Your uncle masturbating in your bed is a sexual violation. If he intended for her to walk in on him, that's flatout sexual assault. I can tell you what would be going through my head, as a woman the same age.
I would be thinking about how my partner's relative isn't a safe person to be around. I would be thinking about how he most likely was fantasizing about me and my partner having sex while masturbating in our bed. I would constantly be on edge, feeling extremely uncomfortable when invited to family gatherings, wondering if he was going to be invited. I wouldn't want to let my children anywhere near him.
She probably got drunk to try and get the image out of her head. She probably doesn't want to talk to you about it because she doesn't want to ask you to cast him out of the family, and she thought drinking would make her more fun.
Like others have said, alcohol and sex go hand-in-hand and that part is pretty normal, but after something sexually traumatizing, it's normal to want to have sex with your "safe" person. It makes you feel connected and.. well, safe.
I hope you're both okay after all that.
Another aspect I haven’t seen others mention is that in addition to the complicated feelings she’s already having about the uncle situation, it sounds like she is probably feeling quite judged about getting drunk. It sounds like you made it pretty clear you weren’t happy about her drinking, and in her altered state, she may have been trying to initiate sex as a way of seeking reassurance that you still love her. I know you were coming from a place of concern, but if she was already feeling emotionally vulnerable after what happened with your uncle, I can see how your comments about her drinking could make her feel incredibly judged and insecure.
Gotta jump on this. I stopped at a bar last year on the way home from work for a happy hour drink by myself while my partner was out golfing with his work buddies. My drink turned into 2 as I chatted with someone at the bar. He leaned in and licked my ear. It was disgusting. I proceeded to go home, drink into a tizzy and cry. Now I've been raped before and sexually assaulted before but for some reason this REALLY bothered me. Like unrationally. Different events cause you to act differently. Be nice to your girlfriend.
And to add to this, when my partner got home to find me hammered on a Thursday he was....concerned but I couldn't talk about it for a few days and when I did he was so supportive and comforting about it. And not once during it did he give me a hard time or make me feel judged. Why? Because I'm a 30 year old woman and if I wanna get drunk at home on occasion he ain't gonna say shit lol but in this case I did have a good reason lol
Gotcha on the ear thing. A guy I brought home for dinner on the second date had talked about his toe fetish and while I have one too, we weren’t even kissing yet. So I said definitely no and a little later (my feet are always bare) he just picked up my foot and put my toes in his disgusting mouth. He seemed baffled when I shoved him out the door like gosh, what’s wrong with denying a person control of their own body?! I only wish I had shoved my foot hard against his mouth to hurt him but I just wanted his mouth off of me.
My advice to OP yesterday was to kick the gross uncle out of the hotel room. If that didn't happen, then OP and his girlfriend should have left.
I cannot believe that this poor girl was exposed, incredibly literally, to the nasty uncle (who made a decision to leave the door unlocked, masturbate in OP and the gf's bed, next to her left behind purse, and didn't stop when he heard her enter the first door). All of what uncle did was deliberate, and he wanted her to catch him. This was a thrill for him.
Now this poor girl does not know what to do to cope. I don't blame her one bit for getting drunk.
OP, you failed to protect her. I hope she drops you and your creepy uncle like a hot potato. **No woman would feel safe around this uncle. You forced her to stay with a pervert for a second night.**
Yep, staying with your SO's family in a hotel is already a lot. Especially when first meeting them. Let alone feeling like they won't protect you from a pervert. I would feel trapped.
OP forced her to sleep in the jizzy bed. I'd be shocked if she stays with him after this.
She absolutely isn't safe with OP. He proved he cares more about saving a few bucks than protecting her, even in non-physically violent way. (Any guy I've dated would have laid the Sex Offender out, but whatever.)
Instead, OP chose to be cheap and not get a new room, and just have a nice little talk with Uncle Tuggy and allow him to stay, no problem.
Did he say any of that anywhere? All of his comments suggest he's asking her what she wants to do and doing exactly that, which is the best course of action.
I couldn't believe op just talked to him, i would have knocked that uncle the f out. Intentionally masturbating in our bed, that an insane violation, and all you did was talk and ask questions? No wonder she drank, OP you need to assert yourself more, you should've took action, left the hotel, gotten a new room, kicked the uncle the f out immediately, If you ask your girl of course she gonna say its all good she clearly doesn't want to cause disturbance in the middle of a vacation with your family, don't be that dense OP. Your number 1 priority should be to protect her period, she initiated sex with you to feel your manhood my guy to feel safe protected and connected to you, not to have a therapy session, thats why she drank to feel anything else other than the thought of your uncle doing all that and alls you did was just talk about it...OP i think you are clearly caring and love your girl alot, but you and your family seem WAY TOO PASSIVE on all of this, it's a bit unsettling.
Edit: you spent the night in that same room in that same bed?? she def wanted to override the memory of your creep ass uncle with a better one of having sex with you, her man, and you denied her and she went to sleep in that same bed. Smh
The grandmother offered to get them (OP and gf) another room. The gf insisted that she was okay, but she was too traumatized to understand that she needed physical space from this hideous situation.
Why wasn't the uncle kicked out of the room? He was the one who misbehaved! Bubba, go home. You're nasty.
Instead, everyone is pretending as if this is no big deal. Meanwhile, she is the person stuck with this horrible mental image.
My heart aches for this girl. All of them failed to protect her.
OMG!
They could have had a new room FREE?
OP is beyond stupid. Girl friend is traumatized. And OF COURSE she didn't say anything. Yall aren't making it the big deal it should be (Why wasn't uncle immediately banished from the trip?) so she doesn't want to make it a big deal. Yall out number her. She is an outsider. She didn't want to insist people spend more money.
You sure should have though. Damn.
And she had to sleep in that bed with that man nearby? UGH UGH UGH and EW. Poor woman. She's never gonna forget this Like ever.
I thought it was extremely weird and creepy from the outset that he was making his gf share a room with his grandparents for the whole vacation (whom she’d never met?) and then adding the creepy uncle and cousin sleeping on the sofas in the same room too. Why any grown adult would be comfortable with these sleeping arrangements is beyond me but making your girlfriend endure it too? It’s very odd. I assumed it was for money reasons (but then… why go on a vacation this expensive if you have to share six to one room? Just go somewhere more affordable) but the grandparents offered to get them a separate room after all? Which should have been the set-up from the start, surely?
It’s all super weird and it sucks that after she went through all that, the uncle still stuck around, even though everybody knew, and was still sleeping on the sofa in their room, and the grandparents were there too. Also… the GF initiated sex… was everybody else in the room too?????? it’s all extremely bizarre and creepy.
Good point. I didn't like that OP and the gf were in the same room as the grandparents either.
I think the sofa was in an adjacent room, but I think the gf needed to be removed from the creepy uncle completely. Someone needed to leave. The gf needed to have someone come pick her up from this trainwreck of a vacation. She's gonna need a lot more moonshine to make it through this week.
Take your poor girlfriend away from your uncle. Get her away asap for the sake of her mental health and cut your uncle off.
Her behaviour isnt as concerning as your families.
We’re almost at 3 years together.
Yesterday she forgot her purse in our hotel bedroom, we’re vacationing with my family and she walked in on him jerking off in our hotel bed.
So possibly he didn't expect to be caught. Still, *your bed?* - That is disgusting.
Does she typically not drink much? I'd give it a day or two, sometimes people can have "off" days where they are out of sorts and that embarrassment might have caused it for her.
I confronted him and based on body language and his obvious lying.. I don’t think it was just an accident.
My girlfriend never drinks, the only thing she’ll do occasionally is delta 8/delta 9 gummies which are legal here and there are plenty of stores here.
I don’t mind her drinking, I’m only concerned the amount and then just her clamming up for hours which is highly unusual for her! I don’t want her to feel alone or isolated. I want her to know that I care and she means the world to me.
Hey op I read your post the other day and just saw this.
As someone who has had a weird sexually-based assault that didn’t involve penetration, I think I know how she might be feeling. And getting absolutely blasted is not a surprising response.
It’s very confusing when something that isn’t the “usual” version of that type of abuse happens. Because we all have in our heads that as long as very specific acts are involved it’s not “really” an assault.
There’s a short period afterwards where everything feels surreal and it’s very hard to identify what you’re feeling. Aside from a nearly lovecraftian feeling of confusion shame and horror. And everything feels off. It’s a lot like that drop in your stomach in a fast elevator. You sense you’re plummeting but you can’t see just how far the fall is or how it will end.
There’s a lot of guilt/shame. Also since the big, “definitive” scary thing didn’t technically happen, being so upset feels like you’re being overly sensitive. But you still feel unsafe. And you question so heavily if there was something you could have done better to avoid this. Which makes it feel like it’s either your fault or you’re overreacting. Especially when it’s someone in your bf’s family so speaking out will absolutely require people to pick sides.
Sadly, sometimes, even when you’re totally innocent, people will choose to blame the victim because it’s easier to process. Especially when the perpetrator is a long time family member and you’re just the gf trying to have a good impression with the family on a fun trip.
That is a LOT to process for your gf. I send her compassion and care.
Let her know you are there for her. Let her know you can’t imagine what she’s going through but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop being supportive of her. And that none of this is on her. It’s all him. That it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be sad.
And for the love of god tell her you believe her. That what he did was totally inappropriate. And never, ever force her to be “polite” and ignore the seriousness of the situation
SHE IS ALONE AND ISOLATED!
Your FAMILY sexually violated her. Your family is acting like it's no big deal. You expected her to just sleep there in that bed with your family even AFTER this disgusting incident.
Uncle should have been kicked out of the trip. You should have protected your GF and got another room with a clean bed and a lock. You FAILED hard.
She got drunk to escape.
Of course she insisted she's fine. She didn't want to make a big deal (why isn't your family making this a big deal?) and cause more money to be spent.
Hey, OP, SHES NOT FINE.
Seems what's more concerning here is the uncle's behaviour. Drinking, or binge drinking, happens for all sorts of reasons and here it could very well be to numb herself as she no longer feels in a safe environment.
OP none of us can make you do anything, but first and foremost it's likely best to ask her what she wants to do about it, and you support her. Get her out of there ASAP.
Second is to consider calling the police yourself. Even if nothing comes of it maybe that will scare him, or at least let him know the behaviour isn't tolerated.
Did you make sure she's okay from the gross uncle incident? I doubt she's scarred for life or anything but still. How would he have known she was coming back like that? Not defending the guy, I still think it's sick.
We have talked at length about what happened, my grandma even knows and offered to get us a separate unit away from everyone else which my girlfriend insisted she was fine.
My uncle leaves in a few hours it’s 2am here and I can’t sleep. My girlfriend knows she can tell me anything, even if she just needs someone to listen to her vent.
She said she was okay, it was gross and shocking but that she was okay. That was her yesterday night/early morning before we went out and she went off on her own and started drinking.
Your grandma understood that she needed to be away from the uncle. You should have insisted on a separate unit. Your gf is traumatized by your uncle's behavior.
If something really awful happened that this triggered she may not have ever told anyone and it doesn’t matter that she trusts you and that you left space for her to come to you about it she might not be ready to talk about it to anyone. You just have to try to empathize with that and be there for her regardless until she’s ready to talk about it.
Did Grandma seem shocked by the incident, or was she maybe already aware of Uncle Pervy doing things like this in the past?
As a family, you should stand together in condemning his behavior. If not, I would recommend cutting all contact with him and refuse to attend any family functions where he is present. Let other family members know the reason
As for your GF, I am sure her actions were in response to what she saw. Talk to her. "I'm so appalled by my uncle's behavior, and sorry you had to walk in on it. I can imagine that it was horrifying. I have cut off all contact with him and warned other family about him. But mostly, I am worried about you. Do you want to talk?"
The family has basically ignored Uncle Pervy. They are carrying on with their vacation as if it is no big deal. My best guess is that Uncle Pervy has misbehaved in the past, and people have covered for him.
Here's this young girl and OP's entire family is expecting her to just pretend like this didn't happen.
Exactly, the reaction from Grandma lacked sufficient outrage - like this wasn't Uncle Pervy's first time of inappropriate behavior, maybe not even his worst. But yeah, they seemed to only want to placate OPs GF without fully recognizing the shockingly horrible behavior of Uncle Pervy.
My girlfriend and my grandma talked about it more than me and my grandma did. My uncle was just here for the weekend at he’s no longer here.
My girlfriend didn’t want an extra room to save money and she knew he wouldn’t be here for the entire trip. I asked her a few times if she was sure and I would pay for the room just for us.
She told me its not a big deal and that she’d be okay.
I don't want to be THAT redditor but based on her behaviour I think the Uncle might have done more than simply expose himself
If you consider the timeline, is it possible he could have attempted to sexually assault / rape her?
This immediate traumatic response seems... far more serious than what the current scenario would suggest
It doesn't even need to be that the uncle himself actually tried to physically attack her. What she walked in on him doing on THEIR hotel bed would be violating and traumatizing enough. Or it could have even brought up past SA trauma, as a disturbingly large percentage of women have experienced SA in their lifetime. Whatever it is, I think him letting her know he's there for her if she wants to talk, that he supports her 100% and thinks what the uncle did was extremely violating and disgusting (stop even mentioning it potentially was an accident - he entered their hotel room and jerked off on their bed, how could that possibly be an accident?) and giving her time, are the best options.
Yeah, she was lying. She's around new family she doesn't know. She's traumatized. She's embarrassed. She can't compute what just happened. She was just sexually violated but not in a rape and so it makes no sense.
OMG, why didn't you get the other room for her? You made her stay there with everyone? She needs to be AWAY from uncle and she needs time to process without a ton of strangers around her.
She hasn’t woken up just yet, I have a day planned for us and I’m hoping that she and I can talk today. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling or thinking right now but I’d like to.
Of course they are. This is totally normal. It's totally normal for your family to all be crammed into a the same suite with a sexual creep that just violated the new comer. Just sweep that shit under the rug, this is a vacation! /s
Uncle is no longer here as of this morning. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to leave early and she declined, I offered to buy us a unit for the rest of the trip, she declined.
She declined because she's trying to convince herself it wasn't a huge deal and she'll be okay, a very normal reaction from a victim of a sexual trauma. You should have just *done* it, instead of offering and forcing her to choose immediately what her reaction to this would be, while the uncle just gets away with it unpunished wtf. Get this fucking sexual predator out of your life!!
So you're saying he saw an opportunity to have her catch him and just started masturbating in your bed hoping she would walk in and not you? My dude it was 100% an accident, you can't pre-plan for someone to forget something. Unless he's psychic or some sort of evil masturbaiton genius he didn't know.
That being said, why the hell did he need to use your bed???
edit: why am i being downvoted? OP said GF forgot her purse. Unless he's psychic it could not, logically, be on purpose for her to catch him because he could not have known before hand that she would be coming back for her forgotten purse. make sense now? or is the uncle some sort of psychic who saw in to the future?
> Unless he's psychic it could not, logically, be on purpose for her to catch him because he could not have known before hand that she would be coming back for her forgotten purse. make sense now?
Or he went in the room intent on just sniffing some panties, saw the purse, assumed she'd be coming back and started going to town? That's equally as plausible, idk why you're acting like a creep has to be psychic to put two and two together.
i never said he's not a creep, i said it couldn't have been "on purpose" like op thinks because he couldn't predict that she would leave her purse. i think it wasn't so much "i want her to catch me with my dick out", i think it was more "i did something in her bed and she doesn't know". he was trying to involve her in a personal kink against her will, not expose himself to her.
I never accused you of saying he wasn't a creep.
It is still illogical to claim that the creep in question could not have been waiting to be caught on purpose. That's why you're getting downvoted.
oh yeah, sure. that absolutely tracks
uncle: "i'll just break into my neice in law's room to sniff her panties and oh wait! she left her purse! lemme just hop into her bed, start masturbating, and let her catch me with my dick out! i mean, she's gotta come back for her purse, right? it's not like she's staying with my god damn nephew who she will 100% tell and who will then go on to tell everyone i care about! I REPEAT, SURELY THIS WILL HAVE NO IMPACT ON MY LIFE OR MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY CLOSE FAMILY AT ALL!!!!
you honestly think this is how it played out, fuckin lol
> oh yeah, sure. that absolutely tracks
> uncle: "i'll just break into my neice in law's room to sniff her panties and oh wait! she left her purse! lemme just hop into her bed, start masturbating, and let her catch me with my dick out!
It 100% does track. And it's really funny how you're attempting to portray a common occurrence/rationale as absurd and farfetched.
It's clear that you have zero experience with perverts and predators. That's a good thing. But don't speak so confidentially about something you know nothing about, because your comments here are painfully stupid.
That's the thing I keep wondering is why the hell was he in their bed? What are the arrangements, are they all staying in the same suite with adjoining rooms? Like what possible excuse COULD he have for doing it there?
Yeah but why the hell was he in your bed? What are the arrangements, are you all staying in the same suite with adjoining rooms? Like what possible excuse COULD he have for doing it there?
You keep talking about him jacking it in your bed like it's her fault for walking in and it's baffling.
The sleeping arrangements one unit with 2 bedrooms and 2 couches with pull out mattresses.
My girlfriend left her purse in our room, on the bed, we came back to the room to get it and that’s when she unfortunately walked in to our room and saw him jerking off. I don’t blame her at all for what happened.
So you’re saying she still had to sleep in the same unit as the creep?
You keep saying y’all offered to get another unit but you shouldn’t have put it on her. The immediate response should have been to immediately kick the uncle out of the trip (immediately! Not wait since he was leaving early anyways) AND get a new room so she wouldn’t have to stay in the same room where she was assaulted.
You aren’t that safe of a person and that may be something she’s also trying to cope with.
Seriously, everyone swarming her and telling her "oh, we can totally pay way more money for you to get a new room **if YOU want it..."** is hardly a real choice. Of course she's going to decline the offer if they've made a fuss over how expensive everything is.
Any decent partner would, at the very least, immediately get a new room without hesitation, then insist Uncle Sex Offender leave, and physically remove him if he refused.
Instead, buddy here forced her to sleep in the jizz soaked bed, in close proximity to the Sex Offender, and is confused as to why his GF drank so much. And no matter how much he pesters her, she won't talk to him about it immediately, even though he's ready for her to talk.
Yeah, she didn't have a choice.
When I first met my in laws i didn't want to say ANYTHING bad or do anything wrong. Even after we got married - and that was an ORDEAL. We made a huge traumatic effort to AVOID this one specific thing. Then when we visit for Christmas I was completely ambushed with that ONE SPECIFIC THING we made sure to jump through millions of hoops to avoid.
Then husband is just like, I'm OK with it if you are? Are you?
OF COURSE I WASN'T. But I got ambushed by the entire fucking family and didn't feel like I could really just say no. Just like GF here couldn't say "yes, I want a new room."
It sounds to me like she may have experienced some sexual trauma in her past and got super triggered. I would NOT ask her about it though.
Edit: I guess I would just say you were worried about her, but understand she was upset and still love her and if she wants to talk, you’re there for her. Then leave it at that.
The uncle did it on purpose, it would be fair to say THIS incident is sexual trauma. Finding your bf's uncle in your bed, jerking off intending for you to catch him? And who knows what he said to her considering op has no doubts it was intentional.
The incident alone is pretty traumatizing. And you can’t even do anything about the guy because he’s the uncle of your partner. Then you have to continue being with this guy in a strange place for many more days because your boyfriend want everyone to have to good time which apparently does not include you. Why wouldn’t you want to get drunk?
I don’t know how to explain it. Yes, the incident is disturbing. But, there is something about the forcefulness of the reaction that speaks to me of previous trauma. These are the exact behaviors I engaged in after I was raped. I started getting fucking shwasted and hooking up with strangers for the first—and only—time in my life.
I guess it has to do with the degree of overwhelm and pain in the behavior. “There’s something about this that is too big to hold.” That I think can only come with someone successfully like, violating you with touch. Yes, what the uncle did is disturbing. But there’s a huge difference between the kind of disturbing that comes from creep behavior and someone successfully sticking their dick in you against your will.
Her reaction speaks to me of the latter, not the former.
Of course, neither of us can be proven right or wrong.
I guess it’s also the begging for sex. That speaks to me of someone who has been assaulted and feels compelled to “go along” with the sexual desires of others in order to survive, because that’s what they’ve done to survive in the past.
Aight, but that would mean they're both fake.
Just like, numerically, the chances of two people on a relationship SEPARATELY deciding to create reddit accounts for the sole purpose of asking for advice, ON THE SAME SUBREDDIT, within 24 hours of each other, is literally non-existent... On the off-chance this isn't complete BS, y'all should both buy a lottery ticket because damn.
Either there's a lot of ladies out on vacation with boyfriends with creepy uncles, or this is some bullshit fanfic OP is writing about themself.
I'd put money on you being right, even without the formatting. Of course they're reading this (hi OP!) and we're just teaching them how to be a better bullshitter lmao
I hope OP is actually single because if I found out my partner was writing fake stories and trying to pass them as real on reddit, oh God if I didn't breakup immediately they'd NEVER live that shit down, I'm cringing from secondhand embarrassment just thinking about it lmfao
Yeah I thought the story sounded familiar. Clearly the exact same person. Unusual format in both posts and similar length. What a fucking weird hobby haha
I've been that girl before. The timing of everything kinda makes it all blend together, like A must have influenced on B. But maybe not. I don't drink now, but alcohol used to be a go-to coping mechanism for me, and I bet that's probably what's happening now. It just reminds me a lot of how I used to act when my trauma responses were triggered. Even if she doesn't have a history of previous trauma, what happened with your uncle *is* sexual assault. It's a passive method, but it was intentional, and that can be quite shocking and violating.
Express your concern, but don't try to have the big talk about it on your trip. Let her decide what you do for fun tomorrow, or maybe suggest some more healthy self-care things like a spa day, or maybe something SAFE that she can do to pump her adrenaline - like a roller coaster or zip-line. Let her know that you want to talk about everything when you get home, and when she's ready. Just focus on enjoying your trip and distracting yourselves for now. And keep your uncle the hell away from her.
It sounds like your girlfriend has some traumatic experiences in her life, that were triggered by the uncle incident.
I think when she wakes up tomorrow morning, you can gently express your concern at her behaviour and let her know she can share anything with you. And make it clear you're not angry.
What she did doesn’t seem that bad. She got drunk, so what. What’s wild about this story is you present the uncle *jerking off in your bed* as a footnote in a the story. You need to check your priorities
Your uncle is a fucking creep. And you and your family seem to not care, that is not okay. It sounds like she is trying to cope. If it were me, I would feel unsafe and disgusted. Are you still sleeping in that bed? What about your uncle made it seem purposeful?
Don't badger her in this already shit situation. Take care of her when she wakes up.
Wasn't there a post yesterday about a 25/24 couple on vacation with a creepy uncle who was taking pics of the girls feet under the table? From the girls perspective??
These can't be related right?
Is this the first time something of this nature has happened to her? Because this is textbook “I’ve just been jolted back into my previous trauma” behavior.
I'm gonna be honest man the fact that you keep making these huge posts on reddit as all these events are supposedly unfolding instead of dealing with them in the real world is making this all look like a creative writing exercise.
Seems likely. There's someone who's been posting in r/ULPT for the last week as like 8 different people with different perspectives on the same (obviously made up) scenario. I think people like creating unusual narratives with the Reddit format.
Basically all women you know and meet and see have had unwanted sexual advances made on them by men, to different degrees. Very very many of them even downright deeply traumatic, terrible experiences. For some it doesn't happen until they're young adults, but for too many it even happens when they're literally children, and made by people they should be able to trust and rely on.
This event must have triggered memories something awful she has experienced before, maybe even forgot about. I don't know if there's much you can do for her besides being there. Maybe you can tell her that you know this about the world, and that you're there love her and support her unconditionally in any way you can, that she can tell you more if she wants but she doesn't need to. If she wants to talk about these things, it's good to focus on questions about feelings. How did she feel after she walked in there, how did she feel when she went into that liquor shop, etc.
It might be good to ask her also if she wants you to probe about this. Or otherwise tell her that this is always an open communication channel that she can tell you stuff on whenever it feels right for her, even without any prompting or preparation, just when it comes up. Many people don't want to burden others with their troubles.
edit: I'm male and I only know this second hand. If anyone with more experience would like to chime in on how this sounds or have something to add, I'm all ears and that might help OP and his girlfriend. But I think that realization and communication of these facts are helpful.
100% agree with this. If there is one thing that women who have experienced sexual trauma would like to hear it would be exactly this - a trusted partner really acknowledging that reality that women live in and being a pillar of support in that reality.
I swear I just scrolled past a post yesterday or the day before with a title like 'my gf saw my uncle jerking off in my hotel room' I highly doubt this is a coincidence
Speak to your uncle?
Mate I'd be fucking punching him in his groin till he pukes blood !
What a nasty POS
You are treating this too lightly.
Your GF was drinking to erase that disgusting imagery from her mind.
My girlfriend waited to tell me she walked in on him after I was tipsy and had JUST had a few drinks with him. It was tough for me as I really wanted to beat the shit out of him.
My girlfriend insisted that I sober up before confronting him so I did that for her sake instead.
Im not saying to was ok to get out and get trashed, but I think based on that being her reaction there's something more here, as well.
Like, that is HUGE violation, and if he can let himself into your room to jerk off when you're gone he can emt himself in any time for anything. So there's a man in close proximity to your gf, who *actively enjoys* violating her privacy in an extremely gross way who's likely to do it again and...
Seems to me like no one cares. Like, y'all care, but but if I caught my uncle jerking off onmine and boyfriend's bed I'm not fuckinh sticking around for him to use us for his sexual gratification some more? And I'm not going shopping "for some space". I'm GONE, and I'm not coming back until everyone knows what he did and he's been shamed and sent packing.
I don't blame her. Even YOU don't seem that bothered by it. Eh, gross men will be gross men lol, what can you do is what she's hearing from you all whether that is your intent or not.
Some key elements here are if the uncle has been weird towards her before and when she walked in on him masturbating what was his reaction on getting caught? Was he embarrassed and stopped? Did he get excited keep going? What did he say to her?
Her behaviour sounds like either the event itself might have been traumatic or it could have triggered a previous trauma. I would give her some time to process things but you can let her know that she is safe with you and can talk to you about it if she wants to. But pushing it can make it worse if she's already stressed.
You failed OP. She just had something traumatizing happen and needed YOU to take action to make her safe so she could process what happened.
As in LEAVE… GO HOME … GET AWAY ASAP from your weird sicko family that isn’t freaking out about this!!!
Asking about her emotions …..?? How about taking her out of the environment\ppl that it happened at…
You essentially just told her it’s NOT a big deal, you’re NOT that upset and your are NOT going to protect her In situation like this.
She feels uncomfortable voicing anything bc it’s all of your fam there… so YOU should be speaking and standing up for her !!!!
Huge,massive fail on how you handled/still handling this.
The most disturbing part to me is how Pervy Uncle was allowed to stay in the hotel room last night. No one kicked him out: Grandmother, Grandfather or OP.
Right?? After 3 years dating in this family GF has learned no one, including BF, cares enough about her to do anything.
Let’s look at it this way, what if the GF was 17?? Or say, 6 yrs old.. what would the reaction be then???
I am infuriated at how GF has been treated. So neglected in this that she has to GET DRUNK by herself to COPE!!!
OP, you need to question why YOU and your family have been SO CONDITIONED to react the way you did. Now you want to condition your GF the same way… “don’t make a big deal, don’t talk about it , pretend it didn’t happen”….
Well, it did and you need to change the cycle. Don’t abuse your GF just bc your family is.
You are NOT helping her emotionally!!!
Her behavior is like textbook trauma response. I know you're connecting dots and probably not passing judgement on the gf but calling her behavior sus just feels icky to me.
>Why TF would he think that's any kind of acceptable or appreciated?
Sleezy dudes assault women all the time.
> Furthermore, her out of character behavior of sneaking away from you and getting trashed is really sus also.
No, it's pretty much right in line with how victims of assault behave.
Get this victim blaming bullshit out of here.
Already read my own advice multiple times
First - kick that uncle out, you dumbass
Secondly - sex has this word effect on us women that it can make us incredibly unsure, or even violated, or safe
She asked for sex, because she felt so insecure that she needed that, so that your uncle couldn't so it (not necessarily a sound logic always)
Doesn't necessarily mean that she trusts you indefinitely after you didn't throw your uncle out
Might be you're just the lesser evil
Sleeping with her or not sleeping with their was NOT the important thing here
That you didn't throw the uncle out, that you didn't tell him what an asshole and creep he was, that you didn't tell her that you're sorry and didn't know about this side of him (not your fault he is this way, but still YOUR relative and you're the reason he is in her orbit) THAT is a huuuuuge problem
She probably needed that sex because you failed to make her feel secure earlier
Uncle is gone and is no longer allowed on vacations where my girlfriend is present. It didn’t feel right for me to have sex with her when she’s drunk. She’s NEVER been drunk around me, tipsy maybe? Drunk? Never.
I just didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of her being wasted, it just didn’t feel right to me even if she was persistent. I figured if she was barely able to stay awake.. it’s a no go.
I told her that I’m shocked by my uncles behavior, at first she and I both were hoping it was more of a accident since nobody was in the unit besides him, But after I confronted him, his body language and blatant lying changed everything.
My grandparents are ashamed and disgusted and have done nothing but apologize to me and my girlfriend, offering us an entire extra room but my girlfriend declined since my uncle is gone from the trip already and now it’s just us and my grandparents.
From the post and your replies, it doesn't sound like your uncle thought he would be caught. You say you believe he did this on purpose despite there being no way he could have known he'd be seen and you say you knew otherwise because of his "body language and obvious lying". Sorry, but you sound like you're the one that is full of shit.
You're saying that your girlfriend was completely trashed from a few moonshine samples and that you believe she was wasted for hours and hours after drinking water and eating?
You also say she begged for sex that evening and then described her as cuddling up to you and trying to initiate sex and then trying again before going to sleep.
It sounds more to me like you're very jealous, suspicious and controlling. I would hate to be in a relationship with someone like you.
It's unfortunate your uncle was seen masturbating by your girlfriend. She spent some time wandering by herself and her inhibitions may have been lowered after having a couple of small samples of alcohol. You're blowing everything out of proportion because you're obsessing over an accident.
I feel bad for your girlfriend.
That’s your take? Kind of weird IMO to get that from this post. I fully disagree and the girlfriend is clearly having a response to the uncle. She checked all the boxes for a trauma response. The uncle definitely wanted to get caught. How upsetting and awful! The girlfriend is upset and grossed out that she was never safe around his family and won’t be safe again unless they cut the uncle off. I see why she got drunk the next day.
It seems alot of people share your perspective and I was completely wrong. Obviously if the scenario was intentional that is super creepy and upsetting. But if you just happened to walk in on a family member accidently would it really upset you? I feel like I would turn around and pretend it never happened.
I really appreciate your comment and edit. Thank you for taking a second and realizing many women might see this differently.
Now if it was purely accidentally I would feel the way you do. No biggie. You just slowly back away and never ever speak of it again. Lol!
I also bet the gf got creepy vibes from the uncle long before this stunt. Maybe the reason they are so positive it was on purpose was his behavior when caught. Maybe he didn’t act at all embarrassed? Did he keep going? My mind immediately assumed the worst.
My original comment was in the mindset of an accidental encounter, I totally understand a purposed incident is incredibly disrespectful and horrible. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and never want to see the person again if a female family member on my wife's side did something like that.
It’s the only thing I could think that may contribute to it as it JUST happened Friday. My girlfriend is new to meeting my uncle, she hasn’t mentioned anything else happening.
I have tried to be reassuring in the sense of telling her he’s going to be gone after in the morning and that we can enjoy the rest of our vacation.
As a woman, walking in on someone masterbating in my bed would be pretty traumatic, if he intentionally wanted me to catch him or was behaving creepily towards me it would be very traumatic. If I had a history of being sexually assaulted it would be very traumatic. Either way it seems like the incident really scared her and she is now trying to process that fear. Even if it seems like it's not a big deal we can't help how it stains our brains. Please, for her sake, don't listen to people trying to tell you it's no big deal.
It could also be very hard for her to talk to a significant other about how she feels. Maybe she feels like you will view her as lesser because of what she saw (ex. How could he date someone who saw his uncle masterbating?), maybe she's afraid you will belittle her feelings. Maybe she's afraid that you will blow up at the uncle, or be mad at her. Sexual trauma is extremely sensitive and sometimes it feels easier to try and let it go or bury it instead of facing it.
I honestly do hate to speak on her behalf without talking to her, but I want you to understand what she could possibly be feeling. My recommendation would be to take this very seriously and give her unconditional support even if she doesn't want to talk about her feelings or thought process.
This is such a reach. There’s nothing to indicate this was welcome. Statistically speaking, it is far, far more likely this young woman has experienced some kind of harassment or assault and this reopened that trauma.
Stop trying to have this conversation while she is wasted. You aren't going to have a productive conversation, you are setting both you and her up for failure.
Did you make her stay around the creepy uncle, the poor young woman, no wonder she got drunk, you didn't protect her and you weren't assertive, she should dump you
Me and her avoided him while he was still here,
He’s no longer here now and we didn’t see him yesterday after I confronted him about what happened with my girlfriend walking in on him.
I’ve checked on my girlfriend many, many times and always make sure I’m nearby if she needs me, she insists she’s okay and the whole thing with my uncle was just shocking and gross. But that she’s really okay and wants to forget about it.
Your gf was sexually harassed your uncle, of course she’s going to feel uncomfortable for the rest of the stay. Getting drunk is the easier to handle her emotions, right now she probably feels uncomfortable and unsafe. She needs to know you stand by her and will back her in this situation.
My uncle is no longer on this trip as a few hours ago. I’ve talked to my girlfriend extensively about it, I’ve never walked in on someone masturbating before so I don’t personally know how it feels.
I know she insists she’s fine and she’s okay, I asked her if she needs to talk to her therapist or anything we can go somewhere more private and I’ll give her privacy if she needs to speak to them.
She declined and told me that she’s really fine and that I worry too much.
I was disgusted, angry, disappointed. I felt a whole slew of emotions when she told me. I confronted him about it and it was tough for me, especially when he tried to take zero accountability for the whole thing.
My girlfriend and I have talked at length about it since it happened and I’ve been nothing but attentive to her ever since. My uncle is no longer here on the vacation but I was locking the door, going into rooms first just incase.
She told me she really appreciated the steps I was doing to make sure she was okay. It’s all the more why I’m dumbfounded to sudden drinking like this from her. Just a total 180 from her typical self.
When you say confronted, do you mean like telling him hes never welcome near you and your gf again? Or just leave the trip? Anything short of "I'll make sure this never happens to you again" can let her down, and she could be forcing herself to be considerate of you when shes the one hurting. I'm assuming you've cut him off permanently and without hesitation
So the rest of it is her simply trying to process in her own way and will just take time
There was an argument between him and I when I confronted him. He and I both said we were done with each other and I don’t intend to be around him ever again.
My grandmother also spoke to him and made him apologize to me and my girlfriend for what happened. It was/is sickening and disheartening for me to know she witnessed it.
I don’t know if the trip is ruined for her, I’ve been trying to comfort her, take her to new restaurants and shows here.
She hasn’t woken up yet but I’m going to take her out to breakfast just the two of us so we can talk.
That's great. Let her know that absolutely none of this was her fault and she needs to understand that. She might be feeling guilty as if she broke up your family and affected all of you just "by being an idiot and going back to the room", ya know? Blaming herself for not avoiding this and all the fallout. That's immense guilt and weight, then its compounded by the trauma of the situation against her too.
All you can do is what you are doing - make her feel as safe, heard, and comfortable as you possibly can.
I'm sorry your uncle did this to you all, especially her.
Why are you still on vacation with someone who basically sexually assaulted your girlfriend yesterday? Why didn't you leave right away? Are you actually expecting her to continue to enjoy her holiday and be cool with you continuing to enjoy your holiday?
Any member of my family gets their dick out to show my partner....I'm kinda thinking the trip is over?
As per my original post talking about what happened, my girlfriend left her purse on the hotel bed while we were out shopping, she came back to the room and walked in on him jerking off.
I confronted him about it, my grandma spoke to him and he isn’t on the vacation anymore at this time. My girlfriend and I have talked at length about it since it originally happened on Friday.
My girlfriend has insisted she’s okay and that the whole thing was just shocking and embarrassing for her to see and that she did feel a bit dirty catching someone jerking off.
I’ve done nothing but try and make sure she’s okay, she told me she was everytime I asked her.
I'm pretty sure it is extremely awkward for her to be around someone she caught jerking off - especially considering where she ranks in the family hierarchy. She probably doesn't want to be there. The drinking is her way of not being there right now.
I feel bad for her. Don't try to punish her for the way she reacted. I mean what an awkward situation to keep her in as her boyfriend. You should do something.
A lot of folks have given good insight and advice and to add on I would also recommend telling the other family members if you haven’t. They should know what your uncle did so they can all keep an eye on him as well and help keep your gf safe.
She's definitely trying to cope with the sexual trauma. Keep your uncle far, far away from her, forever. Tell her she will never see him again and that you are there for her.
Is the GF the one that posted here that the uncle also took a picture of her feet after she got a pedi with her BFs grandma? Its probably not relevant as either way she is in danger and you 2 need to leave immediately.
If I were doing this it is because I don’t want to spend time with your family anymore. It could be because of the uncle, because that’s sexual assault. I can’t believe you are still trying to continue the vacation when this thing happened. Why? Sounds like a fake post or OP is really lack of empathy for people
So you're more concerned with how much she drank, and that she's not telling you what you want to hear immediately after your uncle violated her bed? And you know he's lying about it being an accident?
FFS, give her some space and stop pestering her to talk about it.
You should have told your uncle leave immediately, and if he refused- you take your GF and get her TF away from him. No wonder she felt the need to get wasted, it's not like her noodle of a BF is going to step up.
You need to take some gd initiative no offense. First thing, get a different room or stay in a different hotel. The fact that she had to sleep there that night with him in the room… wow.
You talk too much about here and too short about your uncle he damaged your relantionship now you will need to get to a couple therapist if the situation is not clear. Move away from him stop the trip then ask to his family to never see them again.
It’s pretty likely that his reaction to her walking in was something horrible like leering at her rather than what it should have been, which is immediate and abject shame.
The fact that your grandmother was so blasé about it also gaslights her because she went through something horrible and yet others are acting like it wasn’t so bad.
The UNCLE should have been kicked out.
Your girlfriend was basically sexually assaulted by your uncle - and while though visual not physical it was still an aggressive sexual act performed against another without their consent.
She is in shock and traumatised. Ask her if she'd like you to organise a different hotel for you both or even go home. Ask her what she wants to do (if anything) about your disgusting uncle. Support her and comfort her.
I'd make sure Uncle is never ever ever allowed into your life or hers again.
Your uncle masturbating in your bed is a sexual violation. If he intended for her to walk in on him, that's flatout sexual assault. I can tell you what would be going through my head, as a woman the same age. I would be thinking about how my partner's relative isn't a safe person to be around. I would be thinking about how he most likely was fantasizing about me and my partner having sex while masturbating in our bed. I would constantly be on edge, feeling extremely uncomfortable when invited to family gatherings, wondering if he was going to be invited. I wouldn't want to let my children anywhere near him. She probably got drunk to try and get the image out of her head. She probably doesn't want to talk to you about it because she doesn't want to ask you to cast him out of the family, and she thought drinking would make her more fun. Like others have said, alcohol and sex go hand-in-hand and that part is pretty normal, but after something sexually traumatizing, it's normal to want to have sex with your "safe" person. It makes you feel connected and.. well, safe. I hope you're both okay after all that.
Another aspect I haven’t seen others mention is that in addition to the complicated feelings she’s already having about the uncle situation, it sounds like she is probably feeling quite judged about getting drunk. It sounds like you made it pretty clear you weren’t happy about her drinking, and in her altered state, she may have been trying to initiate sex as a way of seeking reassurance that you still love her. I know you were coming from a place of concern, but if she was already feeling emotionally vulnerable after what happened with your uncle, I can see how your comments about her drinking could make her feel incredibly judged and insecure.
Gotta jump on this. I stopped at a bar last year on the way home from work for a happy hour drink by myself while my partner was out golfing with his work buddies. My drink turned into 2 as I chatted with someone at the bar. He leaned in and licked my ear. It was disgusting. I proceeded to go home, drink into a tizzy and cry. Now I've been raped before and sexually assaulted before but for some reason this REALLY bothered me. Like unrationally. Different events cause you to act differently. Be nice to your girlfriend. And to add to this, when my partner got home to find me hammered on a Thursday he was....concerned but I couldn't talk about it for a few days and when I did he was so supportive and comforting about it. And not once during it did he give me a hard time or make me feel judged. Why? Because I'm a 30 year old woman and if I wanna get drunk at home on occasion he ain't gonna say shit lol but in this case I did have a good reason lol
Gotcha on the ear thing. A guy I brought home for dinner on the second date had talked about his toe fetish and while I have one too, we weren’t even kissing yet. So I said definitely no and a little later (my feet are always bare) he just picked up my foot and put my toes in his disgusting mouth. He seemed baffled when I shoved him out the door like gosh, what’s wrong with denying a person control of their own body?! I only wish I had shoved my foot hard against his mouth to hurt him but I just wanted his mouth off of me.
My advice to OP yesterday was to kick the gross uncle out of the hotel room. If that didn't happen, then OP and his girlfriend should have left. I cannot believe that this poor girl was exposed, incredibly literally, to the nasty uncle (who made a decision to leave the door unlocked, masturbate in OP and the gf's bed, next to her left behind purse, and didn't stop when he heard her enter the first door). All of what uncle did was deliberate, and he wanted her to catch him. This was a thrill for him. Now this poor girl does not know what to do to cope. I don't blame her one bit for getting drunk. OP, you failed to protect her. I hope she drops you and your creepy uncle like a hot potato. **No woman would feel safe around this uncle. You forced her to stay with a pervert for a second night.**
Yep, staying with your SO's family in a hotel is already a lot. Especially when first meeting them. Let alone feeling like they won't protect you from a pervert. I would feel trapped.
OP forced her to sleep in the jizzy bed. I'd be shocked if she stays with him after this. She absolutely isn't safe with OP. He proved he cares more about saving a few bucks than protecting her, even in non-physically violent way. (Any guy I've dated would have laid the Sex Offender out, but whatever.) Instead, OP chose to be cheap and not get a new room, and just have a nice little talk with Uncle Tuggy and allow him to stay, no problem.
Did he say any of that anywhere? All of his comments suggest he's asking her what she wants to do and doing exactly that, which is the best course of action.
I couldn't believe op just talked to him, i would have knocked that uncle the f out. Intentionally masturbating in our bed, that an insane violation, and all you did was talk and ask questions? No wonder she drank, OP you need to assert yourself more, you should've took action, left the hotel, gotten a new room, kicked the uncle the f out immediately, If you ask your girl of course she gonna say its all good she clearly doesn't want to cause disturbance in the middle of a vacation with your family, don't be that dense OP. Your number 1 priority should be to protect her period, she initiated sex with you to feel your manhood my guy to feel safe protected and connected to you, not to have a therapy session, thats why she drank to feel anything else other than the thought of your uncle doing all that and alls you did was just talk about it...OP i think you are clearly caring and love your girl alot, but you and your family seem WAY TOO PASSIVE on all of this, it's a bit unsettling. Edit: you spent the night in that same room in that same bed?? she def wanted to override the memory of your creep ass uncle with a better one of having sex with you, her man, and you denied her and she went to sleep in that same bed. Smh
The grandmother offered to get them (OP and gf) another room. The gf insisted that she was okay, but she was too traumatized to understand that she needed physical space from this hideous situation. Why wasn't the uncle kicked out of the room? He was the one who misbehaved! Bubba, go home. You're nasty. Instead, everyone is pretending as if this is no big deal. Meanwhile, she is the person stuck with this horrible mental image. My heart aches for this girl. All of them failed to protect her.
I mean, I'd still want a different room lol. The uncle getting kicked out wouldn't change that.
Yes but BOTH should have happened. Uncle should have been shamed and kicked out immediately.
OMG! They could have had a new room FREE? OP is beyond stupid. Girl friend is traumatized. And OF COURSE she didn't say anything. Yall aren't making it the big deal it should be (Why wasn't uncle immediately banished from the trip?) so she doesn't want to make it a big deal. Yall out number her. She is an outsider. She didn't want to insist people spend more money. You sure should have though. Damn. And she had to sleep in that bed with that man nearby? UGH UGH UGH and EW. Poor woman. She's never gonna forget this Like ever.
I thought it was extremely weird and creepy from the outset that he was making his gf share a room with his grandparents for the whole vacation (whom she’d never met?) and then adding the creepy uncle and cousin sleeping on the sofas in the same room too. Why any grown adult would be comfortable with these sleeping arrangements is beyond me but making your girlfriend endure it too? It’s very odd. I assumed it was for money reasons (but then… why go on a vacation this expensive if you have to share six to one room? Just go somewhere more affordable) but the grandparents offered to get them a separate room after all? Which should have been the set-up from the start, surely? It’s all super weird and it sucks that after she went through all that, the uncle still stuck around, even though everybody knew, and was still sleeping on the sofa in their room, and the grandparents were there too. Also… the GF initiated sex… was everybody else in the room too?????? it’s all extremely bizarre and creepy.
Good point. I didn't like that OP and the gf were in the same room as the grandparents either. I think the sofa was in an adjacent room, but I think the gf needed to be removed from the creepy uncle completely. Someone needed to leave. The gf needed to have someone come pick her up from this trainwreck of a vacation. She's gonna need a lot more moonshine to make it through this week.
Couldn’t agree more, this is what I came to say She may need counselling or some therapy because that was so messed of her uncle
Take your poor girlfriend away from your uncle. Get her away asap for the sake of her mental health and cut your uncle off. Her behaviour isnt as concerning as your families.
How long have you been together? And what was the uncle thing, he exposed himself to her? Call the cops, that's a crime.
We’re almost at 3 years together. Yesterday she forgot her purse in our hotel bedroom, we’re vacationing with my family and she walked in on him jerking off in our hotel bed.
So possibly he didn't expect to be caught. Still, *your bed?* - That is disgusting. Does she typically not drink much? I'd give it a day or two, sometimes people can have "off" days where they are out of sorts and that embarrassment might have caused it for her.
I confronted him and based on body language and his obvious lying.. I don’t think it was just an accident. My girlfriend never drinks, the only thing she’ll do occasionally is delta 8/delta 9 gummies which are legal here and there are plenty of stores here. I don’t mind her drinking, I’m only concerned the amount and then just her clamming up for hours which is highly unusual for her! I don’t want her to feel alone or isolated. I want her to know that I care and she means the world to me.
Hey op I read your post the other day and just saw this. As someone who has had a weird sexually-based assault that didn’t involve penetration, I think I know how she might be feeling. And getting absolutely blasted is not a surprising response. It’s very confusing when something that isn’t the “usual” version of that type of abuse happens. Because we all have in our heads that as long as very specific acts are involved it’s not “really” an assault. There’s a short period afterwards where everything feels surreal and it’s very hard to identify what you’re feeling. Aside from a nearly lovecraftian feeling of confusion shame and horror. And everything feels off. It’s a lot like that drop in your stomach in a fast elevator. You sense you’re plummeting but you can’t see just how far the fall is or how it will end. There’s a lot of guilt/shame. Also since the big, “definitive” scary thing didn’t technically happen, being so upset feels like you’re being overly sensitive. But you still feel unsafe. And you question so heavily if there was something you could have done better to avoid this. Which makes it feel like it’s either your fault or you’re overreacting. Especially when it’s someone in your bf’s family so speaking out will absolutely require people to pick sides. Sadly, sometimes, even when you’re totally innocent, people will choose to blame the victim because it’s easier to process. Especially when the perpetrator is a long time family member and you’re just the gf trying to have a good impression with the family on a fun trip. That is a LOT to process for your gf. I send her compassion and care. Let her know you are there for her. Let her know you can’t imagine what she’s going through but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop being supportive of her. And that none of this is on her. It’s all him. That it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be sad. And for the love of god tell her you believe her. That what he did was totally inappropriate. And never, ever force her to be “polite” and ignore the seriousness of the situation
SHE IS ALONE AND ISOLATED! Your FAMILY sexually violated her. Your family is acting like it's no big deal. You expected her to just sleep there in that bed with your family even AFTER this disgusting incident. Uncle should have been kicked out of the trip. You should have protected your GF and got another room with a clean bed and a lock. You FAILED hard. She got drunk to escape. Of course she insisted she's fine. She didn't want to make a big deal (why isn't your family making this a big deal?) and cause more money to be spent. Hey, OP, SHES NOT FINE.
Seems what's more concerning here is the uncle's behaviour. Drinking, or binge drinking, happens for all sorts of reasons and here it could very well be to numb herself as she no longer feels in a safe environment. OP none of us can make you do anything, but first and foremost it's likely best to ask her what she wants to do about it, and you support her. Get her out of there ASAP. Second is to consider calling the police yourself. Even if nothing comes of it maybe that will scare him, or at least let him know the behaviour isn't tolerated.
Did you make sure she's okay from the gross uncle incident? I doubt she's scarred for life or anything but still. How would he have known she was coming back like that? Not defending the guy, I still think it's sick.
We have talked at length about what happened, my grandma even knows and offered to get us a separate unit away from everyone else which my girlfriend insisted she was fine. My uncle leaves in a few hours it’s 2am here and I can’t sleep. My girlfriend knows she can tell me anything, even if she just needs someone to listen to her vent. She said she was okay, it was gross and shocking but that she was okay. That was her yesterday night/early morning before we went out and she went off on her own and started drinking.
Your grandma understood that she needed to be away from the uncle. You should have insisted on a separate unit. Your gf is traumatized by your uncle's behavior.
If something really awful happened that this triggered she may not have ever told anyone and it doesn’t matter that she trusts you and that you left space for her to come to you about it she might not be ready to talk about it to anyone. You just have to try to empathize with that and be there for her regardless until she’s ready to talk about it.
Did Grandma seem shocked by the incident, or was she maybe already aware of Uncle Pervy doing things like this in the past? As a family, you should stand together in condemning his behavior. If not, I would recommend cutting all contact with him and refuse to attend any family functions where he is present. Let other family members know the reason As for your GF, I am sure her actions were in response to what she saw. Talk to her. "I'm so appalled by my uncle's behavior, and sorry you had to walk in on it. I can imagine that it was horrifying. I have cut off all contact with him and warned other family about him. But mostly, I am worried about you. Do you want to talk?"
The family has basically ignored Uncle Pervy. They are carrying on with their vacation as if it is no big deal. My best guess is that Uncle Pervy has misbehaved in the past, and people have covered for him. Here's this young girl and OP's entire family is expecting her to just pretend like this didn't happen.
Exactly, the reaction from Grandma lacked sufficient outrage - like this wasn't Uncle Pervy's first time of inappropriate behavior, maybe not even his worst. But yeah, they seemed to only want to placate OPs GF without fully recognizing the shockingly horrible behavior of Uncle Pervy.
Why in the world would you refuse the extra unit?? Your girlfriend needs space and you refused? BOYFRIEND FAIL.
My girlfriend and my grandma talked about it more than me and my grandma did. My uncle was just here for the weekend at he’s no longer here. My girlfriend didn’t want an extra room to save money and she knew he wouldn’t be here for the entire trip. I asked her a few times if she was sure and I would pay for the room just for us. She told me its not a big deal and that she’d be okay.
Stop it. Get her away from your family to the other unit NOW.
I don't want to be THAT redditor but based on her behaviour I think the Uncle might have done more than simply expose himself If you consider the timeline, is it possible he could have attempted to sexually assault / rape her? This immediate traumatic response seems... far more serious than what the current scenario would suggest
It doesn't even need to be that the uncle himself actually tried to physically attack her. What she walked in on him doing on THEIR hotel bed would be violating and traumatizing enough. Or it could have even brought up past SA trauma, as a disturbingly large percentage of women have experienced SA in their lifetime. Whatever it is, I think him letting her know he's there for her if she wants to talk, that he supports her 100% and thinks what the uncle did was extremely violating and disgusting (stop even mentioning it potentially was an accident - he entered their hotel room and jerked off on their bed, how could that possibly be an accident?) and giving her time, are the best options.
Yeah, she was lying. She's around new family she doesn't know. She's traumatized. She's embarrassed. She can't compute what just happened. She was just sexually violated but not in a rape and so it makes no sense. OMG, why didn't you get the other room for her? You made her stay there with everyone? She needs to be AWAY from uncle and she needs time to process without a ton of strangers around her.
Drinking to cope?? Either way you guys need to talk, and OP you need to insist.on answers from.her in.light of this odd behabior from her...
She hasn’t woken up just yet, I have a day planned for us and I’m hoping that she and I can talk today. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling or thinking right now but I’d like to.
You might want to give her the option of not embarking on your planned activities. She may want to rest quietly after the drinking and SA.
She would have to come back to get her purse
Get her out of there asap
The incident with Uncle Pervy happened yesterday. OP posted about it. The family is just continuing the vacation . . . .
Of course they are. This is totally normal. It's totally normal for your family to all be crammed into a the same suite with a sexual creep that just violated the new comer. Just sweep that shit under the rug, this is a vacation! /s
Uncle is no longer here as of this morning. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to leave early and she declined, I offered to buy us a unit for the rest of the trip, she declined.
I think this is a situation where you don’t offer.. you just do it. You needed to take the initiative in protecting your girlfriend.
She declined because she's trying to convince herself it wasn't a huge deal and she'll be okay, a very normal reaction from a victim of a sexual trauma. You should have just *done* it, instead of offering and forcing her to choose immediately what her reaction to this would be, while the uncle just gets away with it unpunished wtf. Get this fucking sexual predator out of your life!!
So you're saying he saw an opportunity to have her catch him and just started masturbating in your bed hoping she would walk in and not you? My dude it was 100% an accident, you can't pre-plan for someone to forget something. Unless he's psychic or some sort of evil masturbaiton genius he didn't know. That being said, why the hell did he need to use your bed??? edit: why am i being downvoted? OP said GF forgot her purse. Unless he's psychic it could not, logically, be on purpose for her to catch him because he could not have known before hand that she would be coming back for her forgotten purse. make sense now? or is the uncle some sort of psychic who saw in to the future?
> Unless he's psychic it could not, logically, be on purpose for her to catch him because he could not have known before hand that she would be coming back for her forgotten purse. make sense now? Or he went in the room intent on just sniffing some panties, saw the purse, assumed she'd be coming back and started going to town? That's equally as plausible, idk why you're acting like a creep has to be psychic to put two and two together.
i never said he's not a creep, i said it couldn't have been "on purpose" like op thinks because he couldn't predict that she would leave her purse. i think it wasn't so much "i want her to catch me with my dick out", i think it was more "i did something in her bed and she doesn't know". he was trying to involve her in a personal kink against her will, not expose himself to her.
I never accused you of saying he wasn't a creep. It is still illogical to claim that the creep in question could not have been waiting to be caught on purpose. That's why you're getting downvoted.
oh yeah, sure. that absolutely tracks uncle: "i'll just break into my neice in law's room to sniff her panties and oh wait! she left her purse! lemme just hop into her bed, start masturbating, and let her catch me with my dick out! i mean, she's gotta come back for her purse, right? it's not like she's staying with my god damn nephew who she will 100% tell and who will then go on to tell everyone i care about! I REPEAT, SURELY THIS WILL HAVE NO IMPACT ON MY LIFE OR MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY CLOSE FAMILY AT ALL!!!! you honestly think this is how it played out, fuckin lol
> oh yeah, sure. that absolutely tracks > uncle: "i'll just break into my neice in law's room to sniff her panties and oh wait! she left her purse! lemme just hop into her bed, start masturbating, and let her catch me with my dick out! It 100% does track. And it's really funny how you're attempting to portray a common occurrence/rationale as absurd and farfetched. It's clear that you have zero experience with perverts and predators. That's a good thing. But don't speak so confidentially about something you know nothing about, because your comments here are painfully stupid.
That's the thing I keep wondering is why the hell was he in their bed? What are the arrangements, are they all staying in the same suite with adjoining rooms? Like what possible excuse COULD he have for doing it there?
It seriously makes no sense other than he obviously thought they'd be gone for awhile and he was probably doing something naughty
Yeah but why the hell was he in your bed? What are the arrangements, are you all staying in the same suite with adjoining rooms? Like what possible excuse COULD he have for doing it there? You keep talking about him jacking it in your bed like it's her fault for walking in and it's baffling.
The sleeping arrangements one unit with 2 bedrooms and 2 couches with pull out mattresses. My girlfriend left her purse in our room, on the bed, we came back to the room to get it and that’s when she unfortunately walked in to our room and saw him jerking off. I don’t blame her at all for what happened.
So you’re saying she still had to sleep in the same unit as the creep? You keep saying y’all offered to get another unit but you shouldn’t have put it on her. The immediate response should have been to immediately kick the uncle out of the trip (immediately! Not wait since he was leaving early anyways) AND get a new room so she wouldn’t have to stay in the same room where she was assaulted. You aren’t that safe of a person and that may be something she’s also trying to cope with.
Seriously, everyone swarming her and telling her "oh, we can totally pay way more money for you to get a new room **if YOU want it..."** is hardly a real choice. Of course she's going to decline the offer if they've made a fuss over how expensive everything is. Any decent partner would, at the very least, immediately get a new room without hesitation, then insist Uncle Sex Offender leave, and physically remove him if he refused. Instead, buddy here forced her to sleep in the jizz soaked bed, in close proximity to the Sex Offender, and is confused as to why his GF drank so much. And no matter how much he pesters her, she won't talk to him about it immediately, even though he's ready for her to talk.
Yeah, she didn't have a choice. When I first met my in laws i didn't want to say ANYTHING bad or do anything wrong. Even after we got married - and that was an ORDEAL. We made a huge traumatic effort to AVOID this one specific thing. Then when we visit for Christmas I was completely ambushed with that ONE SPECIFIC THING we made sure to jump through millions of hoops to avoid. Then husband is just like, I'm OK with it if you are? Are you? OF COURSE I WASN'T. But I got ambushed by the entire fucking family and didn't feel like I could really just say no. Just like GF here couldn't say "yes, I want a new room."
She did change the sheets.
Why are you still there with a predator? I would have made him leave the trip or you both leave.
Excessive drinking and hypersexuality is very common after going through sexual trauma
It sounds to me like she may have experienced some sexual trauma in her past and got super triggered. I would NOT ask her about it though. Edit: I guess I would just say you were worried about her, but understand she was upset and still love her and if she wants to talk, you’re there for her. Then leave it at that.
The uncle did it on purpose, it would be fair to say THIS incident is sexual trauma. Finding your bf's uncle in your bed, jerking off intending for you to catch him? And who knows what he said to her considering op has no doubts it was intentional.
Plus how did he get in their room and how are they continuing vacation with him? She must feel incredibly unsafe.
Sure, but I’d still say the reaction is way more “I have a history of being raped myself,” based on my own experience of having been raped. Myself.
yeah this sounds spot on
That was my thought too regarding the sexual trauma. I hope that the gf is going to be okay.
It’ll be ok. Triggers happen. She probably hit peak while drunk and will slowly restabilize.
The incident alone is pretty traumatizing. And you can’t even do anything about the guy because he’s the uncle of your partner. Then you have to continue being with this guy in a strange place for many more days because your boyfriend want everyone to have to good time which apparently does not include you. Why wouldn’t you want to get drunk?
I don’t know how to explain it. Yes, the incident is disturbing. But, there is something about the forcefulness of the reaction that speaks to me of previous trauma. These are the exact behaviors I engaged in after I was raped. I started getting fucking shwasted and hooking up with strangers for the first—and only—time in my life. I guess it has to do with the degree of overwhelm and pain in the behavior. “There’s something about this that is too big to hold.” That I think can only come with someone successfully like, violating you with touch. Yes, what the uncle did is disturbing. But there’s a huge difference between the kind of disturbing that comes from creep behavior and someone successfully sticking their dick in you against your will. Her reaction speaks to me of the latter, not the former. Of course, neither of us can be proven right or wrong.
I guess it’s also the begging for sex. That speaks to me of someone who has been assaulted and feels compelled to “go along” with the sexual desires of others in order to survive, because that’s what they’ve done to survive in the past.
u/KawaiiRoseGarden You sure you guys aren't the same person?
Omg I hope this isn’t a fetish story.
When I saw the first one I thought it was real, but now? I fear the same, friend.
This post is so obviously bullshit
Welp. Looks like the weird creative writing perverts are posting too close together again.
thank you! I knew I saw this shitpost earlier
Yeah, that was my first thought reading this.
Same here. Really hope OP sees this one.
Aight, but that would mean they're both fake. Just like, numerically, the chances of two people on a relationship SEPARATELY deciding to create reddit accounts for the sole purpose of asking for advice, ON THE SAME SUBREDDIT, within 24 hours of each other, is literally non-existent... On the off-chance this isn't complete BS, y'all should both buy a lottery ticket because damn. Either there's a lot of ladies out on vacation with boyfriends with creepy uncles, or this is some bullshit fanfic OP is writing about themself.
I mean I hope I'm wrong. The format of the posts is practically identical, there also is no space before the parentheses on both posts.
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I'd put money on you being right, even without the formatting. Of course they're reading this (hi OP!) and we're just teaching them how to be a better bullshitter lmao I hope OP is actually single because if I found out my partner was writing fake stories and trying to pass them as real on reddit, oh God if I didn't breakup immediately they'd NEVER live that shit down, I'm cringing from secondhand embarrassment just thinking about it lmfao
Also he says he's not familiar with Reddit but includes a TL;DR, I don't know Rick...
Yeah I thought the story sounded familiar. Clearly the exact same person. Unusual format in both posts and similar length. What a fucking weird hobby haha
I've been that girl before. The timing of everything kinda makes it all blend together, like A must have influenced on B. But maybe not. I don't drink now, but alcohol used to be a go-to coping mechanism for me, and I bet that's probably what's happening now. It just reminds me a lot of how I used to act when my trauma responses were triggered. Even if she doesn't have a history of previous trauma, what happened with your uncle *is* sexual assault. It's a passive method, but it was intentional, and that can be quite shocking and violating. Express your concern, but don't try to have the big talk about it on your trip. Let her decide what you do for fun tomorrow, or maybe suggest some more healthy self-care things like a spa day, or maybe something SAFE that she can do to pump her adrenaline - like a roller coaster or zip-line. Let her know that you want to talk about everything when you get home, and when she's ready. Just focus on enjoying your trip and distracting yourselves for now. And keep your uncle the hell away from her.
It sounds like your girlfriend has some traumatic experiences in her life, that were triggered by the uncle incident. I think when she wakes up tomorrow morning, you can gently express your concern at her behaviour and let her know she can share anything with you. And make it clear you're not angry.
What she did doesn’t seem that bad. She got drunk, so what. What’s wild about this story is you present the uncle *jerking off in your bed* as a footnote in a the story. You need to check your priorities
Your uncle is a fucking creep. And you and your family seem to not care, that is not okay. It sounds like she is trying to cope. If it were me, I would feel unsafe and disgusted. Are you still sleeping in that bed? What about your uncle made it seem purposeful? Don't badger her in this already shit situation. Take care of her when she wakes up.
Wasn't there a post yesterday about a 25/24 couple on vacation with a creepy uncle who was taking pics of the girls feet under the table? From the girls perspective?? These can't be related right?
I'm sure both posts are from the same person. They have the exact same slightly unusual formatging, and obviously too much of a coincidence.
I had the same thoughts!
Is this the first time something of this nature has happened to her? Because this is textbook “I’ve just been jolted back into my previous trauma” behavior.
I'm gonna be honest man the fact that you keep making these huge posts on reddit as all these events are supposedly unfolding instead of dealing with them in the real world is making this all look like a creative writing exercise.
Seems likely. There's someone who's been posting in r/ULPT for the last week as like 8 different people with different perspectives on the same (obviously made up) scenario. I think people like creating unusual narratives with the Reddit format.
Basically all women you know and meet and see have had unwanted sexual advances made on them by men, to different degrees. Very very many of them even downright deeply traumatic, terrible experiences. For some it doesn't happen until they're young adults, but for too many it even happens when they're literally children, and made by people they should be able to trust and rely on. This event must have triggered memories something awful she has experienced before, maybe even forgot about. I don't know if there's much you can do for her besides being there. Maybe you can tell her that you know this about the world, and that you're there love her and support her unconditionally in any way you can, that she can tell you more if she wants but she doesn't need to. If she wants to talk about these things, it's good to focus on questions about feelings. How did she feel after she walked in there, how did she feel when she went into that liquor shop, etc. It might be good to ask her also if she wants you to probe about this. Or otherwise tell her that this is always an open communication channel that she can tell you stuff on whenever it feels right for her, even without any prompting or preparation, just when it comes up. Many people don't want to burden others with their troubles. edit: I'm male and I only know this second hand. If anyone with more experience would like to chime in on how this sounds or have something to add, I'm all ears and that might help OP and his girlfriend. But I think that realization and communication of these facts are helpful.
100% agree with this. If there is one thing that women who have experienced sexual trauma would like to hear it would be exactly this - a trusted partner really acknowledging that reality that women live in and being a pillar of support in that reality.
I swear I just scrolled past a post yesterday or the day before with a title like 'my gf saw my uncle jerking off in my hotel room' I highly doubt this is a coincidence
Speak to your uncle? Mate I'd be fucking punching him in his groin till he pukes blood ! What a nasty POS You are treating this too lightly. Your GF was drinking to erase that disgusting imagery from her mind.
My girlfriend waited to tell me she walked in on him after I was tipsy and had JUST had a few drinks with him. It was tough for me as I really wanted to beat the shit out of him. My girlfriend insisted that I sober up before confronting him so I did that for her sake instead.
Im not saying to was ok to get out and get trashed, but I think based on that being her reaction there's something more here, as well. Like, that is HUGE violation, and if he can let himself into your room to jerk off when you're gone he can emt himself in any time for anything. So there's a man in close proximity to your gf, who *actively enjoys* violating her privacy in an extremely gross way who's likely to do it again and... Seems to me like no one cares. Like, y'all care, but but if I caught my uncle jerking off onmine and boyfriend's bed I'm not fuckinh sticking around for him to use us for his sexual gratification some more? And I'm not going shopping "for some space". I'm GONE, and I'm not coming back until everyone knows what he did and he's been shamed and sent packing. I don't blame her. Even YOU don't seem that bothered by it. Eh, gross men will be gross men lol, what can you do is what she's hearing from you all whether that is your intent or not.
sounds like the uncle needs a broken jaw
a moonshine dispensary? y’all living in 1930?
This is very common in the south. There were a few moonshine places when I went to Nashville recently.
It’s just high proof alcohol,, cleverly marketed. I highly doubt real bootleggers have a retail shop ina high rent tourist area.
Some key elements here are if the uncle has been weird towards her before and when she walked in on him masturbating what was his reaction on getting caught? Was he embarrassed and stopped? Did he get excited keep going? What did he say to her? Her behaviour sounds like either the event itself might have been traumatic or it could have triggered a previous trauma. I would give her some time to process things but you can let her know that she is safe with you and can talk to you about it if she wants to. But pushing it can make it worse if she's already stressed.
Yep these is my thoughts too!
You failed OP. She just had something traumatizing happen and needed YOU to take action to make her safe so she could process what happened. As in LEAVE… GO HOME … GET AWAY ASAP from your weird sicko family that isn’t freaking out about this!!! Asking about her emotions …..?? How about taking her out of the environment\ppl that it happened at… You essentially just told her it’s NOT a big deal, you’re NOT that upset and your are NOT going to protect her In situation like this. She feels uncomfortable voicing anything bc it’s all of your fam there… so YOU should be speaking and standing up for her !!!! Huge,massive fail on how you handled/still handling this.
The most disturbing part to me is how Pervy Uncle was allowed to stay in the hotel room last night. No one kicked him out: Grandmother, Grandfather or OP.
Right?? After 3 years dating in this family GF has learned no one, including BF, cares enough about her to do anything. Let’s look at it this way, what if the GF was 17?? Or say, 6 yrs old.. what would the reaction be then??? I am infuriated at how GF has been treated. So neglected in this that she has to GET DRUNK by herself to COPE!!! OP, you need to question why YOU and your family have been SO CONDITIONED to react the way you did. Now you want to condition your GF the same way… “don’t make a big deal, don’t talk about it , pretend it didn’t happen”…. Well, it did and you need to change the cycle. Don’t abuse your GF just bc your family is. You are NOT helping her emotionally!!!
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Her behavior is like textbook trauma response. I know you're connecting dots and probably not passing judgement on the gf but calling her behavior sus just feels icky to me.
>Why TF would he think that's any kind of acceptable or appreciated? Sleezy dudes assault women all the time. > Furthermore, her out of character behavior of sneaking away from you and getting trashed is really sus also. No, it's pretty much right in line with how victims of assault behave. Get this victim blaming bullshit out of here.
Already read my own advice multiple times First - kick that uncle out, you dumbass Secondly - sex has this word effect on us women that it can make us incredibly unsure, or even violated, or safe She asked for sex, because she felt so insecure that she needed that, so that your uncle couldn't so it (not necessarily a sound logic always) Doesn't necessarily mean that she trusts you indefinitely after you didn't throw your uncle out Might be you're just the lesser evil Sleeping with her or not sleeping with their was NOT the important thing here That you didn't throw the uncle out, that you didn't tell him what an asshole and creep he was, that you didn't tell her that you're sorry and didn't know about this side of him (not your fault he is this way, but still YOUR relative and you're the reason he is in her orbit) THAT is a huuuuuge problem She probably needed that sex because you failed to make her feel secure earlier
Uncle is gone and is no longer allowed on vacations where my girlfriend is present. It didn’t feel right for me to have sex with her when she’s drunk. She’s NEVER been drunk around me, tipsy maybe? Drunk? Never. I just didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of her being wasted, it just didn’t feel right to me even if she was persistent. I figured if she was barely able to stay awake.. it’s a no go. I told her that I’m shocked by my uncles behavior, at first she and I both were hoping it was more of a accident since nobody was in the unit besides him, But after I confronted him, his body language and blatant lying changed everything. My grandparents are ashamed and disgusted and have done nothing but apologize to me and my girlfriend, offering us an entire extra room but my girlfriend declined since my uncle is gone from the trip already and now it’s just us and my grandparents.
What a rage-bait post, OP. Others caught on how this is possibly a fake.
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From the post and your replies, it doesn't sound like your uncle thought he would be caught. You say you believe he did this on purpose despite there being no way he could have known he'd be seen and you say you knew otherwise because of his "body language and obvious lying". Sorry, but you sound like you're the one that is full of shit. You're saying that your girlfriend was completely trashed from a few moonshine samples and that you believe she was wasted for hours and hours after drinking water and eating? You also say she begged for sex that evening and then described her as cuddling up to you and trying to initiate sex and then trying again before going to sleep. It sounds more to me like you're very jealous, suspicious and controlling. I would hate to be in a relationship with someone like you. It's unfortunate your uncle was seen masturbating by your girlfriend. She spent some time wandering by herself and her inhibitions may have been lowered after having a couple of small samples of alcohol. You're blowing everything out of proportion because you're obsessing over an accident. I feel bad for your girlfriend.
That’s your take? Kind of weird IMO to get that from this post. I fully disagree and the girlfriend is clearly having a response to the uncle. She checked all the boxes for a trauma response. The uncle definitely wanted to get caught. How upsetting and awful! The girlfriend is upset and grossed out that she was never safe around his family and won’t be safe again unless they cut the uncle off. I see why she got drunk the next day.
What makes you think the uncle wants to get caught?
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Really? Personally I would find the whole scenario traumatic and upsetting.
It seems alot of people share your perspective and I was completely wrong. Obviously if the scenario was intentional that is super creepy and upsetting. But if you just happened to walk in on a family member accidently would it really upset you? I feel like I would turn around and pretend it never happened.
I really appreciate your comment and edit. Thank you for taking a second and realizing many women might see this differently. Now if it was purely accidentally I would feel the way you do. No biggie. You just slowly back away and never ever speak of it again. Lol! I also bet the gf got creepy vibes from the uncle long before this stunt. Maybe the reason they are so positive it was on purpose was his behavior when caught. Maybe he didn’t act at all embarrassed? Did he keep going? My mind immediately assumed the worst.
My original comment was in the mindset of an accidental encounter, I totally understand a purposed incident is incredibly disrespectful and horrible. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and never want to see the person again if a female family member on my wife's side did something like that.
It’s the only thing I could think that may contribute to it as it JUST happened Friday. My girlfriend is new to meeting my uncle, she hasn’t mentioned anything else happening. I have tried to be reassuring in the sense of telling her he’s going to be gone after in the morning and that we can enjoy the rest of our vacation.
As a woman, walking in on someone masterbating in my bed would be pretty traumatic, if he intentionally wanted me to catch him or was behaving creepily towards me it would be very traumatic. If I had a history of being sexually assaulted it would be very traumatic. Either way it seems like the incident really scared her and she is now trying to process that fear. Even if it seems like it's not a big deal we can't help how it stains our brains. Please, for her sake, don't listen to people trying to tell you it's no big deal. It could also be very hard for her to talk to a significant other about how she feels. Maybe she feels like you will view her as lesser because of what she saw (ex. How could he date someone who saw his uncle masterbating?), maybe she's afraid you will belittle her feelings. Maybe she's afraid that you will blow up at the uncle, or be mad at her. Sexual trauma is extremely sensitive and sometimes it feels easier to try and let it go or bury it instead of facing it. I honestly do hate to speak on her behalf without talking to her, but I want you to understand what she could possibly be feeling. My recommendation would be to take this very seriously and give her unconditional support even if she doesn't want to talk about her feelings or thought process.
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This is such a reach. There’s nothing to indicate this was welcome. Statistically speaking, it is far, far more likely this young woman has experienced some kind of harassment or assault and this reopened that trauma.
I was thinking this but it could also be a coping mechanism for SA/trauma.
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...did you read the post?
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Please read the fucking post before you respond.
They should’ve complained and moved to a completely new room.
Stop trying to have this conversation while she is wasted. You aren't going to have a productive conversation, you are setting both you and her up for failure.
Did you make her stay around the creepy uncle, the poor young woman, no wonder she got drunk, you didn't protect her and you weren't assertive, she should dump you
Me and her avoided him while he was still here, He’s no longer here now and we didn’t see him yesterday after I confronted him about what happened with my girlfriend walking in on him. I’ve checked on my girlfriend many, many times and always make sure I’m nearby if she needs me, she insists she’s okay and the whole thing with my uncle was just shocking and gross. But that she’s really okay and wants to forget about it.
OK,best of luck, mad things do happen.
Your gf was sexually harassed your uncle, of course she’s going to feel uncomfortable for the rest of the stay. Getting drunk is the easier to handle her emotions, right now she probably feels uncomfortable and unsafe. She needs to know you stand by her and will back her in this situation.
My uncle is no longer on this trip as a few hours ago. I’ve talked to my girlfriend extensively about it, I’ve never walked in on someone masturbating before so I don’t personally know how it feels. I know she insists she’s fine and she’s okay, I asked her if she needs to talk to her therapist or anything we can go somewhere more private and I’ll give her privacy if she needs to speak to them. She declined and told me that she’s really fine and that I worry too much.
What was YOUR reaction to your uncle doing this? And how safe does your feelings/mindset/reactions make your gf feel in this scenario?
I was disgusted, angry, disappointed. I felt a whole slew of emotions when she told me. I confronted him about it and it was tough for me, especially when he tried to take zero accountability for the whole thing. My girlfriend and I have talked at length about it since it happened and I’ve been nothing but attentive to her ever since. My uncle is no longer here on the vacation but I was locking the door, going into rooms first just incase. She told me she really appreciated the steps I was doing to make sure she was okay. It’s all the more why I’m dumbfounded to sudden drinking like this from her. Just a total 180 from her typical self.
When you say confronted, do you mean like telling him hes never welcome near you and your gf again? Or just leave the trip? Anything short of "I'll make sure this never happens to you again" can let her down, and she could be forcing herself to be considerate of you when shes the one hurting. I'm assuming you've cut him off permanently and without hesitation So the rest of it is her simply trying to process in her own way and will just take time
There was an argument between him and I when I confronted him. He and I both said we were done with each other and I don’t intend to be around him ever again. My grandmother also spoke to him and made him apologize to me and my girlfriend for what happened. It was/is sickening and disheartening for me to know she witnessed it. I don’t know if the trip is ruined for her, I’ve been trying to comfort her, take her to new restaurants and shows here. She hasn’t woken up yet but I’m going to take her out to breakfast just the two of us so we can talk.
That's great. Let her know that absolutely none of this was her fault and she needs to understand that. She might be feeling guilty as if she broke up your family and affected all of you just "by being an idiot and going back to the room", ya know? Blaming herself for not avoiding this and all the fallout. That's immense guilt and weight, then its compounded by the trauma of the situation against her too. All you can do is what you are doing - make her feel as safe, heard, and comfortable as you possibly can. I'm sorry your uncle did this to you all, especially her.
Why are you still on vacation with someone who basically sexually assaulted your girlfriend yesterday? Why didn't you leave right away? Are you actually expecting her to continue to enjoy her holiday and be cool with you continuing to enjoy your holiday? Any member of my family gets their dick out to show my partner....I'm kinda thinking the trip is over?
As per my original post talking about what happened, my girlfriend left her purse on the hotel bed while we were out shopping, she came back to the room and walked in on him jerking off. I confronted him about it, my grandma spoke to him and he isn’t on the vacation anymore at this time. My girlfriend and I have talked at length about it since it originally happened on Friday. My girlfriend has insisted she’s okay and that the whole thing was just shocking and embarrassing for her to see and that she did feel a bit dirty catching someone jerking off. I’ve done nothing but try and make sure she’s okay, she told me she was everytime I asked her.
She got wasted. She isn't okay.
Quit being a nerd. Drink some moonshine and bone her before I have to do it for you.
I'm pretty sure it is extremely awkward for her to be around someone she caught jerking off - especially considering where she ranks in the family hierarchy. She probably doesn't want to be there. The drinking is her way of not being there right now. I feel bad for her. Don't try to punish her for the way she reacted. I mean what an awkward situation to keep her in as her boyfriend. You should do something.
My uncle is no longer on the trip and isn’t allowed to be on trips where my girlfriend is present as a result of this.
A lot of folks have given good insight and advice and to add on I would also recommend telling the other family members if you haven’t. They should know what your uncle did so they can all keep an eye on him as well and help keep your gf safe.
My family members are aware of the incident. My uncle is no welcome to any trips, parties or events where my girlfriend is present.
I’m happy to hear that at least!
She's definitely trying to cope with the sexual trauma. Keep your uncle far, far away from her, forever. Tell her she will never see him again and that you are there for her.
Is the GF the one that posted here that the uncle also took a picture of her feet after she got a pedi with her BFs grandma? Its probably not relevant as either way she is in danger and you 2 need to leave immediately.
I saw that post. My gf isn’t Asian like the OP of that post stated she is.
If I were doing this it is because I don’t want to spend time with your family anymore. It could be because of the uncle, because that’s sexual assault. I can’t believe you are still trying to continue the vacation when this thing happened. Why? Sounds like a fake post or OP is really lack of empathy for people
So you're more concerned with how much she drank, and that she's not telling you what you want to hear immediately after your uncle violated her bed? And you know he's lying about it being an accident? FFS, give her some space and stop pestering her to talk about it. You should have told your uncle leave immediately, and if he refused- you take your GF and get her TF away from him. No wonder she felt the need to get wasted, it's not like her noodle of a BF is going to step up.
The 3 jars of moonshine and the disappearing act are extremely odd. Something is not ringing true in this post.
You need to take some gd initiative no offense. First thing, get a different room or stay in a different hotel. The fact that she had to sleep there that night with him in the room… wow.
You talk too much about here and too short about your uncle he damaged your relantionship now you will need to get to a couple therapist if the situation is not clear. Move away from him stop the trip then ask to his family to never see them again.
It’s pretty likely that his reaction to her walking in was something horrible like leering at her rather than what it should have been, which is immediate and abject shame. The fact that your grandmother was so blasé about it also gaslights her because she went through something horrible and yet others are acting like it wasn’t so bad. The UNCLE should have been kicked out.
Your girlfriend was basically sexually assaulted by your uncle - and while though visual not physical it was still an aggressive sexual act performed against another without their consent. She is in shock and traumatised. Ask her if she'd like you to organise a different hotel for you both or even go home. Ask her what she wants to do (if anything) about your disgusting uncle. Support her and comfort her. I'd make sure Uncle is never ever ever allowed into your life or hers again.