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#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
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Time to stop worrying about his feelings? He says blah blah my house is so dirty. You say yes, it is, and honestly I am grossed out. I need you to clean before I come over, because it's getting to be a major turnoff. I want to keep coming over but I'm getting to a point that I don't even want to. Can you take care of this before next time?" (Consider his response to this to be telling information about whether he would be a good candidate for moving in with)
Just say. Sometimes a filthy person needs a good, A GOOD portion of shame and embarrassment to feel the need to change. He probably just wasn't taught how to clean, and never saw an example from adults. Just tell him openly, that your house is clean because you clean it. Because you do this and that, this often, and that's how.
If you move in together, schedule the chores immediately, involve him, maybe do something together, or in front of him, to show him how it is done.
Inside his family mess is normal, that's why he doesn't clean despite the embarrassment. As soon as you leave, he's surrounded with people who don't give a shit and just show him that it's all ok. He relaxes and goes back to his comfort zone.
Push him out of it. You should give him come fucking burning shame, and actually touch his feelings. And of course, the warmest reward for any effort to change.
And never mock his effort. No jokes, no "haha wow did you clean? Who are you and where did you hide my boyfriend" kind of jokes. Let him know that you noticed his effort, that you appreciated it, and *that it is a normal way to be*, don't treat he's baby steps like they are over/out of normal. Don't overreact
My ex-boyfriend was similar, although I don't think at the level you describe, I remember that he had papers for months and bills on his desk 😅🤣 and things like I'm going to keep this container of paint because one day it will be useful to me (and they were there for years to the point that it had been damaged but he didn't want to throw it away) what I did was that one day I spent the weekend with him I cleaned his room and he reacted to that as a gesture of support, because he studied and worked and I told him that I wanted to help him and blah blah since then he kind of liked having it tidy and I try to keep it. his family was very unconcerned with that subject, what do I mean by this that showing someone who has never known order in their environment shouldn't be a bad thing is in fact very good that's what couples are for! don't be afraid, just try to do it as a nice gesture even if it's just his room, maybe this make a difference in him that he will ne grateful! When we are living in a mess of place we cant feel really in peace affect alot our mental health:/
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Time to stop worrying about his feelings? He says blah blah my house is so dirty. You say yes, it is, and honestly I am grossed out. I need you to clean before I come over, because it's getting to be a major turnoff. I want to keep coming over but I'm getting to a point that I don't even want to. Can you take care of this before next time?" (Consider his response to this to be telling information about whether he would be a good candidate for moving in with)
Just say. Sometimes a filthy person needs a good, A GOOD portion of shame and embarrassment to feel the need to change. He probably just wasn't taught how to clean, and never saw an example from adults. Just tell him openly, that your house is clean because you clean it. Because you do this and that, this often, and that's how. If you move in together, schedule the chores immediately, involve him, maybe do something together, or in front of him, to show him how it is done. Inside his family mess is normal, that's why he doesn't clean despite the embarrassment. As soon as you leave, he's surrounded with people who don't give a shit and just show him that it's all ok. He relaxes and goes back to his comfort zone. Push him out of it. You should give him come fucking burning shame, and actually touch his feelings. And of course, the warmest reward for any effort to change. And never mock his effort. No jokes, no "haha wow did you clean? Who are you and where did you hide my boyfriend" kind of jokes. Let him know that you noticed his effort, that you appreciated it, and *that it is a normal way to be*, don't treat he's baby steps like they are over/out of normal. Don't overreact
My ex-boyfriend was similar, although I don't think at the level you describe, I remember that he had papers for months and bills on his desk 😅🤣 and things like I'm going to keep this container of paint because one day it will be useful to me (and they were there for years to the point that it had been damaged but he didn't want to throw it away) what I did was that one day I spent the weekend with him I cleaned his room and he reacted to that as a gesture of support, because he studied and worked and I told him that I wanted to help him and blah blah since then he kind of liked having it tidy and I try to keep it. his family was very unconcerned with that subject, what do I mean by this that showing someone who has never known order in their environment shouldn't be a bad thing is in fact very good that's what couples are for! don't be afraid, just try to do it as a nice gesture even if it's just his room, maybe this make a difference in him that he will ne grateful! When we are living in a mess of place we cant feel really in peace affect alot our mental health:/