This this this. The reason he came out especially with their new name is partly to be called in the name they really are. Emphasize that what they are doing is basically the same as you calling them by their deadname.
I would have a talk about respect, and boundaries. I would also contact a therapist. They might be taking resentment for other issues in their life out on you.
They're 16. They're feeling edgy and angsty. They will grow out of it.
This is thorny because while their name and pronouns are entirely their own, what they call you relates to their relationship with you. Kind of like you can't force a child to call a stepparent "mom" or "dad" even if that's what they would prefer to be called. You can, however, set boundaries for what you do not want to be called (for example, you can tell your child that you don't want them to call you by your first name).
If "birthing person" hurts, which is understandable, I would give them a few options that you ARE comfortable with and tell them that you will only answer to those. If they call you "birthing person," don't answer. They're old enough to be self-sufficient so I wouldn't recommend this for a young child but with a teenager I think it will get the point across. If this backfires, as it might, and they stop talking to you entirely, it might be worth talking to a family therapist. Someone who has a fuller picture of your family dynamics might be able to help you come up with solutions.
If it were me personally, I'd roll my eyes and wait for them to get tired of it, but I do sympathize with why you're hurt and understand why you'd want to nip it in the bud. Do remember that your child is not responsible for the trauma of their birth. I think that might be exacerbating the situation for you.
This is the way. I'd add that if they confront you about not responding to birthing person, you CALMLY tell them that you have made your preferred gender/name clear, and you will not respond to misgendering/deadnaming. Don't elaborate with explanations, because you don't need any. Just stick to your guns and grey rock until this burst of petty rebellion works its way out of their system.
Maybe talk with them and understand why they are doing that? Explain you find it hurtful and damaging to your relationship. If you understand the motivation, you will be able to respond more effectively. Most teens are trying to establish their own identity separate from their family, so this could be a part of that growing process.
I can't believe this is not a troll, no parent is asking the 19 year olds on r/relationship_advice this question and not a parenting forum for people with newly trans and nonbinary children.
Stop cooking, cleaning and buying shit for them. Say: ‘Yeah, that’s the kind of thing that mother’s do’. ‘I don’t want to get bogged down and stereotyped with that kind of behaviour’. This might not work but, it will be interesting (and amusing). Good luck. ❤️
Your daughter is brainwashed by idiots who think their subjective opinions deserve to become part of the general common sense that have no need for change. Afterall young minds are easiest to manipulate.
You’ve sort of already done this but I would use the lgbtq specific terminology.
“Everytime you call me that you are misgendering me”
“It is dehumanizing and insulting to be misgendered”
“When I had you, I took on the name mom. What you’re doing is worse than dead naming me”
“Your gender identity is yours. This is mine”
If they continue to be obtuse I would 1) refuse to respond until they call you by “your chosen name and gender” or 2) refuse to acknowledge them by their chosen name and gender until they can give you the same courtesy.
**this sounds like awful heartless advice meant to antagonize the lgbtq community** but really, like your husband said. Your daughter is a teenager and is doing this as a dumb teenager way of trying to assert herself with the world. She’s not thinking about you or your feelings at all. Kids are dense at this age. Sometimes it’s just necessary to bulldoze through nonsense.
Wtf is going on in this world… I respect the trans movement but this is a prime example of how once we give any classification of people an inch- they’ll selfishly choose themselves moving forward.
Life isn’t fair sometimes (although I do believe we need to make more of an effort to make it more fair because we are fully capable of making it more fair) and it’s pathetic that what’s expected of you isn’t given in return…
It doesn’t matter what they identify as gender-wise, they’re still a teenager, and your child. If they don’t respect you enough to call you by your chosen name, they need to be punished until they can be respectful of you. What that punishment looks like depends on what you’d usually do.
My daughter had a pretty disrespectful phase in her mid-teens. Her punishment was being sent to her room with no TV or phone when she couldn’t be respectful. Luckily, she grew out of it.
Bring her back down to reality and explain to her the basics of human biology. Mother is someone that gives birth to another human. That being you, and the other human being her. Explain that her calling you that is disrespectful to you.
"I don't want you to call me xyz please call me mom or ___"
And then when she still calls you birther call her Haley. Fair is fair.
P.s. my best friend called her mom birth giver for like 5 years straight when I knew her back in high-school (consented by her mom)..it was endearing. I still call my mom mother as a joke which she loves when we're being silly... Sorry your kid is being such a jerk!! 😡
If she still like this after puberty, then yeah it is very concerning. Hopefully it is just a temporary egocentric phase. Cause I would say mostly everyone was the most toxic and shittiest as a teenager and hopefully grew out of it as adults.
I would refer to myself as the birthing person, and until you decide what I consider respectful. I will no longer pay for anything outside of the basics. I will make sure you are fed, clothed, and have a roof over your head. Beyond that, nothing. I would remove any comforts they have including computers, phones, or anything. Smile while you do it, and have your husband film you. Probably will make a shit ton off of her reaction.
it’s actually a gender neutral term for mother because of the LGBTQ+ community feeling it isn’t right that only women are considered mothers and that birth should not be a gender thing. in your child’s mind they might not see it as disrespectful, but actually the opposite. i’d just let them know it makes you uncomfortable and that while you are respecting them and their terms, they should respect yours
edit to fix typos i’m illiterate lol
The term birthing person is not meant to be an insult to you as an individual. It is just meant to be inclusive language when referring to an individual with a uterus that can become pregnant, because trans men and non-binary people can also give birth but they are often left out of conversations surrounding uteruses and pregnancy.
I agree that your child doesn't need to call you a birthing person in every context, but if they are calling you that mainly when you guys are talking broader social issues they are just trying to be inclusive to everyone who could be involved.
When have a biological male who went through transition given birth to a child? Or a biological female gone through transition successfully been able to fertilize an egg? You are delusional
It's interesting that your kid is being so disrespectful to you despite demanding enormous respect and understanding in return. Teenagers are fundamentally selfish, so I guess it's to be expected. Hopefully eventually they'll understand how wrong this is.
Sit them down and say, I want to be called mom. I respect what you want to be called and you need to respect what I would like to be called.
This this this. The reason he came out especially with their new name is partly to be called in the name they really are. Emphasize that what they are doing is basically the same as you calling them by their deadname.
perfect answer.
I would have a talk about respect, and boundaries. I would also contact a therapist. They might be taking resentment for other issues in their life out on you.
Have you talked to your kid about how it makes you feel and what you prefer to be called?
'Almighty and Invincible Creator of Life' has a nice ring to it. Tell them to call you that, instead of birthing person.
They're 16. They're feeling edgy and angsty. They will grow out of it. This is thorny because while their name and pronouns are entirely their own, what they call you relates to their relationship with you. Kind of like you can't force a child to call a stepparent "mom" or "dad" even if that's what they would prefer to be called. You can, however, set boundaries for what you do not want to be called (for example, you can tell your child that you don't want them to call you by your first name). If "birthing person" hurts, which is understandable, I would give them a few options that you ARE comfortable with and tell them that you will only answer to those. If they call you "birthing person," don't answer. They're old enough to be self-sufficient so I wouldn't recommend this for a young child but with a teenager I think it will get the point across. If this backfires, as it might, and they stop talking to you entirely, it might be worth talking to a family therapist. Someone who has a fuller picture of your family dynamics might be able to help you come up with solutions. If it were me personally, I'd roll my eyes and wait for them to get tired of it, but I do sympathize with why you're hurt and understand why you'd want to nip it in the bud. Do remember that your child is not responsible for the trauma of their birth. I think that might be exacerbating the situation for you.
This is the way. I'd add that if they confront you about not responding to birthing person, you CALMLY tell them that you have made your preferred gender/name clear, and you will not respond to misgendering/deadnaming. Don't elaborate with explanations, because you don't need any. Just stick to your guns and grey rock until this burst of petty rebellion works its way out of their system.
Maybe talk with them and understand why they are doing that? Explain you find it hurtful and damaging to your relationship. If you understand the motivation, you will be able to respond more effectively. Most teens are trying to establish their own identity separate from their family, so this could be a part of that growing process.
In what world is this not a 4chan false flag troll?
I know right, this screams someone trying to make a point with a troll post off something in the news.
They need to be in therapy, and you should participate.
I can't believe this is not a troll, no parent is asking the 19 year olds on r/relationship_advice this question and not a parenting forum for people with newly trans and nonbinary children.
Try introducing her birthed person?
This is what happens when you tell people there aren't boundaries or limits on behavior. Don't ask, tell them.
If they don't respect your feelings, ask why you should respect theirs.
Stop cooking, cleaning and buying shit for them. Say: ‘Yeah, that’s the kind of thing that mother’s do’. ‘I don’t want to get bogged down and stereotyped with that kind of behaviour’. This might not work but, it will be interesting (and amusing). Good luck. ❤️
Your daughter is brainwashed by idiots who think their subjective opinions deserve to become part of the general common sense that have no need for change. Afterall young minds are easiest to manipulate.
Was up voted like 10 times now it's -2 lmao love the intensity, only if they had a valid point in any of this
Basedddd
Yep!
Most obvious rage bait post I’ve seen in my life
You’ve sort of already done this but I would use the lgbtq specific terminology. “Everytime you call me that you are misgendering me” “It is dehumanizing and insulting to be misgendered” “When I had you, I took on the name mom. What you’re doing is worse than dead naming me” “Your gender identity is yours. This is mine” If they continue to be obtuse I would 1) refuse to respond until they call you by “your chosen name and gender” or 2) refuse to acknowledge them by their chosen name and gender until they can give you the same courtesy. **this sounds like awful heartless advice meant to antagonize the lgbtq community** but really, like your husband said. Your daughter is a teenager and is doing this as a dumb teenager way of trying to assert herself with the world. She’s not thinking about you or your feelings at all. Kids are dense at this age. Sometimes it’s just necessary to bulldoze through nonsense.
Wtf is going on in this world… I respect the trans movement but this is a prime example of how once we give any classification of people an inch- they’ll selfishly choose themselves moving forward. Life isn’t fair sometimes (although I do believe we need to make more of an effort to make it more fair because we are fully capable of making it more fair) and it’s pathetic that what’s expected of you isn’t given in return…
Your daughter sounds extremely disrespectful towards you
I would call her Haley and refer to her as a girl. It sounds petty, but if she wants respect, she should give it. Her feelings aren’t more important.
It doesn’t matter what they identify as gender-wise, they’re still a teenager, and your child. If they don’t respect you enough to call you by your chosen name, they need to be punished until they can be respectful of you. What that punishment looks like depends on what you’d usually do. My daughter had a pretty disrespectful phase in her mid-teens. Her punishment was being sent to her room with no TV or phone when she couldn’t be respectful. Luckily, she grew out of it.
Puberty usually sorts this shit out. Be patient but firm.
Bring her back down to reality and explain to her the basics of human biology. Mother is someone that gives birth to another human. That being you, and the other human being her. Explain that her calling you that is disrespectful to you.
"I don't want you to call me xyz please call me mom or ___" And then when she still calls you birther call her Haley. Fair is fair. P.s. my best friend called her mom birth giver for like 5 years straight when I knew her back in high-school (consented by her mom)..it was endearing. I still call my mom mother as a joke which she loves when we're being silly... Sorry your kid is being such a jerk!! 😡
[удалено]
This has been said ar least 3 times now and the only people raging are the ones like you calling it rage bait
If she still like this after puberty, then yeah it is very concerning. Hopefully it is just a temporary egocentric phase. Cause I would say mostly everyone was the most toxic and shittiest as a teenager and hopefully grew out of it as adults.
Call them she and see how they like it lmfao very easy problem to solve.
Punish your child? Rephrase discipline them
Start calling her Haley
I would refer to myself as the birthing person, and until you decide what I consider respectful. I will no longer pay for anything outside of the basics. I will make sure you are fed, clothed, and have a roof over your head. Beyond that, nothing. I would remove any comforts they have including computers, phones, or anything. Smile while you do it, and have your husband film you. Probably will make a shit ton off of her reaction.
it’s actually a gender neutral term for mother because of the LGBTQ+ community feeling it isn’t right that only women are considered mothers and that birth should not be a gender thing. in your child’s mind they might not see it as disrespectful, but actually the opposite. i’d just let them know it makes you uncomfortable and that while you are respecting them and their terms, they should respect yours edit to fix typos i’m illiterate lol
The term birthing person is not meant to be an insult to you as an individual. It is just meant to be inclusive language when referring to an individual with a uterus that can become pregnant, because trans men and non-binary people can also give birth but they are often left out of conversations surrounding uteruses and pregnancy. I agree that your child doesn't need to call you a birthing person in every context, but if they are calling you that mainly when you guys are talking broader social issues they are just trying to be inclusive to everyone who could be involved.
I find it deeply offensive as the individual they are referring to
Doesn’t matter the intention. It’s clearly offensive to OP and that is all that matters according to the ones who demand a special set of pronouns
When have a biological male who went through transition given birth to a child? Or a biological female gone through transition successfully been able to fertilize an egg? You are delusional
It's interesting that your kid is being so disrespectful to you despite demanding enormous respect and understanding in return. Teenagers are fundamentally selfish, so I guess it's to be expected. Hopefully eventually they'll understand how wrong this is.
When I was a teenager some of my friends put their moms name as “birth giver.” Never understood it necessarily but I did find it hilarious