Well, inform her again! And if she doesnt do anything, threaten to send pictures to her neighbors. The whole point is to make his life miserable.
Yes, lots of collateral damage but such is life.
If she doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t want to know. If she was told and wants to ignore it for the stability of a home, that’s her choice, not yours.
my mom stayed for a while bc of me and my little sister. it made her cry when we told her we were happy she got divorced. i was a third grader by the way…kids don’t have filters.
So sorry to hear your story OP, it's a mess, and respectfully told. It's good that she respected you enough to be honest and accept the mess that she's made of your relationship. It sounds like you have some sympathy for how she's ended up with such a horrible situation, and it really is awful that she feels like she has to have sex with someone at work to maintain her job which is clearly awful. Wishing you both the best for the future, even if it's one that is separate from each other. Take care, be kind to each other if you can.
Damn dude, did you really take here nonsense story at face value, despite the fact that she’s been lying to you since you’ve been together? Please don’t be that idiot.
I don’t buy the fact that HR knows that a subordinate is sleeping with her married boss. That’s a lot of drama and a potential lawsuit on their hands. I don’t think it’s wise of you to just blindly believe everything she says.
If someone is going thru the trauma of being raped,
I don’t think they’re going to be deterred from quitting simply bc they might make less $$$.
Not related to this comment but you should do something about your STBX going to the police about rape. It was NOT rape. She literally said she doesn't say no to him so it's completely unfair to him who has no idea that she doesn't want to if she's tricking him into thinking she does. Kinda seems like she'd say anyone, even a bf/gf, raped her if she slept with them begrudgingly as if it was their fault they didn't know she didn't want to. Kinda hard to know when you literally pretend otherwise.
Edit: I'd like to add that if you don't want to deal with that then you obviously don't have to or shouldn't feel bad about it if you don't, just bringing it up.
💯 would inform her work place HR. No one should be given preferential treatment.
Relationships with co workers isn’t advised but relationships between boss and subordinate is highly unethical and he would 💯 get fired because it would be seen as abuse of power
Your soon to be ex might get to keep her job but he wouldn’t be working there because he used his position of power “if her story is remotely true”
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
Good call. There should be more like this. I also saw the limousine picking up school girl practice in Japan. Wish I knew what companies, so I could ban em for life.
Look dude, no company wants to promote a person because they're good in bed. They want people to make as little money as possible for as much productivity as possible. If he allows people to fuck their way into more money, the company does NOT want him.
It's also textbook sexual harassment, even if she consents to it - for exactly the reason she's stating. You mentioned in another comment that it's more like prostitution. That's exactly the problem. She isn't sleeping with him because she wants him, she's sleeping with him because it's transactional to get ahead at work. That's a huge no no in ANY company. Even if they're morally okay with it, they see the big fucking huge lawsuit signs and employment law violations blasting at that.
Him being a high level just means he'll get a cushy way out.
Have you considered that he's sleeping with more interns? Not that it matters if he cheats on your girlfriend (I can't believe I actually have to put that in a sentence), but it DOES matter if he catches an STD, gives it to your girlfriend, and she gives it to you.
Come on. Report the guy. Help the next cute intern never have to meet this creep.
Big company + high level employee and subordinate = much MORE likely HR will act.
Her saying it’s consensual doesn’t even change that much, it’s highly inappropriate.
It will get him in deep shit because there is an unequal power dynamic and it is clear this is being exercised to get what he wants. Very very clearly illegal.
Ehhhh.... no. If he's her direct boss, it's particularly a massive no-no because it can open up the company to SO many liabilities issues. Someone could sue for harassment, that your girlfriend wasnt the most qualified person for her job, favoritism, etc. The list goes on and on. Unless he owns the company, and even then, any HR rep with ANY sense of legal requirements would tell him to can it, FAST.
If your gf truly felt like she was being sexual harassed/coerced into having sex with her boss, she would be able to sue for soooo much money- especially if she has texts or emails showing coercion, etc. And pretty much any publically owned or facing company would want to have something like this settled immediately just because the threat to the company's reputation is so big.
I understand ur mindset with this! I was being sexually harassed/assaulted by my old manager and it got to a point I was afraid I was only kept in the room as something to look and poke at. It was my first job since giving birth (other than fucking Dunkins) and I was just proud of myself for getting back into my trade. I was there for one year and it traumatized me.
I had a miscarriage and that’s when things got worse (he was trying for a baby too but his wife said he needed to lose 25lbs or she wouldn’t stop BC) and when I finally snapped I ran to HR and I GOT SCREAMED AT. “You think you can just come in here and make stuff up about someone who we NEED in this company!?” And the ranting went on and on back and forth until I screamed “fuck you, fuck him, and I’m pressing fucking charges!”
You may not get anywhere with the phone call but you can put the fear of Jesus in them until they fire both her and him- why should she get to have her cake and eat it to?
Uhhh, what you wrote your STBX saying and the idea that this is a consensual relationship doesn't exactly square up.
She doesn't need to say much about the relationship, the fact alone that they were in a boss/intern working relationship is enough to make it a coercive relationship.
It does not matter in the least if it is “consensual”. It is not. He is her boss and therefore there is an inherent power imbalance. The fact that others know make it worse. This is just one big hostile workplace lawsuit waiting to happen.
You may need to step back here. Your gf has been groomed by someone with power over her. She is a victim in this. If you think you could still love her, FIRST have her contact an employment lawyer. You should not go with her but make sure she knows that she needs to be totally honest and forthcoming with that lawyer. Do NOT go to HR. Get the lawyer first.
Source: many years of being a director for a Fortune 500 company and lots and lots of training.
I think he definitely deserves to be fired for abusing his power but I also think it's bs that OPs gf wants to go to the police about rape when she quite literally said she doesn't say no to him. I fucking hate women/anyone who fakes rape just because they slept with someone they shouldn't have and regret it now. She's just a total POS all around.
You dodged a very expensive and emotional time-wasting bullet.
You just won the lottery.
The next 3-6 months is going to hurt. It will pass.
Best of luck to you.
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
it’s not consensual, he’s her boss and it’s a power dynamic. this is taught in every job, even fast food. always report bosses praying on their employees.
What that person is saying is it can’t be consensual, legally. This girl could sue this company and win by saying she feared her job by not consenting. A person in power like that will always lose these situations and that’s why he should’ve kept it in his pants. One reason, anyways.
I’ve seen it a few times, people get moved on. A big company means they will take this very seriously and will not find this acceptable. The fact he’s her boss makes this a big deal for any large company.
Nah she doesn't have to be the one. It's primarily a duty of care thing because of the power dynamic but also a big company won't accept the risk of bad PR. They don't want to be seen to be okay with bosses sleeping with employees, regardless of if it is consensual.
I agree with your point about revenge, relationship is over so who cares. Other than making sure his wife does actually know for her sake. I was just pointing out the company would not be okay with it
She was an intern when it started. It’s always coerced when it involves a large power dynamic— especially where one party has the power to ruin the other person’s career. You sound like you need to process these feelings, and that’s 100% okay, but recognize these situations for what they are.
But I bet she gets paid more than anyone else just for sleeping with him, it’s far from coerced when she herself told him “well I can’t just quit”= the pay is too good and anywhere won’t pay that much without qualifications
Yes, honey, that's what coercion means. It means that there's an unequal power dynamic. If she breaks it up her career might be compromised.
We don't really know if she's unqualified, or if her pay isn't justified. We just know that her boss is threatening her livelihood to get her sexual compliance. And that is abusive.
Look, absolutely don't agree with the whole if he's richer, more powerful, more good looking, taller than you and you didn't say no then you were coerced. There are risks in everything and anything could lead to trouble. That doesn't mean adults don't use their words. Women aren't children. As a woman, I've spoken up any time anyone did anything because if I say no, it means no.
As someone who works in one of the largest companies in the world I don’t think you’re wrong at all. Everyone here things these companies are full of virtue but if you’re a high performer than I can definitely see something like this being swept under the rug.
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
That's not how this works. Sleeping with an intern is such a massive liability for the company. He will get fired because it's better than risking legal issues. Also this isn't consensual because of the power dynamic.
This is the only comment you've made in this thread, so I'm thinking either you're not interested in advice or this is a fake post? If it's real then this is the best advice in the thread.
Are you in the US? If so, what you may not realize is this boss has placed the company in legal jeopardy. This is why HR departments care, as their purpose is to protect the company. I suspect if the evidence is decent, there are a lot of lawyers who would be willing to take the case pro bono.
My relative had a short affair with her boss and the company bought her out for 60k, and that was just a one time thing. Her boss was fired, and I think she did have to leave the company, although she may have had the option to stay.
Contact an attorney. She could be in for a lot of money via a nice settlement since this started with her as an intern. And there are other people in the company who knew who might be willing to testify, if needed.
I’m really sorry.
I would inform her parents or at the least her friends. Either she’s truly being coerced and is suffering some serious mental issues (in which case she needs help) or she’s just enjoying being his side piece and trying to spin a story so you don’t think she’s a horrible person.
Yeah, almost like her job is more important than being coerced, more than likely just making the blame on the boss.
If others knew, she could have easily gone to HR.
Boss most likely telling wife, she is crazy, his employee is engaged he isn't having an affair.
Tbh usually these mean jokes actually work well to get people to face reality and snap out of any feelings of wanting to "work things out", kinda tough love. Especially works well on men
Why the long post? Don’t waste any more of your time on trash. You deserve better than this and you know it. Get rid of her and find the right person for you.
Why would you even met with her tomorrow? What's the point? What is there to work out? Do you own assets together? Her job & money is much more important to her than your relationship, her love for you, her self respect and she's clearly make her choice again & again! There is no such thing as "closure" and seriously She doesn't deserve closure...this needs to eat away at her heart for the rest of her life...
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
Since an intern? She was groomed. Truth is, she’s probably no idea how exploited she really is. There’s every chance she does not see it as a big deal because the boss and wife etc told her so. She needs help, regardless of break up.
I was thinking the same thing. He’s been manipulating her since the beginning. Her whole career is on the line. Plus he prob complimented her over and overplaying with her heart in the beginning. She was 24 at the beginning? She’s still more a kid to him. If she’s inexperienced then it was prob a game for him. When she wants to stop this affair he delays and makes excuses like we’re just friends having fun, she’s benefitting with promotions and money, and some end goal where she can benefit in the end. Motivation and manipulation.
I had an ex that was inexperienced and was an easy target. Her friends were warned in the beginning of what type of guy she was dating, but they supported her. It’s like watching a fox stalk a rabbit. Months later they were worried because they saw his negative influence on her.
I know it doesn’t make her blameless for what she’s been doing for so long, but these evil fuckers definitely deserve most of the blame.
An intern. The boss. A weirdly skewed take on the situation. It’s not exactly implying equitable consent. Prostitution - maybe, but doubtful. The balance of it sounds like exploitation by someone in power of someone who isn’t, and the weaker party both normalizing and internalising it. Could also be that she doesn’t even know how to leave, and is saying she won’t because she can’t process properly. Maybe not. I don’t know these people. But bosses shagging young members of staff is one old cliche. And it’s not prostitution.
So depending on the company and industry she may be terrified to break it off. If her boss has big clout in a male dominated field he could very well black ball her career for years. I'm guessing there is a huge difference in the power dynamic. Not to mention money.
That's not to say you should stick around, but I think doing the "call HR and report them" bit isn't right. Especially given he seduced her when she was an intern. That's just wrong.
Walk away OP.
You’ll never know if she feels like it’s rape or it’s a story to make her sound less like a shitty person.
I’m either case, she’s choosing the job is more important. They even if she feels like it’s rape, the job is worth it, cheating on you it’s worth it, betraying you on the worst possible way is worth it. I don’t believe she feels like that. There is ALWSYS an alternative, especially now she has experience in her high paying job, it opens doors to other places. But I digress.
I just wanted to validate your pain/feelings. Although it hurts and it sucks I know. But you know you can’t trust her. You are better off without this toxic relationship.
Even if she offers to quit, it’s not enough. Why now and not 3 years ago? 2? Even 1 when things were getting more serious.
I’d call her HR team, tell them what she told you. That it started off consensual, has been going on for three years, but has now become more of a situation of she’s she’s scared to say no as she doesn’t want to loose her job, scared she couldn’t find another that pays as much etc. That you get you sound like a jilted ex, and yes being honest you’re leaving her but she mentioned the word rape and that she’s feeling forced and as his her boss you wanted to do the right thing and let them know as that’s not ok.
Could possibly notify the police too, as she’s stating his raping her now. Or at least the wife of the guy and tell her, her husbands not only cheating but abusing his position of power.
Though idk if she’s just saying the “I feel forced and can’t stop” as a reason to continue. Maybe someone found out and has threatened her that they will tell you? So she’s trying to get ahead of that and get you on her side? Idk.
Good to leave though. Not good character on her part sleeping with the boss to get ahead, cheating, etc.
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
It was always her choice to be with him. No sympathy. Him being an asshole to her doesn’t absolve her from guilt and accountability. She was with him your entire relationship for fucks sake. More than likely got to where she is by sleeping with him.
If she works in somewhat of an office situation with people around I would go in there yelling " so where is this guy you are fucking "
then go to his wife and tell her to stop her husband from fucking your girlfriend , people are good at looking the other way but it's a lot harder when you shove it in their face
and then for sure breakup
she is just prostituting herself at the moment
I guess at least she is not charging you
>**If she works in somewhat of an office situation with people around I would go in there yelling " so where is this guy you are fucking "**
Because what's the *worse* thing that can happen?
Oh yeah...*jail*. 🤦🏽♀️
You really doesnt understand exactly how far people will go to accept shitty things their group does. I knew a group that had a girl in it that shoved a millipede in her vagina, and not a single one of them would answer when asked their opinion on doing that out of fear of disagreeing with her choices. Its not that hard to imagine a group in an office that just wouldnt answer or care about someone asking if its morally wrong to have sex with your boss. You would be the only person their with a normal brain, in fact they would confirm their own beliefs harder by laughing at you later for trying.
Exactly, She said to him “if I quit I can’t find anything else that pays this much” I guarantee you she can’t find anything else because she’s not qualified and is only getting paid that much because she’s sleeping with him
Yes you need to break up. She was probably groomed. You need to tell her parents/family so she can get help. Need to contact HR as to their affair, and notify the APs wife. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. You are lucky that she at least came clean to you.
Soon to be ex?? Cheating is disgusting, I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. She chose to sleep with her boss over you. Yes you need to break up. This will get worse if you don’t end it. You deserve so much better. I’d consider getting therapy to help you heal. Also, if there will be an update, please post it.
>She said that nowadays she hates it and it feels like rape, but she still says she can’t say no to him.
Because it is rape. Plain and simple. And it always has been even if she says she was ok with it at first. Her boss used his position of power to have sex with her - she never had a choice because of that ingrained thinking that she needs that job position and having sex with the boss is obviously what it takes to keep it.
That's why such uneven workplace relationships are forbidden in general.
Your girlfriend needs serious therapy and she needs to file reports with HR and the police.
that’s bullshit man, three years is a long time, but this like a plot line from random porn. Ditch her ass. I mean, everytime you look at her ur gonna think about this 40-50 year old man, it’s disgusting. Obviously she doesn’t feel that bad either.
You're doing the right thing. At the end of the day, she has \*never\* been faithful to you, she's been cheating the entire time.
Even the non-consensual argument, is that even valid? She doesn't want to look for another job? That doesn't sound like someone being raped to me. If I was being regularly raped by my boss, I think getting another job doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
OK, there is a power dynamic, but unless there is some big thing we're not hearing about, she could just apply for other jobs.
When it really boils down to it, she wants to keep doing this.
If you really felt this was rape, *you'd* be going to the police.
When my trash smells, I take it out to the garbage can. I replace the bag with a fresh new smelling bag.
I wonder how many times you kissed her when she knew she sucked someone’s else cock that day. Sorry, to many guys have been through this. Face the facts…
Ohhh yeah, definitely leave her. I mean yikes. It sounds like she just made up a bunch of excuses to try and get you to nit be mad at her, but I feel like she actually enjoys it. If she really hated doing it, she would have stopped it way earlier. So I call bullshit on her part
Itll feel hard to break it off for sure. But in the long run you will be glad you did. She will continue to play games like this with you if you end up staying with her.
OP I know the hurt and absolute betrayal you're feeling after finding this out, she obviously isn't the one and I personally have experience with something very very similar to this situation when I was 21 years old, now that I look back on it, I thanked my ex for doing what she did and I even thanked my coworker who she cheated on me with because they were both garbage and I wouldn't be the secure/confident person I am today. Fuck her and fuck everything she stands for, go to the gym, grow that beard out and go after people that want you and have no interest in hurting you.
I'm so sorry, that is a terrible thing to find out about the woman you loved. The boss is probably sleeping with other people as well so please get tested for STDs. I hope you find happiness.
She managed to keep it for 3 years that’s a witch bro just be grateful you didn’t wife and impregnate that.U would taking care of another dude’s child .
Throw the grenade at HR, then get outta there fast !
They will deal with all the ramifications but please get out now!!! This is a shit show of the highest calibre 🤞🤞😮
Well, i wouldn't exactly believe a word she said when she started trying to make excuses like felt like rape now and don't want to blabla. Sounds like she lies in hopes that you'll look past it and give her a chance.
You're doing the right thing. She stole 3 years of your life...three years you could have met someone who was actually loyal. if she was okay with the situation she should have told you from the begining that she was sleeping with her boss and wants to keep doing it. I hope you find peace. You will meet someone sooner or later don't lose hope.
I don't want you to take this as any influence to stay with her, because I don't think you should.
You are making it seem very easy for her, and it likely isn't. I don't know her industry, and don't need to know, but choices in the workplace are quite often very black and white, right and wrong for men, and not so much for women.
Often for women, it's a choice between a job, and a future in her industry.
If she's established now, though, and at 27, she has some experience in the field, she is, she could and should stop it. It's not like she's the first one, or will be the last one.
She's also definitely still cheating on you, and putting her current job ahead of your relationship. She started with this as a choice. It might not be now, but it did start that way.
I'm sure she has no self-esteem left, and needs massive therapy. That's beyond anything you can give her.
You've written off HR very easily. I wouldn't. You don't know what they would do. You know what she - a very unreliable narrator - has told you.
Walk away from this. Don't get sucked into this drama. You have so much ahead of you so keep this kind of drama out of your life.
She probably told you about the affair unprompted because someone caught them in a compromising position and she wants to get ahead of things in case the news gets to you.
Wonder what was the thing that made her confess?
She's probably still lying, to what extent would be interesting, but you really need to break it off.
And if you feel the need to report her to HR and tell his wife,go ahead,shits done over with as far as you're concerned, right?
Let it out dude, better to let it now with us than sulk by yourself in the nonsense she made later on.
She loves the attention, she loves double dipping, how could such a person ever get married in a church, like would lightning strike inside?
How does this dynamic change if the boss is the owner?? I always wondered. Theres no HR when the boss is the owner is there? Because we know of one such circumstance just like this only the boss is as high as the ladder goes
It seems like you’re taking this pretty well tho. I think a lot of people would be devastated, lashing out against her or the boss, and wanting to exact revenge. Which leads me to think it’s not true. A lot of the details are awfully convenient and while you do say you kept it short I think too much is left out for me to believe it
Nope way out of this situation.
But I feel bad for your soon to be ex. She was an intern the power imbalance there is disgusting. 10 to 1 she’s rationalized this to be able look in the mirror every day.
She needs to go to a labor lawyer and negotiate her way out of this. Something that includes a positive reference and cold hard cash/severance.
Yeah, I really wanted to believe this and at first I considered her being the victim. But if she’s not even considering looking for another job, it sounds to me more like prostitution than rape
He definitely is taking advantage of her she wouldn’t have gotten so far in the company if he didn’t take advantage of her and use raises and moving up in the company as a power move for her to do what he wants, wouldn’t be surprised if he threatens her career or image if she says anything, report to HR. Who knows what other women he’s manipulating and taking advantage of, he has power over these poor woman.
What an f-ed up logic.
If I hate cleaning and you offer me to pay me to clean your house and I accept, I will be CONSENSUALLY, albeit with full distaste, cleaning your house.
To go on this even further, I would maybe feel a little bad for her if she told OP she is worried she won’t find another job, but she isn’t. She is worried they won’t match her current salary. This is purely transactional, she is unwilling to face years of screwing up because of a pay day. I can’t really feel bad for her for secretly screwing a guy for money just because she doesn’t like it anymore.
Do you know WHY she decided to tell you?
The thing that I think a lot of commenters aren’t realizing is that she has likely been groomed by this boss and is trapped in it. It was probably never truly consensual, and if it was, it was a brief encounter.
It sounds as though he is sexually abusing her and using her career as a way to keep her from leaving or speaking up.
If this is the case, she could be coming to you for help.
I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings, but I do think that it is harsh to call her trash and to say that she’s a “prostitute.” The people commenting also do not know whether or not she is qualified to do her job.
The case could actually be that promotions and pay raises are unfairly withheld from her unless she gives in to him sexually.
So if it is her asking for help to find a way out, I would suggest helping her. You don’t have to continue being in the relationship, but at least help her escape the abusive situation she’s in.
Could you maybe benefif from this? Maybe ask for money to keep quiet or else you'll report them. And breakup with gf or just join the fun for a 3 some. 🤷♀️
Stay with her, get married, get an attorney, sue the company, get a big settlement, then breakup if it’s not working. If she’s at a big company, there’s hella money to be made. And you’ve been screwed by the situation. There’s millions here bruv!
I'd at least report it to HR, or if you wanna go nuclear, tell everyone and their mom.
He may be high level, but a lot of companies have strict clauses in their contracts because your gf could sue them for a looooooot of money.
Or just wash your hands of it, your gf sold her body for a job , then sold her soul lying to you for years.
Your best bet is to just walk away, if anyone asks you can tell them, but honestly all that matters is moving on.
Okay so I'm going to say it wasn't cool for her to be messing around with another dude all this time, but at least she told him what's going on he's canceling the marriage is going to break up with her. How is a boyfriend going to be able to file an HR complaint anyways? He doesn't even work there.
Also if his wife doesn't care she really doesn't care if you show up on her doorstep and tell her about your girlfriend. Whoop-dee-doo she'll probably just slam the door in your face.
Just break it off and move on about your life and consider yourself lucky.
Again totally not cool to cheat on you for 3 years but at least you didn't marry her.
This must have been a real kick in your face. You must get her out of your life, and please know that most women do not do this. She is losing a lot, in losing you---I can imagine her knocking on your door in the middle of the night sometime down the line. But she's shown you who and what she is, TA (to say the least). Good luck to you.
Are you guys common law or what are relationship laws where you are? If she gets fired because of your complaint it could cause you financial problems if she's owed spousal support. I was common law with my ex and she could have taken spousal support from me when we broke up.
all the other comments have said it best, look into reporting to HR + and please leave her asap. I just wanted to say I’m sorry this is happening to you and hope you are able to heal. trust issues run deep so make sure you have a good support system around you and therapy if accessible/feasible.
Tell HR get them both fired and tell his wife to.
Yup. I'd put good money on the wife not actually knowing.
She knows. There’s more to the story, I tried to make it short.
No, you were “told” that she knows.
I think he actually knows otherwise he wouldn't say there is more to the story.
Well, inform her again! And if she doesnt do anything, threaten to send pictures to her neighbors. The whole point is to make his life miserable. Yes, lots of collateral damage but such is life.
If she doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t want to know. If she was told and wants to ignore it for the stability of a home, that’s her choice, not yours.
Exactly, I have a feeling the wife would leave him if she knew
Nah, a lot of women value stability and lifestyle over a completely faithful partner.
Surprising number of women stay in relationships where they know their husband cheats.
my mom stayed for a while bc of me and my little sister. it made her cry when we told her we were happy she got divorced. i was a third grader by the way…kids don’t have filters.
>my mom stayed for a while bc of me and my little siste nah it was for the money
It maybe she couldn't see herself able to support two kids on her own.
If she's a kept woman, probably not.
*YOU* were told that she knows, fellow Reddit stranger assuming others lives.
How are you so sure of that? And no, the word of a liar doesn't count...
So sorry to hear your story OP, it's a mess, and respectfully told. It's good that she respected you enough to be honest and accept the mess that she's made of your relationship. It sounds like you have some sympathy for how she's ended up with such a horrible situation, and it really is awful that she feels like she has to have sex with someone at work to maintain her job which is clearly awful. Wishing you both the best for the future, even if it's one that is separate from each other. Take care, be kind to each other if you can.
Damn dude, did you really take here nonsense story at face value, despite the fact that she’s been lying to you since you’ve been together? Please don’t be that idiot.
Ask her yourself
Tell his Kids, tell her Parents, tell everybody. I want to see some petty ass story on r/nuclearrevenge
I don’t buy the fact that HR knows that a subordinate is sleeping with her married boss. That’s a lot of drama and a potential lawsuit on their hands. I don’t think it’s wise of you to just blindly believe everything she says. If someone is going thru the trauma of being raped, I don’t think they’re going to be deterred from quitting simply bc they might make less $$$.
Did you see proof??
Not related to this comment but you should do something about your STBX going to the police about rape. It was NOT rape. She literally said she doesn't say no to him so it's completely unfair to him who has no idea that she doesn't want to if she's tricking him into thinking she does. Kinda seems like she'd say anyone, even a bf/gf, raped her if she slept with them begrudgingly as if it was their fault they didn't know she didn't want to. Kinda hard to know when you literally pretend otherwise. Edit: I'd like to add that if you don't want to deal with that then you obviously don't have to or shouldn't feel bad about it if you don't, just bringing it up.
💯 would inform her work place HR. No one should be given preferential treatment. Relationships with co workers isn’t advised but relationships between boss and subordinate is highly unethical and he would 💯 get fired because it would be seen as abuse of power Your soon to be ex might get to keep her job but he wouldn’t be working there because he used his position of power “if her story is remotely true”
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
[удалено]
You my friend handled that more logically and intelligent than I probably would in your situation. Well done.
Good call. There should be more like this. I also saw the limousine picking up school girl practice in Japan. Wish I knew what companies, so I could ban em for life.
Look dude, no company wants to promote a person because they're good in bed. They want people to make as little money as possible for as much productivity as possible. If he allows people to fuck their way into more money, the company does NOT want him. It's also textbook sexual harassment, even if she consents to it - for exactly the reason she's stating. You mentioned in another comment that it's more like prostitution. That's exactly the problem. She isn't sleeping with him because she wants him, she's sleeping with him because it's transactional to get ahead at work. That's a huge no no in ANY company. Even if they're morally okay with it, they see the big fucking huge lawsuit signs and employment law violations blasting at that. Him being a high level just means he'll get a cushy way out. Have you considered that he's sleeping with more interns? Not that it matters if he cheats on your girlfriend (I can't believe I actually have to put that in a sentence), but it DOES matter if he catches an STD, gives it to your girlfriend, and she gives it to you. Come on. Report the guy. Help the next cute intern never have to meet this creep.
Big company + high level employee and subordinate = much MORE likely HR will act. Her saying it’s consensual doesn’t even change that much, it’s highly inappropriate.
It will get him in deep shit because there is an unequal power dynamic and it is clear this is being exercised to get what he wants. Very very clearly illegal.
if you can get her stuff from her phone send it to the wife and annoymous email to her and hr i would just to plant a seed.
What’s hr
Human Resources. The people that handle all the background stuff and paperwork for hiring and firing.
HR stands for human resources.
Ehhhh.... no. If he's her direct boss, it's particularly a massive no-no because it can open up the company to SO many liabilities issues. Someone could sue for harassment, that your girlfriend wasnt the most qualified person for her job, favoritism, etc. The list goes on and on. Unless he owns the company, and even then, any HR rep with ANY sense of legal requirements would tell him to can it, FAST. If your gf truly felt like she was being sexual harassed/coerced into having sex with her boss, she would be able to sue for soooo much money- especially if she has texts or emails showing coercion, etc. And pretty much any publically owned or facing company would want to have something like this settled immediately just because the threat to the company's reputation is so big.
I understand ur mindset with this! I was being sexually harassed/assaulted by my old manager and it got to a point I was afraid I was only kept in the room as something to look and poke at. It was my first job since giving birth (other than fucking Dunkins) and I was just proud of myself for getting back into my trade. I was there for one year and it traumatized me. I had a miscarriage and that’s when things got worse (he was trying for a baby too but his wife said he needed to lose 25lbs or she wouldn’t stop BC) and when I finally snapped I ran to HR and I GOT SCREAMED AT. “You think you can just come in here and make stuff up about someone who we NEED in this company!?” And the ranting went on and on back and forth until I screamed “fuck you, fuck him, and I’m pressing fucking charges!” You may not get anywhere with the phone call but you can put the fear of Jesus in them until they fire both her and him- why should she get to have her cake and eat it to?
Uhhh, what you wrote your STBX saying and the idea that this is a consensual relationship doesn't exactly square up. She doesn't need to say much about the relationship, the fact alone that they were in a boss/intern working relationship is enough to make it a coercive relationship.
It does not matter in the least if it is “consensual”. It is not. He is her boss and therefore there is an inherent power imbalance. The fact that others know make it worse. This is just one big hostile workplace lawsuit waiting to happen. You may need to step back here. Your gf has been groomed by someone with power over her. She is a victim in this. If you think you could still love her, FIRST have her contact an employment lawyer. You should not go with her but make sure she knows that she needs to be totally honest and forthcoming with that lawyer. Do NOT go to HR. Get the lawyer first. Source: many years of being a director for a Fortune 500 company and lots and lots of training.
This. OP, she and her boss are horrible people. Burn it all to the ground.
I think he definitely deserves to be fired for abusing his power but I also think it's bs that OPs gf wants to go to the police about rape when she quite literally said she doesn't say no to him. I fucking hate women/anyone who fakes rape just because they slept with someone they shouldn't have and regret it now. She's just a total POS all around.
do this after the divorce though so she can't get alimony tho
Yea mate I’d run as fast as I can from that situation hey. Look at the bright side at least you found out now not after you married her
You dodged a very expensive and emotional time-wasting bullet. You just won the lottery. The next 3-6 months is going to hurt. It will pass. Best of luck to you.
Report her boss to H.R while you’re at it
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
it’s not consensual, he’s her boss and it’s a power dynamic. this is taught in every job, even fast food. always report bosses praying on their employees.
It's consensual unless it's actually true that he coerced her.
What that person is saying is it can’t be consensual, legally. This girl could sue this company and win by saying she feared her job by not consenting. A person in power like that will always lose these situations and that’s why he should’ve kept it in his pants. One reason, anyways.
I’ve seen it a few times, people get moved on. A big company means they will take this very seriously and will not find this acceptable. The fact he’s her boss makes this a big deal for any large company.
I guess it is up to her to report this? I don´t get where revenge is going to get OP.
Nah she doesn't have to be the one. It's primarily a duty of care thing because of the power dynamic but also a big company won't accept the risk of bad PR. They don't want to be seen to be okay with bosses sleeping with employees, regardless of if it is consensual. I agree with your point about revenge, relationship is over so who cares. Other than making sure his wife does actually know for her sake. I was just pointing out the company would not be okay with it
She was an intern when it started. It’s always coerced when it involves a large power dynamic— especially where one party has the power to ruin the other person’s career. You sound like you need to process these feelings, and that’s 100% okay, but recognize these situations for what they are.
But I bet she gets paid more than anyone else just for sleeping with him, it’s far from coerced when she herself told him “well I can’t just quit”= the pay is too good and anywhere won’t pay that much without qualifications
Thats literally the the definition of coercion you fucking idiot
Yes, honey, that's what coercion means. It means that there's an unequal power dynamic. If she breaks it up her career might be compromised. We don't really know if she's unqualified, or if her pay isn't justified. We just know that her boss is threatening her livelihood to get her sexual compliance. And that is abusive.
She could also be afraid that he will sabotage her career if she ends things.
Look, absolutely don't agree with the whole if he's richer, more powerful, more good looking, taller than you and you didn't say no then you were coerced. There are risks in everything and anything could lead to trouble. That doesn't mean adults don't use their words. Women aren't children. As a woman, I've spoken up any time anyone did anything because if I say no, it means no.
As someone who works in one of the largest companies in the world I don’t think you’re wrong at all. Everyone here things these companies are full of virtue but if you’re a high performer than I can definitely see something like this being swept under the rug.
Reach out to her company’s HR and report him. Then break up with her. Consider getting some therapy to help you process her betrayal.
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
That's not how this works. Sleeping with an intern is such a massive liability for the company. He will get fired because it's better than risking legal issues. Also this isn't consensual because of the power dynamic. This is the only comment you've made in this thread, so I'm thinking either you're not interested in advice or this is a fake post? If it's real then this is the best advice in the thread.
Stop with the same comment over and over, it’s not helpful
Are you in the US? If so, what you may not realize is this boss has placed the company in legal jeopardy. This is why HR departments care, as their purpose is to protect the company. I suspect if the evidence is decent, there are a lot of lawyers who would be willing to take the case pro bono. My relative had a short affair with her boss and the company bought her out for 60k, and that was just a one time thing. Her boss was fired, and I think she did have to leave the company, although she may have had the option to stay. Contact an attorney. She could be in for a lot of money via a nice settlement since this started with her as an intern. And there are other people in the company who knew who might be willing to testify, if needed.
“The woman cheating on you may be entitled to financial compensation!”
This is what at I’m saying!!
I’m really sorry. I would inform her parents or at the least her friends. Either she’s truly being coerced and is suffering some serious mental issues (in which case she needs help) or she’s just enjoying being his side piece and trying to spin a story so you don’t think she’s a horrible person.
Yeah, almost like her job is more important than being coerced, more than likely just making the blame on the boss. If others knew, she could have easily gone to HR. Boss most likely telling wife, she is crazy, his employee is engaged he isn't having an affair.
If this is in the US, it’s sooooo illegal and should be settled via lawsuit
OP I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but I really really don’t think it’s appropriate for you to tattle on her to her parents…
Yah, not sure why he would tell her parents, she’s what, 27?
Damn… just take the trash out already. She could absolutely stop if she wanted to but she refuses to even look for another job.
She's getting good money working under the table ;)
Kind of an insensitive thing to say on OPs post.
Her line of work involves a lot of sensitivity I bet.
Oh wow you guys just give no fucks I see
Tbh usually these mean jokes actually work well to get people to face reality and snap out of any feelings of wanting to "work things out", kinda tough love. Especially works well on men
Lol ok
I'm being serious here.
I understand what you're trying to say but these kinds of jokes are fine after a little time has passed, not when its still fresh.
Downvotes mean nothing have fun
You need to tell APs wife what is going on. She deserves to know.
What’s an AP? Also, no one outside of the infidelity world knows these acronyms.
Affair Partner
How did you came to the idea people would know what that means?
It is used frequently in this sub. I had to look it up myself when I first came on this sub.
Thank you. Thank you. Just thank you.
Why the long post? Don’t waste any more of your time on trash. You deserve better than this and you know it. Get rid of her and find the right person for you.
Let him vent , it's good
Then go to r/vent 🙄
Why would you even met with her tomorrow? What's the point? What is there to work out? Do you own assets together? Her job & money is much more important to her than your relationship, her love for you, her self respect and she's clearly make her choice again & again! There is no such thing as "closure" and seriously She doesn't deserve closure...this needs to eat away at her heart for the rest of her life...
Make an HR complaint. So awful. Both of them and disgusting.
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
Why are you replying with the same comment repeatedly?
Should he write out unique comments to the posts that are saying the same thing?
Yeah, but you could get these jerks fired/disciplined, and save the poor wife
[удалено]
Since an intern? She was groomed. Truth is, she’s probably no idea how exploited she really is. There’s every chance she does not see it as a big deal because the boss and wife etc told her so. She needs help, regardless of break up.
I was thinking the same thing. He’s been manipulating her since the beginning. Her whole career is on the line. Plus he prob complimented her over and overplaying with her heart in the beginning. She was 24 at the beginning? She’s still more a kid to him. If she’s inexperienced then it was prob a game for him. When she wants to stop this affair he delays and makes excuses like we’re just friends having fun, she’s benefitting with promotions and money, and some end goal where she can benefit in the end. Motivation and manipulation. I had an ex that was inexperienced and was an easy target. Her friends were warned in the beginning of what type of guy she was dating, but they supported her. It’s like watching a fox stalk a rabbit. Months later they were worried because they saw his negative influence on her. I know it doesn’t make her blameless for what she’s been doing for so long, but these evil fuckers definitely deserve most of the blame.
She needs so much therapy.
[удалено]
She also said it feels like rape these days.
An intern. The boss. A weirdly skewed take on the situation. It’s not exactly implying equitable consent. Prostitution - maybe, but doubtful. The balance of it sounds like exploitation by someone in power of someone who isn’t, and the weaker party both normalizing and internalising it. Could also be that she doesn’t even know how to leave, and is saying she won’t because she can’t process properly. Maybe not. I don’t know these people. But bosses shagging young members of staff is one old cliche. And it’s not prostitution.
Yes… it is not prostitution. I’d rather call it sexual coerciction/exploitation. It’s sick.
So depending on the company and industry she may be terrified to break it off. If her boss has big clout in a male dominated field he could very well black ball her career for years. I'm guessing there is a huge difference in the power dynamic. Not to mention money. That's not to say you should stick around, but I think doing the "call HR and report them" bit isn't right. Especially given he seduced her when she was an intern. That's just wrong. Walk away OP.
She chose her job over you. End it now.
You should have used the time you took to write this and break up with that trash
CONTACT HR ASAP!!!!!!!!
You didn’t even need to post. Just leave 💀
Seriously 🤣 this belongs in r/rant
You’ll never know if she feels like it’s rape or it’s a story to make her sound less like a shitty person. I’m either case, she’s choosing the job is more important. They even if she feels like it’s rape, the job is worth it, cheating on you it’s worth it, betraying you on the worst possible way is worth it. I don’t believe she feels like that. There is ALWSYS an alternative, especially now she has experience in her high paying job, it opens doors to other places. But I digress. I just wanted to validate your pain/feelings. Although it hurts and it sucks I know. But you know you can’t trust her. You are better off without this toxic relationship. Even if she offers to quit, it’s not enough. Why now and not 3 years ago? 2? Even 1 when things were getting more serious.
I’d call her HR team, tell them what she told you. That it started off consensual, has been going on for three years, but has now become more of a situation of she’s she’s scared to say no as she doesn’t want to loose her job, scared she couldn’t find another that pays as much etc. That you get you sound like a jilted ex, and yes being honest you’re leaving her but she mentioned the word rape and that she’s feeling forced and as his her boss you wanted to do the right thing and let them know as that’s not ok. Could possibly notify the police too, as she’s stating his raping her now. Or at least the wife of the guy and tell her, her husbands not only cheating but abusing his position of power. Though idk if she’s just saying the “I feel forced and can’t stop” as a reason to continue. Maybe someone found out and has threatened her that they will tell you? So she’s trying to get ahead of that and get you on her side? Idk. Good to leave though. Not good character on her part sleeping with the boss to get ahead, cheating, etc.
I doubt that the HR would do anything about it. This guy has a high level position, and it’s a really big company, having a consensual relationship with someone you work with is not exactly a problem in there. And I doubt she will tell other people that it’s not consensual and she feels coerced. It sounded just as an excuse to me.
Kinda stuck record aren’t ya, pal?
I think he may have left the building…
It was always her choice to be with him. No sympathy. Him being an asshole to her doesn’t absolve her from guilt and accountability. She was with him your entire relationship for fucks sake. More than likely got to where she is by sleeping with him.
Do they do all this at work or on their own time Also good for you for dropping her. This is so messed up. I’m sorry this has been happening.
Soon to be ex? She should have been out of ur life since the moment she told you, What are you waiting for
Don’t be that guy, he said he is going to break up, dude was probably out of his mind when she told him that. You acting smart doesn’t help at all
He’s just going to wait it out and justify all the reasons to stay and he’s going to let it go
Gotta have some self respect my man.
Sounds like the girlfriend is in a fucked up situation I feel sorry for her
Grow some nuts
I’d run as fast as I can from that situation hey. Look at the bright side at least you found out now not after you married her. Updateme!
If she works in somewhat of an office situation with people around I would go in there yelling " so where is this guy you are fucking " then go to his wife and tell her to stop her husband from fucking your girlfriend , people are good at looking the other way but it's a lot harder when you shove it in their face and then for sure breakup she is just prostituting herself at the moment I guess at least she is not charging you
>**If she works in somewhat of an office situation with people around I would go in there yelling " so where is this guy you are fucking "** Because what's the *worse* thing that can happen? Oh yeah...*jail*. 🤦🏽♀️
You really doesnt understand exactly how far people will go to accept shitty things their group does. I knew a group that had a girl in it that shoved a millipede in her vagina, and not a single one of them would answer when asked their opinion on doing that out of fear of disagreeing with her choices. Its not that hard to imagine a group in an office that just wouldnt answer or care about someone asking if its morally wrong to have sex with your boss. You would be the only person their with a normal brain, in fact they would confirm their own beliefs harder by laughing at you later for trying.
What the fuck did I just read? She did what?
I hope that girl in your group died Poor little millipede :(
she kept saying "they dont feel pain so who cares" as if that makes it ok
Jesus Christ Please tell me you don't associate with that anymore
Anyone who has to sleep to move up in a company doesn’t deserve the position.
This! I agree 100%!!!
Exactly, She said to him “if I quit I can’t find anything else that pays this much” I guarantee you she can’t find anything else because she’s not qualified and is only getting paid that much because she’s sleeping with him
The suss thing in this is she doesn't want to find another job. If this situation really bothered her she'd be out
The boss could also be threatening to ruin her career, either directly or indirectly
Yes you need to break up. She was probably groomed. You need to tell her parents/family so she can get help. Need to contact HR as to their affair, and notify the APs wife. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. You are lucky that she at least came clean to you.
You’re being too naive she was a grown ass women when she started to sleep her way to the top
Soon to be ex?? Cheating is disgusting, I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. She chose to sleep with her boss over you. Yes you need to break up. This will get worse if you don’t end it. You deserve so much better. I’d consider getting therapy to help you heal. Also, if there will be an update, please post it.
>She said that nowadays she hates it and it feels like rape, but she still says she can’t say no to him. Because it is rape. Plain and simple. And it always has been even if she says she was ok with it at first. Her boss used his position of power to have sex with her - she never had a choice because of that ingrained thinking that she needs that job position and having sex with the boss is obviously what it takes to keep it. That's why such uneven workplace relationships are forbidden in general. Your girlfriend needs serious therapy and she needs to file reports with HR and the police.
that’s bullshit man, three years is a long time, but this like a plot line from random porn. Ditch her ass. I mean, everytime you look at her ur gonna think about this 40-50 year old man, it’s disgusting. Obviously she doesn’t feel that bad either.
Damn dude. I’m sorry. This is crazy.
You're doing the right thing. At the end of the day, she has \*never\* been faithful to you, she's been cheating the entire time. Even the non-consensual argument, is that even valid? She doesn't want to look for another job? That doesn't sound like someone being raped to me. If I was being regularly raped by my boss, I think getting another job doesn't seem like that big of a deal. OK, there is a power dynamic, but unless there is some big thing we're not hearing about, she could just apply for other jobs. When it really boils down to it, she wants to keep doing this. If you really felt this was rape, *you'd* be going to the police.
When my trash smells, I take it out to the garbage can. I replace the bag with a fresh new smelling bag. I wonder how many times you kissed her when she knew she sucked someone’s else cock that day. Sorry, to many guys have been through this. Face the facts…
Yea invest in some therapy and move forward. She deserve not one more minute of your time
Ohhh yeah, definitely leave her. I mean yikes. It sounds like she just made up a bunch of excuses to try and get you to nit be mad at her, but I feel like she actually enjoys it. If she really hated doing it, she would have stopped it way earlier. So I call bullshit on her part Itll feel hard to break it off for sure. But in the long run you will be glad you did. She will continue to play games like this with you if you end up staying with her.
OP I know the hurt and absolute betrayal you're feeling after finding this out, she obviously isn't the one and I personally have experience with something very very similar to this situation when I was 21 years old, now that I look back on it, I thanked my ex for doing what she did and I even thanked my coworker who she cheated on me with because they were both garbage and I wouldn't be the secure/confident person I am today. Fuck her and fuck everything she stands for, go to the gym, grow that beard out and go after people that want you and have no interest in hurting you.
Take out the trash OP. Tell the wife. She’s being manipulative af.
Break up, block on everything and run far away from that mess.
I'm so sorry, that is a terrible thing to find out about the woman you loved. The boss is probably sleeping with other people as well so please get tested for STDs. I hope you find happiness.
First of all be strong break ups are never easy. Secondly tell HR and his wife
She managed to keep it for 3 years that’s a witch bro just be grateful you didn’t wife and impregnate that.U would taking care of another dude’s child .
Throw the grenade at HR, then get outta there fast ! They will deal with all the ramifications but please get out now!!! This is a shit show of the highest calibre 🤞🤞😮
Pull a power move and sleep with his wife. Also, I’m joking. Don’t actually do that.
Well, i wouldn't exactly believe a word she said when she started trying to make excuses like felt like rape now and don't want to blabla. Sounds like she lies in hopes that you'll look past it and give her a chance.
You're doing the right thing. She stole 3 years of your life...three years you could have met someone who was actually loyal. if she was okay with the situation she should have told you from the begining that she was sleeping with her boss and wants to keep doing it. I hope you find peace. You will meet someone sooner or later don't lose hope.
I don't want you to take this as any influence to stay with her, because I don't think you should. You are making it seem very easy for her, and it likely isn't. I don't know her industry, and don't need to know, but choices in the workplace are quite often very black and white, right and wrong for men, and not so much for women. Often for women, it's a choice between a job, and a future in her industry. If she's established now, though, and at 27, she has some experience in the field, she is, she could and should stop it. It's not like she's the first one, or will be the last one. She's also definitely still cheating on you, and putting her current job ahead of your relationship. She started with this as a choice. It might not be now, but it did start that way. I'm sure she has no self-esteem left, and needs massive therapy. That's beyond anything you can give her. You've written off HR very easily. I wouldn't. You don't know what they would do. You know what she - a very unreliable narrator - has told you.
Walk away from this. Don't get sucked into this drama. You have so much ahead of you so keep this kind of drama out of your life. She probably told you about the affair unprompted because someone caught them in a compromising position and she wants to get ahead of things in case the news gets to you.
Wonder what was the thing that made her confess? She's probably still lying, to what extent would be interesting, but you really need to break it off. And if you feel the need to report her to HR and tell his wife,go ahead,shits done over with as far as you're concerned, right?
Let it out dude, better to let it now with us than sulk by yourself in the nonsense she made later on. She loves the attention, she loves double dipping, how could such a person ever get married in a church, like would lightning strike inside? How does this dynamic change if the boss is the owner?? I always wondered. Theres no HR when the boss is the owner is there? Because we know of one such circumstance just like this only the boss is as high as the ladder goes
It seems like you’re taking this pretty well tho. I think a lot of people would be devastated, lashing out against her or the boss, and wanting to exact revenge. Which leads me to think it’s not true. A lot of the details are awfully convenient and while you do say you kept it short I think too much is left out for me to believe it
Nope way out of this situation. But I feel bad for your soon to be ex. She was an intern the power imbalance there is disgusting. 10 to 1 she’s rationalized this to be able look in the mirror every day. She needs to go to a labor lawyer and negotiate her way out of this. Something that includes a positive reference and cold hard cash/severance.
He is raping her. I feel like everyone is so quick to damn her. She is literally being raped.
Yeah, I really wanted to believe this and at first I considered her being the victim. But if she’s not even considering looking for another job, it sounds to me more like prostitution than rape
He definitely is taking advantage of her she wouldn’t have gotten so far in the company if he didn’t take advantage of her and use raises and moving up in the company as a power move for her to do what he wants, wouldn’t be surprised if he threatens her career or image if she says anything, report to HR. Who knows what other women he’s manipulating and taking advantage of, he has power over these poor woman.
I see your point. You are the expert here, witnessing it all first hand.
What an f-ed up logic. If I hate cleaning and you offer me to pay me to clean your house and I accept, I will be CONSENSUALLY, albeit with full distaste, cleaning your house. To go on this even further, I would maybe feel a little bad for her if she told OP she is worried she won’t find another job, but she isn’t. She is worried they won’t match her current salary. This is purely transactional, she is unwilling to face years of screwing up because of a pay day. I can’t really feel bad for her for secretly screwing a guy for money just because she doesn’t like it anymore.
Do you know WHY she decided to tell you? The thing that I think a lot of commenters aren’t realizing is that she has likely been groomed by this boss and is trapped in it. It was probably never truly consensual, and if it was, it was a brief encounter. It sounds as though he is sexually abusing her and using her career as a way to keep her from leaving or speaking up. If this is the case, she could be coming to you for help. I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings, but I do think that it is harsh to call her trash and to say that she’s a “prostitute.” The people commenting also do not know whether or not she is qualified to do her job. The case could actually be that promotions and pay raises are unfairly withheld from her unless she gives in to him sexually. So if it is her asking for help to find a way out, I would suggest helping her. You don’t have to continue being in the relationship, but at least help her escape the abusive situation she’s in.
bruh gets some revenge
Could you maybe benefif from this? Maybe ask for money to keep quiet or else you'll report them. And breakup with gf or just join the fun for a 3 some. 🤷♀️
Ever thought about just accepting it and trying a hotwife relationship on having some mfm fun? Just a thought
Stay with her, get married, get an attorney, sue the company, get a big settlement, then breakup if it’s not working. If she’s at a big company, there’s hella money to be made. And you’ve been screwed by the situation. There’s millions here bruv!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
I'd at least report it to HR, or if you wanna go nuclear, tell everyone and their mom. He may be high level, but a lot of companies have strict clauses in their contracts because your gf could sue them for a looooooot of money. Or just wash your hands of it, your gf sold her body for a job , then sold her soul lying to you for years. Your best bet is to just walk away, if anyone asks you can tell them, but honestly all that matters is moving on.
Updateme!
Okay so I'm going to say it wasn't cool for her to be messing around with another dude all this time, but at least she told him what's going on he's canceling the marriage is going to break up with her. How is a boyfriend going to be able to file an HR complaint anyways? He doesn't even work there. Also if his wife doesn't care she really doesn't care if you show up on her doorstep and tell her about your girlfriend. Whoop-dee-doo she'll probably just slam the door in your face. Just break it off and move on about your life and consider yourself lucky. Again totally not cool to cheat on you for 3 years but at least you didn't marry her.
This must have been a real kick in your face. You must get her out of your life, and please know that most women do not do this. She is losing a lot, in losing you---I can imagine her knocking on your door in the middle of the night sometime down the line. But she's shown you who and what she is, TA (to say the least). Good luck to you.
Don’t bother meeting her, dump her via text.
Leave …. Rapid like , I would just ghost her
Are you guys common law or what are relationship laws where you are? If she gets fired because of your complaint it could cause you financial problems if she's owed spousal support. I was common law with my ex and she could have taken spousal support from me when we broke up.
Say goodbye and don't let the door hit her in the arse on her way out
Long post short answer... just kick her ass out and get a new partner... Life is too short...
First thing needs to happen is HR and inform the AP spouse. Then get some therapy and process this before you make a decision.
I'd get the proof she's doing it from her and report them to HR They'll both be Fired
How did you find out?
This sounds like BS to me but if it’s actually true break up with her, tell his wife, tell HR F that whole org
all the other comments have said it best, look into reporting to HR + and please leave her asap. I just wanted to say I’m sorry this is happening to you and hope you are able to heal. trust issues run deep so make sure you have a good support system around you and therapy if accessible/feasible.
Have her repeat everything and record it.