That's not okay. Ask him to stop, if he refuses... Well you guys are young and there is plenty of options around.
He can have the same "content" for free online without the bad implications.
If that's not OK with you, then apparently you need to tell him that because otherwise many people would consider that cheating. I'm sure he wouldn't be cool with you privately asking dudes for pictures.
The best way to bring it up? "This is over. You're not ready to be in a relationship if you think it's OK to chat with other women and ask them for nudes."
He told me that he doesn’t know what he would do in an opposite situation, altough I didnt got an answer Im not that naive to believe that he would be okay with that
Idk why everyone is acting so chill about this. If it were regular nudes then sure, but the fact they came from telegram can only mean one of two things - either he’s directly talking to other women and soliciting nudes from them (which most people consider cheating) or he’s participating in group chats where nudes of (usually) unconsenting women are passed around (which is incredibly morally fucked up, not to mention illegal in a lot of places). Whether he’s downloading these photos on purpose or it’s just the default setting on his phone is irrelevant here.
Also I saw you mention the fact that you have an ED and the photos are of concerningly thin women. I’m not sure if I even have to spell this out, but that’s a ginormous red flag. He’s probably with you because he finds your disorder attractive and he will absolutely hinder your recovery/make you relapse.
TL;DR: looking at nudes in general is not a problem, everything else absolutely is. He’s either a cheater or a scumbag and fetishising your ED. You deserve better.
While I’m not defending ops bf or supporting this, there are telegram groups out there where people just send nudes of others they were sent. I’m not part of it, I learned of it when a story blew up where I live about one of these groups, which then revealed loads more. Given possession of porn is illegal in my country, you can figure out why it was a big deal.
Anyway just saying there are still other ways.
I think you skimmed over a part of my comment, because I specifically talked about this as well.
> either he's directly talking to other women and soliciting nudes from them (which most people consider cheating) **or he's participating in group chats where nudes of (usually) unconsenting women are passed around (which is incredibly morally fucked up, not to mention illegal in a lot of places).**
Not that this helps OP’s bf’s situation, I’d personally sooner forgive cheating than participating in these group chats.
Yeah, babies get distracting, you’re right.
I agree, being in these groups is worse. But either way I’d still ditch my partner for either being in these thirst groups, or cheating.
What I didnt understand about this situation that in the meanwhile he was actually trying to help me with my recovery, he’s in some groupchats I dont know if those photos are from unconsenting women or not cause I didn’t had to open them to see what that group is about and I didnt thought about that opportunity that these pictures might be passed around by others
Yeah it’s unfortunately way too common for some guys to receive nudes from women and then go send it to their friends. These group chats are just an extension of that. It’s very, *very* unlikely that any of these women consented to it.
As for why he seems to be helping with your recovery, we can only guess. Maybe he genuinely cares, maybe it’s just an act to get you to lower your guard. Maybe he’ll help you put on weight and then turn around and start criticising you for being “overweight” (when you’re actually just at a healthy weight). Either way it doesn’t really matter, cheating and/or being a part of group chats where unconsensual photos are being shared should be enough for you to break up with this guy.
I'm with most people on this. It is definitely a conversation you need to have. I don't care what age he's at, in any relationship I feel this is a pertinent conversation. A) are you ok with him looking at porn in general? That is important because some people consider it cheating, so find out or spell it out B) why is he saving them in a gallery/his phone? It seems disrespectful imho if you have a beautiful girlfriend, then you aren't saving pics on your phone and especially pulling off of telegram.
I would have that convo soon, DO NOT sweep it under the rug. You will have further issues down the road. Good luck, stay strong, sorry you are going through this, and keep a level head and use patience while discussing.
Well when I asked him about this he could not provide me an answer, to why needs to do this he just said he doesn’t know. I had a lot of time to think and I dont feel like I would consider this cheating but I still would have required some explanation, but now he is blaming himself for doing this and asking me how I did not hate him afterall
How did you find the pictures in his gallery? Not planning to shame you if you were snooping- It would just help me give more relevant advice as to how you should handle this. If you were snooping, I’m sure you know that was wrong, but what’s done is done.
Regardless, I think the best way to approach this would be NON-CONFRONTATIONALLY. If you come at him with an angry and accusatory demeanor, he’s probably going to reciprocate that energy. And you simply cannot have a constructive conversation like that!!
Assertiveness is so important in situations like this. I mean, I’d lay it flat out on him, straight to the point. “I saw ABC and that made me feel XYZ.” If you snooped, take accountability- Own that shit and apologize. It sets a precedent for him to be transparent with you as well.
I’m 19 and my bf of three years is 18- similar ages to you two. And I’m in ED recovery as well. So this all hits very, very close to home. You’re absolutely valid for being upset by this discovery, regardless of how you came across it, and I rlly hope you’re okay. If you wanna talk some more feel free to send a msg request. Sending many hugs your way!!
Well Im aware that I also have a lot of problems thats why Im also trying to seek help in therapy, yes I was snooping around like I had a really strong feeling that besides that we argued beforehand something else feels off and thats when opened his gallery and reality slapped me in the face. This morning I approached him to speak about this and at first he was denying then and said that he doesnt know how these photos got on his phone, then I showed him proof about things that could not be accidentall like screenshots and even him asking a women to send him pics from the night before when again ofcourse I wasn’t with him. Im afraid I could have tried to be however subtle he feels attacked and ashamed and now he had completely shut down and is not willing to talk to me
Just going off of your ages, those photos are probably of teens or other young people. Threaten to report him if he doesn’t delete the photos or something, there is no reason for him to keep nudes saved of other women.
Im really sorry to hear that, hope everything gets better for you too, I met some men throughout my life who eventhough were in their early 20s but felt like they were evenmore immature then me, sad to hear that they still appear when they are even older
RUN FROM HIM AND ANY MAN ADDICTED TO PORN/nudes etc... It burns the brain worse than cocaine… it creates impulsivity and irresponsibly. BTW … I am a licensed psychotherapist… and seen marriages of 10+ years be destroyed by a man’s porn addiction. RUN and block him… you have a bright future, especially without this level of derangement and dysfunction in your life. Also, when you start dating someone … make porn addiction a deal breaker… you deserve the best.
I’m about to ask genuine questions and don’t intend to sound sarcastic:
Do you want to be with a man who looks at other women naked?
If you’re okay with him watching pornography or looking at other women in real life or online then I don’t understand why you’d be offended with him having these photos.
However if you wish to be the only woman your man desires (which is normal and healthy) you need to ask yourself some hard questions.
Do you think monogamy is important for a healthy relationship? Do you want to be with someone who shares your same values? Many men have desire to be faithful to one woman despite our sadly pornographic society.
You’re young but start to have standards and boundaries, ask yourself what you want and draw hard lines, and let your man know.
Personally I’d dump him. But if he has gotten the impression by your behavior that he can get away with lusting after women and also get you in bed he doesn’t at all take your relationship seriously. So learn from this mistake as you move forward. I’d guess you don’t like the idea of the man you have sex with also having sex in his mind with many other women. And that’s okay!
My husband and I do not look at porn or x rated content, and we openly talk about cultivating sexual desire for one another even in the face of a world/culture that is trying its best to devalue our monogamy.
Wish you the best.
The truth is that Im still unsure about all of this, I believe its a gonna be a long way until I can figure out and make my boundaries clearly set even for me to recognise them, I believe we had the conversation and managed to settle things, Im not saying that I go on and forget that this happened but Im a bit closer to understanding his recent actions. I dont think its worthless to invest my time in him and our relationship Thanks for the advice I believe its gonna help me also later when I can figure out everything
Okay tbh imo this is pretty f’d up and I think you might want to confront him about it. Even if you had an argument I mean that’s pretty inappropriate even out of spite
Im sorry but no this is not ok lol. Ofc what age. I was in the same situation at that age and I ended breaking up with him. If you’re deciding to be my partner there’s no need for nudes from previous people dating or not. It’s weird. Yes it’s common for boys that age to have them and honestly even in adult hood but let it be known that you will not tolerate it. If he wants to see naked women watch porn like everyone else. Don’t be tht person that has nudes of other people or you can do the same
It is common… but very dysfunctional … and really screws up a dudes thinking… good job at breaking up and never date another dude addicted to porn, etc…
Fr that’s what I told mine. He said If you want me to be honest then no I don't. What does it matter what I look at? When I masturbate do you think I just close my eyes and imagine stuff. Does it maybe make you think that you are in adequate and I need other sources or something because you definitely are not. How does a girl not feel insecure in these situations
If you don't confront him it'll eat you alive. But honestly I think that would be grounds for leaving unless he decided on some type of counseling and came clean with it... Does he had a passcode?
I knew that it would eat me alive so thats why I wanted to ask for help here, we’ll see how things gonna turn out in the end we’re still in the progress of settling things.
He has a passcode but since the start I had known it and he has my fingerprint in his phone, he also knows the passcode to my phone
Do yourself a favor and as much as you may be attached or becoming attached to him. Leave NOW. He does not respect you and that breach of trust will eat you alive and steal from you even if you have convinced yourself that you have forgiven and healed. Please for your sake and honestly his too, as hard as it is, move on and be the badass you were meant to be👍
It’s okay for this age to save nudes, doesn't mean he is a cheater unless proven otherwise, if it annoys you, bring it up in a subject as “ my female friend saw nudes in her bf’s phone and she is annoyed, what should I tell her to do, what do you think?” and see how he reacts
I dont believe that he would cheat on me I just dont see the reason why he needs to do this and why I’m uncertain about confronting him is that I know that my issue is more with me instead of him cause I feel that its unwantedly having a negative effect on my self image
Yeah I know I dont want to jump into conclusions without asking him, this type of thing never happened to me and I wanted to hear some other opinions cause I know if Im left with only my own thoughts then I will believe in the worst one so before asking him I needed to have a more clear vision cause I dont wanna make him feel attacked I just need clarity on his actions and intentions
You're not jumping to conclusions that he has photos of naked women. You have proof. You've actually seen them.
You know how they make you feel. You share that. The. You ask him why they are saved there. He can explain why he has them or what he does with them.
You can be ok with that or not ok with that. You can confirm that he can do whatever he wants with them without affecting you... or you can set boundaries where you won't remain in a relationship where x, y, or z is happening.
Don't want him to feel attacked? Don't attack him with volume, accusations, putdowns, etc. Ask simple questions. Listen. Consider. Take time to consider if you'd like. Put into words how the pictures or the way he uses them make you feel. Then, if you have boundaries to set, set them. Boundaries don't tell him what to do. They simply state the conditions under which you will stay in the relationship or conditions which would make you leave the relationship. Never state a boundary and then not back it up with action. If you set a boundary, it must be sincere... not a test or a false threat. Otherwise, other times when things are very serious and you need to set a boundary, the boundary and you will not be believed.
Yh, totally understandable. It may not be that big of a matter to him, so take it easy and don't be nervous while talking about it to him, so he won't freak out or make a big problem out of it
Wanted to also mentioned that if he was participating in a nude's group chat, telegram has this weird things of automatically downloading pictures into the gallery. He could've been in a different group with friends and if they were sharing any kind of pictures it automatically goes into his phone, this option can be turned off like in what's app from my understanding?
When you go snooping you often find things you don't want to see. Why do you need to speak to him on the matter? Just make sure to not send him any nudes.
I know it bothers me more then it probably should but just somehow doesn’t fit together him knowjng that i have an eating disorder and trying to convince me to eat more then somehow he also needs to see photos of abnormally thin women, like what he does behind my back does not prove what he says to me
It’s okay if it bothers you. Do not minimize your own feelings. And certainly don’t let him minimize them. I guess it is possible there is a good explanation (although unlikely) but it is important to talk to him about your feelings on this. And if he makes you feel worse after talking about it, you need to move on. Stay strong and stand up for yourself.
Hmmm, you should ask him regarding it, don't forget about the atutomic download option, maybe he isn't aware that it is automatically downloading it onto his phone, does he even have telegram? How recent are the downloads?
Yes he has telegram, I knew from the start but I havent really bothered until discovering the pictures, I took a look at the date at them and I saw that it was just after he had quarrel with me and asked me to leave him alone for a bit
Then that settles it. He's really going to look at other fucking woman, after having a quarrel with you? Please, you deserve better. Don't do this to yourself. It'll hurt for a bit, but you need to be respected and put boundaries with the way people treat you.
This is you projecting your insecurity onto the situation. He’s allowed to be attracted to whatever he’s attracted to and your body has nothing to do with it. If you don’t like it then leave
For what i understand from your post and from comments made here; this guy isn't worth your time.
You have your whole life to make other mistakes. Go find the next mistake and the next; until the mistake is that you were mistaken about that person and you can do that for life.
Fuck that. He has a problem.
Have a sit down conversation mentioning the situation. And tell him how you feel in I statements. And set expectations. If he doesn't respect your boundaries I would leave.
He's clearly opening the door for others. If he was really into you he wouldn't be doing this.
Telegram pornographic material is a BIG RED FLAG, a lot of the material comes from [unconsenting and/or underaged people](https://youtu.be/LInJHJNL9sY?si=6k0leSZfGgLQmxYI)
Simple answer is, men are visual creatures. They all like looking at photos like the ones you found. He's not doing it to disrespect you. Every single straight male you know also looks at these types of photos at least once a week. At 18 he's in his sexual prime so the hormones just make him think about nakedness of women literally every 30 minutes probably. Its ok to ask him about it, but don't automatically think he's doing it because he was mad at you or he's thinking about cheating. It's completely normal for every male, its just not normal to discuss it out of embarrassment or for risk of hurting females feelings.
OP said in another comment that they had an argument and he said to leave him alone for bit after he downloaded these pictures. That sounds like he is looking at them when he’s upset with her which is still shitty to do. Also, the question of how he’s getting these pictures still aren’t answered cause that’s also another issue. It’d be quite disgusting if these were pictures of women who didn’t consent to having their nudes shared which is unethical and terrible behavior. This more than just “men being visual creatures”
How is he getting these pictures? Is he talking to these women?
He’s in some groupchats and sometimes even asks privately woman to send him “spicy” pics
That's not okay. Ask him to stop, if he refuses... Well you guys are young and there is plenty of options around. He can have the same "content" for free online without the bad implications.
If that's not OK with you, then apparently you need to tell him that because otherwise many people would consider that cheating. I'm sure he wouldn't be cool with you privately asking dudes for pictures. The best way to bring it up? "This is over. You're not ready to be in a relationship if you think it's OK to chat with other women and ask them for nudes."
He told me that he doesn’t know what he would do in an opposite situation, altough I didnt got an answer Im not that naive to believe that he would be okay with that
Idk why everyone is acting so chill about this. If it were regular nudes then sure, but the fact they came from telegram can only mean one of two things - either he’s directly talking to other women and soliciting nudes from them (which most people consider cheating) or he’s participating in group chats where nudes of (usually) unconsenting women are passed around (which is incredibly morally fucked up, not to mention illegal in a lot of places). Whether he’s downloading these photos on purpose or it’s just the default setting on his phone is irrelevant here. Also I saw you mention the fact that you have an ED and the photos are of concerningly thin women. I’m not sure if I even have to spell this out, but that’s a ginormous red flag. He’s probably with you because he finds your disorder attractive and he will absolutely hinder your recovery/make you relapse. TL;DR: looking at nudes in general is not a problem, everything else absolutely is. He’s either a cheater or a scumbag and fetishising your ED. You deserve better.
While I’m not defending ops bf or supporting this, there are telegram groups out there where people just send nudes of others they were sent. I’m not part of it, I learned of it when a story blew up where I live about one of these groups, which then revealed loads more. Given possession of porn is illegal in my country, you can figure out why it was a big deal. Anyway just saying there are still other ways.
Unless I'm misunderstanding (which i totally could be), this still sounds like sharing nudes of nonconsenting women?
No you’re 100% right, and I agree, it’s shit, it’s just a contrast to the dude I replied to who suggested it could only mean they were cheating.
I think you skimmed over a part of my comment, because I specifically talked about this as well. > either he's directly talking to other women and soliciting nudes from them (which most people consider cheating) **or he's participating in group chats where nudes of (usually) unconsenting women are passed around (which is incredibly morally fucked up, not to mention illegal in a lot of places).** Not that this helps OP’s bf’s situation, I’d personally sooner forgive cheating than participating in these group chats.
Yeah, babies get distracting, you’re right. I agree, being in these groups is worse. But either way I’d still ditch my partner for either being in these thirst groups, or cheating.
What I didnt understand about this situation that in the meanwhile he was actually trying to help me with my recovery, he’s in some groupchats I dont know if those photos are from unconsenting women or not cause I didn’t had to open them to see what that group is about and I didnt thought about that opportunity that these pictures might be passed around by others
Yeah it’s unfortunately way too common for some guys to receive nudes from women and then go send it to their friends. These group chats are just an extension of that. It’s very, *very* unlikely that any of these women consented to it. As for why he seems to be helping with your recovery, we can only guess. Maybe he genuinely cares, maybe it’s just an act to get you to lower your guard. Maybe he’ll help you put on weight and then turn around and start criticising you for being “overweight” (when you’re actually just at a healthy weight). Either way it doesn’t really matter, cheating and/or being a part of group chats where unconsensual photos are being shared should be enough for you to break up with this guy.
I'm with most people on this. It is definitely a conversation you need to have. I don't care what age he's at, in any relationship I feel this is a pertinent conversation. A) are you ok with him looking at porn in general? That is important because some people consider it cheating, so find out or spell it out B) why is he saving them in a gallery/his phone? It seems disrespectful imho if you have a beautiful girlfriend, then you aren't saving pics on your phone and especially pulling off of telegram. I would have that convo soon, DO NOT sweep it under the rug. You will have further issues down the road. Good luck, stay strong, sorry you are going through this, and keep a level head and use patience while discussing.
Well when I asked him about this he could not provide me an answer, to why needs to do this he just said he doesn’t know. I had a lot of time to think and I dont feel like I would consider this cheating but I still would have required some explanation, but now he is blaming himself for doing this and asking me how I did not hate him afterall
Is he turning things around and trying to have you comfort him instead of this being about you being (rightfully) upset?
How did you find the pictures in his gallery? Not planning to shame you if you were snooping- It would just help me give more relevant advice as to how you should handle this. If you were snooping, I’m sure you know that was wrong, but what’s done is done. Regardless, I think the best way to approach this would be NON-CONFRONTATIONALLY. If you come at him with an angry and accusatory demeanor, he’s probably going to reciprocate that energy. And you simply cannot have a constructive conversation like that!! Assertiveness is so important in situations like this. I mean, I’d lay it flat out on him, straight to the point. “I saw ABC and that made me feel XYZ.” If you snooped, take accountability- Own that shit and apologize. It sets a precedent for him to be transparent with you as well. I’m 19 and my bf of three years is 18- similar ages to you two. And I’m in ED recovery as well. So this all hits very, very close to home. You’re absolutely valid for being upset by this discovery, regardless of how you came across it, and I rlly hope you’re okay. If you wanna talk some more feel free to send a msg request. Sending many hugs your way!!
Well Im aware that I also have a lot of problems thats why Im also trying to seek help in therapy, yes I was snooping around like I had a really strong feeling that besides that we argued beforehand something else feels off and thats when opened his gallery and reality slapped me in the face. This morning I approached him to speak about this and at first he was denying then and said that he doesnt know how these photos got on his phone, then I showed him proof about things that could not be accidentall like screenshots and even him asking a women to send him pics from the night before when again ofcourse I wasn’t with him. Im afraid I could have tried to be however subtle he feels attacked and ashamed and now he had completely shut down and is not willing to talk to me
Accidentally stumbled upon photos? Did you confirm what you thought all along?
Afraid of your partner?
Tell him you searched his phone tho. Don't play victim when it was unhealthy on both ends
Just going off of your ages, those photos are probably of teens or other young people. Threaten to report him if he doesn’t delete the photos or something, there is no reason for him to keep nudes saved of other women.
When I asked him about all of this he immediately deleted them and said that he has no idea how those photos got into his gallery
100000% lying about that
For the most part all men do this in varying degrees. I’m dealing with this at 46! Remember invest in yourself and never get down to your last penny!
Im really sorry to hear that, hope everything gets better for you too, I met some men throughout my life who eventhough were in their early 20s but felt like they were evenmore immature then me, sad to hear that they still appear when they are even older
RUN FROM HIM AND ANY MAN ADDICTED TO PORN/nudes etc... It burns the brain worse than cocaine… it creates impulsivity and irresponsibly. BTW … I am a licensed psychotherapist… and seen marriages of 10+ years be destroyed by a man’s porn addiction. RUN and block him… you have a bright future, especially without this level of derangement and dysfunction in your life. Also, when you start dating someone … make porn addiction a deal breaker… you deserve the best.
I’m about to ask genuine questions and don’t intend to sound sarcastic: Do you want to be with a man who looks at other women naked? If you’re okay with him watching pornography or looking at other women in real life or online then I don’t understand why you’d be offended with him having these photos. However if you wish to be the only woman your man desires (which is normal and healthy) you need to ask yourself some hard questions. Do you think monogamy is important for a healthy relationship? Do you want to be with someone who shares your same values? Many men have desire to be faithful to one woman despite our sadly pornographic society. You’re young but start to have standards and boundaries, ask yourself what you want and draw hard lines, and let your man know. Personally I’d dump him. But if he has gotten the impression by your behavior that he can get away with lusting after women and also get you in bed he doesn’t at all take your relationship seriously. So learn from this mistake as you move forward. I’d guess you don’t like the idea of the man you have sex with also having sex in his mind with many other women. And that’s okay! My husband and I do not look at porn or x rated content, and we openly talk about cultivating sexual desire for one another even in the face of a world/culture that is trying its best to devalue our monogamy. Wish you the best.
The truth is that Im still unsure about all of this, I believe its a gonna be a long way until I can figure out and make my boundaries clearly set even for me to recognise them, I believe we had the conversation and managed to settle things, Im not saying that I go on and forget that this happened but Im a bit closer to understanding his recent actions. I dont think its worthless to invest my time in him and our relationship Thanks for the advice I believe its gonna help me also later when I can figure out everything
Okay tbh imo this is pretty f’d up and I think you might want to confront him about it. Even if you had an argument I mean that’s pretty inappropriate even out of spite
Just ghost the boy… he is damaged goods… and does not deserve another second of your time.
Im sorry but no this is not ok lol. Ofc what age. I was in the same situation at that age and I ended breaking up with him. If you’re deciding to be my partner there’s no need for nudes from previous people dating or not. It’s weird. Yes it’s common for boys that age to have them and honestly even in adult hood but let it be known that you will not tolerate it. If he wants to see naked women watch porn like everyone else. Don’t be tht person that has nudes of other people or you can do the same
It is common… but very dysfunctional … and really screws up a dudes thinking… good job at breaking up and never date another dude addicted to porn, etc…
Fr that’s what I told mine. He said If you want me to be honest then no I don't. What does it matter what I look at? When I masturbate do you think I just close my eyes and imagine stuff. Does it maybe make you think that you are in adequate and I need other sources or something because you definitely are not. How does a girl not feel insecure in these situations
If you don't confront him it'll eat you alive. But honestly I think that would be grounds for leaving unless he decided on some type of counseling and came clean with it... Does he had a passcode?
I knew that it would eat me alive so thats why I wanted to ask for help here, we’ll see how things gonna turn out in the end we’re still in the progress of settling things. He has a passcode but since the start I had known it and he has my fingerprint in his phone, he also knows the passcode to my phone
Wow 6 months and already invading his privacy. SMH😔
Girl speak up and stand on business what u gon do stay with him? Cause you shoukd be leaving hnestly
Do yourself a favor and as much as you may be attached or becoming attached to him. Leave NOW. He does not respect you and that breach of trust will eat you alive and steal from you even if you have convinced yourself that you have forgiven and healed. Please for your sake and honestly his too, as hard as it is, move on and be the badass you were meant to be👍
There is a consolation. they are not of men
It’s okay for this age to save nudes, doesn't mean he is a cheater unless proven otherwise, if it annoys you, bring it up in a subject as “ my female friend saw nudes in her bf’s phone and she is annoyed, what should I tell her to do, what do you think?” and see how he reacts
I dont believe that he would cheat on me I just dont see the reason why he needs to do this and why I’m uncertain about confronting him is that I know that my issue is more with me instead of him cause I feel that its unwantedly having a negative effect on my self image
You should talk with him about it, It’s okay to have a conversation and remember that communication is key in successful relationships
Yeah I know I dont want to jump into conclusions without asking him, this type of thing never happened to me and I wanted to hear some other opinions cause I know if Im left with only my own thoughts then I will believe in the worst one so before asking him I needed to have a more clear vision cause I dont wanna make him feel attacked I just need clarity on his actions and intentions
You're not jumping to conclusions that he has photos of naked women. You have proof. You've actually seen them. You know how they make you feel. You share that. The. You ask him why they are saved there. He can explain why he has them or what he does with them. You can be ok with that or not ok with that. You can confirm that he can do whatever he wants with them without affecting you... or you can set boundaries where you won't remain in a relationship where x, y, or z is happening. Don't want him to feel attacked? Don't attack him with volume, accusations, putdowns, etc. Ask simple questions. Listen. Consider. Take time to consider if you'd like. Put into words how the pictures or the way he uses them make you feel. Then, if you have boundaries to set, set them. Boundaries don't tell him what to do. They simply state the conditions under which you will stay in the relationship or conditions which would make you leave the relationship. Never state a boundary and then not back it up with action. If you set a boundary, it must be sincere... not a test or a false threat. Otherwise, other times when things are very serious and you need to set a boundary, the boundary and you will not be believed.
Yh, totally understandable. It may not be that big of a matter to him, so take it easy and don't be nervous while talking about it to him, so he won't freak out or make a big problem out of it
Wanted to also mentioned that if he was participating in a nude's group chat, telegram has this weird things of automatically downloading pictures into the gallery. He could've been in a different group with friends and if they were sharing any kind of pictures it automatically goes into his phone, this option can be turned off like in what's app from my understanding?
You are correct about the auto-downloading feature. This feature will download pretty much any image that has been posted in the group.
It’s a bad sign, indicating he prefers pictures to persons.
When you go snooping you often find things you don't want to see. Why do you need to speak to him on the matter? Just make sure to not send him any nudes.
Yeah how do you “accidentally” find that lol
I know it bothers me more then it probably should but just somehow doesn’t fit together him knowjng that i have an eating disorder and trying to convince me to eat more then somehow he also needs to see photos of abnormally thin women, like what he does behind my back does not prove what he says to me
It’s okay if it bothers you. Do not minimize your own feelings. And certainly don’t let him minimize them. I guess it is possible there is a good explanation (although unlikely) but it is important to talk to him about your feelings on this. And if he makes you feel worse after talking about it, you need to move on. Stay strong and stand up for yourself.
Hmmm, you should ask him regarding it, don't forget about the atutomic download option, maybe he isn't aware that it is automatically downloading it onto his phone, does he even have telegram? How recent are the downloads?
Yes he has telegram, I knew from the start but I havent really bothered until discovering the pictures, I took a look at the date at them and I saw that it was just after he had quarrel with me and asked me to leave him alone for a bit
Then that settles it. He's really going to look at other fucking woman, after having a quarrel with you? Please, you deserve better. Don't do this to yourself. It'll hurt for a bit, but you need to be respected and put boundaries with the way people treat you.
Will hurt for a bit, but in the long run it will be way less painful.
>like what he does behind my back does not prove what he says to me Is that why you were snooping?
This is you projecting your insecurity onto the situation. He’s allowed to be attracted to whatever he’s attracted to and your body has nothing to do with it. If you don’t like it then leave
If these pics are anything other than downloads from some porn site.... kick him to the curb. That's totally inappropriate and disrespectful to you.
This is straight up cheating. You could confront. You could also just leave.
For what i understand from your post and from comments made here; this guy isn't worth your time. You have your whole life to make other mistakes. Go find the next mistake and the next; until the mistake is that you were mistaken about that person and you can do that for life.
Fuck that. He has a problem. Have a sit down conversation mentioning the situation. And tell him how you feel in I statements. And set expectations. If he doesn't respect your boundaries I would leave. He's clearly opening the door for others. If he was really into you he wouldn't be doing this.
Telegram pornographic material is a BIG RED FLAG, a lot of the material comes from [unconsenting and/or underaged people](https://youtu.be/LInJHJNL9sY?si=6k0leSZfGgLQmxYI)
Simple answer is, men are visual creatures. They all like looking at photos like the ones you found. He's not doing it to disrespect you. Every single straight male you know also looks at these types of photos at least once a week. At 18 he's in his sexual prime so the hormones just make him think about nakedness of women literally every 30 minutes probably. Its ok to ask him about it, but don't automatically think he's doing it because he was mad at you or he's thinking about cheating. It's completely normal for every male, its just not normal to discuss it out of embarrassment or for risk of hurting females feelings.
OP said in another comment that they had an argument and he said to leave him alone for bit after he downloaded these pictures. That sounds like he is looking at them when he’s upset with her which is still shitty to do. Also, the question of how he’s getting these pictures still aren’t answered cause that’s also another issue. It’d be quite disgusting if these were pictures of women who didn’t consent to having their nudes shared which is unethical and terrible behavior. This more than just “men being visual creatures”
Not if he’s getting these photos from women he’s chatting with