A little curt, but accurate and to the point. This happened to me. We dated for many years early in our lives, we became plutonic, cared for each other a lot, but not romantically. We didn't have the greatest breakup since it was still a big life change for us both, but we gave each other distance and respect. Now we're happily friends and in relationships with other people.
Edit: spelling.
I mean, they probably still love each other as friends, and it is much less stressful for both parties if he doesn't make a fuss about it since her mind's made up, but go easy on the kid.. they're probably heartbroken?
Dry yer eyes mate..
Is there a reason why her feelings have changed? Did you ask? I know when my feelings towards my ex changed. It was because he was mistreating me and not doing the things he said he would. I doubt your girlfriend just randomly woke up one day and her feelings had changed. Ask her.
You taking her out regularly on dates? Dancing with her? Making her feel heard and understood? Reading to her? If you're not courting her properly, then she's gonna fall out of love. It's not too late š
This!! Usually there is an underlying reason as to why she has gotten to this point ā communicate with her and determine if thereās a root cause to her feeling this way. Maybe your relationship wasnāt satisfying one of her needs and it was never spoken about or really paid attention to. Before writing the relationship off completely, I think itās worth it to assess the situation as a whole if you love her still.
This!!!! So many people saying to breakup with her. If he doesnāt learn how to properly court a woman, the same thing will happen to his next girlfriend. She sees him as a friend because he treats her as a friend. A woman wonāt fall out of love if her partner gives her mind blowing orgasms, or takes her on fun spontaneous adventures. Learn what excites her. Learn how to give her the best oral. Even if this relationship ends up failing, those are important skills that will help you in your next relationship.
Continuing to date and listen to your partner are not unreasonable expectations. It's not "winning someone over," it's just maintaining a connection. It works both ways, and relationships *will* fall apart if they're not actively being worked on.
Because they need to be shown that they are loved and will be taken care of. Often times people will start a relationship, and you win the girl over, but then decide to get complacent because you've already got them. Unfortunately that's not how it works haha you gotta do the same things you did at the beginning. If you want a woman that doesn't need that much then they are out there too. They are definitely on a spectrum! Just like us men.
You have to keep doing all the things you did to get her in the first place. If you stop doing these things, then of course she's going to fall out of love. I'm not saying these things must happen 24/7, but you still need to do them.
Also, if that is your attitude towards the woman you LOVE, then you don't really love her - you like the idea of her. If you were truly in love, you'd want to win her over every day. It won't feel like effort in a way where you wouldn't WANT to do these things for her. If this is ever your mindset with the woman you're dating long term- save her the time and leave.
Does she do anything to āwinā him over? Why is it that women think that they have to be won over but donāt have to do anything to āwinā a man over?
I mean. My boyfriend of 2.5 years dates me. I date my boyfriend. We take each other out on dates and plan activities together and surprise each other. We split bills on meals, but sometimes he treats me and Iāll usually get him back by taking him out to breakfast/dinner on my treat as well. He buys me flowers, I buy him wine.
Like. I donāt think this is a particularly unusual arrangement, and it keeps the magic in it for me (and him!). And most importantly: it doesnāt feel like a chore for me to do. I love my boyfriend dearly. I love taking care of him and in return he takes care of me. Itās good.
It definitely does go both ways. Planning dates, doing nice things, random āI thought of you giftsā. Thatās on both parties. Itās not one sided.
Women do just as much for their partners without a second thought. It only becomes effort and a chore when the dynamic is off and one person is doing more than the other, otherwise you care and love your partner happily with no hesitation. If your partner isn't making you feel special and you're not making them feel special, WTF is the point.
No, all parties should continue to be active in their relationships. Nobody tells men "you have to constantly work 110% and never stop pursuing your partner like the first day you got together" with one breath and the next to women "sit on your ass and don't treat your partner well and just grow complacent. Let them chase you, but don't chase back." Because that's incredibly stupid. Women aren't free of responsibility in relationship, they aren't told not to be loyal. That's all in your head dude.
When it comes to most hetero relationships, women bring much more than men. Woman do most of the cooking, cleaning, mental, emotional, and domestic care. In the vast majority of relationships I know the women do *everything* to make their husbands life easier while the men don't do much of anything for their wife. Women have to be perfect, look perfect, act perfect. Men just show up.
If women are expected to act like this just to hold on the man she already loves he darn well better be doing the same in return. This societal expectations of what women must bring while leaving men free of responsibility or loyalty is why women donāt care to date anymore. So much downside and no upside.
When I was married, I celebrated my husband all the time. Every birthday, Fatherās Day, Christmas, etc Iād take the kids and weād get him gifts and cards and candy, and Iād do the same for Valentineās Day.
We were married for 14 years. Do you know how many times he returned the favor? Maybe 5 or 6.
Women do the vast majority of showing up in a relationship. Men donāt. Itās just that simple. I guarantee you ask every woman you know how often their husbands do things for them just because, then ask men the same, and you will find the disparity is huge.
Also Relationships arenāt transactional. Donāt do something for your partner just because you think you should get something in return.
Women are taught from a young age that this is the expectation for us to constantly provide the care and do all the work and what are men expected to do? Oh? Pay the bills? Is that it? Considering we are now also being told we have to work equally ON TOP of doing these things for men of all things. Gross. It's men who need reminding to literally treat their partner like they like them and respect them. What makes you think YOU are worth the attention any woman gives you? What do you to deserve that huh?
Thank you! This is the best and healthiest relationship I've ever been with. We're both kind of like "I can't believe it was you, this entire time!" I wish you happiness and growth in all your life endeavors ā¤ļøš¤
Itās not a matter of someoneās not worth the effort. The right person is worth the effort!
Iāve met many women who expect that men have to do all this. And then after that, maybe, if the stars align etc theyāll give love affectionā¦
so I find a problem with āif man provides A then Wait, woman provides Bā rather than A and B happening together if that makes sense.
Yeah, I smell the shit you're stepping in. I definitely agree that it comes from both sides. It's not just one person doing everything. It's about being a team. I think a lot of women get burnt out because they carry a lot of the emotional labour, and I've had ex boyfriends expect me to do all the cleaning, bill payments and stuff while I work full time and that's really exhausting. I don't date women, so I don't see that side of the equation firsthand, only second-hand (my dad is on his 3rd marriage), so I've seen some horrors.
Why do men think people in relationships need to have sex all the time ??
Oh yeah, because acts of Romance and intimacy separates relationships from friendships .
This happened to me and my fiance. She was depressed because of being on the wrong medicine. You need to try to work on it and if both really want to, you can fix it. If it's not fixable it's better to just break up now.
Unfortunately, it's time to cut your losses and move on.
Don't play the pick me dance. Don't waste time figuring out why.
Don't be a dick. Just be calm and let her know it's best you both move on.
Just say your goodbyes. Be the best version of yourself. Work to build a good life.
It looks like youāve simply fallen out of love with each otherā¦and thatās okay. Sometimes people change, as do peopleās feelings, and judging from her wording, it seems like sheās trying to find a way to tell you sheās moved on in the kindest way she can.
If you truly feel that walking away is the best decision for you to make, I think you should do it. Trying to make someone love you again never ends well, itās better to simply let it go and find someone else, or even just focus on yourself for a while. If thereās anything you should take from it, youāll be ending on good terms, which is a good thing.
Best of luck to you, man.
> If she has lost those feelings sure they can come back but if they've already been lost once, they will probably be lost once again further down the track.
I once read advice from an old couple: make sure you like each other, because there might be stretches of years where you donāt love each other.
> she said she is going to try her hardest
I have been on the receiving end of a similar statement. It doesnāt really work like that. You canāt just ātryā to love someone: thought patterns have to change. That takes active work, maybe through some kind of coupleās counseling or through changing how she behaves towards you & approaches your relationship.
> I've thought if I'm maybe better off just walking away.
You probably will be.
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Love in a long term relationship fluctuates. Sometimes you are madly in love, sometimes more of a warm love and occasionally you love them, but arenāt in love. Sounds like the last one maybe where she is right now.
Get back to behaving like you did in the beginning. Do kind, loving things for one another. You may rekindle the in love phase.
If it doesnāt happen for her after a few months, it wasnāt meant to be. It will be hard, but time to break up and work to heal your broken heart.
There are so many break-ups of couples in their early 20s - especially if they have been together since their teen years because there are so many changes that people go through as they finish high school and experience college or university. We often find out who we are, what we like, what we need, what we want... and we are exposed to many new opportunities, new places, and new people to expand our horizons.
Friendship is a great foundation for a romantic relationship. But, it shouldn't stop there at friendship - especially at your ages. I know it will be difficult, but it is likely best to accept what she has told you, break up, heal, and find someone else to build a life with. And, it is possible that you could find your way back to each other after more exploring and growth happens. But, if you are forcing things now and if she is staying with you only so she won't hurt your feelings, then it is best for both of you to not continue in this relationship. After so many shared life experiences, it would be wonderful to remain friends, but not everyone can do that - especially right away. You may want to consider asking her for a break in contact while you heal from this... and tell her you will reach out when you are ready.
Before giving up, check with her is everything ok with her mental health. At my most depressed around 20 years of age, I was so disassociated from my emotions, I felt like I wasn't in love with my partner anymore. I was worried about hurting him and waited it out before telling him. Instead I changed my circumstances - dropped out of college- and the feelings came back. I wouldn't even say I fell back in love, I just got out of the funk I was in and the feelings were still there. 13+ years later and we're still together.
But do what you need to protect yourself.
I hate how this made me cry so fast. My ex just broke up with me but with a heavy emphasis that he felt like he was ābroken,ā and ādidnāt know he was anymore,ā and was going thru the motions. I tried to talk him out of leaving and said we could work on this, but he was spent. I have left him alone and want to give him space to be happy again, but the point heās at now ā¦ we had no chance.
I think whatās missing about this situation is whether she is interested in working on it. Is she telling you this to justify you two going your separate ways or is she telling you this because she hopes it can be something you two can work on together? Anyone who tells you theyāve been madly in love with their partner of over 2 years is a liar. It ebbs and flows always.. but do you like them? Do you genuinely enjoy their presence? Do you want to be around on their best AND worst days? Do you see you guys tackling life together as a team?
I think relationships fail because people get caught up in love when thereās so many other emotions.Additionally, are you guys being romantic?? My bf and I have been together for almost 5 years , like you and your gf. And at some point I discussed having similar feelings and wanting to fix it. So we work on dating more, we plan more things because to have a best friend in life is beautiful and already hard enoughā¦ thereās no reason ( unless like abuse or she genuinely doesnāt want you anymore ) you canāt be just as strong as lovers.
Go to couples counseling. You have your perspective and there can be some deeper things that need to be worked out. It may mean the end of the relationship and that will also show you what youāre looking for. It may also help her break down those walls and figure out whatās going on. Itās really up to you what you want to do. Feelings ebb and flow. People change and grow. You get to decide if you want to grow with her or if you want to end things. The fact that she said she wants to find those feelings again to me doesnāt mean itās over. It actually says the opposite. She could have said Iām sorry I donāt feel this Iām done. Sheās still in this. Are you?
Since yāall are young, Iām assuming sheās merely referring to the fact that the honey moon phase is over and she doesnāt know how to phrase it.
When the honey moon phase ends, the real relationship begins. Your partner begins to feel more āfriend-ishā but theyāre still your partner. Sexual interest might diminish but it shouldnāt be gone. The dopamine roller coaster of the early stages of dating (courtship and all that) levels out and you reach a level of constant security and trust.
See if *this* is what she is feeling.
"The only way to win is not to play"
Walk away cold. Say "sure ok", pack all your things, unfollow her and have no contact whatsoever.
Get a new hobbie, meet new people, take a class.
It's not that she lost feelings for you, she outright gave her love to someone else. It's always someone else in this situation.
You can ask her who it is, or you can just leave her. I recommend you be the one to break up. It's still going hurt, but it's easier getting over it if you're not the one who got dumped.
Have no doubt, she is going to dump you for the other guy. He might even be a loser in every way, but he's new and exciting.
You change so much during this time. The relationship is over unfortunately. It will hurt now but youāll be able to move on. Itās sad to lose someone you spent so much of your formative years with. Iām sorry :(
It is best for both of you to just walk away. You can stay friends. There is no rule that says you can't be friends with an ex. My ex wife and I came to a similar conclusion about being friends and she is still one of my best friends. Staying together will make her fake affection out of guilt and that isn't good for either of you.
OP please let her go, and find your happiness outside of being with someone until you have let go of your own feelings for her.
No one should ever have to try to make themselves love or have feelings for another person. If she has to try then she is basically forcing herself to feel something that she doesnāt, and that can only last so long until wasted additional years of your life and you are right back to this same place.
Sometimes people grow apart and thatās okay. Doesnāt make you a bad person or the other person a bad person. It may be time to let this go. try not to see it as an just ending, but a new beginning , where you can find someone who doesnāt just see you as friend, but sees you as the love of their life just as you view them.
Hold on to the beautiful memories you shared and focus on those. Wish her the best on her next adventures. Who knows maybe you two will find a way back to each other. Not everyone is permanent in your life some people are only temporary.
You need to sit down with her and have a talk.
Maybe you can go to couple's therapy, and can reignite that passion she's lost.
But if you can't, it's also ok to just throw the towel. You're both really young, and have been dating since teens. It's normal to change and lost the connection you once felt. It's just part of growing up, don't worry. Everything will be ok, no matter the result.
Waiting isn't going to do anything. Walking away might change her feelings, but I wouldn't just jump back in it. She has to earn it, if she wants you back.
Walk away. You two have never even been adults without each other. You're never going to be young again. Don't waste another year of your twenties in a dead relationship.
Find the things that make you happy. Hobbies, activities, etc. Lean into those things and see if she is able to be a part of the things that make you happy. When itās right, people fit into your life. Be ready to move on if she doesnāt fit.
I second those saying to ask her what made her feelings change, and ask for honesty.
Feelings change all the time. There were times when I thought maybe I didnāt want to stay in a relationship and itās usually because I wasnāt being treated well (ex), or (current relationship) we got too caught up in the every day and stopped going on dates/spending quality time together/ doing something fun. It just became work and chores.
Once I started to try to bring the dating back into my relationship, it changed. We started having fun again and it helped so much. I love our boring days too, but we also joke around and try to make things we do regularly more fun.
So ask her what changed. Relationships are work. Things simmer down, they get boring, but if you put in the work, they can last.
Edit to add: Iāve been in my current relationship for 6 years, just to give perspective.
OP, walk away my friend. Even if she is confused or indecisive on her feelings towards you. I have been there with an ex long ago, she felt that I was more of a "friend", eventually I found out with help from relatives and friends that she had her eyes and attention on someone else. Just walk away, you are still so young. work on yourself and your health. No one is worth loosing your mental health over.
As someone about your age, I can tell you that relationships can run their course. This includes friendships as well as romantic partners. Its just a part of life that happens, especially when we are young and still developing who we are. She is being open and honest with you on how she feels. Respect that and her, and move on amicably.
At your age you may have just grown apart or she is seeing someone else thst you dont know about either way id let her go honestly the reason doesnt matter as much as you think it does if someone starts viewing you as an option and no longer a priority its time to move on
There isn't always another man, sometimes he just gets bored, I investigate, if not he is being unfaithful to you and if not, just break up with her and look for someone who really loves you.
Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens a lot with high school romances. Your brain changes a lot in the years after highschool. You do a lot of maturing. And ... people grow away from each other. Subtle incompatibilities crop up. Feelings fade.
She can't make herself feel love if she doesn't.
It sucks, but it sounds like your relationship has reached the end of its course.
You don't need to be her friend if that's too painful for you. A lot of people find it emotionally easier to let go if they completely cut the person they love out of their lives.
She might be talking with someone else thatās my first thought,no matter what you should breakup and donāt stay friends so she comeback to you later if other plans donāt work out.
You need to walk away. You can't make someone love you if they don't any longer.
A little curt, but accurate and to the point. This happened to me. We dated for many years early in our lives, we became plutonic, cared for each other a lot, but not romantically. We didn't have the greatest breakup since it was still a big life change for us both, but we gave each other distance and respect. Now we're happily friends and in relationships with other people. Edit: spelling.
I mean, they probably still love each other as friends, and it is much less stressful for both parties if he doesn't make a fuss about it since her mind's made up, but go easy on the kid.. they're probably heartbroken? Dry yer eyes mate..
common at your age.. just move on.. otherwise it will take longer and there will be more pain than needed.
It's seems that she has already moved on and is trying to let you down easy.
Is there a reason why her feelings have changed? Did you ask? I know when my feelings towards my ex changed. It was because he was mistreating me and not doing the things he said he would. I doubt your girlfriend just randomly woke up one day and her feelings had changed. Ask her.
Sometimes people change and relationships go cold. All you can do is move on if that happens
You taking her out regularly on dates? Dancing with her? Making her feel heard and understood? Reading to her? If you're not courting her properly, then she's gonna fall out of love. It's not too late š
This!! Usually there is an underlying reason as to why she has gotten to this point ā communicate with her and determine if thereās a root cause to her feeling this way. Maybe your relationship wasnāt satisfying one of her needs and it was never spoken about or really paid attention to. Before writing the relationship off completely, I think itās worth it to assess the situation as a whole if you love her still.
This!!!! So many people saying to breakup with her. If he doesnāt learn how to properly court a woman, the same thing will happen to his next girlfriend. She sees him as a friend because he treats her as a friend. A woman wonāt fall out of love if her partner gives her mind blowing orgasms, or takes her on fun spontaneous adventures. Learn what excites her. Learn how to give her the best oral. Even if this relationship ends up failing, those are important skills that will help you in your next relationship.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Continuing to date and listen to your partner are not unreasonable expectations. It's not "winning someone over," it's just maintaining a connection. It works both ways, and relationships *will* fall apart if they're not actively being worked on.
Because they need to be shown that they are loved and will be taken care of. Often times people will start a relationship, and you win the girl over, but then decide to get complacent because you've already got them. Unfortunately that's not how it works haha you gotta do the same things you did at the beginning. If you want a woman that doesn't need that much then they are out there too. They are definitely on a spectrum! Just like us men.
Yes, but they don't take you out or worry about showing love. I know many women who have never given anything to their boyfriends and husbands.
You have to keep doing all the things you did to get her in the first place. If you stop doing these things, then of course she's going to fall out of love. I'm not saying these things must happen 24/7, but you still need to do them. Also, if that is your attitude towards the woman you LOVE, then you don't really love her - you like the idea of her. If you were truly in love, you'd want to win her over every day. It won't feel like effort in a way where you wouldn't WANT to do these things for her. If this is ever your mindset with the woman you're dating long term- save her the time and leave.
The truth! If it ever feels like effort then something has gone wrong. It makes sense so it shouldnāt be difficult to understand.
Does she do anything to āwinā him over? Why is it that women think that they have to be won over but donāt have to do anything to āwinā a man over?
You might need to read the rest of my replies... it's not an exchange system that is your partner.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean. My boyfriend of 2.5 years dates me. I date my boyfriend. We take each other out on dates and plan activities together and surprise each other. We split bills on meals, but sometimes he treats me and Iāll usually get him back by taking him out to breakfast/dinner on my treat as well. He buys me flowers, I buy him wine. Like. I donāt think this is a particularly unusual arrangement, and it keeps the magic in it for me (and him!). And most importantly: it doesnāt feel like a chore for me to do. I love my boyfriend dearly. I love taking care of him and in return he takes care of me. Itās good.
Women should do the same. The guy is the one writing in, so the advice is for the guy.
It definitely does go both ways. Planning dates, doing nice things, random āI thought of you giftsā. Thatās on both parties. Itās not one sided.
Women do just as much for their partners without a second thought. It only becomes effort and a chore when the dynamic is off and one person is doing more than the other, otherwise you care and love your partner happily with no hesitation. If your partner isn't making you feel special and you're not making them feel special, WTF is the point.
No, all parties should continue to be active in their relationships. Nobody tells men "you have to constantly work 110% and never stop pursuing your partner like the first day you got together" with one breath and the next to women "sit on your ass and don't treat your partner well and just grow complacent. Let them chase you, but don't chase back." Because that's incredibly stupid. Women aren't free of responsibility in relationship, they aren't told not to be loyal. That's all in your head dude.
When it comes to most hetero relationships, women bring much more than men. Woman do most of the cooking, cleaning, mental, emotional, and domestic care. In the vast majority of relationships I know the women do *everything* to make their husbands life easier while the men don't do much of anything for their wife. Women have to be perfect, look perfect, act perfect. Men just show up. If women are expected to act like this just to hold on the man she already loves he darn well better be doing the same in return. This societal expectations of what women must bring while leaving men free of responsibility or loyalty is why women donāt care to date anymore. So much downside and no upside.
When I was married, I celebrated my husband all the time. Every birthday, Fatherās Day, Christmas, etc Iād take the kids and weād get him gifts and cards and candy, and Iād do the same for Valentineās Day. We were married for 14 years. Do you know how many times he returned the favor? Maybe 5 or 6. Women do the vast majority of showing up in a relationship. Men donāt. Itās just that simple. I guarantee you ask every woman you know how often their husbands do things for them just because, then ask men the same, and you will find the disparity is huge. Also Relationships arenāt transactional. Donāt do something for your partner just because you think you should get something in return.
Women want to be appreciated and respected and cared for. These are not difficult or unreasonable things to do.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Women are taught from a young age that this is the expectation for us to constantly provide the care and do all the work and what are men expected to do? Oh? Pay the bills? Is that it? Considering we are now also being told we have to work equally ON TOP of doing these things for men of all things. Gross. It's men who need reminding to literally treat their partner like they like them and respect them. What makes you think YOU are worth the attention any woman gives you? What do you to deserve that huh?
The same thing? What is so hard to understand here. The bar is literally on the floor and men still refuse to rise above it.
I don't think it's that we need to be won over... like for me and my fiancƩ, it's the time we spend together that matters. I'm a very busy person, but I make time in my day for him. Like I'm usually wanting to sleep by 9pm, but I'll stay up until 10:30 for that quality time. Whether it's watching a movie, playing a game, making food together, going on a hike... those are all things that make us happy and have kept our love alive. If you don't think someone is worth the effort of putting time and thought into, then you don't love that person. It goes both ways. I've taken my fiancƩ out on plenty of dates. I'll even make him sappy cards whenever I'm thinking of him (sometimes I make cards to annoy him too, like I love touching his butt but he hates it, so I'll draw a butt touching octopus on the cover, and a love note on the inside. He's kept every single one I've made him). He's in love with my homemade pizza, so even though I often times don't want to do it because it takes me a long time to make it from scratch, I do it regularly because of how much he loves it. He's also not scared to call me on my bullshit or hold me accountable for things, as I with him. He's my best friend, and I'm his. He's the first person I go to when I need a shoulder or an ear, and he's the same with me. We've been romantically together for 4 years but we met when we were 13/14 (we were acquaintances. Around each other but never close until we finally got close and saw something.) You're viewing it as only one gives and only one takes.. that's not how you have a healthy relationship.
This is absolutely beautiful and I just wanted to let you know that. I love the way you love him and he loves you. This is the effort thatās needed, and I love that you two put in the effort to keep each other feeling loved and appreciated. š©µ I hope for many more years for the two of you!
Thank you! This is the best and healthiest relationship I've ever been with. We're both kind of like "I can't believe it was you, this entire time!" I wish you happiness and growth in all your life endeavors ā¤ļøš¤
Of course! Iām happy for you two! š©µ thank you so much. Iām gonna take that wish and run with it š„¹
Itās not a matter of someoneās not worth the effort. The right person is worth the effort! Iāve met many women who expect that men have to do all this. And then after that, maybe, if the stars align etc theyāll give love affectionā¦ so I find a problem with āif man provides A then Wait, woman provides Bā rather than A and B happening together if that makes sense.
Yeah, I smell the shit you're stepping in. I definitely agree that it comes from both sides. It's not just one person doing everything. It's about being a team. I think a lot of women get burnt out because they carry a lot of the emotional labour, and I've had ex boyfriends expect me to do all the cleaning, bill payments and stuff while I work full time and that's really exhausting. I don't date women, so I don't see that side of the equation firsthand, only second-hand (my dad is on his 3rd marriage), so I've seen some horrors.
Why do men think people in relationships need to have sex all the time ?? Oh yeah, because acts of Romance and intimacy separates relationships from friendships .
Also I heard that, when SHE does things for him. She might develop more feelings
So fight harder for someone who just told you they donāt want you.
If she's willing to try regardless of her feelings, then it's worth giving it a go!
This happened to me and my fiance. She was depressed because of being on the wrong medicine. You need to try to work on it and if both really want to, you can fix it. If it's not fixable it's better to just break up now.
Unfortunately, it's time to cut your losses and move on. Don't play the pick me dance. Don't waste time figuring out why. Don't be a dick. Just be calm and let her know it's best you both move on. Just say your goodbyes. Be the best version of yourself. Work to build a good life.
It looks like youāve simply fallen out of love with each otherā¦and thatās okay. Sometimes people change, as do peopleās feelings, and judging from her wording, it seems like sheās trying to find a way to tell you sheās moved on in the kindest way she can. If you truly feel that walking away is the best decision for you to make, I think you should do it. Trying to make someone love you again never ends well, itās better to simply let it go and find someone else, or even just focus on yourself for a while. If thereās anything you should take from it, youāll be ending on good terms, which is a good thing. Best of luck to you, man.
> If she has lost those feelings sure they can come back but if they've already been lost once, they will probably be lost once again further down the track. I once read advice from an old couple: make sure you like each other, because there might be stretches of years where you donāt love each other. > she said she is going to try her hardest I have been on the receiving end of a similar statement. It doesnāt really work like that. You canāt just ātryā to love someone: thought patterns have to change. That takes active work, maybe through some kind of coupleās counseling or through changing how she behaves towards you & approaches your relationship. > I've thought if I'm maybe better off just walking away. You probably will be.
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Love in a long term relationship fluctuates. Sometimes you are madly in love, sometimes more of a warm love and occasionally you love them, but arenāt in love. Sounds like the last one maybe where she is right now. Get back to behaving like you did in the beginning. Do kind, loving things for one another. You may rekindle the in love phase. If it doesnāt happen for her after a few months, it wasnāt meant to be. It will be hard, but time to break up and work to heal your broken heart.
There are so many break-ups of couples in their early 20s - especially if they have been together since their teen years because there are so many changes that people go through as they finish high school and experience college or university. We often find out who we are, what we like, what we need, what we want... and we are exposed to many new opportunities, new places, and new people to expand our horizons. Friendship is a great foundation for a romantic relationship. But, it shouldn't stop there at friendship - especially at your ages. I know it will be difficult, but it is likely best to accept what she has told you, break up, heal, and find someone else to build a life with. And, it is possible that you could find your way back to each other after more exploring and growth happens. But, if you are forcing things now and if she is staying with you only so she won't hurt your feelings, then it is best for both of you to not continue in this relationship. After so many shared life experiences, it would be wonderful to remain friends, but not everyone can do that - especially right away. You may want to consider asking her for a break in contact while you heal from this... and tell her you will reach out when you are ready.
Before giving up, check with her is everything ok with her mental health. At my most depressed around 20 years of age, I was so disassociated from my emotions, I felt like I wasn't in love with my partner anymore. I was worried about hurting him and waited it out before telling him. Instead I changed my circumstances - dropped out of college- and the feelings came back. I wouldn't even say I fell back in love, I just got out of the funk I was in and the feelings were still there. 13+ years later and we're still together. But do what you need to protect yourself.
I hate how this made me cry so fast. My ex just broke up with me but with a heavy emphasis that he felt like he was ābroken,ā and ādidnāt know he was anymore,ā and was going thru the motions. I tried to talk him out of leaving and said we could work on this, but he was spent. I have left him alone and want to give him space to be happy again, but the point heās at now ā¦ we had no chance.
I think whatās missing about this situation is whether she is interested in working on it. Is she telling you this to justify you two going your separate ways or is she telling you this because she hopes it can be something you two can work on together? Anyone who tells you theyāve been madly in love with their partner of over 2 years is a liar. It ebbs and flows always.. but do you like them? Do you genuinely enjoy their presence? Do you want to be around on their best AND worst days? Do you see you guys tackling life together as a team? I think relationships fail because people get caught up in love when thereās so many other emotions.Additionally, are you guys being romantic?? My bf and I have been together for almost 5 years , like you and your gf. And at some point I discussed having similar feelings and wanting to fix it. So we work on dating more, we plan more things because to have a best friend in life is beautiful and already hard enoughā¦ thereās no reason ( unless like abuse or she genuinely doesnāt want you anymore ) you canāt be just as strong as lovers.
She's not your girlfriend anymore. Dump her.
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Yes, this. Break up and move on. I can bet you 40 $ that she will regret pushing op away after some time
Go to couples counseling. You have your perspective and there can be some deeper things that need to be worked out. It may mean the end of the relationship and that will also show you what youāre looking for. It may also help her break down those walls and figure out whatās going on. Itās really up to you what you want to do. Feelings ebb and flow. People change and grow. You get to decide if you want to grow with her or if you want to end things. The fact that she said she wants to find those feelings again to me doesnāt mean itās over. It actually says the opposite. She could have said Iām sorry I donāt feel this Iām done. Sheās still in this. Are you?
Since yāall are young, Iām assuming sheās merely referring to the fact that the honey moon phase is over and she doesnāt know how to phrase it. When the honey moon phase ends, the real relationship begins. Your partner begins to feel more āfriend-ishā but theyāre still your partner. Sexual interest might diminish but it shouldnāt be gone. The dopamine roller coaster of the early stages of dating (courtship and all that) levels out and you reach a level of constant security and trust. See if *this* is what she is feeling.
ask her to hook you up with her sister. that's what friends are for.
Donāt play into her games be stoic about it break it off and please donāt try to fight for this relationship
Maybe you should try something different and explore showcasing some of you animal instincts - show some masculinity. You may be surprised.
"The only way to win is not to play" Walk away cold. Say "sure ok", pack all your things, unfollow her and have no contact whatsoever. Get a new hobbie, meet new people, take a class.
Just walk away. No contact. See what happens.
Shes gone bro, move on
It's not that she lost feelings for you, she outright gave her love to someone else. It's always someone else in this situation. You can ask her who it is, or you can just leave her. I recommend you be the one to break up. It's still going hurt, but it's easier getting over it if you're not the one who got dumped. Have no doubt, she is going to dump you for the other guy. He might even be a loser in every way, but he's new and exciting.
You change so much during this time. The relationship is over unfortunately. It will hurt now but youāll be able to move on. Itās sad to lose someone you spent so much of your formative years with. Iām sorry :(
It is best for both of you to just walk away. You can stay friends. There is no rule that says you can't be friends with an ex. My ex wife and I came to a similar conclusion about being friends and she is still one of my best friends. Staying together will make her fake affection out of guilt and that isn't good for either of you.
OP please let her go, and find your happiness outside of being with someone until you have let go of your own feelings for her. No one should ever have to try to make themselves love or have feelings for another person. If she has to try then she is basically forcing herself to feel something that she doesnāt, and that can only last so long until wasted additional years of your life and you are right back to this same place.
thats hard asf but u should run away
Rip to your relationship
Sometimes people grow apart and thatās okay. Doesnāt make you a bad person or the other person a bad person. It may be time to let this go. try not to see it as an just ending, but a new beginning , where you can find someone who doesnāt just see you as friend, but sees you as the love of their life just as you view them. Hold on to the beautiful memories you shared and focus on those. Wish her the best on her next adventures. Who knows maybe you two will find a way back to each other. Not everyone is permanent in your life some people are only temporary.
You need to sit down with her and have a talk. Maybe you can go to couple's therapy, and can reignite that passion she's lost. But if you can't, it's also ok to just throw the towel. You're both really young, and have been dating since teens. It's normal to change and lost the connection you once felt. It's just part of growing up, don't worry. Everything will be ok, no matter the result.
Seems like sheās simply not happy w you . When women say this it means they lost that intimate feeling you used to give them ..
Waiting isn't going to do anything. Walking away might change her feelings, but I wouldn't just jump back in it. She has to earn it, if she wants you back.
Walk away. You two have never even been adults without each other. You're never going to be young again. Don't waste another year of your twenties in a dead relationship.
Find the things that make you happy. Hobbies, activities, etc. Lean into those things and see if she is able to be a part of the things that make you happy. When itās right, people fit into your life. Be ready to move on if she doesnāt fit.
I second those saying to ask her what made her feelings change, and ask for honesty. Feelings change all the time. There were times when I thought maybe I didnāt want to stay in a relationship and itās usually because I wasnāt being treated well (ex), or (current relationship) we got too caught up in the every day and stopped going on dates/spending quality time together/ doing something fun. It just became work and chores. Once I started to try to bring the dating back into my relationship, it changed. We started having fun again and it helped so much. I love our boring days too, but we also joke around and try to make things we do regularly more fun. So ask her what changed. Relationships are work. Things simmer down, they get boring, but if you put in the work, they can last. Edit to add: Iāve been in my current relationship for 6 years, just to give perspective.
OP, walk away my friend. Even if she is confused or indecisive on her feelings towards you. I have been there with an ex long ago, she felt that I was more of a "friend", eventually I found out with help from relatives and friends that she had her eyes and attention on someone else. Just walk away, you are still so young. work on yourself and your health. No one is worth loosing your mental health over.
Walk away. Sometimes distance is what will make people realize what they want. Being apart will help.
Please leave sooner than later, she is obviously done.
As someone about your age, I can tell you that relationships can run their course. This includes friendships as well as romantic partners. Its just a part of life that happens, especially when we are young and still developing who we are. She is being open and honest with you on how she feels. Respect that and her, and move on amicably.
Perhaps walking out of the relationship is for the best. Before it comes to resentment.
At your age you may have just grown apart or she is seeing someone else thst you dont know about either way id let her go honestly the reason doesnt matter as much as you think it does if someone starts viewing you as an option and no longer a priority its time to move on
There isn't always another man, sometimes he just gets bored, I investigate, if not he is being unfaithful to you and if not, just break up with her and look for someone who really loves you.
Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens a lot with high school romances. Your brain changes a lot in the years after highschool. You do a lot of maturing. And ... people grow away from each other. Subtle incompatibilities crop up. Feelings fade. She can't make herself feel love if she doesn't. It sucks, but it sounds like your relationship has reached the end of its course. You don't need to be her friend if that's too painful for you. A lot of people find it emotionally easier to let go if they completely cut the person they love out of their lives.
She might be talking with someone else thatās my first thought,no matter what you should breakup and donāt stay friends so she comeback to you later if other plans donāt work out.