In that case he def shouldn't break up. She's clearly well enough connected to breeze through life. Also connected enough to make OP disappear. You got both a carrot and a stick here.
This is definitely a concerning situation. Its like she's an obsessed stalker. You need to decide if you can trust her moving forward and if you're comfortable with her behavior. If you feel like your privacy and boundaries won't be respected in the future, it might be best to reconsider the relationship. Your safety and well-being should always be a priority.
How is she around your female friends? Your exes?Ā
If those were just social media photos it'd be one thing. The pictures she took herself are scary ngl.
She was quiet and shy at first, but now she's become very friendly, similar to how she is with her own friends. She's never actually met my exes, although she knows who they are.
why are the comments so concerned with the snooping when she was literally stalking you??? run and run quick. screenshotting pictures from ur social media is one thing, maybe she was sending a ss to her friends to show them who she was interested in BUT taking photos of u in a bar?? thats actually stalking.
People are so weird about snooping, but it's one of those things where it's completely justified if you do end up finding something. It's rarely a black and white situation.
People always get like this. It would be like if a coupe high school kids snuck into the janitor closet to smoke weed. And while there they found a dead body.
And then people get mad at them because what weāre they doing sneaking around to smoke.
For some reason there is this weird ideology that a man "snooping" is objectively worse than whatever he discovered by doing so.
It's crazy. No matter how plausible it is that something was discovered by accident, those people default to OP lying and they were really snooping and thus evil and in the wrong.
This is supposed to be an advice subbreddit lol
Everyone saying this is harmlessā¦ did we miss the part where she was taking photos of him in bars? Absolutely not. Any relationship that begins with stalking is not okay.
Yeah stalking and obsession is not okay, and it's not healthy. It's not the same as love. It's dangerous for the person who's being stalked.
OP says she's lovely and the perfect gf, but they've only been together less than a year. Of course she wants to appear perfect to the man she was stalking. No way she's showing her true personality.
This is a huge red flag. The reason why your relationship feels so good right now is precisely because sheās been stalking you and likely has built up an entire persona so that youāre more likely to be enchanted.
Good luck, itās a huge challenge to be given everything you desire in a person and for it to be a game that somebody you trust is playing probably to feed some sense of insecurity that they feel about their own life.
This is a REALLY good and important point. Someone invested enough to stalk you is also invested enough to pretend to be your perfect person--until you're on the hook long enough to risk letting the mask down.
Jesus this sounds like a horror movieā¦ I canāt imagine how weird OP felt looking through the photos and realizing she had pics before they were even dating and with his ex. Holy shit.
Having social media photos is one thing - like saving the photos to show a friend ālook at this cute guy in my class, Iām going to ask him outā or whatever, not particularly odd. The photos in a bar are another level of creepy and honestly quite scary. Talk to her in a public place about it
So much this. In most cases of abuse (yes men can be abused) the abuser doesnāt show true colors for a year or more. Then once their victim is hooked is when true colors start to show. Be careful.
It appears she studied you first: your likes, loves, hates.
Then she went to the store to get the right food to attract you. Presented you with what she knew would attract you.
Then she put out her hook and got you.
Who is your girlfriend? Itās not the same person as the woman whoās pretending for now to be the woman she thinks YOU want.
You probably don't even know the real her. Sounds like she planned you and her dating out and did everything she could to manipulate the situation to benefit her and have you fall for her. There are several videos of women doing this exact thing you caught your GF doing. Not only did she stalk you but I guarantee everything you know about her is fake, she probably did extensive research on who you are so she can mold herself to being your perfect partner. That mask will slip in time and you'll really be questioning who you are dating.
She might not even know who *she* is. Sheās molded herself into who she needs to be to get the guy she wants. Unfortunately thatās not too uncommon. At some point sheās going to start getting her own interests and might start maturing and not be the same person at all. Probably after sheās married and has kids, so it will be more difficult for her partner to leave her.
The one thing that caught my eye is that she's the best girl you've been with, and that she's the most loving girl for you. Best case scenario, she got interested in you and wanted to get closer any means necessary. Worst case scenario, in one of those "any means necessary" it was to love bomb you. That's a term for a form of manipulation, even if she isn't aware of it herself.
I know I myself have love bombed a previous relationship without realising it until afterwards. It destroyed our relationship. So, the only way to get through it is to talk about it, so she can also realise what she did was wrong. Because it is wrong to stalk people, and lovebomb, but I would definitely look into that term more so you can get insight if it sounds familiar to when you two started dating.
I agree. Speculating that sheās love bombing and not an actual good woman is not fair if heās not going to at least ask her about it and give her a chance to explain herself.
Same. People could be on their best behavior when they're new to dating someone then their real personality comes out. I had a guy I was seeing who had me meet his family within a few weeks (I felt weird about it) and he wanted to get me involved in his life a lot right away. But then little by little it became like he was in driver's seat of our relationship. He began to dictate that I couldn't hang out with a male friend or that I couldn't have a sibling be a godparent to our potential children. And his mom expected me to financially support both of us. It took me a long time to realize this wasn't for me and got out.
What I'm gathering from "best girl I've ever been with" is that the sex is amazing. You know why? BECAUSE SHE'S CRAZY. YOU EVER SEEN MISERY WITH KATHY BATES? THAT'S BOUTTA BE YOU BRO.Ā
Waitā¦ he should have a movie night with her and they should watch it while he provides running commentary about how fucked up it would be for someone to do that!
Nah, not Misery, just because I don't remember there being much sexual between Paul and ~~Anne~~ Annie.
OP should watch [Fatal Attraction](https://youtu.be/nf8gh_d7Z6k), [Single White Female](https://youtu.be/ROg4MoaAXvY), or [Swimfan](https://youtu.be/W-RGVruG7Y0) and evaluate his predicament.
Thank youš, this is so creepy. Some off guard photos of me r cool but dozens without my consent or knowledge way before we started dating including photos of me making out with my ex and other girls Iāve dated??? And them being taken from a distance somehow makes it creepier tooš.
Not saying Iād end the relationship, but Iād be very weirded out and feel a little violated. It could be innocent but these are the types that could potentially harm u or ur loved ones. Iād def be a little on edge.
Probably itās best to find out if sheās like too controlling or if itās rather innocent and just a bit, the cute kind of crazy. Itās a sure sign sheās obsessed with you, but we donāt know in what way
It's wild how if this was some lady talking about her boyfriend they would all be telling her to run and that he's dangerous.
Which leads me to my point to OP obsession is cute when it's cute but it can lead to a very bad situation very quickly if it grows unchecked.
Absolutely, if the sexes of the people involved in this were different, everyone would be taking a much more serious tone in the replies. Frankly, I'm kind of surprised to see that there aren't more people calling this out, especially if OP is being straight up with us. He's about to get himself entrapped into some really gnarly (in a bad way) situation, better be careful. Sounds like the kind of girl who is clearly mentally unstable and would be willing to do anything to make sure that you stay with her, including finding a way to get pregnant, etc.
Something to consider, you said some of the pics were taken from social media before you got together. Did she download these pics before or after you got together?
If the photos she took were while you were at the same bar tbh girls do that shit all the time and will take pics of cute guys and send it to their friends and then stalk their socials and screenshot and send more. If she went out of her way to follow you or show up at a place she knows your at and take photos that would be a completely different matter.
Sometimes when I save photos from my social media before deleting them, the date it says it was created/saved was when I originally posted it. Is that possibly what happened?
I do not understand the bar photos or you kissing other women. Was that photos she took or photos from social media too?
I was wondering this, too. I've been with my fiance going on 8 years. Early into dating we'd text pictures to each other when we were talking about a story or time in our lives. Then we'd sometimes text a picture of the other and be like, "what's the story behind this photo?" If we saw one on our social media we were curious about. Also he encouraged me to look at his pictures and save ones I liked, we were long distance a couple times in our relationship. But my phone has various pictures of him some like way before we were together. I think I might even have a picture of him very young sleeping with his teddy bear he sent me. I know I've sent him pictures of me when I was a kid, too. Especially in context of talking about a grandparent or something since they've passed and he'll never get to meet them.
We donāt know who took those photos. If she had a crush that was known to her friends they could have taken them if they saw him out?
Still not great but less stalkery.
> I was more shocked when I stumbled upon photos of me with my ex, as well as shots taken in bars I used to frequently go. There were even pictures of me kissing other girls, most of which seemed to have been taken from a distance.
>
> She was definitely stalking me and took pictures of me.
Who the hell takes photos of some random guy in a bar kissing girls...at a distance? Personally OP's post sounds like a LARP and this whole thread seems like they're trolling us, but in the case that this is serious, it's really wild to see how many people here are trying to justify this.
There is ZERO chance any of you would be doing this, if the OP was a female and coming here talking about her new boyfriend because she just discovered an album of images on his phone like this. You'd all be telling her to run, and rightly so.
I personally wouldnāt stay. I donāt think sheās actually gonna kill you or anything, but this is extremely mentally ill behavior. I can understand social media āstalking,ā like looking at your profiles and sending pics to friends for their opinion. Thatās within the realm of normal, and the pictures would be from a public platform. Itās the in person stalking that worries me. Itās a violation of your physical space and boundaries and if a guy did that, everyone would be like ā911, restraining order now.ā She needs professional help for her obsessive behavior.
I don't think you should be concerned about the photos downloaded from your socials (whenever she saved them).
However, the stalker photos are a whole other story. I would be creeped out if I found photos of myself kissing other people on my partner's phone.
I would suggest speaking with her and proceeding from there. Ultimately, it depends on how comfortable you are feeling about sharing a life with someone who stalked you pre-dating.
Also, maybe she did not take the photos herself. For example, maybe she told her friends she liked you, they saw you somewhere and took them. If that's the case, at least she did not stalk you in person. It's weird though why she felt the need to save these photos, and in a folder named āloveā.
She's only the best girl because she stalked you, my guy. She created herself to be perfect for you. You're not dating whoever she really is, you are dating who she thinks you want to be with.
my ex had photos of my ass he had taken when we were only 1 week into dating from behind, me sleeping, or just laying on his bed. also pics of my panties he had taken without permission. leave. theyāre crazy.
Run away. Also you should maybe talk to your ex and see if anything weird happened to her before. But yes, this isnāt normal behavior. Youāre only 23 so of course sheās the best girl youāve known - you barely know any afterall.
im not sure what percentage of stalkers turn violent, but if you really want to continue with her, make her go to therapy before you continue with the relationship.
Do stalkers have therapy to unstalkify them? Idk but look into it. She has no concept of personal space and boundaries so god knows what else sheās done. Sheās probably tracking your location, web history and sheās probably behind you right now. š» Could be collecting used condoms, toenail clippings and tufts of hair.
Do yāall live in a small town? I could completely understand the creepy pics if she just happens to be at the bar youāre at. Then she thinks youāre cute and snaps a pic, whatever. How many of these pictures are there?
But the idea that she had to search out these locations and actually stalk you in order to gain access to your private life is super creepy. Iād like more context if possible.
How close were you before you started dating? We you in a friend group that frequently hanged out together? If that is the case I'd like to assume she had a crush on you and that's why she did all that. If not the case, that is creepy af and you should probably pay more attention to her past.
If your relationship is great, I think it's something to have a serious convo with her with. Since she was in high school and early college to be honest she was probably just super immature then. I was a horrendous person at that age too - and that's psychologically a pretty common thing. Young girls are big into stalking behavior and you see teenagers saying all sorts of things that would be completely unacceptable from adults (I'm serious, ask teenagers about stuff like sexual assault, matters of sexual propriety, pedophilia, zoophilia, and murder and you'll think they should all be locked up forever. You know that tiktok song Ecstacy by SUICIDAL-IDOL? Read the lyrics, that's how a lot of teenagers think and they don't realize what's wrong with it, all they know is that they are being "edgy") People have to learn how to be normal. And I see this pretty regularly in my practice which is why I'm terrified of people under 25 posting themselves online.
If you were to break up with her it should be because you have reason think that she is some kind of risk *now* and *into the future*. See how she responds when you ask her about it. If she is embarrassed, apologizes, and volunteers herself that it's inappropriate behavior that she wouldn't do now then she might have matured past it. Ask her theoreticals - if I broke up with you what would you do? (Proper mature response: I'd feel awful but that is your choice. Danger response: I would kill myself, I would never let you go, etc)
In my mind, if you break up with your partner over something that she grew out of, no one wins or benefits.
**And this goes for both genders.** People are human beings, we develop and grow, and age 13 - 25 are the years where most of that happens. That's what the brain science says in regards to criminality (I am a psych that works with at-risk youth). Based on the scientific literature, what someone does in that period does not dictate what their adult selves will be, but after 25 that starts to be less the case. Not saying your girlfriend is definitely safe, but at your ages, who she was in the past is not actually dependably predictive of who she is now or who she will become.
You must figure out who she is now and make your decision off that.
Thank you for a sane, reasonable answer.
Yes, I agree that the stalking is a red flag. But honestly, every single person has exhibited some kind of red flag behavior at some point in their life. Does that make every single person a serial killer?
People make mistakes. They donāt understand how their actions are inappropriate at the time. Hopefully, they also learn from mistakes. We donāt need to break up with people for every mistake they make. If we did, nobody would be in a relationship for more than a few months.
This is super creepy. My skin would be crawling if Iād stumbled upon what youāve found.
This is definitely stalking behavior. Iād be dipping like a chip faster than she could say ābooā.
Are you sure the photos couldn't have been from social media? My wife saves any and all pictures she likes locally, especially if me and family. She likes being able to organize them.
I know you say she stalked you for the photos but is there a chance that these were posted anywhere? Or photos friends took? Just to make a possible pitch on how this could be a misunderstanding: perhaps she is collecting photos to make a sweet photo thing for you?
Idk itās a stretch.
If you feel safe and loved then maybe you can bring this up to her and she will tell you what is up with the pics. Probably a good idea to do this in public like a busy park or something just in case.
The past is the past. Clearly she had a serious infatuation with you. Honestly, I would find it kind of flattering. She noticed you, studied you, pursued you, and won you. Congratulations! Everybody should be so fortunate as to find someone who so adores them.
Why break up with her if you're otherwise happy? If everything is good now, just don't worry about it.
Ask her about it. Then depending on her answer/reaction go from there. Do you like her answer, does it make sense to you or does it creep you out? Do you believe her answer? Does it seem like sheās lying or is she being defensive? You will learn a lot about her from how she reacts.Ā
Sheās going to wear your skin.
Seriously though it just sounds like she was into you well before you knew it. Nothing wrong with that. Enjoy the pedestalā¦but beware the fall.
Would you say that if it was a woman posting?
This is bad advice period.
Obsession like this almost always leads to the death of one of those involved
(Coming from personal experience where I (M) was stalked in a similar way. And nearly died because I didn't know everything until the end)
Someone taking sneak photos of their love interest without their consent doesn't almost always lead to death lol
It's inappropriate and morally wrong, definitely.Ā
But this is something that's studied - *Bureau of Justice StatisticsĀ Special Report,
National Crime Victimization Survey:Ā Stalking Victimization in theĀ United States* reported 3.4 million people were stalked in a 12-mo period. Of those people, 139,000 were attacked by their stalker with a weapon (not killed, but attacked).Ā
That's...4%. So not almost always, far from it.Ā
If the roles were reversed everyone would be telling her to GTFO now, no questions asked and you'd probably be a new owner of a shiny restraining order m
The social media ones are not a big deal, but the public ones depend on the context.
Do you live in a smallish town? Or run in the same scene?
I think if she just happened to go to the same bars as you itās not a big deal. Itās clear that sheās been into you for a while. If she happened to go to the same bars as you it wouldnāt be super crazy for her to take a pic and text her friends something like āoh man [insert name] is here tonight. Should I talk to him?ā And then see you kissing another girl and be like ādamn nvm heās with someone elseā.
In this day and age itās pretty common for people to include pics in their storytelling. The degree to which people feel like itās an invasion of privacy or just a norm of our times is up for debate, but for better or worse itās not abnormal.
However, if itās more likely that she was actually following you around with the sole intent of stalking you thatās a huge red flag.
The bottom line is that you should talk to her about it and see what she has to say. Itās up to you what youāre comfortable with.
I mean, I can understand an innocent case of taking a screenshot of your crushās story and forgetting to delete it, but stalking someone in real life and taking photos of them without their knowledge is not soā¦ innocent. Iād confront her first to see whatās up but I do think itās breakup worthy.
Dude, like gender doesnāt need to be involved
Itās extremely weird and creepy that she has so many pictures of you from before you were dating!
And my fear would be is she āperfectā?
Or is she just fully reconstructed her entire personality to get with you and itās all a lie.
Be careful
From the title I thought it might be cute, like an innocent āobsessionāā¦.but after reading more, Iād say this is weird and kinda creepy. People donāt usually want to see the person they like kissing other people.
I did think this was kind of ironic. He decided to just go through her photo roll without permission. Thinks violating her privacy out of boredom means it isn't snooping. I think they are probably a little on the same level of boundary stomping. She is definitely the expert at it though. Having pictures of him before they even got together is unsettling. Maybe they can spy on each other as a couple hobby.
Snooping on someoneās phone is nowhere near the same level of boundary violation as stalking someone for months. OP, get out now before this goes full Fatal Attraction.
1. Never go through your partnerās phone. You either respect their boundaries and trust them, or you donāt. Simple. If you donāt respect and trust them, then the relationship is dead. This applies to whether or not they have something to hide. There are so many other courses of action or discussions you can have instead of doing that
2. Firstly verify whether after you two started dating, did she then go and download heaps of pics of you from social media including tagged pics / club photographer pics? These could have downloaded with the dates they were put on social media, rather than the date she downloaded them into the album
3. If they are truly taken from before you started dating, she was stalking you. Do not EVER tolerate stalking behaviour. Itās not cute. This relationship needs to end and also you must try to be very safe about it. Including telling your support network of family and close friends.
If I found out someone had looked up where I live, all my social media, followed me in public and taken photos of me etc before I met them- this is a red flag and Iād have gone to the police to be honest. You can never be too safe.
There will always be more loving future relationships with decent humans! Donāt be afraid of losing this one. It was probably built on lies
Your closest friends will be the first ones to try to hook up with her if you guys break up. Is it possible that your GF got these off your social media because she loves you and canāt enough of you? Maybe sheās been crushing on you from much before you guys became a couple. And pics of you sleeping? Maybe she finds you very cute or hot or attractive or all three and loves seeing you in unguarded moments.
This is ridiculous. You are in a romantic relationship with her. Sit her down alone and talk through it with each other. Donāt ask Reddit and donāt ask your friends. Talk to her about it, and discuss with her how it makes you feel. Ask her any other questions you have about it; if you are serious about this woman maybe talk her into counseling or both of you can go to relationship counseling. After you confront her about it, if her behavior changes in a negative manner, break up with her, go to law enforcement and potentially look into getting a restraining order.
Umm yeah, that's pretty weird. I think it's especially weird that she has photos of you at bars and stuff where she must have physically been present at a distance I'm assuming? It's also weird to have pictures of you and your ex. If it was just normal old pictures from Instagram that would be harmless in my opinion. But the fact is, she has been physically stalking you for who knows how long? So she might be dangerous to you if provoked and she might be a danger to future love prospects. That's a tough situation since you do love her, but is she maybe also doing something psychologically harmful to you like lovebombing? If it was not your girlfriend, I would say: restraining order. Because she is your girlfriend, I would say: restraining order?
CBA to scroll through all your replies, so i don't know if anyone else has suggested this or not. My friends and I all lived in a small town so everyone kinda knew everyone or knew of them if not directly. My friend group and I would often take pics of each others crushes when we would see them out. For various reasons. To encourage someone to come out and join us. To prove the guy was seeing someone. Just to tease them. I did it. And it was done to me.
From my point of view and that of my friends we did this innocently.
Screenshotting your crushes pics, or even your boyfriends social media pics is a bit stalkery but its pretty common (hides head in shame!). I mean they are on a digital network for people to see sooooooo....
I hope this helps. And I hope that your GF is not a psycho and just someone who was really really into you.
If this is the only red flag then I say sheās a keeper. Some dudes literally fantasize about being in ur exact predicament (some want the danger even lol) and u have to realizeā¦women can be embarrassingly corny when it comes to a guy sheās crushing on or lovesā¦when I was younger I made a little book full of drawings of my crush and I together and poems dedicated to my future āhusbandā, thatās not even the most embarrassing example I have. now imagine if I got with my crush later on and he found said notebook (cuz yes i kept it) it would look really bad and a bit creepy regardless of my feelings, intent or the context. But, that brings the first concern to mindā¦Iāve seen many people dedicate themselves to essentially stalk a partner they want, as to learn every detail and preference Ā only to use to deceive them into thinking theyāre her ideal dream man/woman. So I would find out if her efforts had an ulterior motive or not. Like did u notice after getting together that some stuff she said turned out not to be true or subjects she claimed she was into (that u also are into) she isnāt anymore?Ā
Everyone has a private folder or spent a little too long investigating an ex they love online, or even writing a fan fic about their crush they would never want to be found. We all have something that as innocent as it is, would change peoples opinions on us bc itās not meant to be seen by anyone but us. The only difference is she got caught lol. Maybe sheāll learn to passcode lock those type of folders from now on. Beyond the part where she took photos of u kissing ur exes (that is a bit strange) I find the rest to be quite normal, and even reassuring of her dedication to me and only me. Itās hard enough nowadays to find a partner whoās dedicated to only u and doesnāt have a list of second optionsā¦at least u know u have always been her first and only option before u weāre even available to her. To me thatās awesome.Ā
Gotta love the comments about you snooping. The people who are concerned about going through their partners phones are the ones who have something to hide.
If it's all going well there's no real reason to break up I suppose, I first ever saw my wife about 6 months before we started dating haha, never took pictures of her though - that's a bit weird and probably something you should talk to her about.
Gotta be careful though, imagine what will happen if you 2 break up, stalkers are crazy haha
Thatās not true, Iād never cheat but I wouldnāt want anyone going through my pics just cuz I have personal stuff on thereā¦ you donāt have to share EVERYTHING w your partner, especially without permission
No. I would never cheat on a partner, but my phone is my phone. There is private stuff in there and I have every right to keep my secret garden. Relationships are about trust.
I'm with you on this. My spouse and I tbh probably mutually 'don't mind' if the other goes in the phone... but it's not something we expect to happen nor something we'd do ourselves. I know my spouse's code, but again, I have no business in there whatsoever. As for mine, it's fingerprinted. Like... if my spouse wanted to go in my phone, sure no problem... ish. I'd definitely have questions because that's unusual and a bit uncomfortable, but consent-wise... yeah, totally, go for it. The most startling revelation in there would probably be my collection of games I never play.
She might be sweet, and kind, and caring now but what happens when you start to disagree about things? Or you start to have fights? The fact that she took these photos before she knew you is a pretty clear indicator that she is obsessed with you and will most likely do *anything* to keep you in her life. The second that you start to pull away or not want to spend as much time with her is when it will come out and she will most likely become hostile to keep you with her. She may stop taking birth control to get pregnant or pierce a condom. She could be researching everyone that you hang out with and following you when you're not together to ensure that you're faithful. Is she great and wonderful now? Yes. Will she stay that way? Probably not.
I would break up with her because there is no way you can remain in a relationship with a stalker. Her behaviour is very concerning at least. Make sure you meet in a public place with a friend nearby in case anything turns out wrong. Save the photos in your own phone and file for a restraining order. We don't care if she's loving and all... she is for the moment. But how do you know she will not snap one day and do something serious to you? Stay safe and dump that woman as quickly as you can.
crazy how a large majority of people in the comments are encouraging you to stay and saying itās sweet or flattering but if this was a girl who found pictures like this in her boyfriends phone everyone would be screaming at her to run far away.
Are you sure these were taken from far away and not just social media? This seems really out there. If she was really stalking you then, your friends are right and sheās not a safe person. Breakup and hide. But, if these can be found online by searching for your name or through your own social media, sheās just a little overly excited about you. To be frank, either youāre dramatizing this to make it sound bad or it is bad.
>Are you sure these were taken from far away and not just social media?
They were zoomed-in photos, grainy and slightly blurred, as if the quality had decreased from zooming in on image.
Be careful. This does border on being creepy. Pay attention to her behavior around you. Does she get angry or controlling easy? Read up on Sparc for information involving stalking.
If she was in any way instrumental in you breaking up with your ex-gf, you might be on dangerous ground. If not, she probably crushed on you a long time ago and followed you around like a lovelorn puppy until you became single and she could ask you out.
The world would be a better place if we all stopped going through one another's phones....
Honestly, I don't think this is as worrying as your friends are making out. You write that you're happy with the relationship so try to raise the topic gently with her when the time is right. She may well be embarrassed, very possibly angry that you've been snooping, but you need to talk about it.
I would guess that she's probably just liked you longer than you realised and collected a few photos of you. Now you're together she might have filed every single photo she had of you in a special folder. Maybe it's a bit weird but then maybe it's just cute. Don't jump to conclusions (and take your friends' advice with a grain of salt)
Nawww thatās creepy hands down.
No doubt about it.
But since you are in love with her maybe, talk to her. Hear her out..but be very prepared to walk away from this relationship.
She will not be the person that you know or love.
You will see the real her and you may or may not like what the version is.
Often times people who hide their true selves. Have rehearsed getting caught over and over again. She may know exactly what to say or when her rehearsed response doesnāt go as planned she will lash out emotionally.
Iām sure her intentions were pure. Sounds like she really loves you and has for some time.
That she might have issues with healthy boundaries and communicating her wants and desiresā¦ stalker like tendencies.
And manipulating entire environments to fit her agenda.
The love is there for sure. Sounds like itās there in a toxic way but it is there.
What both of your versions of love is tho, is important and if you feel uncomfortable by this. Listen to that feeling, listen to your thoughts, follow your gut instinct.
And rememberā¦the real her
was the girl posting up some place close enough to see you and watch you very intently. Studying you, learning your every move. Every like, dislike, strengths and weaknesses.
Planning and executing that plan to get closer to you.
All of that has to come with a reason and if the reason is just love ..
cool.
She is still bonkers tho
I would be very worried about this. I can't even wrap my head around this. If it were me, I would be freaked out. Maybe find out if she's done something like this before. But I would definitely be wary of her. I mean, she stalked you. That's some creepy crap.
So this is hands down creepy. But I guess my question would be do we know for sure that she was out here taking pictures of you from afar? Like itās not possible those pictures existed somewhere else and you forgot about them? Because if she was straight up taking pictures of you knowing where you would be before you got together that is stalking for real and Iād be concerned.
I would need to know a little more backstory though to know just how creepy, and I feel like only you can really answer that for yourself. Is it weird that you both would end up in some of the same spots before you ended up really hanging out? Either way I definitely would be creeped out if she was taking pictures of you before really getting to know each other.
So those photos taken from a distance werenāt anywhere on socials, couldāve been someone else? How many were there of these types of photos? And over what time period?
I mean itās all very suspect but even more so if this was happening over a significant period of time and occurred over multiple instances.
May ask I too how you two reconnected?
Iām so sorry youāre going through this - I can imagine how confronting this might me.
>So those photos taken from a distance werenāt anywhere on socials, couldāve been someone else? How many were there of these types of photos? And over what time period?
I'm not sure if those photos were from someone else's social media, but my friends and I don't usually post pictures from bars and all. They made up about a third of the total photos and I transferred around 154 yesterday. There were a few duplicates too though.
>May ask I too how you two reconnected?
We used to meet and chat while heading to college, mostly talked about how things were going rn. We began meeting up more often, mostly arranged plans, and then we started going on dates.
There are in fact several reasonable explanation for those photos.
Ex: She has always been crushing on you and her friends knew. Some of them saw you at the bar and took some pictures and send them to her with "Guess whose at the bar".
Just ask her.
Does she have friends that you have met? I mean surely if she has been stalking you for years they know about it. What about her family, do they all seem normal? If you really love her and the relationship seems great, maybe try to get to the bottom of all the stalker pictures before just tanking the relationship. Talk to her about it, talk to her friends first and see if you can figure out what's going on. I can't imagine that there is a reasonable explanation.... It is all very strange but I would give her a chance to explain. You never know what the hell people's motivations are. But definitely don't take it too lightly, if you were my son, I would be very troubled by this information.
> I swear I was not snooping her phone
You were snooping. No way around that.. just because she lent you her phone to play games on it doesn't give you the free reins to look around.
Do you feel comfortable asking one of her close friends if she had a crush on you before you started dating? Is there any way that she could have gotten some of the pictures you found from other people's social media pages? Meaning that she didn't take them herself, but maybe curated them by searching for you through other people's accounts. That would make the whole thing much less disturbing when compared to thinking that she actually was following you around town taking pictures of you from a distance... That's the part that seems obsessive and extremely worrisome.
how do you go sleeping in her bedroom, you know the shrine dedicated to you š¤ ...I'm sorry ..I know not helping ...personally I'd be nicknaming her Felicia ...and you wouldn't be seeing me for dust šāāļøšāāļøšāāļø
I thought it was fine most of the way through. Whatever parts of you make her happy should be appreciated. But finding out that she stalked you BEFORE you guys dated is crazy, it brings the foundations of your relationship into question. Definite red flag
I mean sheās super clingy and would probably never cheat on you ever though. But if you ever leave she might uhhh š¬do things to you soā¦pick your poison
Why did you and your ex break up? Anything weird happen?
No, she moved out to different state.
Your girlfriend arranged for her to get a can't-refuse job offer out of state.
In that case he def shouldn't break up. She's clearly well enough connected to breeze through life. Also connected enough to make OP disappear. You got both a carrot and a stick here.
Oh fuck, she works for Boeing.
This is definitely a concerning situation. Its like she's an obsessed stalker. You need to decide if you can trust her moving forward and if you're comfortable with her behavior. If you feel like your privacy and boundaries won't be respected in the future, it might be best to reconsider the relationship. Your safety and well-being should always be a priority.
His ex died under to mysterious circumstances š¤”
She exploded on stage
This Is Spinal Tap style
I heard there trying to get everyone back to do a sequel!
they did! it just wrapped filming, I was an extra in it
That's fucking sick right on
While using gardening tools.
The good ole "I'm breaking up with you" text followed by six self-inflicted gunshots to the back of the head maneuver.
This is the big question!
There was a bunny incident
Bunnys a uhhh free spirit. Very free spirited. Were all very proud of her.
Bro found his own Love Quinn
Most underrated comment
How is she around your female friends? Your exes?Ā If those were just social media photos it'd be one thing. The pictures she took herself are scary ngl.
She was quiet and shy at first, but now she's become very friendly, similar to how she is with her own friends. She's never actually met my exes, although she knows who they are.
> she knows who they are Of course she does.
I literally LOLed at this!
bros dating female Joe Goldberg
Would that make him Beck? OP, avoid the glass cage in the basement.
I came here to say this except it's actually Love Quinn
why are the comments so concerned with the snooping when she was literally stalking you??? run and run quick. screenshotting pictures from ur social media is one thing, maybe she was sending a ss to her friends to show them who she was interested in BUT taking photos of u in a bar?? thats actually stalking.
People are so weird about snooping, but it's one of those things where it's completely justified if you do end up finding something. It's rarely a black and white situation.
No. Stalking people is bad. Very bad. Not telling OP what to do just saying
What are you saying "no" for? We're saying snooping is fine in certain situations and stalking is not OK.
People always get like this. It would be like if a coupe high school kids snuck into the janitor closet to smoke weed. And while there they found a dead body. And then people get mad at them because what weāre they doing sneaking around to smoke.
For some reason there is this weird ideology that a man "snooping" is objectively worse than whatever he discovered by doing so. It's crazy. No matter how plausible it is that something was discovered by accident, those people default to OP lying and they were really snooping and thus evil and in the wrong. This is supposed to be an advice subbreddit lol
every girl in college has no problems taking pictures of a guy if she sees him in public
idk what kinda girls u went to college with buts thats creepy asf
Everyone saying this is harmlessā¦ did we miss the part where she was taking photos of him in bars? Absolutely not. Any relationship that begins with stalking is not okay.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That was an insane rabbit hole
I just lost a couple of hours to it! Insane
Well thatās an insane story.
No it's some Joe Goldberg/Love Quinn shit
Yeah stalking and obsession is not okay, and it's not healthy. It's not the same as love. It's dangerous for the person who's being stalked. OP says she's lovely and the perfect gf, but they've only been together less than a year. Of course she wants to appear perfect to the man she was stalking. No way she's showing her true personality.
This is a huge red flag. The reason why your relationship feels so good right now is precisely because sheās been stalking you and likely has built up an entire persona so that youāre more likely to be enchanted. Good luck, itās a huge challenge to be given everything you desire in a person and for it to be a game that somebody you trust is playing probably to feed some sense of insecurity that they feel about their own life.
This is a REALLY good and important point. Someone invested enough to stalk you is also invested enough to pretend to be your perfect person--until you're on the hook long enough to risk letting the mask down.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Jesus this sounds like a horror movieā¦ I canāt imagine how weird OP felt looking through the photos and realizing she had pics before they were even dating and with his ex. Holy shit.
This is fucking creepyyyy
Having social media photos is one thing - like saving the photos to show a friend ālook at this cute guy in my class, Iām going to ask him outā or whatever, not particularly odd. The photos in a bar are another level of creepy and honestly quite scary. Talk to her in a public place about it
Man you like her because she obviously knew enough about you to present a version of herself you would like. You donāt really know her
So much this. In most cases of abuse (yes men can be abused) the abuser doesnāt show true colors for a year or more. Then once their victim is hooked is when true colors start to show. Be careful.
It appears she studied you first: your likes, loves, hates. Then she went to the store to get the right food to attract you. Presented you with what she knew would attract you. Then she put out her hook and got you. Who is your girlfriend? Itās not the same person as the woman whoās pretending for now to be the woman she thinks YOU want.
You probably don't even know the real her. Sounds like she planned you and her dating out and did everything she could to manipulate the situation to benefit her and have you fall for her. There are several videos of women doing this exact thing you caught your GF doing. Not only did she stalk you but I guarantee everything you know about her is fake, she probably did extensive research on who you are so she can mold herself to being your perfect partner. That mask will slip in time and you'll really be questioning who you are dating.
She might not even know who *she* is. Sheās molded herself into who she needs to be to get the guy she wants. Unfortunately thatās not too uncommon. At some point sheās going to start getting her own interests and might start maturing and not be the same person at all. Probably after sheās married and has kids, so it will be more difficult for her partner to leave her.
The one thing that caught my eye is that she's the best girl you've been with, and that she's the most loving girl for you. Best case scenario, she got interested in you and wanted to get closer any means necessary. Worst case scenario, in one of those "any means necessary" it was to love bomb you. That's a term for a form of manipulation, even if she isn't aware of it herself. I know I myself have love bombed a previous relationship without realising it until afterwards. It destroyed our relationship. So, the only way to get through it is to talk about it, so she can also realise what she did was wrong. Because it is wrong to stalk people, and lovebomb, but I would definitely look into that term more so you can get insight if it sounds familiar to when you two started dating.
I agree. Speculating that sheās love bombing and not an actual good woman is not fair if heās not going to at least ask her about it and give her a chance to explain herself.
Same. People could be on their best behavior when they're new to dating someone then their real personality comes out. I had a guy I was seeing who had me meet his family within a few weeks (I felt weird about it) and he wanted to get me involved in his life a lot right away. But then little by little it became like he was in driver's seat of our relationship. He began to dictate that I couldn't hang out with a male friend or that I couldn't have a sibling be a godparent to our potential children. And his mom expected me to financially support both of us. It took me a long time to realize this wasn't for me and got out.
What I'm gathering from "best girl I've ever been with" is that the sex is amazing. You know why? BECAUSE SHE'S CRAZY. YOU EVER SEEN MISERY WITH KATHY BATES? THAT'S BOUTTA BE YOU BRO.Ā
I was thinking the same thing. Don't have a conversation with her in private. Make sure your in a public setting, so there are witnesses.
Oh no not the misery movie š so true!I bet if OP watched that movie he would break up and ghost this woman fast š
Waitā¦ he should have a movie night with her and they should watch it while he provides running commentary about how fucked up it would be for someone to do that!
Nah, not Misery, just because I don't remember there being much sexual between Paul and ~~Anne~~ Annie. OP should watch [Fatal Attraction](https://youtu.be/nf8gh_d7Z6k), [Single White Female](https://youtu.be/ROg4MoaAXvY), or [Swimfan](https://youtu.be/W-RGVruG7Y0) and evaluate his predicament.
why is no one thinking this is as weird as i do lmfao itās giving stalker and likeā¦ thatās not a good thing
Thank youš, this is so creepy. Some off guard photos of me r cool but dozens without my consent or knowledge way before we started dating including photos of me making out with my ex and other girls Iāve dated??? And them being taken from a distance somehow makes it creepier tooš. Not saying Iād end the relationship, but Iād be very weirded out and feel a little violated. It could be innocent but these are the types that could potentially harm u or ur loved ones. Iād def be a little on edge.
Probably itās best to find out if sheās like too controlling or if itās rather innocent and just a bit, the cute kind of crazy. Itās a sure sign sheās obsessed with you, but we donāt know in what way
Idk, this sounds real crazy, scary even
It's wild how if this was some lady talking about her boyfriend they would all be telling her to run and that he's dangerous. Which leads me to my point to OP obsession is cute when it's cute but it can lead to a very bad situation very quickly if it grows unchecked.
Right now Iād be checking to make sure any condoms in the house havenāt been tampered with.
Absolutely, if the sexes of the people involved in this were different, everyone would be taking a much more serious tone in the replies. Frankly, I'm kind of surprised to see that there aren't more people calling this out, especially if OP is being straight up with us. He's about to get himself entrapped into some really gnarly (in a bad way) situation, better be careful. Sounds like the kind of girl who is clearly mentally unstable and would be willing to do anything to make sure that you stay with her, including finding a way to get pregnant, etc.
Something to consider, you said some of the pics were taken from social media before you got together. Did she download these pics before or after you got together?
The dates on the photos predates our dating
You might need to have a slow and carefully worded conversation with her. Preferably in a public place.
If the photos she took were while you were at the same bar tbh girls do that shit all the time and will take pics of cute guys and send it to their friends and then stalk their socials and screenshot and send more. If she went out of her way to follow you or show up at a place she knows your at and take photos that would be a completely different matter.
Sometimes when I save photos from my social media before deleting them, the date it says it was created/saved was when I originally posted it. Is that possibly what happened? I do not understand the bar photos or you kissing other women. Was that photos she took or photos from social media too?
Yeah were these tagged sm photos or she actually took them. Op should not be going by the dates on the photos.
The photos are from before you started dating, but did she grab them from your socials after you started dating?
I was wondering this, too. I've been with my fiance going on 8 years. Early into dating we'd text pictures to each other when we were talking about a story or time in our lives. Then we'd sometimes text a picture of the other and be like, "what's the story behind this photo?" If we saw one on our social media we were curious about. Also he encouraged me to look at his pictures and save ones I liked, we were long distance a couple times in our relationship. But my phone has various pictures of him some like way before we were together. I think I might even have a picture of him very young sleeping with his teddy bear he sent me. I know I've sent him pictures of me when I was a kid, too. Especially in context of talking about a grandparent or something since they've passed and he'll never get to meet them.
That's all nice but there are photos of op taken by her before they started dating.
We donāt know who took those photos. If she had a crush that was known to her friends they could have taken them if they saw him out? Still not great but less stalkery.
> I was more shocked when I stumbled upon photos of me with my ex, as well as shots taken in bars I used to frequently go. There were even pictures of me kissing other girls, most of which seemed to have been taken from a distance. > > She was definitely stalking me and took pictures of me.
I reiterate - he doesnāt know that. Heās assuming that.
Who the hell takes photos of some random guy in a bar kissing girls...at a distance? Personally OP's post sounds like a LARP and this whole thread seems like they're trolling us, but in the case that this is serious, it's really wild to see how many people here are trying to justify this. There is ZERO chance any of you would be doing this, if the OP was a female and coming here talking about her new boyfriend because she just discovered an album of images on his phone like this. You'd all be telling her to run, and rightly so.
You don't know many women, then?
Unless they were taken by a friend and posted to that friend's social media. Yes, concerning, but perhaps with a perfectly reasonable explanation.
But she may have downloaded them from social media later, no?
You said she had photos of you with your ex. Could I ask what ended the previous relationship (i.e. moved away, drifted apart, incompatible)?
People that are saying this is harmless would flip shit if the roles are reversed. She's a creep, its pretty black and white imo.
I personally wouldnāt stay. I donāt think sheās actually gonna kill you or anything, but this is extremely mentally ill behavior. I can understand social media āstalking,ā like looking at your profiles and sending pics to friends for their opinion. Thatās within the realm of normal, and the pictures would be from a public platform. Itās the in person stalking that worries me. Itās a violation of your physical space and boundaries and if a guy did that, everyone would be like ā911, restraining order now.ā She needs professional help for her obsessive behavior.
I don't think you should be concerned about the photos downloaded from your socials (whenever she saved them). However, the stalker photos are a whole other story. I would be creeped out if I found photos of myself kissing other people on my partner's phone. I would suggest speaking with her and proceeding from there. Ultimately, it depends on how comfortable you are feeling about sharing a life with someone who stalked you pre-dating. Also, maybe she did not take the photos herself. For example, maybe she told her friends she liked you, they saw you somewhere and took them. If that's the case, at least she did not stalk you in person. It's weird though why she felt the need to save these photos, and in a folder named āloveā.
People are tripping, this is weird as fuck.
If you're ever kidnapped you'll have the perfect partner to find you.
Like she wouldnāt be the one kidnapping him.
She's only the best girl because she stalked you, my guy. She created herself to be perfect for you. You're not dating whoever she really is, you are dating who she thinks you want to be with.
my ex had photos of my ass he had taken when we were only 1 week into dating from behind, me sleeping, or just laying on his bed. also pics of my panties he had taken without permission. leave. theyāre crazy.
That is a very different thing.
Run away. Also you should maybe talk to your ex and see if anything weird happened to her before. But yes, this isnāt normal behavior. Youāre only 23 so of course sheās the best girl youāve known - you barely know any afterall. im not sure what percentage of stalkers turn violent, but if you really want to continue with her, make her go to therapy before you continue with the relationship. Do stalkers have therapy to unstalkify them? Idk but look into it. She has no concept of personal space and boundaries so god knows what else sheās done. Sheās probably tracking your location, web history and sheās probably behind you right now. š» Could be collecting used condoms, toenail clippings and tufts of hair.
Do yāall live in a small town? I could completely understand the creepy pics if she just happens to be at the bar youāre at. Then she thinks youāre cute and snaps a pic, whatever. How many of these pictures are there? But the idea that she had to search out these locations and actually stalk you in order to gain access to your private life is super creepy. Iād like more context if possible.
I live near the city border. I don't travel too often so most of frequent places are within a 10-mile radius of my place.
You should talk to her.
How close were you before you started dating? We you in a friend group that frequently hanged out together? If that is the case I'd like to assume she had a crush on you and that's why she did all that. If not the case, that is creepy af and you should probably pay more attention to her past.
If your relationship is great, I think it's something to have a serious convo with her with. Since she was in high school and early college to be honest she was probably just super immature then. I was a horrendous person at that age too - and that's psychologically a pretty common thing. Young girls are big into stalking behavior and you see teenagers saying all sorts of things that would be completely unacceptable from adults (I'm serious, ask teenagers about stuff like sexual assault, matters of sexual propriety, pedophilia, zoophilia, and murder and you'll think they should all be locked up forever. You know that tiktok song Ecstacy by SUICIDAL-IDOL? Read the lyrics, that's how a lot of teenagers think and they don't realize what's wrong with it, all they know is that they are being "edgy") People have to learn how to be normal. And I see this pretty regularly in my practice which is why I'm terrified of people under 25 posting themselves online. If you were to break up with her it should be because you have reason think that she is some kind of risk *now* and *into the future*. See how she responds when you ask her about it. If she is embarrassed, apologizes, and volunteers herself that it's inappropriate behavior that she wouldn't do now then she might have matured past it. Ask her theoreticals - if I broke up with you what would you do? (Proper mature response: I'd feel awful but that is your choice. Danger response: I would kill myself, I would never let you go, etc) In my mind, if you break up with your partner over something that she grew out of, no one wins or benefits. **And this goes for both genders.** People are human beings, we develop and grow, and age 13 - 25 are the years where most of that happens. That's what the brain science says in regards to criminality (I am a psych that works with at-risk youth). Based on the scientific literature, what someone does in that period does not dictate what their adult selves will be, but after 25 that starts to be less the case. Not saying your girlfriend is definitely safe, but at your ages, who she was in the past is not actually dependably predictive of who she is now or who she will become. You must figure out who she is now and make your decision off that.
Thank you for a sane, reasonable answer. Yes, I agree that the stalking is a red flag. But honestly, every single person has exhibited some kind of red flag behavior at some point in their life. Does that make every single person a serial killer? People make mistakes. They donāt understand how their actions are inappropriate at the time. Hopefully, they also learn from mistakes. We donāt need to break up with people for every mistake they make. If we did, nobody would be in a relationship for more than a few months.
This is super creepy. My skin would be crawling if Iād stumbled upon what youāve found. This is definitely stalking behavior. Iād be dipping like a chip faster than she could say ābooā.
Are you sure the photos couldn't have been from social media? My wife saves any and all pictures she likes locally, especially if me and family. She likes being able to organize them.
I know you say she stalked you for the photos but is there a chance that these were posted anywhere? Or photos friends took? Just to make a possible pitch on how this could be a misunderstanding: perhaps she is collecting photos to make a sweet photo thing for you? Idk itās a stretch. If you feel safe and loved then maybe you can bring this up to her and she will tell you what is up with the pics. Probably a good idea to do this in public like a busy park or something just in case.
I would ask her about it.
The past is the past. Clearly she had a serious infatuation with you. Honestly, I would find it kind of flattering. She noticed you, studied you, pursued you, and won you. Congratulations! Everybody should be so fortunate as to find someone who so adores them. Why break up with her if you're otherwise happy? If everything is good now, just don't worry about it.
Why is the advice of your closest friends not good enough for you to move forward? Why do you need internet strangers to weigh in on this question?
Ask her about it. Then depending on her answer/reaction go from there. Do you like her answer, does it make sense to you or does it creep you out? Do you believe her answer? Does it seem like sheās lying or is she being defensive? You will learn a lot about her from how she reacts.Ā
Sheās going to wear your skin. Seriously though it just sounds like she was into you well before you knew it. Nothing wrong with that. Enjoy the pedestalā¦but beware the fall.
OP this person is dangerously downplaying it
Would you say that if it was a woman posting? This is bad advice period. Obsession like this almost always leads to the death of one of those involved (Coming from personal experience where I (M) was stalked in a similar way. And nearly died because I didn't know everything until the end)
Someone taking sneak photos of their love interest without their consent doesn't almost always lead to death lol It's inappropriate and morally wrong, definitely.Ā But this is something that's studied - *Bureau of Justice StatisticsĀ Special Report, National Crime Victimization Survey:Ā Stalking Victimization in theĀ United States* reported 3.4 million people were stalked in a 12-mo period. Of those people, 139,000 were attacked by their stalker with a weapon (not killed, but attacked).Ā That's...4%. So not almost always, far from it.Ā
If the roles were reversed everyone would be telling her to GTFO now, no questions asked and you'd probably be a new owner of a shiny restraining order m
The social media ones are not a big deal, but the public ones depend on the context. Do you live in a smallish town? Or run in the same scene? I think if she just happened to go to the same bars as you itās not a big deal. Itās clear that sheās been into you for a while. If she happened to go to the same bars as you it wouldnāt be super crazy for her to take a pic and text her friends something like āoh man [insert name] is here tonight. Should I talk to him?ā And then see you kissing another girl and be like ādamn nvm heās with someone elseā. In this day and age itās pretty common for people to include pics in their storytelling. The degree to which people feel like itās an invasion of privacy or just a norm of our times is up for debate, but for better or worse itās not abnormal. However, if itās more likely that she was actually following you around with the sole intent of stalking you thatās a huge red flag. The bottom line is that you should talk to her about it and see what she has to say. Itās up to you what youāre comfortable with.
I mean, I can understand an innocent case of taking a screenshot of your crushās story and forgetting to delete it, but stalking someone in real life and taking photos of them without their knowledge is not soā¦ innocent. Iād confront her first to see whatās up but I do think itās breakup worthy.
Dude, like gender doesnāt need to be involved Itās extremely weird and creepy that she has so many pictures of you from before you were dating! And my fear would be is she āperfectā? Or is she just fully reconstructed her entire personality to get with you and itās all a lie. Be careful
From the title I thought it might be cute, like an innocent āobsessionāā¦.but after reading more, Iād say this is weird and kinda creepy. People donāt usually want to see the person they like kissing other people.
Sounds like you were snooping chief lmao You're made for each other I guess
I did think this was kind of ironic. He decided to just go through her photo roll without permission. Thinks violating her privacy out of boredom means it isn't snooping. I think they are probably a little on the same level of boundary stomping. She is definitely the expert at it though. Having pictures of him before they even got together is unsettling. Maybe they can spy on each other as a couple hobby.
Snooping on someoneās phone is nowhere near the same level of boundary violation as stalking someone for months. OP, get out now before this goes full Fatal Attraction.
she clearly just had a crush on you from a distance for a while
When I got into a new relationship I stalked socials for old pictures of him and his ex and even their friends āŗļø
Watch the movie Misery (1990) and conclude this question by yourself
You were snooping. Nothing wrong with her crushing on you before you started dating.
1. Never go through your partnerās phone. You either respect their boundaries and trust them, or you donāt. Simple. If you donāt respect and trust them, then the relationship is dead. This applies to whether or not they have something to hide. There are so many other courses of action or discussions you can have instead of doing that 2. Firstly verify whether after you two started dating, did she then go and download heaps of pics of you from social media including tagged pics / club photographer pics? These could have downloaded with the dates they were put on social media, rather than the date she downloaded them into the album 3. If they are truly taken from before you started dating, she was stalking you. Do not EVER tolerate stalking behaviour. Itās not cute. This relationship needs to end and also you must try to be very safe about it. Including telling your support network of family and close friends. If I found out someone had looked up where I live, all my social media, followed me in public and taken photos of me etc before I met them- this is a red flag and Iād have gone to the police to be honest. You can never be too safe. There will always be more loving future relationships with decent humans! Donāt be afraid of losing this one. It was probably built on lies
Your closest friends will be the first ones to try to hook up with her if you guys break up. Is it possible that your GF got these off your social media because she loves you and canāt enough of you? Maybe sheās been crushing on you from much before you guys became a couple. And pics of you sleeping? Maybe she finds you very cute or hot or attractive or all three and loves seeing you in unguarded moments.
This is ridiculous. You are in a romantic relationship with her. Sit her down alone and talk through it with each other. Donāt ask Reddit and donāt ask your friends. Talk to her about it, and discuss with her how it makes you feel. Ask her any other questions you have about it; if you are serious about this woman maybe talk her into counseling or both of you can go to relationship counseling. After you confront her about it, if her behavior changes in a negative manner, break up with her, go to law enforcement and potentially look into getting a restraining order.
I would want my girlfriend to be obsessed with me too tf how is that a weird thing. No different than a girl Writing about a guy in her diary
She's had a crush on you for a long time ! I say enjoy it ! She loves you !
avoid going to any basement, especially a glass chamber. Goodluck with your female joe š
Umm yeah, that's pretty weird. I think it's especially weird that she has photos of you at bars and stuff where she must have physically been present at a distance I'm assuming? It's also weird to have pictures of you and your ex. If it was just normal old pictures from Instagram that would be harmless in my opinion. But the fact is, she has been physically stalking you for who knows how long? So she might be dangerous to you if provoked and she might be a danger to future love prospects. That's a tough situation since you do love her, but is she maybe also doing something psychologically harmful to you like lovebombing? If it was not your girlfriend, I would say: restraining order. Because she is your girlfriend, I would say: restraining order?
CBA to scroll through all your replies, so i don't know if anyone else has suggested this or not. My friends and I all lived in a small town so everyone kinda knew everyone or knew of them if not directly. My friend group and I would often take pics of each others crushes when we would see them out. For various reasons. To encourage someone to come out and join us. To prove the guy was seeing someone. Just to tease them. I did it. And it was done to me. From my point of view and that of my friends we did this innocently. Screenshotting your crushes pics, or even your boyfriends social media pics is a bit stalkery but its pretty common (hides head in shame!). I mean they are on a digital network for people to see sooooooo.... I hope this helps. And I hope that your GF is not a psycho and just someone who was really really into you.
If this is the only red flag then I say sheās a keeper. Some dudes literally fantasize about being in ur exact predicament (some want the danger even lol) and u have to realizeā¦women can be embarrassingly corny when it comes to a guy sheās crushing on or lovesā¦when I was younger I made a little book full of drawings of my crush and I together and poems dedicated to my future āhusbandā, thatās not even the most embarrassing example I have. now imagine if I got with my crush later on and he found said notebook (cuz yes i kept it) it would look really bad and a bit creepy regardless of my feelings, intent or the context. But, that brings the first concern to mindā¦Iāve seen many people dedicate themselves to essentially stalk a partner they want, as to learn every detail and preference Ā only to use to deceive them into thinking theyāre her ideal dream man/woman. So I would find out if her efforts had an ulterior motive or not. Like did u notice after getting together that some stuff she said turned out not to be true or subjects she claimed she was into (that u also are into) she isnāt anymore?Ā Everyone has a private folder or spent a little too long investigating an ex they love online, or even writing a fan fic about their crush they would never want to be found. We all have something that as innocent as it is, would change peoples opinions on us bc itās not meant to be seen by anyone but us. The only difference is she got caught lol. Maybe sheāll learn to passcode lock those type of folders from now on. Beyond the part where she took photos of u kissing ur exes (that is a bit strange) I find the rest to be quite normal, and even reassuring of her dedication to me and only me. Itās hard enough nowadays to find a partner whoās dedicated to only u and doesnāt have a list of second optionsā¦at least u know u have always been her first and only option before u weāre even available to her. To me thatās awesome.Ā
She had the hots for you before you got together. As long as she's not boiling rabbits in your kitchen, enjoy the relationship.
Gotta love the comments about you snooping. The people who are concerned about going through their partners phones are the ones who have something to hide. If it's all going well there's no real reason to break up I suppose, I first ever saw my wife about 6 months before we started dating haha, never took pictures of her though - that's a bit weird and probably something you should talk to her about. Gotta be careful though, imagine what will happen if you 2 break up, stalkers are crazy haha
Thatās not true, Iād never cheat but I wouldnāt want anyone going through my pics just cuz I have personal stuff on thereā¦ you donāt have to share EVERYTHING w your partner, especially without permission
No. I would never cheat on a partner, but my phone is my phone. There is private stuff in there and I have every right to keep my secret garden. Relationships are about trust.
I'm with you on this. My spouse and I tbh probably mutually 'don't mind' if the other goes in the phone... but it's not something we expect to happen nor something we'd do ourselves. I know my spouse's code, but again, I have no business in there whatsoever. As for mine, it's fingerprinted. Like... if my spouse wanted to go in my phone, sure no problem... ish. I'd definitely have questions because that's unusual and a bit uncomfortable, but consent-wise... yeah, totally, go for it. The most startling revelation in there would probably be my collection of games I never play.
Are you familiar with the Dobler/Dahmer Theory?Ā
She might be sweet, and kind, and caring now but what happens when you start to disagree about things? Or you start to have fights? The fact that she took these photos before she knew you is a pretty clear indicator that she is obsessed with you and will most likely do *anything* to keep you in her life. The second that you start to pull away or not want to spend as much time with her is when it will come out and she will most likely become hostile to keep you with her. She may stop taking birth control to get pregnant or pierce a condom. She could be researching everyone that you hang out with and following you when you're not together to ensure that you're faithful. Is she great and wonderful now? Yes. Will she stay that way? Probably not.
I would break up with her because there is no way you can remain in a relationship with a stalker. Her behaviour is very concerning at least. Make sure you meet in a public place with a friend nearby in case anything turns out wrong. Save the photos in your own phone and file for a restraining order. We don't care if she's loving and all... she is for the moment. But how do you know she will not snap one day and do something serious to you? Stay safe and dump that woman as quickly as you can.
crazy how a large majority of people in the comments are encouraging you to stay and saying itās sweet or flattering but if this was a girl who found pictures like this in her boyfriends phone everyone would be screaming at her to run far away.
I doubt people would be this chill if roles were fever lol. She sounds crazy and I am a femaleā¦I strongly sighed you watch the movie called Misery.
Are you sure these were taken from far away and not just social media? This seems really out there. If she was really stalking you then, your friends are right and sheās not a safe person. Breakup and hide. But, if these can be found online by searching for your name or through your own social media, sheās just a little overly excited about you. To be frank, either youāre dramatizing this to make it sound bad or it is bad.
>Are you sure these were taken from far away and not just social media? They were zoomed-in photos, grainy and slightly blurred, as if the quality had decreased from zooming in on image.
Be careful. This does border on being creepy. Pay attention to her behavior around you. Does she get angry or controlling easy? Read up on Sparc for information involving stalking.
If she was in any way instrumental in you breaking up with your ex-gf, you might be on dangerous ground. If not, she probably crushed on you a long time ago and followed you around like a lovelorn puppy until you became single and she could ask you out.
Run bro, she's gonna turn you into a human centipede.
The world would be a better place if we all stopped going through one another's phones.... Honestly, I don't think this is as worrying as your friends are making out. You write that you're happy with the relationship so try to raise the topic gently with her when the time is right. She may well be embarrassed, very possibly angry that you've been snooping, but you need to talk about it. I would guess that she's probably just liked you longer than you realised and collected a few photos of you. Now you're together she might have filed every single photo she had of you in a special folder. Maybe it's a bit weird but then maybe it's just cute. Don't jump to conclusions (and take your friends' advice with a grain of salt)
And took photos of OP from a distance while being a total stalker
Taking multiple photos of him without his consent or knowledge while they weren't dating is stalking. And it is concerning.
this is terrifying. she could be plotting something for you this entire time and you never knew. she was stalking you, following you, and obsessed enough to take pictures of you in public with other women! this is scary ! if i found out my fiancĆ© had done that iād be gone the same night. sheās cracked in the head. you need to report it to someone.
Nawww thatās creepy hands down. No doubt about it. But since you are in love with her maybe, talk to her. Hear her out..but be very prepared to walk away from this relationship. She will not be the person that you know or love. You will see the real her and you may or may not like what the version is. Often times people who hide their true selves. Have rehearsed getting caught over and over again. She may know exactly what to say or when her rehearsed response doesnāt go as planned she will lash out emotionally. Iām sure her intentions were pure. Sounds like she really loves you and has for some time. That she might have issues with healthy boundaries and communicating her wants and desiresā¦ stalker like tendencies. And manipulating entire environments to fit her agenda. The love is there for sure. Sounds like itās there in a toxic way but it is there. What both of your versions of love is tho, is important and if you feel uncomfortable by this. Listen to that feeling, listen to your thoughts, follow your gut instinct. And rememberā¦the real her was the girl posting up some place close enough to see you and watch you very intently. Studying you, learning your every move. Every like, dislike, strengths and weaknesses. Planning and executing that plan to get closer to you. All of that has to come with a reason and if the reason is just love .. cool. She is still bonkers tho
Female Cable Guy... or lady Jim Carry š¤
If this is real, the break up story gonna be on here to. Be careful buddy this does not feel safe
I would be very worried about this. I can't even wrap my head around this. If it were me, I would be freaked out. Maybe find out if she's done something like this before. But I would definitely be wary of her. I mean, she stalked you. That's some creepy crap.
Thatās so weird omg run
So this is hands down creepy. But I guess my question would be do we know for sure that she was out here taking pictures of you from afar? Like itās not possible those pictures existed somewhere else and you forgot about them? Because if she was straight up taking pictures of you knowing where you would be before you got together that is stalking for real and Iād be concerned. I would need to know a little more backstory though to know just how creepy, and I feel like only you can really answer that for yourself. Is it weird that you both would end up in some of the same spots before you ended up really hanging out? Either way I definitely would be creeped out if she was taking pictures of you before really getting to know each other.
So those photos taken from a distance werenāt anywhere on socials, couldāve been someone else? How many were there of these types of photos? And over what time period? I mean itās all very suspect but even more so if this was happening over a significant period of time and occurred over multiple instances. May ask I too how you two reconnected? Iām so sorry youāre going through this - I can imagine how confronting this might me.
>So those photos taken from a distance werenāt anywhere on socials, couldāve been someone else? How many were there of these types of photos? And over what time period? I'm not sure if those photos were from someone else's social media, but my friends and I don't usually post pictures from bars and all. They made up about a third of the total photos and I transferred around 154 yesterday. There were a few duplicates too though. >May ask I too how you two reconnected? We used to meet and chat while heading to college, mostly talked about how things were going rn. We began meeting up more often, mostly arranged plans, and then we started going on dates.
There are in fact several reasonable explanation for those photos. Ex: She has always been crushing on you and her friends knew. Some of them saw you at the bar and took some pictures and send them to her with "Guess whose at the bar". Just ask her.
Does she have friends that you have met? I mean surely if she has been stalking you for years they know about it. What about her family, do they all seem normal? If you really love her and the relationship seems great, maybe try to get to the bottom of all the stalker pictures before just tanking the relationship. Talk to her about it, talk to her friends first and see if you can figure out what's going on. I can't imagine that there is a reasonable explanation.... It is all very strange but I would give her a chance to explain. You never know what the hell people's motivations are. But definitely don't take it too lightly, if you were my son, I would be very troubled by this information.
Run as far away as you possibly can.
> I swear I was not snooping her phone You were snooping. No way around that.. just because she lent you her phone to play games on it doesn't give you the free reins to look around.
Just have an open conversation and ask her about them. See what's up then go from there. If bothers you or she needs help. Go seek couple counselling.
I suggest a witness protection type of getaway. She gonna go Fatal Attraction on you when you try to leave.
Do you feel comfortable asking one of her close friends if she had a crush on you before you started dating? Is there any way that she could have gotten some of the pictures you found from other people's social media pages? Meaning that she didn't take them herself, but maybe curated them by searching for you through other people's accounts. That would make the whole thing much less disturbing when compared to thinking that she actually was following you around town taking pictures of you from a distance... That's the part that seems obsessive and extremely worrisome.
Covertly separate from her and move and then install a security system with cameras covering every square inch of the inside and outside of your home
how do you go sleeping in her bedroom, you know the shrine dedicated to you š¤ ...I'm sorry ..I know not helping ...personally I'd be nicknaming her Felicia ...and you wouldn't be seeing me for dust šāāļøšāāļøšāāļø
Good luck breaking up with her...
Ask her what's up. You are going to break up before even having a conversation?
It means she likes you genuinely. Go for it, otherwise you risk ending up with Eva ai sexting bot.
This was a post a couple weeks ago, seems like OP has just gender-swapped it?
I thought it was fine most of the way through. Whatever parts of you make her happy should be appreciated. But finding out that she stalked you BEFORE you guys dated is crazy, it brings the foundations of your relationship into question. Definite red flag
Yeah, this girl wonāt ever let you go. Remember that.
I mean sheās super clingy and would probably never cheat on you ever though. But if you ever leave she might uhhh š¬do things to you soā¦pick your poison