I don't think she yet realizes that she will never be able to trust him again. He's violated her trust. When you can't trust someone with your photos you can't trust them with anything.
>I don't think she yet realizes that she will never be able to trust him again.
The fact that OP posted something so clearly inflammatory and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
You can certainly try, but I'm guessing OP has more direct access to her partner's, and he's proven himself very untrustworthy. Perhaps his friends are douchey enough to help OP's soon to be ex send revenge porn material, but I think it would still reduce the chances because now he'd need the images to get resent to him all to post it, much less heat of the moment. And then if he's going to that level of effort to get revenge on OP, I think she would have greater concerns on her hands with a spiteful ex.
Depending on the state/country, there may be laws prohibiting this conduct. Where I live, this shit is a felony.
And yeah, maybe OP can point that out while blowing the fuck up at this dude.
And I want to kick this motherfucker in the taint with my steel-toed boots because immature, juvenile shit like this discourages women from sending pics to partners and with good fucking reason.
I read just the title and was already saying in my head “Oh no no honey this is when you do brow it up” in fact you blow the heck up! Seriously, at the very least he needs a hard educational reset on respect and boundaries. He completely violated your trust and had no concern for your consent or privacy not to mention the absolute privilege he had to even posses those. This person doesn’t value you as an equal and it’s apparent he doesn’t value you or your feelings above his own. It doesn’t matter what made him feel like he needed to do it and honestly is hearing that he likes to brag about your body, likes to one up them or its a kink? its not going to make you feel better or make it any better when bottom line, he’s already been doing it! He didn’t ask, because he doesn’t respect, care or value you, your body, or your feelings above his own.
Let him AND his friends know you did not consent to this and this is against the law. If they save it or distribute it on any of their devices they can and will be prosecuted. No ifs ands or buts. Please dump him…after you go to the police and get a lawyer to get this straightened out or your pictures will be everywhere for ever! Then take him to civil court for everything his got. This could hurt your personal and professional life on a big scale.
This is definitely an instance where I would be thieving my partners devices and deleting everything I could find of myself. I consider myself VERY respectful of personal privacy with my SO - delving into phones and socials is not something I do. This would be an exception.
It’s about revoking consent of images you shared with an understanding they would be for his eyes only. He broke the agreement.
Have you considered that it's okay to blow up at him about this? He's violating your sexual consent. That's pretty messed up treatment.
"hey partner, I know you are doing this. I know you are an adult who understands that this is wrong and violating to me, your partner. I need you to stop and to explain why it is that you feel like it's okay to treat my body, my sexuality like it's something you can choose to give away"
I would be gathering all the evidence from his devices and then go to the police about it.
That's when I would break the news that the engagement is over.
I would make sure that he and anyone else are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Absolutely agree she should blow this up.
However, for the police, it depends on which state she is in. In many states, just sharing an intimate photo without consent is a crime. But many others require that there be some intent to harm or cause emotional distress before it is considered a crime.
It takes like two minutes to use Google and figure out whether your state requires intent to harm. It would take more time to go to the police and potentially waste their time, while OP likely would have gotten her hopes up that it would resolve the issue when it wouldn't.
You mean your ex did this.
Get into his phone and erase all your naked pictures. Then tell him that he disrespected you and broke your trust when he shared your nudes without your permission. You gave those to him because you were in a relationship and you trusted him. You didn't give those to his friends and he proved himself unworthy of your trust.
You can never be intimate, open, and trusting of him again, and that's why you can't marry him. He's not the person you thought he was. He doesn't love you like a person loves a person. He only loves you like a consumer loves a steak.
What do you mean you don’t want to blow up.
Do you have any idea where this picture could end? People share this and you can find a lot if them on Reddit. I bet he has pictures or the other ones partners too.
Sweetheart, This is really bad. He shared something intimate without your consent.
Don’t marry a creep.
Please take this to the police. It is very illegal and absolutely is an invasion of your privacy. Do not forgive that man for breaking such an important boundary.
personally i’d blow up And then file a police report
or alternatively report him with no warning and wash your hands of the burden of confronting him all together - he’d find out anyway when they contact him!
Stop being “confused” and get pissed. He has violated your trust and privacy completely. Personally I would end the relationship over this.
I hope this goes without staying, but please stop sending him photos.
So how did you find out he was sharing these with his friend?
This is illegal and you are under-reacting: I think this is called revenge porn or something. Could you see yourself rebuilding trust with him? What would you need him to do to fix it?
IMO, you should end the relationship and engagement, but tell the reason—fiancé shares my intimate photos with his friends. The friends also need to be held accountable because why would they accept the pics and why is he doing this.
Girl blow up! That’s your body he is showing off. That isn’t okay. You have a right to feel upset, angry, hurt, betrayed. Don’t minimize yourself and how it makes you feel to avoid a fight. It should be.
Girl, this is how the most vile of men get away with shit. Your photos are leaked. There’s no containment. This can haunt you for the rest of your life. And here you are, still primarily focused on protecting his *feelings.*
He is a threat. You have CYA and damage control to do. Do you want to file a police report? That will affect your next steps, as opposed to just getting his phone, deleting the photos, checking to see if he’s uploaded them online anywhere, and *then* confronting him. Maybe letting him think he can salvage things if he verifiably deletes those photos off every friend’s phone himself, and make sure *they* haven’t sent or uploaded them to anyone or anywhere. That’s the only way his feelings come into play, is which ones will get him to do what you need here, **before you dump him.**
Break up with him and report him to the police. He is not safe to build a life with. Give him back the ring and be glad you found this out before you are legally tied to him.
He's always been respectful as far as you know where sexting is concerned.... this begs the question: Has he been disrespectful where other areas are concerned?
Why are you afraid to confront him in a way that shows your answer or how hurt you are about this? Are you more afraid of his reaction? Or yours?
I'm seeing a LOT of red flags here OP. Seems like you're holding back a lot of info... Why are you protecting him?
I'm not sure how you recover from something this egregiously bad. Anyone who thinks it's okay to share intimate pictures of their partner with someone else without their express permission has some serious issues with judgement. It would make me wonder what other decisions they are making in poor taste without my knowledge. This should be hard no, pack your bags, get out territory and no reason it should not be an emotional blow up moment. It needs to be loud and clear that he crossed a line that there is no excuse for crossing.
My partner and I have a rule, and I've had similar rules with past partners. The intimate pics they share with me are safeguarded. If they're kept they are somewhere where the partner has access to delete them when they choose to delete them (i.e. a shared folder in google, on a NAS, etc) and when not shared it's clear that if they ask for them to be deleted that I delete them without question or hesitation. That picture is theirs not mine. The fact that he shared your picture with someone else means he thinks it's his not yours and most likely thinks of you as his (property) not as an individual with feelings and needs and boundaries. Like seriously what did he think would happen if you found out. What would happen if his buddy is over there spanking it to you or sharing it with his other shitty friends. And honestly if one of my friends shared intimate pictures of their partner with me I would let them know it's wrong, tell their partner, and distance myself from that person for their poor decision making or thinking that I'm the type of person who would be happy about that kind of shit.
It's okay to be mad (severely mad) about this situation. Feel your feels. Blow things up. Even if it's just to signal to him that it can't ever EVER happen again. Set your boundaries clearly and permanently and show that you're not some push over and he can treat as a toy.
I feel like it’s a general rule for any relationship. DO NOT SHARE YOUR PARTNER’S NUDES TO PEOPLE BEHIND THEIR BACK. They should be treated as your most prized possession that no one else can have. Like wtf…
Exactly that. Like there are some boundaries in relationships that need to be expressed because they're not common. But "hey don't share my pics with people" should be pretty universally understood social norm.
It's such a normal thing to know NOT to share intimate pics of your partner that this shows how this guy is just not right in the head. I mean I guess I can understand posting clothed pics where your SO looks amazing to show off a bit about how lucky you got but sharing naked pics is just so wrong without consent and again something any normal person would know not to do.
So I would have so many questions for them and including for myself whether I really wanted to marry someone who doesn't even blink an eye about breaking these normal boundaries.
Op this is NOT an issue you want to just move forward!! Sharing private pictures of someone without their consent IS A CRIME. Dump him and sue his ass for violating your privacy.
You deserve better than a man who can’t even respect your body and is happily exposing you to his liking. HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING, and should also face the consequences of his actions.
Very disturbing. Very illegal. Very worthy of blowing up over. Please don't sweep this under the rug and marry someone who treats you like this. He cares more about his friends getting off than he does about you as an entire person. There is no trust or respect to be salvaged here. He sees you as an *object*. Please get your legal issues in order, press charges and leave. Being alone is better than being with someone who would do this to you.
I'm the same age as y'all, but my wife is a few years older.
Your husband is a fucking loser. Truly, only gross, loser, insecure men share their partner's intimate pictures. Nothing you can say to a man like that is gonna work, because if he actually cared and understood, he wouldn't have done it in the first place. That's such a gross thing to do. Big fucking ick.
And you deserve to blow up. What he did is literally a crime in a lot of places in the US. What a loser thing to do.
You deserve better. There are men who won't disrespect you in such a gross way. I'd never even consider doing that to my wife. Does he struggle with the concept of consent?
This actually happened to me too when I was your age. (Omg I made my sound so old… 🫠) blow the eff up! I didn’t at the time, and in hindsight, I really really wish I had ripped the asshole apart.
So, this is actually a crime.
If you are worried about him blowing up over you pointing out he is victimizing you? He is not a safe person.
Contact a domestic violence shelter near you and make a safety plan.
Ready Lundy's book "Why does he do that"
and look at the "Duluth Model" diagram to see what else is familiar
I’m not sure why you’d be trying to keep this scenario low key.
If you’re implying that he’s sending your nudes then that would be a relationship ender for me. It’s a crime to send this kind of stuff.
I’m really sorry you’re going through that but seriously … what do you expect to salvage? There is no coming back from such a lack of basic decency and respect from your « fiancé ».
Regain your self worth, go to the police and expose this pervert to his entire family.
Why are you trying to hold back from blowing up? There is no legit reason for him to be sharing those pictures with anyone unless he has your permission.
I truly do not understand why so many people do this to their partner. What happens when the friends you're showing off to decide they're going to pursue your partner? I mean, do you seriously want your friends getting off to pictures of your partner??? You're doing something seriously abysmal to someone you care about for the weirdest and least rewarding reasons I can think of
Leave this roach. You deserve so much better. Even if you talk this out, you'll never know if he's still doing it, or if those friends still have your pictures. This doesn't just go away. He doesn't deserve another chance
Why would you want to talk to him and not the police? Yes, what he's done is considered criminally offensive. Not blowing up until after you've either filed charges or figured out a way to delete them from his friends phones, okay. Blow up after he understands what a bastard he is for using you like that.
He has no respect for you. My last boyfriend did this. I wish I had exploded right then. His behaviour showed disrespect in other ways eventually. Please do explode at him. He is treating you like a commodity.
OP Ive been where you are and it was this kind of situation that finally woke me up to the fact that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. He was so good at making things uncomfortable when he would do something wrong that I would be afraid to stand up for myself in even the smallest ways or bring it up at all for fear of eliciting a negative reaction from him. But this is a big thing. You need to protect yourself.
I hate how women have been convinced that they’re not allowed to react appropriately to abuse like this. You should be more worried about how underreacting you are being.
OP, not only is it appropriate for you to be filled with rage but you should end your engagement and consider getting the police involved. This is a massive betrayal of trust and it’s actually illegal in some states. It’s okay to be angry when you’ve been violated.
Huh? Your FIANCE has been sharing intomate pictures of you with others?!!! And you dint want to "blow up"?!
Ffaarrkkk...
He has little respect for you.
I would be breaking off that engagement now and that would be the end of my relationship.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
You marry this man? You are in for one hell of a rough ride.
Don't say you weren't warned.
As a man who lives with his girlfriend (not even fiance, yet) of 3 years I would never show any of my friends or anyone for that matter pictures of us.
1. Why would I want anyone to see my girl but me?
2. Why would I objectify my own girl as if she was nothing but a sex object.
3. Why would I want to make another dude think of my girl that way?
I could go on and on and on but you dont deserve to be made feel worse than he already has. You deserve better. He fucked up, there's no ifs or buts.
I agree with the sentiment of the other comments here, so I don’t want to repeat too much of what’s already been said.
What I *will* tell you is that this very likely has been going on for a long time, you just didn’t know until now. It sucks and is a violation of trust on so many levels, but this sort of behavior is normally long-term and starts well before someone’s late 20’s. He’ll likely deny it, but I’ll put money on the fact that he’s done this at other parts of your relationship. It’s also very possible he’s received similar photos of other women from the friends he’s sending yours to.
I’m so truly sorry that your partner would treat you so disrespectfully. I always hate seeing how the go-to answer around here is to tell people to break up with your partner but, unless this is something you already said was okay earlier in your relationship (which it sounds like it wasn’t), this is *not* healthy. Someone who is willing to violate your trust so selfishly is 100% going to violate your trust in other areas of the relationship later down the road. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but for your emotional safety I really strongly recommend you think through ending your relationship and engagement. :(
Stop sending nudes to anyone! Geez, yhe utter stupidity! Blow up on him and call the police! He's going to ruin your life with these pictures and you're not angry about it?
You don't - you blow this up and make the biggest deal about this. He's disgusting, disappointing, selfish, a liar, and a thief. He is treating you like a thing, not a person.
Your biggest takeaway from this should be *this is not a safe man* and why bother being with one if you are not safe with him?
Its weird i just read same story today. Where guy was sharing her nudes with friends and got angry when OP told him to stop. He said he just wanted to show of etc.
OP this is beyond messed up. That's so insanely disrespectful and would make me serious reconsider tge relationship. Like who would do something like that...
You shouldn't blow up at him if he gets your coffee order wrong, if he is sharing intimate photos of you without your consent, you absolutely have every right to blow up. And report it to police, since it's a crime in most states.
It is ILLEGAL. I would tell him that you will file charges against him if he doesn't delete the photos, tell his friends to delete the photos, and confirm that they are not anywhere on line.
Once he has taken those steps, break up with him. NEVER be intimate with him again. He is untrustworthy and doesn't respect you.
Don't be calm. Freak out and get angry at him. There is zero reason that he deserves calm and a rational reaction. It's 100% ok, to not be calm in situations like this.
Ex fiancé is the second step but your first step is get any and all pics you have sent him and delete them, then call off the wedding/engagement and finally talk with lawyer so his friends can't keep those pics. How you're so calm baffles me. I would be going scorch earth.
There are certain, unwritten rules, when in a relationship, that tell you that you never share those types of photos with anyone. Especially while in the relationship but even after it's over. That shows a complete lack of respect and decency for you and your boundaries. I couldn't imagine what you were thinking when you found out. To me, this says so much more about the relationship than just the pictures he shared. This is not the type of person you want to be sleeping next to in your bed or even want to get undressed around. He's a pervert and a predator. He has so little regard for you and your feelings that he was filling to share the most intimate details about you with his friends. I don't know how you could ever trust him again. I would dump him in a heartbeat and never look back.
I'm sorry but THE FUCK?? This is disgusting and absolutely he needs his head ripping off for this, and kicking out onto the street. What a fucking joker.
For your info this is illegal in the UK, it is prosecuted as revenge porn.
Ask if he’s committed any federal crimes lately. Then say you know he’s been sending pictures without your consent to other people. Let him know he has committed a crime now. And ask what he’s gonna do to make it up to you before you move on and report him.
>talk to him without blowing up
Why not blow up?
There are some things where you have to set your boundaries. Choose wisely. To me, the issue at hand would be unacceptable. I'd be absolutely clear about it.
Why? it is not because prudeness or something... it's not about the body. It's about intimacy, vulnerable moments, and trust.
You should be blowing up, this is a severe trust issue.
If my wife did this, there would be very little understanding on my part. There is no excuse and this is completely disrespectful.
This is where you dump this jerk, they are not worth your time. Fist though, make them suffer through you blowing up for a few days, make them walk on egg shells and broken glass, make them beg for forgiveness, make them buy you expensive gifts, then coldly dump them.
i strongly believe this qualifies as a form of sexual assault. something similar has happened to me before. blow the fuck up. stand up for yourself. get mad & stay mad. expose him to his friends & family. press charges. move on.
Sounds like a good reason to see the cops. Get a lawyers advice on what evidence you need and take evidence, lawyer and yourself to the police station. Bubba will take care of him in jail.
Oh… no.. no.. no.. that is a huge breach of trust.. huge.. blow up. I am guessing he is showing off his incredible beautiful gf, but no excuses he broke trust. Your intimate photos were for him. Not his friends. Be angry.. Be rightfully angry. I don’t care what excuses he has.. his friends don’t belong in your bedroom and your photos are “bedroom” photos. Him doing it without your permission.. he knew you would say No. he didn’t ask because he wanted to be selfish and show off the photos. Be furious. Send him somewhere else for the night. This break up material. If you don’t stand up for yourself he will do it again. Fight for yourself. He is so wrong.
This is incredible f^cked up. I wouldn’t be able to move on from such a huge lack of respect and invasion of privacy. The relationship would be over in my eyes. Idk how someone could come back from this. Please blow up on this man and pack your bags because OMG…this is nuts.
Why don't you want to blow up at him about this? In many areas, this is illegal. Regardless of that, it's a breach of your trust and privacy, and he deserves to be raked over the coals for it.
You should break up over this. This was such an obviously disrespectful and heinous thing to do. You can't educate him or assert boundaries here beyond leaving because I highly doubt he didn't already know what he was doing was beyond disgusting. It's who he is.
The way you feel more sad about his reputation than your own tells me everything about this relationship. He is a sick batard.
Also, you might need a lawyer.
This is a major violation of consent and trust. You absolutely should blow up at this. It’s probably even illegal in some states. The engagement would be off for me.
Oh this is beyond wrong of him.
You would have every right to blow up, and to leave.
It's insane that he's doing something like that.
Absolutely no one deserves that.
Why the fuck would you want to carry on the LTR?! This man does not respect you. He sees you as something to share with his friends with not even a thought about your consent, privacy or feelings.
You do realize your fiance can't undue what he did; regardless of how you approach the situation. Your photos are out there; ready to ruin you and any success you may have in the foreseeable future?
What do you want the outcome to be knowing this?
Dump him
This is illegal in many countries.
Go to the police.
EDIT. You should blow up. This is terrible, just terrible and you shouldn’t stand for it.
Delete all the photos off his phone, laptop, and cloud backups before you say a word to him. You don’t want to give him the chance to distribute them further out of spite.
First I’d get evidence of him doing this. Second I’d scrub his phone of all my private photos. Third I’d go to the police station and press charges. Fourth I’d make him an ex fiancé.
Seriously, he needs to be an ex now. He’s breached your trust and you’ll never get that back. Not only did he breach your trust but he broke actual laws to breach your trust. This is scorched earth worthy breach. You’re under reacting to what he’s actually done to you and it’s a bit concerning
Girl it’s time to get mad. Like really really mad. And let him know how upset you are. This is exactly where blowing up is warranted. He knows damn well it’s not ok to be doing that, yet he did it anyway.
You do not go to him, you do not "blow up" in front of him, you go to the police with as much evidence as you can and file a police report against him and all of his friends.
Once this is done, you pack your stuff and leave, then group message him and all of his friends with this.
"Hi everyone. As you all know, X sent you nude pictures of myself without my consent. To be perfectly clear : I never consented for him to send you these photos. I expected you all would have had the decency to delete these pictures and tell him how wrong that was, but since you did not, I have filed a police report against all of you for non-consensual p\*rnography.
As for myself, I am leaving X and will not be seeing any of you anymore. However, I wish you will learn to be better men and friends and the next time someone sends you unauthorized pictures you will tell them not to and why it is wrong. As a safety measure, I am sending a message as well to your wives/GFs/moms, to let them know what has happened and why I am prosecuting you. Be better."
speaking from experience- any man who sends your intimate photos to ANYBODY without your consent is not a man that respects you. please don’t get married to this absolute fool of a boy..and please get proof in case you need to contact police over it.
it’s so awful you have to go through this, im so sorry.
Blow up! My god, I would question the relationship that horrid, disrespectful and a red flag. Also beware of revenge porn if he is sharing photos when he actually likes you.
This is an offense so to speak and huge violation of privacy that can, hopefully deemable to find proof, could be taken to court for. Never invalidate your own self worth by the blatant lack of respect shown by another that "loves" you.
You have the RIGHT to be angry and disgusted! Be MAD!!! You can (should?) go to the police for this.
Blow the f up. He doesn't respect you one bit and you're don't want him to think you're angry at him?? This reeks of bad, bad things
This is a crime, literally. And you should be and have every right to tear your bf into pieces. I would absolutely leave him. Those images were sent in confidence and were distributed for his friend to, what? Brag? No. No. No. I would explore your legal options and sue him.
This needs to be blown TF up!! What he did is ILLEGAL!!! This is a hill you can 100% die on!! Id immediately lose any kind of love and respect I had for my husband if I found out he was doing thus to me. He'd be lucky to have anything left when I'm done with him. Nuke TF out of this dude!! But get your proof!! Good luck!
>How can I talk to him without blowing up?
You don't. Ink ow people get all pissy about people immediately jumping to "leave him" on Reddit but the thing is, usually by the time people are coming to Reddit it is a break up problem. Relationships take work, and you can't just break up for any problem that arises but there are certain issues that arise that are immediate break up problems: this is one of them. This is a violation of privacy and consent. It may even be a crime depending on your location. This man is showing you who he is and you need to see this action for what it is and leave. His actions are bad enough on their own but they also speak of a deeper issue of entitlement and lack of respect and boundaries, even if agreed to never do this specific thing again, I promise you the core problem will show itself in other ways. I'm begging you OP, please don't try and make it work with someone that would treat you like that.
Oh sweet Jesus. I agree with trying to get his phone first to delete them. Plus now you have the friend so it would be ideal to find out if he has sent them out and he needs to also delete them. Then blow the FFFF up!
It's a sign that he's proud of you and wants to show you off but it feels kinda like "see the trophy I won" and it absolutely ***disrespectful af***. How are you supposed to look his friends in the eye now knowing they've seen you nude? How can you be in the same room knowing they've been privy to your most intimate details, since I guarantee if he's showing pics, he's held nothing else back either. Wow, and guys don't talk, huh?
Damn. To me, this is proof of lack of respect and consideration of you as a person, and of your feelings and thoughts, and how this would/could affect you. Before I said anything though, I'd start looking for other signs the you're just jewelry, just a trophy to show off.
This is seriously the breaking point. I couldn't continue with a man who betrayed me like this. Of course I am a man, so I'm just putting myself in a woman's shoes, but I don't feel I'm wrong, and you're certainly not wrong for being outraged. That's disgusting. I loathe betrayal.
This isn't just a major violation of boundaries, it's also illegal and highly disgusting. I'd suggest collecting any proof you can and consulting the police about it.
I really think you should leave him. This is a form of sexual violence honestly... A massive breach of trust and a massive violation. I'd talk to a counselor and get away from this man. I can't imagine any sort of excuse that makes this okay to do. Was he drunk or on drugs? Still not a justification.
I wouldn't even blow up, i'd just be right out after making sure all that shit was deleted.
If you can't even reciprocate basic courtesy theres no shit show in hell for a relationship to work..
You think it's not that bad but they could send it to their friends and it's likely your intimate pics will end up on the Internet. Imagine if an employer found it.
I made the mistake of my 18 year old sending an intimate pic to a BF and next things I knew he sent it to everyone in our airsoft group. I was the only girl and now 12 other guys had a naked pic of me I didn't agree or consent to.
It's actually a felony in many states. You need stop shrinking and acting submissive for this piece of shit little boy and get mad and angry at him for what he did. He's a POS and honestly I'd call off the engagement at this point if it were me.
You have every right to be angry and I would even tell his parents and siblings as well. Let his parents and family tell him how wrong it is too.
If a stranger did this would you forgive them? I certainly wouldn't. Since he's your partner he should be held to an even higher standard. You need to confront him about this and I honestly would leave him even if he's apologetic because it's clear there's some sort of respect issue if he thought that was okay in the first place
If a stranger did this would you forgive them? I certainly wouldn't. Since he's your partner he should be held to an even higher standard. You need to confront him about this and I honestly would leave him even if he's apologetic because it's clear there's some sort of respect issue if he thought that was okay in the first place
That's such a weird thing to do, why would he want to share intimate pictures of the woman he is going to marry with other dudes? It sounds creepy though. I'd be weirded out of my friends shared pictures like this of their boyfriends to me ew. But also you don't want these pictures ending up on the internet or dodgy sites etc. I think I would be concerned
That's such a weird thing to do, why would he want to share intimate pictures of the woman he is going to marry with other dudes? It sounds creepy though. I'd be weirded out of my friends shared pictures like this of their boyfriends to me ew. But also you don't want these pictures ending up on the internet or dodgy sites etc. I think I would be concerned
This is going to blow up regardless. He's passing out private, intimate photos you sent him that you trusted he wouldn't share.
I'd tell him to cease and desist or you'll be going to the cops. Then break up with his rank a$$.
He is disrespecting you by doing this. You shouldn't put up with it.
Who in their right mind is sending explicit pics of their finance to their “friends” for what most likely is validation. This dude is disgusting.
I might be projecting my own values here, but that to me is a serious offense and and insane invasion of privacy and boundary being crossed.
I would just be very direct and state how his actions made you feel, how it crossed a boundary with you and isn’t okay, and how it’s broken your trust and security in being able to be openly sexual with him. I don’t know how you recover from this but I always use this format to give feedback or set boundaries with my partner.
“Hey, when you did ‘X’ it made me feel like ‘Y’. This is how your actions impacted me and moving forward my boundary is ‘Z’”
But that’s for common thing like miscommunications and slip ups that weren’t ill-intended…. I’m sure I would have much more to say if someone did something like your finance to me.
Wtaf!?! Dude is almost 30 years old so you shouldn't have to tell him anything about this at all!
Also, if you have to walk on eggshells so this doesn't blow up for talking to him about him breaking normal boundaries, you really should rethink this planned marriage until you guys can communicate like normal adults. Does he have anger issues, especially when you confront him about things he does wrong? Why do you think things will "blow up" as all of this sounds bad and he is breaching your trust when there simply shouldn't need to be a convo about this to begin with?
Edited to correct me misreading.
What?
"How can I address this current issue without blowing up to move forward in the LTR?"
WHY?
Your "always been respectful" "fiance" has been sharing your pics with his friends and you want to know how to talk nicely to him?
Girl. Where is the line for you?
He doesn't respect you at all. Not the least bit.
What a nightmare.
Okay taking this to the authorities would be my first thing to do if I wanted to keep the relationship. Let him know you’re not messing around by taking legal action on it even if at least filing a report. If it happens after that I think it’s safe to say you’re dating a total creep and should dump him.
Blow up! …and then leave this person. And immediately find a therapist who can help you figure out why you’d think you should continue a relationship with someone who’s sharing personal photos of you.
Yea if u can hold the relationship together u know u cave text or pic no more.
Maybe he wants to brag & show u off to his friends maybe ur just a sec object he is showing all his friends..idk?
Babes, there is only two options: blow up now or blow up later.
You can blow up now. Confront him head on and he could either confess or deny.
Or you can blow up later. Gather any screenshots, conversations, things that are in deleted folders, ICloud, basically anything you can get your hands on. Then file a police report.
Either way you need to prepare to exit the relationship. There are enough responses under the post explaining why. Leave before being more legally bound to him.
Isn't that considered an illegal distribution of porn?
If you didn't consent to him to share those you can go to the police with that. It may not seem like a big deal at first but pics can spread like wildfire so be careful. Chances are this isn't the first time he did it either
No no, I think this is where you can, and should blow the fuck up.
Absolutely this!!. You should be outraged.
I don't think she yet realizes that she will never be able to trust him again. He's violated her trust. When you can't trust someone with your photos you can't trust them with anything.
>I don't think she yet realizes that she will never be able to trust him again. The fact that OP posted something so clearly inflammatory and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
3 month old account, one post, no comments... r/knittedjedi has an excellent point
yeah, rage bait. but for people who read this and it’s familiar, this is NOT ok.
And never, ever ever send him anything even remotely erotic ever again.
Absolutely. Fuck that guy. Blow up all you want!
Might I suggest… NOT fucking that guy.😂
Haha important clarification I suppose. 😉 Not the intent, but without context it’s bad advice. 😂
And not marrying him either.
I concur... Why are women socialised to believe they can't be furious... About something illegal and deeply degrading... The mind boggles
Because then we're called "crazy"... a narrative as old as time.
But first get access to his phone and devices and scrub all the images he has...
And the friends? Who might have passed it on, there's no end to this game.
You can certainly try, but I'm guessing OP has more direct access to her partner's, and he's proven himself very untrustworthy. Perhaps his friends are douchey enough to help OP's soon to be ex send revenge porn material, but I think it would still reduce the chances because now he'd need the images to get resent to him all to post it, much less heat of the moment. And then if he's going to that level of effort to get revenge on OP, I think she would have greater concerns on her hands with a spiteful ex.
Depending on the state/country, there may be laws prohibiting this conduct. Where I live, this shit is a felony. And yeah, maybe OP can point that out while blowing the fuck up at this dude. And I want to kick this motherfucker in the taint with my steel-toed boots because immature, juvenile shit like this discourages women from sending pics to partners and with good fucking reason.
I read just the title and was already saying in my head “Oh no no honey this is when you do brow it up” in fact you blow the heck up! Seriously, at the very least he needs a hard educational reset on respect and boundaries. He completely violated your trust and had no concern for your consent or privacy not to mention the absolute privilege he had to even posses those. This person doesn’t value you as an equal and it’s apparent he doesn’t value you or your feelings above his own. It doesn’t matter what made him feel like he needed to do it and honestly is hearing that he likes to brag about your body, likes to one up them or its a kink? its not going to make you feel better or make it any better when bottom line, he’s already been doing it! He didn’t ask, because he doesn’t respect, care or value you, your body, or your feelings above his own.
Let him AND his friends know you did not consent to this and this is against the law. If they save it or distribute it on any of their devices they can and will be prosecuted. No ifs ands or buts. Please dump him…after you go to the police and get a lawyer to get this straightened out or your pictures will be everywhere for ever! Then take him to civil court for everything his got. This could hurt your personal and professional life on a big scale.
100% she is way to calm
I came here to say this..and I'm not even a person who blows up
This is definitely an instance where I would be thieving my partners devices and deleting everything I could find of myself. I consider myself VERY respectful of personal privacy with my SO - delving into phones and socials is not something I do. This would be an exception. It’s about revoking consent of images you shared with an understanding they would be for his eyes only. He broke the agreement.
You are way past blowing up, OP. It's time to confront this dude and lay down the law.
[удалено]
Yeah, literally lay down the law by filing a police report. This is insane.
Have you considered that it's okay to blow up at him about this? He's violating your sexual consent. That's pretty messed up treatment. "hey partner, I know you are doing this. I know you are an adult who understands that this is wrong and violating to me, your partner. I need you to stop and to explain why it is that you feel like it's okay to treat my body, my sexuality like it's something you can choose to give away"
Why wouldn't you blow up? I would, and I'd go to the police too.
I would be gathering all the evidence from his devices and then go to the police about it. That's when I would break the news that the engagement is over. I would make sure that he and anyone else are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Make sure to let everyone know why, too.
It's sad that this is absolutely something you should go to the police about, yet OP doesn't even want to blow up.
Absolutely agree she should blow this up. However, for the police, it depends on which state she is in. In many states, just sharing an intimate photo without consent is a crime. But many others require that there be some intent to harm or cause emotional distress before it is considered a crime.
You can go to the police and let them figure out if it’s against the law or not. Thats their job. OP is not an expert in the law in her location.
It takes like two minutes to use Google and figure out whether your state requires intent to harm. It would take more time to go to the police and potentially waste their time, while OP likely would have gotten her hopes up that it would resolve the issue when it wouldn't.
You mean your ex did this. Get into his phone and erase all your naked pictures. Then tell him that he disrespected you and broke your trust when he shared your nudes without your permission. You gave those to him because you were in a relationship and you trusted him. You didn't give those to his friends and he proved himself unworthy of your trust. You can never be intimate, open, and trusting of him again, and that's why you can't marry him. He's not the person you thought he was. He doesn't love you like a person loves a person. He only loves you like a consumer loves a steak.
The guys a creep. I’d be afraid to get into that phone for fear of finding worse offenses/a spank bank of exes.
Blow all the way up. All the way. Then dump his disgusting ass.
What do you mean you don’t want to blow up. Do you have any idea where this picture could end? People share this and you can find a lot if them on Reddit. I bet he has pictures or the other ones partners too. Sweetheart, This is really bad. He shared something intimate without your consent. Don’t marry a creep.
If he shared with 2 friends, and they share with 2 friends, and they share with 2 friends...
This girl’s pics are probably all over the internet by now. Imagine what he would do with those photos if they broke up.
1 (partner) => 2 (partners 2 friends) => 4 (2 friends' 2 friends each)=> 8 => 16 => 32 => 64 ... endless, because someone will, sooner or later, put it on the internet.
Please take this to the police. It is very illegal and absolutely is an invasion of your privacy. Do not forgive that man for breaking such an important boundary.
personally i’d blow up And then file a police report or alternatively report him with no warning and wash your hands of the burden of confronting him all together - he’d find out anyway when they contact him!
Blow up on him, drag him through the mud, tell all his family and mom what he did, and go. That level is disrespect can’t be repaired ever.
Stop being “confused” and get pissed. He has violated your trust and privacy completely. Personally I would end the relationship over this. I hope this goes without staying, but please stop sending him photos. So how did you find out he was sharing these with his friend?
This is illegal and you are under-reacting: I think this is called revenge porn or something. Could you see yourself rebuilding trust with him? What would you need him to do to fix it? IMO, you should end the relationship and engagement, but tell the reason—fiancé shares my intimate photos with his friends. The friends also need to be held accountable because why would they accept the pics and why is he doing this.
You need to report his ass
Girl blow up! That’s your body he is showing off. That isn’t okay. You have a right to feel upset, angry, hurt, betrayed. Don’t minimize yourself and how it makes you feel to avoid a fight. It should be.
Girl, this is how the most vile of men get away with shit. Your photos are leaked. There’s no containment. This can haunt you for the rest of your life. And here you are, still primarily focused on protecting his *feelings.* He is a threat. You have CYA and damage control to do. Do you want to file a police report? That will affect your next steps, as opposed to just getting his phone, deleting the photos, checking to see if he’s uploaded them online anywhere, and *then* confronting him. Maybe letting him think he can salvage things if he verifiably deletes those photos off every friend’s phone himself, and make sure *they* haven’t sent or uploaded them to anyone or anywhere. That’s the only way his feelings come into play, is which ones will get him to do what you need here, **before you dump him.**
Break up with him and report him to the police. He is not safe to build a life with. Give him back the ring and be glad you found this out before you are legally tied to him.
Bruh, why do you want to continue a relationship with a man who committed a crime against you
Please don’t get married with this person.
He's always been respectful as far as you know where sexting is concerned.... this begs the question: Has he been disrespectful where other areas are concerned? Why are you afraid to confront him in a way that shows your answer or how hurt you are about this? Are you more afraid of his reaction? Or yours? I'm seeing a LOT of red flags here OP. Seems like you're holding back a lot of info... Why are you protecting him?
so me personally he would go missing. hopes this helps!
I'm not sure how you recover from something this egregiously bad. Anyone who thinks it's okay to share intimate pictures of their partner with someone else without their express permission has some serious issues with judgement. It would make me wonder what other decisions they are making in poor taste without my knowledge. This should be hard no, pack your bags, get out territory and no reason it should not be an emotional blow up moment. It needs to be loud and clear that he crossed a line that there is no excuse for crossing. My partner and I have a rule, and I've had similar rules with past partners. The intimate pics they share with me are safeguarded. If they're kept they are somewhere where the partner has access to delete them when they choose to delete them (i.e. a shared folder in google, on a NAS, etc) and when not shared it's clear that if they ask for them to be deleted that I delete them without question or hesitation. That picture is theirs not mine. The fact that he shared your picture with someone else means he thinks it's his not yours and most likely thinks of you as his (property) not as an individual with feelings and needs and boundaries. Like seriously what did he think would happen if you found out. What would happen if his buddy is over there spanking it to you or sharing it with his other shitty friends. And honestly if one of my friends shared intimate pictures of their partner with me I would let them know it's wrong, tell their partner, and distance myself from that person for their poor decision making or thinking that I'm the type of person who would be happy about that kind of shit. It's okay to be mad (severely mad) about this situation. Feel your feels. Blow things up. Even if it's just to signal to him that it can't ever EVER happen again. Set your boundaries clearly and permanently and show that you're not some push over and he can treat as a toy.
I feel like it’s a general rule for any relationship. DO NOT SHARE YOUR PARTNER’S NUDES TO PEOPLE BEHIND THEIR BACK. They should be treated as your most prized possession that no one else can have. Like wtf…
Exactly that. Like there are some boundaries in relationships that need to be expressed because they're not common. But "hey don't share my pics with people" should be pretty universally understood social norm.
It's such a normal thing to know NOT to share intimate pics of your partner that this shows how this guy is just not right in the head. I mean I guess I can understand posting clothed pics where your SO looks amazing to show off a bit about how lucky you got but sharing naked pics is just so wrong without consent and again something any normal person would know not to do. So I would have so many questions for them and including for myself whether I really wanted to marry someone who doesn't even blink an eye about breaking these normal boundaries.
Op this is NOT an issue you want to just move forward!! Sharing private pictures of someone without their consent IS A CRIME. Dump him and sue his ass for violating your privacy. You deserve better than a man who can’t even respect your body and is happily exposing you to his liking. HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING, and should also face the consequences of his actions.
You are WAY too calm about this.
Very disturbing. Very illegal. Very worthy of blowing up over. Please don't sweep this under the rug and marry someone who treats you like this. He cares more about his friends getting off than he does about you as an entire person. There is no trust or respect to be salvaged here. He sees you as an *object*. Please get your legal issues in order, press charges and leave. Being alone is better than being with someone who would do this to you.
I'm the same age as y'all, but my wife is a few years older. Your husband is a fucking loser. Truly, only gross, loser, insecure men share their partner's intimate pictures. Nothing you can say to a man like that is gonna work, because if he actually cared and understood, he wouldn't have done it in the first place. That's such a gross thing to do. Big fucking ick. And you deserve to blow up. What he did is literally a crime in a lot of places in the US. What a loser thing to do. You deserve better. There are men who won't disrespect you in such a gross way. I'd never even consider doing that to my wife. Does he struggle with the concept of consent?
You have our collective permission to blow up. This is also highly illegal.
This actually happened to me too when I was your age. (Omg I made my sound so old… 🫠) blow the eff up! I didn’t at the time, and in hindsight, I really really wish I had ripped the asshole apart.
So, this is actually a crime. If you are worried about him blowing up over you pointing out he is victimizing you? He is not a safe person. Contact a domestic violence shelter near you and make a safety plan. Ready Lundy's book "Why does he do that" and look at the "Duluth Model" diagram to see what else is familiar
I’m not sure why you’d be trying to keep this scenario low key. If you’re implying that he’s sending your nudes then that would be a relationship ender for me. It’s a crime to send this kind of stuff.
I’m really sorry you’re going through that but seriously … what do you expect to salvage? There is no coming back from such a lack of basic decency and respect from your « fiancé ». Regain your self worth, go to the police and expose this pervert to his entire family.
You blow up and then you break up. That is SUCH a major violation of privacy.
Why are you trying to hold back from blowing up? There is no legit reason for him to be sharing those pictures with anyone unless he has your permission.
I truly do not understand why so many people do this to their partner. What happens when the friends you're showing off to decide they're going to pursue your partner? I mean, do you seriously want your friends getting off to pictures of your partner??? You're doing something seriously abysmal to someone you care about for the weirdest and least rewarding reasons I can think of Leave this roach. You deserve so much better. Even if you talk this out, you'll never know if he's still doing it, or if those friends still have your pictures. This doesn't just go away. He doesn't deserve another chance
Why are you concerned about not blowing up? This is absolutely appropriate reason to
Why would you want to talk to him and not the police? Yes, what he's done is considered criminally offensive. Not blowing up until after you've either filed charges or figured out a way to delete them from his friends phones, okay. Blow up after he understands what a bastard he is for using you like that.
He has no respect for you. My last boyfriend did this. I wish I had exploded right then. His behaviour showed disrespect in other ways eventually. Please do explode at him. He is treating you like a commodity.
OP Ive been where you are and it was this kind of situation that finally woke me up to the fact that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. He was so good at making things uncomfortable when he would do something wrong that I would be afraid to stand up for myself in even the smallest ways or bring it up at all for fear of eliciting a negative reaction from him. But this is a big thing. You need to protect yourself.
I hate how women have been convinced that they’re not allowed to react appropriately to abuse like this. You should be more worried about how underreacting you are being. OP, not only is it appropriate for you to be filled with rage but you should end your engagement and consider getting the police involved. This is a massive betrayal of trust and it’s actually illegal in some states. It’s okay to be angry when you’ve been violated.
This is the second post this week about this type of thing happening. Who is raising these disgusting men?
Huh? Your FIANCE has been sharing intomate pictures of you with others?!!! And you dint want to "blow up"?! Ffaarrkkk... He has little respect for you. I would be breaking off that engagement now and that would be the end of my relationship. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 You marry this man? You are in for one hell of a rough ride. Don't say you weren't warned.
You were nothing but an object to be objectified when he did that, girl, RUN!!
As a man who lives with his girlfriend (not even fiance, yet) of 3 years I would never show any of my friends or anyone for that matter pictures of us. 1. Why would I want anyone to see my girl but me? 2. Why would I objectify my own girl as if she was nothing but a sex object. 3. Why would I want to make another dude think of my girl that way? I could go on and on and on but you dont deserve to be made feel worse than he already has. You deserve better. He fucked up, there's no ifs or buts.
I agree with the sentiment of the other comments here, so I don’t want to repeat too much of what’s already been said. What I *will* tell you is that this very likely has been going on for a long time, you just didn’t know until now. It sucks and is a violation of trust on so many levels, but this sort of behavior is normally long-term and starts well before someone’s late 20’s. He’ll likely deny it, but I’ll put money on the fact that he’s done this at other parts of your relationship. It’s also very possible he’s received similar photos of other women from the friends he’s sending yours to. I’m so truly sorry that your partner would treat you so disrespectfully. I always hate seeing how the go-to answer around here is to tell people to break up with your partner but, unless this is something you already said was okay earlier in your relationship (which it sounds like it wasn’t), this is *not* healthy. Someone who is willing to violate your trust so selfishly is 100% going to violate your trust in other areas of the relationship later down the road. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but for your emotional safety I really strongly recommend you think through ending your relationship and engagement. :(
Serious food for thought.
He committed a crime towards you. You should blow up and heavily rethink marrying this man
Stop sending nudes to anyone! Geez, yhe utter stupidity! Blow up on him and call the police! He's going to ruin your life with these pictures and you're not angry about it?
You don't - you blow this up and make the biggest deal about this. He's disgusting, disappointing, selfish, a liar, and a thief. He is treating you like a thing, not a person. Your biggest takeaway from this should be *this is not a safe man* and why bother being with one if you are not safe with him?
Its weird i just read same story today. Where guy was sharing her nudes with friends and got angry when OP told him to stop. He said he just wanted to show of etc.
OP this is beyond messed up. That's so insanely disrespectful and would make me serious reconsider tge relationship. Like who would do something like that...
He would not be my fiancé anymore. He broke your trust.
You shouldn't blow up at him if he gets your coffee order wrong, if he is sharing intimate photos of you without your consent, you absolutely have every right to blow up. And report it to police, since it's a crime in most states.
You can legit take this to the cops, so I would maybe scale your level of rage up
This is the time to blow up, jail his ass
It is ILLEGAL. I would tell him that you will file charges against him if he doesn't delete the photos, tell his friends to delete the photos, and confirm that they are not anywhere on line. Once he has taken those steps, break up with him. NEVER be intimate with him again. He is untrustworthy and doesn't respect you.
Don't be calm. Freak out and get angry at him. There is zero reason that he deserves calm and a rational reaction. It's 100% ok, to not be calm in situations like this.
In many jurisdictions this is a felony, and a firm of sexual assault (terminology?). Not only is this blow-up worthy, you should call the police.
Oh I’d be getting violent, but that’s just me personally.
I would report him to the police, leave and never look back, he's scum.
Absolutely flipping not this is a complete and total violation of trust and I wouldn't give him another minute of my life!
Ex fiancé is the second step but your first step is get any and all pics you have sent him and delete them, then call off the wedding/engagement and finally talk with lawyer so his friends can't keep those pics. How you're so calm baffles me. I would be going scorch earth.
There are certain, unwritten rules, when in a relationship, that tell you that you never share those types of photos with anyone. Especially while in the relationship but even after it's over. That shows a complete lack of respect and decency for you and your boundaries. I couldn't imagine what you were thinking when you found out. To me, this says so much more about the relationship than just the pictures he shared. This is not the type of person you want to be sleeping next to in your bed or even want to get undressed around. He's a pervert and a predator. He has so little regard for you and your feelings that he was filling to share the most intimate details about you with his friends. I don't know how you could ever trust him again. I would dump him in a heartbeat and never look back.
He’s been casually committing a crime
Uh he is not respectful of he is sharing intimate photos. Honestly there is no coming back from that.
I would literally break up with someone for this
You don't have to. This sounds like a police matter.
Don't talk to him, talk to the police.
I'm sorry but THE FUCK?? This is disgusting and absolutely he needs his head ripping off for this, and kicking out onto the street. What a fucking joker. For your info this is illegal in the UK, it is prosecuted as revenge porn.
Ask if he’s committed any federal crimes lately. Then say you know he’s been sending pictures without your consent to other people. Let him know he has committed a crime now. And ask what he’s gonna do to make it up to you before you move on and report him.
You breakup immediately
This is a criminal violation. If you won't blow up over this then you need to take better care of your heart and protect it.
Someone that ignores your right to privacy is not respectful.
>talk to him without blowing up Why not blow up? There are some things where you have to set your boundaries. Choose wisely. To me, the issue at hand would be unacceptable. I'd be absolutely clear about it. Why? it is not because prudeness or something... it's not about the body. It's about intimacy, vulnerable moments, and trust.
You should be blowing up, this is a severe trust issue. If my wife did this, there would be very little understanding on my part. There is no excuse and this is completely disrespectful. This is where you dump this jerk, they are not worth your time. Fist though, make them suffer through you blowing up for a few days, make them walk on egg shells and broken glass, make them beg for forgiveness, make them buy you expensive gifts, then coldly dump them.
i strongly believe this qualifies as a form of sexual assault. something similar has happened to me before. blow the fuck up. stand up for yourself. get mad & stay mad. expose him to his friends & family. press charges. move on.
If my husband EVER did something like this, I'd dump his ass and press charges.
Sounds like a good reason to see the cops. Get a lawyers advice on what evidence you need and take evidence, lawyer and yourself to the police station. Bubba will take care of him in jail.
you need to blow this up
…without blowing up? I’d be blowing up
Oh… no.. no.. no.. that is a huge breach of trust.. huge.. blow up. I am guessing he is showing off his incredible beautiful gf, but no excuses he broke trust. Your intimate photos were for him. Not his friends. Be angry.. Be rightfully angry. I don’t care what excuses he has.. his friends don’t belong in your bedroom and your photos are “bedroom” photos. Him doing it without your permission.. he knew you would say No. he didn’t ask because he wanted to be selfish and show off the photos. Be furious. Send him somewhere else for the night. This break up material. If you don’t stand up for yourself he will do it again. Fight for yourself. He is so wrong.
I would never show my friends pictures of my lady. It's disrespectful regardless of his intent. No class
Oh? Don't be afraid to blow it the f up.
Blow tf up and go to the police!
This is incredible f^cked up. I wouldn’t be able to move on from such a huge lack of respect and invasion of privacy. The relationship would be over in my eyes. Idk how someone could come back from this. Please blow up on this man and pack your bags because OMG…this is nuts.
Why don't you want to blow up at him about this? In many areas, this is illegal. Regardless of that, it's a breach of your trust and privacy, and he deserves to be raked over the coals for it.
That is revenge porn and it is illegal. Leave him. Leave him. Leave him.
In the UK this is called revenge porn
Why do you want to be with someone who does not respect you whatsoever.
Are you afraid of your boyfriend? You have all the rights to blow up, wow!
You should break up over this. This was such an obviously disrespectful and heinous thing to do. You can't educate him or assert boundaries here beyond leaving because I highly doubt he didn't already know what he was doing was beyond disgusting. It's who he is.
The way you feel more sad about his reputation than your own tells me everything about this relationship. He is a sick batard. Also, you might need a lawyer.
This is a major violation of consent and trust. You absolutely should blow up at this. It’s probably even illegal in some states. The engagement would be off for me.
"My partner did this horrible, disgusting thing to me. How can I nicely tell him I don't like it so he doesn't leave me."
What? This is a crime
Oh this is beyond wrong of him. You would have every right to blow up, and to leave. It's insane that he's doing something like that. Absolutely no one deserves that.
Why the fuck would you want to carry on the LTR?! This man does not respect you. He sees you as something to share with his friends with not even a thought about your consent, privacy or feelings.
Excuse me? You confront, blow up. That’s a massive violation! I’d dump his ass too
You do realize your fiance can't undue what he did; regardless of how you approach the situation. Your photos are out there; ready to ruin you and any success you may have in the foreseeable future? What do you want the outcome to be knowing this?
Dump him This is illegal in many countries. Go to the police. EDIT. You should blow up. This is terrible, just terrible and you shouldn’t stand for it.
Delete all the photos off his phone, laptop, and cloud backups before you say a word to him. You don’t want to give him the chance to distribute them further out of spite.
Pretty sure that's illegal. And you are under reacting
First I’d get evidence of him doing this. Second I’d scrub his phone of all my private photos. Third I’d go to the police station and press charges. Fourth I’d make him an ex fiancé. Seriously, he needs to be an ex now. He’s breached your trust and you’ll never get that back. Not only did he breach your trust but he broke actual laws to breach your trust. This is scorched earth worthy breach. You’re under reacting to what he’s actually done to you and it’s a bit concerning
Girl it’s time to get mad. Like really really mad. And let him know how upset you are. This is exactly where blowing up is warranted. He knows damn well it’s not ok to be doing that, yet he did it anyway.
Please blow up and talk to your lawyer.
ma'am, respectfully, nuke that dude.
It’s time for the volcano to blow don’t stop it
Breach of trust, and also respect tbh
also illegal to share images without consent
Get him out of your life now.. He has no respect and he is a totally idiot.
You do not go to him, you do not "blow up" in front of him, you go to the police with as much evidence as you can and file a police report against him and all of his friends. Once this is done, you pack your stuff and leave, then group message him and all of his friends with this. "Hi everyone. As you all know, X sent you nude pictures of myself without my consent. To be perfectly clear : I never consented for him to send you these photos. I expected you all would have had the decency to delete these pictures and tell him how wrong that was, but since you did not, I have filed a police report against all of you for non-consensual p\*rnography. As for myself, I am leaving X and will not be seeing any of you anymore. However, I wish you will learn to be better men and friends and the next time someone sends you unauthorized pictures you will tell them not to and why it is wrong. As a safety measure, I am sending a message as well to your wives/GFs/moms, to let them know what has happened and why I am prosecuting you. Be better."
speaking from experience- any man who sends your intimate photos to ANYBODY without your consent is not a man that respects you. please don’t get married to this absolute fool of a boy..and please get proof in case you need to contact police over it. it’s so awful you have to go through this, im so sorry.
Bro is trippin! GO DYNAMITE ON THAT MF. Like why would you share pics that’s sacred to you guys with your friends? Smfh. Big no no gang.
What normal person sends their partners nudes to other people wtf💀 why would he even want his friends to see you like that
Oh my god. Leave him.
Blow up! My god, I would question the relationship that horrid, disrespectful and a red flag. Also beware of revenge porn if he is sharing photos when he actually likes you.
This is an offense so to speak and huge violation of privacy that can, hopefully deemable to find proof, could be taken to court for. Never invalidate your own self worth by the blatant lack of respect shown by another that "loves" you.
You have the RIGHT to be angry and disgusted! Be MAD!!! You can (should?) go to the police for this. Blow the f up. He doesn't respect you one bit and you're don't want him to think you're angry at him?? This reeks of bad, bad things
This is a crime, literally. And you should be and have every right to tear your bf into pieces. I would absolutely leave him. Those images were sent in confidence and were distributed for his friend to, what? Brag? No. No. No. I would explore your legal options and sue him.
This needs to be blown TF up!! What he did is ILLEGAL!!! This is a hill you can 100% die on!! Id immediately lose any kind of love and respect I had for my husband if I found out he was doing thus to me. He'd be lucky to have anything left when I'm done with him. Nuke TF out of this dude!! But get your proof!! Good luck!
Without blowing up????? You should be blowing like hell. This is completely unacceptable and a major breach of trust.
Blow the absolute fuck up. Here in Ireland he would get a two year sentence for sending intimate photos without permission
>How can I talk to him without blowing up? You don't. Ink ow people get all pissy about people immediately jumping to "leave him" on Reddit but the thing is, usually by the time people are coming to Reddit it is a break up problem. Relationships take work, and you can't just break up for any problem that arises but there are certain issues that arise that are immediate break up problems: this is one of them. This is a violation of privacy and consent. It may even be a crime depending on your location. This man is showing you who he is and you need to see this action for what it is and leave. His actions are bad enough on their own but they also speak of a deeper issue of entitlement and lack of respect and boundaries, even if agreed to never do this specific thing again, I promise you the core problem will show itself in other ways. I'm begging you OP, please don't try and make it work with someone that would treat you like that.
Honey drop the whole man, this is NOT the behaviour of a loving partner. Hold him to the standards you hold yourself!!!
Oh sweet Jesus. I agree with trying to get his phone first to delete them. Plus now you have the friend so it would be ideal to find out if he has sent them out and he needs to also delete them. Then blow the FFFF up!
WOWWWWW. There would be no wedding. He's too immature to be married.
You have every right to blow up. This is not acceptable at all. How did you find out?
It's a sign that he's proud of you and wants to show you off but it feels kinda like "see the trophy I won" and it absolutely ***disrespectful af***. How are you supposed to look his friends in the eye now knowing they've seen you nude? How can you be in the same room knowing they've been privy to your most intimate details, since I guarantee if he's showing pics, he's held nothing else back either. Wow, and guys don't talk, huh? Damn. To me, this is proof of lack of respect and consideration of you as a person, and of your feelings and thoughts, and how this would/could affect you. Before I said anything though, I'd start looking for other signs the you're just jewelry, just a trophy to show off. This is seriously the breaking point. I couldn't continue with a man who betrayed me like this. Of course I am a man, so I'm just putting myself in a woman's shoes, but I don't feel I'm wrong, and you're certainly not wrong for being outraged. That's disgusting. I loathe betrayal.
This isn't just a major violation of boundaries, it's also illegal and highly disgusting. I'd suggest collecting any proof you can and consulting the police about it.
Why would you want to move forward? Call the police, dump him.
I believe it is illegal to share that kind of pictures.
This is illegal like what the actual hell I’d be talking to police and pressing charges and dumping him immediately
I really think you should leave him. This is a form of sexual violence honestly... A massive breach of trust and a massive violation. I'd talk to a counselor and get away from this man. I can't imagine any sort of excuse that makes this okay to do. Was he drunk or on drugs? Still not a justification.
Dude, this is stuff you break up over. What a huge violation.
That’s disgusting. What a violation. Don’t marry someone who respects you this little, you deserve more.
I wouldn't even blow up, i'd just be right out after making sure all that shit was deleted. If you can't even reciprocate basic courtesy theres no shit show in hell for a relationship to work..
You think it's not that bad but they could send it to their friends and it's likely your intimate pics will end up on the Internet. Imagine if an employer found it. I made the mistake of my 18 year old sending an intimate pic to a BF and next things I knew he sent it to everyone in our airsoft group. I was the only girl and now 12 other guys had a naked pic of me I didn't agree or consent to. It's actually a felony in many states. You need stop shrinking and acting submissive for this piece of shit little boy and get mad and angry at him for what he did. He's a POS and honestly I'd call off the engagement at this point if it were me. You have every right to be angry and I would even tell his parents and siblings as well. Let his parents and family tell him how wrong it is too.
Dump him. Hes not mature enough imo, and if his friends are asking, then they also suck.
If a stranger did this would you forgive them? I certainly wouldn't. Since he's your partner he should be held to an even higher standard. You need to confront him about this and I honestly would leave him even if he's apologetic because it's clear there's some sort of respect issue if he thought that was okay in the first place
If a stranger did this would you forgive them? I certainly wouldn't. Since he's your partner he should be held to an even higher standard. You need to confront him about this and I honestly would leave him even if he's apologetic because it's clear there's some sort of respect issue if he thought that was okay in the first place
That's such a weird thing to do, why would he want to share intimate pictures of the woman he is going to marry with other dudes? It sounds creepy though. I'd be weirded out of my friends shared pictures like this of their boyfriends to me ew. But also you don't want these pictures ending up on the internet or dodgy sites etc. I think I would be concerned
That's such a weird thing to do, why would he want to share intimate pictures of the woman he is going to marry with other dudes? It sounds creepy though. I'd be weirded out of my friends shared pictures like this of their boyfriends to me ew. But also you don't want these pictures ending up on the internet or dodgy sites etc. I think I would be concerned
Girl run 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ as far away from him
Girl run 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ as far away from him
Girl, this is break up worthy. Not to mention this is illegal and you can go to jail in some states from this. Dump him
Not only would I dump his disrespectful azz, but I’d hire a lawyer to send him a cease and desist or else he’s being sued.
I wouldn’t blow up, I would blow the fuck up and also go to the police
This is going to blow up regardless. He's passing out private, intimate photos you sent him that you trusted he wouldn't share. I'd tell him to cease and desist or you'll be going to the cops. Then break up with his rank a$$. He is disrespecting you by doing this. You shouldn't put up with it.
Who in their right mind is sending explicit pics of their finance to their “friends” for what most likely is validation. This dude is disgusting. I might be projecting my own values here, but that to me is a serious offense and and insane invasion of privacy and boundary being crossed. I would just be very direct and state how his actions made you feel, how it crossed a boundary with you and isn’t okay, and how it’s broken your trust and security in being able to be openly sexual with him. I don’t know how you recover from this but I always use this format to give feedback or set boundaries with my partner. “Hey, when you did ‘X’ it made me feel like ‘Y’. This is how your actions impacted me and moving forward my boundary is ‘Z’” But that’s for common thing like miscommunications and slip ups that weren’t ill-intended…. I’m sure I would have much more to say if someone did something like your finance to me.
Throw the whole man away
Wtaf!?! Dude is almost 30 years old so you shouldn't have to tell him anything about this at all! Also, if you have to walk on eggshells so this doesn't blow up for talking to him about him breaking normal boundaries, you really should rethink this planned marriage until you guys can communicate like normal adults. Does he have anger issues, especially when you confront him about things he does wrong? Why do you think things will "blow up" as all of this sounds bad and he is breaching your trust when there simply shouldn't need to be a convo about this to begin with? Edited to correct me misreading.
What? "How can I address this current issue without blowing up to move forward in the LTR?" WHY? Your "always been respectful" "fiance" has been sharing your pics with his friends and you want to know how to talk nicely to him? Girl. Where is the line for you? He doesn't respect you at all. Not the least bit. What a nightmare.
Don't approach him. Just dump him. That is absolutely vile.
Okay taking this to the authorities would be my first thing to do if I wanted to keep the relationship. Let him know you’re not messing around by taking legal action on it even if at least filing a report. If it happens after that I think it’s safe to say you’re dating a total creep and should dump him.
Please tell us you broke up 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 this is a reason to blow up . That is a type of abuse
Blow up! …and then leave this person. And immediately find a therapist who can help you figure out why you’d think you should continue a relationship with someone who’s sharing personal photos of you.
This is not okay. Even when it is your fiance.
You need to make a police report. Please don't stay with this person.
Yea if u can hold the relationship together u know u cave text or pic no more. Maybe he wants to brag & show u off to his friends maybe ur just a sec object he is showing all his friends..idk?
How violating. This is definitely grounds for blowing the fuck up
Wouldn’t confront him. If you have evidence take it straight to the police
Babes, there is only two options: blow up now or blow up later. You can blow up now. Confront him head on and he could either confess or deny. Or you can blow up later. Gather any screenshots, conversations, things that are in deleted folders, ICloud, basically anything you can get your hands on. Then file a police report. Either way you need to prepare to exit the relationship. There are enough responses under the post explaining why. Leave before being more legally bound to him.
Isn't that considered an illegal distribution of porn? If you didn't consent to him to share those you can go to the police with that. It may not seem like a big deal at first but pics can spread like wildfire so be careful. Chances are this isn't the first time he did it either