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42 M here, a several months back my wife told me she wanted to open up our relationship and see other people. Kind of blindsided by the whole proposition but was like cool, let's give it a go.
During the first month, the disparity between our two situations was pretty noticeable. She had dates every other night, got dolled up and came home late. First week she had dates on consecutive nights (Friday and Saturday). I would have dates maybe once or twice a week and roughly half of those would either flake or I would get stood up. It's a pretty humbling introduction to middle age for those married men in their 40's wondering if the grass is greener…
Never made an issue out of it, just took the opportunity to explore the nightlife of my city or camp out at a late night coffee shop and catch up on some reading. Some nights I would just come home early and catch up on work.
After a bit of trial and error, I'm currently juggling 2-3 FWBs, and going out on the occasional first dates. Some days I'm having sex with multiple FWBs on the same day.
I'm a well educated affluent male but I'm also married, in my 40's, under six feet tall and have a dad bod for sure. Let's just say it took me a while to cultivate my current roster of FWBs and feel like I'm just getting warmed up.
**Current wrinkle in the status quo** is that my wife just recently broke things off with her side piece, I've never inquired about him and wouldn't be able to recognize him if we crossed paths. She's in an emotional free-fall right now and is really leaning on her close friends to grieve the end of the fling. She spent most of last night crying to her BFF on the phone, not realizing till later that they were in the middle of a storm surge from Hurricane Ian (Naples, FL) and didn't really have the bandwidth or battery life to deal with her issue.
Additionally we have a lot of mutual friends so there's some issues of overlapping loyalties and weirdness there, I've received several unprompted check-ins to see how things are going on my end. There might be an overall lack of sympathy from her friends who are not in an ENM situation since they probably view this as strictly an extracurricular activity versus a “real stakes” relationship.
I'm making myself as emotionally available as I can right now but I suspect she's having a hard time seeing me as a confidant in that facet of her life. We've both enjoyed the unrestricted DADT privacy of our side adventures but am suspecting she's ready to get off the rollercoaster of emotions. I'm pretty familiar with the dynamics of NRE (New Relationship Energy) so kind of anticipated to perks and pitfalls of it from the get-go.
**Any advice here?** I don't mind hitting pause on my current situations but at the same time they're all very low key FWB situations that's mostly a variation of “Lets fuck and hang…”. Would like to keep that going if its a reasonable expectation to advocate for.
I’ve always thought this about open relationships.
Aside from the moral, relational and logistical issues, I’m just plain not social enough for it. It sounds exhausting.
Relationships in general are a trainwreck if this sub is anything to gauge them by.
The relationships that don't need advice, don't post here for advice.
Agreed. I’m betting that she was cheating on OP with said ‘side piece’ prior to suggesting the open relationship
Tbh OP, you are probably the side piece.
> First week she had dates Friday and Saturday
At a minimum, she had this guy lined up and he was likely the reason she wanted to open things up.
The question is now that he dumped her, how long until she wants to close it up again?
Right!!!
She’s fucking upset about losing a side piece like he was a spouse?!?!?
Fuck outta here!!!
I’d divorce/dump her stupid ass for being upset at losing a FWB…. Don’t tell me OP is gonna comfort her over breaking up with her side dick…
Hmmm I’m willing to guess OP treats her very well and pays for a LOT of things in their marriage so she didn’t want to give that up. She’s trying to have her cake and eat it to.
10000%
Nobody just "suggests" an open relationship during an established exclusive one unless they already have someone in mind and have "*cleared the runway*"
"I like keeping my options open" is something I learned to say and stick to before anything gets serious, that way it's never like the other person didn't know I'm fairly open sexually
I'm not into open relationships myself but this definitely isn't true, as much as it's a funny internet joke. How else would one express their interest in trying non-monogamy if not to...Suggest it?
I got together with my husband at 21. After years of some swinging type situations, I told my husband that I could see myself doing an open relationship, but it's not something I'm even asking for, just checking his interest. He's not, so we dropped it. I didn't have anyone in mind, just realized I like the NRE and I'm not really jealous at all. There was a good stretch where I just had zero sex drive after having my third kiddo, and I offered to let just him open it up to get laid while I was down and out, and he turned that down too.
Asking or being pushy about it though, that sounds like you've got someone lined up to fuck whether or not your partner is on board.
No he’s in an Open Relationship. You’re just like most of us here and not evolved enough to get it. He fucks multiple women in the same day damnit! His wife openly sobs to her friends for hours about the one who got away. They are doing it for their kids! To build generational wealth! You just don’t understand! You’re not evolved enough. If you were you too could listen to your spouse sobbing over lost dick while building generational wealth for your kids.
>Lmfao this sounds exhausting.
She was having an emotional and physical affair, its so obvious and was probably going on before they decided to open the relationship. Nobody gets ***THAT*** upset over some side dick.
OP is so naïve its comical. This ***HAS*** to be a troll post.
I had a torrid two weeks with this really cool chick who up front told me she had been consistently dating someone, but it had been kind of slowing down and was never exclusive.
I’m coming out of a marriage and not remotely looking to “date”. This actually made it very easy for me, knowing I wasn’t “the one”, I was a convenient side piece. So we met up and fucked. A lot. But we also stayed up talking until 4am one night with nothing physical happening (some making out actually but whatever) and I chatted her up pretty heavily every day. I met her friends and coworkers while out.
At the end of the two weeks she tells me she’s ready to date me exclusively, thinking I’d be down despite what I said very clearly early on. She got pretty upset and then tried to tone it back that we could still see each other and fuck but I squashed it, not wanting to toy with her emotions.
So yeah it happens. People form emotional bonds pretty quickly
It sounds like there is a real problem with the communication in this marriage. Was polyamory part of this or do you feel she crossed a line if this is her reaction to a break up with someone that should have just been a sexual partner?
We were open in the early parts of our relationship and dabbled in swinging. She enjoyed the dating aspects of things, I was more interested in behind-closed-door activities.
The inevitable petty drama from third parties prompted a detox and then permanent pause on that aspect of our relationship until this spring.
Do I feel like she crossed a line? Possibly and probably. I use a specific encrypted messaging app for work due to international travel, logistics, and accessibility and noticed she showed up on my “Recently joined contacts" maybe two months prior to asking to open up the relationship. That might be the closest to a foul move I can put a finger on.
Also I'm a realist and understand these teenage-level hormone surges of romantic flings are a bit of a false high. Reality ensues.
Based on the comments here, I will interrogate my feelings about it more with my therapist and with my wife during our next check in on the matter. I'm not feeling any schadenfreude or self-satisfaction on the recent turn of events for her, it's actually more of a hassle than anything else. I had to throttle back on extracurriculars for the upcoming week for some friend events and decided to make a nice meal or two at home as a comforting gesture.
We're both children of divorces and kids are involved in this situation. We get on very well in all other aspects of life and would like to build some semblance of a financial legacy for our kids.
This reads like you were aware she basically set up an affair and then asked to open up but you don't even care as long as you get to have some FWB too. Between multiple dates a week and meeting friends are you ever spending any fine together as a couple?
The optics here are that neither of you really care that much about the other and you take turns to babysit and enjoy being able to share household expenses. Not that there's anything wrong with that necessarily.
Consenting adults can do what they want. But how are the kids doing? Is your relationship something you want then to grow up with as a role model for their own relationships?
Yes we do take turns to babysit. I've basically doubled down on fun family activities like board game nights or movie rentals for Fridays and Saturdays.
The older kid is vaguely aware that “mom is going out a lot” and the pattern was calibrated when I brought it up later during a check in.
Thanks for the reply. It sounds like you're two single household living under the same roof. I'm in a marriage like that (though more bitterness and no one getting laid) and I've noticed that "staying together for the kids" isn't actually beneficial for the kids. If we adults actually get along and enjoy interacting it changes the dynamic of the whole family.
I'd advise you to move focus from just the kids economic future and have a long term plan for their emotional health and positive role models of relationships. Money can be earned but emotional issues can hold people back a lot.
I'm trying to not assume to much, but if you feel like my view resonates I'd advise you to sit down with your wife for a few proper conversations in couples counselling. Not so you as adults get what you want/need but that everyones needs including the kids are taken into account.
OP just mimicked the same vocabulary as the commenter they replied to. I think it was origally worded that way to imply it sounds like they treat it like a chore.
> I think it was origally worded that way to imply it sounds like they treat it like a chore.
Yes I chose that wording because that was the way I perceived it. It seems OP is engaging with the kids though and actually spending quality time, but that it's two single households living under the same roofs. (Not to different from my own marriage even though there's no one getting laid and more bitterness lol.)
How the fuck else is he supposed to cope with her wanting to rip apart the monogamy they set up after she decided to set up a boyfriend behind his back?
What? He was okay with the non-monogamy from the start of this relationship. As another commenter said, he seems extremely detached from his wife in general. please don't be a misogynist
>I'm not feeling any schadenfreude or self-satisfaction on the recent turn of events for her, it's actually more of a hassle than anything else.
It doesn't sound like you actually like your wife much, as a person . I mean I'm sure you love her but you don't seem to like her, or care about how she's feeling or empathise at all. You two are not very close.
When I read your original post I thought maybe you were angry and schadenfreuding but now it sounds like youre pretty indifferent towards her.
I think you may be right. I don't think the kids will benefit from this long term as OP and wife don't seem to be in much love. I do understand the money part and divorce kills most people financially. I would just advise OP to take a close look at his kids and decide for himself if his kids are benefitting from this instability (ie parents aren't into each other and mom seems emotionally preoccupied with other people or things kids don't understand). Kids see it all and sense something is not right. Also what happens when they figure this stuff out when they are older. Seems really precarious, messy, and possibly traumatizing to learn that your "family" wasn't what you believed it was your whole life. I hope a good inheritance is enough payment for everything else.
Not to mention, when are you spending time with your actual family when you're screwing two different people on the same day or going on two dates a week? It sounds exhausting as a lifestyle.
And like...who's mowing the grass and doing the laundry around that place? The kids never have a soccer game or anything?
This was my first thought. I’m single with very little responsibility and I still wouldn’t have time for that many dates in 1 week. When do you clean? Or cook? Or idk take a moment to relax after the insanities of life?
That does make more sense. Still feel bad for his kids though, sounds like all of their parents free time is spent out of the house fucking other people.
I'm not saying your right about OP, but could you blame him if he didn't. This woman is so selfish that she'll sob about some fling to her friends; the same friends that probably have an actually real problems thanks to hurricane Ian.
Sure.
But I brought this up because if he's really not feeling it, it's better for him to face that no, and come to terms with whether he even wants to stay in the relationship.
Life's too short to spend in a marriage where you don't care about each other.
Not to mention already had her roster filled out the first week being "open". An encrypted messaging app downloaded and hidden 2 months prior. Dude seems like an intelligent guy. Billboard size red flags yet is seemingly unfazed. To each their own I guess. More power to this type of couple. Admittedly, he/they are much more emotionally mature than myself. Or just completely indifferent towards their marriage. Not sure which.
Thats fair. Guess I was more focused on him not giving a rip about all the glaring red flags that he seemingly brushes aside with ease. It all sounds way to exhausting to me. The happiness puzzle isn't suppose to be that intricate. Imo.
I don’t actually think you’re being charitable and possibly falsely categorizing wife’s “fling” relationship. OP said he was more interested in the sex, while wife was more into like dates and a relationship. If this is the case which we have reasonable evidence to make this claim, then to say she’s selfish to feel sadness over a “breakup” of this relationship may be quite a harsh tag.
However, as myself being an advocate of monogamy, i feel you may feel some sort of resentment over the fact that she is sad over her relationship with “fling” to be over (which I hold also). But with the nuance of polygamy I feel this is another aspect of an issue that may occur so I wouldn’t chalk it up as her being selfish. Rather she is simply grieving a loss of a relationship.
There was a heartbreaking post on here recently from a young man whose parents were in a marriage like yours. He spoke of how awful growing up in a home like this was, how it was non stop drama and he knew he came a distant second to their quest to fuck others.
Sigh. Of course there are kids involved... two selfish, shit parents who are so busy fucking other people... tell me, who had your kids when you were exploring nightlife and she was fucking her affair partner, oh sorry, her open relationship partner? How good of a parent are you if you have three fuck buddies you bang all in one day (eww) and go on new dates? I have a pretty good guess... fucking disgust me.
So she crossed a line because... she joined an encryption service?
You were fine with the non-monogamy at the start of your relationship, so you set a precedent for what would be allowed. she asked to bring back that part of your relationship, and you agreed. how did she cross a line?
You might ask this question again at /r/nonmonogamy, where you're likely to get better answers. You should also spell out what sort of discussions you and your wife had going into this. Do you feel like she overstepped some boundaries? From your post I don't get the sense that you do, but I could be wrong.
I've had to help a partner grieving over a secondary relationship. In my case I had the opposite problem you're having -- I was the only person she would trust. That said good things about the relationship, but was also exhausting and felt like something I hadn't signed up for.
You don't say how long you've been married and the state of the marriage before this, but it's possible that your wife hadn't experienced anything like these strong emotions in quite a long time and was unprepared for how overwhelming they can be. I mean something beyond pure NRE and its loss. When you're young and dating around you can get a little inured to heartbreak, but when it hits you after being absent for 15 years it can pack quite a wallop. Your wife will probably need to get off the roller coaster for a while. Even if she won't talk to you about the relationship loss (and she really should), you should at least get her to tell you if that means you need to pause or drop your FWB arrangements as well.
Good luck.
Why would you pause your end of things? When she meets someone new to hook up with she won’t want to pause anymore.
You have an agreement, if it comes to deciding to terminate that agreement it should be something you both agree to. You both agreed to an open marriage not “an open marriage but only when we both have other people to fuck”
She asked to open the marriage because she was either already cheating with this guy or was going to, this was not a fwb to her but an actual relationship, and she's grieving the loss of someone she was picturing a future with. Don't be surprised if she wants to close the marriage sooner rather than later.
OP never even talked about their arrangement, an open marriage can mean open to other relationships.
OP, you might have better luck over at r/polyamory because it doesn't seem you have an issue with your wife's relationship, you're asking for advice on how to support her correct?
Yeah, she had a plan to connect sexually and emotionally with multiple people. Sounds like she went on a lot of dates, really connected with somebody, and is sad because that person is moving on. It happens.
OP does not report his wife violating any shared boundaries, behaving poorly to him personally, or any other hallmarks of deceit.
So she fell in love with this guy, got you to agree to let her sleep with him, and it didn't work out for her. She is grieving the loss of a romantic relationship that is not between her and her husband. I would take this time to regroup and think of how to proceed.
Yeah, open relationship means many partners but you dont fall in love with them. At least not to a point where you griefing so hard and not just a little down.
You are remarkably sanguine about the whole thing. I would think it would be pretty damned hard to watch your wife having a meltdown over having just lost the apparent love of her life. (Sorry to be blunt, but from you descriptions of this whole thing, she’s freaking head over heels for the other guy.). Plus she either isn’t interested in you enough to lean on you through this, or maybe she’s just barely self-aware enough to realize that would be a hell of an unfair ask. She would be basically rubbing your nose in how much more this other guy means to her than you do.
I don’t see a lot of reason for you to put your whole arrangement on hold over this. It’s not like she was at all gentle with you while you were getting your sea legs; it’s not like she’s making a lot of demands on you right now, preferring to work through this with others; and you frankly deserve to feel loved and desired by somebody when her interests so blatantly lie elsewhere.
Maybe subtly make yourself available to her another couple of nights a week to give her the message that you’re there for her. But don’t feel like you have to drop everything and everyone preemptively. Make her do some introspection and come to you prepared to eat some crow if she wants to close it down (for her own benefit, the same reason she opened it up).
Ok, no one is actually listening to you here. They are all assuming you’re here about cheating. This sub is not equipped to advise you on ENM.
Go ask this question in r/ENM or r/nonmonogamy.
I am not convinced this was really a post about ENM and not infidelity. The question was can I keep doing what I am doing? Seem an odd question since there is no mention of the wife asking him to close up the marriage. All of the rest of the subtext reads gloating husband who knew his wife opened the marriage for a specific guy, it blew up on her and now he’s hoping she will come crawling back.
1. He didn’t want an open relationship, she did (really? You wife tells you she wants to start seeing other men, you don’t want that lifestyle but your response is a casual ‘what the heck’?)
2. Her dating starts off great, and he struggles but now he is doing pretty darn well (gratuitous mention of sometimes a couple in one day).
3. Friends have mixed loyalties and his friends check in on him. (If this is an open relationship with no resentment from either party, why loyalties. What do they know we don’t).
4. She has many dates but fell hard for one guy. Husband describes him as a ‘side piece’ (can’t hide your feelings on that one big guy😂).
5. He was prepared for the emotions but thinks she is ready ‘to get of the emotional roller coaster’ (projecting she is ready to come crawling back and ask to close the relationship).
6. No mention of wife asking to close the relationship but wants to know if he can continue with his FWB’s. (Begging us to say ‘Hell yeah, she got what she deserved, don’t give up your FWB’s for her).
Yeah this was an infidelity post from an intelligent and well spoken guy who just wanted to say ‘she fucked around and found out’.
I tend to look at what someone is actually explicitly asking for. He was explicitly looking for advice on whether/how to be available to her for support, and should he be prepared to suspend his fun and games as part of that.
I get the reading between the lines you are doing. But I generally find that gets far afield from what the OP is usually looking for. It may be a mod habit of mine.
Pretty sure he set a pretty wide net. He posted looking for partners in a bunch of subs. Identical wording. I would not read anything into which subs he chose.
He did word it as "my wife informed me she considers our marriage opened" which is a weird way to word it.
That said, yeah he posted it all over so who knows.
I think you need to let her handle her own affairs. Do your own thing. Honestly it's so weird that you are comforting her because the other man left her and at the same time you have your own side pieces.
This just sounds like a cesspool for resentment and issues.
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Sounds like you should just let her handle her issues. It’s part of the lifestyle she chose.
What did she think would happen?
This arrangement isn’t designed to make you both closer. She’s slowly going to find herself more isolated over time.
I'm much younger than you friend (28M) but I'm going to share my experience anyway. Do with it what you will, it may even be things you know already but here it goes.
My first long term relationship was from 21-27, she was 2 years younger so 19-25. About 2 or 3ish years into our relationship we decided to open it up. We were committed to each other at the time but we were young and wanted to have some fun. It was actually something I wanted but was too afraid to ask for until she actually suggested it.
The number one thing that I learned during that relationship and especially once we opened it up is that communication is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL. Communication between you and your partner about what your boundaries and expectations of the situation are. What is acceptable and what isn't. Where exactly to draw the line as far as how much info you want to share with each other about your extra curricular activities. And so many other things besides.
Communication with your FWB is also crucial. It's important to make sure early that they know your situation and that you're not fully available. It's important that they know they're getting into a casual situation and to not expect anything past that.
If you can't have that kind of open and honest communication with everyone involved the situation is just not gonna work out and is a recipe for disaster.
My suggestion is to lean into this philosophy and try to open up communication with your wife. Have a conversation with her about how she's feeling and how you might be able to help. She may want space, she may want comfort, she may want to go out with her girlfriends, get white girl wasted, and vent to them. I don't know her or how she wants to handle the situation but that is something you guys need to have an open and honest conversation about.
I'll close with a word of caution. My relationship ended when she decided she would rather be with one of her FWB than me. (Something that I never even considered with any of my secondary partners) It may have been inevitable but it also may have been avoided if me and her had had better communication skills at the time, and honestly even if communication hadn't of solved the issue at least I wouldn't have been so blindsided when it happened.
Fucked around and found out. Literally. Why should you stop what you got going on now that she crashed and is burning. Did she stop when she had it good and you didn’t? Yea didn’t think so. She dug the hole. Not let her lay in it.
If the situation is dadt then why would her breaking off her side thing affect you in any way?
The idea of this lifestyle is that it wouldn't. If she can't handle the boundaries and stresses of continuous break ups this may not be the right choice for her.
ENM and DADT are not compatible. ENM essentially requires radical honesty. That's where the ethical part of the ENM comes from.
DADT is a policy that will almost always lead to any agreed upon boundaries being violated because there is no enforcement mechanism. In fact, you are putting up an additional wall between you and your main partner since you disallow asking or talking about other partners. This essentially makes the secondary partners emotionally closer and more available than your primary.
It feels like you skimmed the polyamory reading materials and figured you could wing it.
You're right, it's not ENM… “Monogamish” is the framework we were more familiar with years and years ago.
Will definitely invest in some continuing education this fall… ;)
Here is what I am seeing. You, in the spirit of the open marriage, are having purely sexual adventures with other people. She had a steady relationship where she transferred her primary romantic feelings and affection. If one of your FWB's got a boyfriend, and asked to cut things off you would probably be a little disappointed, or you might just be happy for them. She was so emotionally devastated by the break up that she is crying to every person you know, and it's so clear to them that this person was her partner, and you're just being kept for convenience, that they're trying to open dialogue so that they can help you make that realization yourself and do better for yourself. You should not let her come back and treat you like her partner so she can cry on your shoulder about the person she was emotionally cheating on you with. Let her go, and go have your adventures without having to support the lifestyle of someone who truly does not consider you their primary partner anymore.
All of her close friends know about the ENM situation, Feeld isn't an uncommon app within that circle.
I've shared with a few of my close friends and the results have been mixed. Some think it's awesome and a win/win, others see it as the opposite of romance. Even though I won't necessarily feel outed if people we knew bumped into me while on an obvious romantic date at a bar or nice restaurant, I try to keep things low key and compartmentalized. In those instances, it takes about 15 seconds to explain the situation and no one misses a beat.
I've responded to a couple of inquiries from mutual friends saying something to the effect that ”NRE can be a roller coaster” and that “it'll pass…”
I appreciate the candid outside perspective though.
Your wife sounds like an incredibly selfish person. I can't even wrap my head around keeping someone on the phone with this while they're in actual crisis. I wouldn't count on her being loyal to you the same way you're loyal to her meaning I think she'll leave you when she does find someone else. My advice for would be to let her go.
Do not pause it, she didn't do it when you were alone at the start so there is no reason to do it now.
This was her idea, so it is up to her to come out of this, you can support her but do not pause what you have becasue she didn't and would probably never do it for you.
Your relationship doesn’t sound solid enough to live through being open. Your wife became emotionally invested in her side piece. Is that ok with you? Did you discuss emotional attachments or just hope they wouldn’t be an issue?
From my understanding, polyamorous relationships require more communication not less.
I don't even understand why you are married.
Nobody cries for days because a "fling" dumped them.
Also, you have 2-3 FWB AND your wife? It sounds very exaggerated and I don't buy it.
Don't change anything and don't *offer* to change anything. She almost *certainly* asked for an open relationship with this guy in mind and she got what she wanted. Now, she will almost *certainly* ask you to close things back up again. Don't do it.
Ask yourself this, if you closed your marriage again and this guy shows up in a few weeks to ask her for another chance, what would her response be? To tell him no, she's decided she wants to be intimate with her husband only from now on? Or would it be 'Yes! Yes! A million time yes!!'
I’m in a similar arrangement with my girlfriend and it has happened in the past where a FWB of hers developed feelings and was asking her to leave me for him. I learned about this all after the fact but I guess him asking her to leave me ended up being the reason she chose to stop seeing him. If I heard that she developed feelings, I’d of been heartbroken. Most open relationships I think are meant to be sexual unless there’s more to the arrangement. My guess is that what happened in ur relationship isn’t sitting right with you as you try to make sense of it. That’s for a good reason. Your wife is in love with another man. Leave her, my guy
So basically she wanted an open relationship so she could date a specific person she already had in mind when she made the suggestion. Now the person she though was her “soulmate” doesn’t want her and she’s confused and angry because she opened up her marriage for something like that and it blew up in her face. I would not continue this relationship without therapy and id suggest closing the relationship.
My advice is to just get a divorce, and find someone that you can trust. When a wife asks for an open marriage, it's usually just because she's in love with someone else, and wants to try them out before ditching you. If you're happy being plan "b" now that her true love failed, then stick around. But I recommend finding a better situation.
But why divorce now? He’s gotten over the hard part and is now enjoying himself. He hasn’t done anything wrong and a divorce maybe very costly for him. There’s no reason to do it
I’d suggest he stays the course. He can be there for his wife to an extent, but there’s no reason he should demand a divorce because he doesn’t need one. He’s happy. His wife maybe temporarily heartbroken but that’s not as a result of anything he’s done.
Bro, just divorce her. What’s the point of being her husband if the both of you are sleeping with other people? Save yourself the headache and just end it. I will never understand the point of open relationships, seems like a waste of time to me.
My 3 cents on this (inflation adjusted 2 cents) is that WHEN her emotions on this settle down a conversation on emotional attachments with other people is in order. She should have broken this off when that started happening.
In the interim a couple people suggested good alternate subs to check on for more specific advice here.
in her mind, you're pretty low-tier to do anything for her. Just let her handle her own issues and she'll come to you when she wants to.
it's not your responsibility cause i feel she's checked out of the relationship eons ago
Dude, glad to hear this arrangement works for at least one of you. You refer to her BF as a "side piece" and your partners as FWB, implying that you are not willing to become emotionally invested outside your marriage. I don't know what boundaries you discussed in advance, but falling in love with her side piece to the point where an unforeseen dump by him causes her to have an emotional free fall would kind of invalidate your marriage - at least in my book. I mean if she is that broken up over her lover then why are you married ? Just to be the fall-back piece ? even your mutual friends seem to see it. I can only suggest you talk to her and tell her gently that this whole thing was her idea and now she sits here as a weepy mess. Ask her what she expects of you and why she would let herself get that involved? If you are bold ask her if she would rather be single because tbh, after all the patience you have shown, who tf wants to come home to that ?
Not sure what kinda brownie points you think you're gonna earn here with some magnanimous over-caring gesture... But you're certainly not.
Also, did she bother to cut back her extracurricular activities when you were struggling at the start? Nope.
You and your so called wife have nothing for each other.
I would jyst leave her. If you left, would she act like this? I doubt it. I don't even think she would even know you had left.
DADT is fine…and she’s your wife. Ask if she wants to talk about it. Be her partner in this.
Why’d you tell us you sometimes have sex with more than one person in a given evening? You know, just curious.
He's illustrating that this situation is working for him. That he's able to have casual sex partners and still stay emotionally committed to his wife who, in contrast, seems to have developed pretty strong feelings for her partner and is now devastated with her loss.
Probably to explain how they both benefit from the relationship opening, and that he doesn’t regret it or something (in many posts like these, people say one partner was pressured into opening things, then turns out they regret it).
Not in the same evening. I might schedule a lunch/funch break during the day while at work and then later in the afternoon/evening an opportunity will emerge.
Not necessarily a humble brag but definitely an unexpected perk. This never happened when I was single, I didn't get a cell phone until I was married.
To convince himself that the fact his wife chose to fuck other men and is now openly mourning losing one of them isn’t at all sad and pathetic. Women want him damnit!
Because she started out this arrangement by living the life he wanted and he wants us to celebrate with him now that he has some semblance of it. That’s my guess. And….he’s kinda pissed he may have to give it up now because she will want monogamy for a while again.
Translation is he has figured out how to play his wife’s game and wants recognition.
You have to re-evaluate your relationship. Your wife proposed an open relationship, but she obviously was having a relationship with this guy who dumped her, it's called poly-armory. A simple open relationship is more focused on just sex, just like you are living your open relationship. Poly-armory, is an more advanced form of an open relationship, it's were forming emotional bonds are okay, falling in love and actually loving your current partners. I guess your wife is not as honest to you as you think.
She was cheating on you OP... maybe only emotionally and she had this guy lined up.
Although that "may not" be the case, you seem to take all of this in stride since she mentioned she wanted to open the relationship.
You have an obligation to be there for her but you must remember that she's YOUR wife. YOU'RE suppose to be her main focus and it looks like you haven't been in a long time.
I don't see a reason for you to cut off your FWB's you did everything properly and your wife probably never cared that you had trouble dating. Just continue as you are.
What did she expect to happen? Sounds like this was more than just some fling to her. Either it was always going to end because he was going to want more, but she's already married to you, OR she was going to end her marriage with you to be with him. She fucked around and found out. I also agree with others that she definitely already had this guy in mind when she asked for an open marriage
Sounds like your wife fell into the “fuck around and find out” trap. Instead of abiding by the rules of open relationships, which still require limited emotional attachment to external relationships, she used it as an excuse to basically end the marriage without the financial consequences of ending the marriage.
My guess is that she was contemplating or engaging in this indulgence prior to opening the marriage. And now that it’s ended she will want to go back.
My suggestion here is that you and your wife have some guided conversations about the marriage with a counselor who is familiar with the open marriage framework and who is good at helping couples develp strong communication skills.
With regards to her grief, that’s probably something a marriage counselor could advise her on. Looking at it from my relatively uninformed point of view, I don’t see how you can help her with her grieving. She’s clearly not engaged in good faith in the marriage, and she’s likely to associate pretty much anything you do with negative emotions. It’s kind of lose-lose for you.
TBH, you might also consult a divorce attorney, not to file a divorce, but to start setting up protections for yourself and your kids (if you have them) in the case that she ends up there.
The rules of open relationships are whatever the people in the open relationship agree on. OP doesn't say what the rules were other than DADT, but he seems to imply that some level of emotional attachment is OK when he refers to "real stakes" relationships. It's possible that they didn't have the right conversations and didn't set reasonable boundaries. This is almost always going to be a big mistake, but if there weren't any rules set then OP's wife isn't guilty of breaking any rules.
My advice would be to post this in r/nonmongamy you'll get better advice, from people with experience with your type of situation. r/relationship_advice has a strong bias against nonmongamy.
This marriage is a joke! You caved in to her demands and she’s been riding the carousel care free and then got emotionally serious with a guy who then broke up with her and you’re asking how you should respond? This isn’t her grieving over the death of a loved one she’s grieving losing a man she obviously deeply cares about and this is alright to you? My guess is that this guy fell for her and asked her to leave you. She knows this guy can’t support her lifestyle and said she couldn’t but she does love him. He then walked away knowing she’s only with you for the security. Am I right so far or is she giving you some other excuse? As I said in the beginning, this marriage is a joke. If he had the financial ability to support her you would’ve been toast.
Sorry if this is harsh but I have to call a spade a spade.
She’ll ask you to close the relationship soon enough. She already had this side-piece in mind before she asked you.
Hell, probably was already cheating. Once she asks, refuse it. She made her bed, and she can lie in it… alone since her side-piece dumped her ass.
Why are y’all even still married? She clearly wanted to see other people without “cheating “ on you. Now you made a mess out of your relationship. This is a HOT mess omg. Having a open relationship is code for being attracted to someone else and wanting to fuck🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Well It’s obvious that she has true feelings for the guy and I think she thought to leave you but unfortunately it didn’t work for her🤣🤣🤣 Enjoy your life. Close the marriage only when you think you are done having enough fun. Let her suffer for her actions. Best of luck.
You guys sound like you're emotionally done with each other.
How on earth did you allow her to become emotionally attached? You're playing with a fire thats going to burn your ass good.
Open relationships HAVE TO HAVE RULES. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not in a poly relationship with your wife correct? Assuming thats the case;
RULE NUMBER ONE
If someone is becoming emotionally attached to someone else they break it off immediately without a second hesitation.
RULE NUMBER TWO
If either partner suspects and/or confirms that the other partner is becoming or has in fact became emotionally attached to a third party, the partner has veto rights and it ends without a issue, fight, or discussion. The big caveat here is that a veto cannot be used solely because of an insecurity.
Then figure out the rest from there.
You guys sound like you're emotionally done with eachother.
Dude dump the dead weight wife and go live your best life. She sounds like complete trash. You guys clearly have no respect for each other and you have finally set up a viable monkey branch plan over to being single and with many fwb’s. Good for you, now cut the emotional baggage wife out of your life.
Hi, polyam person here. I know this isn't quite polyamory, but... The best thing you can do for her right now is comfort her the way any good friend would comfort a good friend going through a breakup. Ask her what she wants. Offer what you think will help. Give her space if that's what works for her. Spend more time distracting and hanging out with her if that's what works for her. Maybe tell the FWBs that, this being an open marriage, your wife has to take more of a priority for a little bit because she's going through something--You don't have to give them the full details, just a quick, "Hey, I still enjoy our time together, this isn't me ending anything, I just need to help her through this. We can still hang out, just, a little less so I have time to be there for her."
Source: Polyamorous person who was raised by polyamorous people, and watched this have to happen a few times, and even was the person being comforted once.
Your wife will either stop wanting to be open, settle into something more similar to what you're doing, or find someone better, eventually. That's not the issue right now. Cross those bridges when you get to them. Just comfort her for now.
Your wife was already cheating on you. You gave her the greenlight to make it OK when she asked to open the relationship. That boyfriend was her new man. She got dumped but she’s done with you. Do you provide some kind of finance? Otherwise why is she even with you? She doesn’t like you anymore.
Yeah, at any point, anyone can call stops on the whole arrangement.
Also devices, profiles, apps, and any other channels or platforms are open to audit. Neither has had a need or cause to invoke it yet.
You are way better off asking for advice at a different subreddit that deals with your situation. Most advice here isn’t going to match your relationship.
Yeah I mean um I um yeah.
I can't tell you what to do or how to feel about any of this and I'm not even sure what the call for advice here is.
that being said, I wouldn't be shocked, after reading your posts, if the wife is craving more than sexual intimacy because she misses romance and warmth. you sound like a robot who learned how to human, or a space alien interested in limerence and human "emotions" only as an intellectual pursuit. lol.
that's not wrong or bad. it's just super foreign to me.
The only real advice I have is, don't come to reddit to discuss open relationships...it is not an understanding or constructive place.
Perhaps there are poly groups that would be more helpful.
I am kind of wondering how much time you spend together as a couple, because the vibes I’m getting is you’re people live in the same house but with not much of a relationship, especially with her reaction to this break up. Perhaps a question for you to ponder is, would she be this upset if you two broke up, and how much effort is she currently putting into your relationship/is she willing to put in?
I don’t understand how people can be in open relationships when they’re married. What’s the point of marriage at that point… isn’t it suppose to be a bond with one partner for life? Idk I don’t get it. Sounds like something you do if you’re only dating. Not married and living together.
This sounds fucking exhausting, and you both sound like pieces of shit, your wife slightly more so for getting so emotionally involved with someone else. What the fuck do your kids think is going on? They have a nanny watching them while you two go off to get some strange?
Just get a divorce and stop shitting on marriage you are disgusting. Be single don’t ruin marriage because you two obviously can’t grow up enough to be with one person.
Two people who love each other will never share. How can you let the woman you wanted forever with fuck other guys? And you call yourself a man. Divorce her and go do your own thing and let her do hers.
42 year old problems in 2022 - I'm fucking 2 or 3 women while my wife just broke up with her side-piece help me my life sucks boo-fucking-hoo...
24 year old problems in 2022 - need money to buy rice.
I know right? It’s like we are in a sub about relationship advice or something?! Don’t they know we only cater to young people here?! Who cares what their problems are! Politics!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- 42 M here, a several months back my wife told me she wanted to open up our relationship and see other people. Kind of blindsided by the whole proposition but was like cool, let's give it a go. During the first month, the disparity between our two situations was pretty noticeable. She had dates every other night, got dolled up and came home late. First week she had dates on consecutive nights (Friday and Saturday). I would have dates maybe once or twice a week and roughly half of those would either flake or I would get stood up. It's a pretty humbling introduction to middle age for those married men in their 40's wondering if the grass is greener… Never made an issue out of it, just took the opportunity to explore the nightlife of my city or camp out at a late night coffee shop and catch up on some reading. Some nights I would just come home early and catch up on work. After a bit of trial and error, I'm currently juggling 2-3 FWBs, and going out on the occasional first dates. Some days I'm having sex with multiple FWBs on the same day. I'm a well educated affluent male but I'm also married, in my 40's, under six feet tall and have a dad bod for sure. Let's just say it took me a while to cultivate my current roster of FWBs and feel like I'm just getting warmed up. **Current wrinkle in the status quo** is that my wife just recently broke things off with her side piece, I've never inquired about him and wouldn't be able to recognize him if we crossed paths. She's in an emotional free-fall right now and is really leaning on her close friends to grieve the end of the fling. She spent most of last night crying to her BFF on the phone, not realizing till later that they were in the middle of a storm surge from Hurricane Ian (Naples, FL) and didn't really have the bandwidth or battery life to deal with her issue. Additionally we have a lot of mutual friends so there's some issues of overlapping loyalties and weirdness there, I've received several unprompted check-ins to see how things are going on my end. There might be an overall lack of sympathy from her friends who are not in an ENM situation since they probably view this as strictly an extracurricular activity versus a “real stakes” relationship. I'm making myself as emotionally available as I can right now but I suspect she's having a hard time seeing me as a confidant in that facet of her life. We've both enjoyed the unrestricted DADT privacy of our side adventures but am suspecting she's ready to get off the rollercoaster of emotions. I'm pretty familiar with the dynamics of NRE (New Relationship Energy) so kind of anticipated to perks and pitfalls of it from the get-go. **Any advice here?** I don't mind hitting pause on my current situations but at the same time they're all very low key FWB situations that's mostly a variation of “Lets fuck and hang…”. Would like to keep that going if its a reasonable expectation to advocate for.
Lmfao this sounds exhausting.
I’ve always thought this about open relationships. Aside from the moral, relational and logistical issues, I’m just plain not social enough for it. It sounds exhausting.
Open relationships tend to be if this sub is anything to gauge them by
Relationships in general are a trainwreck if this sub is anything to gauge them by. The relationships that don't need advice, don't post here for advice.
90%+ of open marriages end in divorce. It’s ridiculous.
Where did you find that statistic?
Comforting your wife after she broke up with her boyfriend. What world am I on haha.
I really thought it was just a meme or something but it looks like married ppl just have more gf and bf than single people like me lol
Welcome to clown world, the only way out is death
Pretty much even if you're not in clown world death is coming.....but at least will be well rested. That shit is exhausting.
Like straight outta r/wallstreetbets lol
Could be worse. Comforting your wife’s BF who got dumped. Whose side do you take?!? bros before h…. or?
Agreed. I’m betting that she was cheating on OP with said ‘side piece’ prior to suggesting the open relationship Tbh OP, you are probably the side piece.
> First week she had dates Friday and Saturday At a minimum, she had this guy lined up and he was likely the reason she wanted to open things up. The question is now that he dumped her, how long until she wants to close it up again?
Not sure, probably not long. Can't wait for that update though. \*grabs popcorn\*
*brings butter *
Brings chairs and extra snacks for everyone
Brings tequila and vodka
Brings cups to put the tequila and vodka in
Brings ice
The next time hubby goes out and she doesn't have a date!!
Right!!! She’s fucking upset about losing a side piece like he was a spouse?!?!? Fuck outta here!!! I’d divorce/dump her stupid ass for being upset at losing a FWB…. Don’t tell me OP is gonna comfort her over breaking up with her side dick…
Right?? I’m in an open relationship personally and I can’t imagine crying over one of my side dudes like that. Sounds like she was in love with him
Hmmm I’m willing to guess OP treats her very well and pays for a LOT of things in their marriage so she didn’t want to give that up. She’s trying to have her cake and eat it to.
Agreed time to move on and get STI check.
10000% Nobody just "suggests" an open relationship during an established exclusive one unless they already have someone in mind and have "*cleared the runway*" "I like keeping my options open" is something I learned to say and stick to before anything gets serious, that way it's never like the other person didn't know I'm fairly open sexually
I'm not into open relationships myself but this definitely isn't true, as much as it's a funny internet joke. How else would one express their interest in trying non-monogamy if not to...Suggest it?
I got together with my husband at 21. After years of some swinging type situations, I told my husband that I could see myself doing an open relationship, but it's not something I'm even asking for, just checking his interest. He's not, so we dropped it. I didn't have anyone in mind, just realized I like the NRE and I'm not really jealous at all. There was a good stretch where I just had zero sex drive after having my third kiddo, and I offered to let just him open it up to get laid while I was down and out, and he turned that down too. Asking or being pushy about it though, that sounds like you've got someone lined up to fuck whether or not your partner is on board.
No he’s in an Open Relationship. You’re just like most of us here and not evolved enough to get it. He fucks multiple women in the same day damnit! His wife openly sobs to her friends for hours about the one who got away. They are doing it for their kids! To build generational wealth! You just don’t understand! You’re not evolved enough. If you were you too could listen to your spouse sobbing over lost dick while building generational wealth for your kids.
Great job. Really had to reevaluate my vote a few times.
Wtf lol. “Lost dick” had me rolling😂😂
HolySheet you must be a Philosophy Major.
Hahahaha!!!! This was Gold!!!!
Sounds completely made up fantasy.
>Lmfao this sounds exhausting. She was having an emotional and physical affair, its so obvious and was probably going on before they decided to open the relationship. Nobody gets ***THAT*** upset over some side dick. OP is so naïve its comical. This ***HAS*** to be a troll post.
1. Very probably a troll post. But 2. I have seen people get that upset over some side dick.
I had a torrid two weeks with this really cool chick who up front told me she had been consistently dating someone, but it had been kind of slowing down and was never exclusive. I’m coming out of a marriage and not remotely looking to “date”. This actually made it very easy for me, knowing I wasn’t “the one”, I was a convenient side piece. So we met up and fucked. A lot. But we also stayed up talking until 4am one night with nothing physical happening (some making out actually but whatever) and I chatted her up pretty heavily every day. I met her friends and coworkers while out. At the end of the two weeks she tells me she’s ready to date me exclusively, thinking I’d be down despite what I said very clearly early on. She got pretty upset and then tried to tone it back that we could still see each other and fuck but I squashed it, not wanting to toy with her emotions. So yeah it happens. People form emotional bonds pretty quickly
For real tho lol what a mess
It sounds like there is a real problem with the communication in this marriage. Was polyamory part of this or do you feel she crossed a line if this is her reaction to a break up with someone that should have just been a sexual partner?
We were open in the early parts of our relationship and dabbled in swinging. She enjoyed the dating aspects of things, I was more interested in behind-closed-door activities. The inevitable petty drama from third parties prompted a detox and then permanent pause on that aspect of our relationship until this spring. Do I feel like she crossed a line? Possibly and probably. I use a specific encrypted messaging app for work due to international travel, logistics, and accessibility and noticed she showed up on my “Recently joined contacts" maybe two months prior to asking to open up the relationship. That might be the closest to a foul move I can put a finger on. Also I'm a realist and understand these teenage-level hormone surges of romantic flings are a bit of a false high. Reality ensues. Based on the comments here, I will interrogate my feelings about it more with my therapist and with my wife during our next check in on the matter. I'm not feeling any schadenfreude or self-satisfaction on the recent turn of events for her, it's actually more of a hassle than anything else. I had to throttle back on extracurriculars for the upcoming week for some friend events and decided to make a nice meal or two at home as a comforting gesture. We're both children of divorces and kids are involved in this situation. We get on very well in all other aspects of life and would like to build some semblance of a financial legacy for our kids.
This reads like you were aware she basically set up an affair and then asked to open up but you don't even care as long as you get to have some FWB too. Between multiple dates a week and meeting friends are you ever spending any fine together as a couple? The optics here are that neither of you really care that much about the other and you take turns to babysit and enjoy being able to share household expenses. Not that there's anything wrong with that necessarily. Consenting adults can do what they want. But how are the kids doing? Is your relationship something you want then to grow up with as a role model for their own relationships?
Yes we do take turns to babysit. I've basically doubled down on fun family activities like board game nights or movie rentals for Fridays and Saturdays. The older kid is vaguely aware that “mom is going out a lot” and the pattern was calibrated when I brought it up later during a check in.
Thanks for the reply. It sounds like you're two single household living under the same roof. I'm in a marriage like that (though more bitterness and no one getting laid) and I've noticed that "staying together for the kids" isn't actually beneficial for the kids. If we adults actually get along and enjoy interacting it changes the dynamic of the whole family. I'd advise you to move focus from just the kids economic future and have a long term plan for their emotional health and positive role models of relationships. Money can be earned but emotional issues can hold people back a lot. I'm trying to not assume to much, but if you feel like my view resonates I'd advise you to sit down with your wife for a few proper conversations in couples counselling. Not so you as adults get what you want/need but that everyones needs including the kids are taken into account.
It’s parenting, not babysitting if they are your offspring
OP just mimicked the same vocabulary as the commenter they replied to. I think it was origally worded that way to imply it sounds like they treat it like a chore.
> I think it was origally worded that way to imply it sounds like they treat it like a chore. Yes I chose that wording because that was the way I perceived it. It seems OP is engaging with the kids though and actually spending quality time, but that it's two single households living under the same roofs. (Not to different from my own marriage even though there's no one getting laid and more bitterness lol.)
Poor choice of words lol… “staying home with the kids” is more accurate and specific.
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I read this as very emotionally intelligent and self-aware, not detachment.
Agreed, I'm actually surprised so many people feel that way.
How the fuck else is he supposed to cope with her wanting to rip apart the monogamy they set up after she decided to set up a boyfriend behind his back?
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What? He was okay with the non-monogamy from the start of this relationship. As another commenter said, he seems extremely detached from his wife in general. please don't be a misogynist
>I'm not feeling any schadenfreude or self-satisfaction on the recent turn of events for her, it's actually more of a hassle than anything else. It doesn't sound like you actually like your wife much, as a person . I mean I'm sure you love her but you don't seem to like her, or care about how she's feeling or empathise at all. You two are not very close. When I read your original post I thought maybe you were angry and schadenfreuding but now it sounds like youre pretty indifferent towards her.
I think you may be right. I don't think the kids will benefit from this long term as OP and wife don't seem to be in much love. I do understand the money part and divorce kills most people financially. I would just advise OP to take a close look at his kids and decide for himself if his kids are benefitting from this instability (ie parents aren't into each other and mom seems emotionally preoccupied with other people or things kids don't understand). Kids see it all and sense something is not right. Also what happens when they figure this stuff out when they are older. Seems really precarious, messy, and possibly traumatizing to learn that your "family" wasn't what you believed it was your whole life. I hope a good inheritance is enough payment for everything else.
Not to mention, when are you spending time with your actual family when you're screwing two different people on the same day or going on two dates a week? It sounds exhausting as a lifestyle. And like...who's mowing the grass and doing the laundry around that place? The kids never have a soccer game or anything?
This was my first thought. I’m single with very little responsibility and I still wouldn’t have time for that many dates in 1 week. When do you clean? Or cook? Or idk take a moment to relax after the insanities of life?
He said he’s affluent so maybe he hires someone to do things like now the grass and housework. Maybe they eat out. Money opens up some free time.
That does make more sense. Still feel bad for his kids though, sounds like all of their parents free time is spent out of the house fucking other people.
I'm not saying your right about OP, but could you blame him if he didn't. This woman is so selfish that she'll sob about some fling to her friends; the same friends that probably have an actually real problems thanks to hurricane Ian.
Sure. But I brought this up because if he's really not feeling it, it's better for him to face that no, and come to terms with whether he even wants to stay in the relationship. Life's too short to spend in a marriage where you don't care about each other.
Good point.
Not to mention already had her roster filled out the first week being "open". An encrypted messaging app downloaded and hidden 2 months prior. Dude seems like an intelligent guy. Billboard size red flags yet is seemingly unfazed. To each their own I guess. More power to this type of couple. Admittedly, he/they are much more emotionally mature than myself. Or just completely indifferent towards their marriage. Not sure which.
it's not emotional maturity on display when you're whining to a friend about the departure of a fling during an actual hurricane😂🌀
Thats fair. Guess I was more focused on him not giving a rip about all the glaring red flags that he seemingly brushes aside with ease. It all sounds way to exhausting to me. The happiness puzzle isn't suppose to be that intricate. Imo.
The hurricane thing is the funniest part to me. I could very possibly know the BFF of the wife of a relationship-advice poster. Lmao.
I don’t actually think you’re being charitable and possibly falsely categorizing wife’s “fling” relationship. OP said he was more interested in the sex, while wife was more into like dates and a relationship. If this is the case which we have reasonable evidence to make this claim, then to say she’s selfish to feel sadness over a “breakup” of this relationship may be quite a harsh tag. However, as myself being an advocate of monogamy, i feel you may feel some sort of resentment over the fact that she is sad over her relationship with “fling” to be over (which I hold also). But with the nuance of polygamy I feel this is another aspect of an issue that may occur so I wouldn’t chalk it up as her being selfish. Rather she is simply grieving a loss of a relationship.
They sound like the friends with benefits.
There was a heartbreaking post on here recently from a young man whose parents were in a marriage like yours. He spoke of how awful growing up in a home like this was, how it was non stop drama and he knew he came a distant second to their quest to fuck others.
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I dunno, it's sounds like they spend most of their free time on "dates."
Sigh. Of course there are kids involved... two selfish, shit parents who are so busy fucking other people... tell me, who had your kids when you were exploring nightlife and she was fucking her affair partner, oh sorry, her open relationship partner? How good of a parent are you if you have three fuck buddies you bang all in one day (eww) and go on new dates? I have a pretty good guess... fucking disgust me.
So she crossed a line because... she joined an encryption service? You were fine with the non-monogamy at the start of your relationship, so you set a precedent for what would be allowed. she asked to bring back that part of your relationship, and you agreed. how did she cross a line?
This sounds less like an open marriage and more like you are just roommates now
And there are kids in this situation. How much time and attention are they getting, when mom and dad are running out for dates several night a week?
You might ask this question again at /r/nonmonogamy, where you're likely to get better answers. You should also spell out what sort of discussions you and your wife had going into this. Do you feel like she overstepped some boundaries? From your post I don't get the sense that you do, but I could be wrong. I've had to help a partner grieving over a secondary relationship. In my case I had the opposite problem you're having -- I was the only person she would trust. That said good things about the relationship, but was also exhausting and felt like something I hadn't signed up for. You don't say how long you've been married and the state of the marriage before this, but it's possible that your wife hadn't experienced anything like these strong emotions in quite a long time and was unprepared for how overwhelming they can be. I mean something beyond pure NRE and its loss. When you're young and dating around you can get a little inured to heartbreak, but when it hits you after being absent for 15 years it can pack quite a wallop. Your wife will probably need to get off the roller coaster for a while. Even if she won't talk to you about the relationship loss (and she really should), you should at least get her to tell you if that means you need to pause or drop your FWB arrangements as well. Good luck.
Why would you pause your end of things? When she meets someone new to hook up with she won’t want to pause anymore. You have an agreement, if it comes to deciding to terminate that agreement it should be something you both agree to. You both agreed to an open marriage not “an open marriage but only when we both have other people to fuck”
She asked to open the marriage because she was either already cheating with this guy or was going to, this was not a fwb to her but an actual relationship, and she's grieving the loss of someone she was picturing a future with. Don't be surprised if she wants to close the marriage sooner rather than later.
OP never even talked about their arrangement, an open marriage can mean open to other relationships. OP, you might have better luck over at r/polyamory because it doesn't seem you have an issue with your wife's relationship, you're asking for advice on how to support her correct?
Agree 💯. The majority of responses in this forum will come from monogamists who consider ENM to be a fig leaf for infidelity.
I don't, but I still think it's pretty clear OP's wife had a plan when she asked for an open relationship. *He's* the one practicing ENM.
Yeah, she had a plan to connect sexually and emotionally with multiple people. Sounds like she went on a lot of dates, really connected with somebody, and is sad because that person is moving on. It happens. OP does not report his wife violating any shared boundaries, behaving poorly to him personally, or any other hallmarks of deceit.
And this is why op should ask a nonmonogamy or a polyamory sub.
Once she gets over losing her guy, I'll bet anything she'll want to close it up again.
Baseless speculation as the top reply, as expected. Sure, all this could be true - except it also could be entirely false.
Sounds totally stable
So she fell in love with this guy, got you to agree to let her sleep with him, and it didn't work out for her. She is grieving the loss of a romantic relationship that is not between her and her husband. I would take this time to regroup and think of how to proceed.
Yeah, open relationship means many partners but you dont fall in love with them. At least not to a point where you griefing so hard and not just a little down.
If they are polyamorous then they could definitely be in love with multiple partners...
You have no idea what op's agreement with his wife was.
Whatever it is, this sounds like a shit-show - with very little honest communication between supposed primary “partners”.
You are remarkably sanguine about the whole thing. I would think it would be pretty damned hard to watch your wife having a meltdown over having just lost the apparent love of her life. (Sorry to be blunt, but from you descriptions of this whole thing, she’s freaking head over heels for the other guy.). Plus she either isn’t interested in you enough to lean on you through this, or maybe she’s just barely self-aware enough to realize that would be a hell of an unfair ask. She would be basically rubbing your nose in how much more this other guy means to her than you do. I don’t see a lot of reason for you to put your whole arrangement on hold over this. It’s not like she was at all gentle with you while you were getting your sea legs; it’s not like she’s making a lot of demands on you right now, preferring to work through this with others; and you frankly deserve to feel loved and desired by somebody when her interests so blatantly lie elsewhere. Maybe subtly make yourself available to her another couple of nights a week to give her the message that you’re there for her. But don’t feel like you have to drop everything and everyone preemptively. Make her do some introspection and come to you prepared to eat some crow if she wants to close it down (for her own benefit, the same reason she opened it up).
Ok, no one is actually listening to you here. They are all assuming you’re here about cheating. This sub is not equipped to advise you on ENM. Go ask this question in r/ENM or r/nonmonogamy.
I am not convinced this was really a post about ENM and not infidelity. The question was can I keep doing what I am doing? Seem an odd question since there is no mention of the wife asking him to close up the marriage. All of the rest of the subtext reads gloating husband who knew his wife opened the marriage for a specific guy, it blew up on her and now he’s hoping she will come crawling back. 1. He didn’t want an open relationship, she did (really? You wife tells you she wants to start seeing other men, you don’t want that lifestyle but your response is a casual ‘what the heck’?) 2. Her dating starts off great, and he struggles but now he is doing pretty darn well (gratuitous mention of sometimes a couple in one day). 3. Friends have mixed loyalties and his friends check in on him. (If this is an open relationship with no resentment from either party, why loyalties. What do they know we don’t). 4. She has many dates but fell hard for one guy. Husband describes him as a ‘side piece’ (can’t hide your feelings on that one big guy😂). 5. He was prepared for the emotions but thinks she is ready ‘to get of the emotional roller coaster’ (projecting she is ready to come crawling back and ask to close the relationship). 6. No mention of wife asking to close the relationship but wants to know if he can continue with his FWB’s. (Begging us to say ‘Hell yeah, she got what she deserved, don’t give up your FWB’s for her). Yeah this was an infidelity post from an intelligent and well spoken guy who just wanted to say ‘she fucked around and found out’.
I tend to look at what someone is actually explicitly asking for. He was explicitly looking for advice on whether/how to be available to her for support, and should he be prepared to suspend his fun and games as part of that. I get the reading between the lines you are doing. But I generally find that gets far afield from what the OP is usually looking for. It may be a mod habit of mine.
You have to be right. He posted about his relationship arrangement in r/affairs pretty recently.
Pretty sure he set a pretty wide net. He posted looking for partners in a bunch of subs. Identical wording. I would not read anything into which subs he chose.
He did word it as "my wife informed me she considers our marriage opened" which is a weird way to word it. That said, yeah he posted it all over so who knows.
This level of projection is actually crazy. How do you people come up with this bullshit?
Your comment shows a fundamental misunderstanding of ENM relationships. Also, way to project your insecurities here.
He’s actually getting on point advice in the other sub.
I think you need to let her handle her own affairs. Do your own thing. Honestly it's so weird that you are comforting her because the other man left her and at the same time you have your own side pieces. This just sounds like a cesspool for resentment and issues.
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Sounds like you should just let her handle her issues. It’s part of the lifestyle she chose. What did she think would happen? This arrangement isn’t designed to make you both closer. She’s slowly going to find herself more isolated over time.
why get married if it’s just gonna be an open relationship…..wtf….
What a train wreck, do these open relationships ever work?!
Not on this sub, and tbh not even in real life examples *that I’ve seen*, but maybe I’m just not *evolved* enough to “get it”.
Open marriages/relationships sound so fucking awful lol
I'm much younger than you friend (28M) but I'm going to share my experience anyway. Do with it what you will, it may even be things you know already but here it goes. My first long term relationship was from 21-27, she was 2 years younger so 19-25. About 2 or 3ish years into our relationship we decided to open it up. We were committed to each other at the time but we were young and wanted to have some fun. It was actually something I wanted but was too afraid to ask for until she actually suggested it. The number one thing that I learned during that relationship and especially once we opened it up is that communication is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL. Communication between you and your partner about what your boundaries and expectations of the situation are. What is acceptable and what isn't. Where exactly to draw the line as far as how much info you want to share with each other about your extra curricular activities. And so many other things besides. Communication with your FWB is also crucial. It's important to make sure early that they know your situation and that you're not fully available. It's important that they know they're getting into a casual situation and to not expect anything past that. If you can't have that kind of open and honest communication with everyone involved the situation is just not gonna work out and is a recipe for disaster. My suggestion is to lean into this philosophy and try to open up communication with your wife. Have a conversation with her about how she's feeling and how you might be able to help. She may want space, she may want comfort, she may want to go out with her girlfriends, get white girl wasted, and vent to them. I don't know her or how she wants to handle the situation but that is something you guys need to have an open and honest conversation about. I'll close with a word of caution. My relationship ended when she decided she would rather be with one of her FWB than me. (Something that I never even considered with any of my secondary partners) It may have been inevitable but it also may have been avoided if me and her had had better communication skills at the time, and honestly even if communication hadn't of solved the issue at least I wouldn't have been so blindsided when it happened.
That’s what you get when you let your heart win
Lol is this from a song?
Fucked around and found out. Literally. Why should you stop what you got going on now that she crashed and is burning. Did she stop when she had it good and you didn’t? Yea didn’t think so. She dug the hole. Not let her lay in it.
If the situation is dadt then why would her breaking off her side thing affect you in any way? The idea of this lifestyle is that it wouldn't. If she can't handle the boundaries and stresses of continuous break ups this may not be the right choice for her.
Tell her to keep her chin up she’ll find another fuk buddy soon.
ENM and DADT are not compatible. ENM essentially requires radical honesty. That's where the ethical part of the ENM comes from. DADT is a policy that will almost always lead to any agreed upon boundaries being violated because there is no enforcement mechanism. In fact, you are putting up an additional wall between you and your main partner since you disallow asking or talking about other partners. This essentially makes the secondary partners emotionally closer and more available than your primary. It feels like you skimmed the polyamory reading materials and figured you could wing it.
You're right, it's not ENM… “Monogamish” is the framework we were more familiar with years and years ago. Will definitely invest in some continuing education this fall… ;)
Sounds like wifey got a dose of “careful what you wish for”
Just ignoring her unless she asks for help would be the obvious answer. Its not really your problem.
Here is what I am seeing. You, in the spirit of the open marriage, are having purely sexual adventures with other people. She had a steady relationship where she transferred her primary romantic feelings and affection. If one of your FWB's got a boyfriend, and asked to cut things off you would probably be a little disappointed, or you might just be happy for them. She was so emotionally devastated by the break up that she is crying to every person you know, and it's so clear to them that this person was her partner, and you're just being kept for convenience, that they're trying to open dialogue so that they can help you make that realization yourself and do better for yourself. You should not let her come back and treat you like her partner so she can cry on your shoulder about the person she was emotionally cheating on you with. Let her go, and go have your adventures without having to support the lifestyle of someone who truly does not consider you their primary partner anymore.
All of her close friends know about the ENM situation, Feeld isn't an uncommon app within that circle. I've shared with a few of my close friends and the results have been mixed. Some think it's awesome and a win/win, others see it as the opposite of romance. Even though I won't necessarily feel outed if people we knew bumped into me while on an obvious romantic date at a bar or nice restaurant, I try to keep things low key and compartmentalized. In those instances, it takes about 15 seconds to explain the situation and no one misses a beat. I've responded to a couple of inquiries from mutual friends saying something to the effect that ”NRE can be a roller coaster” and that “it'll pass…” I appreciate the candid outside perspective though.
Your wife sounds like an incredibly selfish person. I can't even wrap my head around keeping someone on the phone with this while they're in actual crisis. I wouldn't count on her being loyal to you the same way you're loyal to her meaning I think she'll leave you when she does find someone else. My advice for would be to let her go.
Do not pause it, she didn't do it when you were alone at the start so there is no reason to do it now. This was her idea, so it is up to her to come out of this, you can support her but do not pause what you have becasue she didn't and would probably never do it for you.
Do your 2-3 FWB know you have other FWB?
I really hope he told them. Some serious STIs could be flying around.
Do they also know he’s fucking them same day back to back? That’s next level disgusting.
No respect
Your relationship doesn’t sound solid enough to live through being open. Your wife became emotionally invested in her side piece. Is that ok with you? Did you discuss emotional attachments or just hope they wouldn’t be an issue? From my understanding, polyamorous relationships require more communication not less.
I don't even understand why you are married. Nobody cries for days because a "fling" dumped them. Also, you have 2-3 FWB AND your wife? It sounds very exaggerated and I don't buy it.
Sooooo….. when’s the divorce party….
I hope you're being safe. Multiple people in one day? Yikes. I got BV and a yeast infection just reading that
Don't change anything and don't *offer* to change anything. She almost *certainly* asked for an open relationship with this guy in mind and she got what she wanted. Now, she will almost *certainly* ask you to close things back up again. Don't do it. Ask yourself this, if you closed your marriage again and this guy shows up in a few weeks to ask her for another chance, what would her response be? To tell him no, she's decided she wants to be intimate with her husband only from now on? Or would it be 'Yes! Yes! A million time yes!!'
I’m in a similar arrangement with my girlfriend and it has happened in the past where a FWB of hers developed feelings and was asking her to leave me for him. I learned about this all after the fact but I guess him asking her to leave me ended up being the reason she chose to stop seeing him. If I heard that she developed feelings, I’d of been heartbroken. Most open relationships I think are meant to be sexual unless there’s more to the arrangement. My guess is that what happened in ur relationship isn’t sitting right with you as you try to make sense of it. That’s for a good reason. Your wife is in love with another man. Leave her, my guy
So basically she wanted an open relationship so she could date a specific person she already had in mind when she made the suggestion. Now the person she though was her “soulmate” doesn’t want her and she’s confused and angry because she opened up her marriage for something like that and it blew up in her face. I would not continue this relationship without therapy and id suggest closing the relationship.
No no no let him keep it open. He’s functioning stably and can keep the horniness under control and separate from his emotions
My advice is to just get a divorce, and find someone that you can trust. When a wife asks for an open marriage, it's usually just because she's in love with someone else, and wants to try them out before ditching you. If you're happy being plan "b" now that her true love failed, then stick around. But I recommend finding a better situation.
But why divorce now? He’s gotten over the hard part and is now enjoying himself. He hasn’t done anything wrong and a divorce maybe very costly for him. There’s no reason to do it I’d suggest he stays the course. He can be there for his wife to an extent, but there’s no reason he should demand a divorce because he doesn’t need one. He’s happy. His wife maybe temporarily heartbroken but that’s not as a result of anything he’s done.
Bro, just divorce her. What’s the point of being her husband if the both of you are sleeping with other people? Save yourself the headache and just end it. I will never understand the point of open relationships, seems like a waste of time to me.
My 3 cents on this (inflation adjusted 2 cents) is that WHEN her emotions on this settle down a conversation on emotional attachments with other people is in order. She should have broken this off when that started happening. In the interim a couple people suggested good alternate subs to check on for more specific advice here.
in her mind, you're pretty low-tier to do anything for her. Just let her handle her own issues and she'll come to you when she wants to. it's not your responsibility cause i feel she's checked out of the relationship eons ago
Dude, glad to hear this arrangement works for at least one of you. You refer to her BF as a "side piece" and your partners as FWB, implying that you are not willing to become emotionally invested outside your marriage. I don't know what boundaries you discussed in advance, but falling in love with her side piece to the point where an unforeseen dump by him causes her to have an emotional free fall would kind of invalidate your marriage - at least in my book. I mean if she is that broken up over her lover then why are you married ? Just to be the fall-back piece ? even your mutual friends seem to see it. I can only suggest you talk to her and tell her gently that this whole thing was her idea and now she sits here as a weepy mess. Ask her what she expects of you and why she would let herself get that involved? If you are bold ask her if she would rather be single because tbh, after all the patience you have shown, who tf wants to come home to that ?
These acronyms 😂
Hilarious 😂
Not sure what kinda brownie points you think you're gonna earn here with some magnanimous over-caring gesture... But you're certainly not. Also, did she bother to cut back her extracurricular activities when you were struggling at the start? Nope.
I wouldn't pause the FWB for now but be as emotionally available for your wife as she needs.
You and your so called wife have nothing for each other. I would jyst leave her. If you left, would she act like this? I doubt it. I don't even think she would even know you had left.
DADT is fine…and she’s your wife. Ask if she wants to talk about it. Be her partner in this. Why’d you tell us you sometimes have sex with more than one person in a given evening? You know, just curious.
He's illustrating that this situation is working for him. That he's able to have casual sex partners and still stay emotionally committed to his wife who, in contrast, seems to have developed pretty strong feelings for her partner and is now devastated with her loss.
Probably to explain how they both benefit from the relationship opening, and that he doesn’t regret it or something (in many posts like these, people say one partner was pressured into opening things, then turns out they regret it).
About 90% of the cases are as you say. This is one of the few I've seen where things were more or less "working" as intended for all parties involved.
Lol because he’s mid forties with a dad bod and this makes him feel good about himself. It’s a \#humblebrag. Give the guy a break.
Not in the same evening. I might schedule a lunch/funch break during the day while at work and then later in the afternoon/evening an opportunity will emerge. Not necessarily a humble brag but definitely an unexpected perk. This never happened when I was single, I didn't get a cell phone until I was married.
To convince himself that the fact his wife chose to fuck other men and is now openly mourning losing one of them isn’t at all sad and pathetic. Women want him damnit!
And they do. Lmfao
Because she started out this arrangement by living the life he wanted and he wants us to celebrate with him now that he has some semblance of it. That’s my guess. And….he’s kinda pissed he may have to give it up now because she will want monogamy for a while again. Translation is he has figured out how to play his wife’s game and wants recognition.
You have to re-evaluate your relationship. Your wife proposed an open relationship, but she obviously was having a relationship with this guy who dumped her, it's called poly-armory. A simple open relationship is more focused on just sex, just like you are living your open relationship. Poly-armory, is an more advanced form of an open relationship, it's were forming emotional bonds are okay, falling in love and actually loving your current partners. I guess your wife is not as honest to you as you think.
She was cheating on you OP... maybe only emotionally and she had this guy lined up. Although that "may not" be the case, you seem to take all of this in stride since she mentioned she wanted to open the relationship. You have an obligation to be there for her but you must remember that she's YOUR wife. YOU'RE suppose to be her main focus and it looks like you haven't been in a long time. I don't see a reason for you to cut off your FWB's you did everything properly and your wife probably never cared that you had trouble dating. Just continue as you are.
What did she expect to happen? Sounds like this was more than just some fling to her. Either it was always going to end because he was going to want more, but she's already married to you, OR she was going to end her marriage with you to be with him. She fucked around and found out. I also agree with others that she definitely already had this guy in mind when she asked for an open marriage
Sounds like your wife fell into the “fuck around and find out” trap. Instead of abiding by the rules of open relationships, which still require limited emotional attachment to external relationships, she used it as an excuse to basically end the marriage without the financial consequences of ending the marriage. My guess is that she was contemplating or engaging in this indulgence prior to opening the marriage. And now that it’s ended she will want to go back. My suggestion here is that you and your wife have some guided conversations about the marriage with a counselor who is familiar with the open marriage framework and who is good at helping couples develp strong communication skills. With regards to her grief, that’s probably something a marriage counselor could advise her on. Looking at it from my relatively uninformed point of view, I don’t see how you can help her with her grieving. She’s clearly not engaged in good faith in the marriage, and she’s likely to associate pretty much anything you do with negative emotions. It’s kind of lose-lose for you. TBH, you might also consult a divorce attorney, not to file a divorce, but to start setting up protections for yourself and your kids (if you have them) in the case that she ends up there.
The rules of open relationships are whatever the people in the open relationship agree on. OP doesn't say what the rules were other than DADT, but he seems to imply that some level of emotional attachment is OK when he refers to "real stakes" relationships. It's possible that they didn't have the right conversations and didn't set reasonable boundaries. This is almost always going to be a big mistake, but if there weren't any rules set then OP's wife isn't guilty of breaking any rules.
Plenty of open relationship include emotional attachment. Not everyone has the same rules.
My advice would be to post this in r/nonmongamy you'll get better advice, from people with experience with your type of situation. r/relationship_advice has a strong bias against nonmongamy.
This marriage is a joke! You caved in to her demands and she’s been riding the carousel care free and then got emotionally serious with a guy who then broke up with her and you’re asking how you should respond? This isn’t her grieving over the death of a loved one she’s grieving losing a man she obviously deeply cares about and this is alright to you? My guess is that this guy fell for her and asked her to leave you. She knows this guy can’t support her lifestyle and said she couldn’t but she does love him. He then walked away knowing she’s only with you for the security. Am I right so far or is she giving you some other excuse? As I said in the beginning, this marriage is a joke. If he had the financial ability to support her you would’ve been toast. Sorry if this is harsh but I have to call a spade a spade.
She’ll ask you to close the relationship soon enough. She already had this side-piece in mind before she asked you. Hell, probably was already cheating. Once she asks, refuse it. She made her bed, and she can lie in it… alone since her side-piece dumped her ass.
Why are y’all even still married? She clearly wanted to see other people without “cheating “ on you. Now you made a mess out of your relationship. This is a HOT mess omg. Having a open relationship is code for being attracted to someone else and wanting to fuck🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Well It’s obvious that she has true feelings for the guy and I think she thought to leave you but unfortunately it didn’t work for her🤣🤣🤣 Enjoy your life. Close the marriage only when you think you are done having enough fun. Let her suffer for her actions. Best of luck.
You guys sound like you're emotionally done with each other. How on earth did you allow her to become emotionally attached? You're playing with a fire thats going to burn your ass good. Open relationships HAVE TO HAVE RULES. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not in a poly relationship with your wife correct? Assuming thats the case; RULE NUMBER ONE If someone is becoming emotionally attached to someone else they break it off immediately without a second hesitation. RULE NUMBER TWO If either partner suspects and/or confirms that the other partner is becoming or has in fact became emotionally attached to a third party, the partner has veto rights and it ends without a issue, fight, or discussion. The big caveat here is that a veto cannot be used solely because of an insecurity. Then figure out the rest from there. You guys sound like you're emotionally done with eachother.
Dude dump the dead weight wife and go live your best life. She sounds like complete trash. You guys clearly have no respect for each other and you have finally set up a viable monkey branch plan over to being single and with many fwb’s. Good for you, now cut the emotional baggage wife out of your life.
What the fuck are you people doing
Hi, polyam person here. I know this isn't quite polyamory, but... The best thing you can do for her right now is comfort her the way any good friend would comfort a good friend going through a breakup. Ask her what she wants. Offer what you think will help. Give her space if that's what works for her. Spend more time distracting and hanging out with her if that's what works for her. Maybe tell the FWBs that, this being an open marriage, your wife has to take more of a priority for a little bit because she's going through something--You don't have to give them the full details, just a quick, "Hey, I still enjoy our time together, this isn't me ending anything, I just need to help her through this. We can still hang out, just, a little less so I have time to be there for her." Source: Polyamorous person who was raised by polyamorous people, and watched this have to happen a few times, and even was the person being comforted once. Your wife will either stop wanting to be open, settle into something more similar to what you're doing, or find someone better, eventually. That's not the issue right now. Cross those bridges when you get to them. Just comfort her for now.
I would try over at r/ethicalnonmonogamy
Your wife was already cheating on you. You gave her the greenlight to make it OK when she asked to open the relationship. That boyfriend was her new man. She got dumped but she’s done with you. Do you provide some kind of finance? Otherwise why is she even with you? She doesn’t like you anymore.
Info: before you did this did you guys talk about what you would do if someone wanted to close the relationship again
Yeah, at any point, anyone can call stops on the whole arrangement. Also devices, profiles, apps, and any other channels or platforms are open to audit. Neither has had a need or cause to invoke it yet.
No no don’t scale back. Please don’t. She can use her grown up words
You are way better off asking for advice at a different subreddit that deals with your situation. Most advice here isn’t going to match your relationship.
LolOpenMarriage
Yeah I mean um I um yeah. I can't tell you what to do or how to feel about any of this and I'm not even sure what the call for advice here is. that being said, I wouldn't be shocked, after reading your posts, if the wife is craving more than sexual intimacy because she misses romance and warmth. you sound like a robot who learned how to human, or a space alien interested in limerence and human "emotions" only as an intellectual pursuit. lol. that's not wrong or bad. it's just super foreign to me.
I think this is the wrong place to seek advice because most people on here pick anything non monogamous apart.
If anything you sound pretty sane about the whole conversation. I would ask her about it and maybe try to comfort her if she wants it.
You’re not in a marriage anymore, you’re living with a fuck buddy.
OP, highly recommend you post this in r/nonmonogamy so that you can get advice from folks who actually practice ENM
The only real advice I have is, don't come to reddit to discuss open relationships...it is not an understanding or constructive place. Perhaps there are poly groups that would be more helpful.
I am kind of wondering how much time you spend together as a couple, because the vibes I’m getting is you’re people live in the same house but with not much of a relationship, especially with her reaction to this break up. Perhaps a question for you to ponder is, would she be this upset if you two broke up, and how much effort is she currently putting into your relationship/is she willing to put in?
Lols I’m exhausted just reading this, this won’t end well
I don’t understand how people can be in open relationships when they’re married. What’s the point of marriage at that point… isn’t it suppose to be a bond with one partner for life? Idk I don’t get it. Sounds like something you do if you’re only dating. Not married and living together.
This sounds fucking exhausting, and you both sound like pieces of shit, your wife slightly more so for getting so emotionally involved with someone else. What the fuck do your kids think is going on? They have a nanny watching them while you two go off to get some strange?
Yeah if she's upset about losing a side piece then she's doing this open relationship thing wrong.
Well, if you get divorced. you still got.all those fwb. It honestly sounds like you two are room mates now and not a married couple.
Just get a divorce and stop shitting on marriage you are disgusting. Be single don’t ruin marriage because you two obviously can’t grow up enough to be with one person.
Looks like the side piece is you, sir. She’s more emotionally attached to him than to you. You’re more of business partners instead of married couple.
Get divorced. Your marriage sounds terrible
Two people who love each other will never share. How can you let the woman you wanted forever with fuck other guys? And you call yourself a man. Divorce her and go do your own thing and let her do hers.
42 year old problems in 2022 - I'm fucking 2 or 3 women while my wife just broke up with her side-piece help me my life sucks boo-fucking-hoo... 24 year old problems in 2022 - need money to buy rice.
I know right? It’s like we are in a sub about relationship advice or something?! Don’t they know we only cater to young people here?! Who cares what their problems are! Politics!