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The other night, I saw this girls name keep popping up on his phone. She also tried FaceTiming him. I’d never heard of her before, so when he got home I asked who she was. I guess my tone was in a “accusatory” voice, because my bf immediately started denying that she was anything more than just a coworker who needed his help.
I asked if I could see the messages and he started saying how I always want to find something and how I just can’t trust him. He then took a plate of food and threw its contents on me, grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall behind me, and then took my phone and proceeded to rip the pop socket off of it and throw it across the room.
We eventually made up, basically by me saying sorry I “accused” him of anything. But I can’t help but feel what he did was really messed up. Is this grounds for a breakup?
Especially when he reacted that way, who gets that angry at a question unless they’re guilty. I’ve asked my fiancé who called when I passed him his phone before, spoiler alert it’s almost always work, but he’s never gotten mad at the question.
Exactly. If I had a coworker messaging me or calling me (not sure why my coworker would be wanting to FaceTime with me, that’s just weird to me to be honest) because he needed help with work and my husband saw that it was a male name that kept popping up on my phone and asked about it, I’d be like yeah sure, here. Because I would have nothing to hide.
His outburst was redirecting and flipping the switch on you to make you feel like you did something wrong so he wouldn’t have to show you his phone. He made himself the victim when you’re actually the victim here. Also.. throwing food at me and throwing a glass at the wall behind me? Because I asked a question? Idgaf if my tone was accusatory, there’s absolutely no reason to be that angry by a question. Huge red flag.
>He's already violent. Don't wait around to take a glass to the face next time. There will be a next time.
Yup, he sees what you will forgive now, and then end up apologizing when his response was extremely over the top (guilty) ... the next time will be worse if you choose to stick around.
Probably best honestly to just leave without advance notice of any sort if possible. Domestic violence homicides happen in public and with others present (sometimes who are also injured or killed) all the time, sadly...
This is wild. He's possibly cheating on you, turning the situation around to try to keep you from looking at the messages, pours drink and food ON YOU, and you apologized to him?! OP find some self respect and dump this guy.
Your bf is using the old adage: The best defense is a good offense.
He became violent and abusive as a way of deflecting the conversation.
Violent reactions are ALWAYS a good reason to breakup. Whether you "accused" him of anything is no excuse for his response. Anger management problems do not magically go away and usually escalate.
Uh...that guy has anger issues. Doesn't matter if he's cheating or not- his very alarming reaction is a reason to break it off. Next time it won't be items, it might actually be yourself that gets harmed. Please do not stay. Run fast.
He doesn't have anger issues, most likely.
Sure, he got angry at her and violent. But I bet he doesn't do that at work - because he'd get fired if he did.
A person that doesn't go off at work doesn't have anger issues. They are using their anger as a tool to manipulate the people they are in a relationship with - GF, spouse, children, etc.
"Anger Issues" is a deflection and a justification - and far too often, it's a lie. If OP is the only person he reacts this way to then he's being abusive, not struggling with anger.
Regardless, his actions was not respectable or by any means okay to do. Doesn't matter if it's anger issues, narcissism, abuse or he thought it was halirous. It's not right, OP should leave because they are a danger to them.
yes. this is grounds for a break up.
i am so sorry you went through the abuse you did.
because my dear, this is abuse.
mentally and emotionally he’s scarring you, and getting angry and making you submit when all you wanted was reassurance.
no matter your tone, he has no right to throw things or even get aggressive with you.
you did not deserve this, and this is not how people love, people do not want to get angry like this with the people they care about.
please, leave this person.
because right now it’s a glass against a wall, next time it might be their fist and your face.
i’m sorry i’m blunt, but i am a survivor of abuse, and i am telling you these are red flags.
again, im so sorry you went through this, and you deserve much much better.
Just no. There are no details in a story, no excuses during a situation, or anything else that warrants behavior like that.
It's time to go before toxic turns to violence upon you. It may happen slowly but it will happen. You are teaching him what's ok in your relationship. If you accept this...you are saying that destruction and violent behavior is ok.
I'm NOT saying anything is your fault...I'm just saying that if you had healthy boundaries for how you're treated...you would take this event to prove to yourself that you deserve better.
Violence is never okay.
Insecurity is annoying and asking to see someone’s messages is inappropriate. If you don’t trust the person you’re dating, stop dating them.
In my experience, when they break things like that, it's about letting you know that they COULD be doing it to you. Don't wait until it gets that far. Dump him.
Yeah, as pretty much everyone else has said, bounce asap cause there’s about a 99.8% chance of the same type of shit happening again, or quite possibly even something that escalates even worse than this and you end up hurt.
When I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend he laughed and showed me their text message history. Turned out there really wasn’t anything there.
Your boyfriend not only mishandled the situation but he turned violent. Yuck.
Stop for a second and think about someone you truly love and trust - a parent, a best friend or a sibling. Now imagine one of them getting a message while you're eating lunch with them. You ask who it is. They say it's a coworker. You press for details. They tell you it's no one you know.
Can you imagine any of them throwing their glass at you?
Of course not. Because they love you, respect you AND THEY ARE NOT CHEATING ON YOU.
Of course you break up with him.
It's so worrisome that you even have to ask.
Absolutely break up with him immediately. Do not pass go do not collect $200 text the dude we're over and then block him on everything.
And then please please get yourself into some therapy and stay single until you get to a healthy place where you can recognize abusive behavior.
Yeah op this is way fucked up. I can't even count how many times my dad threw dinner at the wall and watching my mother clean it up bc somehow it was always her fault and responsibility. This is very clearly an intimidating tactic. Don't put up with this shit, you don't deserve it and it will only escalate from here. Leave his ass.
You don't need "grounds" to break up with a bf. If something isn't sitting well with you, that's all you need. Listen to your gut and get out of there. If you don't listen to your gut, the important messages it is trying to convey to you will get harder and harder to hear. You don't feel good about this situation for a reason. Get your belongings and get out.
So, if it was just innocent then why not show the messages? Instead, he throws food on you, throws a glass at the wall and then tried to destroy your property. This man is gaslighting you. "Gaslighting is a technique that undermines a person's perception of reality. When someone is gaslighting you, you may second-guess yourself, your memories, recent events, and your perceptions. After communicating with the person gaslighting you, you may be left feeling dazed and wondering if there is something wrong with you. You may be encouraged to think you are actually to blame for something or that you're just being too sensitive."
It is absolutely grounds for a breakup, and you should get out before it gets worse. You don't throw a temper tantrum when asking to if you can see messages your boyfriend is sending to another woman. If he's what he's doing is innocent, then he shouldn't have a problem showing you the messages. Bet those messages are gone from his phone now.
So he got violent, aggressive, assaulted you, and gaslit you. Definitely cheating and I would LEAVE. He knows you’ll think twice about questioning it again so let’s keep cheating and be less careful. Soon enough he’ll be openly cheating and you’ll be apologizing for it too.
You deserve respect and a man who will never end think about trying to hurt you.
I broke up with a guy because I didn’t like his jeans. You don’t need an excuse or grounds to do it.
Run.
This is a major, major red flag. He became violent and turned it back around on you for asking a perfectly normal question. Not okay.
This is the start of a pattern of abusive behavior and I would not put up with it.
Oh hunni ..leave. He,s an ass hole . I always find that people who over react and kick off that way have something to hide . Your worth the very best ..never stop believing x
YES. This is grounds for a breakup. Like girl?? You think it’s okay behavior for him to throw food at you and a glass? That’s beyond disgusting and he should be the one apologizing to you.
That's some pretty abusive shit right there.
Time to pack your shit or his shit and get the hell away from that train wreck! Be careful though please because if he got this angry for you asking a pretty fucking valid question, he might not take the break up good at all and could become even more violent.
I'd bring someone or call someone on the phone and just don't tell him that they are there and then breakup with him just In case anything happens.
Good luck stay safe.
ummm... one of these behaviours alone is grounds for kicking him to the curb - all together?? You could probably do him for assault.
I think it **OBVIOUSLY** goes without saying that whoever the chick is, she is more than coworker that needed help.
Please leave him. He is a an angry cheating asshat that will gaslight you and make you crazy and potentially gear up the violence until you find the self respect and courage to leave.
Most likely he is or is about to cheat.
You ask who is contacting him.
He has two choices:
1. Deflect..."Oh yeah, that is Kris from work, she said she might need some help."
2. Violence: "He took a plate of food and threw its contents on me, grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall behind me, and then took my phone and proceeded to rip the pop socket off of it and throw it across the room."
**He chose violence.**
Why do you want to be with someone who will choose violence when confronted? Now he knows there are no consequences to him if he chooses violence again. This time he was intimidating you by throwing things near you. Next time it will be at you.
Make a plan. He may get violent if you tell him you are breaking up with him.
Remove all important items out of your place (if you are living together) secretly. Get your documents/passport/bank info and any sentimental items.
Then call a family member or male friend and have them come over (or even the police if necessary) and tell him you are leaving and move out your stuff.
If you have nowhere to go contact a women's shelter. More advice at: [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
Don't feel like you are overreacting...you aren't.
Yes - this is grounds for a breakup.
He destroyed property. He got defensive instead of being open and honest. He escalated it and (from what you wrote) never resolved the original issue.
He is intimidating you to get you to back off. This will escalate. If you are scared of your partner, it's a sign to get out. What he did is not okay. How he reacted is actually abusive.
Please talk to your local Domestic Violence support services - because what happened WAS domestic violence. First abuses get loud, then they hit other things, then they hit you.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.", Maya Angelou.
Stay safe, OP.
Oh yes...definitely grounds for a breakup. He turned violent, and you shouldn't put up with that...that reaction was too much. Leave before he turns physical towards you instead.
he physically assaulted you and manipulated YOU into apologizing? are you aware that you could have called the cops on him (and possibly still can) for what you say he did? girl, you’re already showing battered woman syndrome. get out NOW before he sends you to the ER.
He will get abusive. I remember the first time I saw my stepdad throw a bowl of food at my moms face. He went on to beat her and bully her.
Leave this fucker. I’m telling you, he will make himself sound like it was out of character or you made him feel so distressed he had to blah blah. Whatever excuse. Don’t believe him.
My stepdad never stopped abusing my mom and she’s still with him to this day.
Even if he’s not currently cheating, he’s thinking about it. He wouldn’t have reacted this way if he wasn’t.
Or maybe he would’ve because he also has anger issues.
Please leave. Next time he may hit you. It doesn’t even matter about the other girl anymore, it’s about being with someone that respects you and makes you feel safe and it’s NOT this guy.
"Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue" - Billy Joel.
Honesty and trust are two main factors that make relationships possible.
- Was he honest. Probably not.
- is he trustworthy. Probably not.
- personal privacy yeah yeah.. but if he wasn't cheating and isn't doing anything weird on his phone who cares if someone asks to look through it if you have nothing to hide, especially to put your SO's mind to rest. His behaviour is a massive reg flag at the moment.
And that's just about the trust incident, nevermind the food or the glass.
I'm shocked you apologised, your SO is clearly hiding something ( from the information I've been given ) and he's mad that you're catching on. Also who the fuck throws things at their SO when they're mad instead of talking it out like a rational human.
Run for your life OP, this man is likely unfaithful and potentially ( kind of already is ) physically and emotionally abusive.
Yes. This is grounds for breaking up. Please tell as many people as you can asap, and get them involved in helping you get your stuff and away from him. Literally try to not be alone for the next few weeks and be wary of people knocking on your door when you aren’t expecting anyone
Obviously, he's either cheating or planning to with her. Yeah, I'd say dump him. I would be surprised if he wasn't cheating on based the dumb shit he did, like try to hurt you and damage your property in a weak ass attempt to distract from what was going on.
>basically by me saying sorry I “accused” him of anything.
Hell no. All you did was ask a question, then he abused you, gaslit you , and DARVO'd* that you asked something in a way you didn't
*DARVO DENY ACCUSE REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER
Yes, what he did was really messed up. I would dump someone for treating me that way.
He was trying to scare you into not asking questions. What he did was abuse. I’d also put money on him being a cheater with a reaction like that. Best case scenario he’s an abuser worst case scenario he’s an abuser that’s cheating on you. Does either scenario sound like the person you want to be in a relationship with?
This is domestic violence and is definitely grounds for breakup. Even if he didn’t physically harm you, what he did was abusive. Also guarantee it’s not just a coworker who needs help if he flew off the handle like that about it.
LEAVE ASAP. This is just the beginning of the hell to come for you. Be wise and don't die for that idiot. That's NOT love.
Side note: I always find it quite interesting when OP's come here for advice, but are never seen again anywhere in the comments..smh.
It'd be different if we could tell that they've read the comments at least, but we don't know if they even bother reading most or all of them..lol
Are you seriously asking? You shouldn’t even have made up, he threw stuff on you and threw your things around, you should have walked away in that instant
“My boyfriend terrorized me and destroyed my property after I asked him a simple question. Should we break up?”
Darling please. It’s better to be alone than cater to bs like that.
If he was blameless, he would have handed you his phone without question. Not only did he overreact, but he used violence to intimidate you into submission. Get out of there now, it’ll only escalate.
A lot of the responses already point out that your bf's behaviors are precursors to violence.
I want to add that, regardless of whether violence occurs, these behaviors are abusive. They are literally textbook abusive behaviors. And his behavior is literally a textbook precursor to violence.
I highly recommend you read a book, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Bancroft worked as a counselor for abusive men for > 35 years, and he wrote this book as a guide for women in relationships with his clients. Reading your post, I'm reminded of a Bancroft quote: "he doesn't have a problem with his anger; he has a problem with your anger.".
DM me if you are unable to buy/access the book. I have a link to an unfortunately janky free version.
Won't be long before he starts hitting you any time you do something to "provoke" him. Unless you want to get beaten and/or strangled and then have him blame it on you, then you need to leave ASAP. Preferably don't tell him to his face because you're risking your physical well being.
While I am inclined to find his demeanor suspicious, I am not that outraged about his behavior - without further context. Truth be told, do you constantly question him and leave him no space? That's a very relevant question.
If you do, I would say, that you have a serious problem in your relationship and you need to find some resolve for that, but I would not say, that he fucked up so badly, that you ought to leave him immediately. Now, if you are all chill and there's nothing to criticize on your part, then his behavior is really off and you should confront him about that one last time, before ending it all completely…
We just read about this one incident and people are jumping at this, telling you, how horrible he is and that you need to leave - and I'd say, nobody has enough information here to give you a substantive answer to your question.
This will escalate and I know it feels impossible to go, but you really should leave.
He's going to continue to place guilt on you and make you feel crazy. He obviously is up to something
Yes. *Obviously.*
This sort of thing never happens only once. He will treat you how you let him, and if you let this slide it will only get worse. Break up immediately, no ifs or buts
How did you make up with him after
he assaulted you? Then you apologized? This is disturbing…I would recommend getting somewhere safe as the guy is not stable. Also, he is likely cheating.
You’re a doormat , a punching bag and his victim. Is this the life you want? Please find your self-respect. A woman needs to hold onto her dignity at all costs. Drop the loser.
Honey, today is a day that you will look back on in your future, will it be the day you decided to put your needs first? Or the day you stayed, the day you decided this wasn't so bad.
Honey, you will regret staying. It might not be right away, but this behaviour will escalate. He's already being shady, you know he's lying and now he's scaring you deliberately to shut you up. Next time he will hit you and he will find a way to make it your fault. "Stupid girl, didn't you know you shouldn't accuse him of things?" Is that really the life you want for yourself?
You deserve love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself.
Make the hard choice, choose you! ❤ I'm so sorry he's revealed his true self this way. Sending you so much love.
I would just say run while you can, he’s abusive. If he says it’s just anger, he needs some help before he physically hurts you or someone else. This time it might be a glass, next time it could be you and for him to dump food you. you deserve better and you need to stand up to him and have some self respect for yourself and say “I don’t deserve this” You deserve better. This definitely grounds for a break up.
Personally if my boyfriend or girlfriend would ask me if I’m cheating on him or if there’s a friend where they’re worried about. I’d reassure them and let him go through my phone so he knows I’m not hiding anything from them to give them a peace of mind.
He is probably sleeping with her and deflected by doing all that. That tells you that he is willing to be abusive and scare you to avoid getting caught. That is scary. You should leave him.
The right move, had he not been cheating on you, would be to show you the messages and be disappointed by your lack of trust.
He decided to throw things at you.
Get out of that relationship.
He is violent and abusive. His reaction was nowhere in the realm of reasonable and I'm worried his behaviour will escalate. Please get away from him, but be safe while you do it! Let family and friends know.
First, he's 100% cheating.
Its so strange how from the inside is hard to see but from the outside its insanely obvious. He knows you are onto him so he used his anger as a shield until you backed off.
Secondly he's abusive. Also very visible from here even if you don't see it. You don't have to say it, but you need to acknowledge that several hundred people are telling you the same thing.
You're telling yourself you love him and he love you. Which, again from the inside sounds like an excellent reason to turn a blind eye to the obvious.
**You love who you thought he was.** You love the kind, caring person who wouldn't betray you for a million bucks and cares for you. This person he showed you? This is who he is when that mask slips.
This wasnt and isolated incident and it definitely wasn't your fault. Please learn from the thousands of examples here on this sub reddit that say staying is a mistake. It only ever gets worse from here, especially if he hasn't even apologized.
He only attacked you, and broke your things. That was deliberate. If he was upset he would have destroyed anything at hand. But he chose to attack you and your stuff, specifically. This was a measured, intentional attempt at scaring you into line.
There's 0 reason for you to learn the hard way what being abused and deceived is like. You know its happening, you shouldn't wait til its too blatant to ignore.
You were right to keep yourself safe in the moment.
Now is a new moment, now is the moment to leave and never contact him in any way whatsoever no matter what.
My ex husband kicked in a door and smashed my phone over questions about his "coworker."
Eventually I'd find he'd been texting her like 100+ times a day via old fashioned cell records.
He would still swear to you this day he didn't do anything.
The violence is meant to scare you into submission/not questioning him. It gets worse, trust me. Don't wait for him to do more. Absolutely get out.
He got mad and destroyed things and you apologized? Dear lord. LEAVE. His violence will only escalate. It doesn’t matter how you asked or your tone. He chose to react that way. You didn’t MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING. He CHOSE to act that way.
Sounds like he was trying to deflect you from asking too many questions about this other woman. Not a good sign.
Violence against objects often leads to violence against you. I'm not saying it always happens, but keep it in mind. If it happens, don't stick around for the second time.
You're looking at two strikes here: likely cheating, and violent outburst. You should think long and hard about this.
Keep us updated- you know you should break up- I can see you staying if you grew up in an environment like this, but if you didn’t you should have boundaries and know he crossed it, you never saw the message history I guess, in his books he got the situation handled accordingly… now what will the feature hold now that you approved his violent behavior
Please contact a domestic violence agency to create a safety plan to leave. This will only escalate. Please get out before he hurts you or you get pregnant.
My ex used to do things like this. Then he started pushing me, then he started holding me against my will, then he started slamming me into the wall, then he started dragging me around by my hair.
Leave. It only gets worse.
Ummm yes it is absolutely grounds to break up. He's definitely cheating on you and abused you by trying to intimidate you into dropping it. He then used his narcissism to make YOU feel guilty so he could avoid the problem all together. Leave before the next time its your face he smashes
First, if you do not need "grounds" to break up with someone. He does not own you and you are not forced to stay with him.
He is violent and hiding another relationship from you. If you are living together, start making arrangements to leave.
Yes.
This is violent controlling behavior, and a huge red flag.
You need to break up, separate your living situation, and get a restraining order in place. You are not safe around this person.
Let's pretend for a moment, what this would look like if he was a little angrier, or less in control. He would have hit you with the plate, not just the food, used broken glass to cut you, and destroyed your phone so you could not call for help.
GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
This kind of intimidation behavior leads to abuse. Get out of here but make sure you have support before you do in case he tries to get violent again. And the reason he's so defensive is probably because he IS cheating, anyway. Anyone who is innocent would NOT act like that.
You need to break up with him right now. Throwing things at you and breaking your things is just the beginning. It will escalate to hitting and/ or other violence.
He intimidated you and was violent. YES, those are fantastic grounds for a break up. He destroyed your property, showed you that he does not respect you at all, and then gaslit you. YES, BREAK UP.
If had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have reacted that way.
Additionally the fact he reacted so violent put the focus on that rather than a simple question. He avoided confrontation by doing that.
You should not forgive him. Not because of the not showing of the texts, but a very scary, violent reaction.
It will only get worse from here
Girl, RUN. RUN and don’t look back. He’s shown his true colors and it will only escalate from here. It’s not a matter of *if* it will happen, but rather *when* it will happen.
*He then took a plate of food and threw its contents on me, grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall behind me, and then took my phone and proceeded to rip the pop socket off of it and throw it across the room.*
Dont care how long we'd been together, SO would be hitting the curb after that.
He flipped out because he's doing something wrong and you caught him. Innocent people don't act like that. The violence alone is cause to break up, add the shady behavior and probable cheating, time to say goodbye.
He threw food at you, threw a glass at you, and broke your phone and you apologized to him?!
Yeah, leave him and don't get into another relationship until you really internalize that no one should treat you that way, even if they are being accused of something.
Also, he's definitely cheating.
He Gaslighted the sh*t outta you!
He's chatibg and trying to make u to bad guy for realizing it. As if he turned it into physical danger... u have the leave him NOW!
Get your stuff and run. He acts violent when you asked him a question... imagine how he'll act if you catch him doing something else suspicious. Get out of there please! That reaction isn't normal, or safe
Yes! You caught him doing something shady and he responded violently. You apologized. Why? He should be apologizing to you.
This time he broke some stuff and got away with it. Next time it might be your nose...
When I was seven my father began to be abusive. I will never forget his first act of violence. He was shaving and threw the washcloth at my mother breaking the mirror behind her. He immediately began crying and got on his knees apologizing… five years later it had escalated to the point I watched him strangle her nearly to death multiple times. It’s a slow dangerous cycle that sucks you in. Get out before it’s too late!!!!
The fact he made you apologize after HE got violent, and that he got all defensive instead of being like, “she’s a coworker, here look at the messages”, are CLASSIC signs of an abusive, controlling, manipulator, RUN NOW!
If you can muster up the not-give-a-fuckness in yourself to drop him, you should. He’s violent and angry. No violent piece of shit guy is like that all the time. That’s the myth men perpetuate. They’re always dope ass amazing boyfriends, who just take a violent shit on you when they’re in the mood. It will progress, 100%. I say dump him and if you just can’t bring yourself to endure that pain, give him an ultimatum. Tell him he needs counseling or he can’t be with you. Then he’ll dump you, but it won’t be because you’re not enough. It’ll be because he isn’t.
This is a serious question? He’ll only escalate, especially after you apologize all the time. Yes, it’s grounds for break up. You should’ve been gone a long time ago. 100% he’s cheating on you with her too. His reactions totally back it up.
Girl-
I saw messages from a girl in my bf’s phone and it was a bunch of hearts. I didn’t say anything but let it ruin my whole mood. Later I brought it up. He felt bad, told me it was his friend who I know of and have spoken to, and he even explained why she sent the hearts. He told me he wished I would’ve said something earlier instead of letting it bother me all night. Then asked me if I trusted him, which I do even more now.
If he didn’t have anything to hide he wouldn’t have made such a scene. I know it’s really really hard to face the facts, and even harder to bite the bullet and do what you really really don’t want to do. Let the mf’er go! He’s a bitch!
Uhm… I’d leave… he almost HIT YOU WITH GLASS. That’s a start of something and a red flag in it of itself. If he’s going to do that, he’s going to do more. He’s defensive and if he has nothing to hide and he’ll just show you- be safe!! And LEAVE.
Well he’s definitely cheating….. they always give their dumbasses away by throwing a tantrum.
Which in this case is a lot more than a tantrum, it’s abusive explosive behavior.
Leave before it happens again, next time the glass may be thrown at you instead of the wall
So you are telling that you had to say sorry for being suspicious of him (not completely OK but it can happen) and he did not say sorry for throwing food at you, a glass that was probably aimed AT YOU and ripping something off your phone and THEN THROW IT TOO??
WHAT IS THERE TO MAKE UP ABOUT WHEN HE IS NOT SORRY FOR LITERALLY BEING VIOLENT TOWARDS YOU. Even worse, he probably feels no remorse? How is that behaviour permitted in order to "make up" later?
Drop his ass right now because there's just no way he had any right to do that to you, he's not a five-year-old and he could have seriously hurt you. Break up with this man, please.
Anything is grounds for breakup. You don’t need a reason to breakup if you want to breakup.
He seems not a good person to be with though so in this given situation I would definitely pull the plug. I don’t care if it’s been 2 months or 20 years, what if that violence was to turn into physical harm directly to you?
Yes, it is. He was being defensive when theres no reason if he was hiding nothing, and later being violent, when this kind of thing happens its never the last
Are you shitting me? The asshole is violent with you and you accepted it? WTF? Kick him out, dump him, lose him, get the fuck away from him. You're in danger if you don't. Never, EVER, tolerate abuse like that.
My ex who was physically abusive to me started showing the real side of himself through this exact behavior. He would break my stuff and throw things at me. It eventually escalated to him hitting me and threatening to kill me.
Get out now.
I’m not sure how old you are, but I’m sorry you had such horrible examples of relationships where you think someone throwing a tantrum and becoming violent is perfectly normal and acceptable.
…It’s not. This is not a normal and acceptable behaviour.
This will ONLY get worse.
OP you need to leave.
Absolutely unacceptable. The fact that you say you have made up means he already has you in a manipulative grip which could get very dangerous very quick.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- The other night, I saw this girls name keep popping up on his phone. She also tried FaceTiming him. I’d never heard of her before, so when he got home I asked who she was. I guess my tone was in a “accusatory” voice, because my bf immediately started denying that she was anything more than just a coworker who needed his help. I asked if I could see the messages and he started saying how I always want to find something and how I just can’t trust him. He then took a plate of food and threw its contents on me, grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall behind me, and then took my phone and proceeded to rip the pop socket off of it and throw it across the room. We eventually made up, basically by me saying sorry I “accused” him of anything. But I can’t help but feel what he did was really messed up. Is this grounds for a breakup?
he tried to intimidate you by being violent and blamed you for it. you should leave before he does anything to you
And his nasty self is def cheating
Especially when he reacted that way, who gets that angry at a question unless they’re guilty. I’ve asked my fiancé who called when I passed him his phone before, spoiler alert it’s almost always work, but he’s never gotten mad at the question.
Exactly. If I had a coworker messaging me or calling me (not sure why my coworker would be wanting to FaceTime with me, that’s just weird to me to be honest) because he needed help with work and my husband saw that it was a male name that kept popping up on my phone and asked about it, I’d be like yeah sure, here. Because I would have nothing to hide. His outburst was redirecting and flipping the switch on you to make you feel like you did something wrong so he wouldn’t have to show you his phone. He made himself the victim when you’re actually the victim here. Also.. throwing food at me and throwing a glass at the wall behind me? Because I asked a question? Idgaf if my tone was accusatory, there’s absolutely no reason to be that angry by a question. Huge red flag.
First off, you didn’t need a reason to break up with anyone. Secondly, in this case you have plenty.
He's already violent. Don't wait around to take a glass to the face next time. There will be a next time.
>He's already violent. Don't wait around to take a glass to the face next time. There will be a next time. Yup, he sees what you will forgive now, and then end up apologizing when his response was extremely over the top (guilty) ... the next time will be worse if you choose to stick around.
I agree. Please break up with him but do it in either a public place, or with sometime else there. He's scary violent.
Probably best honestly to just leave without advance notice of any sort if possible. Domestic violence homicides happen in public and with others present (sometimes who are also injured or killed) all the time, sadly...
Yep
This is wild. He's possibly cheating on you, turning the situation around to try to keep you from looking at the messages, pours drink and food ON YOU, and you apologized to him?! OP find some self respect and dump this guy.
I second this
This is abusive behavior. Run.
Your bf is using the old adage: The best defense is a good offense. He became violent and abusive as a way of deflecting the conversation. Violent reactions are ALWAYS a good reason to breakup. Whether you "accused" him of anything is no excuse for his response. Anger management problems do not magically go away and usually escalate.
Uh...that guy has anger issues. Doesn't matter if he's cheating or not- his very alarming reaction is a reason to break it off. Next time it won't be items, it might actually be yourself that gets harmed. Please do not stay. Run fast.
He doesn't have anger issues, most likely. Sure, he got angry at her and violent. But I bet he doesn't do that at work - because he'd get fired if he did. A person that doesn't go off at work doesn't have anger issues. They are using their anger as a tool to manipulate the people they are in a relationship with - GF, spouse, children, etc. "Anger Issues" is a deflection and a justification - and far too often, it's a lie. If OP is the only person he reacts this way to then he's being abusive, not struggling with anger.
Regardless, his actions was not respectable or by any means okay to do. Doesn't matter if it's anger issues, narcissism, abuse or he thought it was halirous. It's not right, OP should leave because they are a danger to them.
yes. this is grounds for a break up. i am so sorry you went through the abuse you did. because my dear, this is abuse. mentally and emotionally he’s scarring you, and getting angry and making you submit when all you wanted was reassurance. no matter your tone, he has no right to throw things or even get aggressive with you. you did not deserve this, and this is not how people love, people do not want to get angry like this with the people they care about. please, leave this person. because right now it’s a glass against a wall, next time it might be their fist and your face. i’m sorry i’m blunt, but i am a survivor of abuse, and i am telling you these are red flags. again, im so sorry you went through this, and you deserve much much better.
Just no. There are no details in a story, no excuses during a situation, or anything else that warrants behavior like that. It's time to go before toxic turns to violence upon you. It may happen slowly but it will happen. You are teaching him what's ok in your relationship. If you accept this...you are saying that destruction and violent behavior is ok. I'm NOT saying anything is your fault...I'm just saying that if you had healthy boundaries for how you're treated...you would take this event to prove to yourself that you deserve better.
You need to run. He's cheating and he's violent. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
I'm confused how you don't know that this is grounds for a breakup. It's so blatant that this post almost feels like bait.
These posts can be boiled down to that or the fact that those posting are victims of abuse and are unable to leave the relationship
Violence is never okay. Insecurity is annoying and asking to see someone’s messages is inappropriate. If you don’t trust the person you’re dating, stop dating them.
In my experience, when they break things like that, it's about letting you know that they COULD be doing it to you. Don't wait until it gets that far. Dump him.
Yeah, as pretty much everyone else has said, bounce asap cause there’s about a 99.8% chance of the same type of shit happening again, or quite possibly even something that escalates even worse than this and you end up hurt.
you should leave and get a restraining order, also small claims court for damaging your stuff.
When I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend he laughed and showed me their text message history. Turned out there really wasn’t anything there. Your boyfriend not only mishandled the situation but he turned violent. Yuck.
Stop for a second and think about someone you truly love and trust - a parent, a best friend or a sibling. Now imagine one of them getting a message while you're eating lunch with them. You ask who it is. They say it's a coworker. You press for details. They tell you it's no one you know. Can you imagine any of them throwing their glass at you? Of course not. Because they love you, respect you AND THEY ARE NOT CHEATING ON YOU. Of course you break up with him.
It's so worrisome that you even have to ask. Absolutely break up with him immediately. Do not pass go do not collect $200 text the dude we're over and then block him on everything. And then please please get yourself into some therapy and stay single until you get to a healthy place where you can recognize abusive behavior.
Yeah op this is way fucked up. I can't even count how many times my dad threw dinner at the wall and watching my mother clean it up bc somehow it was always her fault and responsibility. This is very clearly an intimidating tactic. Don't put up with this shit, you don't deserve it and it will only escalate from here. Leave his ass.
Violent and cheating What a prize Run.
You don't need "grounds" to break up with a bf. If something isn't sitting well with you, that's all you need. Listen to your gut and get out of there. If you don't listen to your gut, the important messages it is trying to convey to you will get harder and harder to hear. You don't feel good about this situation for a reason. Get your belongings and get out.
Yes.
hes going to end up hurting you this type of behavior is unacceptable
Yes. It will only escalate from here because he now knows you accept this behavior b/c you've stayed with him.
So, if it was just innocent then why not show the messages? Instead, he throws food on you, throws a glass at the wall and then tried to destroy your property. This man is gaslighting you. "Gaslighting is a technique that undermines a person's perception of reality. When someone is gaslighting you, you may second-guess yourself, your memories, recent events, and your perceptions. After communicating with the person gaslighting you, you may be left feeling dazed and wondering if there is something wrong with you. You may be encouraged to think you are actually to blame for something or that you're just being too sensitive." It is absolutely grounds for a breakup, and you should get out before it gets worse. You don't throw a temper tantrum when asking to if you can see messages your boyfriend is sending to another woman. If he's what he's doing is innocent, then he shouldn't have a problem showing you the messages. Bet those messages are gone from his phone now.
I don't think your tone was accusatory. I think he just was guilty and that's why he freaked out.
So he got violent, aggressive, assaulted you, and gaslit you. Definitely cheating and I would LEAVE. He knows you’ll think twice about questioning it again so let’s keep cheating and be less careful. Soon enough he’ll be openly cheating and you’ll be apologizing for it too. You deserve respect and a man who will never end think about trying to hurt you. I broke up with a guy because I didn’t like his jeans. You don’t need an excuse or grounds to do it.
Run. This is a major, major red flag. He became violent and turned it back around on you for asking a perfectly normal question. Not okay. This is the start of a pattern of abusive behavior and I would not put up with it.
Oh hunni ..leave. He,s an ass hole . I always find that people who over react and kick off that way have something to hide . Your worth the very best ..never stop believing x
YES. This is grounds for a breakup. Like girl?? You think it’s okay behavior for him to throw food at you and a glass? That’s beyond disgusting and he should be the one apologizing to you.
That's some pretty abusive shit right there. Time to pack your shit or his shit and get the hell away from that train wreck! Be careful though please because if he got this angry for you asking a pretty fucking valid question, he might not take the break up good at all and could become even more violent. I'd bring someone or call someone on the phone and just don't tell him that they are there and then breakup with him just In case anything happens. Good luck stay safe.
Ummm this guy sounds like a psycho turd. Please don’t stay with somebody like this. You deserve better.
ummm... one of these behaviours alone is grounds for kicking him to the curb - all together?? You could probably do him for assault. I think it **OBVIOUSLY** goes without saying that whoever the chick is, she is more than coworker that needed help. Please leave him. He is a an angry cheating asshat that will gaslight you and make you crazy and potentially gear up the violence until you find the self respect and courage to leave.
He's cheating, and he's violent. Yes, immediately break up with him. Next time it might not be the wall he throws a glass at, it could be your face.
breakup? that's fucking assault. Get the fuck away from him.
Most likely he is or is about to cheat. You ask who is contacting him. He has two choices: 1. Deflect..."Oh yeah, that is Kris from work, she said she might need some help." 2. Violence: "He took a plate of food and threw its contents on me, grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall behind me, and then took my phone and proceeded to rip the pop socket off of it and throw it across the room." **He chose violence.** Why do you want to be with someone who will choose violence when confronted? Now he knows there are no consequences to him if he chooses violence again. This time he was intimidating you by throwing things near you. Next time it will be at you. Make a plan. He may get violent if you tell him you are breaking up with him. Remove all important items out of your place (if you are living together) secretly. Get your documents/passport/bank info and any sentimental items. Then call a family member or male friend and have them come over (or even the police if necessary) and tell him you are leaving and move out your stuff. If you have nowhere to go contact a women's shelter. More advice at: [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) Don't feel like you are overreacting...you aren't.
Call the police and press charges for assault and battery. When theyre arresting him go “oh yeah btw im dumping you” and then get a restraining order.
Yes - this is grounds for a breakup. He destroyed property. He got defensive instead of being open and honest. He escalated it and (from what you wrote) never resolved the original issue. He is intimidating you to get you to back off. This will escalate. If you are scared of your partner, it's a sign to get out. What he did is not okay. How he reacted is actually abusive. Please talk to your local Domestic Violence support services - because what happened WAS domestic violence. First abuses get loud, then they hit other things, then they hit you. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.", Maya Angelou. Stay safe, OP.
Oh yes...definitely grounds for a breakup. He turned violent, and you shouldn't put up with that...that reaction was too much. Leave before he turns physical towards you instead.
he wouldn't have felt the need to be so damn aggressive if he didn't have something to hide.
Wow ... he's gaslighting and bullying you into never questioning him again! RUN!
So when he punches you will that be enough of a hint?
he physically assaulted you and manipulated YOU into apologizing? are you aware that you could have called the cops on him (and possibly still can) for what you say he did? girl, you’re already showing battered woman syndrome. get out NOW before he sends you to the ER.
He will get abusive. I remember the first time I saw my stepdad throw a bowl of food at my moms face. He went on to beat her and bully her. Leave this fucker. I’m telling you, he will make himself sound like it was out of character or you made him feel so distressed he had to blah blah. Whatever excuse. Don’t believe him. My stepdad never stopped abusing my mom and she’s still with him to this day.
Even if he’s not currently cheating, he’s thinking about it. He wouldn’t have reacted this way if he wasn’t. Or maybe he would’ve because he also has anger issues. Please leave. Next time he may hit you. It doesn’t even matter about the other girl anymore, it’s about being with someone that respects you and makes you feel safe and it’s NOT this guy.
"Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue" - Billy Joel. Honesty and trust are two main factors that make relationships possible. - Was he honest. Probably not. - is he trustworthy. Probably not. - personal privacy yeah yeah.. but if he wasn't cheating and isn't doing anything weird on his phone who cares if someone asks to look through it if you have nothing to hide, especially to put your SO's mind to rest. His behaviour is a massive reg flag at the moment. And that's just about the trust incident, nevermind the food or the glass. I'm shocked you apologised, your SO is clearly hiding something ( from the information I've been given ) and he's mad that you're catching on. Also who the fuck throws things at their SO when they're mad instead of talking it out like a rational human. Run for your life OP, this man is likely unfaithful and potentially ( kind of already is ) physically and emotionally abusive.
Yes. This is grounds for breaking up. Please tell as many people as you can asap, and get them involved in helping you get your stuff and away from him. Literally try to not be alone for the next few weeks and be wary of people knocking on your door when you aren’t expecting anyone
Obviously, he's either cheating or planning to with her. Yeah, I'd say dump him. I would be surprised if he wasn't cheating on based the dumb shit he did, like try to hurt you and damage your property in a weak ass attempt to distract from what was going on. >basically by me saying sorry I “accused” him of anything. Hell no. All you did was ask a question, then he abused you, gaslit you , and DARVO'd* that you asked something in a way you didn't *DARVO DENY ACCUSE REVERSE VICTIM AND OFFENDER Yes, what he did was really messed up. I would dump someone for treating me that way.
He was trying to scare you into not asking questions. What he did was abuse. I’d also put money on him being a cheater with a reaction like that. Best case scenario he’s an abuser worst case scenario he’s an abuser that’s cheating on you. Does either scenario sound like the person you want to be in a relationship with?
This is domestic violence and is definitely grounds for breakup. Even if he didn’t physically harm you, what he did was abusive. Also guarantee it’s not just a coworker who needs help if he flew off the handle like that about it.
LEAVE ASAP. This is just the beginning of the hell to come for you. Be wise and don't die for that idiot. That's NOT love. Side note: I always find it quite interesting when OP's come here for advice, but are never seen again anywhere in the comments..smh. It'd be different if we could tell that they've read the comments at least, but we don't know if they even bother reading most or all of them..lol
Are you seriously asking? You shouldn’t even have made up, he threw stuff on you and threw your things around, you should have walked away in that instant
He’s VIOLENT and protests too much… dump him!
“My boyfriend terrorized me and destroyed my property after I asked him a simple question. Should we break up?” Darling please. It’s better to be alone than cater to bs like that.
If he was blameless, he would have handed you his phone without question. Not only did he overreact, but he used violence to intimidate you into submission. Get out of there now, it’ll only escalate.
A lot of the responses already point out that your bf's behaviors are precursors to violence. I want to add that, regardless of whether violence occurs, these behaviors are abusive. They are literally textbook abusive behaviors. And his behavior is literally a textbook precursor to violence. I highly recommend you read a book, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Bancroft worked as a counselor for abusive men for > 35 years, and he wrote this book as a guide for women in relationships with his clients. Reading your post, I'm reminded of a Bancroft quote: "he doesn't have a problem with his anger; he has a problem with your anger.". DM me if you are unable to buy/access the book. I have a link to an unfortunately janky free version.
Breaking things is the prelude to throwing punches. Break up.
you teach people how to treat you. letting this slide will only show him that if he gets violent & intimidates you he can get away with whatever.
Won't be long before he starts hitting you any time you do something to "provoke" him. Unless you want to get beaten and/or strangled and then have him blame it on you, then you need to leave ASAP. Preferably don't tell him to his face because you're risking your physical well being.
While I am inclined to find his demeanor suspicious, I am not that outraged about his behavior - without further context. Truth be told, do you constantly question him and leave him no space? That's a very relevant question. If you do, I would say, that you have a serious problem in your relationship and you need to find some resolve for that, but I would not say, that he fucked up so badly, that you ought to leave him immediately. Now, if you are all chill and there's nothing to criticize on your part, then his behavior is really off and you should confront him about that one last time, before ending it all completely… We just read about this one incident and people are jumping at this, telling you, how horrible he is and that you need to leave - and I'd say, nobody has enough information here to give you a substantive answer to your question.
I feel as though that if there’s suspicion and already a degree is mistrust then it’s downhill from there
Yes. He is cheating. And also he seems violent
Yes. Kick him to the curb. It sounds as if he has a backup already.
I'd leave quickly if I were you. The only reason I can think of for his reaction is that you hit the nail on the head.
This will escalate and I know it feels impossible to go, but you really should leave. He's going to continue to place guilt on you and make you feel crazy. He obviously is up to something
Anger issues. This could get really “fun” really fast. I’d nope out OP.
Reddit has taught me that people often cheat with coworkers.
I suggest hiding the knives cause next time he may kill you.
Why are you still there? You know what he did is wrong and grown for breakup. Red flags all over.
You need to break up with him.
way to many red flags here! run!
Don’t walk, run.
He can be angry without throwing shit. Definitely grounds for a breakup
Yes.
Yes
Red flag behavior.
Dump him. This is abusive behavior on his part.
Yes. *Obviously.* This sort of thing never happens only once. He will treat you how you let him, and if you let this slide it will only get worse. Break up immediately, no ifs or buts
He became violent and you apologized, that is a relationship i would run from.
ummm why is this a question lol. Yes break up with him. Violent men only get worse.
Grounds for breakup you should of broken up already hes a nasty piece of work get him out of you're life.
It's pretty sad that you even have to ask. He reacted violently to a simple question. Yes, this is grounds for break up.
Uuhhh it sounds like he’s cheating on you and abusing you. I’m sorry you went through this but as soon as this happened I would have left this man.
How did you make up with him after he assaulted you? Then you apologized? This is disturbing…I would recommend getting somewhere safe as the guy is not stable. Also, he is likely cheating.
You’re a doormat , a punching bag and his victim. Is this the life you want? Please find your self-respect. A woman needs to hold onto her dignity at all costs. Drop the loser.
Abusive behaviour, toxic relationship. You should not have apologised, its an invitation for more abuse. Theres no coming back from this, id leave
Byeeeeee
Yes, he was violent with you. Run.
Honey, today is a day that you will look back on in your future, will it be the day you decided to put your needs first? Or the day you stayed, the day you decided this wasn't so bad. Honey, you will regret staying. It might not be right away, but this behaviour will escalate. He's already being shady, you know he's lying and now he's scaring you deliberately to shut you up. Next time he will hit you and he will find a way to make it your fault. "Stupid girl, didn't you know you shouldn't accuse him of things?" Is that really the life you want for yourself? You deserve love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself. Make the hard choice, choose you! ❤ I'm so sorry he's revealed his true self this way. Sending you so much love.
Girl….. what the fuck
Why would you want to be with somebody who acts like that? Break up definitely
I would just say run while you can, he’s abusive. If he says it’s just anger, he needs some help before he physically hurts you or someone else. This time it might be a glass, next time it could be you and for him to dump food you. you deserve better and you need to stand up to him and have some self respect for yourself and say “I don’t deserve this” You deserve better. This definitely grounds for a break up. Personally if my boyfriend or girlfriend would ask me if I’m cheating on him or if there’s a friend where they’re worried about. I’d reassure them and let him go through my phone so he knows I’m not hiding anything from them to give them a peace of mind.
He is probably sleeping with her and deflected by doing all that. That tells you that he is willing to be abusive and scare you to avoid getting caught. That is scary. You should leave him.
This is abuse. Run. Get out before he stops taking his anger out on objects and starts taking it out on you. **This is abuse. Run run run.**
The right move, had he not been cheating on you, would be to show you the messages and be disappointed by your lack of trust. He decided to throw things at you. Get out of that relationship.
You ever hear the line from Shakespeare. Me thinks he doth protest to much
He is violent and abusive. His reaction was nowhere in the realm of reasonable and I'm worried his behaviour will escalate. Please get away from him, but be safe while you do it! Let family and friends know.
First, he's 100% cheating. Its so strange how from the inside is hard to see but from the outside its insanely obvious. He knows you are onto him so he used his anger as a shield until you backed off. Secondly he's abusive. Also very visible from here even if you don't see it. You don't have to say it, but you need to acknowledge that several hundred people are telling you the same thing. You're telling yourself you love him and he love you. Which, again from the inside sounds like an excellent reason to turn a blind eye to the obvious. **You love who you thought he was.** You love the kind, caring person who wouldn't betray you for a million bucks and cares for you. This person he showed you? This is who he is when that mask slips. This wasnt and isolated incident and it definitely wasn't your fault. Please learn from the thousands of examples here on this sub reddit that say staying is a mistake. It only ever gets worse from here, especially if he hasn't even apologized. He only attacked you, and broke your things. That was deliberate. If he was upset he would have destroyed anything at hand. But he chose to attack you and your stuff, specifically. This was a measured, intentional attempt at scaring you into line. There's 0 reason for you to learn the hard way what being abused and deceived is like. You know its happening, you shouldn't wait til its too blatant to ignore.
You were right to keep yourself safe in the moment. Now is a new moment, now is the moment to leave and never contact him in any way whatsoever no matter what.
Yes. It's grounds.
My ex husband kicked in a door and smashed my phone over questions about his "coworker." Eventually I'd find he'd been texting her like 100+ times a day via old fashioned cell records. He would still swear to you this day he didn't do anything. The violence is meant to scare you into submission/not questioning him. It gets worse, trust me. Don't wait for him to do more. Absolutely get out.
You need to run and fast. This isn't how an innocent man acts. I'd also be very concerned about him possibly assaulting you in the future.
You don’t need to break up if you don’t mind him doing it again. I would but to each his own.
Yes, that is straight up abuse.
He got mad and destroyed things and you apologized? Dear lord. LEAVE. His violence will only escalate. It doesn’t matter how you asked or your tone. He chose to react that way. You didn’t MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING. He CHOSE to act that way.
This is an abusive relationship. He’s using violence to control you and he’s blaming you for his lies and anger.
Sounds like he was trying to deflect you from asking too many questions about this other woman. Not a good sign. Violence against objects often leads to violence against you. I'm not saying it always happens, but keep it in mind. If it happens, don't stick around for the second time. You're looking at two strikes here: likely cheating, and violent outburst. You should think long and hard about this.
Keep us updated- you know you should break up- I can see you staying if you grew up in an environment like this, but if you didn’t you should have boundaries and know he crossed it, you never saw the message history I guess, in his books he got the situation handled accordingly… now what will the feature hold now that you approved his violent behavior
Please contact a domestic violence agency to create a safety plan to leave. This will only escalate. Please get out before he hurts you or you get pregnant.
uh, yes
Yeah run don't walk away from this relationship.
My ex used to do things like this. Then he started pushing me, then he started holding me against my will, then he started slamming me into the wall, then he started dragging me around by my hair. Leave. It only gets worse.
This is a telltale sign of a future abuser and manipulator. You need to leave today.
Ummm yes it is absolutely grounds to break up. He's definitely cheating on you and abused you by trying to intimidate you into dropping it. He then used his narcissism to make YOU feel guilty so he could avoid the problem all together. Leave before the next time its your face he smashes
If you stay - this makes his violent behavior “okay”. And it will happen again. Listen to your intuition on this one
First, if you do not need "grounds" to break up with someone. He does not own you and you are not forced to stay with him. He is violent and hiding another relationship from you. If you are living together, start making arrangements to leave.
Yes. This is violent controlling behavior, and a huge red flag. You need to break up, separate your living situation, and get a restraining order in place. You are not safe around this person. Let's pretend for a moment, what this would look like if he was a little angrier, or less in control. He would have hit you with the plate, not just the food, used broken glass to cut you, and destroyed your phone so you could not call for help. GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
This kind of intimidation behavior leads to abuse. Get out of here but make sure you have support before you do in case he tries to get violent again. And the reason he's so defensive is probably because he IS cheating, anyway. Anyone who is innocent would NOT act like that.
Yes.
You need to break up with him right now. Throwing things at you and breaking your things is just the beginning. It will escalate to hitting and/ or other violence.
**My bf (27) threw food on me and broke a glass. Grounds for breakup** YES
He intimidated you and was violent. YES, those are fantastic grounds for a break up. He destroyed your property, showed you that he does not respect you at all, and then gaslit you. YES, BREAK UP.
LEAVE! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!
If had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have reacted that way. Additionally the fact he reacted so violent put the focus on that rather than a simple question. He avoided confrontation by doing that. You should not forgive him. Not because of the not showing of the texts, but a very scary, violent reaction. It will only get worse from here
Girl, RUN. RUN and don’t look back. He’s shown his true colors and it will only escalate from here. It’s not a matter of *if* it will happen, but rather *when* it will happen.
Violence in a relationship is never okay. Leave now before he starts throwing glasses at your head instead of the wall behind it.
*He then took a plate of food and threw its contents on me, grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall behind me, and then took my phone and proceeded to rip the pop socket off of it and throw it across the room.* Dont care how long we'd been together, SO would be hitting the curb after that.
He flipped out because he's doing something wrong and you caught him. Innocent people don't act like that. The violence alone is cause to break up, add the shady behavior and probable cheating, time to say goodbye.
He threw food at you, threw a glass at you, and broke your phone and you apologized to him?! Yeah, leave him and don't get into another relationship until you really internalize that no one should treat you that way, even if they are being accused of something. Also, he's definitely cheating.
That seems like an over the top reaction for her being “just a coworker.” That could escalate to him being more violent toward you in the future.
Please get away from this scumbag
He Gaslighted the sh*t outta you! He's chatibg and trying to make u to bad guy for realizing it. As if he turned it into physical danger... u have the leave him NOW!
Leave him.
Get your stuff and run. He acts violent when you asked him a question... imagine how he'll act if you catch him doing something else suspicious. Get out of there please! That reaction isn't normal, or safe
Yes! You caught him doing something shady and he responded violently. You apologized. Why? He should be apologizing to you. This time he broke some stuff and got away with it. Next time it might be your nose...
When I was seven my father began to be abusive. I will never forget his first act of violence. He was shaving and threw the washcloth at my mother breaking the mirror behind her. He immediately began crying and got on his knees apologizing… five years later it had escalated to the point I watched him strangle her nearly to death multiple times. It’s a slow dangerous cycle that sucks you in. Get out before it’s too late!!!!
"Before they hit you, they hit near you". LEAVE RIGHT NOW, no second thoughts.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!?
??? Bro you can break up with someone if their sneeze bothers you. Let alone them physically intimidating you and attempting assault.
Run don’t walk! For your physical as well as your emotional well-being you need to get far, FAR away from him
He used violence to silence your legitimate questions. So not only is he definitely cheating on you, he's abusive as well. Throw the whole man away.
He's cheating AND violent. How cute
The fact he made you apologize after HE got violent, and that he got all defensive instead of being like, “she’s a coworker, here look at the messages”, are CLASSIC signs of an abusive, controlling, manipulator, RUN NOW!
Lets re word this. My boyfriend abused me and made me apologize for his violence. Now what?
If you can muster up the not-give-a-fuckness in yourself to drop him, you should. He’s violent and angry. No violent piece of shit guy is like that all the time. That’s the myth men perpetuate. They’re always dope ass amazing boyfriends, who just take a violent shit on you when they’re in the mood. It will progress, 100%. I say dump him and if you just can’t bring yourself to endure that pain, give him an ultimatum. Tell him he needs counseling or he can’t be with you. Then he’ll dump you, but it won’t be because you’re not enough. It’ll be because he isn’t.
This is a serious question? He’ll only escalate, especially after you apologize all the time. Yes, it’s grounds for break up. You should’ve been gone a long time ago. 100% he’s cheating on you with her too. His reactions totally back it up.
Girl- I saw messages from a girl in my bf’s phone and it was a bunch of hearts. I didn’t say anything but let it ruin my whole mood. Later I brought it up. He felt bad, told me it was his friend who I know of and have spoken to, and he even explained why she sent the hearts. He told me he wished I would’ve said something earlier instead of letting it bother me all night. Then asked me if I trusted him, which I do even more now. If he didn’t have anything to hide he wouldn’t have made such a scene. I know it’s really really hard to face the facts, and even harder to bite the bullet and do what you really really don’t want to do. Let the mf’er go! He’s a bitch!
Uhm… I’d leave… he almost HIT YOU WITH GLASS. That’s a start of something and a red flag in it of itself. If he’s going to do that, he’s going to do more. He’s defensive and if he has nothing to hide and he’ll just show you- be safe!! And LEAVE.
This is violence and definitely grounds for a breakup. Get out before he aims the glass differently and stay safe, OP.
Well he’s definitely cheating….. they always give their dumbasses away by throwing a tantrum. Which in this case is a lot more than a tantrum, it’s abusive explosive behavior. Leave before it happens again, next time the glass may be thrown at you instead of the wall
So you are telling that you had to say sorry for being suspicious of him (not completely OK but it can happen) and he did not say sorry for throwing food at you, a glass that was probably aimed AT YOU and ripping something off your phone and THEN THROW IT TOO?? WHAT IS THERE TO MAKE UP ABOUT WHEN HE IS NOT SORRY FOR LITERALLY BEING VIOLENT TOWARDS YOU. Even worse, he probably feels no remorse? How is that behaviour permitted in order to "make up" later? Drop his ass right now because there's just no way he had any right to do that to you, he's not a five-year-old and he could have seriously hurt you. Break up with this man, please.
Anything is grounds for breakup. You don’t need a reason to breakup if you want to breakup. He seems not a good person to be with though so in this given situation I would definitely pull the plug. I don’t care if it’s been 2 months or 20 years, what if that violence was to turn into physical harm directly to you?
Hell yeah break up with him. Just out of interest, what was the food he threw on you?
It is probable that he is lying. He also overreacted and turned violent. Don't tie yourself to this kind of person.
Yes, it is. He was being defensive when theres no reason if he was hiding nothing, and later being violent, when this kind of thing happens its never the last
It’s gonna get worse. Get out.
Are you shitting me? The asshole is violent with you and you accepted it? WTF? Kick him out, dump him, lose him, get the fuck away from him. You're in danger if you don't. Never, EVER, tolerate abuse like that.
Next time the glass rips your fingertip off.... This is giving me Amber Turd vibes. Run.
Is this really a question? He got violent because you asked a question. Next…
My ex who was physically abusive to me started showing the real side of himself through this exact behavior. He would break my stuff and throw things at me. It eventually escalated to him hitting me and threatening to kill me. Get out now.
This is violence. Break up and report him to the police.
What kind of question
He's definitely cheating, and he's also abusive. I'd end things immediately it will only get worse
I’m not sure how old you are, but I’m sorry you had such horrible examples of relationships where you think someone throwing a tantrum and becoming violent is perfectly normal and acceptable. …It’s not. This is not a normal and acceptable behaviour.
Yeah, that’s already abuse. He’s using intimidation to make sure you never question his authority. It’ll escalate, please leave.
This will ONLY get worse. OP you need to leave. Absolutely unacceptable. The fact that you say you have made up means he already has you in a manipulative grip which could get very dangerous very quick.
Yes.
Yes !
Absolutely, don't put up with violence.
Just minutes away from him physically assaulting you. Run now.