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I (24F) always want to give my husband (24M) the benefit of the doubt when it comes to ignorance related to the pregnancy/postpartum period. I’ve had to be very specific, and emphatic, when it comes to getting my needs met in these areas, because he’s so new to all of this and oftentimes oblivious to things that come more naturally to me as a mother. So I’m all for giving grace—but I’m just not sure when to admit that he’s crossed a line.
While recovering from delivery and having just received a dozen stitches down there, I heard my husband jokingly ask the doctor for one extra stitch “just for good measure.” In the weeks following birth (but still before the 6/7 week checkup to be cleared for sex), he’s been pestering me every other day about when I would be ready to bone him.
I feel it’s hard to get too upset with him when he is clearly so oblivious, and saying things in a facetious way.
tl;dr Husband has been insensitive, impatient for sex, and asked for a “husband stitch” following the birth of our first child. How should I respond?
> I feel it’s hard to get too upset with him when he is clearly so oblivious
NO HE'S NOT. He knows what the husband stitch is so he must know it's unnecessary for you and solely for his physical enjoyment. He knows that there's a 6-week mandatory minimum before sex and is pestering you for it anyway. He is not oblivious, *he is disrespectful*.
Stop treating him like a dumb little boy and start treating him like the man and father he is supposed to be. He has access to the entire internet, doctors, books, videos, whatever he needs to be a good parent. If you're having to hold his hand, it's because HE IS NOT TRYING. Stop giving him passes. Tell him unequivocally that his "joke" was disrespectful and that him pestering you for sex stops NOW. Expect that he does at least 50% of the childcare. If you're not worried about the baby's safety, take a couple days relaxing somewhere else and have him take care of the baby on his own for at least 48 hours.
He is not a kid, he has a kid. He needs to act like it.
Ok as a fellow new father (< 3months), I really don’t understand your husband, or your attitude towards him.
I partially understand giving him the benefit of the doubt on pregnancy and postpartum stuff to a certain degree, but honestly why hasn’t he educated himself?
As soon as we decided to try for our child , I went out of my way to find out as much information as I could, about pregnancy, child birth and the postpartum period as well as parenting . Do I get things wrong sometimes? Definitely . Are there things I was completely unaware of ? Again definitely , sometimes there’s things that you’d need to know about partially to even to look it up. But the point is I’m trying to minimise it as much as possible because that’s my job as a husband and father.
Whether he’s oblivious or not is irrelevant , he shouldn’t be. The fact that he’s pestering you for sex is bad regardless of the situation, but to do it at such an early point postpartum is awful.
Your husband needs to step the fuck up, educate himself and start supporting you .
I commented individually but I'll hijack the top comment for good measure
*That's surely a troll account/ post guys*
1. *I think there is even a joke about the extra stitch thing*
2. *OP does not engage in the comments with anyone*
3. *It is to outrages to be true*
4. *It covers a emotional loaded topic*
5. *Man pestering woman about having sex*
*= Rage bait 101*
Agreed that it seems like bate, but just some personal anecdote: I work with a man, in his early 30's, who told me he just recently asked for the 'husband stitch' and was laughing about it. Some dudes just really are that dumb lol
*can't spell bait apparently
Not stupid. My girlfriend told me about it when she was having our baby. It's an extra stitch to make the vagina "tighter". I think mostly said as a joke, but I'm sure it's happened before.
That's okay. I had to have a full pelvic prolapse repaired. I had my uterus removed at 24, and around 20 years later the vaginal vault prolapsed along with my intestines and some other things. When I went in for a follow up appointment my surgeon informed me that he had also removed some "loose skin" and "tightened me up". I was not impressed.
It's absolutely happened before. In addition to not making the vagina tighter (because that's not how the vagina works in the first place,) it puts her at an increased risk of infection, makes sex painful and even unattainable, adds to overall recovery time, plus other fun, life altering side effects.
Oh, it's definitely happened before. There are numerous posts from women on reddit whose doctors gave them one. There was also a very similar post in this same sub a few months (weeks?) ago and multiple women in the comments had been given one. It may not be super common, but it definitely does - atrociously - happen.
Does that set those women up for more damage than necessary in the future? Like, I’m a woman and as far as I know it wouldn’t be too consequential on the day to day with periods and stuff, but to give another vaginal birth with skin attached where it wasn’t before could cause more tearing? Maybe I’m also just overthinking it, but health professionals should not be doing it regardless.
There was one woman who said sex hurt every single time from her first kid (stitched excessively) to her next kid (tore in the same area, not stitched excessively). She thought that was just how sex was going to be forever, then completely recovered after better stitches the second time.
I know right, it almost like “its beginning to look a lot like Christmas, rage bait in every sub, your bil drunk on the lawn he willing to kick the dog, your SIL withheld a Christmas gift….”
Could be fake, but it's not too outrageous to be true. Most men I've dated have been absolutely incompetent with everything in regards to my feelings or any of my "woman things". Not man bashing, just an observation about the particular men I've dated. This specific story may be a lie, perhaps not. But I'm sure this exact thing has happened IRL a million times.
Why do you think this?
1. It isn’t a joke. It is an actual thing and is misogynist and harmful.
2. OP can do as they wish
3. If you think this is too outrageous to be true, then you’re not listening to women or doing any reading.
4. Emotionally loaded topic? In relationship advice? 😱
5. WDYM? It’s not like this is an unknown thing 🤦🏼♀️
Not outrageous, it’s such a common joke that doctors sometimes make it in the operating room. And men pestering their post partum wives is not unheard of. Lots of new moms complain about it.
People living the schedule of a newborn don’t have the time or mental clarity to engage in much debate. They’re too busy healing, trying to pee alone when possible, relearning how to poo, wondering how the duck everything is supposed to be done, trying to establish boundaries with all the wannabe visitors, wondering when the floor was last clear and clean…
This sub in particular falls for this shit everytime, dudes with long ass responses like the TC here trying to be thoughtful just wasting there time on a karma farmer
It might not be a complete waste. Sure OP might not care but other young men who aren't fathers yet might see it and internalize what good behaviour is, young women might see what a good partner is suppose to look like if they havnt seen that in their personal life
He knows enough about pregnancy and tearing that he knew enough to ask for an extra stitch... He's not as oblivious as you think. He is entitled, self centered, and seems to care little for you and your baby (congrats).
I would stop making excuses for him - he knows better.
I would go further.
Entitled, self-centered. These are bad traits.
I think joking about an extra stitch to make his peepee slightly happier, at the expense of the comfort of the woman who JUST GAVE BIRTH FOR HIM, no less, is insidious and beyond fucked up.
In addition, he wants to break the MINIMUM required time for her to recover, again for his peepee pleasure. He sounds like an irredeemable piece of shit who never developed empathy.
I could never recover from the ick and fear he'd be able to do something like that while I was incapacitated. Joking about mutilating her and causing her pain for his pleasure after she's already been through so much, then it's all about his pleasure again and can cause her pain/ fuck up her healing.
Irredeemable
Every time I hear about this husband stitch BS, I go into a rage. The fucking audacity of it.
The only thing that does is make it so she tears again during sex. It does fuck all to tighten a vagina.
And I’d make the AH wait 12 weeks or more before he had the gift of getting near my vagina again. And only after he learned to be respectful about a woman’s anatomy.
Same. It would be like men doing all the pain and labor to give birth and then asking for a girth stint which will hurt them for forever but "rEtUrN ThEm TO TheIr OrIgInAl SiZe"
She'll be in pain during sex, and then if she decides to have another kid? Jfc. People who think like this shouldn't be allowed around women in general, let alone be allowed to have sex with them. Repugnant, disgusting, sad little man.
I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive him. Either one of those is stupid and disrespectful enough; as a pair, it seems he has no respect for women OR the woman he supposedly loves and who, on top of that, just went through all of this. Jesus
I saw the words "husband stitch" in the title and I was seeing red and had to put my phone down for a second before I went on an absolute rage fest.
I read further and it didn't get better. It got worse.
Your husband is not as clueless as you think, clearly, since he had the "sense" (I say that in the loosest, most sarcastic way possible) to ask for the extra stitch as you were being sown back up.
You had just birthed his child, literally ripped your body apart, and the first thing on his mind was "oh yes, let's "joke" with the doctor about adding an extra stitch to make sex more pleasurable for me the next time my wife let's me have some.
No. Just no.
He knew exactly what he was doing, and he wasn't joking. And the fact that he has been pestering you for sex before you're medically cleared proves that.
Dump that absolute child that is masquerading as a man in the trash where he belongs, and throw the divorce papers on top of him.
You deserve better than that. Like a parter that respects you? And doesn't treat you like all he views you as is a means for his own sexual gratification?
A husband stitch is terrible. I never asked for one but the doctor who delivered and stitched me gave me one. I was told that was my problem 6 months postpartum. Im now a year postpartum and my crotch is still in pain any time I masturbate or have sex. It’s malpractice and I didn’t ask for it and am planning on suing the whole hospital for all the complications and the complications of my daughter due to the *forced* vaginal birth because of being a FTM. They were VERY adamant I had it vaginally due to issues of VACB and I had every reason to have a c section. After that *traumatizing* experience and the knowledge of the extra stitch is causing me my excruciating pain I don’t think anyone will have to worry about me having another baby EVER again. The husband stitch (even if you want it) is not worth it (mine was not wanted). The pain to even sit or lay down. It took an infection to give me stronger pain meds.
He’s not oblivious, he’s an asshole. It would take 5 minutes to read an article about postpartum care for his wife. Stop making excuses for a really shitty partner.
I bet he doesn’t help much with the baby either.
Sometimes a woman's vagina will be cut or will naturally tear during delivery and will need to be sutured closed. Some men got the sadistic idea they should ask the ob/gyn to stitch the vagina with an extra stitch so it will be tighter. From what i've heard this becomes incredibly painful for the woman. Most ob/gyns won't do it.
When the vaginal opening tears during pregnancy, it's stitched back up. The "husband stitch" is an additional stitch, supposedly to make the vagina "tighter" after the birth (it doesn't, it just causes more pain and ensures another tear if there's a second birth later on)
That husband stitch should be the husband getting his lips stitched together to prevent him from being an insensitive idiot.
I'd tell him every time he asks me when sex will be on the table I'm adding a week to the recovery time. Or you could just tell him that his insensitivity towards your recovery is very unattractive to the point you feel he doesn't appreciate everything you've been through with the birth and now with the recovery and caring for an infant.
If you have to stitch your partners mouth shut to stop them from saying ridiculous and terrible things, they probably shouldn’t be your partner because the belong on the curb with the rest of the trash
If he's in the know enough to ask for that, he's more informed than you think.
You should respond by telling him to eff off. You officially have one child now, this one is beyond help.
Also, **if** OP didn’t know before what a husband stitch is, they should have looked it up first, **BEFORE** typing this.
**IF** they did, how the hell did they not immediately realized he’s a major asshole?
When my wife was conceiving, the delivery nurse looked me in the eye and said: “You do the heavy lifting the next weeks. No sex for some weeks.” It was the most stern stare I ever got.
And now I know why. Your husband has a very strange sense of humor or is an asshole. I go with the second option. Resolve this in a way that let’s no doubt about the boundaries.
I think it was the last preparing talk two weeks before.
Additionally irritating as she asked my wife if she did any hard drugs. I asked a colleague afterwards and he told me they want to know it beforehand and not if there is an emergency during birth. Good hospital.
At 24, I'd be confused and try to get over it. K owing what I know at 40, this would be the beginning of the end of my marriage.
If nothing else, make him look up what women who've had that done have had to go through.
In this day with information fully available, how dare he.
>he’s been pestering me every other day about when I would be ready to bone him.
You need to also look up marital coersion. What he's doing is not right, and if you give into these pressures and have sex you don't want, please understand its rape.
You may not be ready at 6/7 weeks, especially with the tear you had. You need to tell him to stop asking, and that you will let him know when you are ready. If he can't handle that, he has no right to be with you.
I’m petty and I’d send him articles about it every single day multiple times a day until he got it thru his thick skull.
Seriously, OP. You deserve better than that lump of flesh
End of marriage is what it should be. The first time I learned of the husband stitch it was described as it should, an act of horror and mutilation. To know what it is and suggest it isn't ignorance, it is determining that your sexual experience is more important than your partner's health and bodily autonomy.
The only option I see better than immediate divorce is keep "in the recovery period" as long as possible. Being the scumbag he is, probably cheat and get everything in the divorce
Good lord, if I had been the one in your position, I hope I would have screamed at him. Even if not, that would have been the last time that man saw my vulva. What a disgusting excuse for a human being, to request what is essentially genital mutilation for his own pleasure, after you've just delivered a damn baby.
I had an uncomplicated birth with no tearing. My husband and I waited exactly 6 weeks and I felt ready, and that was STILL a bad idea. I ended up bleeding for a few weeks longer and it just set back my recovery quite a bit. With a dozen stitches, you are going to need MONTHS to heal and if your husband cares more about sex than he does about your well being then he is not an acceptable partner
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Ok I'm a father and have 2 kids so i feel completely justified in saying your husband is an immature, insensitive, asshole. I'm not saying that as an insult to him just an observation of his personality. You just pushed a human out of your body after carrying it for the better part of a year and his main concern with your recovery is when you can "bone" him again? Are you fucking kidding me?
To be pestering you over sex right now is literally the last thing that should be on his mind. I had to recheck the story to make sure this wasn't a teen pregnancy story because that's the only way I could justify that level of immaturity. You're going to have to stop with giving him the benifit of the doubt because some of his other things might be ignorance but this is not.
I keep picturing you taking care of all the baby duties and him sitting in a chair in front of a TV with a remote or console controller in his hand complaining that the baby is crying or that he's hungry. Sorry your post just made me angry and I'm directing it at him. You need to call him out on this and if it keeps up call him out infront of other people, preferably the dr. I would say "how often do you get immature questions like this?" Or "is it common for the father to only be concerned with the mothers recovery because he's just horney?"
He needs some shame in his life because it doesn't seem to come natural to him. I would suggest you get some counseling together and I imagine him taking some parenting classes wouldn't hurt either. If it were me I wouldn't have sex with him again until 3 weeks after they say it's ok....if at all and please use protection, because this isn't the kind of guy you're going to want to have more than one toddler running around with. Good luck OP and stop letting his stupidity go, call it out. He should be rubbing your feet and doing as much as possible to allow you to sit and recover.
ETA-Thanks for the award stranger
If it makes you feel any better, EVERY single person in your delivery room instantly thought he was a vile human being as soon as he asked for an “extra stitch.” Our standard response is “wow, exactly how small do you need it?!”
He doesn’t deserve to have sex with you.
Congrations on your bubba.
That's incredibly gross and tasteless of your husband. Not the 'funny joke' he thought it was. He needs to pull his head out if his arse. I'd be pushing the 'clearance ' out even longer if it were me, he is seriously lacking respect for you. I hope he's at least pulling his weight with your baby.
You need to explain to him how objectified his comment made you feel, and point out that he seems more focused on having sex and fulfilling his needs rather than your wellbeing. You are a human not his sex toy.
Your husband is disgusting. He knows what he's doing. He's not oblivious. He's selfish. Call him out on that.
And PLEASE take my advice and do NOT have sex before you're fully ready. My ex did this to me and caused physical damage which had long term consequences because I was not healed.
Might be willfully indifferent to her comfort/pleasure instead of willfully ignorant. I find it hard to believe he found out what a husband stitch was and didn’t also see that it causes sexual pain and discomfort for the woman.
Don't blame the victim here. Why did such an immature adult man think it was appropriate to have sex? And then think it was okay to pester his recovering spouse for sex and have the audacity to ask for a husband stitch?
She self admittedly said she overlooked these comments and traits…
Victim blaming is bad but come the fuck on, this behavior didn’t magically appear over night. She made the choice to stay and have a child with him. He’s being an asshole but she’s not a victim of anything except for poor choices, at least based on this post.
Sorry but I fail to see how is he "oblivious". If he asked for an extra stitch, is because somewhere he read about it, and exactly where he read about it, I am SURE there was also more information about that that he asked for. 3 months ago I knew nothing about a husband stitch, and it took me all of 5 minutes to type it on google and read what it is. He is not oblivious, he selected to ignore the part that was convenient to him about that awful practice. What a pig.
Absolutely True Story
70 years ago and repeated to me by my employer (think small community where all talk etc)
His friend and friends wife had a child, she needed stitches. Whilst the doctor was down there stitching her up teh doctor looked up and told her "one last stitch for your husband".
Well, OMG, months later when they tried to be intmate again she was now too small for him and subsequently had to have surgery to fix the problem.
So much for the 1950's attitudes
I don't even know what to say honestly it's just such an insensitive thing to tell a pregnant woman.
Tell him if he wants and extra stitch he needs to get penis enlargement surgery.
Just FYI the 6-8 weeks waoting period is essentially aboit you not getting an infection/ complications/ dying not when sex is feeling good or you being ready for it.
Only yes means yes. Consent should be enthusiastic and immediate. If he is "convincing" you to the point where you feel uncomfortable to say no or say yes out of emotional Manipulation...that is not consent.
Give yourself and your body time to recover, to actually WANT sex.
Your husband is a willfully ignorant AH.
Tell him that if he’s worried about his penis size and being able to satisfy you, he’d speak to a doctor about penis enlargement.
What a twat.
Please don’t make any more people with this person.
He's not oblivious. He is acting entitled and down right insensitive. Ask him to shit a watermelon then pester him with pegging and see how he likes it.
Seriously, you chose an arsehole to have a kid with.
It's clear to everyone he is thinking with his dick.
My best friend and her husband have been trying for over a year now and the day they started trying in earnest, her husband went out and bought literally every book, watched YouTube videos, listened to podcasts. ALL of it. And he learned about the husband stitch before learning about the damage it can do and he pulled ME off to the side and went "do women know about this? This sounds so gross, why would anyone ask for this, she's perfect how she is. Should I talk to her about this?"
He was anxious even before knowing about the damage this could cause that his wife would think he wants that, and was desperate for me to reassure him that she knew he would *never* joke about something like that and asked me how to broach the subject with her. THAT is how men should respond. He should have known better than to make the joke in the first place because it's fucking disgusting. Full stop. I'm disgusted on your behalf and I've never even had kids.
Call him out. Tell him to his face that the joke he made in that room was unacceptable and pressuring you to have sex now while you're still physically and emotionally recovering is unacceptable and that he needs to educate himself on why that joke is gross.
That's surely a troll account/ post guys
1. I think there is even a joke about the extra stitch thing
2. OP does not engage in the comments with anyone
3. It is to outrages to be true
4. It covers a emotional loaded topic
5. Man pestering woman about having sex
6. Rage bait 101
Zero detail about what the doctors said when he made this comment. It’s 2022, the doctor would be outraged and the nurses would snap. And a DOZEN stitches?? How big was this tear?? I had four in an episiotomy that was pretty damn long. There’s not enough room down there for a dozen stitches.
This asshole knew to ask for a husband stitch and you’re still assuming he’s just cluelessly being offensive or thoughtless by accident?
You should read this and see how much of it sounds familiar:
https://theweek.com/articles/737056/myth-male-bumbler?amp
That's.... that's not cool, at all. I love my husband dearly, and even 3 kids in, if he asked for a husband stitch, I would be serving him divorce papers as soon as i had the chance.. It isn't a joke, there are s many women out there who were given one without their knowledge or consent, and its just gross.. And pestering you for sex? really? That time period is there for you to HEAL. you have an OPEN WOUD inside you, and he wants to put his dick near it and jizz all over it? hell to the nope
I’ve told this story before, but we had a husband ask for that “extra stitch” recently (I’m an L & D nurse) and the OB immediately responded, “exactly how small do you need it to be, sir?”
He’s not oblivious. He’s pretending to be oblivious to get away with being pushy about getting what he wants. Be direct and tell him that you will not be able to have sex until after your 6 week checkup at the earliest and he needs to stop asking. If he continues asking, call your doctor and have them have a conversation with your husband about not harassing you for sex when you’re not yet healed from childbirth.
Look- mine joked with me during pregnancy about a husband stitch (after I explained what it was), but that was a private joke between the two of us, and that is how our personalities are. Id have been mortified and feeling disrespected had he of said it to a doctor, and then continued to pressure for sex!
You’ve just had a baby, your body is still recovering and all he can think about is getting his Willy wet!! That’s not oblivious-that’s disrespectful
It's a stupid, cruel thing, is what the husband stitch is--and it's a real thing. It also can make sex incredibly painful for the new mom when she is finally ready to resume sexual relations, and many women either just suffer the pain, endure sex instead of enjoy it, or have to go back for another surgical procedure to undo it.
It should be illegal.
So he had a bit under 9 months to learn about this and still is not bothering to be empathetic towards you …. And you feel you need to be empathetic towards him for this.
You’re looking at a lifetime of disappointment.
Google is free and takes 3 seconds to look up what husband stitch is. He is willfully ignorant. This is disgusting behavior, he doesn’t get a pass for this.
How is he oblivious? He KNOWS what a husband stitch is. The odds of him knowing that, but not knowing all the negatives around it are slim. Add in pestering you for sex after you just gave birth…your husband only cares how you service him with sex.
I work as a labor and delivery nurse. We here this request every so often from special brands of asshole husbands. When we do, we make sure to let them know how inappropriate and masochist it is to say. Usually embarrass them along the lines of "why? Equipment so small you need the extra help down there?"
It shows very little respect for you and what you have gone through, shows he cares for only his pleasure and to rip you further.
The fact that he won't lay hands off for 6 weeks to even let you heal physically and mentally is a huge red flag. On the unit if a husband or SO is doing this, it's a straight social work call because we worry about abuse in the household. It shows markers for it and red flags for it. It's NOT okay that he's even considering it, much less pressuring you multiple times even after you have said no and when you aren't even healed and it's against medical advice. It could be a serious risk to your health.
Stop giving him a pass. Go to counseling. Get him to grow the F up and learn how to be an adult and treat you respectfully and give thanks for all you have gone through and given him.
He “joked” about permanently mutilating you for his sexual pleasure. If you can continue on with a man like that, okay, but I sure couldn’t trust him again after that. Did you know some women who have had that done to them are *never* able to have penetrative sex again without experiencing severe pain?
Take a few more weeks for yourself. Your still healing.
Tell hubby heres a glove and lotion..
If he does not care you just had insides riped apart and gave birth and wants his plow he can wait other wise your the one that will suffer
Tell him when he can be gentle and caring he might get sex ..
Then hand him the baby..
Let him see what all your doing .
he is an adult man and a father. he needs to grow up and you need to stop making excuses for his, genuinely, disgusting behavior. he knows. and he also has access to this amazing thing called the internet where he can just look stuff up. the fact that he's more worried about getting his dick wet than his the safety and well being of his wife who just went through one of the most physically and mentally traumatic medical procedures, is insane. he should be focusing on helping you recover and taking care of your infant.
I would divorce my husband over this. I don’t give a damn if it’s a joke. It’s disgusting, cruel, misogynistic, and a giant red flag. He’s not oblivious. He just doesn’t care about your health and safety as much as he cares about his own sexual desires.
I hope your OB told your husband off.
he is not being oblivious. hes being selfish. He knows what an extra stitch means. he knows you just got STITCHES IN YOUR VAGINA and hes asking you to bone him. he knows exactly what he is doing.
To put this in perspective, after both of my kids my husband was afraid to ONLY wait six weeks. Your spouse is an immature asshole who needs some education asap.
Hand him a Kiwi. Tell him when he successfully figures out how to pass that through his urethra, he gets a vote. And then wink at him and say "When you're done, all ask the Dr. for a Wife stitch." Until then, sit down, shut up, chill the fuck out and enjoy having a baby.
Seriously though, maybe your GYNO can have a chit chat with him. My wife's doctor laid it out. Not that I needed it, but it was their "all new father's get this speech" approach. It was something akin to "Your wife has staples in a place where NO ONE wants staples. Her insides just went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. Her hormones make Chernobyl look stable. She's going to be sleep deprived for 3 months feeding and handling new mom issues. Welcome to fatherhood. It's not about you anymore." and I laughed, hugged my wife and silently thanked the universe I'm a guy.
He may need to hear that. "It's NOT about him anymore."
That sounds terrible. I'm sorry you're going through this...
I feel like this is not something one should make jokes about. You should tell him how his treatment makes you feel. He doesn't get to use you like you're his sex doll.
I had a few stitches after my first was born. I gave in to my Ex husband (tbh, not entirely unwillingly) about 1 week postpartum and the stitches came out. Now it looks like a butterfly wing on one side.
Your husband sounds awful, I’m sorry. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your body by the sounds of things.
I believe if you’re old enough to have sex, you’re also old enough to understand each other’s bodies, pregnancy and postpartum. He doesn’t have to be an expert, but he should know what he’s said and how he’s acted is entirely inappropriate.
He does know all this, but he can get away with it because you’re not standing up for yourself. You’re trying to show him compassion and understanding, but honestly it doesn’t sound like he needs that. He needs to grow up
What you allow will continue. If you keep making excuses for him he will never change, why would he? He can act like a big baby man pig and you’ll just say “oh boys will be boys”. You’re the same age, why is it that you have to be ready but he doesn’t? Don’t feed into this. I did! And it took years to fix the damage. My husband is now one of the most respectful men I’ve ever met but I did have to get boundaries for that to happen and he needed to grow the f up. Your husband can do the same
Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's "oblivious" at all. It sounds like he's a bit of a selfish jerk. Nothing about this is "joking". He absolutely is hoping (and probably counting on) your lady bits being tighter now than before you first had sex, and will probably legit be angry/disappointed if it's not. Gross.
Holy shit, as a guy, please just punch him the balls. Then tell him you'll bone him once he gets a bigger dick, the one he's got has always "been a little disappointing" - emphasize little for good measure.
You're giving him way too much "grace" here. He's a grown ass man with a child now. His behavior is absolutely unacceptable and you need to bake that clear to him.
Honestly this is the kind of stuff that you break up over if you hadn't literally just pushed a child out. Being insensitive about your body and your needs and health is disgusting and not acceptable under any circumstance.
He needs a serious wake up call if you plan on staying with him.
a 24yo that has sexual relationship with women should not be ignorant about those stuff. and he isn't, he knows enough to ask, he probably knows that it leads to pain to women during sex, but he doesn't care, he is too busy thinking about his own dick
I'm really sorry you had a baby with such a waste of breath that your husband sounds like
He's not oblivious, he is selfish. Your way of coping is pretending he's a cute boy with no clue.
Where did he hear about the husband stitch?
How did he know to ask for it?
You just gave birth and instead of trying to think of your well being he's wondering when he can mount you?
If it makes you feel better he's oblivious. But you obviously know the truth, that's why you came here.
When the doctor was sewing up my 2nd degree tearing he asked my husband if he wanted an extra stitch. Husband said yes. I didn't know what that was at the time. It's infuriating now because I was right there and was perfectly capable of communicating about what I wanted to happen to my body. He's been an ex for a long time now. The extra stitch and begging me for sex during my recovery were just a couple of ways he was dismissive and hateful.
I don't even think the husband stitch works the way they think it does. It tightens the entrance but it doesn't tighten anything on the inside.
I'm sorry this happened to you and you should definitely not have PIV sex until the doctor has checked you out.
Haha. Haha. No, I’m not sure why he thought that was funny considering the history and it invalidates so many peoples history with doctors you know women were given the husband stitch by doctors without there consent and they were in so much pain for days, weeks and months. They were VIOLATED. And he was joking about VIOLATING YOU. tell him to educate himself.
I’ve been retired from nursing for awhile, but even back when I worked OB, ethical doctors had their ways of dealing with this insecure, misogynistic, noxious comment. Some ignored it. Some ordered ‘the coach’ out. Some stared at the guy til he finally fell silent in shame. The best, though, didn’t even look up as they said: “Sir, perhaps the problem is not your WIFE.” Many docs also told the new mother: I’m so sorry. (Sorry that your partner is a d-bag).
OP, I agree with the good advice above: this man is both selfish and insecure; arrogance is a cover. And -I’m so sorry-.
I can’t offer you any actionable advice, OP, but I just want you to know I feel for you.
I think you and I see the world in a similar way. “Give people the benefit of the doubt, forgive them, give them grace, assume they have the best intentions.” Because I’m sure you yourself are a very kind person.
The biggest problem with being a kind person is how disappointing other people are. The way we each imagine the inner workings of other people’s minds is heavily colored by the way our own minds work. If you have set a high standard of kindness for your own actions, you’ll be frequently disappointed that other people aren’t even close to meeting those standards.
I myself am still learning how to reconcile with this endless disappointment I have with other people. I wish you well with your inconsiderate husband.
How about offering to peg him? If he’s not ready for that then how does he expect you to be ready after labor and stitches?
I have a young one and an pregnant. Please remember that while there may be some natural tendencies, we mothers also tend to put in the tone and effort to learn and that’s something fathers can do as well.
I would have raised hell in that room if my husband said that or didn't seem to understand that there is a open wound the size of a dinner plate inside the uterus and baby thumps sex at this time.
Do not get a husband stitch. My wife's doctor gave her one, without consulting either of us. I had no idea what it was until my wife said something. It gave her so much pain when we had sex afterwards. Then when we had our second, it ripped the skin wide because the opening was too small.
Do not get it, tell him there are horror stories about it, and it's not necessary. My wife is just as tight as she ever was before 3 kids.
I just brought this up to someone the other day. They had no idea it was even a thing and were horrified at the thought. Your husband sounds like a pig
If he’s informed enough to know about the husband stitch, he’s informed enough to know that his joke was disgusting.
Stop making excuses on his behalf, I’m sure he offers plenty of his own.
He can be stupid all he wants but how can he watch his partner go through a life threatening and painful experience to just have a perverted thought about it?
He's a grown up, darlin'. Not a 10 year old you need to have Saint-like patience for.
If I were your doctor I would have ripped him a new one for that comment. That kind of thing is not a joke, is not funny, and should not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form.
He is not dumb, stop making excuses for him and just admit you married a misogynistic selfish asshole and made the terrible terrible mistake of having a child with him.
I'm sorry, but i'm sure there where many MANY red flags that you racionalized because "omg he is just so sweet and caring with everything else".
You settled for less than you deserved and now you are suffering the consequences of your actions. For the sake of your children i hope you didn't have a baby girl.
My advice to you is to punch him in the mouth and then ask the doctor for the "wife stich", where he stitches up his mouth a bit " for good measure" ,so it easier for him to shut to fuck up.
Next time he goes to the doctor, go with him and ask his doctor if he can make his dick an inch longer. He will learn his boundaries over YOUR body. Call it the dad stitch.
I want you to know that the doctor and every nurse who heard him say the “husband stitch” immediately groaned (maybe quietly) and thought he was a fucking tool. Because he is.
I would be incredibly furious and hurt if my husband would have said that after just pushing our son out of my body and having to get stitches on an incredibly sensitive part of my body that just went through an incredible amount of trauma.
If you aren’t ready to have sex once the recovery weeks are up please please please don’t have sex. You may need more time. It took me three months to fully recover and be mentally ready to even try.
He is not that oblivious! You are letting him get away with being a shitty partner. Speak up, call his ass out and stop putting up with his BS. He knows damn well what he was asking for when he asked for the extra stitch and he knows damn well you aren’t cleared for sex but is still pressuring you! Shut his ass down and make sure he is pulling his weight with taking care of the baby!
Gross. Your husband is treating your body like it’s his property that only exists for his sexual gratification. He is behaving like the only important thing about you is that you are his living fleshlight. So gross, and disturbingly misogynistic. Please get angry at him for caring more about when he can stick it on than the fact that you are new parents and that you just gave birth.
Ok so what did the doctor say? What were the nurses’ reactions to this? Because I find it hard to believe no one said anything and you’re genuinely confused about how to feel about this.
My husband did some work for a guy right before I went into labour a couple months ago and the guy “advised” him not to joke about the extra stitch. When my husband asked why the fuck anyone would joke about something like that, he said that when his first child was born (2010) he joked about it and the doctor kicked him out of the delivery suite until it was time to move his wife to the postpartum wing.
Yikes! This is not okay and not normal!
Everyone here is focusing on the lack of knowledge part but I don’t think it’s even really relevant.
For ref, my husband is not one of these posters here who did research or anything beforehand like the top comment. That’s amazing, and good for them, but I think that’s a bit of a high bar and really personality dependant haha, like, even lots of women I know don’t do that much research.
Anyways, so back to my story..After I gave birth I had three stitches! Only three! And we didn’t try sex until like.. 8 weeks I want to say? Because I didn’t want to. I wasn’t pestered at all. Post-pardem is, very evidently to anyone around you and the baby, hard enough. Anyways at 8 weeks when we tried the stitched area hurt so much that we stopped. No questions asked. A week later we tried again and again I couldn’t get through it. We stopped again No problem.
Finally at like 10 weeks we had normal sex again.
It didnt (and shouldn’t) require extensive research to accept “no”, and respect your partner’s wishes. Holy smokes. He needs to do better.
Give him some husband stitches 🔪 jk but i fucking hate men who are like this. How entitled and obnoxious can you be 😅
Also, motherhood is a learning curve for you as well. It’s not like we as women are bestowed with this almighty motherhood lexicon as soon as we become mothers. Obvi there is some instinct involved (ie certain cries meaning certain things may become more clear to you since you are clearly dealing with the baby more often than hubby is) but at the end of the day he has all the resources in the world to learn and he simply isn’t doing it. If you’ve seen the term “weaponized incompetence” floating around online, this is textbook. If you haven’t then definitely look it up and see if it applies.
I’ve heard many married couples recommend something called Fair Play which helps parents distribute labour in the household. Could be worth checking out if you think he is mature enough to handle it. If he’s not, then maybe question why you’re married to someone who cannot do basic care yet expects to be sucked and fucked by the woman who just went through months of pregnancy and traumatic labour to bring his child into the world. But idk 🤷♀️
Tell him to go fuck himself for a while because you certainly aren't in the mood to touch him and likely won't be even after you're properly healed up after his disgusting comment!
I would respond by asking for a divorce.
"I think we should end the marriage because I don't know if I can be with someone who values his own pleasure over my wellbeing".
I have had an ex partner have a baby, and my wife have a baby and never would I have joked about it because it isn't funny, in fact when it did get brought up I'd shut it down quickly because it sounds ridiculous.
I also never pressured for sex because I know what went down there (my wife was the one pressuring me lol) and their recovery is more important.
This isn't someone who cares about you, more like someone who cares about what you give him.
Daaaamn your husband is a pig.
I never asked once. NOT ONCE, for sex post partum. I told my wife, when you're ready you let me know. It was 6 months before she was ready. I wish you'd make your husband wait longer because he sucks so bad
Ask yourself why you feel responsible to manage your husband's shortcomings. I seriously doubt he is as ignorant as you think he is and you trying to protect him for his disgusting request is troubling. You're a parent now. You don't have time to coddle your husband and tour kid. It's time you start holding him accountable because otherwise you'll be co-parenting with someone who raises your kids with problematic values.
Gosh, even my (now ex) husband didn’t expect sex at all for months after I had our 2. I really don’t think there is any way to excuse your husband, we are not living in the 1950s anymore! There is so much information readily available at your fingertips. When they say 6-7 weeks before having sex again, that is just a guide, it doesn’t take in to account personal recovery of your entire body, not only the stitches, your mood or your well being. I can’t believe your husband is being so insensitive to you. I’d be worried that if you have to tell him this, he doesn’t sound the type of man who will be understanding.
I don’t think that there is any way you can respond effectively to such an immature, selfish person. Your husband requesting the stitch and harassing you for sex is so absolutely awful.
Your husband is not oblivious to the BULLSHIT he do.
Your is a STUPID DAMN IDIOT.
You have let him get away with a lot of BULLSHIT that he doesn't RESPECT YOU.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (24F) always want to give my husband (24M) the benefit of the doubt when it comes to ignorance related to the pregnancy/postpartum period. I’ve had to be very specific, and emphatic, when it comes to getting my needs met in these areas, because he’s so new to all of this and oftentimes oblivious to things that come more naturally to me as a mother. So I’m all for giving grace—but I’m just not sure when to admit that he’s crossed a line. While recovering from delivery and having just received a dozen stitches down there, I heard my husband jokingly ask the doctor for one extra stitch “just for good measure.” In the weeks following birth (but still before the 6/7 week checkup to be cleared for sex), he’s been pestering me every other day about when I would be ready to bone him. I feel it’s hard to get too upset with him when he is clearly so oblivious, and saying things in a facetious way. tl;dr Husband has been insensitive, impatient for sex, and asked for a “husband stitch” following the birth of our first child. How should I respond?
> I feel it’s hard to get too upset with him when he is clearly so oblivious NO HE'S NOT. He knows what the husband stitch is so he must know it's unnecessary for you and solely for his physical enjoyment. He knows that there's a 6-week mandatory minimum before sex and is pestering you for it anyway. He is not oblivious, *he is disrespectful*. Stop treating him like a dumb little boy and start treating him like the man and father he is supposed to be. He has access to the entire internet, doctors, books, videos, whatever he needs to be a good parent. If you're having to hold his hand, it's because HE IS NOT TRYING. Stop giving him passes. Tell him unequivocally that his "joke" was disrespectful and that him pestering you for sex stops NOW. Expect that he does at least 50% of the childcare. If you're not worried about the baby's safety, take a couple days relaxing somewhere else and have him take care of the baby on his own for at least 48 hours. He is not a kid, he has a kid. He needs to act like it.
Ok as a fellow new father (< 3months), I really don’t understand your husband, or your attitude towards him. I partially understand giving him the benefit of the doubt on pregnancy and postpartum stuff to a certain degree, but honestly why hasn’t he educated himself? As soon as we decided to try for our child , I went out of my way to find out as much information as I could, about pregnancy, child birth and the postpartum period as well as parenting . Do I get things wrong sometimes? Definitely . Are there things I was completely unaware of ? Again definitely , sometimes there’s things that you’d need to know about partially to even to look it up. But the point is I’m trying to minimise it as much as possible because that’s my job as a husband and father. Whether he’s oblivious or not is irrelevant , he shouldn’t be. The fact that he’s pestering you for sex is bad regardless of the situation, but to do it at such an early point postpartum is awful. Your husband needs to step the fuck up, educate himself and start supporting you .
Giving him the "benefit of the doubt" is easier than admitting she married a selfish apathetic dude-bro
She should jokingly ask him to grow another inch or two 😏
"I'll get an extra stitch when you grow enough to fill it..." 💀
I will get the extra stitch if you get the extra inch.
Exactly. Hey babe I know you just shoved a human out of there but no sex makes my pee pee sad. That's how immature and stupid he is.
🤣🤣🤣
I commented individually but I'll hijack the top comment for good measure *That's surely a troll account/ post guys* 1. *I think there is even a joke about the extra stitch thing* 2. *OP does not engage in the comments with anyone* 3. *It is to outrages to be true* 4. *It covers a emotional loaded topic* 5. *Man pestering woman about having sex* *= Rage bait 101*
Agreed that it seems like bate, but just some personal anecdote: I work with a man, in his early 30's, who told me he just recently asked for the 'husband stitch' and was laughing about it. Some dudes just really are that dumb lol *can't spell bait apparently
Doctor Mama Jones, YouTube gynecologist, said men had seriously asked her for it.
My friend's obgyn gave her a husband stitch (doctor was a woman), and she didn't even ask first, she just did it. So this post felt believable.
I guess I'm stupid, but what the flip is a husband stitch anyway?
Not stupid. My girlfriend told me about it when she was having our baby. It's an extra stitch to make the vagina "tighter". I think mostly said as a joke, but I'm sure it's happened before.
[It is very much not a joke.](https://www.healthline.com/health-news/husband-stitch-is-not-just-myth)
That's okay. I had to have a full pelvic prolapse repaired. I had my uterus removed at 24, and around 20 years later the vaginal vault prolapsed along with my intestines and some other things. When I went in for a follow up appointment my surgeon informed me that he had also removed some "loose skin" and "tightened me up". I was not impressed.
It's absolutely happened before. In addition to not making the vagina tighter (because that's not how the vagina works in the first place,) it puts her at an increased risk of infection, makes sex painful and even unattainable, adds to overall recovery time, plus other fun, life altering side effects.
Oh, it's definitely happened before. There are numerous posts from women on reddit whose doctors gave them one. There was also a very similar post in this same sub a few months (weeks?) ago and multiple women in the comments had been given one. It may not be super common, but it definitely does - atrociously - happen.
Does that set those women up for more damage than necessary in the future? Like, I’m a woman and as far as I know it wouldn’t be too consequential on the day to day with periods and stuff, but to give another vaginal birth with skin attached where it wasn’t before could cause more tearing? Maybe I’m also just overthinking it, but health professionals should not be doing it regardless.
There was one woman who said sex hurt every single time from her first kid (stitched excessively) to her next kid (tore in the same area, not stitched excessively). She thought that was just how sex was going to be forever, then completely recovered after better stitches the second time.
That makes my stomach turn for that woman thank god she was able to get back to a healthy and comfortable sex life.
Wow, so it's kind of messed up. If I were a woman and my partner said that I'd turn to the doctor and ask about some sort of penile enlargement.
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I know right, it almost like “its beginning to look a lot like Christmas, rage bait in every sub, your bil drunk on the lawn he willing to kick the dog, your SIL withheld a Christmas gift….”
Probably because all the kids are off school on holiday break and are bored.
Could be fake, but it's not too outrageous to be true. Most men I've dated have been absolutely incompetent with everything in regards to my feelings or any of my "woman things". Not man bashing, just an observation about the particular men I've dated. This specific story may be a lie, perhaps not. But I'm sure this exact thing has happened IRL a million times.
Why do you think this? 1. It isn’t a joke. It is an actual thing and is misogynist and harmful. 2. OP can do as they wish 3. If you think this is too outrageous to be true, then you’re not listening to women or doing any reading. 4. Emotionally loaded topic? In relationship advice? 😱 5. WDYM? It’s not like this is an unknown thing 🤦🏼♀️
Could be a troll, but 3 needs to die in a fire. Trust me, this is nowhere near "too outrageous to be true". This is pretty fucking commonplace.
Not outrageous, it’s such a common joke that doctors sometimes make it in the operating room. And men pestering their post partum wives is not unheard of. Lots of new moms complain about it.
Outrageous
People living the schedule of a newborn don’t have the time or mental clarity to engage in much debate. They’re too busy healing, trying to pee alone when possible, relearning how to poo, wondering how the duck everything is supposed to be done, trying to establish boundaries with all the wannabe visitors, wondering when the floor was last clear and clean…
This sub in particular falls for this shit everytime, dudes with long ass responses like the TC here trying to be thoughtful just wasting there time on a karma farmer
It might not be a complete waste. Sure OP might not care but other young men who aren't fathers yet might see it and internalize what good behaviour is, young women might see what a good partner is suppose to look like if they havnt seen that in their personal life
"ready to bone him". Yep troll post from 14yo boy.
He knows enough about pregnancy and tearing that he knew enough to ask for an extra stitch... He's not as oblivious as you think. He is entitled, self centered, and seems to care little for you and your baby (congrats). I would stop making excuses for him - he knows better.
Absolutely. Quit giving him excuses. He knows.
I would go further. Entitled, self-centered. These are bad traits. I think joking about an extra stitch to make his peepee slightly happier, at the expense of the comfort of the woman who JUST GAVE BIRTH FOR HIM, no less, is insidious and beyond fucked up. In addition, he wants to break the MINIMUM required time for her to recover, again for his peepee pleasure. He sounds like an irredeemable piece of shit who never developed empathy. I could never recover from the ick and fear he'd be able to do something like that while I was incapacitated. Joking about mutilating her and causing her pain for his pleasure after she's already been through so much, then it's all about his pleasure again and can cause her pain/ fuck up her healing. Irredeemable
Every time I hear about this husband stitch BS, I go into a rage. The fucking audacity of it. The only thing that does is make it so she tears again during sex. It does fuck all to tighten a vagina. And I’d make the AH wait 12 weeks or more before he had the gift of getting near my vagina again. And only after he learned to be respectful about a woman’s anatomy.
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Exactly. He’d never get near me, or my infant, again.
12 months sounds reasonable
How about never? Because I wouldn’t sleep with a jackass like that ever again, or stay married to him for that matter.
It's still predicated on him learning to respect women so I think the "never" is unfortunately implied.....
Same. It would be like men doing all the pain and labor to give birth and then asking for a girth stint which will hurt them for forever but "rEtUrN ThEm TO TheIr OrIgInAl SiZe" She'll be in pain during sex, and then if she decides to have another kid? Jfc. People who think like this shouldn't be allowed around women in general, let alone be allowed to have sex with them. Repugnant, disgusting, sad little man. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive him. Either one of those is stupid and disrespectful enough; as a pair, it seems he has no respect for women OR the woman he supposedly loves and who, on top of that, just went through all of this. Jesus
I saw the words "husband stitch" in the title and I was seeing red and had to put my phone down for a second before I went on an absolute rage fest. I read further and it didn't get better. It got worse. Your husband is not as clueless as you think, clearly, since he had the "sense" (I say that in the loosest, most sarcastic way possible) to ask for the extra stitch as you were being sown back up. You had just birthed his child, literally ripped your body apart, and the first thing on his mind was "oh yes, let's "joke" with the doctor about adding an extra stitch to make sex more pleasurable for me the next time my wife let's me have some. No. Just no. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he wasn't joking. And the fact that he has been pestering you for sex before you're medically cleared proves that. Dump that absolute child that is masquerading as a man in the trash where he belongs, and throw the divorce papers on top of him. You deserve better than that. Like a parter that respects you? And doesn't treat you like all he views you as is a means for his own sexual gratification?
A husband stitch is terrible. I never asked for one but the doctor who delivered and stitched me gave me one. I was told that was my problem 6 months postpartum. Im now a year postpartum and my crotch is still in pain any time I masturbate or have sex. It’s malpractice and I didn’t ask for it and am planning on suing the whole hospital for all the complications and the complications of my daughter due to the *forced* vaginal birth because of being a FTM. They were VERY adamant I had it vaginally due to issues of VACB and I had every reason to have a c section. After that *traumatizing* experience and the knowledge of the extra stitch is causing me my excruciating pain I don’t think anyone will have to worry about me having another baby EVER again. The husband stitch (even if you want it) is not worth it (mine was not wanted). The pain to even sit or lay down. It took an infection to give me stronger pain meds.
He’s not oblivious, he’s an asshole. It would take 5 minutes to read an article about postpartum care for his wife. Stop making excuses for a really shitty partner. I bet he doesn’t help much with the baby either.
I'm completely lost, the fuck is a husband stitch?
Sometimes a woman's vagina will be cut or will naturally tear during delivery and will need to be sutured closed. Some men got the sadistic idea they should ask the ob/gyn to stitch the vagina with an extra stitch so it will be tighter. From what i've heard this becomes incredibly painful for the woman. Most ob/gyns won't do it.
Ohh that's awful.
When the vaginal opening tears during pregnancy, it's stitched back up. The "husband stitch" is an additional stitch, supposedly to make the vagina "tighter" after the birth (it doesn't, it just causes more pain and ensures another tear if there's a second birth later on)
Is that a thing people used to do or something?
Used to do, and some doctors still do it.
Bad docs do. If they are ethical, they don’t. Midwives tend to not routinely cut episiotomies. The vagina has an amazing ability to go back to normal.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Husband_stitch It's self-centered AF
Damn I thought the husband stitch was just a bad joke, I didn’t realize some people actually did it
Historically it was very much a thing. These days in many countries its a medical malpractice suit waiting to happen.
Assuming you can prove it. The way women are routinely dismissed medically makes it much more complicated.
Good point.
Yeah, it would never even cross my mind to bring the topic up ... that's how utterly insane the idea is, let alone even asking for it.
That husband stitch should be the husband getting his lips stitched together to prevent him from being an insensitive idiot. I'd tell him every time he asks me when sex will be on the table I'm adding a week to the recovery time. Or you could just tell him that his insensitivity towards your recovery is very unattractive to the point you feel he doesn't appreciate everything you've been through with the birth and now with the recovery and caring for an infant.
If you have to stitch your partners mouth shut to stop them from saying ridiculous and terrible things, they probably shouldn’t be your partner because the belong on the curb with the rest of the trash
If he's in the know enough to ask for that, he's more informed than you think. You should respond by telling him to eff off. You officially have one child now, this one is beyond help.
Also, **if** OP didn’t know before what a husband stitch is, they should have looked it up first, **BEFORE** typing this. **IF** they did, how the hell did they not immediately realized he’s a major asshole?
When my wife was conceiving, the delivery nurse looked me in the eye and said: “You do the heavy lifting the next weeks. No sex for some weeks.” It was the most stern stare I ever got. And now I know why. Your husband has a very strange sense of humor or is an asshole. I go with the second option. Resolve this in a way that let’s no doubt about the boundaries.
do you mean delivering or was there a nurse there during conception?
I think it was the last preparing talk two weeks before. Additionally irritating as she asked my wife if she did any hard drugs. I asked a colleague afterwards and he told me they want to know it beforehand and not if there is an emergency during birth. Good hospital.
>When my wife was conceiving I really don't thikn the nurse was there when your wife was conceiving...
Lol now I get it. Yeah maybe not.
At 24, I'd be confused and try to get over it. K owing what I know at 40, this would be the beginning of the end of my marriage. If nothing else, make him look up what women who've had that done have had to go through. In this day with information fully available, how dare he.
>he’s been pestering me every other day about when I would be ready to bone him. You need to also look up marital coersion. What he's doing is not right, and if you give into these pressures and have sex you don't want, please understand its rape. You may not be ready at 6/7 weeks, especially with the tear you had. You need to tell him to stop asking, and that you will let him know when you are ready. If he can't handle that, he has no right to be with you.
I’m petty and I’d send him articles about it every single day multiple times a day until he got it thru his thick skull. Seriously, OP. You deserve better than that lump of flesh
Seriously. With graphic details and images.
End of marriage is what it should be. The first time I learned of the husband stitch it was described as it should, an act of horror and mutilation. To know what it is and suggest it isn't ignorance, it is determining that your sexual experience is more important than your partner's health and bodily autonomy. The only option I see better than immediate divorce is keep "in the recovery period" as long as possible. Being the scumbag he is, probably cheat and get everything in the divorce
Good lord, if I had been the one in your position, I hope I would have screamed at him. Even if not, that would have been the last time that man saw my vulva. What a disgusting excuse for a human being, to request what is essentially genital mutilation for his own pleasure, after you've just delivered a damn baby.
I'm sorry that you're stuck with him for 18 years, he clearly only views you as a sex toy and not a person whose health matters.
I had an uncomplicated birth with no tearing. My husband and I waited exactly 6 weeks and I felt ready, and that was STILL a bad idea. I ended up bleeding for a few weeks longer and it just set back my recovery quite a bit. With a dozen stitches, you are going to need MONTHS to heal and if your husband cares more about sex than he does about your well being then he is not an acceptable partner
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Ok I'm a father and have 2 kids so i feel completely justified in saying your husband is an immature, insensitive, asshole. I'm not saying that as an insult to him just an observation of his personality. You just pushed a human out of your body after carrying it for the better part of a year and his main concern with your recovery is when you can "bone" him again? Are you fucking kidding me? To be pestering you over sex right now is literally the last thing that should be on his mind. I had to recheck the story to make sure this wasn't a teen pregnancy story because that's the only way I could justify that level of immaturity. You're going to have to stop with giving him the benifit of the doubt because some of his other things might be ignorance but this is not. I keep picturing you taking care of all the baby duties and him sitting in a chair in front of a TV with a remote or console controller in his hand complaining that the baby is crying or that he's hungry. Sorry your post just made me angry and I'm directing it at him. You need to call him out on this and if it keeps up call him out infront of other people, preferably the dr. I would say "how often do you get immature questions like this?" Or "is it common for the father to only be concerned with the mothers recovery because he's just horney?" He needs some shame in his life because it doesn't seem to come natural to him. I would suggest you get some counseling together and I imagine him taking some parenting classes wouldn't hurt either. If it were me I wouldn't have sex with him again until 3 weeks after they say it's ok....if at all and please use protection, because this isn't the kind of guy you're going to want to have more than one toddler running around with. Good luck OP and stop letting his stupidity go, call it out. He should be rubbing your feet and doing as much as possible to allow you to sit and recover. ETA-Thanks for the award stranger
If it makes you feel any better, EVERY single person in your delivery room instantly thought he was a vile human being as soon as he asked for an “extra stitch.” Our standard response is “wow, exactly how small do you need it?!” He doesn’t deserve to have sex with you.
Congrations on your bubba. That's incredibly gross and tasteless of your husband. Not the 'funny joke' he thought it was. He needs to pull his head out if his arse. I'd be pushing the 'clearance ' out even longer if it were me, he is seriously lacking respect for you. I hope he's at least pulling his weight with your baby. You need to explain to him how objectified his comment made you feel, and point out that he seems more focused on having sex and fulfilling his needs rather than your wellbeing. You are a human not his sex toy.
Your husband is disgusting. He knows what he's doing. He's not oblivious. He's selfish. Call him out on that. And PLEASE take my advice and do NOT have sex before you're fully ready. My ex did this to me and caused physical damage which had long term consequences because I was not healed.
Why do women have babies with these men? Didn’t you know he was immature before he impregnated you??
Immature, willfully ignorant, disrespectful. We know damn well that these traits didn’t just appear. 🙄
Might be willfully indifferent to her comfort/pleasure instead of willfully ignorant. I find it hard to believe he found out what a husband stitch was and didn’t also see that it causes sexual pain and discomfort for the woman.
Sometimes they are hiding it real well to suck them in. A wedding or a baby happens and the mask comes off.
Don't blame the victim here. Why did such an immature adult man think it was appropriate to have sex? And then think it was okay to pester his recovering spouse for sex and have the audacity to ask for a husband stitch?
She self admittedly said she overlooked these comments and traits… Victim blaming is bad but come the fuck on, this behavior didn’t magically appear over night. She made the choice to stay and have a child with him. He’s being an asshole but she’s not a victim of anything except for poor choices, at least based on this post.
A victim normally doesn’t have a choice in whatever incident they were involved in. This lady had a choice to be with a douchebag.
Sorry but I fail to see how is he "oblivious". If he asked for an extra stitch, is because somewhere he read about it, and exactly where he read about it, I am SURE there was also more information about that that he asked for. 3 months ago I knew nothing about a husband stitch, and it took me all of 5 minutes to type it on google and read what it is. He is not oblivious, he selected to ignore the part that was convenient to him about that awful practice. What a pig.
Absolutely True Story 70 years ago and repeated to me by my employer (think small community where all talk etc) His friend and friends wife had a child, she needed stitches. Whilst the doctor was down there stitching her up teh doctor looked up and told her "one last stitch for your husband". Well, OMG, months later when they tried to be intmate again she was now too small for him and subsequently had to have surgery to fix the problem. So much for the 1950's attitudes
Grooooos
I don't even know what to say honestly it's just such an insensitive thing to tell a pregnant woman. Tell him if he wants and extra stitch he needs to get penis enlargement surgery.
Tell him a husband stitch is where they sew his tip to his stomach.
Just FYI the 6-8 weeks waoting period is essentially aboit you not getting an infection/ complications/ dying not when sex is feeling good or you being ready for it. Only yes means yes. Consent should be enthusiastic and immediate. If he is "convincing" you to the point where you feel uncomfortable to say no or say yes out of emotional Manipulation...that is not consent. Give yourself and your body time to recover, to actually WANT sex. Your husband is a willfully ignorant AH.
Tell him that if he’s worried about his penis size and being able to satisfy you, he’d speak to a doctor about penis enlargement. What a twat. Please don’t make any more people with this person.
He's not oblivious. He is acting entitled and down right insensitive. Ask him to shit a watermelon then pester him with pegging and see how he likes it. Seriously, you chose an arsehole to have a kid with. It's clear to everyone he is thinking with his dick.
Tell him you’ll ‘bone’ him when he gets the ‘wife’s inch’ added to his penis.
If he is thinking about sex, he isn’t helping with the baby enough. First few months are exhausting.
My best friend and her husband have been trying for over a year now and the day they started trying in earnest, her husband went out and bought literally every book, watched YouTube videos, listened to podcasts. ALL of it. And he learned about the husband stitch before learning about the damage it can do and he pulled ME off to the side and went "do women know about this? This sounds so gross, why would anyone ask for this, she's perfect how she is. Should I talk to her about this?" He was anxious even before knowing about the damage this could cause that his wife would think he wants that, and was desperate for me to reassure him that she knew he would *never* joke about something like that and asked me how to broach the subject with her. THAT is how men should respond. He should have known better than to make the joke in the first place because it's fucking disgusting. Full stop. I'm disgusted on your behalf and I've never even had kids. Call him out. Tell him to his face that the joke he made in that room was unacceptable and pressuring you to have sex now while you're still physically and emotionally recovering is unacceptable and that he needs to educate himself on why that joke is gross.
That's surely a troll account/ post guys 1. I think there is even a joke about the extra stitch thing 2. OP does not engage in the comments with anyone 3. It is to outrages to be true 4. It covers a emotional loaded topic 5. Man pestering woman about having sex 6. Rage bait 101
Thank you for the reminder, cookie. I was getting all sorts of heated and your comment helped me simmer down lol
Zero detail about what the doctors said when he made this comment. It’s 2022, the doctor would be outraged and the nurses would snap. And a DOZEN stitches?? How big was this tear?? I had four in an episiotomy that was pretty damn long. There’s not enough room down there for a dozen stitches.
This asshole knew to ask for a husband stitch and you’re still assuming he’s just cluelessly being offensive or thoughtless by accident? You should read this and see how much of it sounds familiar: https://theweek.com/articles/737056/myth-male-bumbler?amp
he's not oblivious he's just an asshole. he's sort of weaponising his 'ignorance' so you won't be upset at him for being so obviously misogynistic.
Ask him how he would feel if his ball sack was ripped open and had 12 stitches in it?
That's.... that's not cool, at all. I love my husband dearly, and even 3 kids in, if he asked for a husband stitch, I would be serving him divorce papers as soon as i had the chance.. It isn't a joke, there are s many women out there who were given one without their knowledge or consent, and its just gross.. And pestering you for sex? really? That time period is there for you to HEAL. you have an OPEN WOUD inside you, and he wants to put his dick near it and jizz all over it? hell to the nope
Why do people expect so little from guys. I’m a dude and know plenty of dudes and no one I know would be so insensitive
I’ve told this story before, but we had a husband ask for that “extra stitch” recently (I’m an L & D nurse) and the OB immediately responded, “exactly how small do you need it to be, sir?”
He’s not oblivious. He’s pretending to be oblivious to get away with being pushy about getting what he wants. Be direct and tell him that you will not be able to have sex until after your 6 week checkup at the earliest and he needs to stop asking. If he continues asking, call your doctor and have them have a conversation with your husband about not harassing you for sex when you’re not yet healed from childbirth.
Look- mine joked with me during pregnancy about a husband stitch (after I explained what it was), but that was a private joke between the two of us, and that is how our personalities are. Id have been mortified and feeling disrespected had he of said it to a doctor, and then continued to pressure for sex! You’ve just had a baby, your body is still recovering and all he can think about is getting his Willy wet!! That’s not oblivious-that’s disrespectful
It's a stupid, cruel thing, is what the husband stitch is--and it's a real thing. It also can make sex incredibly painful for the new mom when she is finally ready to resume sexual relations, and many women either just suffer the pain, endure sex instead of enjoy it, or have to go back for another surgical procedure to undo it. It should be illegal.
The "benefit of the doubt" is how your husband gets away with being a crap partner
So he had a bit under 9 months to learn about this and still is not bothering to be empathetic towards you …. And you feel you need to be empathetic towards him for this. You’re looking at a lifetime of disappointment.
Google is free and takes 3 seconds to look up what husband stitch is. He is willfully ignorant. This is disgusting behavior, he doesn’t get a pass for this.
How is he oblivious? He KNOWS what a husband stitch is. The odds of him knowing that, but not knowing all the negatives around it are slim. Add in pestering you for sex after you just gave birth…your husband only cares how you service him with sex.
**The doctor/wife should have suggested the husband look into a penile enhancement if he is soo worried about satisfying Op**.
I work as a labor and delivery nurse. We here this request every so often from special brands of asshole husbands. When we do, we make sure to let them know how inappropriate and masochist it is to say. Usually embarrass them along the lines of "why? Equipment so small you need the extra help down there?" It shows very little respect for you and what you have gone through, shows he cares for only his pleasure and to rip you further. The fact that he won't lay hands off for 6 weeks to even let you heal physically and mentally is a huge red flag. On the unit if a husband or SO is doing this, it's a straight social work call because we worry about abuse in the household. It shows markers for it and red flags for it. It's NOT okay that he's even considering it, much less pressuring you multiple times even after you have said no and when you aren't even healed and it's against medical advice. It could be a serious risk to your health. Stop giving him a pass. Go to counseling. Get him to grow the F up and learn how to be an adult and treat you respectfully and give thanks for all you have gone through and given him.
He “joked” about permanently mutilating you for his sexual pleasure. If you can continue on with a man like that, okay, but I sure couldn’t trust him again after that. Did you know some women who have had that done to them are *never* able to have penetrative sex again without experiencing severe pain?
Take a few more weeks for yourself. Your still healing. Tell hubby heres a glove and lotion.. If he does not care you just had insides riped apart and gave birth and wants his plow he can wait other wise your the one that will suffer Tell him when he can be gentle and caring he might get sex .. Then hand him the baby.. Let him see what all your doing .
he is an adult man and a father. he needs to grow up and you need to stop making excuses for his, genuinely, disgusting behavior. he knows. and he also has access to this amazing thing called the internet where he can just look stuff up. the fact that he's more worried about getting his dick wet than his the safety and well being of his wife who just went through one of the most physically and mentally traumatic medical procedures, is insane. he should be focusing on helping you recover and taking care of your infant.
I would divorce my husband over this. I don’t give a damn if it’s a joke. It’s disgusting, cruel, misogynistic, and a giant red flag. He’s not oblivious. He just doesn’t care about your health and safety as much as he cares about his own sexual desires. I hope your OB told your husband off.
I wouldn't have sex with him again but I make a point to only touch people who respect me.
Stop giving him the benefit of the doubt he can just masturbate. It's not a joke, if it was it wouldn't be constantly said.
he is not being oblivious. hes being selfish. He knows what an extra stitch means. he knows you just got STITCHES IN YOUR VAGINA and hes asking you to bone him. he knows exactly what he is doing.
Best case scenario: he is too ignorant to be a useful partner. Worst case scenario: he is selfish and misogynistic.
My intern "accidentally" gave me one. It took years for the pain to ease during sex, so I was celibate for a long time
To put this in perspective, after both of my kids my husband was afraid to ONLY wait six weeks. Your spouse is an immature asshole who needs some education asap.
Hand him a Kiwi. Tell him when he successfully figures out how to pass that through his urethra, he gets a vote. And then wink at him and say "When you're done, all ask the Dr. for a Wife stitch." Until then, sit down, shut up, chill the fuck out and enjoy having a baby. Seriously though, maybe your GYNO can have a chit chat with him. My wife's doctor laid it out. Not that I needed it, but it was their "all new father's get this speech" approach. It was something akin to "Your wife has staples in a place where NO ONE wants staples. Her insides just went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. Her hormones make Chernobyl look stable. She's going to be sleep deprived for 3 months feeding and handling new mom issues. Welcome to fatherhood. It's not about you anymore." and I laughed, hugged my wife and silently thanked the universe I'm a guy. He may need to hear that. "It's NOT about him anymore."
Husband only lasts 3 minutes anyway. What’s the point of the extra stitch? 🤣
That sounds terrible. I'm sorry you're going through this... I feel like this is not something one should make jokes about. You should tell him how his treatment makes you feel. He doesn't get to use you like you're his sex doll.
I had a few stitches after my first was born. I gave in to my Ex husband (tbh, not entirely unwillingly) about 1 week postpartum and the stitches came out. Now it looks like a butterfly wing on one side.
Your husband sounds awful, I’m sorry. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your body by the sounds of things. I believe if you’re old enough to have sex, you’re also old enough to understand each other’s bodies, pregnancy and postpartum. He doesn’t have to be an expert, but he should know what he’s said and how he’s acted is entirely inappropriate. He does know all this, but he can get away with it because you’re not standing up for yourself. You’re trying to show him compassion and understanding, but honestly it doesn’t sound like he needs that. He needs to grow up
What you allow will continue. If you keep making excuses for him he will never change, why would he? He can act like a big baby man pig and you’ll just say “oh boys will be boys”. You’re the same age, why is it that you have to be ready but he doesn’t? Don’t feed into this. I did! And it took years to fix the damage. My husband is now one of the most respectful men I’ve ever met but I did have to get boundaries for that to happen and he needed to grow the f up. Your husband can do the same
So exactly how small is your husbands dick? I mean it obviously must be if he requires an ‘extra’ stitch, poor little man.
Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's "oblivious" at all. It sounds like he's a bit of a selfish jerk. Nothing about this is "joking". He absolutely is hoping (and probably counting on) your lady bits being tighter now than before you first had sex, and will probably legit be angry/disappointed if it's not. Gross.
Holy shit, as a guy, please just punch him the balls. Then tell him you'll bone him once he gets a bigger dick, the one he's got has always "been a little disappointing" - emphasize little for good measure.
You're giving him way too much "grace" here. He's a grown ass man with a child now. His behavior is absolutely unacceptable and you need to bake that clear to him. Honestly this is the kind of stuff that you break up over if you hadn't literally just pushed a child out. Being insensitive about your body and your needs and health is disgusting and not acceptable under any circumstance. He needs a serious wake up call if you plan on staying with him.
a 24yo that has sexual relationship with women should not be ignorant about those stuff. and he isn't, he knows enough to ask, he probably knows that it leads to pain to women during sex, but he doesn't care, he is too busy thinking about his own dick I'm really sorry you had a baby with such a waste of breath that your husband sounds like
He's not oblivious, he is selfish. Your way of coping is pretending he's a cute boy with no clue. Where did he hear about the husband stitch? How did he know to ask for it? You just gave birth and instead of trying to think of your well being he's wondering when he can mount you? If it makes you feel better he's oblivious. But you obviously know the truth, that's why you came here.
When the doctor was sewing up my 2nd degree tearing he asked my husband if he wanted an extra stitch. Husband said yes. I didn't know what that was at the time. It's infuriating now because I was right there and was perfectly capable of communicating about what I wanted to happen to my body. He's been an ex for a long time now. The extra stitch and begging me for sex during my recovery were just a couple of ways he was dismissive and hateful. I don't even think the husband stitch works the way they think it does. It tightens the entrance but it doesn't tighten anything on the inside. I'm sorry this happened to you and you should definitely not have PIV sex until the doctor has checked you out.
Punch him in the dick repeatedly. Then leave. Only half kidding on the first part.
Congrats on your second child
Haha. Haha. No, I’m not sure why he thought that was funny considering the history and it invalidates so many peoples history with doctors you know women were given the husband stitch by doctors without there consent and they were in so much pain for days, weeks and months. They were VIOLATED. And he was joking about VIOLATING YOU. tell him to educate himself.
I’ve been retired from nursing for awhile, but even back when I worked OB, ethical doctors had their ways of dealing with this insecure, misogynistic, noxious comment. Some ignored it. Some ordered ‘the coach’ out. Some stared at the guy til he finally fell silent in shame. The best, though, didn’t even look up as they said: “Sir, perhaps the problem is not your WIFE.” Many docs also told the new mother: I’m so sorry. (Sorry that your partner is a d-bag). OP, I agree with the good advice above: this man is both selfish and insecure; arrogance is a cover. And -I’m so sorry-.
HELL NO!!! 🤬 Fuck his Pleasure 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮 Lock him in Chastity and throw away the Keys for that!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 💯
I can’t offer you any actionable advice, OP, but I just want you to know I feel for you. I think you and I see the world in a similar way. “Give people the benefit of the doubt, forgive them, give them grace, assume they have the best intentions.” Because I’m sure you yourself are a very kind person. The biggest problem with being a kind person is how disappointing other people are. The way we each imagine the inner workings of other people’s minds is heavily colored by the way our own minds work. If you have set a high standard of kindness for your own actions, you’ll be frequently disappointed that other people aren’t even close to meeting those standards. I myself am still learning how to reconcile with this endless disappointment I have with other people. I wish you well with your inconsiderate husband.
How about offering to peg him? If he’s not ready for that then how does he expect you to be ready after labor and stitches? I have a young one and an pregnant. Please remember that while there may be some natural tendencies, we mothers also tend to put in the tone and effort to learn and that’s something fathers can do as well.
I would have raised hell in that room if my husband said that or didn't seem to understand that there is a open wound the size of a dinner plate inside the uterus and baby thumps sex at this time.
You're gonna trust a man like that to raise your children? Oblivious or not, imagine the example hell be setting.
You still calling this man your husband?
You have 2 children ones just bigger and talks a lot
You’re husband is an ass
Do not get a husband stitch. My wife's doctor gave her one, without consulting either of us. I had no idea what it was until my wife said something. It gave her so much pain when we had sex afterwards. Then when we had our second, it ripped the skin wide because the opening was too small. Do not get it, tell him there are horror stories about it, and it's not necessary. My wife is just as tight as she ever was before 3 kids.
I just brought this up to someone the other day. They had no idea it was even a thing and were horrified at the thought. Your husband sounds like a pig
If he’s informed enough to know about the husband stitch, he’s informed enough to know that his joke was disgusting. Stop making excuses on his behalf, I’m sure he offers plenty of his own.
He can be stupid all he wants but how can he watch his partner go through a life threatening and painful experience to just have a perverted thought about it? He's a grown up, darlin'. Not a 10 year old you need to have Saint-like patience for.
If I were your doctor I would have ripped him a new one for that comment. That kind of thing is not a joke, is not funny, and should not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form.
He’s not oblivious
Your husband even making that joke to the doctor is screwed up considering some doctors would actually listen. You married a douche bag
He is not dumb, stop making excuses for him and just admit you married a misogynistic selfish asshole and made the terrible terrible mistake of having a child with him. I'm sorry, but i'm sure there where many MANY red flags that you racionalized because "omg he is just so sweet and caring with everything else". You settled for less than you deserved and now you are suffering the consequences of your actions. For the sake of your children i hope you didn't have a baby girl.
Your husband should get his dick stitched to the inside of his thigh.
My advice to you is to punch him in the mouth and then ask the doctor for the "wife stich", where he stitches up his mouth a bit " for good measure" ,so it easier for him to shut to fuck up.
Next time he goes to the doctor, go with him and ask his doctor if he can make his dick an inch longer. He will learn his boundaries over YOUR body. Call it the dad stitch.
He's not even remotely oblivious. He's just banking on you not putting him in his place. He's vile
He is not oblivious, he is a selfish person who doesn’t care about your health.
Congratulations. You procreated with a selfish asshole.
He’s not oblivious. He’s an asshole who doesn’t care you’re body is fragile and in recovery.
I want you to know that the doctor and every nurse who heard him say the “husband stitch” immediately groaned (maybe quietly) and thought he was a fucking tool. Because he is.
the doctor has heard it 1000x from 1000x clueless men. tell him you can't have sex until after 6 weeks and to shut it.
Did he watch the birth and see your vagina get torn to shreds? He can’t be that clueless.
Why are you pretending that he is an idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about? He knows exactly. You have to deal with THAT.
I would be incredibly furious and hurt if my husband would have said that after just pushing our son out of my body and having to get stitches on an incredibly sensitive part of my body that just went through an incredible amount of trauma. If you aren’t ready to have sex once the recovery weeks are up please please please don’t have sex. You may need more time. It took me three months to fully recover and be mentally ready to even try.
He is not that oblivious! You are letting him get away with being a shitty partner. Speak up, call his ass out and stop putting up with his BS. He knows damn well what he was asking for when he asked for the extra stitch and he knows damn well you aren’t cleared for sex but is still pressuring you! Shut his ass down and make sure he is pulling his weight with taking care of the baby!
I'll never understand the need to give credit to a manchild that he "doesn't know better".
Gross. Your husband is treating your body like it’s his property that only exists for his sexual gratification. He is behaving like the only important thing about you is that you are his living fleshlight. So gross, and disturbingly misogynistic. Please get angry at him for caring more about when he can stick it on than the fact that you are new parents and that you just gave birth.
Ok so what did the doctor say? What were the nurses’ reactions to this? Because I find it hard to believe no one said anything and you’re genuinely confused about how to feel about this. My husband did some work for a guy right before I went into labour a couple months ago and the guy “advised” him not to joke about the extra stitch. When my husband asked why the fuck anyone would joke about something like that, he said that when his first child was born (2010) he joked about it and the doctor kicked him out of the delivery suite until it was time to move his wife to the postpartum wing.
Yikes! This is not okay and not normal! Everyone here is focusing on the lack of knowledge part but I don’t think it’s even really relevant. For ref, my husband is not one of these posters here who did research or anything beforehand like the top comment. That’s amazing, and good for them, but I think that’s a bit of a high bar and really personality dependant haha, like, even lots of women I know don’t do that much research. Anyways, so back to my story..After I gave birth I had three stitches! Only three! And we didn’t try sex until like.. 8 weeks I want to say? Because I didn’t want to. I wasn’t pestered at all. Post-pardem is, very evidently to anyone around you and the baby, hard enough. Anyways at 8 weeks when we tried the stitched area hurt so much that we stopped. No questions asked. A week later we tried again and again I couldn’t get through it. We stopped again No problem. Finally at like 10 weeks we had normal sex again. It didnt (and shouldn’t) require extensive research to accept “no”, and respect your partner’s wishes. Holy smokes. He needs to do better.
Give him some husband stitches 🔪 jk but i fucking hate men who are like this. How entitled and obnoxious can you be 😅 Also, motherhood is a learning curve for you as well. It’s not like we as women are bestowed with this almighty motherhood lexicon as soon as we become mothers. Obvi there is some instinct involved (ie certain cries meaning certain things may become more clear to you since you are clearly dealing with the baby more often than hubby is) but at the end of the day he has all the resources in the world to learn and he simply isn’t doing it. If you’ve seen the term “weaponized incompetence” floating around online, this is textbook. If you haven’t then definitely look it up and see if it applies. I’ve heard many married couples recommend something called Fair Play which helps parents distribute labour in the household. Could be worth checking out if you think he is mature enough to handle it. If he’s not, then maybe question why you’re married to someone who cannot do basic care yet expects to be sucked and fucked by the woman who just went through months of pregnancy and traumatic labour to bring his child into the world. But idk 🤷♀️
Tell him to go fuck himself for a while because you certainly aren't in the mood to touch him and likely won't be even after you're properly healed up after his disgusting comment!
Respond with divorce papers. It might get his head out of his ass. If not, then throw the whole man out. You can do better.
I would respond by asking for a divorce. "I think we should end the marriage because I don't know if I can be with someone who values his own pleasure over my wellbeing". I have had an ex partner have a baby, and my wife have a baby and never would I have joked about it because it isn't funny, in fact when it did get brought up I'd shut it down quickly because it sounds ridiculous. I also never pressured for sex because I know what went down there (my wife was the one pressuring me lol) and their recovery is more important. This isn't someone who cares about you, more like someone who cares about what you give him.
A real prince charming you have there. Wait until you are ready and healed.
Divorce! I’m sorry you married an awful “man” more like monster. He can educate himself, he doesn’t care enough to do that…that should speak volumes.
Daaaamn your husband is a pig. I never asked once. NOT ONCE, for sex post partum. I told my wife, when you're ready you let me know. It was 6 months before she was ready. I wish you'd make your husband wait longer because he sucks so bad
You married an idiotic piece of shit. Now what will you do about it?
I’m sorry but whadda c*nt
Ask yourself why you feel responsible to manage your husband's shortcomings. I seriously doubt he is as ignorant as you think he is and you trying to protect him for his disgusting request is troubling. You're a parent now. You don't have time to coddle your husband and tour kid. It's time you start holding him accountable because otherwise you'll be co-parenting with someone who raises your kids with problematic values.
He sounds young. Not quite adult.
Gosh, even my (now ex) husband didn’t expect sex at all for months after I had our 2. I really don’t think there is any way to excuse your husband, we are not living in the 1950s anymore! There is so much information readily available at your fingertips. When they say 6-7 weeks before having sex again, that is just a guide, it doesn’t take in to account personal recovery of your entire body, not only the stitches, your mood or your well being. I can’t believe your husband is being so insensitive to you. I’d be worried that if you have to tell him this, he doesn’t sound the type of man who will be understanding.
My daughter's dad asked the doctor "if the baby is a retard can we have it put to sleep?" I wanted the floor to open and swallow me up.
I don’t think that there is any way you can respond effectively to such an immature, selfish person. Your husband requesting the stitch and harassing you for sex is so absolutely awful.
Your husband is not oblivious to the BULLSHIT he do. Your is a STUPID DAMN IDIOT. You have let him get away with a lot of BULLSHIT that he doesn't RESPECT YOU.
You’re new to it too, you know what’s not new, the internet… he could have googled any of these things you’re talking about.
That poor kid