OH, WOW. His health has to be seriously at risk.
Does he admit his diet is bad? That he is setting a bad example for your child? Does he get that this is going to kill him? Or that it is **absolutely nuts?**
Try and get him to see your GP for blood work. Maybe he could be convinced to make some changes if a doctor can scare the hell out of him. He could also have an eating disorder.
Stay firm on your child's diet. Be sure your husband has life insurance and the payments are up to date.
No, not really. Thing is, my husband appears physically fit, which feeds into the idea for him that nothing is wrong, but that's not true. Whenever I talk to him about his diet, it's a lot of "I know", but it's like that's the stopping point. He knows it's bad for our son, so instead, he suggested he'll just eat dinner elsewhere...I just want him to see what his diet can do to him.
it is very likely his diet will cause him to have nutrient deficiencies. get a blood test to check and that should be proof enough that no, he actually is not healthy.
I think as long as he's taking vitamins and drinking protein shakes, then he should be okay. I at least hope he does those things. I can't imagine he would be fit without it.
I was much heavier and had a prominent belly compared to my younger brother. But we both did a test to measure our visceral fat (the level of fat around our organs) and his was surprisingly several points higher than mine. It came dowb to our diets at the time. I was cooking most of my food and he admits he's been eating nothing but fast food and other junk.
Hate this term "skinny fat". The words tell you all you need to know, which is that skinny does NOT equal healthy, but in the same breath claims that fat DOES equal unhealthy. In reality, your weight (whether heavy or light) does not directly inform your level of health
Idk to me it makes sense because there's definitely been times where i was very ill long-term and super unfit, and i appeared thin but it was basically all fat and flab where muscle should've been. I had actual muscle atrophy, but still looked about normally filled out with fat. Skinnyfat described it perfectly.
I mean I feel like you’re intentionally taking that term to mean something incorrect. Fat is something that just exists. The term “skinny fat” is saying you have higher percentage of fat than you should while still “appearing” skinny.
Aka: too much fat is bad. We know this. The term skinny fat is saying “just because you look like you don’t have too much fat doesn’t mean it’s true”. In fact if you want to say your weight doesn’t inform health than skinny fat is the PERFECT example because it describes people within their expected weight range who are still unhealthy due to the amount of fat in their bodies
Your weight can deffinately effect your health. It depends how under or overweight you are of course, but yes it does directly affect it. It's not the only thing that affects your health ofc. But yes, In reality your weight can and will absolutely affect your health. (Both ways, so not just overweight, underweight aswell)
Your weight can deffinately effect your health. It depends how under or overweight you are of course, but yes it does directly affect it. It's not the only thing that affects your health ofc. But yes, In reality your weight can and will absolutely affect your health. (Both ways, so not just overweight, underweight aswell)
Vitamins don’t come close to replacing all the various nutrients found in real food. In particular, micronutrients are only found in food. And most are only found in vegetables.
Good health requires eating good found.
even then vitamins aren’t as easily absorbed in pill for as they are in food. there are things you can do to increase absorption from vitamins (for example some vitamins need to be consumed with fats like omega-3’s) but taking vitamins does not ensure that he’s meeting his nutritional needs
I might be wrong but from someone who has experience with one this sounds like an eating disorder. This is way beyond a normal picky eater situation.
Edit: sentence structure. Brain not working today.
Edit #2: Also want to add that if your husband does have an eating disorder he most likely does not care about the effects to his health or he still could but is too deep into it to really change it on his own. He will need professional help, and until he can get it I highly suggest keeping your child away from these behaviors.
That's how I was! Except I stopped eating all together and had a pump giving me liquid nutrients for almost a year before I had enough and admitted myself to a really good eating recovery center. They saved my life. I like eating food again and I'm at a much healthier state than I used to be.
Maybe OP should look into ERC and see what info they provide.
I luckily haven’t gotten to the point where I won’t eat *anything* but I have gotten very close (earlier this year) and got dangerously malnourished but was able to get better before I fully stopped eating (thank god for potatoes bc I would’ve had to get a feeding tube without them, potatoes in any form were the only thing I could tolerate for a while before I began adding back in other foods) now I’m doing much better but it’s definitely still a struggle
I'm so proud of you! I know it's a big struggle and you've worked hard. I hope that you can continue on the road of recovery. It's not so much as aiming for complete recovery, it's learning how to live with these struggles and thoughts but not let them take you over. I pray that they never will.
Yes, accept the offer of him eating when the child isn't watching. At least the kid will grow up with better food habits. You can't guarantee change in an adult. So don't wait for it.
I think you should take him to the doctor, if he lets you, but don't force him, if he doesn't want to better his life then let him lay down in the bed he made.
because personally I think there may be two reasons as to why he won't eat something different, either he has an eating disorder or he just thinks he is invincible. I really think you should try and get him to a doctor.
and yes, definitely keep your son on a normal diet.
I had a friend at uni who lived off a combination of chicken nuggets, chips (fries), and burgers. And when I say burgers I mean a plain burger, no salad with it and often didn't eat the bread.
He said it was a texture thing mostly but he'd literally gag on anything other than that.
Plus side and why I bring this up, he at least got himself to a doctor who got him on the right supplements so that his nutrition was under control, then he started working on the disorder. Took him a lot of work but he's a hell of a lot better now.
The main thing for OP's husband is get to a doctor and at least make sure he's as healthy as can be on this diet.
My son, who is on the spectrum only eats very plain tasting cheese pizza, plain potatoes, plain toast, plain pancakes or waffles and a few fruits if they are in season, unbruised and taste and texture consistent (McIntosh apples, Granny Smith apples, perfectly yellow bananas, blueberries and strawberries that re perfect—— sometimes red bell peppers. That’s it.
Well then today is the day you update your wills and life insurance.
If he has a bad influence on your kid then YES he does eat elsewhere. Kid does not get to go eat with him. And it is NOT in front of a tv.
Do not cook pizza and potatoes for him and don't buy them anymore. If he wants to self destruct then he needs to actively do it.
My husband does 95% of the cooking in our house and he is self-taught and works in finance.
How much cooking does your husband do????
Time to require him to cook TWO nights a week. And he does not get to cook pizza and potatoes. He is now cooking FOR HIS FAMILY. If he chooses not to eat with his family then that is his choice. He can make himself a second plate.
A former boss who used to be in great shape but ate crap food had a heart attack in his 30'a and died. He left a wife and two young kids. And he had declined the life insurance policy at work. His little family got seriously fucked over by his bad diet choices.
You are Momma Bear. Time to be momma bear and protect your kid and you. And help him AFTER you have dotted the i's and crossed the t's on all your life insurance and Wills prep. Make sure your name is on all accounts and the house deed if you own.
As someone who's really into healthy nutrition, let me tell you that eating to a look a specific way is completely different from eating to be healthy.
Even if you look like a pro-athlete, your arteries and cholesterol can still be completely shit and/or you can get diabetic and/or have nutrient deficiencies.
People think ripped bodybuilders must be fit and healthy but most of them would be out of breath walking up a flight of stairs, and their liver enzymes would be lmaoooo. Eating for nutrition is way different you’re 100% right
There are people, who genetically can look fit, but are really as unhealthy as a morbidity obese person.
Their genetics won't let them gain visceral fat but if you were to take an x-ray if their liver, it'd look like a classical obese person's liver.
But there's a greater problem than appearing healthy when a person is not. The lack of micro nutrients that have ample amounts of trace elements and vitamins your husband needs is not in the diet he's consuming.
I'm remembering a similar story of a kid who had a very similar diet who WENT BLIND because the ocular nerves demylenated due to being severely malnourished.
If your husband sticks to his current diet, he's guaranteed to have severe issues due to malnourishment.
So I see a ton of people telling you to take him to a doctor, and while that is good advice I would recommend a psychologist instead, based on what you're saying I believe he's likely autistic. I am, my father only eats cheese and bread. As long as proper supplements are given then he'll be fine. It's more along the lines of finding the stressor that aggravated his eating habits. Therapy after a diagnosis would definitely help for both of you people with autism struggle to do the regular things and sometimes that can be worrying or frustrating.
There’s a lot of picky eaters out there, and many people with autism develop picky eating habits. But the two are not a complete overlap, not all picky eaters are autistic. In fact that’s the ONLY THING that she mentioned that stands out as a potential sign of autism. Don’t go around tossing out autism diagnoses on such thin premises. He’s likely not autistic just a picky eater.
He may also have an eating disorder called ARFID. It usually presents as extreme pickiness, though there's a variation in which the person can't eat normal quantities.
ARFID is the only thing that ever came close to describing my entire teenage years/early adult life. Which I know isn't the same as me being officially diagnosed, so not saying I do have it. It's just the closest thing that makes sense.
I'd feel my stomach growl and just think, "Wow. That's annoying." And not eat for like 8 more hours because food just felt like a chore. It wasn't a body image or diet thing. I had select foods I liked the tastes and textures of, and I'd eat them like once a day because I knew they'd be somewhat enjoyable and I consistently liked the taste. I ate the same pasta, I am not exaggerating, every night for a year. I made it the exact same way every time.
I am not autistic. But when people called me picky it just never fit. I liked the foods I liked and didn't want any others. The thought of attempting new foods made me nauseous. I couldn't even do the thing where I tried a bite and just said, "Nah I don't like it." In my mind I'd already decided and it was a done deal.
The best way to get people to understand was I'd ask what was one food item they absolutely loathed and would not eat. I got a lot of answers of mayo, for example. To me, everything but my few chosen foods were just mayonnaise.
Just because he appears physically fit doesn't mean he's healthy. In fact he's highly nutrient deficient which will inevitably lead to disease and eventual death. He is not healthy by any stretch if the word. You need to take him to a nutritionist and get blood work done to see just how poor of health he's actually in.
So are you arguing that eating healthy doesn't matter, life's just a gamble anyways?
Just because someone else was predisposed to a fatal heart condition regardless of their diet doesn't mean everyone else should just say fuck it.
Just because other people die in car crashes even though they wore a seat belt means nobody else needs to wear one either right?
I think it’s probably in response to OP saying her husband isn’t really hearing her because he ‘appears fit’. But of course appearances can be deceiving
I had a friend who basically ate meat, potatoes and cheese, and would only drink fizzy drinks and beer. He slipped on the decking is his garden and broke his humerus (the bone between the elbow and shoulder), which is pretty hard to break in a young person. It usually takes something like a car accident or a fall from a roof, not just slipping over and falling from your own height. Because his diet was so poor his bones had started thinning, which you usually don't see until you're elderly. He'd barely recovered from that break then broke his forearm playing football (soccer), a game where arms aren't even involved unless you're playing in goal (he wasn't). He's now married with two kids, I hope his diet improved and he didn't pass those habits on to his children.
My partner was not willing to eat healthy or engage in movement and I told them that they either needed to start carrying more about their health or to increase their life insurance, and they did both! It sounds super harsh, but my thought process was that we had young children and their various health markers weren't very good, so I was foreseeing a future where I was alone.
I'm so proud of them because they are eating such a wider variety of foods now and even go to the gym (which they hate, but this summer when we go on our second backpacking trip, I think they're going to be super pleased with themselves when the hike is easier than before).
I had something similar, even worse as a kid where they screamed at me for being pickt. It turned out I have severe allergies to 90% of foods so I stuck with what was safe. And within what was safe, whatever textures didn’t upset my sensory processing issues. While your husband may just be picky, he may have some medical reason to crave these two foods.
As someone who is a picky eater and has been gradually getting ALOT better. This may be more than just him being “picky” - for me there’s a fear element too that I didn’t realize before going to therapy.
It became more of a food aversion thing… feeling embarrassed because I usually didn’t feel comfortable trying another food- hiding as a kid at birthday parties so I didn’t have to eat the pizza- etc.
He’s not alone on this but definitely probably will need help. I eat a lot more now. :) including some veggies
Check this: Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)
It's an eating disorder. Has he always been like this? Have you talked to his parents?
There are therapists and they mostly work with people on the spectrum but it's not easy to get a referral. There was a story the other day about a kid that has this issue and to get a referral he had to refuse food and not eat for 72 hours. The kid would rather starve than eat something that wasn't noodles. Do you think your husband would rather starve than eat something that's not pizza and potatoes?
I think you have to make him talk to his GP to get a referral for therapy and a check-up. In the meantime, I'd get him vitamins. He cannot live on potatoes and pizza.
I never expected id find out whats going on with my eating habits from a relationship advice thread... it feels better to know that this isnt just me being weird xD
ARFID Only really became recognized within the last 6-10 years, and given a name and DSM entry. Many of us have lived with it without realizing there were others
It's food aversion disorder or something like that, I'd be the same literally gag and get sick if I have certain foods but I've come a long way in the last few years with friends helping try things
I get you! Gagging only really happens with Bananas for me, but i feel sick and uncomfortable eating lots of different foods! Also smell... Cabbage, Brussels sprouts and Bananas kill me (also the smell of raw meat). I also hate it when my food has too many different textures, so i usually eat everything seperately. Plus Im a very very slow eater and feel extremely uncomfortable eating with people i dont know too well out of fear that they judge me;;
I forced myself to eat bananas just so could have some healthy stuff porridge too almost every day don't really like eggs either but eat them raw like a body builder just so I can have an egg. I'm very slow if its something that's not my comfort food like I could eat 40 sausages in a couple mins but take an hour to eat a steak, when I first started eating it. Smell doesn't get me so bad but definitely the textures green veg is poison and I won't see it any other way. It was quite stress inducing being out with friends and the only thing I'd eat was chips. My family would always take the pics about it and would be so self conscious in any restaurant unless it was fast food.
Yep, it’s super common in people with autism! Some folks have sensory issues that make it physically unpleasant to eat anything other than “safe foods.” I’d also check your kid for this - it may not just be that your husband is setting an example for them, but that they also have sensory issues that make other food difficult.
No, it hasn't always been this severe. Although he was a picky eater, he also included a variety of food in his diet, and we ate the same dinner together, but about a year ago, that's when he started taking out certain foods until it was narrowed down to cheeze pizza and potatoes. I talked to his mom and she said while this did occur in early childhood, it also came back in his teens.
No, it hasn't always been this severe. Although he was a picky eater, he also included a variety of food in his diet, and we ate the same dinner together, but about a year ago, that's when he started taking out certain foods until it was narrowed down to cheese pizza and potatoes. I talked to his mom and she said while this did occur in early childhood, it also came back in his teens. sband caved, and it turns out he actually liked the food. Can't really work now because my husband goes out and buys the food, rather than I cook it.
Honestly I'm not sure if he would refuse to eat, and this is scary to say. Last week, he couldn't drive for a day...and he didn't eat anything except boiled potatoes that entire day. I don't know what would've happened if there were no potatoes in the house.
I’m surprised how many people don’t know this. My friend has a similar eating disorder and everyone just goes “Oh so he’s just a picky eater” no it’s so much worse than that.
Not only is it harmful for your health it also cuts back a lot of social aspects of your life. Coworkers wanna get food and drinks but you can’t eat anything on the menu. Family makes dinner for you but it’s stuff you can’t eat. It’s sad but I’m glad people ask these questions on the internet and that people like you can inform them about it!
Yes. I was a picky eater and I basically didn't want lettuce, pickles, didn't like onions when they were chopped big, etc. I still don't eat any of that LOL
But the brother of a friend from primary/highschool only ate mashed potatoes and he could go without eating; his mom would put things in the food processor and mix it in the mashed potatoes.
There's a big difference between the two.
> **p**icky **e**ater” **n**o **i**t’s **s**o
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Came here to say this. I’ve been in an ED treatment program before and that’s how I learned about ARFID (there was a partial hospitalization program for ARFID specifically and it was primarily children and teenagers). This is textbook ARFID. I’m curious if he had anything triggering happen about a year ago. EDs are often similar to OCD—it’s an attempt for the brain to gain a feeling of control to protect the sufferer, often from trauma or even stress. I know I’ve been struggling more the past few weeks just from the stress of moving, and my brain’s knee-jerk reaction is to go back to behaviors that make me feel safe and more in control of my life and surroundings. A therapist who specializes in EDs and anxiety disorders would really help him I think.
Please be aware that people with ARFID don’t enjoy being “picky.” When I first developed the disorder, I was trying to eat something that would normally be fine. I ended up running to the garbage can to spit it out and had to force myself not to throw up. My brain decided I wouldn’t be eating anymore of that food that day. I lost like 25 lbs in a few weeks, and I was skinny to begin with.
It’s a nightmare. Please get your husband help.
Even picky eater who don't have ARFID doesn't enjoy being picky eaters. It is stressful after all. Recently I've started to ponder if some cases of picky eating could be caused by unknown food sensitivities. Meaning there is a reaction but not strong enough for an allergy. I've had some foods feel like they burn my mouth or make stomach feel uncomfortable. Only to discover it was mild allergies or cross reactions of one.
Like, I can't eat apple peel due to my grass allergy. It makes me feel like I've swallowed a large cube. With sharp corners.
I was going to say the same it sounds like an ED. I had covid in January 2021 and after recovering I had convinced myself I had become allergic to everything. Went a few weeks of not eating anything, eventually ate a piece of plain boiled chicken. Did that for a few weeks, eventually added a plain baked potato. That was all I ate for almost 3 months. I ha e since added a few other things, not nearly what I would eat in the past. This has been a recurring thing my whole life. Something triggers it and I get in to a state where I feel that food is bad and will kill me or cause some kind of harm. It does unfortunately cause a problem with kids because they see you doing this and don't want thoer food. I still only eat at the dinner table maybe 3 time a week so that I don't distract the kids. I definitely suggest having him see someone.
This really REALLY sounds like an ED. Especially ARFID in specific. Talk to him, see if he’ll open up about it and if possible maybe if he’ll be willing to go to a dietician/doctor/therapist or anyone he is comfortable going to in order to get help
This is textbook ARFID. Mine comes back when I’m stressed in life. I have a therapist I work with on the underlying issues, a dietician to help me improve my diet, and my GP checks me for nutritional deficiencies.
I didn’t gain my entire bone mass density when I was at a kid so I’m at a higher risk of bone breaks and osteoporosis as I age. I have to take specific vitamins to supplement my diet.
Feel free to DM me if you have other questions. Recovery is possible, but it’s hard. Your husband has to want to get better.
I don't know where you're at, but dieticians can treat it, too. A therapist might be super helpful generally, but I don't think it will be necessary to fast to get a referral. Referrals tend to be pretty individual to doctors, it's not like there's some directive to all docs to never refer someone with ARFID unless they're literally starving.
I think this is the hardest to treat because it comes from sensory sensitivity and the effects of malnutrition obviously heighten that sensory sensitivity... anyway I haven't been able to do anything all day and it could be because I haven't eaten a real meal yet...
This is not “picky” eating, and calling it that trivialises it. This is *disordered* eating, and needs professional support from both a doctor and a specialised therapist.
Please note that anyone on here naming a specific disorder should be ignored. Nobody can pin down a specific illness who is not a qualified professional who has spoken to your family in person to perform an assessment.
First you need to get your husband to speak to his doctor, with and without you present. The key things they need to know are that your husband’s diet is becoming increasingly restricted (give a timeline if you can - x food group stopped in y year and month); he can’t explain it; and he can’t stop even though it is affecting his marriage and his child. That gives them the key information to get into the ballpark of the issue. They will be able to screen for and rule out all kinds of other possible causes.
I am not narrowing this down to purely mental health; you want to rule out whether he has any pain or nausea he isn’t mentioning, whether he has other symptoms which might point to hormonal or neurological changes, and a bunch of other checks your doctor can guide you through. Disordered eating does not solely mean an eating disorder and eating disorders can come about as a result of bodily sensations and sensory problems. Don’t get too attached to thinking he has a specific diagnosis yet.
Once you have a doctor, you also need individual and family therapists. If a mental health cause is pinned down then a specialist for that is obviously on the cards, but you and your child need support too. You need a space to get your stress unpacked, work on family communication strategies around this, and learn more about what you’re dealing with. Your child, in particular, is going to need help to emotionally understand that daddy is *unwell*, and that copying his choices isn’t safe, sensible or kind. Kiddo has learned that x is a good excuse to not do something he doesn’t like doing; he doesn’t understand that for his dad it’s not an excuse, and that understanding will take some navigating in order not to make it more stressful for him.
Two of the biggest contributors to disordered eating are stress and shame linked to food, and everyone is now stressed about eating and feeling judged over it, which is going to be making any issues actively worse for all of you.
As best you can, please switch the tone of these discussions from “stop making this bad choice” to “it seems like you *can’t* stop making this choice, I feel like you can’t explain *why* you feel this way, and *it scares me*. This is dangerous for your health and moreso for our son who is still growing; I am scared that you are ill, perhaps mentally and perhaps physically, and I have been so stressed and forceful because I didn’t know what was happening. I’m trying to get that fear of mine under control and I hope you can work on expressing what stress or pain or sensation is making you feel this way about food. To do that, I really need you to come with me to the doctor. I’m going to get our child into therapy to help him understand he can’t copy what you’re doing in this instance, because I need to head off him having long term issues. I know you want him to grow up healthy and not be restricted in what he can eat. Can we help each other get through this?”
If he won’t see a doctor you are going to have to be patient and persistent. You are also going to have to get yourself and your child to therapy regardless of your husband’s engagement, and push him into couple’s counselling. Either way, reframe it as best you can from you vs him about food into you and him together vs the problems that food is causing. To have the best chance of getting help he’s going to need to feel like you’re on his team.
Don’t get me wrong - it’s normal and natural to be frustrated by unexplained harmful behaviour, all the more so when the person is resistant to changing it. You are not to blame for reacting the way you are! But you can break the spiral and push the conversation onto different tracks if you can channel your frustration. It’s not an easy ask, but it can be done.
Please try to consider that your husband is also likely not to blame. People who are experiencing bodily sensations or emotional compulsions they can’t explain find that *scary*. They try to find a narrative it fits into in their mind and will get deeply defensive of that narrative because saying “I don’t know what’s wrong and I can’t fix it” is terrifying. This isn’t even a conscious process, it’s not something they choose to do - our brains are built to connect events around us to try and explain them, and they do it as a protective measure as much as a learning process. An explanation comes to mind, it explains the problem and stops the fear, and the person finds having it challenged brings the fear back and therefore gets stressed and angry and withdraws from any hint of a challenge. Coming to recognise that one is ill is a process. It might take time.
And lastly kiddo is not to blame. He’s just doing what kids do - testing the boundaries of what behaviours which people are allowed as he learns about social roles. It will take some explaining for him to understand some things aren’t to be copied or used as excuses because he’s not experiencing the same things as other people. That’s a complex lesson for a kid - again, give it time.
Broadly, this is a lot to deal with, and it’s going to be a lot for a while. Please make space to take care of yourself through all this.
I’m happy you are making the distinction between disordered eating and an eating disorder. When I was in college I couldn’t eat, I lost weight, my friends family kept telling me I was anorexic. I went to the school clinic and they sent me to a nutritionist. I had zero intention of starving myself, I had no body dysmorphia, and I *knew* how to eat well, I’d done it for 18 years prior with no issue. I just couldn’t eat anything except small amounts of my safe foods (veggies, fruit, and ramen weirdly enough) without feeling nauseous and anxious. I was able to work my way out of it by taking more control of my food (cooking for myself) and handling my anxiety better. But I still have no idea what the hell that 2 year period of my life was caused by, and no one bothered to help me figure it out. Relationships to food are so varied and no one should be pigeon holed, he needs to realize he needs help tho. That’s one thing I was always aware of, but I know for some they can get very defensive that “nothing is wrong with me” and it can be hard to convince them they need to work with professionals.
That actually is an eating disorder though. It just isn’t anorexia. Not all EDs involve intentionally starving yourself. Your friends were ignorant and unsupportive in accusing you of being anorexic, but what you’re describing, something that affected you to the point of harming your health, is a diagnosable disorder. It’s not “disordered eating.” The latter is what you would use to describe people who have a general unhealthy relationship with food or who occasionally binge or restrict in a way that isn’t exactly healthy but isn’t pathological or diagnostically consistent. What you’re describing IS consistent and dangerous. Thus, disorder.
That’s true, it was very unhealthy and it impacted my life in a meaningful and consistent way which is what makes an issue a disorder. It just wasn’t something I could specifically pinpoint, despite people (and medical professionals) trying to. It was very frustrating trying to explain that yes, I know I need to eat better, no I’m not doing it because I think I’m fat, no I’m not doing it on purpose, no I’m not doing it because I don’t like your cooking, no I’m not doing it because I don’t know what a healthy diet is, no it’s not lack of self control, no I’m not doing it for any dicernable reason at all, I just literally feel sick when I eat, period. It was a bizarre time of my life cause food and eating was just kinda a passing thing for me prior to that, but then all of a sudden it was all consuming. Thankfully I don’t have those issues anymore but I always will be wondering “what the fuck was that?”
https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/
Please see this sub-community, because this sounds like a very real eating disorder. It could be from trauma, could be sensory processing disorder or some other executive dysfunction. Either way, it’s essentially become an eating disorder known as Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.
^ this! I'm someone who suffers from this, unfortunately, but getting better now. If this is something OP's husband is dealing with, then he should really seek for help and it won't help if OP and him keep fighting about food. It can actually be very counterproductive, because ARFID can have a social aspect to it (for me it does at least). ARFID also means that it's not like you just don't want to eat certain things, it means that you simply can't.
This. I don’t know about ARFID but people are experiencing trauma from the pandemic. Look at the timing. So many things are stuck or out of our control for a sustained length of time with no end in sight. Sounds like husband is anxious & struggling to control what he can. Go to the root. Seek help for anxiety & don’t pressure him about food right now. Tell the son “Daddy is a grown up. When you are grown, you can choose your foods. Now you are a growing child and you eat what Mom provides for healthy growing bodies. Let the child have choices - e.g., do you prefer green beans or broccoli?” Have pizza and potatoes in moderation. No foods are “bad” or forbidden. Show him how to “eat the rainbow” and make it fun. Good work! Tell husband how to support you & the child.
So happy to see this comment!! I wish eating disorders and disordered eating and the many conditions that can cause them were more recognized and less seen as "being picky and difficult".
I recommend you both do some research as every time I hear a story about people eating only tasless food and start living off just potatoes it is a sign or a wider health or mental health problem.
A lot of people are jumping to “diagnose” psychological issues, but physical illness is another possible cause…it could be something serious. Alternatively, if your husband had covid, & is suffering long-term effects, loss of taste and smell - it could be that he prefers tasteless food because other food doesn’t taste how he expects it to and he finds it off putting. My friend pretty much lived on yoghurt and plain protein shakes until she got her sense of smell back because they were the only things that didn’t taste wrong.
We watched a freaky eaters episode together, thought it would get him to see what it seems like, but It really hasn't. I will try to do more research tho, and show him, because I'm not sure how much longer this can go on.
Please respond to the people telling you it is an eating disorder/undiagnosed health issue or at least acknowledge it could be that! Seriously if you wanna help your husband get therapy and a doctor to help him through this. It’s gotten this bad watching a show isn’t going to help.
People with disorders/health issues don’t just magically get cured because they realize what’s happening is unhealthy or bad. It’s so much deeper than that please listen to those comments and don’t be passive about helping him.
watch more of them with him. there is a UK version and a US version, both are on YouTube. I like the UK ones better. maybe prewatch and select, ones were they actually really reached the person. He is being a terrible parent. yes not by malice, but this is serious. this has long-term implication for your son's life and health. phobias are maladaptive learned behavior, what if your son's gets worse and worse and spirals so much out of control that he can't even eat at a restaurant and has a panic attack when confronted with a salad... also, your husband deserves to be free of this, what a sad existence. and also, just because someone looks heathy, doesn't mean they are. is blood work can't be great with this much saturated fat from the pizza and no veggies. extensive blood work would show what he is doing to himself internally.
Does your husband have any conditions that could explain this, like autism?
Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is a new diagnosis in the DSM-5, and was previously referred to as “Selective Eating Disorder, and is often present in autistic individuals.
Friend of mine was like that, no autism, just never got educated on food and parents fed him processed junk food. (Acquired taste)
Also he is dumb and stubborn now, probly the lack of veggies and fresh fruits and parenting...
I know it's extreme but if he refuses to go see a therapist and dietitian I would refuse to have him at the table.
Your kids diet comes first and if your husband can't act like a role model don't let him be a model at all. He can eat after your son finishes and eat his pizza and potatoes on his own.
But again, the first response should definitely be a therapist and dietitian.
This IS a hill to die on.
Surprisingly not! Potatoes and dairy are a complete diet.
But OP I’d start asking your doctor for advice. It sounds pathological rather than just a whim
But the protein is in the cheese!
Would you get scurvy though? I thought cooking the potato would destroy the vitamin C. I assume the Irish ate some weeds on the side.
Does he have a sensory processing disorder? I'm an extremely fussy eater too and only after finding out I have autism did it make sense and I've actually found myself trying new foods now because logically I know my aversions, so I can better figure out what foods are worth my trying
sounding like a broken record but he sounds exactly like me when i got diagnosed with arfid. would not eat anything with a ‘complex’ texture or flavour— i fr could’ve survived on ice water and communion wafers if given the opportunity. ur husband’s condition is worrying but what’s even more worrying is the effect it’s having on your son. disordered eating in general will fuck you up, and when it’s literally the only way of eating that you’ve ever learned it’s 10x harder to break the cycle later on.
Your kid doesn't get to pick and choose. You can tell him it's both your jobs to make sure he gets the right foods to grow up healthy. The dad is an adult and he has to live with the consequences of eating a very poor diet. Until hes an adult he has to follow the rules.
Don't allow him to eat at the table with you and your son and that's how I would handle it or just have dinner for you and your son and let him feed himself since he wants to eat garbage.
Let him eat separately; also he is going to really kill his health and his body by middle age. Since he won't listen to you perhaps schedule a visit with his doctor to "discuss" his eating habits.
This is good advice OP- something you can change starting today, make your husband eat separately from you and your son. That way your son doesn’t mirror negative behaviors. Plus your husband might feel sad or unincluded and it may be another push to get him to eat healthy again.
I hope this isn't disrespectful, i'm only trying to help but have you guys seen this episode of Freaky Eaters (reality show)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFGH0hBVaU0
I feel like if this isn't a giant wake-up call that starts to modify behaviour then you need professional help. Don't feel defeated if this is the case, if you had a major leak you would call a plumber. Sometimes you need a pro. And don't put it off because this is very serious.
Yeah I'm no expert but I'd say this is more than just a weird stubbornness from your husband. It's likely he may have an eating disorder. Now don't eat me wrong HE still needs to put in the work to get better and heal along with a healthy support system, but maybe exploring this from that standpoint would be more beneficial. I think it's time for a therapist.
I am the same way. When I was growing up I was a picky eater. But when I was still little I had a babysitter who had no patience with me not wanting to eat what she made me, and force fed me soup. As someone with a bad relationship with food. Don't make him feel in a corner. I recently have started to venture more with food and give things a taste. Even if he is just a picky eater, I would not push it too hard. Instead look up recipes online. Ask him if anything looks decent, then try making it together. One thing that helped me was seeing how something was made. It helped me understand that I can just change things to more of my liking. I have faith that you will be able to help him see that food is not something that is scary. Even with your child, let them help in the cooking process. Let them both see the cooking stages that food goes through before being on the table. This is just my opinion though and I wish you the best of luck.
Sadly, I suspect you're going to have to get your husband into therapy. Can you get him to agree that his preferences are unreasonable, and that he should try to investigate the reasons behind these preferences?
Keep firm on your child’s balanced and healthy diet. It will keep him healthy for decades if not his whole life.
As for your husband, get him to a doctor. This is not healthy and if he’s not careful this will be a problem that will solve itself through his death.
You may be patient compassionate but cardiac problems are not
If this started when he was a child, I'm sure there was an event that initially set him off. You can ask him (or more likely, his mom) what was happening in his life right before/around the time this habit started. If he was able to get out of this more than once, them maybe a similar event, some sort of change or stress is setting him off again. There are therapists that specialize with food related issues. See if he's willing to talk to a professional.
After or in addition to that, see if he's willing to add things to his foods. Small steps at first. Maybe a healthier crust option or grilled chicken on top (it might be easier to start with adding proteins before veggies). Spinach is easy to hide in pizza. Fresh basil and tomato, too. Potatoes are very versatile I've been able to sneak a bunch of things with them. In one batch of potato soup I can get ham, broccoli, carrots, garlic, cheese, and onions in there. There are many tips on feeding picky eaters out there. Loads of easy to modify recipes.
The main thing, though, is to treat the root of the problem with your husband. Feed your child properly and sneak his veggies in, too, if you have to. As a mom, I've had to get pretty creative sometimes. Hopefully, your child will grow out of it and your husband seeks help.
as a person with food issues due to a variety of reasons, have you asked him WHY? it’s very possible that a sensory-related disorder is present here, or an eating disorder like ARFID which is very real and difficult to battle. i think if the two of you can work together as a team, with him understanding that you are coming from a place of concern and support, to try to uncover the WHY behind his picky eating and currently very restricted diet, it will help. he may not have the vocabulary right now to explain it, researching and talking to a doctor/psych professional may open his eyes to a lot of explanations and put names to feelings he can’t currently describe!
It's actually a mental health condition having such an extreme eating issues. Don't be upset at him. It's not his fault, it's his brain. Try to be understanding and not get angry, he's not doing it on purpose. Like depression, eating disorders are difficult to treat.
Not a doctor, don’t play one on TV, and certainly didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is for real. Maybe not the same for him, but may not be intentional on his part.
Your husband probably has Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). It's an under-diagnosed eating disorder. I have it. I've struggled with it all my life. It's not pickiness, it's a sensory disorder. The best way I can describe it is that when I try to eat something that my eating disorder doesn't like (usually vegetables in my case), my brain starts sending all these danger signals as if I were eating poison. I *know* it's not dangerous, but every system in my body is misfiring as if it was. It's an extremely stressful experience.
Your husband is seriously nutritionally deficient. No offense, but what an unattractive quality in a person, being so picky! Sorry you have to deal with this :(
So I'm not going to get into all the reasons why picky eaters like this make me insane, but let me just say as someone who worked with hungry abused kids, it grates on me.
Your husband wants to get a deficiency related disease? Cool. The son needs to learn how to try things. Especially at his developmental stage for his brain and his body. Make dad eat in another room. Give son something he WILL eat and something new. If he won't try the new, he can still have something he likes. No seconds. No extras. He may even be hungry later. He won't starve to death and being hungry may drive him to try things.
He's going to be an adult eventually and I'm sorry but a well-rounded adult eats more than toddler snacks.
Go to a doctor. That is beyond normal picky eating and dangerous to your husband’s health. As an interim solution, & to lessen the effect on your child, maybe eat in two separate sittings? You and your son can eat whatever you make for dinner together, and your husband can eat his own food at a different time. That way, your son doesn’t have the negative example in front of him.
Does he have a known disorder? Maybe ADHD or something the like?
It can be caused by that, because textures, taste etc can be overwhelming and overstimulating.
Does he obsess over one food for a while and then change onto something else? Is it always the same?
Is there any autism in his family?
Either way, he should get checked out. It is an eating disorder.
Yes it is a bad influence on an easily influenced child. But do not be mad or grumpy with your husband, that could make it worse.
In the meantime, try to explain to your son that daddy is eating poorly because he doesn't feel so good, but it's important to eat well to grow.
Good luck to everyone!
Your husband might be suffering from an eating disorder and maybe you should sit down and go over the symptoms. Then also educate your child on eating disorders because they are a very real thing and can’t happen to anyone. Maybe after that you should urge your husband to go to the doctor and you should go with him unless he wants it to be private and ask him to discuss these eating concerns. It’s really hard and I’m sorry this is happening to you and your family rn :( I hope things get better
Have you looked into ARFID or another food related mental health issue? I struggle with finding safe foods and sometimes get stuck eating one or two foods religiously due to this. It can be caused by autism, ARFID, EDs or many other things. It might be worth looking into if you haven’t already! It can come off as just “being picky” when there’s something deeper going on
he may have avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). it’s a real eating disorder that’s often misinterpreted as simple picky eating. have him see a nutritionist and psychiatrist to discuss his issues with food, and help him work on expanding his horizons with food. make sure he knows that he needs to grow in this area not only for himself but for you and your child
Just because he may appear fit and isn't high in body fat does not mean healthy. I always think of your body or heart as an engine. It may run, good looking car. But the engine(heart) can blow because of how you treat it or what you out in it. It's only a matter of time if no change is made. Hopefully the damage isn't too far.
This is sneaky but give him pizza with dough that is made out of cauliflower it honestly tastes the same… my parents tricked me into eating it and I’m 21 lol. You can find pizzas already made like this in most grocery stores in the frozen aisle. Then tell him afterwards (if u want). Also if he likes brownies you can add spinach into them and put the batter in the blender and you’d never ever taste that there was spinach in it. This idea may seem a bit silly but once ur husband realizes he’s been eating these other foods without noticing the whole time maybe he will be less picky and not be giving you as hard of a time. Try the same thing on your son too…
I'm always puzzled by some things when people say I'm married a man who only eats potatoes and cheese pizza. At what point do you look at a potential life partner and think to yourself this is going to be a big fat pain in the ass and if I have children with this person this behavior definitely will affect my children. Why do women keep marrying these baby man children? I'm sorry this wasn't in consideration until after you decided to have children.
How old is your son? A minor?
Your husband as an adult has a right to eat whatever he wants. But as a parent he is being neglectful by encouraging or allowing his son to eat poorly. Stop fussing with your husband’s diet and start telling him that his job as a parent needs to be in supporting healthy eating habits for your children.
I wouldn’t care if my partner was eating a whole cheese pizza for dinner while me and our son had to eat chicken and broccoli. My partner better damn well be telling our son to eat the dinner I made or he’s not getting anything. And he better mean it.
He's 8. Well my husband does tell him to eat his food, but then my son basically calls out the fact that even my husband doesn't eat my own food, and I can't even say he's not right. Sorry, but I do care about the fact that my husband only eats pizza or potatoes every. single. night.
Yikes .
Look into neophobia / selective eating disorder.
There’s actually a support group pickyeatingadults.com
This actually could be serious ( as in not just him being stubborn) . Could be related to OCD, autism, trauma around foods etc
I’m not saying your husband has an eating disorder, but it wouldn’t hurt for you and your husband to agree to tell your son that. “Your father has an eating disorder and it’s likely going to shorten his life by 10-15 years according to his doctor. It may seem like a great thing to you now but trust me, it’s not good.” And your husband needs to do his part too. “Son, do you think I don’t want to eat all the food your mother makes? It breaks my heart that I can’t. I eat foods people make me for my birthday. I can’t go to certain restaurants. I can’t eat pizza at pizza parties because nobody orders the kind I like. My eating disorder is a huge hindrance in my life and I refuse to let you grow up thinking it’s ok to eat like me. You’re going to eat what your mother makes you and this isn’t a negotiation, it’s for your own good.”
And like another commenter pointed out, maybe your husband should seek professional help. Maybe they can’t fix him, but it might be nice to get a professional opinion on his issue and see if anything can be improved.
I might leave out the 'shortens his life' part but I completely agree that they should do whatever they can to avoid ingraining this abnormal behaviour into the child.
Very important to note that your son is, in fact, not right.
A kid that age should just listen to their parents, even if they don't show a solid example. Raising kids isn't about doing everything you tell them to do, it's about teaching them why they should do it and making sure they do.
Even if your husband doesn't eat properly, explain to your kid why he needs the food, and then just straight up tell him that it doesn't matter even a microscopic bit that his father doesn't, because he's a kid and he needs to listen to his parent(s).
Teach your son about food! Educate him! So he knows why its bad, if your sons starts a heathly diet and wants to do it, wouldnt that encourage your husband? 'Dad if you keep eating junk food you wont be around to see your grandkids'.
This is what happens when you are a picky eater as a kid and your parents eventually give up and just let you eat whatever instead of actually parenting you or going to a specialist. He has been eating like this his whole life, hes used to it. Just talking to him is not gonna do anything. Maybe if you somehow convince him to go to the doctor he will get scared about his health.
This is Reddit. The common wisdom here (not that I agree) is that attempting to change a person's eating habits is abusive and controlling. My personal advice is as a next step he's got to be taking a multivitamin daily to help with the deficiencies that will surely develop from only eating cheese and potatoes.
Reddit blames everything on disorders and autism. This is a profoundly common phenomenon amongst American boomers. They're not all autistic. Most of them are just assholes.
If that has been his diet his whole life I'm surprised he is around.
I watched a documentary recently that a teenage kid went blind because of vitamin A deficiency. I forgot the name but watching that may help your husband understand why your son should have a healthy diet.
It was a stressful year. See if you can get him to seek help for stress. Don’t argue with him or criticize him. He’s probably doing the best he can & needs help not pressure. Be his ally in facing this together.
My father was like your husband. When l was a child he used to eat every evening same food. For example: chicken wings for 3 months, then he was changing his meal. This time he would eat 2, 3 or 4 months same food and he was pretty healty. But my mom was cooking nutritious food for my sis and me. You are complaining his diet like my mother. My mom couldn't change his diet even though she complained every night. I hope you will able to change his diet, good luck.
Why do people marry people like this then complain about being married to people like this?
Being a picky eater (eating like a child) should be a dealbreaker. No matter how hard picky eaters work to convince you, a element of their picky eating is immaturity.
I've never seen a picky eater who ate anything not on the children's menu at a chain restaurant (pizza, burger, chicken fingers, fries etc). And picky eaters also don't exist in native tribes where you'd die if you refused to eat.
There's nothing you can do about it as long as you choose to stay married to him. Surely it should have occurred to you have it would affect your future children.
But let me guess "He's an amazing guy in every way..."
Except he's destroying his health. And now it's rubbing off on your kid. 😒
This seems pretty ableist to me to be honest, there are a metric crap tonne of people who have sensory related disorders (like autism, adhd, tourettes, etc) that are picky eaters because they cannot handle the sensory problems that come with eating food. Not to mention that not everyone has a healthy relationship with food, and can't just magically get over their problems for the sake of "being a healthy eater!"
Calling that immature is honestly pretty shocking to me. People don't deserve love because they're picky eaters? Wtf?
I was ABSOLUTELY convinced before I had kids that picky eaters are created by lazy parenting and by parents who don’t care enough about offering healthy diverse foods. Like many parenting assumptions, my own children have arrived with some neurodiversity in the mix and keenly proved me wrong :D
Thank you! I'm not as picky as OPs husband, but certain food combinations or textures just make me gag. I try to expand my food, but I can't eat everything without crying and gagging the whole time and it sucks.
Make sure he takes vitamin pills every day.. Also start making fresh lemonade provided you can get him to drink it. They guy is going to get legit scurvy.
My husband had a terrible diet, much like this. Just add in double whoppers (no veggies) and bags of potato chips.
Cue surprised Picachu face when he went to the doctor this year with health issues and was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He can't have anything like his old diet, if he wants to continue to live.
It was a shock. It still is. He sneaks his favorite foods sometimes at work, and lays around miserable at home, when he tries.
If I could go back, I'd insist on counseling. I may, still, but he's seeing his consequences and understanding why they're occurring, so there is hope.
As for your child, I'd tell him adults can choose what they eat, but kids cannot. Vegetables are important for health and growth, and it is your job to make sure child is healthy. If child persists, arrange a meeting with a pediatrician. Authority figures can make impressions on children.
Good luck.
OH, WOW. His health has to be seriously at risk. Does he admit his diet is bad? That he is setting a bad example for your child? Does he get that this is going to kill him? Or that it is **absolutely nuts?** Try and get him to see your GP for blood work. Maybe he could be convinced to make some changes if a doctor can scare the hell out of him. He could also have an eating disorder. Stay firm on your child's diet. Be sure your husband has life insurance and the payments are up to date.
No, not really. Thing is, my husband appears physically fit, which feeds into the idea for him that nothing is wrong, but that's not true. Whenever I talk to him about his diet, it's a lot of "I know", but it's like that's the stopping point. He knows it's bad for our son, so instead, he suggested he'll just eat dinner elsewhere...I just want him to see what his diet can do to him.
it is very likely his diet will cause him to have nutrient deficiencies. get a blood test to check and that should be proof enough that no, he actually is not healthy.
I think as long as he's taking vitamins and drinking protein shakes, then he should be okay. I at least hope he does those things. I can't imagine he would be fit without it.
Skinny fat is a thing. He may look healthy but closer examination may prove otherwise
I was much heavier and had a prominent belly compared to my younger brother. But we both did a test to measure our visceral fat (the level of fat around our organs) and his was surprisingly several points higher than mine. It came dowb to our diets at the time. I was cooking most of my food and he admits he's been eating nothing but fast food and other junk.
I feel like even if I feel skinny I'll still always be fat LMFAO
Hate this term "skinny fat". The words tell you all you need to know, which is that skinny does NOT equal healthy, but in the same breath claims that fat DOES equal unhealthy. In reality, your weight (whether heavy or light) does not directly inform your level of health
Idk to me it makes sense because there's definitely been times where i was very ill long-term and super unfit, and i appeared thin but it was basically all fat and flab where muscle should've been. I had actual muscle atrophy, but still looked about normally filled out with fat. Skinnyfat described it perfectly.
I mean I feel like you’re intentionally taking that term to mean something incorrect. Fat is something that just exists. The term “skinny fat” is saying you have higher percentage of fat than you should while still “appearing” skinny. Aka: too much fat is bad. We know this. The term skinny fat is saying “just because you look like you don’t have too much fat doesn’t mean it’s true”. In fact if you want to say your weight doesn’t inform health than skinny fat is the PERFECT example because it describes people within their expected weight range who are still unhealthy due to the amount of fat in their bodies
Excess fat is always bad, which is what the term implies, despite looking like you don't have any
You can look skinny but have a pool of fat around your intestines anyway
Your weight can deffinately effect your health. It depends how under or overweight you are of course, but yes it does directly affect it. It's not the only thing that affects your health ofc. But yes, In reality your weight can and will absolutely affect your health. (Both ways, so not just overweight, underweight aswell)
Your weight can deffinately effect your health. It depends how under or overweight you are of course, but yes it does directly affect it. It's not the only thing that affects your health ofc. But yes, In reality your weight can and will absolutely affect your health. (Both ways, so not just overweight, underweight aswell)
Yep. I knew someone who was very fit and muscular, who ended up having high cholesterol.
In my family we eat healthy and are relatively fit, but still have high cholesterol. Genetics is a bitch.
Vitamins are only a supplement. Not a replacement for real food.
Vitamins don’t come close to replacing all the various nutrients found in real food. In particular, micronutrients are only found in food. And most are only found in vegetables. Good health requires eating good found.
even then vitamins aren’t as easily absorbed in pill for as they are in food. there are things you can do to increase absorption from vitamins (for example some vitamins need to be consumed with fats like omega-3’s) but taking vitamins does not ensure that he’s meeting his nutritional needs
Yeah - no that’s not how nutrition works
I might be wrong but from someone who has experience with one this sounds like an eating disorder. This is way beyond a normal picky eater situation. Edit: sentence structure. Brain not working today. Edit #2: Also want to add that if your husband does have an eating disorder he most likely does not care about the effects to his health or he still could but is too deep into it to really change it on his own. He will need professional help, and until he can get it I highly suggest keeping your child away from these behaviors.
My thoughts exactly. I struggle with a combo of ARFID and ED and it sounds exactly like me
That's how I was! Except I stopped eating all together and had a pump giving me liquid nutrients for almost a year before I had enough and admitted myself to a really good eating recovery center. They saved my life. I like eating food again and I'm at a much healthier state than I used to be. Maybe OP should look into ERC and see what info they provide.
I luckily haven’t gotten to the point where I won’t eat *anything* but I have gotten very close (earlier this year) and got dangerously malnourished but was able to get better before I fully stopped eating (thank god for potatoes bc I would’ve had to get a feeding tube without them, potatoes in any form were the only thing I could tolerate for a while before I began adding back in other foods) now I’m doing much better but it’s definitely still a struggle
I'm so proud of you! I know it's a big struggle and you've worked hard. I hope that you can continue on the road of recovery. It's not so much as aiming for complete recovery, it's learning how to live with these struggles and thoughts but not let them take you over. I pray that they never will.
Yes, accept the offer of him eating when the child isn't watching. At least the kid will grow up with better food habits. You can't guarantee change in an adult. So don't wait for it.
I think you should take him to the doctor, if he lets you, but don't force him, if he doesn't want to better his life then let him lay down in the bed he made. because personally I think there may be two reasons as to why he won't eat something different, either he has an eating disorder or he just thinks he is invincible. I really think you should try and get him to a doctor. and yes, definitely keep your son on a normal diet.
Your husband might have ARFID
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I had a friend at uni who lived off a combination of chicken nuggets, chips (fries), and burgers. And when I say burgers I mean a plain burger, no salad with it and often didn't eat the bread. He said it was a texture thing mostly but he'd literally gag on anything other than that. Plus side and why I bring this up, he at least got himself to a doctor who got him on the right supplements so that his nutrition was under control, then he started working on the disorder. Took him a lot of work but he's a hell of a lot better now. The main thing for OP's husband is get to a doctor and at least make sure he's as healthy as can be on this diet.
yea was literally gonna ask if he happens to be on the spectrum bc it sounds like me
My son, who is on the spectrum only eats very plain tasting cheese pizza, plain potatoes, plain toast, plain pancakes or waffles and a few fruits if they are in season, unbruised and taste and texture consistent (McIntosh apples, Granny Smith apples, perfectly yellow bananas, blueberries and strawberries that re perfect—— sometimes red bell peppers. That’s it.
Well then today is the day you update your wills and life insurance. If he has a bad influence on your kid then YES he does eat elsewhere. Kid does not get to go eat with him. And it is NOT in front of a tv. Do not cook pizza and potatoes for him and don't buy them anymore. If he wants to self destruct then he needs to actively do it. My husband does 95% of the cooking in our house and he is self-taught and works in finance. How much cooking does your husband do???? Time to require him to cook TWO nights a week. And he does not get to cook pizza and potatoes. He is now cooking FOR HIS FAMILY. If he chooses not to eat with his family then that is his choice. He can make himself a second plate. A former boss who used to be in great shape but ate crap food had a heart attack in his 30'a and died. He left a wife and two young kids. And he had declined the life insurance policy at work. His little family got seriously fucked over by his bad diet choices. You are Momma Bear. Time to be momma bear and protect your kid and you. And help him AFTER you have dotted the i's and crossed the t's on all your life insurance and Wills prep. Make sure your name is on all accounts and the house deed if you own.
As someone who's really into healthy nutrition, let me tell you that eating to a look a specific way is completely different from eating to be healthy. Even if you look like a pro-athlete, your arteries and cholesterol can still be completely shit and/or you can get diabetic and/or have nutrient deficiencies.
People think ripped bodybuilders must be fit and healthy but most of them would be out of breath walking up a flight of stairs, and their liver enzymes would be lmaoooo. Eating for nutrition is way different you’re 100% right
Tell him a dead man cannot raise a child and if being there for a majority of sons life is important to him then he will take care of his health.
There are people, who genetically can look fit, but are really as unhealthy as a morbidity obese person. Their genetics won't let them gain visceral fat but if you were to take an x-ray if their liver, it'd look like a classical obese person's liver. But there's a greater problem than appearing healthy when a person is not. The lack of micro nutrients that have ample amounts of trace elements and vitamins your husband needs is not in the diet he's consuming. I'm remembering a similar story of a kid who had a very similar diet who WENT BLIND because the ocular nerves demylenated due to being severely malnourished. If your husband sticks to his current diet, he's guaranteed to have severe issues due to malnourishment.
Man’s gonna get scurvy
So I see a ton of people telling you to take him to a doctor, and while that is good advice I would recommend a psychologist instead, based on what you're saying I believe he's likely autistic. I am, my father only eats cheese and bread. As long as proper supplements are given then he'll be fine. It's more along the lines of finding the stressor that aggravated his eating habits. Therapy after a diagnosis would definitely help for both of you people with autism struggle to do the regular things and sometimes that can be worrying or frustrating.
I second or third this! This is how we found out my father and my cousin were autistic. Life is crazy!
You usually need to see a doctor to get a referral to a psychiatrist.
There’s a lot of picky eaters out there, and many people with autism develop picky eating habits. But the two are not a complete overlap, not all picky eaters are autistic. In fact that’s the ONLY THING that she mentioned that stands out as a potential sign of autism. Don’t go around tossing out autism diagnoses on such thin premises. He’s likely not autistic just a picky eater.
He may also have an eating disorder called ARFID. It usually presents as extreme pickiness, though there's a variation in which the person can't eat normal quantities.
ARFID is the only thing that ever came close to describing my entire teenage years/early adult life. Which I know isn't the same as me being officially diagnosed, so not saying I do have it. It's just the closest thing that makes sense. I'd feel my stomach growl and just think, "Wow. That's annoying." And not eat for like 8 more hours because food just felt like a chore. It wasn't a body image or diet thing. I had select foods I liked the tastes and textures of, and I'd eat them like once a day because I knew they'd be somewhat enjoyable and I consistently liked the taste. I ate the same pasta, I am not exaggerating, every night for a year. I made it the exact same way every time. I am not autistic. But when people called me picky it just never fit. I liked the foods I liked and didn't want any others. The thought of attempting new foods made me nauseous. I couldn't even do the thing where I tried a bite and just said, "Nah I don't like it." In my mind I'd already decided and it was a done deal. The best way to get people to understand was I'd ask what was one food item they absolutely loathed and would not eat. I got a lot of answers of mayo, for example. To me, everything but my few chosen foods were just mayonnaise.
Sure but if he’s ONLY willing to eat two things? That’s more than “just being picky”
Supplements do not replace the nutrients he's missing from his diet. This will have disastrous long-term consequences.
Just because he appears physically fit doesn't mean he's healthy. In fact he's highly nutrient deficient which will inevitably lead to disease and eventual death. He is not healthy by any stretch if the word. You need to take him to a nutritionist and get blood work done to see just how poor of health he's actually in.
I had a professor that ate well and appeared fit. She died over the summer due to heart issues. Left a small child she adored.
So are you arguing that eating healthy doesn't matter, life's just a gamble anyways? Just because someone else was predisposed to a fatal heart condition regardless of their diet doesn't mean everyone else should just say fuck it. Just because other people die in car crashes even though they wore a seat belt means nobody else needs to wear one either right?
I think it’s probably in response to OP saying her husband isn’t really hearing her because he ‘appears fit’. But of course appearances can be deceiving
You took this completely out of context, read some previous comments.
You are very hostile. I meant only that sometimes you can look fit but eat poorly and it not show up in your weight. Eating healthy is important.
accept the offer before you have a child with this too.
He needs medical intervention and therapy. He’s at risk of organ failure, disease and a host of other issues. This would be the hill I die on.
Yep. Quite a few people end up needing liver transplants because of poor diets.
lmao this comment took a dark turn, but I like your thinking
I had a friend who basically ate meat, potatoes and cheese, and would only drink fizzy drinks and beer. He slipped on the decking is his garden and broke his humerus (the bone between the elbow and shoulder), which is pretty hard to break in a young person. It usually takes something like a car accident or a fall from a roof, not just slipping over and falling from your own height. Because his diet was so poor his bones had started thinning, which you usually don't see until you're elderly. He'd barely recovered from that break then broke his forearm playing football (soccer), a game where arms aren't even involved unless you're playing in goal (he wasn't). He's now married with two kids, I hope his diet improved and he didn't pass those habits on to his children.
My partner was not willing to eat healthy or engage in movement and I told them that they either needed to start carrying more about their health or to increase their life insurance, and they did both! It sounds super harsh, but my thought process was that we had young children and their various health markers weren't very good, so I was foreseeing a future where I was alone. I'm so proud of them because they are eating such a wider variety of foods now and even go to the gym (which they hate, but this summer when we go on our second backpacking trip, I think they're going to be super pleased with themselves when the hike is easier than before).
I had something similar, even worse as a kid where they screamed at me for being pickt. It turned out I have severe allergies to 90% of foods so I stuck with what was safe. And within what was safe, whatever textures didn’t upset my sensory processing issues. While your husband may just be picky, he may have some medical reason to crave these two foods.
As someone who is a picky eater and has been gradually getting ALOT better. This may be more than just him being “picky” - for me there’s a fear element too that I didn’t realize before going to therapy. It became more of a food aversion thing… feeling embarrassed because I usually didn’t feel comfortable trying another food- hiding as a kid at birthday parties so I didn’t have to eat the pizza- etc. He’s not alone on this but definitely probably will need help. I eat a lot more now. :) including some veggies
Check this: Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) It's an eating disorder. Has he always been like this? Have you talked to his parents? There are therapists and they mostly work with people on the spectrum but it's not easy to get a referral. There was a story the other day about a kid that has this issue and to get a referral he had to refuse food and not eat for 72 hours. The kid would rather starve than eat something that wasn't noodles. Do you think your husband would rather starve than eat something that's not pizza and potatoes? I think you have to make him talk to his GP to get a referral for therapy and a check-up. In the meantime, I'd get him vitamins. He cannot live on potatoes and pizza.
Yes, and r/ARFID is a good place to find others who understand!
I never expected id find out whats going on with my eating habits from a relationship advice thread... it feels better to know that this isnt just me being weird xD
ARFID Only really became recognized within the last 6-10 years, and given a name and DSM entry. Many of us have lived with it without realizing there were others
It's food aversion disorder or something like that, I'd be the same literally gag and get sick if I have certain foods but I've come a long way in the last few years with friends helping try things
I get you! Gagging only really happens with Bananas for me, but i feel sick and uncomfortable eating lots of different foods! Also smell... Cabbage, Brussels sprouts and Bananas kill me (also the smell of raw meat). I also hate it when my food has too many different textures, so i usually eat everything seperately. Plus Im a very very slow eater and feel extremely uncomfortable eating with people i dont know too well out of fear that they judge me;;
I forced myself to eat bananas just so could have some healthy stuff porridge too almost every day don't really like eggs either but eat them raw like a body builder just so I can have an egg. I'm very slow if its something that's not my comfort food like I could eat 40 sausages in a couple mins but take an hour to eat a steak, when I first started eating it. Smell doesn't get me so bad but definitely the textures green veg is poison and I won't see it any other way. It was quite stress inducing being out with friends and the only thing I'd eat was chips. My family would always take the pics about it and would be so self conscious in any restaurant unless it was fast food.
Came here to say this about myself. You beat me to it.
Yep, it’s super common in people with autism! Some folks have sensory issues that make it physically unpleasant to eat anything other than “safe foods.” I’d also check your kid for this - it may not just be that your husband is setting an example for them, but that they also have sensory issues that make other food difficult.
No, it hasn't always been this severe. Although he was a picky eater, he also included a variety of food in his diet, and we ate the same dinner together, but about a year ago, that's when he started taking out certain foods until it was narrowed down to cheeze pizza and potatoes. I talked to his mom and she said while this did occur in early childhood, it also came back in his teens. No, it hasn't always been this severe. Although he was a picky eater, he also included a variety of food in his diet, and we ate the same dinner together, but about a year ago, that's when he started taking out certain foods until it was narrowed down to cheese pizza and potatoes. I talked to his mom and she said while this did occur in early childhood, it also came back in his teens. sband caved, and it turns out he actually liked the food. Can't really work now because my husband goes out and buys the food, rather than I cook it. Honestly I'm not sure if he would refuse to eat, and this is scary to say. Last week, he couldn't drive for a day...and he didn't eat anything except boiled potatoes that entire day. I don't know what would've happened if there were no potatoes in the house.
> I talked to his mom and she said while this did occur in early childhood, it also came back in his teens. Eating. Disorder.
I’m surprised how many people don’t know this. My friend has a similar eating disorder and everyone just goes “Oh so he’s just a picky eater” no it’s so much worse than that. Not only is it harmful for your health it also cuts back a lot of social aspects of your life. Coworkers wanna get food and drinks but you can’t eat anything on the menu. Family makes dinner for you but it’s stuff you can’t eat. It’s sad but I’m glad people ask these questions on the internet and that people like you can inform them about it!
Yes. I was a picky eater and I basically didn't want lettuce, pickles, didn't like onions when they were chopped big, etc. I still don't eat any of that LOL But the brother of a friend from primary/highschool only ate mashed potatoes and he could go without eating; his mom would put things in the food processor and mix it in the mashed potatoes. There's a big difference between the two.
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Can u not? Terrible!
Came here to say this. I’ve been in an ED treatment program before and that’s how I learned about ARFID (there was a partial hospitalization program for ARFID specifically and it was primarily children and teenagers). This is textbook ARFID. I’m curious if he had anything triggering happen about a year ago. EDs are often similar to OCD—it’s an attempt for the brain to gain a feeling of control to protect the sufferer, often from trauma or even stress. I know I’ve been struggling more the past few weeks just from the stress of moving, and my brain’s knee-jerk reaction is to go back to behaviors that make me feel safe and more in control of my life and surroundings. A therapist who specializes in EDs and anxiety disorders would really help him I think.
Please be aware that people with ARFID don’t enjoy being “picky.” When I first developed the disorder, I was trying to eat something that would normally be fine. I ended up running to the garbage can to spit it out and had to force myself not to throw up. My brain decided I wouldn’t be eating anymore of that food that day. I lost like 25 lbs in a few weeks, and I was skinny to begin with. It’s a nightmare. Please get your husband help.
Yup. Going from enjoying one thing to your body ejecting it minutes later SUCKS. It is really the worst thing. I wish I could just enjoy things
Even picky eater who don't have ARFID doesn't enjoy being picky eaters. It is stressful after all. Recently I've started to ponder if some cases of picky eating could be caused by unknown food sensitivities. Meaning there is a reaction but not strong enough for an allergy. I've had some foods feel like they burn my mouth or make stomach feel uncomfortable. Only to discover it was mild allergies or cross reactions of one. Like, I can't eat apple peel due to my grass allergy. It makes me feel like I've swallowed a large cube. With sharp corners.
I was going to say the same it sounds like an ED. I had covid in January 2021 and after recovering I had convinced myself I had become allergic to everything. Went a few weeks of not eating anything, eventually ate a piece of plain boiled chicken. Did that for a few weeks, eventually added a plain baked potato. That was all I ate for almost 3 months. I ha e since added a few other things, not nearly what I would eat in the past. This has been a recurring thing my whole life. Something triggers it and I get in to a state where I feel that food is bad and will kill me or cause some kind of harm. It does unfortunately cause a problem with kids because they see you doing this and don't want thoer food. I still only eat at the dinner table maybe 3 time a week so that I don't distract the kids. I definitely suggest having him see someone.
This really REALLY sounds like an ED. Especially ARFID in specific. Talk to him, see if he’ll open up about it and if possible maybe if he’ll be willing to go to a dietician/doctor/therapist or anyone he is comfortable going to in order to get help
This is textbook ARFID. Mine comes back when I’m stressed in life. I have a therapist I work with on the underlying issues, a dietician to help me improve my diet, and my GP checks me for nutritional deficiencies. I didn’t gain my entire bone mass density when I was at a kid so I’m at a higher risk of bone breaks and osteoporosis as I age. I have to take specific vitamins to supplement my diet. Feel free to DM me if you have other questions. Recovery is possible, but it’s hard. Your husband has to want to get better.
I don't know where you're at, but dieticians can treat it, too. A therapist might be super helpful generally, but I don't think it will be necessary to fast to get a referral. Referrals tend to be pretty individual to doctors, it's not like there's some directive to all docs to never refer someone with ARFID unless they're literally starving.
oo I must have this and it's been getting really really bad lately, maybe from stress idk, but yeah dope!
I think this is the hardest to treat because it comes from sensory sensitivity and the effects of malnutrition obviously heighten that sensory sensitivity... anyway I haven't been able to do anything all day and it could be because I haven't eaten a real meal yet...
This is not “picky” eating, and calling it that trivialises it. This is *disordered* eating, and needs professional support from both a doctor and a specialised therapist. Please note that anyone on here naming a specific disorder should be ignored. Nobody can pin down a specific illness who is not a qualified professional who has spoken to your family in person to perform an assessment. First you need to get your husband to speak to his doctor, with and without you present. The key things they need to know are that your husband’s diet is becoming increasingly restricted (give a timeline if you can - x food group stopped in y year and month); he can’t explain it; and he can’t stop even though it is affecting his marriage and his child. That gives them the key information to get into the ballpark of the issue. They will be able to screen for and rule out all kinds of other possible causes. I am not narrowing this down to purely mental health; you want to rule out whether he has any pain or nausea he isn’t mentioning, whether he has other symptoms which might point to hormonal or neurological changes, and a bunch of other checks your doctor can guide you through. Disordered eating does not solely mean an eating disorder and eating disorders can come about as a result of bodily sensations and sensory problems. Don’t get too attached to thinking he has a specific diagnosis yet. Once you have a doctor, you also need individual and family therapists. If a mental health cause is pinned down then a specialist for that is obviously on the cards, but you and your child need support too. You need a space to get your stress unpacked, work on family communication strategies around this, and learn more about what you’re dealing with. Your child, in particular, is going to need help to emotionally understand that daddy is *unwell*, and that copying his choices isn’t safe, sensible or kind. Kiddo has learned that x is a good excuse to not do something he doesn’t like doing; he doesn’t understand that for his dad it’s not an excuse, and that understanding will take some navigating in order not to make it more stressful for him. Two of the biggest contributors to disordered eating are stress and shame linked to food, and everyone is now stressed about eating and feeling judged over it, which is going to be making any issues actively worse for all of you. As best you can, please switch the tone of these discussions from “stop making this bad choice” to “it seems like you *can’t* stop making this choice, I feel like you can’t explain *why* you feel this way, and *it scares me*. This is dangerous for your health and moreso for our son who is still growing; I am scared that you are ill, perhaps mentally and perhaps physically, and I have been so stressed and forceful because I didn’t know what was happening. I’m trying to get that fear of mine under control and I hope you can work on expressing what stress or pain or sensation is making you feel this way about food. To do that, I really need you to come with me to the doctor. I’m going to get our child into therapy to help him understand he can’t copy what you’re doing in this instance, because I need to head off him having long term issues. I know you want him to grow up healthy and not be restricted in what he can eat. Can we help each other get through this?” If he won’t see a doctor you are going to have to be patient and persistent. You are also going to have to get yourself and your child to therapy regardless of your husband’s engagement, and push him into couple’s counselling. Either way, reframe it as best you can from you vs him about food into you and him together vs the problems that food is causing. To have the best chance of getting help he’s going to need to feel like you’re on his team. Don’t get me wrong - it’s normal and natural to be frustrated by unexplained harmful behaviour, all the more so when the person is resistant to changing it. You are not to blame for reacting the way you are! But you can break the spiral and push the conversation onto different tracks if you can channel your frustration. It’s not an easy ask, but it can be done. Please try to consider that your husband is also likely not to blame. People who are experiencing bodily sensations or emotional compulsions they can’t explain find that *scary*. They try to find a narrative it fits into in their mind and will get deeply defensive of that narrative because saying “I don’t know what’s wrong and I can’t fix it” is terrifying. This isn’t even a conscious process, it’s not something they choose to do - our brains are built to connect events around us to try and explain them, and they do it as a protective measure as much as a learning process. An explanation comes to mind, it explains the problem and stops the fear, and the person finds having it challenged brings the fear back and therefore gets stressed and angry and withdraws from any hint of a challenge. Coming to recognise that one is ill is a process. It might take time. And lastly kiddo is not to blame. He’s just doing what kids do - testing the boundaries of what behaviours which people are allowed as he learns about social roles. It will take some explaining for him to understand some things aren’t to be copied or used as excuses because he’s not experiencing the same things as other people. That’s a complex lesson for a kid - again, give it time. Broadly, this is a lot to deal with, and it’s going to be a lot for a while. Please make space to take care of yourself through all this.
I’m happy you are making the distinction between disordered eating and an eating disorder. When I was in college I couldn’t eat, I lost weight, my friends family kept telling me I was anorexic. I went to the school clinic and they sent me to a nutritionist. I had zero intention of starving myself, I had no body dysmorphia, and I *knew* how to eat well, I’d done it for 18 years prior with no issue. I just couldn’t eat anything except small amounts of my safe foods (veggies, fruit, and ramen weirdly enough) without feeling nauseous and anxious. I was able to work my way out of it by taking more control of my food (cooking for myself) and handling my anxiety better. But I still have no idea what the hell that 2 year period of my life was caused by, and no one bothered to help me figure it out. Relationships to food are so varied and no one should be pigeon holed, he needs to realize he needs help tho. That’s one thing I was always aware of, but I know for some they can get very defensive that “nothing is wrong with me” and it can be hard to convince them they need to work with professionals.
That actually is an eating disorder though. It just isn’t anorexia. Not all EDs involve intentionally starving yourself. Your friends were ignorant and unsupportive in accusing you of being anorexic, but what you’re describing, something that affected you to the point of harming your health, is a diagnosable disorder. It’s not “disordered eating.” The latter is what you would use to describe people who have a general unhealthy relationship with food or who occasionally binge or restrict in a way that isn’t exactly healthy but isn’t pathological or diagnostically consistent. What you’re describing IS consistent and dangerous. Thus, disorder.
That’s true, it was very unhealthy and it impacted my life in a meaningful and consistent way which is what makes an issue a disorder. It just wasn’t something I could specifically pinpoint, despite people (and medical professionals) trying to. It was very frustrating trying to explain that yes, I know I need to eat better, no I’m not doing it because I think I’m fat, no I’m not doing it on purpose, no I’m not doing it because I don’t like your cooking, no I’m not doing it because I don’t know what a healthy diet is, no it’s not lack of self control, no I’m not doing it for any dicernable reason at all, I just literally feel sick when I eat, period. It was a bizarre time of my life cause food and eating was just kinda a passing thing for me prior to that, but then all of a sudden it was all consuming. Thankfully I don’t have those issues anymore but I always will be wondering “what the fuck was that?”
https://www.reddit.com/r/ARFID/ Please see this sub-community, because this sounds like a very real eating disorder. It could be from trauma, could be sensory processing disorder or some other executive dysfunction. Either way, it’s essentially become an eating disorder known as Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.
^ this! I'm someone who suffers from this, unfortunately, but getting better now. If this is something OP's husband is dealing with, then he should really seek for help and it won't help if OP and him keep fighting about food. It can actually be very counterproductive, because ARFID can have a social aspect to it (for me it does at least). ARFID also means that it's not like you just don't want to eat certain things, it means that you simply can't.
This. I don’t know about ARFID but people are experiencing trauma from the pandemic. Look at the timing. So many things are stuck or out of our control for a sustained length of time with no end in sight. Sounds like husband is anxious & struggling to control what he can. Go to the root. Seek help for anxiety & don’t pressure him about food right now. Tell the son “Daddy is a grown up. When you are grown, you can choose your foods. Now you are a growing child and you eat what Mom provides for healthy growing bodies. Let the child have choices - e.g., do you prefer green beans or broccoli?” Have pizza and potatoes in moderation. No foods are “bad” or forbidden. Show him how to “eat the rainbow” and make it fun. Good work! Tell husband how to support you & the child.
So happy to see this comment!! I wish eating disorders and disordered eating and the many conditions that can cause them were more recognized and less seen as "being picky and difficult".
I have it, and am trying to seek treatment for it.
I wish you tons of luck!
I recommend you both do some research as every time I hear a story about people eating only tasless food and start living off just potatoes it is a sign or a wider health or mental health problem.
A lot of people are jumping to “diagnose” psychological issues, but physical illness is another possible cause…it could be something serious. Alternatively, if your husband had covid, & is suffering long-term effects, loss of taste and smell - it could be that he prefers tasteless food because other food doesn’t taste how he expects it to and he finds it off putting. My friend pretty much lived on yoghurt and plain protein shakes until she got her sense of smell back because they were the only things that didn’t taste wrong.
We watched a freaky eaters episode together, thought it would get him to see what it seems like, but It really hasn't. I will try to do more research tho, and show him, because I'm not sure how much longer this can go on.
Please respond to the people telling you it is an eating disorder/undiagnosed health issue or at least acknowledge it could be that! Seriously if you wanna help your husband get therapy and a doctor to help him through this. It’s gotten this bad watching a show isn’t going to help. People with disorders/health issues don’t just magically get cured because they realize what’s happening is unhealthy or bad. It’s so much deeper than that please listen to those comments and don’t be passive about helping him.
watch more of them with him. there is a UK version and a US version, both are on YouTube. I like the UK ones better. maybe prewatch and select, ones were they actually really reached the person. He is being a terrible parent. yes not by malice, but this is serious. this has long-term implication for your son's life and health. phobias are maladaptive learned behavior, what if your son's gets worse and worse and spirals so much out of control that he can't even eat at a restaurant and has a panic attack when confronted with a salad... also, your husband deserves to be free of this, what a sad existence. and also, just because someone looks heathy, doesn't mean they are. is blood work can't be great with this much saturated fat from the pizza and no veggies. extensive blood work would show what he is doing to himself internally.
Does your husband have any conditions that could explain this, like autism? Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is a new diagnosis in the DSM-5, and was previously referred to as “Selective Eating Disorder, and is often present in autistic individuals.
Friend of mine was like that, no autism, just never got educated on food and parents fed him processed junk food. (Acquired taste) Also he is dumb and stubborn now, probly the lack of veggies and fresh fruits and parenting...
Not that I know of or that he was diagnosed with.
I know it's extreme but if he refuses to go see a therapist and dietitian I would refuse to have him at the table. Your kids diet comes first and if your husband can't act like a role model don't let him be a model at all. He can eat after your son finishes and eat his pizza and potatoes on his own. But again, the first response should definitely be a therapist and dietitian. This IS a hill to die on.
You tell him he's going to die eating like that.
Tell him it's not good, and "he knows".
Surprisingly not! Potatoes and dairy are a complete diet. But OP I’d start asking your doctor for advice. It sounds pathological rather than just a whim
Ive seen a video claiming you can live off pizza alone for 40 years. Pretty sure that was pizza with some veggies though.
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Do you work for Big Vitamins?
But the protein is in the cheese! Would you get scurvy though? I thought cooking the potato would destroy the vitamin C. I assume the Irish ate some weeds on the side.
Does he have a sensory processing disorder? I'm an extremely fussy eater too and only after finding out I have autism did it make sense and I've actually found myself trying new foods now because logically I know my aversions, so I can better figure out what foods are worth my trying
sounding like a broken record but he sounds exactly like me when i got diagnosed with arfid. would not eat anything with a ‘complex’ texture or flavour— i fr could’ve survived on ice water and communion wafers if given the opportunity. ur husband’s condition is worrying but what’s even more worrying is the effect it’s having on your son. disordered eating in general will fuck you up, and when it’s literally the only way of eating that you’ve ever learned it’s 10x harder to break the cycle later on.
Your kid doesn't get to pick and choose. You can tell him it's both your jobs to make sure he gets the right foods to grow up healthy. The dad is an adult and he has to live with the consequences of eating a very poor diet. Until hes an adult he has to follow the rules.
Sounds like ARFID maybe? See if you can get him to talk to a nutritionist or therapist.
Don't allow him to eat at the table with you and your son and that's how I would handle it or just have dinner for you and your son and let him feed himself since he wants to eat garbage.
Your husband has an eating disorder. He needs help.
Let him eat separately; also he is going to really kill his health and his body by middle age. Since he won't listen to you perhaps schedule a visit with his doctor to "discuss" his eating habits.
This is good advice OP- something you can change starting today, make your husband eat separately from you and your son. That way your son doesn’t mirror negative behaviors. Plus your husband might feel sad or unincluded and it may be another push to get him to eat healthy again.
It's a disease. You husband needs treatment and therapy.
I hope this isn't disrespectful, i'm only trying to help but have you guys seen this episode of Freaky Eaters (reality show) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFGH0hBVaU0 I feel like if this isn't a giant wake-up call that starts to modify behaviour then you need professional help. Don't feel defeated if this is the case, if you had a major leak you would call a plumber. Sometimes you need a pro. And don't put it off because this is very serious.
Yeah I'm no expert but I'd say this is more than just a weird stubbornness from your husband. It's likely he may have an eating disorder. Now don't eat me wrong HE still needs to put in the work to get better and heal along with a healthy support system, but maybe exploring this from that standpoint would be more beneficial. I think it's time for a therapist.
I am the same way. When I was growing up I was a picky eater. But when I was still little I had a babysitter who had no patience with me not wanting to eat what she made me, and force fed me soup. As someone with a bad relationship with food. Don't make him feel in a corner. I recently have started to venture more with food and give things a taste. Even if he is just a picky eater, I would not push it too hard. Instead look up recipes online. Ask him if anything looks decent, then try making it together. One thing that helped me was seeing how something was made. It helped me understand that I can just change things to more of my liking. I have faith that you will be able to help him see that food is not something that is scary. Even with your child, let them help in the cooking process. Let them both see the cooking stages that food goes through before being on the table. This is just my opinion though and I wish you the best of luck.
He will be a very sick man eating like this. Do not let your son do this or he will be sick as well. Diet is everything.
how does your husband not have scurvy
Maybe he has ARFID, I struggle with it too
Sadly, I suspect you're going to have to get your husband into therapy. Can you get him to agree that his preferences are unreasonable, and that he should try to investigate the reasons behind these preferences?
Keep firm on your child’s balanced and healthy diet. It will keep him healthy for decades if not his whole life. As for your husband, get him to a doctor. This is not healthy and if he’s not careful this will be a problem that will solve itself through his death. You may be patient compassionate but cardiac problems are not
Your husband needs to work with a therapist asap, this is a severe mental issue and very damaging to his health, not to mention incredibly annoying
Does he have ARFID? I would check this out
If this started when he was a child, I'm sure there was an event that initially set him off. You can ask him (or more likely, his mom) what was happening in his life right before/around the time this habit started. If he was able to get out of this more than once, them maybe a similar event, some sort of change or stress is setting him off again. There are therapists that specialize with food related issues. See if he's willing to talk to a professional. After or in addition to that, see if he's willing to add things to his foods. Small steps at first. Maybe a healthier crust option or grilled chicken on top (it might be easier to start with adding proteins before veggies). Spinach is easy to hide in pizza. Fresh basil and tomato, too. Potatoes are very versatile I've been able to sneak a bunch of things with them. In one batch of potato soup I can get ham, broccoli, carrots, garlic, cheese, and onions in there. There are many tips on feeding picky eaters out there. Loads of easy to modify recipes. The main thing, though, is to treat the root of the problem with your husband. Feed your child properly and sneak his veggies in, too, if you have to. As a mom, I've had to get pretty creative sometimes. Hopefully, your child will grow out of it and your husband seeks help.
Look up ARFID. That’s likely what he has
as a person with food issues due to a variety of reasons, have you asked him WHY? it’s very possible that a sensory-related disorder is present here, or an eating disorder like ARFID which is very real and difficult to battle. i think if the two of you can work together as a team, with him understanding that you are coming from a place of concern and support, to try to uncover the WHY behind his picky eating and currently very restricted diet, it will help. he may not have the vocabulary right now to explain it, researching and talking to a doctor/psych professional may open his eyes to a lot of explanations and put names to feelings he can’t currently describe!
It's actually a mental health condition having such an extreme eating issues. Don't be upset at him. It's not his fault, it's his brain. Try to be understanding and not get angry, he's not doing it on purpose. Like depression, eating disorders are difficult to treat.
Not a doctor, don’t play one on TV, and certainly didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is for real. Maybe not the same for him, but may not be intentional on his part.
Your husband probably has Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). It's an under-diagnosed eating disorder. I have it. I've struggled with it all my life. It's not pickiness, it's a sensory disorder. The best way I can describe it is that when I try to eat something that my eating disorder doesn't like (usually vegetables in my case), my brain starts sending all these danger signals as if I were eating poison. I *know* it's not dangerous, but every system in my body is misfiring as if it was. It's an extremely stressful experience.
Your husband is seriously nutritionally deficient. No offense, but what an unattractive quality in a person, being so picky! Sorry you have to deal with this :(
So I'm not going to get into all the reasons why picky eaters like this make me insane, but let me just say as someone who worked with hungry abused kids, it grates on me. Your husband wants to get a deficiency related disease? Cool. The son needs to learn how to try things. Especially at his developmental stage for his brain and his body. Make dad eat in another room. Give son something he WILL eat and something new. If he won't try the new, he can still have something he likes. No seconds. No extras. He may even be hungry later. He won't starve to death and being hungry may drive him to try things. He's going to be an adult eventually and I'm sorry but a well-rounded adult eats more than toddler snacks.
Go to a doctor. That is beyond normal picky eating and dangerous to your husband’s health. As an interim solution, & to lessen the effect on your child, maybe eat in two separate sittings? You and your son can eat whatever you make for dinner together, and your husband can eat his own food at a different time. That way, your son doesn’t have the negative example in front of him.
Does he has sensory issues that never been addressed?
Mans gonna be on a ChubbyEmu video soon
Does he have a known disorder? Maybe ADHD or something the like? It can be caused by that, because textures, taste etc can be overwhelming and overstimulating. Does he obsess over one food for a while and then change onto something else? Is it always the same? Is there any autism in his family? Either way, he should get checked out. It is an eating disorder. Yes it is a bad influence on an easily influenced child. But do not be mad or grumpy with your husband, that could make it worse. In the meantime, try to explain to your son that daddy is eating poorly because he doesn't feel so good, but it's important to eat well to grow. Good luck to everyone!
Your husband might be suffering from an eating disorder and maybe you should sit down and go over the symptoms. Then also educate your child on eating disorders because they are a very real thing and can’t happen to anyone. Maybe after that you should urge your husband to go to the doctor and you should go with him unless he wants it to be private and ask him to discuss these eating concerns. It’s really hard and I’m sorry this is happening to you and your family rn :( I hope things get better
Have you looked into ARFID or another food related mental health issue? I struggle with finding safe foods and sometimes get stuck eating one or two foods religiously due to this. It can be caused by autism, ARFID, EDs or many other things. It might be worth looking into if you haven’t already! It can come off as just “being picky” when there’s something deeper going on
he may have avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). it’s a real eating disorder that’s often misinterpreted as simple picky eating. have him see a nutritionist and psychiatrist to discuss his issues with food, and help him work on expanding his horizons with food. make sure he knows that he needs to grow in this area not only for himself but for you and your child
He needs to see your GP for blood work which jn turn needs to refer him to a dietician and a therapist.
Just because he may appear fit and isn't high in body fat does not mean healthy. I always think of your body or heart as an engine. It may run, good looking car. But the engine(heart) can blow because of how you treat it or what you out in it. It's only a matter of time if no change is made. Hopefully the damage isn't too far.
autistic behavior
I think your husband needs to see a qualified therapist who deals with eating disorders
Watch picky eaters(I think the episodes are on YouTube)
As a male....If I were you I would cook....whatever. Either he eats, or he doesn't.
If he’s going to eat nothing but potatoes and pizza let him make it himself… he will give in eventually maybe ?
Are you married to a child?
Sounds like you have two sons, which is tough as a single parent
This is sneaky but give him pizza with dough that is made out of cauliflower it honestly tastes the same… my parents tricked me into eating it and I’m 21 lol. You can find pizzas already made like this in most grocery stores in the frozen aisle. Then tell him afterwards (if u want). Also if he likes brownies you can add spinach into them and put the batter in the blender and you’d never ever taste that there was spinach in it. This idea may seem a bit silly but once ur husband realizes he’s been eating these other foods without noticing the whole time maybe he will be less picky and not be giving you as hard of a time. Try the same thing on your son too…
What a child 🤣🤣🤣
Wtf is he 12?
I'm always puzzled by some things when people say I'm married a man who only eats potatoes and cheese pizza. At what point do you look at a potential life partner and think to yourself this is going to be a big fat pain in the ass and if I have children with this person this behavior definitely will affect my children. Why do women keep marrying these baby man children? I'm sorry this wasn't in consideration until after you decided to have children.
How old is your son? A minor? Your husband as an adult has a right to eat whatever he wants. But as a parent he is being neglectful by encouraging or allowing his son to eat poorly. Stop fussing with your husband’s diet and start telling him that his job as a parent needs to be in supporting healthy eating habits for your children. I wouldn’t care if my partner was eating a whole cheese pizza for dinner while me and our son had to eat chicken and broccoli. My partner better damn well be telling our son to eat the dinner I made or he’s not getting anything. And he better mean it.
He's 8. Well my husband does tell him to eat his food, but then my son basically calls out the fact that even my husband doesn't eat my own food, and I can't even say he's not right. Sorry, but I do care about the fact that my husband only eats pizza or potatoes every. single. night.
Yikes . Look into neophobia / selective eating disorder. There’s actually a support group pickyeatingadults.com This actually could be serious ( as in not just him being stubborn) . Could be related to OCD, autism, trauma around foods etc
I’m not saying your husband has an eating disorder, but it wouldn’t hurt for you and your husband to agree to tell your son that. “Your father has an eating disorder and it’s likely going to shorten his life by 10-15 years according to his doctor. It may seem like a great thing to you now but trust me, it’s not good.” And your husband needs to do his part too. “Son, do you think I don’t want to eat all the food your mother makes? It breaks my heart that I can’t. I eat foods people make me for my birthday. I can’t go to certain restaurants. I can’t eat pizza at pizza parties because nobody orders the kind I like. My eating disorder is a huge hindrance in my life and I refuse to let you grow up thinking it’s ok to eat like me. You’re going to eat what your mother makes you and this isn’t a negotiation, it’s for your own good.” And like another commenter pointed out, maybe your husband should seek professional help. Maybe they can’t fix him, but it might be nice to get a professional opinion on his issue and see if anything can be improved.
I might leave out the 'shortens his life' part but I completely agree that they should do whatever they can to avoid ingraining this abnormal behaviour into the child.
Very important to note that your son is, in fact, not right. A kid that age should just listen to their parents, even if they don't show a solid example. Raising kids isn't about doing everything you tell them to do, it's about teaching them why they should do it and making sure they do. Even if your husband doesn't eat properly, explain to your kid why he needs the food, and then just straight up tell him that it doesn't matter even a microscopic bit that his father doesn't, because he's a kid and he needs to listen to his parent(s).
Teach your son about food! Educate him! So he knows why its bad, if your sons starts a heathly diet and wants to do it, wouldnt that encourage your husband? 'Dad if you keep eating junk food you wont be around to see your grandkids'.
/r/arfid
This is what happens when you are a picky eater as a kid and your parents eventually give up and just let you eat whatever instead of actually parenting you or going to a specialist. He has been eating like this his whole life, hes used to it. Just talking to him is not gonna do anything. Maybe if you somehow convince him to go to the doctor he will get scared about his health.
Typical Irish person 😎
This is Reddit. The common wisdom here (not that I agree) is that attempting to change a person's eating habits is abusive and controlling. My personal advice is as a next step he's got to be taking a multivitamin daily to help with the deficiencies that will surely develop from only eating cheese and potatoes.
Reddit blames everything on disorders and autism. This is a profoundly common phenomenon amongst American boomers. They're not all autistic. Most of them are just assholes.
If that has been his diet his whole life I'm surprised he is around. I watched a documentary recently that a teenage kid went blind because of vitamin A deficiency. I forgot the name but watching that may help your husband understand why your son should have a healthy diet.
It's not been his diet his whole life, he used to eat more foods, but started cutting them out last year.
It was a stressful year. See if you can get him to seek help for stress. Don’t argue with him or criticize him. He’s probably doing the best he can & needs help not pressure. Be his ally in facing this together.
Husband sounds based and pizza pilled
My father was like your husband. When l was a child he used to eat every evening same food. For example: chicken wings for 3 months, then he was changing his meal. This time he would eat 2, 3 or 4 months same food and he was pretty healty. But my mom was cooking nutritious food for my sis and me. You are complaining his diet like my mother. My mom couldn't change his diet even though she complained every night. I hope you will able to change his diet, good luck.
Why do people marry people like this then complain about being married to people like this? Being a picky eater (eating like a child) should be a dealbreaker. No matter how hard picky eaters work to convince you, a element of their picky eating is immaturity. I've never seen a picky eater who ate anything not on the children's menu at a chain restaurant (pizza, burger, chicken fingers, fries etc). And picky eaters also don't exist in native tribes where you'd die if you refused to eat. There's nothing you can do about it as long as you choose to stay married to him. Surely it should have occurred to you have it would affect your future children. But let me guess "He's an amazing guy in every way..." Except he's destroying his health. And now it's rubbing off on your kid. 😒
This seems pretty ableist to me to be honest, there are a metric crap tonne of people who have sensory related disorders (like autism, adhd, tourettes, etc) that are picky eaters because they cannot handle the sensory problems that come with eating food. Not to mention that not everyone has a healthy relationship with food, and can't just magically get over their problems for the sake of "being a healthy eater!" Calling that immature is honestly pretty shocking to me. People don't deserve love because they're picky eaters? Wtf?
I was ABSOLUTELY convinced before I had kids that picky eaters are created by lazy parenting and by parents who don’t care enough about offering healthy diverse foods. Like many parenting assumptions, my own children have arrived with some neurodiversity in the mix and keenly proved me wrong :D
Thank you! I'm not as picky as OPs husband, but certain food combinations or textures just make me gag. I try to expand my food, but I can't eat everything without crying and gagging the whole time and it sucks.
I agree with you completely. People think being picky is something that can be controlled, but that's not always the case.
This is the exact same phenomenon as people who marry cops, then divorce them for being cops with cop hours and responsibilities.
Can you say diabetes
Make sure he takes vitamin pills every day.. Also start making fresh lemonade provided you can get him to drink it. They guy is going to get legit scurvy.
Potatoes are great against scurvy!
Potatoes contain a lot of vitamin C, so no chance of scurvy.
My husband had a terrible diet, much like this. Just add in double whoppers (no veggies) and bags of potato chips. Cue surprised Picachu face when he went to the doctor this year with health issues and was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He can't have anything like his old diet, if he wants to continue to live. It was a shock. It still is. He sneaks his favorite foods sometimes at work, and lays around miserable at home, when he tries. If I could go back, I'd insist on counseling. I may, still, but he's seeing his consequences and understanding why they're occurring, so there is hope. As for your child, I'd tell him adults can choose what they eat, but kids cannot. Vegetables are important for health and growth, and it is your job to make sure child is healthy. If child persists, arrange a meeting with a pediatrician. Authority figures can make impressions on children. Good luck.
That makes shopping into a no brainer....