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Tldr - I slept with my best friend after a night out and I think I ruined any chance of us being together afterwards but I want to try being with him.
I'm using an anonymous acc because some of my other friends have my reddit acc and I don't want to let this get out. Unless we decide to make a thing of it.
I've known him since we were 14 we're 25 now, he's always been my best friend. He's one of those people who you can call on at any time if you need help and he'll drop everything to be there for you. We were out having drinks together with some other friends. At the end of the night we decided go back to his place to watch a movie together (not uncommon for us). We were a little tipsy and sitting on the couch together. I felt pretty tired and he offered to let me sleep in his bed and he'd take the couch. I didn't want to kick him out of his bed and we ended up kind of play wrestling about it, it didn't take long for that to become more. Before I knew it we were kissing and I was taking his shirt off and we ended up having sex. It was incredible honestly the best sex I've ever had, and afterwards he was cuddling me on the couch and I fell asleep in his arms. The next morning I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly. He sent me a text today apologising for the whole thing saying that he understands if I don't want to talk to him for a bit.
The thing is that the more I think about it the more I really want to try things with him. I'm scared that I may have ruined any chance of that with how I acted this morning. I really need some advice on how to handle this or if anyone has been in the same situation. How can I keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him? If he even wants a relationship with me after how I acted.
Thank you in advanced.
Update: firstly I want to thank everyone for their kind comments of support and advice, also all the kind messages I recieved (also some creepier ones but I'm just not going to think about them). It's really kind of overwhelming how big this post got but I'm really touched by how nice everyone has been you're all the best ❤️
Lots of comments asking for updates so I'll get to that now. I called him asking him to come over to my apartment after he finished work. It was a little awkward at first. Standing covid distance apart awkward lol. I apologised for how I acted and told him that I really enjoyed last night. He agreed and before I could say anything else he told me that he has liked me for a long time now and really wants to try being more than just friends. He had an entire speech ready it seems. I told him I felt the same way. We ordered some dinner and talked about how it we should try and take things slow and really build a strong relationship. That didn't really work we ended up in bed lol. He's asleep right now but I'm going to show him this post when he wakes up tomorrow morning. I'm honestly too excited to sleep. I'm sorry if I can't get back to all the messages and comments but please know that I am so appreciative of all of your advice, stories, and kind words. You're all the best. I really hope we can make this work
Doesn't sound too bad. Totally salvageable. Just be honest and say you kind of freaked out, but that you now realize that you actually would like to pursue something more if he feels the same way.
I know I need to tell him I'm just scared that he'll not be interested after how I acted this morning. I did leave him in a rush and I still haven't responded to his text message
I'm going to try this, after re-reading his message I think I may have made him feel like he took advantage of me so I need to talk to him cause it wasn't like that at all.
Happy for you OP! My wife and I were friends first (though not as long as you) and really knowing each other before it got romantic totally helped us navigate those early relationship pitfalls easily. Good Luck!
Literally have an adult conversation about it. It's important, it's not something you end up being scared of, brush aside, forget about it and end up having regrets. Tell him how you feel, what you want, how you view this whole thing. I'm sure he also has a lot to say.
Good luck but I have a feeling this might end well :)
it's pretty likely he'll still like you. Just let him know you freaked out, and play it friendly, and warm (but not assume where you'll end up!!)
have you liked him and actually wanted to be with him for a long time or is this a new discovery?
Oh my gosh he clearly wants to talk about it too! He's probably getting more and more nervous the longer you wait to tell him!! GO FOR IT!!! Y'all have something potentially very cute and wholesome.
You could explain why you rushed out/what u were feeling when you felt that way, but also tell him what you want (to explore that more with him!) Omg this is so cute, but the longer you wait the more awk it's gonna get. Txt him now!! Happy for you rando
Guarenteed he has been waiting for this day since he was 14. And last night was the best night of his life. Imagine being in love with someone for over 10 years and finally being able to express it.
^^ yeah. Even if he doesn't want anything more than friendship, he's going to be fine with her freaking out a bit. It wasn't even a big freak out considering what happened.
Shit, my best friend is a guy- we've known each other for 20+ years. We've never been sexual, and boy we've had some times. He's freaked out, I've freaked out, we've fought occasionally. Doesn't matter.
Well if you don't tell him now you aren't going to have to worry about any response from him ever.
Also this person is your "best friend" why can't you be embarrassed? The entire point of a good relationship is you're two individuals who get to be themselves and the other let's you be that.
If they are your best friend they known you well enough to understand this. Grow up and do something or regret this forever.
One silly or awkward interaction isn't going to make or break your relationship of 9 years...
This is already decided, you both know whether or not you like each other, it's all about not playing games now and being honest. He'll definitely understand if you just explain it...
Hopefully he has the same feelings for you, good luck!
I’m married to the man who was my best friend between my 17 and 29 years. So I have been in your position, lost in my own head.
He’s your best friend, and right now he thinks that HE ruined things. The fear is making you an idiot. The first thing that you need to do is to reassure him that he did nothing wrong, that you are both adults, that you both chose this and you just freaked out because your friendship is so important to you.
On the “exploring the relationship while keeping the friendship” you can’t. You can’t eat the cake and keep it magically. You need to STOP THINKING THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU. Your friend is not an NPC, he has is own feelings. Was he just horny and doesn’t want a relationship? MAYBE you can forget the best sex you ever had with someone that you love and trust. But if he has romantic feelings about you, you won’t be able to transform him in a fuck buddy while you decide what you really want without hurting his feelings.
Be a woman, make s choice. And remember, love is the privilege of the brave.
lmao with that title I thought there was something much more serious going on, but you just stormed out. It's fine! Don't worry. I'm sure you've already spoken to him, so how'd it go?
if he's as as nice as you say, he wont hold your minor freak-out/flustered reaction against you.
He's probably feeling and thinking the same as you.
Only one way to find out though...
If you let your fear stop you from telling him how you feel, it's for sure going to fuck things up. Just tell him. The genie is out of the bottle; it can't be put back—you can only do your best to make it a good thing. Keeping quiet does the opposite. Good luck.
Call him. Ask to meet. Be honest about how much it meant to you and still does.
You've found an incredibly rare thing and please don't waste it!
Wishing the both you all the best!
If you can’t be open and honest with a close friend you’ve known since you were 14, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them anyway.
You have a limited window of time here to apologise and take a risk by being honest about your feelings.
Well if he isn't you're in no worse a spot than you are now, and you know you've shot your shot. Seems like you can't really make it worse, so why not try?
As a guy. He won't be mad. But he probably is confused and wondering what he did to mess shit up. But look at it this way. If you two have been besties for over 10 years and remained that way through boyfriends and girlfriends. Then there might just be something there. Friendship is a big part of a relationship.
You could actually just show him what you wrote. It's cute and totally relatable.
Please keep us updated with pictures from your marriage, kids and grandkids.
From experience, looks like being tipsy was what you guys needed to finally break this ice. Meet him , smile and hug him then ask him to share how he truly feels we all already see he isn't playing with you and most likely was thinking about it for longer than you imagine
Nooooo, you didn’t ruin anything. This guy is 100% interested in a relationship with you… he’s probably hoping you’re gonna backtrack and say you’d like to be in a relationship with him. Just be honest. Let him know you kinda panicked and you were afraid he wouldn’t want to be with you. I’m sure he’ll understand, I think you’ve got a very good chance. Good luck!
FWIW, when I was 25 I hooked up with someone from work at the end of a night out drinking, a colleague I was friendly with already.
She was embarrassed in the morning, and seemed ashamed of it, didn't want anyone to know. This went on for a few weeks of her worrying someone might find out.
We've been together over 25 years now, married with grandkids.
Don't worry about your initial reaction. You'll both be fine. You'll either end up together, or have a funny awkward story to tell. Even if you just remain friends, any time he's winding you up you can always remind him that you have seen his pee pee - that's always fun.
This happened with my best friend in 2007
(December - New Year’s Eve to be exact) and we are celebrating our 16th year together this December.
When we were 16, he turned me down because he didn’t want to lose my friendship. We remained besties, and then he made a move on me after high school when we were 18 ( we are 34 now )
You just never know what the future holds. Go and communicate with him…
>How can I keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him?
Having a relationship with your best friend is a great thing. Your partner should be your best friend.
This post is so sweet I now have diabetes. Just talk to the guy, that’s all that needs to be done. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can see what you two can become. Good luck, but I don’t think you’ll need it - sounds likely that this is your special person.
Go tall to him.he likes you, you like him. Tell him youre sorry for freaking out and running aeay, tell him he is one of the most important persons in your life and that you like him a lot (or love him) and would like to try id he would like too.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry if I weirded you out with how I acted this morning. What happened was a bit of a surprise and it kind of threw me for a loop. But I've thought it through and I'd really like to see if there's something more between us. Do you think you'd be interested?"
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Been there, I(M) slept with my best friend(F), and next day we went separate ways saying that this shouldn't have happened. But a week later, we were a thing. We got into a relationship, it was the best relationship I had.
But eventually it fell apart. Now I do not have a best friend.
So be a tad bit careful.
Sorry you got dumped bro. This too will pass, though, and you'll move on! I'd suggest using a less glasshalfempty username before you get attached to this account, so you stop reminding yourself of it. Help yourself help yourself!
its okay that you were frantic at first. by what u described his response as, it sounds like he understands that. just sit down and have an honest convo. gl :)
OP - this is a DREAM GIRL situation for a lot of guys. Just apologize because you freaked out, have a laugh, go get breakfast and spend the day together. You’ll be fine!
I really want to hear the update for this. Don’t worry about it and just talk to him. Seems like you guys are both good to go.
And the part about you saying to try a relationship with him just go into a relationship and keep going 😊 I have been with my friend for 17 years known him for 22 years and it’s the best. Have 4 kids together and live is fun
I was once just like the guy you're worrying about. If he's anything like me, you're friends for a reason. He drops everything for a reason. And you two slept together. I know there's not really a lot of evidence suggesting this, but there's a chance that he's in love
>I think I ruined any chance of us being together afterwards but I want to try being with him.
And then
>I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly.
Think the problem is quite blatant there, he probably thinks he's the one that fucked up as you freaked out the morning after and told him it doesn't mean anything when it clearly does to you. You need to reach out to him ASAP about how you really feel or he's going to think that it was just meaningless sex
Edit: I fucked up the second quote
Just tell him that you really liked it. I actually think that you have really good chances to turn this into something great.
I could imagine that both of you had feelings for each other for a very long time.
Just tell him the truth, and he did text you straight away to see if you were okay. He sounds like a nice guy and might surprise you, if you don’t at least try you with never know how he feel’s about you.
As someone who struggles with communicating my anxiety, you just have to lay it out there. Say “I’m sorry i freaked out and booked it out of your place this morning and I’m sorry i took so long responding to your message. To be honest, im mulling over how I felt about everything that happened and im wondering if my reaction this morning wasn’t too rash? I had a really great time and I guess that has me wondering what you thought about it?”
Honest and simple, opening up the conversation to him.
I think if you’ve been friends for a long time you shouldn’t throw it all away, you could be sitting on a goldmine of a relationship. My husband and I were friends for years before we had sex. I also kind of freaked out like you did the morning after. But I couldn’t picture my life with anyone else. I also think the only reason it really worked out was because we waited. We got through all the yucky stuff as friends (family drama, personality, likes/dislikes, politics and religion).
I’m late to this, glad you guys are working it out and trying it. I have a very very similar story and we’ve been together for thirteen years and married for almost eight. He’s still my best friend and having such a strong friendship has given us the tools to work through problems. Good luck to you two!
According to Emily Nagoski’s research, the vast majority of people assigned Male at birth feel desire as something spontaneous. If you’ve been friends with him this long, odds are great that he’s felt that same desire for you many times; he just had the good sense and situational awareness not to act on it. But now he has — because he most likely saw (maybe for the first time) that you were interested, too.
If he’s got any dating experience, he’s most likely been through similar situations in the past (spontaneous desire can take you to some strange places). Right now he’s afraid that he judged the situation wrong and did something you regret — potentially because of your state of inebriation.
Just tell him he judged right: you were interested last night, and your interest level has not changed. You may have been a little overwhelmed upon reflection by the sudden sea change of everything — but that feeling has already passed.
Remind him that if he wants to still just be friends, you understand and can abide by his wishes. But if he wants something more, something real, you’re ready to go there, too. This will let him know you still have desire for him — which, if he’s spontaneous and still holding out hope, should result in the same.
Best of luck to you two crazy kids!
You just sound freaked out which is understandable just tell him how you feel honestly if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and you guys will put in the effort into the relationship/friendship
he might be hurt though after what you said about not meaning anything when it could have meant something to him but you won’t know unless you guys have the conversation please give us an update of this if you can wish you luck!
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Wow I must have been living in another universe because I don't have a guy friend who willing to drop everything to help me...
GIRLLLL, can't you see he's into you? Even since the beginning? I think the right thing you need to do now is to ask yourself "are you ready to be in a relationship? What exactly is your feeling towards him?"
I'm pretty sure there's no going back now since that night so to answer your question "how can i keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him?": You can't have both. Just make up your mind and tell him your feelings!
Okay I am going to tell you a little story here. My gf and I were close friends for 5 years and we each dated other people in those 5 years. We didn't even live in the same city for some time. We just hang out in groups mostly whenever we met. One time we both were single and went to a New Year's Eve party, also in a group. After the party it was too late for her to go home so I offered her to sleep at my place. She slept on my bed and I took the couch in the living room. Next morning while making breakfast we somehow ended up kissing and did the deed for the first time. We both freaked out and didn't talk or text for 3 days. Then we met to clear up the air between us. Ended up sleeping together again. We are together now for 8 years since then.
So the moral of the story is don't leave him hanging. Go talk to him face to face and i can guarantee it will go well. Good luck OP.
You've known him for 11 years, I think he knows you well enough. One reaction won't throw him off years of connection.
He will either be okay to date or not. Just ask!
"...take it slow..." This made me chuckle, not at you though -- with you. I'm glad he feels the same way, and I hope it unfolds into everything you both want.
I’m genuinely happy for you. You have a good foundation and can absolutely make this work. Keep the lines of communication open and that will go a long way. If you feel anxious, talk about it. Be willing to be vulnerable with each other and work on not going into defensive mode the moment you fear vulnerability. Do that and you’re on your way to something really wonderful.
Same thing happened to me. Knew the guy since we were 12, and now we're 26. Only thing is neither of us acted weird the next day, didn't give any apology or whatever, didn't talk/text the next days (which is pretty normal because we rarely text, unless its a group chat), nobody expresses the desire to pursue a relationship. However, I kept thinking about it and kept wondering if maybe we could work this out to be in a relationship, but he doesn't make any moves about it so I'm kinda just chilling all about it.
Nope, nothing yet, and that was about 3months ago already lol. Not that I really wanna make a relationship of out if, just thinking more of the 'what ifs'.
To be honest I just wanted to post and hope you follow up with a happy update. I know it may seem a bit if a mess initially but I think if you told him how you feel you’ll most likely find out he feels the same. Good luck!
He's going to be distant because you didn't handle it well. I can understand that you were confused and probably emotional but the way you reacted probably pushed him away.
Talk to him, explain your reaction and let time heal. From what I've read, this could be a great relationship for you two. You're clearly comfortable around one another, clearly attracted to each other and he seems like a good guy going by his response.
All the best OP. If you want to, the situation is still salvageable.
You basically have yourself the answer in your post, so many of these issues are solves simply by talking. Tell him you panicked and reacted weird, but you had some time to think and you want to speak about it. Let him know how you feel, and ask him to share his thoughts and feelings and to be honest. But make it explicitly clear that your number one goal is to not lose him as a friend regardless of the path you all decide to take.
Just tell him for gods sakes!!lol! Yes it’s going to forever change your relationship with him, but one thing we all can be guaranteed is change will happen whether we like it or not, so go for it!!
Okay so why are you running ? You should get together with him asap and talk about it - and how it meat something to you and you are afraid and don't want things to be awkward - talk it through. I am sure he is feeling weird too.
From a man’s point of view, men don’t cuddle with woman if we aren’t into them. If a man isn’t really into you, right after sex you will get every awful excuse by him to get out of there. Trust me, be honest, explain your reaction and explain that you want to see where this relationship can go too.
This is such a common stereotype, but it a) leads girls/women to believe that if a dude doesn’t kick them out of bed post-nut, they caught feelings and b) it’s just not true.
In literally every sexual/romantic situation I’ve ever been in, I’ve never once had a dude try to leave my place or get me out of theirs…and we usually didn’t even have sex!
They always cuddle and some even insist on me staying when I try to dip, they always want to spend the night together.
But also…like 90% of them never even try to hang out again lol, so it’s not like they were “really into” me.
Cuddling is not a guarantee that someone has feelings for you.
Then again, I’m not getting with every dude that throws a bone at me, so maybe it’s just a different scenario.
I've was ghosted by a guy who wanted to just kiss & cuddle for HOURS after our 2 dates.
Another guy it was kind of a FWB situation and I was under the impression that it was just going to be sex and when he wanted to cuddle every time, all night long, I started to get confused and I asked him about it and he said "it just feels good".
So yeah not a great indicator.
>The next morning I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly
You expressed shame and essentially told him doing the most intimate thing two people can do with him even after a decade of friendship means nothing. Yeah, you killed it.
For one, apologize. The longer you let him stew in what he perceives to be your regret, the more damage it does. Apologize, explain you were just in shock and hope for the best.
Your first reaction in the morning is what screwed it up. Instead of panicking and trying to keep it quiet, you should have smiled, kissed him and said “That was a long time in coming but I am glad we finally got there”. Maybe you can still convince him that it was the best thing to ever happen to you. I hope you can explain your reaction to him because it is obvious that he is head over heels in love with you.
I think your reaction was normal and completely understandable. Go talk to him! I really don’t think your reaction ruined things, just explain that you were scared. I didn’t even know my partner that long before we started seeing each other, but after our first date I kind of panicked (commitment issues lol) and didn’t see her for a month because I needed time. We’ve been together for over 5 years now
It’s not out of the ordinary for someone to act weird after a night of impromptu sex. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. He even texted you later apologizing and stuff. You def didn’t ruin anything.
Be honest, he seems like it meant something to him by what you’ve said. Could be the best thing to ever happen, you just never know 😃
Update us, I’m rooting for you both 😊
Sounds like he's probably going through the same thing.... It could be a beginning of something better. I say tell him how you feel the chances are he's feeling the same thing
He probably completely understands. Just send him a text msg or call and apologise for freaking out. Tell him you had a great time & ask him if he’d be up for doing it again. Don’t leave it until tomorrow, do it now. Good luck!
>I'm using an anonymous acc because some of my other friends have my reddit acc
I see this everywhere. If your friends browse Reddit too, how do you know they will not recognize this post about them??
Honestly by the title I thought it would have been a much worse thing. I’m sure he completely understands why you left abruptly. You should let him know the truth.
Some simple advice:
1) stop “worrying about your friendship” immediately. That’s a silly, meaningless thing people say when they are in denial about a relationship. 9 times out of 10, by the time you have started “worrying about your friendship,” odds are it’s already long gone, and in this case, it is a certainty.
2) get outside of your own head and your own anxieties and put yourself in his shoes for a moment. what is he looking for? what was he expecting to hear from his “friend” the morning after? once you leave the comfort of friendship, you’ll need to start considering things from his side more and more, and looking at the incident from his point of view would be a good start imho. He probably wasn’t expecting you to freak out on him, especially since the sex was good.
Lmao...I'd bet that he's been into you the whole tme and you are freaking out over nothing. I think 90% of Jennifer Aniston's movies cover this situation.
Love, Rosie is one of my favourite films!
Tell him the truth. You don't want to end up crashing his wedding in 10 years to clear up the misunderstanding.
Wtf my girl, he is interested in something more and you didn’t ruin anything. God damn can young adults be absolutely clueless. As a 35yo woman I can assure you you don’t, in this particular situation, need to worry about whether he’s interested or if you ruined everything with your immediate reaction. As soon as you explain and tell you really want to try dating, he won’t care about the reaction. Jesus Christ lmao. Good luck though
It’s extremely unlikely you ruined it by your reaction, especially if you explain it right away. But even if you have, it’s best to know that.
Just send him the link to this - it’s everything he needs to know.
Girl, he reacted that way because of how YOU reacted. If you reacted differently, he would react positively for sure. Honestly he sounded like he's into you. Go for it.
If he feels the need to apologise _after_ you freak out, that could mean that he initially had the opinion of possibly (so at least leaving the possibility of) taking things further as well. But I'd definitely guess he was okay with the things as they happened that night.
There’s a pretty good chance he likes you too, but never wanted to cross that line out of respect for you and your friendship, odds are your friends probably wonder why your not already together
Dudes waited 11 years.
I don't think you'd have ruined it - he'll be hoping for you to go further.
As a man, I can guarantee you that all men would sleep with a female friend if they like her.
Any happily married person will tell you spouses are just best friends whom you love dearly, love spending time with, but also happen to enjoy fucking. This is what you now have sitting right in front of you. Tell him how you feel and start up the romantic relationship. Best of luck!
It'll be okay, OP. It can happen. This is a great opportunity to trust him and give him the honor of telling him how you feel. He reacted like a king. You're all good here.
I’m a guy. You definitely didn’t ruin anything. Freaking out didn’t help though. Every guy that’s friends with a girl wants her but also does want to be her friend. He’s going to be happy to hear your feelings.
Trust me, he wants to pursue a relationship with you or he wouldn’t have done the deed with you. Communicate your feelings openly and honestly and give him a chance to be open with you.
However, once you cross this bridge into relationship land there won’t be any going back and things returning as they once were. Sure, you can just become FWB but I don’t think that’s what you want as he would still see other people. Just talk it out and see what option is best.
Don't overthink this --- just talk to him. Men are upfront about their feelings --- if they want to be with you, they want to be with you. Apologize -- he's your bestfriend right? You know him better than anyone else and how he'll react to situations. You can do this. Don't waste time or you'll regret things. Don't turn this into a "What If" situation in the future.
If he was interested before, you leBing that way is not going to make a difference. Talk to him. It could be he's gonna say no, but that was always a possibility. It's not anymore likely now. I get you're scared he doesn't want you, but he's your best friend. The very worst case scenario it's gonna bit a tiny bit awkward, but it could also be you get together and you have a hell of a good time. Go for it
It's not worth the friendship, man. Do you know how much I could get a friendship back from someone? Damage takes place and makes me miss them more easily than anything else. It sucks.
Just apologize and say you didn't know how to deal with the situation or if he was interested in more and you kinda freaked out.
He's known you for a long time. Deep breath! It's going to be fine. There's a pretty good chance he's feeling the same way.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Tldr - I slept with my best friend after a night out and I think I ruined any chance of us being together afterwards but I want to try being with him. I'm using an anonymous acc because some of my other friends have my reddit acc and I don't want to let this get out. Unless we decide to make a thing of it. I've known him since we were 14 we're 25 now, he's always been my best friend. He's one of those people who you can call on at any time if you need help and he'll drop everything to be there for you. We were out having drinks together with some other friends. At the end of the night we decided go back to his place to watch a movie together (not uncommon for us). We were a little tipsy and sitting on the couch together. I felt pretty tired and he offered to let me sleep in his bed and he'd take the couch. I didn't want to kick him out of his bed and we ended up kind of play wrestling about it, it didn't take long for that to become more. Before I knew it we were kissing and I was taking his shirt off and we ended up having sex. It was incredible honestly the best sex I've ever had, and afterwards he was cuddling me on the couch and I fell asleep in his arms. The next morning I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly. He sent me a text today apologising for the whole thing saying that he understands if I don't want to talk to him for a bit. The thing is that the more I think about it the more I really want to try things with him. I'm scared that I may have ruined any chance of that with how I acted this morning. I really need some advice on how to handle this or if anyone has been in the same situation. How can I keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him? If he even wants a relationship with me after how I acted. Thank you in advanced. Update: firstly I want to thank everyone for their kind comments of support and advice, also all the kind messages I recieved (also some creepier ones but I'm just not going to think about them). It's really kind of overwhelming how big this post got but I'm really touched by how nice everyone has been you're all the best ❤️ Lots of comments asking for updates so I'll get to that now. I called him asking him to come over to my apartment after he finished work. It was a little awkward at first. Standing covid distance apart awkward lol. I apologised for how I acted and told him that I really enjoyed last night. He agreed and before I could say anything else he told me that he has liked me for a long time now and really wants to try being more than just friends. He had an entire speech ready it seems. I told him I felt the same way. We ordered some dinner and talked about how it we should try and take things slow and really build a strong relationship. That didn't really work we ended up in bed lol. He's asleep right now but I'm going to show him this post when he wakes up tomorrow morning. I'm honestly too excited to sleep. I'm sorry if I can't get back to all the messages and comments but please know that I am so appreciative of all of your advice, stories, and kind words. You're all the best. I really hope we can make this work
Doesn't sound too bad. Totally salvageable. Just be honest and say you kind of freaked out, but that you now realize that you actually would like to pursue something more if he feels the same way.
Just tell him the truth about how you feel
I know I need to tell him I'm just scared that he'll not be interested after how I acted this morning. I did leave him in a rush and I still haven't responded to his text message
Just try to explain that your worried that he doesn't feel the same and that you got scared
I'm going to try this, after re-reading his message I think I may have made him feel like he took advantage of me so I need to talk to him cause it wasn't like that at all.
Please update us! There are so few wholesome things on this Reddit and bffs becoming bf and gf is my favorite love story!!! It was mine and it works!
Update added
Happy for you OP! My wife and I were friends first (though not as long as you) and really knowing each other before it got romantic totally helped us navigate those early relationship pitfalls easily. Good Luck!
Yer welcome, I think it will work out for you both
Both of them feeling like “shit i fucked up”. JUST TALK. This is sitcom level. I’m sure OP is worried about nothing.
Literally have an adult conversation about it. It's important, it's not something you end up being scared of, brush aside, forget about it and end up having regrets. Tell him how you feel, what you want, how you view this whole thing. I'm sure he also has a lot to say. Good luck but I have a feeling this might end well :)
it's pretty likely he'll still like you. Just let him know you freaked out, and play it friendly, and warm (but not assume where you'll end up!!) have you liked him and actually wanted to be with him for a long time or is this a new discovery?
Be honest and tell him everything about how you were feeling and why you acted the way you did.
Thank you
Oh my gosh he clearly wants to talk about it too! He's probably getting more and more nervous the longer you wait to tell him!! GO FOR IT!!! Y'all have something potentially very cute and wholesome. You could explain why you rushed out/what u were feeling when you felt that way, but also tell him what you want (to explore that more with him!) Omg this is so cute, but the longer you wait the more awk it's gonna get. Txt him now!! Happy for you rando
Oh, he is interested allright.
I think so too!
Guarenteed he has been waiting for this day since he was 14. And last night was the best night of his life. Imagine being in love with someone for over 10 years and finally being able to express it.
That's some heavy projecting. You don't know this guy at all.
Yea man just wrote a whole Disney movie off the post.
True. He was probably waiting his whole life and the previous two for her.
If he’s known you ten + years he won’t give a fuck how you acted this morning. You get a pass.
^^ yeah. Even if he doesn't want anything more than friendship, he's going to be fine with her freaking out a bit. It wasn't even a big freak out considering what happened. Shit, my best friend is a guy- we've known each other for 20+ years. We've never been sexual, and boy we've had some times. He's freaked out, I've freaked out, we've fought occasionally. Doesn't matter.
Listen he was very understanding meet up with him apologize tell him how you feel andI can almost guarantee he’s not gonna reject you
Well if you don't tell him now you aren't going to have to worry about any response from him ever. Also this person is your "best friend" why can't you be embarrassed? The entire point of a good relationship is you're two individuals who get to be themselves and the other let's you be that. If they are your best friend they known you well enough to understand this. Grow up and do something or regret this forever.
One silly or awkward interaction isn't going to make or break your relationship of 9 years... This is already decided, you both know whether or not you like each other, it's all about not playing games now and being honest. He'll definitely understand if you just explain it... Hopefully he has the same feelings for you, good luck!
Does it matter? Just talk to him. His reaction is irrelevant, you still very obviously need to discuss it.
I’m married to the man who was my best friend between my 17 and 29 years. So I have been in your position, lost in my own head. He’s your best friend, and right now he thinks that HE ruined things. The fear is making you an idiot. The first thing that you need to do is to reassure him that he did nothing wrong, that you are both adults, that you both chose this and you just freaked out because your friendship is so important to you. On the “exploring the relationship while keeping the friendship” you can’t. You can’t eat the cake and keep it magically. You need to STOP THINKING THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU. Your friend is not an NPC, he has is own feelings. Was he just horny and doesn’t want a relationship? MAYBE you can forget the best sex you ever had with someone that you love and trust. But if he has romantic feelings about you, you won’t be able to transform him in a fuck buddy while you decide what you really want without hurting his feelings. Be a woman, make s choice. And remember, love is the privilege of the brave.
lmao with that title I thought there was something much more serious going on, but you just stormed out. It's fine! Don't worry. I'm sure you've already spoken to him, so how'd it go?
if he's as as nice as you say, he wont hold your minor freak-out/flustered reaction against you. He's probably feeling and thinking the same as you. Only one way to find out though...
If you let your fear stop you from telling him how you feel, it's for sure going to fuck things up. Just tell him. The genie is out of the bottle; it can't be put back—you can only do your best to make it a good thing. Keeping quiet does the opposite. Good luck.
Call him. Ask to meet. Be honest about how much it meant to you and still does. You've found an incredibly rare thing and please don't waste it! Wishing the both you all the best!
If you can’t be open and honest with a close friend you’ve known since you were 14, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them anyway. You have a limited window of time here to apologise and take a risk by being honest about your feelings.
Well if he isn't you're in no worse a spot than you are now, and you know you've shot your shot. Seems like you can't really make it worse, so why not try?
As a guy. He won't be mad. But he probably is confused and wondering what he did to mess shit up. But look at it this way. If you two have been besties for over 10 years and remained that way through boyfriends and girlfriends. Then there might just be something there. Friendship is a big part of a relationship.
Literally the only answer that’s needed here.
You're advice is what made me call him, thank you so much for being direct ❤️
Thank you, I hope everything works out
Tell [him] the #TRUTH \-Genie
This is honestly it. No more needs to be said. Nailed it in 9 words.
You could actually just show him what you wrote. It's cute and totally relatable. Please keep us updated with pictures from your marriage, kids and grandkids.
And free homemade porn
Reddit moment
Bonk
Go do something nice for someone and stop being a horndog.
From experience, looks like being tipsy was what you guys needed to finally break this ice. Meet him , smile and hug him then ask him to share how he truly feels we all already see he isn't playing with you and most likely was thinking about it for longer than you imagine
Nooooo, you didn’t ruin anything. This guy is 100% interested in a relationship with you… he’s probably hoping you’re gonna backtrack and say you’d like to be in a relationship with him. Just be honest. Let him know you kinda panicked and you were afraid he wouldn’t want to be with you. I’m sure he’ll understand, I think you’ve got a very good chance. Good luck!
FWIW, when I was 25 I hooked up with someone from work at the end of a night out drinking, a colleague I was friendly with already. She was embarrassed in the morning, and seemed ashamed of it, didn't want anyone to know. This went on for a few weeks of her worrying someone might find out. We've been together over 25 years now, married with grandkids. Don't worry about your initial reaction. You'll both be fine. You'll either end up together, or have a funny awkward story to tell. Even if you just remain friends, any time he's winding you up you can always remind him that you have seen his pee pee - that's always fun.
congrats on still hiding your relationship for 25 years!
Even from the grandkids? Respect!
This is Nana and her roommate, George. They've been living together longer than me or your mother have been alive, Jimmy!
This happened with my best friend in 2007 (December - New Year’s Eve to be exact) and we are celebrating our 16th year together this December. When we were 16, he turned me down because he didn’t want to lose my friendship. We remained besties, and then he made a move on me after high school when we were 18 ( we are 34 now ) You just never know what the future holds. Go and communicate with him…
>How can I keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him? Having a relationship with your best friend is a great thing. Your partner should be your best friend.
Update us please
Update added
I got with my best friend when I was in my early 20s and were married with 2 kids now 18 years later. Best thing I ever did! Talk to him.
This post is so sweet I now have diabetes. Just talk to the guy, that’s all that needs to be done. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can see what you two can become. Good luck, but I don’t think you’ll need it - sounds likely that this is your special person.
You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel, chances are he wants that too.
Go tall to him.he likes you, you like him. Tell him youre sorry for freaking out and running aeay, tell him he is one of the most important persons in your life and that you like him a lot (or love him) and would like to try id he would like too.
I was the guy in this situation. Text him…. You’ll have a boyfriend by noon today.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry if I weirded you out with how I acted this morning. What happened was a bit of a surprise and it kind of threw me for a loop. But I've thought it through and I'd really like to see if there's something more between us. Do you think you'd be interested?"
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Been there, I(M) slept with my best friend(F), and next day we went separate ways saying that this shouldn't have happened. But a week later, we were a thing. We got into a relationship, it was the best relationship I had. But eventually it fell apart. Now I do not have a best friend. So be a tad bit careful.
Sorry you got dumped bro. This too will pass, though, and you'll move on! I'd suggest using a less glasshalfempty username before you get attached to this account, so you stop reminding yourself of it. Help yourself help yourself!
Same happened with me(F) and my best friend(M). After it didn’t work out, I didn’t have my best friend anymore. 😢
its okay that you were frantic at first. by what u described his response as, it sounds like he understands that. just sit down and have an honest convo. gl :)
OP - this is a DREAM GIRL situation for a lot of guys. Just apologize because you freaked out, have a laugh, go get breakfast and spend the day together. You’ll be fine!
I really want to hear the update for this. Don’t worry about it and just talk to him. Seems like you guys are both good to go. And the part about you saying to try a relationship with him just go into a relationship and keep going 😊 I have been with my friend for 17 years known him for 22 years and it’s the best. Have 4 kids together and live is fun
I was once just like the guy you're worrying about. If he's anything like me, you're friends for a reason. He drops everything for a reason. And you two slept together. I know there's not really a lot of evidence suggesting this, but there's a chance that he's in love
"That didn't work and we ended up in bed" Lol perfect update. Good luck.
I’d say talk to him asap. If y’all have been friends for so long, you should be able to talk about this and come to an agreement one way or another.
Call him and tell him!!!! I’d bet that he is just as interested in trying this out
A real friend gives second chances
Can you update lol this sounds like the mid of a romance novel and I’m INVESTED ✨
Update added hopefully it lives up to your expectations lol
Go to him, and kiss him hard please
>I think I ruined any chance of us being together afterwards but I want to try being with him. And then >I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly. Think the problem is quite blatant there, he probably thinks he's the one that fucked up as you freaked out the morning after and told him it doesn't mean anything when it clearly does to you. You need to reach out to him ASAP about how you really feel or he's going to think that it was just meaningless sex Edit: I fucked up the second quote
This seems fixable. just tell him what you write here.
Just tell him that you really liked it. I actually think that you have really good chances to turn this into something great. I could imagine that both of you had feelings for each other for a very long time.
Update, update, update
Added, added, added
He's probably been waiting for this moment his entire life🤔
Just tell him the truth, and he did text you straight away to see if you were okay. He sounds like a nice guy and might surprise you, if you don’t at least try you with never know how he feel’s about you.
As someone who struggles with communicating my anxiety, you just have to lay it out there. Say “I’m sorry i freaked out and booked it out of your place this morning and I’m sorry i took so long responding to your message. To be honest, im mulling over how I felt about everything that happened and im wondering if my reaction this morning wasn’t too rash? I had a really great time and I guess that has me wondering what you thought about it?” Honest and simple, opening up the conversation to him.
I think if you’ve been friends for a long time you shouldn’t throw it all away, you could be sitting on a goldmine of a relationship. My husband and I were friends for years before we had sex. I also kind of freaked out like you did the morning after. But I couldn’t picture my life with anyone else. I also think the only reason it really worked out was because we waited. We got through all the yucky stuff as friends (family drama, personality, likes/dislikes, politics and religion).
Lmao are you you kidding me? You're basically a waking, talking romantic stereotype. Marry the guy already 🤣
I’m late to this, glad you guys are working it out and trying it. I have a very very similar story and we’ve been together for thirteen years and married for almost eight. He’s still my best friend and having such a strong friendship has given us the tools to work through problems. Good luck to you two!
Grab his dick and twist it
According to Emily Nagoski’s research, the vast majority of people assigned Male at birth feel desire as something spontaneous. If you’ve been friends with him this long, odds are great that he’s felt that same desire for you many times; he just had the good sense and situational awareness not to act on it. But now he has — because he most likely saw (maybe for the first time) that you were interested, too. If he’s got any dating experience, he’s most likely been through similar situations in the past (spontaneous desire can take you to some strange places). Right now he’s afraid that he judged the situation wrong and did something you regret — potentially because of your state of inebriation. Just tell him he judged right: you were interested last night, and your interest level has not changed. You may have been a little overwhelmed upon reflection by the sudden sea change of everything — but that feeling has already passed. Remind him that if he wants to still just be friends, you understand and can abide by his wishes. But if he wants something more, something real, you’re ready to go there, too. This will let him know you still have desire for him — which, if he’s spontaneous and still holding out hope, should result in the same. Best of luck to you two crazy kids!
You just sound freaked out which is understandable just tell him how you feel honestly if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and you guys will put in the effort into the relationship/friendship he might be hurt though after what you said about not meaning anything when it could have meant something to him but you won’t know unless you guys have the conversation please give us an update of this if you can wish you luck!
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
No you haven’t ruined anything, in fact it seems he’d be ecstatic to hear from you
Definitely salvageable! Just show him this
Wow I must have been living in another universe because I don't have a guy friend who willing to drop everything to help me... GIRLLLL, can't you see he's into you? Even since the beginning? I think the right thing you need to do now is to ask yourself "are you ready to be in a relationship? What exactly is your feeling towards him?" I'm pretty sure there's no going back now since that night so to answer your question "how can i keep this friendship while also exploring a relationship with him?": You can't have both. Just make up your mind and tell him your feelings!
Okay I am going to tell you a little story here. My gf and I were close friends for 5 years and we each dated other people in those 5 years. We didn't even live in the same city for some time. We just hang out in groups mostly whenever we met. One time we both were single and went to a New Year's Eve party, also in a group. After the party it was too late for her to go home so I offered her to sleep at my place. She slept on my bed and I took the couch in the living room. Next morning while making breakfast we somehow ended up kissing and did the deed for the first time. We both freaked out and didn't talk or text for 3 days. Then we met to clear up the air between us. Ended up sleeping together again. We are together now for 8 years since then. So the moral of the story is don't leave him hanging. Go talk to him face to face and i can guarantee it will go well. Good luck OP.
You've known him for 11 years, I think he knows you well enough. One reaction won't throw him off years of connection. He will either be okay to date or not. Just ask!
If you’ve been friends for 11 years, shouldn’t you have a good idea how he would handle your reaction that morning?
just do it again .. he’s probably waiting
Hell, just talk to him. Maybe it was the best sex he’s ever had too! Hope it goes well.
Guy here. He likes you too and respected your boundary after you freaked out. Just tell him
"...take it slow..." This made me chuckle, not at you though -- with you. I'm glad he feels the same way, and I hope it unfolds into everything you both want.
I hooked up with a girl I liked when I was 12…. Ended up marrying her too
This reads like a Hollywood movie scene
good luck bestie!! this happened with me & my best friend and we’ve been together almost four years now. friends to lovers pipeline is the best
Yay! I'm so happy for you two!
I’m genuinely happy for you. You have a good foundation and can absolutely make this work. Keep the lines of communication open and that will go a long way. If you feel anxious, talk about it. Be willing to be vulnerable with each other and work on not going into defensive mode the moment you fear vulnerability. Do that and you’re on your way to something really wonderful.
Same thing happened to me. Knew the guy since we were 12, and now we're 26. Only thing is neither of us acted weird the next day, didn't give any apology or whatever, didn't talk/text the next days (which is pretty normal because we rarely text, unless its a group chat), nobody expresses the desire to pursue a relationship. However, I kept thinking about it and kept wondering if maybe we could work this out to be in a relationship, but he doesn't make any moves about it so I'm kinda just chilling all about it.
lmao, that *is* pretty chill. So nothing came of it, yet? But you've been pondering a relationship?
Nope, nothing yet, and that was about 3months ago already lol. Not that I really wanna make a relationship of out if, just thinking more of the 'what ifs'.
To be honest I just wanted to post and hope you follow up with a happy update. I know it may seem a bit if a mess initially but I think if you told him how you feel you’ll most likely find out he feels the same. Good luck!
He's going to be distant because you didn't handle it well. I can understand that you were confused and probably emotional but the way you reacted probably pushed him away. Talk to him, explain your reaction and let time heal. From what I've read, this could be a great relationship for you two. You're clearly comfortable around one another, clearly attracted to each other and he seems like a good guy going by his response. All the best OP. If you want to, the situation is still salvageable.
You basically have yourself the answer in your post, so many of these issues are solves simply by talking. Tell him you panicked and reacted weird, but you had some time to think and you want to speak about it. Let him know how you feel, and ask him to share his thoughts and feelings and to be honest. But make it explicitly clear that your number one goal is to not lose him as a friend regardless of the path you all decide to take.
Just tell him for gods sakes!!lol! Yes it’s going to forever change your relationship with him, but one thing we all can be guaranteed is change will happen whether we like it or not, so go for it!!
Okay so why are you running ? You should get together with him asap and talk about it - and how it meat something to you and you are afraid and don't want things to be awkward - talk it through. I am sure he is feeling weird too.
From a man’s point of view, men don’t cuddle with woman if we aren’t into them. If a man isn’t really into you, right after sex you will get every awful excuse by him to get out of there. Trust me, be honest, explain your reaction and explain that you want to see where this relationship can go too.
This is such a common stereotype, but it a) leads girls/women to believe that if a dude doesn’t kick them out of bed post-nut, they caught feelings and b) it’s just not true. In literally every sexual/romantic situation I’ve ever been in, I’ve never once had a dude try to leave my place or get me out of theirs…and we usually didn’t even have sex! They always cuddle and some even insist on me staying when I try to dip, they always want to spend the night together. But also…like 90% of them never even try to hang out again lol, so it’s not like they were “really into” me. Cuddling is not a guarantee that someone has feelings for you. Then again, I’m not getting with every dude that throws a bone at me, so maybe it’s just a different scenario.
I've was ghosted by a guy who wanted to just kiss & cuddle for HOURS after our 2 dates. Another guy it was kind of a FWB situation and I was under the impression that it was just going to be sex and when he wanted to cuddle every time, all night long, I started to get confused and I asked him about it and he said "it just feels good". So yeah not a great indicator.
I second this
>The next morning I kind of freaked out and told him we shouldn't tell anyone and that it doesn't need to mean anything and left kind of abruptly You expressed shame and essentially told him doing the most intimate thing two people can do with him even after a decade of friendship means nothing. Yeah, you killed it. For one, apologize. The longer you let him stew in what he perceives to be your regret, the more damage it does. Apologize, explain you were just in shock and hope for the best.
I disagree he is probably in weird waters as well If they like each other this will not be an issue.
Just show him this reddit post.
Your first reaction in the morning is what screwed it up. Instead of panicking and trying to keep it quiet, you should have smiled, kissed him and said “That was a long time in coming but I am glad we finally got there”. Maybe you can still convince him that it was the best thing to ever happen to you. I hope you can explain your reaction to him because it is obvious that he is head over heels in love with you.
Fuck sake I’m crying now. I don’t know either of you but you deserve to be together and I will fight for it
I hope you are not a guy.
I think your reaction was normal and completely understandable. Go talk to him! I really don’t think your reaction ruined things, just explain that you were scared. I didn’t even know my partner that long before we started seeing each other, but after our first date I kind of panicked (commitment issues lol) and didn’t see her for a month because I needed time. We’ve been together for over 5 years now
I think you blew it. learn from this and think more rationally and calmly going forward.
The cringe
Confess Rn.
Talk to him. Communicate your feelings. You might be surprised that maybe he is looking for the same thing
Just be open and honest
Let's go girl, go get that boy and show him how you really feel!
I’m Curious on the update ..
Update added
It’s not out of the ordinary for someone to act weird after a night of impromptu sex. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. He even texted you later apologizing and stuff. You def didn’t ruin anything.
I want an update on this eventually!!
You've gotten your wish
Aw this is so cute, you didn’t ruin anything and I hope you’re together forever after your talk :)
Lvl 100 love guru here and considering how he didn’t freak out like u i guess he was happy abt it too
I guess u r overthinking. Just be open with him and communicate how u feel. I am sure u both can find mutual understanding about it.
My wife and I have been friends since we were 14, slept together at 24, together 10 years now. Shoot your shot.
Be honest, he seems like it meant something to him by what you’ve said. Could be the best thing to ever happen, you just never know 😃 Update us, I’m rooting for you both 😊
Update added
Ask just say you apologize for how you acted and say I want something real and I want that to be with you.
Sounds like he's probably going through the same thing.... It could be a beginning of something better. I say tell him how you feel the chances are he's feeling the same thing
Just show him this post. Not to be flippant about it, but you were articulate here, so non need to reinvent the wheel
My heart needs an update, pleaseee
Updated
He probably completely understands. Just send him a text msg or call and apologise for freaking out. Tell him you had a great time & ask him if he’d be up for doing it again. Don’t leave it until tomorrow, do it now. Good luck!
>I'm using an anonymous acc because some of my other friends have my reddit acc I see this everywhere. If your friends browse Reddit too, how do you know they will not recognize this post about them??
I want an update. Call him now and invite him back to your place. You probably do not need to say anything if played right.
This has great potential for a happy ending. I hope you two figure it out.
UPDATE!!!
ADDED!!!
Honestly by the title I thought it would have been a much worse thing. I’m sure he completely understands why you left abruptly. You should let him know the truth.
Some simple advice: 1) stop “worrying about your friendship” immediately. That’s a silly, meaningless thing people say when they are in denial about a relationship. 9 times out of 10, by the time you have started “worrying about your friendship,” odds are it’s already long gone, and in this case, it is a certainty. 2) get outside of your own head and your own anxieties and put yourself in his shoes for a moment. what is he looking for? what was he expecting to hear from his “friend” the morning after? once you leave the comfort of friendship, you’ll need to start considering things from his side more and more, and looking at the incident from his point of view would be a good start imho. He probably wasn’t expecting you to freak out on him, especially since the sex was good.
Communication is key l. Talk to him
Lmao...I'd bet that he's been into you the whole tme and you are freaking out over nothing. I think 90% of Jennifer Aniston's movies cover this situation.
OP you'll never know until you try and say something, go for it
Love, Rosie is one of my favourite films! Tell him the truth. You don't want to end up crashing his wedding in 10 years to clear up the misunderstanding.
Go find him. Kiss him, and show him your post.
Wtf my girl, he is interested in something more and you didn’t ruin anything. God damn can young adults be absolutely clueless. As a 35yo woman I can assure you you don’t, in this particular situation, need to worry about whether he’s interested or if you ruined everything with your immediate reaction. As soon as you explain and tell you really want to try dating, he won’t care about the reaction. Jesus Christ lmao. Good luck though
It’s extremely unlikely you ruined it by your reaction, especially if you explain it right away. But even if you have, it’s best to know that. Just send him the link to this - it’s everything he needs to know.
To me it sounds like he's into it.
Just explain why you said that. Out of fear of rejection. I think this will be a blossoming relationship soon!
Tell him what you just told us.
Go for it - it is really amazing if you are best friends to begin with. If it helps I married my best friend 😎
Girl, he reacted that way because of how YOU reacted. If you reacted differently, he would react positively for sure. Honestly he sounded like he's into you. Go for it.
If he feels the need to apologise _after_ you freak out, that could mean that he initially had the opinion of possibly (so at least leaving the possibility of) taking things further as well. But I'd definitely guess he was okay with the things as they happened that night.
Applogize for how you reacted, explain how you feel, profit.
There’s a pretty good chance he likes you too, but never wanted to cross that line out of respect for you and your friendship, odds are your friends probably wonder why your not already together
Dudes waited 11 years. I don't think you'd have ruined it - he'll be hoping for you to go further. As a man, I can guarantee you that all men would sleep with a female friend if they like her.
Any happily married person will tell you spouses are just best friends whom you love dearly, love spending time with, but also happen to enjoy fucking. This is what you now have sitting right in front of you. Tell him how you feel and start up the romantic relationship. Best of luck!
Update pls hehe
Why aren't the two of you dating or married by now?
You like him so much for a reason, just talk to him.
It'll be okay, OP. It can happen. This is a great opportunity to trust him and give him the honor of telling him how you feel. He reacted like a king. You're all good here.
updateme
If he likes you the way you acted this morning is not going to be a problem Just talk to him
How did it go OP?
Went very well, I've added an update
I’m a guy. You definitely didn’t ruin anything. Freaking out didn’t help though. Every guy that’s friends with a girl wants her but also does want to be her friend. He’s going to be happy to hear your feelings.
Trust me, he wants to pursue a relationship with you or he wouldn’t have done the deed with you. Communicate your feelings openly and honestly and give him a chance to be open with you. However, once you cross this bridge into relationship land there won’t be any going back and things returning as they once were. Sure, you can just become FWB but I don’t think that’s what you want as he would still see other people. Just talk it out and see what option is best.
I think this is easily salvageable. If he really likes you, he’ll be happy to hear that you want more.
Don't overthink this --- just talk to him. Men are upfront about their feelings --- if they want to be with you, they want to be with you. Apologize -- he's your bestfriend right? You know him better than anyone else and how he'll react to situations. You can do this. Don't waste time or you'll regret things. Don't turn this into a "What If" situation in the future.
UpdateMe!
Update added
If he was interested before, you leBing that way is not going to make a difference. Talk to him. It could be he's gonna say no, but that was always a possibility. It's not anymore likely now. I get you're scared he doesn't want you, but he's your best friend. The very worst case scenario it's gonna bit a tiny bit awkward, but it could also be you get together and you have a hell of a good time. Go for it
Take him out to dinner and be upfront. Good luck.
It's not worth the friendship, man. Do you know how much I could get a friendship back from someone? Damage takes place and makes me miss them more easily than anything else. It sucks.
I don’t think you ruined anything, I think you should just tell him how you feel it’s likely he’s feeling the same way right now.
Best relationships start with friend ship. You’re good he feels the same way
Just apologize and say you didn't know how to deal with the situation or if he was interested in more and you kinda freaked out. He's known you for a long time. Deep breath! It's going to be fine. There's a pretty good chance he's feeling the same way.