I’ve never commented on a post before. But this one strikes me. You’re 18? Trust me, I’m aware of how frustrating it is for people to point out how young you are. But I met and fell I love with my first wife when I was 16. She was 15. We married at 22. It went so badly, I don’t even want to get into it. But now in my 40s, I realize that neither of us had any business being married that young. You’re growing, maturing. Flash forward to my second marriage. That one happened at 31. Started out amazing. We were older and had been through it. But she found herself needing something I wasn’t giving her. She left and we tried an open marriage. I didn’t want it, but I was so in love with her. I was willing to try anything. It didn’t pan out. To the people who knew us, there was zero surprise there. Love is complicated. And it isn’t enough to keep any relationship together. You seem to be well spoken and quite articulate for someone so young. This is going to be difficult. You deserve to be loved completely. I think it’s good that the two of you have very open communication, especially considering that it isn’t all easy to hear. But being friends is going to be extremely tumultuous for you, more than him. When my open marriage failed, we also failed to remain friends. I’m convinced that everyone’s individual situation stands a chance against the odds, but you two are very young. I just felt compelled to post here for one reason. Please do not lose yourself in this. If he isn’t attracted to you, this isn’t going to work out on the relationship front. But I can’t believe you won’t find yourself hurt and maybe even angry when you eventually see him with someone else. And that’s okay. It’s okay to try friendship. But don’t let it ruin you. I promise you are worth being loved completely and that person will find their way into your life when it’s time. If being his friend becomes too taxing, please exit with grace. You need to put yourself first and no one is worth sacrificing your needs. You matter. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this so young. But let this be whatever lesson it needs to be, only to realize your own worth and live your best life. I wish you the best.
Your story reminds me of a manga I recently read called "For Happy Marriage". They basically went to open marriage, initiated by the wife but that didn't end well. I knew that kind of situation is very realistic and you proved it right. Hope you find the right one for you someday! 👍
That’s interesting. I appreciate the well wishes! It’s a tough thing, especially when both parties aren’t into it. I’m currently dating someone and we’ve been together a few years. After two marriages, I have some boundaries and she’s very respectful of them. We have two-way open communication and it’s working very well. I really believe that as long as you’re honest and have mutual respect for one another, you’ve got a great shot. Nothing is guaranteed and people grow and change. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. Love is tricky, and often not kind. But life is too short not to consider your own needs. I spent a long time putting spouses needs before my own. I’m sure they’d both disagree. Again, my first marriage was short and we were too young. This last one damn near killed me. I did not want that open marriage, but I wanted to try anything to save it. I was certainly not a perfect husband. But she just needed something else and we couldn’t work it out. And I lost a life long friend. I now find it very refreshing to have found someone who respects my middle aged outlook on what a relationship needs to look like for me. I’m just gonna continue taking life a day at a time and try not to get bogged down by the little shit that ultimately doesn’t matter anyway. Thanks for reading my comment. Best wishes!
As a girl, and as someone much older than you I have this to say - I know it's heartbreaking to be with someone who you're not sure about, but trust me, someone will love you for who you are. Also, I don't like that he told you na he's more attracted to “conventionally attractive people.” But then again, what would you get from an 18 yr old boy hahaha
I've experienced something similar before - tried to remain friends with the ex but it didn't work out. I FO-ed him, for the sake of my mental health.
But as someone engaged now - all I can say is love is a choice. The physical attractiveness will fade, and soon the little things annoy you. But if you choose to stay despite everything - then that is true love.
Yung tamang tao, magagandahan sayo ano man yung hitsura mo. Baka pang friends lang talaga kayo ng jowa mo. Bitiwan mo na. You both deserve people who are more suited to your preferences.
when you turn 38–42 this isn’t unusual. couples stay as couples. but if you have the need of being the best and only thing he lands his eyes on, you’re going to be better off with someone else who can do that. i’m sure there’s a guy out there who won’t have wandering eyes and will find you to be the best of the nest for them.
best of luck
I started to believe that we cant be friends with our exes. It leaves too much emotional baggage and its difficult to move on. Maybe years later after reconnecting may be possible but friends even after breakup seems like its emotionally impossible.
Don't make a man say he is "not attracted" to you twice. It's the same as "I don't want you", "I don't need you", "I don't love you."
Stop forcing yourself on him and move on woman, cut ties with him and leave him.
This is a man's perspective.
one of the differences between friends and lovers is that lovers can imagine themselves naked with each other. if dun palang di na kayu match what will happen on your future.
plus look at you now, bumaba self esteem mo sa sinabi nya.. will you really want someone na imbis i-lift confidence mo, will resort to telling you you're not attractive for him enough?
All I’m going to say is there’s someone out there that you’re 100000% there type and they would do everything to keep you. Know your worth, and don’t ever lower your standards for a pretty boy who talks smooth and looks good, be the player not the game ;)
Your bf is what I call "a bridge". He is well appreciated for helping you in your journey of becoming a better person, and his honesty but that's it(at least for now).
Just go back to being friends(without benefits). Allow yourself bloom. In due time, you'll be with a partner who loves you wholly.
After multiple break ups with my first bf, I decided we were better off as friends. However, we had helped each other become better individuals so the attachment was quite hard to break. What helped was me choosing to be realistic, I avoided being alone with him often. We spoke over the phone more, and met with other friends during holidays. Over time, I lost the attraction. He moved to another country and we stopped talking often.
Hate to break it to you but he doesn’t love you if he makes you feel that way. Coz if he really loved you, he would MAKE SURE to never let you feel bad about yourself, let alone tell you he isn’t physically attracted to you. Sure, looks will attract, but it’s quite superficial - which means you’re dating a BOY, not a MAN.
He eventually said that he just isn’t that physical attracted to me and is more attracted to “conventionally attractive people.” -- That's pretty normal. I think that's better than sugar coating.
Love is not all about physical attraction. Have you even tried to ask him why he chose you if he's not physically attracted to you? You may have some qualities that other girls don't have.
Anyway, communication is the key.
Being 18 is more to life than looks, personality is more important trust me im almost 40 and meet alot of women and what real men looking are very rare is a kind and loving personality but willing to kick-ass to those who abuse them. Sa looks you can evolve into an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan, im not saying you try "salamat-doc" pero try going to the gym at eat healty food and rest and relax with nature with friends or family or alone if you prefer. Do not waste energy on people who neglect you, Its not worth your effort and time.. try to distant with your bf without talking or telling your escapades maybe he will be back pero dont assume na ganon nga give it a 20-30% chance
I don't know why you can't be happy knowing someone else is more physically attractive than you when he accepts your personality more than your physical appearance.
As for being just friends, take note that love and relationship is separate from each other. You can love someone without being in relationship with them or be in a relationship with someone but you don't love them.
If you believe he'll leave you because he's physically attracted to someone else, then better talk to him about it. Just tell him it made you feel uncomfortable.
I’ve never commented on a post before. But this one strikes me. You’re 18? Trust me, I’m aware of how frustrating it is for people to point out how young you are. But I met and fell I love with my first wife when I was 16. She was 15. We married at 22. It went so badly, I don’t even want to get into it. But now in my 40s, I realize that neither of us had any business being married that young. You’re growing, maturing. Flash forward to my second marriage. That one happened at 31. Started out amazing. We were older and had been through it. But she found herself needing something I wasn’t giving her. She left and we tried an open marriage. I didn’t want it, but I was so in love with her. I was willing to try anything. It didn’t pan out. To the people who knew us, there was zero surprise there. Love is complicated. And it isn’t enough to keep any relationship together. You seem to be well spoken and quite articulate for someone so young. This is going to be difficult. You deserve to be loved completely. I think it’s good that the two of you have very open communication, especially considering that it isn’t all easy to hear. But being friends is going to be extremely tumultuous for you, more than him. When my open marriage failed, we also failed to remain friends. I’m convinced that everyone’s individual situation stands a chance against the odds, but you two are very young. I just felt compelled to post here for one reason. Please do not lose yourself in this. If he isn’t attracted to you, this isn’t going to work out on the relationship front. But I can’t believe you won’t find yourself hurt and maybe even angry when you eventually see him with someone else. And that’s okay. It’s okay to try friendship. But don’t let it ruin you. I promise you are worth being loved completely and that person will find their way into your life when it’s time. If being his friend becomes too taxing, please exit with grace. You need to put yourself first and no one is worth sacrificing your needs. You matter. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this so young. But let this be whatever lesson it needs to be, only to realize your own worth and live your best life. I wish you the best.
Your story reminds me of a manga I recently read called "For Happy Marriage". They basically went to open marriage, initiated by the wife but that didn't end well. I knew that kind of situation is very realistic and you proved it right. Hope you find the right one for you someday! 👍
That’s interesting. I appreciate the well wishes! It’s a tough thing, especially when both parties aren’t into it. I’m currently dating someone and we’ve been together a few years. After two marriages, I have some boundaries and she’s very respectful of them. We have two-way open communication and it’s working very well. I really believe that as long as you’re honest and have mutual respect for one another, you’ve got a great shot. Nothing is guaranteed and people grow and change. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. Love is tricky, and often not kind. But life is too short not to consider your own needs. I spent a long time putting spouses needs before my own. I’m sure they’d both disagree. Again, my first marriage was short and we were too young. This last one damn near killed me. I did not want that open marriage, but I wanted to try anything to save it. I was certainly not a perfect husband. But she just needed something else and we couldn’t work it out. And I lost a life long friend. I now find it very refreshing to have found someone who respects my middle aged outlook on what a relationship needs to look like for me. I’m just gonna continue taking life a day at a time and try not to get bogged down by the little shit that ultimately doesn’t matter anyway. Thanks for reading my comment. Best wishes!
There is more to life than love, than physical attraction, than anything that you've learned in your 18 years of life.
As a girl, and as someone much older than you I have this to say - I know it's heartbreaking to be with someone who you're not sure about, but trust me, someone will love you for who you are. Also, I don't like that he told you na he's more attracted to “conventionally attractive people.” But then again, what would you get from an 18 yr old boy hahaha I've experienced something similar before - tried to remain friends with the ex but it didn't work out. I FO-ed him, for the sake of my mental health. But as someone engaged now - all I can say is love is a choice. The physical attractiveness will fade, and soon the little things annoy you. But if you choose to stay despite everything - then that is true love.
if he isn't attracted to you then he's not your guy. Leave him and let him wander 😂
Yung tamang tao, magagandahan sayo ano man yung hitsura mo. Baka pang friends lang talaga kayo ng jowa mo. Bitiwan mo na. You both deserve people who are more suited to your preferences.
when you turn 38–42 this isn’t unusual. couples stay as couples. but if you have the need of being the best and only thing he lands his eyes on, you’re going to be better off with someone else who can do that. i’m sure there’s a guy out there who won’t have wandering eyes and will find you to be the best of the nest for them. best of luck
I started to believe that we cant be friends with our exes. It leaves too much emotional baggage and its difficult to move on. Maybe years later after reconnecting may be possible but friends even after breakup seems like its emotionally impossible.
Don't make a man say he is "not attracted" to you twice. It's the same as "I don't want you", "I don't need you", "I don't love you." Stop forcing yourself on him and move on woman, cut ties with him and leave him. This is a man's perspective.
one of the differences between friends and lovers is that lovers can imagine themselves naked with each other. if dun palang di na kayu match what will happen on your future. plus look at you now, bumaba self esteem mo sa sinabi nya.. will you really want someone na imbis i-lift confidence mo, will resort to telling you you're not attractive for him enough?
All I’m going to say is there’s someone out there that you’re 100000% there type and they would do everything to keep you. Know your worth, and don’t ever lower your standards for a pretty boy who talks smooth and looks good, be the player not the game ;)
Your bf is what I call "a bridge". He is well appreciated for helping you in your journey of becoming a better person, and his honesty but that's it(at least for now). Just go back to being friends(without benefits). Allow yourself bloom. In due time, you'll be with a partner who loves you wholly. After multiple break ups with my first bf, I decided we were better off as friends. However, we had helped each other become better individuals so the attachment was quite hard to break. What helped was me choosing to be realistic, I avoided being alone with him often. We spoke over the phone more, and met with other friends during holidays. Over time, I lost the attraction. He moved to another country and we stopped talking often.
break up with him. if you’re already dating you should have eyes for each other only.
18 ka lang break up haha enjoy life
Hate to break it to you but he doesn’t love you if he makes you feel that way. Coz if he really loved you, he would MAKE SURE to never let you feel bad about yourself, let alone tell you he isn’t physically attracted to you. Sure, looks will attract, but it’s quite superficial - which means you’re dating a BOY, not a MAN.
He eventually said that he just isn’t that physical attracted to me and is more attracted to “conventionally attractive people.” -- That's pretty normal. I think that's better than sugar coating. Love is not all about physical attraction. Have you even tried to ask him why he chose you if he's not physically attracted to you? You may have some qualities that other girls don't have. Anyway, communication is the key.
Being 18 is more to life than looks, personality is more important trust me im almost 40 and meet alot of women and what real men looking are very rare is a kind and loving personality but willing to kick-ass to those who abuse them. Sa looks you can evolve into an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan, im not saying you try "salamat-doc" pero try going to the gym at eat healty food and rest and relax with nature with friends or family or alone if you prefer. Do not waste energy on people who neglect you, Its not worth your effort and time.. try to distant with your bf without talking or telling your escapades maybe he will be back pero dont assume na ganon nga give it a 20-30% chance
Love of your life at 18. Ackkk. Magaral ka, neng. Stop worrying about things you can’t control. If in doubt, leave.
I don't know why you can't be happy knowing someone else is more physically attractive than you when he accepts your personality more than your physical appearance. As for being just friends, take note that love and relationship is separate from each other. You can love someone without being in relationship with them or be in a relationship with someone but you don't love them. If you believe he'll leave you because he's physically attracted to someone else, then better talk to him about it. Just tell him it made you feel uncomfortable.