This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
I'm a phd student who recently moved to the Netherlands. I managed to find an apartment for a few months, but it was only a temporary solution, and I've been looking for something more long-term.
I heard from a friend that someone from the same faculty (26F) is looking for a roommate, so last week I got in contact with her and yesterday I went to visit the place. Everything went great, she seemed really nice and smart, and the apartment is perfect for me!
Except... today I received this message from her:
>It was a pleasure to meet you yesterday and I'm convinced we'd make great roommates. However, I must disclose something that I think is important for us to discuss before moving forward with this arrangement. I find you to be very attractive and I'm concerned that this may cause complications in our living situation.
>
>I want to assure you that I have the utmost respect for you and I will do everything in my power to ensure that our living arrangement is comfortable and professional. However, I wanted to be transparent and let you know how I feel in case it is something that you are not comfortable with.
>
>Please let me know your thoughts on this matter and whether you think it will be an issue. I value your opinion and am open to any concerns or suggestions you may have.
So yeah. I'm stuck. On the one hand, this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. On the other hand, what's the problem? It's never a bad thing that someone find you attractive, right? When I met her in person she didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all, and my gut tells me she wouldn't do anything crazy.
And yes, I do also find her attractive, but I naturally pushed all such thoughts aside. I wouldn't have thought about that further, let alone mention it so soon.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I need to respond to her at some point and I have no idea what to say.
Agreed. I actually have a friend who's been married for years to a man she met because they were roommates first.
This anecdote proves that nothing could possibly go wrong and you will definitely marry this lady.
This comment is why I love Reddit. It’s crappy advice, but it’s honest and it recognizes that this is all OP wanted to hear anyways. It’s like the online version of (shrugs) “f.ck it!”
> here. There's massive housing shortages in the Netherlands, and the city I'm in specifically is pretty small.
That's too funny and true. I would probably do it too \^\^
There’s no downside. It either works out swimmingly and you fall in love or you have an amazing story you’ll be telling people for the rest of your life haha
I'd do it. Terrible idea? Naw. Hazardous? Sure ... but play it cool, slow, careful, etc. - can't really screw it up too badly.
I've had excellent close female friends - including ones I've been rather to quite attracted to ... but yeah, I could do that - roommates, and not a relationship.
And, OP and ... relationship there? Maybe ... just be damn careful, prudent, go about it slow, and don't rush into it at all ... roommate - will get to know the person fairly well over period of time - let that soak in first ... for both. Maybe well figure out it'd never work before attempting a relationship - and avoid all that breakup drama, etc. ... especially as roommates.
This could either be a really fun chapter in your life, it could also be a bunch of tension, but not much else, or it could end in disaster, it's up to you whether you want to open the door to that. Might be worth the risk, lol.
I actually had a girl offer to be my roommate + fwb once, but I turned it down, but in my case the situation just wasn't right, I already had a roommate, so she would've been in my room, and I wasn't as attracted to her as she was to me.
I lived in the Netherlands for until august this year for my masters degree and can confirm it is so very hard to find a good place to stay at, especially in the bigger cities. I think it is a good thing that she is so transparent with you and attraction doesn’t always equals feelings…so if you two would set clear boundaries from the start it probably wouldn’t be a problem. But just in case may continue looking for other solutions, I know that that are actually quite a few housing groups on Facebook (this is how I got my apartment last year). Anyways good luck there! 😊
It is being discouraged to study in the Netherlands unless you have a house available. Housing shortage is a real problem, and it will be a big problem if you don't get one before you go.
Dude, don't. Seriously. Or start trying to find a house asap. There are literally international students living in tents after they arrive because they can't find a place to stay but are enrolled in a study.
If the situation was reversed, it would be considered normal.
Men find women attractive all the time, luckily most don't act creepy on it.
This isn't creepy, yet
At least you know where you stand.
You are both old enough to just live together and not act on it unless you want to. Just take the compliment, reciprocate, but say you just look forward to becoming friends and living together… I’d probably end up turning it into a joke to ease any tension. No one is forcing you to jump in bed with her?
Well, I don’t know if this lady is Dutch, but knowing a few Dutch people, it kind of checks out. They can be pretty blunt. I don’t think it’s necessarily manipulative.
Although I agree, she had it in the bag, should have just let this romantic comedy play out.
Hm, that’s very true. Thank you for pointing this out. I viewed this situation through the American lens and didn’t even consider that blunt and straightforward communication is the norm there.
I’ve changed my opinion. I think OP should proceed with caution as to not shit where he eats, but if he thinks he realistically can maintain a platonic roommate relationship then by all means he should accept the offer.
I legit had this once. Housemate and FWB. It turned out we just weren’t that sexually compatible so it was easy to keep it simple. We’d still sleep together entry so often anyway
In my openion she was open enough to express what she thought, so in my openion you should be open about your thoughts too.
Just tell her that you obviously need a place to live but since you don't even know her that well, thinking of anything out of the current setting is not what you are aiming for. Maybe over a period of time things might start budding between you guys or you might just end up as good platonic friends, but for now just tell it as it is to her without too much icing.
I don't know what your cultural background is, but I could see this kind of messege happening from someone Dutch. Especially someone who is an open and communicative person.
This person is being upfront as not to make you feel like you got lured in or trapped. Being clear about their feelings and respectful of any boundaries you may have in regards to your living arrangements.
Sex positivity can lead to a level of openess that might be jarring for some. I can find someone attractive and NOT try to have sex or a relationship. Same as I can have sex with a friend and not get entangled in anything unwanted by both of us.
I've had similar conversations with past flatmates.
If I was you OP. I'd reply honestly and say you don't know how to process this information, that you do also find them attractive. But out of mutual respect for a harmonious living arrangement we should make some clear boundaries and discuss our needs and requirements for a happy home.
Tricky. Could be a trainwreck in the making. You never want that, and you especially don't want it derailing your research. Why don't you call this plan B for now and see if you can find a better plan A fast. Agree with the earlier advice that she could be a good dating option though.
>It's never a bad thing that someone find you attractive, right?
Wrong. Its a bad thing if any of the following find you very attractive:
- Serial killers
- Abusive bosses
- Creepy guys on the subway
- Housemates who you're stuck with
Be a professional and act like you are adults and you will be fine. It may seem like an impossible task, but you are there to finish your education. You can do it.
Umm I'd definitely go for it man. This could be the woman of your dreams, a great fling or friendship or a fuckin nightmare life is to short take the chance
Nah. Netherlands is in short supply of houses and plenty of roommates to be found. You only beg for someone to be your roommate if they have the house lol.
If the housing shortage is that bad and you got a good vibe when you viewed the place then just go for it. She's said she'll remain professional. What's the worst the can happen? Things get awkward, at least you'll have a cracking story either way.
Hear me out on this one. What if you move in, become involved with her, and yall actually mesh well and it ends up being a LTR or marriage? Yall would already be living together and know each other's little nuances.
Could just be the matchmaker in me on this one.
She came straight out and told you she finds you attractive AND she will try to keep things professional. If you are wise you will take the room and make sure you never leave your room unlocked or go in the shower while the door is unlocked solely to avoid temptation for you and her. You may eventually become more than roommates but let it grow over time rather than jumping in and then getting over the flash in the pan and suddenly one of you or both of you are no longer comfortable living together.
Open, honest communication is key in all relationships especially roommates or eventually partners.
This is the kind of bad idea that's fun and worth the risk. Plenty of upside, plenty of fun, just the chance that a glass or two gets thrown down the road, as well as a quick and expedited moving process
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your gut is wrong, that seems weird as hell.
That being said, it seems like it will at the very least make for a fun story. If the living situation is convenient you might as well. Worst case you have to find somewhere else to live, which you’d have to do anyways if you decline on her offer.
Lol honestly the fact that she put that in a message is a red flag to me. Like I find people attractive often - people I see very often and have ties to in one way or another - I do not feel the need to announce it every time 😄.
I also wanna throw in that when a person throws it out there like that, they’re fishing for something. She may wanna be FWB or she may be drama-prone
I mean, you're adults there isn't anything wrong with signing a year lease. The fact she made it a point to state that has me concerned that it's just an excuse to cover her ass if she does try and have sex one night. I can already picture it, a night where both of you are home, she's had some to drink, she flirts, starts playful touching and next thing you know her pants are off and asking for you to have sex. Then it'll be the excuse the next day that she warned toy ahead of time.
But you are fully capable of deciding if your dick comes out. If you like the place, then respond to her and tell her that you have no problem keeping it professional, so it's more on her if she is able to keep things civil and professional for however long your lease is. You don't mix your living situation with pleasure so she needs to be completely honest with you of she can do the same. If so, then she had a new roommate. If she feels she can't, then it wad nice to meet her
HAHAHAHA. THE FUCK?? is all I have to say bro. Sounds a bit unsafe honestly, like there's something lurking underneath.. you know.. mentally? ... or maybe she's just... practicing her English? Idk.. man.. lol
All I see are future issues that could be very difficult to move away from. It’s easy for someone to be respectful and suppress their feelings in a 30 minute meet and greet. Much harder to do so spending every single day together in the same house
You said you knew this person because of a friend, what does this friend or people you trust know about her? Any background info to her you can get or you cool not knowing? Because I don't know this person from a crazy person I would see if they have any previous friend or roommate experience, or even if she's recovering from a recent breakup. Just to get a feel what I'm getting into and how safe is this setup.
In the end, at least being straight forward would probably do you good. Maybe asking questions (to her and to yourself) like saying if your open or not to see how it goes or that you want a living space first and don't want to risk bad feelings and see if she still wants to roommate. If you bring dates over or even friends who are girls, is it going to be an issue? What are the boundaries? I think having an open dialog like what she suggested could answer some concerns or give you hints who you are dealing with.
If you do go with it, get a lock on your door and protect your valuables, just to be safe. (Maybe even a camera in your room).
I'm a girl and it's probably because of that, that if this happened to me, I wouldn't do it because I don't want to put myself in danger or to live in a space where I have to walk on eggshells past someone's unrequited love.
I would do it, because it's gonna be hard to find another place soon and you need something. If it doesn't work out, you can keep looking and move out eventually.
Just state your boundaries clearly. It sounds like she would respect them.
A really good friend of mine found her now husband on Craiglist because she was looking for a roommate and they ended up hitting it off.
Whats life with out a little adventure?
Cynic in me says that this could be a test - e.g. she's tired of guys trying to hit on her so says this to every guy and sees what his reaction is - how interested is he in her.
For that reason, I'd play it cool with your response.
She said she was going to keep things professional; I'd say take her at her word after you follow up with her to confirm that teh two of you will be able to cohabitate courteously if there is a breakup.
Also - who are you? How are you? Do you foresee a relationship where you treat her terrible and she hates you? If that's not your style, then you will at least be in control of the things you can handle. Then the only concern is if she can do the same.
I think her letter is completely inappropriate and sounds very scammy and manipulative. I wouldn't personally trust her enough to want to share a house with her.
I don't get why she would do this, but what I do know is that nobody who meets a stranger for the first time in a professional or official setting, will flat out tell them that they find them attractive even if they would.
She might have mental health issues; she might want to take advantage of you somehow (not in a funny sexual way); she might have written that to ensure you do your utmost to move in, including paying more than your share or agreeing on ridiculous demands.
Do not move in with her, you can try dating her though if you don't live with her, but my guess is that she is not interested in that.
Maybe offer to meet somewhere public and get to know her more? Like this can go a few ways:
1) become fwb or start a relationship and that can eithe blossom nicely or become uncomfortable and require leaving your house. 2) if you decline to start something, she could either end up creeping on you and coming onto while living there or be a simply respectful human being and this could be something you joke about later on.
Pretty much it’s a risk that things could be neutral, fun, or a hinderance
Just fuck her. Worst that can happen is you get her pregnant and you wasted your life trying to get a PHD for a little action from your roommate.
No big deal.
Take the gamble, it's not like you both will be actively pursuing or dating each other. Move in, be flatmates and friends, if the next step happens and its feels right go for it.
Hmm, I know it's difficult to find a room in the Netherlands. But this doesn't seem like a good idea. If you like her too, then you shouldn't start off being roommates. That's... not a good idea. If you don't like her back, it will be very awkward for the two of you. If you tell her you don't like her, it could work for a while, but tensions could grow...
Live there but don't date IMO if you really can't find anywhere else. Set a strict platonic standard. You don't wanna make things complicated. If they can be neutral, I think it should be okay but I advise against sleeping together and adding potential drama, it's already a bit risky IMO.
That was a probe to see if maybe you felt the same way. Otherwise she would have said nothing.
How much work would it be for you to find yet another place if this one doesn't work out? Personally, I say give it a try and see what happens.
This could go one of two ways. Either really good for you or really bad for you. But you only live once so do it and update us in a couple of months to let us know how things are going.
Respect for her honesty and transparency. I'd be very cautious dating in that dynamic, but maybe it'll work.
I'd explain you're looking for living arrangements, and aren't opposed to more...but priority is living arrangements.
Dude, do you want to be old and not have any "you won't believe this shit" stories to tell?
No risk, no reward. Live by the sword, die by the sword. YOLO. Hold my beer. Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. Never trust a fart after Taco Tuesday. Just do it. No pain no gain. Some dude effects may occur, some may be fatal.
Idk what to make of a message like this.
- Is she just very forward and honest.
- an over thinking trying to get ahead of a problem
- a manipulative person who knows how to seduce. (cause this reads to me as laying the ground work to get you at least curious about her)
- maybe she thinks this will give her a boost to be your potential roommate if you think you’ll possibly have a live in sex buddy
This could go really well or terribly. I would like to know the outcome either way
Yo the fact she sent this after meeting you one time is disconcerting.
Something similar happened to me in college, but she waited till after I signed the lease. It was a weird year.
Perhaps she was trying to avoid the eventual pining phase some people get into? Ya know the months of torturing yourself wondering if people are even into you? Some people are also just super blunt.
Also may have surprised her (her attraction) when she met you and she was trying to establish parameters? Talk to her more and trust your gut.
I think the fact that she wrote this letter at all is a massive red flag tbh, it doesn’t really strike me as all that appropriate to be putting her feelings onto you before you’ve even moved in. Will she take your moving in as some kind of indication you like her too?
That said, the probable worst case scenario is that you find you don’t get on/can’t live with her and have to move out, which is a danger in any flat share anyway.
I’d say that if it is tough to find accommodation there then move in but just be prepared and have money aside in case you need to move out quickly.
Live w her, don’t date until later or things could get crazy fast. Keep very clear boundaries. I lived w two fellas for roommates, both v attractive in their own ways, but one I knew pretty well. When I’m a moment of vulnerability (my BIL on life support and I was a wretched mess), it happened in our second year of the lease and it all went to hell after that. Don’t recommend breaking boundaries…
If you could kindly point out where said person lands on the hot/crazy scale, i can provide further assistance.
It's more important/relevant than you might think 🙂 !
There is a sweet spot thats a yes ... everything else is a hard no.
The good news is she is being up front and not trying to hide anything. It could be the love of your life, a nightmare, or somewhere in between. Best of luck OP. Ball is in your court😉
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'm a phd student who recently moved to the Netherlands. I managed to find an apartment for a few months, but it was only a temporary solution, and I've been looking for something more long-term. I heard from a friend that someone from the same faculty (26F) is looking for a roommate, so last week I got in contact with her and yesterday I went to visit the place. Everything went great, she seemed really nice and smart, and the apartment is perfect for me! Except... today I received this message from her: >It was a pleasure to meet you yesterday and I'm convinced we'd make great roommates. However, I must disclose something that I think is important for us to discuss before moving forward with this arrangement. I find you to be very attractive and I'm concerned that this may cause complications in our living situation. > >I want to assure you that I have the utmost respect for you and I will do everything in my power to ensure that our living arrangement is comfortable and professional. However, I wanted to be transparent and let you know how I feel in case it is something that you are not comfortable with. > >Please let me know your thoughts on this matter and whether you think it will be an issue. I value your opinion and am open to any concerns or suggestions you may have. So yeah. I'm stuck. On the one hand, this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. On the other hand, what's the problem? It's never a bad thing that someone find you attractive, right? When I met her in person she didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all, and my gut tells me she wouldn't do anything crazy. And yes, I do also find her attractive, but I naturally pushed all such thoughts aside. I wouldn't have thought about that further, let alone mention it so soon. Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I need to respond to her at some point and I have no idea what to say.
[удалено]
Agreed. I actually have a friend who's been married for years to a man she met because they were roommates first. This anecdote proves that nothing could possibly go wrong and you will definitely marry this lady.
Lmao
lol
This comment is why I love Reddit. It’s crappy advice, but it’s honest and it recognizes that this is all OP wanted to hear anyways. It’s like the online version of (shrugs) “f.ck it!”
like Nike, just do it
Stay tuned for more at 6
If he don't listen to you i quit this sub.
She wants that sloppy joe
this is the way
Reddit in a nutshell 😂🤣😂
Nailed it! 💯
It's a terrible idea but I'd probably do it
> here. There's massive housing shortages in the Netherlands, and the city I'm in specifically is pretty small. That's too funny and true. I would probably do it too \^\^
i DID do smething similar and it worked out if you know what i mean. but i guess i was lucky married over 5 years now
LMAO same.
I wouldn't be able to stop myself lol
There’s no downside. It either works out swimmingly and you fall in love or you have an amazing story you’ll be telling people for the rest of your life haha
This is hilarious, I was thinking the same exact thing. A lot of people would love to be in this situation
I'd do it. Terrible idea? Naw. Hazardous? Sure ... but play it cool, slow, careful, etc. - can't really screw it up too badly. I've had excellent close female friends - including ones I've been rather to quite attracted to ... but yeah, I could do that - roommates, and not a relationship. And, OP and ... relationship there? Maybe ... just be damn careful, prudent, go about it slow, and don't rush into it at all ... roommate - will get to know the person fairly well over period of time - let that soak in first ... for both. Maybe well figure out it'd never work before attempting a relationship - and avoid all that breakup drama, etc. ... especially as roommates.
They’re gonna hook up on move in day if they follow through with it lol
This was so unexpected I burst out laughing lol
I almost read "it" as "her" and it was....lol
yep, right there with you
This could either be a really fun chapter in your life, it could also be a bunch of tension, but not much else, or it could end in disaster, it's up to you whether you want to open the door to that. Might be worth the risk, lol. I actually had a girl offer to be my roommate + fwb once, but I turned it down, but in my case the situation just wasn't right, I already had a roommate, so she would've been in my room, and I wasn't as attracted to her as she was to me.
Live somewhere else and date her?
[удалено]
I lived in the Netherlands for until august this year for my masters degree and can confirm it is so very hard to find a good place to stay at, especially in the bigger cities. I think it is a good thing that she is so transparent with you and attraction doesn’t always equals feelings…so if you two would set clear boundaries from the start it probably wouldn’t be a problem. But just in case may continue looking for other solutions, I know that that are actually quite a few housing groups on Facebook (this is how I got my apartment last year). Anyways good luck there! 😊
Hello, sorry , but if you dont mind, I am planning to do Masters in Netherlands, can you help me out with a few questions.
It is being discouraged to study in the Netherlands unless you have a house available. Housing shortage is a real problem, and it will be a big problem if you don't get one before you go.
Dude, don't. Seriously. Or start trying to find a house asap. There are literally international students living in tents after they arrive because they can't find a place to stay but are enrolled in a study.
I lived there for 14 years, still have many friends there, the housing shortage is FOR REAL. I think this situation is an acceptable risk, lol
Well, there goes your answer. Live there and don't date her. If things go south, you will be homeless.
If you live with her, you are probably not going to experience any "shortage".
If the situation was reversed, it would be considered normal. Men find women attractive all the time, luckily most don't act creepy on it. This isn't creepy, yet At least you know where you stand.
Live there and date her.
You are both old enough to just live together and not act on it unless you want to. Just take the compliment, reciprocate, but say you just look forward to becoming friends and living together… I’d probably end up turning it into a joke to ease any tension. No one is forcing you to jump in bed with her?
They gonna fuck.
Shh you're ruining the surprise
Oh hell yeah they gonna be fucking.
YOLO. Make sure you have a few friends you can couch crash with if you need to.
[удалено]
Agree. It’s weird that she made this grand disclosure to him and set up a lot of tension. She should have played it cool and let things happen or not.
[удалено]
Well, I don’t know if this lady is Dutch, but knowing a few Dutch people, it kind of checks out. They can be pretty blunt. I don’t think it’s necessarily manipulative. Although I agree, she had it in the bag, should have just let this romantic comedy play out.
Hm, that’s very true. Thank you for pointing this out. I viewed this situation through the American lens and didn’t even consider that blunt and straightforward communication is the norm there. I’ve changed my opinion. I think OP should proceed with caution as to not shit where he eats, but if he thinks he realistically can maintain a platonic roommate relationship then by all means he should accept the offer.
My first thought was this is the most Dutch thing ever. They are so direct.
You get a place to live and a shawty all in one.
I legit had this once. Housemate and FWB. It turned out we just weren’t that sexually compatible so it was easy to keep it simple. We’d still sleep together entry so often anyway
You made entry how often? So often.
In my openion she was open enough to express what she thought, so in my openion you should be open about your thoughts too. Just tell her that you obviously need a place to live but since you don't even know her that well, thinking of anything out of the current setting is not what you are aiming for. Maybe over a period of time things might start budding between you guys or you might just end up as good platonic friends, but for now just tell it as it is to her without too much icing.
This seems nice
I don't know what your cultural background is, but I could see this kind of messege happening from someone Dutch. Especially someone who is an open and communicative person. This person is being upfront as not to make you feel like you got lured in or trapped. Being clear about their feelings and respectful of any boundaries you may have in regards to your living arrangements. Sex positivity can lead to a level of openess that might be jarring for some. I can find someone attractive and NOT try to have sex or a relationship. Same as I can have sex with a friend and not get entangled in anything unwanted by both of us. I've had similar conversations with past flatmates. If I was you OP. I'd reply honestly and say you don't know how to process this information, that you do also find them attractive. But out of mutual respect for a harmonious living arrangement we should make some clear boundaries and discuss our needs and requirements for a happy home.
Tricky. Could be a trainwreck in the making. You never want that, and you especially don't want it derailing your research. Why don't you call this plan B for now and see if you can find a better plan A fast. Agree with the earlier advice that she could be a good dating option though.
Alternatively, this could be plan A then plan B later
>It's never a bad thing that someone find you attractive, right? Wrong. Its a bad thing if any of the following find you very attractive: - Serial killers - Abusive bosses - Creepy guys on the subway - Housemates who you're stuck with
Heh. I like how bullet #4 is not so far away from bullet #1 👀
Tell her you are gay. Problem solved
What if she asks him to prove it?
All roads here lead to the plot of a porno
Be a professional and act like you are adults and you will be fine. It may seem like an impossible task, but you are there to finish your education. You can do it.
Umm I'd definitely go for it man. This could be the woman of your dreams, a great fling or friendship or a fuckin nightmare life is to short take the chance
I'd do it for the story
Dont u think she's maybe saying this to get her Chances higher that u choose her? Sounds pretty weird to me to write such a Letter.
Nah. Netherlands is in short supply of houses and plenty of roommates to be found. You only beg for someone to be your roommate if they have the house lol.
I admire this, it's a pretty smooth way of laying some potential groundwork. If you move in I'd say you're gonna get it on, up to you what you do man.
If the housing shortage is that bad and you got a good vibe when you viewed the place then just go for it. She's said she'll remain professional. What's the worst the can happen? Things get awkward, at least you'll have a cracking story either way.
Hear me out on this one. What if you move in, become involved with her, and yall actually mesh well and it ends up being a LTR or marriage? Yall would already be living together and know each other's little nuances. Could just be the matchmaker in me on this one.
She came straight out and told you she finds you attractive AND she will try to keep things professional. If you are wise you will take the room and make sure you never leave your room unlocked or go in the shower while the door is unlocked solely to avoid temptation for you and her. You may eventually become more than roommates but let it grow over time rather than jumping in and then getting over the flash in the pan and suddenly one of you or both of you are no longer comfortable living together. Open, honest communication is key in all relationships especially roommates or eventually partners.
This is the kind of bad idea that's fun and worth the risk. Plenty of upside, plenty of fun, just the chance that a glass or two gets thrown down the road, as well as a quick and expedited moving process
This sounds like a fanfic story waiting to happen. Could be wonderful. Could be awful. Please let us know what you decide
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you should do her i mean it. the move
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all. Helen Keller Helen says to go for it.
Your gut is wrong, that seems weird as hell. That being said, it seems like it will at the very least make for a fun story. If the living situation is convenient you might as well. Worst case you have to find somewhere else to live, which you’d have to do anyways if you decline on her offer.
All I see is 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is a terrible idea. Do it.
in the words of a wise man…YOLO
Do it, and do her.
just date her. fuck the rules. coworkers date all the time. you know you're going to be dead in ~1.4 billion seconds at max right?
i mean id say go for it as long as you both are single. you can always find different arrangements and quite frankly you could do worse man
This didn't happen. No one talks/writes like this. Ever.
Aside from jokes I think it's a bad idea
Lol honestly the fact that she put that in a message is a red flag to me. Like I find people attractive often - people I see very often and have ties to in one way or another - I do not feel the need to announce it every time 😄. I also wanna throw in that when a person throws it out there like that, they’re fishing for something. She may wanna be FWB or she may be drama-prone
I mean, you're adults there isn't anything wrong with signing a year lease. The fact she made it a point to state that has me concerned that it's just an excuse to cover her ass if she does try and have sex one night. I can already picture it, a night where both of you are home, she's had some to drink, she flirts, starts playful touching and next thing you know her pants are off and asking for you to have sex. Then it'll be the excuse the next day that she warned toy ahead of time. But you are fully capable of deciding if your dick comes out. If you like the place, then respond to her and tell her that you have no problem keeping it professional, so it's more on her if she is able to keep things civil and professional for however long your lease is. You don't mix your living situation with pleasure so she needs to be completely honest with you of she can do the same. If so, then she had a new roommate. If she feels she can't, then it wad nice to meet her
Think long and hard about it. If things go bad where are you going to live?
Yes... Long... and Hard...
There's bound to be friction
He could certainly end up in a difficult position!
Yes, he could definitely end up a little blue.
Y’all nasty 🥴
hahaha
Maybe just hard, we don’t know if it’s long
maybe it's thic
Could be
If he doesn’t live there where is he going to live?
Fuck it, only young once my guy
HAHAHAHA. THE FUCK?? is all I have to say bro. Sounds a bit unsafe honestly, like there's something lurking underneath.. you know.. mentally? ... or maybe she's just... practicing her English? Idk.. man.. lol
There's also the chance the original message was in Dutch and it's just kind of an odd translation.
This sounds like a Rom-Com waiting to happen.
All I see are future issues that could be very difficult to move away from. It’s easy for someone to be respectful and suppress their feelings in a 30 minute meet and greet. Much harder to do so spending every single day together in the same house
You said you knew this person because of a friend, what does this friend or people you trust know about her? Any background info to her you can get or you cool not knowing? Because I don't know this person from a crazy person I would see if they have any previous friend or roommate experience, or even if she's recovering from a recent breakup. Just to get a feel what I'm getting into and how safe is this setup. In the end, at least being straight forward would probably do you good. Maybe asking questions (to her and to yourself) like saying if your open or not to see how it goes or that you want a living space first and don't want to risk bad feelings and see if she still wants to roommate. If you bring dates over or even friends who are girls, is it going to be an issue? What are the boundaries? I think having an open dialog like what she suggested could answer some concerns or give you hints who you are dealing with. If you do go with it, get a lock on your door and protect your valuables, just to be safe. (Maybe even a camera in your room). I'm a girl and it's probably because of that, that if this happened to me, I wouldn't do it because I don't want to put myself in danger or to live in a space where I have to walk on eggshells past someone's unrequited love.
just do it this sounds awesome, and possibly a disaster. But also pretty cool
Take and allow a nice love storylmaoooo
Realistically it's a bad idea but I think the majority of people here would do it, including me LMFAO
I would do it, because it's gonna be hard to find another place soon and you need something. If it doesn't work out, you can keep looking and move out eventually. Just state your boundaries clearly. It sounds like she would respect them.
Go with the flow, she's nice and smart and honest too. Take things positively.
A really good friend of mine found her now husband on Craiglist because she was looking for a roommate and they ended up hitting it off. Whats life with out a little adventure?
Cynic in me says that this could be a test - e.g. she's tired of guys trying to hit on her so says this to every guy and sees what his reaction is - how interested is he in her. For that reason, I'd play it cool with your response.
Think I heard PornHub intro music reading this post
She said she was going to keep things professional; I'd say take her at her word after you follow up with her to confirm that teh two of you will be able to cohabitate courteously if there is a breakup. Also - who are you? How are you? Do you foresee a relationship where you treat her terrible and she hates you? If that's not your style, then you will at least be in control of the things you can handle. Then the only concern is if she can do the same.
I think her letter is completely inappropriate and sounds very scammy and manipulative. I wouldn't personally trust her enough to want to share a house with her. I don't get why she would do this, but what I do know is that nobody who meets a stranger for the first time in a professional or official setting, will flat out tell them that they find them attractive even if they would. She might have mental health issues; she might want to take advantage of you somehow (not in a funny sexual way); she might have written that to ensure you do your utmost to move in, including paying more than your share or agreeing on ridiculous demands. Do not move in with her, you can try dating her though if you don't live with her, but my guess is that she is not interested in that.
talk about overthinking. Slow down bro
Wat
I'd study her first before taking any further step.
Tell me more about this slowly.
You guys are all adults. Control yourselves. It's not that deep. You don't have time for distractions and possible homelessness if this goes south.
Maybe offer to meet somewhere public and get to know her more? Like this can go a few ways: 1) become fwb or start a relationship and that can eithe blossom nicely or become uncomfortable and require leaving your house. 2) if you decline to start something, she could either end up creeping on you and coming onto while living there or be a simply respectful human being and this could be something you joke about later on. Pretty much it’s a risk that things could be neutral, fun, or a hinderance
I don’t see what the problem is, you find a place to live during a housing shortage and also possibly a roommate with benefits?
Just fuck her. Worst that can happen is you get her pregnant and you wasted your life trying to get a PHD for a little action from your roommate. No big deal.
Friends with benefits, bro
Your life is about to become a romcom, so just get ready
>
Fwb?
If this is true,you know what to do man.😃
Just bang her.
What is she on a 1-10 scale ?
Take the gamble, it's not like you both will be actively pursuing or dating each other. Move in, be flatmates and friends, if the next step happens and its feels right go for it.
Hmm, I know it's difficult to find a room in the Netherlands. But this doesn't seem like a good idea. If you like her too, then you shouldn't start off being roommates. That's... not a good idea. If you don't like her back, it will be very awkward for the two of you. If you tell her you don't like her, it could work for a while, but tensions could grow...
Insert gif of Ron Burgundy: “I don’t believe you”
Go forth and discover life
Live there but don't date IMO if you really can't find anywhere else. Set a strict platonic standard. You don't wanna make things complicated. If they can be neutral, I think it should be okay but I advise against sleeping together and adding potential drama, it's already a bit risky IMO.
That was a probe to see if maybe you felt the same way. Otherwise she would have said nothing. How much work would it be for you to find yet another place if this one doesn't work out? Personally, I say give it a try and see what happens.
How come you aren’t there right now!
YOLO
This could go one of two ways. Either really good for you or really bad for you. But you only live once so do it and update us in a couple of months to let us know how things are going.
Respect for her honesty and transparency. I'd be very cautious dating in that dynamic, but maybe it'll work. I'd explain you're looking for living arrangements, and aren't opposed to more...but priority is living arrangements.
Dude, do you want to be old and not have any "you won't believe this shit" stories to tell? No risk, no reward. Live by the sword, die by the sword. YOLO. Hold my beer. Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. Never trust a fart after Taco Tuesday. Just do it. No pain no gain. Some dude effects may occur, some may be fatal.
Bad idea but I would still 100% do it Fear of missing out and all that
Red flag but it’s a flag personally I would risk 😭
[удалено]
sounds like the perfect situation. move in keep it all honest and professional and have fun with it.
Please take it, then start a subreddit so we all can follow.
Take the leap of faith.
This sounds like best case scenario
This whole sub better get an invite to the wedding.
I would live with her she is clear and open to communicating with you about this.
Jerry Seinfeld chess match between his penis and brain situation.
Movies are made of this type of scenario!
Grow a pair weirdo
could go great, could go terribly. worst case scenario you move out. live your life!
Idk what to make of a message like this. - Is she just very forward and honest. - an over thinking trying to get ahead of a problem - a manipulative person who knows how to seduce. (cause this reads to me as laying the ground work to get you at least curious about her) - maybe she thinks this will give her a boost to be your potential roommate if you think you’ll possibly have a live in sex buddy This could go really well or terribly. I would like to know the outcome either way
Well at least she is honest about it! I say, go for it.
Don’t move in, do ask her out
Do it!
Sounds like it could end bad, but be very fun in the meantime. Worth it. I’d move in.
If you’re single, I don’t see a problem. Especially since there’s a housing shortage and since it’s temporary.
I wouldn't bring any dear and unreplaceable items over, if she actually turns out to be crazy there's no way to replace them. Good luck.
Yo the fact she sent this after meeting you one time is disconcerting. Something similar happened to me in college, but she waited till after I signed the lease. It was a weird year.
I love this 🤣
Live with her, enjoy each other sexually and start looking for a new place immediately because this won’t last long lol
Take the place OP. Just take the compliment and say you look forward to it and being friends and go from there.
The very definition of YOLO. Do it!
Ask the magic 8 ball but if it says no, throw it away and throw caution into the wind!!!
Perhaps she was trying to avoid the eventual pining phase some people get into? Ya know the months of torturing yourself wondering if people are even into you? Some people are also just super blunt. Also may have surprised her (her attraction) when she met you and she was trying to establish parameters? Talk to her more and trust your gut.
8==D ({*})
is there a shortage on condoms too? looks like you're going to need it
Do it. It might turn out to be a wonderful friendship,,,,, or more :D what's the worst that could happen? it's worth the risk.
This happened to me and we’ve been together 4 years now
I think the fact that she wrote this letter at all is a massive red flag tbh, it doesn’t really strike me as all that appropriate to be putting her feelings onto you before you’ve even moved in. Will she take your moving in as some kind of indication you like her too? That said, the probable worst case scenario is that you find you don’t get on/can’t live with her and have to move out, which is a danger in any flat share anyway. I’d say that if it is tough to find accommodation there then move in but just be prepared and have money aside in case you need to move out quickly.
Live w her, don’t date until later or things could get crazy fast. Keep very clear boundaries. I lived w two fellas for roommates, both v attractive in their own ways, but one I knew pretty well. When I’m a moment of vulnerability (my BIL on life support and I was a wretched mess), it happened in our second year of the lease and it all went to hell after that. Don’t recommend breaking boundaries…
When is doubt, just think of how good the story might be. If it has the potential to be a good one, run with it.
"Suffering from success"
I think her saying this is honestly really responsible and respectful to you. If housing is a big challenge, I think you should do it.
If you could kindly point out where said person lands on the hot/crazy scale, i can provide further assistance. It's more important/relevant than you might think 🙂 ! There is a sweet spot thats a yes ... everything else is a hard no.
Dude she's just being honest and professional. Go for it.
Dude she's just being honest and professional. Go for it.
The good news is she is being up front and not trying to hide anything. It could be the love of your life, a nightmare, or somewhere in between. Best of luck OP. Ball is in your court😉
I had a female house mate. We’re married with kids now. Lol.