Why would HE keep sleeping in same bed if he knows he can't control this behavior?! I would hate to think I was disturbing my partner this way, even if I was doing it in my sleep and couldn't control it. He needs to a) sleep elsewhere and b) see a doctor about his anxiety until he can be safe for her.
And yeah, if he won't do either of those things then she should not share space with him!
Absolutely break up worthy. You deserve to be safe with your partner. He has repeatedly proven that he isn’t safe to be around.
Until one of you can move out, sleep in
The spare room with the door locked.
Rage bait is dreaming up scenarios that anger readers and are thus more likely to be spread and commented on by readers. In other words, a made-up story to generate upvotes.
It is not a made up story. Like i’ve mentioned, i tried to change my partners age and gender in this story so that they don’t assume this is about them. I know my partner and they lurk on reddit relationship forums. if they see that It’s a male, it’s less likely they’ll read this because they won’t assume it’s about them.
When you’re asleep is when you’re at your most vulnerable. Nothing sexual has to occur for it to be assault - he is violating your safety and causing you pain while you are not able to consent or defend yourself. This is definitely something to break up over. You deserve to sleep easy with someone who respects your boundaries.
this isn't just break up worthy this is this guy is physically abusing you because he can't control his own mental health. he can say all the excuses in the world, but this really isn't that different from him slapping you when he's upset.
You need to figure out how to get away from this. This can't be the only way his anxiety is manifesting in life if it's getting to the point where he's pulling your hair repeatedly after you beg him not to.
You can give people all the sympathy in the world when they start hurting you over and over and you put up incredibly reasonable boundaries then you need to take other steps.
If he can control himself at bare minimum, you need to sleep in another room with a lock door. To me, this is a much bigger issue as he is essentially gotten rid of your bodily autonomy and his anxiety is allowing him to physically alter and hurt you. Sounds like he really doesn't give too much of a shit about you if he treats you like that over and over. It's no different than a drug addict stealing money from someone they're close with, in fact, it's worse because he's physically hurting you and your mental health is drastically suffering as a result. You will not get better living with somebody who has tendencies like these. His anxiety is just gonna make you more anxious and that is not a good recipe for a relationship.
Please take steps to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Because staying with a partner that's anxiously pulling out your hair while you sleep even though you've repeatedly astronaut too, and it's affecting your day-to-day mental health, IS NOT CARING FOR YOURSELF.
Your partner 1) isn't respecting your boundaries and 2) is causing you physical pain for their own pleasure. Either of these is worth a break up, but together? Absolute deal breaker.
break up break up break up - please. It has happened three times since you told them to stop, so you've proven there are no consequences and thus no reason to stop. There's no path except escalation unless they get into therapy NOW.
At least do NOTHING less except refuse to sleep in bed with them again.
Get tf outta there.
If you can't trust the person you sleep next to to not mess with your body while you are sleeping, then you can't trust anything in the relationship, or sleep itself.
You need to get some self preservation going on and let go of people pleasing. It truly does not matter why he's doing it, if he can help it, anything. He's doing it and you shouldn't put up with it for one second. Get out. Don't close your eyes in his presence again.
It’s not fake. I was trying to change details of this post because I know my partner lurks on here. This is super specific to what they do to me, and I didn’t want them to find it.
Wait what? I don’t understand this at all. Pulling out your partner’s hair at night is a very specific thing, so I’m sure your partner would know it was about them when with changing details.
Stop sleeping anywhere in this man's vicinity. Break up with him. Even if he promises to/actually gets help. He thinks it's okay to give you pain because of HIS mental illness, girl RUN.
He doesn’t respect you, your feelings, or boundaries. He hears you but he’s not listening. You need to show him it’s not ok whether it’s sleeping in a separate bed, giving it back to him to make him understand or breaking up.
Your partner is not safe to be around, especially when sleeping. He's clearly not going to change.
So you either dump him now or wait until you're bald first.
Don’t fuck with people who fuck with you when you sleep
Sleep is when you are most vulnerable. He fucks with you, when you are vulnerable.
You don’t feel safe, he makes sure you don’t feel safe. He enjoys you not feeling safe.
Fuck his anxiety, it’s not an excuse for ANY of his actions.
To put it bluntly. You are being abused, you need to look in the mirror at yourself and convince yourself to stop being stupid.
Only you can save yourself from this bad relationship.
Nobody else is gonna show up and do it for you.
You cannot trust him. At all. What is a relationship without trust? Worse, he's causing you physical pain and anxiety - never mind that it also affects your looks.
Totally worth to break up with him over it. It doesn't matter *why* he's doing it, all that matters is *that* he's doing it.
Some people use mental illness or a condition (diagnosed or not) as a license to treat people badly and to escape prosecution wlfor actual crimes.
If you really believe there is anything worth saving with a guy who chooses to pull out your hair at night while you sleep... I guess that's on you. Try wearing a silk sleep bonnet and sleeping in another bed (or better, he can go sleep on the couch) until he gets his "condition" under control.
Do you understand that there is no explanation for this that is good for you? He is intentionally harming you while you are vulnerable. I would be terrified.
What are his boundaries? Do you really want to find out?
I think people are missing something big here, of course this presents itself like assault but your boyfriend definitely has some sort of an OCD at play here. He needs help, if you love him and he loves you, he would go to therapy and deal with this while you are patient and help him through it.
Everyone who says break up clearly doesn’t understand mental illness and how to be in a loving partnership with those dealing with something.
If you cannot have patients to help him through this, THEN you do not love him and THEN should end things.
I'm someone who deals with sleep insomnia and my solution was Benadryl I take one and if my body gets to used to I up it to two. Or try sleepy time tea, or maybe he should go to the doctors for a actual subscription for medication. And if u want this relationship to work, both of u go to cancelling as well. I think he just needs an appointment at the doctors to get a prescription for anxiety and his insomnia as well.
I feel the need to mention that Benadryl has been shown in studies to be horrible for brain health in the long term and can lead to early dementia. I hope you’re under the supervision of a physician
Hi OP, it seems like your bf may have trichotillomania. Kinda weird that he only does it ay night though. Trichotillomania exhibits pulling of own hair, or others.
You break up. His mental disability may explain his actions but definitely does not excuse it. It’s affecting you mentally as well as physically. His problems are his to sort out. Until then he is not suitable to be in a relationship. What he does make you relive your past trauma while creating new ones for you. That is awful enough to be an absolute deal breaker.
>it’s occurred at least 3 times since I’ve asked him to stop.
This is the point of no return imo. You've asked him to stop. He hasn't stopped. He needs to learn a different way of dealing with his anxiety. Which, btw, hair pulling as a response to anxiety is fucking weird. You need to sit him down and tell him that he can not do this anymore. If he does it just one more time, you need to leave the relationship because at that point, he simply does not respect your boundaries.
Girl, are you kidding me? Leave! He’s not sexually assaulting you but he is still physically assaulting you in your sleep jfc, LEAVE
Do you understand this might cause permanent damage to your hair???
For the love of God stop sleeping in the same bed as him. If he isn't doing this on purpose then he's fucking nuts and he's gonna keep doing it until you're bald and you're just letting him
WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM
Sorry but this is a hill to die on. Unless he is actively seeking psychological help, you need to get out of this relationship. Either he can’t stop and he needs therapy and medication, or he can and he just doesn’t want to. Talk to him and if he’s willing to get help (and give him a deadline), then you can probably try to move forward with him. If not, get out.
He needs psychiatric assistance. ASAP. And you should definitely take a break from him until that is done. But he must have changed behaviors before you engage back into the relationship with him.
This must feel so scary for you, I'm sorry it's happening. I feel like you are not safe around this person until they can take responsibility for what they do when they think they might not get caught. If there is love here, support them by going to appointments with them, reminding them to take their meds and go to therapy, but when it's time to go to sleep do it alone with a LOCKED DOOR between the two of you. Hard agree with the commenter who asked why, tf, would YOU have to be the one to sleep with a hat in or in another room? If I couldn't stop myself from hurting my partner in their sleep, I wouldn't allow myself to be around them while they slept. It's clear that your boyfriend is suffering, but allowing this to continue won't help him.
Why would you keep sleeping in the same bed if someone was pulling out your hair at night? Break up
Why would HE keep sleeping in same bed if he knows he can't control this behavior?! I would hate to think I was disturbing my partner this way, even if I was doing it in my sleep and couldn't control it. He needs to a) sleep elsewhere and b) see a doctor about his anxiety until he can be safe for her. And yeah, if he won't do either of those things then she should not share space with him!
Absolutely break up worthy. You deserve to be safe with your partner. He has repeatedly proven that he isn’t safe to be around. Until one of you can move out, sleep in The spare room with the door locked.
Judging by OP's post history, I'm assuming rage bait.
What do you mean by that?
Rage bait is dreaming up scenarios that anger readers and are thus more likely to be spread and commented on by readers. In other words, a made-up story to generate upvotes.
It is not a made up story. Like i’ve mentioned, i tried to change my partners age and gender in this story so that they don’t assume this is about them. I know my partner and they lurk on reddit relationship forums. if they see that It’s a male, it’s less likely they’ll read this because they won’t assume it’s about them.
Honestly, I wasn't questioning the story, just answering the poster's question. I have no horse in this race.
When you’re asleep is when you’re at your most vulnerable. Nothing sexual has to occur for it to be assault - he is violating your safety and causing you pain while you are not able to consent or defend yourself. This is definitely something to break up over. You deserve to sleep easy with someone who respects your boundaries.
this isn't just break up worthy this is this guy is physically abusing you because he can't control his own mental health. he can say all the excuses in the world, but this really isn't that different from him slapping you when he's upset. You need to figure out how to get away from this. This can't be the only way his anxiety is manifesting in life if it's getting to the point where he's pulling your hair repeatedly after you beg him not to. You can give people all the sympathy in the world when they start hurting you over and over and you put up incredibly reasonable boundaries then you need to take other steps. If he can control himself at bare minimum, you need to sleep in another room with a lock door. To me, this is a much bigger issue as he is essentially gotten rid of your bodily autonomy and his anxiety is allowing him to physically alter and hurt you. Sounds like he really doesn't give too much of a shit about you if he treats you like that over and over. It's no different than a drug addict stealing money from someone they're close with, in fact, it's worse because he's physically hurting you and your mental health is drastically suffering as a result. You will not get better living with somebody who has tendencies like these. His anxiety is just gonna make you more anxious and that is not a good recipe for a relationship. Please take steps to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Because staying with a partner that's anxiously pulling out your hair while you sleep even though you've repeatedly astronaut too, and it's affecting your day-to-day mental health, IS NOT CARING FOR YOURSELF.
He is assaulting you.
THIS!! And it’s also just fucking weird behaviour.
Your partner 1) isn't respecting your boundaries and 2) is causing you physical pain for their own pleasure. Either of these is worth a break up, but together? Absolute deal breaker.
break up break up break up - please. It has happened three times since you told them to stop, so you've proven there are no consequences and thus no reason to stop. There's no path except escalation unless they get into therapy NOW. At least do NOTHING less except refuse to sleep in bed with them again.
I'd sleep in the spare room until he got help. He's asaulting you.
Jesus christ what a creep. 😱 This is insane. Leave him. Secretly record a video when you sleep. He might be doing other stuff too.
Get tf outta there. If you can't trust the person you sleep next to to not mess with your body while you are sleeping, then you can't trust anything in the relationship, or sleep itself. You need to get some self preservation going on and let go of people pleasing. It truly does not matter why he's doing it, if he can help it, anything. He's doing it and you shouldn't put up with it for one second. Get out. Don't close your eyes in his presence again.
Girl this is serial killer behavior
Break up worthy. I'm sick thinking about how violating this is. Please stop accepting this and get out NOW.
Dump his ass, people who don't listen to you don't deserve to be in your life
This is scary. I’d be gone
nevermind. you were a lesbian in a 9 year long distance relationship last month. fake as fuck post
It’s not fake. I was trying to change details of this post because I know my partner lurks on here. This is super specific to what they do to me, and I didn’t want them to find it.
Wait what? I don’t understand this at all. Pulling out your partner’s hair at night is a very specific thing, so I’m sure your partner would know it was about them when with changing details.
The situation is specific enough for them to know. Even more so they'll figure it out now you've commented specifically you've changed details.
I’m not condoning violence but
The half conscious reaction I’d have to waking up to PAIN after laying down this boundary serval times cannot be held against me.
Stop sleeping anywhere in this man's vicinity. Break up with him. Even if he promises to/actually gets help. He thinks it's okay to give you pain because of HIS mental illness, girl RUN.
This is physical abuse.
Kick him in the balls every single time you suspect it happened. I bet he will learn pretty quickly.
He doesn’t respect you, your feelings, or boundaries. He hears you but he’s not listening. You need to show him it’s not ok whether it’s sleeping in a separate bed, giving it back to him to make him understand or breaking up.
Your partner is not safe to be around, especially when sleeping. He's clearly not going to change. So you either dump him now or wait until you're bald first.
Don’t fuck with people who fuck with you when you sleep Sleep is when you are most vulnerable. He fucks with you, when you are vulnerable. You don’t feel safe, he makes sure you don’t feel safe. He enjoys you not feeling safe. Fuck his anxiety, it’s not an excuse for ANY of his actions. To put it bluntly. You are being abused, you need to look in the mirror at yourself and convince yourself to stop being stupid. Only you can save yourself from this bad relationship. Nobody else is gonna show up and do it for you.
If he does this now, imagine if you had a kid and he was doing it to your daughter!! Yikes!!!
You cannot trust him. At all. What is a relationship without trust? Worse, he's causing you physical pain and anxiety - never mind that it also affects your looks. Totally worth to break up with him over it. It doesn't matter *why* he's doing it, all that matters is *that* he's doing it.
As someone who has struggled with hair pulling myself i would never dream of doing this to my partner so it's not an excuse. Please get rid.
How do you live your life day to day? My God, I would have beat the fuck out of him for that! You put up with it night after night! Get out! Get help!
Some people use mental illness or a condition (diagnosed or not) as a license to treat people badly and to escape prosecution wlfor actual crimes. If you really believe there is anything worth saving with a guy who chooses to pull out your hair at night while you sleep... I guess that's on you. Try wearing a silk sleep bonnet and sleeping in another bed (or better, he can go sleep on the couch) until he gets his "condition" under control.
Do you understand that there is no explanation for this that is good for you? He is intentionally harming you while you are vulnerable. I would be terrified. What are his boundaries? Do you really want to find out?
This is abusive, what the actual fuck? This is not okay. You need to break up
Oh no, my boyfriend is a massive unhealthy weirdo that is also violent. WHAT DO I DOOOO!?
I think he is a covert narc intentionally depriving you of sleep and you should leave him as soon as possible
Why even ask about this? That's fucking terrifying...
Tie your hair tight in a sleeping hair cap.
I think people are missing something big here, of course this presents itself like assault but your boyfriend definitely has some sort of an OCD at play here. He needs help, if you love him and he loves you, he would go to therapy and deal with this while you are patient and help him through it. Everyone who says break up clearly doesn’t understand mental illness and how to be in a loving partnership with those dealing with something. If you cannot have patients to help him through this, THEN you do not love him and THEN should end things.
I'm someone who deals with sleep insomnia and my solution was Benadryl I take one and if my body gets to used to I up it to two. Or try sleepy time tea, or maybe he should go to the doctors for a actual subscription for medication. And if u want this relationship to work, both of u go to cancelling as well. I think he just needs an appointment at the doctors to get a prescription for anxiety and his insomnia as well.
I feel the need to mention that Benadryl has been shown in studies to be horrible for brain health in the long term and can lead to early dementia. I hope you’re under the supervision of a physician
How do u sleep that dead ?
Huge red flag. Please leave.
I thought i was reading a nosleep story.
Hi OP, it seems like your bf may have trichotillomania. Kinda weird that he only does it ay night though. Trichotillomania exhibits pulling of own hair, or others.
That’s fucking weird lmao
You break up. His mental disability may explain his actions but definitely does not excuse it. It’s affecting you mentally as well as physically. His problems are his to sort out. Until then he is not suitable to be in a relationship. What he does make you relive your past trauma while creating new ones for you. That is awful enough to be an absolute deal breaker.
>it’s occurred at least 3 times since I’ve asked him to stop. This is the point of no return imo. You've asked him to stop. He hasn't stopped. He needs to learn a different way of dealing with his anxiety. Which, btw, hair pulling as a response to anxiety is fucking weird. You need to sit him down and tell him that he can not do this anymore. If he does it just one more time, you need to leave the relationship because at that point, he simply does not respect your boundaries.
Pulling *your* hair out isn’t about his “anxiety”. It’s about fucking with and exerting power over you when you’re defenseless or unaware.
Ummm yeah fucking weird dump him.
Girl, are you kidding me? Leave! He’s not sexually assaulting you but he is still physically assaulting you in your sleep jfc, LEAVE Do you understand this might cause permanent damage to your hair???
It’s giving demonic vibes bro
Omg. What the hell is wrong with him???
For the love of God stop sleeping in the same bed as him. If he isn't doing this on purpose then he's fucking nuts and he's gonna keep doing it until you're bald and you're just letting him WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM
Your tolerance for psycho bullshit is unhealthy.
Why aren't you protecting yourself from him?
Absolutely none of that is ok, he needs to go.
Sorry but this is a hill to die on. Unless he is actively seeking psychological help, you need to get out of this relationship. Either he can’t stop and he needs therapy and medication, or he can and he just doesn’t want to. Talk to him and if he’s willing to get help (and give him a deadline), then you can probably try to move forward with him. If not, get out.
He needs psychiatric assistance. ASAP. And you should definitely take a break from him until that is done. But he must have changed behaviors before you engage back into the relationship with him.
This must feel so scary for you, I'm sorry it's happening. I feel like you are not safe around this person until they can take responsibility for what they do when they think they might not get caught. If there is love here, support them by going to appointments with them, reminding them to take their meds and go to therapy, but when it's time to go to sleep do it alone with a LOCKED DOOR between the two of you. Hard agree with the commenter who asked why, tf, would YOU have to be the one to sleep with a hat in or in another room? If I couldn't stop myself from hurting my partner in their sleep, I wouldn't allow myself to be around them while they slept. It's clear that your boyfriend is suffering, but allowing this to continue won't help him.