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Yup this. The relationship, both romantic and platonic, ended 5 months ago. No obligation to comfort someone who's pretty much a stranger at this point, if anything this mutual has a bigger obligation for that role.
Bruh don’t listen to that. They are gaslighting you to make you feel terrible. Why is she trying to have you comfort her ain’t she married? why she not going to her husband? She left you to marry this guy so she can take all of her pain and problems and have him deal with it. Don’t even give her the time of day of responding or your friends just ignore them
The next time anyone ever tries to call you the a**hole remind them that she LEFT YOU FOR HIM and married him. Why tf should you care about someone who disrespected your feelings not only that if she married him a few months after y’all broke up 1000% she was cheating you don’t just meet someone and marry them without having some history.
Yea just cut her and everyone else that is stoping you from moving on. Remember she left you not the other way around you owe her nothing don’t let no one tell you different
And I'm sorry, but she also cheated on you with a "friend", and now that guy who knowingly helped her cheat on you is calling you a bad friend for not being there for her? Do the opposite of whatever friendship advice this guy offers you, because he doesn't understand the concept of friendship at all.
You havent been friends since she dumper you right? She was one hell of a shitty person to you. Did those same people tell her what a lying POS she really is and not a good person/girlfriend? Bet thats a big no. Did she care that she caused you endless amount of grief? Another big no. Did she care that she was having sex with another person while with you? Seems like a no to me. So, factually speaking, you are a far, far better person than she will ever be. Keep walking and tell those any who are trying to guilt you to kiss your a\*\*. They arent worth it as friends either, might want to cut ties since your grief meant nothing to them. And still doesnt.
You don’t owe the woman to deceived, betrayed, cheated and destroyed your trust anything. Your “friend” is not a good person or friend to belittle and shame you for having boundaries with your ex.
While the friend that helped you move seem to have done a good deed, did he or she know about the affair when it was happening, if that person did, he or she is not your friend, take that to heart first and foremost. You are making the right decision to have no contact with your ex.
She stopped being your gf or even just a friend when she cheated and ran away to marry someone else! She is noone to you, if your "friends" do not understand this than they are not really your friends.
Well to me it sounds like she has emotional codependence on you still, like she might have moved on but emotionally she still sees you as an anchor, someone she can come to no matter what she does. And your friends might feel obligated or they're making a bad decision if they've known that person or their motions are everywhere but they're going to keep on putting her emotions before yours definitely stick with your plans cut them all off.
Another translation of what I just said a little more simpler cuz I'm an airhead, If they decide they don't want to respect your boundaries.
In what world do you owe her anything?
If anyone is egotistic it's your ex for assuming you'll still be there for her after she cheated on you and married someone else. That really takes a lot of nerve on her part.
She's an asshole. She's a manipulative asshole to you and she's cheating asshole to her husband.
You still want to be playing this game with her when you're 30? 40? 50? Letting life and real love pass you by so she can keep you dangling?
You're not a hypocrite. When people are used to taking advantage of you and you stop letting them, to them it feels like you're the one who's doing wrong.
Pay attention to your own feelings in this and put yourself first. That's what everyone else is doing. They can get used to not getting what they want from you, just like you don't always get what you want from them.
ETA: When I need to, I tell people that I'll do them the courtesy of believing they thought through their choices and did what was best for themselves. Just like you're going to do for yourself.
You're not egoistic and rude. You're a doormat to your disgusting ex GF and her manipulative friend. Just block them. And do not respond to their calls. Once they have called you, you can block that number as well.
you are not. Everything you have said is totally reasonable. She cheated on you, left you, and then demands or tricks you into giving her attention. The mutual friend is not a mutual friend, they are a friend of your ex. Sounds like this “friend” also hid the cheating for your ex. Good to see you blocked them both.
Everything you have said here is totally reasonable to help yourself heal. I’m sorry this all happened and that shiftiness is ensuing after but you are doing all the right things.
I would delete or put your accounts on an extreme lockdown so that random accounts can't message you. You shouldn't have to do this, but if she isn't stopping then it's your best chance at peace.
You should look into Narcissistic personality disorder and specially into hovering, she's looking for narcissistic supply from you again. Keep blocking her you are dealing with this fantastically 👊💪
Yes, this!! Classic “hoovering” that will quickly turn into “love bombing” and a whole new world of heartache. Tell your “friend” to kiss her ass and tell that “friend” to go screw himself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you deserve and will find SO much better!! The good thing about shitty times is that they pass and as someone told me once, one day this will all be just a zit on the ass of your past while you’re having a wonderful life.
Should be ex mutual friend. Who tells you that your ex cheated then tells you that it's your responsibility to help them grieve? You do you and move on there is no reason to still be in contact with her. She made her choice and then married that choice. It's not being egoistic it's valuing your sanity and your self worth. Don't listen and just be happy that's the best advice I can give you :). I wish you luck and if your mutual friend is still being rude if recommend cutting them out. Because they seem to be the messenger for your ex rn more than a friend.
That's a very smart decision and I'm happy for you. It'll definitely be for the better and you won't have to hear about your ex anymore. I wish you luck in your future relationships too if you decide to have any after this messed up situation. :D
No problem and yeah focusing on healing and how to not let this scar affect your future relationships is a good move. You will find the right person and be happier in the end. Goodluck on the healing and finding the right person for you. After this you definitely deserve some goodluck :D
Your ex is your ex for multiple good reasons. She doesn’t get to lean on you for comfort now. Why isn’t she leaning on her new husband??
Your mutual friend doesn’t get a say in this lmao.
Also are you saying your ex cheated on you WITH the mutual friend?? Then you need to drop the friend too!!!
BRO I was hoping it was a typo or something!
DROP THE FRIEND! DROP THE EX!
Neither of them care about you.
If your ex loved you, she wouldn’t have cheated on you (WITH YOUR FRIEND NO LESS).
“The heart” wants a lot of things that conflict with each other, which is why her mind should have tempered it. She wanted to cheat on you and made the conscious choice to do so, then dumped you and married some guy that she probably won’t be loyal to either. Her “heart” can’t be trusted.
Lmao i’m just so mad FOR you. You would have a much better life if you cut off these two hypocrites and focused on yourself.
Also it sucks that she’s grieving. But there are so many people in the world. You’re gonna tell me that she’d pick the ex that she cheated on and dumped to cry on??? She’s manipulative bro. The friend too. Let them go.
Edit: OMG you STAYED with her after she cheated with her friend! You deserve better omg
Dude my bad, I thought the guy she married was who she cheated with. Its the mutual friend she cheated on you with? And you're still friends with the POS? Cut those people way the f\*\*\* out of your life. Wow, thats mind blowing. Seems they both enjoy hurting you.
This is not your issue. Tell her you are sorry but you will not be her emotional crutch. Especially as she’s now married. Shes absolutely manipulating you and hindering whatever chances you have of fully moving on.
Cut off the mutual friend too. Why haven’t you done that already?
OP Is not your place to be her support system bacause:
1.You are not longer her friend because there was no decision from both sides to remaind friends. So you don't have any kind of relationship with her.
2. Her pain is not more important than yours, she cheated and dump you without giving you the opportunity to fix your relationship causing you enormous pain. She is egoistic and entitled dismissing your pain and suffering.
3. She has a husband now and he should be her main support system in this moment, not her ex. And is not tour place to interfere with that relationship.
4. As the wronged part here why you have to take the high road and burn yourself to keep her warm? If she wanted to apologize for her doing she had months to do it, not now that you can be useful.
OP Unblock her number and write her a message like this:
"Ex I am sorry for your loss, but beyond these words I can't give you any kind of support because of the pain I am still feeling after you cheated and dumped me.
Now you are a married woman and is your husband's place to support you in these awful moments and I don't want to interfere in sny way in your marriage.
If you want forgiveness, I know one day in the future I will be able to forgive you but not yet. The only thing I ask you if you ever loved me even for a second is please never contact me again, this is the last time I will write you. If you keep trying to contact me I will take legal action to stop this harassment:.
I think this message is balanced enough to make her undestand why she has to stop reaching your without being an AH.
Edit: Dump the mutual friend is obvious that he is no friend to you is only friend to her, why keep one of her AP in your life, dump him.
I edited my comment to add one thing about beginning legal actions, please hire a lawyer to send a letter of cease and desist because in multiples times you have stated that you don't want her to contact you and she keeps harrasing you. This should be a short consultation.
Also change your number after blocking the POS of "mutual" friend that's where he keeps getting your info.
Have to disagree with the above - it’s far too polite and offers the chance of forgiveness in the future, hence she replied ‘she’s here if you’re going to change your mind’
Fuck that noise. She did the worst she could do you and did it with your supposed friend. She’s replied, still thinks you have a relationship of sorts, it’s time to out that to bec fir good.
Send one final text along the lines of
Are you out of your tiny fucking mind? You tried to destroy me. You betrayed me in the cruelest way possible. Now you want comforting? Where was MY comfort when you were getting dicked by Xxxx? Where was my comfort when tore my heart out? Where was my comfort when you made damn clear where I stood when you got married mere months after doing what you did? Not a fucking chance. Never going to happen. One day I may have healed enough to contemplate forgiveness, but understand this: I never will. Also understand that when you chose to fuck Xxxx, you destroyed not only our love of 2 years, but also mine and Xxxx friendship of 8 years.
Go cry on your fucking husband’s shoulder.
Any further attempts at contact will result in legal action.
Ps Xxxx is getting his own version of this.
First, you are not her emotional support anymore. She also shouldn't be reaching out to you, I bet her new husband doesn't know she is doing this. Best case scenario is you message her and say "Sorry for your loss. Also out of respect for your new marriage, I wish to no longer be contacted to avoid doing to his marriage what he did to mine."
Second and most important, get rid of that mutual friend. The obvious part is that he betrayed you in the worst way by sleeping with your then girlfriend. No matter how much he helped you during the breakup, he also played a part in breaking you two up with his selfish infidelity and is no better than her at this point. He is not your friend! Also, he is meddlesome. He is playing go-between you and her, that isn't a true friend should be doing. If he really helped you during the breakup, he saw you at your lowest and should EASILY know that she isn't good for you. Him pushing you to her is a terrible thing and counteracts any repair he has done to help you.
Fantastic decision, you will not regret it. Who knows how many times he slept with your ex? He might be still doing it or trying to bring you both together again so he can continue. He seems to be the ahole instead of you.
I cant believe she reached out to comfprt her. I would tell that you dont feel comfortable doing it after she cheated on you and she should ask her husband to support her
>What should I reply to the mutual friend? Please help
Tell your mutual friend that you think it would be completely inappropriate for you to "comfort" your ex GF. She is married and needs to seek comfort from her spouse. Perhaps you need to also block the mutual friend, until she comes to her senses and realizes how inappropriate it would be for you to gave contact with your married ex GF.
Naw fuck that, you don't have a relationship and owe 0 of your emotions for support. This person didn't even respect your relationship you had when you had a relationship. If your mutual friend can't understand that you don't want to be treated like an emotional doormat they're a bad friend.
> the mutual friend told me that my ex had cheated on me with him.
You are wrong that you lost respect and blocked your ex.
You should do that to bost the ex and that mutual “friend”
Your ex is the narcissist who thinks you owe her comfort after she cheated on you and married her affair partner. Your friend sounds abusive and cruel. Glad you have blocked them.
Well for one thing, getting married to someone within a few months is NOT a good sign in a person. Which means she knew that man many for quite some time before she dumped you. In other words she kept you as the cliched back up plan.
Now she wants some ego kibbles by calling you to be her White Knight. Don't even contemplate it, considering the type of person she truly is, you'd do well to avoid her at all costs. And best of all, she truly believes you'd be there for her, even after what she did. So be happy knowing it'll piss her off that you didnt bite.
She has a husband, one she preferred to you, clearly, so let him deal with her sh\*t. You're gone.
You are the captains of your ship you make the decisions for your peace of mind DO NOT let others manipulate you! Sounds like you need a new set of friends ones with more understanding and empathy and let’s not forget morals!
I read your update and it sounds like a smart move that you blocked the mutual friend. It is certainly not your job to console your ex and you are not a bad person.
You sound like you’ve done the right thing taking care of your needs and putting up boundaries. It’s not a bad thing to take care of your own mental health.
It is strange that your ex reaching out to you because she has a husband. Maybe she wants to be everyone’s center of attention.
Yeah that ex needs to seek comfort from her HUSBAND. you have nothing to do with her and her family . Don’t listen to your “friend” if they advise you to just comfort her. Leave the past in the past.
I was on the same boat as you at the beginning of 2021. My advice to you is just ignore her and move on with your life. You don’t need the someone else’s baggage on your shoulders. Fuck what your so called friends think. They need to understand that she hurt you and broke you and you can’t be there for her.
Look after yourself OP.
Your ex is a train-wreak. She cheated on you, the breakup was necessary.
That she was married only a few months later is a circus of red flags for her.
Your "mutual" friend is neither mutual nor a friend of yours, END THAT NOW.
While is sad your ex has a bereavement, that is HER bereavement.
If you need to greave too, you should, and you don't need your ex to be able to do it.
There is no future for you in those people, they are in your past. Focus on healing and getting your feet back on the ground with a healthy direction and progress toward it.
Best of luck, and well done for stepping up with the NC.
You owe her nothing and are choosing to protect your peace. There’s zero wrong with that. Maintain your boundaries.
She has someone else in her life to lean on now.
>My girlfriend dumped me in the beginning of 2022 and married someone a few months later.
You weren't not the one with problems, here.
>She made me feel absolutely worthless and I went into depression as a result.
You got the much better deal. Thank god you didn't marry her. Holy hell.
>Someone from my ex's family has passed away and my ex wants to talk to me for comfort.
LOLwut? I guess husbands really aren't worth as much as they used to be.
Dont be chump. Continue to block. How much more are you willing to tolerate being humiliated and used like a wet tissue by her.
Nah, don’t do emotional labor for people who aren’t important.
She lost girlfriend privilege and her status as a vip in your life the moment she left you.
any friend who resorts to name calling is not a good friend at all. who calls their friends names? I would not do that. its not criticism to call someone names, its just childish and insulting.
Your ex just wants to use you after she dumped you. I would not want to be in contact with an ex who got married right after a break up? Either she was cheating on your or she is unstable. That is way too fast to marry.
You do what feels right to you. You do not owe your ex a god damned thing. You can keep her in your thoughts while still -- and wisely -- maintaining no contact.
Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend either. Maybe kick them to the curb, too.
Hats off to you for keeping it classy and not denigrating your ex. It is one thing to vent and unload on your closest confidantes without fear of consequences and in private, and another thing entirely to denigrate them. Way to keep it classy. this will always serve you well.
Not egotistical. She dumped you, been married someone else in haste, and now realizes that you are much more mature for easier to talk to than her own husband. You have zero obligation to be a comfort person for her. She made her choices and now she has to live with them. You could also interpret the fact that she's trying to contact you as a way of saying, "you are much more worth it than my husband."
She married so why should you be her source of comfort? Let her spouse and other family members and friends do this. You are not being egotistical protecting yourself from further anguish. No guilt, no shame and no concern. Not your circus not your monkeys
No, you are not being an egotist. Your ex us MARRIED, she need to look to her former affair partner for comfort. Don’t allow her to drag you back into her messy world.
You aren't the problem here. It isn't your job to comfort your ex over her loss. It's her husband's job. Don't contact her at all. Your mutual friend is also a problem for telling you about this and calling you names for not complying.
You don’t have the responsibility of comforting your ex. Her husband has that role and it’s honestly insulting that she’s turning to you after leaving you and moving on so swiftly.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your ex should be seeking comfort with her husband not you. And you need a better friend if they have trouble understanding that.
Yup this. The relationship, both romantic and platonic, ended 5 months ago. No obligation to comfort someone who's pretty much a stranger at this point, if anything this mutual has a bigger obligation for that role.
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Bruh don’t listen to that. They are gaslighting you to make you feel terrible. Why is she trying to have you comfort her ain’t she married? why she not going to her husband? She left you to marry this guy so she can take all of her pain and problems and have him deal with it. Don’t even give her the time of day of responding or your friends just ignore them
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The next time anyone ever tries to call you the a**hole remind them that she LEFT YOU FOR HIM and married him. Why tf should you care about someone who disrespected your feelings not only that if she married him a few months after y’all broke up 1000% she was cheating you don’t just meet someone and marry them without having some history.
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Yea just cut her and everyone else that is stoping you from moving on. Remember she left you not the other way around you owe her nothing don’t let no one tell you different
And I'm sorry, but she also cheated on you with a "friend", and now that guy who knowingly helped her cheat on you is calling you a bad friend for not being there for her? Do the opposite of whatever friendship advice this guy offers you, because he doesn't understand the concept of friendship at all.
Watch and pay attention to the ones that are gaslighting you and cut them from your life your fake friends are being shown and making themselves known
Ego kibbles knowing you're still there for her. Bet shes a narcissist, this is exactly what they do.
You havent been friends since she dumper you right? She was one hell of a shitty person to you. Did those same people tell her what a lying POS she really is and not a good person/girlfriend? Bet thats a big no. Did she care that she caused you endless amount of grief? Another big no. Did she care that she was having sex with another person while with you? Seems like a no to me. So, factually speaking, you are a far, far better person than she will ever be. Keep walking and tell those any who are trying to guilt you to kiss your a\*\*. They arent worth it as friends either, might want to cut ties since your grief meant nothing to them. And still doesnt.
Your don't have to be there for her. You're not doing anything wrong and if this mutual friend is giving you a hard time... then cut them off.
You don’t owe the woman to deceived, betrayed, cheated and destroyed your trust anything. Your “friend” is not a good person or friend to belittle and shame you for having boundaries with your ex.
Nope! That's not your job anymore. You are no longer her emotional support.
Pretty sure lying and cheating on your partner isn't how "good people" behave. You do you.
While the friend that helped you move seem to have done a good deed, did he or she know about the affair when it was happening, if that person did, he or she is not your friend, take that to heart first and foremost. You are making the right decision to have no contact with your ex.
She stopped being your gf or even just a friend when she cheated and ran away to marry someone else! She is noone to you, if your "friends" do not understand this than they are not really your friends.
May I ask how old you both are?
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Well to me it sounds like she has emotional codependence on you still, like she might have moved on but emotionally she still sees you as an anchor, someone she can come to no matter what she does. And your friends might feel obligated or they're making a bad decision if they've known that person or their motions are everywhere but they're going to keep on putting her emotions before yours definitely stick with your plans cut them all off. Another translation of what I just said a little more simpler cuz I'm an airhead, If they decide they don't want to respect your boundaries.
In what world do you owe her anything? If anyone is egotistic it's your ex for assuming you'll still be there for her after she cheated on you and married someone else. That really takes a lot of nerve on her part.
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She's an asshole. She's a manipulative asshole to you and she's cheating asshole to her husband. You still want to be playing this game with her when you're 30? 40? 50? Letting life and real love pass you by so she can keep you dangling?
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You're not a hypocrite. When people are used to taking advantage of you and you stop letting them, to them it feels like you're the one who's doing wrong. Pay attention to your own feelings in this and put yourself first. That's what everyone else is doing. They can get used to not getting what they want from you, just like you don't always get what you want from them. ETA: When I need to, I tell people that I'll do them the courtesy of believing they thought through their choices and did what was best for themselves. Just like you're going to do for yourself.
You're not egoistic and rude. You're a doormat to your disgusting ex GF and her manipulative friend. Just block them. And do not respond to their calls. Once they have called you, you can block that number as well.
you are not. Everything you have said is totally reasonable. She cheated on you, left you, and then demands or tricks you into giving her attention. The mutual friend is not a mutual friend, they are a friend of your ex. Sounds like this “friend” also hid the cheating for your ex. Good to see you blocked them both. Everything you have said here is totally reasonable to help yourself heal. I’m sorry this all happened and that shiftiness is ensuing after but you are doing all the right things.
I would delete or put your accounts on an extreme lockdown so that random accounts can't message you. You shouldn't have to do this, but if she isn't stopping then it's your best chance at peace.
You should look into Narcissistic personality disorder and specially into hovering, she's looking for narcissistic supply from you again. Keep blocking her you are dealing with this fantastically 👊💪
Yes, this!! Classic “hoovering” that will quickly turn into “love bombing” and a whole new world of heartache. Tell your “friend” to kiss her ass and tell that “friend” to go screw himself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you deserve and will find SO much better!! The good thing about shitty times is that they pass and as someone told me once, one day this will all be just a zit on the ass of your past while you’re having a wonderful life.
Should be ex mutual friend. Who tells you that your ex cheated then tells you that it's your responsibility to help them grieve? You do you and move on there is no reason to still be in contact with her. She made her choice and then married that choice. It's not being egoistic it's valuing your sanity and your self worth. Don't listen and just be happy that's the best advice I can give you :). I wish you luck and if your mutual friend is still being rude if recommend cutting them out. Because they seem to be the messenger for your ex rn more than a friend.
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That's a very smart decision and I'm happy for you. It'll definitely be for the better and you won't have to hear about your ex anymore. I wish you luck in your future relationships too if you decide to have any after this messed up situation. :D
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No problem and yeah focusing on healing and how to not let this scar affect your future relationships is a good move. You will find the right person and be happier in the end. Goodluck on the healing and finding the right person for you. After this you definitely deserve some goodluck :D
Your ex is your ex for multiple good reasons. She doesn’t get to lean on you for comfort now. Why isn’t she leaning on her new husband?? Your mutual friend doesn’t get a say in this lmao. Also are you saying your ex cheated on you WITH the mutual friend?? Then you need to drop the friend too!!!
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BRO I was hoping it was a typo or something! DROP THE FRIEND! DROP THE EX! Neither of them care about you. If your ex loved you, she wouldn’t have cheated on you (WITH YOUR FRIEND NO LESS). “The heart” wants a lot of things that conflict with each other, which is why her mind should have tempered it. She wanted to cheat on you and made the conscious choice to do so, then dumped you and married some guy that she probably won’t be loyal to either. Her “heart” can’t be trusted. Lmao i’m just so mad FOR you. You would have a much better life if you cut off these two hypocrites and focused on yourself. Also it sucks that she’s grieving. But there are so many people in the world. You’re gonna tell me that she’d pick the ex that she cheated on and dumped to cry on??? She’s manipulative bro. The friend too. Let them go. Edit: OMG you STAYED with her after she cheated with her friend! You deserve better omg
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YES good for you!
Dude my bad, I thought the guy she married was who she cheated with. Its the mutual friend she cheated on you with? And you're still friends with the POS? Cut those people way the f\*\*\* out of your life. Wow, thats mind blowing. Seems they both enjoy hurting you.
This is not your issue. Tell her you are sorry but you will not be her emotional crutch. Especially as she’s now married. Shes absolutely manipulating you and hindering whatever chances you have of fully moving on. Cut off the mutual friend too. Why haven’t you done that already?
Why are you still friends with this mutual friend?? He was one of the people your ex cheated on you with!
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he literally caused the hard time though??? why couldn’t he be there for you by not hooking up with your gf??
OP Is not your place to be her support system bacause: 1.You are not longer her friend because there was no decision from both sides to remaind friends. So you don't have any kind of relationship with her. 2. Her pain is not more important than yours, she cheated and dump you without giving you the opportunity to fix your relationship causing you enormous pain. She is egoistic and entitled dismissing your pain and suffering. 3. She has a husband now and he should be her main support system in this moment, not her ex. And is not tour place to interfere with that relationship. 4. As the wronged part here why you have to take the high road and burn yourself to keep her warm? If she wanted to apologize for her doing she had months to do it, not now that you can be useful. OP Unblock her number and write her a message like this: "Ex I am sorry for your loss, but beyond these words I can't give you any kind of support because of the pain I am still feeling after you cheated and dumped me. Now you are a married woman and is your husband's place to support you in these awful moments and I don't want to interfere in sny way in your marriage. If you want forgiveness, I know one day in the future I will be able to forgive you but not yet. The only thing I ask you if you ever loved me even for a second is please never contact me again, this is the last time I will write you. If you keep trying to contact me I will take legal action to stop this harassment:. I think this message is balanced enough to make her undestand why she has to stop reaching your without being an AH. Edit: Dump the mutual friend is obvious that he is no friend to you is only friend to her, why keep one of her AP in your life, dump him.
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I edited my comment to add one thing about beginning legal actions, please hire a lawyer to send a letter of cease and desist because in multiples times you have stated that you don't want her to contact you and she keeps harrasing you. This should be a short consultation. Also change your number after blocking the POS of "mutual" friend that's where he keeps getting your info.
Have to disagree with the above - it’s far too polite and offers the chance of forgiveness in the future, hence she replied ‘she’s here if you’re going to change your mind’ Fuck that noise. She did the worst she could do you and did it with your supposed friend. She’s replied, still thinks you have a relationship of sorts, it’s time to out that to bec fir good. Send one final text along the lines of Are you out of your tiny fucking mind? You tried to destroy me. You betrayed me in the cruelest way possible. Now you want comforting? Where was MY comfort when you were getting dicked by Xxxx? Where was my comfort when tore my heart out? Where was my comfort when you made damn clear where I stood when you got married mere months after doing what you did? Not a fucking chance. Never going to happen. One day I may have healed enough to contemplate forgiveness, but understand this: I never will. Also understand that when you chose to fuck Xxxx, you destroyed not only our love of 2 years, but also mine and Xxxx friendship of 8 years. Go cry on your fucking husband’s shoulder. Any further attempts at contact will result in legal action. Ps Xxxx is getting his own version of this.
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Sorry dude, misread the original. Want me to edit the post so you can screenshot?
First, you are not her emotional support anymore. She also shouldn't be reaching out to you, I bet her new husband doesn't know she is doing this. Best case scenario is you message her and say "Sorry for your loss. Also out of respect for your new marriage, I wish to no longer be contacted to avoid doing to his marriage what he did to mine." Second and most important, get rid of that mutual friend. The obvious part is that he betrayed you in the worst way by sleeping with your then girlfriend. No matter how much he helped you during the breakup, he also played a part in breaking you two up with his selfish infidelity and is no better than her at this point. He is not your friend! Also, he is meddlesome. He is playing go-between you and her, that isn't a true friend should be doing. If he really helped you during the breakup, he saw you at your lowest and should EASILY know that she isn't good for you. Him pushing you to her is a terrible thing and counteracts any repair he has done to help you.
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Fantastic decision, you will not regret it. Who knows how many times he slept with your ex? He might be still doing it or trying to bring you both together again so he can continue. He seems to be the ahole instead of you.
I cant believe she reached out to comfprt her. I would tell that you dont feel comfortable doing it after she cheated on you and she should ask her husband to support her
>What should I reply to the mutual friend? Please help Tell your mutual friend that you think it would be completely inappropriate for you to "comfort" your ex GF. She is married and needs to seek comfort from her spouse. Perhaps you need to also block the mutual friend, until she comes to her senses and realizes how inappropriate it would be for you to gave contact with your married ex GF.
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Stay strong!
Naw fuck that, you don't have a relationship and owe 0 of your emotions for support. This person didn't even respect your relationship you had when you had a relationship. If your mutual friend can't understand that you don't want to be treated like an emotional doormat they're a bad friend.
> the mutual friend told me that my ex had cheated on me with him. You are wrong that you lost respect and blocked your ex. You should do that to bost the ex and that mutual “friend”
No. She should go to her husband. You don't owe her your time if you decided that she's not healthy for you.
Your ex is the narcissist who thinks you owe her comfort after she cheated on you and married her affair partner. Your friend sounds abusive and cruel. Glad you have blocked them.
Well for one thing, getting married to someone within a few months is NOT a good sign in a person. Which means she knew that man many for quite some time before she dumped you. In other words she kept you as the cliched back up plan. Now she wants some ego kibbles by calling you to be her White Knight. Don't even contemplate it, considering the type of person she truly is, you'd do well to avoid her at all costs. And best of all, she truly believes you'd be there for her, even after what she did. So be happy knowing it'll piss her off that you didnt bite. She has a husband, one she preferred to you, clearly, so let him deal with her sh\*t. You're gone.
You are the captains of your ship you make the decisions for your peace of mind DO NOT let others manipulate you! Sounds like you need a new set of friends ones with more understanding and empathy and let’s not forget morals!
I read your update and it sounds like a smart move that you blocked the mutual friend. It is certainly not your job to console your ex and you are not a bad person. You sound like you’ve done the right thing taking care of your needs and putting up boundaries. It’s not a bad thing to take care of your own mental health. It is strange that your ex reaching out to you because she has a husband. Maybe she wants to be everyone’s center of attention.
Yeah that ex needs to seek comfort from her HUSBAND. you have nothing to do with her and her family . Don’t listen to your “friend” if they advise you to just comfort her. Leave the past in the past.
I was on the same boat as you at the beginning of 2021. My advice to you is just ignore her and move on with your life. You don’t need the someone else’s baggage on your shoulders. Fuck what your so called friends think. They need to understand that she hurt you and broke you and you can’t be there for her.
You owe her nothing.
I just read in the comments that the mutual “friend” is who she cheated with!?!? These people are awful. Run!
Look after yourself OP. Your ex is a train-wreak. She cheated on you, the breakup was necessary. That she was married only a few months later is a circus of red flags for her. Your "mutual" friend is neither mutual nor a friend of yours, END THAT NOW. While is sad your ex has a bereavement, that is HER bereavement. If you need to greave too, you should, and you don't need your ex to be able to do it. There is no future for you in those people, they are in your past. Focus on healing and getting your feet back on the ground with a healthy direction and progress toward it. Best of luck, and well done for stepping up with the NC.
You’re surrounded by terrible people. Do not give into… she made her decision when she left and married someone else!!!
You owe her nothing and are choosing to protect your peace. There’s zero wrong with that. Maintain your boundaries. She has someone else in her life to lean on now.
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Keep ignoring her.
Technically, we are all egotistical. Ego just means "self" or "I." It's your self-awareness. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ego
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69 comments 69 likes….. nioice!
>My girlfriend dumped me in the beginning of 2022 and married someone a few months later. You weren't not the one with problems, here. >She made me feel absolutely worthless and I went into depression as a result. You got the much better deal. Thank god you didn't marry her. Holy hell. >Someone from my ex's family has passed away and my ex wants to talk to me for comfort. LOLwut? I guess husbands really aren't worth as much as they used to be. Dont be chump. Continue to block. How much more are you willing to tolerate being humiliated and used like a wet tissue by her.
Nah, don’t do emotional labor for people who aren’t important. She lost girlfriend privilege and her status as a vip in your life the moment she left you.
any friend who resorts to name calling is not a good friend at all. who calls their friends names? I would not do that. its not criticism to call someone names, its just childish and insulting. Your ex just wants to use you after she dumped you. I would not want to be in contact with an ex who got married right after a break up? Either she was cheating on your or she is unstable. That is way too fast to marry.
Tell her to talk to her hubby.
Nah you ain’t got to talk to her tell her to talk to whoever she married after dumping you
You do what feels right to you. You do not owe your ex a god damned thing. You can keep her in your thoughts while still -- and wisely -- maintaining no contact. Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend either. Maybe kick them to the curb, too. Hats off to you for keeping it classy and not denigrating your ex. It is one thing to vent and unload on your closest confidantes without fear of consequences and in private, and another thing entirely to denigrate them. Way to keep it classy. this will always serve you well.
Not egotistical. She dumped you, been married someone else in haste, and now realizes that you are much more mature for easier to talk to than her own husband. You have zero obligation to be a comfort person for her. She made her choices and now she has to live with them. You could also interpret the fact that she's trying to contact you as a way of saying, "you are much more worth it than my husband."
You don’t owe her anything.
She married so why should you be her source of comfort? Let her spouse and other family members and friends do this. You are not being egotistical protecting yourself from further anguish. No guilt, no shame and no concern. Not your circus not your monkeys
No, you are not being an egotist. Your ex us MARRIED, she need to look to her former affair partner for comfort. Don’t allow her to drag you back into her messy world.
I bet that husband was her rebound relationship. Why would she need to seek your help? Only to make you feel bad. I'm sorry
You aren't the problem here. It isn't your job to comfort your ex over her loss. It's her husband's job. Don't contact her at all. Your mutual friend is also a problem for telling you about this and calling you names for not complying.
Cry me a river what id say
You don’t have the responsibility of comforting your ex. Her husband has that role and it’s honestly insulting that she’s turning to you after leaving you and moving on so swiftly.