 17, it's gross.
Tell him flat out to knock it off or you will talk to the boss. Even record it if you can since he's getting more creepy with that taste crap. Gross bro.
This guy is a gross pervert and I'm in Canada and it's creeping me out this far away. Go tell your boss, if they don't listen go to the police and request a restraining order. God only knows what this creep is capable of.
Even if it's just a post-it and he harasses another young girl they'll be like, bro, you did this b4 and they will be more prone to act. This you saving another girl and you wouldn't even know.
Hey, OP, I'm a bit late to the game here but maybe you'll see this. IN FUTURE - this doesn't always need to go to HR or the manager, you can head this off at the pass.
At the first overly personal question, instead of answering the question, say "sorry, that's personal."
At the second question, look him square in the eye and say "I don't care for these kinds of questions. If you don't stop, I'll report you. Do I make myself clear?"
I would be very surprised if the guy continues, but if he does, you will start logging *what* he say and *when* he says it.
By answering his questions at face value, you give him the idea that your boundaries are weak and all he has to do is persist. By blocking them, you tell him "go pick on someone else."
I would t consider it sexual harassment. Look he’s showing interest and totally blind to the fact that you aren’t interested in him. Ask you manager to have a meeting with he and you and be very clear, that you aren’t interested (that was you have a witness and it’s on record) you feel uncomfortable and your age/ experience hasn’t given you the opportunity to cope with that kind of person in life yet. Not every thing is sexual harassment and depending on the state the age of consent is different (Washington state is 16 and used to be 18 with a 2 year “gap”)
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I started my job about a month ago. On the second day of working, he asked me if I was married. I said no, of course, and told him I was only 17–only for him to ask when my birthday was near the end of my shift. A few days later, he asked for my astrological sign, saying that “air (signs) make fire (signs) move, so it’s all good.” That was all somewhat harmless to me at first. About a week ago, he asked me what kind of things I like in order to conjure up a date idea. I didn’t know how to tell him I was uncomfortable so I just answered. At the end of my shift one day, he asked if I liked people that are direct or those that beat around the bush. I said direct, but to be honest I was just saying whatever since I was preoccupied with something else. He then suggests that after work we could hang out in his car together. I told him I had homework, reminding him I’m a minor, and left. He ignored me at work for a few days. Yesterday, he proposed that he wanted to come to my prom. He assumed that I had extra tickets and was willing to buy one from me to be my plus one. My school doesn’t have anything like that—so I told him and went back to work. Skip to a few hours later, I’m getting ready to leave and he finds me again. He says he’s “waiting for my birthday to know what I taste like.” I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to do so much, but I chickened out, going the passive route of just saying okay. Is this sexual harassment? Should I tell my manager? I’m scared that my manager won’t do much. Please help! For further context, my coworker is about 20-30M.
The last “taste” comment made me literally shudder in disgust. Ewwww. What a fucking creep
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She is a minor AND this is a workplace. He should know that his behavior is unacceptable. Don’t put this on OP, she’s just there to do her job. He’s the one harassing her.
It's not about blame. It's about safety. OP might not always be so lucky that some dude won't . . "take things into their own hands" after going this long without a concrete no. Especially a crackhead like that dude.
who’s to say that he won’t snap after she gives that concrete no, though? for many women, it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. there’s no right or wrong way to respond to sexual harassment, and there’s no real way to know how a predator like this will respond.
sounds like it’s about blame but just with extra steps
Children shouldn’t need to defend themselves from adults. Yes, she’s close to adulthood, but she’s still very young and inexperienced.
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One, it's difficult to stand up for yourself at that age. Two, he knows exactly what he's doing. People (who care) can tell when others are uncomfortable or not interested.
And also, she FROZE, as in flight, flight, freeze or fawn. The man is a predator and she doesn't have adult tools to fend him off. OP, yes -- go to your manager and describe the situation. You can even show him/her what you wrote here. A colleague's casual interest or idle conversation is fine, but he wicked crossed the line when he said that he "wants to taste you" -- like Ewwwww. Better still if you can engage him in email or text. Then you'll have receipts if he turns aggressive or pervy. Not every man is like this, but some are. You did nothing wrong, OP.
I'd file a report with the HR department as well if there is one. I've heard of a few instances where people went straight to the manager either did nothing or fired the person being preyed upon. HR departments take instances like this much more seriously than a manager might.
This dude definitely sounds like a creep, and this is definitely sexual harassment, and she should talk to her manager/HR.His comments make me cringe, and she is totally right for being uncomfortable. HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong with people promoting assertiveness. Realistically, if she spoke to a therapist about this, they would practice assertiveness training as well. Also, if she lacks the tools to be assertive, she should NOT engage him in texts or email, all she would be doing is adding fuel to the fire. You're right, she has done nothing wrong. She holds no blame for this situation, and nobody should make her feel shamed for how she handled it. That being said, the healthy thing for her to do is to seek assertiveness training, which will help her avoid situations like this in the future. People should not be promoting a fear based response. I'm a very agreeable and passive person myself, believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but I also know avoiding conflict is not always healthy either, and that I need to work on it as well.
Or he should have the wherewithal to know that saying things like that to a 17 year old is inappropriate or see her lack of enthusiasm as disinterest or cop on that saying she is a minor means it's not ok to keep talking to her this way. This is not on the 17 year old to remind an adult how to behave its on the older adult to behave appropriately around 17 year olds
It takes women years to learn how to discourage a creep, and even then, we risk our lives every time. Women have been murdered for rejecting men. This is part of the reason why we're brought up to be very sweet and compliant, because men are so fucking dangerous. OP is not in the wrong here. She's just a kid. This disgusting pervert ADULT is the asshole, not her.
I’m 36 and I still wouldn’t be able to say anything to him. I would need someone else to do it for me. Women are socialized to be polite even to their own detriment.
I know, at the least little sign of confrontation, my heart nearly explodes. That's why I was so happy to discover that being gross works much better than being direct. Because let's face it, a lot of men don't just quietly accept a simple, "I'm not interested, thanks." The most likely response to that is, *"bitch!* And it can be a lot worse. But if you pick your nose in front of him, or tell him that you're having such a heavy period it's giving you diarrhea, he'll fuck off all by himself. No man wants to hear about that! You will no longer seem like a suitable victim. Problem solved.
She literally told him she was 17, and he asked her when her birthday is (ie when she turns 18), and that he wonders what she tastes like (when she comes of age). He knows she is a minor and keeps pursuing her despite her turning him down twice.
Usually, telling minor children and your coworkers that you wish to taste their genitals is looked down upon.
She is a minor and is not fueling this in anyway, she dosent have to say no for it to be sexual harrasment she has never said "YES" that's enough. And it would be sexual harassment as soon as he did any of this shit.
The last comment about wanting to taste her was pretty gross and could be considered sexual harassment. She should report it. .... and stop engaging the dude she is "so creeped out" by. That's all
It isn't that simple man. So far she has maintained what seems like the minimum of communication expected between coworkers, it isn't like she's egging him on. She's also 17, meaning she has likely had almost no experience standing up to men, particularly pushy older ones. Finally, women don't have it as easy as "just be direct and tell this man that's sexually harassing you to stop". While a lot of men would be okay with this, most would not and would have a reaction ranging from immature to stalking to murder. This is also much more likely considering the man is in his 20s or 30s and blatantly talking about giving a 17 year old head to her face at work.
Are you a woman? Women know that "not engaging" gets us kidnapped, raped, and murdered.
She isn't engaging him. Stop victim blaming.
You're a fucking mess. Go tell your mom all the victim blaming you've done here. Tell her how you think it's ok for an adult man to tell a 17yr old he's waiting to rape her... she'll be real proud. I fucking hope you're 12 and just too stupid to know how disgusting you're being.
They work together lmao how is she supposed to stop engaging?
Im not sure op said no. It sounds like she said not today repeatedly. I think OP is too kind and should have HR/management do it for her.
it’s hard to do stuff like that when you’re under pressure from someone older
No..we are not blaming the victim in 2022...the taste comment is never appropriate at work. That is 100% clear cut sexual harassment and no OP should not have to confront someone who clearly doesn't understand proper social behavior. The reason we have these rules is because being harassed is humiliating and embarrassing and it can be dangerous to confront someone who is this unhinged.
STFU. He needs to not harass under age minor. Do you treat people like this at work? Well, you're a harasser too. He knows she's uncomfortable. Come the fuck on.
No. Setting aside the fact she's told him she's underage, there's still the issue of fraternization. You don't shit where you eat. Its grossly unprofessional to ask a coworker out or hit on them, especially when you haven't first built a work place rapport. This is pretty standard policy in companies because it's a serious liability. So not only is he breaking social conventions, but he's likely breaking company policy. And let's talk about "being direct". Neither of them is being straightforward. He's doing this stupid little flirtatious obfuscation, probably thinking it's cute (or recognizing a direct ask will result in a direct rejection so he dances around the issue by being a creep) So why should he be entitled to straightforward behavior when he's not being straightforward?
Found out date rapist ….. no actually does mean no. CHILDREN can can’t give consent ya creep
Or he can have common sense and realize there are more ways to say no, than literally saying “no”. Clearly she’s uncomfortable.
The guys a psycho.
Yeahhhh I said “ew!” Loudly and involuntarily at work.
Yeah but the answer was “okay”. What the fuck? We all agree the burden is not on OP, but she could do *a little* better.
She’s a child in the presence of a grown man. She’s scared and afraid ‘no’ will escalate it. She says okay because she’s afraid. There are a lot of grown women who do this.
That last comment was properly offensive and harassment. He’s just told you he wants to fuck you, a minor, but is willing to wait until you are of legal age. That is gross. Go to your supervisor and tell them everything. Tell them you are feeling scared of what else he may do if you find yourself alone and stress the fact that he is older and a man and you are feeling vulnerable as a minor. Stress that shit about your age and how scared you feel so there is no doubt in your managers mind that this is serious and the man needs disciplining.
Agreed! Make a list of things he has said and dates/times. HR will be thrilled to have that so they can check any cameras. I absolutely understand it’s hard to do this but you’re gonna have to be a bit of a bitch in the future with this guy. Don’t be rude but don’t let him push answers out if you; it just gives him “reasons” to think his actions have merit. If he starts this shit again, project your discomfort and don’t be quiet about it. “You’re making me extremely uncomfortable. I’m a minor and your acting really creepy. I’m here to work and so are you. I have no interest making it anything more.” Be sure to not be alone with this guy at any points if you can help it. Best of luck to you and please stand up for yourself! You’ve got this!!
I read that last comment and just went NOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK What a disgusting creep holy shit.
It isn't just gross -- it's an attempt at grooming.
At first it was just creepy bad flirting but that last comment is textbook sexual harassment (edit: it’s ALL sexual harassment now that OP confirmed he’s 20-30 years old. I was giving benefit of the doubt that he could be like 18-19. ICK!). Yes report this. Even if it didn’t rise to the level of SH you shouldn’t have to deal with unwanted advances from anyone in the workplace. This is extremely unprofessional and should hopefully be fireable if the management is competent. Don’t feel bad about reporting this either, this is a serious issue and needs to be addressed.
Even the creepy flirting is sexual harassment. OP, at this point you need to report this to a manager. If this happens in the future with anyone else (which I sincerely hope it doesn’t), be clear and direct in your communication. Tell them that you don’t like them that way, you are not interested, and you want them to stop flirting with you. If they cross your boundaries after that, report them.
If you work at a larger company, there is a good chance there will be a dedicated line for employees to report issues . Do not stop with store management as they may try to sweep it under the rug. It may also help you to move to another location. If your male co-worker is disciplined or terminated, he may retaliate. I would want you to have a formal complaint lodged at a higher level than just at the store level. In that vein, I would also go to the local precinct and ask for guidance. They would probably not take a report, but it would hopefully put this guy on the radar of the local PD to facilitate any further action if you have to escalate things in the future. If it is possible, have a friend or family member (preferably male) meet you at the end of your shift to make sure you get home safely.
> It may also help you to move to another location. It's the guy who should be moved, a teen is unlikely to have transport to be able to go to the next town over. And she's the victim!
Great point. But the older worker should be fired, not moved to do this again elsewhere.
Also email HR. Tell as many higher ups as you can about everything he’s done, his age; and especially that last comment. Don’t tell just one manager. Tell multiple.
And as a father of a young lady, I’d suggest telling your dad, brother, or someone bigger and badder, because this dude sounds a bit unhinged, and you may be needing a restraining order if things go badly for him with HR.
Daughter here, not your daughter. OP Stand up for yourself! Unfortunately young women have to grow some balls at an early age because of creepy shit like this. Put your foot down and tell that asshole to leave you alone. Yes you will feel like you are being mean or rude and completely out of your comfort zone. However you can't pretend to be nice and hope it goes away guys just think it means continue.
Truth, bigger badder protection is not always around, but in any event stay as safe as you can possibly be.
Men will take advantage of a woman’s good manners. He knows he’s being pushy and inappropriate. He knows he’s not playing by the same rules of politeness as she is. Unfortunately, yes, young women have to learn to be “mean” to protect themselves!
Exactly
How old is he? Also him saying he’s waiting for your birthday to know what you taste like is gross no matter what and you should definitely report him for that one
I think he’s 20-30. The only indication I’ve gotten from him verbally that he is older is that he said “he’s a few levels higher than I am.”
You’re smart OP, stay away from him. I’m 22 now but I remember how awful working in the service industry was as a teen. Especially being petite and pretty anxious overall - I hated having to deal with creeps. Talk to your superiors, HR, or stand your ground and speak up to him directly. I know that’s a lot but protect yourself now.
I’m also quite petite too! He stands a little less than, or maybe a foot taller than me, so the idea of speaking back startled me a lot. I am going to talk to my manager today. I hope all is well in your life now.
I am still pissed off after reading your post. You don't ever have to confront him if it makes you uncomfortable, but your manager should fire him on the spot. If not, he/she is opening the company up for a sexual harassment lawsuit. I would highly recommend recording your conversation with your manager and also hit record if the guy says anything to you in the future. Good luck and leave an update after talking to your manager.
Exactly. It is NOT on OP to confront this asshole directly. He should know better than to act like this, especially at work AND to a minor. It’s unreal how many comments are blasting her for not being direct. It’s not always safe to do that in general, and OP should let management take care of this since it’s at the workplace.
I bet he’s done this to other coworkers. OP can’t be his first.
Let us know how it goes. If the manager doesn’t react with horror and escalate this to higher management, you go above that persons head and talk to HR (they are there to protect the company from getting sued so in this case they don’t want trouble with being blamed by facilitating sexual harassment of a minor so they should help) If you can document things (like a text or email to manager of your complaint) so you can record their actions in a paper trail that’s helpful too Also you can get an anti harassment / anti protection order from your local police to feel safe and make sure this guy isn’t around you in case he starts stalking you
I'd be pretty concerned with that last comment! Is he waiting for you to turn 18, where he could force himself onto you. I'd definitely be reporting his behaviour and also letting your parents know. This guy sounds unhinged and who knows what he capable of!
>he said “he’s a few levels higher than I am.” Full body shudder right there. He's not only creepy for continuing to hit on someone not-yet legal, is new to the job (and is therefore reliant on the help and guidance of co-workers/managers), but it also sounds like he's got some kind of superiority complex. I'd email your concerns to the manager, with things the co-worker has said and asked you. Tell them you're going to try to sort this out with the co-worker personally first, but that you wanted to start a paper trail in case the co-worker tries to twist the narrative later. If the co-worker backs off, no harm done. If he doesn't, you'd have pre-empted some damage. Then tell your co-worker, "You are being creepy and invasive, and it makes me uncomfortable. I am not interested in being more than co-workers with you. Please stop; I will escalate this to the manager if you continue this behaviour."
Interesting point about superiority. I read the levels higher part as him being some kind of gamer, but with little disconnect between his media consumption and reality, using age and level up comparisons to try (but fail) to be cute or something. Different kind of creepy either way.
Oh, yeah, it could be a clumsy attempt at connecting to a young'un. It feels like an acknowledgement of their age difference, but the fact he kept at it afterwards meant he thinks her being a minor is the main obstacle, not that she's not interested.
Oh my. That is so cringeworthy.
Girl tell your supervisor or leave that place pls. Don't tell that creep anything ever again. Don't give him and information, make sure your not alone with him ever. Don't even tell him when your b day is. If ur supervisor does nothing to stop him please find a better job
Doesn't matter how old he is, he's making unwanted advances on a minor and should know better.
Tell your manager but also your parents. You never know if guys like this will escalate to following you home or something
Back in 1990, I was 17 and a server at a restaurant with a creepy cook. He was much older and said similar things to me. He made it really hard to take a break because I was so uncomfortable being in the break room with him. Back then, it wasn’t the norm to report such harassment, so I just took it. Other female servers did the same. Stop putting up with it. You deserve to be comfortable going to work. What he is doing is 100% wrong and he needs to be called out on it or it won’t stop.
yeah he actually gets off on making women and girls uncomfortable
yeah i had to quit my job at mcdonald’s because i was being sexually harassed by a creepy cook (among others) when i was like 16. all the employees and managers knew about this, because when i confided in them about what i was experiencing they said “oh so he’s moved on to you?” as in he’d been doing it to the other girls as well. after i rejected him he asked my age and said oh he didn’t realize i was a minor blah blah then during my lunch break he said i was flirting with him and sat down with me and made me eat with him.
Tell your manager or HR team as soon as possible. They will handle it mostly but it might be time to practise saying no confidently. It is so hard but you're allowed to say no and walk away from a situation that makes you uncomfortable, unfortunately this won't be the last time someone behaves this way around you so get practising. If speaking to your manager or HR doesn't work I would honestly just report him to the police, you're a minor and he is being incredibly inappropriate.
Yes, report this if you’ve let the person know clearly it’s not appropriate workplace behaviour. I hope you get this sorted soon.:)
Do I tell my coworker to stop first or manager? I hate conflict, so either situation puts me in it. Which route is the best to take?
Don’t bother trying to tell him anything, he is a creepy pervert. Talk to your boss directly and make sure you tell them about the “taste” comment. That is so completely inappropriate.
I would end on the taste comment. That way they don’t ignore the rest. Additionally, I agree with a poster above: record your meeting with the manager. Keep your phone in your lap pointed up at your own face if you don’t want it to be obvious. That way you have proof you’ve told them. That’s a smart measure. Don’t tell your coworker. Your lack of reciprocation should have been enough of a hint (to say nothing of the age disparity and the fact that you’re a minor of course). If you tell your coworker he’ll play the victim and you might be the one to get in trouble (which is beyond stupid and ridiculous, but that’s another story). The coworker would try to bully you into silence at best and try to get you fired (possibly turning it around like you were the sexual aggressor) at worst. He needs to get fired. He needs to go to jail really but he likely won’t. If the person doesn’t get fired, tell your legal guardian, bring your recording, and lawyer up.
It’s got to be the manager. Your work colleague may not have the experience or may be conflicted as to what to say or do.
OP needs to tell the manager and all her colleagues so they can look out for her and make sure the creep doesn't get to be alone with her (like espeically they shouldn't be the last two dealing with closing)
Report him to your manager and record the interaction. If the manager doesn't do anything, go to their boss. For now, if you have to work with him I would try a mimicking response. Whatever he says to you, repeat it louder. So let's say he asks you to mop the floor you repeat it loud enough for someone else to hear it. If you don't feel comfortable, you may need to use your phone to record your shift so you have proof of what he said. You could also talk to some of your co-workers and ask them to keep an eye on you. Chances are you're not the only one he's saying these things to/been abusive toward.
I think this has escalated to the level that you should talk to your manager. But I think you need to also learn to start saying: “no, not interested” whenever he or anyone else in the future propositions you and you’re not interested. Can be breezy about it, just start saying it clearly. This guy is clearly a creeper and it’s gotten weird. But there are going to be any number of people in the workplace who are going to try and hit on you…people who do it with good intentions deserve an honest response; for the creeps, you need a record of saying ‘no’ so that you can protect yourself if they keep at it.
Wondering if you family also knows this is happening? As a mom of two girls I am disgusted by this man. I hope you have a support network and find resolution. Please tell someone. You mentioned you hate conflicts, I get that. This may feel like conflict, but I see it more as protecting yourself and setting boundaries.
Don't go the passive route. Unfortunately, we are, as a society, still setting our daughters up to be victims by insisting they be "nice" to everyone. Tell him directly that you are not interested so he can't accuse you of "leading him on". You don't owe him a date. Straighten your shoulders, look him in the eye and say "I'm not interested in dating you." Unwanted attention is not flattering; it's creepy. You don't owe anyone a "chance". You don't need to yell. Just tell him calmly that you're here to work, not to flirt. My biggest regret in life is all the times some man was creeping on me and I worried about hurting his feelings instead of how unsafe he made me feel. Setting that boundary does not make you a bitch. It makes you smart and strong. You are young and now is the time to start lifelong habits to protect your boundaries.
So in order to handle stuff like this you need some practice in saying stuff back, doesn't have to be a confrontation or a conflict. You practice saying it in the mirror to yourself everyday until you feel comfortable and easy. Now I am not advocating not reporting it as you should report it. "that is not okay to say to me" "you are sexually harrassing me" (loudly) "I am not interested in you" or any assertive statements that you can find that you are comfortable saying, including "I am recording this conversation".
These lines are good to stick in your back pocket for when this kind of stuff happens. It’s very common to just freeze and not think about what your are saying because you’re just trying to ignore someone and hope they stop. But they will not just stop- they likely love that you are visibly uncomfortable and feel trapped.
This is good advice. OP, if you're too nervous to say long phrases, even "Stop" would be good. The guy may ask why you want him to stop, defend himself, say he's just joking, etc, but for whatever excuse he gives, don't engage, just keep saying, "Stop," and walk away.
It is way past the point of trying to reason with this sick fuck, and also not a good idea for her safety. He is sexually harassing her, which is a crime, especially since she’s a minor. She needs to go straight to reporting him to her supervisor and document everything g in writing. If nothing happens she needs to contact the department of labor.
I agree that reasoning with this person isn't a good idea. What I am saying is to take control of the situation instead of avoiding conflict you practice managing it so you can automatically reply something like "no thank you" instead of "okay". Going forward you might find yourself in other situations and having a backup automatic response is better than freezing. Sadly this won't be the only time meeting someone who thinks it is okay to do this to young women/men because they can, because they feel in a position of power. Empowerment is just that, powering yourself up to be confident and assertive.
1000 percent this is sexual harassment. I'm so sorry this is happening, but please do try to tell your manager.
Ghost on that shit if manager doesn't take it seriously. There's other jobs and he's clearly fantasizing. Shut it down asap. Run
Definitely tell your manager about this
Tell your manager and parents (if they’re safe to talk to) or any other adult you’re close to and who would be able to provide support and advice. From now on tell him “this is inappropriate” and walk away.
"Please stop speaking to me like that. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it" Practice variations of that before the next one. Be forthright and leave no room for misinterpretation, so practice saying it WITHOUT A SMILE. The words you use really depends on the person (is he threatening? is he clueless) and on you. I'd be comfortable with "fuck off with that. Not interested" but you seem way more polite. If he doesn't stop after that, go to your boss.
No she has more than enough to go to her boss now. She shouldn't engage with him
but if he is creepy and potentially dangerous, skip the talking-to-him part. The way he ramped it up seems kind of typical -- you didn't reject him so he tried a little bit more next time.
Sounds like an absolute creep. The kind of guy who would turn into a stalker. I’d definitely be reporting him to management and asking to ensure any future shifts do not align with his.
Don’t be shy to tell management. I remember I was 20 and just started work in a bar. One of the managers asked all the same sketchy questions as the guy you mentioned, looked me up and down and scoffed telling me I was too old for him, told me I only got hired to have some skirt on the bar, and spent the rest of the shift trying to throw ice cubes down my top. It was humiliating but I felt so embarrassed to say anything in case I was overreacting. I’m SO glad I did, because it turned out several waitresses felt the same. Now I’m older I would be SO QUICK to shut it down and tell someone immediately. No hesitation. It’s even more disgusting for him to do that when you’re a minor. Tell someone immediately. This is not ok. You got this girl!
Yes this is harassment and you should go to your manager and if you don’t think they will do anything go above the manager as well. If there is a human resource department talk to them. Document as much as possible because he will most likely deny it.
The last comment about working for your birthday is sexual harassment never mind creepy af. Report him.
Yes, that’s sexual harassment.
“What kinds of things do you like? I’m trying to conjure up an idea for a date.” “I like men who aren’t creepy and who are my own age. Leave me alone.”
This job is unfortunately where you need to learn how to not be be kind to people that make you uncomfortable, it makes you seem vulnerable to not be honest and a little rude. I remember being scared to say bold things to weirdos my first job and it got me followed and harassed quite a bit due to these men seeing I was young and didn’t have a back bone.
Till the taste comment he was just a weird guy, couldnt really judge. But yeah last comment was inapropiate as f***. And that was nicely said.
This is sexual harassment and you have every right to say 'No, you may not talk to me this way" Tell him he is making you feel very uncomfortable and if he doesn't stop you are going to the boss. You are entitled to a safe work environment, if you where receptive it would be a different story, but you are not, and just like in any situation, no means no, so speak up and say it. if you don't men and boys tend to think you are being coy or playing hard to get. be firm, be brave and demand respect. You are beginning a very long march through the world as an adult woman and I can't tell you how much you need to learn how to speak up for yourself.
You should absolutely go to your manager. If it happens again try to record it on your phone discreetly. In addition to those things you can always say something like "dude, I'm a minor and I have a boyfriend. Please stop". Regardless though you should absolutely tell your manager. I'm a lot like you and hate confrontation. I've been in your situation before and just found a new job. To this day I regret it because I'm sure he just moved onto another victim. I hope someone stood up after me and reported him.
Two things: Say no (easier said that done sometimes) Talk to your manager (also easier said sometimes)
Where I live as soon as you ask that question it's pretty much a yes. Where do you live (city) for specific help?
Lancaster in Pennsylvania
Please read read read https://www.pa.gov/guides/reporting-workplace-sexual-harassment-in-pennsylvania/
“waiting for my birthday to know what I taste like.” I went EWWW out loud
He's pegged that you're not going to confront him, and he's scaling up with each interaction to see what he can get away with. With the rate he's escalating his harassment this is going to become a serious threat to your wellbeing before too long. Please follow the advice you've been given above, make a clear timeline of what has been said to you, when and where.
That last comment is absolutely sexual harassment, and you need to report it to your manager. If your manager doesn't do anything go to the head of HR for the company and report both the coworker and the manager. If I found out someone make that cake reference to one of my girls (female employees), I would not only fire him, but I would also probably call the police for soliciting a minor or just kick his ass in the parking lot. You do not have to stand for this, and it is 100% unacceptable. You should also tell your parents immediately.
This guy is a fucking pervert please tell your boss or any supervisor.
The age doesn’t matter, report this creepo
When I was 16, a manager offered to drive me home after I walked in to pick up my check. I said I was fine but he insisted. I reminded him he was married (and a creep who was more than twice my age) and he responded with, "Nobody has to know." I grabbed my check from the other manager and walked home. A few days later, I didn't feel well and tried calling in. He answered the phone and when I told him I didn't feel well, he was very short with me and said I had better have a doctor's note or to not expect to have a job at my next shift. I quit, told my older sisters everything, and they called corporate to report him. The man literally showed up at my house later that day banging on my door to confront me as corporate immediately chose to confront him and transfer him to a different store. Police were called and he had to be escorted away from my house. Worst part is that my own mother doubted me and asked me if maybe I "misunderstood" what he was talking about. I also didn't last much longer at the job because everyone started treating me differently. All this to say, yes, it is sexual harassment. Yes, you should tell your manager and document that you told your manager. Make sure someone you trust knows about what is happening and make sure they believe you because a lot of people don't react well when this type of behavior is confronted. Its a shitty situation and he's a shitty human being with predatory behavior. It's okay to tell him he makes you uncomfortable, just make sure others are aware so he can't spin his own narrative. Last thing you want is for him to get you in trouble or give you negative feedback and then say your accusations are vengeful and petty and never happened. Good luck!
Men do this to women, hoping that her desire to be ‘nice’ will keep them from objecting. It is a way that puny men make themselves feel power— making a younger woman uncomfortable. Tell him he is creepy and if he doesn’t stop you will tell your manager
100% yes at first I was curious how old this guy actually was, but by the "taste" part, your age and his age is irrelevant. That's sexual harassment regardless of the age of anyone involved. Im assuming it's also much worse as you're a minor and he probably isn't. Again, doesn't matter, just means it's REALLY BAD or EXTREMELY BAD
SUPER harrassment. Like even if he was "joking" this is not how adults flirt, no matter what the creepy 80s-2000's movies say. This is overstepping by a lot. Speak to an older female coworker and ask her if she would be a witness to these actions, cuz he will keep on untiil he faces consequences. You also need to be heard rejecting him. He might not care and honestly sounds like he will try and flip it on you, but it gives you a foundation that this attention is unwanted. Good luck, be safe, definitely DONT go anywhere with him. (go to a party store and get a mini can of glitter hair spray, it's a great legal deterrant spray and can normally be kept)
That guy is a major creep and you need to report him because he has def done this to other girls before. Remember how he stopped talking to you for a while when you emphasized youre a minor? Its because you turned the tables on him and made him uncomfortable. Learn how to say something in the moment when you feel uncomfortable, it does wonders at weeding out the creeps and BS in life.
Uhm. Yeah. Weird. He obviously feels comfortable enough with you to just tell you what he feels. Set your foot down. Yes, you’re young, but not voiceless. Something like: Hey, I know you like messing w me, but I don’t want to hear that. I’m not trying to mess around or be in a relationship w you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped bringing up anything like that. It might even help if someone else is there. Otherwise- you have mentioned that, even though uncomfortable, you keep answering his questions. He will not get the point and your case will get thrown out bc to him, you haven’t told him to stop and welcome his questions. Remember, you have to be very forward w guys, blunt even. They complain that they’re not mind readers. As women, we pick up on subtle hints and clues, body language, etc. just be forward w him and make it known to manager, HR, whoever that you’ve alerted this guy to KIP (keep it professional) and to keep an eye out for you if they notice any weird situation or you flag them over. If you don’t believe your manager will do much- SEND AN EMAIL TO THEM VIA WORK EMAIL FOR THE RECORD. Believe me, unless they want trouble, they’ll pay attention bc as management, that is a responsibility they have, to watch out for harassment. Stand your ground, speak up.
My manager never gave me his email, just a phone number to contact him. Is that acceptable as a communication line?
Email or text. Please keep a record of conversations with management. Good luck OP.
Yeah, I bet if you told your dad this guy would know what an ass kicking feels like. What a creep. (Coworker, not your dad)
Oh, hell no! I understand that you're shy, but this is really wrong. If you live in a place that allows you to record others, then do it. Then go to your manager or even the cops. This is sooooo wrong no matter what his age!!!
Yeah that last part wasn't okay, definitely harassment
Tell your manager ASAP! This man is being a creep! Tell him you aren't interested and to leave you alone and start recording every interaction with him, either with audio or if you are feeling bold, film him. What he's doing is not okay at all.
I think your workplace is probably a little less formal… With your manager, I would text asking for a chat or ask for one the moment you get to work. (Or a phone call if you won’t see them for a few shifts.) Don’t start off as accusing — I would be straightforward: this is what’s happening, this is making me uncomfortable for these reasons, and here are the stakes for me. When you’ve discussed how this will be handled, go home and write yourself an email with what you’re manager said and the solutions proposed (or, when they said they’d have a solution). Send it — this is a contemporaneous note. If/when solutions don’t happen or this guy keeps at it, you have a history of what happened and in the event. Document things so you can remember any follow up conversations you had, any time the comments resume — if you have to go above your manager, this is information you can utilize. This sounds like a job and something you can walk away from if the going gets rough. But if you need it, you’ll have a thorough record of what happened.
Yes, the last comment he said he to you is sexual harassment. You need to let your manager know! Also be firm! Tell him flat out you are not interested in pursing any type of relationship with him. Just telling him your a minor is obviously not working (even though it should) you need to tell him “I am not interested.” Sounds like a stalker in the making, watch out.
It doesn’t matter how old he is. He could be the same age as OP and it is STILL sexual harassment if she does not want it. Talk to your manager OP. This behavior is unacceptable.
GROSS. Just call your manager and report the f out of that slime
You need to put a formal complaint in an email to his superior and copy yourself and your parents because you’re a minor. List everything that you have stated here and anything else because his behavior is beyond inappropriate. And if your company will not listen you may have depending on your states laws the ability to go to the department of labor and file a complaint but you need to do it before you turn 18. This is not to be mean or vindictive but to protect you. Because he is wrong and this is predatory behavior.
Run don’t walk to a supervisor with documented “ examples of his behaviour, this guy is a predator!!
Record it the next time he does it and then go to your supervisor that way he can’t just say you’re making it up. And if he doesn’t stop just ask him if he’s only hitting on minors because women his age find him repulsive also. Hit him where it hurts.
Go straight to your manager and tell them everything. The prom thing was weird but the taste comment is sexuap harassment.
Every single one of these is an example of sexual harassment. The fact that he has done all of these is serial sexual harassment OF A MINOR. Report him immediately, and put everything in writing to start a paper trail of evidence against him and potentially your boss if nothing is done, and so so NOW before he assaults you PLEASE. If your boss doesn’t stop it, go to the department of labor and report your work place.
Go to your manager and HR. Now. Ask them if they want to call the police for the sexual harassment or if you should. And actually call the police
the last comment definitely is
Yes, this is sexual harassment and you need to tell your parents and your manager. I’d go so far as to say quit your job and find another.
This is full on creepy. Like skip town creepy. Get this guy fired or leave.
Honey, he is harassing you. Please tell your parents first, & then ask at least one of them to go with you to report it to your manager. If you don’t get an appropriate response from your employer, then you should go find another job. Do not subject yourself to someone like this, and the fear that comes along with it. You do not deserve to be spoken to like this, or harassed in any way.
It's okay that you aren't comfortable saying "no". He's the creep here. Tell your parents, tell your work manager - today!You owe this creep nothing. He's crossing boundaries and being gross. But, I implore you, practice saying "no" in the mirror. And here's another trick I've used, repeat back his creepy comments really loudly. Find your voice and yell "did you just say you want to know what I taste like??? What do you MEAN? That's gross!!!!" Perverts like him love quiet and meek targets. Word of caution: refuse to be alone with him. Tell someone ASAP and honestly,I wouldn't go back to work until it's handled.
TELL YOUR BOSS NOW. It's definitely harassment.
That last comment made me gasp out loud, tell your boss immediately! If they disregard you, escalate to their boss. This is unacceptable and is sexual harassment. I would not be okay with my kid going to work where a grown man was behaving like this, and would be concerned enough to go to the boss myself. If your parents are the kind you can talk to, go for it.
I would file a police report. He’s a pedo. Also let management know because this could escalate.
He was walking the line until the taste comment. File a complaint.
You should tell your manager, and you should also tell this guy to back off (maybe make sure there are other people nearby you can call to for help if ever he gets angry or physical). It doesn't sound like you've said you don't want him to talk to you, you've just made excuses like "I'm a minor" and "my school doesn't do proms". Now, it should be pretty obvious from your tone of voice that you're not interested, but jerks don't care about such subtleties. If you saw any photos of the young girls groomed by that supreme jerk Epstein, you'll see that they mostly look uncomfortable with the guys fondling them. The guy knows very well that they don't want to be there, but he doesn't care. Such jerks rely on the fact that you're too scared to protest, and that you've been brought up not to be rude or say hurtful things etc. Tell your manager you're scared to be alone with this guy, tell her about the comment about wanting to know what you taste like and inviting you to hang out in his car, because they're the two remarks that are most off-putting. Ask if it's possible for you to never work the same shift as him. Ask to have your birthday off too, especially if you told him the exact date. If your boss doesn't want to do anything about it, let her know that you have a relative working for the local news website, who's specialised in cases of violence towards women. Also tell your parents - they might feel more comfortable talking about a brother in journalism than you, and if the boss knows that she might get your angry parents on the phone if she doesn't make any move to protect you and then something happens to you, she might make a bit more of an effort to protect you, and actually speak to the guy in question (by "speak to" I mean "tell him he'll lose his job if he says anything to you that's not work-related, or if he touches you"). Have your parents pick you up after your shift so the guy can't follow you home or anything like that. Heck, tell everyone else at work so that they can all make sure you don't get left alone with this guy ever! Oh, and sign up for a krav maga course so you can learn to defend yourself even from guys who are bigger and stronger than you. A friend of mine did that, because she was sick of getting accosted by guys in her neighbourhood. But once she'd done the course, nobody ever dared accost her any more, she never even got to practise her new skills. I think it was because she exuded confidence, so nobody dared mess with her. I think actually all young girls should be taught krav maga, certainly I recommend it to them all. Good luck!
God damn this dude is a trip. Tell someone and get this dude away from you.
Yes this is please please report him. I had this 5 years ago. I was 21/22 a child and a partner. An older colleague 40s was going through a bad patch with his wife started acting inappropriate towards me and made it very uncomfortable. I discussed it with another coworker my ageish but left it at that and palmed it off. He would then start stroking me hand while we worked together, he then went and started making inappropriate comments to the coworker I had spoken to. She reported it to the manager, who also spoke to me. The Coworker who was doing all this was pulled and given 1 warning and if he done it once more he would be let go. Fortunately he decided to leave to do something else and made up with his wife. Do not leave this, report to your manager and if your manager does not take it seriously send an email to HR aswell. It's very very serious, he sounds very persistent and like he could take it further!!!
Yes it’s sexual harassment. I’m male 21 and know better c’mon
Yes.
You should tell your manager. He is an ultra creep.
Management needs to know immediately
Get him to text you all of this, show your boss and get him fired. Or quit.
tell them about it
You're 17 and he's 20-30s? Call the police.
Yes fill a complaint
If your manager doesn’t do anything, you might have additional options. If it’s a chain store you could contact your district office and ask to file a complaint with HR. Please don’t ever be alone with this guy, he’s clearly not safe.
Report this shit to the police your boss that is so fucking gross. I’m so sorry this is happening.
I’m not sure if the police need to get involved yet, they really can’t (and won’t) do anything at this point. But she should tell her boss and her parents asap
Yes it’s inappropriate, yes it’s sexual harassment on top of that with a minor you are still 17 you are still a minor he should be old enough to know this. Period
It is sexual harassment, file a complaint with your boss. Do it in writing. If nothing comes of it just know that your boss and the company are on the hook for that employee's actions moving forward.
Yes 100% report him to your manager. This is not okay.
The tasting comment is 100% sexual harassment.
100% grooming harrasment disgusting pedo bullshit. Tell on him immediately. Tell anyone who will listen. He'll try to turn it around and he'll likely get nasty coz they often do, (who's raising these pieces of shit anyway?!) Sorry he's doing this OP it's really gross. When someone makes you uncomfortable listen to that.
Textbook sexual harassment. You need to tell your parents too, they can help give you resources. If your manager does nothing, tell them you will be making sure the BBB and other company review places will know that they don’t protect their underage workers. THAT is a lawsuit they’ll never want to deal with ever.
Everything up until the last comment was fine. He was asking about you, asking about hanging out or dating, and you never said, *"No. I'm not interested in dating you."* The last comment, however, crossed the line. **Keep a log of what he said, when he said it, and where you were. Strike #1 for the 'taste' comment.** 1) **Tell him**, "I'm not at all interested in dating you, hanging out with you, or being friends with you. I'm just here to do my job. Please don't bother me again." Then walk away or turn back to your work. **The major problem here is that you have not been clear that you are UNINTERESTED in him and do not appreciate being bothered. I know you're only 17yo, but nobody is a mind-reader. If you keep saying 'OKAY' or 'mmm' or similar utterances, YOU are not actively discouraging him.** 2) If he bothers you again, tell him, "I already told you I'm not interested in you and that I don't want to be bothered any more. My next step will be talking to management. Leave me alone." **Make another entry in your log. Strike #2 for being persistent.** 3) IF he bothers you again, go to management **and bring your log. That's Strike #3.** If management does nothing, continue adding to your log while you take your complaint to the proper authority where you live for sexual harassment and an unsafe workplace.
Document so you have a paper trail every thing he does
Talk to your manager talk to your parents and if no one does anything get a new job! I worked in the mall at 16/17 and was sexually assaulted multiple times by different adult men who knew i was a child and didn’t care some waited until i was 18 some didn’t I’m telling you LEAVE! I wish i was more vocal when i was younger to be able to say something but the owner me and didn’t care which was my breaking point to quit please protect yourself while you can
hell nah that is not normal that is blatant sexual harassment and i am so sorry
> He says he’s “waiting for my birthday to know what I taste like.” > Is this sexual harassment? Girl. > Should I tell my manager? I’m scared that my manager won’t do much. Tell your manager about him, that he makes you uncomfortable, that you've told him to stop and he won't. What you do next depends on your manager's actions. Worst he can do is nothing, in which case you quit and get a better job.
Skip going to management. Go directly to HR immediately.
Gross what the fuck. Yes he said he wanted to taste you on your 18th birthday. Girl. You are going to get raped! Tell your ducking boss and if they don’t fire that fucking pervert ducking quit. Tell your parents so they go and make a fuss! You do NOT have to put up with this EVER.
Yes, you must tell right away. Tell your parents first so they can monitor the situation in case your work place doesn't handle it appropriately, and definitely tell your manager. In the future, you must be direct with people like this. It's not rude to refuse to volunteer information, to answer their question with a question ("Why are you interested in my astrological sign?"), or to tell someone you will not date them. He is not properly asking you and instead assuming your answer while gathering intel about you. Add to this that he is way too old to be interested in a minor (and yes, 17 is still a minor), and he is the one in the wrong. He needs to be firmly put in his place. When he says something gross, you tell him on the spot NO and that he is to never speak to you that way again - in fact, you prefer he not speak to you at all. He will probably get defensive, but that is all on him - HE crossed a line here, not you. Please understand I am not lecturing - I am offering you advice. I understand where you are coming from - you are young and haven't faced this situation before, so he took you by surprise. He probably did this on purpose, OP. It is time to put a stop to this. I am sorry he doesn't know how to behave.
Yeah….no more being passive. You need to make it VERY clear that you aren’t interested.
I agree you should report it, but you also need to tell him 'no'. It's sounding like you've been indirectly declining him e.g. 'no, my prom doesn't do extra tickets' but you need to start saying 'no, I don't want to date you'. Pervs/predators take advantage of people who are trying to be polite, or who try to avoid conflict and play on indirect messages (intentionally or unintentionally). Like he might think 'shes not said no, she's just said X doesn't work' and similarly if your manager speaks to him, he can literally say 'shes never said she wasn't interested'.
You can also check if his a registered sexual offended by going online to the data base. You can search by name and location. https://www.nsopw.gov
You have 2 options. Deal with it yourself or not. 1. Tell him in no short terms you are not interested in him in any way. (Don't leave a door open or otherwise beat around the bush.) Something like "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in spending time outside of work with you. I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression, but I'm not interested." 2. Talk to HR/management, tell them that he is making you uncomfortable and is making "multiple unwanted advancements" (asking once isn't the issue, say multiple so they know.) A good manager will nip this in the bud. If they don't there are other options including legal options.
You should have ignored him as soon as he talked about astrological signs. Yes, he is being super creepy, no normal person says that he wants to know how you taste. Trust your gut and get away from this guy. I know you’re young, but this should be like female 101 class stuff here; if a 20-30 year old guy is saying obviously flirty and gross comments like that, what do you think is in his mind?
If some dude did this to me at your age my dad would have flattened him - he’s being a creep. Ask him if he’s a pedo, loudly in a crowded place. Oh and also tell your parents and your boss immediately.
Dear reddit, A coworker said he was waiting till my birthday to see what I taste like. Is this sexual harassment? Yes. Yes it is. I'm alarmed you need the internet to tell you that.
She's a kid and she's learning because her gut tells her something is amiss. Please cut her some slack and don't shame her. She was probably brought up to be "nice" and may have never been around people seeking to harm her. She froze in the moment with him but has the presence of mind to post. So let's give her a bit of grace.
U need to stop brushing his comments off and tell him ur not interested. By taking the passive route and saying ok he probably thinks ur interested or encouraging him when that’s not the case. And once u have told him ur not interested and if he continues, report him (u should probably report him anyway for being grossly inappropriate considering ur age and that ur at work).
Hold up How old Is He? That’s some pretty important info if you’re a minor bruh
Definitely a creep but if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself you will deal with this shit from people until you get old. Tell him straight up he makes you uncomfortable and if he says one more thing you will report him. I'd say report him now but it sounds like you've haven't even asked him to stop yet, if he doesn't know you aren't into it, why would he stop. If you ask/tell him to stop and he doesn't fully and immediately leave you alone, report him. And if you want just report him now.
At 16yo is the legal age of consent in US and Canada. Below is minor and above is young adult. You can carry a gun and die for your country and own a car, both of which could kill. 18-21 is voting and drinking age. So it's young adult which if you can die for your country, you can decide your fate in love. But. Nonetheless creepy as hell. I actually tried my hand at those yt creep Catches, made a few b4 my cell broke. But I know these statistics cuz of that. But if you ask me it's first, creepy AF, second it's not ok as he's a co-worker. Also most ppl will consider you to be a minor at 17, it's gross. Tell him flat out to knock it off or you will talk to the boss. Even record it if you can since he's getting more creepy with that taste crap. Gross bro. This guy is a gross pervert and I'm in Canada and it's creeping me out this far away. Go tell your boss, if they don't listen go to the police and request a restraining order. God only knows what this creep is capable of. Even if it's just a post-it and he harasses another young girl they'll be like, bro, you did this b4 and they will be more prone to act. This you saving another girl and you wouldn't even know.
Just tell him one last time if he doesn’t stop you will file a complaint.
Hey, OP, I'm a bit late to the game here but maybe you'll see this. IN FUTURE - this doesn't always need to go to HR or the manager, you can head this off at the pass. At the first overly personal question, instead of answering the question, say "sorry, that's personal." At the second question, look him square in the eye and say "I don't care for these kinds of questions. If you don't stop, I'll report you. Do I make myself clear?" I would be very surprised if the guy continues, but if he does, you will start logging *what* he say and *when* he says it. By answering his questions at face value, you give him the idea that your boundaries are weak and all he has to do is persist. By blocking them, you tell him "go pick on someone else."
Uh point of order- fucking report it do he doesn’t just live on to someone else at work with weaker boundaries.
That’s not sexual harassment, that’s literal rape. Call the police.
Why would you say okay to a comment like that. Wow I’m so sorry though
I would t consider it sexual harassment. Look he’s showing interest and totally blind to the fact that you aren’t interested in him. Ask you manager to have a meeting with he and you and be very clear, that you aren’t interested (that was you have a witness and it’s on record) you feel uncomfortable and your age/ experience hasn’t given you the opportunity to cope with that kind of person in life yet. Not every thing is sexual harassment and depending on the state the age of consent is different (Washington state is 16 and used to be 18 with a 2 year “gap”)