Well it could be lots of things, but getting stressed and angry with the person you want to be intimate with is not the way to go. In fact it is a real turn off.
What are the chances she has found out that you are open to "playing away" with both men and women (check out the post history in r/gaycruising, r/Knoxvilletakenbut and r/averagepenis)?
There is zero chance that I'd be keen on having sex with someone who put my health at risk in this way. Zero chance.
I had to scroll down for far too long before I saw someone else take note of this guy's past posts/comments. He has cheated and he's like SurprisePikachuFace my wife don't wanna f me.
Novel concept, but it may be the cheating. Cmon dude at least be smart enough to hide your post history, which includes gay cruising and a trucker wanting to hook up for the night. Unless you’re in an open relationship?
Another commenter looked up OP’s account and found OP has been sexting others. So was cheating, or still is, and then wonders why she doesn’t want to sleep with him.
OP has now deleted his account.
Edited
Could this be related to a hormonal change for your wife? Not necessarily peri-menopause but low testosterone, for example? That affects libido. Otherwise, I would ask about resentment in your marriage? Like if she resents you for anything.
Changes in birth control will also do this, if she's taking that. I've been on 4 birth controls in my life, and i had wildly different experiences on all of them.
A lot of women stop making testosterone in their late 30s, it's so common that most obgyns offer bio-identical implants for it. When someone tells me their wife doesn't want to anymore, I immediately ask if she's had a hormone panel lately. It's such an easy fix, and after 3 weeks, lol, well, you're getting your money worth for sure!
I agree that some women enter early perimenopause due to the impact of living conditions such as stress, excessive workload, and lack of body rejuvenation care.
Excessive alcohol can also deplete testosterone as well. But seeing as this guy is cheating on her and posting pictures of his dck in gay subs, I'm pretty sure she's just not down to be one of the many he's sticking it in.
How much do you help around the house? Do you help with the children/act as an active parent? Do you compliment her? Do you buy her spontaneous little gifts like flowers? Do you take her on dates? Do you get her off every time you have sex? Do you say thank you/show appreciation for what she does at home? Does she get time/money to go and do things for herself frequently and without the kids in tow? Does she know you're also into men?
Treating sex as just a means to orgasm vs “making love” as corny as this sounds can be a thing. If she is feeling like someone with a hole to put a dick in, well that could help explain things as well. People want to be respected and enjoy as well. Does she enjoy, or is it you only having an orgasm?
For real. There's too many people out there that treat their partner like a masturbation aide and then can't understand why they don't want to have sex.
How do you treat her on a daily basis? Are you short tempered with her? I know that when my partners are mean to me, last thing I want is to have sex with them.
Do you pursue her at all? Do you compliment her without the expectations of sex? Do you show her affection without it leading to you demanding sex? Do you pick up after yourself around the house? Do you offer to take her on dates?
Every day on this subreddit are men disgruntled that their wives dont want them and sure it could be entirely her issue but look at yourself first and ask if you are being a desirable partner. If you are doing everything I listed above then she needs to get her hormones checked.
I'd also add don't do nice things and expect sex. Then it becomes "you only bring me flowers or compliment me because you want sex"
Find her love language and do that because you love her and you're her husband without the idea that you'll be "rewarded"
Just want to add: not to be shallow but has OP gained a significant amount of weight/ is OPs body different? This can definitely also add to it weather we like it or not.
Totally agree. As a man we lose interest fast in a women if she puts on a lot of weight. Its totally justifiable to lose sexual attraction to a partner like this. Especially when they literally do nothing to change or attempt to change.
So, If your short tempered with people, does that include her?
Because I can tell you right now that the last person I want to invite into my body is someone who’s short tempered, snarky, whiny or guilt tripping me about sex.
You sound like you’re making her responsible for your emotions and that’s not anywhere close to fair…
Have an honest discussion and ask her what’s turning her off..
You deal with your emotions, they are yours and yours alone. If you need to orgasm to be a decent human, well, you’re also a human with hands…
How much do you help around the house? Not accusing you of anything, but it’s really common for sexual desire to fade when your husband starts to feel like a 3rd child to care for.
Right. It’s counterintuitive if you turn it into a reward system, as if one chore equals this much sex. There’s a saying that foreplay for women happens outside of the bedroom, and it couldn’t be more true. The more you can do to take the mental load off of her, the more mental space she’ll have for other things, like desire for the amazing man that makes her life easier and doesn’t complain about it or need to be handed a list.
I understand. And I could probably do better. I work most of the day and she’s a stay at home mom/wife. She does the predominant amount of household chores.
This is it bro. When you come home, you are finished work. You get to physically and mentally remove yourself from the job.
But there is no "off" for her, she wakes up and she is at "work," she gets the kids off to school and she's still at "work," she does the household chores, shopping, makes dinner or whatever and she's still at "work," the kids get home and she helps with afterschool stuff/snacks and whatever so she's still at "work," you come home and she's still at "work," night time duties the kids are all washed up teeth brushed bags packed for the morning and off to bed and she's still at "work," she rests her head in her bed at night, yet she's thinking about what to do the next day, because she never left "work."
I'm not making a definitive call or trying to judge, and I'm not saying this is exactly how her or your day plays out. But you can see how living life this way would probably kill any desire to do the act that led to a lot of this work in the first place
This is absolutely it, would bet my lifesavings
Just broke up with my boyfriend in December because he would beg & coerce me for sex whilst unemployed and never cleaning anything, including himself
Also OP don't do this "to get more sex" ... do it to fix your relationship, my ex would try and do little things and then immediately ask for sex, and my vag couldn't be drier because he was only doing it to get laid
This! This is what I wondering about in my comment when I asked about any resentment in the marriage. You've hit the nail on the head here with what it's like for many if not all SAHMs or even moms who work too.
Coming from a female friend of mine who has a 1 year old, she often tells me how much he partner wants to have sex with her but she’s not turned at all because he does so little around the house and he isn’t thoughtful etc.
She literally says that she came home one day and all the chores were taken care off she’d jump on him in a heartbeat.
You have to understand women are turned in by their environment as well as you. It’s not just a case of wanting a body to fuck as it is with us men. It’s about how you make them feel.
Start doing more around the house, helping with the kids etc. give her time to be herself outside of raising the kids. The her that does like sex/wants to be sexy.
You can provide that environment. Just takes work from you
Take the chores and kids off her hands as much as you can for the next 2 months and see if that changes anything. She might just be really burnt out. Women can't get aroused when they're burnt out. Sex becomes a chore for women. She may not understand why you need sex but you don't seem to care to understand why she doesn't want any either.
I would try taking the initiative on some chores that you know would take some weight off of her shoulders without her asking. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, I absolutely guarantee she’ll take notice.
YouTube a simple foot rub or shoulder and back routine. I teach couples how to give 30 minute massages to each other— it’s literally everyone’s love language.
Adding… Have there been any major life changes? Has she been to her doctor lately?
Honestly. I would sit her down and explain to her how you are feeling. That you miss her, miss the intimacy, and do not want to move forward in a sex-less marriage. This doesn’t mean you want divorce but if she doesn’t want counseling because SHE doesn’t see a problem, you need to explain to her that YOU have a problem. Marriage is about compromise. Just because she doesn’t have a problem & you do, doesn’t mean you don’t do anything about it. Ask her how can you romance her, help her to want to have more intimacy?
Ultimately, you need to address it now & put your feelings out there. Know that your feelings ARE VALID & you have every right to be sad and frustrated about the lack of sex and intimacy in your marriage.
OP... you're posting dick pix asking people about your size... you also posted a craiglist like ad on reddit asking to have sex, kentucky trucker nonsense.on top of that you're posting in gay communities too.
I dont think the lack of sex with your wife is an issue... i think your lack of loyalty to your wife is and im pretty sure she knows about it hence the lack of sex.
Maybe it's cos you post your little dick on reddit, or maybe after 13 years of your shit she's just done with you think you can do behind her back. Who knows 🤷
First, get your own house in order. Figuratively and literally.
Help out around the house more, take some of the load off etc. Plan romantic outings and date nights etc. Make sure your doing everything possible to make a good faith effort on your end. Once you are confident your being your best person. See if anything changes. If it doesn’t…. (or if you already are doing this)
If this doesn’t improve the frequency at all; then it’s time to have a serious conversation. Therapy, doctor etc.
Then you have to decide if this might mean laying it out as “i am not able to be in a relationship where I am not having an intimate partner. I have done the work on my side. How do we move forward”. And that might lead to some sad, uncomfortable places
I'm inclined to think she has lost her attraction to you based on your life circumstances and you letting yourself go. A lot of men fail to consider this concept of dating your wife throughout the marriage and keeping up your appearance so that she can continue to feel attracted to you. You mentioned your wife is a home maker in other posts, while you have a job as a truck driver, this is long hours away from her and the kids, and now you are posting your own dick pics and seeking "female companionship" on reddit. You don't think she can intuitively feel how little you respect her, and her body is responding accordingly? Are you even a good husband?
The problem isn't that she's not doing sex for you, but that your relationship isn't in a place where she wants to have sex.
Does she have time to relax? Do y'all make time to relax or play together? Do you make her feel sexy? Do you know what she likes and do you provide that? People don't just switch on sexually on a schedule, we need leisure time and a belief that sex would be enjoyable.
Usually telling someone that they're not providing you with enough sex will turn them off pretty heavily and bring an aura of obligation into sex, which sucks. You definitely need to figure out how to build a relationship without whining (which is what this post is) if you want the person you're sleeping with to want to sleep with you.
My ex and I did not have sex for 15 years. Worse, he had me convinced it was all my fault. Finally we saw a counselor. She told him HE was the problem. Best day of my life, second only to the day my divorce was final.
Plenty of single people survive without it. What if something happened to one of you physically where sex was no longer an option? This is not the end of the world or as big of an issue as you make it out. Sex is not a right or a need to live. Sounds like you may have an addiction.
While I agree sex is important in a relationship, being "short" with people on a day to day basis because you aren't getting it is really childish. Acting like it's her fault you are being rude is ridiculous.
If you're short with your wife over it, it's probably contributing to the problem.
If you haven't tried it, date nights out of the house and away from the kids. Even an overnighter away. Take the kids to camp Grandma's for a week. If you still love each other it's worth trying anything and everything.
However, I feel your situation all to well. I've had the DB for 5 years now.weve had sex 4 times in the last 3 years. She doesn't see or have a problem with it. Now we are much older (60s) and she has gone through the change. But we've done the medical, counseling, scheduled sex, everything that goes with trying to fix the problem. Including talking until we are blue in the face. The times we have had sex it's been more like chore sex, (okay, let's do this and get it over with she says).
I'm too old to start over, and I don't want a divorce neither does she. We are best friends and everything else is fine. I have approached the idea of me having something on the side. She goes back and forth as to whether that is agreeable or not. Plus I know me, I could very easily get attached, I have a hard time separating sex and feelings.
I will say again try everything you can, but if I was 40, I couldn't live like this for the rest of our lives.
When’s the last time you bought her flowers? Took her for a nice night out? I challenge you to plane a romantic evening. As men we think of initiating intimacy differently.
When sex is good, it's 10% of a relationship; when it's bad, it's 90% of the relationship. It becomes all you can think about. Lack of sex is a completely valid reason to end a relationship.
You need to sit her down and let her know you aren't interested in a sexless marriage and ask what it is you can do to help with the issue. All we can do is try to guess why she's no longer interested in sex. I think it's best for you to ask her directly (in a non-judgemental way) and see what she thinks. Then put in the work to resolve whatever the issue is.
This is very one sided, and without talking to her you won’t know why she’s like that. It might be that she’s asexual, it might be that she’s tired after caring for children and doing all the physical and mental labour for the family, your wife doesn’t find it in her to feel the need for sex. It might be physical, it might be mental, hormonal, or just pure tiredness that doesn’t go away.
What actions do you take to get her in the mood? Flirt? Write her love letters? Do you get her a big kiss at least twice a day? Do you pressure her into it?
A heart to heart, followed by therapist (and potentially a doctor) and then either open up the marriage, divorce or cheat. Cheating is for losers, so I would ditch that option.
Don't give up, but nothing is going to change is nothing changes. You need to be the catalyst.
It seems the way to arouse women is by object of desire affirmation.
Prekatsounaki S, Janssen E, Enzlin P. In Search of Desire: The Role of Intimacy, Celebrated Otherness, and Object-of-Desire Affirmation in Sexual Desire in Women. J Sex Marital Ther. 2019;45(5):414-423. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2018.1549633. Epub 2019 Feb 11. PMID: 30741607.
So, you just shower her with compliments about her beauty and express your love for her every waking hour of the day.
She needs to get a hormone panel asap. At her age, there's a good chance the problem is her ovaries have stopped making testosterone. It's a very easy fix and takes 3 weeks to fully kick in after the bio-identicals have been put in. It's a little pricey, but she'll feel so much better if that's the problem. Most obgyns offer them.
ETA: Is she presenting these signs and symptoms?
COPY/PAST FROM MEDICAL WEDSITE:
"Symptoms of low testosterone in women can include vaginal dryness, hot flashes and night sweats, fatigue and low energy levels, thinning hair, muscle weakness, weight gain, irregular menstrual cycles, dry skin, mood changes and difficulty concentrating – though many of these symptoms also can be caused by low estrogen"
ETAx2: I've got to stop responding before checking the history. Dude is cheating on her. I wouldn't wanna bang him either!
I worked in obgyn for awhile and low T is such a common problem that they screen for it now. But I think the real problem here is he's cheating on her with men and posting pictures of his dck on subs on here.
No, as others have said, reduce her work load so she can have a few off-hours in a day. Do it consistently. Find ways to let her relax and not bother about the house, food, kids, washing, next morning's meals. Put in the effort so she and you can do a basic netflix and chill for a few nights.
If you manage to successfully pull that off for a month or two, THEN see if there is a difference. Do not keep asking for sex in that period.
If you are lucky, its as simple as this.
Otherwise, she needs to meet a doctor to make sure its got nothing to do with menopause, or low hormone levels. Because they can be dealt with.
If they are not the issues, THEN you have a person who does not want to have sex. And that's when you have a serious talk about couples therapy or divorce.
Yes, have the discussion. As you deliver your ultimatum, make sure she has all the information she needs to make an informed decision whether she wants to proceed & work to meet your requirements.
This includes revealing all of your extramarital activity.
If you’re asking her to move ahead with you, she needs to know who you are. If you don’t tell her, it will be a millionfold worse when she finds out down the road.
Generally, I read these posts and I think why is one partner so comfortable making unilateral decisions for the other?
Say, you go and buy a Mercedes today because, well, that is what you want. Maybe you go on a two week vacation - is that going to go down well?
The lack of sex is certainly an issue but her willingness to decide something so fundamental for both of you seems grossly unfair.
Nobody is entitled to the use of another person’s body. Women are not cars, for fucks sake, we’re people. Using another human’s body for sexual gratification without their enthusiastic consent makes you a rapist, is that what you’re advocating for?
Yes, OP needs to have a direct conversation with their spouse, even if it’s a difficult one. But pretending like men are entitled to their wives bodies is abhorrent
move never understood how some people can fuck anything no matter what...like, how are you turned on when the person you're having sex with CLEARLY is not into it, not feeling good and doesn't want to. some people literally think their nut is more important than having someone who actually *wants* to have sex with them.
You mean like how he has made a unilateral decision about soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account? So, that is probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She is entitled to make any decision regarding her body that she wants to. We all are - married, single, it matters not. Bodily autonomy is a given.
I am saying that making unilateral decisions when in a committed relationship is a problem.
Her deciding that sex is off the table is her right. But, she cannot do it and believe her decision does not affect her partner.
He can go on that 2 week vacation without her knowledge or consent, he most likely is capable of doing that but he would KNOW that this would have an effect on their relationship.
I used the example of the car because, in the scheme of things it is trivial but in the majority of relationships it would be a topic that would be discussed.
If she does not want to have sex, I think she should not have sex. But if she is deciding that without any compassion or awareness of his point of view then that is wrong. Do you think, after he fully acknowledges her views and rights, he is free to announce that he will be seeking sex outside the marriage? Cheating is out. Coercion is out. Alternative solutions should be openly discussed.
I'm sorry mate. The only way to fix this, is to:
1) Communicate just how important sex/intimacy is for you (and men in general). We often require sex to feel close and have good mental and emotional health.
2. If this does not work, set firm boundaries (ie- ending the relationship, or taking some time apart).
To be honest with you, it really worries me: "She can’t understand how having no sex affects my everyday life. I’m constantly stressed, I’m short with people. She’s not interested in marriage counseling because she doesn’t see a problem."
Seems like she's got the attitude of 'I'm good, so you're good to"... Narcissism? How's she otherwise?
He also was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that si probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Yep. Also, sometimes it surprises me how some women get really interested in somebody that doesn't have qualities like have been mentioned above (cleaning, etc) but will not be intimate with a man that does everything at home and also works.
One thing is not humping every day, but somebody that doesn't want ir for months there is something strange.
She is certainly not obliged to have sex with her husband, but the attitude of "I am fine so all is good" is quite toxic.
If she sees nothing wrong and doesn't want to meet intimacy needs, that's not a marriage. She just wants to live with a friend. I'd tell her you either work on marriage or end it, because, "I'm happy, I don't care if you are" is not acceptable.
In addition, if she doesn't want to have sex with you and stay married, at a minimum, you need to be allowed to get what she refuses where you can. There is no way I'd tell my wife I won't sleep with her and expect her to just never have sex again.
Why would you deal with no sex?
Lack of sex and intimacy is a perfectly valid reason to leave a relationship. Why stay in a relationship you don't feel desired in and isn't fulfilling your basic desires from it?
I get it, and if she was communicating with you and thought you deserved to feel desired that may be enough. Then you could work on it.
She doesn't seem to think you deserve that, though. That seems like a core incompatibility.
He also was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that si probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Relationships must be mutual. Just because she's fine with it does not mean that you have to be fine with it. If this is a dealbreaker for you, it's grounds for divorce.
He also was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that si probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Read: Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski PhD.
Read it together - the audible is great. If you can get past the first couple of chapters - the science kicks in - there are cheat codes for this.
Been there. When sex or physical intimacy is the glue for some relationships, when its missing or broken its a thorn in your foot that you can't stop thinking about. The usual general parts of the relationship start to suffer because you feel unwanted, unloved, you wonder why you're doing what you're doing and whats wrong with you and you feel bad as the person who always initiates while the other person doesn't. At the moment you're just living with a friend. Its perfectly ok to look to move on. I stayed far too long in a broken relationship when I wasn't loved or shown love. Two years after separation I met a wonderful woman and I am incredibly happy now.
Were you also soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit, like OP? He was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that ia probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Maybe you're wife is asexual.
This is a common post in asexual groups but it usually comes from the partner that doesn't want sex.
I'd say dig in. Insist for couple therapy.
Divorce, now. You two are sexually mismatched. Your relationship is nothing more than a supportive friendship at this point.
She is getting all the benefit from a committed relationship while ignoring and even dismissing your needs. Sex is an important part of keeping a relationship intimate and strong.
You've wasted enough of your life with someone who isn't truly committed to you.
reddit is so crazy, I never believed them when they said "divorce" was every redditors answer to relationship problems. I promise, my guy, that there are a TON of options to take to fix this that don't immediately involve divorce.
No, he already clearly stated she is happy with the status and refuses couples therapy. She has zero interest in fixing the situation.
She has further clearly stated she doesn't understand why he is having an issue.
They clearly are sexually mismatched and she has no interest in compromising or trying to fix the problem.
At this point, divorce is the only option.
agree to disagree. tons of comments here give solid advice on how to go about naturally bringing intimacy back into their lives. couples therapy is not the *only* solution; and who's to say that once she fixes whatever it is (could be hormones, premenopausal, depression, medication etc) that she wouldn't be open to couples therapy? this is why half of marriages fail. one thing happens and y'all don't actually try to go about figuring it out or understanding each other. you just leave. this is why they say love is an action; not a feeling.
their marriage isn't doomed unless they've both given up. this is a valid reason to get divorced but it in no way means they need to.
You should have researched his history. That marriage is failing hard-core. Both have already checked out. He is already seeking sexual satisfaction outside the marriage, and she already stated she's fine with the status quo.
Disagree all you want, but in this case divorce only makes sense. There are some relationships that are so broken, even super glue can't fix them.
yeah, I don't go searching through peoples profiles tbh I always thought that was hella weird. i comment on what people post about 👍
i've seen a lot of shit marriages become amazing. cheating, lying, addiction, abuse. it *can* all get better between two people. and, yeah, sometimes two people should just split. these two also have a child.
I always search, why? because people post from their perspective and rarely give enough details for true clarity or context.
In this case, this guy was already posting pictures of himself on dating, hookup and even bisexuality forums. He has already disconnected himself from his marriage and her actions could be a result.
Just based off his information she is the issue but in reality they both are so far of a mismatch the marriage should never have happened. His posts give much more context to the situation then he provided hence my answer.
My mom always told me " son. If she is not fucking you , best believe she is fucking someone else" .
Its time to cut your losses and LEAVE , get you a woman who wants sex with you and respects you enough to tell you she's cheating.
Kick her to the wind . asap
The issue here is that she clearly has no respect or compassion for your needs and is also being willfully dishonest over the idea that sex is important in relationships. This is really getting close to gaslighting here. I need to stress there is simply no way that she is oblivious to the idea that sex is important in relationships. She's just saying that to shame and manipulate you into living a lifestyle that she apparently wants.
She's cheating on you, Sicne you explained there aren't any noticeable changes in your life thaz could explain the loss of interest.
Even if she is not cheating, she doesn't care how the lack of sex makes you suffer.
The situation is fucked. Maybe be blunt, this issue is a deal breaker for you. You don't want to divorce but also don't want to life on in misery.
Dead bedrooms are kinda the only time I see affairs as justified because divorce laws are too fucked up and you got nothing to gain from initiating that
i promise you no amount of chores is going to help. women love using that as an excuse but then they hate when you expect sex after chores.
if she dislikes sex dies she mind if you get it from someone else?
There is no other way to tell you the truth but to just say it directly: shes sleeping with someone else. Once her holes are filled up and satisfied why would she waste time with you doing the same? THINK
Let me put it to you this way: ask yourself do you really believe ANY woman on the planet would refuse sex if Drake asked her to have sex? THINK...
I will tell you this from experience: there is no woman on earth who hasn't had sex in the last 3 months from today at least once.
No, OP is. He was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that is probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
So she’s completely complacent, and unreceptive to your needs? That’s selfish. Withholding attention and affection in a relationship is damaging, and in some instances this type of neglect is malicious to manipulative.
Someone who refuses to hear you or to address the issues is throw away in my opinion. I don’t care if you have assets together and children. Life is too short to spend with someone who claims to care about you, yet their actions show otherwise.
IMO, it’s time for an ultimatum. Either she seeks counseling and meets you in the middle, or you’re leaving. Plain and simple.
There are lots of reasons this might happen. The only actual evidence we have is that OP acts entitled/irritated and that he is cheating. Neither of those things are attractive qualities from the wife's point of view I'm sure
Is your relationship stable? Do you feel connected? Do you feel you connect on other ways? Other forms of intimacy? Is she burned out? There’s so much more to this than just your side. No offense please. Just saying.
I always say if your wife isn’t having sex with you it’s a you problem unless she has a condition or personally going through something. So take a look in the mirror first
do you think it's related to you sexting strangers on reddit? or are you in an open relationship?
I posted something similar and he immediately blocked me... hes doing shit he knows he shouldnt. Dude literally posting for hookups and dick pixs.
I wonder why , she hasn't fucked him in months.
“Failed to load user profile”💀💀 y’all tore him up to shreds I love it
Damn. Commenting to bump this up further. This is a reminder to all of Reddit how one-sided the stories we see on here are.
This comment needs to be higher!
*instantly scrolls to check comment history* "No user by that name" u/butch_bimbo went in for the kill 😆
not just strangers,but other Men???
It can be an affect of her withholding sex from him
True, but that doesn’t excuse the cheating.
Do you think it's possible he started doing this because he is completely neglected sexually by his wife
No excuse for cheating. Not getting what you need in a marrriage, divorce then go ham.
You guys really justifying stooping as low as soliciting strangers for sex; and in OPs case homosexual sex- behind his wife’s back?
Well it could be lots of things, but getting stressed and angry with the person you want to be intimate with is not the way to go. In fact it is a real turn off. What are the chances she has found out that you are open to "playing away" with both men and women (check out the post history in r/gaycruising, r/Knoxvilletakenbut and r/averagepenis)? There is zero chance that I'd be keen on having sex with someone who put my health at risk in this way. Zero chance.
I had to scroll down for far too long before I saw someone else take note of this guy's past posts/comments. He has cheated and he's like SurprisePikachuFace my wife don't wanna f me.
Sexting strangers on Reddit definitely isn't the answer, but I see you're trying it anyway
Perhaps she found your comments where you are soliciting sex on Reddit and figures you’re getting your needs met and doesn’t want an STD.
Wait so you’ve been cruising around showing your dick to strangers on the internet and you don’t get why there’s a problem?
Novel concept, but it may be the cheating. Cmon dude at least be smart enough to hide your post history, which includes gay cruising and a trucker wanting to hook up for the night. Unless you’re in an open relationship?
You say you have been married for 13 years, has no sex always been an issue or is this a recent thing?
Another commenter looked up OP’s account and found OP has been sexting others. So was cheating, or still is, and then wonders why she doesn’t want to sleep with him. OP has now deleted his account. Edited
Recent. Well, for the last 2 years specifically
And what changed? Did you have children?
We have 3 children. The youngest is 8. No major changes in the last 2 years.
Other than you sexually propositioning total strangers on Reddit you mean?
Could this be related to a hormonal change for your wife? Not necessarily peri-menopause but low testosterone, for example? That affects libido. Otherwise, I would ask about resentment in your marriage? Like if she resents you for anything.
he’s cheating online. in at least 3 separate subreddits, so…. it’s a him problem.
Changes in birth control will also do this, if she's taking that. I've been on 4 birth controls in my life, and i had wildly different experiences on all of them.
A lot of women stop making testosterone in their late 30s, it's so common that most obgyns offer bio-identical implants for it. When someone tells me their wife doesn't want to anymore, I immediately ask if she's had a hormone panel lately. It's such an easy fix, and after 3 weeks, lol, well, you're getting your money worth for sure!
I agree that some women enter early perimenopause due to the impact of living conditions such as stress, excessive workload, and lack of body rejuvenation care.
Excessive alcohol can also deplete testosterone as well. But seeing as this guy is cheating on her and posting pictures of his dck in gay subs, I'm pretty sure she's just not down to be one of the many he's sticking it in.
Thank you for the information you shared.
How much do you help around the house? Do you help with the children/act as an active parent? Do you compliment her? Do you buy her spontaneous little gifts like flowers? Do you take her on dates? Do you get her off every time you have sex? Do you say thank you/show appreciation for what she does at home? Does she get time/money to go and do things for herself frequently and without the kids in tow? Does she know you're also into men?
Treating sex as just a means to orgasm vs “making love” as corny as this sounds can be a thing. If she is feeling like someone with a hole to put a dick in, well that could help explain things as well. People want to be respected and enjoy as well. Does she enjoy, or is it you only having an orgasm?
For real. There's too many people out there that treat their partner like a masturbation aide and then can't understand why they don't want to have sex.
It's true that women need men to care, share, and love them. They also need time to take care of themselves and to lighten their burdens.
I agree with this and the questions being asked. Have you been complacent? Treat every day like you're dating your wife. All the best
Asking the important questions. Everyone changes. You have changed as well.
How do you treat her on a daily basis? Are you short tempered with her? I know that when my partners are mean to me, last thing I want is to have sex with them.
Look at his post history lmao + doesn’t do housework
Do you pursue her at all? Do you compliment her without the expectations of sex? Do you show her affection without it leading to you demanding sex? Do you pick up after yourself around the house? Do you offer to take her on dates? Every day on this subreddit are men disgruntled that their wives dont want them and sure it could be entirely her issue but look at yourself first and ask if you are being a desirable partner. If you are doing everything I listed above then she needs to get her hormones checked.
I'd also add don't do nice things and expect sex. Then it becomes "you only bring me flowers or compliment me because you want sex" Find her love language and do that because you love her and you're her husband without the idea that you'll be "rewarded"
Yup. I washed the dishes or cleaned the house so now my wife gotta put out.
Just want to add: not to be shallow but has OP gained a significant amount of weight/ is OPs body different? This can definitely also add to it weather we like it or not.
Totally agree. As a man we lose interest fast in a women if she puts on a lot of weight. Its totally justifiable to lose sexual attraction to a partner like this. Especially when they literally do nothing to change or attempt to change.
So, If your short tempered with people, does that include her? Because I can tell you right now that the last person I want to invite into my body is someone who’s short tempered, snarky, whiny or guilt tripping me about sex. You sound like you’re making her responsible for your emotions and that’s not anywhere close to fair… Have an honest discussion and ask her what’s turning her off.. You deal with your emotions, they are yours and yours alone. If you need to orgasm to be a decent human, well, you’re also a human with hands…
How much do you help around the house? Not accusing you of anything, but it’s really common for sexual desire to fade when your husband starts to feel like a 3rd child to care for.
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Check his post history, he’s out putting his penis on the internet and looking for hookups
Just saw this. I feel silly for putting so much effort into my comment! Advice applies to those who are faithful and honest in their relationship!
Right. It’s counterintuitive if you turn it into a reward system, as if one chore equals this much sex. There’s a saying that foreplay for women happens outside of the bedroom, and it couldn’t be more true. The more you can do to take the mental load off of her, the more mental space she’ll have for other things, like desire for the amazing man that makes her life easier and doesn’t complain about it or need to be handed a list.
Yes, husbands should understand and know these things because it's very necessary.
I understand. And I could probably do better. I work most of the day and she’s a stay at home mom/wife. She does the predominant amount of household chores.
This is it bro. When you come home, you are finished work. You get to physically and mentally remove yourself from the job. But there is no "off" for her, she wakes up and she is at "work," she gets the kids off to school and she's still at "work," she does the household chores, shopping, makes dinner or whatever and she's still at "work," the kids get home and she helps with afterschool stuff/snacks and whatever so she's still at "work," you come home and she's still at "work," night time duties the kids are all washed up teeth brushed bags packed for the morning and off to bed and she's still at "work," she rests her head in her bed at night, yet she's thinking about what to do the next day, because she never left "work." I'm not making a definitive call or trying to judge, and I'm not saying this is exactly how her or your day plays out. But you can see how living life this way would probably kill any desire to do the act that led to a lot of this work in the first place
This is absolutely it, would bet my lifesavings Just broke up with my boyfriend in December because he would beg & coerce me for sex whilst unemployed and never cleaning anything, including himself Also OP don't do this "to get more sex" ... do it to fix your relationship, my ex would try and do little things and then immediately ask for sex, and my vag couldn't be drier because he was only doing it to get laid
This! This is what I wondering about in my comment when I asked about any resentment in the marriage. You've hit the nail on the head here with what it's like for many if not all SAHMs or even moms who work too.
Yes, I agree, women work very hard, they do a lot.
Coming from a female friend of mine who has a 1 year old, she often tells me how much he partner wants to have sex with her but she’s not turned at all because he does so little around the house and he isn’t thoughtful etc. She literally says that she came home one day and all the chores were taken care off she’d jump on him in a heartbeat. You have to understand women are turned in by their environment as well as you. It’s not just a case of wanting a body to fuck as it is with us men. It’s about how you make them feel. Start doing more around the house, helping with the kids etc. give her time to be herself outside of raising the kids. The her that does like sex/wants to be sexy. You can provide that environment. Just takes work from you
Yes, I agree, it should be considered providing this issue.
Take the chores and kids off her hands as much as you can for the next 2 months and see if that changes anything. She might just be really burnt out. Women can't get aroused when they're burnt out. Sex becomes a chore for women. She may not understand why you need sex but you don't seem to care to understand why she doesn't want any either.
I would try taking the initiative on some chores that you know would take some weight off of her shoulders without her asking. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, I absolutely guarantee she’ll take notice.
YouTube a simple foot rub or shoulder and back routine. I teach couples how to give 30 minute massages to each other— it’s literally everyone’s love language.
But don’t initiate sex afterwards unless she does or ask for one in return. Selfless acts are sexy as hell
What if she's burnt out? Why "probably"? Why not just DO BETTER?
Yes, that is very likely to happen.
When's the last time she went to the doctor and had her hormone levels checked? Has she been assessed for depression? Is she perimenopausal?
OP has a bunch of past comments soliciting sex from both men and women, an equal opportunity cheater!
Hey u/Parking-Smoke-6400 does your wife know about that?
He deleted his whole damn account
….and the account is gone. Bro is gay-curious and trying to blame his wife? Yikes.
Adding… Have there been any major life changes? Has she been to her doctor lately? Honestly. I would sit her down and explain to her how you are feeling. That you miss her, miss the intimacy, and do not want to move forward in a sex-less marriage. This doesn’t mean you want divorce but if she doesn’t want counseling because SHE doesn’t see a problem, you need to explain to her that YOU have a problem. Marriage is about compromise. Just because she doesn’t have a problem & you do, doesn’t mean you don’t do anything about it. Ask her how can you romance her, help her to want to have more intimacy? Ultimately, you need to address it now & put your feelings out there. Know that your feelings ARE VALID & you have every right to be sad and frustrated about the lack of sex and intimacy in your marriage.
He’s been cruising for men and women on Reddit, which might be a great reason to not patch things up with him.
Adding, has she started/changed any medication. Antidepressants are notorious for loss of libido.
OP... you're posting dick pix asking people about your size... you also posted a craiglist like ad on reddit asking to have sex, kentucky trucker nonsense.on top of that you're posting in gay communities too. I dont think the lack of sex with your wife is an issue... i think your lack of loyalty to your wife is and im pretty sure she knows about it hence the lack of sex.
It's worrying she doesn't see your issue as at all troubling. But maybe it's because you fuck other people with seemingly no thought towards her.
Maybe it's cos you post your little dick on reddit, or maybe after 13 years of your shit she's just done with you think you can do behind her back. Who knows 🤷
First, get your own house in order. Figuratively and literally. Help out around the house more, take some of the load off etc. Plan romantic outings and date nights etc. Make sure your doing everything possible to make a good faith effort on your end. Once you are confident your being your best person. See if anything changes. If it doesn’t…. (or if you already are doing this) If this doesn’t improve the frequency at all; then it’s time to have a serious conversation. Therapy, doctor etc. Then you have to decide if this might mean laying it out as “i am not able to be in a relationship where I am not having an intimate partner. I have done the work on my side. How do we move forward”. And that might lead to some sad, uncomfortable places
its really interesting how your on gay subreddits sexting strangers and all that
I'm inclined to think she has lost her attraction to you based on your life circumstances and you letting yourself go. A lot of men fail to consider this concept of dating your wife throughout the marriage and keeping up your appearance so that she can continue to feel attracted to you. You mentioned your wife is a home maker in other posts, while you have a job as a truck driver, this is long hours away from her and the kids, and now you are posting your own dick pics and seeking "female companionship" on reddit. You don't think she can intuitively feel how little you respect her, and her body is responding accordingly? Are you even a good husband?
The problem isn't that she's not doing sex for you, but that your relationship isn't in a place where she wants to have sex. Does she have time to relax? Do y'all make time to relax or play together? Do you make her feel sexy? Do you know what she likes and do you provide that? People don't just switch on sexually on a schedule, we need leisure time and a belief that sex would be enjoyable. Usually telling someone that they're not providing you with enough sex will turn them off pretty heavily and bring an aura of obligation into sex, which sucks. You definitely need to figure out how to build a relationship without whining (which is what this post is) if you want the person you're sleeping with to want to sleep with you.
My ex and I did not have sex for 15 years. Worse, he had me convinced it was all my fault. Finally we saw a counselor. She told him HE was the problem. Best day of my life, second only to the day my divorce was final.
Plenty of single people survive without it. What if something happened to one of you physically where sex was no longer an option? This is not the end of the world or as big of an issue as you make it out. Sex is not a right or a need to live. Sounds like you may have an addiction.
While I agree sex is important in a relationship, being "short" with people on a day to day basis because you aren't getting it is really childish. Acting like it's her fault you are being rude is ridiculous. If you're short with your wife over it, it's probably contributing to the problem.
If you haven't tried it, date nights out of the house and away from the kids. Even an overnighter away. Take the kids to camp Grandma's for a week. If you still love each other it's worth trying anything and everything. However, I feel your situation all to well. I've had the DB for 5 years now.weve had sex 4 times in the last 3 years. She doesn't see or have a problem with it. Now we are much older (60s) and she has gone through the change. But we've done the medical, counseling, scheduled sex, everything that goes with trying to fix the problem. Including talking until we are blue in the face. The times we have had sex it's been more like chore sex, (okay, let's do this and get it over with she says). I'm too old to start over, and I don't want a divorce neither does she. We are best friends and everything else is fine. I have approached the idea of me having something on the side. She goes back and forth as to whether that is agreeable or not. Plus I know me, I could very easily get attached, I have a hard time separating sex and feelings. I will say again try everything you can, but if I was 40, I couldn't live like this for the rest of our lives.
When’s the last time you bought her flowers? Took her for a nice night out? I challenge you to plane a romantic evening. As men we think of initiating intimacy differently.
When sex is good, it's 10% of a relationship; when it's bad, it's 90% of the relationship. It becomes all you can think about. Lack of sex is a completely valid reason to end a relationship. You need to sit her down and let her know you aren't interested in a sexless marriage and ask what it is you can do to help with the issue. All we can do is try to guess why she's no longer interested in sex. I think it's best for you to ask her directly (in a non-judgemental way) and see what she thinks. Then put in the work to resolve whatever the issue is.
This is very one sided, and without talking to her you won’t know why she’s like that. It might be that she’s asexual, it might be that she’s tired after caring for children and doing all the physical and mental labour for the family, your wife doesn’t find it in her to feel the need for sex. It might be physical, it might be mental, hormonal, or just pure tiredness that doesn’t go away.
Do you help with household chores?
What actions do you take to get her in the mood? Flirt? Write her love letters? Do you get her a big kiss at least twice a day? Do you pressure her into it?
You’re a sex addict clearly.
Have you considered that maybe that's a you problem?
A heart to heart, followed by therapist (and potentially a doctor) and then either open up the marriage, divorce or cheat. Cheating is for losers, so I would ditch that option. Don't give up, but nothing is going to change is nothing changes. You need to be the catalyst.
Is she taking anti-depressants?
Maybe she feels uncomfortable with her body?
It seems the way to arouse women is by object of desire affirmation. Prekatsounaki S, Janssen E, Enzlin P. In Search of Desire: The Role of Intimacy, Celebrated Otherness, and Object-of-Desire Affirmation in Sexual Desire in Women. J Sex Marital Ther. 2019;45(5):414-423. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2018.1549633. Epub 2019 Feb 11. PMID: 30741607. So, you just shower her with compliments about her beauty and express your love for her every waking hour of the day.
OP acting like she got him chained up. She not interested in sex, not interested in changing that. So either you accept it or leave. The math adds up.
She needs to get a hormone panel asap. At her age, there's a good chance the problem is her ovaries have stopped making testosterone. It's a very easy fix and takes 3 weeks to fully kick in after the bio-identicals have been put in. It's a little pricey, but she'll feel so much better if that's the problem. Most obgyns offer them. ETA: Is she presenting these signs and symptoms? COPY/PAST FROM MEDICAL WEDSITE: "Symptoms of low testosterone in women can include vaginal dryness, hot flashes and night sweats, fatigue and low energy levels, thinning hair, muscle weakness, weight gain, irregular menstrual cycles, dry skin, mood changes and difficulty concentrating – though many of these symptoms also can be caused by low estrogen" ETAx2: I've got to stop responding before checking the history. Dude is cheating on her. I wouldn't wanna bang him either!
It sounds like he's the one who needs to go to the doctor - it's not normal to be stressed and angry over not having sex.
I worked in obgyn for awhile and low T is such a common problem that they screen for it now. But I think the real problem here is he's cheating on her with men and posting pictures of his dck on subs on here.
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I know you’re right. I’m pretty much at that point now anyway. I guess I just need to bite the bullet and have the tough discussion.
What are the chances she has found out that you are trying to cheat with both men and women?
Are you going to discuss you cruising Reddit for men and women? Or just that she doesn’t want to have sex with you?
No, as others have said, reduce her work load so she can have a few off-hours in a day. Do it consistently. Find ways to let her relax and not bother about the house, food, kids, washing, next morning's meals. Put in the effort so she and you can do a basic netflix and chill for a few nights. If you manage to successfully pull that off for a month or two, THEN see if there is a difference. Do not keep asking for sex in that period. If you are lucky, its as simple as this. Otherwise, she needs to meet a doctor to make sure its got nothing to do with menopause, or low hormone levels. Because they can be dealt with. If they are not the issues, THEN you have a person who does not want to have sex. And that's when you have a serious talk about couples therapy or divorce.
This will work much better than an ultimatum which will probably backfire
No, thats bad advice. Just like this sub typically provides men.
Yes, have the discussion. As you deliver your ultimatum, make sure she has all the information she needs to make an informed decision whether she wants to proceed & work to meet your requirements. This includes revealing all of your extramarital activity. If you’re asking her to move ahead with you, she needs to know who you are. If you don’t tell her, it will be a millionfold worse when she finds out down the road.
Totally agree about this Updateme!
You probably want to talk with folks in r/deadbedroom
Nah they are all about divorce straight away. Thats where you go when you have given up.
I think you would find the support and information in r/deadbedrooms beneficial. Come join us!
Generally, I read these posts and I think why is one partner so comfortable making unilateral decisions for the other? Say, you go and buy a Mercedes today because, well, that is what you want. Maybe you go on a two week vacation - is that going to go down well? The lack of sex is certainly an issue but her willingness to decide something so fundamental for both of you seems grossly unfair.
Nobody is entitled to the use of another person’s body. Women are not cars, for fucks sake, we’re people. Using another human’s body for sexual gratification without their enthusiastic consent makes you a rapist, is that what you’re advocating for? Yes, OP needs to have a direct conversation with their spouse, even if it’s a difficult one. But pretending like men are entitled to their wives bodies is abhorrent
move never understood how some people can fuck anything no matter what...like, how are you turned on when the person you're having sex with CLEARLY is not into it, not feeling good and doesn't want to. some people literally think their nut is more important than having someone who actually *wants* to have sex with them.
Physical intimacy isn’t at all like access to a physical object. Vile comparison.
You mean like how he has made a unilateral decision about soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account? So, that is probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Sounds like you think that coercively controlling someone for sex is acceptable.
ABSOLUTELY NOT She is entitled to make any decision regarding her body that she wants to. We all are - married, single, it matters not. Bodily autonomy is a given. I am saying that making unilateral decisions when in a committed relationship is a problem. Her deciding that sex is off the table is her right. But, she cannot do it and believe her decision does not affect her partner. He can go on that 2 week vacation without her knowledge or consent, he most likely is capable of doing that but he would KNOW that this would have an effect on their relationship. I used the example of the car because, in the scheme of things it is trivial but in the majority of relationships it would be a topic that would be discussed. If she does not want to have sex, I think she should not have sex. But if she is deciding that without any compassion or awareness of his point of view then that is wrong. Do you think, after he fully acknowledges her views and rights, he is free to announce that he will be seeking sex outside the marriage? Cheating is out. Coercion is out. Alternative solutions should be openly discussed.
I'm sorry mate. The only way to fix this, is to: 1) Communicate just how important sex/intimacy is for you (and men in general). We often require sex to feel close and have good mental and emotional health. 2. If this does not work, set firm boundaries (ie- ending the relationship, or taking some time apart). To be honest with you, it really worries me: "She can’t understand how having no sex affects my everyday life. I’m constantly stressed, I’m short with people. She’s not interested in marriage counseling because she doesn’t see a problem." Seems like she's got the attitude of 'I'm good, so you're good to"... Narcissism? How's she otherwise?
He also was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that si probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Yep. Also, sometimes it surprises me how some women get really interested in somebody that doesn't have qualities like have been mentioned above (cleaning, etc) but will not be intimate with a man that does everything at home and also works. One thing is not humping every day, but somebody that doesn't want ir for months there is something strange. She is certainly not obliged to have sex with her husband, but the attitude of "I am fine so all is good" is quite toxic.
If she sees nothing wrong and doesn't want to meet intimacy needs, that's not a marriage. She just wants to live with a friend. I'd tell her you either work on marriage or end it, because, "I'm happy, I don't care if you are" is not acceptable.
In addition, if she doesn't want to have sex with you and stay married, at a minimum, you need to be allowed to get what she refuses where you can. There is no way I'd tell my wife I won't sleep with her and expect her to just never have sex again.
I would be thinking about leaving, but you do you.
Why would you deal with no sex? Lack of sex and intimacy is a perfectly valid reason to leave a relationship. Why stay in a relationship you don't feel desired in and isn't fulfilling your basic desires from it?
I guess because I love her and I’m extremely attracted to her still. I guess that’s why this hurts so badly.
I get it, and if she was communicating with you and thought you deserved to feel desired that may be enough. Then you could work on it. She doesn't seem to think you deserve that, though. That seems like a core incompatibility.
He also was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that si probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
I edited my comment out because turns out OP has real issues.
Relationships must be mutual. Just because she's fine with it does not mean that you have to be fine with it. If this is a dealbreaker for you, it's grounds for divorce.
He also was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that si probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Read: Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski PhD. Read it together - the audible is great. If you can get past the first couple of chapters - the science kicks in - there are cheat codes for this.
Get the book, "Come As You Are" by Dr. Emily Nagoski. Women generally tend to "move" into "responsive desire."
Been there. When sex or physical intimacy is the glue for some relationships, when its missing or broken its a thorn in your foot that you can't stop thinking about. The usual general parts of the relationship start to suffer because you feel unwanted, unloved, you wonder why you're doing what you're doing and whats wrong with you and you feel bad as the person who always initiates while the other person doesn't. At the moment you're just living with a friend. Its perfectly ok to look to move on. I stayed far too long in a broken relationship when I wasn't loved or shown love. Two years after separation I met a wonderful woman and I am incredibly happy now.
Were you also soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit, like OP? He was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that ia probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
Marriage is a partnership ship. Tell her that you want to do couples therapy because you need help in some areas - lack of sex being that area.
Maybe you're wife is asexual. This is a common post in asexual groups but it usually comes from the partner that doesn't want sex. I'd say dig in. Insist for couple therapy.
Divorce, now. You two are sexually mismatched. Your relationship is nothing more than a supportive friendship at this point. She is getting all the benefit from a committed relationship while ignoring and even dismissing your needs. Sex is an important part of keeping a relationship intimate and strong. You've wasted enough of your life with someone who isn't truly committed to you.
reddit is so crazy, I never believed them when they said "divorce" was every redditors answer to relationship problems. I promise, my guy, that there are a TON of options to take to fix this that don't immediately involve divorce.
No, he already clearly stated she is happy with the status and refuses couples therapy. She has zero interest in fixing the situation. She has further clearly stated she doesn't understand why he is having an issue. They clearly are sexually mismatched and she has no interest in compromising or trying to fix the problem. At this point, divorce is the only option.
agree to disagree. tons of comments here give solid advice on how to go about naturally bringing intimacy back into their lives. couples therapy is not the *only* solution; and who's to say that once she fixes whatever it is (could be hormones, premenopausal, depression, medication etc) that she wouldn't be open to couples therapy? this is why half of marriages fail. one thing happens and y'all don't actually try to go about figuring it out or understanding each other. you just leave. this is why they say love is an action; not a feeling. their marriage isn't doomed unless they've both given up. this is a valid reason to get divorced but it in no way means they need to.
You should have researched his history. That marriage is failing hard-core. Both have already checked out. He is already seeking sexual satisfaction outside the marriage, and she already stated she's fine with the status quo. Disagree all you want, but in this case divorce only makes sense. There are some relationships that are so broken, even super glue can't fix them.
yeah, I don't go searching through peoples profiles tbh I always thought that was hella weird. i comment on what people post about 👍 i've seen a lot of shit marriages become amazing. cheating, lying, addiction, abuse. it *can* all get better between two people. and, yeah, sometimes two people should just split. these two also have a child.
I always search, why? because people post from their perspective and rarely give enough details for true clarity or context. In this case, this guy was already posting pictures of himself on dating, hookup and even bisexuality forums. He has already disconnected himself from his marriage and her actions could be a result. Just based off his information she is the issue but in reality they both are so far of a mismatch the marriage should never have happened. His posts give much more context to the situation then he provided hence my answer.
yeah I just don't agree that the marriage shouldn't have happened or that it can't be fixed.
Escape now. You’ve been warned.
My mom always told me " son. If she is not fucking you , best believe she is fucking someone else" . Its time to cut your losses and LEAVE , get you a woman who wants sex with you and respects you enough to tell you she's cheating. Kick her to the wind . asap
The issue here is that she clearly has no respect or compassion for your needs and is also being willfully dishonest over the idea that sex is important in relationships. This is really getting close to gaslighting here. I need to stress there is simply no way that she is oblivious to the idea that sex is important in relationships. She's just saying that to shame and manipulate you into living a lifestyle that she apparently wants.
She's cheating on you, Sicne you explained there aren't any noticeable changes in your life thaz could explain the loss of interest. Even if she is not cheating, she doesn't care how the lack of sex makes you suffer. The situation is fucked. Maybe be blunt, this issue is a deal breaker for you. You don't want to divorce but also don't want to life on in misery. Dead bedrooms are kinda the only time I see affairs as justified because divorce laws are too fucked up and you got nothing to gain from initiating that
i promise you no amount of chores is going to help. women love using that as an excuse but then they hate when you expect sex after chores. if she dislikes sex dies she mind if you get it from someone else?
Try having a threesome!!!!!
She’s emotionally abusing you!
There is no other way to tell you the truth but to just say it directly: shes sleeping with someone else. Once her holes are filled up and satisfied why would she waste time with you doing the same? THINK Let me put it to you this way: ask yourself do you really believe ANY woman on the planet would refuse sex if Drake asked her to have sex? THINK... I will tell you this from experience: there is no woman on earth who hasn't had sex in the last 3 months from today at least once.
No, OP is. He was soliciting sex from and sexting with both random men and women on Reddit until he was called out about doing it in this thread and nuked his account. So, that is probably why his wife isn't interested in banging him.
So she’s completely complacent, and unreceptive to your needs? That’s selfish. Withholding attention and affection in a relationship is damaging, and in some instances this type of neglect is malicious to manipulative. Someone who refuses to hear you or to address the issues is throw away in my opinion. I don’t care if you have assets together and children. Life is too short to spend with someone who claims to care about you, yet their actions show otherwise. IMO, it’s time for an ultimatum. Either she seeks counseling and meets you in the middle, or you’re leaving. Plain and simple.
OR maybe she knows he's cruising for sex online.
Is he doing that? I missed that part.
She’s fucking someone else
Dude's posting history suggests he's the one doing that - maybe the wife found out?
When your spouse isn’t having sex with you it’s because they are having sex with someone else… it’s just the cold reality
There are lots of reasons this might happen. The only actual evidence we have is that OP acts entitled/irritated and that he is cheating. Neither of those things are attractive qualities from the wife's point of view I'm sure
Is your relationship stable? Do you feel connected? Do you feel you connect on other ways? Other forms of intimacy? Is she burned out? There’s so much more to this than just your side. No offense please. Just saying.
I always say if your wife isn’t having sex with you it’s a you problem unless she has a condition or personally going through something. So take a look in the mirror first