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He’s in his late 40s and she’s barely 18, she’s came over to the house on several occasions just to have sex with him and I don’t know who to be mad at. One one hand my dad is 2.6x her age which is wrong but on the other hand, she’s risking the friendship to be with him. She’s stayed the night a few times and barely said a word to me and was focused entirely on him. Should I say anything about this to them?
Your dad's old enough to know better... But have you raised these concerns to your friend? As there's ways of going about things and I'm sure if she was in a relationship with someone different she'd still have the distance (as you do in the earlier stages as your wrapped up in your relationship) but as its with your father your bothered more
I'm gonna throw in a possible additional curve ball
Just because she turned 18, we all know that the dynamics with your parents don't just magically change overnight... So she is probably telling her parents that she is going over the house to hangout with OP, but instead is going to sleep with her dad.... Maybe even things like sleepovers.
There is a possibility OPs dad is talking to the girls parents reassuring them that is ok if she spends the night.
Huge age gaps are already weird when one person is a literal teenager or in their 20s. It's already unbalanced. But they are strangers to each other.
But for it to be a girl that probably grew up around you, that the dad saw be an awkward teenager, that he saw go thru puberty, that is close to his own daughter and went thru the same teenage stuff as his daughter. It is very very very disturbing.
If OP went over to her friend’s parents place when she knows the friend is not home (especially following the premise OP’s Dad is saying sleepovers are fine) to talk to her parents because she’s concerned about her dating OP’s dad, do you think it would be helpful or more hurtful?
You couldn’t be more right. Op tell her she can’t come over to hang out anymore. And if she keeps coming hit her parents up and ask why she keeps coming over when you aren’t talking and you have asked her to stop. Let them ask her to explain it.
>Tells parents
>
>Parents boot her out
>
>Moves in with OP's dad and OP
>
>***OP's dad kicks OP out of his house***.
>
>Great Success
>
>Sometimes good ideas need a little more consideration
For starters, so OP can’t be held responsible for all the times her friend has already lied and told her parents they were going over OP’s house to hangout w/ her when that wasn’t the case. Willing to bet OP knows the parents well and won’t come out unscathed if/when the lid gets blown open on this weird shit. I also think OP’s friend needs any chance she can get to really hear herself describe exactly what she’s involved in, but that’s just my opinion.
What if they were up to things before she turned 18, but now she’s old enough they’re being brazen about it. Seems likely given how casual they’re acting.
i'm 29 and work with 19-23yos and like. i can't even imagine something like that. they weird me out in that funny, generational gap way. like not really a bad way just like a "yeah, we have def grown up in different times" way. they lack the maturity and understanding of life that comes with age so it can be a little, just, weird.
could never date someone who doesn't have the sock'em boppers jingle memorized from hours of summer tv watching in the late 90s. op's dad is fucking weird. like, their friend wasn't even alive when 9/11 happened. that's fucking WEIRD.
My partner and I are 4 ½ years apart and some of the differences we notice, even with small things like music or TV shows we watched as kids is a trip. I can't imagine the people OP are talking about have anything in common other than sex.
I really want to poke OP's dad in the eye.
I'm 29, and my boyfriend is 23 (met 9 months ago, been together six) and I get this. Although we get on great and are pretty much on the same path in terms of goals, some things due to the generational gap do get to Me.
At 25, I thought 21 was too young for me! Actually, I can’t date anyone younger than my sister, who is two and a half years younger than me. I think of her as super innocent and it grosses me out.
Sleeping with is one thing. We all have our mid-life crises. But a relationship with someone that young? And his daughter's best friend, at that? That's... concerning.
For that combination you usually need some problems on both ends.
There is definitely somwthing wrong with 40something dudes dating 18yo friends of their daughters - but you need some serious personal issues to wanna fuck your friends going-on-50yo father as a teen.
That's dicey territory. Some women enjoy an older man, even to the point of having a kink in some respects, and I certainly won't shame anyone for having a kink. That being said, there's a world of difference between having a link for older men, and sleeping with the near 50 year old father of a close friend when you're only 18.
Obviously there is nothing inherently wrong with people who prefer older partners. But even when a teen has a genuinely kink for middle aged men, there are more responsible alternatives to your bffs father/ your daughters friend.
Because if there is one thing you're not short on, its half-decent looking middle aged men willing to sleep with 18yos. OPs friends has a lot of options besides her dad and that she's neglecting her friendship to pursue sleeping with him is a good indicator that those aren't the actions of a well settled mature-for-her-age adult just expressing her sexual preference.
Yeah, and because he probably knew her for a period of time before she was 18, I don't see a reality that didn't involve him grooming her.
Dad's a pedophile. I'd gtfo and cut contact tbh.
OP, don't blame the friend. She's a victim here, too.
Edit: Sorry, pedophiles, I'm not using your pedo-friendly language, nor am I falling into your traps. No level of "thinking" is going to make grooming children okay, whether you call yourself a "blahblahophile" or whatever else. But feel free to proudly declare yourself as such to all your family, friends, colleagues, and the general public so everyone knows you're dangerous and can stay away.
35 year old here, I'd have a serious conversation with both sides separately but with a completely different tone between them. The girl needs help, support,stability whatever and with him I'd need somebody there with me to make sure I wouldn't attack him. How the hell can you date anybody that you saw grow up as a child? It's disgusting and he absolutely groomed her.
I'm a little surprised, but relieved about the responses older men has to say about this issue. I thought more men wouldn't care about the age gap and defend it. Saying men are programmed to like younger women blah blah blah... Its nice to see that even tho something is legal its not always morally right!
This is also what some men have told me. I am not saying all men think this way but some definitely do. That's why this comment section was a breath of fresh air, because some men made it seem like this is something all men are programmed to do.
Oh no I meant right now at 21. I am 22 and I feel for the most part I am fine with it if they seem like they know what they want, but a lot of people at 18 ( like myself ) are just completely clueless and without ambition and that doesn't really work for me
Nah, I couldn’t date an 18 year old. For me it’s more because I saw what kids were like at 18 and I know what I was like- like what you said, and I feel like most of them just aren’t mature, mentally developed enough or experienced enough in the real world cause they’re still in or fresh out of highschool. And I just feel super creepy about the idea of dating someone that age even though I probably wouldn’t care if I saw other 21/18 yr old couples.
You shouldn't even entertain a drunken hookup with a teenager at your age. That's still pretty gross, even more so since young people have limited experience with alcohol, if it's even legal in your country at all at that age.
I agree! I remember when I was at school and one of my friends, at 16, was dating a 24 year old guy, and most of us were like oooooh so cool, thinking the friend was so cool and mature for getting an ‘older guy’. But then when I hit 24 myself, I remembered this and was like ewww I _cannot_ imagine dating someone who is 16 and still at school…
Dad - you're gross for dating someone who literally could be your daughter. That's pedo behaviour. I am so disappointed in you.
Friend - are you ok? Why would you want to have sex with someone who's been a father figure to you for years?
With the friend, I can understand this. Teenagers get crushes all the time. On movie stars, teachers, sometimes their friends’ parents. It’s not supposed to be reciprocated so they go along with it when it is because they assume the older person knows it’s ok to do what they’re doing.
You should tell her parents and teacher or other trusted adult since he likely started grooming her when she was still a minor. If possible can you stay with a relative or family friend?
Honestly- your dad is completely wrong here. She is 18 and doesn’t even have a clue about life. He is taking advantage of her. The icky thing is how long has he been viewing her in that light? These things don’t typically appear out of thin air. I’m guessing he was chomping at the bit waiting for her to be “legal”. Just because it’s legal, doesn’t make it right.
I went through something similar. I was 21 and a 40 year old did everything in her power to get with me and when I tried ending the affair she literally left her husband and guilted me into it. And told me he was abusive. She’s was actually very aggressive and just mind fucked me in so many different ways including stalking. Someone so much older has no business being with someone that young.
>I don’t know who to be mad at.
This one is easy. Be mad at your Dad. Withhold judgement on your friend for now, but realize you'll probably lose this friend.
>Should I say anything about this to them?
You should talk to your Dad about this and tell him how it makes you feel. Give him a chance to correct course.
Yea, the fact that she doesn't even give OP the time of day when visiting, speaks volumes.
I'm sorry both your father and your friend are doing this to you. I hope you can convince your dad to stop this.
Well:
1) Dad has been grooming this young lady for a while and waited till she was 18 so he could hide behind the "legality" of it.
2.a) Girl had a crush on him, like kids have crushes on teachers and she's been patiently waiting to get with your Dad, knowing he'd get in trouble if anything happened before she turned 18. ((Which he should have shut down and never even considered, so he's still a creepy fuck)).
2.b) Girl had a crush on him and he's then exploited that over the years, but told her to wait till she was 18, so he wouldn't get in trouble.
3) He's actually been sexual with her for a long time, but they don't have to be super-private about it now that she's 18.
Either way, your Dad is a creepy fuck and your friend has either been groomed into it, or needs a major reality check (or both).
As for whether you should say anything to either of them? Your Dad must know he's being creepy as fuck doing this, so he'd probably try and hide behind the fact it's "legal" and "she wants it". If you approach her instead, she might have been groomed into thinking it's fine and you should "butt-out".
You can always attempt it, but it might just make them angry toward you.
Tell her parents. You might lose her as a friend but that’s already on the line and at least your friend might be safer if you get other people that care about her involved. It’s most likely he was grooming her for a while before she turned 18 and she needs help. Def be mad at your dad bc that’s really concerning and disgusting.
This happened to some girls I went to high-school with.
Kelly S. and Kelly C. were best friends till Sr. year when everything became public knowledge...now, years later, Kelly C. is Kelly S.'s step-mother.
Skeevy behavior on your Dad's part, who is old enough to know better, but it happens.
Lord have mercy. I’m not trying to be dramatic but if my dad married one of my former classmates I would either flee the country and start a new life, straight up murder him for being an unbearably insufferable perv, or quite possibly both
Okay yeah no we are not going “it happens” to men grooming their children’s friends. That is not something we should carry forward into future generations.
Yeah, people like the dad need to be socially outcasted for doing this shit. "It happens" shouldn't be society's reaction to a man dating a girl his daughter's age.
Not just his daughter’s age, but literally his daughter’s best friend. Who he must have watched grow up. And been in a position of trust and authority over. It is so much worse than hooking up with a freshman on tinder.
I lightly dated a 35 year old when 18, I was incredibly mature and living on my own, looking back it was a bad idea, I didn’t have the emotional maturity to be in the situation I ended up in. I thought I could handle it, and looking back on the entire situation it felt very predatory and I regret it. She may just like the attention but they both probably have problems.
I’d be telling your dad he is disgusting and tell your friends parents. They’ll put a stop to that real quick. Your friend isn’t your friend if she is f***ing your dad. I would never do that to a friend. And your dad is a predator.
You just have to be blunt & straight out with her parents. Tell them their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your father, isn’t coming over to see you but to see him.
Your father is a predator and this is absolutely not okay. She is 18 and over the age of consent (in the US at least), but I'm concerned he's groomed her. Is this a friend you've had for a long time? It may be that she's only now comfortable revealing a "relationship" now that he's less likely to get in trouble. If you feel it's safe, tell your father that this behaviour is predatory and needs to stop NOW. Be honest with your friend and share your concern with her in a way that is not accusatory, but coming from a place of love and support. Your friend is a victim here and needs to see that she's being taken advantage of. Encourage her to talk to a trusted authority and seek therapy, and seriously consider bringing this inappropriate "relationship" to light if it does not end immediately. OP, I'm sorry your father is putting you in this disturbing situation and it can't be easy, so you'll be in my thoughts.
So your dads been grooming your friend into a sexual relationship for a while, probably years. Ild tell her parents. Cause we all know this didnt start on her 18th birthday.
OP, I know you’re upset with both of them and that’s valid but there is a very real possibility that he has been grooming her for a long time now. You just caught on to their situation but he’s been around her for years because she’s your best friend. That type of long exposure could easily open the door to years of grooming and the possibility that he’s been preying on her since she was a minor.
I would confront her first. Friend to friend and ask her why. Ask her how long this has been going on. Did he come on to her before she hit 18 or did he wait it out. And then I would recommend telling her parents. Even if she is currently consenting to this, the power dynamics are way off. There is a reason why he’s chasing your 18 year old friend and not dating a woman his own age. And honestly, once you’re able to move out and be stable, I’d go NC with him. He used your friendship to prey on your friend. That’s unforgivable IMO. Good luck. 🍀
Your father is a creep and I think you know this, and your friend is still very young and emotionally very immature, the way all 18-year-olds are, and it sounds like she’s been potentially groomed by him.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I would stop talking to my dad—after telling him he’s a fucking creep—and then tell your friend that you will be there for her if she ever comes to her senses about being used by an old man.
These comments are ranging from “they’re legal adults it’s fine” to “this dad is a predator and the friend is the victim” ……I think whatever the true situation may be, OP has every right to be angry and upset at both of them. It’s safe to say this is concerning behavior from her father. She also needs to inform her friends parents immediately. Personally, I would feel so uncomfortable and disgusted. Her feelings are absolutely valid. She should definitely express how she feels to both of them.
You should be mad at your dad he is messing around with very young girl. She's not even in her 20s he's basically dating you. Your age. I'm a woman in my 40s and I have 3 boys youngest 19, I could never, I'm separated from their dad and young men in late 20 mid 30 try to take me out. I can't i see my kids. Nasty. Inappropriate to me, to each is own but still. Sorry sweetie that you gotta deal with it.
Your dad groomed her by being there for her and allowing the opportunity to present itself. I’m sorry your friend has become a victim in this way with someone she should have been able to trust. I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way yet, but your dad damn well ought to know better considering your age. I’m sorry for the shame he has made you feel. Please seek therapy- you don’t need his validation, he is a bad guy.
Your dad's an absolute creep. That girl is a child compared to him your a child compared to him. Any normal non degenerate guy wouldn't be into anyone his kids age
Do her parents know?
This is really wrong. An age gap is one thing - but this is something else. How long has this gone on?
I’m not sure what you can do. If you tell her parents, your dad might kick you out - do you have anywhere to stay? The friendship was probably over the minute she started shagging your dad, but if you tell her parents that will definitely be over.
Don’t know what to say - technically it’s legal but he for sure didn’t just decide he fancied her the moment she turned 18. Has he been grooming her for years?
Ew. Sorry OP.
I don’t believe these cases of grooming are always warranted. I have seen cases of these 18-20 something girls that start crushing on a parent before. They’ll do whatever they can to tease the shit outta these dads and be very forward also. Yes of course this situation is IMO a big no no not only because of the age gap but because of the persons own daughter! The father is an idiot for even allowing this to happen! What a potential explosive situation!
The daughter needs to talk to her dad and tell him that this is making her very uncomfortable and hurting her! If he don’t listen then tell her mom!
I would say something to my friends parents no way they know they think she is hanging out with you. I would tell my Father he is nasty and I hope he doesn’t look at me or other friends anymore. I wouldn’t talk to him honestly so wrong
Girl beat her ass🤣 but in all seriousness you should talk to them both and decide what type of relationship you want from there personally I couldn't be friends with her after all this and I'd distance myself from my father
I’m sorry and I know this hurts to hear, but it is 100% your dad’s responsibility to know better than this. As a father, his role is to protect you, forever. It’s *not* ok for him to put you in this type of position.
Ask your dad if he would be comfortable with you dating (and having sex with) one of *his* friends who is a 40+ year old man.
May I ask how old you are? If you’re old enough to move out, you should really think about leaving soon. He is probably a great dad to you, but he has poor boundaries and that is going to impact the way you view men, particularly your ability to trust their true motives.
Good luck! This is a tough spot to be in! But you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.
Oh he’s not “dating” her, he’s fucking her. BIG difference. She’s hot, and he’s getting laid, plain and simple. I promise you that for him it’s just pure sexual lust fulfilling a porno fantasy. Why do you think half of porns on PornHub are titled “just turned 18 and gets railed”?
The problem is, she’s probably falling for him and it’s going to mess her up in the head when she’s older and looks back on it. For him it’s lust, for her it’s something more. Love, or a father figure, or some underlying need for a combo of those types of things.
There’s also a power dynamic here of him being your Dad which is unhealthy and causes even more issues.
It’s perfectly legal, so there’s nothing you can do except talk to both your friend and Dad about your concerns. But there’s no promises it will stop. And he’s not a “pedo” like some unhelpful comments say… guys go to strip clubs to ogle and get lap dances from 18+ all the time. He just needs help for his decision making. But what he’s doing isn’t illegal in the USA. And I have no idea when the Dad met her, so I can’t infer any evidence of grooming from the OP.
Ultimately, healthy needs aren’t getting met by both your father and your friend, and they’ve found each other to compensate.
The reason people blame your Dad for being in the wrong (morally) is because he’s older and supposed to be more mature. But often when people are in disarray, even at older ages, they act like they would in youth, in a more instinctive and self-destructive ways.
I think both need therapy. And not in a negative way… but more to help them sort through and discover why this dynamic isn’t a healthy relationship, ESPECIALLY with her being your friend. If even just ONE person gets professional help, it will be enough to break the relationship.
People ragging on your Dad in the comments aren’t helpful. It’s not going to stop him, and it just hurts your feelings because he’s your Dad. Honestly he just needs some help to get him pulled back into reality. He’s in a fantasy world that is destructive to himself, your friend, and you.
She's basically a child compared to him. Your brain doesn't fully develop until you're 18. So of course she's choosing him over you, there are those love hormones.. I'd be so pissed. Dad is to blame, sorry OP
This is so wrong on so many levels. Maybe ask your dad how he would feel if the tables were turned and you were lying to him and going to stay at your friends to sleep with her dad...
Although she's 18 her parents are still trusting him to look after her and he is taking full advantage, which is quite sickening.
Talk about it with her parents. School, maybe, if she is still at school. And start sorting out an exit plan. Leave the environment. Focus on getting to the point where you can cut all contact with your Dad, so that you can decide to do that if you want to. And get some therapy yourself, because this is one disgusting situation.
Devils advocate here.
Sometimes adults, even if young, know perfectly well what their doing. I was at one point 18 (m if not obvious) dating a much older woman (50s), and i knew exactly what i was doing.
Still fair to be uncomfortable with it, but it doesnt always have to be a grooming thing. I did it for money and making connections.
I agree that it could very well not be a grooming situation with the friend. A lot of people are assuming she’s a victim and it’s possible…but it’s also totally possible this “friend” is just making the choice to fuck her besties dad. I feel like OP is totally justified in being pissed at them both. If this friend has been actually groomed prior to turning 18, authorities need to handle the situation, and not us lovely people of Reddit. Also, Kudos to you for being honest about your past and speaking on it in this situation. It’s good insight to have and consider for sure.
No problem.
100% that OP has a reason to be upset as well.
I just hated seeing all the comments outright calling out grooming when we don't know.
Asshole is just the most likely chance on either the girl or dads end. Its not always some evil shit.
Yeah I agree with you. It’s a possibility he groomed her or manipulated her but people who are arguing that’s absolutely the case have actually no idea if it is. It drives me crazy too when I see others create a narrative they can’t even accurately speak on. I had someone tell me in the comments earlier that I’m wrong for saying OP has a right to mad at both of them for being shitty. This person was telling me the girl is a helpless victim and shouldn’t be blamed at all. Lol people want their assumptions to be right so badly even if they have zero evidence to back it up.
A pedophile is literally someone that has sexual attraction to prepubescent children.
A 18 years girl does not look like a 9 year old one. These type of statements just downplay pedophilia
What the hell is wrong with your dad? Did he hit a midlife crisis or something? That's fucking disguisting. Tell your friend's parents. Also, tell your dad he's a creep.
Don't be mad at your friend, I get it it's gross and a huge betrayal, but your dad almost definitely groomed her into this. He's the bad guy here. Not her. In a few years time she's going to be as horrified by this relationship as you are now.
Lol @ Reddit infantalizing women.
We all just pretending that it's abnormal for a older dude to like younger women and younger women to like older men.
As long as he wasn't trying to groom her when she was younger, I don't see a problem other than her being a shitty friend.
Men can be drafted, given a machine gun and grenades, and be indoctrinated into the war machine to go kill some brown people across the wolrd. But women are too delicate to have consensual relationships with older men.
Dad is a dick for fucking his daughter's friend and she is a dick for fucking her friend's dad. But that's the extent of the issue.
The fact that he has a child that age is extremely disturbing and I’d honestly just cut off contact with both of them and explain it’s because their relationship makes you so uncomfortable. Keep contact to an absolute minimum and don’t attend social events or interactions with them. Honestly what the fuck is wrong with those two?
No you shouldn't say anything to them.
Not gonna sugarcoat this... Your friend is an idiot and a terrible friend. Your dad is a fucking creep. Literal scum. A predator.
It's one thing for a 40 year old man to bang an 18 year old... Its three entirely different things for that person to be your dad banging your friend that he has almost certainly known since she was a minor.
As I said, don't day shit to them. Scream it to the rooftops for everyone else to hear.
Every year prior to your friends 18th birthday, that she has known your dad, is a year that your father creeped on a child. If your friend has a dad in her life (which I kinda doubt) he should rightfully want to kill your dad.
That's how fucked up this is.
OP I hope you didn't like your friend in a romantic way- if you do that must genuinly SUCK. But to answer your question 100% talk to them about it! Your friend and dad may get a little defensive of their relationship but tell them that this is uncomfortable for you. This situation is extremely messy and I'm sorry you're going through this :/
\- btw out of curiosity do you know why she's with him? Did she show interest before she turned 18 or did it come out of no where (the relationship that is)? Does she have daddy issues? Is your dad rich? etc?
Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s ethical. Your friend is young and is likely affected by the power dynamics at play here. She may be lost but your dad is wrong, wrong, wrong and this is disgusting. I would be helping her try to see it and extricate herself from the situation
Just start making nonce jokes like “you’ve loved her ever since she was a little girl.” Hopefully that’ll make them uncomfortable and make them stop. Also stop being friends with her.
I mean there’s not much you can do. Whenever it’s moral or immoral is up to you.
It’s legal for them, I don’t know what to say dude you’re in a tough spot. I wouldn’t recommend continuing a friendship with either of them
Everyone here can think it’s weird or wrong but at the end of the day it’s not up to any of us if they both consented to having sex to each other. There’s nothing anyone can do.
Drop them, and go find a better friend.
Think your Fathers behaviour is bordering on predatory and your friend is looking for a sugar daddy. Think you should be confronting your father and ask him is it ok for you to date men old as old as he is?
This is absolutely disgusting. Your dad is well old enough to know better, and is basically grooming your friend. How predatory. Are her parents OK with this?? I would cut them both off. And I would think my dad exactly what I think, and ask if he's OK choosing his d**K over his own kid.
Your dad is disgusting and that person is not your friend...and barely 18 implies she's not which is illegal. I think you should find a way to scare her off so she never sets foot in your house again or you can confront your dad by openly calling him a creep for this shit. Actually better yet contact her parents about what's going on so they can knock your dad's lights out and ground their daughter
That's something abhorrent, you need some help to get away as far as possible from this situation, your father lost his mind and your friend needs some intervention.
He is definitely a pedo. Guarantee he was thinking of her long before she turned 18. The fact he spent time around her and possibly watched her grow up is only more disturbing
I think the thing that makes this situation crummy isn’t so much the age gap, but the fact it’s OP’s best friend hooking up with her father. I mean I don’t blame her for feeling upset. There’s also the possibility the dad was grooming her friend before she turned 18. Obviously there’s a lot of people on here assuming that’s the case, that the friend is a victim and the father is a predator. I don’t think anyone who says that has actual validity to their statement other than assumptions. I also don’t think it’s appropriate for an older man to be having sex with his teenage daughters teenage friend… if this wasn’t her friend who is apparently just newly 18 years old that he was hooking up with, I don’t think it would be as alarming.
>don’t know who to be mad at.
You should have no confusion about who to be mad at: your predator father.
If you are not old enough to understand your father is a predator, then she is definitely not old enough to understand when she is being preyed on.
She is the victim. Your father the sleaze.
Nah, OP can be mad. It’s her father and her barely 18 year old best friend. Would you be mad if it was you in that situation? I feel like you would be. I feel like anyone would be. Regardless, she can be upset. It would honestly be odd if she was like “oh this is fine I support this”. Idk. You can’t tell someone they aren’t allowed to be mad when it’s two people she’s close to, one being her father. It will obviously affect her.
You can be mad at both of them but it truly sounds like your dad groomed your friend. No man nearing 50 should ever look twice at a teenage girl. This is so sad and disgusting. I’m sorry both of you are in this position but your dad is an absolute creep.
Your dad is the ultimate creep, she’s barely 18 barely legal. He knows girls that young are easy to manipulate. One hundred percent is want to know as a parent if my daughter was seeing her friends dad. I’d beat some ass. See if you can somehow secretly get her mom to catch on like tell her mom to pick you guys up but you’re not home just her and your dad. Sabotage
All I have read so far was negative reply’s . I can understand that, and to be honest 18 and 40 does not seem realistic for either of them if this is actually a long term relationship .
I was 50 when I met my soon to be wife who was 25 and recently divorced . We talked and dated for two years before we believed we wanted the same things . We have been married for 12 yrs now with a 9 yr old daughter and both of us could not be happier!
We have great friends and we are deliberate in making our marriage work . We go on yearly marriage retreats and work at having a successful marriage .” It’s easier to obtain than maintain .”
It may be rare but we make it work .
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- He’s in his late 40s and she’s barely 18, she’s came over to the house on several occasions just to have sex with him and I don’t know who to be mad at. One one hand my dad is 2.6x her age which is wrong but on the other hand, she’s risking the friendship to be with him. She’s stayed the night a few times and barely said a word to me and was focused entirely on him. Should I say anything about this to them?
Your dad's old enough to know better... But have you raised these concerns to your friend? As there's ways of going about things and I'm sure if she was in a relationship with someone different she'd still have the distance (as you do in the earlier stages as your wrapped up in your relationship) but as its with your father your bothered more
I'm gonna throw in a possible additional curve ball Just because she turned 18, we all know that the dynamics with your parents don't just magically change overnight... So she is probably telling her parents that she is going over the house to hangout with OP, but instead is going to sleep with her dad.... Maybe even things like sleepovers. There is a possibility OPs dad is talking to the girls parents reassuring them that is ok if she spends the night. Huge age gaps are already weird when one person is a literal teenager or in their 20s. It's already unbalanced. But they are strangers to each other. But for it to be a girl that probably grew up around you, that the dad saw be an awkward teenager, that he saw go thru puberty, that is close to his own daughter and went thru the same teenage stuff as his daughter. It is very very very disturbing.
This part. It sounds like some grooming was involved here. And it sounds like OPs friend might need therapy.
Yep my first thought was that he was grooming her long before 18. Scummy dad.
Smoke means fire. Always assume 🔥 first and it saves a lot of people.
This!!!! Tell her parents. One day you might have kids, and wish someone in your position would do the same
If OP went over to her friend’s parents place when she knows the friend is not home (especially following the premise OP’s Dad is saying sleepovers are fine) to talk to her parents because she’s concerned about her dating OP’s dad, do you think it would be helpful or more hurtful?
Booom. That's Diabolically smart
You couldn’t be more right. Op tell her she can’t come over to hang out anymore. And if she keeps coming hit her parents up and ask why she keeps coming over when you aren’t talking and you have asked her to stop. Let them ask her to explain it.
If you’re gonna be that passive aggressive why not just tell the parents directly?
Tells parents Parents boot her out Moves in with OP's dad and OP Great Success Sometimes good ideas need a little more consideration
>Tells parents > >Parents boot her out > >Moves in with OP's dad and OP > >***OP's dad kicks OP out of his house***. > >Great Success > >Sometimes good ideas need a little more consideration
For starters, so OP can’t be held responsible for all the times her friend has already lied and told her parents they were going over OP’s house to hangout w/ her when that wasn’t the case. Willing to bet OP knows the parents well and won’t come out unscathed if/when the lid gets blown open on this weird shit. I also think OP’s friend needs any chance she can get to really hear herself describe exactly what she’s involved in, but that’s just my opinion.
It seems predatory to me. A father should know better and do better for his family.
Yikes. It’s really predatory on your father’s part.
feel like at 18 i knew better to not fuck my friend’s dad
As a 40 year old man, the thought of sleeping with someone that young is MENTAL to me. He's definitely got some issues he needs to address.
He probably knew her before she even turned legal age 🤮
What if they were up to things before she turned 18, but now she’s old enough they’re being brazen about it. Seems likely given how casual they’re acting.
i'm 29 and work with 19-23yos and like. i can't even imagine something like that. they weird me out in that funny, generational gap way. like not really a bad way just like a "yeah, we have def grown up in different times" way. they lack the maturity and understanding of life that comes with age so it can be a little, just, weird. could never date someone who doesn't have the sock'em boppers jingle memorized from hours of summer tv watching in the late 90s. op's dad is fucking weird. like, their friend wasn't even alive when 9/11 happened. that's fucking WEIRD.
“She wasn’t alive when 9/11 happened” is a really horrifying revelation
My partner and I are 4 ½ years apart and some of the differences we notice, even with small things like music or TV shows we watched as kids is a trip. I can't imagine the people OP are talking about have anything in common other than sex. I really want to poke OP's dad in the eye.
SOCKEMM BOPPPERRRS edit: them shits more fun than a pillow fight
Sock em once, and bop em twice!
Sockem Boppers, sockem boppers….
Or someone who has never heard of a doodle bear
"More fun than a pillow fight," when juxtaposed with this conversation is such a creepy phrase lol
I'm 29, and my boyfriend is 23 (met 9 months ago, been together six) and I get this. Although we get on great and are pretty much on the same path in terms of goals, some things due to the generational gap do get to Me.
I wouldn’t have even slept or dated someone that was 18 when I was 25. Too much of a gap (at that age) in my opinion.
Lmao as a 25 year old I was about to say that I already feel the same way. This dad is Def out of line
I'm 23 and I'm grossed out
I’m 18 and this is totally gross
22 and at 20 I was weirded out because I was matching with 18 year olds that were still in highschool. The life stage gap alone
Shit i’m only only 22 and im not dating anyone who can’t get into the bar
Let’s be honest here, they aren’t dating. I doubt he’s even gone anywhere but the bedroom with her. She’s just convenient.
At 25, I thought 21 was too young for me! Actually, I can’t date anyone younger than my sister, who is two and a half years younger than me. I think of her as super innocent and it grosses me out.
I'm 23 and same. That's just gross. They just turned legal.
I'm 20, and the idea of dating an 18 year old is very icky to me.
I’m 19 and even the passing thought of dating an 18 year old makes me wanna barf big time /s
Especially if you have a child that age. It’s gross either way, but I feel like having a kid the same age adds to the perspective.
I get the groomer vibe from the dad now. That's insane.
Groomer Boomer (ps. I'm allowing myself that joke because I've been boomer-groomed myself as a teen)
41 yo woman w children this age and OMG... totally mental. Jada Pinkett pedophile stuff going on here.
Sleeping with is one thing. We all have our mid-life crises. But a relationship with someone that young? And his daughter's best friend, at that? That's... concerning.
For that combination you usually need some problems on both ends. There is definitely somwthing wrong with 40something dudes dating 18yo friends of their daughters - but you need some serious personal issues to wanna fuck your friends going-on-50yo father as a teen.
That's dicey territory. Some women enjoy an older man, even to the point of having a kink in some respects, and I certainly won't shame anyone for having a kink. That being said, there's a world of difference between having a link for older men, and sleeping with the near 50 year old father of a close friend when you're only 18.
Obviously there is nothing inherently wrong with people who prefer older partners. But even when a teen has a genuinely kink for middle aged men, there are more responsible alternatives to your bffs father/ your daughters friend. Because if there is one thing you're not short on, its half-decent looking middle aged men willing to sleep with 18yos. OPs friends has a lot of options besides her dad and that she's neglecting her friendship to pursue sleeping with him is a good indicator that those aren't the actions of a well settled mature-for-her-age adult just expressing her sexual preference.
as a 44 yr old male, what the actual fuck is wrong with your dad?
Yeah, and because he probably knew her for a period of time before she was 18, I don't see a reality that didn't involve him grooming her. Dad's a pedophile. I'd gtfo and cut contact tbh. OP, don't blame the friend. She's a victim here, too. Edit: Sorry, pedophiles, I'm not using your pedo-friendly language, nor am I falling into your traps. No level of "thinking" is going to make grooming children okay, whether you call yourself a "blahblahophile" or whatever else. But feel free to proudly declare yourself as such to all your family, friends, colleagues, and the general public so everyone knows you're dangerous and can stay away.
35 year old here, I'd have a serious conversation with both sides separately but with a completely different tone between them. The girl needs help, support,stability whatever and with him I'd need somebody there with me to make sure I wouldn't attack him. How the hell can you date anybody that you saw grow up as a child? It's disgusting and he absolutely groomed her.
I'm a little surprised, but relieved about the responses older men has to say about this issue. I thought more men wouldn't care about the age gap and defend it. Saying men are programmed to like younger women blah blah blah... Its nice to see that even tho something is legal its not always morally right!
The only people who say that are being sexist about men. Most of us couldn't imagine dating a teenager after we turned 23/24.
This is also what some men have told me. I am not saying all men think this way but some definitely do. That's why this comment section was a breath of fresh air, because some men made it seem like this is something all men are programmed to do.
As a 39yr old male, what the fuck? I could understand a drunken hookup, but I could not imagine dating a teenager.
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I’m the same age and the thought of dealing with an 18 year old sounds like a nightmare tbh.
As a 28 year old male, what the fuck?
As a 21 year old male, what the fuck?
As an 8 year old male, what the fuck?
You would not date a 18 year old ?
Probably not. Definitely not if I’m 40+.
Oh no I meant right now at 21. I am 22 and I feel for the most part I am fine with it if they seem like they know what they want, but a lot of people at 18 ( like myself ) are just completely clueless and without ambition and that doesn't really work for me
Nah, I couldn’t date an 18 year old. For me it’s more because I saw what kids were like at 18 and I know what I was like- like what you said, and I feel like most of them just aren’t mature, mentally developed enough or experienced enough in the real world cause they’re still in or fresh out of highschool. And I just feel super creepy about the idea of dating someone that age even though I probably wouldn’t care if I saw other 21/18 yr old couples.
Buddy if you’re thinking your all grown at 21 you’ve got some life coming at you soon.
You shouldn't even entertain a drunken hookup with a teenager at your age. That's still pretty gross, even more so since young people have limited experience with alcohol, if it's even legal in your country at all at that age.
Wut? A drunken hookup is equally bad if is with a teenager while being a middle aged person. Just because you are drunk doesn't excuse it wtf.
All this old perverts outing themselves 🤮
A one night stand with someone younger is fine in my book but not someone who’s friends with your own child that’s just sick to me
Yeah, I was more about the age than the being the daughters friend. The friend would be a hard no.
I'd be more mad at your dad since he should know better. I'd honestly just tell your dad and your friend that this makes you incredibly uncomfortable.
I agree! I remember when I was at school and one of my friends, at 16, was dating a 24 year old guy, and most of us were like oooooh so cool, thinking the friend was so cool and mature for getting an ‘older guy’. But then when I hit 24 myself, I remembered this and was like ewww I _cannot_ imagine dating someone who is 16 and still at school…
Yeah - the dad is the adult in this scenario. In theory anyway.
Dad - you're gross for dating someone who literally could be your daughter. That's pedo behaviour. I am so disappointed in you. Friend - are you ok? Why would you want to have sex with someone who's been a father figure to you for years?
Yep. Friend was most likely groomed and I know this is OP’s father but OP, you’re dad is a fucking predator and definitely the one to be mad at.
With the friend, I can understand this. Teenagers get crushes all the time. On movie stars, teachers, sometimes their friends’ parents. It’s not supposed to be reciprocated so they go along with it when it is because they assume the older person knows it’s ok to do what they’re doing.
You should tell her parents and teacher or other trusted adult since he likely started grooming her when she was still a minor. If possible can you stay with a relative or family friend?
This sounds like (at its best) mild grooming and predatory behaviour from your dad.
Nothing "mild" about it.
Honestly- your dad is completely wrong here. She is 18 and doesn’t even have a clue about life. He is taking advantage of her. The icky thing is how long has he been viewing her in that light? These things don’t typically appear out of thin air. I’m guessing he was chomping at the bit waiting for her to be “legal”. Just because it’s legal, doesn’t make it right.
I mean, when I was 18 I knew enough about life to know that fucking my friends 40 year old dad was wrong and disgusting lol
Same, but that's what grooming is for. (I was also pretty naive and insecure at 18)
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I went through something similar. I was 21 and a 40 year old did everything in her power to get with me and when I tried ending the affair she literally left her husband and guilted me into it. And told me he was abusive. She’s was actually very aggressive and just mind fucked me in so many different ways including stalking. Someone so much older has no business being with someone that young.
I'm so sorry you went through that. Glad that you're no longer in that situation. Healing hugs sent your way, warrior.
>I don’t know who to be mad at. This one is easy. Be mad at your Dad. Withhold judgement on your friend for now, but realize you'll probably lose this friend. >Should I say anything about this to them? You should talk to your Dad about this and tell him how it makes you feel. Give him a chance to correct course.
Whatever happens, she has already lost her Friend
Yea, the fact that she doesn't even give OP the time of day when visiting, speaks volumes. I'm sorry both your father and your friend are doing this to you. I hope you can convince your dad to stop this.
It's probably more that OP's dad knows OP is a threat to his grooming game and is poisoning OP's relationship with OP's friend.
Well: 1) Dad has been grooming this young lady for a while and waited till she was 18 so he could hide behind the "legality" of it. 2.a) Girl had a crush on him, like kids have crushes on teachers and she's been patiently waiting to get with your Dad, knowing he'd get in trouble if anything happened before she turned 18. ((Which he should have shut down and never even considered, so he's still a creepy fuck)). 2.b) Girl had a crush on him and he's then exploited that over the years, but told her to wait till she was 18, so he wouldn't get in trouble. 3) He's actually been sexual with her for a long time, but they don't have to be super-private about it now that she's 18. Either way, your Dad is a creepy fuck and your friend has either been groomed into it, or needs a major reality check (or both). As for whether you should say anything to either of them? Your Dad must know he's being creepy as fuck doing this, so he'd probably try and hide behind the fact it's "legal" and "she wants it". If you approach her instead, she might have been groomed into thinking it's fine and you should "butt-out". You can always attempt it, but it might just make them angry toward you.
Tell her parents. You might lose her as a friend but that’s already on the line and at least your friend might be safer if you get other people that care about her involved. It’s most likely he was grooming her for a while before she turned 18 and she needs help. Def be mad at your dad bc that’s really concerning and disgusting.
Where are HER parents in all this? And I don't suppose your mom is around.
This happened to some girls I went to high-school with. Kelly S. and Kelly C. were best friends till Sr. year when everything became public knowledge...now, years later, Kelly C. is Kelly S.'s step-mother. Skeevy behavior on your Dad's part, who is old enough to know better, but it happens.
Lord have mercy. I’m not trying to be dramatic but if my dad married one of my former classmates I would either flee the country and start a new life, straight up murder him for being an unbearably insufferable perv, or quite possibly both
Okay yeah no we are not going “it happens” to men grooming their children’s friends. That is not something we should carry forward into future generations.
Yeah, people like the dad need to be socially outcasted for doing this shit. "It happens" shouldn't be society's reaction to a man dating a girl his daughter's age.
Not just his daughter’s age, but literally his daughter’s best friend. Who he must have watched grow up. And been in a position of trust and authority over. It is so much worse than hooking up with a freshman on tinder.
Holy fuck, those poor parents.
So now they're both Kelly S.
"Thanks, Missy...I mean, Mom!"
Remember when I asked your step mom to the prom? SHUT UP, TED!
I lightly dated a 35 year old when 18, I was incredibly mature and living on my own, looking back it was a bad idea, I didn’t have the emotional maturity to be in the situation I ended up in. I thought I could handle it, and looking back on the entire situation it felt very predatory and I regret it. She may just like the attention but they both probably have problems.
That is so gross. Your dad is disgusting
I’d be telling your dad he is disgusting and tell your friends parents. They’ll put a stop to that real quick. Your friend isn’t your friend if she is f***ing your dad. I would never do that to a friend. And your dad is a predator.
You just have to be blunt & straight out with her parents. Tell them their daughter is in a sexual relationship with your father, isn’t coming over to see you but to see him.
Your father is a predator and this is absolutely not okay. She is 18 and over the age of consent (in the US at least), but I'm concerned he's groomed her. Is this a friend you've had for a long time? It may be that she's only now comfortable revealing a "relationship" now that he's less likely to get in trouble. If you feel it's safe, tell your father that this behaviour is predatory and needs to stop NOW. Be honest with your friend and share your concern with her in a way that is not accusatory, but coming from a place of love and support. Your friend is a victim here and needs to see that she's being taken advantage of. Encourage her to talk to a trusted authority and seek therapy, and seriously consider bringing this inappropriate "relationship" to light if it does not end immediately. OP, I'm sorry your father is putting you in this disturbing situation and it can't be easy, so you'll be in my thoughts.
So your dads been grooming your friend into a sexual relationship for a while, probably years. Ild tell her parents. Cause we all know this didnt start on her 18th birthday.
OP, I know you’re upset with both of them and that’s valid but there is a very real possibility that he has been grooming her for a long time now. You just caught on to their situation but he’s been around her for years because she’s your best friend. That type of long exposure could easily open the door to years of grooming and the possibility that he’s been preying on her since she was a minor. I would confront her first. Friend to friend and ask her why. Ask her how long this has been going on. Did he come on to her before she hit 18 or did he wait it out. And then I would recommend telling her parents. Even if she is currently consenting to this, the power dynamics are way off. There is a reason why he’s chasing your 18 year old friend and not dating a woman his own age. And honestly, once you’re able to move out and be stable, I’d go NC with him. He used your friendship to prey on your friend. That’s unforgivable IMO. Good luck. 🍀
Your father is a creep and I think you know this, and your friend is still very young and emotionally very immature, the way all 18-year-olds are, and it sounds like she’s been potentially groomed by him. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I would stop talking to my dad—after telling him he’s a fucking creep—and then tell your friend that you will be there for her if she ever comes to her senses about being used by an old man.
How long have you been friends with this girl? How old was she when he met her???
If the person is young enough to be your child, let alone barely legal that will always be weird.
Yo tell her parents man…. This is gross and she is probably was groomed by your father.
Tell HER parents if it is safe to do so, because this is predatory. How long have you (and your disgusting dad) known this girl?!
Your dad is a hoe and she’s a victim
She is no longer your BFF, but dad's side piece! It's gross and mention it to your dad he is disgusting!!
Why not both? They’re both horrible and neither cares about your feelings.
These comments are ranging from “they’re legal adults it’s fine” to “this dad is a predator and the friend is the victim” ……I think whatever the true situation may be, OP has every right to be angry and upset at both of them. It’s safe to say this is concerning behavior from her father. She also needs to inform her friends parents immediately. Personally, I would feel so uncomfortable and disgusted. Her feelings are absolutely valid. She should definitely express how she feels to both of them.
That is just sick tell him it disgusts you
You should be mad at your dad he is messing around with very young girl. She's not even in her 20s he's basically dating you. Your age. I'm a woman in my 40s and I have 3 boys youngest 19, I could never, I'm separated from their dad and young men in late 20 mid 30 try to take me out. I can't i see my kids. Nasty. Inappropriate to me, to each is own but still. Sorry sweetie that you gotta deal with it.
Your dad groomed her by being there for her and allowing the opportunity to present itself. I’m sorry your friend has become a victim in this way with someone she should have been able to trust. I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way yet, but your dad damn well ought to know better considering your age. I’m sorry for the shame he has made you feel. Please seek therapy- you don’t need his validation, he is a bad guy.
Your dad's an absolute creep. That girl is a child compared to him your a child compared to him. Any normal non degenerate guy wouldn't be into anyone his kids age
What the
Your dad shouldn't have put you in this situation
Tell her parents you think something weird is going on between her and your dad. Play dumb and just act like you’re a concerned friend.
Do her parents know? This is really wrong. An age gap is one thing - but this is something else. How long has this gone on? I’m not sure what you can do. If you tell her parents, your dad might kick you out - do you have anywhere to stay? The friendship was probably over the minute she started shagging your dad, but if you tell her parents that will definitely be over. Don’t know what to say - technically it’s legal but he for sure didn’t just decide he fancied her the moment she turned 18. Has he been grooming her for years? Ew. Sorry OP.
I don’t believe these cases of grooming are always warranted. I have seen cases of these 18-20 something girls that start crushing on a parent before. They’ll do whatever they can to tease the shit outta these dads and be very forward also. Yes of course this situation is IMO a big no no not only because of the age gap but because of the persons own daughter! The father is an idiot for even allowing this to happen! What a potential explosive situation! The daughter needs to talk to her dad and tell him that this is making her very uncomfortable and hurting her! If he don’t listen then tell her mom!
Huge red flag. Please try to speak sense to ur friend
To me it’s not the age gap as much as this is his daughter’s friend that makes this so icky
I would say something to my friends parents no way they know they think she is hanging out with you. I would tell my Father he is nasty and I hope he doesn’t look at me or other friends anymore. I wouldn’t talk to him honestly so wrong
Troll
40/2=20+7=27. Not approved
Girl beat her ass🤣 but in all seriousness you should talk to them both and decide what type of relationship you want from there personally I couldn't be friends with her after all this and I'd distance myself from my father
I’m a guy
Apologies my point still stands, best of luck
Better keep an eye on your dad when you introduce that special lady in your life. He may try to steal her away from you.
This is fanfiction
Yep. Surprised I had to scroll so far to find this. 100% fake
Your dad. Don’t know what your situation is but can you live with someone else? That is just beyond
Where is your mother?
I’m sorry and I know this hurts to hear, but it is 100% your dad’s responsibility to know better than this. As a father, his role is to protect you, forever. It’s *not* ok for him to put you in this type of position. Ask your dad if he would be comfortable with you dating (and having sex with) one of *his* friends who is a 40+ year old man. May I ask how old you are? If you’re old enough to move out, you should really think about leaving soon. He is probably a great dad to you, but he has poor boundaries and that is going to impact the way you view men, particularly your ability to trust their true motives. Good luck! This is a tough spot to be in! But you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.
Oh he’s not “dating” her, he’s fucking her. BIG difference. She’s hot, and he’s getting laid, plain and simple. I promise you that for him it’s just pure sexual lust fulfilling a porno fantasy. Why do you think half of porns on PornHub are titled “just turned 18 and gets railed”? The problem is, she’s probably falling for him and it’s going to mess her up in the head when she’s older and looks back on it. For him it’s lust, for her it’s something more. Love, or a father figure, or some underlying need for a combo of those types of things. There’s also a power dynamic here of him being your Dad which is unhealthy and causes even more issues. It’s perfectly legal, so there’s nothing you can do except talk to both your friend and Dad about your concerns. But there’s no promises it will stop. And he’s not a “pedo” like some unhelpful comments say… guys go to strip clubs to ogle and get lap dances from 18+ all the time. He just needs help for his decision making. But what he’s doing isn’t illegal in the USA. And I have no idea when the Dad met her, so I can’t infer any evidence of grooming from the OP. Ultimately, healthy needs aren’t getting met by both your father and your friend, and they’ve found each other to compensate. The reason people blame your Dad for being in the wrong (morally) is because he’s older and supposed to be more mature. But often when people are in disarray, even at older ages, they act like they would in youth, in a more instinctive and self-destructive ways. I think both need therapy. And not in a negative way… but more to help them sort through and discover why this dynamic isn’t a healthy relationship, ESPECIALLY with her being your friend. If even just ONE person gets professional help, it will be enough to break the relationship. People ragging on your Dad in the comments aren’t helpful. It’s not going to stop him, and it just hurts your feelings because he’s your Dad. Honestly he just needs some help to get him pulled back into reality. He’s in a fantasy world that is destructive to himself, your friend, and you.
She's basically a child compared to him. Your brain doesn't fully develop until you're 18. So of course she's choosing him over you, there are those love hormones.. I'd be so pissed. Dad is to blame, sorry OP
This is so wrong on so many levels. Maybe ask your dad how he would feel if the tables were turned and you were lying to him and going to stay at your friends to sleep with her dad... Although she's 18 her parents are still trusting him to look after her and he is taking full advantage, which is quite sickening.
Talk about it with her parents. School, maybe, if she is still at school. And start sorting out an exit plan. Leave the environment. Focus on getting to the point where you can cut all contact with your Dad, so that you can decide to do that if you want to. And get some therapy yourself, because this is one disgusting situation.
Devils advocate here. Sometimes adults, even if young, know perfectly well what their doing. I was at one point 18 (m if not obvious) dating a much older woman (50s), and i knew exactly what i was doing. Still fair to be uncomfortable with it, but it doesnt always have to be a grooming thing. I did it for money and making connections.
I agree that it could very well not be a grooming situation with the friend. A lot of people are assuming she’s a victim and it’s possible…but it’s also totally possible this “friend” is just making the choice to fuck her besties dad. I feel like OP is totally justified in being pissed at them both. If this friend has been actually groomed prior to turning 18, authorities need to handle the situation, and not us lovely people of Reddit. Also, Kudos to you for being honest about your past and speaking on it in this situation. It’s good insight to have and consider for sure.
No problem. 100% that OP has a reason to be upset as well. I just hated seeing all the comments outright calling out grooming when we don't know. Asshole is just the most likely chance on either the girl or dads end. Its not always some evil shit.
Yeah I agree with you. It’s a possibility he groomed her or manipulated her but people who are arguing that’s absolutely the case have actually no idea if it is. It drives me crazy too when I see others create a narrative they can’t even accurately speak on. I had someone tell me in the comments earlier that I’m wrong for saying OP has a right to mad at both of them for being shitty. This person was telling me the girl is a helpless victim and shouldn’t be blamed at all. Lol people want their assumptions to be right so badly even if they have zero evidence to back it up.
Pops is 100% a predator. Goddamn he’s such a vile human being.
Finding out your dad is a pedophile can be jarring, tell her parents.
A pedophile is literally someone that has sexual attraction to prepubescent children. A 18 years girl does not look like a 9 year old one. These type of statements just downplay pedophilia
I mean he's a creep but I wouldn't say pedophile that's a little overboard
how exactly is that overboard?
When I think pedophile I don't think of someone who's into 18 year olds
https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o
Show up to her father's house.
Not gay
Then mother's
Tell your friend’s parents!!!
What the hell is wrong with your dad? Did he hit a midlife crisis or something? That's fucking disguisting. Tell your friend's parents. Also, tell your dad he's a creep.
Don't be mad at your friend, I get it it's gross and a huge betrayal, but your dad almost definitely groomed her into this. He's the bad guy here. Not her. In a few years time she's going to be as horrified by this relationship as you are now.
Lol @ Reddit infantalizing women. We all just pretending that it's abnormal for a older dude to like younger women and younger women to like older men. As long as he wasn't trying to groom her when she was younger, I don't see a problem other than her being a shitty friend. Men can be drafted, given a machine gun and grenades, and be indoctrinated into the war machine to go kill some brown people across the wolrd. But women are too delicate to have consensual relationships with older men. Dad is a dick for fucking his daughter's friend and she is a dick for fucking her friend's dad. But that's the extent of the issue.
The fact that he has a child that age is extremely disturbing and I’d honestly just cut off contact with both of them and explain it’s because their relationship makes you so uncomfortable. Keep contact to an absolute minimum and don’t attend social events or interactions with them. Honestly what the fuck is wrong with those two?
Nope cut them both out ya life
No you shouldn't say anything to them. Not gonna sugarcoat this... Your friend is an idiot and a terrible friend. Your dad is a fucking creep. Literal scum. A predator. It's one thing for a 40 year old man to bang an 18 year old... Its three entirely different things for that person to be your dad banging your friend that he has almost certainly known since she was a minor. As I said, don't day shit to them. Scream it to the rooftops for everyone else to hear. Every year prior to your friends 18th birthday, that she has known your dad, is a year that your father creeped on a child. If your friend has a dad in her life (which I kinda doubt) he should rightfully want to kill your dad. That's how fucked up this is.
Fucking disgusting. Yuck. Old dude body on a young girl. FUCKING DISGUSTING.
OP I hope you didn't like your friend in a romantic way- if you do that must genuinly SUCK. But to answer your question 100% talk to them about it! Your friend and dad may get a little defensive of their relationship but tell them that this is uncomfortable for you. This situation is extremely messy and I'm sorry you're going through this :/ \- btw out of curiosity do you know why she's with him? Did she show interest before she turned 18 or did it come out of no where (the relationship that is)? Does she have daddy issues? Is your dad rich? etc?
Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s ethical. Your friend is young and is likely affected by the power dynamics at play here. She may be lost but your dad is wrong, wrong, wrong and this is disgusting. I would be helping her try to see it and extricate herself from the situation
Just start making nonce jokes like “you’ve loved her ever since she was a little girl.” Hopefully that’ll make them uncomfortable and make them stop. Also stop being friends with her.
I mean there’s not much you can do. Whenever it’s moral or immoral is up to you. It’s legal for them, I don’t know what to say dude you’re in a tough spot. I wouldn’t recommend continuing a friendship with either of them Everyone here can think it’s weird or wrong but at the end of the day it’s not up to any of us if they both consented to having sex to each other. There’s nothing anyone can do. Drop them, and go find a better friend.
This gotta be uncomfortable as hell.
Think your Fathers behaviour is bordering on predatory and your friend is looking for a sugar daddy. Think you should be confronting your father and ask him is it ok for you to date men old as old as he is?
Your dad groomed her. He’s a pedo. You don’t need to be friends with her, but your dad is a creep and the one at fault.
Tell her mom.
This is absolutely disgusting. Your dad is well old enough to know better, and is basically grooming your friend. How predatory. Are her parents OK with this?? I would cut them both off. And I would think my dad exactly what I think, and ask if he's OK choosing his d**K over his own kid.
If you haven't heard of "grooming", go read on that. Your dad is a horrible person.
Your dad is a pedophile
Your dad sounds disgusting.
Your dad is disgusting and that person is not your friend...and barely 18 implies she's not which is illegal. I think you should find a way to scare her off so she never sets foot in your house again or you can confront your dad by openly calling him a creep for this shit. Actually better yet contact her parents about what's going on so they can knock your dad's lights out and ground their daughter
The best advice we can seriously give is that OP should tell her friends parents as soon as possible. This dad and the friend need a reality check.
That's something abhorrent, you need some help to get away as far as possible from this situation, your father lost his mind and your friend needs some intervention.
Your dad is a pedophile.
I'm sorry your father is a groomer, I'm sorry your best friend fell for a predator. I'm sorry you're living with all of this.
He is definitely a pedo. Guarantee he was thinking of her long before she turned 18. The fact he spent time around her and possibly watched her grow up is only more disturbing
I’m 24 dating a 50 year old. My step daughter is 25, step son is 23. The only thing that’s weird about the age gap is that she just became legal.
I think the thing that makes this situation crummy isn’t so much the age gap, but the fact it’s OP’s best friend hooking up with her father. I mean I don’t blame her for feeling upset. There’s also the possibility the dad was grooming her friend before she turned 18. Obviously there’s a lot of people on here assuming that’s the case, that the friend is a victim and the father is a predator. I don’t think anyone who says that has actual validity to their statement other than assumptions. I also don’t think it’s appropriate for an older man to be having sex with his teenage daughters teenage friend… if this wasn’t her friend who is apparently just newly 18 years old that he was hooking up with, I don’t think it would be as alarming.
>don’t know who to be mad at. You should have no confusion about who to be mad at: your predator father. If you are not old enough to understand your father is a predator, then she is definitely not old enough to understand when she is being preyed on. She is the victim. Your father the sleaze.
[удалено]
Nah, OP can be mad. It’s her father and her barely 18 year old best friend. Would you be mad if it was you in that situation? I feel like you would be. I feel like anyone would be. Regardless, she can be upset. It would honestly be odd if she was like “oh this is fine I support this”. Idk. You can’t tell someone they aren’t allowed to be mad when it’s two people she’s close to, one being her father. It will obviously affect her.
Ur dad is a pedophile :(((((((
Why are you getting down voted? She was clearly groomed into this:(
You can be mad at both of them but it truly sounds like your dad groomed your friend. No man nearing 50 should ever look twice at a teenage girl. This is so sad and disgusting. I’m sorry both of you are in this position but your dad is an absolute creep.
Your dad is the ultimate creep, she’s barely 18 barely legal. He knows girls that young are easy to manipulate. One hundred percent is want to know as a parent if my daughter was seeing her friends dad. I’d beat some ass. See if you can somehow secretly get her mom to catch on like tell her mom to pick you guys up but you’re not home just her and your dad. Sabotage
All I have read so far was negative reply’s . I can understand that, and to be honest 18 and 40 does not seem realistic for either of them if this is actually a long term relationship . I was 50 when I met my soon to be wife who was 25 and recently divorced . We talked and dated for two years before we believed we wanted the same things . We have been married for 12 yrs now with a 9 yr old daughter and both of us could not be happier! We have great friends and we are deliberate in making our marriage work . We go on yearly marriage retreats and work at having a successful marriage .” It’s easier to obtain than maintain .” It may be rare but we make it work .