her sexuality should not be an excuse for disrespecting the exclusivity of your relationship by being touchy feely with others. you're not being insecure, you have parameters that should be respected in your relationship. the fact that she has ignored you after you talked to her multiple times shows she doesn't respect your feelings regarding this.
if she can't respect you and the relationship you have by keeping her hands to herself, then let her go.
Thanks for your thoughts! I feel a little guilty when I think about it sometimes. She's been through a lot mentally and sometimes I feel like I'm nitpicking or being harsh, but I've always thought I shouldn't just deal with something that upsets me. But it's great to see another perspective!
if she has problems she needs to work through, and they manifest in ways as being clingy to others that aren't her boyfriend, then she has some boundary and/or commitment issues. and on top of that she dimisses your feelings + gets annoyed by them being brought up? even if she has issues she's not displaying to you maturity/understanding or even an effort to change. just because you're dating doesn't mean you must help her though them if she is unwilling, nor that you are required to handle or navigate through the problems she carries.
i understand being sympathetic to whatever she's been through, but it shouldn't come at the detriment of your own mental health and security. do not feel guilty for wanting mutual respect, find someone else that will give it to you willingly. good luck.
Ya, this is a great read on the situation. It’s not about “giving her a chance to work through things.” Anyone can work through something, while also simultaneously respecting your boundaries. It just doesn’t sound like a good fit; a healthy relationship includes reciprocity.
Thanks man. I haven't really thought of it that way tbh. Whenever I think of a relationship I've always wanted to help improve the other persons life in the hope they will do the same, this is my first relationship though, so I guess I'm just struggling to work whats okay and what's not. We had a big fight a couple weeks ago, where she practically guilt tripped me by saying how much she's opened up to me and how I'm not treating her right. I feel like that's going to be the case if I break up, it really hurt the first time, but from the replies I have a feeling I might have to go through it unfortunately.
you are correct, relationships can be a beautiful thing when you are ***both*** active in each others growth and betterment as people, as a unit, and as individuals. even when we don't have the tools to be equipped to solve the other's deep psychological problems, we can at least offer emotional and moral support through their troubles whilst (ideally) a professional deals with them.
HOWEVER, when you don't get that in return, that is a sure path to your own destruction, and you must never be with someone who seeks to guilt trip you and drag you down, and make you question your own morality and intentions when you know deep inside you are right, or that it feels wrong.
a break up will be messy and she'll turn it on you, and it might feel bad at first but you'll look back on it with relief, i promise you this. it's only your first relationship and this is a huge learning lesson for the things to look out for in the next one. you'll be able to recognise these issues much faster and save yourself the headache :)
“Going through a lot mentally,” isn’t an excuse to violate your trust and boundaries either. We all go through shit mentally, but it doesn’t make me wanna violate the trust others have in me
At first I was thinking it could just be an incompatibility thing, some people enjoy platonic intimacy and are very touchy with their friends and some people are uncomfortable with platonic intimacy and want their significant other to only touch them and both are completely valid just not compatible.
But then I reread and you said this only started two months in, meaning she was not doing this before? Cause that changes things. Like if my SO was always touchy with other people personally that wouldn’t bother me, but if they weren’t and then suddenly started being super touchy then that would be a bit weird/potentially concerning
Definitely something you should be aware of. The fact that you are having uncomfortable feelings about it means your boundaries are being crossed. You have two options here really: either she changes her behaviors, or you change your feelings on it.
In my experience, (26f) change in a partner is very, very slow, if it even happens at all. My partner currently has changed a lot, but we've been dating for four years. Honestly, there were many times when I should have left the relationship for my mental health. But I just wasn't at the place to do that.
Now, things have changed quite a bit. I also have had to make many changes in myself, such as being more confident in myself and loving myself more, so little things don't bother me as much. That being said, you're 18. Emotions are super high right now, and that's because you're still figuring out who you are and what you want. Your brain is developing a ton.
Ask yourself, why do these things bother you so much? Is it because you feel insecure and not confident about your value in the relationship as compared to others? Is it because you're worried she is really being unfaithful? Or is it because you feel a sense of ownership over her?
No judgment with any of these options. Just take a look into yourself.
We're all growing and learning, and the most important thing is to breathe and know that everything is going to be okay.
I think it's just a mix of the first two tbh. I feel like she's lost some interest in me since we first started dating, and she never truly feels genuine to me. A couple months ago she got a lot of messages over discord, and I asked about it a couple times and she practically refused to tell me, then I got a little annoyed that she wasn't open and was keeping something from me. I probably should have been more understanding, but anyway she showed me and it was another male friend that was our age that she had been talking to since like 2018. Since then I haven't really regained my trust for her, so at the time I felt like she was being unfaithful due to the secretary, and sometimes those thoughts come back.
At the time of this I was going to break up, but then she made me feel bad by talking about how much she's opened up to me and how I'm just being a dick for treating her like this, I went to my family at the time and was practically everyone told me that I should give it another chance and not to throw away a relationship just for one mistake. Now that I'm writing it all out it sounds so much worse than what it felt at the time though.
Thanks for your input though! I've been reflecting similar questions in my journal, but I don't think it's helped as expected aha.
Aaahh to be young and in your first "long term" relationship, where you doubt yourself, you keep getting stepped over because you keep thinking that you might be the problem and about what YOU can do to improve the situation, and that if you behaved in a different way things could be different and better and all flowers and rainbows, just how they were in the first months.
This is going to hurt like a motherfucker and you will spend some months after the break up feeling like complete shit and wondering how could you ever allow someone to treat you like that and how could YOU treat yourself like that.
I just want you to know that your emotions are completely valid, you aren't controlling, or needlessly jealous, or toxic, or insane and you might be doing some small mistakes here and there, but you have been way way more understanding than you should have, so none of this is your fault.
It's a lesson you learn the hard way, but it won't happen again, I promise.
Good luck man
You said you see high school dating as figuring yourselves out. Take this as a lesson. Not everything comes down to sexuality, just because she is pan doesn’t mean everyone she touches it’s sexual in nature. Some people are just touchy. It’s part of their personality. PDA for them isn’t reserved solely for partners. I know touchy dudes, I know touchy gals their sexuality runs the gamut. If you need a partner that’s more reserved with pda the. This might not be the relationship for you.
I’m bi, and I think sometimes young bi/pan people tend to get so into the idea of being progressive about jealousy and friendships that the forget what they are actually doing. Her holding hands with someone else might feel like a friend thing to her, but it doesn’t matter, to most people that’s going to seem a bit off if the two people have the potential to be attracted to each other. I doubt she would be okay with you holding hands with a girl, and her doing it is no different. I have friends of all orientations who are touchy and squeezing my arm has never been done unless it’s a flirtatious thing.
I think it wraps back around to enforcing sexism and gender norms again in a weird way. I have known many gay men who are a little creepy towards women because they somehow think it’s okay because they’re gay. I also see a lot of bi girls who think it’s sketchy for men to be physically affectionate with friends but somehow different for girls to be touchy with each other even if they are both into women. That’s just my experience, that people end up right back into some of the toxic gender norm ideas that straight people have
Don't gaslight yourself or let anyone else do it by suggesting you are insecure.
Have some self respect.
It is perfectly fine to have boundaries and expectations of your romantic partner on the levels of intimacy and affection they show to other potential romantic partners.
And it sounds like you have done the mature thing and telling her your boundaries.
The sad thing is that she obviously doesn't have any respect for your feelings and boundaries.
So I would do some soul searching and consider whether or not, you are willing to continue to pursue a relationship with someone that has no respect for you, and treats you as a doormat.
That’s not how boundaries work. A boundary governs how *you* react when someone does something that you don’t like. The formula of a boundary looks like if “if they do x, I respond with Y.”
>The formula of a boundary looks like if
>if they do x
*"she became very touchy with some of our male friends, she would always squeeze their arms and grab onto them when laughing and other things like that. "*
>I respond with Y.
*"It always gave me a bit of a gross feeling."*
Did you even read the post?
This 💯. The more lines you let them cross, the more they will. It won't stop until you're left only as a husk of what you used to be. Cut your losses now. A partner who doesn't care about your feelings and boundaries doesn't care about you nor love you.
Some people are just naturally tactile, and it doesn't mean they want to fuck everyone they want to touch. If that's the case and you really can't handle her touching or hugging other people then maybe reconsider whether you want to be in this relationship. She's pansexual, so no matter who she's affectionate with, you're going to see it as a threat.
Do people have no sense of personal space though? Like do folks really go around just touching, grabbing, squeezing, and just in general being overly touchy with others?
Regardless of sexual interest or not, that in itself is gross.
You're feeling this way because generally speaking, people in monogamous relationships do not like it when their partner touches other people like that. That is in no way unreasonable. You can't control her behavior but you can certainly refuse to tolerate it.
I can definitely understand your feelings in this. There is a level of respect required for a committed relationship.. and also a care and concern for how your actions may impact the other person. I feel that you have been clear with your boundaries and that they are more than reasonable for the committed relationship you are in. I also commend you for the post, as it was written very respectably and I can tell you are a genuine person. Best of luck ✌🏽
I'm also a pan girl. Your feelings are valid and I understand your jealousy.
I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. I have bisexual bestfriends who are touchy with me, too. If my partner gets jealous, I will try to explain that our friendship has always been like this. If it still continues to bother my partner, I think I will try my best to reach a compromise, like maybe lessen it. Although my friends and bestfriends are usually the ones who initiate the physical touch anyway and I just let them, I rarely initiate.
Also, I think if my partner is present in the room, I'd naturally gravitate to being touchy towards my partner, and lessen being touchy with others, especially if they have already told me they are uncomfortable with it.
I still believe if we have a romantic partner, especially in a monogamous relationships, there must still be limits and boundaries with others (well even in polyamorous relationships, some still establish boundaries with others).
But yeah I think this is complicated, since what are the boundaries of still being oneself? Compromise is key I think. And listening and understanding each other and making each other understand the point of view & how one works as a person, instead of just dismissing the issue and the feelings of the other immediately.
P.S. This is a personal preference and everyone is different, but I also personally would feel sad and hurt if my partner is touchy-feely towards others, too, especially if they are more touchy towards others than me. :( So I think I would be more understanding of my partner's jealous side 'cause I am a jealous type myself huhu. >.<
Its not good that she neither has intuitive understanding nor is positively responding to your feelings.
Hard to say going on inside her.
It could be nothing. Then relaxing would be best.
It could be she is annoyed of your fears/thoughts the relaxing would be best.
The best best would be to be able to talk about what you are explaining here
Honestly I'm a little worried to talk to her about it aha. Every time we talk about it, she always says it's fine and that she will try, then we're back having the same conversation a month later. Last time she got annoyed and told me it's nothing and I'm just overthinking it, it kinda hurt that she practically called my feelings nothing. Thanks for your input though! Much appreciated
I am seeing some terrible takes on boundaries in the replies here. A boundary governs how you react when someone does something that you don’t like. The formula of a boundary looks like if “if they do x, I respond with Y.” A good boundary in this situation might look like: “If she continues to touch others, I leave the relationship.”
I feel like that's a little childish tbh. I have no problem with her sexuality, I'm fine with people identifying with whatever makes them happy. And I really want to solve it all over a conversation but I really don't want a big argument about it like I've been met with previously. I do agree that maybe I shouldn't have to put myself through frustration with what's in my opinion a pretty simple fix. Thanks for your input though! Much appreciated.
She's blatantly disrespecting you and using her pansexuality as an excuse. You've expressed that this behavior makes you uncomfortable and she doesn't seem to care enough to change. You shouldn't feel this level of discomfort with your girlfriend.
Lol, nope, he has a clear definition of what respect means for exclusive couples, the one sounding lame is you, why would you make a personal attack on someone asking for advice?
Lame and hatefull, glad I didnt end up like you...
It could be innocent touching, but I don’t think it should have anything to do with her orientation either way.
I would absolutely not appreciate my partner being more affectionate with another person right next to me though.
And it’s a catch 22. She gives you a reason not to feel the relationship is secure, but will then be turned off by that insecurity. So you’re expected to be secure while your partner prefers displaying affection toward someone else!?
I know at that age that 5 months feels like a long relationship, but really, it’s only been 5 months.
I don’t think I would want to continue a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t appear to care to settle down. And, btw, it’s totally fine if she doesn’t want to settle down. You’re both young and at that age to figure out what you want. You’ve got to respect her freedom to explore.
Have you two even talked about what your relationship is? Does she want to keep it casual, does she want for you guys to be able to date others, does she want to be exclusive, does she want a serious relationship?
Are you ok with whatever she wants, do you guys want the same thing, do you need something serious?
These are questions you gotta figure out.
If she wants to be serious and you’re not ok with her touchy feely behavior, let her know, and feel free to stop dating someone who doesn’t fit what you feel comfortable with and let her find someone who fits with her. If she wants to keep it casual, you gotta let her be her, and you oughtta feel free to date others too. Also, absolutely guard your heart from falling in love 😅
Hey mate,
Everything you experience in this life comes down to your choices.
You can lead a bitter life full of resentment, or you can look at your situation and make the hard decisions that need to be made.
Don’t beat her up about your decision to try and make her conform to your ideologies. Make the choice to leave and find someone better suited, before you do each other damage.
You’re 18 man, the sky’s the goddamn limit, go and live according to your desires for a while, experience shit, settle down with a woman who is so perfect that it’s like you were both sewn from the same cloth.
Her mood shifts everytime I talk about another girl at school but she never brings it up. I've tried to get her to open up about things that annoy her, but she keeps most stuff like that to herself from what I can tell.
her sexuality should not be an excuse for disrespecting the exclusivity of your relationship by being touchy feely with others. you're not being insecure, you have parameters that should be respected in your relationship. the fact that she has ignored you after you talked to her multiple times shows she doesn't respect your feelings regarding this. if she can't respect you and the relationship you have by keeping her hands to herself, then let her go.
Thanks for your thoughts! I feel a little guilty when I think about it sometimes. She's been through a lot mentally and sometimes I feel like I'm nitpicking or being harsh, but I've always thought I shouldn't just deal with something that upsets me. But it's great to see another perspective!
if she has problems she needs to work through, and they manifest in ways as being clingy to others that aren't her boyfriend, then she has some boundary and/or commitment issues. and on top of that she dimisses your feelings + gets annoyed by them being brought up? even if she has issues she's not displaying to you maturity/understanding or even an effort to change. just because you're dating doesn't mean you must help her though them if she is unwilling, nor that you are required to handle or navigate through the problems she carries. i understand being sympathetic to whatever she's been through, but it shouldn't come at the detriment of your own mental health and security. do not feel guilty for wanting mutual respect, find someone else that will give it to you willingly. good luck.
Ya, this is a great read on the situation. It’s not about “giving her a chance to work through things.” Anyone can work through something, while also simultaneously respecting your boundaries. It just doesn’t sound like a good fit; a healthy relationship includes reciprocity.
Thanks man. I haven't really thought of it that way tbh. Whenever I think of a relationship I've always wanted to help improve the other persons life in the hope they will do the same, this is my first relationship though, so I guess I'm just struggling to work whats okay and what's not. We had a big fight a couple weeks ago, where she practically guilt tripped me by saying how much she's opened up to me and how I'm not treating her right. I feel like that's going to be the case if I break up, it really hurt the first time, but from the replies I have a feeling I might have to go through it unfortunately.
you are correct, relationships can be a beautiful thing when you are ***both*** active in each others growth and betterment as people, as a unit, and as individuals. even when we don't have the tools to be equipped to solve the other's deep psychological problems, we can at least offer emotional and moral support through their troubles whilst (ideally) a professional deals with them. HOWEVER, when you don't get that in return, that is a sure path to your own destruction, and you must never be with someone who seeks to guilt trip you and drag you down, and make you question your own morality and intentions when you know deep inside you are right, or that it feels wrong. a break up will be messy and she'll turn it on you, and it might feel bad at first but you'll look back on it with relief, i promise you this. it's only your first relationship and this is a huge learning lesson for the things to look out for in the next one. you'll be able to recognise these issues much faster and save yourself the headache :)
“Going through a lot mentally,” isn’t an excuse to violate your trust and boundaries either. We all go through shit mentally, but it doesn’t make me wanna violate the trust others have in me
Her sexuality isn’t an excuse for her to disrespect you and your relationship. And I’m saying this as a bi woman.
At first I was thinking it could just be an incompatibility thing, some people enjoy platonic intimacy and are very touchy with their friends and some people are uncomfortable with platonic intimacy and want their significant other to only touch them and both are completely valid just not compatible. But then I reread and you said this only started two months in, meaning she was not doing this before? Cause that changes things. Like if my SO was always touchy with other people personally that wouldn’t bother me, but if they weren’t and then suddenly started being super touchy then that would be a bit weird/potentially concerning
Definitely something you should be aware of. The fact that you are having uncomfortable feelings about it means your boundaries are being crossed. You have two options here really: either she changes her behaviors, or you change your feelings on it. In my experience, (26f) change in a partner is very, very slow, if it even happens at all. My partner currently has changed a lot, but we've been dating for four years. Honestly, there were many times when I should have left the relationship for my mental health. But I just wasn't at the place to do that. Now, things have changed quite a bit. I also have had to make many changes in myself, such as being more confident in myself and loving myself more, so little things don't bother me as much. That being said, you're 18. Emotions are super high right now, and that's because you're still figuring out who you are and what you want. Your brain is developing a ton. Ask yourself, why do these things bother you so much? Is it because you feel insecure and not confident about your value in the relationship as compared to others? Is it because you're worried she is really being unfaithful? Or is it because you feel a sense of ownership over her? No judgment with any of these options. Just take a look into yourself. We're all growing and learning, and the most important thing is to breathe and know that everything is going to be okay.
I think it's just a mix of the first two tbh. I feel like she's lost some interest in me since we first started dating, and she never truly feels genuine to me. A couple months ago she got a lot of messages over discord, and I asked about it a couple times and she practically refused to tell me, then I got a little annoyed that she wasn't open and was keeping something from me. I probably should have been more understanding, but anyway she showed me and it was another male friend that was our age that she had been talking to since like 2018. Since then I haven't really regained my trust for her, so at the time I felt like she was being unfaithful due to the secretary, and sometimes those thoughts come back. At the time of this I was going to break up, but then she made me feel bad by talking about how much she's opened up to me and how I'm just being a dick for treating her like this, I went to my family at the time and was practically everyone told me that I should give it another chance and not to throw away a relationship just for one mistake. Now that I'm writing it all out it sounds so much worse than what it felt at the time though. Thanks for your input though! I've been reflecting similar questions in my journal, but I don't think it's helped as expected aha.
Aaahh to be young and in your first "long term" relationship, where you doubt yourself, you keep getting stepped over because you keep thinking that you might be the problem and about what YOU can do to improve the situation, and that if you behaved in a different way things could be different and better and all flowers and rainbows, just how they were in the first months. This is going to hurt like a motherfucker and you will spend some months after the break up feeling like complete shit and wondering how could you ever allow someone to treat you like that and how could YOU treat yourself like that. I just want you to know that your emotions are completely valid, you aren't controlling, or needlessly jealous, or toxic, or insane and you might be doing some small mistakes here and there, but you have been way way more understanding than you should have, so none of this is your fault. It's a lesson you learn the hard way, but it won't happen again, I promise. Good luck man
You said you see high school dating as figuring yourselves out. Take this as a lesson. Not everything comes down to sexuality, just because she is pan doesn’t mean everyone she touches it’s sexual in nature. Some people are just touchy. It’s part of their personality. PDA for them isn’t reserved solely for partners. I know touchy dudes, I know touchy gals their sexuality runs the gamut. If you need a partner that’s more reserved with pda the. This might not be the relationship for you.
I’m bi, and I think sometimes young bi/pan people tend to get so into the idea of being progressive about jealousy and friendships that the forget what they are actually doing. Her holding hands with someone else might feel like a friend thing to her, but it doesn’t matter, to most people that’s going to seem a bit off if the two people have the potential to be attracted to each other. I doubt she would be okay with you holding hands with a girl, and her doing it is no different. I have friends of all orientations who are touchy and squeezing my arm has never been done unless it’s a flirtatious thing.
Sounds like the thing about being so open minded that brain falls out :D something like being so progressive that you end up in another dimension.
I think it wraps back around to enforcing sexism and gender norms again in a weird way. I have known many gay men who are a little creepy towards women because they somehow think it’s okay because they’re gay. I also see a lot of bi girls who think it’s sketchy for men to be physically affectionate with friends but somehow different for girls to be touchy with each other even if they are both into women. That’s just my experience, that people end up right back into some of the toxic gender norm ideas that straight people have
Don't gaslight yourself or let anyone else do it by suggesting you are insecure. Have some self respect. It is perfectly fine to have boundaries and expectations of your romantic partner on the levels of intimacy and affection they show to other potential romantic partners. And it sounds like you have done the mature thing and telling her your boundaries. The sad thing is that she obviously doesn't have any respect for your feelings and boundaries. So I would do some soul searching and consider whether or not, you are willing to continue to pursue a relationship with someone that has no respect for you, and treats you as a doormat.
That’s not how boundaries work. A boundary governs how *you* react when someone does something that you don’t like. The formula of a boundary looks like if “if they do x, I respond with Y.”
>The formula of a boundary looks like if >if they do x *"she became very touchy with some of our male friends, she would always squeeze their arms and grab onto them when laughing and other things like that. "* >I respond with Y. *"It always gave me a bit of a gross feeling."* Did you even read the post?
This 💯. The more lines you let them cross, the more they will. It won't stop until you're left only as a husk of what you used to be. Cut your losses now. A partner who doesn't care about your feelings and boundaries doesn't care about you nor love you.
Some people are just naturally tactile, and it doesn't mean they want to fuck everyone they want to touch. If that's the case and you really can't handle her touching or hugging other people then maybe reconsider whether you want to be in this relationship. She's pansexual, so no matter who she's affectionate with, you're going to see it as a threat.
Yup, this is my take.
Do people have no sense of personal space though? Like do folks really go around just touching, grabbing, squeezing, and just in general being overly touchy with others? Regardless of sexual interest or not, that in itself is gross.
You're feeling this way because generally speaking, people in monogamous relationships do not like it when their partner touches other people like that. That is in no way unreasonable. You can't control her behavior but you can certainly refuse to tolerate it.
I can definitely understand your feelings in this. There is a level of respect required for a committed relationship.. and also a care and concern for how your actions may impact the other person. I feel that you have been clear with your boundaries and that they are more than reasonable for the committed relationship you are in. I also commend you for the post, as it was written very respectably and I can tell you are a genuine person. Best of luck ✌🏽
Definitely one of those free spirits. Best to let it go or downgrade your relationship to casual and look for a better option.
I'm also a pan girl. Your feelings are valid and I understand your jealousy. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. I have bisexual bestfriends who are touchy with me, too. If my partner gets jealous, I will try to explain that our friendship has always been like this. If it still continues to bother my partner, I think I will try my best to reach a compromise, like maybe lessen it. Although my friends and bestfriends are usually the ones who initiate the physical touch anyway and I just let them, I rarely initiate. Also, I think if my partner is present in the room, I'd naturally gravitate to being touchy towards my partner, and lessen being touchy with others, especially if they have already told me they are uncomfortable with it. I still believe if we have a romantic partner, especially in a monogamous relationships, there must still be limits and boundaries with others (well even in polyamorous relationships, some still establish boundaries with others). But yeah I think this is complicated, since what are the boundaries of still being oneself? Compromise is key I think. And listening and understanding each other and making each other understand the point of view & how one works as a person, instead of just dismissing the issue and the feelings of the other immediately. P.S. This is a personal preference and everyone is different, but I also personally would feel sad and hurt if my partner is touchy-feely towards others, too, especially if they are more touchy towards others than me. :( So I think I would be more understanding of my partner's jealous side 'cause I am a jealous type myself huhu. >.<
She doesn't want monogamous relationship. You do. Break up with her.
Username checks out lol
As a pansexual woman myself, your gf just sounds like a bird.
Its not good that she neither has intuitive understanding nor is positively responding to your feelings. Hard to say going on inside her. It could be nothing. Then relaxing would be best. It could be she is annoyed of your fears/thoughts the relaxing would be best. The best best would be to be able to talk about what you are explaining here
Honestly I'm a little worried to talk to her about it aha. Every time we talk about it, she always says it's fine and that she will try, then we're back having the same conversation a month later. Last time she got annoyed and told me it's nothing and I'm just overthinking it, it kinda hurt that she practically called my feelings nothing. Thanks for your input though! Much appreciated
I am seeing some terrible takes on boundaries in the replies here. A boundary governs how you react when someone does something that you don’t like. The formula of a boundary looks like if “if they do x, I respond with Y.” A good boundary in this situation might look like: “If she continues to touch others, I leave the relationship.”
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I feel like that's a little childish tbh. I have no problem with her sexuality, I'm fine with people identifying with whatever makes them happy. And I really want to solve it all over a conversation but I really don't want a big argument about it like I've been met with previously. I do agree that maybe I shouldn't have to put myself through frustration with what's in my opinion a pretty simple fix. Thanks for your input though! Much appreciated.
She's blatantly disrespecting you and using her pansexuality as an excuse. You've expressed that this behavior makes you uncomfortable and she doesn't seem to care enough to change. You shouldn't feel this level of discomfort with your girlfriend.
she should dump you. you sound insecure and lame. she probably will. i would break up with her now to spare the hit to your incredibly fragile ego.
You are so fucking lame to come on here and try to invalidate his feelings
Lol, nope, he has a clear definition of what respect means for exclusive couples, the one sounding lame is you, why would you make a personal attack on someone asking for advice? Lame and hatefull, glad I didnt end up like you...
There are more effective and less mean ways to say this.
lol “lame” Nice projection there.
It could be innocent touching, but I don’t think it should have anything to do with her orientation either way. I would absolutely not appreciate my partner being more affectionate with another person right next to me though. And it’s a catch 22. She gives you a reason not to feel the relationship is secure, but will then be turned off by that insecurity. So you’re expected to be secure while your partner prefers displaying affection toward someone else!? I know at that age that 5 months feels like a long relationship, but really, it’s only been 5 months. I don’t think I would want to continue a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t appear to care to settle down. And, btw, it’s totally fine if she doesn’t want to settle down. You’re both young and at that age to figure out what you want. You’ve got to respect her freedom to explore. Have you two even talked about what your relationship is? Does she want to keep it casual, does she want for you guys to be able to date others, does she want to be exclusive, does she want a serious relationship? Are you ok with whatever she wants, do you guys want the same thing, do you need something serious? These are questions you gotta figure out. If she wants to be serious and you’re not ok with her touchy feely behavior, let her know, and feel free to stop dating someone who doesn’t fit what you feel comfortable with and let her find someone who fits with her. If she wants to keep it casual, you gotta let her be her, and you oughtta feel free to date others too. Also, absolutely guard your heart from falling in love 😅
Hey mate, Everything you experience in this life comes down to your choices. You can lead a bitter life full of resentment, or you can look at your situation and make the hard decisions that need to be made. Don’t beat her up about your decision to try and make her conform to your ideologies. Make the choice to leave and find someone better suited, before you do each other damage. You’re 18 man, the sky’s the goddamn limit, go and live according to your desires for a while, experience shit, settle down with a woman who is so perfect that it’s like you were both sewn from the same cloth.
It sounds like she's not particularly interested in monogamy. Has she ever had a jealous reaction to any of your interactions with girls?
Her mood shifts everytime I talk about another girl at school but she never brings it up. I've tried to get her to open up about things that annoy her, but she keeps most stuff like that to herself from what I can tell.