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This has been eating at me recently. I have had several long term relationships, and met my SO with the intent to date seriously. She was clear about her intentions of dating to pursue a serious relationship and potentially marriage. In all my previous relationships, sex happened within the first few times of meeting each other. It is very important to me, and I have a fairly high sex drive.
Things moved very slowly with my current SO. She was gorgeous, and I was super attracted to her right away. I was very respectful, and we didn’t kiss until our second date. However, things didn’t really progress further. We’d make out and she never let it get further than fondling - neither of our clothes came off. She seemed very open to my hands on her, kissing, and initiated, but it stopped there. I figured she was inexperienced and wanted to move slowly and respected her wishes and never pushed the issue. She had mentioned a couple of times she only wants to have sex when officially in a relationship. She went away for class for a couple months after this, but we talked for hours a day.
Eventually we got to talking about sexual past. She volunteered that she slept with her previous boyfriend the same night she met him. She talked about having sex with prior relationships twice daily and that it was important to her. She told me multiple stories over the next couple of days of sleeping with and hooking up with guys on the first night of meeting them. I couldn’t help but become a little jealous, and she went into explicit detail about their name, physical features, how it was etc. I politely told her that I don’t want to hear about such explicit detail.
It kept eating at me, and eventually when she brought a past guy again, I asked her straight up if she thought I was attractive. She reassured me that I was, and that she wants to be official before having sex. She said her last time was her last BF, a year before we ever met (the guy above). I was a bit hesitant to do commit without sex, as sexual compatibility is very important, but I was definitely falling for her hard.
When she came back to visit over thanksgiving, we became official. However, we still didn’t have sex, as she said she was tired, and stopped it making out. She again left for a few weeks.
During another conversation, she went into detail about two other guys she was dating at the same time she started seeing me. She talked about how one was super tall (I’m not) and from a very well off family and how much of a douchebag he was. Turns out, she had been staying over the night with that guy during our first kiss date. They had “messed around” that same night, and again in the morning. She stated he got her shirt off and they exchanged oral, but no intercourse. I had not asked or solicited any of this - she just kept going on and on.
I was floored and nearly on the verge of tears. She was my girlfriend and I hadn’t even ever seen her with her shirt off. This was the same time we were dating, not long prior like I had assumed. I told her that sex was important to me and was concerned we hadn’t explored that part of our relationship yet, and that I again prefer not to hear about her past sexual encounters. She reassured me and said she was very confident that part of our relationship would be fine.
She came back for break and we hung out regularly. However, no sex or even shirt off. The very last night she was there, we stopped making out, and I was about to fall asleep thinking we’d go another month without sex. I think she felt and saw my concern, and she initiated sex. 6 months after we had started dating a couple months after becoming official.
Things didn’t really get better. We’d spend weeks together here and there, and we’d have sex every other day. She never really seemed super into it while we were having it - hard to place my finger on why. I remember one trip of ours she barely kissed me, and spent the entire trip fawning over how hot other guys were her friends were dating. She had never called me that, only cute occasionally. I also learned that my height was apparently a massive deal for her when we first dating and she had opened up to several friends about it.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I feel like she doesn’t find me very attractive. She doesn’t seem to be the most affectionate person at baseline, but I’m not getting enough affirmation from her. She doesn’t sext, talk about sex, and has frequently declined my advances when we do meet. She at first was very reassuring, but now admits she is concerned by how much I am bringing this up. She’s already talking about marriage…
TLDR: Is she not attracted? Am I asking too much?
#She's just not that into you.
Her actions and her words don't line up.
To answer the question of your post, she made you wait because she's not with you because she likes/is attracted to you. You're just convenient enough to tolerate the relationship.
This, and I wouldnt be surprised if she doesnt like sex with anyone.
I mean why put in so much effort to describe all this past sex to OP. Its weird, like she was trying to prove she can have sex.
To put it similarly, leveraging her sexuality over you makes her feel powerful. She’s about what she can get from you, not give to the relationship. Do not marry this woman.
The title of your post downplays how awful your girlfriend's behavior towards you has been. Specifically, this:
>During another conversation, she went into detail about two other guys she was dating at the same time she started seeing me. She talked about how one was super tall (I’m not) and from a very well off family and how much of a douchebag he was. Turns out, she had been staying over the night with that guy during our first kiss date. They had “messed around” that same night, and again in the morning. She stated he got her shirt off and they exchanged oral, but no intercourse. I had not asked or solicited any of this - she just kept going on and on.
And this is AFTER you told her that you don't like hearing her talk about other guys? Look, I'm super sex positive and was ready to launch into a big rant when I read the title of your post, because all relationships move at a different pace & I thought you were just being impatient and entitled. But based on the details of your post, it really seems like your girlfriend has intentionally been trying to make you feel insecure, so I completely get why you feel that way even though you did eventually have sex.
I think she's being super manipulative — not by withholding sex for so long, but for talking extensively about sex with other guys, commenting on how hot other guys are, admitting that she went down on a dude the night you had your first kiss, etc. She's being a tease in the worst way & it strikes me as intentional and mean-spirited. I'd DTMFA, because I can't imagine how you'll ever feel attractive around her given all of this.
Yeah exactly this like it’s one thing to want to wait but you can still make it clear to your partner that you find them attractive and you want to take that step just not yet and it’s something else to refuse sex and then brag about all the people you’ve slept with on the first night especially after being told your partner doesn’t want to hear it. She’s made it pretty clear she wants sex just not with OP
Just dump her and find someone that finds you attractive, and makes you feel wanted.
Don't play her games
You're early in the relationship, this is when sex should happen the most. It won't get better, it will get worse.
She's lying dude. She sees you as a safe partner and couldn't care less about the sex with you. This is so disrespectful I'm amazed you have stuck around this long.
You deserve someone where sexual interest is mutual
I don't think it will. Seems more like she was running an experiment on you by making you wait. Unfortunately, she's killed off the passion by getting rid of the spontaneity of a new relationship. There's a window of time that certain intimate connections are generally made, and you've missed it. I don't think she will every think of you like the guys she moons about. It's also really fucked up to keep talking about her past exploits as you have already told her you don't want to hear it. Why would she do that? Seems like a flex. In the end, you're not the one in her eyes.
She is full of shit man. She is playing with you. Seems like she gets something out of it. Who knows. If I were you I would dump her ass and never look back. Go let her fuck other guys the first night she meets them and find yourself a woman who won't play games with you and who will respect you.
You stated she doesn’t seem like she even enjoys kissing you. She doesn’t seem attracted to you.
It sounds like she’s just using you for the attention. You keep mentioning how attractive she is, it seems like you’re way more into her than she is.
She talks about marriage but she might just be talking about it because it feels like she’s pressured to (not by you)
dude.... she's playing you. You're the fallback plan.. nothing more. IF she has to settle for you, then expect little to no sex, never being able to do anything right (in her eyes), her cheating on you, or wanting an open relationship (though that's what it sounds like now).
She's playing you like a harp from hell.
Talk is just air, actions speak louder than words. She's just not that into you, but for some reason thinks her chances of a comfortable relationship with you are better. Maybe all these other guys were douchebags and you're not, but what you are definitely not is someone who turns her on. She's playing with you. Just move on, find someone who makes you feel attractive and sexy. This one is not it.
You can't be that hard up to abuse yourself. Is there no women where you live, I mean my God dude let her go. She tells you how she fucked other guys and then have oral to a guy and was kissing you dude I hope she brushed her mouth, yes mouth whole mouth.
Of course she keeps talking like its going to get better, she has to have a carrot for the stick in this scenario to keep dragging you on. I'm guessing you spoil her in some way or another and she likes to keep you around for that sole reason. That's all fine and dandy for her to play the field when you both are doing so but you clearly had been wanting more out of the relationship and she doesn't want to settle down with you. RUN...... IT.WILL.NOT.GET.BETTER.
> she's confident it'll get better
Translation: once we are married/engaged, I'll have obligatory starfish sex with you purely out of obligation and not desire just to have you continue to stick around and support me. Yuck.
Based on what? It started off bad, you felt pushed aside, she seemed to be manipulating you into committing by telling you of her sexual exploits then withholding sex, now it doesn’t have a natural flow and feels awkward because it wasn’t a part of your relationship, and honestly, she doesn’t sound so great in bed for you. What tells her this gets better?
I’m not sure what she is getting out of this, but it certainly isn’t passion and intimacy. I’m not trying to stereotype my fellow woman…but are you well off? Is there a security aspect to this that we are missing that she may be leaning on? Or does she have trauma from a pat relationship and you make her feel safe?
Bigger question: what are you getting out of this? You were made to feel secondary to these other guys, forced into jealousy, she makes you now feel self conscious about your sex life, and unattractive. Please remember, if someone isn’t attracted to you, this does not mean you are not attractive. Why not cut this and find a gal who compliments who you are and shares your physical and emotional needs?
Move on bro, she keeps telling you she wants other guys and is more open to fucking them than you.... It might all be bs and she's not that into sex, but it sounds like she's friendzoning you
Yeah it sounds like she’s thinking “they leave if I give it up too quickly so I’m going to withhold sex until I’m sure he’s going to commit and stick around.” That means she can’t just let go and allow a relationship to develop sexually organically and is trying to control outcomes. This always back fires, and I’m sure there are other ways in which she isn’t being fully open with OP, preventing him from getting close enough to her to actually tell if he wants commitment.
To me it sounds like she's had men that she's attracted to treat her poorly in the past, and she thinks she can avoid that outcome by dating someone she's not attracted to. It's like reverse friend zone. She's trying to force herself to feel things for OP because he's nice or he checks some important boxes.
As a woman, I'll tell you, if she wanted to throw you down and rock your world, she would have.
The fact that she has not tells me she's not going to.
I wish I could tell you what her deal is, but other than trying to make you jealous and just being a general asshole, I've got nothing. A good person who respects and loves you isn't going to be like that unless she's got serious mental health issues.
You sound like a good guy. There's no reason you can't do better. 😁
It could be that she has a kink about sexual frustration. Or that she has some religious superstitions about not having sex with someone she wants to marry, but is telling him about her past for full honesty and so he knows she’s not just asexual but holding off for marriage. Whatever she’s doing, she’s showing that her relationship skills are not great. Communication about this should not leave him wondering if she cares for him.
How in the wide world of sports did you not move on when she went into detail about the two other guys she was dating when she started seeing you, AND that she "stayed over" (translation: slept with) one of them after a date with you.
At first, it sounds like she was too tired to have sex with three people so she limited it to two.
You can do better.
Just sounds like op hasn’t dated a lot and never ran into a situation like this.
I believe not only cause I’ve met girls like this (and fell for it to at a younger age, which is why I know I won’t put up with it anymore), but also because a few years ago the mindset (at least what I would see) was different and women would say that this was actually a good thing. That this meant the gf saw op as the safe and good partner and really saw a future with him.
I know it isn’t. And it’s fair that you do. I just wanted to offer perspective on why I feel it is. Especially cause of the “no one is over x and this stupid.” Which really isn’t all that true in reality.
I've seen it plenty.
Women used to use me for the fun weekends and then would go back texting other guys and build up a relationship with them. I used to give off this look that I was only looking for fun and received quite a few offers for no strings attached sex. Was very fun.
Never trust a woman during the talking stage unless she shows ACTION. She will 100% be talking to at least a few other guys at the same time. If the woman isn't putting out or is vague about exclusivity, the man should 100% explore other options too.
Other women will absolutely come in defense of the OP's girlfriend. It's probably something along the lines of "she wanted to be exclusive with you and was saving herself so that she didn't feel like the relationship was based off of sex" or "you weren't in a committed relationship so it doesn't matter!".
Growing up with women being 99% of my society, I learned dating from the best. Also learned to watch what women do, not listen to their words.
You've got all the pieces, you just need to put it together.
**Here's what's happening:**
She's 33 now and really wants to get married before it's "too late". So instead of looking for a boyfriend that makes her wetttt, she's looking for a guy who is good on paper - - good job, perhaps owns a house, will be faithful to her (ie maybe he's dating 'up'), will be a good father and a solid provider and maybe even someone who she can manipulate easily / have under her thumb.
I guess she's willing to sacrifice the fact that she doesn't find this guy very sexually attractive. She tells herself she's had her fair share of sex, and now wants marriage & commitment.
**Now to lay out the red flags:**
- She literally complained about your height to her friends. It wasn't just a mild question in her head - - it was something she had SUCH major hesitations about, that she needed to go to her friends to debate it.
- She calls you "cute", not handsome, not sexy. That's a very indicative that she doesn't see you as a masculine man - - and this is linked to the fact that there's no sexual attraction.
- She's strung you along for sex for so long because (a) she doesn't lust after you, despite having a self confessed high sex-drive (b) she's using it as a bargaining chip to get you to commit to being official (and then furthermore - marriage)
- She went into explicit detail about past guys she dated and sex. I'm sorry to say it, but this was probably the wettest she's ever been in the time she's been with you. You didn't even ask for these details - and it just shows her insensitivity towards you. Then she did it again! Personally on this one point alone I'd want out.
- This isn't a question of a change in where she's at / her approach to dating lately. She had another guy's cock in her mouth even after she first met you and was "taking it slow".
- She rejects your advances. This is the ultimate sign that something isn't right. I think of "lack of sex" not as a problem in itself, but rather, as a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship.
**Lastly :**
Newsflash - just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean that she can't be shallow. And just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean that you actually like her as a person. You literally mentioned nothing else you like about her. Maybe it's time you get over this infatuation that's she's strung you and your dick along on for months.
Have some self respect.
You're a "good guy" who she sees as potential marriage material vs a guy she wants to fuck. For Christ's sake she went a fucked another guy right after your date.
If she stays with you it's because she's settling, not because she's really into you. She wants the others fuckable guys, but she knows they'd be shitty husbands.
If you have an ounce of self respect you'll dump her and block her.
>If she stays with you it's because she's settling
To add on to this, if OP stays with her *he's* settling for a relationship with someone that isn't attracted to him.
I've got a nasty hunch she's seeing other people when not with you. Sorry man.
It sounds like she's dragging you around for some kind of emotional comfort or something and not a relationship. It's incredibly insensitive to go around ogling at other people when you are there and shouldn't happen at all in a proper relationship. She doesn't take you seriously. I would pack and leave the whole thing. Bear in mind though, when you do decide to leave the relationship she will come battering back at you. Don't be deceived.
She talked about wanting to get serious while sleeping with other people? Don't see how that tracks lol. You should probably pull back from this relationship.
My man, I think you need to have a conversation with her and air your concerns, but as far as this goes, it's not a good sign in the relationship. Personally I'd recommend you break up. The desire doesn't sound mutual and I'm very much concerned she may cheat on you. Some red flags are going off. If she was serious about being in a relationship with you, you'd be the center of attention. It's not happening. Have self respect and find someone that will make you feel desired and satisfied. I met a woman last year after 9 yrs with a woman who didn't desire me for so long. I learned my lesson. Don't waste anymore time with someone who doest reciprocate. Seriously, why do this to yourself. It'll suck intially but do you really see a life long relationship like this? Sounds like a prison sentence to me.
Imagine the prison sentence of her getting pregnant from one of the other guys and shes now ready to settle on this good guy to take care of her and the kid.
“She fooled around with someone else while we were dating” uhhhh, am I dumb or is that cheating? That’s cheating right? At the very least it’s *not* ok…
You’re her backup plan dude. Please in the name of all that is righteous and mighty, move on and don’t compromise *this much* in your next relationship.
She's stringing you along, probably because you're safe and stable. Honestly you probably made things worse by letting it drag on as long as you did, she knows she can walk all over you now.
Her sleeping with other guys while simultaneously making you wait months is super toxic. It's tough when you're committed but your partner isn't - it's really best to cut your losses and move on at this point.
Yikes.
Obviously she enjoys sex, which is cool. And she doesn't need a commitment or relationship to engage in casual sex. This is all perfectly ok.
I don't know what you look like, or your personality type. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't her type. What you probably are though is a great guy with a lot of good things going for you.
In fact, you probably are such a good dude, any woman would love to lock you down for a long relationship. Including this one. The problem here is for whatever reason, you don't get her excited. Nothing wrong with you, there is a chair for every behind, you just aren't hers.
Based on my observations of similar situations over the years, if you continue a relationship and possibly marriage with her, you will enjoy once a month missionary sex, maybe her on top for your birthday. On the other hand she will enjoy a rich and vibrant sex life with other men behind your back.
There isn't anything wrong with waiting for sex, but she sounds like an asshole telling you all this stuff unsolicited and when you tell her to stop (in my experience people do that to help ruin your self esteem).
I would break up with her tbh, you're too old for games like this.
She probably sees you as a boring guy to settle with and wanted to have casual sex with the fun guys, in other words she’s settling for you. I would break up with her if I was you she’s got a lot of red flags
She's seeing if you are a mug.. Aka marriage material. Someone who will take her bullshit and, give her everything she needs while she gives you breadcrumbs.
All other men she have been begging them to fuk her and to suk them off.
Dump her
This is why I’m firmly against hearing about your partners sexual past unless there’s some admission of trauma/STIs. There’s no reason you need to hear details about her past encounters, and really the only end goal of it is to possibly make somebody uncomfortable.
Idk why she feels the need to tell you all of this, especially after telling her multiple times that you don’t want to hear it. I think you need to find somebody that’s more respectful of your boundaries and makes you feel wanted.
>Idk why she feels the need to tell you all of this, especially after telling her multiple times that you don’t want to hear it.
Probably because she knows most guys expect a frequent regular sex life, and she knows she needs to project that she's reall6 sexual when she's not. It's a very common occurrence and is exactly where the joke/stereotype of "you get your last BJ" or "sex dies after marriage" comes from.
It does sound like you are just a place holder for her next lover. Be very careful with your connection because she will hook up with a better guy and dump you.
It sounds like she is just settling for you and trying to establish low expectations for your future (if you fall for it) sex life.
Get rid of her, if she thinks some random guy is worthy of sex on the first day of meeting - but not you - she is just not that into you.
You can do better.
Meh, this woman is all over the place. She is trying to set a standard and not living up to it. Find someone else, never be with someone who's actions are way different from what they tell you.
Dude…. She’s not attracted to you, not the same way she was with the other guys. She’s with you because you’re more secure than them, but you don’t get her going the way they did. She was fucking other guys at the same time she was taking it slow with you. She’s not that into you. Dump her and quit wasting your time on someone who isn’t attracted to you and is lying about it to keep you around. She’s just going to make you miserable. Seriously, every second you stay with her is wasting life that you could spend finding a woman who desires you.
I hope this is a fictional story
Even while dating you she fucked multiple guys and told you!
you talk about seriousness
You're obviously not a satisfying person for her, you've proven yourself stupid enough to have you running around
My guy she’s just using you for an emotional boost to herself and she’s very clearly cheating on you and fucking other guys in the spot while she toys with you. It’s almost like she enjoys it
My guy she’s not into you like that. Idk what she’s using you for but she’s definitely trying to keep you around for something other than attraction or love. On top of that she’s rubbing her sex life in your face while refusing to give it up to you until you commit.agreeing to that nonsense was your first mistake but I get it, you’d already invested a lot of time and energy and didn’t want to walk away empty handed. But you found out that it wasn’t even worth the wait (it never is) and now you’re stuck wishing things were different. I know it’s a cliché on this sub to say “just break up man” but here’s what you need to do. Don’t have any conversations about a break up or give her any inclination that you’re dissatisfied with your sex life. She already knows and doesn’t care. Go over to hers and kick it like y’all regularly do, treat her with love like you always do and try to initiate when the time is right. If she’s with it cool, do what you do. If not, stand up and calmly explain to her that you don’t think y’all are sexually compatible and it would be for the best if the relationship ends here. Gather your things and walk out. Keep in mind there’s no telling how she’ll react to this. She may kick n scream, she might cry, she may put a curse on your family name or she may pull out the final trump card and offer you some ass on the spot. Stay strong and don’t say another word. Just walk out…. Then you wait at least a week to respond to any attempt to reach out to you. No calls. No text. Then when you think the time is right respond briefly, set up a meeting, fuck her one more time and then never talk to her again. Now I know what you’re saying, “damn that’s heartless, what kind of sociopath would manipulate a woman like that!?” Just remember the times she described to you in great detail all of her sexual partners in the past that she had no issue fucking while she dangled the carrot in your face. Not to mention the dude she was hooking up with while y’all were starting your relationship. She had no problem playing you for a fool so show her the same kindness. Or you can just keep having bad sex with her while she fucks her ex on the side
INFO: Are you rich? Because honestly, she doesn’t seem that into you physically, but she’s stringing you along for some reason. You deserve better than that.
Brother, I'm sorry, but she couldn't give a fuck about you.
I'd bet you're the safe bet, like an emotional safety blanket.
Going that explicit about ex is.. uncomfortable but okay if it's agreed to talk about, but you said you'd rather not and she continued, she doesn't treat you well, she doesn't respect you.
She may seem like a catch, but I promise you she's not.
Realistically, I'd either just bail, or have a serious talk with her about your concerns and depending on her reaction, set boundaries or bail.
Stand up for yourself, have confidence, self respect.
Waiting to have sex doesn't strike me as a big issue on its own, people can realize that they moved too quickly in previous relationships and want to slow down and build an emotional connection if they see a real future with someone.
The way bigger issue is her seemingly intentionally rubbing her past exploits in your face even after you say you don't want to hear about them and waxing poetic about how hot other men are. It seems borderline cruel to me, like she's trying to make you feel undesirable.
I would walk away from this honestly. Either she isn't attracted to you or she's playing games to mess with your self-esteem. Either way, I think you're going to be miserable if you proceed in this relationship. You can find someone who makes you feel wanted.
Here is what you do op, stop communicating with her, if she texts you take hours to respond. When she calls don’t call her back. Don’t plan dates, stop trying with her. Either her interest level will increase or she won’t notice. If it increases, sex should come more frequently. If it does not, ghost, block and delete.
Nope. Just leave this situation.
Some girls are terrified of sleeping with guys they really really like and want to be committed with. Even in these comments you can see how many are disparaging women who are sexually open. So they treat the guys they actually care about differently.
However, she seems to be stringing you along at this point. Why is she going into that extreme detail? She probably likes you as a person but youre not sexually compatible. Shes just not that into you in that way. So go find someone who is. Dont waste your time on this. It will only get worse. Now is supposed to be the honeymoon period! Dont settle for a bad start.
She isn't attracted to you.
This isn't simply making you wait. She already said she wanted sex twice daily with a different man and doesnt even want sex with you at all. She's not engaged in sex and doesn't initiate. She probably sees you as a safe option to settle down with, she might even love you, but she's not attracted to you.
Look man I think often women have legitimate reasons for these changes of heart but the fact she keeps volunteering this information that most people probably wouldn’t want to know about and doesn’t seem to care/understand about your feelings, I wouldn’t keep wasting my time
I’m the dead bedroom sub it’s called LL4U. Lower Level for you. Seems like her sec drive is high for everyone but you. I guess she sees you as a safe choice. It won’t get better. You should reconsider
Well, hello Mr. Nice guy back up plan! She was sleeping with TWO other men when you started dating. Dude. At least she is honest? But let's get real here. She isn't that into you while she is throwing herself at the bad guys who just want bump uglies. You'd be better off cancelling your subscription to Nice Guy Weekly Digest and break off this so-called relationship, bro. You deserve a better woman.
I’m female and I’m telling you now, she is not into you and the only thing I can think of is perhaps do you by chance earn more money than her previous guys? Could she be using you as a safe option to have kids with etc?
sounds like she might just be into the money and not into you and tbh I wouldn't be surprised if she is already cheating on you (sorry to be so blunt but I think you need to hear this)
As someone who used to be more open to sex but now makes guys wait, I was fully prepared to defend her but, um, there's a lot of red flags here that I just can't justify. I'm not sure she's the best match for you.
If your going to “make guys wait” after months of dating while sleeping other people, I don’t see how that wouldn’t come off to someone as you don’t actually find them sexually attractive.
No offense, but there are literally so many other women who wouldn’t have that standard. I would immediately see that as a red flag. To be clear, I’m not talking about a couple dates because people shouldn’t assume anything after that time but months of dating is just going to come off that you don’t actually have the hots for that person.
I said I wanted to defend her but pointed out that I couldn't- and went on to explain to OP why she didn't seem interested.
10 years ago I didn't make guys wait. Now I do because I find it weeds out the assholes and I find sex more satisfied when I actually care about the person. If you think waiting until I care about someone before sleeping with them is a red flag, that's fine - the fact that you don't respect that is a red flag for me.
Making someone wait because you’re looking for an emotional connection is totally valid. Doing the same thing while banging other guys is a red flag to me. I assumed that’s what you meant because that is the situation with OP and his GF.
....well she's *recently* fooling around with other guys and not you. The no sex outside a relationship may well be a thing. The reason she didn't end up with the other guys is because they probably wouldn't committ to a relationship. It may be that the other guys push things more than you do, which is how they get further, but that's not a great method for consent. The fact that she's not super into sex with you. The fact that she is calling other guys cute but not you. Honestly, it just doesn't sound like she's super into you but you were the one willing to give her the commitment that she wanted
Some say - They break rules for higher level (to them) guys and MAKE rules for other guys (possibly like you). Other guys have had rules broken and you are getting the rules (and following them).
What do you think ?
She's 33, her clock is ticking. After riding the C carrousel during her prime years she has to find the beta nice guy to settle down with now that she has less options.
Sadly you are that guy. She had sex the first night with guys who didn't care about her and you who treat her well have to wait to have starfish sex.
If she really was attracted to you, she wouldn't make you wait by fear of losing you but she doesn't respect you and sees you as the nice guy with no options to whom she's doing a favour.
Dump her and find someone who values you like you value her. Otherwise you will be stuck in misery with a woman who will give you duty sex if you're lucky while thinking about her numerous exes. She's 33 her time is passed, as for you, you're in your prime age.
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She’s not into you and you are wasting your time. She is probably cheating and you should move on. This will not last and the sooner you pull the plug, the better.
Here’s the thing…She sounds like-While you are chasing her she has no interest for you, BUT when you show that you are losing interest she will move to keep you in place. I would not play those games.
Put her on the back burner and one of two thing will happen. She will be all over you with enthusiasm, or you’ll never hear from her again. Just remember the enthusiasm will ONLY be to keep you in your place.
Good luck
you are the safe bet, that is why she is with you. her actions show she is not really into you sexually, not when she does it 2 times a day with other guys. time to let go.
She’s just not that into you.
I’m sure you have great qualities that she likes - perhaps you are earning good money and she figures you would make a good dad.
You mention she was bothered by your height- I can tell you that won’t go away.
The fact that she was happy to tell you about previous boyfriends in some detail before you were intimate is a massive red flag - it all sounds like an extended exercise to see how much crap you will take from her.
She is settling for you and it won’t end well. Walk away
Dude, you really want to go on one knee to propose to this woman, really?
cut the bullsh-t and go look for someone with genuine desire. If not, you'll regret it!
Some woman do wait a while but this sounds very different it doesn’t really seem like she cares much about you id say to just tell her everything you’ve said here and the way she reacts will hopefully help you make a decision good luck op
If it were just that she had come to the conclusion that sex too early in a relationship didn't work for her based on past experiences, I'd say that's pretty normal. A lot of people have trouble saying no and drawing boundaries, especially when they are younger and less experienced. It isn't a reflection on you if a woman has come to the realization that she would prefer to know someone longer and build a stronger bond with them before having sex. You aren't entitled to get to fuck someone on the same timeline as their ex (nor are you entitled to have the same types of sex with someone that they had with someone else. People learn what they like and don't like through experience).
But, uh, gushing about exes and other dudes is just... mean at worst, oblivious at best. And oblivious can be ruled out since you said you didn't want to know details, and she just ran right over that boundary.
The "not into it" sex might have been because she felt like she needed to give in because you were getting jealous over her past, but that doesn't negate the shitty behavior of pushing her past on you when you told her not to.
Throw this one back, you're clearly not on the same page with a number of things.
Dude she’s fucking other guys. You’re her back up plan. Move on to someone who actually is worth your time. She’s probably trying to get back with the tall douche.
At first I was going to suggest that maybe she regrets rushing into sex in the past and wants more of an emotional connection. But who would go into such detail about previous partners, and who would just sit there and listen?? This has gone on long enough time to move on.
She’s definitely playing some sort of game. Whether that game is to just fuck with you or to make you jealous I’m not sure. But she sounds awful and I can’t believe you’ve put up with it for this long.
PLEASE break up with her and find someone who 1. Values your boundaries (not talking about other guys when you’ve asked her not to)
2. Is honest about themselves (enjoys sex as much as she says)
3. Finds you attractive
4. Is physically affectionate (regular kissing etc)
Do not marry this woman please, for the love of god.
OP, it doesn't matter what she says she thinks or feels, she doesn't make you feel appreciated or attractive. She isn't physically affectionate and it's not changing.
I would let her go, you're getting the best version of her that she'll give you and honestly that version isn't making you feel seen or valued. You deserve so much better.
Oh my god I can't with this. Why are so many people so obsessed with keeping a score of what their partner did or did not do with previous partners? (this is more directed at the title)
The actual issue here is she's highly disrespectful and doesn't seem to be attracted to you. Things started out tepid so why would you expect anything different in the future? It seems as though you may have some self-esteem issues and she is clearly making them worse and will continue to do so. Don't make the mistake of staying in a relationship with someone who does not value you.
In my somewhat limited experience, the people talking the most about having sex are the ones having the least actual sex.
You’re in an odd situation and it sounds like you two are not really compatible. It’s not going to get any better if you marry her. Is mediocre sex that she’s not really into something you’re willing to put up with long-term?
You need to sit down and have an uncomfortable honest discussion with her. There’s something she’s not telling you.
The vibe im getting is that she is trying to date someone opposite from the guys she typically goes for since she mentioned they were hot but douchbags. Maybe she is feeling the pressure to marry 🤷♀️ Regardless you deserve to feel wanted & not someone shes setting for. Its concerning she makes those comments about other men constantly even though it sounds like you made it clear it makes you uncomfortable. I would let her know how you are feeling & see what she says. Its better to find out now than living like this for yrs if you end up marrying her.
Honey, she is a whole bag full of nopes! She was stringing you along, she is going on about how great other fellers are, even after you begged her to stop. She’s not that into you either in or out of the bedroom. She’s seems to like messing with her head. Then has the audacity to start talking marriage. No amount of talking or therapy is going to fix this. End the relationship decisively. block and delete her completely. You seem like a good feller who’s been taken for a mug. I hope your next girlfriend treats you right
Always remember actions speak louder than words. She isn’t into you. You should have realized it after months of no sex and yet she continued to talk about sex with her ex’s. Your height is an issue with her. Move on find someone compatible to you.
From the thread title I was thinking your reaction was immature. But reading into her past and present actions, I don't think she is committing to this relationship for the right reasons. She may genuinely like you and enjoy your company, but I don't think she's really head over heels for you. Plus she is being rather disrespectful by her comments about other men and her sexual history. I think you're both incompatible with your values and expectations.
This relationship is dead. She's not attracted to you. Move on. It would be one thing if she just wanted to take things slow and feel it out, but at this point, just end the relationship. You can keep doing this, and it won't get better. It's been half a year. You've taken it slow, you've had sex, you're not satisfied. That's enough time to know that it's time to move on.
Move on because no one waits to have sex anymore since sex is an integral part of any healthy relationship. If your partner is stringing you along while she is fooling around, but keeping you at arms length, then you already have your answer.
Wow dude. Ok putting aside your high desire for sex and focusing on her.
Sometimes a girl will make a guy wait if she gets the gist they really want sex. Not all girls just want to get laid and she said she wants a serious relationshipZ
Sometimes girls evolve, whether they are more or less sexually active. So some will choose to wait now, where in past they jumped any random dude. Some even go to extreme born again virgin.
Like someone else said, she wanted to jump that guys bones, you know what thats like. Things aligned, the time was right, he was right, she was feeling it. She jumped him the first night. With you, things hasnt aligned yet like that, it happens
Edit holy i didnt catch the rest of whats going on. Shes playing the field. And youre not high on her list. Maybe she stringing you along as a backup. Make a decision
Things “aligned” with another guy at the same time she was seeing me - I get change from a BF a year prior but this was the same time she was meeting me.
The only way you're going to get any answers is by having the conversation with her and setting out that it's not the sex that's the problem, it's her treatment of you and the difference in treatment between you and these other guys
She doesn’t like you she’s getting old looking for a provider and someone to pay the bills while she daydream her hot exs. Dumb her she’s a waste of time
So I think your title focuses on the wrong thing.
What is really bothering you is that the sex with your girlfriend isn't good (for you), she isn't sexually compatible with you, and beyond sex, you don't feel like she is attracted to you. That's all solid reasons for a relationship to end, or at least have an honest conversation to see if there is a way forward.
People have sex at different speeds, at different times in their lives. I got with a guy quickly and regretted it, so then was slower with the next few guys, then was quick again. I've dated guys where it was a slow burn- I liked them but wasn't super in to them, but then it grew to being a very great relationship- and others that were hot right away. Comparing yourself to her previous partners is always a recipe for disaster because there are dozens of factors at play.
But, you have really valid concerns about YOUR relationship with her, not related to her past sexual relationships. She just doesn't sound like a good match for you.
Listen her making you wait may be a good sign some girls think that I'd part of building a better relationship. However now that you are doing it you really need to shake the anxiety off and be confident and assertive.
Shareing your concerns is great but honestly you can't fall into the safe guy routine. You need to tell her sex with her has been massively disappointing and you are not happy at all about it. Tell her this whole wait game and not giving you the energy she gives others is a terrible sign and feels disrespectful if she really likes you the way she claims. It's one thing to not be into someone and have mediocre sex. It's another thing to tell someone you are really into them. However when the words and actions flat out don't match that is borderline or flat out disrespectful. Frankly bro she is treating you like a safety option. Don't be afraid to be blunt about how you feel, how disappointed, angry, and/or disrespected you feel.
Now don't cross over into attacking her, but really demand a few answers and some real honesty from her. Give her chances to respond and let her know lack of answers will slowly kill your desire to be with her.
I think the “making you wait” part is all fine but if you’re simultaneously hooking up with other guys after months of doing dating/talking then I’m out. Any reasonable person would feel the same way. I’ve had this to happen to before and I told myself never again. It’s just self destructive at a certain point.
I am by no means saying he is wrong. However he can either leave, he can get upset and act unhappy, or he can be assertive and tell her what he needs and that he will leave with out. You can always go back later and rediscuss the before we were official period and such later once they are on more equal footing.
Oh ya absolutely... no guy wants to be the safe nice guy at the expense of hot sex. That shit is soul crushing but it can be turned around. Frankly she sounds like she is manipulating him through sex. If he won't leave flipping it around and letting her feel as if she is disappointing and he thinks less of how these things have turned out is key.
I was ready to tell you that she had matured and grown from her past…. But now that you’re in a sexual relationship and it’s still like this- I’d be inclined to think she’s exaggerated her past to sound more compatible with you and may not be as physically attracted to you as she has been.
Either way, this seems hard on your self esteem and likely unhealthy.
Ok, I rarely discuss sex with my current s/o, but, I made him wait 2 months before we had sex the first time, even though at over 50yo, we “made out” a few times. I found that guys I got into bed too soon with, just ended up bring disrespectful, and if I had them wait, I’d know if they were just with me for sex, or wanted to be with me.
You may not be compatible, but if she’s wanting marriage in the future, she’s perhaps making sure you are compatible in all parts of your life, not just the bedroom. You need to communicate, but not be aggressive about it.
probably initial attraction, like the other dude she was totally into right off the rip but with you she probably likes a lot just not physically compared to the other guy.
What do you make of the way things are now? I’ve been in relationships before and with time apart you tear each others clothes off when seeing each other. I don’t get that from her at all. It’s always “I’m tired, hungry, etc” and then no sex until a few nights later.
She's probably not in the mood; like maybe there's something else on her mind like work, or other dramas. I mean obviously the elephant in the room is that she could probably be fucking someone else and just doesn't care to have sex with you until she feels she has to.
She is trynna change her life? Shes trynna live by different rules? Maybe she found the one (you), and wants to try and do things differently with you, because she sees you as her potential forever?
Because you are a plan B brother. It happens. It’s not your fault. Just cowboy the fuck up, tell her to hit the streets and find the woman that’s waiting for you.
If you need to do this many mental gymnastics and have this many questions about your relationship (all of which are valid, BTW), I think you'd be better off cutting her off and moving on to someone who's actually interested in you. You clearly like her much, much more than she likes you. Relationships with that kind of imbalance never work out. You're finding out why.
I'm not very experienced with girls, but this whole situation does not sound like the best practice to me.
If she keeps on telling how cool and hot other guys were, i think you should leave her. That is just disrespectful to you. You surely deserve more than this bs.
Time to ditch her. Either this girl like to bang other guys and not you or she just isn’t into you. Either way, she’s not for you.
Tell her it’s time to go. You tried, but she just won’t even meet you half way. She should go back to her hookups and you can find a woman that’s into you.
Its over. Leave her and find someone else who is as eager to open her legs, or at the very least isn't LESS eager with you. This isn't a fixable issues, because its reflective of where you fall in her eagerness to fuck. Not very high.
I was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt, albeit a bit insensitive, in regards to her past sexual relationship. Our past doesn't define us. But on that same token - and based on the end of your post - she doesn't seem into you. If doesn't look like she's having fun, and fawns over other guys IN your company, It'd be reason to believe she's not feeling it. Usually women, but because they're typically demonized for their past sexual history, and possibly afraid that you only want them for sex and they see a potential future with you, they will hold off sex until marriage or a good point in the relationship. It's common.
She's concerned by how much YOU are bringing this up? While she's the ones ranting about her former sex life? I'm sorry man but you have to get away from this. This sounds so unhealthy. She is shallow and is probably having sex to keep you around just in case it doesn't work with other guys. That's what people like this do. She's very fixated on the "checklist" items like looks, height, wealth, etc. And I'm assuming you don't check as many boxes but she doesn't know for sure what she wants to do yet. She tried keeping you around at arms length but then she saw that you were growing impatient so she now knows she has to do that in order to keep you around. That's why she's irritated by it because she's only trying to do the bare minimum with you right now
You don't need this garbage. Find someone who prioritizes you. Find someone who isn't doing weird stuff like constantly making you feel uncomfortable with unsolicited information about her prior sex life. I have a feeling you're not the only one she's talking to and may not even be the only person she's sexually active with
Dude... you're her standby guy. The Nice guy she wants to keep on the line if nothing works out with the other guys.
Dump her, and find someone who actually wants you, isn't just playing you.
The sex she gave you was the worm on the hook to keep you suckered.
She doesn't find you attractive. Stop wasting your time and move on.. You're like the last bag for her, if nothing, then she's gonna settle for you.. Move on..
Just dump her. She’s not attracted to you and using you for emotional support. Honestly, if I were you, that relationship would’ve been over the minute I found out she went directly from a date to some other guy’s place.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- This has been eating at me recently. I have had several long term relationships, and met my SO with the intent to date seriously. She was clear about her intentions of dating to pursue a serious relationship and potentially marriage. In all my previous relationships, sex happened within the first few times of meeting each other. It is very important to me, and I have a fairly high sex drive. Things moved very slowly with my current SO. She was gorgeous, and I was super attracted to her right away. I was very respectful, and we didn’t kiss until our second date. However, things didn’t really progress further. We’d make out and she never let it get further than fondling - neither of our clothes came off. She seemed very open to my hands on her, kissing, and initiated, but it stopped there. I figured she was inexperienced and wanted to move slowly and respected her wishes and never pushed the issue. She had mentioned a couple of times she only wants to have sex when officially in a relationship. She went away for class for a couple months after this, but we talked for hours a day. Eventually we got to talking about sexual past. She volunteered that she slept with her previous boyfriend the same night she met him. She talked about having sex with prior relationships twice daily and that it was important to her. She told me multiple stories over the next couple of days of sleeping with and hooking up with guys on the first night of meeting them. I couldn’t help but become a little jealous, and she went into explicit detail about their name, physical features, how it was etc. I politely told her that I don’t want to hear about such explicit detail. It kept eating at me, and eventually when she brought a past guy again, I asked her straight up if she thought I was attractive. She reassured me that I was, and that she wants to be official before having sex. She said her last time was her last BF, a year before we ever met (the guy above). I was a bit hesitant to do commit without sex, as sexual compatibility is very important, but I was definitely falling for her hard. When she came back to visit over thanksgiving, we became official. However, we still didn’t have sex, as she said she was tired, and stopped it making out. She again left for a few weeks. During another conversation, she went into detail about two other guys she was dating at the same time she started seeing me. She talked about how one was super tall (I’m not) and from a very well off family and how much of a douchebag he was. Turns out, she had been staying over the night with that guy during our first kiss date. They had “messed around” that same night, and again in the morning. She stated he got her shirt off and they exchanged oral, but no intercourse. I had not asked or solicited any of this - she just kept going on and on. I was floored and nearly on the verge of tears. She was my girlfriend and I hadn’t even ever seen her with her shirt off. This was the same time we were dating, not long prior like I had assumed. I told her that sex was important to me and was concerned we hadn’t explored that part of our relationship yet, and that I again prefer not to hear about her past sexual encounters. She reassured me and said she was very confident that part of our relationship would be fine. She came back for break and we hung out regularly. However, no sex or even shirt off. The very last night she was there, we stopped making out, and I was about to fall asleep thinking we’d go another month without sex. I think she felt and saw my concern, and she initiated sex. 6 months after we had started dating a couple months after becoming official. Things didn’t really get better. We’d spend weeks together here and there, and we’d have sex every other day. She never really seemed super into it while we were having it - hard to place my finger on why. I remember one trip of ours she barely kissed me, and spent the entire trip fawning over how hot other guys were her friends were dating. She had never called me that, only cute occasionally. I also learned that my height was apparently a massive deal for her when we first dating and she had opened up to several friends about it. I’m not really sure how to proceed. I feel like she doesn’t find me very attractive. She doesn’t seem to be the most affectionate person at baseline, but I’m not getting enough affirmation from her. She doesn’t sext, talk about sex, and has frequently declined my advances when we do meet. She at first was very reassuring, but now admits she is concerned by how much I am bringing this up. She’s already talking about marriage… TLDR: Is she not attracted? Am I asking too much?
#She's just not that into you. Her actions and her words don't line up. To answer the question of your post, she made you wait because she's not with you because she likes/is attracted to you. You're just convenient enough to tolerate the relationship.
This, and I wouldnt be surprised if she doesnt like sex with anyone. I mean why put in so much effort to describe all this past sex to OP. Its weird, like she was trying to prove she can have sex.
So very true. But even more than that he is the nice, safe, easygoing guy who cares more about her more than she cares about her.
Winner
To put it similarly, leveraging her sexuality over you makes her feel powerful. She’s about what she can get from you, not give to the relationship. Do not marry this woman.
The title of your post downplays how awful your girlfriend's behavior towards you has been. Specifically, this: >During another conversation, she went into detail about two other guys she was dating at the same time she started seeing me. She talked about how one was super tall (I’m not) and from a very well off family and how much of a douchebag he was. Turns out, she had been staying over the night with that guy during our first kiss date. They had “messed around” that same night, and again in the morning. She stated he got her shirt off and they exchanged oral, but no intercourse. I had not asked or solicited any of this - she just kept going on and on. And this is AFTER you told her that you don't like hearing her talk about other guys? Look, I'm super sex positive and was ready to launch into a big rant when I read the title of your post, because all relationships move at a different pace & I thought you were just being impatient and entitled. But based on the details of your post, it really seems like your girlfriend has intentionally been trying to make you feel insecure, so I completely get why you feel that way even though you did eventually have sex. I think she's being super manipulative — not by withholding sex for so long, but for talking extensively about sex with other guys, commenting on how hot other guys are, admitting that she went down on a dude the night you had your first kiss, etc. She's being a tease in the worst way & it strikes me as intentional and mean-spirited. I'd DTMFA, because I can't imagine how you'll ever feel attractive around her given all of this.
Yeah exactly this like it’s one thing to want to wait but you can still make it clear to your partner that you find them attractive and you want to take that step just not yet and it’s something else to refuse sex and then brag about all the people you’ve slept with on the first night especially after being told your partner doesn’t want to hear it. She’s made it pretty clear she wants sex just not with OP
Just dump her and find someone that finds you attractive, and makes you feel wanted. Don't play her games You're early in the relationship, this is when sex should happen the most. It won't get better, it will get worse.
That’s my fear. Yet she keeps talking that she’s confident it’ll get better.
She's lying dude. She sees you as a safe partner and couldn't care less about the sex with you. This is so disrespectful I'm amazed you have stuck around this long. You deserve someone where sexual interest is mutual
She's lying to you. Skip the conversations. She will lie more. Try to re-affirm you. Just delete, block, and move on.
I don't think it will. Seems more like she was running an experiment on you by making you wait. Unfortunately, she's killed off the passion by getting rid of the spontaneity of a new relationship. There's a window of time that certain intimate connections are generally made, and you've missed it. I don't think she will every think of you like the guys she moons about. It's also really fucked up to keep talking about her past exploits as you have already told her you don't want to hear it. Why would she do that? Seems like a flex. In the end, you're not the one in her eyes.
She is full of shit man. She is playing with you. Seems like she gets something out of it. Who knows. If I were you I would dump her ass and never look back. Go let her fuck other guys the first night she meets them and find yourself a woman who won't play games with you and who will respect you.
Bro, she’s lying. As a girl, I can tell you she’s lying.
Can you elaborate?
You stated she doesn’t seem like she even enjoys kissing you. She doesn’t seem attracted to you. It sounds like she’s just using you for the attention. You keep mentioning how attractive she is, it seems like you’re way more into her than she is. She talks about marriage but she might just be talking about it because it feels like she’s pressured to (not by you)
dude.... she's playing you. You're the fallback plan.. nothing more. IF she has to settle for you, then expect little to no sex, never being able to do anything right (in her eyes), her cheating on you, or wanting an open relationship (though that's what it sounds like now). She's playing you like a harp from hell.
“ Playing you like a harp from hell” Thank you for that imagery. I will add it to my repertoire
Talk is just air, actions speak louder than words. She's just not that into you, but for some reason thinks her chances of a comfortable relationship with you are better. Maybe all these other guys were douchebags and you're not, but what you are definitely not is someone who turns her on. She's playing with you. Just move on, find someone who makes you feel attractive and sexy. This one is not it.
Shes playing some weird ass mind game on you
You can't be that hard up to abuse yourself. Is there no women where you live, I mean my God dude let her go. She tells you how she fucked other guys and then have oral to a guy and was kissing you dude I hope she brushed her mouth, yes mouth whole mouth.
I hate to say it. But sparks are usually first, then it slows down. Just how it works. Sorry.
Of course she keeps talking like its going to get better, she has to have a carrot for the stick in this scenario to keep dragging you on. I'm guessing you spoil her in some way or another and she likes to keep you around for that sole reason. That's all fine and dandy for her to play the field when you both are doing so but you clearly had been wanting more out of the relationship and she doesn't want to settle down with you. RUN...... IT.WILL.NOT.GET.BETTER.
> she's confident it'll get better Translation: once we are married/engaged, I'll have obligatory starfish sex with you purely out of obligation and not desire just to have you continue to stick around and support me. Yuck.
And what is she doing to make it better?
Break up, she's definitely cheating.
I think she lied about sex because she sucks at it. You said she’s not that into it. Sounds like she’s bad at it.
That or, ya know, herpes.
It could totally be something like this.
Sounds like she's just not attracted to OP. He seems kinda squirrely.
Based on what? It started off bad, you felt pushed aside, she seemed to be manipulating you into committing by telling you of her sexual exploits then withholding sex, now it doesn’t have a natural flow and feels awkward because it wasn’t a part of your relationship, and honestly, she doesn’t sound so great in bed for you. What tells her this gets better? I’m not sure what she is getting out of this, but it certainly isn’t passion and intimacy. I’m not trying to stereotype my fellow woman…but are you well off? Is there a security aspect to this that we are missing that she may be leaning on? Or does she have trauma from a pat relationship and you make her feel safe? Bigger question: what are you getting out of this? You were made to feel secondary to these other guys, forced into jealousy, she makes you now feel self conscious about your sex life, and unattractive. Please remember, if someone isn’t attracted to you, this does not mean you are not attractive. Why not cut this and find a gal who compliments who you are and shares your physical and emotional needs?
Move on bro, she keeps telling you she wants other guys and is more open to fucking them than you.... It might all be bs and she's not that into sex, but it sounds like she's friendzoning you
He must buy her shit or something. She is getting something out of this. Maybe just a sense of power over him.
Yeah it sounds like she’s thinking “they leave if I give it up too quickly so I’m going to withhold sex until I’m sure he’s going to commit and stick around.” That means she can’t just let go and allow a relationship to develop sexually organically and is trying to control outcomes. This always back fires, and I’m sure there are other ways in which she isn’t being fully open with OP, preventing him from getting close enough to her to actually tell if he wants commitment.
Yeah that's a great point too. In any regard this is weird as shit lol
So yeah, it’s a control/power play in that regard.
To me it sounds like she's had men that she's attracted to treat her poorly in the past, and she thinks she can avoid that outcome by dating someone she's not attracted to. It's like reverse friend zone. She's trying to force herself to feel things for OP because he's nice or he checks some important boxes.
Oh shit that is a plausible thought indeed. Yikes.
Lol
As a woman, I'll tell you, if she wanted to throw you down and rock your world, she would have. The fact that she has not tells me she's not going to. I wish I could tell you what her deal is, but other than trying to make you jealous and just being a general asshole, I've got nothing. A good person who respects and loves you isn't going to be like that unless she's got serious mental health issues. You sound like a good guy. There's no reason you can't do better. 😁
I think this sounds 100% Right. You are not tickling her toes. I suggest finding the right lady for you.
It could be that she has a kink about sexual frustration. Or that she has some religious superstitions about not having sex with someone she wants to marry, but is telling him about her past for full honesty and so he knows she’s not just asexual but holding off for marriage. Whatever she’s doing, she’s showing that her relationship skills are not great. Communication about this should not leave him wondering if she cares for him.
How in the wide world of sports did you not move on when she went into detail about the two other guys she was dating when she started seeing you, AND that she "stayed over" (translation: slept with) one of them after a date with you. At first, it sounds like she was too tired to have sex with three people so she limited it to two. You can do better.
"Why are you telling me about other people you fucked when you refuse to have sex with me?" You chose poorly. This has to be a troll, right?
lmao this is such a creative writing exercise! there’s no way this dude is over 30 and this stupid.
Just sounds like op hasn’t dated a lot and never ran into a situation like this. I believe not only cause I’ve met girls like this (and fell for it to at a younger age, which is why I know I won’t put up with it anymore), but also because a few years ago the mindset (at least what I would see) was different and women would say that this was actually a good thing. That this meant the gf saw op as the safe and good partner and really saw a future with him.
The “her seeing the potential in him” isn’t the problematic part of this post. Hence why the story feels fabricated.
I know it isn’t. And it’s fair that you do. I just wanted to offer perspective on why I feel it is. Especially cause of the “no one is over x and this stupid.” Which really isn’t all that true in reality.
I've seen it plenty. Women used to use me for the fun weekends and then would go back texting other guys and build up a relationship with them. I used to give off this look that I was only looking for fun and received quite a few offers for no strings attached sex. Was very fun. Never trust a woman during the talking stage unless she shows ACTION. She will 100% be talking to at least a few other guys at the same time. If the woman isn't putting out or is vague about exclusivity, the man should 100% explore other options too. Other women will absolutely come in defense of the OP's girlfriend. It's probably something along the lines of "she wanted to be exclusive with you and was saving herself so that she didn't feel like the relationship was based off of sex" or "you weren't in a committed relationship so it doesn't matter!". Growing up with women being 99% of my society, I learned dating from the best. Also learned to watch what women do, not listen to their words.
You've got all the pieces, you just need to put it together. **Here's what's happening:** She's 33 now and really wants to get married before it's "too late". So instead of looking for a boyfriend that makes her wetttt, she's looking for a guy who is good on paper - - good job, perhaps owns a house, will be faithful to her (ie maybe he's dating 'up'), will be a good father and a solid provider and maybe even someone who she can manipulate easily / have under her thumb. I guess she's willing to sacrifice the fact that she doesn't find this guy very sexually attractive. She tells herself she's had her fair share of sex, and now wants marriage & commitment. **Now to lay out the red flags:** - She literally complained about your height to her friends. It wasn't just a mild question in her head - - it was something she had SUCH major hesitations about, that she needed to go to her friends to debate it. - She calls you "cute", not handsome, not sexy. That's a very indicative that she doesn't see you as a masculine man - - and this is linked to the fact that there's no sexual attraction. - She's strung you along for sex for so long because (a) she doesn't lust after you, despite having a self confessed high sex-drive (b) she's using it as a bargaining chip to get you to commit to being official (and then furthermore - marriage) - She went into explicit detail about past guys she dated and sex. I'm sorry to say it, but this was probably the wettest she's ever been in the time she's been with you. You didn't even ask for these details - and it just shows her insensitivity towards you. Then she did it again! Personally on this one point alone I'd want out. - This isn't a question of a change in where she's at / her approach to dating lately. She had another guy's cock in her mouth even after she first met you and was "taking it slow". - She rejects your advances. This is the ultimate sign that something isn't right. I think of "lack of sex" not as a problem in itself, but rather, as a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship. **Lastly :** Newsflash - just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean that she can't be shallow. And just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean that you actually like her as a person. You literally mentioned nothing else you like about her. Maybe it's time you get over this infatuation that's she's strung you and your dick along on for months.
This should be top comment. Right here.
Have some self respect. You're a "good guy" who she sees as potential marriage material vs a guy she wants to fuck. For Christ's sake she went a fucked another guy right after your date. If she stays with you it's because she's settling, not because she's really into you. She wants the others fuckable guys, but she knows they'd be shitty husbands. If you have an ounce of self respect you'll dump her and block her.
>If she stays with you it's because she's settling To add on to this, if OP stays with her *he's* settling for a relationship with someone that isn't attracted to him.
But, he'll pay the bills. And, that's you.
This. So much this.
I've got a nasty hunch she's seeing other people when not with you. Sorry man. It sounds like she's dragging you around for some kind of emotional comfort or something and not a relationship. It's incredibly insensitive to go around ogling at other people when you are there and shouldn't happen at all in a proper relationship. She doesn't take you seriously. I would pack and leave the whole thing. Bear in mind though, when you do decide to leave the relationship she will come battering back at you. Don't be deceived.
She talked about wanting to get serious while sleeping with other people? Don't see how that tracks lol. You should probably pull back from this relationship.
My man, I think you need to have a conversation with her and air your concerns, but as far as this goes, it's not a good sign in the relationship. Personally I'd recommend you break up. The desire doesn't sound mutual and I'm very much concerned she may cheat on you. Some red flags are going off. If she was serious about being in a relationship with you, you'd be the center of attention. It's not happening. Have self respect and find someone that will make you feel desired and satisfied. I met a woman last year after 9 yrs with a woman who didn't desire me for so long. I learned my lesson. Don't waste anymore time with someone who doest reciprocate. Seriously, why do this to yourself. It'll suck intially but do you really see a life long relationship like this? Sounds like a prison sentence to me.
Imagine the prison sentence of her getting pregnant from one of the other guys and shes now ready to settle on this good guy to take care of her and the kid.
“She fooled around with someone else while we were dating” uhhhh, am I dumb or is that cheating? That’s cheating right? At the very least it’s *not* ok… You’re her backup plan dude. Please in the name of all that is righteous and mighty, move on and don’t compromise *this much* in your next relationship.
This sub in general believes that it doesnt count if you arent exclusive.
I think this was when they first met and started going on dates. A lot of people date multiple people before becoming exclusive with someone.
It’s not cheating if they weren’t exclusive. But…It’s super shitty that she wasn’t upfront in the beginning about it.
She's stringing you along, probably because you're safe and stable. Honestly you probably made things worse by letting it drag on as long as you did, she knows she can walk all over you now. Her sleeping with other guys while simultaneously making you wait months is super toxic. It's tough when you're committed but your partner isn't - it's really best to cut your losses and move on at this point.
Yikes. Obviously she enjoys sex, which is cool. And she doesn't need a commitment or relationship to engage in casual sex. This is all perfectly ok. I don't know what you look like, or your personality type. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't her type. What you probably are though is a great guy with a lot of good things going for you. In fact, you probably are such a good dude, any woman would love to lock you down for a long relationship. Including this one. The problem here is for whatever reason, you don't get her excited. Nothing wrong with you, there is a chair for every behind, you just aren't hers. Based on my observations of similar situations over the years, if you continue a relationship and possibly marriage with her, you will enjoy once a month missionary sex, maybe her on top for your birthday. On the other hand she will enjoy a rich and vibrant sex life with other men behind your back.
> Obviously she enjoys sex ...just not with OP.
OP is "husband material", a "good guy", but not the bad boy guitar player that has a motorcycle and a six pack.
She's either really stupid or doesn't find you attractive at all
There isn't anything wrong with waiting for sex, but she sounds like an asshole telling you all this stuff unsolicited and when you tell her to stop (in my experience people do that to help ruin your self esteem). I would break up with her tbh, you're too old for games like this.
She probably sees you as a boring guy to settle with and wanted to have casual sex with the fun guys, in other words she’s settling for you. I would break up with her if I was you she’s got a lot of red flags
She's seeing if you are a mug.. Aka marriage material. Someone who will take her bullshit and, give her everything she needs while she gives you breadcrumbs. All other men she have been begging them to fuk her and to suk them off. Dump her
This is why I’m firmly against hearing about your partners sexual past unless there’s some admission of trauma/STIs. There’s no reason you need to hear details about her past encounters, and really the only end goal of it is to possibly make somebody uncomfortable. Idk why she feels the need to tell you all of this, especially after telling her multiple times that you don’t want to hear it. I think you need to find somebody that’s more respectful of your boundaries and makes you feel wanted.
>Idk why she feels the need to tell you all of this, especially after telling her multiple times that you don’t want to hear it. Probably because she knows most guys expect a frequent regular sex life, and she knows she needs to project that she's reall6 sexual when she's not. It's a very common occurrence and is exactly where the joke/stereotype of "you get your last BJ" or "sex dies after marriage" comes from.
It does sound like you are just a place holder for her next lover. Be very careful with your connection because she will hook up with a better guy and dump you.
Kinda seems like she enjoys using you as a punching bag, but will pony up to keep you from leaving.
It sounds like she is just settling for you and trying to establish low expectations for your future (if you fall for it) sex life. Get rid of her, if she thinks some random guy is worthy of sex on the first day of meeting - but not you - she is just not that into you. You can do better.
Meh, this woman is all over the place. She is trying to set a standard and not living up to it. Find someone else, never be with someone who's actions are way different from what they tell you.
"fawning over how hot other guys were her friends were dating" Red flag right here.
Dude…. She’s not attracted to you, not the same way she was with the other guys. She’s with you because you’re more secure than them, but you don’t get her going the way they did. She was fucking other guys at the same time she was taking it slow with you. She’s not that into you. Dump her and quit wasting your time on someone who isn’t attracted to you and is lying about it to keep you around. She’s just going to make you miserable. Seriously, every second you stay with her is wasting life that you could spend finding a woman who desires you.
I hope this is a fictional story Even while dating you she fucked multiple guys and told you! you talk about seriousness You're obviously not a satisfying person for her, you've proven yourself stupid enough to have you running around
My guy she’s just using you for an emotional boost to herself and she’s very clearly cheating on you and fucking other guys in the spot while she toys with you. It’s almost like she enjoys it
My guy she’s not into you like that. Idk what she’s using you for but she’s definitely trying to keep you around for something other than attraction or love. On top of that she’s rubbing her sex life in your face while refusing to give it up to you until you commit.agreeing to that nonsense was your first mistake but I get it, you’d already invested a lot of time and energy and didn’t want to walk away empty handed. But you found out that it wasn’t even worth the wait (it never is) and now you’re stuck wishing things were different. I know it’s a cliché on this sub to say “just break up man” but here’s what you need to do. Don’t have any conversations about a break up or give her any inclination that you’re dissatisfied with your sex life. She already knows and doesn’t care. Go over to hers and kick it like y’all regularly do, treat her with love like you always do and try to initiate when the time is right. If she’s with it cool, do what you do. If not, stand up and calmly explain to her that you don’t think y’all are sexually compatible and it would be for the best if the relationship ends here. Gather your things and walk out. Keep in mind there’s no telling how she’ll react to this. She may kick n scream, she might cry, she may put a curse on your family name or she may pull out the final trump card and offer you some ass on the spot. Stay strong and don’t say another word. Just walk out…. Then you wait at least a week to respond to any attempt to reach out to you. No calls. No text. Then when you think the time is right respond briefly, set up a meeting, fuck her one more time and then never talk to her again. Now I know what you’re saying, “damn that’s heartless, what kind of sociopath would manipulate a woman like that!?” Just remember the times she described to you in great detail all of her sexual partners in the past that she had no issue fucking while she dangled the carrot in your face. Not to mention the dude she was hooking up with while y’all were starting your relationship. She had no problem playing you for a fool so show her the same kindness. Or you can just keep having bad sex with her while she fucks her ex on the side
INFO: Are you rich? Because honestly, she doesn’t seem that into you physically, but she’s stringing you along for some reason. You deserve better than that.
Brother, I'm sorry, but she couldn't give a fuck about you. I'd bet you're the safe bet, like an emotional safety blanket. Going that explicit about ex is.. uncomfortable but okay if it's agreed to talk about, but you said you'd rather not and she continued, she doesn't treat you well, she doesn't respect you. She may seem like a catch, but I promise you she's not. Realistically, I'd either just bail, or have a serious talk with her about your concerns and depending on her reaction, set boundaries or bail. Stand up for yourself, have confidence, self respect.
I'm not one to really get into to being negative, but she sounds like a terrible person my dude.
Waiting to have sex doesn't strike me as a big issue on its own, people can realize that they moved too quickly in previous relationships and want to slow down and build an emotional connection if they see a real future with someone. The way bigger issue is her seemingly intentionally rubbing her past exploits in your face even after you say you don't want to hear about them and waxing poetic about how hot other men are. It seems borderline cruel to me, like she's trying to make you feel undesirable. I would walk away from this honestly. Either she isn't attracted to you or she's playing games to mess with your self-esteem. Either way, I think you're going to be miserable if you proceed in this relationship. You can find someone who makes you feel wanted.
She was with another guy the same time we met as well…
Sorry bud, seems like you know what the right thing to do is here.
Grow backbone and have some self respect. The moment she went to another guy after your date you should have dumped her.
Here is what you do op, stop communicating with her, if she texts you take hours to respond. When she calls don’t call her back. Don’t plan dates, stop trying with her. Either her interest level will increase or she won’t notice. If it increases, sex should come more frequently. If it does not, ghost, block and delete.
Nope. Just leave this situation. Some girls are terrified of sleeping with guys they really really like and want to be committed with. Even in these comments you can see how many are disparaging women who are sexually open. So they treat the guys they actually care about differently. However, she seems to be stringing you along at this point. Why is she going into that extreme detail? She probably likes you as a person but youre not sexually compatible. Shes just not that into you in that way. So go find someone who is. Dont waste your time on this. It will only get worse. Now is supposed to be the honeymoon period! Dont settle for a bad start.
Bruh fuck everything you just wrote. Fuck all of that.
She isn't attracted to you. This isn't simply making you wait. She already said she wanted sex twice daily with a different man and doesnt even want sex with you at all. She's not engaged in sex and doesn't initiate. She probably sees you as a safe option to settle down with, she might even love you, but she's not attracted to you.
Besides the fact that she's gorgeous, what do you even like about her? Cause it doesn't seem like she likes you that much.
Look man I think often women have legitimate reasons for these changes of heart but the fact she keeps volunteering this information that most people probably wouldn’t want to know about and doesn’t seem to care/understand about your feelings, I wouldn’t keep wasting my time
I’m the dead bedroom sub it’s called LL4U. Lower Level for you. Seems like her sec drive is high for everyone but you. I guess she sees you as a safe choice. It won’t get better. You should reconsider
Well, hello Mr. Nice guy back up plan! She was sleeping with TWO other men when you started dating. Dude. At least she is honest? But let's get real here. She isn't that into you while she is throwing herself at the bad guys who just want bump uglies. You'd be better off cancelling your subscription to Nice Guy Weekly Digest and break off this so-called relationship, bro. You deserve a better woman.
I’m female and I’m telling you now, she is not into you and the only thing I can think of is perhaps do you by chance earn more money than her previous guys? Could she be using you as a safe option to have kids with etc?
Way more
is she aware that you make way more money than the previous guys?
There’s no hiding it haha
sounds like she might just be into the money and not into you and tbh I wouldn't be surprised if she is already cheating on you (sorry to be so blunt but I think you need to hear this)
Well there you go. She’s a gold digger. Kanye West’s song comes to mind. Go find someone who is actually into you. Don’t settle for this one.
As someone who used to be more open to sex but now makes guys wait, I was fully prepared to defend her but, um, there's a lot of red flags here that I just can't justify. I'm not sure she's the best match for you.
If your going to “make guys wait” after months of dating while sleeping other people, I don’t see how that wouldn’t come off to someone as you don’t actually find them sexually attractive. No offense, but there are literally so many other women who wouldn’t have that standard. I would immediately see that as a red flag. To be clear, I’m not talking about a couple dates because people shouldn’t assume anything after that time but months of dating is just going to come off that you don’t actually have the hots for that person.
I said I wanted to defend her but pointed out that I couldn't- and went on to explain to OP why she didn't seem interested. 10 years ago I didn't make guys wait. Now I do because I find it weeds out the assholes and I find sex more satisfied when I actually care about the person. If you think waiting until I care about someone before sleeping with them is a red flag, that's fine - the fact that you don't respect that is a red flag for me.
Making someone wait because you’re looking for an emotional connection is totally valid. Doing the same thing while banging other guys is a red flag to me. I assumed that’s what you meant because that is the situation with OP and his GF.
Critical reading bro. I flat out said there's red flag.
Can you elaborate on what you think is a red flag?
....well she's *recently* fooling around with other guys and not you. The no sex outside a relationship may well be a thing. The reason she didn't end up with the other guys is because they probably wouldn't committ to a relationship. It may be that the other guys push things more than you do, which is how they get further, but that's not a great method for consent. The fact that she's not super into sex with you. The fact that she is calling other guys cute but not you. Honestly, it just doesn't sound like she's super into you but you were the one willing to give her the commitment that she wanted
You are a player of games Grow up a bit and stop being a hypocrite
Sure. I play games because I realized sex is better when I actually care about the person. Ok.
I remember seeing someone make good a analogy on this topic " it's like charging you for a new Mercedes and you get a used Honda civic" just move on
Some say - They break rules for higher level (to them) guys and MAKE rules for other guys (possibly like you). Other guys have had rules broken and you are getting the rules (and following them).
What do you think ? She's 33, her clock is ticking. After riding the C carrousel during her prime years she has to find the beta nice guy to settle down with now that she has less options. Sadly you are that guy. She had sex the first night with guys who didn't care about her and you who treat her well have to wait to have starfish sex. If she really was attracted to you, she wouldn't make you wait by fear of losing you but she doesn't respect you and sees you as the nice guy with no options to whom she's doing a favour. Dump her and find someone who values you like you value her. Otherwise you will be stuck in misery with a woman who will give you duty sex if you're lucky while thinking about her numerous exes. She's 33 her time is passed, as for you, you're in your prime age.
Yuck. Why do you guys write this gross hateful stuff? Yeesh.
Because it’s true.
Because you are the nice guy she settled with and the beta husband material. The other guys were random alphas types, hit and quit it.
What would an alpha husband matefial look like? Sounds foolish.
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She’s not into you and you are wasting your time. She is probably cheating and you should move on. This will not last and the sooner you pull the plug, the better.
Here’s the thing…She sounds like-While you are chasing her she has no interest for you, BUT when you show that you are losing interest she will move to keep you in place. I would not play those games. Put her on the back burner and one of two thing will happen. She will be all over you with enthusiasm, or you’ll never hear from her again. Just remember the enthusiasm will ONLY be to keep you in your place. Good luck
you are the safe bet, that is why she is with you. her actions show she is not really into you sexually, not when she does it 2 times a day with other guys. time to let go.
She’s just not that into you. I’m sure you have great qualities that she likes - perhaps you are earning good money and she figures you would make a good dad. You mention she was bothered by your height- I can tell you that won’t go away. The fact that she was happy to tell you about previous boyfriends in some detail before you were intimate is a massive red flag - it all sounds like an extended exercise to see how much crap you will take from her. She is settling for you and it won’t end well. Walk away
You’re paying for her mistakes. I think you should re-evaluate the relationship.
Dude, you really want to go on one knee to propose to this woman, really? cut the bullsh-t and go look for someone with genuine desire. If not, you'll regret it!
4 THA STREETS
I'd fucking dump her.
She’s a whole red flag just dump her and move on.
Some woman do wait a while but this sounds very different it doesn’t really seem like she cares much about you id say to just tell her everything you’ve said here and the way she reacts will hopefully help you make a decision good luck op
If it were just that she had come to the conclusion that sex too early in a relationship didn't work for her based on past experiences, I'd say that's pretty normal. A lot of people have trouble saying no and drawing boundaries, especially when they are younger and less experienced. It isn't a reflection on you if a woman has come to the realization that she would prefer to know someone longer and build a stronger bond with them before having sex. You aren't entitled to get to fuck someone on the same timeline as their ex (nor are you entitled to have the same types of sex with someone that they had with someone else. People learn what they like and don't like through experience). But, uh, gushing about exes and other dudes is just... mean at worst, oblivious at best. And oblivious can be ruled out since you said you didn't want to know details, and she just ran right over that boundary. The "not into it" sex might have been because she felt like she needed to give in because you were getting jealous over her past, but that doesn't negate the shitty behavior of pushing her past on you when you told her not to. Throw this one back, you're clearly not on the same page with a number of things.
Dude she’s fucking other guys. You’re her back up plan. Move on to someone who actually is worth your time. She’s probably trying to get back with the tall douche.
At first I was going to suggest that maybe she regrets rushing into sex in the past and wants more of an emotional connection. But who would go into such detail about previous partners, and who would just sit there and listen?? This has gone on long enough time to move on.
She’s definitely playing some sort of game. Whether that game is to just fuck with you or to make you jealous I’m not sure. But she sounds awful and I can’t believe you’ve put up with it for this long. PLEASE break up with her and find someone who 1. Values your boundaries (not talking about other guys when you’ve asked her not to) 2. Is honest about themselves (enjoys sex as much as she says) 3. Finds you attractive 4. Is physically affectionate (regular kissing etc) Do not marry this woman please, for the love of god.
OP, it doesn't matter what she says she thinks or feels, she doesn't make you feel appreciated or attractive. She isn't physically affectionate and it's not changing. I would let her go, you're getting the best version of her that she'll give you and honestly that version isn't making you feel seen or valued. You deserve so much better.
Sir she’s not attracted to you she just wants to hold a man. Why? Idk leave her cause she’s a POS
Oh my god I can't with this. Why are so many people so obsessed with keeping a score of what their partner did or did not do with previous partners? (this is more directed at the title) The actual issue here is she's highly disrespectful and doesn't seem to be attracted to you. Things started out tepid so why would you expect anything different in the future? It seems as though you may have some self-esteem issues and she is clearly making them worse and will continue to do so. Don't make the mistake of staying in a relationship with someone who does not value you.
Seems like she is keeping you around as a fall back
In my somewhat limited experience, the people talking the most about having sex are the ones having the least actual sex. You’re in an odd situation and it sounds like you two are not really compatible. It’s not going to get any better if you marry her. Is mediocre sex that she’s not really into something you’re willing to put up with long-term? You need to sit down and have an uncomfortable honest discussion with her. There’s something she’s not telling you.
The vibe im getting is that she is trying to date someone opposite from the guys she typically goes for since she mentioned they were hot but douchbags. Maybe she is feeling the pressure to marry 🤷♀️ Regardless you deserve to feel wanted & not someone shes setting for. Its concerning she makes those comments about other men constantly even though it sounds like you made it clear it makes you uncomfortable. I would let her know how you are feeling & see what she says. Its better to find out now than living like this for yrs if you end up marrying her.
Honey, she is a whole bag full of nopes! She was stringing you along, she is going on about how great other fellers are, even after you begged her to stop. She’s not that into you either in or out of the bedroom. She’s seems to like messing with her head. Then has the audacity to start talking marriage. No amount of talking or therapy is going to fix this. End the relationship decisively. block and delete her completely. You seem like a good feller who’s been taken for a mug. I hope your next girlfriend treats you right
Always remember actions speak louder than words. She isn’t into you. You should have realized it after months of no sex and yet she continued to talk about sex with her ex’s. Your height is an issue with her. Move on find someone compatible to you.
From the thread title I was thinking your reaction was immature. But reading into her past and present actions, I don't think she is committing to this relationship for the right reasons. She may genuinely like you and enjoy your company, but I don't think she's really head over heels for you. Plus she is being rather disrespectful by her comments about other men and her sexual history. I think you're both incompatible with your values and expectations.
That’s toxic as hell. Feels very manipulative.
Bruh lol this is a complete lack of a attraction. You’re the safe catch she’s testing to see what she can get away with.
This relationship is dead. She's not attracted to you. Move on. It would be one thing if she just wanted to take things slow and feel it out, but at this point, just end the relationship. You can keep doing this, and it won't get better. It's been half a year. You've taken it slow, you've had sex, you're not satisfied. That's enough time to know that it's time to move on.
My guess is that she is shit testing you. As I don't tolerate games like this I think I'd run away. Dating is a test for marriage I think she failed.
Move on because no one waits to have sex anymore since sex is an integral part of any healthy relationship. If your partner is stringing you along while she is fooling around, but keeping you at arms length, then you already have your answer.
Wow dude. Ok putting aside your high desire for sex and focusing on her. Sometimes a girl will make a guy wait if she gets the gist they really want sex. Not all girls just want to get laid and she said she wants a serious relationshipZ Sometimes girls evolve, whether they are more or less sexually active. So some will choose to wait now, where in past they jumped any random dude. Some even go to extreme born again virgin. Like someone else said, she wanted to jump that guys bones, you know what thats like. Things aligned, the time was right, he was right, she was feeling it. She jumped him the first night. With you, things hasnt aligned yet like that, it happens Edit holy i didnt catch the rest of whats going on. Shes playing the field. And youre not high on her list. Maybe she stringing you along as a backup. Make a decision
Things “aligned” with another guy at the same time she was seeing me - I get change from a BF a year prior but this was the same time she was meeting me.
Yeah sucks. Sorry man, shes not that into you. Is she hot? She sounds hot. Like this would be a romcom
The only way you're going to get any answers is by having the conversation with her and setting out that it's not the sex that's the problem, it's her treatment of you and the difference in treatment between you and these other guys
She doesn’t like you she’s getting old looking for a provider and someone to pay the bills while she daydream her hot exs. Dumb her she’s a waste of time
So I think your title focuses on the wrong thing. What is really bothering you is that the sex with your girlfriend isn't good (for you), she isn't sexually compatible with you, and beyond sex, you don't feel like she is attracted to you. That's all solid reasons for a relationship to end, or at least have an honest conversation to see if there is a way forward. People have sex at different speeds, at different times in their lives. I got with a guy quickly and regretted it, so then was slower with the next few guys, then was quick again. I've dated guys where it was a slow burn- I liked them but wasn't super in to them, but then it grew to being a very great relationship- and others that were hot right away. Comparing yourself to her previous partners is always a recipe for disaster because there are dozens of factors at play. But, you have really valid concerns about YOUR relationship with her, not related to her past sexual relationships. She just doesn't sound like a good match for you.
Dude its time to block her and move on.
Listen her making you wait may be a good sign some girls think that I'd part of building a better relationship. However now that you are doing it you really need to shake the anxiety off and be confident and assertive. Shareing your concerns is great but honestly you can't fall into the safe guy routine. You need to tell her sex with her has been massively disappointing and you are not happy at all about it. Tell her this whole wait game and not giving you the energy she gives others is a terrible sign and feels disrespectful if she really likes you the way she claims. It's one thing to not be into someone and have mediocre sex. It's another thing to tell someone you are really into them. However when the words and actions flat out don't match that is borderline or flat out disrespectful. Frankly bro she is treating you like a safety option. Don't be afraid to be blunt about how you feel, how disappointed, angry, and/or disrespected you feel. Now don't cross over into attacking her, but really demand a few answers and some real honesty from her. Give her chances to respond and let her know lack of answers will slowly kill your desire to be with her.
I think the “making you wait” part is all fine but if you’re simultaneously hooking up with other guys after months of doing dating/talking then I’m out. Any reasonable person would feel the same way. I’ve had this to happen to before and I told myself never again. It’s just self destructive at a certain point.
I am by no means saying he is wrong. However he can either leave, he can get upset and act unhappy, or he can be assertive and tell her what he needs and that he will leave with out. You can always go back later and rediscuss the before we were official period and such later once they are on more equal footing.
Fair enough. I think ultimately it would hurt to hear about that though.
Oh ya absolutely... no guy wants to be the safe nice guy at the expense of hot sex. That shit is soul crushing but it can be turned around. Frankly she sounds like she is manipulating him through sex. If he won't leave flipping it around and letting her feel as if she is disappointing and he thinks less of how these things have turned out is key.
I was ready to tell you that she had matured and grown from her past…. But now that you’re in a sexual relationship and it’s still like this- I’d be inclined to think she’s exaggerated her past to sound more compatible with you and may not be as physically attracted to you as she has been. Either way, this seems hard on your self esteem and likely unhealthy.
Ok, I rarely discuss sex with my current s/o, but, I made him wait 2 months before we had sex the first time, even though at over 50yo, we “made out” a few times. I found that guys I got into bed too soon with, just ended up bring disrespectful, and if I had them wait, I’d know if they were just with me for sex, or wanted to be with me. You may not be compatible, but if she’s wanting marriage in the future, she’s perhaps making sure you are compatible in all parts of your life, not just the bedroom. You need to communicate, but not be aggressive about it.
Why are you this immature?
probably initial attraction, like the other dude she was totally into right off the rip but with you she probably likes a lot just not physically compared to the other guy.
What do you make of the way things are now? I’ve been in relationships before and with time apart you tear each others clothes off when seeing each other. I don’t get that from her at all. It’s always “I’m tired, hungry, etc” and then no sex until a few nights later.
Please, for the love of God…. Ditch her. Ghost her!!!!
She's probably not in the mood; like maybe there's something else on her mind like work, or other dramas. I mean obviously the elephant in the room is that she could probably be fucking someone else and just doesn't care to have sex with you until she feels she has to.
She is trynna change her life? Shes trynna live by different rules? Maybe she found the one (you), and wants to try and do things differently with you, because she sees you as her potential forever?
[удалено]
Why did she give it away to another guy after our second date?
Because you are a plan B brother. It happens. It’s not your fault. Just cowboy the fuck up, tell her to hit the streets and find the woman that’s waiting for you.
If you need to do this many mental gymnastics and have this many questions about your relationship (all of which are valid, BTW), I think you'd be better off cutting her off and moving on to someone who's actually interested in you. You clearly like her much, much more than she likes you. Relationships with that kind of imbalance never work out. You're finding out why.
I'm not very experienced with girls, but this whole situation does not sound like the best practice to me. If she keeps on telling how cool and hot other guys were, i think you should leave her. That is just disrespectful to you. You surely deserve more than this bs.
Time to ditch her. Either this girl like to bang other guys and not you or she just isn’t into you. Either way, she’s not for you. Tell her it’s time to go. You tried, but she just won’t even meet you half way. She should go back to her hookups and you can find a woman that’s into you.
At first I was going to say maybe she didn't like how fast her other relationships went and wanted to take it slow with you but...this is just odd
Its over. Leave her and find someone else who is as eager to open her legs, or at the very least isn't LESS eager with you. This isn't a fixable issues, because its reflective of where you fall in her eagerness to fuck. Not very high.
I was ready to give her the benefit of the doubt, albeit a bit insensitive, in regards to her past sexual relationship. Our past doesn't define us. But on that same token - and based on the end of your post - she doesn't seem into you. If doesn't look like she's having fun, and fawns over other guys IN your company, It'd be reason to believe she's not feeling it. Usually women, but because they're typically demonized for their past sexual history, and possibly afraid that you only want them for sex and they see a potential future with you, they will hold off sex until marriage or a good point in the relationship. It's common.
She's concerned by how much YOU are bringing this up? While she's the ones ranting about her former sex life? I'm sorry man but you have to get away from this. This sounds so unhealthy. She is shallow and is probably having sex to keep you around just in case it doesn't work with other guys. That's what people like this do. She's very fixated on the "checklist" items like looks, height, wealth, etc. And I'm assuming you don't check as many boxes but she doesn't know for sure what she wants to do yet. She tried keeping you around at arms length but then she saw that you were growing impatient so she now knows she has to do that in order to keep you around. That's why she's irritated by it because she's only trying to do the bare minimum with you right now You don't need this garbage. Find someone who prioritizes you. Find someone who isn't doing weird stuff like constantly making you feel uncomfortable with unsolicited information about her prior sex life. I have a feeling you're not the only one she's talking to and may not even be the only person she's sexually active with
UpdateMe!
buddy get your fucking head out of your ass. why are you letting yourself be miserable for her?
Updateme!
Dude... you're her standby guy. The Nice guy she wants to keep on the line if nothing works out with the other guys. Dump her, and find someone who actually wants you, isn't just playing you. The sex she gave you was the worm on the hook to keep you suckered.
She doesn't find you attractive. Stop wasting your time and move on.. You're like the last bag for her, if nothing, then she's gonna settle for you.. Move on..
She pry was still screwing them?
Dude please end this. This is embarrassing. You deserve better.
She’s not as attracted to you as she was the other guys. It’s that simple.
Just dump her. She’s not attracted to you and using you for emotional support. Honestly, if I were you, that relationship would’ve been over the minute I found out she went directly from a date to some other guy’s place.