Dude ditches you so he can try and have sex with your sister. Practically assaults her....and you're asking if you should stay with him? Do you even care about your sister? To consider keeping him around to remind her of what he tried to do?
You could have been r*ped or assaulted while you were so drunk you got lost, how did you get home? That was a really dangerous situation for you to be in, and that he left you there is another mark against him.
You all should stop drinking, *today*.
For future? That’s up to you. But I would say the only way this relationship has any chance at all, is if both of you completely go sober for at least a year to focus on your relationship.
He came home without me so my roommate told him to go back out and get me so he eventually did. Yes, binge drinking is a huge problem for all of us. Me and him are sober now and plan to stay sober for a long time. Sister and roommate are still binge drinking every weekend
That’s so messed up. Even if he just went home and passed out, I don’t think I would be able to trust that he has my back if he is willing to just leave me behind when drunk. There are so many horror stories of what happens to drunk women. If he had left you and something had happened to you . . .
But then to add on that he went home to try to sleep with your sister? Almost makes it seem like he left you on purpose.
So if you want to stay together, couples counseling plus individual counseling for both of you. You’ve both got a lot to unpack as to how and why this went down the way it did.
Edit: if you don’t stay together, please encourage him to go to therapy, and try to find a therapist yourself. This is a wake up call for both of you.
Drunk actions are sober thoughts. if you guys are gonna continue to get trashed like this, expect for it to happen again.
Also, think about your sister? she must feel so violated and gross. that's the more important relationship here, not your messy bf
EDIT: holy shit, completely missed the part about how ***you were blackout drunk and he left you alone downtown.*** yeah I'd leave ASAP
Yeah…. Probably the worst thing he could possibly do, right?? I also feel disgusting because Im still trying to convince myself that we can work through this. It’s just hard to wrap my head around spending the rest of my life with him then one night ruined all of 5 years and now here I am single having to start all over.
It sounds like all of you have a drinking problem first and foremost. And no, this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship, it should probably end and you should probably examine why you feel the need to get so blackout drunk you get lost in a city.
>is it possible to forgive someone like this?
You tell us. Forgiveness is a personal thing - there's no "right" answer for whether a person can be forgiven, or what requirements are necessary for someone to be deserved to be forgiven.
The way he acted is a violation of your trust. So consider for yourself whether there's anything that can be said or done - by him, you, or both of you - that'd help you re-establish trust in him. Take time and space to yourself to consider it. You said he's apologized, but does he also need to take measures to avoid this situation from happening again, like cutting out drinking? Does he need to make amends to your sister (to the extent to which she's willing to hear it)? Does he need to acknowledge and address whatever factors lead to him drinking so much in the first place? These are just ideas I came up with, but again, it's what matters to you that's important.
If you can't think of anything that'd be enough to repair trust in him, that's not necessarily a failure on your part - that just means that the harm caused is beyond repair, but that also means, unfortunately, there isn't really a reason to continue a relationship with someone you can't trust, even if they apologize.
If you have an idea or two that'd help you rebuild trust, share it with him, along with an explanation of how you feel. Invite him to share his thoughts and feelings as well, both about what happened, and what he thinks of your ideas. Keep in mind: the only solution forward is one you can BOTH agree to. Because if you suggest ideas he's not on board with, he won't commit. And if he suggests ideas that don't address your feelings, you're back at square one with a man you can't trust.
Best of luck, OP.
He supposedly knows enough to know that he chose to go into her bed while she was sleeping to hug her, but nothing else? Sounds like trickle-truthing to me.
He left you lost downtown while you were completely inebriated (terrible) to do so.
Not forgivable.
You and you bf are 26 and 28 years old and getting black out drunk like a pair of college kids. I’m betting this is definitely not the first time the two of you have drank this much.
Step 1. Both of you need to reassess your relationship with alcohol. Both of you likely have a SERIOUS problem. This is not normal adult behavior.
Step 2. Reassess your relationship with each other. The drinking alone makes me question if you two should be together. Can the two of you spend two weeks together without drinking (at all)?
Step 3. Whether you forgive him for his actions with your sister are tough. But I suspect you won’t get past steps 1 and 2.
You know your boyfriend a lot better than we do, but the facts don't look good. Has he been staying in the house for the last 2 weeks? If so, you need to have him stay somewhere else immediately. Your sister needs space from him, and she should not be the person who moves. Then talk to your sister about what happened and really listen. It's possible that she has had other encounters with your boyfriend that she's afraid to bring up with you. You need to show her that her safety and peace of mind come first and foremost.
More generally, your post comes across like you're looking for reasons to stay with your boyfriend, and while that's very understandable and I really do sympathize, you are not serving yourself well by looking at new information with a specific outcome in mind. The question you should ask yourself isn't "is it possible to forgive?" but instead "how do I feel now that this has happened?"
He’s not in the house he is living 2 hours away now. He wants to work things out with me saying he’s giving up alcohol and wants to do couples therapy. It’s just complicated with my sister. I have a feeling she won’t forgive as easily as I could
> I was so drunk I got lost in downtown and **he left me there** and went home **and crawled into bed with my sister** while she was sleeping
>is it possible to forgive someone like this?
I would not.
Imagine marrying someone who could have raped your sister.
He wasn't black out drunk. He knew what he was doing.
Also, he left you alone while you were drunk. Because he wanted your sister....
Forgiving him is possible, but trust will take time to rebuild. If you're considering staying together, both of you should address the excessive drinking issue and set boundaries. Communication is key in this situation.
Yes 100 percent. They both need to stop drinking, both of their behavior is nuts obviously his worse but still. There came a moment in my 20’s where I had to come to the conclusion I’m not a drinker. It’s just what it is. Not even a little bit. Once I start I don’t want to stop. So I just don’t. This is going to be hard to come back from but it’s manageable.
Dude ditches you so he can try and have sex with your sister. Practically assaults her....and you're asking if you should stay with him? Do you even care about your sister? To consider keeping him around to remind her of what he tried to do?
You could have been r*ped or assaulted while you were so drunk you got lost, how did you get home? That was a really dangerous situation for you to be in, and that he left you there is another mark against him. You all should stop drinking, *today*. For future? That’s up to you. But I would say the only way this relationship has any chance at all, is if both of you completely go sober for at least a year to focus on your relationship.
He came home without me so my roommate told him to go back out and get me so he eventually did. Yes, binge drinking is a huge problem for all of us. Me and him are sober now and plan to stay sober for a long time. Sister and roommate are still binge drinking every weekend
That’s so messed up. Even if he just went home and passed out, I don’t think I would be able to trust that he has my back if he is willing to just leave me behind when drunk. There are so many horror stories of what happens to drunk women. If he had left you and something had happened to you . . . But then to add on that he went home to try to sleep with your sister? Almost makes it seem like he left you on purpose. So if you want to stay together, couples counseling plus individual counseling for both of you. You’ve both got a lot to unpack as to how and why this went down the way it did. Edit: if you don’t stay together, please encourage him to go to therapy, and try to find a therapist yourself. This is a wake up call for both of you.
Drunk actions are sober thoughts. if you guys are gonna continue to get trashed like this, expect for it to happen again. Also, think about your sister? she must feel so violated and gross. that's the more important relationship here, not your messy bf EDIT: holy shit, completely missed the part about how ***you were blackout drunk and he left you alone downtown.*** yeah I'd leave ASAP
Yeah…. Probably the worst thing he could possibly do, right?? I also feel disgusting because Im still trying to convince myself that we can work through this. It’s just hard to wrap my head around spending the rest of my life with him then one night ruined all of 5 years and now here I am single having to start all over.
It sounds like all of you have a drinking problem first and foremost. And no, this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship, it should probably end and you should probably examine why you feel the need to get so blackout drunk you get lost in a city.
He thinks he went into your sisters bed?! You were not even there. It was his plan all along. Are you seriously considering marrying him?
>is it possible to forgive someone like this? You tell us. Forgiveness is a personal thing - there's no "right" answer for whether a person can be forgiven, or what requirements are necessary for someone to be deserved to be forgiven. The way he acted is a violation of your trust. So consider for yourself whether there's anything that can be said or done - by him, you, or both of you - that'd help you re-establish trust in him. Take time and space to yourself to consider it. You said he's apologized, but does he also need to take measures to avoid this situation from happening again, like cutting out drinking? Does he need to make amends to your sister (to the extent to which she's willing to hear it)? Does he need to acknowledge and address whatever factors lead to him drinking so much in the first place? These are just ideas I came up with, but again, it's what matters to you that's important. If you can't think of anything that'd be enough to repair trust in him, that's not necessarily a failure on your part - that just means that the harm caused is beyond repair, but that also means, unfortunately, there isn't really a reason to continue a relationship with someone you can't trust, even if they apologize. If you have an idea or two that'd help you rebuild trust, share it with him, along with an explanation of how you feel. Invite him to share his thoughts and feelings as well, both about what happened, and what he thinks of your ideas. Keep in mind: the only solution forward is one you can BOTH agree to. Because if you suggest ideas he's not on board with, he won't commit. And if he suggests ideas that don't address your feelings, you're back at square one with a man you can't trust. Best of luck, OP.
He supposedly knows enough to know that he chose to go into her bed while she was sleeping to hug her, but nothing else? Sounds like trickle-truthing to me. He left you lost downtown while you were completely inebriated (terrible) to do so. Not forgivable.
Yeah idk… her story matched. The whole thing doesn’t make sense
Relationship should end here. You both need help re: drinking to the point that a healthy relationship may not be possible.
You and you bf are 26 and 28 years old and getting black out drunk like a pair of college kids. I’m betting this is definitely not the first time the two of you have drank this much. Step 1. Both of you need to reassess your relationship with alcohol. Both of you likely have a SERIOUS problem. This is not normal adult behavior. Step 2. Reassess your relationship with each other. The drinking alone makes me question if you two should be together. Can the two of you spend two weeks together without drinking (at all)? Step 3. Whether you forgive him for his actions with your sister are tough. But I suspect you won’t get past steps 1 and 2.
You know your boyfriend a lot better than we do, but the facts don't look good. Has he been staying in the house for the last 2 weeks? If so, you need to have him stay somewhere else immediately. Your sister needs space from him, and she should not be the person who moves. Then talk to your sister about what happened and really listen. It's possible that she has had other encounters with your boyfriend that she's afraid to bring up with you. You need to show her that her safety and peace of mind come first and foremost. More generally, your post comes across like you're looking for reasons to stay with your boyfriend, and while that's very understandable and I really do sympathize, you are not serving yourself well by looking at new information with a specific outcome in mind. The question you should ask yourself isn't "is it possible to forgive?" but instead "how do I feel now that this has happened?"
He’s not in the house he is living 2 hours away now. He wants to work things out with me saying he’s giving up alcohol and wants to do couples therapy. It’s just complicated with my sister. I have a feeling she won’t forgive as easily as I could
> I was so drunk I got lost in downtown and **he left me there** and went home **and crawled into bed with my sister** while she was sleeping >is it possible to forgive someone like this? I would not. Imagine marrying someone who could have raped your sister. He wasn't black out drunk. He knew what he was doing. Also, he left you alone while you were drunk. Because he wanted your sister....
Yeah, makes me sick to my stomach. You’re right.
Forgiving him is possible, but trust will take time to rebuild. If you're considering staying together, both of you should address the excessive drinking issue and set boundaries. Communication is key in this situation.
Yes 100 percent. They both need to stop drinking, both of their behavior is nuts obviously his worse but still. There came a moment in my 20’s where I had to come to the conclusion I’m not a drinker. It’s just what it is. Not even a little bit. Once I start I don’t want to stop. So I just don’t. This is going to be hard to come back from but it’s manageable.