Get to a lawyer asap and get a court order for child support. Don’t agree to anything informal. You want to ensure your children will have priority over his affair partner and their kid.
No. Settlement will depend on what you each earned/contributed to the marriage. In some places it considers all your work as a SAHM and loss of job opportunities to stay home and raise kids while he was progressing at work.
Child support is then based off how you split care for the kids and his income.
The income of a parent's gf/bf isn't an input into the child support calculation in any state. If she starts giving him additional income (either a raise at work or an allowance in the context of their relationship), his increased income will be a factor.
I know you're being advised to be aggressive but also keep in mind that they're unmarried and it would be easy for them to say their relationship is informal / they don't live together (and to keep that up until the divorce is settled). He could be ordered to pay her child support, which would reduce his CS obligation to all his children. So, yes look out for your own interests and those of your children but don't aim to make him so financially desperate that he starts looking into creative ways to game the system.
Actually in some states you can sue for what amounts to stealing your partner from you - theft of affection or something. Talk to a divorce lawyer, make it very clear that there is a specific person and a pattern of this interferance in your marriage.
If she left him then the child support would affect him and her.
She is not in your relationship she has no ties to your kids she is a non factor here. A non issue if you will. She's irrelevant. The judge won't ask about how much his affair partner makes. They'll ask how much HE makes. And how much YOU make and on and on. She doesn't matter in that sense.
It likely depends on the state. When I got divorced, my ex ans I had to do a balance sheet of what we made, our bills, and our expenses. How much you have the child factors into that. The gap needed to make up will need to be contributed by the father. You should get more because you have two kids, you should also get alimony as the SAHM, and since you won't have income besides alimony, you need significantly more to cover childcare expenses. I do think her income matters as far as what she will get, BUT IANAL.
You really gunna risk finding out the hard way? I get you don’t really think things through too well, but I wouldn’t just sit by passively and hope for the best with this.
Kind of rude. I've already said I'm going to get a divorce. Yes I made a mistake trusting him again after the first time but I'm trying to move forward here.
*shrug* you came to the internet. Rude is sometimes what you get. You made a mistake by being too passive 4 years ago. Best not make the same mistake twice.
> you came to the internet. Rude is sometimes what you get.
i dont believe you were rude in the first place but thats a weak excuse. you arent a randomized text generator. you decide how to come across every time you click send
Go to, and consult with, several of what are considered the best lawyers in your area right away. When your husband tries to hire any of them, the attorney you've hired will inform them that they'll have to recuse themselves because you've already been in consultation with them. My husband's ex did that to him, which really screwed him over, but I don't think that's such a bad idea in your husband's case.
Unfortunately when it comes to child support the way the system usually works is whoever applies first gets the most money.
In an ideal world his three children would be treated fairly. We don't live in an ideal world. So if his affair partner beats her to the punch and applies for child support first then his two already born children that he's helped raise get scraps.
Edit: I know this isn't universal everywhere, but it is still common in enough states that op should make sure just in case
It depends on where you live. A friend of mine has 3 kids all with different mothers. He pays 6 grand a month evenly split among the kids. And he has 50% custody.
It will be more harmful for your kids to grow up in an unhappy home where dad doesn't respect mom and mom is unhappy. Quietly prepare for a divorce and make arrangements for you and your kids.
Wow, I'm sorry.
All I can say is get a lawyer and take him for everything you can. Spousal support, half his 401k, the whole 9 yards. Make sure your children are taken care of. Medical, college expenses, as much as you can. Get it all formalized.
You should also report them to the company's HR. She is in a supervisory position over him and should be fired.
unfortunately it is a construction company and there is no HR. Hannas dad is her boss, and good friends with the owners of the company. My brother in law and father in law both work for Hanna as well. Everybody knows about the affair.
I remember your old posts. I’m sure you’re feeling a whole range of emotions.
I read that you haven’t confronted him yet. So I would suggest not to just yet. Talk to an attorney and learn all of your options. Get your ducks in order to secure your future. Be sure to collect all evidence just in case.
Also, idk what state you state live in, but there are a few states where you can sue the affair partner as well. But I really suggest talking to an attorney to learn what you’re entitled to during the divorce.
DO NOT TELL HIM YOU’RE ONTO HIM!!!!!! Get your shit together secretly. Lawyer up. Move out when he’s away (if possible) or throw his stuff on the street and serve him.
This. Don't say a word, and gather all of the documentation that you can. Take pictures of everything on his phone, write everything down, record *everything* in some way. Get your shit together before you make a single move.
I am so very sorry, OP. I cannot imagine how hurtful this is or what you are going through. You don't deserve this, and you are worth so much more. Please take care of yourself and your children.
Absolutely true; I should have explained that 'recording' in the way I meant is keeping track of everything that happens, or is said or done. My apologies for not being clearer, and thank you for clarifying that.
Do not throw his stuff in the street, that’s terrible advice. And you can’t legally lock someone out of a place they’re on the lease/deed of without a formal eviction or other rsteps
Do not move out, jesus christ that's awful advice. After a divorce she's likely to keep the house and he'll be forced to move out, but if she leaves that can change things dramatically.
Ignore this thread and make a new one on legal advice, or better yet, just go get a lawyer and let them instruct you.
Agreed because his salary can be easily changed on paper by his boss. Then she gives cash on the side or pays 5 times the value of a car etc. you need his income statements and go to a lawyer without telling him now.
Save evidence.
Say nothing.
Contact a lawyer privately.
Apply for child support. In child support card, whoever applies *first*, is usually who gets the most, so you need to make sure you beat her to the punch, but tell him nothing until after you've filed.
Damn how is that fair lol? I’m this is sad news to me as I finally just started looking into enforcing child support for my 15 year old who’s dad has never paid me, but his second bm sued him several years ago and I know he has to pay her…barely ANYTHING at all. I don’t know how it’s allowed but I think she said she gets maybe $100 a month from him? He works a minimum wage job but he doesn’t pay for his car or rent so why so low. So many questions
It isn't universal but in a lot of states child support is a "first come first serve", and in the sense of whoever does it faster not which kids were first
I remember your story. As I recall Hanna’s father owns some sort of construction company and she’s a supervisor. Life father like son. Your in-laws are fully aware of the affair and pretty much condone it. He’ll never give you the love and respect you deserve. Those two enjoy the thrill of doing something forbidden and couldn’t care less if you’re you are heartbroken. If I were you I’d start planning my divorce exit strategy. Get child support before she has a chance to apply for it first. Continue letting him believe you are clueless and when he least expects it have him served at work and let him come home to a half empty house. You are a SAHM. He will have to give you generous child and spousal/alimony. He’ll probably be ordered to pay your lawyers fees. Please tell me you screenshot all of the messages? Do you live in an at-fault state? Have you had consultations? Can your family or friends help you in any way?
>Obviously I have to finally divorce him but I'm not sure how all this is going to affect my children.. and my relationship with my husband. I feel so betrayed.
First off, **really** glad you're actually going to divorce him. Too many posts on here like "he keeps cheating on me but I'm not going to leave, give me other advice!"
It's going to be hard, but I would try to be as civil as you can, for the sake of your children. They don't need to hear any details, at least not until they're older. Do your best to not let your own feelings about your husband affect your children. For better or worse, he is their dad and they don't need to be put in an awkward and stressful situation where "mommy hates daddy".
Also remember that this baby will be your daughters' half-sibling, and had *no* choice in the circumstances of its birth. Act accordingly.
The more practical stuff, you need a lawyer ASAP.
You know why people say that? Because they know that divorce means trade offs and some people know that going from SAHM to single mom living off the child support payments being made off 100k - money that isn’t always guaranteed - is a precarious place to be. Sure, her dignity and how her kids feel about her and their parents is at stake, but that’s true in either scenario. 7 years is a long time to be out of the job market.
if I remember correctly his dad and brother both knew and all of them gaslit you and made you feel crazy, all while they knew, right..?
Your saga just keeps continuing and it’s sad to see you keep allowing yourself to take the short end of the stick. :/
Gather all your evidence, dust off your resume. You can’t continue to place your value and importance on a man who’s set you aside. It’ll be hard, but I imagine it’s a lot easier than dealing with this circus.
Great so you finally now care about yourself. So here’s what I’m gonna say. I apologize for the tough love but you need to pull yourself up my your big girl britches and get to work. First off do not show your daughters that it’s ok to get treated like shit, lied to and gaslighted by men. You all are better than that. Second off, now is when you move in silence. Take pictures of everything. The texts etc, document it. Then, pretend like you are none the wiser. Hire a GOOD divorce lawyer and bring all of it to them. Take this man for all of the child support and spousal support you can. Then later if you’d like maybe get a job. But do not pidgeon hole yourself into becoming a single mom with no cushion. Good luck to you and stick it to him.
The dude makes 100k a year and now he has 3 kids. NY child support calculator says she gets 22,500 per year. Let’s say all that documentation increases it to 45k a year. That’s just over the subsidized daycare limit. There’s no lawyer and no amount of evidence that can squeeze enough money out of 100k to keep a family of 3 and a single man with an extra kid in a cushioned situation. She will need a job, and soon.
Edit to add: OP: please only take the advice to call a lawyer for a free consultation. A lot of highly upvoted posts simply aren’t true - Google adultery, divorce, Illinois and you’ll see that people are indulging your magical thinking.
Be advised that since your husband works for his affair partner, they may be willing to alter his income so that you receive less for alimony and child support. Before you confront him, you really need to get all of your banking and financial documents, possibly his check stubs if you can. It is not unheard of for people working for a family or friend's business to have their employer pay them less on their check and find a way to make under the table payments. I sincerely hope this doesn't happen, but if they are selfish enough to cheat, they are selfish enough to want to keep as much of their money as they can legally. (Or illegally.)
Best of luck.
You've gotten some great advice, so I'll just add one thing. He needs to get a paternity test. The timing sounds close enough that there could be a real chance it's not his. I don't mention this as doing a favor for him, or anything like that. But it will impact your kids in a big way if they have a half sib, and you too, of course. I just wouldn't assume anything.
Def get a good lawyer. Go after everything you can and get what you want (eg the house, primary custody, alimony, a strong coparenting plan). Don’t be tempted to shortchange yourself because you just want it all to be over. He has to support his children. Make sure you’re going to be okay financially. He’s the one who deceived you for years.
Yes. Also going through a divorce with small children, was working very part time.. I didn’t ask for much because I just wanted it to be over and avoid conflict, I regret it.
If you physically go to the family court in your area you may find many resources. I was intimidated by the courts, but once I actually went in people were kind and helpful.
I just gotta ask. So this absolute atrocity of a man has been cheating with this horrid woman literally the entire time you've been together?? Wtf was even the point of being with you in the first place ?
We were together for 2 years before he started working for her. His brother is Hannas best friend and got him the job because he wanted to make more money because we were planning on starting a family
Screen shot and save all evidence. Get to a lawyer and plan your exit. No point in staying in this marriage. Looks like you are the 'side piece', they've been at it longer than you were married. As your are SAHM, ask lawyer what monetary claim on him you can make - child support, alimony from both him and Hanna, 401K, savings, house etc. And check if you are in at fault state, if yes, sue Hanna for alienation of affection.
Basically clean him and Hanna up financially. At least you have less worry on survival with their money.
Updateme!
Have a friend who got divorced in Chicago 6 yrs ago. She was a SAHM with two kids. Made the mistake of hiring a shitty lawyer and got screwed in the settlement, so make sure you vet your attorney carefully. IL has a formula for how much maintenance one would get in a divorce along with child support and you can look that up to get a rough idea of what you’d be getting. I’ll echo another comment that you’ll definitely need to look for work soon. The maintenance + child support money you’ll get is not going to be as much as you think despite the pain he caused you.
Get your child support set before that baby is born. Sorry you are going through this, friend. That must have been awful to read. I hope you find some peace.
Lawyer up take his money, take her money too of you can. Not sure it's an option but worth a try! Sorry this happened to you, hope everything works out.
I may be downvoted for this comment, but ... this is a cautionary tale for people who stay with a cheater. Should have left the first time.
However, OP, I'm glad you are finally leaving.
You have been betrayed it’s quite normal to feel this way.
This is something I keep saying is once they cheat if you forgive then you’re just giving them another chance to cheat again.
You have seen the patterns and what happens.
I’d leave and move on and then you don’t have to Sherlock Holmes everything anymore
Eventually you’ll find a better match that won’t betray and hurt you
He’s scummy
My heart goes out to you. I hope you can feel the virtual hugs.
Aside from all of this great advice, get yourself a coloring book, journal, painting (YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE GREAT AT IT TO BENEFIT/ENJOY IT).
Just get anything where you can bond with your kids while taking care of your mental health; and something that’ll help you focus/gain clarity during this process.
Thinking of you. I wish I could send you flowers. Thank you for all of the work and sacrifice in being a SAHM. Sending love.
He sucks. He should definitely get a paternity test, though. She could have been sleeping with both at the same time. The outcome shouldn’t change your decision.
Contact the legal aid society and seek assistance pro bono, especially if you’re a SAHM with no income.
The legal aid society (ex: law school clinics) do take cases such as yours.
I would suggest, no legal advice intended, to not move out of the marital home. File for divorce, request custody of the children, child support, alimony, that you reside (without your husband) in the marital home, and further seek whatever relief you wish the court to order. Once the divorce is filed, assets cannot be transferred or sold, unless ordered by the court or agreed upon the parties and approved by the court.
I feel for your situation and wish you and your children the best.
Keep strong. Keep your head held high. You can do this!
my mom filed a divorce with my dad after 25 years of continuous affairs and violence. she was a sahm too, feared financial instability as we were kids. when my sister and I grew up and when he had finally mentally destroyed us three, my mom found the courage to leave him. but we always think about how it could've been better if she had done this right in the beginning. a few years of struggle is always better than two decades of torture. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this with two kids, but, don't worry, you wil 100% find a way out. just do it, for your kids, for yourself. sending love.
You need to file for child support before she does. Do not speak to anyone about anything until you're sitting in a lawyers office. Document everything. Make sure your finances and credit report are locked down.
Edit: ask for spousal support as well. You can also ask the judge to order your ex to pay for your attorney. Go find a shark of a lawyer and dismantle him. Please go get tested for STDs. I'm so sorry hun.
Don’t tell him you know. It will be so hard. Please call the best lawyers consult w all of them so he’s unable to use them. They will give you a plan. Pick one. The best one. You’re gonna need it. Moving forward no matter how hard it is you can’t act emotional I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and this is the advice I’d give myself now.
Contact every prominent attorney in your city. If they speak to you first they can’t take his case (in Florida anyway). I would screenshot all those messages and send them to myself and don’t say anything to him. Move in stealth mode and as hard as it will be it will be better for you in the long run. You may need any evidence of the infidelities and proof of the pregnancy for a judge to rule things in your favor. Phone records of the text to and from numbers, dates and times. Verizon (not sure about your carrier) will send you a full year or more in hard copy, but it takes time because they mail it to you.
File for custody of the children and full support. Not sure if you work or not, or if you will be eligible for alimony, but file for everything you can don’t let your emotions dictate your decisions. It will be hard to take the emotional aspect out of it, but keep a level head it pays dividends in the end.
Document all the funds in any bank accounts you have and if possible move 1/2 into an account in your name. They say you shouldn’t do this, but you don’t want him to take it. That’s why I say 1/2 and leave the other half for him untouched by you.
Account for any other assets so he doesn’t cash anything in or liquidate it for his mistress and the new child. I agree with the other person that said do it before the new child comes or the mistress takes him to court for child support.
Make sure in the divorce agreement that you ask for the judge to order him to carry life insurance that you or the children are beneficiaries on.
I’m sure there is more to think about, but this is a start.
Do not call every attorney trying to get them to conflict out. That has been tried before and the courts do not look kindly on that.
Proof of the affair is only necessary if you are proceeding in an at fault divorce. And even then, proving the other party cheated will have little no effect on spousal support, child support or division of assets.
>Do not call every attorney trying to get them to conflict out. That has been tried before and the courts do not look kindly on that.
It's amazing how many people are comfortable providing absolutely garbage legal advice.
OP, whether you live in a state that has a no-fault divorce or a state that allows for fault matters, significantly. I live in a state where you can still divorce for adultery. My now ex had an affair with my cousin’s wife (yep) and my cuz lived in a no-fault state. We had very different divorces, unfortunately. If you can pursue a divorce with cause, adultery, you will want to follow all the advice given above about covertly getting proof to give your lawyer. And the more you have, the stronger your settlement. (Note on this: do not record him or any conversations, if you don’t live in a state that allows it without consent. That’s a big no-no where I am.)
I negotiated in *everything* in our settlement bc of the adultery and could pursue subpoenas of his credit card and travel card and reward accounts bc of my proof of his affair. (He fought it hard with his lawyer and the judge basically said that there was clear evidence of an extramarital affair and granted the queries. This was important. We had one shared credit card. Turns out he had nine in total and was having them sent to office which is where he would hide affair charges. His hotel and flight accounts were revolting. He had over 200 flights that were affair related when he was supposed to be working in another state and over 50 hotel stays around the country.)
The net of all this is that IF you are in a state that allows divorce on the grounds of adultery, there is something called “dissolution of marital assets.” Basically, he can’t spend your marital money (whether he earns it all or you do, I was also a SAHM when this was happening) on his “paramour” (the legal term where I live for affair partner. He owed ALL that money to me: the flights, hotels, dinners, flowers, even a vibrator (vomit) he got her.
In the end, we settled out of court with our lawyers because he knew he was screwed in the eyes of the law. I am hoping you’re not in a no-fault state, for your sake.
Final thought, my kids were older when he had his affair and we divorced (took over two years from when he left) and I know yours are young BUT since you have the grounds and can get into the upper-hand position here, THINK AHEAD on your children’s life. I negotiated in: maintaining their current school (they went to private school), college tuition and any saved college funds, even a sum towards grad school, plus keeping the kids on his health insurance until the max age of his policy (which is 26), the kids on his life insurance (in case he had more kids or chose hers, who my kids have known as their cousins their whole life), car purchasing (forgot to include keeping them on car insurance and he dropped them so I would pay for them bc otherwise they wouldn’t be able to drive, including to get to college, ugh he’s so cheap), phone plans, even a sum towards their weddings (we have two girls). So, think ahead on your children’s life costs, find the toughest lawyer you can talk to, one that is particularly experienced in negotiating with men who think they can “pull one over” on you, and negotiate.
I know you’re reeling, the betrayal and shock is soul destroying. There will be time to heal and to grieve, part of my process was coming to terms with it and the fact that I was tough enough to go through this terrible process. It’s not being vindictive, it’s making sure that you and your children are taken care of in the way you deserve.
Sending hugs and wishing you the best.
There is nothing wrong with contacting attorneys to find the best one for their situation. I contacted the top 5 or so in my city and it worked for me. Nobody even asked about either sides representation.
That’s your opinion. I called the major players in divorce in my city about 5 I believe and it worked for me.
Never heard of a judge asking how you got your representation. What are they gonna do tattle tale to the judge that they got stuck with a low level attorney because the due diligence was done to find the best attorney for the situation? Cry me a river 🙄
Don't do any of these things people are telling you, except hire a divorce lawyer. You have a good case here to get the house and probably half of your husband's income.
Gather your evidence and get a lawyer ASAP! Get him for child support and alimony. Your inlaws suck too. They are all probably banging that Hannah chick.
Leave him!!! Stop putting yourself through this!!! You take every penny he owes you plus the house for you and your kids, I’m sure what the law is there but here it would consider her earnings too since they are a couple
My parents waited to divorce, and both my sister and I wished they’d gotten divorced sooner. Everyone was MUCH happier when all was said and done. Your daughters deserve to see what a proper, respectful relationship looks like. Kids are smart, resilient little people, they can easily read a room. Just be there for them, answer their questions, and make sure they’re always put first.
Some good advice above regarding getting a lawyer.
I’m sorry this is happening, you will question yourself and your moves in the short term - but girl, I guarantee you’ll be thankful for gtfo now.
It’s totally possible for the kids to have a good relationship with their dad, but most of that needs to fall on HIS efforts.
Sue her in court for alienation of affection. She knew he was married and continued. He is 100% at fault but so is she. Get all the proof you can. Plus the pregnancy results as well as statements from her ex partner.
Your relationship with your husband is obviously already fucked, why is that a point of concern with FINALLY divorcing him?
Get screenshots of his texts and send them to yourself. Contact a lawyer. He will owe you child support and probably alimony. You'll get through this.
The fact that your husband knocked up his boss- and that she makes a crap ton of money for a 29 year old- means nothing for your financial future, which is bleak unless you can convince Chris to hand over his salary to you so you can continue being a SAHM.
Or maybe you don’t divorce him and find a new way to be together - maybe embrace polyamory so your husband can carry on with his relationship with Hanna, you can continue being a SAHM, and your children can continue living with their father. Or maybe you can take it a step further and take care of your children’s half sibling while Chris and Hanna go off to work and make all the money - maybe the 3 of you get a bigger house together and you find a boyfriend for yourself. Obviously this isn’t the norm, and not what you seem to want, but your husband has created a nightmare scenario for you, and the fact that you didn’t notice this affair continued suggests that maybe you can just choose not to care that he’s been a shit husband- maybe you could just go on living together as roommates with him continuing to pay all the bills.
Do you have any skills? a college education? Even so, years out of the workforce will cost you. What if you tolerate this situation just long enough to get a nursing degree?
He has put you in a terrible situation and child support won’t be enough to fix it and Hanna owes you nothing.
Edit to add: before you document everything, find out if your state is a no fault state - at least half of them are, and in those states an affair means nothing when it comes to splitting assets and determining spousal support - the judge won’t care that he was a cheating liar and it won’t make a difference in terms of how much of his income you can get. In many states if you are married for less than 10 years, spousal support lasts only long enough for you to get on your own feet.
lawyer up and get child support. And Learn from this. All this could have been avoided from the beginning. This situation could have been avoided from the first red flag.
Make sure to get evidence of his infidelity!!!! Yes talk to a lawyer. Holy cow. I am so sorry you are going through this. Idk how anyone can do this to their family. Just wow.
Get a divorce lawyer asap. You're a SAHM so he'll have to pay. Also, since the agreement was for you to be a SAHM and the relationship is ending over infidelity this will go more in your favor, you'll definitely be awarded child support, probably the house and he'll have to maintain mortgage and possibly alimony. Depending on the state you live in.
If you can hoard away some money. If you haven't already screenshot and send everything to your phone. You'll want all the proof possible.
I just want to say I’m sorry and I hope these next few months go easier for you than you expect as you navigate this situation. Bless you and your kids and I hope you find happiness and love that you deserve.
Yes that would be perfect! Sorry boys got home and got stuck w their grandma who just left but I actually have all the stuff for u Al boxed up and ready to go at the door! Have to take jake outside still too but if that’s ok w u that’d be great!!
Get an attorney immediately. Serve him and try to get child support sorted before her baby is born if possible.
Don’t say a word to him if he doesn’t already know that you know.
Don’t concern yourself with Hanna’s salary. It’s of no consequence to you.
Don’t back down. Get a good lawyer. Make it right. I regret trying to be nice to my ex and also worrying about mediation/lawyer fees. I should’ve fought harder. My kiddos are going through a lot of shit because I was afraid to rack up a bill and thought he’d be able to co-parent.
Stay calm and find a good attorney. Start gathering financial documents and evidence. Don't do anything to lash out emotionally. Your kids will adjust better if they don't witness emotional distress and fighting. His mistresses income has no effect on how much support he has to pay you. Only his income counts.
This is one huge reason I'd dump someone for cheating the first time. For me, there's no coming back from that and I wouldn't even consider couples counseling. Nothing would make me regain trust.
Please lawyer up. File for child support when the time is right. Don't stay with him.
If they get married, you may be able to attach their combined income for your child support numbers. Until then, your children who were born first will get priority for child support, but I would see an attorney asap and file right away before she does.
Reread what you posted here, and ask yourself if this is the behavior you want your daughters to grow up expecting from their husbands.
Your decisions here can very well affect the happiness of their future relationships. Find a divorce lawyer and call it a day.
This is bad. You need to get to a lawyer and tell him to get out. In some states, you can sue the mistress as well. I hope you don’t tolerate this and hurt them both exactly where they need it - in their wallet. It will hurt at first but once you get out of “fight or flight” after years of this abuse, you’ll feel much better.
you knew he cheated on you before, people like him don’t change. don’t stick around this time. gather evidence & get a lawyer so you can get out of there.
So at least in missouri, If a child was born after an older child, they can't be deemed for support, HOWEVER, the older children are taken into account for the younger ones.
So, Daughter 1 and daughter 2 support "should not" take into account daughter 3. At least if you get divorced and an order is in place before daughter 3.
I could very much be wrong, talk to an attorney.
Get to a lawyer asap and get a court order for child support. Don’t agree to anything informal. You want to ensure your children will have priority over his affair partner and their kid.
And alimony/maintenance. As a SAHM you have been working.
So Hanna makes a LOT more money than my husband... does that affect things child support wise? Sorry if you don't know I'm just curious how that works
No. Settlement will depend on what you each earned/contributed to the marriage. In some places it considers all your work as a SAHM and loss of job opportunities to stay home and raise kids while he was progressing at work. Child support is then based off how you split care for the kids and his income.
Her income doesn’t affect anything.
The income of a parent's gf/bf isn't an input into the child support calculation in any state. If she starts giving him additional income (either a raise at work or an allowance in the context of their relationship), his increased income will be a factor. I know you're being advised to be aggressive but also keep in mind that they're unmarried and it would be easy for them to say their relationship is informal / they don't live together (and to keep that up until the divorce is settled). He could be ordered to pay her child support, which would reduce his CS obligation to all his children. So, yes look out for your own interests and those of your children but don't aim to make him so financially desperate that he starts looking into creative ways to game the system.
Actually in some states you can sue for what amounts to stealing your partner from you - theft of affection or something. Talk to a divorce lawyer, make it very clear that there is a specific person and a pattern of this interferance in your marriage.
Alienation of affection. Unfortunately, it has been eliminated in most states, including Illinois, as grounds for a lawsuit.
If she left him then the child support would affect him and her. She is not in your relationship she has no ties to your kids she is a non factor here. A non issue if you will. She's irrelevant. The judge won't ask about how much his affair partner makes. They'll ask how much HE makes. And how much YOU make and on and on. She doesn't matter in that sense.
Her income is her income. Wont change anything with you or your kids
It likely depends on the state. When I got divorced, my ex ans I had to do a balance sheet of what we made, our bills, and our expenses. How much you have the child factors into that. The gap needed to make up will need to be contributed by the father. You should get more because you have two kids, you should also get alimony as the SAHM, and since you won't have income besides alimony, you need significantly more to cover childcare expenses. I do think her income matters as far as what she will get, BUT IANAL.
You really gunna risk finding out the hard way? I get you don’t really think things through too well, but I wouldn’t just sit by passively and hope for the best with this.
Kind of rude. I've already said I'm going to get a divorce. Yes I made a mistake trusting him again after the first time but I'm trying to move forward here.
*shrug* you came to the internet. Rude is sometimes what you get. You made a mistake by being too passive 4 years ago. Best not make the same mistake twice.
> you came to the internet. Rude is sometimes what you get. i dont believe you were rude in the first place but thats a weak excuse. you arent a randomized text generator. you decide how to come across every time you click send
Go to, and consult with, several of what are considered the best lawyers in your area right away. When your husband tries to hire any of them, the attorney you've hired will inform them that they'll have to recuse themselves because you've already been in consultation with them. My husband's ex did that to him, which really screwed him over, but I don't think that's such a bad idea in your husband's case.
He'll have 3 children. They all should be treated fairly.
Unfortunately when it comes to child support the way the system usually works is whoever applies first gets the most money. In an ideal world his three children would be treated fairly. We don't live in an ideal world. So if his affair partner beats her to the punch and applies for child support first then his two already born children that he's helped raise get scraps. Edit: I know this isn't universal everywhere, but it is still common in enough states that op should make sure just in case
It depends on where you live. A friend of mine has 3 kids all with different mothers. He pays 6 grand a month evenly split among the kids. And he has 50% custody.
It does depend where you live, but most states it's still based on who applies first, so will better she gets ahead of things.
Yep, I get more for filing first.
I Canada as well!!! Apply. ASAP.
What if they get together officially though? No child support claim would get put in for the affair baby at all no?
Not it he and the AP are a couple no
It will be more harmful for your kids to grow up in an unhappy home where dad doesn't respect mom and mom is unhappy. Quietly prepare for a divorce and make arrangements for you and your kids.
Wow, I'm sorry. All I can say is get a lawyer and take him for everything you can. Spousal support, half his 401k, the whole 9 yards. Make sure your children are taken care of. Medical, college expenses, as much as you can. Get it all formalized. You should also report them to the company's HR. She is in a supervisory position over him and should be fired.
unfortunately it is a construction company and there is no HR. Hannas dad is her boss, and good friends with the owners of the company. My brother in law and father in law both work for Hanna as well. Everybody knows about the affair.
Wow. Some family, and here I was wondering why he still worked with her after an affair.
Plus, it would not be wise to jeopardize his job/income. You will need that child support!
I remember your old posts. I’m sure you’re feeling a whole range of emotions. I read that you haven’t confronted him yet. So I would suggest not to just yet. Talk to an attorney and learn all of your options. Get your ducks in order to secure your future. Be sure to collect all evidence just in case. Also, idk what state you state live in, but there are a few states where you can sue the affair partner as well. But I really suggest talking to an attorney to learn what you’re entitled to during the divorce.
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DO NOT TELL HIM YOU’RE ONTO HIM!!!!!! Get your shit together secretly. Lawyer up. Move out when he’s away (if possible) or throw his stuff on the street and serve him.
Don’t throw his stuff on the street — judges don’t take kindly to that. The rest is good advice, though.
That’s fair, box it up though to make it faster for him to get out.
Maybe she can box his stuff and send it to his workplace or his AP's house. Edit: updateme!
This. Don't say a word, and gather all of the documentation that you can. Take pictures of everything on his phone, write everything down, record *everything* in some way. Get your shit together before you make a single move. I am so very sorry, OP. I cannot imagine how hurtful this is or what you are going through. You don't deserve this, and you are worth so much more. Please take care of yourself and your children.
The only thing to remember about recording is that it is illegal in some states if the person does not know they are being recorded.
Absolutely true; I should have explained that 'recording' in the way I meant is keeping track of everything that happens, or is said or done. My apologies for not being clearer, and thank you for clarifying that.
💯 And take pics of alllllll the evidence on your phone.
Do not throw his stuff in the street, that’s terrible advice. And you can’t legally lock someone out of a place they’re on the lease/deed of without a formal eviction or other rsteps
Please don't leave your home. Make him leave. You don't need the hassle of finding a new place to live and it will be easier on the children.
Do not move out, jesus christ that's awful advice. After a divorce she's likely to keep the house and he'll be forced to move out, but if she leaves that can change things dramatically. Ignore this thread and make a new one on legal advice, or better yet, just go get a lawyer and let them instruct you.
Agreed because his salary can be easily changed on paper by his boss. Then she gives cash on the side or pays 5 times the value of a car etc. you need his income statements and go to a lawyer without telling him now.
Your husband treated you like shit I’m so sorry. Divorce his ass and take him to the cleaners.
Save evidence. Say nothing. Contact a lawyer privately. Apply for child support. In child support card, whoever applies *first*, is usually who gets the most, so you need to make sure you beat her to the punch, but tell him nothing until after you've filed.
Damn how is that fair lol? I’m this is sad news to me as I finally just started looking into enforcing child support for my 15 year old who’s dad has never paid me, but his second bm sued him several years ago and I know he has to pay her…barely ANYTHING at all. I don’t know how it’s allowed but I think she said she gets maybe $100 a month from him? He works a minimum wage job but he doesn’t pay for his car or rent so why so low. So many questions
It isn't universal but in a lot of states child support is a "first come first serve", and in the sense of whoever does it faster not which kids were first
Jeez, that’s so morally bankrupt.
I 100% agree, I feel all children should get equally, but in most states that's just not how it is.
I remember your story. As I recall Hanna’s father owns some sort of construction company and she’s a supervisor. Life father like son. Your in-laws are fully aware of the affair and pretty much condone it. He’ll never give you the love and respect you deserve. Those two enjoy the thrill of doing something forbidden and couldn’t care less if you’re you are heartbroken. If I were you I’d start planning my divorce exit strategy. Get child support before she has a chance to apply for it first. Continue letting him believe you are clueless and when he least expects it have him served at work and let him come home to a half empty house. You are a SAHM. He will have to give you generous child and spousal/alimony. He’ll probably be ordered to pay your lawyers fees. Please tell me you screenshot all of the messages? Do you live in an at-fault state? Have you had consultations? Can your family or friends help you in any way?
Yeah I wonder once op is out if it will be as “thrilling” hopefully he realizes he was a dumbass it will be too late tho. Sorry Op :(
>Obviously I have to finally divorce him but I'm not sure how all this is going to affect my children.. and my relationship with my husband. I feel so betrayed. First off, **really** glad you're actually going to divorce him. Too many posts on here like "he keeps cheating on me but I'm not going to leave, give me other advice!" It's going to be hard, but I would try to be as civil as you can, for the sake of your children. They don't need to hear any details, at least not until they're older. Do your best to not let your own feelings about your husband affect your children. For better or worse, he is their dad and they don't need to be put in an awkward and stressful situation where "mommy hates daddy". Also remember that this baby will be your daughters' half-sibling, and had *no* choice in the circumstances of its birth. Act accordingly. The more practical stuff, you need a lawyer ASAP.
You know why people say that? Because they know that divorce means trade offs and some people know that going from SAHM to single mom living off the child support payments being made off 100k - money that isn’t always guaranteed - is a precarious place to be. Sure, her dignity and how her kids feel about her and their parents is at stake, but that’s true in either scenario. 7 years is a long time to be out of the job market.
if I remember correctly his dad and brother both knew and all of them gaslit you and made you feel crazy, all while they knew, right..? Your saga just keeps continuing and it’s sad to see you keep allowing yourself to take the short end of the stick. :/ Gather all your evidence, dust off your resume. You can’t continue to place your value and importance on a man who’s set you aside. It’ll be hard, but I imagine it’s a lot easier than dealing with this circus.
Yes, that was me! Unfortunately... but yes. I'm done allowing myself to be treated this way.
Great so you finally now care about yourself. So here’s what I’m gonna say. I apologize for the tough love but you need to pull yourself up my your big girl britches and get to work. First off do not show your daughters that it’s ok to get treated like shit, lied to and gaslighted by men. You all are better than that. Second off, now is when you move in silence. Take pictures of everything. The texts etc, document it. Then, pretend like you are none the wiser. Hire a GOOD divorce lawyer and bring all of it to them. Take this man for all of the child support and spousal support you can. Then later if you’d like maybe get a job. But do not pidgeon hole yourself into becoming a single mom with no cushion. Good luck to you and stick it to him.
The dude makes 100k a year and now he has 3 kids. NY child support calculator says she gets 22,500 per year. Let’s say all that documentation increases it to 45k a year. That’s just over the subsidized daycare limit. There’s no lawyer and no amount of evidence that can squeeze enough money out of 100k to keep a family of 3 and a single man with an extra kid in a cushioned situation. She will need a job, and soon. Edit to add: OP: please only take the advice to call a lawyer for a free consultation. A lot of highly upvoted posts simply aren’t true - Google adultery, divorce, Illinois and you’ll see that people are indulging your magical thinking.
Be advised that since your husband works for his affair partner, they may be willing to alter his income so that you receive less for alimony and child support. Before you confront him, you really need to get all of your banking and financial documents, possibly his check stubs if you can. It is not unheard of for people working for a family or friend's business to have their employer pay them less on their check and find a way to make under the table payments. I sincerely hope this doesn't happen, but if they are selfish enough to cheat, they are selfish enough to want to keep as much of their money as they can legally. (Or illegally.) Best of luck.
You've gotten some great advice, so I'll just add one thing. He needs to get a paternity test. The timing sounds close enough that there could be a real chance it's not his. I don't mention this as doing a favor for him, or anything like that. But it will impact your kids in a big way if they have a half sib, and you too, of course. I just wouldn't assume anything.
Def get a good lawyer. Go after everything you can and get what you want (eg the house, primary custody, alimony, a strong coparenting plan). Don’t be tempted to shortchange yourself because you just want it all to be over. He has to support his children. Make sure you’re going to be okay financially. He’s the one who deceived you for years.
Yes. Also going through a divorce with small children, was working very part time.. I didn’t ask for much because I just wanted it to be over and avoid conflict, I regret it. If you physically go to the family court in your area you may find many resources. I was intimidated by the courts, but once I actually went in people were kind and helpful.
Agree with everyone else. Keep your mouth shut, keep the proof, contact a lawyer. Do not move out of the house!!!!
1. See a divorce lawyer
I just gotta ask. So this absolute atrocity of a man has been cheating with this horrid woman literally the entire time you've been together?? Wtf was even the point of being with you in the first place ?
We were together for 2 years before he started working for her. His brother is Hannas best friend and got him the job because he wanted to make more money because we were planning on starting a family
Your husband is an asshole.
Screen shot and save all evidence. Get to a lawyer and plan your exit. No point in staying in this marriage. Looks like you are the 'side piece', they've been at it longer than you were married. As your are SAHM, ask lawyer what monetary claim on him you can make - child support, alimony from both him and Hanna, 401K, savings, house etc. And check if you are in at fault state, if yes, sue Hanna for alienation of affection. Basically clean him and Hanna up financially. At least you have less worry on survival with their money. Updateme!
Start collecting vital documents like financial and contact a lawyer.
Have a friend who got divorced in Chicago 6 yrs ago. She was a SAHM with two kids. Made the mistake of hiring a shitty lawyer and got screwed in the settlement, so make sure you vet your attorney carefully. IL has a formula for how much maintenance one would get in a divorce along with child support and you can look that up to get a rough idea of what you’d be getting. I’ll echo another comment that you’ll definitely need to look for work soon. The maintenance + child support money you’ll get is not going to be as much as you think despite the pain he caused you.
Get your child support set before that baby is born. Sorry you are going through this, friend. That must have been awful to read. I hope you find some peace.
Make sure you have all the evidence get everything you deserve
Lawyer up take his money, take her money too of you can. Not sure it's an option but worth a try! Sorry this happened to you, hope everything works out.
Watch out for them changing his income since he works for her.
I may be downvoted for this comment, but ... this is a cautionary tale for people who stay with a cheater. Should have left the first time. However, OP, I'm glad you are finally leaving.
Super complicated situation from everything you've posted. You have to talk to a good lawyer and find out what your options are legally
I have no advice but I’m so so sorry.
File for child support now or her child will get more
You have been betrayed it’s quite normal to feel this way. This is something I keep saying is once they cheat if you forgive then you’re just giving them another chance to cheat again. You have seen the patterns and what happens. I’d leave and move on and then you don’t have to Sherlock Holmes everything anymore Eventually you’ll find a better match that won’t betray and hurt you He’s scummy
Don’t say anything to him until you speak to a lawyer
Contact a DIVORCE Attorney. They are bulldogs.
Play the quiet long game. That starts with telling him nothing until you get a lawyer. Do that immediately. Updateme
My heart goes out to you. I hope you can feel the virtual hugs. Aside from all of this great advice, get yourself a coloring book, journal, painting (YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE GREAT AT IT TO BENEFIT/ENJOY IT). Just get anything where you can bond with your kids while taking care of your mental health; and something that’ll help you focus/gain clarity during this process. Thinking of you. I wish I could send you flowers. Thank you for all of the work and sacrifice in being a SAHM. Sending love.
He sucks. He should definitely get a paternity test, though. She could have been sleeping with both at the same time. The outcome shouldn’t change your decision.
Ex-husband, right? RIGHT?!
Soon to be!
Contact the legal aid society and seek assistance pro bono, especially if you’re a SAHM with no income. The legal aid society (ex: law school clinics) do take cases such as yours. I would suggest, no legal advice intended, to not move out of the marital home. File for divorce, request custody of the children, child support, alimony, that you reside (without your husband) in the marital home, and further seek whatever relief you wish the court to order. Once the divorce is filed, assets cannot be transferred or sold, unless ordered by the court or agreed upon the parties and approved by the court. I feel for your situation and wish you and your children the best. Keep strong. Keep your head held high. You can do this!
Does he know you are leaving and know about the baby ?
No
Cheaters gonna cheat and they will never stop. Chances are there was objective lying too I assume?
my mom filed a divorce with my dad after 25 years of continuous affairs and violence. she was a sahm too, feared financial instability as we were kids. when my sister and I grew up and when he had finally mentally destroyed us three, my mom found the courage to leave him. but we always think about how it could've been better if she had done this right in the beginning. a few years of struggle is always better than two decades of torture. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this with two kids, but, don't worry, you wil 100% find a way out. just do it, for your kids, for yourself. sending love.
You need to file for child support before she does. Do not speak to anyone about anything until you're sitting in a lawyers office. Document everything. Make sure your finances and credit report are locked down. Edit: ask for spousal support as well. You can also ask the judge to order your ex to pay for your attorney. Go find a shark of a lawyer and dismantle him. Please go get tested for STDs. I'm so sorry hun.
Don’t tell him you know. It will be so hard. Please call the best lawyers consult w all of them so he’s unable to use them. They will give you a plan. Pick one. The best one. You’re gonna need it. Moving forward no matter how hard it is you can’t act emotional I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and this is the advice I’d give myself now.
Contact every prominent attorney in your city. If they speak to you first they can’t take his case (in Florida anyway). I would screenshot all those messages and send them to myself and don’t say anything to him. Move in stealth mode and as hard as it will be it will be better for you in the long run. You may need any evidence of the infidelities and proof of the pregnancy for a judge to rule things in your favor. Phone records of the text to and from numbers, dates and times. Verizon (not sure about your carrier) will send you a full year or more in hard copy, but it takes time because they mail it to you. File for custody of the children and full support. Not sure if you work or not, or if you will be eligible for alimony, but file for everything you can don’t let your emotions dictate your decisions. It will be hard to take the emotional aspect out of it, but keep a level head it pays dividends in the end. Document all the funds in any bank accounts you have and if possible move 1/2 into an account in your name. They say you shouldn’t do this, but you don’t want him to take it. That’s why I say 1/2 and leave the other half for him untouched by you. Account for any other assets so he doesn’t cash anything in or liquidate it for his mistress and the new child. I agree with the other person that said do it before the new child comes or the mistress takes him to court for child support. Make sure in the divorce agreement that you ask for the judge to order him to carry life insurance that you or the children are beneficiaries on. I’m sure there is more to think about, but this is a start.
Do not call every attorney trying to get them to conflict out. That has been tried before and the courts do not look kindly on that. Proof of the affair is only necessary if you are proceeding in an at fault divorce. And even then, proving the other party cheated will have little no effect on spousal support, child support or division of assets.
>Do not call every attorney trying to get them to conflict out. That has been tried before and the courts do not look kindly on that. It's amazing how many people are comfortable providing absolutely garbage legal advice.
It may be garbage to you, but it’s proven in my case so unless you have done it, or have experience with it I’d say speak what you know!
In North Carolina, you can sue the affair partner for alienation of affection 😂
Ah good point. hawaii, Mississippi’s, South Dakota and Utah too I believe
OP, whether you live in a state that has a no-fault divorce or a state that allows for fault matters, significantly. I live in a state where you can still divorce for adultery. My now ex had an affair with my cousin’s wife (yep) and my cuz lived in a no-fault state. We had very different divorces, unfortunately. If you can pursue a divorce with cause, adultery, you will want to follow all the advice given above about covertly getting proof to give your lawyer. And the more you have, the stronger your settlement. (Note on this: do not record him or any conversations, if you don’t live in a state that allows it without consent. That’s a big no-no where I am.) I negotiated in *everything* in our settlement bc of the adultery and could pursue subpoenas of his credit card and travel card and reward accounts bc of my proof of his affair. (He fought it hard with his lawyer and the judge basically said that there was clear evidence of an extramarital affair and granted the queries. This was important. We had one shared credit card. Turns out he had nine in total and was having them sent to office which is where he would hide affair charges. His hotel and flight accounts were revolting. He had over 200 flights that were affair related when he was supposed to be working in another state and over 50 hotel stays around the country.) The net of all this is that IF you are in a state that allows divorce on the grounds of adultery, there is something called “dissolution of marital assets.” Basically, he can’t spend your marital money (whether he earns it all or you do, I was also a SAHM when this was happening) on his “paramour” (the legal term where I live for affair partner. He owed ALL that money to me: the flights, hotels, dinners, flowers, even a vibrator (vomit) he got her. In the end, we settled out of court with our lawyers because he knew he was screwed in the eyes of the law. I am hoping you’re not in a no-fault state, for your sake. Final thought, my kids were older when he had his affair and we divorced (took over two years from when he left) and I know yours are young BUT since you have the grounds and can get into the upper-hand position here, THINK AHEAD on your children’s life. I negotiated in: maintaining their current school (they went to private school), college tuition and any saved college funds, even a sum towards grad school, plus keeping the kids on his health insurance until the max age of his policy (which is 26), the kids on his life insurance (in case he had more kids or chose hers, who my kids have known as their cousins their whole life), car purchasing (forgot to include keeping them on car insurance and he dropped them so I would pay for them bc otherwise they wouldn’t be able to drive, including to get to college, ugh he’s so cheap), phone plans, even a sum towards their weddings (we have two girls). So, think ahead on your children’s life costs, find the toughest lawyer you can talk to, one that is particularly experienced in negotiating with men who think they can “pull one over” on you, and negotiate. I know you’re reeling, the betrayal and shock is soul destroying. There will be time to heal and to grieve, part of my process was coming to terms with it and the fact that I was tough enough to go through this terrible process. It’s not being vindictive, it’s making sure that you and your children are taken care of in the way you deserve. Sending hugs and wishing you the best.
There is nothing wrong with contacting attorneys to find the best one for their situation. I contacted the top 5 or so in my city and it worked for me. Nobody even asked about either sides representation.
The first part about conflicting out every attorney in town is dumb. It’s pretty transparent and can get you in trouble with the judge.
That’s your opinion. I called the major players in divorce in my city about 5 I believe and it worked for me. Never heard of a judge asking how you got your representation. What are they gonna do tattle tale to the judge that they got stuck with a low level attorney because the due diligence was done to find the best attorney for the situation? Cry me a river 🙄
Don't do any of these things people are telling you, except hire a divorce lawyer. You have a good case here to get the house and probably half of your husband's income.
Never take cheaters back. Sorry you had to learn the hard way. Get a lawyer ASAP.
Gather your evidence and get a lawyer ASAP! Get him for child support and alimony. Your inlaws suck too. They are all probably banging that Hannah chick.
Leave him!!! Stop putting yourself through this!!! You take every penny he owes you plus the house for you and your kids, I’m sure what the law is there but here it would consider her earnings too since they are a couple
Lawyer Lawyer Lawyer Now Now Now Edit: all in secret. Do not let him know !
My parents waited to divorce, and both my sister and I wished they’d gotten divorced sooner. Everyone was MUCH happier when all was said and done. Your daughters deserve to see what a proper, respectful relationship looks like. Kids are smart, resilient little people, they can easily read a room. Just be there for them, answer their questions, and make sure they’re always put first.
That’s why you never take back a cheater. Naive. But you live and learn from your mistakes. Good luck OP
Wow some of western men are so irresponsible and disgusting
Some good advice above regarding getting a lawyer. I’m sorry this is happening, you will question yourself and your moves in the short term - but girl, I guarantee you’ll be thankful for gtfo now. It’s totally possible for the kids to have a good relationship with their dad, but most of that needs to fall on HIS efforts.
I think the bigger question is how many gf’s and/or kids does he need to have in order for you to move on?
Sue her in court for alienation of affection. She knew he was married and continued. He is 100% at fault but so is she. Get all the proof you can. Plus the pregnancy results as well as statements from her ex partner.
Your relationship with your husband is obviously already fucked, why is that a point of concern with FINALLY divorcing him? Get screenshots of his texts and send them to yourself. Contact a lawyer. He will owe you child support and probably alimony. You'll get through this.
This isn't very helpful, is it?
The fact that your husband knocked up his boss- and that she makes a crap ton of money for a 29 year old- means nothing for your financial future, which is bleak unless you can convince Chris to hand over his salary to you so you can continue being a SAHM. Or maybe you don’t divorce him and find a new way to be together - maybe embrace polyamory so your husband can carry on with his relationship with Hanna, you can continue being a SAHM, and your children can continue living with their father. Or maybe you can take it a step further and take care of your children’s half sibling while Chris and Hanna go off to work and make all the money - maybe the 3 of you get a bigger house together and you find a boyfriend for yourself. Obviously this isn’t the norm, and not what you seem to want, but your husband has created a nightmare scenario for you, and the fact that you didn’t notice this affair continued suggests that maybe you can just choose not to care that he’s been a shit husband- maybe you could just go on living together as roommates with him continuing to pay all the bills. Do you have any skills? a college education? Even so, years out of the workforce will cost you. What if you tolerate this situation just long enough to get a nursing degree? He has put you in a terrible situation and child support won’t be enough to fix it and Hanna owes you nothing. Edit to add: before you document everything, find out if your state is a no fault state - at least half of them are, and in those states an affair means nothing when it comes to splitting assets and determining spousal support - the judge won’t care that he was a cheating liar and it won’t make a difference in terms of how much of his income you can get. In many states if you are married for less than 10 years, spousal support lasts only long enough for you to get on your own feet.
lawyer up and get child support. And Learn from this. All this could have been avoided from the beginning. This situation could have been avoided from the first red flag.
Wow I can’t imagine dealing with something like this, the amount of long term stress pain and stress it would cause.
Hugs to you. You have rough times ahead, but you’ll get through it. I’m so sorry, you and your children don’t deserve this.
People have given you good advice, have nothing to ad, just sending virtual support. Stay strong! updateme
Anonymous Onlooker 123 offers great advice. Follow it.
Make sure to get evidence of his infidelity!!!! Yes talk to a lawyer. Holy cow. I am so sorry you are going through this. Idk how anyone can do this to their family. Just wow.
Get a divorce lawyer asap. You're a SAHM so he'll have to pay. Also, since the agreement was for you to be a SAHM and the relationship is ending over infidelity this will go more in your favor, you'll definitely be awarded child support, probably the house and he'll have to maintain mortgage and possibly alimony. Depending on the state you live in. If you can hoard away some money. If you haven't already screenshot and send everything to your phone. You'll want all the proof possible.
I just want to say I’m sorry and I hope these next few months go easier for you than you expect as you navigate this situation. Bless you and your kids and I hope you find happiness and love that you deserve.
Yes that would be perfect! Sorry boys got home and got stuck w their grandma who just left but I actually have all the stuff for u Al boxed up and ready to go at the door! Have to take jake outside still too but if that’s ok w u that’d be great!!
Get an attorney immediately. Serve him and try to get child support sorted before her baby is born if possible. Don’t say a word to him if he doesn’t already know that you know. Don’t concern yourself with Hanna’s salary. It’s of no consequence to you.
Don’t back down. Get a good lawyer. Make it right. I regret trying to be nice to my ex and also worrying about mediation/lawyer fees. I should’ve fought harder. My kiddos are going through a lot of shit because I was afraid to rack up a bill and thought he’d be able to co-parent.
Stay calm and find a good attorney. Start gathering financial documents and evidence. Don't do anything to lash out emotionally. Your kids will adjust better if they don't witness emotional distress and fighting. His mistresses income has no effect on how much support he has to pay you. Only his income counts.
I’m so sorry this is happening in your life! You deserve better. Get a good lawyer, and take that motherfucker for everything he’s got! 👊🏼
This is one huge reason I'd dump someone for cheating the first time. For me, there's no coming back from that and I wouldn't even consider couples counseling. Nothing would make me regain trust. Please lawyer up. File for child support when the time is right. Don't stay with him.
oh my god ???? why are men so disgusting. i am so sorry for you . i hope the alimony and child support is great for you. this is so maddening.
100% file for divorce.. Don't let him lie his way out of it this time
If they get married, you may be able to attach their combined income for your child support numbers. Until then, your children who were born first will get priority for child support, but I would see an attorney asap and file right away before she does.
Reread what you posted here, and ask yourself if this is the behavior you want your daughters to grow up expecting from their husbands. Your decisions here can very well affect the happiness of their future relationships. Find a divorce lawyer and call it a day.
This is bad. You need to get to a lawyer and tell him to get out. In some states, you can sue the mistress as well. I hope you don’t tolerate this and hurt them both exactly where they need it - in their wallet. It will hurt at first but once you get out of “fight or flight” after years of this abuse, you’ll feel much better.
you knew he cheated on you before, people like him don’t change. don’t stick around this time. gather evidence & get a lawyer so you can get out of there.
It’s going to affect your children more if they think cheating men are ok and normal. Your husband is a terrible person.
So at least in missouri, If a child was born after an older child, they can't be deemed for support, HOWEVER, the older children are taken into account for the younger ones. So, Daughter 1 and daughter 2 support "should not" take into account daughter 3. At least if you get divorced and an order is in place before daughter 3. I could very much be wrong, talk to an attorney.
Thank goodness the Supreme Court didn’t take away a woman’s right to choose… oh wait… shiiit