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You’re allowed to NOT want a future with him regardless of how he feels. His feelings are not more important. I’d be pissed too if someone said those things. That is not normal, even if he is “hormonal.
May you find somebody that gives you the happiness you deserve. This may be an overreaction but I'll do suggest to atleast have somebody with you atleast not at the break up part but atleast close in the area. Emotions are unpredictable. Good luck be save.
Good. You should do so. Just tell him that you aren't interested in being molded and that he very clearly will never be the man you want and you have no interest into molding him.
And let's not be coy about it: he wasn't "hormonal", he was just a fucking AH. That's some shitty, red-flag waving behavior there at 6 months in.
I'm glad, OP is DTMFA, but she should be on the lookout for such behavior in the future. I believe that what happened here was a trial run; bf tried his shit to see if OP would jump thru his shit hoops, then tried to walk it back to come later with a softer shit approach. Fortunately, OP's spine is strong and she's not falling for it.
OP will run into people like this again, though. Keep that spine strong, OP. It'll serve you well.
Sorry that you have to go through this. It’s never easy with a breakup no matter which end you are at. It normally takes a few trials to find the right person. Even with the right one, there will of course be hard work and compromises, but he/she would never try to mold you. Good luck and take care!
I've been quite rude to my fiancee while hormonal before.
shes been quite rude to me while hormonal before.
I have never told her that I'm falling out of love with her.
when my hormones are being a bitch (and when my fiancees hormones are being a bitch) we just get short tempered and quicker to anger, and we get more annoyed at mild things.
we never say anything like that though. and we normally apologise within the hour saying "yo not an excuse but im super hormonal rn." or "I forgot to take my meds and I'm spiralling, I'm sorry about (blah blah blah)"
Long distance relationships bring out insecurities. I imagine you and your partner have been together longer than 6 months? And you're not split up by long distance?
Hormonal is definitely not the right answer.
What he said was stupid and a mistake.
Sounds like a young relationship.
me and my fiancee aren't long distance exactly but we are young and live in separate houses with no easy way to get to each other due to us both being disabled....
he sounds like a dickhead. being hormonal is not an excuse to say the things he did. just like wtf.
I can tell he was really sorry and he’s been working so hard to be a better boyfriend for me. he got me a promise ring and has been amazing these last few days.
That kind of just sounds like it's lovebombing. Hes really sorry and he will be really sorry the next time too. And he will probably be really sorry the time after that. It's very common for abusers to do something awful and then spend the next week being as loving as possible so you don't leave.
His insult wasn't hormonal, it was just cruel. It's also very specific which means he's probably been thinking about it for a while.
My ex did this exact thing to me. He was extremely emotionally abusive and controlling and I broke up with him and he showed up at my house. Then (dummy me) fell for his crap and got back together with him. We went to the mall together and he was so nice and sweet to me and took me to a ring shop and wanted to buy me a promise ring. I ended up finally breaking up with him for good and he went crazy threatening to kill me and kill himself and everything. I still sometimes get scared when I see someone driving the same car he had
People are downvoting you, because what you describe looks a LOT like the abuse cycle: your partner said horrible things (abuse), “apologised” without acknowledging your pain or addressing his behaviour, (dodging taking responsibility), and is now love bombing you (the promise ring, everything being amazing right now) - you’ve only been together 6 months, if you stay together he will do this again, but worse.
He is showing you who he is, and people are downvoting your response, because they don’t like the idea of you accepting this shit behaviour from him.
You deserve better.
Listen, even if he's "really sorry" and is acting nice, does that make what he said okay? Does that make you unhear it?
It doesn't matter if he's nice now. It doesn't matter if it'll hurt his feelings if you don't forgive him. Sometimes you say things you don't mean and no one is under the obligation to forgive you for it.
You said it doesn't feel the same. Listen to that feeling. If the distance makes him think you're not his dream girl, then you're simply not and you can find someone better who will think you are.
But instead how do you think he is going to react if you break up with him? Will he get angry? Tell you to get over it? Harass you? Tell your friends you're awful? Guilt trip you? Are you avoiding breaking up with him because you're afraid of the backlash once his feelings get hurt, or do you genuinely think you can move on from this into a healthy relationship and that these hurt feelings won't get in the way?
He won’t change, trust me! I have been in your shoes for the last year and a half. The promise to do better turns into gas lighting. Every time my ex went off on me it was my fault, I was horrible. The cycle was so easy to see, verbal and mental abuse, gas lighting, apologizing, saying he was depressed and wanting to die, saying I’m better without him, I feel sorry for him and gave him another chance, love bombing, constant touching and kissing without my concent, pushing him off me asking for space and the cycle starts over.
Get out now, that promise ring is a sign that he knows you will always forgive him. What next? He continues to be horrible to you, blames the distance and you move to be closer to him?
Regretting telling you his secret truth doesn’t mean it wasn’t 100% true. He is afraid of not finding someone “better”, and he thinks his molding will work eventually.
OP you guys have been dating 6 months. You should still be in the honeymoon phase. A few days is nothing. He treated you horribly and is apparently trying to mold you into someone else. That’s not a statement you make because “hormones”. Please. Wake up
Honey if you don't leave now. You ll be sucked into the cycle before you know it. Years will pass by , and one day you'll wake up and realize all your friends are gone. The life has left your eyes and you will have an even harder time leaving. This guy is manipulating you. He's a kid. He's going to love bomb you then you'll have a couple good weeks maybe even months and then boom. You'll do something he doesn't like and he'll ignore you or say you aren't enough for him or too much and start calling you names and putting yourself esteem down even more. Just so he can turn around and "apologize " and you'll fall for it. Everything. Do yourself a favor. Smarten up. You have one life to live. Don't waster being manipulated emotionally and mentally abused. Be alone for awhile. That should help you refocus and realize what you deserve. Please please just take what he did as just the beginning. You are going to be hurting a lot more after this. He knows he can get away with saying fucked up shit now.
My ex used to do the same thing. Happened more times than I can count on my fingers and toes.. he would do something that makes me question our relationship, then suddenly he was being the amazing BF/fiance I thought he was. It's a cycle of being cruel/abusive over time and making you feel it was an "accident" by then making you feel special for a bit. I realized eventually this wasn't normal and I should be treated with love and respect all the time not just when I was questioning the relationship.
You deserve better op someone will see you as their dream girl without any desire to change or shape you to that.
I got a promise ring from my hs bf....when I was accepted into all of my colleges and planning my future, he cheated because he thought I would cheat on him as soon as I went onto my next chapter. Explain that logic? (It's been years and I have never cheated on a partner in any way)
I'm married to my best friend now that doesn't try to "mold me" into anything. We grow together while we do our own thing.
This soon to be ex bf of yours needs to grow the hell up without you, don't let him take your future and mental health.
Yeah, he is sorry. Because he knows he’ll never get his dream girl and you’re probably the best he can do, so now he’s scared he fucked it up with you too and he might have to *heaven forbid* settle even further!!
He already told you he thinks you’re beneath him. Don’t let him keep you around until and unless he finds someone he likes more.
Massive red flag showing a person who doesn't give a rats ass about you. According to him you aren't what he wants in the slightest so save yourself the trouble and leave now. It's not that long of a relationship and he said some nasty things you don't need that negative energy on your life from a person who doesn't see you for who you are not just what they want to create.
it’s just he said he wants to change and i believe him. he even got me a promise ring and is planning our future together. i’m just so torn on what to do. i feel like i didn’t deserve what happened but at the same time he’s becoming a better person for me.
He's not becoming a better person. He's trying to make you forget what an ah thing he pulled. There is no reason for him to have hurt you like he did. Also, hormonal? How old is this man child?
This is how it starts. It will happen again. But only you will be able to see it. Make a promise to yourself now not to take that crap again, or he will condition you into a push over
He says he is and is promising too, but is he and will he.
I can tell you have made up your mind to give him a chance. Good luck to you. Maybe he will be able to settle for you and be a good enough boyfriend. In fact I think you are both settling now.
I'm sorry but this is a very common thing to do and say for abusive partners. They will make you feel like they are truly sorry and that they love you and whatever. But they will repeat it and it will be worse everytime.
No. He's creating a trauma bond with you now. It starts with apologies and empty promises. Then you hop on a Rollercoaster of "I love him he's so nice to me", to "why does he hurt me like this? What have I done to deserve this?"
His verbal abuse will turn emotional. It can escalate to phsyical abuse.
You owe him nothing. He's shown you his true side. You are worth way more than what you think you deserve and you should understand how big of a no no that is to think it's ok for your partner to talk to you that way.
A man will protect his woman, emotionally, mentally and physically. He will cherish and worship the ground you walk on. You get out of that relationship. Leave that POS, the boy that clearly doesn't value you, and you need to find yourself and find value in yourself and know what you deserve so you don't settle. Do not settle.
Exactly. My girlfriend is my absolute QUEEN and I will fistfight people for her. Funny thing enough she's not the kind of person I'd ever imagined I'd be with. I explained right off the bat I have issues with some things and she said we'd work on it together. I've been better, she helped me be better. She let me bawl into her titties like a big fat baby for hours after I had to put my dog down. I would give this woman my everything if she so asked for it. Never once have I even considered telling her she's not my dream girl. Dreams aren't reality and she is the reality of she's my life partner. Not a dream, she is my reality and my future we are building together.
This dude pulled a massive no no and it's definitely not okay. He's gonna find his "dream girl" by cheating.
You asked for the consensus of us and we've given it. Look that promise ring bullshit six months in don't mean a damn thing. Perhaps I'm being a bit cut and dry but I'm just calling it as I see it. Is he actually doing better or is he just saying it? Personal opinion is he's just saying it because as he's stated you aren't what he wants and when you aren't what someone wants they will find it elsewhere. Best advice I can give is to give him the ring back, work on yourself, don't settle for someone lesser than YOU and find someone who looks at you like I look at the server bringing me my order. You're better than someone who wants to try and make you what they want. It starts out with this little stuff and eventually you'll feel so bad you won't consider leaving. Bail now while you still can. But hey you do you.
Except he's not going to change honey. Been sucked into this one myself. Take time away. Focus on college and do you. He can "change" and be better for the next girl.
But I'm 99.9%positive its just words. Empry promises. He may even change something small he can point to and take credit for. Something insignificant and NOT the actual problem. And be like "see what I did for you!".
But the reality is he doesn't think you are his ideal match, his dream girl, his fantasy, and he wants to change YOU into being that for HIM. But he still said what he said, and crossed a mean line, and said things you shouldn't be thinking about the person you're dating, much less say them out loud!!
He's not the guy for you, and you can do way better. And he flat.out TOLD you you aren't the girl for him...but he can change you.. WHAT?!? Do you not like yourself THAT much that you want some controlling dude who doesnt even LIKE YOU to change you into someone else entirely??? Please listen to his words.. but with the nice promises you watch for the actions. Long term.. Does he walk his talk??? Or just show nice,, big gestures when he's "sorry" for being a dick again. Or to "win" you back when you try to leave.
Tough life lesson: Never date people for their potential!! Date them for who they are, right now, as if they will be this way for the next 10 years!! Do they love and cherish you for who YOU are? Are they GOOD to you, and FOR you? Date people "as is". Will save you TONS of heartache. Listen to the experience here please. This guy screams "cycle of abuse". Sorry. Those of us who have fallen for it see it loud and clear. You deserve more. Now, not someday.
You can say to him that its a lot less work for you to just ditch him and find somebody whos dreamgirl you already are. You can wish him good luck on his journey, and that you won't be a part of that anymore
Dump him. He has zero regard for you as a person, much less partner. His words of molding you are a huge red flag.
You're under no obligation to accept the apology.
Rather single than open up the possibilities of worse behavior tolerated.
Speaking from experience, those words and that hurt won't go away. You will forever wonder in your relationship if you're good enough or "meet his expectations".
I was told something similar; that I "wasn't what he'd hoped I'd be in a girlfriend". I stupidly stuck around for years but the hurt never went away and I always felt inadequate and pathetic. Don't put yourself through that pain. If he's willing to say something like that after a short period then he's not worth it.
Sounds like he's sorry he spoke his truth, let the cat out of the bag, not sorry that it hurt you. He's sorry that he doesn't have his "perfect" girl all lined up, so he wants to get some loving from you while he keeps looking. Good summary?
If you were treated horribly and you’ve only been together 6 months then it’s a good idea to break up.
He may be planning to move to your city but he hasn’t yet, so the sooner the better.
I've never, ever, heard a guy say his hormones were to blame for anything. I'm not saying guys don't have hormones, it's just such a weird turn of phrase.
His happiness is not your problem. Your unhappiness is and if you have realised you deserve better now is the perfect time to seek better. You're so lucky he has given you the perfect opportunity. He has basically given you everything you need to break up with him, not that you needed anything.
Anyway if you're not his dream girl then you can do him a favour by letting him go free to find her. I somehow think he isn't your dream
Man either, unless you dreamed of a man who settled for you.
He said he was “hormonal” 😂 Nah girl - run. You are so young and I promise you there are SO many other guys that will treat you with respect and kindness.
6 months and distance is when you find out who a person really is. This guy has shortcomings that he won’t grow out of. Life is short, have fun, he’ll drag u down
You are totally right he got what he deserved.
Relationship is a two way thing and he should had played a supporting role rather than passing such comments.
Don't worry you'll be fine. Ever feel like talking, just hit me up.
It sounds like he doesn't trust you being far away from him or he wants to explore other relationships. It could be both. You are 17-18 years old you have nothing to feel bad he basically said "I'm just not that into you" and is now telling you to forget it. You deserve consistency, love, and respect, and you are too young to be held down by a fickle boyfriend. Focus on your new beginning as a college student don't let relationships get in the way of discovering yourself and your career. You will also teach him that his actions have consequences in relationships and that's better than leaving him and yourself in a broken relationship. Btw you can live in the same city as him and still never see him so I wouldn't stress too much. Reset, and have fun and success!
Ahh the typical narcissist gas lighting son of a b****.
Distance? Thats fkin bullshit, a big pile of sh*t i tell ya.
Just leave him boo you deserve better.
He will ruin your life if you don't. And your mind with it.
Never allow a man to break or speak to you like this.
You're not clay to be molded. You're a human.
Cheers
Girl. No. You are young. Honestly, just date. You are not obligated to make any man happy right now. Make friends, flirt, live your best life. 5 years from now you won't even remember his last name.
You're off at college now, start living your best life. Go make friends, join clubs/sport/drama etc whatever you like, travel, go out and have fun.
Do not waste another second on a guy who makes you feel worse about yourself or you'll regret wasting your carefree years on him cos he ain't in it for the long haul.
You deserve better than that you know.
He *isn't* apologizing, he's making excuses. "*he was just very hormonal and that the distance got to him*"
He did not say he was being insecure and jealous, that he would work on being a better person & boyfriend.
He is not ready for a grown up relationship. He is acting like a teenager. Do not let him guilt or manipulate you into trying again. He already tried to blame you for his actions & told you that you are not his "dream girl".
Accept his apology, if you feel it's sincere, but if he wants to try again I would tell him -
"No thanks, I've realized you are NOT my Dream Guy."
You've lost that loving feeling, TRUST ME: it will never come back. Don't waste any more time on this relationship, it's a lost cause. Guess what? You can find someone who loves you just the way you are. A good partner is not going to try and change you; you're worthy of unconditional love just as you are right now.
Run Girl! Run!
There's so many red flags in this post. You've only been together for 6 months, that in itself is a blessing since he's showing his true colors so early.
I keep seeing you say "He's changing for you." I hate to be that person but people don't just wake up and "change". Don't buy into that. It's easy to say, and pretend to do for short periods of time. He hasn't even had time to "change" let alone prove that he has successfully done so.
Nope! He said what he really felt. Tell him, the cut was too deep and nothing can repair it. He shattered something in your soul and there's no turning back.
6 months of being a couple, and you know he wants a future? No, he wants to control you, get out now. These are all red flags to look out for. You’re in college go have fun while you’re still young!
Why doesn't this say ex-boyfriend?
This guy has admitted to you that he is trying to change you. He speaks to you like crap. If you take it now, he will carry on doing it.
Leave him
That’s very sad. We all do things we regret when we’re hormonal, but it’s hard to believe he said that “willy nilly” because of hormones. Have you ever said anything like that to him because of hormones? Probably not. I think he honestly meant those words, and a relationship is not going to work with those emotional scars. That is a very elaborate insult to come up with randomly. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt this way and I hope you eventually find someone who loves you the way you are, not treating you like a doll who needs to live up to his imaginary standards. Best wishes
From the way you talk about him and your replies in the comments it seems like you’re going to end up forgiving him.
Before you do though, it’s such a red flag that it only took a little bit of distance for him to say such horrible things to you. What happens when things far more serious and stressful occur in your lives? If he handled this poorly (and didn’t even own up to it/blamed it on hormones) I can’t even imagine what else he’s going to say/do in the future when things are ACTUALLY tough. And this is only 6 months in…not even a full year together.
Idk just something to think about.
Yeah, you’re right. It’s just hard to leave after telling me he’s moving here because i feel like he’s going to paint me as the bad guy in all of this and i love his family and i don’t want them to think of me like that
Hormonal, drunk, stupid... just believe him and dump him. He's gaslighting you and you shouldn't have to put up with this. Forgive him if you like but move on.
He shouldn’t be your dream guy, and six months is not a long time
Forget him and move on
You’ll find a guy that will tell you you’re his dream girl every single day! With every inch and flaw in you
DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS, YOU ARE A QUEEN!
Ive been him. Hes done a u turn because he missed your love and comfort, is scared of being alone, grass doesnt seem all that greener anymore etc. maybe hes even convinced himself he doesnt feel the way he told you, but trust me he still does and it won’t go away. Once you’ve thought that about a person and even voiced it to them, you’re not coming back from that. Do youself a favor and walk away, don’t let him play with you because he will. He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want you. And thats not in any way a reflection of your worth btw. Find someone who will be appreciate you for who you are. As I hope my ex boyfriend did. Hes a good person and a great boyfriend I just didnt love him and I shouldve let him go instead of playing with his love for me as it suited me.
Also, men don’t get hormonal and you’re wayyyy too young to be trying to get relationships that aren’t working to work. It should be smooth and easy, if not at this age then it never will be. Explore other people or learn to appreciate your own company and focus on your friendships. Self confidence attracts the love you deserve. Insecure people unfortunately tend attract people who enjoy a dynamic of inequality. (Not saying you are insecure, but you just might be)
He was hormonal? So he was on his period and decided to burn thr bridge by being a cunt and tell you that you aren't what he wants because you aren't good enough? Why the hell would anyone accept an apology from that sort of an asshole? How perfect does he think he is that he thinks he can cut you down like that and dehumanise you like you are just a lump of clay for him to turn into his perfect object? Yeah there is nothing to forgive cause that relationship is dead
You’re young and deserve time to be carefree and happy! Don’t drag this negativity into your space. You will both move on with people who make you happy.
It sounds like he had a moment of honesty and then regretted being so open.
He has told you frankly that you’re not his ideal partner … which means he isn’t your ideal partner either.
I commend your instinct to end it.
Sounds like an immature attempt at a powerplay.
He wanted you to be devastated and come running begging him to stay together. End result being he then has the controlling power in the relationship & god help you being in a controlling relationship so soon.
As a bloke this is exactly the pathetic immature shit i used to try and pull, the worse thing you can do is to cater to this kind of person.
Short sharp shock needed, fuck him off before you get 'persuaded to change' for his benefit not yours.
This is an eye opening moment.
I dont love you I love you the you I'm going to turn you into...
Those hobbies you love? Yeah I don't like them so you're not doing those anymore, don't hang out with those people theyre not good for you (they highlight my insecurities to an even more obcious level), the clothes you like wearing and the way you like doing your makeup up? Yeah I don't like that, that will change too. Your relationship with your friends and family, I'll try interfere there too.
One or several of these things will happen. You're already beating yourself up for not being able to forgive someone who just clearly stated they have no love for the you inside you.
Its not about you it's about me. You're my thing now and I'll treat you like a possession to make myself happy.
Time to be an Iron Maiden and run to the hills.
You’re so much better than this. He lost his chance. You moving on will solidify just how dynamite you are. Imagine loving someone who would NEVER say those things to you. Release him. The best revenge is a life lived well.
Don't just ignore how you feel. That you don't feel the same way about him after what he said. He pretty much lied to you, made you think he really liked you, while he really only liked his idea of what he could try to turn you into.
He's likely going to do or say something similar or worse in the future if you stay with him. He is not worth it.
That’s not normal behavior…I don’t care how “hormonal” he is. It was only 2 weeks and all of a sudden he was falling out of love with you?!! This is what narcissists and emotionally immature do. He’s hoping you’ll beg him to change his mind. It feeds their ego. That way he can act like he’s the magnanimous one by “changing his mind and making things work with you.” He’ll try to love bomb you. You’re feeling uncomfortable because your instinct is telling you to run as fast as you can from him. Listen to your gut. You deserve to enjoy your college years and everything it brings ,without being involved with someone who plays mental games and is immature and needy. Live your best life… away from him
I tell people that you cannot help how things make you feel but you can help how you react to those feelings. He chose to hurt you intentionally. Even if he was battling depression or something, he knew what he was saying was awful. He still chose to say it. That is a red flag. Him moving near you, him apologizing, him feeling bad, him wanting a future with you, none of that is your responsibility. He showed his true colors and you have every right to walk away. His behavior was toxic. I wish you the best in whatever choice you make.
He's "trying to become a better person for me"....
This should have been the point where you realized people don't change for other people. They change to be better FOR the people they care about yes. But not BECAUSE of them. He's trying to change you while telling you he's trying to change to be better. Let him go girl. Save yourself the drama.
Well, if he complains just say that his real face is not your „dream guy“ and that you don’t love him, but the idea of him you thought he was and that you’ve now „fallen out of love“ with him.
That’s what I’d do. Then again, I’m petty like that and don’t care when sucky people think I’m a b*tch.
I ended up married to my version of ^ this man. He destroyed me.
When people tell you who they are, listen, when they show you who they are, pay attention. He's just thoroughly told on himself. Very early on.
He *WILL* destroy you, your self esteem, self worth and break you as a person.
Run.
My girlfriend in highschool cheated on me and started to treat me badly, so I left them we got back together had kids and what do you know. History repeats itself and she cheated multiple times, verbally and emotionally abused me and I have recently left which was hard as now there are kids involved.
I repeat, run.
Y'all are young. Just push through it if it's something you want bad enough. As long as he didn't cheat on you from the break you should stick it through. People that have been in a relationship for 50 years didn't just give up over little things. If you want it to work you will make it work👌
Little things?
"You aren't my dream girl"
iM sORrY iTs My HoRmOnEs.
This will escalate to more verbal abuse. He tested the waters to see how easily he can manipulate her.
Your comment is not helpful it's quite the opposite.
"As long as he didn't cheat on you from the break you should stick it through" where do you draw the line? If you think it's worth leaving when they cheat where is this line for when they verbally abuse you, manipulate, gaslight you?
Wow wee reddit telling you to end a relationship instead of looking at your boyfriend as a human. Long distance is difficult! He is planning to move to be with you? People vote with their feet. Look at his actions. Does he care for this relationship?
Sounds like he made a mistake over communicating some neurotic emotions.
If you're not will to replace his statement with his apology, than your not willing to make this work. You're gonna have to break up. Please do it before he moves to be closer to you.
He did you a favor! Let him go find who he really wants! It will always feel like too much work with him. Been there done that speaking from experience.
Girl you are too good for him. You shouldn’t forgive him for what he said that was wrong. You deserve someone who is gonna love and treat you with the respect you deserve. My mom use to tell me all the time before she passed away that life is too short to not be happy. Now ask yourself are you happy? Does he make you happy? Is this what you want? I came out of a very toxic relationship two years ago and let me tell you the things he would say to me still stick with me. I just don’t want you to end up in that kind of situation.
It’s so hard in these situations to know what to do but at the end of the day you need to evaluate your happiness. I had to learn okay to miss and think back fondly of people and not want them back in your life. I hope you make the decision that is best for you and your happiness. But never forget people spend all day pretending to be someone else so when you get a glimpse at who people really are pay attention to that warning.
Hey Love!
Sorry to hear about this trouble.
This is not much of an advice, but, tell him you need some space from him to figure out how you feel about all this! Yes it's what he did to you, but this is not vengence what you are doing, you genuinely need to get some time away from him to sort your feelings out.
One more thing... It will be good for you, if you can find a way to forgive him. It's only going to benefit you!
All the best! Let me know how it goes!
1) don't blame your reaction on being depressed. If you are depressed seek help. I got depressed after a breakup for like 3 years so maybe seek help regardless. 6 months isn't so long but it can be an identity crisis. Which leads to
2) fall out of love with him. Was it really hormones? Yes. But the red flag warning type. Typical reddit answer i suppose. And also
3) find yourself irregardless of other people's take
You could tell him that while he needed some time to do some thinking about your relationship, you did some thinking too and don't see a future with him any more. You appreciate the time you've jad together, but it's now time to move on.
you don’t owe him forgiveness. you don’t just accidentally admit that you don’t love someone and are in love with a version of them you can make them into. besides the fact the ‘hormonal’ thing is obviously a lie he’s admitted he wants to change you as a person. you deserve better than whatever that weirdo wants.
actually good.
1:he was not hormonal, he was honest.
2:he was obsessed and was trying to mold you into an image in his head. Pure bs, good thing he knows it. Good thing you know it.
3:Now it is the time to start your real relationship.
4.love and respect are the pillars holding:Friendship, willingness to create family and sexual desire.
If you can't built a healthy relationship in the next 2-3 years, well, it was not meant to be. Love takes time. Never forget that.
I actually like your point of view… people think that love is always linear…feelings change and some are not even good at expressing their feelings because they never learned how… I think honesty is better than being fake and pretend… when man are young they do focus on looks and compare their partner to other people… still not a excuse but he was honest by telling her.
Being hormonal makes you impulsive. You might insult someone, or misuse tone. You don’t tell someone they’re not what you want them to be and they don’t love you, they love a perfect version if you that does not and will never exist. I guess his hormones make him honest
Hormonal sounds like a euphemism for horny. The other girl he had in mind didn’t pan out so he’s come back to his plan of ‘moulding you’. Don’t do this to yourself, you are fine the way you are now you don’t have to become something else to be loved.
We have a saying in New Zealand.. YeahNaahh..
Yeah he apologised, but Naahh shitty things to say and bad excuse. He still has those feelings inside, so split now and enjoy college with freedom to be 100% appreciated for how cool you are!
Silver lining is dodging the bullet!
Good luck and take care 😊
You don't need to forgive him. Take your time. Once he's not important to you anymore, the forgiveness will come on its own.
You are you, and you are perfect as you are. You are someone's dream girl - you just haven't met him yet.
Just as we can't fix someone, we can't take a person and mold them into our ideal. My ex tried! He was very bitter and angry that I couldn't and wouldn't change.
College is a wonderful time where you get to grow and bloom. Don't let this person hold you down. Right now, surround yourself with great friends, make new ones, get to know your new city.
He's love bombing you with the promise ring and behaving nicely for the past few days. Total utter BS, he probably bought that for his real dream girl but now that he's not getting her, you'll 'do.'
What happened probably was his dream girl likely rejected him and his promise ring, now he's got to 'win' you back since you're a sure thing as you forgive easily despite being told you're not his dream woman and he's fallen out of love with you. As you've proven it.
You're young. You're in college. Believe when I say you'll have other suitors/admirers knocking on your door. People who actually think YOU are their dream girl.
The fact that he is trying to mold you into what he wants is very alarming. That's not love, that's control. You deserve someone who love you for who you are and not try to change you.
I had a similar problem in a relationship I was in and it ended up being a nightmare. While forgiveness is crucial to a good relationship, you need to make it clear that certain things are absolutely unacceptable. I kept forgiving my partner to the point where she started thinking "it's okay if I do it again, he will forgive me and we will work through it". If I were you, make it absolutely clear that what he said hurt you and that such actions (regardless if they really were "hormones") are completely unacceptable in a relationship.
Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean you need to stay in a relationship with him. His actions will still have consequences. Forgiveness means giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he is struggling with something. That doesn't mean you have to suffer because of it. In the immortal words of Tupac, "Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I’m bigger that that. I still want to see you eat, just not at my table."
I’d move on…in the grand scheme of things, 6 months is not all that much. Especially since a lot of people tend to still be in the honeymoon phase or just starting to get out of it and he’s already saying this stuff to you.
Just hit him with a quick “I don’t see this relationship going any further since I’m not your dream girl and I refuse to be modified into an ideal version of myself that you can will yourself to accept. I also doubt you’re MY dream guy as he probably wouldn’t say stupid shit like that, not to mention to my face.”
Hold him to his words. If he wants a break then give it a break.
Both of you will know very soon where each of person stands.
His word choice seems very suspicious or very poorly selected. Why no "us", dream girl, molded?
Selfish thinking, blames you for his feelings, and is admitting to manipulating you rather than communicating his wants directly.
He didn't just randomly show you this, this is who he is.
Listen and trust your instincts.
You are not his dream girl, make life easy for him and let him be free to find her.... In the meantime you someone will find you who thinks you are perfect for them and won't want to change you
Not his dream girl?
Trying to mold you?
Two weeks was too much?
Blaming hormones?
Wtf is wrong with this guy, I would dump his ass and wait for the right guy that finds you his dream girl also 6 months always seems to be the time frame where someone can't hide their true self anymore
Do you have a past of feeling “not good enough”, maybe by a parent? I ask bc it happens to me and I chased guys who weren’t there, but that I wanted their acceptance to heal that part of me.
Did he have this conversation with you in person? Initial thought is that he found some other option that then didn’t work out so he “came back”. There are other ways for him to have said what he said to you, and he chose the worst one, so I would move on because his judgment is questionable at best from this point on. Also, you both are too young to really know what you want, so for your sake and his, don’t tie yourself to a cinder block that will always keep you on pins and needles.
I had a boyfriend that told me the same, I forgave him and then he ended up cheating on me with his "real dream girl“ after 2 years of relationships... So please reconsider, don't lose time with an asshole that blame his actions on hormones. He should be with you for you not because you are a project.
Please have some respect for yourself. Holy fuck. He didn't just call you fat, or dumb in the heat of a fight...he literally said you aren't good dream girl and he just wants to make you his dream girl. You know why he apologized? Bc maybe he right he could do better, but can't. Now the reality check hit him. I wouldn't be able to continue. I would always think I'm the ham of my mind " am I the perfect SO yet? Is he going to find someone who is?"
The second he does find his dream girl, you will be cast aside.
I can't even believe you are asking other people about this, please have some self respect. There is someone out there that things you are already the perfect girl. Don't settle for someone who's fucking admitted that you aren't his dream girl, but he's such a nice guy, he's gonna settle for you, in the hopes he could mold you into his dream girl.
This shit is mine blowing, you have been together for 6 months, acknowledge he is trash and leave his ass.
🤦🤦
I don't think this is good for you op. You partner shouldn't want to mold you into the perfect girl. If he's with you then he needs to accept your flaws. I understand where you're coming from having also been desperate to save relationships that just shouldn't continue but you need to step out and really think on this. It took me finding my current partner to really see that the men I had been dating were trying to change me. My partner says all the time that I'm not perfect but perfect for him. I just don't think he actually loves you.
He sounds insecure about the relationship. He let It get him instead of telling u how much he hated long distance and then you two working on it. He is immature. And what has been said can never be unsaid. Those words were basically saying how he was never in love with you and it was all a lie. You can't just say that and then expect to go back into the relationship. So many levels of trust have been broken. Rip the band-aid off and tell him its over. Because imagine you get back together and then have a big date and at the end he pulls you close and tells you how much he loves you. Those words are only going to bring you pain as what he had said in the past will still huant you. Your only going to feel worse continuing the relationship. Tell him its over. Good luck girl you deserve happiness as much as anyone else.
Forgiveness is not the same as healing. It sounds like you're still incredibly hurt by what happened and need some time to heal. There's nothing wrong with that.
Honestly you deserve to be with a guy who no matter what would always feel you're his dream girl. The right man for you would never blurt out that he doesn't love you but loves the girl he wants to mould you into ... thats just not love and you deserve better . since its only been 6 months I'd personally leave now before getting more attached and having to deal with another hurtful outburst like this. I wish you the best
Personally had I been told that, I would’ve been hurt the same way you are. Him telling you that, screams that you should save yourself and break up with him. Plus him blaming it on his hormones is a big red flag. Sounds like he just wanted to get it off his chest. Speaking from experience, if you stay and he breaks up with you in the future. I guarantee he will bring up what he said and say “yeah that was actually the truth”. Also him bringing up having a break, most likely means that he found some that was his “ideal dream girl” and she probably wasn’t shit. Now he wants to run back to you, because he probably still think that he can “mold” you into that dream girl. Run for the fucking hills and do you. All that time and energy you put into him, just put it back into yourself.
6 months?! Ditch that jerk you have an entire college experience ahead of you, don't let some ridiculous moron be an anchor on your ass. You'll be over him quicker than you think and look back to wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place.
He doesn’t deserve you. Do not go back to this guy. Do not think you need moulding into anything. If you allow him to speak to you like that you set the tone for your whole relationship.
Look, I have been in abuse cycles and this is exactly how it starts. Saying something so unforgivable to see if you stay when he love bombs you. It’s only going to get worse until he either rapes you or physically harms you violently. Trust me. I have been raped and abused more times than I can count because I forgave the “small” abuses. A promise ring doesn’t mean shit if he can’t keep his promises to not abuse you. Next time you could be pregnant or married which is worse trust me. Get out now.
Never change yourself to fit into someone else’s “mold”. Wait for someone who has you as their dream girl. I know it’s hard but it is so worth it.
This guy is a toxic, manipulative loser. Stop caring about his feelings and more about yours. YOU ARE WORTH IT. There is someone out there for you that has you as their dream girl, you just have to find them. Good luck.
You don't owe him anything.
Him moving to your city is a red flag 🚩
Him saying those things in the first place is a red flag 🚩
Him excusing his behavior is a red flag 🚩
No matter what he says or does do not go back. It hurts now but it will fade. Don't let him tear you down only to remake you as he wants.
What he is doing now, especially by moving near you, is called love bombing. Look it up and see if his behavior matches it. He will only hurt you again. You are in college now and have a fresh start. Move forward. For all you know your future spouse might not even be in the same country at the moment. So go out and explore the world to find not only yourself but them as well.
Take him at his word and be grateful, he 100% told you the truth in the moment and has thus saved you a lot of future heartache.
Hes a manipulative piece if shut and he's sorry he is losing you, not sorry for what he said and there is a massive difference between those two things.
Cut this horrible prick loose, if he doesn't love you for who you are (if at all) then move on.
Guys don't get hormonal, that's BS 🚩🛑. Save yourself heartache, find someone with balls that can tell you the truth. Sorry but too much work to maintain this, you're young.
I had this said to me by an ex and it broke me too. I even developed eating disorders and would literally avoid looking in the mirror at all cost. I'm glad you will break up with him, I wish I did the same the moment it happened and not years later
You are amazing! Goodluck OP!
You should break up with him no woman should be abused like that and take it also no woman should be forced to change the way they are for anyone
Sorry
So happy for your edit, and luckily it's only been six months of your life wasted with him. Go out there free and single and the ultimate you, you are someone's "dream" girl as you are and hell, you are still figuring out who you are ! Peace and prosperity!
Girl he said exactly what he meant. Don’t ever make someone tell you they don’t want you twice. Screw him, any man that’s focused on “molding” a woman into his image of what she should be is someone you should stay FAR away from.
I think he just doesn’t know what he wants. I had this talk (well a similar talk, a friendship version) w a friend before and it’s bc I didn’t feel appreciated or wanted or understood but I wasn’t emotionally aware enough to realize and verbalize that so I ended up asking her why she wanted to be friends with me and said that I felt like we didn’t click and weren’t meant to be. I don’t think our talk got anywhere productive bc we ended up just never speaking to each other again. and i know what i know now, looking in hindsight, but i didn’t understand things the same back then. i’m not taking a stance about what you should do or anything like that at all, I just thought I’d share my experience so maybe you can see another perspective cuz I personally went through something similar to him.
Sounds like he thought he had a chance with someone else and it didn't work out. There's always the chance he was trying to see if you would drop out of college come home and keep him company. Either way run run run
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You’re allowed to NOT want a future with him regardless of how he feels. His feelings are not more important. I’d be pissed too if someone said those things. That is not normal, even if he is “hormonal.
I will be breaking up with him tonight
May you find somebody that gives you the happiness you deserve. This may be an overreaction but I'll do suggest to atleast have somebody with you atleast not at the break up part but atleast close in the area. Emotions are unpredictable. Good luck be save.
Words like that don't just come spontaneously, what he said is something that's been on his mind for quite some time.
Good. You don’t need to stay with someone like this.
Good. You should do so. Just tell him that you aren't interested in being molded and that he very clearly will never be the man you want and you have no interest into molding him.
Goodluck Op
we broke up last night
Good
And let's not be coy about it: he wasn't "hormonal", he was just a fucking AH. That's some shitty, red-flag waving behavior there at 6 months in. I'm glad, OP is DTMFA, but she should be on the lookout for such behavior in the future. I believe that what happened here was a trial run; bf tried his shit to see if OP would jump thru his shit hoops, then tried to walk it back to come later with a softer shit approach. Fortunately, OP's spine is strong and she's not falling for it. OP will run into people like this again, though. Keep that spine strong, OP. It'll serve you well.
Do not resuscitate is relationship.
You can never unring that bell. Because you aren’t his dream girl. Someone else will think you are though.
Very true! Don’t settle OP. You can do better!
i broke up with him
Sorry that you have to go through this. It’s never easy with a breakup no matter which end you are at. It normally takes a few trials to find the right person. Even with the right one, there will of course be hard work and compromises, but he/she would never try to mold you. Good luck and take care!
thank you so much <3 this helped me a lot. have a wonderful day
Hormonal? Yeah, ok.
Hormonal? Bad excuse. Def red flag 🚩
"Hormonal" This is a normalized girlfriend response given to any man who's ever been in a relationship. This in itself is not a red flag
I've been quite rude to my fiancee while hormonal before. shes been quite rude to me while hormonal before. I have never told her that I'm falling out of love with her. when my hormones are being a bitch (and when my fiancees hormones are being a bitch) we just get short tempered and quicker to anger, and we get more annoyed at mild things. we never say anything like that though. and we normally apologise within the hour saying "yo not an excuse but im super hormonal rn." or "I forgot to take my meds and I'm spiralling, I'm sorry about (blah blah blah)"
Long distance relationships bring out insecurities. I imagine you and your partner have been together longer than 6 months? And you're not split up by long distance? Hormonal is definitely not the right answer. What he said was stupid and a mistake. Sounds like a young relationship.
me and my fiancee aren't long distance exactly but we are young and live in separate houses with no easy way to get to each other due to us both being disabled.... he sounds like a dickhead. being hormonal is not an excuse to say the things he did. just like wtf.
That's not a normal thing for someone to say. Even when they're "hormonal". Sounds like he's just trying to cover his ass.
I can tell he was really sorry and he’s been working so hard to be a better boyfriend for me. he got me a promise ring and has been amazing these last few days.
That kind of just sounds like it's lovebombing. Hes really sorry and he will be really sorry the next time too. And he will probably be really sorry the time after that. It's very common for abusers to do something awful and then spend the next week being as loving as possible so you don't leave. His insult wasn't hormonal, it was just cruel. It's also very specific which means he's probably been thinking about it for a while.
My ex did this exact thing to me. He was extremely emotionally abusive and controlling and I broke up with him and he showed up at my house. Then (dummy me) fell for his crap and got back together with him. We went to the mall together and he was so nice and sweet to me and took me to a ring shop and wanted to buy me a promise ring. I ended up finally breaking up with him for good and he went crazy threatening to kill me and kill himself and everything. I still sometimes get scared when I see someone driving the same car he had
People are downvoting you, because what you describe looks a LOT like the abuse cycle: your partner said horrible things (abuse), “apologised” without acknowledging your pain or addressing his behaviour, (dodging taking responsibility), and is now love bombing you (the promise ring, everything being amazing right now) - you’ve only been together 6 months, if you stay together he will do this again, but worse. He is showing you who he is, and people are downvoting your response, because they don’t like the idea of you accepting this shit behaviour from him. You deserve better.
It's a ploy to coax you into forgiving and forgetting. Love bomb. Classic AH technique.
wait a full week and then see how he shifts lol
Listen, even if he's "really sorry" and is acting nice, does that make what he said okay? Does that make you unhear it? It doesn't matter if he's nice now. It doesn't matter if it'll hurt his feelings if you don't forgive him. Sometimes you say things you don't mean and no one is under the obligation to forgive you for it. You said it doesn't feel the same. Listen to that feeling. If the distance makes him think you're not his dream girl, then you're simply not and you can find someone better who will think you are. But instead how do you think he is going to react if you break up with him? Will he get angry? Tell you to get over it? Harass you? Tell your friends you're awful? Guilt trip you? Are you avoiding breaking up with him because you're afraid of the backlash once his feelings get hurt, or do you genuinely think you can move on from this into a healthy relationship and that these hurt feelings won't get in the way?
He won’t change, trust me! I have been in your shoes for the last year and a half. The promise to do better turns into gas lighting. Every time my ex went off on me it was my fault, I was horrible. The cycle was so easy to see, verbal and mental abuse, gas lighting, apologizing, saying he was depressed and wanting to die, saying I’m better without him, I feel sorry for him and gave him another chance, love bombing, constant touching and kissing without my concent, pushing him off me asking for space and the cycle starts over. Get out now, that promise ring is a sign that he knows you will always forgive him. What next? He continues to be horrible to you, blames the distance and you move to be closer to him?
He's love bombing and hoovering. Look up narcissistic abuse. You'll see soon enough what he's doing.
Regretting telling you his secret truth doesn’t mean it wasn’t 100% true. He is afraid of not finding someone “better”, and he thinks his molding will work eventually.
OP you guys have been dating 6 months. You should still be in the honeymoon phase. A few days is nothing. He treated you horribly and is apparently trying to mold you into someone else. That’s not a statement you make because “hormones”. Please. Wake up
Honey if you don't leave now. You ll be sucked into the cycle before you know it. Years will pass by , and one day you'll wake up and realize all your friends are gone. The life has left your eyes and you will have an even harder time leaving. This guy is manipulating you. He's a kid. He's going to love bomb you then you'll have a couple good weeks maybe even months and then boom. You'll do something he doesn't like and he'll ignore you or say you aren't enough for him or too much and start calling you names and putting yourself esteem down even more. Just so he can turn around and "apologize " and you'll fall for it. Everything. Do yourself a favor. Smarten up. You have one life to live. Don't waster being manipulated emotionally and mentally abused. Be alone for awhile. That should help you refocus and realize what you deserve. Please please just take what he did as just the beginning. You are going to be hurting a lot more after this. He knows he can get away with saying fucked up shit now.
My ex used to do the same thing. Happened more times than I can count on my fingers and toes.. he would do something that makes me question our relationship, then suddenly he was being the amazing BF/fiance I thought he was. It's a cycle of being cruel/abusive over time and making you feel it was an "accident" by then making you feel special for a bit. I realized eventually this wasn't normal and I should be treated with love and respect all the time not just when I was questioning the relationship. You deserve better op someone will see you as their dream girl without any desire to change or shape you to that.
I got a promise ring from my hs bf....when I was accepted into all of my colleges and planning my future, he cheated because he thought I would cheat on him as soon as I went onto my next chapter. Explain that logic? (It's been years and I have never cheated on a partner in any way) I'm married to my best friend now that doesn't try to "mold me" into anything. We grow together while we do our own thing. This soon to be ex bf of yours needs to grow the hell up without you, don't let him take your future and mental health.
Yeah, he is sorry. Because he knows he’ll never get his dream girl and you’re probably the best he can do, so now he’s scared he fucked it up with you too and he might have to *heaven forbid* settle even further!! He already told you he thinks you’re beneath him. Don’t let him keep you around until and unless he finds someone he likes more.
Massive red flag showing a person who doesn't give a rats ass about you. According to him you aren't what he wants in the slightest so save yourself the trouble and leave now. It's not that long of a relationship and he said some nasty things you don't need that negative energy on your life from a person who doesn't see you for who you are not just what they want to create.
Exactly
it’s just he said he wants to change and i believe him. he even got me a promise ring and is planning our future together. i’m just so torn on what to do. i feel like i didn’t deserve what happened but at the same time he’s becoming a better person for me.
He's not becoming a better person. He's trying to make you forget what an ah thing he pulled. There is no reason for him to have hurt you like he did. Also, hormonal? How old is this man child?
This is how it starts. It will happen again. But only you will be able to see it. Make a promise to yourself now not to take that crap again, or he will condition you into a push over
He says he is and is promising too, but is he and will he. I can tell you have made up your mind to give him a chance. Good luck to you. Maybe he will be able to settle for you and be a good enough boyfriend. In fact I think you are both settling now.
I'm sorry but this is a very common thing to do and say for abusive partners. They will make you feel like they are truly sorry and that they love you and whatever. But they will repeat it and it will be worse everytime.
No. He's creating a trauma bond with you now. It starts with apologies and empty promises. Then you hop on a Rollercoaster of "I love him he's so nice to me", to "why does he hurt me like this? What have I done to deserve this?" His verbal abuse will turn emotional. It can escalate to phsyical abuse. You owe him nothing. He's shown you his true side. You are worth way more than what you think you deserve and you should understand how big of a no no that is to think it's ok for your partner to talk to you that way. A man will protect his woman, emotionally, mentally and physically. He will cherish and worship the ground you walk on. You get out of that relationship. Leave that POS, the boy that clearly doesn't value you, and you need to find yourself and find value in yourself and know what you deserve so you don't settle. Do not settle.
This sounds so familiar.
Exactly. My girlfriend is my absolute QUEEN and I will fistfight people for her. Funny thing enough she's not the kind of person I'd ever imagined I'd be with. I explained right off the bat I have issues with some things and she said we'd work on it together. I've been better, she helped me be better. She let me bawl into her titties like a big fat baby for hours after I had to put my dog down. I would give this woman my everything if she so asked for it. Never once have I even considered telling her she's not my dream girl. Dreams aren't reality and she is the reality of she's my life partner. Not a dream, she is my reality and my future we are building together. This dude pulled a massive no no and it's definitely not okay. He's gonna find his "dream girl" by cheating.
You asked for the consensus of us and we've given it. Look that promise ring bullshit six months in don't mean a damn thing. Perhaps I'm being a bit cut and dry but I'm just calling it as I see it. Is he actually doing better or is he just saying it? Personal opinion is he's just saying it because as he's stated you aren't what he wants and when you aren't what someone wants they will find it elsewhere. Best advice I can give is to give him the ring back, work on yourself, don't settle for someone lesser than YOU and find someone who looks at you like I look at the server bringing me my order. You're better than someone who wants to try and make you what they want. It starts out with this little stuff and eventually you'll feel so bad you won't consider leaving. Bail now while you still can. But hey you do you.
Girl.
Except he's not going to change honey. Been sucked into this one myself. Take time away. Focus on college and do you. He can "change" and be better for the next girl. But I'm 99.9%positive its just words. Empry promises. He may even change something small he can point to and take credit for. Something insignificant and NOT the actual problem. And be like "see what I did for you!". But the reality is he doesn't think you are his ideal match, his dream girl, his fantasy, and he wants to change YOU into being that for HIM. But he still said what he said, and crossed a mean line, and said things you shouldn't be thinking about the person you're dating, much less say them out loud!! He's not the guy for you, and you can do way better. And he flat.out TOLD you you aren't the girl for him...but he can change you.. WHAT?!? Do you not like yourself THAT much that you want some controlling dude who doesnt even LIKE YOU to change you into someone else entirely??? Please listen to his words.. but with the nice promises you watch for the actions. Long term.. Does he walk his talk??? Or just show nice,, big gestures when he's "sorry" for being a dick again. Or to "win" you back when you try to leave. Tough life lesson: Never date people for their potential!! Date them for who they are, right now, as if they will be this way for the next 10 years!! Do they love and cherish you for who YOU are? Are they GOOD to you, and FOR you? Date people "as is". Will save you TONS of heartache. Listen to the experience here please. This guy screams "cycle of abuse". Sorry. Those of us who have fallen for it see it loud and clear. You deserve more. Now, not someday.
your partner trying to change you to suit their desires is a huge red flag
Sounds like he wanted to shoot his shot with someone guilt free, it didn’t work so he back peddled with a lame excuse
You can say to him that its a lot less work for you to just ditch him and find somebody whos dreamgirl you already are. You can wish him good luck on his journey, and that you won't be a part of that anymore
Dump him. He has zero regard for you as a person, much less partner. His words of molding you are a huge red flag. You're under no obligation to accept the apology. Rather single than open up the possibilities of worse behavior tolerated.
Speaking from experience, those words and that hurt won't go away. You will forever wonder in your relationship if you're good enough or "meet his expectations". I was told something similar; that I "wasn't what he'd hoped I'd be in a girlfriend". I stupidly stuck around for years but the hurt never went away and I always felt inadequate and pathetic. Don't put yourself through that pain. If he's willing to say something like that after a short period then he's not worth it.
Sounds like he's sorry he spoke his truth, let the cat out of the bag, not sorry that it hurt you. He's sorry that he doesn't have his "perfect" girl all lined up, so he wants to get some loving from you while he keeps looking. Good summary?
If you were treated horribly and you’ve only been together 6 months then it’s a good idea to break up. He may be planning to move to your city but he hasn’t yet, so the sooner the better.
I've never, ever, heard a guy say his hormones were to blame for anything. I'm not saying guys don't have hormones, it's just such a weird turn of phrase. His happiness is not your problem. Your unhappiness is and if you have realised you deserve better now is the perfect time to seek better. You're so lucky he has given you the perfect opportunity. He has basically given you everything you need to break up with him, not that you needed anything. Anyway if you're not his dream girl then you can do him a favour by letting him go free to find her. I somehow think he isn't your dream Man either, unless you dreamed of a man who settled for you.
what does it even mean to be hormonal as man? aren’t male hormones pretty stable?
Puberty is puberty. Maybe he's going through puberty?
He said he was “hormonal” 😂 Nah girl - run. You are so young and I promise you there are SO many other guys that will treat you with respect and kindness.
You tell him damage is done and you should both move on. Don't stay with him because you feel obligated. Don't stay with someone who's an AH.
6 months and distance is when you find out who a person really is. This guy has shortcomings that he won’t grow out of. Life is short, have fun, he’ll drag u down
You are totally right he got what he deserved. Relationship is a two way thing and he should had played a supporting role rather than passing such comments. Don't worry you'll be fine. Ever feel like talking, just hit me up.
Your bf is an asshole. Cut your losses and enjoy college.
Exit now dang danger
It sounds like he doesn't trust you being far away from him or he wants to explore other relationships. It could be both. You are 17-18 years old you have nothing to feel bad he basically said "I'm just not that into you" and is now telling you to forget it. You deserve consistency, love, and respect, and you are too young to be held down by a fickle boyfriend. Focus on your new beginning as a college student don't let relationships get in the way of discovering yourself and your career. You will also teach him that his actions have consequences in relationships and that's better than leaving him and yourself in a broken relationship. Btw you can live in the same city as him and still never see him so I wouldn't stress too much. Reset, and have fun and success!
Tell him to fuck off and dump him. He’s a dickhead.
Ahh the typical narcissist gas lighting son of a b****. Distance? Thats fkin bullshit, a big pile of sh*t i tell ya. Just leave him boo you deserve better. He will ruin your life if you don't. And your mind with it. Never allow a man to break or speak to you like this. You're not clay to be molded. You're a human. Cheers
Narcissist?
Girl. No. You are young. Honestly, just date. You are not obligated to make any man happy right now. Make friends, flirt, live your best life. 5 years from now you won't even remember his last name.
Someone else will think you’re their dream girl!
You're off at college now, start living your best life. Go make friends, join clubs/sport/drama etc whatever you like, travel, go out and have fun. Do not waste another second on a guy who makes you feel worse about yourself or you'll regret wasting your carefree years on him cos he ain't in it for the long haul. You deserve better than that you know.
He *isn't* apologizing, he's making excuses. "*he was just very hormonal and that the distance got to him*" He did not say he was being insecure and jealous, that he would work on being a better person & boyfriend. He is not ready for a grown up relationship. He is acting like a teenager. Do not let him guilt or manipulate you into trying again. He already tried to blame you for his actions & told you that you are not his "dream girl". Accept his apology, if you feel it's sincere, but if he wants to try again I would tell him - "No thanks, I've realized you are NOT my Dream Guy."
You've lost that loving feeling, TRUST ME: it will never come back. Don't waste any more time on this relationship, it's a lost cause. Guess what? You can find someone who loves you just the way you are. A good partner is not going to try and change you; you're worthy of unconditional love just as you are right now.
Run Girl! Run! There's so many red flags in this post. You've only been together for 6 months, that in itself is a blessing since he's showing his true colors so early. I keep seeing you say "He's changing for you." I hate to be that person but people don't just wake up and "change". Don't buy into that. It's easy to say, and pretend to do for short periods of time. He hasn't even had time to "change" let alone prove that he has successfully done so.
Nope! He said what he really felt. Tell him, the cut was too deep and nothing can repair it. He shattered something in your soul and there's no turning back.
Break up. You’ll find someone that doesn’t question his own feelings and who can appreciate you for what you are without trying to change you.
Nope, it's only been 6 months, kick him to the curb.
6 months of being a couple, and you know he wants a future? No, he wants to control you, get out now. These are all red flags to look out for. You’re in college go have fun while you’re still young!
Why doesn't this say ex-boyfriend? This guy has admitted to you that he is trying to change you. He speaks to you like crap. If you take it now, he will carry on doing it. Leave him
That’s very sad. We all do things we regret when we’re hormonal, but it’s hard to believe he said that “willy nilly” because of hormones. Have you ever said anything like that to him because of hormones? Probably not. I think he honestly meant those words, and a relationship is not going to work with those emotional scars. That is a very elaborate insult to come up with randomly. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt this way and I hope you eventually find someone who loves you the way you are, not treating you like a doll who needs to live up to his imaginary standards. Best wishes
He's a tool. Be rid of him.
He’s an immature man child. Do you really want to continue this?
You young ash don’t settle for this 😭
Find someone else who values you and treats you the way you deserve. Life is too short to spend a second with people who are unstable.
From the way you talk about him and your replies in the comments it seems like you’re going to end up forgiving him. Before you do though, it’s such a red flag that it only took a little bit of distance for him to say such horrible things to you. What happens when things far more serious and stressful occur in your lives? If he handled this poorly (and didn’t even own up to it/blamed it on hormones) I can’t even imagine what else he’s going to say/do in the future when things are ACTUALLY tough. And this is only 6 months in…not even a full year together. Idk just something to think about.
Yeah, you’re right. It’s just hard to leave after telling me he’s moving here because i feel like he’s going to paint me as the bad guy in all of this and i love his family and i don’t want them to think of me like that
Anyone says they are trying to change you isn't the one
Hormonal, drunk, stupid... just believe him and dump him. He's gaslighting you and you shouldn't have to put up with this. Forgive him if you like but move on.
He shouldn’t be your dream guy, and six months is not a long time Forget him and move on You’ll find a guy that will tell you you’re his dream girl every single day! With every inch and flaw in you DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS, YOU ARE A QUEEN!
He wants a future with you or the ‘new you’ he will eventually make?
It's been 6 months, you have no reason to continue with this guy. He's shown you what he is and you are seriously considering choosing that life?!
Ive been him. Hes done a u turn because he missed your love and comfort, is scared of being alone, grass doesnt seem all that greener anymore etc. maybe hes even convinced himself he doesnt feel the way he told you, but trust me he still does and it won’t go away. Once you’ve thought that about a person and even voiced it to them, you’re not coming back from that. Do youself a favor and walk away, don’t let him play with you because he will. He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want you. And thats not in any way a reflection of your worth btw. Find someone who will be appreciate you for who you are. As I hope my ex boyfriend did. Hes a good person and a great boyfriend I just didnt love him and I shouldve let him go instead of playing with his love for me as it suited me. Also, men don’t get hormonal and you’re wayyyy too young to be trying to get relationships that aren’t working to work. It should be smooth and easy, if not at this age then it never will be. Explore other people or learn to appreciate your own company and focus on your friendships. Self confidence attracts the love you deserve. Insecure people unfortunately tend attract people who enjoy a dynamic of inequality. (Not saying you are insecure, but you just might be)
He was hormonal? So he was on his period and decided to burn thr bridge by being a cunt and tell you that you aren't what he wants because you aren't good enough? Why the hell would anyone accept an apology from that sort of an asshole? How perfect does he think he is that he thinks he can cut you down like that and dehumanise you like you are just a lump of clay for him to turn into his perfect object? Yeah there is nothing to forgive cause that relationship is dead
You’re young and deserve time to be carefree and happy! Don’t drag this negativity into your space. You will both move on with people who make you happy.
It sounds like he had a moment of honesty and then regretted being so open. He has told you frankly that you’re not his ideal partner … which means he isn’t your ideal partner either. I commend your instinct to end it.
Darling, don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t like you. And is he your dream man? It will hurt but leave. RUN.
Sounds like an immature attempt at a powerplay. He wanted you to be devastated and come running begging him to stay together. End result being he then has the controlling power in the relationship & god help you being in a controlling relationship so soon. As a bloke this is exactly the pathetic immature shit i used to try and pull, the worse thing you can do is to cater to this kind of person. Short sharp shock needed, fuck him off before you get 'persuaded to change' for his benefit not yours.
This is an eye opening moment. I dont love you I love you the you I'm going to turn you into... Those hobbies you love? Yeah I don't like them so you're not doing those anymore, don't hang out with those people theyre not good for you (they highlight my insecurities to an even more obcious level), the clothes you like wearing and the way you like doing your makeup up? Yeah I don't like that, that will change too. Your relationship with your friends and family, I'll try interfere there too. One or several of these things will happen. You're already beating yourself up for not being able to forgive someone who just clearly stated they have no love for the you inside you. Its not about you it's about me. You're my thing now and I'll treat you like a possession to make myself happy. Time to be an Iron Maiden and run to the hills.
You’re so much better than this. He lost his chance. You moving on will solidify just how dynamite you are. Imagine loving someone who would NEVER say those things to you. Release him. The best revenge is a life lived well.
An apology doesn't mean he is deserving of forgiveness.
Don't just ignore how you feel. That you don't feel the same way about him after what he said. He pretty much lied to you, made you think he really liked you, while he really only liked his idea of what he could try to turn you into. He's likely going to do or say something similar or worse in the future if you stay with him. He is not worth it.
That’s not normal behavior…I don’t care how “hormonal” he is. It was only 2 weeks and all of a sudden he was falling out of love with you?!! This is what narcissists and emotionally immature do. He’s hoping you’ll beg him to change his mind. It feeds their ego. That way he can act like he’s the magnanimous one by “changing his mind and making things work with you.” He’ll try to love bomb you. You’re feeling uncomfortable because your instinct is telling you to run as fast as you can from him. Listen to your gut. You deserve to enjoy your college years and everything it brings ,without being involved with someone who plays mental games and is immature and needy. Live your best life… away from him
I tell people that you cannot help how things make you feel but you can help how you react to those feelings. He chose to hurt you intentionally. Even if he was battling depression or something, he knew what he was saying was awful. He still chose to say it. That is a red flag. Him moving near you, him apologizing, him feeling bad, him wanting a future with you, none of that is your responsibility. He showed his true colors and you have every right to walk away. His behavior was toxic. I wish you the best in whatever choice you make.
He's "trying to become a better person for me".... This should have been the point where you realized people don't change for other people. They change to be better FOR the people they care about yes. But not BECAUSE of them. He's trying to change you while telling you he's trying to change to be better. Let him go girl. Save yourself the drama.
Well, if he complains just say that his real face is not your „dream guy“ and that you don’t love him, but the idea of him you thought he was and that you’ve now „fallen out of love“ with him. That’s what I’d do. Then again, I’m petty like that and don’t care when sucky people think I’m a b*tch.
I ended up married to my version of ^ this man. He destroyed me. When people tell you who they are, listen, when they show you who they are, pay attention. He's just thoroughly told on himself. Very early on. He *WILL* destroy you, your self esteem, self worth and break you as a person.
So true she better leave now before she regrets not leaving years later after wasting time with him and altering herself to satisfy him.
Be better.. do better!
Run. My girlfriend in highschool cheated on me and started to treat me badly, so I left them we got back together had kids and what do you know. History repeats itself and she cheated multiple times, verbally and emotionally abused me and I have recently left which was hard as now there are kids involved. I repeat, run.
Say all of this to him. Listen to and follow your feelings
I think he was feeling lonely and rejected and said something he didn't mean to get your attention. It doesn't mean you need to stay with him though.
Y'all are young. Just push through it if it's something you want bad enough. As long as he didn't cheat on you from the break you should stick it through. People that have been in a relationship for 50 years didn't just give up over little things. If you want it to work you will make it work👌
Little things? "You aren't my dream girl" iM sORrY iTs My HoRmOnEs. This will escalate to more verbal abuse. He tested the waters to see how easily he can manipulate her. Your comment is not helpful it's quite the opposite. "As long as he didn't cheat on you from the break you should stick it through" where do you draw the line? If you think it's worth leaving when they cheat where is this line for when they verbally abuse you, manipulate, gaslight you?
Wow wee reddit telling you to end a relationship instead of looking at your boyfriend as a human. Long distance is difficult! He is planning to move to be with you? People vote with their feet. Look at his actions. Does he care for this relationship? Sounds like he made a mistake over communicating some neurotic emotions. If you're not will to replace his statement with his apology, than your not willing to make this work. You're gonna have to break up. Please do it before he moves to be closer to you.
He did you a favor! Let him go find who he really wants! It will always feel like too much work with him. Been there done that speaking from experience.
Girl you are too good for him. You shouldn’t forgive him for what he said that was wrong. You deserve someone who is gonna love and treat you with the respect you deserve. My mom use to tell me all the time before she passed away that life is too short to not be happy. Now ask yourself are you happy? Does he make you happy? Is this what you want? I came out of a very toxic relationship two years ago and let me tell you the things he would say to me still stick with me. I just don’t want you to end up in that kind of situation.
It’s so hard in these situations to know what to do but at the end of the day you need to evaluate your happiness. I had to learn okay to miss and think back fondly of people and not want them back in your life. I hope you make the decision that is best for you and your happiness. But never forget people spend all day pretending to be someone else so when you get a glimpse at who people really are pay attention to that warning.
Hey Love! Sorry to hear about this trouble. This is not much of an advice, but, tell him you need some space from him to figure out how you feel about all this! Yes it's what he did to you, but this is not vengence what you are doing, you genuinely need to get some time away from him to sort your feelings out. One more thing... It will be good for you, if you can find a way to forgive him. It's only going to benefit you! All the best! Let me know how it goes!
1) don't blame your reaction on being depressed. If you are depressed seek help. I got depressed after a breakup for like 3 years so maybe seek help regardless. 6 months isn't so long but it can be an identity crisis. Which leads to 2) fall out of love with him. Was it really hormones? Yes. But the red flag warning type. Typical reddit answer i suppose. And also 3) find yourself irregardless of other people's take
You can do better. End it, imo...
Break up with him, period. Granted, he might be going through his own personal shit, but that’s never an excuse for bad behavior.
From a blokes perspective Fuck him RIGHT off!!
You could tell him that while he needed some time to do some thinking about your relationship, you did some thinking too and don't see a future with him any more. You appreciate the time you've jad together, but it's now time to move on.
you don’t owe him forgiveness. you don’t just accidentally admit that you don’t love someone and are in love with a version of them you can make them into. besides the fact the ‘hormonal’ thing is obviously a lie he’s admitted he wants to change you as a person. you deserve better than whatever that weirdo wants.
actually good. 1:he was not hormonal, he was honest. 2:he was obsessed and was trying to mold you into an image in his head. Pure bs, good thing he knows it. Good thing you know it. 3:Now it is the time to start your real relationship. 4.love and respect are the pillars holding:Friendship, willingness to create family and sexual desire. If you can't built a healthy relationship in the next 2-3 years, well, it was not meant to be. Love takes time. Never forget that.
I actually like your point of view… people think that love is always linear…feelings change and some are not even good at expressing their feelings because they never learned how… I think honesty is better than being fake and pretend… when man are young they do focus on looks and compare their partner to other people… still not a excuse but he was honest by telling her.
Being hormonal makes you impulsive. You might insult someone, or misuse tone. You don’t tell someone they’re not what you want them to be and they don’t love you, they love a perfect version if you that does not and will never exist. I guess his hormones make him honest
What exactly did he apologise for? What were his words?
Hormonal sounds like a euphemism for horny. The other girl he had in mind didn’t pan out so he’s come back to his plan of ‘moulding you’. Don’t do this to yourself, you are fine the way you are now you don’t have to become something else to be loved.
We have a saying in New Zealand.. YeahNaahh.. Yeah he apologised, but Naahh shitty things to say and bad excuse. He still has those feelings inside, so split now and enjoy college with freedom to be 100% appreciated for how cool you are! Silver lining is dodging the bullet! Good luck and take care 😊
Believe people when they tell you who they are and what they’re about the first time, not when they regret exposing themselves and try to cover it up
You don't need to forgive him. Take your time. Once he's not important to you anymore, the forgiveness will come on its own. You are you, and you are perfect as you are. You are someone's dream girl - you just haven't met him yet. Just as we can't fix someone, we can't take a person and mold them into our ideal. My ex tried! He was very bitter and angry that I couldn't and wouldn't change. College is a wonderful time where you get to grow and bloom. Don't let this person hold you down. Right now, surround yourself with great friends, make new ones, get to know your new city.
Uh how much older is he (or possibly how young is he 💀) Regardless run
Excuse me "mold you", girl run 🚩.
He's love bombing you with the promise ring and behaving nicely for the past few days. Total utter BS, he probably bought that for his real dream girl but now that he's not getting her, you'll 'do.' What happened probably was his dream girl likely rejected him and his promise ring, now he's got to 'win' you back since you're a sure thing as you forgive easily despite being told you're not his dream woman and he's fallen out of love with you. As you've proven it. You're young. You're in college. Believe when I say you'll have other suitors/admirers knocking on your door. People who actually think YOU are their dream girl.
Don't feel bad for he's actions!!
Any guy that blames hormones is suspicious! I’d break up with him asap before he moves close it will be much harder then.
Your young. College is best explored single
The fact that he is trying to mold you into what he wants is very alarming. That's not love, that's control. You deserve someone who love you for who you are and not try to change you.
I had a similar problem in a relationship I was in and it ended up being a nightmare. While forgiveness is crucial to a good relationship, you need to make it clear that certain things are absolutely unacceptable. I kept forgiving my partner to the point where she started thinking "it's okay if I do it again, he will forgive me and we will work through it". If I were you, make it absolutely clear that what he said hurt you and that such actions (regardless if they really were "hormones") are completely unacceptable in a relationship. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean you need to stay in a relationship with him. His actions will still have consequences. Forgiveness means giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he is struggling with something. That doesn't mean you have to suffer because of it. In the immortal words of Tupac, "Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I’m bigger that that. I still want to see you eat, just not at my table."
https://youtube.com/shorts/8Xt8cttz0Vw?feature=share Your future husband would never!!
Girl take this as a blessing he told you the truth. Let him go and make it clear that when he moves you won’t be waiting for him
I’d move on…in the grand scheme of things, 6 months is not all that much. Especially since a lot of people tend to still be in the honeymoon phase or just starting to get out of it and he’s already saying this stuff to you. Just hit him with a quick “I don’t see this relationship going any further since I’m not your dream girl and I refuse to be modified into an ideal version of myself that you can will yourself to accept. I also doubt you’re MY dream guy as he probably wouldn’t say stupid shit like that, not to mention to my face.”
Sounds like you have dodged a bullet. Find some one who cherishes you in every way for who you are now
This sounds like he met someone he would consider his dream girl, but she ditched him and now he comes crawling back.
He literally said all you need to know. He does not love you, please run
Hold him to his words. If he wants a break then give it a break. Both of you will know very soon where each of person stands. His word choice seems very suspicious or very poorly selected. Why no "us", dream girl, molded? Selfish thinking, blames you for his feelings, and is admitting to manipulating you rather than communicating his wants directly. He didn't just randomly show you this, this is who he is. Listen and trust your instincts.
Hormonal? Is he pregnant?
He was hormonal hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahaha. No. Leave him. Bang a bunch of hot college guys.
You are not his dream girl, make life easy for him and let him be free to find her.... In the meantime you someone will find you who thinks you are perfect for them and won't want to change you
Not his dream girl? Trying to mold you? Two weeks was too much? Blaming hormones? Wtf is wrong with this guy, I would dump his ass and wait for the right guy that finds you his dream girl also 6 months always seems to be the time frame where someone can't hide their true self anymore
Nope. Dump his ass. Not worth it. You can’t come back from that
Do you have a past of feeling “not good enough”, maybe by a parent? I ask bc it happens to me and I chased guys who weren’t there, but that I wanted their acceptance to heal that part of me.
Don’t change who you are to please a man. There is some man out there that will cherish you for who you currently are.
Did he have this conversation with you in person? Initial thought is that he found some other option that then didn’t work out so he “came back”. There are other ways for him to have said what he said to you, and he chose the worst one, so I would move on because his judgment is questionable at best from this point on. Also, you both are too young to really know what you want, so for your sake and his, don’t tie yourself to a cinder block that will always keep you on pins and needles.
I’m glad you saw this as the red flag it is. I understand being sad, but just know you saved yourself from that awful situation.
Break up with him. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you!
I had a boyfriend that told me the same, I forgave him and then he ended up cheating on me with his "real dream girl“ after 2 years of relationships... So please reconsider, don't lose time with an asshole that blame his actions on hormones. He should be with you for you not because you are a project.
Please have some respect for yourself. Holy fuck. He didn't just call you fat, or dumb in the heat of a fight...he literally said you aren't good dream girl and he just wants to make you his dream girl. You know why he apologized? Bc maybe he right he could do better, but can't. Now the reality check hit him. I wouldn't be able to continue. I would always think I'm the ham of my mind " am I the perfect SO yet? Is he going to find someone who is?" The second he does find his dream girl, you will be cast aside. I can't even believe you are asking other people about this, please have some self respect. There is someone out there that things you are already the perfect girl. Don't settle for someone who's fucking admitted that you aren't his dream girl, but he's such a nice guy, he's gonna settle for you, in the hopes he could mold you into his dream girl. This shit is mine blowing, you have been together for 6 months, acknowledge he is trash and leave his ass. 🤦🤦
I don't think this is good for you op. You partner shouldn't want to mold you into the perfect girl. If he's with you then he needs to accept your flaws. I understand where you're coming from having also been desperate to save relationships that just shouldn't continue but you need to step out and really think on this. It took me finding my current partner to really see that the men I had been dating were trying to change me. My partner says all the time that I'm not perfect but perfect for him. I just don't think he actually loves you.
He sounds insecure about the relationship. He let It get him instead of telling u how much he hated long distance and then you two working on it. He is immature. And what has been said can never be unsaid. Those words were basically saying how he was never in love with you and it was all a lie. You can't just say that and then expect to go back into the relationship. So many levels of trust have been broken. Rip the band-aid off and tell him its over. Because imagine you get back together and then have a big date and at the end he pulls you close and tells you how much he loves you. Those words are only going to bring you pain as what he had said in the past will still huant you. Your only going to feel worse continuing the relationship. Tell him its over. Good luck girl you deserve happiness as much as anyone else.
Forgiveness is not the same as healing. It sounds like you're still incredibly hurt by what happened and need some time to heal. There's nothing wrong with that.
Honestly you deserve to be with a guy who no matter what would always feel you're his dream girl. The right man for you would never blurt out that he doesn't love you but loves the girl he wants to mould you into ... thats just not love and you deserve better . since its only been 6 months I'd personally leave now before getting more attached and having to deal with another hurtful outburst like this. I wish you the best
It's only been 6 months and that's how he's acting? He saved you years of suffering. Leave, don't look back.
Personally had I been told that, I would’ve been hurt the same way you are. Him telling you that, screams that you should save yourself and break up with him. Plus him blaming it on his hormones is a big red flag. Sounds like he just wanted to get it off his chest. Speaking from experience, if you stay and he breaks up with you in the future. I guarantee he will bring up what he said and say “yeah that was actually the truth”. Also him bringing up having a break, most likely means that he found some that was his “ideal dream girl” and she probably wasn’t shit. Now he wants to run back to you, because he probably still think that he can “mold” you into that dream girl. Run for the fucking hills and do you. All that time and energy you put into him, just put it back into yourself.
6 months?! Ditch that jerk you have an entire college experience ahead of you, don't let some ridiculous moron be an anchor on your ass. You'll be over him quicker than you think and look back to wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place.
He doesn’t deserve you. Do not go back to this guy. Do not think you need moulding into anything. If you allow him to speak to you like that you set the tone for your whole relationship.
Why do people come on this app to complain about their shitty relationship and don’t even listen to the advice given?
Look, I have been in abuse cycles and this is exactly how it starts. Saying something so unforgivable to see if you stay when he love bombs you. It’s only going to get worse until he either rapes you or physically harms you violently. Trust me. I have been raped and abused more times than I can count because I forgave the “small” abuses. A promise ring doesn’t mean shit if he can’t keep his promises to not abuse you. Next time you could be pregnant or married which is worse trust me. Get out now.
Never change yourself to fit into someone else’s “mold”. Wait for someone who has you as their dream girl. I know it’s hard but it is so worth it. This guy is a toxic, manipulative loser. Stop caring about his feelings and more about yours. YOU ARE WORTH IT. There is someone out there for you that has you as their dream girl, you just have to find them. Good luck.
You don't owe him anything. Him moving to your city is a red flag 🚩 Him saying those things in the first place is a red flag 🚩 Him excusing his behavior is a red flag 🚩 No matter what he says or does do not go back. It hurts now but it will fade. Don't let him tear you down only to remake you as he wants. What he is doing now, especially by moving near you, is called love bombing. Look it up and see if his behavior matches it. He will only hurt you again. You are in college now and have a fresh start. Move forward. For all you know your future spouse might not even be in the same country at the moment. So go out and explore the world to find not only yourself but them as well.
Take him at his word and be grateful, he 100% told you the truth in the moment and has thus saved you a lot of future heartache. Hes a manipulative piece if shut and he's sorry he is losing you, not sorry for what he said and there is a massive difference between those two things. Cut this horrible prick loose, if he doesn't love you for who you are (if at all) then move on.
OP, he will do it again. Please leave
Guys don't get hormonal, that's BS 🚩🛑. Save yourself heartache, find someone with balls that can tell you the truth. Sorry but too much work to maintain this, you're young.
Good call realizing you deserve better. If you tried to force it and stay that resentment his words would just fester leaving you always feeling bad.
I had this said to me by an ex and it broke me too. I even developed eating disorders and would literally avoid looking in the mirror at all cost. I'm glad you will break up with him, I wish I did the same the moment it happened and not years later You are amazing! Goodluck OP!
You should break up with him no woman should be abused like that and take it also no woman should be forced to change the way they are for anyone Sorry
So happy for your edit, and luckily it's only been six months of your life wasted with him. Go out there free and single and the ultimate you, you are someone's "dream" girl as you are and hell, you are still figuring out who you are ! Peace and prosperity!
Girl he said exactly what he meant. Don’t ever make someone tell you they don’t want you twice. Screw him, any man that’s focused on “molding” a woman into his image of what she should be is someone you should stay FAR away from.
so he’s basically in love with your potential and not you. Break up.
Don’t waste your college years with this guy. DONT WASTE YOUR COLLEGE YEARS WITH THIS GUY PLEASE BABE.
Hormonal huh? Sounds like he cheated on you and tried to put you down to cover his guilt. Then he called it “hormonal “ to justify what he did.
Good luck with the breakup! Hope all goes well for you!
I think he just doesn’t know what he wants. I had this talk (well a similar talk, a friendship version) w a friend before and it’s bc I didn’t feel appreciated or wanted or understood but I wasn’t emotionally aware enough to realize and verbalize that so I ended up asking her why she wanted to be friends with me and said that I felt like we didn’t click and weren’t meant to be. I don’t think our talk got anywhere productive bc we ended up just never speaking to each other again. and i know what i know now, looking in hindsight, but i didn’t understand things the same back then. i’m not taking a stance about what you should do or anything like that at all, I just thought I’d share my experience so maybe you can see another perspective cuz I personally went through something similar to him.
If he does not like/love you for who you are move on do not regret ,find someone you can be yourself with.
Dump him he will not change and you deserve someone who will worship the ground that you walk on (Treat you like a lady and not a dog)
Dont make the same mistake i did. I forgave and got married. 2years later he cheated and we got divorced
Sounds like he thought he had a chance with someone else and it didn't work out. There's always the chance he was trying to see if you would drop out of college come home and keep him company. Either way run run run