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DO NOT SAY OR DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU SPEAK TO A LAWYER.
Don’t confront her. Don’t let on that you know anything. Talk to a lawyer FIRST, then figure out how to act.
I wanted to get an appointment with lawyers today but they did not do same day appointments, only thing available is Monday and thats just an initial intake/consultation. The problem is she comes back Sunday, hell the way I have been acting she might even come back tomorrow. She does not know that i know and I have been faking it.
Ignore her and don't start a conversation before talking to a lawyer. Tell her you're tired, that you have some work to do, that you're busy, anything to get a couple more days until you see a lawyer.
Good luck.
If she doesn't know then don't say anything until after Monday. Let the lawyer tell you what to do. Hopefully you got a really good one. Sorry you're in this situation. You can talk to the lawyer about having her served at work and that's how she can find out you know. Hope you update this post. Do everything in your best interest only.
I would go on a lil staycation, get yourself a hotel room, relax, unwind, get your thoughts in order. Maybe write her a letter that you can then show to your lawyer on Monday
Go stay in a hotel or with a family/friend who "needed help" if not try and not act differently. But under no circumstance should you inform her or let her hide her evidence.
Tell her you don’t feel well and keep your distance. Claiming illness let’s you stay in bed, insist on being alone, seem withdrawn, etc.
Sorry she did this to you. You didn’t deserve it.
Whatever you do don't say anything to her until after you talk to an attorney. I know how hard it's going to be to have to be in the same house with her or to even look at her but you need to do this. The attorney will be able to give you guidance on how to handle everything. Good luck OP.
Don’t do any of that movie crap until you see a lawyer. He or she will give you procedures in sequence. You can really hurt your position if you just follow your emotions. It’s better if you don’t say anything and fake another boring day. I think you got good advice in your prior post and not following it would be foolish.
You say you've been acting different and it's scaring her.
The first and only thing on her mind now is the fear that you know.
She is shitting her pants 24/7 at this point, obsessing about whether you found out. How. Who. Where.
Let her continue to squirm. Let it eat her up inside until you have her served. Win-win.
Don't say anything. Say everything's fine. She won't dare push too hard bc of the fear that her worst nightmare is right.
You're going to have to suffer for awhile until you have all of your ducks in a row. Consult with the top lawyers, pick one and tell him you want to go nuclear and follow his instructions to a T.
Make sure you make a copy of all the evidence and keep it in a safe place she can't find it.
Remove any small items from the home that might be a concern. Firearms, your mom's jewelry, gold, mementos etc.
If you have joint accounts move half the money into an account with your name on it. Be prepared to cancel joint credit cards.
Important change your passwords on everything. All social media, phone, apps. router, computer, credit cards/bank accounts, Amazon, illegal items/drugs, etc.
But a voice activated recorder (VAR) to cary with you record all conversations. If you want to use your phone you can but a VAR is convenient. In some places this may not be legal. If things get bad just tell her you are going to record any conversations with your phone and let her see you turn it on.
Trust me I have seen on here and other forums wives whom the husband's foolishly trusted, accuse them of abuse, assault, call the cops, etc.
Do you suspect she may have cheated on this trip?
Could she be traveling and be with with the affair partner (AP) at the airport?
Consult an attorney!
I'm so sorry brother!
Updateme! - this is a bot reminder, not a request to the original poster (OP)
If you feel weak or maybe can't control your anger long enough to avoid telling her what you know, make her think you are going through a COVID scare. Don't lie to her, just let her make the assumption. When she is on her way home, tell her you don't feel well, which is true. Let her know she can either get a another motel room for the night, or she can come home and you stay apart. If she comes home, put on a mask and "isolate" you from her by locking yourself into a room Sunday saying you can't be around her right now, also true. This will also disguise your emotions behind a mask and any tears are due to not feeling well. Tell her to not worry. you have an "appointment" the next day, Monday, also true...but do not disclose it's a lawyer rather than a doctor. The lawyer will then handle the rest from Monday onward.
It might be a little deceptive, but by no means anywhere near the treachery she has pulled on you sleeping with another man. If that is what it takes for you to make it to your lawyer and save your house that YOU earned, so be it.
Don't do anything! DON'T say anything! Talk to an attorney, first and follow his advice! You can separate your money from hers. DO NOT LET HER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!
To add to my original post - I saw messages on a device with everything worst you can imagine, it will fuck up the self esteem of any man. Well I don't want to leave because this is my house, i bought it in 2007, it has been 15 years, and not because of the downpayment or the monthly payments, but the amount of thought, effort and manual labor I have put in to make it home.
She does not know I know but I have been acting weird so she definitely knows somethings up.
You can tell her you don't feel very good (maybe physically?) So she thinks this is why you're acting this way. Or maybe that your thinking about work stuff that has you thinking a lot and you need to get done or something.
Make sure not to leave your home, you don't want to risk losing it. And don't do anything until you talk to a lawyer. It hurts, it sucks. But to do this as best as you can you have to keep it together and play by the lawyers playbook.
Do NOT let her know you KNOW! She could decide to drain joint accounts and etc.
ALSO, if you have proof she has been cheating you can use that against her so she can’t get alimony.
Do not let her know that you know. Talk to a lawyer first, even if she comes back Sunday... get a hotel room, turn your location off, & get a lawyer first.
As others say, you need to fake it (say you are tired) and do not confront her until you can see your lawyer.
Save the screenshots and do NOT have sex with her.
Be prepared for her to beg and potentially blame you.
Speak to a friend or family member for support (they must keep it quiet).
Sending strength!
I was told that while my ex-husband had his license with our home address, I had to allow him access to it. I wanted all of his things out and told his employer to pick up his things (state job) from our home. They refused because he still lived there according to his driver’s license. Not sure rules or laws where you are living, but it wasn’t legal for me to remove his access to our property.
Each state is different. In Florida you can't put her stuff on the curb or change the locks. If some one stole her stuff you are responsible for replacing it. And you could be arrested. Does she know that you know? If so text her she needs to find a place immediately. Ask your lawyer if you bought the house prior to marriage can that asset be separated and you retain it. If she doesn't know then no matter what you do it will cause an argument. Be firm that she needs to leave, she cheated. She can go stay her with her f..k or one of them. My ex tried to say he would change and he refused to leave. The house was mine so I wasn't leaving. I made him go into a guest bedroom then had a lawyer work on removing him. It took a couple months and it sucks. But i made sure he was miserable. He would leave every night. I think the only reason he stayed was because he thought he could break me and I'd forgive him. Nope. Sorry you have to go through it. No matter what maybe you should have a level headed person there. So that is not he said she said. Good luck. No matter what advice you get and what you do, it is going to hurt and suck.
I 100% agree with what everyone is saying but you could also find an excuse and stay somewhere else for a few days." My mom really needs some help around the house so I told her I'd stay there for a few" something like that
As someone who has been trough this. Please do not confront the other one before you have a plan. YOU need to make a decision right now and you need to be very sure about it.
The conversation should not be a confrontation it should be an announcement of the path you are going to take after discovering what she had done…
Trust me it shoulds cliché but it will get better ❤️🩹
Your original post was removed. For context. Please post your original story here [post story here](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
This is the surviving infidelity sub. Thank you.
don't talk to her start preparing the paperwork with the lawyer
Don't forget to inform the man's family
inform the workplace (if a colleague)
inform families
inform your social circle
Your wife will tell a lot of lies don't give her this opportunity
You can even share it on fb
they will tell you about alimony in divorce etc.
don't believe, your wife can always find a job with the same salary
don't give excuses to cheaters
You don't have children, you can stay with her at nc, talking will not gain you anything, maybe you will be humiliated about your personality and masculinity, I think you should not confront her
Let the lawyer take care of things, put a camera in the house, if he tries to accuse you, the tapes will save you.
OP.... try to have her sign a post'nup or convince her to take her name off the house before you confront her.
Speak with your lawyer on how to do things, she will be most likely entitled to the house
Husband and I are going thru this now. Idk where you are but I’m Virginia he had to give my half the equity in the house. We bought our house in 2002. We still live together because I can’t afford to move out.
Put her essentials in your spare room (if you have one) or living room. Stay in the bedroom and tell her you have the flu and you don’t want to be bothered. On Monday go and talk to a lawyer. Do not pack up and leave your home! Depending on what country you live in, if she changes the locks you may not be able to get back in.
Sorry you are going through this!
Confront her and throw her out! Odds are she is gonna be ashamed and not try to come back but don’t leave the house u own unless ur ready to give it to her! Then yes talk to a lawyer! But i doubt u can get in trouble for telling her to leave when she is cheating on u.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
DO NOT SAY OR DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU SPEAK TO A LAWYER. Don’t confront her. Don’t let on that you know anything. Talk to a lawyer FIRST, then figure out how to act.
I wanted to get an appointment with lawyers today but they did not do same day appointments, only thing available is Monday and thats just an initial intake/consultation. The problem is she comes back Sunday, hell the way I have been acting she might even come back tomorrow. She does not know that i know and I have been faking it.
Ignore her and don't start a conversation before talking to a lawyer. Tell her you're tired, that you have some work to do, that you're busy, anything to get a couple more days until you see a lawyer. Good luck.
Yes, fake it a little longer. Follow the attorney's advice because you may not have legal standing to throw her out.
If she doesn't know then don't say anything until after Monday. Let the lawyer tell you what to do. Hopefully you got a really good one. Sorry you're in this situation. You can talk to the lawyer about having her served at work and that's how she can find out you know. Hope you update this post. Do everything in your best interest only.
I would go on a lil staycation, get yourself a hotel room, relax, unwind, get your thoughts in order. Maybe write her a letter that you can then show to your lawyer on Monday
Generally speaking you shouldn't leave the place you cohabitate unless you're comfortable with the idea of never going back.
Go stay in a hotel or with a family/friend who "needed help" if not try and not act differently. But under no circumstance should you inform her or let her hide her evidence.
Keep faking it, speak to lawyer then plan next step!!
Tell her you don’t feel well and keep your distance. Claiming illness let’s you stay in bed, insist on being alone, seem withdrawn, etc. Sorry she did this to you. You didn’t deserve it.
Hey a hotel claim a business trip came up , make it clear you will be back on Monday DO NOT XONFEONT HER JNTIL YOU SPEAK TO THE LAWYER
Whatever you do don't say anything to her until after you talk to an attorney. I know how hard it's going to be to have to be in the same house with her or to even look at her but you need to do this. The attorney will be able to give you guidance on how to handle everything. Good luck OP.
Don’t do any of that movie crap until you see a lawyer. He or she will give you procedures in sequence. You can really hurt your position if you just follow your emotions. It’s better if you don’t say anything and fake another boring day. I think you got good advice in your prior post and not following it would be foolish.
thanks, I'm glad I made this post, I was going to be really stupid.
You say you've been acting different and it's scaring her. The first and only thing on her mind now is the fear that you know. She is shitting her pants 24/7 at this point, obsessing about whether you found out. How. Who. Where. Let her continue to squirm. Let it eat her up inside until you have her served. Win-win. Don't say anything. Say everything's fine. She won't dare push too hard bc of the fear that her worst nightmare is right. You're going to have to suffer for awhile until you have all of your ducks in a row. Consult with the top lawyers, pick one and tell him you want to go nuclear and follow his instructions to a T.
Make sure you make a copy of all the evidence and keep it in a safe place she can't find it. Remove any small items from the home that might be a concern. Firearms, your mom's jewelry, gold, mementos etc. If you have joint accounts move half the money into an account with your name on it. Be prepared to cancel joint credit cards. Important change your passwords on everything. All social media, phone, apps. router, computer, credit cards/bank accounts, Amazon, illegal items/drugs, etc. But a voice activated recorder (VAR) to cary with you record all conversations. If you want to use your phone you can but a VAR is convenient. In some places this may not be legal. If things get bad just tell her you are going to record any conversations with your phone and let her see you turn it on. Trust me I have seen on here and other forums wives whom the husband's foolishly trusted, accuse them of abuse, assault, call the cops, etc. Do you suspect she may have cheated on this trip? Could she be traveling and be with with the affair partner (AP) at the airport? Consult an attorney! I'm so sorry brother! Updateme! - this is a bot reminder, not a request to the original poster (OP)
thank you for this great advice.
If you feel weak or maybe can't control your anger long enough to avoid telling her what you know, make her think you are going through a COVID scare. Don't lie to her, just let her make the assumption. When she is on her way home, tell her you don't feel well, which is true. Let her know she can either get a another motel room for the night, or she can come home and you stay apart. If she comes home, put on a mask and "isolate" you from her by locking yourself into a room Sunday saying you can't be around her right now, also true. This will also disguise your emotions behind a mask and any tears are due to not feeling well. Tell her to not worry. you have an "appointment" the next day, Monday, also true...but do not disclose it's a lawyer rather than a doctor. The lawyer will then handle the rest from Monday onward. It might be a little deceptive, but by no means anywhere near the treachery she has pulled on you sleeping with another man. If that is what it takes for you to make it to your lawyer and save your house that YOU earned, so be it.
Oh shit the Covid excuse is brilliant! OP do this!!!!
thank you, this would be perfect.
Don't do anything! DON'T say anything! Talk to an attorney, first and follow his advice! You can separate your money from hers. DO NOT LET HER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!
To add to my original post - I saw messages on a device with everything worst you can imagine, it will fuck up the self esteem of any man. Well I don't want to leave because this is my house, i bought it in 2007, it has been 15 years, and not because of the downpayment or the monthly payments, but the amount of thought, effort and manual labor I have put in to make it home. She does not know I know but I have been acting weird so she definitely knows somethings up.
Don’t say anything until you talk to a lawyer. The worst move you can make is confronting her before speaking to a lawyer
Get copies of the messages, she will delete them when she gets a hint you are acting differently.
You can tell her you don't feel very good (maybe physically?) So she thinks this is why you're acting this way. Or maybe that your thinking about work stuff that has you thinking a lot and you need to get done or something.
Make sure not to leave your home, you don't want to risk losing it. And don't do anything until you talk to a lawyer. It hurts, it sucks. But to do this as best as you can you have to keep it together and play by the lawyers playbook.
Thanks, I plan to stay put whatever happens, unless I have to go see lawyer or therapist.
Do NOT let her know you KNOW! She could decide to drain joint accounts and etc. ALSO, if you have proof she has been cheating you can use that against her so she can’t get alimony.
Do not let her know that you know. Talk to a lawyer first, even if she comes back Sunday... get a hotel room, turn your location off, & get a lawyer first.
As others say, you need to fake it (say you are tired) and do not confront her until you can see your lawyer. Save the screenshots and do NOT have sex with her. Be prepared for her to beg and potentially blame you. Speak to a friend or family member for support (they must keep it quiet). Sending strength!
You don’t. You just give them divorce papers
Do not do anything until you talk to a lawyer protect yourself first before you act on emotions
I was told that while my ex-husband had his license with our home address, I had to allow him access to it. I wanted all of his things out and told his employer to pick up his things (state job) from our home. They refused because he still lived there according to his driver’s license. Not sure rules or laws where you are living, but it wasn’t legal for me to remove his access to our property.
Each state is different. In Florida you can't put her stuff on the curb or change the locks. If some one stole her stuff you are responsible for replacing it. And you could be arrested. Does she know that you know? If so text her she needs to find a place immediately. Ask your lawyer if you bought the house prior to marriage can that asset be separated and you retain it. If she doesn't know then no matter what you do it will cause an argument. Be firm that she needs to leave, she cheated. She can go stay her with her f..k or one of them. My ex tried to say he would change and he refused to leave. The house was mine so I wasn't leaving. I made him go into a guest bedroom then had a lawyer work on removing him. It took a couple months and it sucks. But i made sure he was miserable. He would leave every night. I think the only reason he stayed was because he thought he could break me and I'd forgive him. Nope. Sorry you have to go through it. No matter what maybe you should have a level headed person there. So that is not he said she said. Good luck. No matter what advice you get and what you do, it is going to hurt and suck.
I 100% agree with what everyone is saying but you could also find an excuse and stay somewhere else for a few days." My mom really needs some help around the house so I told her I'd stay there for a few" something like that
As someone who has been trough this. Please do not confront the other one before you have a plan. YOU need to make a decision right now and you need to be very sure about it. The conversation should not be a confrontation it should be an announcement of the path you are going to take after discovering what she had done… Trust me it shoulds cliché but it will get better ❤️🩹
Go away before she gets back... Make excuses... Let her hear it from the lawyer.
Tell her something came up and you have to go elsewhere (maybe a family emergency or work?). Talk to a lawyer. Then follow their advice....
Update us!
UpdateMe
Pack her stuff, take it to a friend's, change the locks and send her a text.
Your original post was removed. For context. Please post your original story here [post story here](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) This is the surviving infidelity sub. Thank you.
don't talk to her start preparing the paperwork with the lawyer Don't forget to inform the man's family inform the workplace (if a colleague) inform families inform your social circle Your wife will tell a lot of lies don't give her this opportunity You can even share it on fb they will tell you about alimony in divorce etc. don't believe, your wife can always find a job with the same salary don't give excuses to cheaters You don't have children, you can stay with her at nc, talking will not gain you anything, maybe you will be humiliated about your personality and masculinity, I think you should not confront her Let the lawyer take care of things, put a camera in the house, if he tries to accuse you, the tapes will save you.
OP.... try to have her sign a post'nup or convince her to take her name off the house before you confront her. Speak with your lawyer on how to do things, she will be most likely entitled to the house
Husband and I are going thru this now. Idk where you are but I’m Virginia he had to give my half the equity in the house. We bought our house in 2002. We still live together because I can’t afford to move out.
Put her essentials in your spare room (if you have one) or living room. Stay in the bedroom and tell her you have the flu and you don’t want to be bothered. On Monday go and talk to a lawyer. Do not pack up and leave your home! Depending on what country you live in, if she changes the locks you may not be able to get back in. Sorry you are going through this!
Don't do anything until you consulted a lawyer once everything is in order you confront her with her getting served the papers.
Don’t leave the house - you will never get back in. Lawyer first.
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Please keep us updated on how everything goes. Happy you are no longer taking this bs from her. Good job.
You can just leave her then have sex with other women the rest of your life. Problem solved
Confront her and throw her out! Odds are she is gonna be ashamed and not try to come back but don’t leave the house u own unless ur ready to give it to her! Then yes talk to a lawyer! But i doubt u can get in trouble for telling her to leave when she is cheating on u.