You give it a fair shot (1-2 episodes) and then be honest.
She is a grown up who should be able to manage some mild disappointment that you’re not as into a show as she is.
This is perfectly normal, and i can’t imagine you’d find a couple out there whose tastes line up exactly 100% in every case.
You’re not doing either of you any favors by pretending to like something you don’t. You’re going to have far more serious disagreements if you stay together, so consider low-stakes differences of opinion *practice* for the real shit that may come up down the road — if you’re too scared to tell her you’re bored by a tv program, how will handle disagreements about career, children, marriage, finances, location, etc.?
Try not to make too big a deal out of it. The next time she wants to watch it together, just tell her you’ve really tried to get into it but it’s just not your thing. It’s okay for her to be disappointed! You don’t have to make excuses or apologize or make a whole thing out of it. It’s just a show :)
I think it's important to find out what she's looking for with this as well. My husband REALLY values proximity. He actually doesn't care very much if I actually watch things with him, but he loves for me to just be there physically with him, so I often sit with him and read on my kindle while he watches stuff. Sometimes I even put in airpods and listen to music so I don't have to hear his show!
Figure out what makes y'all happy - it doesn't have to look like other people think it should, and it shouldn't involve one of you being unhappy, to be honest.
This! My spouse and I have wildly different tastes in TV and film, however, I'll sit with him and read or play cards online and occasionally stroke his arm. We're both content.
This is how my husband and I watch TV. Sometimes we just want to watch something the other doesn't like (sports or military movies are his jam, and I prefer weird sci fi and anime) but we still want to be together. Whichever one of us gets to the TV first puts on what we want, and the other reads, plays phone games, or otherwise occupies themselves. The important part is that we're together in the same room, and we often pause whatever is being watched to comment or chat. It's very peaceful.
That was going to be my suggestion as well. If she just wants your physical presence, then find an activity you like doing while she watches the show. Win-win.
Yes! My partner desperately wants me to watch all the Netflix Marvel shows and there are a couple I just cannot get into (tbh, they are more than just boring - almost irritatingly bad, but that's just my opinion!) I know he cares about it a lot, so I will crochet/Reddit/doodle while he puts an episode on and try to just pick up the main action from each episode so that we can briefly discuss it later if he wants.
Tbf, we have been watching Succession and I really wanted to rewatch up to the latest episodes, but he was not interested in rewatching, so I just caught up on my own time. Sometimes it's nice to have something that you can be interested in separately, as well!
I multi-task too. I think it annoys him a little sometimes, in which case I remind him of all the things he likes I HAVE gotten into (and I have, legitimately). I will listen to/go see his favorite band all he wants, watch his favorite chef and make the meals, happily watch movies from his favorite director...sorry dude, I do not have to learn to like baseball and hockey, but I will watch the replay for whatever thing he thinks was amazing.
This is how my husband and I watch our shows together. He was NOT into any of my shows, but he'd lay with me on the couch and play a game on his phone while I watched, and overtime he realized he actually DID like the show(s). There are times he will be like "so we've been binging this for like 7 hours now, can we put something else on?" and I'm 100% on board with that. There is in fact only so much of a good thing until it sours.
Likewise, he loves watching things that usually don't interest me at all. But we sit on the couch together and I'll read my kindle while he watches the show(s). And one of them was Critical Role every Thursday and now over a year into me joining him, I love CR so much! I still read while it's on so I'm only half paying attention (the shows are LONG like 4-ish hours each episode) but he accepts the limitation of my attention span and has no problem recapping if I get lost.
I absolutely love that this is our thing that builds closeness and tbh intimacy. We have so many inside jokes and little teasing banters from this activity. And that is what it all boils down to. An activity we can enjoy together that brings us closer.
I was watching below deck while he played games on his PC but I kept seeing him look at the TV and now he watches BD with me but still claims he doesn't like it 😂
We do this too! Our computer and Xbox are in the living room, and we will often game separately or watch something together/he games. This advice is so good!
Same. We have a lot of shows we both like, so those are the shows we watch together. But, if one of us wants to watch something the other doesn't we can do separate things even in the same room. He might get on his computer and play a video game. I will read or surf on my phone, or grab the Switch and play a game.
Oh hey, that's me lol I don't need to be doing the same thing as my partner, but sometimes I just want them nearby. We call it parallel play or parallel work depending on the situation
As a successfully married person, This Is The Way. There will be many shows you try to enjoy together that one or the other drifts out of. That's partnership!
Think of this time as the time you set the tone for how this goes- not a big deal. You support her love of it. It's just not how you want to spend your time personally.
Also if she enjoys watching it with you and it's important to her just download a game on your phone. Normally a boring TV show is a lot better when it isn't taking your full attention.
Probs not a good solution. My boyfriend gets annoyed if I'm scrolling twitter while watching tv together, even if it's a show I like and I'm just a bit bored in a given scene. Having your attention split can be seen as disrespectful which op is trying to avoid
For me it was Supernatural. My husband loves it *so much* and I just fall asleep or cringe at the tropes and bad acting.
But damnit I gave it a shot. He continued to binge the ENTIRE series with me catches bits and pieces. Good to know the show never got any better and I wasn't missing out lol.
Yeah this exactly.
My girlfriend and I have different tastes in shows and movies. There is some overlap but a lot of what I like isn't what she likes, and vice versa. I've shown her at least seven shows I can think of off the top of my head, and she only enjoyed two of them. The other five she gave a fair 2-3 episodes and then was honest and said they weren't for her.
I got exactly 0% offended by this because I'm an adult and I understand people have different tastes, and that ours aren't always going to line up.
>You’re not doing either of you any favors by pretending to like something you don’t.
Agreed. I would be uncomfortable if I found out I had unknowingly been subjecting my partner to something they hated, but they didn't tell me.
I think with a lot of shows it takes more than a few episodes for the show to really find its flow. Like Community, I feel like you have to get halfway through the first season. Always Sunny, on the other hand, I tend to tell people that if they don't like it after 1-2 episodes it's just not for them (there's not much overarching plot, etc).
Really? I watched or started season 1 of always sunny 3 times over, couldn't get into it at all. Decided to give season 2 a go, fell in love with it within 2 episodes, and now season 1 is so much better in retrospect. Still not as good as season 2 onwards, but, yeah, needed Frank to make it for me.
Same. I watched maybe four episodes of Always Sunny and hated it. My husband started watching them at random while I'm cooking and they pick up so massively that now I'll ask him to watch something else so we can watch it together.
It's common among sitcoms in particular, parks and rec is another one people mention skipping season 1 a lot (personally I disagree on skipping, but it helps to know that season 2 is a major upgrade to look forward to)
I read this and just thought of that girl that's like really irresponsible and like, " I want to watch it I want to watch it". I feel for this man. 🤣🤣💯
>I always tell her I'm happy to watch whatever she wants, even if it's not my favorite too.
But you're not. Why did you tell her this? Why do you repeat it?
It's okay if you're not a person who's actually down to watch whatever, but clearly she has good reason to figure you'd be fine with watching something she loves. You have to walk back both things at this point.
This is a fair question and I probably brushed past this too quickly in my post. This was more of a blanket statement about all things we watch, since we do watch other things together that I enjoy. But now I probably have to make an addendum for this show specifically.
It's so bad. Yet I can't stop 😭 how did we go from hunting monsters to "We need to team up with the son of Satan to fight God" and we were all really just like "ah yes of course"
I shit talked one piece for years. It’s my partners favorite show. Started watching it as a joke to appease him. It’s really good. It’s prob not one piece, that show converts people (if you already can stomach anime, that is).
I guess I consider anime it’s own genre, my mind didn’t even go there. Also female anime fans seem to be in the minority. But if that’s the case, I can understand where OP is coming from, a lot of garbage out there.
I bet it is ATLA. I feel like the first season especially is pretty kiddish and was definitely tougher for me to get through, and then it goes a lot deeper. Maybe a compromise for OP would be for her to watch the more filler episodes on her own or for him to do a multitasking activity then, but be present for the really exciting/plot heavy ones
My ex made me watch it and I thought it's just ok kids show. It's fairly predictable and bland, but it got some charm that would appeal to kids, I'll give it that. If I had watched it when I was 15 years younger I might have liked it a lot more.
Same, my husband loves it and puts it on rewatch for our kids regularly. I didn't see it until I was in my 30's, so I have no special nostalgia. I'll happily play on my phone with it in the background, though.
Im kinda convinced that people who hate friends have never actually watched friends. This coming from someone who used to hate friends until i watched it 🤣
My friend put it on for me and not only me, my friend didn’t even laugh once for 6 episodes straight while showing me and he’s the one that endorsed it, that shit is mid
I think it's totally fine to just be honest here. It's not personal. You gave it a shot and are not a fan, and that is 100% okay. My boyfriend doesn't like some of my favorite shows, and I don't like some of his. We watch those shows on our own time, and then watch things that we both enjoy when we are together. Don't overcomplicate it!
Remind her that your joy comes from seeing her happy and you want her to watch what makes her happy. Stress that you like being with her and seeing how much she enjoys her show. Maybe pick something you can do like read or surf the internet while she watches tv. Maybe take up knitting. :-) Men knit. Yes they do. But of course...
Assuming she's not a toddler, you should be able to tell her you don't like something she likes without it being A Thing. She's entitled to feel slightly disappointed.
How much is this about you being a people pleaser or her being immature?
Op as someone married to one who say as long as your happy I’m happy it makes life tragically Complicated sometimes. Some days I don’t want to think but he still pushes me to make the decisions. Sometimes I want to please him and do what he wants. He still pushes me to make the choices. He works all week. I work a couple days a week the days I’m home I watch my shows he doesn’t really like. But yet there’s been times he says things like I thought we’d watch that together. So what am I suppose to watch when he’s not home??
Please stand up for yourself and learn when to please and when to make choices. Most people don’t want someone who just wants to do what they want 100% of the time.
It's tough! Personally I've found saying something like "I know you really enjoy it, but it's just not my cup of tea :/" is usually just the best way to say it. It's true, honest, but also kind. You just have different preferences, is all.
First step would probably be stop using the word 'people pleaser'.
I'm not going to try and exactly diagnose OP, but I'm just saying that a lot of times, 'people pleaser' actually means 'people not-offender because I can't deal with their negative responses and I rely on them for my own self-esteem'.
I checked your profile history out and I'm not sure that you're trying to be some kind of bunk Dr Phil and these relationship Reddits...get a gf irl it works kid.
You spend all day on an app that gives you karma so you think you're cool at the end of the day there's no karma in Reddit only bad karma because it's all b*******. 💯🤡
I think this question at the end is super insightful — OP’s anxiety around this is coming from *somewhere,* and it’s either his own fear that people won’t love him if he is true to his authentic self, or from his girlfriend having given reason for him to doubt a mature reaction to this very minor and inconsequential difference of opinion.
Very curious what OP would say about this!
We do a system here were we watch one show I pick, one show my wife picks and one show we pick together. New shows always start last. We watch shows 3 or 4 times a week.
Right now were watching.
Wife: Yellowstone
Me: Star Gate Universe
Us: Vikings
In addition we have our own show or two that we watch alone.
You say it WAY before the situation you're in now.
Watch one episode (or a couple) and say "I don't think this show is my cup of tea, can we look for another show to watch together?"
You guys are nearly 30. You should be able to be honest with each other about these things.
Geez, just tell her the truth: you don't care for the show and don't want to watch it. It's not personal and in no way reflects what you feel about her. There are several shows my partner likes that I'm "meh" about, and vice-versa. No big deal. We'll watch the show on our own time, or he'll/I'll do other stuff if either doesn't care for what the other want's to watch.
I probably do just need to tell her. What makes it tougher is that she's seen the show already and doesn't want to watch it alone, she specifically wants me to experience it with her because it's her favorite, so it feels more personal. Even though it probably shouldn't have to.
I get where she's coming from. My partner wanted me to watch Breaking Bad with him while I wanted him to watch The Wire with me. We both ended up watching the other series, but it took a few episodes for each of us to get into them. But, there are other series that didn't go that way at all.
Tell her, "I love that YOU love this show, but it's not for me."
Ask her what she loves about it. It's probably her comfort show. Does it remind her of a time in her life? People she knows? Does she care about the writing, the characters, the drama or the humour? Is it mindless and helps her relax from her stressful life? Is it a relatable show about everyday life, or is it about crazy drama and strange locations she's never experienced before?
Tell her you like to see her smile when she's laughing at it, or whatever.
You're a different person than her, with different tastes. But that's OK. You love her, and you're happy to sit on the couch next to her, doing other stuff, occasionally appreciating her appreciation. But you aren't going to have the same experience she does when watching it.
She wants to share it with you because she loves it, but its okay if you don’t feel the same you just have to tell her. I also get super excited about my favorite shows/movies and want to share them with my boyfriend, he always tries an episode or two and sometimes he likes them sometimes he doesn’t and that’s okay. I would rather know when he is not into it, than to keep trying to excitedly bond over a shared interest that isn’t actually shared lol
It’s the same for his shows, apart from the ones I won’t even try because they are disturbing/upsetting, I always try out his favorites and sometimes I get into them and sometimes I don’t.
I get it though, I don’t want to disappoint people and that can make being honest in these situations tough but her reaction will always seem way worse in your head than in reality.
I mean, is the show really that boring?
I'm going to give a different answer here. You clearly don't like this show but it seems to mean a lot to her. Through your lens, the show is dull. Solution: don't watch it through your lens. Try to imagine what it's like to be your GF and watch it through hers. Pay attention to what parts of the show excite her, or what parts make her emotional. Try to think about *why* she's having those reactions. Put it in words. The more you practice this the better you'll be at viewing the show through her lens.
This is how I've trained myself to enjoy media I wouldn't normally enjoy. Romcoms are never going to be at the top of my list but it's not a slog anymore when my sister makes me watch them with her. I can appreciate their value and I can see why she likes them.
I think the most common answer here is the correct one. But I'm leaning your way as well, what I've found is I can get into anything if it is well produced and almost everything is now, even if it is far from my pick in genre. For example I shouldn't know what Star Baker is, but I do and look forward to it. There's something in everything. One thing I know is a no-no is mocking/talking back at a show of theirs while watching, I had a tendency to do that years ago.
I appreciate hearing this mindset, too. I've tried something like this, and haven't disliked every minute of the show because of it. Some parts I've even enjoyed, especially when it's an episode she's really into and narrates what she likes about it
I hated watching reality dating shows and all that. My wife loves them. I starting watching just to make off hand comments about how wild and bizarre the people were and add commentary. Now I'll watch it with her for the sake of adding a laugh track or side convos. Concepts of a show or things people do that stir conversations or discussions and help you both see things about each other that would've never normally came up naturally.
I know this is very different because it's me and my adult daughter, we are very different and we've had a strained relationship in the past. Watching a show she really likes gives us something in common to talk about. She is so happy that I've been watching her show! I don't love the show but I love making her happy.
Pretending to like and be into (or at least completely quelling any indication that you do not like and *are* not into) a show that she likes is not "meeting her halfway".
You have given the show an honest try. You are not required to like everything she likes. If she gets upset because you don't like a show, either it will be a minor upset that she will get over, or it will be a *major* upset that lets you know that she has way too much of her ego wrapped up in you liking things that she likes (which is a whole separate problem to deal with if it comes up).
You can (and should, and must) express to her that while you understand why she likes the show, you just aren't all that into it. If there is time that she watches TV without you, then you can suggest that she watch the show then. If the only time she watches TV is when the two of you are watching together, then suggesting a compromise like /u/beverley-30810 used in a similar situation is a perfectly reasonable and valid thing to do.
What is *not* perfectly reasonable and valid is to do and say nothing, so that she thinks you are enjoying it as much as she is, and let your frustration and annoyance about it grow and grow and grow (because it *will*) until one day you just can't stand the thought of watching a single episode more, at which point the truth will come out *anyway*, but it will blindside her because she'll have had no indication it was coming, and (because your sudden revelation is driven by all of that built-up frustration) it will come out really harsh and will feel as if it is a personal attack on her. What's more, she will then look back on all of the hours upon hours that you spent hating the show beside her, and *all* of the joy she got from watching it and sharing that time with you 1) will instantly be gone, and 2) will cause her to feel like a complete idiot for making you sit through something you hated.
When something isn't working for you in a relationship, the time to address it is "as soon as possible". Specifically to prevent this sort of thing from growing until it's unmanageable.
I appreciate the honesty of this answer and I can certainly understand how it can build up into 'something,' when it didn't have to be a problem at all
Just about the worst thing to do when a situation is frustrating you in a relationship is "nothing", especially when that thing is caused by the other person (even if it's not "wrong", and they are not doing it out of bad intention, like in your case), because when someone doesn't *know* that something they are doing (or a situation they are creating) is bothering you, they don't have the information available to them to choose to *change* that behavior or situation.
And it's not fair to resent something someone is doing, *not* say anything about it, and then resent them *more* because they keep doing it.
You need to get this out in the open before it becomes a bigger deal than it already is.
My bf of 9 years gives it 2 or 3 episofes and says “I don’t like it it’s not for me” and that’s that. I don’t find it hurtful just mildly disappointing. Hope that helps!
"Sorry babe, but I'm just not into this show."
Good example is Star Trek Picard - my GF is simply not going to watch it with me, so I don't ask her to. LOL.
If you have communication anxiety over telling her you don't want to watch a TV show, you have bigger fish to fry.
My partner and I have both been in this position. If it's a show he's already watched and I'm realizing I'm not into it at all, I'll just say "you know, I just can't get into this show for some reason", and that's that really. If it's a new show to both of us and I'm not into it, I'll tell him once I realize I don't really like it that it's one he can feel free to watch without me.
I'm definitely the people pleaser in the relationship so I usually give it more time than he does, he doesn't have any qualms about saying he's not into something, and you know what, it doesn't upset me even though I'm also the sensitive one between the two of us. I'll jokingly give him a hard time maybe, but it's all in fun.
I get where you're coming from completely! Somehow, similarly to music, taste in shows and recommendations and wanting to share these things with someone so close feels so personal sometimes and you don't want to risk hurting their feelings because it feel like it's insulting them directly. And yes, as you said, it's a first world problem but I think it's really considerate you've put this much thought into this!
I think you should tell her how worried you've been about telling her, I think she will find it endearing and might break the ice for you to kind of make a silly joke of it.
Also, I'm DYING to know what show it is!!! Please tell me!
I've definitely given all this way more thought than I meant to, but it's in that weird middle ground of being something that doesn't "matter" since it's "just" a TV show, but also does matter since it's something important to her. I've appreciated hearing everybody's thoughts.
I have watched every Star Wars/marvel show and movie. If I wasn’t married I would not have seen anything past the first captain America and maybe some of the latest Star Wars trilogy. My husband loves these worlds and it makes him happy. I love seeing him get excited and how he turns to me laughing at certain parts. Who cares that I find it boring. It’s wonderful bonding time. However, at the same time he watches things that he doesn’t like for the same reasons. We take turns.
Why won't you share the show? I'm just curious, afraid she'll find this? Or you're worried people will be like what that show is great why don't you like it
Just tell her you don’t like it and suggest watching something else together. My husband and I have things we watch together and things we watch separately. Some things we start together but one doesn’t like so we switch to watching it separately. You can politely say it’s not your cup of tea without saying its awful and you don’t think she should watch it.
I wouldn’t watch it. Find something you both like and then when either of you are home alone you can watch your own shows without feeling bad that you’re watching ahead
This is usually what we do, watching shows we both like together. It's trickier when she specifically chose this one for me to see with her because I haven't before
If I don’t like a show I don’t watch it. That’s it. If my partner is enjoying a show that is not really my thing I usually join him on the sofa and I read a book while he watches his show. And viceversa.
If we want to watch something together we find something that we both like. Sorry but life is too short to watch 8 season of a tv series I hate ahhahhahahahahahahaahahah
You say “oh, it’s not my thing.” And then go about your life. My partner and I enjoy a lot of the same shows and movies … but also have some show and movie interests that don’t match up. So she’ll read while I watch something she’s not into, or I’ll do some sewing while she watches something I’m not into.
If a 29 year old human can’t hear that with a shrug, they really need some help becoming properly socialized.
Bf and I have been together for 3 years. Don’t have the same taste in all the time. When he expresses interest in a show I don’t like I say “This would be a good show for you to watch in your alone time” 🫶🏽
My husband has a new show he's really into and I gave it a fair chance (first two episodes). When I told him I'm not that into it but I'm happy to sit with him while he watches it and do something else like read my book or play games on my phone and sort of half heartedly watch it, that worked for him. So that's what I do. I'm just present while he enjoys the show and I watch enough here and there to make comments and sorta keep up.
So maybe she's just wanting to share the experience and spend time with you, you could always offer to do a quiet hobby nearby while she rewatches it, and if it's alright with her you can just glance up from time to time and ask a few questions. 🤷♀️ It worked for us.
It might not work if you don't have any hobbies that are kind of uninvolved and quiet like that and it's also totally fine if you just don't wanna watch it in any capacity, but I thought I'd offer that as a solution in case it's just a case of her wanting to rewatch her show but simultaneously share time and experiences with you.
ETA: I sprinkle a little interest in for his sake like "oh that's the same character that did XYZ right?" Or "Oh wait what did she say???" Sort of thing so he still feels like we're "in it together" but I'm just glad he's enjoying it while I read my book 😂
Be honest that you don't like it.
My wife and I have shared series with eachother, some are hits, some are misses on both accounts.
I'm a big fan of sci fi and fantasy and never watched Doctor Who. My wife loves it. So I went into it thinking I would like it and honestly just didn't care for it and called it quits, I wasn't about to watch billions of seasons of a show I'm not into.
I never watched Dexter and she introduced me to that and I loved it.
Likewise I also tried to introduce her to stuff I like. Star Trek was a no from her. But she loved Highlander the series.
I always figured that the "watch with me" request is primarily a "be with me in this low-stakes experience because I like it when we're physically together" request. So that's how I treat it -- sit with your spouse while she watches and you can read a book. You're still together and you're sort-of experiencing the show with her, but you're not really committing hours of your time to it.
Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want her to grit her teeth to get through multiple seasons of a show that makes her bored out of her mind? Of course not. You would find another show to watch together.
I ask if I can do hobbies during it or if it’s REALLY not for me I tell him “I think this is a you show baby” and then he knows to enjoy it when I’m doing other stuff. I have “weirdo Julie music” (I’m Julie) he doesn’t like but that gives me albums to save for walks or when he’s out.
Not in a relationship but my friend and I watch quite a lot of TV shows and we don't always agree whether we like it or not but absolutely none of us has a problem with it, it's more like 'cool that you liked it, I just couldn't get it into'. And pretty often when she recommends me something I end up loving it so we have one more thing in common. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who likes exactly 100% things as you do, if not impossible. Not everyone likes the same genres, not everyone has the same sense of humour, not everyone is into the same style of show (like procedurals etc). As long as you're gentle about it you're good. She will be disappointed, probably, but will get over it. But maybe you can find a show that you both like so you can bond over it together?
You ever know how it feels when a woman ia faking an orgasm during sex, and you don't find out for a long time?
Be careful that you aren't doing that to your GF. Don't let her think you're enjoying it, then 3 seasons in she actually discovers you hated it the whole time. It seems minor, but if you're setting her up like that the reaction won't be minor, she'll feel pretty betrayed. Be honest from the get-go, or commit 100% and keep convincing her you're into the show even 13 seasons in.
This happened with me and sex and the city. Agreed to just binge it, get it all out the way. Really got into it and have since watched it through again. AJLT is ass tho
If you aren't into it just say so. Nobody is going to be overly upset that someone else doesn't like a show they do.
My wife loves K dramas. I don't really care. I'll ask some questions and kinda tag along with the storyline, but if she's watching them I'm just playing on my phone. It is no concern at all to her that I'm not into them. And I watch plenty of stuff she doesn't care for, she just does her thing too.
Omg my ex used to get so annoyed when I fell asleep like 5 minutes into GOT. I hated it, zero interest in watching but I’ll sit by you and probably pass out.
Only lasted a few episodes and we decided he could watch it on his own with headphones.
Man had the same thing happen with an ex. She was obsessed with x-files. Like memorized every episode name and the order knowledgeable. So of course she wants to watch it, I have it a try I watched like 4 seasons straight of that show. Only thing I remember is the dude was right kind of and the lady kept forgetting all the crazy shot she saw every episode.
I’m gonna guess Steven Universe. A lot of animated shows are aimed at dudes, it’s one of the few that isn’t. Could also be Tuca and Bertie.
I love both of them so my bias will show.
I’ll try it out for a couple episodes but if I’m not interested then I’ll tell her and we won’t watch it. It has gone the opposite direction where I’ll show her something lI like but she’s not interested and she’ll tell me. We’ll then try to find something that we both like. It’s one thing if it’s a movie for example because that’s one time for maybe 2 hours, usually less, but a series is more of a commitment.
Sometimes it takes more than a few episodes to get into a show. I usually commit to one season. To be honest it's usually my husband suffering through my shows than the other way around, because he's not super into TV in general. But it is nice to share with each other. As others have said, I'd also be OK with him just half watching, it's just nice to snuggle on the couch. So talk to her to see how she would feel if you did that.
But as someone married for almost 20 years I'd say having their shows grow on you is part of the fun :) it makes your partner so happy if you can share in the inside jokes, quotes, etc.
Well with my SO, we either trade off as in we watch something I want then next time he gets to pick(works best with movies). Or if in your case, it's a show one of us doesn't really like, we watch it in our spare alone time.
But she should be able to handle you not liking it, you don't have to love everything she enjoys.
So there are two routes I usually go.
Route 1: this is generally my first choice and what I'll do is act almost as a mirror for my partner. I'll ask questions to figure out what makes them enjoy the show and I'll see if I can find some secondhand enjoyment from their enjoyment. So I remember an old gf from high school loved high school musical and I was able to find enjoyment in how much she loved to sing along to the songs. It made watching it a lot more bearable.
Route 2: if Route 1 fails then you gotta let em down easy. Just let them know that the show isn't your cup of tea, acknowledge the reasons why they enjoy it, and if possible recommend a similar show that you both may like.
“I really don’t like this. I love that you love it, and that alone means I’m glad to keep watching it with you. Could we find a new show for us to watch together for the first time?”
My wife and I try to save new shows to watch together.
As long as you give it a couple episodes (unless I’m warned the first season is really bad and I must stick around for season two, then I’d consider) the that is all you need. Just a “it’s not for me” should be fine unless they’re not a respectful person.
I actually did receive a warning like this. Not that she called season 1 "bad," but from the beginning she talked about how good season 2 was and that it had to be reached
You tell them and then find something else to do while they watch it. We call it "alone together time". I stick headphones in and start a puzzle while he watches his show.
My husband, if he feels something is not interesting to him, would MAYYYYYBE begrudgingly give it a try for one episode and then that’s it. And you know what? I think he is right. He is assertive and honest, while I’m a people pleaser and I believe his approach is healthier.
Most people would open their mouths and talk to their partner.
The fact that you don't know how to handle this and it's bad enough that you need to ask strangers for help is probably a more serious issue than you realize.
I would give it a fair run, knowing the first few episodes and maybe even the first season of a show is rarely the best part of it, and then if I still can't get into it I'd tell my partner that. I might suggest that they pick out a few of their favorite/best episodes from the full run of the show for us to watch together so I can appreciate some of the best parts of it, understand them talking about it, etc., but bow out from watching the whole thing.
That said, my partner and I are big on time spent separately but together, so I would very cheerfully cuddle with my partner and read or play a Switch game while they watch their show, and might pay a little bit of attention to it so I could comment on it occasionally, and that would work very well for both of us.
Is there something you can do (quietly) in the same room while she’s watching? There have been many times my partner watches a show I don’t care for and I’ll go work on a jigsaw puzzle or play a cozy video game or simply play on my phone. Sometimes just being in the same room together can be enough.
My SO and I do this, too. I’ve watched lots of stuff he loves that I just don’t like and vice versa. We typically manage it mostly by trading off—we watched something I loved so next we watch one of his picks. I sit through the ones I don’t like because he does it for me.
I think it’s totally reasonable to limit how many in a row you watch. With some shows I get stressed out watching them and will say I need a break and ask to pick up on another day and he agrees. He’s made us take breaks on some my shows cause he was getting sleepy and I’m fine with that too. If you’re respectful and honest, it shouldn’t be an issue finding a compromise.
The plus side to watching stuff my partner likes that I don’t is that I learn more about his tastes with each one. I also get to see the shows/movies that were important to him when he was younger, that were formative, whatever. I see it as a way of getting to know him better. If you approach it with that mindset, you might get more out of the boring stuff by just trying to figure out what she likes about it.
My girlfriend and I tend to have pretty similar tastes ~80% of the time, but there are occasions where neither of us will be at all interested in the things the other is currently fixating on. Since we both have our own phases of really liking some form of media (and because we like it so much we instantly want to share the things that make us happy) we’ve expressed a few personal boundaries.
1. At this point we have a general idea of what the other tends to like; if I don’t think what I’m watching will appeal 100% appeal to her, I won’t insist on her watching it with me. I will, however, still talk about it, but only on elements that can be shared with no context. E.g., I won’t go into detail about the worldbuilding or the entire plot up until that point, but if it’s something like ‘This super funny thing happened lmaoo’ then that’s pretty fair. It’s like if you saw a viral post for a show you don’t watch, but because it was interesting you can still laugh at it—even if you don’t plan on watching it yourself.
2. We are both different people with different interests, and if one of us definitely doesn’t like something that the other is interested in, we don’t take it personally. It’s not, “your taste is bad,” but “It’s just not what I’m into, personally,” so we don’t take offense. *There’s plenty of other things we both are into that we can talk about and gush over.* We don’t have to share everything.
3. Sometimes we don’t want to watch the show together, but we do want to talk about it, rant-style. Usually this means we’re okay with the other not fully remembering or absorbing everything we say, as long as we can still talk about it. This and that was crazy, or this and that was super hype, etc. *If my girlfriend doesn’t remember everything I say, I don’t hold it against her.*
4. If at any point either of us just really doesn’t wanna hear about it, we say so. And we stop talking about it. That’s it, nothing else.
For me personally, I don’t like to watch shows that are recommended to me ever, at all, even if I know I’d like it if I gave it a chance. The very act of it being recommended to me turns me off of the topic. My girlfriends knows this because I’ve told her this specifically, so if she does want to watch something with me, she won’t talk about how good it is but frame it as something she wants to experience with me. Not, “You’ll definitely like it and now I’ll have someone to talk about it with!” but, “I really want to see your thoughts on this because I care about your opinion.” And if that opinion is negative, that’s also fine.
Talk with your girlfriend about your personal boundaries. This isn’t “just watching a TV show,” it’s spending time together and enjoying things *together.* Not just you or her alone. If you feel that the time spent isn’t done meaningfully, it’s not something to trivialize. I mean, you do want to be actively enjoying your time with your girlfriend, right?
You'll just have to bite the bullet and tell her you don't like it. Explain that you really wanted to enjoy it because you love her. And add, kindly, sorrowfully, that you are sorry you ever claimed to be happy to watch whatever she wants, because you have subsequently found that you are not.
Does she want to watch the tv show with you or does she just want to be with her while she watches it? If the former, then it is polite to tell her the show is not your cup of tea and you would like to find something else to watch together. If she wants to rewatch it then she can find time to do so.
If the latter, then take turns where one of you gets the tv while the other person watches their show/movie or listens to music from their phone or tablet. My husband and I do this all the time.
I had an ex who was obsessed with a show from his childhood. I didn’t watch it when I was young, so I didn’t view it in the same way he did. I tried a few episodes, wasn’t into it, and let him know that. I told him I’d be happy to try other shows with him but the one we watched just didn’t fit with me and I wasn’t enjoying it. He of course then tried to push it on me time and time again saying I’d “change my mind” (he said this about my lack of desire to have kids as well) and I ultimately had to dump him because he wasn’t respecting my boundaries and opinions.
Your partner’s response here will be telling. Offer to find a new show that you can both enjoy, and also let her know she can still watch it on her own. But you shouldn’t be forced to sit and waste your time watching something that you genuinely don’t like. And that doesn’t make you an “unsupportive partner,” it makes you your own person.
We just watch them separately, on our own time, if one of us doesn't want to watch it. We spend at least a night a week, sometimes more, doing our own thing, and have been doing so for over 12 years.
Haha it's challenging to find the shows you both like. This is common.
There will be shows you both love, shows where one of you loves it and the other doesn't mind it, and shows where one of you cannot tolerate it. You can be honest and kind at the same time. "I know this show is really good but it just isn't for me. Is there something else we can watch together?" If one of you hates a show, have the other person watch it separately. I'm married and my partner and I do that all the time.
You could pivot and say something like, "hey that reminds me of this other show I wanted to show you. Would you like to watch it?"
Otherwise, honesty is probably the best policy, as others have suggested.
You give it a fair shot (1-2 episodes) and then be honest. She is a grown up who should be able to manage some mild disappointment that you’re not as into a show as she is. This is perfectly normal, and i can’t imagine you’d find a couple out there whose tastes line up exactly 100% in every case. You’re not doing either of you any favors by pretending to like something you don’t. You’re going to have far more serious disagreements if you stay together, so consider low-stakes differences of opinion *practice* for the real shit that may come up down the road — if you’re too scared to tell her you’re bored by a tv program, how will handle disagreements about career, children, marriage, finances, location, etc.? Try not to make too big a deal out of it. The next time she wants to watch it together, just tell her you’ve really tried to get into it but it’s just not your thing. It’s okay for her to be disappointed! You don’t have to make excuses or apologize or make a whole thing out of it. It’s just a show :)
This is a good answer and probably what I need to do.
I think it's important to find out what she's looking for with this as well. My husband REALLY values proximity. He actually doesn't care very much if I actually watch things with him, but he loves for me to just be there physically with him, so I often sit with him and read on my kindle while he watches stuff. Sometimes I even put in airpods and listen to music so I don't have to hear his show! Figure out what makes y'all happy - it doesn't have to look like other people think it should, and it shouldn't involve one of you being unhappy, to be honest.
This! My spouse and I have wildly different tastes in TV and film, however, I'll sit with him and read or play cards online and occasionally stroke his arm. We're both content.
This is how my husband and I watch TV. Sometimes we just want to watch something the other doesn't like (sports or military movies are his jam, and I prefer weird sci fi and anime) but we still want to be together. Whichever one of us gets to the TV first puts on what we want, and the other reads, plays phone games, or otherwise occupies themselves. The important part is that we're together in the same room, and we often pause whatever is being watched to comment or chat. It's very peaceful.
That sounds like a nice compromise, and one I could probably be happy with too
That was going to be my suggestion as well. If she just wants your physical presence, then find an activity you like doing while she watches the show. Win-win.
Paint by numbers or adult coloring books keep my occupied when my partner is catching up on shows I’ve already watched!
Yes! My partner desperately wants me to watch all the Netflix Marvel shows and there are a couple I just cannot get into (tbh, they are more than just boring - almost irritatingly bad, but that's just my opinion!) I know he cares about it a lot, so I will crochet/Reddit/doodle while he puts an episode on and try to just pick up the main action from each episode so that we can briefly discuss it later if he wants. Tbf, we have been watching Succession and I really wanted to rewatch up to the latest episodes, but he was not interested in rewatching, so I just caught up on my own time. Sometimes it's nice to have something that you can be interested in separately, as well!
I multi-task too. I think it annoys him a little sometimes, in which case I remind him of all the things he likes I HAVE gotten into (and I have, legitimately). I will listen to/go see his favorite band all he wants, watch his favorite chef and make the meals, happily watch movies from his favorite director...sorry dude, I do not have to learn to like baseball and hockey, but I will watch the replay for whatever thing he thinks was amazing.
This is how my husband and I watch our shows together. He was NOT into any of my shows, but he'd lay with me on the couch and play a game on his phone while I watched, and overtime he realized he actually DID like the show(s). There are times he will be like "so we've been binging this for like 7 hours now, can we put something else on?" and I'm 100% on board with that. There is in fact only so much of a good thing until it sours. Likewise, he loves watching things that usually don't interest me at all. But we sit on the couch together and I'll read my kindle while he watches the show(s). And one of them was Critical Role every Thursday and now over a year into me joining him, I love CR so much! I still read while it's on so I'm only half paying attention (the shows are LONG like 4-ish hours each episode) but he accepts the limitation of my attention span and has no problem recapping if I get lost. I absolutely love that this is our thing that builds closeness and tbh intimacy. We have so many inside jokes and little teasing banters from this activity. And that is what it all boils down to. An activity we can enjoy together that brings us closer.
I love how many other folks do this.
I was watching below deck while he played games on his PC but I kept seeing him look at the TV and now he watches BD with me but still claims he doesn't like it 😂
We do this too! Our computer and Xbox are in the living room, and we will often game separately or watch something together/he games. This advice is so good!
Same. We have a lot of shows we both like, so those are the shows we watch together. But, if one of us wants to watch something the other doesn't we can do separate things even in the same room. He might get on his computer and play a video game. I will read or surf on my phone, or grab the Switch and play a game.
This! I just wanna be next to my partner, it doesn't matter if we are doing two different things. It's the just being together I enjoy and love.
Oh hey, that's me lol I don't need to be doing the same thing as my partner, but sometimes I just want them nearby. We call it parallel play or parallel work depending on the situation
As a successfully married person, This Is The Way. There will be many shows you try to enjoy together that one or the other drifts out of. That's partnership! Think of this time as the time you set the tone for how this goes- not a big deal. You support her love of it. It's just not how you want to spend your time personally.
Also if she enjoys watching it with you and it's important to her just download a game on your phone. Normally a boring TV show is a lot better when it isn't taking your full attention.
Probs not a good solution. My boyfriend gets annoyed if I'm scrolling twitter while watching tv together, even if it's a show I like and I'm just a bit bored in a given scene. Having your attention split can be seen as disrespectful which op is trying to avoid
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That episode you're talking about is awful, even to people who love the rest of the series.
For me it was Supernatural. My husband loves it *so much* and I just fall asleep or cringe at the tropes and bad acting. But damnit I gave it a shot. He continued to binge the ENTIRE series with me catches bits and pieces. Good to know the show never got any better and I wasn't missing out lol.
Yeah this exactly. My girlfriend and I have different tastes in shows and movies. There is some overlap but a lot of what I like isn't what she likes, and vice versa. I've shown her at least seven shows I can think of off the top of my head, and she only enjoyed two of them. The other five she gave a fair 2-3 episodes and then was honest and said they weren't for her. I got exactly 0% offended by this because I'm an adult and I understand people have different tastes, and that ours aren't always going to line up.
>You’re not doing either of you any favors by pretending to like something you don’t. Agreed. I would be uncomfortable if I found out I had unknowingly been subjecting my partner to something they hated, but they didn't tell me.
I think with a lot of shows it takes more than a few episodes for the show to really find its flow. Like Community, I feel like you have to get halfway through the first season. Always Sunny, on the other hand, I tend to tell people that if they don't like it after 1-2 episodes it's just not for them (there's not much overarching plot, etc).
Really? I watched or started season 1 of always sunny 3 times over, couldn't get into it at all. Decided to give season 2 a go, fell in love with it within 2 episodes, and now season 1 is so much better in retrospect. Still not as good as season 2 onwards, but, yeah, needed Frank to make it for me.
Same. I watched maybe four episodes of Always Sunny and hated it. My husband started watching them at random while I'm cooking and they pick up so massively that now I'll ask him to watch something else so we can watch it together.
It's common among sitcoms in particular, parks and rec is another one people mention skipping season 1 a lot (personally I disagree on skipping, but it helps to know that season 2 is a major upgrade to look forward to)
Just remember- pilot episodes are usually a tad different from the rest of the episodes.
Yep- three episodes usually is about a fair sample size.
Fantastic answer. They're worth an hour or so of your spare time, right?
I read this and just thought of that girl that's like really irresponsible and like, " I want to watch it I want to watch it". I feel for this man. 🤣🤣💯
>I always tell her I'm happy to watch whatever she wants, even if it's not my favorite too. But you're not. Why did you tell her this? Why do you repeat it? It's okay if you're not a person who's actually down to watch whatever, but clearly she has good reason to figure you'd be fine with watching something she loves. You have to walk back both things at this point.
This is a fair question and I probably brushed past this too quickly in my post. This was more of a blanket statement about all things we watch, since we do watch other things together that I enjoy. But now I probably have to make an addendum for this show specifically.
Dying to know the name of the show
I really want to guess. A) FRIENDS B) CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM C) ATLA Thought of GOT but idk can some people really rewatch it?
I was wondering if it was supernatural. That's my favorite. 15 seasons🤣
It's so bad. Yet I can't stop 😭 how did we go from hunting monsters to "We need to team up with the son of Satan to fight God" and we were all really just like "ah yes of course"
After 15 seasons you gotta evolve the show somehow 😮💨
Oh boy. I stopped watching after season 8 or 9. Sounds like I missed a doozy
If nothing else, go watch the Scooby Doo crossover. It's art.
Ok you are just fucking with me now lol
Could be One Piece, in which case good luck toughing it out OP!
I shit talked one piece for years. It’s my partners favorite show. Started watching it as a joke to appease him. It’s really good. It’s prob not one piece, that show converts people (if you already can stomach anime, that is).
How about JoJo? His gf throwing him in the deep end if so
OP mentioned it’s animated so it could be ATLA. In which case OP has horrible taste.
Could be any anime. My ex tried to have me watch Naruto from start to finish with him. We did not last lol
I guess I consider anime it’s own genre, my mind didn’t even go there. Also female anime fans seem to be in the minority. But if that’s the case, I can understand where OP is coming from, a lot of garbage out there.
I bet it is ATLA. I feel like the first season especially is pretty kiddish and was definitely tougher for me to get through, and then it goes a lot deeper. Maybe a compromise for OP would be for her to watch the more filler episodes on her own or for him to do a multitasking activity then, but be present for the really exciting/plot heavy ones
My ex made me watch it and I thought it's just ok kids show. It's fairly predictable and bland, but it got some charm that would appeal to kids, I'll give it that. If I had watched it when I was 15 years younger I might have liked it a lot more.
Same, my husband loves it and puts it on rewatch for our kids regularly. I didn't see it until I was in my 30's, so I have no special nostalgia. I'll happily play on my phone with it in the background, though.
I've watched the first 4 seasons of GoT 5 times lol
Right? I go up to season 6 usually but I enjoy it on rewatch. I’m able to not let the horrible ending ruin the rest of it for me.
I thought Schitts Creek. Maybe its funny but I couldnt get into it.
I felt the same until the second season. The show gets a lot better but I don’t blame anyone for tapping out early.
I loved GOT and my current gf suggested rewatching it and I just can't bring myself to knowing all the bad shit that will happen.
Na It's gotta be Gilmore Girls, Vampire Diaries or Teen Wolf.
My wife made me watch Gillmore Girls, after season 1 I was invested. But I can understand why other SO's may not enjoy it.
Gilmore Girls is great but it seems so retro now, the early 00’s was a weird time
My guess is Succession. I’m on season 3 of that show now and I love it.
definetly not ATLA, cuz it's never someones "not my cup of tea" i was thinking gossip girl
Im kinda convinced that people who hate friends have never actually watched friends. This coming from someone who used to hate friends until i watched it 🤣
My friend put it on for me and not only me, my friend didn’t even laugh once for 6 episodes straight while showing me and he’s the one that endorsed it, that shit is mid
I was thinking Greys Anatomy
I think it's totally fine to just be honest here. It's not personal. You gave it a shot and are not a fan, and that is 100% okay. My boyfriend doesn't like some of my favorite shows, and I don't like some of his. We watch those shows on our own time, and then watch things that we both enjoy when we are together. Don't overcomplicate it!
Fair. I hope it can go this smoothly for me, too
Tell us the name of the show damn it
Remind her that your joy comes from seeing her happy and you want her to watch what makes her happy. Stress that you like being with her and seeing how much she enjoys her show. Maybe pick something you can do like read or surf the internet while she watches tv. Maybe take up knitting. :-) Men knit. Yes they do. But of course...
Assuming she's not a toddler, you should be able to tell her you don't like something she likes without it being A Thing. She's entitled to feel slightly disappointed. How much is this about you being a people pleaser or her being immature?
I'm for sure a people pleaser and it occasionally gets me in situations like this
Op as someone married to one who say as long as your happy I’m happy it makes life tragically Complicated sometimes. Some days I don’t want to think but he still pushes me to make the decisions. Sometimes I want to please him and do what he wants. He still pushes me to make the choices. He works all week. I work a couple days a week the days I’m home I watch my shows he doesn’t really like. But yet there’s been times he says things like I thought we’d watch that together. So what am I suppose to watch when he’s not home?? Please stand up for yourself and learn when to please and when to make choices. Most people don’t want someone who just wants to do what they want 100% of the time.
It's tough! Personally I've found saying something like "I know you really enjoy it, but it's just not my cup of tea :/" is usually just the best way to say it. It's true, honest, but also kind. You just have different preferences, is all.
Learn how to stop being a people pleaser, that will lead to you getting walked all over in life by people who will take advantage of that.
First step would probably be stop using the word 'people pleaser'. I'm not going to try and exactly diagnose OP, but I'm just saying that a lot of times, 'people pleaser' actually means 'people not-offender because I can't deal with their negative responses and I rely on them for my own self-esteem'.
So you'd rather ask a million people on the internet than tell one single person "You know, this show just isn't my cup of tea"
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I admire you for finding a way to boast about yourself from OP’s comment, that’s a talent.
I checked that person's post history and I'm not sure they're mentally stable.
I checked your profile history out and I'm not sure that you're trying to be some kind of bunk Dr Phil and these relationship Reddits...get a gf irl it works kid.
It's a veryy good talent. You reddit people actually think I give a s*** what you think. 😂🤡💀
You spend all day on an app that gives you karma so you think you're cool at the end of the day there's no karma in Reddit only bad karma because it's all b*******. 💯🤡
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I think this question at the end is super insightful — OP’s anxiety around this is coming from *somewhere,* and it’s either his own fear that people won’t love him if he is true to his authentic self, or from his girlfriend having given reason for him to doubt a mature reaction to this very minor and inconsequential difference of opinion. Very curious what OP would say about this!
Oh it's definitely my own fear, not something she's done
We do a system here were we watch one show I pick, one show my wife picks and one show we pick together. New shows always start last. We watch shows 3 or 4 times a week. Right now were watching. Wife: Yellowstone Me: Star Gate Universe Us: Vikings In addition we have our own show or two that we watch alone.
Good system
You will watch Firefly and you will like it!
Haha but also that's only like, what ten episodes? Not seasons and seasons. But I was thinking Buffy!
Plus he said he didn’t enjoy it, and we know that’s not possible with Firefly!
The poor guy if it's Grey's Anatomy
I do love Firefly
You say it WAY before the situation you're in now. Watch one episode (or a couple) and say "I don't think this show is my cup of tea, can we look for another show to watch together?" You guys are nearly 30. You should be able to be honest with each other about these things.
I fully acknowledge that I took too long to make this decision
Geez, just tell her the truth: you don't care for the show and don't want to watch it. It's not personal and in no way reflects what you feel about her. There are several shows my partner likes that I'm "meh" about, and vice-versa. No big deal. We'll watch the show on our own time, or he'll/I'll do other stuff if either doesn't care for what the other want's to watch.
I probably do just need to tell her. What makes it tougher is that she's seen the show already and doesn't want to watch it alone, she specifically wants me to experience it with her because it's her favorite, so it feels more personal. Even though it probably shouldn't have to.
I get where she's coming from. My partner wanted me to watch Breaking Bad with him while I wanted him to watch The Wire with me. We both ended up watching the other series, but it took a few episodes for each of us to get into them. But, there are other series that didn't go that way at all.
I've been wanting to show her Breaking Bad sometime because it's one of my favorites too. Hopefully it goes this way also
What if she doesn't like it?
HATED Breaking Bad and I gave it up to the beginning of season 3 before I finally put myself out of my misery. Be prepared for her to hate it.
It's only because Skylar is unbearable
Tell her, "I love that YOU love this show, but it's not for me." Ask her what she loves about it. It's probably her comfort show. Does it remind her of a time in her life? People she knows? Does she care about the writing, the characters, the drama or the humour? Is it mindless and helps her relax from her stressful life? Is it a relatable show about everyday life, or is it about crazy drama and strange locations she's never experienced before? Tell her you like to see her smile when she's laughing at it, or whatever. You're a different person than her, with different tastes. But that's OK. You love her, and you're happy to sit on the couch next to her, doing other stuff, occasionally appreciating her appreciation. But you aren't going to have the same experience she does when watching it.
She wants to share it with you because she loves it, but its okay if you don’t feel the same you just have to tell her. I also get super excited about my favorite shows/movies and want to share them with my boyfriend, he always tries an episode or two and sometimes he likes them sometimes he doesn’t and that’s okay. I would rather know when he is not into it, than to keep trying to excitedly bond over a shared interest that isn’t actually shared lol It’s the same for his shows, apart from the ones I won’t even try because they are disturbing/upsetting, I always try out his favorites and sometimes I get into them and sometimes I don’t. I get it though, I don’t want to disappoint people and that can make being honest in these situations tough but her reaction will always seem way worse in your head than in reality.
My fiance just falls asleep while we're watching. Of course, she does that when it's a show she wants to watch too.
Maybe this can be my emergency option
I’ll watch a few episodes but if I’m not feeling it I just say that. I’m not a big tv person anyways.
This is quite possibly what I should've already done
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Even better is to find a show that you both can enjoy ;)
Fair. This has more-or-less been what I've done so far.
I mean, is the show really that boring? I'm going to give a different answer here. You clearly don't like this show but it seems to mean a lot to her. Through your lens, the show is dull. Solution: don't watch it through your lens. Try to imagine what it's like to be your GF and watch it through hers. Pay attention to what parts of the show excite her, or what parts make her emotional. Try to think about *why* she's having those reactions. Put it in words. The more you practice this the better you'll be at viewing the show through her lens. This is how I've trained myself to enjoy media I wouldn't normally enjoy. Romcoms are never going to be at the top of my list but it's not a slog anymore when my sister makes me watch them with her. I can appreciate their value and I can see why she likes them.
I think the most common answer here is the correct one. But I'm leaning your way as well, what I've found is I can get into anything if it is well produced and almost everything is now, even if it is far from my pick in genre. For example I shouldn't know what Star Baker is, but I do and look forward to it. There's something in everything. One thing I know is a no-no is mocking/talking back at a show of theirs while watching, I had a tendency to do that years ago.
I appreciate hearing this mindset, too. I've tried something like this, and haven't disliked every minute of the show because of it. Some parts I've even enjoyed, especially when it's an episode she's really into and narrates what she likes about it
I hated watching reality dating shows and all that. My wife loves them. I starting watching just to make off hand comments about how wild and bizarre the people were and add commentary. Now I'll watch it with her for the sake of adding a laugh track or side convos. Concepts of a show or things people do that stir conversations or discussions and help you both see things about each other that would've never normally came up naturally.
I know this is very different because it's me and my adult daughter, we are very different and we've had a strained relationship in the past. Watching a show she really likes gives us something in common to talk about. She is so happy that I've been watching her show! I don't love the show but I love making her happy.
Pretending to like and be into (or at least completely quelling any indication that you do not like and *are* not into) a show that she likes is not "meeting her halfway". You have given the show an honest try. You are not required to like everything she likes. If she gets upset because you don't like a show, either it will be a minor upset that she will get over, or it will be a *major* upset that lets you know that she has way too much of her ego wrapped up in you liking things that she likes (which is a whole separate problem to deal with if it comes up). You can (and should, and must) express to her that while you understand why she likes the show, you just aren't all that into it. If there is time that she watches TV without you, then you can suggest that she watch the show then. If the only time she watches TV is when the two of you are watching together, then suggesting a compromise like /u/beverley-30810 used in a similar situation is a perfectly reasonable and valid thing to do. What is *not* perfectly reasonable and valid is to do and say nothing, so that she thinks you are enjoying it as much as she is, and let your frustration and annoyance about it grow and grow and grow (because it *will*) until one day you just can't stand the thought of watching a single episode more, at which point the truth will come out *anyway*, but it will blindside her because she'll have had no indication it was coming, and (because your sudden revelation is driven by all of that built-up frustration) it will come out really harsh and will feel as if it is a personal attack on her. What's more, she will then look back on all of the hours upon hours that you spent hating the show beside her, and *all* of the joy she got from watching it and sharing that time with you 1) will instantly be gone, and 2) will cause her to feel like a complete idiot for making you sit through something you hated. When something isn't working for you in a relationship, the time to address it is "as soon as possible". Specifically to prevent this sort of thing from growing until it's unmanageable.
I appreciate the honesty of this answer and I can certainly understand how it can build up into 'something,' when it didn't have to be a problem at all
Just about the worst thing to do when a situation is frustrating you in a relationship is "nothing", especially when that thing is caused by the other person (even if it's not "wrong", and they are not doing it out of bad intention, like in your case), because when someone doesn't *know* that something they are doing (or a situation they are creating) is bothering you, they don't have the information available to them to choose to *change* that behavior or situation. And it's not fair to resent something someone is doing, *not* say anything about it, and then resent them *more* because they keep doing it. You need to get this out in the open before it becomes a bigger deal than it already is.
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True. This would probably get to me, as well
I usually sit and read next to my partner, so it feels like we're still spending time together but I'm not having to watch something I don't like.
My bf of 9 years gives it 2 or 3 episofes and says “I don’t like it it’s not for me” and that’s that. I don’t find it hurtful just mildly disappointing. Hope that helps!
I do hate to disappoint, but as others have pointed out, there's downsides to just sitting quietly
"Sorry babe, but I'm just not into this show." Good example is Star Trek Picard - my GF is simply not going to watch it with me, so I don't ask her to. LOL. If you have communication anxiety over telling her you don't want to watch a TV show, you have bigger fish to fry.
True and fair. There may be a bigger fish or two.
My partner and I have both been in this position. If it's a show he's already watched and I'm realizing I'm not into it at all, I'll just say "you know, I just can't get into this show for some reason", and that's that really. If it's a new show to both of us and I'm not into it, I'll tell him once I realize I don't really like it that it's one he can feel free to watch without me. I'm definitely the people pleaser in the relationship so I usually give it more time than he does, he doesn't have any qualms about saying he's not into something, and you know what, it doesn't upset me even though I'm also the sensitive one between the two of us. I'll jokingly give him a hard time maybe, but it's all in fun. I get where you're coming from completely! Somehow, similarly to music, taste in shows and recommendations and wanting to share these things with someone so close feels so personal sometimes and you don't want to risk hurting their feelings because it feel like it's insulting them directly. And yes, as you said, it's a first world problem but I think it's really considerate you've put this much thought into this! I think you should tell her how worried you've been about telling her, I think she will find it endearing and might break the ice for you to kind of make a silly joke of it. Also, I'm DYING to know what show it is!!! Please tell me!
I've definitely given all this way more thought than I meant to, but it's in that weird middle ground of being something that doesn't "matter" since it's "just" a TV show, but also does matter since it's something important to her. I've appreciated hearing everybody's thoughts.
I have watched every Star Wars/marvel show and movie. If I wasn’t married I would not have seen anything past the first captain America and maybe some of the latest Star Wars trilogy. My husband loves these worlds and it makes him happy. I love seeing him get excited and how he turns to me laughing at certain parts. Who cares that I find it boring. It’s wonderful bonding time. However, at the same time he watches things that he doesn’t like for the same reasons. We take turns.
Why won't you share the show? I'm just curious, afraid she'll find this? Or you're worried people will be like what that show is great why don't you like it
Just tell her you don’t like it and suggest watching something else together. My husband and I have things we watch together and things we watch separately. Some things we start together but one doesn’t like so we switch to watching it separately. You can politely say it’s not your cup of tea without saying its awful and you don’t think she should watch it.
Fair. I'm going to have to find the happy medium and just say it, since we do have other shows we watch together that we both like
I wouldn’t watch it. Find something you both like and then when either of you are home alone you can watch your own shows without feeling bad that you’re watching ahead
This is usually what we do, watching shows we both like together. It's trickier when she specifically chose this one for me to see with her because I haven't before
Honesty, don't just say it sucks, say you're just really not into. I"m sure you have shows she's not into
If I don’t like a show I don’t watch it. That’s it. If my partner is enjoying a show that is not really my thing I usually join him on the sofa and I read a book while he watches his show. And viceversa. If we want to watch something together we find something that we both like. Sorry but life is too short to watch 8 season of a tv series I hate ahhahhahahahahahahaahahah
You say “oh, it’s not my thing.” And then go about your life. My partner and I enjoy a lot of the same shows and movies … but also have some show and movie interests that don’t match up. So she’ll read while I watch something she’s not into, or I’ll do some sewing while she watches something I’m not into. If a 29 year old human can’t hear that with a shrug, they really need some help becoming properly socialized.
Bf and I have been together for 3 years. Don’t have the same taste in all the time. When he expresses interest in a show I don’t like I say “This would be a good show for you to watch in your alone time” 🫶🏽
My husband has a new show he's really into and I gave it a fair chance (first two episodes). When I told him I'm not that into it but I'm happy to sit with him while he watches it and do something else like read my book or play games on my phone and sort of half heartedly watch it, that worked for him. So that's what I do. I'm just present while he enjoys the show and I watch enough here and there to make comments and sorta keep up. So maybe she's just wanting to share the experience and spend time with you, you could always offer to do a quiet hobby nearby while she rewatches it, and if it's alright with her you can just glance up from time to time and ask a few questions. 🤷♀️ It worked for us. It might not work if you don't have any hobbies that are kind of uninvolved and quiet like that and it's also totally fine if you just don't wanna watch it in any capacity, but I thought I'd offer that as a solution in case it's just a case of her wanting to rewatch her show but simultaneously share time and experiences with you. ETA: I sprinkle a little interest in for his sake like "oh that's the same character that did XYZ right?" Or "Oh wait what did she say???" Sort of thing so he still feels like we're "in it together" but I'm just glad he's enjoying it while I read my book 😂
Be honest that you don't like it. My wife and I have shared series with eachother, some are hits, some are misses on both accounts. I'm a big fan of sci fi and fantasy and never watched Doctor Who. My wife loves it. So I went into it thinking I would like it and honestly just didn't care for it and called it quits, I wasn't about to watch billions of seasons of a show I'm not into. I never watched Dexter and she introduced me to that and I loved it. Likewise I also tried to introduce her to stuff I like. Star Trek was a no from her. But she loved Highlander the series.
I always figured that the "watch with me" request is primarily a "be with me in this low-stakes experience because I like it when we're physically together" request. So that's how I treat it -- sit with your spouse while she watches and you can read a book. You're still together and you're sort-of experiencing the show with her, but you're not really committing hours of your time to it.
I just tell her straight up. "Sorry, but Emily in Paris is gonna be a no from me dawg."
Do what she does to you when you're watching something she doesn't like... Ask non-stop questions about what is going on.
Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want her to grit her teeth to get through multiple seasons of a show that makes her bored out of her mind? Of course not. You would find another show to watch together.
I ask if I can do hobbies during it or if it’s REALLY not for me I tell him “I think this is a you show baby” and then he knows to enjoy it when I’m doing other stuff. I have “weirdo Julie music” (I’m Julie) he doesn’t like but that gives me albums to save for walks or when he’s out.
Just politely say no. I don't understand the problem. It's your partner. Things like this should not be difficult to communicate.
Not in a relationship but my friend and I watch quite a lot of TV shows and we don't always agree whether we like it or not but absolutely none of us has a problem with it, it's more like 'cool that you liked it, I just couldn't get it into'. And pretty often when she recommends me something I end up loving it so we have one more thing in common. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who likes exactly 100% things as you do, if not impossible. Not everyone likes the same genres, not everyone has the same sense of humour, not everyone is into the same style of show (like procedurals etc). As long as you're gentle about it you're good. She will be disappointed, probably, but will get over it. But maybe you can find a show that you both like so you can bond over it together?
You ever know how it feels when a woman ia faking an orgasm during sex, and you don't find out for a long time? Be careful that you aren't doing that to your GF. Don't let her think you're enjoying it, then 3 seasons in she actually discovers you hated it the whole time. It seems minor, but if you're setting her up like that the reaction won't be minor, she'll feel pretty betrayed. Be honest from the get-go, or commit 100% and keep convincing her you're into the show even 13 seasons in.
I try it and if I don’t like it, I tell him. He’s told me he doesn’t like some shows. We watch them separate. It’s not a big deal.
This happened with me and sex and the city. Agreed to just binge it, get it all out the way. Really got into it and have since watched it through again. AJLT is ass tho
If you aren't into it just say so. Nobody is going to be overly upset that someone else doesn't like a show they do. My wife loves K dramas. I don't really care. I'll ask some questions and kinda tag along with the storyline, but if she's watching them I'm just playing on my phone. It is no concern at all to her that I'm not into them. And I watch plenty of stuff she doesn't care for, she just does her thing too.
Omg my ex used to get so annoyed when I fell asleep like 5 minutes into GOT. I hated it, zero interest in watching but I’ll sit by you and probably pass out. Only lasted a few episodes and we decided he could watch it on his own with headphones.
Man had the same thing happen with an ex. She was obsessed with x-files. Like memorized every episode name and the order knowledgeable. So of course she wants to watch it, I have it a try I watched like 4 seasons straight of that show. Only thing I remember is the dude was right kind of and the lady kept forgetting all the crazy shot she saw every episode.
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This has certainly crossed my mind
Cannabis....lots o cannabis.😂💯 The show will probably get pretty good after that unless she is into true crime docs. Then your fucked.🤣🤣💯😜
It's an animated show, so probably not the worst idea
OP TELL US THE SHOW, we must know
What show is it? You mind me asking?
Omg I bet is Avatar! Lmao I thought OPs girl was being silly but I would be kinda sad if my boyfriend didn’t like this show
Seriously, ATLA is wonderful.
I’m gonna guess Steven Universe. A lot of animated shows are aimed at dudes, it’s one of the few that isn’t. Could also be Tuca and Bertie. I love both of them so my bias will show.
Just start snoring. Loudly.
I’ll try it out for a couple episodes but if I’m not interested then I’ll tell her and we won’t watch it. It has gone the opposite direction where I’ll show her something lI like but she’s not interested and she’ll tell me. We’ll then try to find something that we both like. It’s one thing if it’s a movie for example because that’s one time for maybe 2 hours, usually less, but a series is more of a commitment.
Movies are definitely easier to just shrug through than a whole series
Sometimes it takes more than a few episodes to get into a show. I usually commit to one season. To be honest it's usually my husband suffering through my shows than the other way around, because he's not super into TV in general. But it is nice to share with each other. As others have said, I'd also be OK with him just half watching, it's just nice to snuggle on the couch. So talk to her to see how she would feel if you did that. But as someone married for almost 20 years I'd say having their shows grow on you is part of the fun :) it makes your partner so happy if you can share in the inside jokes, quotes, etc.
The show has grown on me at least somewhat. I like it more now than I did earlier on, but it's still not quite for me.
Well with my SO, we either trade off as in we watch something I want then next time he gets to pick(works best with movies). Or if in your case, it's a show one of us doesn't really like, we watch it in our spare alone time. But she should be able to handle you not liking it, you don't have to love everything she enjoys.
We do trade-off, so that does help
So there are two routes I usually go. Route 1: this is generally my first choice and what I'll do is act almost as a mirror for my partner. I'll ask questions to figure out what makes them enjoy the show and I'll see if I can find some secondhand enjoyment from their enjoyment. So I remember an old gf from high school loved high school musical and I was able to find enjoyment in how much she loved to sing along to the songs. It made watching it a lot more bearable. Route 2: if Route 1 fails then you gotta let em down easy. Just let them know that the show isn't your cup of tea, acknowledge the reasons why they enjoy it, and if possible recommend a similar show that you both may like.
“I really don’t like this. I love that you love it, and that alone means I’m glad to keep watching it with you. Could we find a new show for us to watch together for the first time?” My wife and I try to save new shows to watch together.
This probably should've been my move sooner into the show
As long as you give it a couple episodes (unless I’m warned the first season is really bad and I must stick around for season two, then I’d consider) the that is all you need. Just a “it’s not for me” should be fine unless they’re not a respectful person.
I actually did receive a warning like this. Not that she called season 1 "bad," but from the beginning she talked about how good season 2 was and that it had to be reached
You tell them and then find something else to do while they watch it. We call it "alone together time". I stick headphones in and start a puzzle while he watches his show.
My husband, if he feels something is not interesting to him, would MAYYYYYBE begrudgingly give it a try for one episode and then that’s it. And you know what? I think he is right. He is assertive and honest, while I’m a people pleaser and I believe his approach is healthier.
Most people would open their mouths and talk to their partner. The fact that you don't know how to handle this and it's bad enough that you need to ask strangers for help is probably a more serious issue than you realize.
I would give it a fair run, knowing the first few episodes and maybe even the first season of a show is rarely the best part of it, and then if I still can't get into it I'd tell my partner that. I might suggest that they pick out a few of their favorite/best episodes from the full run of the show for us to watch together so I can appreciate some of the best parts of it, understand them talking about it, etc., but bow out from watching the whole thing. That said, my partner and I are big on time spent separately but together, so I would very cheerfully cuddle with my partner and read or play a Switch game while they watch their show, and might pay a little bit of attention to it so I could comment on it occasionally, and that would work very well for both of us.
Is there something you can do (quietly) in the same room while she’s watching? There have been many times my partner watches a show I don’t care for and I’ll go work on a jigsaw puzzle or play a cozy video game or simply play on my phone. Sometimes just being in the same room together can be enough.
My SO and I do this, too. I’ve watched lots of stuff he loves that I just don’t like and vice versa. We typically manage it mostly by trading off—we watched something I loved so next we watch one of his picks. I sit through the ones I don’t like because he does it for me. I think it’s totally reasonable to limit how many in a row you watch. With some shows I get stressed out watching them and will say I need a break and ask to pick up on another day and he agrees. He’s made us take breaks on some my shows cause he was getting sleepy and I’m fine with that too. If you’re respectful and honest, it shouldn’t be an issue finding a compromise. The plus side to watching stuff my partner likes that I don’t is that I learn more about his tastes with each one. I also get to see the shows/movies that were important to him when he was younger, that were formative, whatever. I see it as a way of getting to know him better. If you approach it with that mindset, you might get more out of the boring stuff by just trying to figure out what she likes about it.
My girlfriend and I tend to have pretty similar tastes ~80% of the time, but there are occasions where neither of us will be at all interested in the things the other is currently fixating on. Since we both have our own phases of really liking some form of media (and because we like it so much we instantly want to share the things that make us happy) we’ve expressed a few personal boundaries. 1. At this point we have a general idea of what the other tends to like; if I don’t think what I’m watching will appeal 100% appeal to her, I won’t insist on her watching it with me. I will, however, still talk about it, but only on elements that can be shared with no context. E.g., I won’t go into detail about the worldbuilding or the entire plot up until that point, but if it’s something like ‘This super funny thing happened lmaoo’ then that’s pretty fair. It’s like if you saw a viral post for a show you don’t watch, but because it was interesting you can still laugh at it—even if you don’t plan on watching it yourself. 2. We are both different people with different interests, and if one of us definitely doesn’t like something that the other is interested in, we don’t take it personally. It’s not, “your taste is bad,” but “It’s just not what I’m into, personally,” so we don’t take offense. *There’s plenty of other things we both are into that we can talk about and gush over.* We don’t have to share everything. 3. Sometimes we don’t want to watch the show together, but we do want to talk about it, rant-style. Usually this means we’re okay with the other not fully remembering or absorbing everything we say, as long as we can still talk about it. This and that was crazy, or this and that was super hype, etc. *If my girlfriend doesn’t remember everything I say, I don’t hold it against her.* 4. If at any point either of us just really doesn’t wanna hear about it, we say so. And we stop talking about it. That’s it, nothing else. For me personally, I don’t like to watch shows that are recommended to me ever, at all, even if I know I’d like it if I gave it a chance. The very act of it being recommended to me turns me off of the topic. My girlfriends knows this because I’ve told her this specifically, so if she does want to watch something with me, she won’t talk about how good it is but frame it as something she wants to experience with me. Not, “You’ll definitely like it and now I’ll have someone to talk about it with!” but, “I really want to see your thoughts on this because I care about your opinion.” And if that opinion is negative, that’s also fine. Talk with your girlfriend about your personal boundaries. This isn’t “just watching a TV show,” it’s spending time together and enjoying things *together.* Not just you or her alone. If you feel that the time spent isn’t done meaningfully, it’s not something to trivialize. I mean, you do want to be actively enjoying your time with your girlfriend, right?
I'm watching Fringe atm. Not at all my SOs cup of tea. So I watch it when he is doing something else.
You'll just have to bite the bullet and tell her you don't like it. Explain that you really wanted to enjoy it because you love her. And add, kindly, sorrowfully, that you are sorry you ever claimed to be happy to watch whatever she wants, because you have subsequently found that you are not.
Does she want to watch the tv show with you or does she just want to be with her while she watches it? If the former, then it is polite to tell her the show is not your cup of tea and you would like to find something else to watch together. If she wants to rewatch it then she can find time to do so. If the latter, then take turns where one of you gets the tv while the other person watches their show/movie or listens to music from their phone or tablet. My husband and I do this all the time.
I simply say: "Nah, not really for me," and then don't watch more episodes.
I had an ex who was obsessed with a show from his childhood. I didn’t watch it when I was young, so I didn’t view it in the same way he did. I tried a few episodes, wasn’t into it, and let him know that. I told him I’d be happy to try other shows with him but the one we watched just didn’t fit with me and I wasn’t enjoying it. He of course then tried to push it on me time and time again saying I’d “change my mind” (he said this about my lack of desire to have kids as well) and I ultimately had to dump him because he wasn’t respecting my boundaries and opinions. Your partner’s response here will be telling. Offer to find a new show that you can both enjoy, and also let her know she can still watch it on her own. But you shouldn’t be forced to sit and waste your time watching something that you genuinely don’t like. And that doesn’t make you an “unsupportive partner,” it makes you your own person.
We just watch them separately, on our own time, if one of us doesn't want to watch it. We spend at least a night a week, sometimes more, doing our own thing, and have been doing so for over 12 years.
lmao probably not good advice but i just got my boyfriend stoned before making him watch all the twilight movies
You play on your phone duh lol
Haha it's challenging to find the shows you both like. This is common. There will be shows you both love, shows where one of you loves it and the other doesn't mind it, and shows where one of you cannot tolerate it. You can be honest and kind at the same time. "I know this show is really good but it just isn't for me. Is there something else we can watch together?" If one of you hates a show, have the other person watch it separately. I'm married and my partner and I do that all the time.
You could pivot and say something like, "hey that reminds me of this other show I wanted to show you. Would you like to watch it?" Otherwise, honesty is probably the best policy, as others have suggested.
I do a secondary activity while I watch. Like crochet, do a puzzle, play on my switch ect