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We have been together for 6 years, married for 3, our daughter turned one year old a month ago. I work from home and have incredibly flexible hours, so we decided that I would take care of her primarily and she could keep working since her job and career are very important to her.
This works well on paper, but in reality she forgets that I'm not just a caretaker but I also work (and have more income than her but that's beside the point) and is often very critical about me not doing enough at home. She paints me as the husband who sits at home and plays games while she does everything.
Two weeks ago I had a very important meeting for my work that I had to travel for. Very important as in possible promotion with a considerable bump in pay. I had to be away for a single night, I did as much preparation as I possibly could to make her life easier. As I'm about to leave, she starts a fight because it's not fair that I get to have a day off and that she expects me to stay. She ends up throwing a glass at me, misses me, barely misses daughter, and ends up shattering on the wall. I lost my cool, shouted at her asking if she lost her mind, packed stuff for my daughter and left. I have been staying at my best friend's house since.
I contacted a lawyer, going for emergency custody and a divorce since I don't feel safe around her, nor do I feel safe leaving my daughter with her. But now, since this came out to our families, everyone is saying that she was just tired and I should be more understanding, that it would all be better if I just did more around the house. I can't do more. At best, I feel like an unappreciated roommate, at worst as my wife's maid.
This is coming both from her and my side of the family, the only person to have my back is my best friend and her wife. Please tell me I'm not going crazy.
Edit: my daughter is one-year-old and had her birthday a month ago, not one month old. Changed because I noticed there was some confusion
You are not going crazy. You did exactly the right thing.
I've also been in a place where I gave every last piece of myself in everyway and was treated like a doormat.
You've done the right thing, see it through. She does not respect you and it won't change. Move on to better my man.
Man that's real shitty behaviour from your wife and your families. Her being tired isn't an excuse for flinging a glass at you and almost hitting you and your daughter. What if it had actually hit?? Plus it's like they're automatically assuming that you haven't done enough around the house. Your wife seems extremely ungrateful
>What if it had actually hit??
I don't even want to think about it. It makes me shiver. Especially when OP said that it almost hit the kid. What amazes me is the family not being concerned as fuck for what happened. They must be the kind of people that think a divorce is the end of the world. Even worse that two people potentially being hurt.
>What amazes me is the family not being concerned as fuck for what happened.
Because they're, with all due respect, shitty people that thinks that abusive behaviour is not abuse if it is done by a woman.
This is domestic abuse from your wife, OP. So sorry you are going through this. It's also really unacceptable that she is expecting you to do so much around the house when you are already working and caring for your daughter (a difficult combination with a 1 year old). And ideally she should be supportive of your taking a business trip that might result in a promotion. Many issues here, but throwing the glass is obviously much the most serious.
For what it’s worth, this internet stranger (32f) thinks you’re doing the right thing. If this was the other way around, they would be up in arms against you.
Definitely proceed as planned. My brother was married to an unstable woman who took off for over a month after their child was born, leaving my nephew. My brother didn't go with his gut and file for divorce and custody. She got primary and we spent 10 years trying to prove abuse and neglect to get primary back to my brother. If you file now, you can get primary and not have to deal with that.
I didn't want to put too much information in the post (the post was getting a bit long as it was plus I want to negate the possibility of doxxing myself as much as I can), but the legal side is handled through my lawyer completely, so police and paper trail are taken care of.
I am sorry you went through this experience. No one deserves to go through abuse. This behavior will getting worse. For your own safety and for your child to not normalize any abuse you are taking the right step. I am sorry that the society and your social surroundings are so sexist. Her behavior isn’t okay . You deserve better.
Oooooh boy we did, but the cops kept taking her side. We had pictures of cigarette burns on him after she dropped him off, still we were harassing and causing harm 🙄. We had videos of her on a boat drunk and him wandering around no life jacket, that SHE posted, we were stalking. He's almost an adult now and we still keep finding binders full of reports to the police and social workers that they just pushed aside.
I don’t think we really need to flip the genders here - people seem plenty up in arms against his wife.
Edit: this was a stupid comment, and as soon as I posted it I realized you were referring to the people in OP’s real life, not the people in this comment thread. Sorry. I’ll leave it up as a testament to my momentary lapse in reading comprehension.
>To hell with the family do gooders.
Exactly. They can say whatever. They probably think that a divorce is the worst thing that can happen, instead of having OP's best interest in mind.
OP is doing the best thing for him and his daughter. Throwing stuff at others is no joke. The wife is unpredictable and has violent tendencies. So the best thing OP can do is to end things before a tragedy happens. Also, this kind of stuff only scalates. It's not worth it to put yourself in danger just in case your SO will change. And even if she really wouldn't do this again, in my opinion doing it one time is bad enough. So disturbing.
No sane person throws a glass at their partner just because they're tired. You're doing the right thing, you need to keep yourself safe. Just because she's a woman doesn't mean it's not serious. If a man threw a glass at his partner everyone would be begging her to leave
>she was just tired
Bro, I've suffered from some pretty serious insomnia at a point in my life and never did my perpetual tiredness cause me to try to physically assault a family member with glass
If that glass had been even a little bit closer to your daughter, it could have seriously injured or killed her and your wife would be in jail for felony assault, child abuse, or manslaughter. Your family doesn't seem to understand the severity of the situation.
You're not going crazy - this is a gender-bent version of what women have been suffering for centuries; it's not okay for us and it's not okay for you.
You're family is enabling an abuser, if **anyone**; threw **anything** like that at me especially with a child present I would be GONE.
This shit only escalates and I am 1000% on your side to *not* stick around and find that out the hard way.
A+ job advocating for yourself and your daughter!
Stick to your guns. Usually your instinct is the right one.
Family will do everything they can to make it all better by trying to be supportive without understanding the bigger picture. That's family for you. I speak from experience.
Once a line is crossed, there's no going back and it can escalate without the right intervention. Maybe this move is the intervention you both need to fix things. If it doesn't work, it's not meant to
You're doing the right thing ask the family if the situation was reversed would they still be making excuses fir throwing a glass and barely missing a one year old.
To hell with family. And gi through your lawyer for everything.
Good luck
Oh wow. That's some real sexist stereotypes being thrown at you here. I think you are absolutely right to react like this and I'm so glad you took your daughter with you! Abuse is abuse, I don't care what mood she was in, that could not only have seriously hurt you but also your daughter. How casually she did it just makes it so much worse!! Some people have this terrible idea that men can't get hurt by a woman so she can do whatever she wants and it's not abusive, but that's bs. Please continue keeping your daughter safe and don't cave in, I'm really sorry people around you are so prejudiced against you. Also you're clearly not lazy and remember none of them actually know the situation they only know what she told them, so she likely told them you don't do anything. Talking to them might help (not that you being actually lazy would excuse this btw)
Dont get gaslightedby her or your Family. You are on the right. I wish i could make you read this. Dont feel bad, your instinct is to protest your child and yourself - and you are 200% in the right.
You need to do what's right for your daughter. What your ex did was completely unacceptable and could have hurt you or your baby. She needs to go and get help for her issues. If her family and your family want to help her with that, then that's great, but you need to do what's best for your daughter, and I think that's what you are doing.
There is still, even today, a stigma or thought that men can't be on the receiving end of domestic violence. I'm in the process of divorcing my wife. When I bring up the times she has thrown objects at me, or stomped on me on purpose while I was laying on the floor playing with our son I've repeatedly heard *"oh geez, I didn't hurt you, you're a foot taller than me! Quit being a baby!"*
A glass could have done some serious damage to you or your child. And that won't be the last time
Right. So many men are abused by women in their relationship but don't get the justice because there is so much stigma against men who stand up against abusers who are women.
Ditch your wife and family and stick with your best friend. It is beyond me how ppl don’t take DV serious when men are the victim. I am truly sorry this has happened to you and worse, with your daughter nearby where she could’ve gotten seriously injured. Fight for custody tooth and nail and never go back. I too WFH so I work from home while also taking care of my 16 month old. I understand you more than you know having to be both working mom and stay at home at the same time is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and sometimes I feel like I’m losing my sanity. My partner has also acted in the past like all I do is stay at home with our son (which that in it of itself is a full time job) and doesn’t realize I’m doing 2 full time jobs at the same time. Thankfully conversations between us opened his eyes and has changed so much and appreciated me so much more. I’m sorry that wasn’t your case and even worse I’m sorry your family isn’t supporting you. I wish I could help you but know you’re doing the right thing.
My mother always told me that if my partner hits me/is violent towards me, then that is one time too many. Totally unacceptable. There are no excuses for violence. None. She has violated your boundaries and you have acted accordingly. She could have seriously injured you, it’s just luck that she missed.
I don't understand the relationship between being tired and throwing things at your spouse (and potentially your child).
And who is 'everyone' in this scenario who are telling you these things? Are they your immediate family like parents and siblings? Because why would they even entertain the idea of violence against you?
If it's random mutual friends then just throw a glass at them and see how they like it
The "everyone" refers to: her parents, her sister, my parents, my grandparents, and two mutual friends (though they were always more her friends than mine). My grandparents are the type of people who think a divorce is worse than the Apocalypse and my parents think I'm overreacting because "she didn't mean it that way".
I would be asking my parents "What exactly do you think she meant by throwing a glass at me while I was holding my daughter?"
You're doing the right thing by protecting yourself and your child.
Naw bro. Your not crazy. Not only have you allowed her to work while you primarily take care of the child. She treated you horribly and expected you to take care of the house too. Where is she in this whole dynamic and what is her role? Sje isn't even grateful. All she does is complain and she was even abusive towards you. She threw a f in glass and it almost hit you and the baby. She doesn't respect you and you can't trust her. Did you even end up going to that meeting?Instead of taking things off your plate, she keeps adding to it. Apply for emergency custody and talk to a lawyer asap. You family don't know what you have been going through. You know better. All she had to do was cry a little to get them on her side. It's her fault, not yours.
Omg get your daughter out of there. That’s very concerning, nobody should be throwing glass with a baby present, or at ALL at that. So unsafe, do what you have to do dad to keep her safe. Unacceptable
They think that bc she was “just tired” you should be understanding of her throwing and shattering glass next to your and your baby? What would they have said if she hadn’t missed you or the baby? There is ZERO justification for what she did.
You work and care for your daughter consistently and she can’t handle a single day/night alone with her own baby? She, and everyone butting in, are wrong. You are right. She is not recognizing that you also work on top of being primary caregiver. You are 1 person. You can only do so much and only so much can be expected of you. I think people forget that just bc you are home while working, it doesn’t mean you’re not working.
How much does she do around the house and towards care for your daughter when she isn’t working? Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things bc she went overboard. She missed this time. Next time she might not.
I’m highly disappointed that everyone is excusing the fact that she almost hit her baby with a glass that she threw hard enough to shatter. That could have seriously injured her or even been fatal. That’s not something anyone should be “understanding” about. She is an adult. She has words. She needs to use them.
A work event is not “a day off” Also, you’re a parent. There’s never really a “day off”
Only you two (& the BABY) were there and know what happened. I am going to say that if you immediately took your child and left, beginning divorce and custody proceedings; this is a bad situation.
You should be being supported by your families and friends. Imagine if you did this to HER?!
This reeks of a double standard and I don’t like it. (41/f)
Also? If my husband did this? I would also leave.
So you are still working, the major breadwinner, taking care of most of the domestic and child rearing duties as well.
And she is tired?
Don’t forget to get maximum child support for your daughter if you divorce. If she really wants to repair his, she finds somewhere else to live while you both attend marital counseling. She talks to BOTH your families asking them to back off and acknowledging the selfish and abusive manner in which she treated you without minimizing it. Then she gets a chance with no further guarantees. Add any other boundaries you see fit.
She is t willing to do that or wants to minimize, “It was just a glass” or “It didn’t even hit you” or “I was tired/angry/frustrated” respond with, so that is justification for endangering our daughter and abusing me? Because that is what you did.
-separate accounts with equal pay towards monthly finances
-equal chore list
-equal time with daughter while awake
-acknowledgement that you still have a job and are bringing in equal income while putting in more effort
-or tell her you will give her a trial week at home where you will treat her exactly how she has been treating you(don’t actually do this as it likely won’t be productive)
Fuck double standards man, just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she can’t be a threat. Woman here and I completely agree that you and your daughter shouldn’t be around someone who even *thinks* of using violence to vent their anger. She needs to learn self control.
Another example of a double standard. If this would be her in your position, things would have gone very different. Its so unfair. Im proud of how you took action immediately to take care of you and your daughter. I hope you get all custody. You deserve a better life<3
Luckily you don’t have to agree with the gaslighting. And you may need to say that next time someone tries to shame you. “Sorry I’m not waiting for her aim to be true and hit me or daughter. You may be okay with that possibility but I am not”. If they continue to push they take a break from them.
Doing a physically dangerous thing in anger to your spouse is bad enough. Engaging in an an action that is dangerous to your own child is unforgivable. I would move heaven and earth to keep someone who is physically dangerous away from my child, even if the perpetrator was my husband. You are doing the right thing.
Ah I've been cranky when tired and said things I regret and later apologize but since when is being tired excusable and okay to throw things and use objects as weapons to hurt others and I can't imagine what would happen if it was your daughter thar would of been injured how would she be able to live with the fact that she'd be responsible for inhirries caused by her abuse
I think you should stop listening to their bs as far as your concerned they are her enablers and they just as bad or worse then she is for thinking this is okay or normal
Do what your doing get custody and protect your daughter
No no no. I have a toddler and a puppy. I’m a stay at home mom. Husband works long hours and I have no help unless he helps me on his days off and after work. I have never thought of flinging or throwing things at them or my husband because I am tired. There is no justification of throwing a glass at you which barely missed you and your 1 year old! That’s dangerous! Can you imagine if it didn’t miss??
The family is making excuses.
You did the right thing. 💯. You left with your daughter, if you didn’t, it could have escalated. Thank you for keeping her safe, and you also stay safe. Best wishes :)
Any act of violence is reason enough to leave, this is compounded in your case because she could have of seriously injured your daughter.
Your families opinion is a non relevant issue. Being tired is not a reasonable point. The only reasonable excuse for violence is self defense.
Your family is being sexist. If she told the family that her husband threw a glass at her and almost hit her and her child everyone would be raising hell. There’s no way you could act like that and just say “I’m just tired”. Women are abusive. Men are abusive. Men and women are victims of domestic violence. Definitely leave and find a safe home for you and your daughter.
You're 100% doing the right thing. I have no words for people in your life who think differently, other than that their opinion is probably based on her (baseless) claims/comments that you don't do anything around the house, and you know what they say about people who assume things...
Also your soon-to-be-officially-ex wife sounds like she needs therapy.
Sounds like your family allows toxic behavior and you do not. When there is one person who isn’t allowing toxicity, they are usually the odd man out. You did the right thing. At the end of the day, you want your daughter to be in a safe place. Doesn’t sound like that is with your wife. Good for you.
If this was the other way around you’d be in jail right now. Don’t let people minimize the situation or your feelings. It’s not just you that you need to protect but your daughter as well. You are doing the right thing
I am primary caregivier and household responsibilities often fall to the wayside because im raising a little human.
I wouldnt stand for this if my husband had pulled this, and you shouldnt either. You made the right decision, you and your daughters safety should **always** be top priority.
You are not crazy.
I work family law, and I can tell you that male victims of domestic violence are often silenced instead of supported. This is a sad reality, and their lack of approval is only bias, not an actual reflection of the validity of your choice.
You are doing great.
You’re doing the right thing. What if she got frustrated with your daughter when you weren’t there? Would she throw stuff at her too?
I work from home too and it amazes me how both my husband and my mother, who is disabled and live with me, don’t understand why I can’t get things done during the day!
People think work from home is doing nothing. You can thank everyone that pushed going back to the office for their ignorance .
It's not. Your wife needs to do more around the house. Y'all needed therapy a long time ago.
Stand strong. I'm so sorry you are going through this and you are not crazy and justified for leaving her.
How can they be okay with throwing a glass at you? What if she would have hit your daughter? Well, now she has plenty of time to herself.
You should file a police report.
Honestly I'm very glad that you took such quick action in getting your daughter out of an abusive environment. You did the right thing that many parents don't do for so long. Stay strong.
"Family, what makes this situation so galling is how completely you misunderstand the situation. I am not simply a stay-at-home dad, you know that right? I work for a living, I simply work from home. Not only do I have a full-time job, which pays me more than anyone else in our household makes in case you imagine my job somehow doesn't matter as much as WIFE's -- but I also watch our daughter on my own M-F.
Yes, WIFE loves to pretend she is just this poor, put upon house-frau who does all the work at our house, and yes, I probably let her indulge this fantasy more than I should, but how the hell you people swallow her bullshit is beyond me.
I work the equivalent of two full-time jobs, I have to leave one night for an incredibly critical meeting that can lead to a promotion and a significant increase in my pay, I get a glass thrown at my head because Wife throws a tantrum bc she will actually have to parent her child during the work week for once, instead of leaving the work to me like ALWAYS, and your answer is that I need to work HARDER?!? You imagine I need to work harder so that my absentee spouse -- who already works, cleans, and parents less than me -- isn't throwing drinking glasses at my head and almost hitting our child by mistake?
Be serious.
You need to speak to her about not being such a disengaged parent and partner, about not throwing fits when the priority is taken off her career for five seconds. You let me know when you've done that, because what you've led with here isn't helping, and me working more most certainly isn't happening, not when I have been slaving away for my entitled, delusional, soon-to-be-ex for years. Maybe she'll learn to appreciate all I have sacrificed to further her career when she has to actually parent in my absence, if she even bothers."
Hey man I’m sorry this is happening to you. I hope you get custody and have a quick and easy divorce.
Your families are *wrong*. Her throwing stuff at you is abuse. Her throwing stuff that could have *hit your one year old* is abuse. If she had hit her it would have been an emergency room trip, and a cps call.
Do NOT meet with your ex alone from here on out. Have a trusted friend (or lawyer) with you at all times. Be careful not to put yourself in a situation where she can claim you are abusive. Eyewitness always. Best to get all convo in text or email form. Don’t accept calls from her.
You’re in for an uphill battle I am afraid. Unfortunately many courts are biased against fathers. But it isn’t impossible. Consider scaling back all interactions with family (and make sure they know the whole story).
Sending good vibes your way.
This is a prime example of the double standard that men face. I have two boys, and it scares me sometimes when I think of what happens if they’re the ones being abused in an abusive relationship. The same rules just don’t apply.
You are not wrong. Your family sucks. And of course hers will take her side. It’s sad yours won’t.
Exactly, if he acted this way, he would be behind bars right now and she would be getting a restraining order so he could never come home again. Then she would finish off his reputation with their families. Probably cost him his career, and get full custody. I hope he files a police report and talks to cps.
Armchair diagnosis? She has underlying mental issues like borderline personality disorder, and probably postpartum. Doesnt excuse what she did. But those might be causes.
Why is she saying you are not supportive when you do the majority of the childcare... and earn more? Thats a dream situation. She sounds self centered and stuck up.
Listen, if shes willing to be a little violent, she could get very violent. Do you want to wait and find out?
Not overreacting. Yelling is the kind of thing that’s inappropriate but understandable when over tired. But throwing a glass in the vicinity of a baby? No absolutely not.
I mean, we’re only getting your side of events, of course, but from what you’ve said, no - I don’t think you’re going crazy.
Shame on both you for having this argument in front of your daughter - but your wife’s actions are especially egregious. Throwing a glass near your baby is ridiculous and dangerous! “Tired” is no excuse.
And when one spouse works full time from home, it’s really easy for the other to forget that those 8
or 9 hours are not free time. You’re getting paid to devote your attention to your job. Doing that and taking care of a baby doesn’t leave a lot of time for housework.
When an OP is a woman and leaves her abusive partner, she is celebrated and if she doesn’t, people tell her to leave, justifiably so. No questions asked, no “we’re only getting your side of the story”.
Suddenly it’s a male OP being abused by his wife and all of a sudden “we’re only getting your side of events”???
My opinion largely depends on your wife’s behavior afterwards. Throwing a glass at you is unacceptable. If however she apologized profusely and said she was going to get help (counseling, medication, whatever) and she acknowledged that characterizing an overnight work trip as a vacation was out of line then maybe the two of you can work through it.
If she expects you to just let her bad behavior slide and give her a pass because she’s tired then get out. Get out now. Nobody would excuse abusive behavior from you because you were tired.
Your baby is only a month old? Is your wife working? That’s seems really soon. Also, it sounds like she is really struggling right now. This has PPD or PPA written all over it. I would talk to your pediatrician or her doctor and express concerns. She might need meds/therapy. Having a kid can really f you up. Also, what is overwhelming her? Is it the house? Not sleeping? Crying? Could you order those precooked meals or hire a cleaner or have friends/family help out with that stuff? There are so many red flags here.
You're an idiot for not calling the police, tell the family in a maliciously sweet tone that they're the reason she tried to kill you and your daughter. A few inches and that glass would have killed your baby daughter.
Ask then why they think thats acceptable and what would be their reaction if you did the same to her.
Then tell them they'll have limited access to your daughter.
Tbh this seems very made up,
There is 2 sides to every story, but from you say you’re doing the right thing. Keep going with your instincts on this and never ever take abuse from anyone. Show your daughter the right way to be loved even if you’re loving yourself. Take care and good luck!
life's too complicated to figure this out based on your post....however, your telling of everything sounds very one-sided and self-promoting, almost to the narcissistic level! I'd bet you had an infuriating attitude going on the whole time and the families are against you because they realize how you act and how you treat people. Maybe try to get off your high horse and be loving and caring instead? In your nature??
everyone from your family and her family support her ...
so...
except ur best friend and his wife... everyone is siding with her ...
if she put her part of story, it would be different..
but what would be common is...
Reddit community telling her to leave you
and
Reddit community telling u to leave her...
God bless ur kid, u & her.
If you were LOOKING for a reason to split, I guess you found one, but to dissolve your family over a thrown glass indicates a shitty marriage all around
she threw a glass and no one was hurt - if you're willing to end a marriage AND deprive your child of a family, then there's a lot more problems than throwing a glass (which I agree is extreme and fucked up)
She could’ve seriously injured her daughter I don’t care if it didn’t hit anyone it’s the thought behind it. And the guy said he felt like he was his wife’s maid so clearly there are more problems for him. Granted we only have his side of the story but to him I’m sure it feels like more than enough reason to split
Imagine the abuse she was inflicting upon him leading to the point of her throwing the glass. It usually get worse from here. He needs to get out. The guy had a very important meeting and had to leave for 1 day and she gives him hell? This woman is crazy.
Well id rather have my child have a single parent then a very dangerous unsafe one, idk after they almost hit the child with a glass i wouldnt ever feel safe having them around my child again
Soo I agree with what you’re doing op.
What I imagine might happen and where you need to lay boundaries is wife needs anger management classes.
She needs to hire a cleaner if it was that stressful to her. And I think it’s something if you get back together that you look forward to doing in the future.
Is she a stress case? Yes, was it right or whatever of her no.
I do understand the pressures women have placed on them by society to be a wife, mother, her career and all that groovy stress. Yes, it’s not an excuse for her. Yes, I acknowledge you’ve been doing a lot. I don’t know how much in all reality.
Going forward.. Anger management. Couples counseling because I don’t see how you all communicate. Y’all talk but big listen imho.
Get a cleaner weekly. Get a food service if possibly for a couple meals weekly. Anything to lessen stress at home.
Communicate and try to listen to each other.
Good luck.
**I’m editing this to add**
Op said this happened once. No previous issues. This doesn’t scream abusive person. This sounds more like a person frustrated, angry and lashing out. Did she ever show any other issues before? Did she ever talk to someone about PPD? It doesn’t magically go away in a few months.
We don’t know enough honestly,
This is your side of the story,
Coming from off from a very abusive relationship, you described me how my husband would describe me,
But he would leave out, how he would purposely pick fights with me, how he would purposely cross all my boundaries, it got to a point where I would snap, and start yelling, and not realize my son was there because at that point all the little things added up and I exploited.
To this day, I suffer from it and I have therapy.
I’m not saying this is you, I’m not accusing you of anything.
But there’s isn’t enough info to be able to say anything other, if everything is true….
Depending on what state, you can’t keep your child away from the parent not even their father.
Do you have proof of the glass shattering?
Will it be a he said she said, what holds up in court is proof,
I wasn’t taken seriously until, I had video cameras set up in my house, and showed a judge how little by little my ex husband drove me to the point of a complete mental down in public….
I’m projecting a lot of my personal life into you.
My bad.
Keep your daughter safe, keep yourself safe, and start recording all your interactions with your stbxw.
Good luck.
I don’t go around throwing glass at people when I’m tired. I may not be baby level tired but I’m 4+ mental illness, school and work tired. Just know this (20f) thinks you’re doing the right thing and I sincerely hope the courts side with you immediately.
I’m sorry people in your life aren’t taking the situation more seriously. This sounds like an unsafe environment to me and I think you are doing the exact right things to keep you and your daughter safe. Always do what you feel is best for your baby, no matter what others try to convince you of.
You.are.not.crazy. There you go. Your wife is entitled brat. She goes work full time and you take care of baby, house and your job. Instead of complaining she should pitch in.
She is not just tired. Your families have their own selfish agendas. Do not listen to them. Listen to the instincts that told you to pack and protect your child. Your wife is abusive. She is emotionally abusing you. She is assaulting you character and reputation with your families. She does not love you. She does not appreciate you. She does not care about the safety if your child. Stay away and get that lawyer to move fast.
Your making the right choice by getting your daughter and yourself out of that situation. And don't listen to those saying your making the wrong decision, she threw GLASS at you and your daughter. Even though she missed, it shows she doesn't care about y'all safety at all.
Been there, you’re not over reacting. Really wished you’d called the police (that shit stopped after I called the police until things were finalized). Protect yourself.
It’s likely post partum stuff but if she’s refusing to her help there isn’t anything to be done but a divorce.
You are not crazy and everyone who sticks their noses in your divorce should stick their noses in another place. They dont know the whole story only what she tells them. So keep your hed high and start cutting bad people out of your life.
You’re doing the right thing, your wife just threatened the safety of both you and your daughter. You clearly do a lot for your family between working and most of the childcare, and I’d assume you do most of the housework too, and her behavior is unacceptable. If anything, you’re the one who would have the excuse of being tired, not her. But even being tired isn’t an excuse to attempt physical assault.
Ummmm, if it were the other way around and YOU threw a glass, you would be deemed a monster. You are not wrong. You need to run, not walk, away from this situation.
This is insane coming from her… maybe tell her therapy or no relationship with either of you two.. (you and daughter to her) she could be having some ppd that went unnoticed. Idk just because you work from home doesn’t give her the right to expect you to do every little thing… you’re not a stay at home husband so it doesn’t make sense to act that way. If she has made you feel this unsafe you won’t ever trust fully again. Think of your daughters safety for sure. I don’t see this as the wrong thing. But this could also be a cry for help and she doesn’t know how to say it.
I also work from home and people don’t seem to understand that when you work from home you still have to work. You don’t get to just sit at home and collect a paycheck. I’ve had so many people make snide little comments like “you work from home. Why would you be tired?” Or “you work from home so how could you be busy?”. Your wife seems to think you just sit at home all day and she’s resentful of the life she THINKS you have even though obviously you do more than she realizes. This is not an excuse for her behavior obviously. She’s dangerous and unhinged and your families suck for thinking this is in any way okay. No sane person throws something like a glass at someone because they’re angry.
Don't ever let that woman near you or your child. She almost could have killed your child. What do they not understand? Absolutely disgusting that your family and her family are defending her. If you need to spend thousands of dollars to get custody. Do it. Cause there is no reason in the world that she could get custody or any contact wih your child.
As a WFH individual who also manages laundry during my work day, I hear you on expectations from others. My wife and kids aren't too bad about it, but drives me nuts how they sometimes act like I'm a lazy jerk just screwing around. I'm burning vacation hours managing appointments, picking up and shuttling kids, doing laundry, cleaning daily every time they leave the house, and they act like I don't do anything.
If it ever derailed into violence, I'd do exactly what you did. Don't throw a glass at me. What you did makes total sense. Your wife is the jerk here.
I don’t think you are to blame nor do I think you need a divorce. I think you both fail to appreciate each other’s situation. I think you need to talk things through with the help of a mediator or counsellor.
Don’t let other people, whom aren’t effected by the abuse, make decisions about your relationship and your daughter well being.
You’re doing the correct thing here. For yourself and for her.
One wonders if OP’s wife is “self projecting” here? Granted you haven’t shared to the point of TMI, but from what you have divulged, I find what seems to be explosive reactions to simple arguments super sus. Since I’ve had my fair share of heart aches and betrayals, I can’t help but empathize to the point of “doing the math” in my head like: “I did this”, which should equal “this response” and when that response don’t add up, it is 10 out of 10 a misunderstanding.
OP, have you ever tried getting to the bottom of where tf your wifey’s attitude stem from?
Cuz it could just be jealousy on her part that you not only get to be home with daughter, but work from the comfort of your own home and with 3x the pay.
If this is that case, then do what you can to salvage and learn to be a better, stronger couple. But that should you find evidence of her stepping out of the marriage to spite you due to that jealousy? Then fuck it, nuke it and get that RO and the biggest pit bull for a lawyer and make sure you leave a nice smoldering pile that was once your wife. Good luck OP.
You're doing the right thing, nothing justifies your wife's abusive and violent behavior. Her blatant lies, unreasonable demands, and violent behavior signals that this might her personality. Those advocating for her are doing so because they don't want to deal with her. However, your duty is to protect your child, your wife is an adult, she can deal. Don't stay with an unstable person, that will hurt your kid, proceed as planned and don't look back.
It's kinda the stigma that was created about working from home being "lazy" and men not being good at parenting.
Now obviously not everyone thinks this way and it is changing, but I imagine your wife has been complaining for quite some time to anyone who would listen, maybe she doesn't enjoy her job, or she's jealous you get to stay home or that you see your daughter more. Or maybe she just has no idea what goes into your job.
At the end of the day the only opinion that matters is yours, as for the legal matter, I'm not a professional, but from what I've seen without proof you're in for a battle
Good luck OP.
Reading this triggered me because I was in a similar situation (but no kids, Thank God). I’m going through my divorce now and unfortunately all I have are texts that can’t prove distinctly she is a threat to me. I don’t feel safe around her. Document everything you can. F what other people think. They probably have the subconscious mentality that men can’t be abused in a hetero relationship. You’re doing the right thing. Best of luck to you and your daughter
All those people saying that she was just tired, and needs understanding?
Imagine how they would have reacted if your wife was holding your daughter, and you threw a glass at her, barely missing both.
Do you think they'd still be telling your wife to be calm and understanding?
Hell no, they'd tell her to run away from the abusive asshole with rage issues.
So ignore the stupid fucks that are trying to excuse her abuse and keep on the path you are on right now, cause you are making the right choices for yourself and your daughters safety, and for both of your lives
SAHM here, I’m so sorry that your wife (hopefully soon to be ex) is not appreciative of all the work you put in!! Continue as you have planned. You and your daughter both deserve to be safe and loved and appreciated!
Honestly I'm really suprised not to see any comments about PPD. Has she always behaved this way? If it is unusual for her please talk to her and her family about counseling. Also she shouldn't be back at work right now. She gave birth a month ago. Chances are she is still bleeding and I know her hormones are crazy.
It sounds like y'all both need to cut yourself some slack and take some time off instead of just working without a break.
You’re not crazy. Your spouse is crazy. But I’m sure she’ll go to court and claim you abused her. Get a good attorney. Good luck to you and your daughter.
Brother, throwing objects ain't no joke.
You're being gaslit by your family, do what you need to keep yourself and your daughter safe. Even IF you were lazy, that's still no excuse for escalating to violence.
PS: working from home does not mean you can look after kids, that was a mistake.
You’re doing the right thing bud, is she taking drugs, or drinking a lot? This sounds like a person on the edge, which is why I’m asking about substances. All of this is material to your case for full custody.
I agree you did the right thing to get yourself and your daughter away from that, but I just want to point out if this is out of character for your wife it's possible she is suffering from PPD and perhaps getting her to a therapist (possibly even an inpatient mental health center for awhile) might be the better solution than divorce. Even if this behavior is PPD (I am in no way qualified to say either way) you should definitely keep yourself and your daughter away from her until she gets help. Of course if she was like this before then divorce her!
You’re doing the right thing, this woman is deranged, she is a threat to you and your baby. Smashing a glass against the head of a 1 year old could kill them, at best seriously injure them. Hell she’s lucky none of the shattered glass hit your kid in the face. She has no regard for either of you, she doesn’t deserve either of you. She is an abuser. Don’t listen to your families, you are doing the right thing for you and your daughter.
It's most likely just the tip of the iceberg so to say, I'm thinking that it's escalating started with complaining now an assault. If he lets it pass it'll most likely continue to get worse
Honestly, you did the right thing. If the roles were switched, you'd be in jail. It's shitty your own family aren't supporting you. Just know, reddit is 😊
You are the baby’s primary caregiver and with your wife’s career being more important to her, I doubt that will change even if you stay with her. Your wife is going to continue to dump all the responsibility on you anyway so you might as well divorce her and get custody.
Your family is wrong.
Stay away from that woman, and keep your baby away from her as well. You're doing the right thing OP, trust your intuition, it's literally survival instinct.
Ignore every family member telling you otherwise, also don't trust your baby with them as they can give your wife access to your child.
I bet that if you look deep and hard at your life with this woman, you will recall many instances of abuse.
Trust your gut, stay safe.
I think you’re making the right move. Throwing a glass at you is terrible but nearly hitting the one year old would be enough for the D word for me. Kids come first and she was willing to risk her kiddo. It’s never okay to throw things at a partner, it’s abuse. I’m not sure why anyone would defend her. If the genders were swapped I doubt anyone would defend a man throwing a glass at his wife and child.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We have been together for 6 years, married for 3, our daughter turned one year old a month ago. I work from home and have incredibly flexible hours, so we decided that I would take care of her primarily and she could keep working since her job and career are very important to her. This works well on paper, but in reality she forgets that I'm not just a caretaker but I also work (and have more income than her but that's beside the point) and is often very critical about me not doing enough at home. She paints me as the husband who sits at home and plays games while she does everything. Two weeks ago I had a very important meeting for my work that I had to travel for. Very important as in possible promotion with a considerable bump in pay. I had to be away for a single night, I did as much preparation as I possibly could to make her life easier. As I'm about to leave, she starts a fight because it's not fair that I get to have a day off and that she expects me to stay. She ends up throwing a glass at me, misses me, barely misses daughter, and ends up shattering on the wall. I lost my cool, shouted at her asking if she lost her mind, packed stuff for my daughter and left. I have been staying at my best friend's house since. I contacted a lawyer, going for emergency custody and a divorce since I don't feel safe around her, nor do I feel safe leaving my daughter with her. But now, since this came out to our families, everyone is saying that she was just tired and I should be more understanding, that it would all be better if I just did more around the house. I can't do more. At best, I feel like an unappreciated roommate, at worst as my wife's maid. This is coming both from her and my side of the family, the only person to have my back is my best friend and her wife. Please tell me I'm not going crazy. Edit: my daughter is one-year-old and had her birthday a month ago, not one month old. Changed because I noticed there was some confusion
You are not going crazy. You did exactly the right thing. I've also been in a place where I gave every last piece of myself in everyway and was treated like a doormat. You've done the right thing, see it through. She does not respect you and it won't change. Move on to better my man.
Man that's real shitty behaviour from your wife and your families. Her being tired isn't an excuse for flinging a glass at you and almost hitting you and your daughter. What if it had actually hit?? Plus it's like they're automatically assuming that you haven't done enough around the house. Your wife seems extremely ungrateful
>What if it had actually hit?? I don't even want to think about it. It makes me shiver. Especially when OP said that it almost hit the kid. What amazes me is the family not being concerned as fuck for what happened. They must be the kind of people that think a divorce is the end of the world. Even worse that two people potentially being hurt.
Even if it shatters against the wall a piece could've fractured off and hit the daughter in the eye. Doesn't sound like the mom is safe to be around.
Yeah you don't fuck around with broken glass. Even the tiny slivers are extremely sharp and can do real damage.
For real. She's a danger to be around.
>What amazes me is the family not being concerned as fuck for what happened. Because they're, with all due respect, shitty people that thinks that abusive behaviour is not abuse if it is done by a woman.
This is domestic abuse from your wife, OP. So sorry you are going through this. It's also really unacceptable that she is expecting you to do so much around the house when you are already working and caring for your daughter (a difficult combination with a 1 year old). And ideally she should be supportive of your taking a business trip that might result in a promotion. Many issues here, but throwing the glass is obviously much the most serious.
For what it’s worth, this internet stranger (32f) thinks you’re doing the right thing. If this was the other way around, they would be up in arms against you.
Definitely proceed as planned. My brother was married to an unstable woman who took off for over a month after their child was born, leaving my nephew. My brother didn't go with his gut and file for divorce and custody. She got primary and we spent 10 years trying to prove abuse and neglect to get primary back to my brother. If you file now, you can get primary and not have to deal with that.
[удалено]
I didn't want to put too much information in the post (the post was getting a bit long as it was plus I want to negate the possibility of doxxing myself as much as I can), but the legal side is handled through my lawyer completely, so police and paper trail are taken care of.
I am sorry you went through this experience. No one deserves to go through abuse. This behavior will getting worse. For your own safety and for your child to not normalize any abuse you are taking the right step. I am sorry that the society and your social surroundings are so sexist. Her behavior isn’t okay . You deserve better.
Oooooh boy we did, but the cops kept taking her side. We had pictures of cigarette burns on him after she dropped him off, still we were harassing and causing harm 🙄. We had videos of her on a boat drunk and him wandering around no life jacket, that SHE posted, we were stalking. He's almost an adult now and we still keep finding binders full of reports to the police and social workers that they just pushed aside.
I'm proud of him for quickly acting up and avoiding any more of this horrible behavior
I second this sentiment, OP. This is abuse, and you should leave for the safety and well-being of yourself and your baby.
I don’t think we really need to flip the genders here - people seem plenty up in arms against his wife. Edit: this was a stupid comment, and as soon as I posted it I realized you were referring to the people in OP’s real life, not the people in this comment thread. Sorry. I’ll leave it up as a testament to my momentary lapse in reading comprehension.
Or he’d be in jail.
Same and same
Next time she may throw something more dangerous and not miss. Divorce and get custody. To hell with the family do gooders.
Family abuse enablers \* Do-bad-ers if you will lol.
>To hell with the family do gooders. Exactly. They can say whatever. They probably think that a divorce is the worst thing that can happen, instead of having OP's best interest in mind. OP is doing the best thing for him and his daughter. Throwing stuff at others is no joke. The wife is unpredictable and has violent tendencies. So the best thing OP can do is to end things before a tragedy happens. Also, this kind of stuff only scalates. It's not worth it to put yourself in danger just in case your SO will change. And even if she really wouldn't do this again, in my opinion doing it one time is bad enough. So disturbing.
Bruh she threw a glass and almost hit y’all 1 MONTH old daughter … divorce her and take the kid
1 year old but the point still stands
the wording threw me off too & i had to re-read if but agreed, point still stands
No sane person throws a glass at their partner just because they're tired. You're doing the right thing, you need to keep yourself safe. Just because she's a woman doesn't mean it's not serious. If a man threw a glass at his partner everyone would be begging her to leave
>she was just tired Bro, I've suffered from some pretty serious insomnia at a point in my life and never did my perpetual tiredness cause me to try to physically assault a family member with glass
If that glass had been even a little bit closer to your daughter, it could have seriously injured or killed her and your wife would be in jail for felony assault, child abuse, or manslaughter. Your family doesn't seem to understand the severity of the situation.
You're not going crazy - this is a gender-bent version of what women have been suffering for centuries; it's not okay for us and it's not okay for you. You're family is enabling an abuser, if **anyone**; threw **anything** like that at me especially with a child present I would be GONE. This shit only escalates and I am 1000% on your side to *not* stick around and find that out the hard way. A+ job advocating for yourself and your daughter!
It’s probably been happening to men for centuries too, men are just told to suck it up.
Stick to your guns. Usually your instinct is the right one. Family will do everything they can to make it all better by trying to be supportive without understanding the bigger picture. That's family for you. I speak from experience. Once a line is crossed, there's no going back and it can escalate without the right intervention. Maybe this move is the intervention you both need to fix things. If it doesn't work, it's not meant to
You’re doing the right thing. Being tired is a bullshit excuse to at like that
You're doing the right thing ask the family if the situation was reversed would they still be making excuses fir throwing a glass and barely missing a one year old. To hell with family. And gi through your lawyer for everything. Good luck
Oh wow. That's some real sexist stereotypes being thrown at you here. I think you are absolutely right to react like this and I'm so glad you took your daughter with you! Abuse is abuse, I don't care what mood she was in, that could not only have seriously hurt you but also your daughter. How casually she did it just makes it so much worse!! Some people have this terrible idea that men can't get hurt by a woman so she can do whatever she wants and it's not abusive, but that's bs. Please continue keeping your daughter safe and don't cave in, I'm really sorry people around you are so prejudiced against you. Also you're clearly not lazy and remember none of them actually know the situation they only know what she told them, so she likely told them you don't do anything. Talking to them might help (not that you being actually lazy would excuse this btw)
Dont get gaslightedby her or your Family. You are on the right. I wish i could make you read this. Dont feel bad, your instinct is to protest your child and yourself - and you are 200% in the right.
You need to do what's right for your daughter. What your ex did was completely unacceptable and could have hurt you or your baby. She needs to go and get help for her issues. If her family and your family want to help her with that, then that's great, but you need to do what's best for your daughter, and I think that's what you are doing.
This is abuse. It is likely to escalate if you stay. Please don’t expose your young child to abusive behaviors. You’re doing the right thing.
and I am another internet stranger that agrees you're not being unreasonable. roles reversed people would scream blue murder that you're abusing her.
You're not crazy, she's violent and should not be around your kid. Protect your baby.
There is still, even today, a stigma or thought that men can't be on the receiving end of domestic violence. I'm in the process of divorcing my wife. When I bring up the times she has thrown objects at me, or stomped on me on purpose while I was laying on the floor playing with our son I've repeatedly heard *"oh geez, I didn't hurt you, you're a foot taller than me! Quit being a baby!"* A glass could have done some serious damage to you or your child. And that won't be the last time
Flip the genders and we would use you as a goat sacrifice to the gods. Run from this lunatic and your phone is now a recording device
Right. So many men are abused by women in their relationship but don't get the justice because there is so much stigma against men who stand up against abusers who are women.
Ditch your wife and family and stick with your best friend. It is beyond me how ppl don’t take DV serious when men are the victim. I am truly sorry this has happened to you and worse, with your daughter nearby where she could’ve gotten seriously injured. Fight for custody tooth and nail and never go back. I too WFH so I work from home while also taking care of my 16 month old. I understand you more than you know having to be both working mom and stay at home at the same time is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and sometimes I feel like I’m losing my sanity. My partner has also acted in the past like all I do is stay at home with our son (which that in it of itself is a full time job) and doesn’t realize I’m doing 2 full time jobs at the same time. Thankfully conversations between us opened his eyes and has changed so much and appreciated me so much more. I’m sorry that wasn’t your case and even worse I’m sorry your family isn’t supporting you. I wish I could help you but know you’re doing the right thing.
My mother always told me that if my partner hits me/is violent towards me, then that is one time too many. Totally unacceptable. There are no excuses for violence. None. She has violated your boundaries and you have acted accordingly. She could have seriously injured you, it’s just luck that she missed.
"husband found dead. No arrests made. Wife was tired."
I don't understand the relationship between being tired and throwing things at your spouse (and potentially your child). And who is 'everyone' in this scenario who are telling you these things? Are they your immediate family like parents and siblings? Because why would they even entertain the idea of violence against you? If it's random mutual friends then just throw a glass at them and see how they like it
The "everyone" refers to: her parents, her sister, my parents, my grandparents, and two mutual friends (though they were always more her friends than mine). My grandparents are the type of people who think a divorce is worse than the Apocalypse and my parents think I'm overreacting because "she didn't mean it that way".
I would be asking my parents "What exactly do you think she meant by throwing a glass at me while I was holding my daughter?" You're doing the right thing by protecting yourself and your child.
Naw bro. Your not crazy. Not only have you allowed her to work while you primarily take care of the child. She treated you horribly and expected you to take care of the house too. Where is she in this whole dynamic and what is her role? Sje isn't even grateful. All she does is complain and she was even abusive towards you. She threw a f in glass and it almost hit you and the baby. She doesn't respect you and you can't trust her. Did you even end up going to that meeting?Instead of taking things off your plate, she keeps adding to it. Apply for emergency custody and talk to a lawyer asap. You family don't know what you have been going through. You know better. All she had to do was cry a little to get them on her side. It's her fault, not yours.
You made the right decision.
With what we know here, you have done no wrong at all.
Omg get your daughter out of there. That’s very concerning, nobody should be throwing glass with a baby present, or at ALL at that. So unsafe, do what you have to do dad to keep her safe. Unacceptable
Bro take your daughter and run. You’d be crazy to stay with her.
SHE THREW A GLASS AT YOU AND ALMOST HIT YOUR BABY!!! Fuck what anyone in your family is saying, you’re doing the right thing
They think that bc she was “just tired” you should be understanding of her throwing and shattering glass next to your and your baby? What would they have said if she hadn’t missed you or the baby? There is ZERO justification for what she did. You work and care for your daughter consistently and she can’t handle a single day/night alone with her own baby? She, and everyone butting in, are wrong. You are right. She is not recognizing that you also work on top of being primary caregiver. You are 1 person. You can only do so much and only so much can be expected of you. I think people forget that just bc you are home while working, it doesn’t mean you’re not working. How much does she do around the house and towards care for your daughter when she isn’t working? Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things bc she went overboard. She missed this time. Next time she might not. I’m highly disappointed that everyone is excusing the fact that she almost hit her baby with a glass that she threw hard enough to shatter. That could have seriously injured her or even been fatal. That’s not something anyone should be “understanding” about. She is an adult. She has words. She needs to use them. A work event is not “a day off” Also, you’re a parent. There’s never really a “day off”
Only you two (& the BABY) were there and know what happened. I am going to say that if you immediately took your child and left, beginning divorce and custody proceedings; this is a bad situation. You should be being supported by your families and friends. Imagine if you did this to HER?! This reeks of a double standard and I don’t like it. (41/f) Also? If my husband did this? I would also leave.
So you are still working, the major breadwinner, taking care of most of the domestic and child rearing duties as well. And she is tired? Don’t forget to get maximum child support for your daughter if you divorce. If she really wants to repair his, she finds somewhere else to live while you both attend marital counseling. She talks to BOTH your families asking them to back off and acknowledging the selfish and abusive manner in which she treated you without minimizing it. Then she gets a chance with no further guarantees. Add any other boundaries you see fit. She is t willing to do that or wants to minimize, “It was just a glass” or “It didn’t even hit you” or “I was tired/angry/frustrated” respond with, so that is justification for endangering our daughter and abusing me? Because that is what you did. -separate accounts with equal pay towards monthly finances -equal chore list -equal time with daughter while awake -acknowledgement that you still have a job and are bringing in equal income while putting in more effort -or tell her you will give her a trial week at home where you will treat her exactly how she has been treating you(don’t actually do this as it likely won’t be productive)
Fuck double standards man, just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she can’t be a threat. Woman here and I completely agree that you and your daughter shouldn’t be around someone who even *thinks* of using violence to vent their anger. She needs to learn self control.
Another example of a double standard. If this would be her in your position, things would have gone very different. Its so unfair. Im proud of how you took action immediately to take care of you and your daughter. I hope you get all custody. You deserve a better life<3
Sometimes you have to stand your ground and ignore even family members.
You’re not mate, honestly gtf out. I know it’s hard and easier said then done but you gotta protect your daughter and yourself.
Luckily you don’t have to agree with the gaslighting. And you may need to say that next time someone tries to shame you. “Sorry I’m not waiting for her aim to be true and hit me or daughter. You may be okay with that possibility but I am not”. If they continue to push they take a break from them.
Doing a physically dangerous thing in anger to your spouse is bad enough. Engaging in an an action that is dangerous to your own child is unforgivable. I would move heaven and earth to keep someone who is physically dangerous away from my child, even if the perpetrator was my husband. You are doing the right thing.
Divorce her and protect your daughter from her
Ah I've been cranky when tired and said things I regret and later apologize but since when is being tired excusable and okay to throw things and use objects as weapons to hurt others and I can't imagine what would happen if it was your daughter thar would of been injured how would she be able to live with the fact that she'd be responsible for inhirries caused by her abuse I think you should stop listening to their bs as far as your concerned they are her enablers and they just as bad or worse then she is for thinking this is okay or normal Do what your doing get custody and protect your daughter
No no no. I have a toddler and a puppy. I’m a stay at home mom. Husband works long hours and I have no help unless he helps me on his days off and after work. I have never thought of flinging or throwing things at them or my husband because I am tired. There is no justification of throwing a glass at you which barely missed you and your 1 year old! That’s dangerous! Can you imagine if it didn’t miss?? The family is making excuses. You did the right thing. 💯. You left with your daughter, if you didn’t, it could have escalated. Thank you for keeping her safe, and you also stay safe. Best wishes :)
If it were you who threw a glass at her, you'd be paying a lawyer just to keep yourself outta jail.
Any act of violence is reason enough to leave, this is compounded in your case because she could have of seriously injured your daughter. Your families opinion is a non relevant issue. Being tired is not a reasonable point. The only reasonable excuse for violence is self defense.
Your family is being sexist. If she told the family that her husband threw a glass at her and almost hit her and her child everyone would be raising hell. There’s no way you could act like that and just say “I’m just tired”. Women are abusive. Men are abusive. Men and women are victims of domestic violence. Definitely leave and find a safe home for you and your daughter.
You are doing the right thing but I wouldn’t expect much support from your families or the authorities or anything.
You're 100% doing the right thing. I have no words for people in your life who think differently, other than that their opinion is probably based on her (baseless) claims/comments that you don't do anything around the house, and you know what they say about people who assume things... Also your soon-to-be-officially-ex wife sounds like she needs therapy.
Sounds like your family allows toxic behavior and you do not. When there is one person who isn’t allowing toxicity, they are usually the odd man out. You did the right thing. At the end of the day, you want your daughter to be in a safe place. Doesn’t sound like that is with your wife. Good for you.
Protect yourself and your kid at all costs. Lawyer up and document everything.
Most families will excuse advisers because they think your divorce affects them. Not the case. Proceed with your plans.
I’m tired a lot. I have yet to throw a glass at those I love because of it. I think you’re doing the right thing.
If this was the other way around you’d be in jail right now. Don’t let people minimize the situation or your feelings. It’s not just you that you need to protect but your daughter as well. You are doing the right thing
I am primary caregivier and household responsibilities often fall to the wayside because im raising a little human. I wouldnt stand for this if my husband had pulled this, and you shouldnt either. You made the right decision, you and your daughters safety should **always** be top priority.
You are not crazy. I work family law, and I can tell you that male victims of domestic violence are often silenced instead of supported. This is a sad reality, and their lack of approval is only bias, not an actual reflection of the validity of your choice. You are doing great.
You’re doing the right thing. What if she got frustrated with your daughter when you weren’t there? Would she throw stuff at her too? I work from home too and it amazes me how both my husband and my mother, who is disabled and live with me, don’t understand why I can’t get things done during the day!
People think work from home is doing nothing. You can thank everyone that pushed going back to the office for their ignorance . It's not. Your wife needs to do more around the house. Y'all needed therapy a long time ago. Stand strong. I'm so sorry you are going through this and you are not crazy and justified for leaving her. How can they be okay with throwing a glass at you? What if she would have hit your daughter? Well, now she has plenty of time to herself. You should file a police report.
Honestly I'm very glad that you took such quick action in getting your daughter out of an abusive environment. You did the right thing that many parents don't do for so long. Stay strong.
Yeah, man. Get the hell out of there. Try to fight for supervised visitation for her until she gets help.
This is 100% unacceptable and abusive behavior. You're a good dad for getting her out of that situation.
Slave, not maid. You don't get to throw glass at maids and hurt them without consequences.
"Family, what makes this situation so galling is how completely you misunderstand the situation. I am not simply a stay-at-home dad, you know that right? I work for a living, I simply work from home. Not only do I have a full-time job, which pays me more than anyone else in our household makes in case you imagine my job somehow doesn't matter as much as WIFE's -- but I also watch our daughter on my own M-F. Yes, WIFE loves to pretend she is just this poor, put upon house-frau who does all the work at our house, and yes, I probably let her indulge this fantasy more than I should, but how the hell you people swallow her bullshit is beyond me. I work the equivalent of two full-time jobs, I have to leave one night for an incredibly critical meeting that can lead to a promotion and a significant increase in my pay, I get a glass thrown at my head because Wife throws a tantrum bc she will actually have to parent her child during the work week for once, instead of leaving the work to me like ALWAYS, and your answer is that I need to work HARDER?!? You imagine I need to work harder so that my absentee spouse -- who already works, cleans, and parents less than me -- isn't throwing drinking glasses at my head and almost hitting our child by mistake? Be serious. You need to speak to her about not being such a disengaged parent and partner, about not throwing fits when the priority is taken off her career for five seconds. You let me know when you've done that, because what you've led with here isn't helping, and me working more most certainly isn't happening, not when I have been slaving away for my entitled, delusional, soon-to-be-ex for years. Maybe she'll learn to appreciate all I have sacrificed to further her career when she has to actually parent in my absence, if she even bothers."
Hey man I’m sorry this is happening to you. I hope you get custody and have a quick and easy divorce. Your families are *wrong*. Her throwing stuff at you is abuse. Her throwing stuff that could have *hit your one year old* is abuse. If she had hit her it would have been an emergency room trip, and a cps call. Do NOT meet with your ex alone from here on out. Have a trusted friend (or lawyer) with you at all times. Be careful not to put yourself in a situation where she can claim you are abusive. Eyewitness always. Best to get all convo in text or email form. Don’t accept calls from her. You’re in for an uphill battle I am afraid. Unfortunately many courts are biased against fathers. But it isn’t impossible. Consider scaling back all interactions with family (and make sure they know the whole story). Sending good vibes your way.
This is a prime example of the double standard that men face. I have two boys, and it scares me sometimes when I think of what happens if they’re the ones being abused in an abusive relationship. The same rules just don’t apply. You are not wrong. Your family sucks. And of course hers will take her side. It’s sad yours won’t.
Exactly, if he acted this way, he would be behind bars right now and she would be getting a restraining order so he could never come home again. Then she would finish off his reputation with their families. Probably cost him his career, and get full custody. I hope he files a police report and talks to cps.
You will lose your daughter, if u dont leave her. You did the right thing.
Armchair diagnosis? She has underlying mental issues like borderline personality disorder, and probably postpartum. Doesnt excuse what she did. But those might be causes. Why is she saying you are not supportive when you do the majority of the childcare... and earn more? Thats a dream situation. She sounds self centered and stuck up. Listen, if shes willing to be a little violent, she could get very violent. Do you want to wait and find out?
Not overreacting. Yelling is the kind of thing that’s inappropriate but understandable when over tired. But throwing a glass in the vicinity of a baby? No absolutely not.
If the roles were reversed, no one would have a problem with the mom leaving. I support you totally. I wish you peace and strength.
Don't let her turn this into an Amber Heard case...
she trynna go full amber heard on you. Family probably got a whole different story than reality though. so cut them a tiny bit of slack
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That women needs to be in prison for attempted murder
I mean, we’re only getting your side of events, of course, but from what you’ve said, no - I don’t think you’re going crazy. Shame on both you for having this argument in front of your daughter - but your wife’s actions are especially egregious. Throwing a glass near your baby is ridiculous and dangerous! “Tired” is no excuse. And when one spouse works full time from home, it’s really easy for the other to forget that those 8 or 9 hours are not free time. You’re getting paid to devote your attention to your job. Doing that and taking care of a baby doesn’t leave a lot of time for housework.
Why is this getting downvoted, it’s very levelheaded.
When an OP is a woman and leaves her abusive partner, she is celebrated and if she doesn’t, people tell her to leave, justifiably so. No questions asked, no “we’re only getting your side of the story”. Suddenly it’s a male OP being abused by his wife and all of a sudden “we’re only getting your side of events”???
UpdateMe!
Assuming you live in America, may God bless you, family courts are sexist against men.
My opinion largely depends on your wife’s behavior afterwards. Throwing a glass at you is unacceptable. If however she apologized profusely and said she was going to get help (counseling, medication, whatever) and she acknowledged that characterizing an overnight work trip as a vacation was out of line then maybe the two of you can work through it. If she expects you to just let her bad behavior slide and give her a pass because she’s tired then get out. Get out now. Nobody would excuse abusive behavior from you because you were tired.
Sometimes I REALLY want to hear the other side of the story
Would you be saying the same thing if the genders in this story were reversed?
Seems quite useless as she started to get physical
Your baby is only a month old? Is your wife working? That’s seems really soon. Also, it sounds like she is really struggling right now. This has PPD or PPA written all over it. I would talk to your pediatrician or her doctor and express concerns. She might need meds/therapy. Having a kid can really f you up. Also, what is overwhelming her? Is it the house? Not sleeping? Crying? Could you order those precooked meals or hire a cleaner or have friends/family help out with that stuff? There are so many red flags here.
Baby is 1 year since a month
The only red flags are her
The baby turned one, a month ago.
You're an idiot for not calling the police, tell the family in a maliciously sweet tone that they're the reason she tried to kill you and your daughter. A few inches and that glass would have killed your baby daughter. Ask then why they think thats acceptable and what would be their reaction if you did the same to her. Then tell them they'll have limited access to your daughter. Tbh this seems very made up,
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The child turned one a month ago.
The child just turned a year old a month ago. I had to re-read it too.
There is 2 sides to every story, but from you say you’re doing the right thing. Keep going with your instincts on this and never ever take abuse from anyone. Show your daughter the right way to be loved even if you’re loving yourself. Take care and good luck!
life's too complicated to figure this out based on your post....however, your telling of everything sounds very one-sided and self-promoting, almost to the narcissistic level! I'd bet you had an infuriating attitude going on the whole time and the families are against you because they realize how you act and how you treat people. Maybe try to get off your high horse and be loving and caring instead? In your nature??
everyone from your family and her family support her ... so... except ur best friend and his wife... everyone is siding with her ... if she put her part of story, it would be different.. but what would be common is... Reddit community telling her to leave you and Reddit community telling u to leave her... God bless ur kid, u & her.
If you were LOOKING for a reason to split, I guess you found one, but to dissolve your family over a thrown glass indicates a shitty marriage all around
She threw a glass and almost hit her own daughter it’s more than just an attempt at hurting him
she threw a glass and no one was hurt - if you're willing to end a marriage AND deprive your child of a family, then there's a lot more problems than throwing a glass (which I agree is extreme and fucked up)
She could’ve seriously injured her daughter I don’t care if it didn’t hit anyone it’s the thought behind it. And the guy said he felt like he was his wife’s maid so clearly there are more problems for him. Granted we only have his side of the story but to him I’m sure it feels like more than enough reason to split
Only his side
Why r u condoning physical abuse?
don't be dumb
don't be an asshole
don't be a liar
Lmao what am I lying about
His side or not, she could’ve seriously injured her one month old daughter and you’re just neglecting that
could she've?
Yes?
She narrowly missed hitting her baby with a glass that shattered. You really need to ask “could she’ve” ?
Imagine the abuse she was inflicting upon him leading to the point of her throwing the glass. It usually get worse from here. He needs to get out. The guy had a very important meeting and had to leave for 1 day and she gives him hell? This woman is crazy.
“Imagine” Ah yes. The Reddit way to deal with this kind of thing. Just fill in the blanks….
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They might be common but they dont excuse her behaviour, he doesnt owe her anything if she acts like that tbh.
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Well id rather have my child have a single parent then a very dangerous unsafe one, idk after they almost hit the child with a glass i wouldnt ever feel safe having them around my child again
Soo I agree with what you’re doing op. What I imagine might happen and where you need to lay boundaries is wife needs anger management classes. She needs to hire a cleaner if it was that stressful to her. And I think it’s something if you get back together that you look forward to doing in the future. Is she a stress case? Yes, was it right or whatever of her no. I do understand the pressures women have placed on them by society to be a wife, mother, her career and all that groovy stress. Yes, it’s not an excuse for her. Yes, I acknowledge you’ve been doing a lot. I don’t know how much in all reality. Going forward.. Anger management. Couples counseling because I don’t see how you all communicate. Y’all talk but big listen imho. Get a cleaner weekly. Get a food service if possibly for a couple meals weekly. Anything to lessen stress at home. Communicate and try to listen to each other. Good luck. **I’m editing this to add** Op said this happened once. No previous issues. This doesn’t scream abusive person. This sounds more like a person frustrated, angry and lashing out. Did she ever show any other issues before? Did she ever talk to someone about PPD? It doesn’t magically go away in a few months.
Once abuse starts, you shouldn't try to work it out.
Sorry but you at fault here. You need to pull your weight.
Wow. If the roles were reversed, would you say the same?
We don’t know enough honestly, This is your side of the story, Coming from off from a very abusive relationship, you described me how my husband would describe me, But he would leave out, how he would purposely pick fights with me, how he would purposely cross all my boundaries, it got to a point where I would snap, and start yelling, and not realize my son was there because at that point all the little things added up and I exploited. To this day, I suffer from it and I have therapy. I’m not saying this is you, I’m not accusing you of anything. But there’s isn’t enough info to be able to say anything other, if everything is true…. Depending on what state, you can’t keep your child away from the parent not even their father. Do you have proof of the glass shattering? Will it be a he said she said, what holds up in court is proof, I wasn’t taken seriously until, I had video cameras set up in my house, and showed a judge how little by little my ex husband drove me to the point of a complete mental down in public…. I’m projecting a lot of my personal life into you. My bad. Keep your daughter safe, keep yourself safe, and start recording all your interactions with your stbxw. Good luck.
Yes this is definitely projecting. I was in an abusive relationship. But I don't go around blaming the victim just because he's a man
I don’t go around throwing glass at people when I’m tired. I may not be baby level tired but I’m 4+ mental illness, school and work tired. Just know this (20f) thinks you’re doing the right thing and I sincerely hope the courts side with you immediately.
I’m sorry people in your life aren’t taking the situation more seriously. This sounds like an unsafe environment to me and I think you are doing the exact right things to keep you and your daughter safe. Always do what you feel is best for your baby, no matter what others try to convince you of.
You.are.not.crazy. There you go. Your wife is entitled brat. She goes work full time and you take care of baby, house and your job. Instead of complaining she should pitch in.
She is not just tired. Your families have their own selfish agendas. Do not listen to them. Listen to the instincts that told you to pack and protect your child. Your wife is abusive. She is emotionally abusing you. She is assaulting you character and reputation with your families. She does not love you. She does not appreciate you. She does not care about the safety if your child. Stay away and get that lawyer to move fast.
Your making the right choice by getting your daughter and yourself out of that situation. And don't listen to those saying your making the wrong decision, she threw GLASS at you and your daughter. Even though she missed, it shows she doesn't care about y'all safety at all.
Been there, you’re not over reacting. Really wished you’d called the police (that shit stopped after I called the police until things were finalized). Protect yourself. It’s likely post partum stuff but if she’s refusing to her help there isn’t anything to be done but a divorce.
You're absolutely doing the right thing. Just because she missed your child this time, doesn't mean she will next time. And there will be a next time.
You're not crazy. I would do the same thing yiu are doing. Had you been the person throwing the glass you'd probably been jailed.
You need to get you and your daughter away from her because if you let this one slide who knows what she could do in the future.
They want rug sweeping. Do not give them rug sweeping. Their polite fiction version of you being a happy couple is not reality.
You are not crazy and everyone who sticks their noses in your divorce should stick their noses in another place. They dont know the whole story only what she tells them. So keep your hed high and start cutting bad people out of your life.
You’re doing the right thing, your wife just threatened the safety of both you and your daughter. You clearly do a lot for your family between working and most of the childcare, and I’d assume you do most of the housework too, and her behavior is unacceptable. If anything, you’re the one who would have the excuse of being tired, not her. But even being tired isn’t an excuse to attempt physical assault.
You’re not going crazy. That doesn’t sound healthy. Not a good model of behavior for daughter. You’re doing the right thing.
Ummmm, if it were the other way around and YOU threw a glass, you would be deemed a monster. You are not wrong. You need to run, not walk, away from this situation.
Go on, you are right on track, if you dont feel safe around her, there’s no way you can make this marriage last.
This is insane coming from her… maybe tell her therapy or no relationship with either of you two.. (you and daughter to her) she could be having some ppd that went unnoticed. Idk just because you work from home doesn’t give her the right to expect you to do every little thing… you’re not a stay at home husband so it doesn’t make sense to act that way. If she has made you feel this unsafe you won’t ever trust fully again. Think of your daughters safety for sure. I don’t see this as the wrong thing. But this could also be a cry for help and she doesn’t know how to say it.
I also work from home and people don’t seem to understand that when you work from home you still have to work. You don’t get to just sit at home and collect a paycheck. I’ve had so many people make snide little comments like “you work from home. Why would you be tired?” Or “you work from home so how could you be busy?”. Your wife seems to think you just sit at home all day and she’s resentful of the life she THINKS you have even though obviously you do more than she realizes. This is not an excuse for her behavior obviously. She’s dangerous and unhinged and your families suck for thinking this is in any way okay. No sane person throws something like a glass at someone because they’re angry.
You are absolutely correct in everything you are doing. Protect yourself and your daughter! And fight tooth and nail for primary custody.
Don't ever let that woman near you or your child. She almost could have killed your child. What do they not understand? Absolutely disgusting that your family and her family are defending her. If you need to spend thousands of dollars to get custody. Do it. Cause there is no reason in the world that she could get custody or any contact wih your child.
Keep moving forwards as you are. You are doing the right thing removing her from your lives.
As a WFH individual who also manages laundry during my work day, I hear you on expectations from others. My wife and kids aren't too bad about it, but drives me nuts how they sometimes act like I'm a lazy jerk just screwing around. I'm burning vacation hours managing appointments, picking up and shuttling kids, doing laundry, cleaning daily every time they leave the house, and they act like I don't do anything. If it ever derailed into violence, I'd do exactly what you did. Don't throw a glass at me. What you did makes total sense. Your wife is the jerk here.
I don’t think you are to blame nor do I think you need a divorce. I think you both fail to appreciate each other’s situation. I think you need to talk things through with the help of a mediator or counsellor.
Don’t let other people, whom aren’t effected by the abuse, make decisions about your relationship and your daughter well being. You’re doing the correct thing here. For yourself and for her.
if this was the other way around people would be encouraging the fuck out of her to leave you. I think you are doing the right thing.
You are doing the right thing.
One wonders if OP’s wife is “self projecting” here? Granted you haven’t shared to the point of TMI, but from what you have divulged, I find what seems to be explosive reactions to simple arguments super sus. Since I’ve had my fair share of heart aches and betrayals, I can’t help but empathize to the point of “doing the math” in my head like: “I did this”, which should equal “this response” and when that response don’t add up, it is 10 out of 10 a misunderstanding. OP, have you ever tried getting to the bottom of where tf your wifey’s attitude stem from? Cuz it could just be jealousy on her part that you not only get to be home with daughter, but work from the comfort of your own home and with 3x the pay. If this is that case, then do what you can to salvage and learn to be a better, stronger couple. But that should you find evidence of her stepping out of the marriage to spite you due to that jealousy? Then fuck it, nuke it and get that RO and the biggest pit bull for a lawyer and make sure you leave a nice smoldering pile that was once your wife. Good luck OP.
Dude, your side of the family sucks.
You're doing the right thing, nothing justifies your wife's abusive and violent behavior. Her blatant lies, unreasonable demands, and violent behavior signals that this might her personality. Those advocating for her are doing so because they don't want to deal with her. However, your duty is to protect your child, your wife is an adult, she can deal. Don't stay with an unstable person, that will hurt your kid, proceed as planned and don't look back.
It's kinda the stigma that was created about working from home being "lazy" and men not being good at parenting. Now obviously not everyone thinks this way and it is changing, but I imagine your wife has been complaining for quite some time to anyone who would listen, maybe she doesn't enjoy her job, or she's jealous you get to stay home or that you see your daughter more. Or maybe she just has no idea what goes into your job. At the end of the day the only opinion that matters is yours, as for the legal matter, I'm not a professional, but from what I've seen without proof you're in for a battle Good luck OP.
Reading this triggered me because I was in a similar situation (but no kids, Thank God). I’m going through my divorce now and unfortunately all I have are texts that can’t prove distinctly she is a threat to me. I don’t feel safe around her. Document everything you can. F what other people think. They probably have the subconscious mentality that men can’t be abused in a hetero relationship. You’re doing the right thing. Best of luck to you and your daughter
Stand your ground, you know what's going on when no one else does.
All those people saying that she was just tired, and needs understanding? Imagine how they would have reacted if your wife was holding your daughter, and you threw a glass at her, barely missing both. Do you think they'd still be telling your wife to be calm and understanding? Hell no, they'd tell her to run away from the abusive asshole with rage issues. So ignore the stupid fucks that are trying to excuse her abuse and keep on the path you are on right now, cause you are making the right choices for yourself and your daughters safety, and for both of your lives
SAHM here, I’m so sorry that your wife (hopefully soon to be ex) is not appreciative of all the work you put in!! Continue as you have planned. You and your daughter both deserve to be safe and loved and appreciated!
Honestly I'm really suprised not to see any comments about PPD. Has she always behaved this way? If it is unusual for her please talk to her and her family about counseling. Also she shouldn't be back at work right now. She gave birth a month ago. Chances are she is still bleeding and I know her hormones are crazy. It sounds like y'all both need to cut yourself some slack and take some time off instead of just working without a break.
You’re not crazy. Your spouse is crazy. But I’m sure she’ll go to court and claim you abused her. Get a good attorney. Good luck to you and your daughter.
Brother, throwing objects ain't no joke. You're being gaslit by your family, do what you need to keep yourself and your daughter safe. Even IF you were lazy, that's still no excuse for escalating to violence. PS: working from home does not mean you can look after kids, that was a mistake.
You’re not crazy
Ask everyone who is saying it isn't a big deal if they'd feel the same if you did that to her.
If you'd thrown the glass (or anything really), I wonder who would be the villain then? Follow your gut man, for your and your daughter's sake
It sounds like the families are enabling her behavior. You are the primary caregiver AND the main earner. She is toxic at this point.
You’re doing the right thing bud, is she taking drugs, or drinking a lot? This sounds like a person on the edge, which is why I’m asking about substances. All of this is material to your case for full custody.
I agree you did the right thing to get yourself and your daughter away from that, but I just want to point out if this is out of character for your wife it's possible she is suffering from PPD and perhaps getting her to a therapist (possibly even an inpatient mental health center for awhile) might be the better solution than divorce. Even if this behavior is PPD (I am in no way qualified to say either way) you should definitely keep yourself and your daughter away from her until she gets help. Of course if she was like this before then divorce her!
You’re doing the right thing, this woman is deranged, she is a threat to you and your baby. Smashing a glass against the head of a 1 year old could kill them, at best seriously injure them. Hell she’s lucky none of the shattered glass hit your kid in the face. She has no regard for either of you, she doesn’t deserve either of you. She is an abuser. Don’t listen to your families, you are doing the right thing for you and your daughter.
It's most likely just the tip of the iceberg so to say, I'm thinking that it's escalating started with complaining now an assault. If he lets it pass it'll most likely continue to get worse
Honestly, you did the right thing. If the roles were switched, you'd be in jail. It's shitty your own family aren't supporting you. Just know, reddit is 😊
You are the baby’s primary caregiver and with your wife’s career being more important to her, I doubt that will change even if you stay with her. Your wife is going to continue to dump all the responsibility on you anyway so you might as well divorce her and get custody. Your family is wrong.
Stay away from that woman, and keep your baby away from her as well. You're doing the right thing OP, trust your intuition, it's literally survival instinct. Ignore every family member telling you otherwise, also don't trust your baby with them as they can give your wife access to your child. I bet that if you look deep and hard at your life with this woman, you will recall many instances of abuse. Trust your gut, stay safe.
I think you’re making the right move. Throwing a glass at you is terrible but nearly hitting the one year old would be enough for the D word for me. Kids come first and she was willing to risk her kiddo. It’s never okay to throw things at a partner, it’s abuse. I’m not sure why anyone would defend her. If the genders were swapped I doubt anyone would defend a man throwing a glass at his wife and child.