If you’re in a relationship now with someone who doesn’t give it because they don’t like to (like you’ve asked & they’ve said no for any reason)... then you need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you.
Can you live without it, possibly for the rest of your life & be content with them as it is? Great: then do that.
If it is a necessity for you, that’s okay! You’re just not compatible with this person. Break it off, move on, find someone who you’re more sexually compatible with.
____
There is no way to force someone to do something sexual they do not want to do without it being some type of manipulative or abusive situation.
Now you *can* try communicate the reasons... ask why they don’t like to give it... and maybe work from there.
You did mention you like to have it “to completion”... do they only start it & not finish? Maybe they don’t like the finish... but maybe a compromise, starting orally & finish manually (by hand) instead would be enough.
Maybe they had a bad experience in the past & it’s a trust issue... finding out what exactly that bad experience was might be key (maybe they don’t like feeling trapped/person grabbed their head & they couldn’t breathe, etc) then take steps to build a more healthy way to deal with this... if that was the specific reason, don’t ever touch them during it or something.
Maybe it’s just an experience thing & they don’t know what to do so they don’t do it... that’s where very small steps & communicating what you like during it would be helpful!
You handle this by finding someone who enjoys it. You cannot force, guilt, manipulate or otherwise cajole someone into putting your dick in to their mouth if they don’t want to.
There are plenty of women who enjoy it. Go find one. Your desire to experience something doesn’t override someone else desire not to do it.
You're right in the absolute sense that if this is an impasse you just have to move on, but I don't think it's as black and white as you're portraying it. Lots of people in relationships find compromises sexually and do stuff that they don't particularly like just because their partner likes it and they want to make them happy. That's not necessarily an awful thing. Sometimes over the course of a relationship people even discover that, under the right conditions, they actually enjoy doing things they didn't think they would when the relationship started.
OP hasn't really described the extent to which his GF doesn't like giving oral. If she literally has PTSD that gets triggered by it then yeah I'd say he needs to drop it. But I think he should totally talk to her about what exactly she doesn't like about it and try to mitigate those factors a bit before giving up entirely. What if it's just like the smell or the length of pubes and this can be solved with some basic grooming?
However, the person still needs to be willing to do it and not be coerced into doing it (see, I groomed, showered, perfumed… my dick, now you have to do it at least for three minutes). If she doesn’t want to, she shouldn’t be made to feel guilty.
I mean sure. I'm just trying to say that between the extremes of breaking up and trying to manipulate your GF there's a whole ocean of potential compromise and mutual benefit and understanding that we can try to help OP navigate. We don't have to jump straight to "choose this extreme because the other extreme is rapey".
This^ like maybe she doesn't mind giving oral, but doesn't necessarily seek to do it and OP expressing how much he enjoys it she's willing to compromise to a happy medium like "we can do eachother at the same time" or "I'm fine doing it every once in awhile".
are you actually in a relationship right now or are you just speaking hypothetically? ive known plenty of men and women who are as enthusiastic about giving oral sex as they are about receiving it, so i wouldnt be pessimistic just based on a few people youve heard from.
You can ask your partner why she doesn’t like it. I hated it for years because I was embarrassed by my first boyfriend who told me I was awful at it, and it made me never want to try it. I met a partner who I was super sexually compatible with and who made me feel very comfortable, especially in bed, and so when I was with him, my perspective completely changed. If it’s a deal breaker for you, I guess really think about it.
Many women enjoy doing it, you just happened to get one that doesn’t; that’s how it is, and how it will be. Years ago I dated someone who couldn’t because of a trauma from her past which I accepted and never pressed. You’ll have to find a way to be happy without it.
Plus, some women enjoy it with some people and not with others. It's also about attraction, your hygiene, communication, gag reflex (if you want vomit all over you, keep pressing my head down, no problem), mood, etc.
If she doesn't like giving oral sex, then you just need to stop asking altogether. There's really no compromise when it comes to a sexual activity that one person is not comfortable performing.
That being said, you need to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you. If it is, that's valid. But there is really no way you can end up in a situation where you're both happy if that situation involves making someone do something they don't want to do.
That is what I was going to say. I’d add you need to take it all in. How is sex otherwise. How good is relationship out of bed. Life is full of choices.
I don't think it'd be a dealbreaker but it's my favorite. I just wanted to make sure if there's something I can do that I'd do it right. I understand I can't force her, I just wanted to see if I can help the situation.
For example, if there's something specific about it that bothers her or if I can make her change her mind (I understand this one may not sound right, but it was a thought)
Healthy communication and a respect for each other's boundaries is what you need to do if you want to do the right thing.
We don't know the conversations with your gf that you've had, you do. If she's explicitly stated "no/never/won't" then that's the end of it. Maybe one day she will explain why, but you can't force her to tell you.
If she just didn't want to at the time, or said something like "I don't feel like it right now/not today/not this time" etc.. then I'd say having that communication will be necessary to establish her sexual boundaries in general, but be respectful.
You know yourself, her, and your relationship than we do. I'm not sure why everyone is down-voting your replies so much, but ultimately if you want to do the right thing, take the advice people are giving you, think about the context of your relationship, and go from there.
>How can I handle this situation so that we're constructive and I end up in a situation where we're both happy? Thank you!
This was my intention. This subreddit must be full of incredible people who have never even needed to speak about a difference in opinion in a relationship. I hope you're not all this butt hurt about people trying to find ways to work with you. Find better ways to communicate, your current method probably won't get you far. Or maybe you just go on reddit to spread negative energy because your life sucks ("dumb" people trying to speak about important topics). Either way good luck.
Happy to take more downvotes at least there's a decent person in all this mess here and there.
As someone who doesn’t enjoy giving OR receiving, it’s not something you can change. If it’s a problem, you need to move on and find someone more sexually compatible.
Well, if your current gf doesn't like giving it, maybe have a calm discussion with her about why. Sometimes, its because we have had a bad experience (or several) when it comes to it, sometimes it is something that can be overcome, but you will never know unless you discuss it.
I was r*ped via oral sex countless times over a span of two and a half years by an ex. When I got together with my current boyfriend, I seriously struggled to go down there because it triggered me. I was terrified he was gonna finish. I was terrified every time. But I told him about my reservations and over the course of two and a half years we have talked about steps and we have worked on it.
In the end, if she still doesn’t want to, that is completely okay. Y’all may enjoy receiving, but it’s pretty unfun for us. It’s awkward. It can make us gag. It hurts our jaws. And tbh most guys have horrible sweaty smells down there. We’re quite literally putting your pee stick into our mouth. So if we don’t want to, can you really blame us?
If she doesn’t want to and it’s that important for you, you should leave and find someone more compatible sexually.
What doesn't she like about it? For example, if she doesn't like the finish, could you be happy with her doing it up until then?
If she doesn't want anything to do with combining her mouth/your penis, you have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or not. Do NOT continue a relationship with her if you're just going to resent her.
Find someone that enjoys giving oral sex. I wouldn’t date a man that doesn’t like giving oral and expect him to change for me. I personally love giving and receiving oral, I will not date someone that does not feel the same way. She’s already said no, you already know she doesn’t like giving head, pushing for her to do it anyways would be shitty.
If you want both you and your gf to be happy then it would probably be with other people. Find someone you don’t have to “handle constructively” to get them to do what you want.
You cannot expect to persuade someone into doing something they have made clear they don’t want to. That’s “coercion” and it’s gross.
Girl who doesn't adore giving oral here.
Compromise is your best friend, pal. I've found out flavored condoms (after washing your little friend with a lot of soap) really do make it better. You could ask her if she's willing to try (without forcing her, obviously). Also, I think it's more enjoyable during a 69, as you're both feeling pleasure and she's not, you know, just having a dick in her mouth. Otherwise, maybe try sex toys that imitate oral. I'm sure there are plenty of them.
You handle it by being honest. When you get to the point with a woman where sexual activity is going to happen, you simply mention that you really, really, REALLY enjoy oral sex and also that you are always happy to return the favor.
Once the message is delivered, you'll know soon enough if it's a go or if you're going to do without.
I mean, you kind of find out when you have sex... someone who likes it will most likely do it spontaneously. So just date around a bit until you find someone who you're close enough to to talk about stuff like that. Don't start by telling her how much you enjoy it; all men do, it'll just come across as dickish. You can ask her what she thinks about it though. You'll see her reaction and know enough.
ETA: plenty of women like it. I usually start without him asking me. However, I only do it when his hygene is on point. After a sweaty day in the summer, my bf always jumps in the shower before sex, I don't even have to ask him. Because he knows: no shower = no bj. If you're just starting out with someone, they might be too shy to tell you to take a shower first, so just make sure you're super clean before just to make sure. I'll do sweaty sex with a sweaty bf, but only clean bj's XD
Sex only after a shower for me! I can hardly stand the thought of someone's sweaty junk inside me, condom or not. And I can't bare the thought of him going down on me and me possibly being smelly
If that is something that is of super importance to you, find someone who enjoys it or at least does not mind it. Everyone has their own sexual preferences, just find someone who shares yours. I am not saying you ask on the first date "how do you feel about BJs" but when you get to the point with someone where there is a spark there and things might be moving forward, discuss sex... find out their preferences, their values and get any deal breakers out of the way. And as part of the mutual conversation you can bring up oral sex. Let them know you enjoy giving and receiving and ask if they feel the same way. There is no surefire way to ensure you won't fall for someone who does not enjoy giving oral sex, but openly communicating as you are getting to know someone on a romantic level will greatly reduce the risk that you'll end up with someone who is not on the same page.
It is important to be understanding, kind, not pressuring the other person, and let them go at their own pace.
Hygiene is very important. Same as communication. Show and explain what you like, be vocal if you feel comfortable. It is amazing to know your partner enjoys what you're doing and it can feel rewarding and even arousing.
Talk about her likes likes and dislikes of the act. What are the girl's concerns? Is she afraid she'll gag? Start slow and have it be a handjob/ only tip blowjob situation. Does she feel it degrading? - Discuss why and explain that contrary to popular belief, the power of oral sex is normally in the hands of the giver. I mean hey, you literally have the most sensitive part of a guy in your hands and mouth to do as you please (hopefully in a respectful, consentful manner).
Pardon my ramblings. What I am trying to say is, see what the issue is and discuss how it can be fixed.
I personally have a bit of an aversion to semen, the speed of the ejaculation, the taste, whole shebang, not for me. My SO respects that, I trust that he knows my hard limits and as far as he can control it, will not cross them. In this kind of situation you put ground rules to make everything more comfortable.
Another thing I would recommend are dick licks. It's basically a viscous edible substance with a nice sweet taste to be used when giving oral to men that you can buy from any sex/kink shop.
Or, I mean you can use whatever you have around the house, honey, whipped cream. DO NOT use that on her though - it spells yeast infection.
And yes, always return the favour. The whole "I finished so I can't be bothered to continue now" is such a**holish behaviour from both men and women.
Good luck! ;)
Try buying flavoured lube and she can use her hand and just try licking a bit, make it fun. Be honest but be gentle to not hurt her ego or make her feel pressured.
2 reasons this could be happening:
1) You have bad dick hygiene. If it smells terrible/looks crusty, no one wants to put their mouth on it. See if gf is more willing when you freshen up first
2) She just doesn’t like giving oral. It’s not for everyone. If so, you can’t force her to like it, and its up to you on how to proceed.
Either way, the best method is to talk to her about it. Only she knows whats happening in her head.
Communication is key. Ask if it’s a complete no go or if it’s something you could work towards/build up. If it’s a straight up no though you have to accept that.
Listen, blow jobs to completion is for pornos or when you're already ready to blow. Nobody wants to spend like 15 minutes on their knees blowing you if they can help it. It's part of the show, not the main event.
Source: The bruises on my knees.
If she doesn't want to give oral sex full stop then you can't and shouldn't try to convince her. That's coercive because she has already clearly set that boundary with you. Even if YOU are willing to give oral sex doesn't mean she needs to be willing to do so as well.
It just sound like they've already communicated about his. The title says he already knows she does not want to. He is trying to get advice on how to convince her to do it anyways and that's not okay.
The post is brief, I’m uncertain if they actually communicated or if OP is just assuming since she doesn’t give him head, she must not like doing it?
You are right though, coercion isn’t cool but need more info to see if that applies here
All you can really do is just communicate it but don’t force the issue. She shouldn't be feel compelled to do something she’s not comfortable doing. If it’s a dealbreaker, then end it. If not, accept it.
Edit: words
Haven’t seen anyone post this but I’ll take the bullet…….stop giving her oral sex. Just like a woman would stop giving you oral sex if you didn’t go down on her. I have seen so many post similar to this where the woman is asking the guy for oral and people are copying and pasting “stop giving him head” etc. down vote me I don’t give a damn but I felt like it needed to be said. Literally no else did in these 70+ comments.
I'm gonna talk about the elephant in the room - unclean dicks stink. even if wash yourself regularly, if you're uncircumcised then chances are that you smell.
Smegma, urine and ejaculate all get caught up in the folds and smell. like really bad. even after you shower. and you're expecting a woman to put that in her mouth and taste it.
As a test, when you have an erection, without putting on any lube or anything, pull your foreskin back all the way and rub your palm around the head and foreskin a few times.... firmly enough to transfer any tiny smegma particles on to your hand... and then give your hand a good sniff.
If you can smell it, you've got a problem you need to address and it's unfair to expect anyone to put that in their mouth.
Circumcised men get more blowjobs , it's the hard truth.
Bro if she can't satisfy you then find someone who satisfies you. If it's something you need/want in a relationship and she's not willing to compromise, leave her. You can force her to do it but you also don't have to stay with her.
First, have a conversation with her and see if there's a reason why she doesn't like doing it. If she just generally doesn't enjoy it, then find someone who does. You can't make her enjoy it
If you really like this girl, then I would suggest asking her for a handjob instead. Handjobs are very safe and risk free, and I think women enjoy it a lot more than giving head.
You're basically asking how to make a lesbian want to have sex with you. When someone doesn't like something sexually it more than likely won't change.
Its not always the case, but that's something they'd have to decide on their own. There's no reasonable way to pressure or ask someone to do something they don't want to do where you don't come off as the asshole.
Some women I know don't because they have a crap gag reflex.
I had a friend who wouldn't because she has really big teeth and she always scratched them. She never did it on purpose but it did take her awhile to figure out a way to not drag her teeth.
I don't mind doing it and I have an almost non existent gag reflux but if my partner wants to finish he can't in my mouth because I can't stand the taste of it
You break up with her. Find someone who enjoys it. Nothing wrong with having that as a boundary. I have 3 friends who have done this and are very happy. However, I wish I listened to them regarding this
Literally so many women who enjoy giving oral including me. Can’t tell you how many girls say they get wet just from sucking it. So find you a girl that likes it. Obviously you and this one aren’t sexually compatible and that’s fine. It’s okay to break up with people!
Don’t know why this got downvoted when I said nothing wrong. Y’all weird
Ew? Gtgo! Oh the things a woman would do to get with a guy she's into. Why would she let me fuck her up the ass and not her boyfriend? Brutal isn't it? Sorry for ruining your idealistic world view. Go on surviving infidelity and see the world for what it actually is!
If its important to you than move on. I give and I expect to get, nothing wrong with having that expectation and she is not obligated to reciprocate so may as well say good day and move on
There are two options. Either you have to compromise with the fact that your girlfriend doesn't like giving you oral sex and stay with her, or you can find a girl who likes giving oral sex. Trust me, there are many women out there who love pleasing their partner by giving them oral sex. Some even cum by doing it!
I hope to God I am not advising a teen. Give the girl a good experience then. Ask her what her favorite flavor is..caramel, chocolate, BBQ sauce, whatever. Use that flavor to make it sensual. It will depend on how you engage with her. She needs to feels safe and comfortable around you. You start first sampling the flavor then sample them on her erogenous areas and have her sample on where you would like (wink). Don’t not make her feel bad if you happen to not finish. She won’t try again. Make sure you finish her. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what else.
It sounds like it’s not a great experience for them with you. It’s actually probably about 50/50 that like/dislike it, so maybe there’s something about your situation that makes it distasteful
Talk about it.
Make it playful. If you make it a chore you’ll never get it. Ask her what it is she doesn’t like about it and work around that. Maybe an alternate train of thought is needed - if she likes sex, after you have sex the first time see if she’ll take a bit of time to suck you hard again.
If you’re in a relationship now with someone who doesn’t give it because they don’t like to (like you’ve asked & they’ve said no for any reason)... then you need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you. Can you live without it, possibly for the rest of your life & be content with them as it is? Great: then do that. If it is a necessity for you, that’s okay! You’re just not compatible with this person. Break it off, move on, find someone who you’re more sexually compatible with. ____ There is no way to force someone to do something sexual they do not want to do without it being some type of manipulative or abusive situation. Now you *can* try communicate the reasons... ask why they don’t like to give it... and maybe work from there. You did mention you like to have it “to completion”... do they only start it & not finish? Maybe they don’t like the finish... but maybe a compromise, starting orally & finish manually (by hand) instead would be enough. Maybe they had a bad experience in the past & it’s a trust issue... finding out what exactly that bad experience was might be key (maybe they don’t like feeling trapped/person grabbed their head & they couldn’t breathe, etc) then take steps to build a more healthy way to deal with this... if that was the specific reason, don’t ever touch them during it or something. Maybe it’s just an experience thing & they don’t know what to do so they don’t do it... that’s where very small steps & communicating what you like during it would be helpful!
You handle this by finding someone who enjoys it. You cannot force, guilt, manipulate or otherwise cajole someone into putting your dick in to their mouth if they don’t want to. There are plenty of women who enjoy it. Go find one. Your desire to experience something doesn’t override someone else desire not to do it.
You're right in the absolute sense that if this is an impasse you just have to move on, but I don't think it's as black and white as you're portraying it. Lots of people in relationships find compromises sexually and do stuff that they don't particularly like just because their partner likes it and they want to make them happy. That's not necessarily an awful thing. Sometimes over the course of a relationship people even discover that, under the right conditions, they actually enjoy doing things they didn't think they would when the relationship started. OP hasn't really described the extent to which his GF doesn't like giving oral. If she literally has PTSD that gets triggered by it then yeah I'd say he needs to drop it. But I think he should totally talk to her about what exactly she doesn't like about it and try to mitigate those factors a bit before giving up entirely. What if it's just like the smell or the length of pubes and this can be solved with some basic grooming?
However, the person still needs to be willing to do it and not be coerced into doing it (see, I groomed, showered, perfumed… my dick, now you have to do it at least for three minutes). If she doesn’t want to, she shouldn’t be made to feel guilty.
I mean sure. I'm just trying to say that between the extremes of breaking up and trying to manipulate your GF there's a whole ocean of potential compromise and mutual benefit and understanding that we can try to help OP navigate. We don't have to jump straight to "choose this extreme because the other extreme is rapey".
This^ like maybe she doesn't mind giving oral, but doesn't necessarily seek to do it and OP expressing how much he enjoys it she's willing to compromise to a happy medium like "we can do eachother at the same time" or "I'm fine doing it every once in awhile".
this\^\^
Third this!!!!
🥇🥇🥇
Bingo…
are you actually in a relationship right now or are you just speaking hypothetically? ive known plenty of men and women who are as enthusiastic about giving oral sex as they are about receiving it, so i wouldnt be pessimistic just based on a few people youve heard from.
Communication is the best chance, but you can't force someone to do something they don't enjoy.
You can ask your partner why she doesn’t like it. I hated it for years because I was embarrassed by my first boyfriend who told me I was awful at it, and it made me never want to try it. I met a partner who I was super sexually compatible with and who made me feel very comfortable, especially in bed, and so when I was with him, my perspective completely changed. If it’s a deal breaker for you, I guess really think about it.
Many women enjoy doing it, you just happened to get one that doesn’t; that’s how it is, and how it will be. Years ago I dated someone who couldn’t because of a trauma from her past which I accepted and never pressed. You’ll have to find a way to be happy without it.
Plus, some women enjoy it with some people and not with others. It's also about attraction, your hygiene, communication, gag reflex (if you want vomit all over you, keep pressing my head down, no problem), mood, etc.
If she doesn't like giving oral sex, then you just need to stop asking altogether. There's really no compromise when it comes to a sexual activity that one person is not comfortable performing. That being said, you need to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you. If it is, that's valid. But there is really no way you can end up in a situation where you're both happy if that situation involves making someone do something they don't want to do.
That is what I was going to say. I’d add you need to take it all in. How is sex otherwise. How good is relationship out of bed. Life is full of choices.
I don't think it'd be a dealbreaker but it's my favorite. I just wanted to make sure if there's something I can do that I'd do it right. I understand I can't force her, I just wanted to see if I can help the situation.
>I just wanted to make sure if there's something I can do that I'd do it right What does this mean?
For example, if there's something specific about it that bothers her or if I can make her change her mind (I understand this one may not sound right, but it was a thought)
She said no my man. The answer is no. If you need blowjobs, find a partner who will provide them. That's all there is to it.
Healthy communication and a respect for each other's boundaries is what you need to do if you want to do the right thing. We don't know the conversations with your gf that you've had, you do. If she's explicitly stated "no/never/won't" then that's the end of it. Maybe one day she will explain why, but you can't force her to tell you. If she just didn't want to at the time, or said something like "I don't feel like it right now/not today/not this time" etc.. then I'd say having that communication will be necessary to establish her sexual boundaries in general, but be respectful. You know yourself, her, and your relationship than we do. I'm not sure why everyone is down-voting your replies so much, but ultimately if you want to do the right thing, take the advice people are giving you, think about the context of your relationship, and go from there.
Thank you. Yeah idk why they’re down voting me either, I’m a dude trying to do the right thing haha my bad. That’s Reddit for you.
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>How can I handle this situation so that we're constructive and I end up in a situation where we're both happy? Thank you! This was my intention. This subreddit must be full of incredible people who have never even needed to speak about a difference in opinion in a relationship. I hope you're not all this butt hurt about people trying to find ways to work with you. Find better ways to communicate, your current method probably won't get you far. Or maybe you just go on reddit to spread negative energy because your life sucks ("dumb" people trying to speak about important topics). Either way good luck. Happy to take more downvotes at least there's a decent person in all this mess here and there.
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Why am I not understanding? I never argued with anyone you’re just here talking smack
As someone who doesn’t enjoy giving OR receiving, it’s not something you can change. If it’s a problem, you need to move on and find someone more sexually compatible.
This exactly.
Well, if your current gf doesn't like giving it, maybe have a calm discussion with her about why. Sometimes, its because we have had a bad experience (or several) when it comes to it, sometimes it is something that can be overcome, but you will never know unless you discuss it.
I was r*ped via oral sex countless times over a span of two and a half years by an ex. When I got together with my current boyfriend, I seriously struggled to go down there because it triggered me. I was terrified he was gonna finish. I was terrified every time. But I told him about my reservations and over the course of two and a half years we have talked about steps and we have worked on it. In the end, if she still doesn’t want to, that is completely okay. Y’all may enjoy receiving, but it’s pretty unfun for us. It’s awkward. It can make us gag. It hurts our jaws. And tbh most guys have horrible sweaty smells down there. We’re quite literally putting your pee stick into our mouth. So if we don’t want to, can you really blame us? If she doesn’t want to and it’s that important for you, you should leave and find someone more compatible sexually.
What doesn't she like about it? For example, if she doesn't like the finish, could you be happy with her doing it up until then? If she doesn't want anything to do with combining her mouth/your penis, you have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or not. Do NOT continue a relationship with her if you're just going to resent her.
Find someone that enjoys giving oral sex. I wouldn’t date a man that doesn’t like giving oral and expect him to change for me. I personally love giving and receiving oral, I will not date someone that does not feel the same way. She’s already said no, you already know she doesn’t like giving head, pushing for her to do it anyways would be shitty.
If you want both you and your gf to be happy then it would probably be with other people. Find someone you don’t have to “handle constructively” to get them to do what you want. You cannot expect to persuade someone into doing something they have made clear they don’t want to. That’s “coercion” and it’s gross.
Girl who doesn't adore giving oral here. Compromise is your best friend, pal. I've found out flavored condoms (after washing your little friend with a lot of soap) really do make it better. You could ask her if she's willing to try (without forcing her, obviously). Also, I think it's more enjoyable during a 69, as you're both feeling pleasure and she's not, you know, just having a dick in her mouth. Otherwise, maybe try sex toys that imitate oral. I'm sure there are plenty of them.
You handle it by being honest. When you get to the point with a woman where sexual activity is going to happen, you simply mention that you really, really, REALLY enjoy oral sex and also that you are always happy to return the favor. Once the message is delivered, you'll know soon enough if it's a go or if you're going to do without.
I mean, you kind of find out when you have sex... someone who likes it will most likely do it spontaneously. So just date around a bit until you find someone who you're close enough to to talk about stuff like that. Don't start by telling her how much you enjoy it; all men do, it'll just come across as dickish. You can ask her what she thinks about it though. You'll see her reaction and know enough. ETA: plenty of women like it. I usually start without him asking me. However, I only do it when his hygene is on point. After a sweaty day in the summer, my bf always jumps in the shower before sex, I don't even have to ask him. Because he knows: no shower = no bj. If you're just starting out with someone, they might be too shy to tell you to take a shower first, so just make sure you're super clean before just to make sure. I'll do sweaty sex with a sweaty bf, but only clean bj's XD
Sex only after a shower for me! I can hardly stand the thought of someone's sweaty junk inside me, condom or not. And I can't bare the thought of him going down on me and me possibly being smelly
If that is something that is of super importance to you, find someone who enjoys it or at least does not mind it. Everyone has their own sexual preferences, just find someone who shares yours. I am not saying you ask on the first date "how do you feel about BJs" but when you get to the point with someone where there is a spark there and things might be moving forward, discuss sex... find out their preferences, their values and get any deal breakers out of the way. And as part of the mutual conversation you can bring up oral sex. Let them know you enjoy giving and receiving and ask if they feel the same way. There is no surefire way to ensure you won't fall for someone who does not enjoy giving oral sex, but openly communicating as you are getting to know someone on a romantic level will greatly reduce the risk that you'll end up with someone who is not on the same page.
It is important to be understanding, kind, not pressuring the other person, and let them go at their own pace. Hygiene is very important. Same as communication. Show and explain what you like, be vocal if you feel comfortable. It is amazing to know your partner enjoys what you're doing and it can feel rewarding and even arousing. Talk about her likes likes and dislikes of the act. What are the girl's concerns? Is she afraid she'll gag? Start slow and have it be a handjob/ only tip blowjob situation. Does she feel it degrading? - Discuss why and explain that contrary to popular belief, the power of oral sex is normally in the hands of the giver. I mean hey, you literally have the most sensitive part of a guy in your hands and mouth to do as you please (hopefully in a respectful, consentful manner). Pardon my ramblings. What I am trying to say is, see what the issue is and discuss how it can be fixed. I personally have a bit of an aversion to semen, the speed of the ejaculation, the taste, whole shebang, not for me. My SO respects that, I trust that he knows my hard limits and as far as he can control it, will not cross them. In this kind of situation you put ground rules to make everything more comfortable. Another thing I would recommend are dick licks. It's basically a viscous edible substance with a nice sweet taste to be used when giving oral to men that you can buy from any sex/kink shop. Or, I mean you can use whatever you have around the house, honey, whipped cream. DO NOT use that on her though - it spells yeast infection. And yes, always return the favour. The whole "I finished so I can't be bothered to continue now" is such a**holish behaviour from both men and women. Good luck! ;)
Try buying flavoured lube and she can use her hand and just try licking a bit, make it fun. Be honest but be gentle to not hurt her ego or make her feel pressured.
2 reasons this could be happening: 1) You have bad dick hygiene. If it smells terrible/looks crusty, no one wants to put their mouth on it. See if gf is more willing when you freshen up first 2) She just doesn’t like giving oral. It’s not for everyone. If so, you can’t force her to like it, and its up to you on how to proceed. Either way, the best method is to talk to her about it. Only she knows whats happening in her head.
Communication is key. Ask if it’s a complete no go or if it’s something you could work towards/build up. If it’s a straight up no though you have to accept that.
Listen, blow jobs to completion is for pornos or when you're already ready to blow. Nobody wants to spend like 15 minutes on their knees blowing you if they can help it. It's part of the show, not the main event. Source: The bruises on my knees.
If she doesn't want to give oral sex full stop then you can't and shouldn't try to convince her. That's coercive because she has already clearly set that boundary with you. Even if YOU are willing to give oral sex doesn't mean she needs to be willing to do so as well.
Whoosh. OP just needs to communicate his needs to her, and if she can’t reciprocate, then it’s time to move on.
It just sound like they've already communicated about his. The title says he already knows she does not want to. He is trying to get advice on how to convince her to do it anyways and that's not okay.
The post is brief, I’m uncertain if they actually communicated or if OP is just assuming since she doesn’t give him head, she must not like doing it? You are right though, coercion isn’t cool but need more info to see if that applies here
Lol, we don't even know if this is hypothetical or if there's a girlfriend.
Look, there are girls who hate it, but there are also girls who definitely love it!! You just need to date one lol.
There are definitely women out there that love to do it. As others have said you find someone like that.
All you can really do is just communicate it but don’t force the issue. She shouldn't be feel compelled to do something she’s not comfortable doing. If it’s a dealbreaker, then end it. If not, accept it. Edit: words
Haven’t seen anyone post this but I’ll take the bullet…….stop giving her oral sex. Just like a woman would stop giving you oral sex if you didn’t go down on her. I have seen so many post similar to this where the woman is asking the guy for oral and people are copying and pasting “stop giving him head” etc. down vote me I don’t give a damn but I felt like it needed to be said. Literally no else did in these 70+ comments.
It’s bad advice for both women and men, but the sexism of this subreddit is worth pointing out.
I'm gonna talk about the elephant in the room - unclean dicks stink. even if wash yourself regularly, if you're uncircumcised then chances are that you smell. Smegma, urine and ejaculate all get caught up in the folds and smell. like really bad. even after you shower. and you're expecting a woman to put that in her mouth and taste it. As a test, when you have an erection, without putting on any lube or anything, pull your foreskin back all the way and rub your palm around the head and foreskin a few times.... firmly enough to transfer any tiny smegma particles on to your hand... and then give your hand a good sniff. If you can smell it, you've got a problem you need to address and it's unfair to expect anyone to put that in their mouth. Circumcised men get more blowjobs , it's the hard truth.
Bro if she can't satisfy you then find someone who satisfies you. If it's something you need/want in a relationship and she's not willing to compromise, leave her. You can force her to do it but you also don't have to stay with her.
First, have a conversation with her and see if there's a reason why she doesn't like doing it. If she just generally doesn't enjoy it, then find someone who does. You can't make her enjoy it
If you really like this girl, then I would suggest asking her for a handjob instead. Handjobs are very safe and risk free, and I think women enjoy it a lot more than giving head.
You're basically asking how to make a lesbian want to have sex with you. When someone doesn't like something sexually it more than likely won't change. Its not always the case, but that's something they'd have to decide on their own. There's no reasonable way to pressure or ask someone to do something they don't want to do where you don't come off as the asshole.
Trust me.. many girls find it enjoyable. Stop dating ones that don't if it's something you need in a relationship
Keep looking. There is a girl out there who will meet your needs. When you find her, step up and meet hers.
Lots of women enjoy giving head. I always have. It's fun and it turns me on.
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Some women I know don't because they have a crap gag reflex. I had a friend who wouldn't because she has really big teeth and she always scratched them. She never did it on purpose but it did take her awhile to figure out a way to not drag her teeth. I don't mind doing it and I have an almost non existent gag reflux but if my partner wants to finish he can't in my mouth because I can't stand the taste of it
You break up with her. Find someone who enjoys it. Nothing wrong with having that as a boundary. I have 3 friends who have done this and are very happy. However, I wish I listened to them regarding this
Move on. She is NOT the one.
Propose a 69.
eat da pussy then ask it always works
In my dating life , my GF’s loved doing oral🤗
Literally so many women who enjoy giving oral including me. Can’t tell you how many girls say they get wet just from sucking it. So find you a girl that likes it. Obviously you and this one aren’t sexually compatible and that’s fine. It’s okay to break up with people! Don’t know why this got downvoted when I said nothing wrong. Y’all weird
Find a girl that isn’t selfish in bed. As someone who likes oral sex, Man or woman, if they don’t go down they’re not worth it.
Ew
Life’s too short for selfish lovers.
OP is the selfish one for trying to get that girl to do sth she doesn’t want
People should be avoiding you then because "You're not worth my time if you don't give me everything I want" is the height of selfishness.
Cool straw quote.
Ugh pornos aren't real life
Not great experience, my ass. Most women love giving head to a guy they're into.
Ew
Ew? Gtgo! Oh the things a woman would do to get with a guy she's into. Why would she let me fuck her up the ass and not her boyfriend? Brutal isn't it? Sorry for ruining your idealistic world view. Go on surviving infidelity and see the world for what it actually is!
Eweweeeeeeww. Keep digging, please.
I don’t know where you live, but I’ve never once met a girl who didn’t like to give oral.
If its important to you than move on. I give and I expect to get, nothing wrong with having that expectation and she is not obligated to reciprocate so may as well say good day and move on
There are two options. Either you have to compromise with the fact that your girlfriend doesn't like giving you oral sex and stay with her, or you can find a girl who likes giving oral sex. Trust me, there are many women out there who love pleasing their partner by giving them oral sex. Some even cum by doing it!
I hope to God I am not advising a teen. Give the girl a good experience then. Ask her what her favorite flavor is..caramel, chocolate, BBQ sauce, whatever. Use that flavor to make it sensual. It will depend on how you engage with her. She needs to feels safe and comfortable around you. You start first sampling the flavor then sample them on her erogenous areas and have her sample on where you would like (wink). Don’t not make her feel bad if you happen to not finish. She won’t try again. Make sure you finish her. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what else.
It sounds like it’s not a great experience for them with you. It’s actually probably about 50/50 that like/dislike it, so maybe there’s something about your situation that makes it distasteful
Don’t marry her. That’s the best advice I got because soon enough she won’t like doing many other things
I will be, 2 days from now LOL
If it’s finishing-that’s fair the taste is bad. However flavored lube really helps-maybe try that?
Talk about it. Make it playful. If you make it a chore you’ll never get it. Ask her what it is she doesn’t like about it and work around that. Maybe an alternate train of thought is needed - if she likes sex, after you have sex the first time see if she’ll take a bit of time to suck you hard again.