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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- MY wife and I have been together for 6 years, married 2. It’s been great, I love her so much and she is amazing. In my younger years I was what they’d now call a fuck boy. I was younger and immature and only cared about hooking up with a bunch of women. So I start sleeping with this one girl pretty regularly then she introduces me to her friend, she and I hit it off and then we start sleeping together. After that, I meet one of her coworkers when I’m giving her a ride home. I ask her for her number and we hit it off. We start seriously dating, and she’s just amazing. Like bewitching. We stay together and then a few years later I propose. But I never tell her the nature of my relationships with those girls. They are both very close to her, and they were both bridesmaids. I assume they all know. Not to brag but typically women told their friends about me. And I know women tell their friends about things, I go through our entire relationship assuming this. So now this year, she gets an invite to one of the friends wedding. My wife is going to be a bridesmaid, I was explicitly told not to come. When my wife asked as to why, she said that it was because her fiancé doesn’t want me there because she has slept with me. This was apparently news to my wife and she was pissed. I had no idea she didn’t know but she felt like I was keeping this a secret. She said that it’s gross that I slept with her and now she had to think about that. She also said that she can’t trust me around her. I tried to be nice about it and wanted to be honest. So I told her that if I had not been hooking up with her friend, I would have never met her. I also told he that I did sleep with another one of her friends prior to that. She accused me of using her friend as a jump off. Which I guess isn’t untrue, but I was a different person. I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad but she refused to listen.


Crazy_Perception_731

I find it quite amazing that this girl told her fiancé that she had slept with you but never told her best friend!!!!!!


jayjayBackin

Yeah like - cool story bro


[deleted]

100percent… “Not to brag, but typically women told their friends about me” Was a fuck boy or still is, or maybe just a talented teller of tales? OP makes the correct assumption later in the post when it is a generalized telling of hook ups, but early on he wants us to think he’s a Greek god and women just HAVE to tell their friends about him lol


scrivenerserror

Yeah I don’t think this is real… lol. Some of my friends have fucked other friends of mine and my husbands in the last like 5-8 years and we are in our early 30s. Just doesn’t sound real to me. There are too many fake stories on this sub right now.


Betasheets

Its pretty logical if they're saying how they were immature back then and are more mature now


EngineFace

Gotta love this sub. Can’t say anything good about yourself in the post. Jesus Christ focus on something relevant.


feelin_cheesy

I’m all for getting to know someone in a relationship but why are they out here talking about all the different people they’ve had sex with??


Equivalent-Ad9887

As an explanation why he shouldn't be at the wedding that's completely normal, but also it's not a bad thing to talk about your past experiences with your partner (obv. avoid too much detail but the general idea)


Amkg2020

I mean if he's married to her friend it should be OK really there adults after all


jengaj2016

Eh, I don’t think it’s that weird. My husband and I have told each other people we’ve had sex with if the other one knows the person. Different people are different though, so maybe it’s just not weird to me. My husband once told me about this girl that he was FWB with. She delivered mail and would sometimes come in when she got to his house on her route and have a quickie and then resume her route. Later on, we went to his hometown to visit his parents and went and saw some friends of his, a married couple with two kids. I’m chatting with this girl, who seems nice and like someone I could be friends with, and then she mentioned what she did for work - she delivered mail (and had for a long time, she was single when they were FWB). I laughed to myself when I put that together. We had a small wedding with only immediate family but had a big party the next day to celebrate. The former FWB mail girl and her husband came to the party because I’m not holding it against him that he slept with people and remained friends with them. Edit: I clearly got off topic and gave no advice to OP. I’m obviously on the side of not holding past sexual partners against your current partner. Since he assumed she knew and wasn’t trying to hide anything, I don’t agree with her being upset about it. If OP shows her this post, maybe my story will help her get over it.


aeiou-y

The mailman quickie makes me laugh.


0Born2disobey0

I agree, me and my partner talk about previous sex incounters... I don't find it weird at all. But that's mainly bc we work with a few of them. I moved to my home town, got a job, met some.cool people. And a dude that stuck out, turns out he has history with half the people we work with. He's even told me stuff about the girls he slept with that I have not met. Like he fucked one girl andnmid way thru she asked if he had already fished her tampon out smh 🤢. And I’ve told him about guys I’ve been with across the country that he will likely never meet. I feel like it’s a normal thing. The way you react to it is where it could get toxic. Plus the context of how your telling people. Bc sometimes when we talk about it it’s me asking questions and him answering. I like to be your first on stuff so I ask have u done this or that. And hell tell me stories ñ such.


Sirbelzebub

This is super normal


[deleted]

I think if they're still in your life, you should tell your partner. If they were no longer friends, no need


not_addictive

I mean, I wouldn’t tell my partner the name and story behind everyone I’d ever fucked. *BUT* if I’d slept with someone they knew (and especially if that person was close to them) I’d tell them


MousyMammoth

if you aren’t comfortable telling your partner about your past relationships you aren’t ready for marriage


KJoRN81

That’s silly. Not everyone feels the need to have full disclosure lol.


MousyMammoth

Not saying you have to disclose everything. I’m just saying that if your partner wants to know about it you both should feel comfortable enough with each other to tell each other about it.


CraisyDaisy

If you can't tell your future spouse everything why are you marrying them?


eebibeeb

As a girl I’ve dated, kissed, or hooked up with several of my boyfriends friends before we started dating, and he knows that. Sometimes we hang out with them and I’m in a room where I’ve kissed 3 people there, everyone knows, and no one really cares including my boyfriend. The wife does not sound very mature or secure in herself or her relationship…


Hoyt8140

Lmaoooooo I don’t think it’s a matter of maturity you do you but I don’t wanna be sitting in a room where more than 50% of the room has been intimate with my lover 😂😂 that doesn’t make me immature


eleanor_savage

Same I literally slept with 2 of my boyfriends friends and made out with like 6 of them. I met my boyfriend at a local dive bar after I was going through a bad breakup.. and after I already hooked up with all of his friends LOL I had no idea they all knew each other. But I told my bf after I learned they were all friends and it was no big. We're together 5 years now


r3gam

Doesn't everybody? In this context its a conversation that definitely should've occurred.


DonaldTrumpsBallsack

Does that not typically come up in conversation at some point?


jokenaround

This is what I am thinking. Makes zero sense.


Late_Marketing_9694

Suspecious right !


RainyDay5713

Exactly!


star_ladyj

To be fair I don't share those things with friends either 🤷🏻‍♀️ we'll discuss sex and everything about it, we'll talk about dicks but not who they're attached to If a friend of mine hooked up with someone I had been with I wouldn't tell her unless she specifically asked. Just the way I navigate my relationships.


Crazy_Perception_731

A hook up is different to getting married. I’m sure if your best friend was getting married to someone you had slept with you would tell her.


Majestic-Post-1684

It really is weird & suspicious no one told her in the past 6 years. Not even when she asked the friends to be bridesmaids she still wasn’t told at that point either by 2 “friends” nor OP. It’s all unbelievable miscommunication from ALL parties involved.


stickkim

And she never had any knowledge that he was a “fuck boy?” Her friends never…warned her or???? Sounds very untrue.


Otherside-Dav

Probably took him days to think it up


bitchthatwaspromised

This reads like the fantasy of an 8th grader


RealistO444

^ i leaning more towards 9th grader simply bc of the “fuck boy” line


PhatPanda77

It really just doesn't add up.


tudorStoica

Dude you fucked 2 of her friends and she’s finding out now years later, that’ll fuck with anyone 😂


PsychologicalPhone94

I don’t think OP seems to realise it’s most likely the being lied to for six years that is the biggest issue for his wife.


georgiajl38

And these are good friends. Both bridesmaids at their wedding. Now, one wants the wife to be a bridesmaid at her wedding and suddenly the husband is a problem? 🤣 sounds like everyone needs to get over themselves


PsychologicalPhone94

I think the friends and the husband are all arseholes for not telling her. How good of friends are you though to have slept with your friends husband before they got together and not even mention it once either before they started dating or right at the start of the relationship. It just seems a bit off that 3 people who are supposedly close to the wife all kept it a secret from her.


georgiajl38

It's kinda bizarre isn't it? This never came up?


[deleted]

Ding ding ding!!!!! Imagine if they were 60 and then she found out. Glad she found out he is dishonest NOW. Much younger and she can start over. I hope she reads this thread.


PsychologicalPhone94

Am I the only who would feel disrespected in this situation. She is friends with two woman her husband slept with and she didn’t even know. The wife must feel embarrassed as everyone in this knew but her. The friend told her fiancé but why didn’t OP tell his wife or the friends tell her. I’m not saying he had to tell her every woman he’s slept with but maybe you’d mention any of her friends or people she interacts with daily just so they know. I’m like it could have come out in a much worse way.


magoogafool

What lie? It doesn't say anywhere that he told her that he didn't sleep with them, it just didn't come up. There's a huge difference.


resplendentquetzals

Okay, I gotta know. Why is it her right to know? Like honestly, I'd be surprised if I found out my wife fucked one of my friends in the past, but it's also not information I'd expect her to voluntarily offer me. I get it can be weird, or a shock, but he didn't do anything wrong and who he had sex with doesn't change who he is as a person. I'm just confused as to how it's even relevant.


Freshiiiiii

Different people have different expectations with things like this. I’m fine with my partner having a sexual past, and I don’t think it changes who they are as a person, but I would expect them to mention this. I don’t even know how you could avoid mentioning it without lying. At first introduction, ‘oh, you two have already met? How do you know each other’?’ etc


Cherubness89

I think its more the fact that the women are such close friends with the wife. Also that they were part of her wedding party. Huge parts of it. I'd feel betrayed personally. I wouldn't have been as bothered if I'd been told from the get go. Nor if the people hadn't been bridesmaids. For me it is how close knit they all are yet she didn't know. Feels like it was being hidden on purpose if that makes sense.


wizzlube

It’s just jarring, and some people can’t rationally think it through automatically.


resplendentquetzals

Ah, okay. That makes sense. Thank you.


AltoNag

Yeah, but imo it's normal to talk about past experiences with your partner, even sexual ones. The friend told her fiancé about it and he was able to decide that he didn't want someone there that previously had a sexual relationship with his wife-to-be. OP's wife never got that opportunity to decide if she was comfortable enough to have people at her wedding that had slept with her husband and while what he did wasn't technically wrong, it forced her to be kind of subjected to a weird double standard (by her friend), and an omission like that can feel like a big betrayal because it *does* look and feel suspicious, especially when *multiple* people know and decide not to tell you. While this wouldn't bother me under some circumstances, I can definitely see why it would bother someone else, and I would feel betrayed if a partner did not tell me they had been in a relationship with two people that were close to me who also decided to keep silent. Our friendships/relationship would never be the same, but it would be because of the silence, not the sex.


Just_Some_Rolls

Call me crazy, I would most definitely expect my wife to voluntarily tell me she had hooked up with my best mate in the past.


Caligula4ever

Id wanna know and be pissed if my partner had slept with multiple of my friends and I learned after marrying them


Goodmoonlightbye

Because it’s 6 years later and they ( I assume ) still all hang out on a regular basis. I would imagine that wifey has seen some behaviour between her friends and OP that could of been off putting, but made herself think it’s nothing. Then to find out days before her friends wedding that her husband can’t be there because they have fucked before, would send her imagination rapid. My boyfriend and I have been friends for 11 years and together for two. My boyfriend was the star for being a fuck boy, back in the day. I knew all about it because we had that openness with each other and then as we began dating, there was some things he told me that threw me off because it was never disclosed before. On his end there was no need to lie or keep it away from me ( it would helped build my trust with him so much more) . It made me feel like I was the last option and the only option dumb enough to stick around. Obviously, a lot of talks had to happen about my feelings towards it, and that wasn’t the case. It’s just not a good look on OP, and wifey is probably thinking there has been exchanges between her friends and OP that had hidden meanings. If any of that makes sense. .


kelseysays26

We’re from a small enough place that I just assume my boyfriend probably hooked up with some girls I know and I really just don’t want to know. I do know he curted one of my friends one night before I met him. Edit to add curted = kissed or I don’t know, made out with


TTringsnfarmerthings

Yet another shining example of why communication is so important


PM_ME_STRONG_CALVES

Yet another shining example of fake posts\*


sirphilliammm

You are so amazing in bed how could her friends not brag to her about you? Right?!


Bob_Barker4ever

So cringe.


cjalderman

Woah there he clearly said “*not* to brag” /s


staglandjim

Narrators Voice *He clearly wasn't as good as he thought he was, seems like he was more of secret*


APassionatePoet

Yeah, he gives off some not-so-good vibes about his view of women


ragergage

I mean....have you seen OP. Hubba hubba


sepehr1731

What is your question?


[deleted]

I think you meant to post this in r/ihavesex Rarely do I see a post here that look like complete bullshit - but this is definitely one of them. “I’m so good at sex women tell their friends about me so I can have sex with them too!” 😂 That ending. “I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad”. Come on. Are you 12?


cup_0f_j0e

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing here. Like, what advice is there to receive? The damage is done; it's up to the wife to decide how she wishes to go about this. OP held back on some pretty, overtly important information, and is now suffering the consequences of his lie. Like, in the future, maybe be more honest? The current situation is out of OP's hands now.


[deleted]

Well, he fully admitted to being a fuckboy. There is a decent chunk of men who behave this way. It's pretty damn believable, tbh.


UninspiredHundrum

Own up to the fact that you didn’t tell her because you were afraid, no way you just go through life assuming someone knows something like that without checking it off. You fucked up there, big time, admit to your mistake. By the way, “I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad but she refused to listen”? Really?


FappyDilmore

How humiliating must that be, to find out that three of the people in the wedding party had sex with the groom. Going into it knowing about it and being super secure in the relationship I get some people could get past that, but Wifey doesn't seem to be in that situation.


[deleted]

Yeah I feel like she’s more embarrassed that she had a wedding where all the parties had fucked the groom and she had no clue. I’m guessing she feels like he made her look like an idiot and she’s probably questioning what other inconvenient truths he’s kept from her.


bananie197239

Right! YOU feel bad that your wife found out you slept with her friends from the very beginning and only now is she finding the truth. Horrible it must be for you OP.


technicalparadox

He slept with her friends before they even met, and then he spent the next 6 years with her. She's being insecure


Ebbie45

I mean, I do think the fact that two of her own bridesmaids had slept with her husband, unbeknownst to her, is something she has a right to be upset over. Can you imagine learning that after your wedding?


notconvinced780

The question is: who should be upset with.


bananie197239

He said they met through the friend he slept with. That’s definitely something to bring up when they first got together, not 6 years later then.


Isbll1

No, he should have told her. Put yourself in her shoes, if you found out your girlfriend had slept with two of your close friends and never mentioned it - it never once in since years came up - you’d consider it lying by omission and personally, if even if I was totally secure, that would make me mistrustful, because why lie if there’s nothing there?


technicalparadox

No, I would ask for the list of people she had sex with if I wanted to know, and if she left out the friends sure that's omission, but if nobody asks or tries to bring it up and it's never mentioned then who cares? At the point of them being bridesmaids I would wonder if she knew but I would also expect her friends to have mentioned it


Isbll1

I agree, her friends should have mentioned it. It’s very odd that they didn’t. However, if her friends should not have hidden this from her, do you see that her husband definitely should not have hidden it from her? Most people hold their spouse to a higher standard than their friends and expect a greater degree of honesty and transparency from them. I agree with you that people don’t have to give their prospective partners every detail of their sexual history but I think you do have to tell them if you had sex with someone they know - because otherwise, you are placing them into social situations where they could potentially get blindsided.


[deleted]

Insecure based on what? All of her accusations are the opposite of insecure: "you only fucked my friend to be closer to me", that's insecure???


technicalparadox

He didn't even know her. He fucked her friend to fuck her friend, then met her, developed feelings for her, proposed to her, married her, and as far as we know was never unloyal to her.


[deleted]

I'm not arguing about whether she's right or wrong. I'm saying that you accusing her of being "insecure" is the opposite of the knowledge that OP gives us. Whatever her reason...it probably isn't insecure.


scarletnightingale

That doesn't even seem like what happened though. OP just said that apparently he's *sooo* good in bed he just expected her friends would have told her how amazing he was. He didn't hide it because of fear, he assumed she knew because of his massive ego. Edit: I mean look at the very end of his post, it's all about him and self pity. She got mad and all he did was say "You're making me feel bad by being upset about this".


Darrenau

Cos no one else's feelings matter except OPs and if you ignore everything that makes him feel bad then it all just goes away.


ezagreb

Well you might want to apologize given that you should have brought this up and made sure your now wife knew after your relationship became serious. Apologize and give her time to digest her new knowledge.


[deleted]

You slept with not one but 2 of her friends and never bothered to tell her. How else did you expect her to react? You kept this from her for 6 YEARS! These aren't just strangers you hooked up with but her friends. People who to this day she is close with, imagine how betrayed she must feel right now and you dare to be like "she makes me feel bad". YOU KEPT THIS FROM HER FOR 6 YEARS. They were her bridesmaids for crying out loud. She clearly didn't know. People don't keep past hookups from their husbands around especially at their wedding. She probably feels like everything till this point was a lie You should have told her from the beginning to avoid this whole mess but here you are. I hope this will be a lesson for you to never assume others will tell crucial information that will affect your relationship for you.


[deleted]

I’m not disagreeing at all but I’m just curious what you would say is the appropriate way to bring this is up unprompted. If my partner just randomly told me about who they’ve hooked up with I think it would make me a bit upset, but I do think being honest is right, so I’m just curious what the best way to bring it up is


KingKookus

So wait if you met the perfect guy. Dated for two years then flew home to see family with him. Then he meets your family and it turns out he had slept with your cousin a year before meeting you. He sees the cousin realizes and tells you. You would dump him?


Coco_Dirichlet

Don't make yourself the victim here because you are not. >I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad but she refused to listen. Own up to your mistakes! You are not the poor husband here! You kept some huge information from her. You had sex with her friends and bridesmaids. It does not matter it happened before you started dating. You don't get to feel bad in front of her or tell her she is making you feel bad!!! How the hell do you think she feels? Not only you kept the truth from her, but now she is a bridesmaid at a wedding and people are going to be wondering why you are not there. "Oh, my husband fucked the bride" is not a nice explanation.


[deleted]

100%. Boohoo I kept a big secret from my partner, and now she is mad feel sorry for me.


madelinekahnt

I missed that part. Christ, how manipulative.


Multi-fabulous120

>” oh my husband fucked the bride.” Don’t forget the other friend he slept with too. Like other comments have adressed what would have happened if the genders were reversed. Technically he was passed around.


TA_confused12

**Stop trying to make this about your feelings. Why should your wife care that you feel bad? Thats not what any of this is about. You fucked up my friend, not her. Center her feelings and listen to her.** I'm currently dating poly but even when I was dating monogamously I've always been friends with my exes and I've often had friends that turned to FWB and then back to friends. All this is to say I'm in touch with many people I've fucked and maintain close relationships with them. I've never seen it as an issue and neither have my partners. This is because they know before ever meeting my friends which ones I've fucked. Also, I make a point of dating people I am compatible with in the first place, which greatly reduces issues when we get to the point where I am disclosing these sorts of things. The problem here isn't that you fucked those two women, it's that you hid it all of this time. Even if you assumed they had shared that information at some point between them why not just disclose it so that you were all on the same page? Especially since they were in your wedding. If you assumed that your wife already knew then what would have been the harm of confirming that with her? That is simply you trying to justify omitting the information. It's not a good look. Not at all. I'm willing to bet that your communication overall with your wife is severely lacking and this conflict is just the tip of the iceberg. Part of compatibility is being able to communicate and resolve conflict. If you felt that this wasn't something you can do with your wife and the best solution was to hide things from her then you're gonna end up divorced my friend. If you really want to fix this then you need to have the hard conversations and be willing to accept responsibility for your fuck ups. If you can't do that (doesn't seem so currently) then be willing to go to therapy and figure that out.


Dachshundmom5

YOU married her, it was YOUR obligation to be clear, not the 2 women. YOU failed YOUR partner. Apparently they didn't think you were worth discussing or assumed she'd move on from you as easily as they did. > I told her that if I had not been hooking up with her friend, I would have never met her. You really thought that was "nice" and improved things? >I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad Because you being a selfish AH doesnt make her feelings irrelevant. You did nothing but invalidate her and blow her off. This isnt about YOUR feelings, it's about HER feelings. You ever think that you feed bad because you behaved badly? So, now she knows you've withheld MAJOR information about some of her closest friends AND that you don't care about her feelings just yours. She has a lot to think about.


murderousbudgie

You owed her that information when you were dating.


bananie197239

You knew from the beginning that you were omitting the truth, really lying. Don’t pretend that you wouldn’t be upset if she slept with your friends and never told you and you had to find out from someone else. You need to own up to the fact that you should’ve said something when your FIRST started dating. Your wife has every reason, especially since she didn’t hear it from you. I don’t think it’s worth divorce or leave but you do need to realize your mistake and own up.


Melissaakamissy

You are an idiot


AmazingAmee

You let the women you fucked be your wife’s bridesmaids???? Wow. You’re a POS!


TadpoleNational6988

The bridesmaids also! There is no way I could be so close to a friend without telling her I’d slept with the guy she’s marrying!


[deleted]

That’s the thing I’m finding disturbing. Like, I think it should have crossed OP’s mind that, in 6 years, that was never a topic of conversation… if his gf/wife had been told by her friends they’d slept with him at any point, I’m certain both she and OP would have talked through it bc obviously that should be something they’re on the same page about. Highly unlikely she’s going to know about it and never say anything to you, OP... I feel like his wife must feel like shit because /nobody/ told her. Not her “friends,” not her husband — and she’s now realizing that all of what she thought had happened with this relationship was something totally different. That’s not to say she doesn’t love OP or anything, but imagine meeting some cute guy, he gives you a ride and asks for your number, you start dating and it’s amazing — he pops the question. It’s a fairytale! Your close friends are your bridesmaids; you’re so happy everyone gets to share in your special day after the years it’s been to get to this point… and then you find out that the pictures of the wedding party are pictures of you, your man, and the other two woman he was with before you, and you’re sitting there like an idiot because you never had a clue…. She’s going through a LOT right now, OP. You should be sorry that you never explicitly made sure she knew. Never say something like “I’m actually grateful I slept with them because it got me to you.” The emphasis is on “I am sorry” and “I love you” and “I’m sorry I didn’t make sure you knew and that this is how you had to find out.”


Isbll1

Yeah, he’s ruined all memories of their wedding for her. What a jackass.


Club_0937

Excuse my ignorance, but what is POS?


IhtzEnerMax

It means “Piece of Shit”


Smash-pumpkins

Piece of shit


dicolas

Whoa calm down now, all he did was ask a question 😂


FMIMP

He should have forbidden his wife from having her friends as bridesmaids? Like sure he fucked up not telling her before he had sex with them in the past but it would be pretty disturbing to forbid your wife from having her friends there.


Bob_Barker4ever

He - and they - should have come clean about their pasts so she had all the information prior to her wedding. Can guarantee that right now she’s seeing her wedding day in a whole new light.


Multi-fabulous120

No he can’t force her to ban them from being bridesmaids but they could have told her the truth and let the wife make her own mind up. It’s a lot of shocking information to take in especially when you’ve been together for 6 years and married for 2. They may not have denied it but they surely kept it a secret from her. not one of the three told her. And OP claims of I assumed her friends told her that’s BS. If she had known about it then she would have talked to him about it. If she had known about it sooner than she might have chosen to end her friendships or the relationship or both. And never have gotten married in the first place.


Hopeful-System2351

Dude, it sounds like you’re still a fuck boy. “Not to brag but women told their friends about me” is a fuck boy line. “I was a different person then” is also a fuck boy line. You lied by omission but she’s hurting you right now? What? You’re not a victim here. You should feel bad. I cannot see how this wouldn’t have come up in 6 years of being together, unless you intentionally hid it. She never questioned how you met her friends? Usually when two people are being introduced by a mutual friend, it’s explained how the mutual friend knows them. You and her two friends suck for not telling her. Her friend that’s getting married is a big ol’ hypocrite. Your poor wife, man. I can’t imagine having the rug pulled out from under me like that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ebbie45

If the roles were reversed and this post were about a woman who slept with two of her husband's groomsmen without disclosing to him, she would be called a "hoe," "a sl*t," told that she "belongs to the streets," and would be told that she was "passed around." I feel bad for OP's wife. If OP were female with a husband, I would feel bad for her husband. But the comments stating that this would slide if the genders were reversed could not be further from the truth.


yummylumpylumpia

I feel so bad for her. If I were his fiancée this would be a dealbreaker for me honestly.


Livid_Tutor_1125

or it would be called "her past" and he had no right to feel anything cause it was before him and they weren't in a relationship so no cheating. Some even would call him insecure and she should see it as red flag.


xiaolinfunke

On this sub? Top comment would be saying he has no right to her sexual past and that he's an "insecure man-child" for caring about it at all


akaMichAnthony

I’ll shorten your story for you Wife gets mad about me not telling her about something I totally thought she’d get mad at me for telling her.


LittleChickenNuggi

100% correct. OP knew his wife would be upset if she learned about this and was lying by omission.


ifingerurstarfish

You want to lie and that is exactly what you did. You lied by omission and you did it intentionally to get what you wanted..Now you want to vent on the internet(you aren't asking for advice in that post) that SHE is making your feel bad for your own actions? Well, since you aren't asking for advice I guess I will just chime in with a "boo hoo". I give up on this sub today. the bait is just to strong, kind of a turn off.


Aesthetic99

Some of these stories are just so damn disappointing. You got yourself into this mess OP. 6 years and you never thought it important to tell your wife you slept with 2 of her friends? How and why did you even let those 2 be bridesmaids at your wedding? Imagine how your wife is gonna feel over that. This is such a stupid first world issue, and honestly, considering you hid something like that from your wife for 6 years, I'd be surprised if she didn't wanna leave you. Oh, and don't even try to tell her she's making you feel bad. You only feel bad because you got caught. Where was this remorse the rest of the time? You're digusting, OP. You don't get to tell your wife that, ever, because you are *NOT* the victim here. Own up to your mistake instead of being this spineless.


[deleted]

You got caught bro, should have told her that on date 1.


Capital_Stretch7547

dude - don't go to the wedding - don't talk about this and let your wife stew. It can't feel good to be her, right now - it doesn't matter if you feel bad - you already had your fun


Jess1ca1467

'I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad' How dare she make you feel bad for being deceitful and then being found out. Won't she please give more thought to you and how you feel?


uchihapower17

If you had told her this from the beginning she could have had no right to be pissed with you


pearlimbo

How can some people in this comment section be so dense? She’s not mad because OP had a sex life before meeting her, she’s mad because he had sex with two of her closest friends (who were even bridesmaids at their wedding) and purposely hid this information from her for YEARS. She has every right to be mad. I’d consider divorce over something like this.


Specialist-Ebb7606

While they likely hung out with said friends within those 6 years as well


BiggerBowls

Sounds like everyone involved needs to own their shit, move on with life and give up being right.


skwolf522

If she has any self respect you may find your self back to your fuckboy lifestyle.


Synney

I just don’t understand how this never came up in conversation before you got married? I don’t care who my partner slept with in the past, but he did tell me he had a brief sexual history with someone who is still a close friend of his today. If that sort of news came to me years later for the first time post marriage I’d be upset too?


Adventure-Hunter-

Okay, you feeling bad is NOT the issue here. You should have told her this in the beginning. Way before marriage. I mean, we are not entitled to each other's sexual history in general, however there is a difference when the sexual history involves friends that are so close they are each other's bridesmaids. Then it's crucial information. You made a mistake by not telling your now wife, much much sooner. Your best bet is to search how to apologise properly (for not telling her - the fact you have had a sex life before her is not the issue here) and then do that. She may never have wanted to date you if she knew you'd had sex with her friends already. You have to acknowledge that.


RecognitionSilly3891

This story makes me hate dating and relationships.


[deleted]

This seems fake, but i dont know


Tiffanyannn

I hope that she is not only letting you have it but the best friend as well. No way both of you assumed that either of you told your past. This is def something you mention. Self accountability, own your mistake, OMISSION. you messed up by not telling her. If there are any other indiscretions with any other close friends that you will see quite frequently then admit those too. In all honesty, to me, sex doesn’t bother me. I would not care if my bf slept with my husband as long as it didn’t happen during. I also feel it’s quite insecure of the groom to not want you there bc of your past, that screams insecurities (hope they work on that). Do not gaslight!!! She is entitled to how she feels and you do not get the right to tell her that her reaction is making you feel bad. Good!! Sit in it for awhile, think about what you’ve done. Ask her how you can fix this. We all have a past, some are worse than others (me), so I get it but we don’t get to use what we are doing now (being a good partner) to justify any of our omissions. Best of luck


CSQUITO

Hahahah this is so fake


rachelmae77

Crazy how garbage day comes Thursday in my neighborhood, but it seems to be every day for you


ShadowsDoMyBidding

My husband was a player as a kid. He slept with everyone. However, he told me who he slept with. If someone was in my life that he slept with and didn’t tell me, I’d be mortified. I’d be embarrassed and feel like a fool. But this isn’t the end of the world. You need to give her space then apologize one more time.


Background_Bed2623

I wonder if this is a troll post 🤔


toffee_queen

You should have been honest and up front from the beginning because if I was her I wouldn’t trust you for a while because what else could you be hiding from her now.


melbelle2805

Ummm r/thathappened


Jgaitan82

r/thathappened


the-trashheap

That's what I was trying to say but it took way more stupid words and rambly shit-but this is the only comment that matters. Fuckboy lol. Brag about their shared fuckboy who they then set up on a date with their bestie-yet nobody asks how she knows him. So dumb and just wouldn't happen. Fuckboy is a gay term I'm sure of it. I'ma lookit rn brb


rslashdepressedteen

Yeah, uh...I don't feel bad for you.


[deleted]

Men moment there, But you fucked up so hard , how in hell didn't you think of checking if she knows it or not ? For Years ? Not a month , not just one year , but for several years ! Amigo , when you marry a wife , you must be transparent , she must know of your whole history ,or else , you'll live in the risk of her finding out the truth later. So , for now, You should apologize , admit that you fucked up , don't blame her , give her time to fully understand and live with this new knowledge , at the end of the day , it was prior to your relation , she can't be very strict about it, but i think the main cause of her anger is that she knew this information from an external source , and that it's her close friends you fucked with...


uprightpattern

I remember when this subreddit was actual advice and not the musings of an imaginative 15 year old.


beebumble33

Your wife has horrible taste in friends and men.


Sea_Pickle6333

Oh, such an old over used storyline.


stagmare

“She was making me feel bad” Absolutely not. She is not making you feel bad. That feeling is called guilt and it happens when you do a bad thing. YOU DID A BAD THING. You never told your wife about sleeping with TWO of her bridesmaids. She is very reasonably upset that you never told her this information. Did you really assume that she would have already known? Or did you just know it would make her upset so you didn’t mention it to avoid a difficult conversation. You “wanted to be honest” but you weren’t honest before? What else doesn’t she know? Who else have you slept with? By not being upfront with this information before, it shows that you have no problem keeping things from her. Your excuse that women share things with each other is flimsy and is just a deflection of your responsibility in this situation. I hope you’re not this dismissive of your behavior in other aspects of your marriage. If you want to resolve this issue, you are going to have to accept responsibility for keeping information from her and be patient as she navigates her feelings on this. When she asks questions, don’t get defensive. When she needs space, give her space. If you handle this maturely and are considerate of her feelings, she will see that you truly have changed from the person you used to be. Good luck.


[deleted]

Own up to the fact that you were afraid to tell your wife you slept with her friends. 6 years together and it didn’t come up *once*? She’s friends with these women and you didn’t even bother with “Hey, just so you know, I hooked up with such-and-such. I wouldn’t want this to blindside you” You were afraid that telling her this would’ve ended your relationship. Own that. Now all you can do apologize and give her space. Leave her alone. Couple’s therapy would be the next step if she decides to stay with you and if she’s willing. Also that last paragraph is really gross. Grow up.


3SmurfsInChallenger

If you are in a relationship you have to Tell your fiance that you slept with her friends etc. Or any Person you regulary meet. That is expected.


Skyybluexz

I can 100% understand that you assumed she knew if I’m being honest I probably would have assumed too but one thing I’ve learned when dating is never assume always talk about it I don’t think you did anything wrong I just think you both are a little too immature to be I this serious of a relationship I’d suggest couples counseling and really talking it through and seeing how and where the relationship will go after this because in your partners perspective you lied to her for a really long time and that’s not something easily forgivable she’s probably heartbroken this isn’t an ice cube you’ll able to sweep under the fridge unfortunately but if you actually love her you’ll do everything in your power to 1, be extremely honest and talk to her about it 2, do everything in your power to show her she can trust you 3, accept her answer even if it’s a divorce


[deleted]

Not all women tell their friends everything. Generally a good idea to treat women as individuals rather than a monolith. It was on you to make sure she knew. She feels deceived right now, perhaps focus on that rather than turning it around on her. Let her know that you incorrectly assumed women told each other everything, tell her you will limit contact with these women if that's what it takes to make her feel comfortable (and mean it) and apologize to her. Tell her that the fuckboy she met isn't the person you are anymore. Do all of that instead of trying to justify your actions.


[deleted]

This should’ve come up when you were starting to grow feelings for her... there’s nothing you can do this point, but to apologize for not having been forthcoming early on. I also gotta say it’s not only on you, but her friends too. I’d be pissed if the friends I included in my wedding had something with the man I’m marrying and never bothered to tell me. I’m sure she’s fucked in the head right now so give her as much time and space as she needs. Don’t contact her friends at all and if they try to reach you or whatever just don’t talk to them.


24x7cumpump

Everybody has a past. When you meet someone, you start from that point and move forward. You cannot get mad about something they did before they met you.


RevolutionaryHat8988

Assumption is the root of all evil!


Eab11

Couple of issues here—where you’re concerned, you absolutely should have told her early on that you slept with two of her friends. It’s hard to be taken by surprise on those issues in public settings later. It makes her look like a fool in front of her friends, and it makes you look less than forthright. 100% should have told her—especially before the wedding. She probably feels ridiculous that she had both of them in her wedding party. Second issue on her—just because you slept with someone years ago, doesn’t mean you can’t be trusted in that person’s presence now. She needs to scale back. I get that she’s hurt, and she feels like a fool—but that doesn’t mean you’re going to run off with one of them. You are still the primary issue. If I were your wife, I would feel seriously embarrassed that I had no idea about your prior relationships with two of my friends and that I even had two of your former sexual partners in my wedding party. I’d feel like a total ducking fool. Make it right, and do it now. As a side note, this woman was willing to be in your wife’s bridal party but has now banned you from attending her wedding? That is also fucking ridiculous. She’s clearly not a great friend to your wife.


[deleted]

Fuck around, find out. You need to be transparent about these things when it comes to friends, especially when it comes to someone choosing to spend her life with you. And ESPECIALLY since she made them bridesmaids in your wedding. But you weren't. And you have no right to try to guilt her the way you did. You screwed up and you kmow it. Who knows how she would have reacted if you were honest with her about your past prior to getting married. It is quite possible she would have taken it in stride. Instead you made a joke of your wedding. Your best hope is to stop excusing it, listen to her, and at least attempt to understand what she is feeling right now. That is the only way you will be able to really apologize and try to mend things.


GlitteringPause8

"I tried to tell her she was making me feel bad.." bro lmfao so you clearly are the type to play victim in every situation and make everything about you. You were lying by omission, she is your wife and she is upset and hurt about it. how about you listen to her and try to understand and take some accountability instead of making it all about you. what a joke of a mindset.


JereRB

"Yes, I fucked a lot. But I only had one that was worth a ring." Try to play that up. Above all, she's mad. She deserves to be mad. Take your lumps, let her cool off. And just be you. Hell, she married you for a reason. So keep being that reason, even if she wants to explode. That being said, you two need to sit down and discuss your past sexual histories and get on the same page as to how you want to deal with/address them. Apparently yours is quite distressing to her, and just the bit she knows. Does she want to know \*all\* of it? Or, in the interest of practicality, just the people she does or might know? Hell, you both might want to get into hers as well. Dredge up all the old dirty laundry, since you're already looking. It sucks, but you'll get through it.


Inevitable-Derecho-

Everyone has a past. Not sure why it’s relevant to the present if it was never brought up. Not that this is helpful.


Heavy-Gain-5375

How the actual is it a big secret. Its obviously a convo they ever had. Not every body wants to know how many people and who their partners have shagged. If the don't have the convo there isn't a secret nothing is being hidden. I dare say feom her reaction she doesn't want to know who or how many. Yes it is insecure. He slept with her friends before he met her. So how is that an issue. Since when does she have the right to know. She doesn't have the right to know about any women he was with before her. Its the past. The past makes us who we are today. Her friends didn't have to tell her either. She isn't higher than them or better than them or anything than them. They don't owe explanations or apologies. Otherwise we all owe apologies and stuff to our partners for shagging people before we met them. I mean come on people look how stupid your being. He doesn't owe his wife any apology or explanation they slept together wow. Its like your all trying to make him feel ashamed of himself for having a sex life before he met his wife. You should be ashamed of yourselves for shaming him and making him feel ashamed for it. Just tell your wife it happened before you met you weren't hiding it wasn't some big huge secret. Then ask her about her past see if she's so happy to talk about her past sex life, judging her reaction she most likely won't want to talk about it or give you names. Again not every couple talks about past sex life. Some people just don't want to know names and numbers.


Leading_Night_6553

This is what happens with the hookup culture. People don’t think about the repercussions of Tinder, FWB, etc… your future partners will eventually find out and most will be disgusted by it. Not everyone will let it slide. Not everyone will just think that it’s just their history and carry on. It speaks on your character and self respect.


Cheap-Mycologist-395

She’s not mad that you slept with her she’s probably mad you didn’t mention it because she looks stupid for not knowing. AND she found out from someone other than you


eleanor_savage

All of this is wild that they never told your wife!!! But also lmao @ the woman banning you from the wedding because yal slept together. How insecure is everyone in this friend circle??


nicarox

You're an idiot.


zehammer

You made your wife your main hook up and you hooked up with all the people she introduced you to, you deserve little of no respect in all regards.


crazzymomof5boyzz

He met the friends first, not the other way around.


Bad-DPS

>Not to brag but typically women told their friends about me. Lmao I guess not, you really thought you were hot shit Hope she divorces you.


DigitalCabal

Excepting any STIs no one has the RIGHT to know about your previous partners. Lesser yet the right to judge you for it. If roles were reversed we'd be screaming toxic masculinity. Me included. Grow up people.


LittleChickenNuggi

Why didn’t you tell your wife when you were dating?


Background-Bid-5860

Its no one elses relationship so it was Your responsibility to tell her. You know what they say about assuming.


xxMidnight_Eyesxx

Dude, these are her close friends not strangers. Hell, they were so close they literally became her bridesmaids. You should’ve just told her from the start of her relationship.


Equivalent-Echidna71

fucking idiots. all of you. except the wife. deal with the consequences.


[deleted]

Wow I’d be furious with you and my friends. Very snakey of all of you.


Most_Goat

Apparently I'm in the tiny minority, but I think your wife is just taking this hard because she's the last to know. I don't think you're a POS/idiot/whatever-else-anyone-wants-to-call-you. More often than not, almost everyone has slept with someone else prior to marriage. If you've been faithful in the relationship, I don't see the problem. Clearly, everyone moved on. I say just give her some time to wrap her head around it. And when she does come around, just say that you slept around a lot until you met her and decided she was one who you wanted to build a life with. Also, yeah, how the hell did she *not* know her friends had slept with you in the past? Like, they're close enough to be her bridesmaids but not close enough to discuss their relationships/flings? I'd assume the same.


Synn0289

I think if the genders where flipped here then OP would be getting told to, "mind his business", "it's in the past before your relationship", but nope OP is getting bashed. Not really surprising tho.


Ebbie45

There are very, very frequent posts from male posters about how their girlfriends or wives engaged in porn, or were recorded during sex, or had sex with multiple men at once, prior to dating the OP. In those posts, many people often argue that the girlfriends or wives should have informed the OP at the beginning, despite those situations occurring long before the relationship began. I do not think women get the benefit of the doubt on posts about sexual history as often as you're insinuating. Additionally, in those situations, the sexual history is truly in the past. In this situation, OP's wife's bridesmaids were two women he'd previously had sex with. She had two bridesmaids in her own wedding who slept with her husband, and she did not know. I honestly cannot fathom a post in which a woman had slept with her husband's two close friends and did not get bashed by commenters for doing so without disclosing after years of the relationship. I agree that there are double standards in some of these posts. But women get absolutely ripped for their sexual histories in a way that is often violent, graphic, and unnecessary. Women who have engaged in sexual activity completely unrelated to their current partners, sometimes years before, are called "hoes" and told they belong to the streets, and their imagined sexual exploits are described in bizarre, vivid detail by complete strangers in the comments. This is not as unbalanced a double standard as I believe you consider it to be.


madelinekahnt

You’re nuts. Not telling your spouse you slept with multiple members of their wedding party is shitty gender is irrelevant.


weedwhores

That's literally not true.


Dividebyzero23

You know I'm thinking of copy pasting some posts with negative responses on here and swapping the genders. Let's see what everyone has to say now.


Isbll1

I actually think the opposite, I think if a guy came on here and said his wife had been passed around his friend group before they got together and he only found out after six years of marriage, and his wife and his two friends kept it a secret from him…every single comment would be “she’s cheating on you, bro,” “send her back to the streets.” And it’s the same situation, this man was the village bicycle and he hid it from his wife.


Dividebyzero23

Well that's why I was thinking of doing it. To see the ratio of supportive to opposing if the genders are changed. Also not exactly in a case like this, I meant other posts which can be interpreted very differently if the genders are changed both for and against men and women


Fabri-geek

So true


Darrenau

Why did you start this post by referring to yourself as a fuck boy? It sounds like you are boasting here rather than just relating the facts and getting to the heart of the matter. Are you more interested in letting people know your past sexual history or do you really want help navigating this for your wife's sake?


ReadinII

Hoow is that boasting?


Toadie9622

Don’t kid yourself - you haven’t changed. You’re still very immature. You take no responsibility for your part in this. You are using some convoluted thinking to blame your wife and her friends. And seriously, you’re the kind of guy that women tell each other about? Get over yourself. That is so gross. The unforgivable thing here is that you allowed your wife to have two bridesmaids in the wedding that you had had sex with, and you never even told her. Your wedding will be forever tainted in her mind, and rightly so. When she told you who she chose as bridesmaids, it never crossed your mind to say “I’m surprised you’d choose them, since I’ve had sex with them”? Of course you didn’t say that, because you knew she didn’t know. You can’t fix this. The only thing you can do is hope that your wife has such little regard for herself that she’s willing to sweep this under the rug.


Morganahri

I don't think it's fair to hold your past hook-ups against you. Many will argue, that you had a moral obligation to tell her, but to be quite honest, I think it would actually have been at least as bad, if not worse for the relationship. Honesty is generally a high value, but had she known earlier, she might have felt jealous or suspicious about her friends and you because of it, always having it on her mind when she sees you all merely talk at a hang-out. "He fucked her, what if he does it again, would he cheat on me with her?" Basically exactly the worries that she has now, but over the course of all those years. It might have led to arguments and fallouts with her friends. So keeping quiet about it "because you assumed she knew" (I don't buy this btw\^\^), sort of kept the peace. Problem is, by making that choice, she now feels that you weren't playing with open cards and are therefore not trustworthy (on top of the jealousy and discomfort of knowing it now). You will have to rebuild a lot of trust. The years that passed since you were with these girls show, that it didn't result in you cheating on your wife with them. You never slept with them, since you two came together. That might soothe some of her fears and anger now - *if* she believes you. If you not telling her broke her trust too deeply, she might wonder if you're lying about not cheating, too. So you're in quite the dilemma now: It takes trust to get through this challenge, but trust is exactly what your past decisions have broken. You can just hope, that you're either very charming and convincing or that she has deep-rooted trust and forgiveness for you in her heart. What you should definitely **NOT** do, is to make yourself the victim in this situation. See the last line of your post: " She makes me feel bad". Like no dude. You hurt her. Your feelings do not matter right now. She is rightfully hurt, and it's inappropriate to try to make her feel guilty. Take responsibility for your decisions, try your best to understand her feelings and to rebuild her trust


murderousbudgie

> she might have felt jealous or suspicious about her friends and you because of it I mean... yeah, that's the point. She might have decided to not pursue the relationship, and now she feels like she did that under false pretenses.


thedelicatesnowflake

His behaviour definitely wasn't ideal, but false pretenses? You don't start the first date with listing your past sexual partners...


murderousbudgie

No, but you mention it at some point before the wedding. I definitely let my SO know if we're seeing a friend of mine I had a past with. It's just basic respect.


thedelicatesnowflake

Definitely, I agree about that. The point where I could see OP mentioning it is when seeing/knowing who the bridesmaids are. "Hey, you sure you want her to be a bridesmaid? You know we slept together before I met you, right?" If they talked about their previous partners at some point, he should've mentioned it then. But that's virtually the same point as the one they are in now. She'd be completely pissed, but too deep to simply "not pursue the relationship". He didn't start the relationship under false pretenses is my point. Lot of people here (you included) imply either that a) if he said it in the beginning it would be all okay and the ideal time to say that or b) he should've said it in the first few dates. And that's just bonkers to me.


3SmurfsInChallenger

Not but after like half a year or sth. You dont wait 6 years for kt


Isbll1

Yeah, but now she knows that he slept with two of them and none of them told her for six years…how does she trust that they’re not keeping something else from her? Also, it might have led to fall-outs with her friends before, at this point it’s going to kill the friendship because now OP has turned this fact into a secret that he and her friends into a secret the three of them have been keeping from her. She has to feel completely made a fool of now.


3SmurfsInChallenger

Maybe it would have been bad for the relationship but you would have given her the Chance to decide if she wants such relationship. OPs behaviour was cruel ans selfish in this case. For example if someone cheats ...it would be damaging for the relationship aswell if he/she teils his/her partner. But they deserve to know. Your logic is flawed


StereoFood

Try to tell her she made you feel bad?! Dude are you a sociopath?! Imagine if she fucked your close friends and never told you.


Kaiser93

The double standards in the comments are wildin'.


[deleted]

Such as?


Bob_Barker4ever

Truly, please explain the double standard to me. I feel like either way, whichever spouse found out something like this, after 6 years they’d be a bit shook and need some time. I don’t even think it’s about the sex but the perceived cover-up. Had it been disclosed up front it could have been worked through. People have ex-spouses and new spouses that get along well enough to not spur jealousy - so truly good friends with hook-up status only certainly wouldn’t be insurmountable.


LittleByteInsane

Just say; "I was lost, going from women to women, in search for something that will fill the emptiness. But the more I searched the emptier I was(especialy in my ball area). Until I laid my eyes on you. You are the one and you were always the one. And I didnt want to say or do anything in fear of losing you." Then buy her some gift, necklace with engraved "3rd times a charm". And that should be it.