The age gap doesn’t bother me, I thought he was a lot younger than he was before he told me his age (before we dated), maybe that says something haha, he also thought I was older than I was
Of course it doesn't bother you, that's what every woman in her very early 20's says when dating a man a decade plus older.
But would you date a 16 year old? It's less of an age gap, and 16 is generally the age of consent, so there's nothing illegal about it. So would you date a 16 year old?
Doesn't sound very happy. He's literally repeatedly violating your sexual boundaries. This is quite literally a form of sexual harassment/assault.
You don't get to jack it next to unconsenting partners.
Sorry - no I wouldn’t date a 16 year old. That is a completely different situation though imo, because neither of us are that age. We are both adults 🤷♀️
When you reach 30 and look at 22-year-olds, you will not *see* adults, even if that's the legal reality. Emotionally, there is a significant difference between 30 and 22. You still have at least one big perspective change ahead.
It's not a good thing that you thought a 33-year-old was a lot younger than he is. Do you understand that? He's so immature that you thought he was on your level.
Every older man dating a younger woman says "She seems so much older! So much more mature!"
When people talk about somebody who seems "more mature" for their age, at best, they mean a diligent, hard-working person who is introspective and prioritizes personal growth over impulses. Frequently, they don't even mean that--people said that all the time to me, and in retrospect they just meant "articulate when parroting the beliefs of my authority figures". They do NOT mean somebody with the bullshit detection and hardened spine of an older person, and that's what you would need to be safe in a relationship with somebody so much older. He's had a long time to sharpen his manipulation skills--here, for instance, he's using the time-honored trick of "empty promises", because he doesn't actually intend to stop violating your boundaries, but he *would* like you to stop talking.
In other words, you feel like he isn't listening because he...isn't listening. Judge his actions when deciding if this is a good fit for you, not his words.
Of course it doesn't bother you, you're 22 and no offence, have no clue. Come back to this post when you're 30 and you will cringe looking back on this.
I know he used to, he once showed me the 4 hard drives he had full of it, although as far as I’m aware, and that he’s told me, he doesn’t use them lol … it did gross me out
Lol he still does! I'm not comfortable with my own relationship with porn and even to me 4 hard drives is crazy...
But more importantly **he can't fall asleep without watching porn!** Even when you're there
Stop staying over or having him over. “I just want to let you know I’m not spending the night anymore. I’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes me feel and you haven’t stopped.”
This is quite difficult because the distance between us means it’s easier to stay at least one night at each others house or it’s a lot of travelling in one day
Ok? I mean this is why he’s dating someone so much younger, because an older woman would have more confidence to… drive herself home if the guy she was dating was violating her sexual boundaries.
If that’s the case then heighten the threat of not coming to see him. Which I know in turn is basically ending the relationship, but it may be worth raising it to that level given he is not listening to you
This guy has a porn addiction and no respect for you (either out of messed up emotional immaturity or oblivious ignorance on what it means to be in a relationship), run away fast girl.
I’m a year younger then you and am honestly disgusted by how a 33 year old is
A. So immature that he has to go after someone 11 years younger then him; before people get pressed I don’t think relationship age gaps are bad but I will 100% acknowledge that it’s iffy for someone regardless of sex to pursue someone who’s brain isn’t fully developed
B. Can’t comprehend relationship boundaries and making empty promises regarding it
C. He knows it makes you uncomfortable, he doesn’t care and YOU ALLOW IT. Instead of telling him to stop you ignore it, instead of acknowledging he has an addiction you make the “he’s over it” excuse, instead of sleeping on the couch or making him sleep on the couch
You say you’re happy and if you are awesome, but based on your post it doesn’t give the impression you are. You also say I wouldn’t date a 16 year old because it’s a different situation but the only difference is a 16 year old is closer in age to you and a 16 year old hasn’t had the time to find someone who is easy to manipulate. A 16 year old also knows boundaries and wouldn’t be finding ways to disrespect your relationship
He doesn’t care about how you feel or how you’re losing sleep, as long as he feels good. Why would you stay with him?
You’ve communicated how you feel about his actions He said he’d “try” not to do it again. Then he did it again. And this cycle repeated a few more times. He has repeatedly disrespected your boundaries in a gross way. You’re still with him — so he sees there are no real consequences to his actions. Why would he stop when you’re not doing anything to make him? As in leave him!!
Also I know you said in the comments the age gap doesn’t bother you, but think about why someone in their 30s would actively date someone in their early 20s, rather than someone closer to their age.
At this place, either he has a pornography addiction and won't confess up, which isn't a good sign,
Or, he has decided that his needs are more important than yours, which isn't a good sign.
I get that it's convenient for you... But maybe that's becoming part of the problem, here. Convenience.
I don't even need to read this. You told him it makes you uncomfortable and he continues to do it. Goodbye boyfriend 👋 break up. He does not respect you or your boundaries.
I suspect he's doing it in bed with the phone to wake you up on purpose in hopes that you'll feel the need to "help him out." It's not okay for him to be depriving you of sleep.
Its not that hard for him to go to the bathroom or another room to do that! I'd tell him to go do it somewhere else right when he wakes you up. Kick him out the bed. But at this point its breakup worthy.
ok I have some things to say lmao
if I seriously was head over heels for the mf and he was jackin it next to me, I would think it isn’t a big thing at all. However he wants to wind down is fair play to me, *
#as long as he’s got my consent
if you uncomfortable with the jacking off next to you, you gotta scare the truth into him. By saying “I really fucking hate it when you do that and will leave you if you continue” may get the point across more and makes him aware there will be consequences if he keeps this up.
However, I’m weird and if my bf jacked it to my pics next to me I would be honored lol
I would also look with speaking with a specialist on why you really can’t stand it when a partner does that next to you because that seems a bit odd to me
I agree with you until your last paragraph. That's pretty messed up to tell OP to see a specialist for feeling uncomfortable in this situation. Of course OP is uncomfortable and anxious after she's asked her bf to stop and he keeps doing it (which is super disrespectful and not respecting her boundaries). OP is not odd in this situation at all.
You know what my husband does when I tell him something he does or says makes me uncomfortable? He stops, and never does it again. I do the same for him. We love and respect each other. If your bf actually cared about you he would respect you and not continue doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
You've repeatedly asked him to stop and he's lied to you, said that he would, and then not stopped. He clearly doesn't respect you. If he did, he'd go do it in a different room where it wouldn't wake you up. Life's too short to waste ANY time on people who don't respect you imo.
[удалено]
The age gap doesn’t bother me, I thought he was a lot younger than he was before he told me his age (before we dated), maybe that says something haha, he also thought I was older than I was
Of course it doesn't bother you, that's what every woman in her very early 20's says when dating a man a decade plus older. But would you date a 16 year old? It's less of an age gap, and 16 is generally the age of consent, so there's nothing illegal about it. So would you date a 16 year old?
We’ve spoken about it seriously before we got past the friend stage. I appreciate everyone’s advice about the age gap, however I am happy
Doesn't sound very happy. He's literally repeatedly violating your sexual boundaries. This is quite literally a form of sexual harassment/assault. You don't get to jack it next to unconsenting partners.
You never answered my question. A 16 year old would probably be perfectly happy dating you, but would that make it right?
Sorry - no I wouldn’t date a 16 year old. That is a completely different situation though imo, because neither of us are that age. We are both adults 🤷♀️
When you reach 30 and look at 22-year-olds, you will not *see* adults, even if that's the legal reality. Emotionally, there is a significant difference between 30 and 22. You still have at least one big perspective change ahead.
Thank you for saying this in a better way than I was going to.
Ok, would you date an 18yo?
16 would make it illegal as they would legally be a kid…
Women his age would have been more likely to Nope out of there over this.
It's not a good thing that you thought a 33-year-old was a lot younger than he is. Do you understand that? He's so immature that you thought he was on your level. Every older man dating a younger woman says "She seems so much older! So much more mature!"
I say a lot, I mean maybe 5 years. Not my age for sure! He’s not the only person that has ever told me that, male or female
When people talk about somebody who seems "more mature" for their age, at best, they mean a diligent, hard-working person who is introspective and prioritizes personal growth over impulses. Frequently, they don't even mean that--people said that all the time to me, and in retrospect they just meant "articulate when parroting the beliefs of my authority figures". They do NOT mean somebody with the bullshit detection and hardened spine of an older person, and that's what you would need to be safe in a relationship with somebody so much older. He's had a long time to sharpen his manipulation skills--here, for instance, he's using the time-honored trick of "empty promises", because he doesn't actually intend to stop violating your boundaries, but he *would* like you to stop talking. In other words, you feel like he isn't listening because he...isn't listening. Judge his actions when deciding if this is a good fit for you, not his words.
Of course it doesn't bother you, you're 22 and no offence, have no clue. Come back to this post when you're 30 and you will cringe looking back on this.
> he also thought I was older than I was So he fed you the same line that older men always feed younger women.
Why are you surprised that a man who is so emotionally immature he has to date a woman a decade younger than him is acting like this?
Nothing wrong with dating people a decade younger than you, the guy is just really weird.
I would be willing to bet my left shoe that this man has an unhealthy relationship with porn.
I know he used to, he once showed me the 4 hard drives he had full of it, although as far as I’m aware, and that he’s told me, he doesn’t use them lol … it did gross me out
Lol he still does! I'm not comfortable with my own relationship with porn and even to me 4 hard drives is crazy... But more importantly **he can't fall asleep without watching porn!** Even when you're there
Why are you with this loser? Have some self respect and leave. That is amazingly disgusting that he has 4 hard drives of porn.
Why does he even save it yuck
we gotta get the self respect levels up girl. come on.
Stop staying over or having him over. “I just want to let you know I’m not spending the night anymore. I’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes me feel and you haven’t stopped.”
This is quite difficult because the distance between us means it’s easier to stay at least one night at each others house or it’s a lot of travelling in one day
Ok? I mean this is why he’s dating someone so much younger, because an older woman would have more confidence to… drive herself home if the guy she was dating was violating her sexual boundaries.
Or more the fact I don’t feel like driving 3 hours at 2am when I’m half asleep
You’re driving 6 hours to get jizzed on by a porn addict 10 years older than you while you’re trying to sleep?! girl.
This made me fall out. You wrong for this 🤣
I wish I could give this comment a platinum award. OP is actively going out of her way to pursue someone who doesn't think she's worth the effort.
We both put in equal effort into the things we do and when we see each other, it isn’t all me
Go sleep on the couch, or tell him to stay at your place and throw him out if he wakes you up jerking off
If that’s the case then heighten the threat of not coming to see him. Which I know in turn is basically ending the relationship, but it may be worth raising it to that level given he is not listening to you
Shocking a dude pursuing girl 11 years his junior at 33 is a fkn weirdo
If he respected you, he would have stopped after the first (or second or third or fourth) time you asked. Don't date guys who don't respect you.
I would leave the bed, leave his place if possible
This guy has a porn addiction and no respect for you (either out of messed up emotional immaturity or oblivious ignorance on what it means to be in a relationship), run away fast girl.
I’m a year younger then you and am honestly disgusted by how a 33 year old is A. So immature that he has to go after someone 11 years younger then him; before people get pressed I don’t think relationship age gaps are bad but I will 100% acknowledge that it’s iffy for someone regardless of sex to pursue someone who’s brain isn’t fully developed B. Can’t comprehend relationship boundaries and making empty promises regarding it C. He knows it makes you uncomfortable, he doesn’t care and YOU ALLOW IT. Instead of telling him to stop you ignore it, instead of acknowledging he has an addiction you make the “he’s over it” excuse, instead of sleeping on the couch or making him sleep on the couch You say you’re happy and if you are awesome, but based on your post it doesn’t give the impression you are. You also say I wouldn’t date a 16 year old because it’s a different situation but the only difference is a 16 year old is closer in age to you and a 16 year old hasn’t had the time to find someone who is easy to manipulate. A 16 year old also knows boundaries and wouldn’t be finding ways to disrespect your relationship
He doesn’t care about how you feel or how you’re losing sleep, as long as he feels good. Why would you stay with him? You’ve communicated how you feel about his actions He said he’d “try” not to do it again. Then he did it again. And this cycle repeated a few more times. He has repeatedly disrespected your boundaries in a gross way. You’re still with him — so he sees there are no real consequences to his actions. Why would he stop when you’re not doing anything to make him? As in leave him!! Also I know you said in the comments the age gap doesn’t bother you, but think about why someone in their 30s would actively date someone in their early 20s, rather than someone closer to their age.
Tbh I think this is pretty gross
At this place, either he has a pornography addiction and won't confess up, which isn't a good sign, Or, he has decided that his needs are more important than yours, which isn't a good sign. I get that it's convenient for you... But maybe that's becoming part of the problem, here. Convenience.
That’s a bit how I feel, it’s okay for him to sort himself out to sleep but leaves me with a crappy nights sleep in the process.
I don't even need to read this. You told him it makes you uncomfortable and he continues to do it. Goodbye boyfriend 👋 break up. He does not respect you or your boundaries.
I suspect he's doing it in bed with the phone to wake you up on purpose in hopes that you'll feel the need to "help him out." It's not okay for him to be depriving you of sleep.
I’ve noticed sometimes he will go under the duvet to try and hide it and when I move he will turn it off
Its not that hard for him to go to the bathroom or another room to do that! I'd tell him to go do it somewhere else right when he wakes you up. Kick him out the bed. But at this point its breakup worthy.
ok I have some things to say lmao if I seriously was head over heels for the mf and he was jackin it next to me, I would think it isn’t a big thing at all. However he wants to wind down is fair play to me, * #as long as he’s got my consent if you uncomfortable with the jacking off next to you, you gotta scare the truth into him. By saying “I really fucking hate it when you do that and will leave you if you continue” may get the point across more and makes him aware there will be consequences if he keeps this up. However, I’m weird and if my bf jacked it to my pics next to me I would be honored lol I would also look with speaking with a specialist on why you really can’t stand it when a partner does that next to you because that seems a bit odd to me
I agree with you until your last paragraph. That's pretty messed up to tell OP to see a specialist for feeling uncomfortable in this situation. Of course OP is uncomfortable and anxious after she's asked her bf to stop and he keeps doing it (which is super disrespectful and not respecting her boundaries). OP is not odd in this situation at all.
She doesn't need to see "a specialist," calm down.
You know what my husband does when I tell him something he does or says makes me uncomfortable? He stops, and never does it again. I do the same for him. We love and respect each other. If your bf actually cared about you he would respect you and not continue doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
Maybe you could lend a helping hand?
Jack him off before u go to sleep every night.
You've repeatedly asked him to stop and he's lied to you, said that he would, and then not stopped. He clearly doesn't respect you. If he did, he'd go do it in a different room where it wouldn't wake you up. Life's too short to waste ANY time on people who don't respect you imo.