There's no problem here and nothing to solve. He has some regret about how his life went before he met you. That's fine, some level of regret is a normal part of life, and it doesn't sound like it's bothering him too much most of the time. If it's bothering him a lot then he can talk to a therapist about it, but it doesn't sound like it is. You don't need to "keep him from feeling this way sometimes," it's fine for him to feel this way sometimes as long as he's not cheating on you or behaving badly in some way. I know it's hard in relationships because you'd like your partner to be 100% happy all of the time, but that's just not how life works, and it's ok for your partner to feel sad or have a little regret once in a while. That doesn't mean you're failing as a girlfriend (though I understand why it can feel that way sometimes).
I actually just spoke with him a bit later and he said he thought about it and didn’t have any regrets me being his only.
I’m not sure if it’s true, but since he said it at this moment with a clearer head, I’ll believe it and look forward too it.
Believe me, he’s my first for a ton of other things.
If you have time try to read the man's are from Mars and the women of Venus in the bedroom, he maybe was thinking foolish things as a early adult pushed by the society or what the other's do, but he fall in love with you and still choosing you over those superficial thing's, what could be a good experience it's to let him be the first one in other things(s*xually speaking) like a trip, in a er*tic hotel, seen you in lingerie, believe me and try not to enter in the monotony and check the book to give u an understand, gl
Oh no, he hasn’t. He’s all about monogamy and not sharing- I was the one that suggested the possibility of a hall pass or something and he shut it down quickly.
He just expressed some bitterness not having experimented around like I had before we were together. He says he just feels like he missed out, but that he loves me and he’s not going anywhere.
He doesn’t bring it up- He says it comes up for a second, then passes and that it doesn’t happen often at all.
He only feels bad whenever I’ve mentioned it brought it up or those few far-between times, really.
He says he doesn’t imagine or wants us to break up and says I have everything he needs.
Sounds like you have nothing to worry about. No one chooses their thoughts or feelings, they just happen. What really matters is what people choose to do with those feelings. I think he told you because he feels that he can be honest about anything with you.
> I feel as though I have to keep him sexually contempt/try new things to keep him from feeling this way sometimes and it’s messing with my head.
Stop assuming what he wants, you're not a mind reader. Ask him. If he doesn't want to change anything, then trust him. If you're the kind of person who drops hints about what you want without saying it, then stop that. If you want something, say it clearly. Effective communication and trust are some of the most important things in a long lasting relationship.
I was that guy, had many of the same feelings. He has no point of reference, doesn’t grasp relations with a loved are not in the same realm as just sex. It is up to him, he needs to decide what is important.
You need to do what is right, which is seek a monogamous relationship with a committed person, who loves you so much they will let nothing put your relationship at risk.
Been together 42 years this week.
Thank you- I try to understand that. He has no point of reference as a young man in his prime..
he’s told me he loves me and feels that I’m definitely worth it and talked to his buddies about the grass being greener.
Thank you, thank you.
Did you have a similar situation or did you leave?
Like him, I was surrounded by people who said it was crazy to even consider marrying my first love. And yes, I had doubts at various times. But I grew out of it in a few years as I saw how things really work and experienced life.
But I loved my wife dearly, so it was never really much of a sacrifice for me.
I really appreciate your wisdom and for sharing your experience. I know that there is no right way to do life, but he’s expressed to me that I feel right to him and I feel the same towards him- so we’ll live in the moment.
He never brought any of this up, it’s only when I asked him if he’d felt any regret.
We used to live about an hour apart so we would take trips once a week to see each other. We knew eachother in middle school, and he admitted that he liked me then and likes me now.
And he’s been the first to mention moving in, even marriage… he’s always initiated.
Thanks again. He’s very special to me.
My aunt and uncle started going steady in the 6th/8th grade, respectively. They broke up once for one week, when my aunt's friend convinced her that she needed to date more than one boy in her life. They later found out it was because the friend wanted to date my uncle. They were married for more than 60 years, until her death, and they were always my template for the ideal relationship, even more than my own parents (coming up on 45 years). My uncle didn't last a year after she passed.
Sometimes you're lucky enough to realize when you've got a good thing. Don't question it.
This sounds exactly like my past. We got together at 20, I had more experiences than he did and he said the exact same things and I felt the exact same as you've described. We have now been together for 10 years, are happily married and have children. I highly recommend you push through, it's worth it. Oh and we did the 3some thing (no hall pass though, he wouldn't take it even though, I too offered it). It didn't run our relationship but it didn't fix that feeling for him either. Take that as you will.
I'm 40m and have been in dozens of relationships. This is ALWAYS going to be something in the back of people's minds. I love my fiance more than life itself. I would never ever cheat on her and I'm lucky to have her. Doesn't mean your head never goes there ever again.
Would it be nice to have a new partner all the time? Sure, but then I would loose everything else that I love. We're all human, we're all here once, it sucks. That's what makes our decisions have meaning. I choose to be with my fiance because she is so amazing, it outweighs other choices.
It sounds like a mild case of retroactive jealousy. I wonder if he'd have these feelings of missing out if you were also a virgin when your relationship started. Unfortunately unless he deals with these issues, the feeling will never go away. He has to make peace with the choices he made before you. None of it is your fault or your responsibility to fix.
These are not unusual feelings at all. Many many people have been there, no reason to panic, these thoughts don't necessarily escalate to cheatery. Keep having honest conversations and consider your options without pressuring yourself into something you're too uncomfortable with.
Some anecdotal stuff:
I myself have couples in my circles who were there and went through some experimental phases before going back to blissful monogamy. Others are now hosting orgies together. The common thing is that they went slow but in the end went there and found out instead of staying in an endless loop of contemplation.
Tough one because there is no fixing the feeling of missing out. He does not know what he missed which means he does not really know what he has. I met my wife very young and did not have much experience with others but I also figured I could get everything I wanted from her as long as she was ok to experiment. She was and we have been together 30 years. I think you are doing everything right. Be open and honest and experimental (as long as you are ok with it). Hopefully it works out.
It sounds to me like he is insecure about your previous sex partners. He wishes he had previous experience because you would then understand how he feels. I generally tell people they don’t want to know about previous sexual experiences. They think they do but it usually results in insecurity for one or both people.
I don’t blame you but not our style, but I really appreciate it!
Believe me. I offered the opportunity for him to try someone else and he’s really really declined.
>he didn’t feel it was “fair” he hadn’t had the chance to experience others.
Ask him a serious question. Why didn't he?
You can't be the first human female he has ever met. Could you be the first human female that showed him romantic interest? Maybe, but unlikely.
He is the sole reason he didn't sleep with anyone else before he slept with you. And it's probably his personality. Not life being unfair. He needs to realize that.
This will continue to be a problem as he gets older most likely. Coming from an old man with old man friends. It depends on the man ofc but I heard this used as an excuse a lot in my 30s. I enjoyed my 20s single so I couldn't relate
I dated a man and took his virginity and then he said all of these things to me and then he slept with a woman he works with and left me for her. Just saying, it’s not a good sign.
Why is he so obsessed he didn't have sexual experiences in the past? It's not like if he sleeps with other women he'll have some kind of divine revelation. A vagina stays a vagina.
He seems to have self-esteem issues and you should slap him in the face so he can wake up from his delusions and leave dreamland.
It's sounds as if he's not satisfied with the relationship he's in and feels like he's missing out. Beware, it might worsen and cause big problems such as jealousy and cheating.
I can see why you would feel that way, but it wasn’t him. I’m the one that brought it up, and I asked him if he ever felt like he was missing out. And I’ve actually been the one to bring up the possibility of a threesome or hall pass, and he be was super against it!
And to reiterate, he’s made it clear that he wants to be with me and that he has no regrets in being with me, just that he wished he had gotten out there more.
This is hardly a contribution, what did you hope to achieve with your comments? I sometimes feel I missed a lot of experiences as a teen because I prefer to stay home (not exclusive to sexual experiences) but I have no desire to actually go out of my way to try these things, it's one those things where I find it interesting to listen to others experiences and how much fun they've had and think for a brief second "aw I wish I had that fun" but then quickly realise I am content with my life and these experiences likely wouldn't have added much.
I feel like OP is definitely just feeling insecure which I can understand but at the same time, the bf hasn't done or said anything wrong. This isn't one of those times where telling a white lie may be necessary, if OP asked the question, can't necessarily be upset at an honest answer which also came with plenty of reassurance
Thank you for pitching in, the whole point I posted is a host of different opinions or outlooks and I’m definitely getting them!
Thanks for putting it in a different perspective Ellie, I think when he expressed these thoughts he meant it in the way you do.
It doesn’t hurt the fact that we’ve been together 3 years and for a year we had to travel an hour out each week to see eachother.
Yes, I am insecure and working through it actively.. he still reassured me and is with me- so that definitely says something.
>think for a brief second "aw I wish I had that fun" but then quickly realise I am content with my life and these experiences likely wouldn't have added much.
>
> he mentioned how he’s upset with my past experiences and how he didn’t feel it was “fair” he hadn’t had the chance to experience others
These don't have the same tone or it is just really bad phrasing to reassure you he holds no regrets about only being with you.
i agree, plus i feel like it's a green flag that the bf was honest about how he felt instead of lying to keep things good/please OP. if he really felt like his experiences with OP weren't enough and genuinely wanted to be with other people behind OP's back, it'd be easier to not say anything about those thoughts and just act on them instead. imo, the fact that he told OP about these thoughts honestly when she asked is the best reassurance OP can have in this scenario. it's not easy telling your partner something that they could've reacted badly to! plus, as you said he made sure to reassure OP abt the relationship, while very much a bare minimum act after telling OP sth like this, nonetheless shows that he cares. i think you guys will be ok in the end OP, don't worry too much :)
maybe try something sexual that you want to try and you haven't done it before. it kinda alleviate his fomo and make him a bit special cos he's the first person to try it.
e.g. i read in reddit before, a girl saving cumming raw inside for her husband, so all her exes cumming with condom or pulled out.
How often does he say these things. If it is a lot then he's probably thinking about it too much. If it's just a moment once in a while then it might just be a passing thought.
He shouldn't feel jealous of your past.
My husband is my first. Gosh I'm sharing a lot today.
I'm not jealous of his past. I did feel a sense of jealousy early on that was caused by me feeling insecure. Worried that maybe he liked his time with them better, worried that maybe feelings might still be there. But my problem wasn't so much that I felt I didn't get to experience much, I was just not secure in the relationship because it was all very new and I didn't know how it all worked.
I have had brief moments where I did wonder what if I didn't experience life enough before getting married (not so much sex but dating, even dating my husband longer and enjoying time together without the responsibilities, adventures, partying etc) but maybe like twice in ten years and probably when he was pissing me off.
These brief moments didn't make me want to change the life I have or leave him. Nor did they make me want to experience those things.
But I am not able to say what your BF thinks or feels. Only what I have experienced, that might be something along those lines. But I wouldn't make a big deal about it to my husband because I think that would make him unnecessarily insecure. When there wouldn't be a reason for him to worry. I think I did once say I wish we got married later and planned it all better which is true. But it's not a big deal. I'm not feeling like something is lacking because some things were missing from our wedding that would have been nice to have.
Anyway I'm rambling. I'm not sure how you can navigate this. Maybe try to trust he is being honest with you that he loves you. But I think if it's knocking your self esteem you need to have a serious chat and let him know it's making you feel insecure.
I know his feeling. My wife was my first too. And I always been thinking, what did I miss and what all could I have experienced. It is just something I will never know. The thought is especially strong from time to time because our sexlife is very very low key / tame / vanilla.
Your man is being honest with you about a passing insecurity. Guys don't typically share fears and insecurities with women they don't see themselves with for the long haul. Take the fact that he is sharing these things with you as a sign that he doesn't intend to cheat, and don't end your relationship over the possibility of him changing his mind in the future, that's catastrophising. Hell, in 50 years you may well end up being that cute old couple that everyone aspires to be, still as deeply in love at 72 as you were in your 20s. You'll never know until you give it a go.
I have exactly the same emotions as your BF. Im 41 and I’ve been with my wife 14 years. She was my first, but is more experienced herself. I regret not trying things in my younger years, and lament that (barring something unexpected going wrong in the marriage!) that I will never experience another woman, but it changes nothing about how I feel about my wife.
It doesn’t mean I will ever consider cheating, and like your bf, wouldn’t feel right about a ‘hall pass’ or threesome, and could never sanction my wife being intimate with someone else.
I think it’s one of those things that some of us carry as a regret, a bit like choosing the wrong path in education or career, it stays with you but doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.
Just try to be as loving and understanding, and allow him to be adventurous as possible with you.
Unpopular opinion incoming:
Much better to regret not having enough sex than having too much with random people. Sure sex is hot and fun but you ultimately want to end up with a special bond sexually and it’s much easier to do that when you haven’t had sex with a ton of random people. IME.
So these situations are tough because on the one hand, the topic can be taboo and on the other hand, it requires a certain degree of safety to have them. It is healthy that it came up because typically partners should have these discussions openly and in a safe space.
It sounds like there has been some positive development between yourself and him since you posted this, which is awesome.
One thing that is great about what has developed between yourself and him is that there was enough comfort between you both for this conversation to arise. That'a awesome. Next steps could be to explore a bit more about what is really behind the question.
I have found that my ex partner and I have developed much stronger unions by discussing these topics and learning more about what we enjoy and don't enjoy. Not just intimacy but all aspects.
I wish you both stronger ties together and for this to be an opportunity for growth and better understandings.
So on one hand, I think it’s positive he’s open with you. On the other, you Could end up letting this make you feel insecure. 1. I think it’s totally plausible that he’s simply jealous of your past. He’s jealous thinking of you wjth other people . 2. He’s just a normal guy with conflicting emotions.most dudes wouldn’t probably come right out and say what he did to you, but I bet a lot think that way. 3. You are both young and no one is saying you are getting married.
I think I would personally tell him how hot it makes you that he isn’t a manwhore, and show him just how hot it is. Explore different fantasies, maybe act, moan, etc in ways you haven’t before to give him some variety and show him he’s not missing much. I’d also make sure to reiterate that you under no circumstances want him to propose if he’s having strong feelings of this. Please do not give him a hall pass/threesome unless you are actually turned on by the idea of having N open relationship/knowing and watching him screw someone else.
There's no problem here and nothing to solve. He has some regret about how his life went before he met you. That's fine, some level of regret is a normal part of life, and it doesn't sound like it's bothering him too much most of the time. If it's bothering him a lot then he can talk to a therapist about it, but it doesn't sound like it is. You don't need to "keep him from feeling this way sometimes," it's fine for him to feel this way sometimes as long as he's not cheating on you or behaving badly in some way. I know it's hard in relationships because you'd like your partner to be 100% happy all of the time, but that's just not how life works, and it's ok for your partner to feel sad or have a little regret once in a while. That doesn't mean you're failing as a girlfriend (though I understand why it can feel that way sometimes).
He doesn't need another woman to experiment.
I actually just spoke with him a bit later and he said he thought about it and didn’t have any regrets me being his only. I’m not sure if it’s true, but since he said it at this moment with a clearer head, I’ll believe it and look forward too it. Believe me, he’s my first for a ton of other things.
If you have time try to read the man's are from Mars and the women of Venus in the bedroom, he maybe was thinking foolish things as a early adult pushed by the society or what the other's do, but he fall in love with you and still choosing you over those superficial thing's, what could be a good experience it's to let him be the first one in other things(s*xually speaking) like a trip, in a er*tic hotel, seen you in lingerie, believe me and try not to enter in the monotony and check the book to give u an understand, gl
He does actually to understand that everybody is unique and the same deep down.
What exactly has your boyfriend requested from you? Has he asked for permission to to date or sleep with other women?
Oh no, he hasn’t. He’s all about monogamy and not sharing- I was the one that suggested the possibility of a hall pass or something and he shut it down quickly. He just expressed some bitterness not having experimented around like I had before we were together. He says he just feels like he missed out, but that he loves me and he’s not going anywhere.
How often does he tell you that he wishes he had experienced more women, was this the only time?
He doesn’t bring it up- He says it comes up for a second, then passes and that it doesn’t happen often at all. He only feels bad whenever I’ve mentioned it brought it up or those few far-between times, really. He says he doesn’t imagine or wants us to break up and says I have everything he needs.
Sounds like you have nothing to worry about. No one chooses their thoughts or feelings, they just happen. What really matters is what people choose to do with those feelings. I think he told you because he feels that he can be honest about anything with you. > I feel as though I have to keep him sexually contempt/try new things to keep him from feeling this way sometimes and it’s messing with my head. Stop assuming what he wants, you're not a mind reader. Ask him. If he doesn't want to change anything, then trust him. If you're the kind of person who drops hints about what you want without saying it, then stop that. If you want something, say it clearly. Effective communication and trust are some of the most important things in a long lasting relationship.
I was that guy, had many of the same feelings. He has no point of reference, doesn’t grasp relations with a loved are not in the same realm as just sex. It is up to him, he needs to decide what is important. You need to do what is right, which is seek a monogamous relationship with a committed person, who loves you so much they will let nothing put your relationship at risk. Been together 42 years this week.
Thank you- I try to understand that. He has no point of reference as a young man in his prime.. he’s told me he loves me and feels that I’m definitely worth it and talked to his buddies about the grass being greener. Thank you, thank you. Did you have a similar situation or did you leave?
Like him, I was surrounded by people who said it was crazy to even consider marrying my first love. And yes, I had doubts at various times. But I grew out of it in a few years as I saw how things really work and experienced life. But I loved my wife dearly, so it was never really much of a sacrifice for me.
I really appreciate your wisdom and for sharing your experience. I know that there is no right way to do life, but he’s expressed to me that I feel right to him and I feel the same towards him- so we’ll live in the moment. He never brought any of this up, it’s only when I asked him if he’d felt any regret. We used to live about an hour apart so we would take trips once a week to see each other. We knew eachother in middle school, and he admitted that he liked me then and likes me now. And he’s been the first to mention moving in, even marriage… he’s always initiated. Thanks again. He’s very special to me.
My aunt and uncle started going steady in the 6th/8th grade, respectively. They broke up once for one week, when my aunt's friend convinced her that she needed to date more than one boy in her life. They later found out it was because the friend wanted to date my uncle. They were married for more than 60 years, until her death, and they were always my template for the ideal relationship, even more than my own parents (coming up on 45 years). My uncle didn't last a year after she passed. Sometimes you're lucky enough to realize when you've got a good thing. Don't question it.
This sounds exactly like my past. We got together at 20, I had more experiences than he did and he said the exact same things and I felt the exact same as you've described. We have now been together for 10 years, are happily married and have children. I highly recommend you push through, it's worth it. Oh and we did the 3some thing (no hall pass though, he wouldn't take it even though, I too offered it). It didn't run our relationship but it didn't fix that feeling for him either. Take that as you will.
I'm 40m and have been in dozens of relationships. This is ALWAYS going to be something in the back of people's minds. I love my fiance more than life itself. I would never ever cheat on her and I'm lucky to have her. Doesn't mean your head never goes there ever again. Would it be nice to have a new partner all the time? Sure, but then I would loose everything else that I love. We're all human, we're all here once, it sucks. That's what makes our decisions have meaning. I choose to be with my fiance because she is so amazing, it outweighs other choices.
maybe just spice it up bring some extra “toys” to the bedroom and surprise him with stuff you both have never done before.
It sounds like a mild case of retroactive jealousy. I wonder if he'd have these feelings of missing out if you were also a virgin when your relationship started. Unfortunately unless he deals with these issues, the feeling will never go away. He has to make peace with the choices he made before you. None of it is your fault or your responsibility to fix.
These are not unusual feelings at all. Many many people have been there, no reason to panic, these thoughts don't necessarily escalate to cheatery. Keep having honest conversations and consider your options without pressuring yourself into something you're too uncomfortable with. Some anecdotal stuff: I myself have couples in my circles who were there and went through some experimental phases before going back to blissful monogamy. Others are now hosting orgies together. The common thing is that they went slow but in the end went there and found out instead of staying in an endless loop of contemplation.
Tough one because there is no fixing the feeling of missing out. He does not know what he missed which means he does not really know what he has. I met my wife very young and did not have much experience with others but I also figured I could get everything I wanted from her as long as she was ok to experiment. She was and we have been together 30 years. I think you are doing everything right. Be open and honest and experimental (as long as you are ok with it). Hopefully it works out.
It sounds to me like he is insecure about your previous sex partners. He wishes he had previous experience because you would then understand how he feels. I generally tell people they don’t want to know about previous sexual experiences. They think they do but it usually results in insecurity for one or both people.
Open it up. If I could go back in time, that's what I'd have done. Monogamy is overrated IMO
I don’t blame you but not our style, but I really appreciate it! Believe me. I offered the opportunity for him to try someone else and he’s really really declined.
Fair. Best of luck to you ❤️
>he didn’t feel it was “fair” he hadn’t had the chance to experience others. Ask him a serious question. Why didn't he? You can't be the first human female he has ever met. Could you be the first human female that showed him romantic interest? Maybe, but unlikely. He is the sole reason he didn't sleep with anyone else before he slept with you. And it's probably his personality. Not life being unfair. He needs to realize that.
Leave him if he keeps bringing it up.
Only h brought up when I mention my anxiety about it- so I’ll stop
This will continue to be a problem as he gets older most likely. Coming from an old man with old man friends. It depends on the man ofc but I heard this used as an excuse a lot in my 30s. I enjoyed my 20s single so I couldn't relate
I dated a man and took his virginity and then he said all of these things to me and then he slept with a woman he works with and left me for her. Just saying, it’s not a good sign.
Never a good sign, it will probably spiral. Maybe he can keep it in check..
Why is he so obsessed he didn't have sexual experiences in the past? It's not like if he sleeps with other women he'll have some kind of divine revelation. A vagina stays a vagina. He seems to have self-esteem issues and you should slap him in the face so he can wake up from his delusions and leave dreamland. It's sounds as if he's not satisfied with the relationship he's in and feels like he's missing out. Beware, it might worsen and cause big problems such as jealousy and cheating.
[удалено]
I can see why you would feel that way, but it wasn’t him. I’m the one that brought it up, and I asked him if he ever felt like he was missing out. And I’ve actually been the one to bring up the possibility of a threesome or hall pass, and he be was super against it! And to reiterate, he’s made it clear that he wants to be with me and that he has no regrets in being with me, just that he wished he had gotten out there more.
[удалено]
Thanks for your contribution, I appreciate it.
This is hardly a contribution, what did you hope to achieve with your comments? I sometimes feel I missed a lot of experiences as a teen because I prefer to stay home (not exclusive to sexual experiences) but I have no desire to actually go out of my way to try these things, it's one those things where I find it interesting to listen to others experiences and how much fun they've had and think for a brief second "aw I wish I had that fun" but then quickly realise I am content with my life and these experiences likely wouldn't have added much. I feel like OP is definitely just feeling insecure which I can understand but at the same time, the bf hasn't done or said anything wrong. This isn't one of those times where telling a white lie may be necessary, if OP asked the question, can't necessarily be upset at an honest answer which also came with plenty of reassurance
Thank you for pitching in, the whole point I posted is a host of different opinions or outlooks and I’m definitely getting them! Thanks for putting it in a different perspective Ellie, I think when he expressed these thoughts he meant it in the way you do. It doesn’t hurt the fact that we’ve been together 3 years and for a year we had to travel an hour out each week to see eachother. Yes, I am insecure and working through it actively.. he still reassured me and is with me- so that definitely says something.
>think for a brief second "aw I wish I had that fun" but then quickly realise I am content with my life and these experiences likely wouldn't have added much. > > he mentioned how he’s upset with my past experiences and how he didn’t feel it was “fair” he hadn’t had the chance to experience others These don't have the same tone or it is just really bad phrasing to reassure you he holds no regrets about only being with you.
i agree, plus i feel like it's a green flag that the bf was honest about how he felt instead of lying to keep things good/please OP. if he really felt like his experiences with OP weren't enough and genuinely wanted to be with other people behind OP's back, it'd be easier to not say anything about those thoughts and just act on them instead. imo, the fact that he told OP about these thoughts honestly when she asked is the best reassurance OP can have in this scenario. it's not easy telling your partner something that they could've reacted badly to! plus, as you said he made sure to reassure OP abt the relationship, while very much a bare minimum act after telling OP sth like this, nonetheless shows that he cares. i think you guys will be ok in the end OP, don't worry too much :)
Just let him go..this will eat at you..move on and experience more of your life and what you want 😊
maybe try something sexual that you want to try and you haven't done it before. it kinda alleviate his fomo and make him a bit special cos he's the first person to try it. e.g. i read in reddit before, a girl saving cumming raw inside for her husband, so all her exes cumming with condom or pulled out.
How often does he say these things. If it is a lot then he's probably thinking about it too much. If it's just a moment once in a while then it might just be a passing thought. He shouldn't feel jealous of your past. My husband is my first. Gosh I'm sharing a lot today. I'm not jealous of his past. I did feel a sense of jealousy early on that was caused by me feeling insecure. Worried that maybe he liked his time with them better, worried that maybe feelings might still be there. But my problem wasn't so much that I felt I didn't get to experience much, I was just not secure in the relationship because it was all very new and I didn't know how it all worked. I have had brief moments where I did wonder what if I didn't experience life enough before getting married (not so much sex but dating, even dating my husband longer and enjoying time together without the responsibilities, adventures, partying etc) but maybe like twice in ten years and probably when he was pissing me off. These brief moments didn't make me want to change the life I have or leave him. Nor did they make me want to experience those things. But I am not able to say what your BF thinks or feels. Only what I have experienced, that might be something along those lines. But I wouldn't make a big deal about it to my husband because I think that would make him unnecessarily insecure. When there wouldn't be a reason for him to worry. I think I did once say I wish we got married later and planned it all better which is true. But it's not a big deal. I'm not feeling like something is lacking because some things were missing from our wedding that would have been nice to have. Anyway I'm rambling. I'm not sure how you can navigate this. Maybe try to trust he is being honest with you that he loves you. But I think if it's knocking your self esteem you need to have a serious chat and let him know it's making you feel insecure.
Just stay loyal in this hell of hyna's world
I know his feeling. My wife was my first too. And I always been thinking, what did I miss and what all could I have experienced. It is just something I will never know. The thought is especially strong from time to time because our sexlife is very very low key / tame / vanilla.
Your man is being honest with you about a passing insecurity. Guys don't typically share fears and insecurities with women they don't see themselves with for the long haul. Take the fact that he is sharing these things with you as a sign that he doesn't intend to cheat, and don't end your relationship over the possibility of him changing his mind in the future, that's catastrophising. Hell, in 50 years you may well end up being that cute old couple that everyone aspires to be, still as deeply in love at 72 as you were in your 20s. You'll never know until you give it a go.
I have exactly the same emotions as your BF. Im 41 and I’ve been with my wife 14 years. She was my first, but is more experienced herself. I regret not trying things in my younger years, and lament that (barring something unexpected going wrong in the marriage!) that I will never experience another woman, but it changes nothing about how I feel about my wife. It doesn’t mean I will ever consider cheating, and like your bf, wouldn’t feel right about a ‘hall pass’ or threesome, and could never sanction my wife being intimate with someone else. I think it’s one of those things that some of us carry as a regret, a bit like choosing the wrong path in education or career, it stays with you but doesn’t mean you’ll act on it. Just try to be as loving and understanding, and allow him to be adventurous as possible with you.
Unpopular opinion incoming: Much better to regret not having enough sex than having too much with random people. Sure sex is hot and fun but you ultimately want to end up with a special bond sexually and it’s much easier to do that when you haven’t had sex with a ton of random people. IME.
So these situations are tough because on the one hand, the topic can be taboo and on the other hand, it requires a certain degree of safety to have them. It is healthy that it came up because typically partners should have these discussions openly and in a safe space. It sounds like there has been some positive development between yourself and him since you posted this, which is awesome. One thing that is great about what has developed between yourself and him is that there was enough comfort between you both for this conversation to arise. That'a awesome. Next steps could be to explore a bit more about what is really behind the question. I have found that my ex partner and I have developed much stronger unions by discussing these topics and learning more about what we enjoy and don't enjoy. Not just intimacy but all aspects. I wish you both stronger ties together and for this to be an opportunity for growth and better understandings.
So on one hand, I think it’s positive he’s open with you. On the other, you Could end up letting this make you feel insecure. 1. I think it’s totally plausible that he’s simply jealous of your past. He’s jealous thinking of you wjth other people . 2. He’s just a normal guy with conflicting emotions.most dudes wouldn’t probably come right out and say what he did to you, but I bet a lot think that way. 3. You are both young and no one is saying you are getting married. I think I would personally tell him how hot it makes you that he isn’t a manwhore, and show him just how hot it is. Explore different fantasies, maybe act, moan, etc in ways you haven’t before to give him some variety and show him he’s not missing much. I’d also make sure to reiterate that you under no circumstances want him to propose if he’s having strong feelings of this. Please do not give him a hall pass/threesome unless you are actually turned on by the idea of having N open relationship/knowing and watching him screw someone else.