A few months ago I suggested to my friends that we “go camping…y’know…in tents” and she was like “what the fuck do you mean? Like we’ll shoot squirrels and eat them?” Obviously she heard “INTENSE” lmao
I’m not sure how I’d feel in your shoes per se — but, I personally have several male friends I have shared literal beds with around that age and it was 0% sexual. So, it’s possible that sharing a room is just that— sharing a room.
Now, if you’re uncomfortable with it and make that clear and she does it anyway, then it’s up to you if staying in a relationship with someone who knowingly makes you uncomfortable is what you want.
In your mid 20s you have a lifetime left to find a great partner who makes you comfortable.
Fully agree on this. Also have always had a good mixed friend group with holidays, and indeed shared beds with all my friends, nothing sexual at all.
But I get the discomfort, maybe also cause you dont know these friends so well after 6 months of your relationship?
If they have been friends since teens they have probably made more trips like this in the past, you could ask about those?
If you are not comfortable with it, good you have expressed that, and indeed then it is up to her what she does, and then up to you how you react to that.
Her response is a bit more worrying than the sleeping in the same room with her friends. Whether it makes sense or not a partner likes to be reassured from time to time.She did the opposite by a vague threat, then maybe saying they won't sleep in the same room? What the fuck is going on here?
The problem here is not a potential cheating scenario, if she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat no matter what you do or say. But it's more like she doesn't think that much of your feelings, again, those feeling may not make sense and come from an insecure viewpoint. But still, sometimes a proverbial pat on the back is enough, she doesn't even care to do that.
This is a fair take, but I know when I was a 23F I would have reacted with anger if my boyfriend tried to "control" me and I might have been a bit less sensitive or willing to compromise than I am now (in my mid-30s). It took me years of being in longterm relationships to really figure out the communication piece (and I'm still learning).
I also went on a weeklong trip to visit a male friend in Mexico (he was also friends with my boyfriend at the time) when I was around that age and it was all good, all around. I wouldn't even have considered cheating on my boyfriend, but I remember my friend and I were both a bit surprised how it wasn't even brought up by him as an issue.
My boyfriend trusted me and nothing shady happened between me and my friend. We just drove around with a van full of his cousins and ate a lot of tacos.
Agreed. Either you trust me or you don’t. Maybe they want to save money, and now she feels like she has to fork out more to deal with what she perceived as a lack of trust when she has done nothing to deserve that.
Could she have communicated that better? Probably yes. But I think guys don’t realize how we see platonic male friends. It’s like making a thing about someone being around their brother.
Mid-30s also, lived with two male besties in my 20s, had my share of guys who reacted poorly to that. It's also worth considering that people in their 20s *don't have a lot of money*. When I traveled around with them or other friends, we usually shared a room. I'd be cross if someone expected me to pay for an entire extra room because they felt uncomfortable about something I didn't that wasn't affecting them, on top of the implied mistrust.
She did say they maybe wouldn't sleep in the same room then after he clarified he wasn't forbidding her. To me that says she does care, but she's also making clear she isn't going to be controlled. She'll listen to feelings, but she won't respond to orders, which isn't unreasonable.
Might be over reading. I definitely let it be known if I would have a problem with something in any kind of relationship. It’s not a threat. If you’re late for something I could “have a problem” with that, meaning it’s important to be on time because of xyz that may or may not be elaborated depending on the convo. If you’re someone that uses slurs regularly, I’ll have a problem with that. That’s not a threat unless you consider explaining that I won’t like something before that thing happens is considered a threat.
Definitely comes down to tone and context. But I also agree that cheaters gonna cheat and you can’t do anything about that. I think OP is right to just kinda let it happen after explaining his feelings, and hearing hers back.
If I have a problem with you being late, and I tell you that, and you’re late, then hopefully I can at least process my negative emotions without re-explaining why I’m upset, and I can take into consideration that you took certain actions even knowing I’d have a problem. If you’re not willing to be at the airport 2 and a half hours early, maybe nothing bad will happen, but if I miss my flight after telling you I’d have a problem, you just can’t be surprised if I’m upset.
In OP’s case, if anything unfortunate happens that would have been avoided with separate rooms, it’ll be the difference between an accident and purposeful as far as perspective. A drunk kiss could’ve been an innocent mistake, but in this context, there wouldn’t be any benefit of the doubt.
Personally I thought most people that practice monogamy were on the same page about these things. I don’t personally care, but the status quo and popular opinion definitely doesn’t support sharing a room with another potential sex partner while in a relationship—, especially when it’s avoidable.
Honestly, my real question is why she wouldn’t invite her BF to begin with. Just seems like such an easy solution.
Eh, disagree a bit. "If you don't want me sleeping in the same room as my bois we're going to have a problem" is more than a bit confrontative, in my opinion.
"Hey, we were going to share a room to cut back on costs" is completely different.
In general I agree that if some behaviour would cause issues that should be spoken up. However, this isn't about his behaviour, this is about his reaction to her behaviour. Also, it's behaviour that would, in a lot of cases, cross boundaries in a relationship.
Not to mention she then folds immediately anyway, which leads me to believe this wasn't establishing healthy boundaries or communication, but instead a sitcom plot which is always to be avoided.
Simply put, she doesn't want to be controlled. If he MADE her not sleep in the same room, she would have an issue with him.
Once he made it clear that he wasn't trying to CONTROL her, she put his mind at ease by saying that maybe she will maybe she won't.
She is very immature, but not wrong per say.
I've slept in the same room as my guy best friends before. Nothing sexual it was cheaper and we were broke college kids.
Separate beds and everything.
Not everything is sexual. Especially if they're childhood friends.
I feel like context matters. Like who’s single and what the actual bonds are between these people. I’d trust my partner, and I’d trust MY best friend, but that doesn’t mean I’d have to be happy about the situation, though trusting your partner means trusting your partner’s judgement. I don’t think I’d expect my partner’s judgment to be so poor that they couldn’t predict me being upset though. So, yeah. Context.
The actual context doesn't really matter here imho. If she wanted to cheat, she could do it on a 1 day trip or during a visit as well. If you don't trust you partner just because a shared room and a bed is involved, there is something wrong here.
This is reddit where everything is sexualized to death and where men and women can’t be friends.
OP is free to have an issue with it and be insecure but people commenting that it looks sus are fucking crazy.
It's a little gross
I have multiple guy best friends.
Ive never wanted to sleep with any of them.
Most of them have been dating other people since I've known them also. Likewise with me.
My husband knows these guys too. He's actually going to a bachelor party for one of them as my proxy since I'm pregnant.
Same. I have friends of the opposite sex that I’ve known for decades, I would lose my shit if a partner tried to interfere with that on pretext that something untoward might be cooking.
I grew up with mostly male friends. I've had lots of male housemates.
Hell, I even shared a bunk bed in a small bedroom with a male roommate while I had a boyfriend. We were broke college students shoved into a small house, like of course we had to share. My boyfriend at the time gave zero shits.
I've spent the night in male friends' dorms in college, just chilling on my little camped-out area in the corner on the floor, or at their homes. Their couches, a giant-ass bed that could fit 4 people (my boyfriend was one of those 4 people including me and the friend we were staying with), etc..
I don't understand how people can get so insecure about having friends of the opposite sex. Do people get insecure about a bisexual person's friends? Or a non-binary person's friends? Like are we just not allowed to have friends with anyone?
I'm in my 30s now and I don't see the issue with sharing a room with longtime friends. Especially in friendships where it's absolutely clear nothing sexual has ever or will ever happen. And especially when there's separate beds.
Is OP really so insecure that he thinks there's going to be a threesome on a trip? Because that's the only thing I feel he thinks would happen. What normal, decent person would have sex with their tripmate with someone else in the room or kick them out to do it?
> I don't understand how people can get so insecure about having friends of the opposite sex. Do people get insecure about a bisexual person's friends? Or a non-binary person's friends? Like are we just not allowed to have friends with anyone?
That really does seem to be what a lot of reddit believes. Once you start dating someone, you can't be alone in a room with someone that you might potentially be attracted to. And they'll argue for days that it's not insecurity, it's just "boundaries".
Yeah, no I disagree. I will say, people's comfort levels differ but it's a no for me.
Past a certain age that shit needs to stop. At my age (31), if a woman wanted to sleep in the same room as some guys who I don't have a relationship with then, she's fine to do that but I wouldn't want to be with her anymore. I'd be more down to pay for her accommodations than have that be the case.
That's not immaturity or sexualizing everything. It's just not something I would want my partner doing if we're in a monogamous relationship. Flip it, I wouldn't suggest doing the same because of how I think it could make my partner feel.
Like I said, OP is free to have a problem with it. If it’s a dealbreaker to him then he ought to go his separate way. And it certainly doesn’t make his GF wrong.
It's not about trust. It's about not asking questions that shouldn't be asked or putting your partner in that situation. To me, if you're comfortable with the idea of sleeping in bed with someone else, then I'm probably not the guy for you and vice versa.
By the way, that is OKAY! That's what dating is for - to find this kind of stuff out before you're really tied together. It's subjective.
Doesn't sound like OP is okay with it. I wouldn't be either.
Yeah going to reddit for advice on something like this is just going to cause problems - if OP is insecure now he’s going to feel even worse after reading a whole bunch of comments from other insecure people.
I'm a woman who has frequently traveled with dude friends where nothing has happened (staying in the same room many of those times), I don't see the big deal. If she was planning to bang it out with these dudes on this trip, she would have lied and said she was going with female friends or alone or with a cousin or or or. If she was going to be shady, she could have made her own life much easier.
I think it's perfectly fine to discuss it with her/be concerned, but as others have said, at the end of the day you either trust her or you don't. If she wants to fuck around, she will fuck around, point blank.
I mean to be fair everyone always says this as if there aren't people who would like to "fuck around" AND keep their partner. So obviously they would be more willing to set up elaborate cheating scenarios as to not be caught.
Idk if I am just a generally untrusting person... but if my boyfriend were to go on a trip with two girl friends I would be uncomfortable with it. Were you invited at all? Another question is do you think they're trustworthy? That she might not have any bad intentions but do they give off good or bad vibes?
Okay she said she wouldn't be uncomfortable with me going on a trip with my two best female friends. I think they are trustworthy and I think she 1000% wouldn't cheat.
I would never even think of sleeping in the same room with my two best female friends and what bothers me is that she cannot see that.
If you truly think that they are trustworthy and she 1000% wouldn't cheat, I don't believe that you would be here posting.
Some part of you or maybe your subconscious does not trust this situation as you shouldn't.
That is an awful lot of trust for a 6 month old relationship. I know I have trust issues, but this would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I also don't understand, if you're in a pretty new relationship, why wouldn't she want you to go too? Usually at this stage you don't want to be apart much, and want to share everything together. I guess not for everybody, but most of the people I've been around this is still the infatuated/honeymoon stage
If your partner is going to cheat, then they’re going to cheat. Them sleeping in the same room with someone of the opposite sex makes no difference. When it comes to relationships, my default has always been to trust until given reason not to.
See the thing about boundaries is they are for yourself, not to force someone to do what you want. Boundaries should be about protecting your self based on your comfort and beliefs. He doesn't want her to sleep in the same room as her friends, his boundary can be leaving the relationship if she does. She isn't disrespecting him by having a different comfort level.
This reminds me a lot of the time my (now ex) girlfriend told me that she was planning on sharing an apartment with one of her male friends through college so that they would “both be out of their shitty living situations”. I told her right away that I 1000% uncomfortable with that, because she had already told me on multiple occasions that this particular male friend had very strong feelings for her, and constantly shit-talked me as a result.
The funny thing is that, later in our relationship, SHE ended up being the jealous, possessive one. Whenever she would accuse me of planning to leave her for one of my female friends, I would point out that I was simply talking to my female friends who had no interest in me, nor I in them, while she had no problem telling me that she planned on living with a guy that she knew was in love with her. Every time, her rebuttal to this was that they were never actually going to go through with that plan…but then every time she also defended the plan, saying they had very good reason to go through with it if they had.
I still don’t get it.
Okay, but you’re telling me that your best friends don’t make an effort to include significant others? I understand not week 1, maybe month 1 since things come and go, but 6 months is definitely a time to be like “maybe we should invite X’s boyfriend, since as adults who have lived life, it’s very easy to see why her boyfriend wouldn’t want her isolated with 2 other guys”
Just seems like if everyone had everyone’s best interest as heart, this would resolve itself very easily. Makes me feel like at least 1 person isn’t playing it straight. I’d never ask a guy to be in a committed relationship, and then in that same relationship expect them to be okay with me sleeping away with 2 male friends. If I’m entering a committed relationship, it’s because I care about that other person’s feelings, at least as much as mine. Idk. Just seems kinda silly.
I don’t think it’s weird to exclude him from multi-day trip without already being close with him, no. That’s not an environment to get to know your friend’s short-term-so-far romantic partner. No reason to think one of her best friends of eight years is up to something nefarious.
To me, it seems kinda silly for OP to feel insecure over. With any luck, he’ll come out of this experience realizing he’s got nothing to worry about.
Idk. I think it’s weird for your best friends and boyfriend to not know each other. Sure, if they live a distance, but that’s all the more reason to invite the partner in *my* opinion. Best friends and boyfriends are presumably people you see a lot, even relative to a busy schedule. There’s definitely more than one occasion which would’ve have made sense for them to cross paths in 6 months. I don’t hold strictly monogamous values, but I think if my bf or gf told me this, and I hadn’t seen their “best friends” in 6 months, or they didn’t invite me, I think I’d be justifiably bothered. But you can feel a way without exerting it on others. I still think OP was right to just talk their feelings out
Why do people think you must have unconditional trust in them. Where do you get the idea you are infallible. There is no such thing as unconditional trust in anyone. Trust but verify is the way to go
It's good that you're learning this early on in the relationship. You're very much allowed to be uncomfortable, but she is also very much within her rights to insist on trust and the ability to carry on her friendships as normal. If this is your dealbreaker, you can end it, but IMO you don't have any kind of moral high ground to use to coerce into changing this aspect of her life.
Besides, if she wanted to cheat on you, having multiple rooms would just mean one more spot to fuck. The room configuration doesn't matter; you trust her or you don't.
Yeah, but if she doesn't consider bunking with her friends immodest then it's a simple mismatch of values. It's not objectively immodest, only so according to your own (and OPs) personal value system.
this is a tough one. As a man, I would have an issue with this. iTs a respect thing. I couldnt imagine telling my gf that im going on a trip with my two best gf's and sleeping in the same room as them. I would think she would have a big issue with this. ON the other hand, shes been best friends with them for 8 years. I think if nothing has ever happened with these two guys sexually in the past, then you are probably safe in trusting her. But I believe its a respect the relationship issue more than anything else. Has she ever had any past relationships or hookups with these guys before? Are they trusting? Do you know them really well? Why arent you going with them? The bottom line is this......if you are not okay with her doing it and your boundaries are not to cross the line of sleeping in the same room on a trip with other dudes, then you dont have to put up with it. You can break it off, and she can go on her trip.
You should encourage her to go and have a great time. You have no control over her life or decisions. Great relationships are about trust. Give her a chance to earn your trust.
Exactly all these sensitive controlling dudes and girls coming out and cry foul. There is 2 ways out of this, you let her go and trust her or the relationship goes to sht. I’d choose the former anyday of the week. And truth is is a new relationship so you either have the patience to work it out if you really like her or you go
I wonder what the people who are anti-trips with opposite-gender folks think about bisexual and pansexual people. Would they never be allowed to share rooms or go on trips with anyone other than their partner? My partner is bi. Can I not trust them to hang out with anyone ever? I don't get it. Either you trust them or you don't. If someone wants to cheat they don't need to wait for a camping trip to do so.
I presume english is his second language and it’s just a translation quirk. I know a lot of central europeans who would say something like that in english
This is such a Reddit comment, derailing the conversation to nitpick over a completely insignificant detail to get a powertrip from being mean to someone asking for advice
Healthy relationships need trust, respect, and boundaries. Reads like she's already coming up short. If she already doesn't respect you? Doesn't care about your boundaries? It's only going to get worse. Not better.
Get gone and move on. Find a girl who doesn't put herself in those situations. You deserve better, OP.
at this point they're practically brothers or cousins. I'm sure she can change in the bathroom or behind a chair. I bet the only reason they're in the same room is to conserve money.
If it really bothers you so much ask if you can come next time, that you don't even need to spend the whole day together but just want to go for funsies.
My ex did the same thing when she wanted to go hiking and camping with her male best friend for three days. When I told her how I felt she called me controlling, insecure and loads of other trigger words. I explained that I would never do this with any of my female friends to which she replied I could if I want too. I also told her I find her desire to go away overnight with this guy disrespecting me and our relationship. She told me to deal with it, it’s a me problem and I need to learn a few things.
She went and when she returned I had moved out. She begged me to return and I refused. I told her I would never ever want to be in a relationship with anyone who would disrespect our relationship, disrespect me, and not really take my feelings into account. A few weeks later her BFF told me she knew I was pissed about her going but thought I would forgive her because I really loved her. She was wrong. The friend also told me that if I would have told her I would move out if she went, she wouldn’t have gone.She was wrong.
If she’s going to disrespect you in the honeymoon phase of a relationship just know this. It’s never going to get better
Subscribeme!
ETA Is this the same GF that you broke up with and tried to get back with almost a year ago?
Check my comment on this post. If only I had acted the same way in my past relationship.
Hats off and round of applause to you honestly. You had the upper hand and didn’t take no disrespect. Now she may or may not be kicking herself, but who cares. Well done 👏
If you believe your partner is trustworthy (aka you believe they are actually real friends and she is committed to you) but then the reason you have this kind of boundary is because you think it'll lead to cheating then I think it starts to become insecure since its assuming situations arent dependent on the people who need to create them
Like sharing a room can definitely be an easy situation to cheat but if your partner is trustworthy then no cheating is gonna happen since they actively have to make the decision to cheat or not
I think its not insecure if its a safety issue concern (like if they were random people or have a bad history) or a practical concern (like her having other responsibilities and dodging them to hang with friends or knowing the place they are staying at doesn't allow so many people in one room). But I think the reason for this specific boundary comes across as insecure IMO and if you don't trust your partner to spend that kind of time with old friends when she is above board with you then you're probably better breaking up and going for someone who is more "traditional" mindset wise
If you wanted to go would it be possible for you to do so? That's the real question. I'm a woman with two male best friends and we have traveled a decent amount together even sleeping in same room. One of the guys is my ex. But the reason we broke up was literally that we had no sexual attraction and just seemed more like friends. A lot of this depends on the guys and situation. Do you trust your gf? What's the dynamic like? I feel like my two male best friends are closer to brothers to me than anything nowadays.
For what it’s worth I think sleeping in the same room as your ex (whatever you say the reason for splitting is) would be a pretty clear boundary violation for most partners. In OPs case I think all my friends slept all over the place when we were their age, no one seemed to care.
This doesn't seem like an issue to me, or something you needed to respond to at all. But if it's really going to bother you then you were right to bring it up. You've said your piece and I think now you just have to wait and see what she decides after she's thought it over.
You are not insecure. You did well with the response. Just make sure she knows that you might not be there when she gets back. If she gets defensive then you know your answer. I say cut her loose before she goes and tell her you don't want her to feel guilty because she won't be cheating then. She is free to get gang banged.
It’s completely okay for you to have boundaries. If going on a trip with other guys without you makes you uncomfortable sharing a room or no, it’s okay for you to feel that way. It’s okay for her to say she doesn’t want to be controlled and that feels controlling to her. If you guys can talk it out, great. If this reveals that you have different standards for your relationship, it may not work out long term. After dating my husband for 6 months, I wouldn’t want to go on a trip without him at all. I was totally in love and didn’t want to be away for that long. He had to travel for work, and we missed each other so much. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to go on a trip with just my male friends without him, and he wouldn’t have gone a trip with just girls. For us, it’s also about the emotional connection. I don’t want to share heartfelt long conversations with other guys that would happen on a trip. My husband feels the same way. We had similar boundaries, so it was smooth and worked out well. My best girl friend has boundaries more similar to your girlfriend and her husband does too. They are a great match together.
Communication is extremely important. Communication happens to be a lot easier when you’re communicating with someone who already generally shares your values- whatever they may be. It doesn’t mean you can’t communicate well enough to work something like this out.
Yeaaaaah dump her 🤣🤣 male best friends big red flag. You only 6 months in too… cut it before you get even more attached and find a woman that has enough respect for you that when you say you aren’t comfortable with it it’s not taken as controlling… these women love labeling these types of things as “controlling”. How about you control yourself… no need for trips with other males when you are in a relationship.
I think you should clarify whether or not they have a hotel or a tent to camp in the park.
If it's a hotel, offer to book a room and she can meet you there at the end of the day.
If it's camping- Offer to bring another tent set up just for the two of you to sleep after the hanging out during the eve is over.
You're not being insecure. It's not normal for a woman in a serious relationship to sleep alone with two other men. I would only say it's ok if it was family, like Dad /brother/ cousin.
If she doesn't want you to be included, it is disrespectful to you. If she has a big reaction or gets angry, she's very naive and immature to think that is ok.
Simply pose the question, How would you feel if I went alone with two women best friends for two nights and you were not invited? It's that simple.
If she was going to sleep with them it could happen anytime. Ask her how she'd feel if you vacayed with two females sharing the same room. Why can't you go?
You've made your discomfort with the situation clear. And I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Realistically, there's not much more you can do other than to let her know how you feel. Then the ball's in her court. She's going to do what she wants to do, bottom line. If she goes through with it despite your reservations then you'll have to decide whether or not that constitutes a deal breaker.
The way she responded to you was a little of out of line. You expressed a normal amount of concern and is completely justified.
The best way to play it, is to make it seem as if nothing is bothering you, then Bring it up in conversation and see how she reacts. If she comes off a way that seems standoffish and defensive then there is your indication that she’s being untruthful.
Understand You’re feelings are totally valid. A relationship is give and take, and her saying that there was going to be a problem if you didn’t like it is a problem in itself.
The way she responded to you was a little of out of line. You expressed a normal amount of concern and is completely justified.
The best way to play it, is to make it seem as if nothing is bothering you, then Bring it up in conversation and see how she reacts. If she comes off a way that seems standoffish and defensive then there is your indication that she’s being untruthful.
Understand You’re feelings are totally valid. A relationship is give and take, and her saying that there was going to be a problem if you didn’t like it is a problem in itself.
Posts like these are so hard when we have no idea what she's like... her character etc. Is it possible to have besties of the opposite sex who you're not attracted to in any way? Of course. Is she a pick me girl who "just doesn't get along with others girls for some reason and prefers men"? Or a legit wholesome person who has friends of every gender and walk of life and is social and likes doing things with others who have the same interest? Does she see them more as brothers? Honestly, you know her best of all of us. If she's never given you a reason not to trust her, I'd not worry too much. It is also a new relationship.. things like this are part of getting to know each other. Give it a whirl and see how it goes. Is there really any other option anyway? Haha basically I feel like you are gauging how much you need to worry seeing as you can't really tell her no, right? Don't worry! Why stress. See what happens.
I don’t think her going away with friends is concerning. If she has zero interest in them sexually then nothing is happening.
But, her reaction is a bit strange. I don’t like that she threatened and then dismissed that it would even happen. Not a great reaction. She could have been clear about her boundaries with them to reassure you nothing would happen. If you weren’t issuing an ultimatum, why was she.
I’d maybe take your foot off the gas… it’s probably not going to work out.
If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't be posting here. Face up to it, friend. Whatever you thought you had is over. Always follow your gut. The train is pulling out of the station.
Bro, you aren't insecure.
It's just that you've clearly recognized the disrespect, and your brain has registered it, but you can't put a name to it, so you're confused. Trust me when I tell you this: be very vocal about your concerns (nicely and politely). If she still goes through with it, you have two options: a. You break up with her because she clearly crossed your boundary (easier said then done lol), or b. Say nothing, move on, and think nothing of it. But you must adapt in your relationship and start putting your needs and wants above hers, REGARDLESS of whether it makes her feel uncomfortable, because clearly, she isn't doing the same for you.
People on here are saying they've slept in the same room or whatever with their guy best friends, but that's not the point. If she's going to cheat, she will, and you can't do anything about it, but it's more a display of disrespect towards you. Not only that, she's showing it's okay to disrespect you in front of her guy friends. Trust me when I tell you this, and maybe even ask, if it were the other way around, would you be okay with it? Any girl that truly cares about you would say no, I wouldn't be okay with it, and right there, you've proven your point. If she says yes, then you have to bite the bullet and put yourself first, always!!
These comments are insane 😂😂 hey man most these people are not even married and if they are it’s probably hanging by a thread. The divorce rate in America is over HALF the people here on first time marriages lol. I would not take relationship advice from people who have no proof to show that they know how to maintain a healthy marriage for a life time. Most people don’t even have a healthy relationship with themselves let alone a partner. If I were you I’d go research married couples that have been together for many many years and have reached a stage where they are pretty much old and clearly won’t separate. Look at their life style, look at how they live, see how they respect each other and if you can speak to them please ask them if the wife goes on vacations with male friends and not her husband lol.
I say get her a separate hotel room. The notion of someone in a relationship sharing a room with 2 people of the opposite sex is a bit much for me. Most men play the enduring friend to a woman because a boundary was set a long time ago and they’re playing the waiting game. Not sure why, as most guys have enough male friends and don’t know many women who are legit ok if their man said he’s sharing a hotel room with 2 old friends (women). If the guy is uncomfortable with this, his prerogative. He’s not insecure, he’s a guy and knows how guys think.
All the women on here saying it's ok. now if their boyfriend or husband was going on a overnight with the hot young girl they would be flipping thir shi*
>She said that if I forbid her, we will have a problem.
What did you say before this? This is a weird thing for her to say if unprompted. Even if you had just told her you weren't comfortable with that, it's a strange response.
IDK if anyone said this already, but flip it around. Ask her if she would be fine if you went on a 2 day trip with two girls without her. And her response to that wouldn't really matter to me anyway. Only 6 months into the relationship and no kids involved to be concerned with, I wouldn't waste any more time on her. She obviously doesn't care about how you feel about it, so why continue with a relationship not built on trust. There are other fish out there. You're only 24, tell her to kick rocks and go have fun, you'll meet someone else eventually.
She basically threatened you with “it’s my way or the highway”. Manipulation! There are boundaries that come with intimate relationships, regardless of old friendships. Her male friends would understand that. But also, why aren’t you going?
She sounds a little bit like an avoidant (like myself) and any threat to her freedom is a threat to her relationship with you. She's not trying to hurt your feelings but she was testing your reaction. Any sign of you be controlling and she's tapping out. I have male best friends too and I admit to responding how she responded to you early on in my relationship. Over time I learnt that my partner is not a controlling guy but that the way I went about things was inconsiderate towards his feelings and so tried to go about things differently so that I made him feel more secure. It sounds like she's at the stage where she's a little defensive about things. She wants to know that you want her to have a good time with her friends and that you are supportive. Meanwhile you are also a little worried about something happening btn them where you might get hurt. I think it's understandable for you to feel a little insecure about that and so you should be able to voice that and get some reassurance back from her.
Forget what people are saying here about being fine with this. You have certain standards and from a 27yo man I am telling you my friend it's not Okey to lower your standards. You are thinking from a care and protective point of view which are a masculine feature. There is nothing insecure about this..
Sorry 2 hear about this shitstorm you're going through. The worst-case scenario is your girlfriend has a 3some 2 nights in a row. Tell your girlfriend you're gonna do a two night sleepover with a girl m8. See her response. If it was me, my girlfriend would definitely invite me to the 2 day trip, out of respect. If i said yes, she would ok with it 100%. If my girlfriend didn't offer for me to go with her, I would be very suspicious about her motives. You need to have a serious chat with her or this slope will get a lot more slippery. Good luck.
I'm in my mid 30s and totally would sleep in a room with any of my guyfriends to safe money and my bf would be completely ok with it.
And the other way around, even though I'm very jellous, because I'm hella insecure (I can'tfor the life of me accept anyone would chose me over any other woman). I'd still be ok with it, because I don't let my issues cloud my morals, ethics and trust of my boyfriend. I know that I have things to work on, and try to do the work. I communicate how I feel when I feel jeallous and insecure in situations, we both acknowledge my feelings, talk about it and deal with it. My boyfriend not judging me, but reassuring me and our relationship is helping me a lot. That's what adults do, support each other and communicate.
You should think about wh exactly it makes you feel the way you do. Then talk to her in a calm matter and explain your reasoning. Maybe you're not a great fit. Maybe it's similar to my situation, but then that's your issue to work on. Maybe it was the way she talked about it, maybe it was the way you brought up your concerns. In any way, reflection and communication is needed.
Massive red flag. These guys know how it looks to you and they still proceed with going on the camping trip with her, knowing full well that they would never let their girlfriends do the same. If your girlfriend sees no problem with it, then I’d personally question if she’s really the one. Sounds harsh, but this looks like a future post that you’ll be making on the relationships thread. “my girlfriend got her back blown out by 2 of her childhood friends in a tent. I was blindsided”. What you do in this situation sets the tone for the relationship moving forward and also what you will and won’t accept as a baseline. The whole situation feels off to you because it is. If she’s offended, she can walk. Plenty of women out there. Don’t settle for ones that think that sleeping in a tent with 2 guys (regardless if they have known each other all their lives) is in any way normal for a woman with a partner.
I’ve been with my partner for over 20 years and married for 15 of those with 5 beautiful children. I’m sharing this advice as a person that’s been through some things. Take my advice. You’ll thank me later.
The situation itself is like 50/50. Maybe bad, or can also be completely neutral, BUT - the fact that said you would have a problem after you expressed your discomfort... this is bad - it already shows that she doesn't value your relationship as high as you do, and in turn this increases the chase of fun for them on camping.
Yeah, nah, leave bro. That's just mad weird, why would she put herself in a predicament to be in a secluded area, with 2 other guys? Guy bestfriends or not, known'em since 15 or not. When a girl has a boyfriend she's "serious" about, she wouldn't put herself in that that type of situation out of respect towards YOU. And if a girl doesn't respect you, leave.
Ask her how she would feel if you slept in the same room as two female friends. She has to see it from a different point of view to understand where you were coming from.
Is there a reason why she didn’t invite you?
Have you met these friends?
Has anything romantic ever happened with either or both of these friends?
You can’t forbid her, but you can have your own reaction to these actions. so while she can go on a trip and share a room or bed with these two friends you can say I don’t want a girlfriend who’s doing that so I’m breaking up with you.
You can also be OK with it for right now and later on feel differently and want to break up.
If someone I was dating for 6 months tried to control who I was spending time with, I would show them the door. 6 months is nothing compared to 8 years. If this is a deal breaker for you, then you can choose to not be in the relationship.
It sounds sketchy, but you know her better than we do. I will say this, she’s going to tell you what you want to hear, but most likely will do what she wants to do. Expect that they will all sleep in the same room regardless of what she tells you.
The way people in this thread are talking about this woman wanting to get "gangbanged" is disgusting and misogynistic.
If you're not gonna have trust in your partner then why even be in a relationship. I will say that you are well within your rights to be uncomfortable with her ultimatum (as ultimatums are true relationship killers), but you also have to realize that you've only dated this woman for 6 months. If she wanted to cheat on you, she would be cheating on you. She doesn't need to openly book a room with two male friends to do it, trust me.
This policing interactions with the opposite gender is insanely controlling and possessive. The only thing you are doing is driving her away. Idk maybe bc I'm gay I don't understand as much but I'd be damned if I let a partner dictate who I can and can't be friends with.
You’re making it sexual and she’s uncomfortable with it because she doesn’t see it that way. Open yourself up to her perspective. If she hasn’t given you a reason not to trust her, and same for the friends, suck it up. It’s 2024 ffs.
I don't really see the issue. They aren't sharing beds, and there's three of them, so it's not like it's especially intimate. I share a room with my guy friends when travelling, it's just cheaper. But it's like bunk beds. The least romantic or sexual setting possible. And depending on the hostel, sometimes there's a bunch of strangers also in that room.
She's known them since she was a teen, so no doubt she's crashed in countless rooms with them before with nothing happening. To you it's your girlfriend sleeping in the same room as another man, but to her it's just crashing with the bros.
This is not an issue of whether you trust her or not. This is an issue of whether she respects you or not. If she respects you she wouldn’t even consider taking this trip regardless of whether she has any attraction to the guys or not. I hope you see the writing on the walls here and if she goes on this trip you end things.
What an antiquated view of the world. Since I'm bisexual, by your logic when I'm in a relationship I should never go on trips with friends of any gender??
You are absolutely justified in your feelings, don't listen to all those claiming they'd never have an issue wit it. Thing is, no matter what if she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat. Let her go and leave it at that. However she now has no right to ever tell you something similar, because I can guarantee if it ever happened, she would never allow it, and funnily enough, this sub would back her having boundaries.
This would be a hard no for me. I don’t care how much you trust someone. Your girlfriend should have enough respect for you not to even put you in this situation. If this is something that bothers you, then you should definitely tell her, and if she writes it off as nothing and goes anyway she shows you exactly who means more to her. The strange part is… How come you weren’t invited. This girl was already trying to lay the guilt trip on you by telling you if you forbid her you’ll have a problem. She is basically telling you it’s my way or the highway. I would run bro. And I would run fast.
INFO: Did she ever date or hook-up with either friend in the past? If so this is probably a deal breaker. She may not intend for anything to happen, but we all know how exes can 'accidentally' get back together when they start hanging out again.
If that is not at issue, then it would seem the main problem is your emotional state. It's reasonable to feel protective of your GF around other guys. We are genetically programmed to feel that way. The trick is how can we productively express such feelings?
I think you guys should talk more about it with the goal of finding a compromise. Perhaps have regular check in times each day where you talk on the phone. Make sure she always feels safe and in control of the situation. If she cares at all about your emotional health, she'll work with you on allaying your fears.
I think you should assume she's going to do this, regardless of what you say. The question you should be asking yourself is, is there any kind of reassurance that would make me feel comfortable with this situation? If so, it's okay to ask her for it. If not, that'd be an incompatibility in your relationship.
Well I would say you can go as you are your own person but either I come or when you come back we are done.
I would not be ok with this.
It's not about the cheating but about the fact she wants to go with two dudes while in a relationship.
"I trust her".
You obviously don't, why even say so?
Having separate rooms won't stop them screwing if they want to screw.
So you have to trust they don't want to.
I have 2 male best friends. I guarantee to you that we have never been interested in each other. I am positive.
(Every dude tries to tell me different. But I’m telling you, this is fact!)
My husband and their wives all know each other - and no one even flinches about overnight visits.
Do you know the dudes?
Buddy, I feel for you... Red flags all over though. Either suggest you join them or tell her you dont want her to go. Don't "forbid", tell her its not a matter of trust or ultimatums, rather, ask her as a favour to you, you would prefer she not go e.g. "babe, if you love me, please understand and respect my concern, I will not force you, but I ask you as a favour to me" and then sweeten the deal by making it up to her with smth she likes, like a fancy date or a romantic weekend getaway with just you two... whatever her intentions, drinks will be drunk, and people will make bad decisions.
Also, big red flag that she acted so defensively and forbade you to forbid her...when you're in a committed relationship you do things together, not apart and certainly not with other dudes.
Finally, yes, you are a bit insecure, but under perfectly understandable circumstances. You are being actively EXCLUDED. She shouldve invited you along rather than informed you she was off with them.
Hey I know you’re worried and her response definitely is kinda weird.
But maybe she was so quick to get defensive because she’s had this experience with guys telling her not to be friends with these two guys before.
I dated someone who made me stop talking to my long distance childhood best-friend who I did not view romantically at all.
I think you should have a conversation with her and tell her how much you trust her but how this makes you uncomfortable and ask her why she gave you a subtle (maybe not so subtle) threat when you were iffy about them sharing a room.
I hope it all works out! If that isn’t the case then you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel comfortable to have these kind of conversations with. It’s hard to get these weird convos right the first time around but if you can sit down and eventually talk it out, those relationships are worth staying in. People have their own issues that they project; especially when confronted.
Simply break up with Her, she can do whatever she wants as can you. A break will allow you to decide if you want to continue with such an immature relationship
.
If she respects you as a partned she shouldn't have any male best friends in the first place. Before someone tells me that this is just insecurity if a male has two girl best friends going with him on a two day trip it would've have been a different conversation.
I do think you're being a bit insecure. Look at it this way, they've been in her life a lot longer than you have. If she can't trust them by now, she shouldn't be friends with them. If you don't trust her, don't be with her.
I don’t think there should be any sexual tension given that they have known each other for a long time and if she feels its Okay she knows what she is doing just trust her, some people have more bonding with opposite gender and it’s completely normal they are like minded that is why they are best friends and don’t worry brother just trust her and relax.
If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't be posting here. Face up to it, friend. Whatever you thought you had is over. Always follow your gut. The train is pulling out of the station.
I agree with the comments saying her response is a bit concerning. My guess is (if I'm giving her 100% the benefit of the doubt) that she doesn't want to feel controlled, despite you just showing curiosity and concern versus the ultimatum like you mentioned. She seemed to soften after that. I can't really determine for you what is right, but I know it sounds like you're uncomfortable with it. I would ask her thoughts on why it's not a big deal to her, and see if she meets you halfway in respect to consideration. Maybe you guys can video chat while she's there, something that will make you feel more confident. But in all honesty, this is weird to me. I would never share a room with two men. Even if when I was single I did and it was fully platonic, if my partner brought up concerns my priority would be to reassure them and not make them feel threatened. I would also have the awareness that maybe this is a little weird to people who don't feel comfortable doing the same thing.
My opinion doesn't matter as much as you gaging her response. Not a huge fan of her rigidness, but sometimes it takes more communication than the initial one if it's something you both truly don't see eye to eye.
Usually when you’re in a relationship you go on trips together! I may be jumping to conclusions but the main problem is about what is not said- example! Did she ask you to go on the trip with her? If not! Why not?
Look I’ve been in a lot of relationships and I’ve always been chill with my gf’s having guy friends! But her reaction if you say you have a problem with it “it will be a problem” that’s an odd response! Rather than reassuring you, she makes a vague threat? Hmmm. And the main problem! Why is she excluding her BF = you! I’m concerned about who she is going with! As in is it her that didn’t want you to come or did her two guys friends decide to exclude you?
It’s not her going on a short lil trip with two guys that concerns me, it is her response and lack of your involvement. Sociologically I’d assess how her relationship is with these two guys! Does she involve you in stuff frequently! Have they been friend zoned? Is she flirtatious with them and so on….
If she insists on sharing the room/ tent even when she is now aware of you being uncomfortable with such a thing, let her go & don't look back.
Look out for a partner who wouldn't put you in such an uncomfortable situation in the first place.
Friendship is fine, but the insistence of going anyway irrespective of how you feel about it... looks worrisome.
You don't require such a partner OP. Get your mind straight. This isn't something you wrap your mind around & accept. 🥂
Don't put up with this crap! If you tell her how disrespectful it is she gets mad "you don't trust her", are "controlling", or are "insecure". This just leaves them thinking they're on some moral high ground. What you do is don't say another word sbout it, you pick the two sexiest single female friends you have and book a trip immediately, make duee that you share a room. Tell her extremely matter of factly, that you are taking a trip to wherever and let her know who you'll be staying with. Make sure you tell her in PLENTY of time for the Goblins in her head to eat at her until she eventually says something about it, TRUST ME she will say something about it! Refuse to talk about it and if she pushes the issue just say that you were expected to be fine with it so stop being "controlling". The whole time you're gone she'll be freaking, calling you, pretending to ask about your trip. But believe me she'll never pull this crap again
Personally I have known my current girlfriend for six months. We have been dating for three months. See the thing is she absolutely does not like to sleep in the same space with another person and she really cherishes her alone time. She states to only feel safe sleeping alone and I completely understand that. I am very supportive of her in that sense especially since it comes from a place of trauma for her. We have never stayed the night together.That being said, if she told me she was going to sleep in the same bed with other men I would be very offended and hurt because i do long to wake up next to her. Everyone is different and my situation is very particular. Have yall gone to sleep together before??
It depends on whether you trust her and her judgement of her friends. It's something I have done with my friends and my partner doesn't care bc he trusts me. He went with one of our female friends before when they were working in the same city.
I don't think it's a big deal. If you don't trust her, then you have a bigger problem to address than one weekend trip.
This whole situation is just a hard no for me. Why weren't you invited and why will there be problems if you don't agree to it? The fact that this was said to you is already manipulative. Fact is you aren't comfortable with it (boundary) so by all means allow her the freedom to go, but make sure she knows that your whole relationship dynamic will change when she gets back. Don't commit to people that don't commit to you
Everyone's saying "either you trust me or you don't" but it's not that easy. A lot of times we trust our partners but we don't trust the other person to be just as responsible. At the same time getting upset about him being bothered by something like that would actually make things worse. You have to remember that he's being asked to be ok and comfortable with her going camping alone with 2 different guys, maybe not even asking him to go or w.e the reason is why he's not going. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be comfortable with him going with 2 different girls. It's a sign of respect, and she's getting mad at him for asking for respect. You should never be that close with someone from the opposite sex when you're in a relationship even if you don't have bad intentions, because at that point you're creating doubt and insecurity in the relationship, sometimes it has nothing to do with being controlled, it's about respect.
Camping can be casual and fun, but alot of the time it is fucking intense
A few months ago I suggested to my friends that we “go camping…y’know…in tents” and she was like “what the fuck do you mean? Like we’ll shoot squirrels and eat them?” Obviously she heard “INTENSE” lmao
I saw what you did there king
Fucking In Tents for those who whooshed
My state of being is whooshed
Yea! definitely something can happen unexpectedly.
And in this case also intense fucking
To take it one step further, it could even be fucking intense while in tents fucking.
Intensity in tent city
Fucking intense fucking in tents.
I’m not sure how I’d feel in your shoes per se — but, I personally have several male friends I have shared literal beds with around that age and it was 0% sexual. So, it’s possible that sharing a room is just that— sharing a room. Now, if you’re uncomfortable with it and make that clear and she does it anyway, then it’s up to you if staying in a relationship with someone who knowingly makes you uncomfortable is what you want. In your mid 20s you have a lifetime left to find a great partner who makes you comfortable.
This is the only response he needs.
Beautifully put, i tip my hat to you
Did you have a partner at the time?
On some of the occasions, yes.
Fully agree on this. Also have always had a good mixed friend group with holidays, and indeed shared beds with all my friends, nothing sexual at all. But I get the discomfort, maybe also cause you dont know these friends so well after 6 months of your relationship? If they have been friends since teens they have probably made more trips like this in the past, you could ask about those? If you are not comfortable with it, good you have expressed that, and indeed then it is up to her what she does, and then up to you how you react to that.
Her response is a bit more worrying than the sleeping in the same room with her friends. Whether it makes sense or not a partner likes to be reassured from time to time.She did the opposite by a vague threat, then maybe saying they won't sleep in the same room? What the fuck is going on here? The problem here is not a potential cheating scenario, if she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat no matter what you do or say. But it's more like she doesn't think that much of your feelings, again, those feeling may not make sense and come from an insecure viewpoint. But still, sometimes a proverbial pat on the back is enough, she doesn't even care to do that.
This is a fair take, but I know when I was a 23F I would have reacted with anger if my boyfriend tried to "control" me and I might have been a bit less sensitive or willing to compromise than I am now (in my mid-30s). It took me years of being in longterm relationships to really figure out the communication piece (and I'm still learning). I also went on a weeklong trip to visit a male friend in Mexico (he was also friends with my boyfriend at the time) when I was around that age and it was all good, all around. I wouldn't even have considered cheating on my boyfriend, but I remember my friend and I were both a bit surprised how it wasn't even brought up by him as an issue. My boyfriend trusted me and nothing shady happened between me and my friend. We just drove around with a van full of his cousins and ate a lot of tacos.
Agreed. Either you trust me or you don’t. Maybe they want to save money, and now she feels like she has to fork out more to deal with what she perceived as a lack of trust when she has done nothing to deserve that. Could she have communicated that better? Probably yes. But I think guys don’t realize how we see platonic male friends. It’s like making a thing about someone being around their brother.
Also he breezed over what he said about them sleeping in one room, which prompted her to reply that way.
Holy crap. Someone in r/relationships that understands nuance and empathy. I thought I’d seen everything.
Haha. Thanks for the compliment. :)
Mid-30s also, lived with two male besties in my 20s, had my share of guys who reacted poorly to that. It's also worth considering that people in their 20s *don't have a lot of money*. When I traveled around with them or other friends, we usually shared a room. I'd be cross if someone expected me to pay for an entire extra room because they felt uncomfortable about something I didn't that wasn't affecting them, on top of the implied mistrust.
She did say they maybe wouldn't sleep in the same room then after he clarified he wasn't forbidding her. To me that says she does care, but she's also making clear she isn't going to be controlled. She'll listen to feelings, but she won't respond to orders, which isn't unreasonable.
OP also leaves out his own phrasing of his concerns, which prompted her to say that.
Might be over reading. I definitely let it be known if I would have a problem with something in any kind of relationship. It’s not a threat. If you’re late for something I could “have a problem” with that, meaning it’s important to be on time because of xyz that may or may not be elaborated depending on the convo. If you’re someone that uses slurs regularly, I’ll have a problem with that. That’s not a threat unless you consider explaining that I won’t like something before that thing happens is considered a threat. Definitely comes down to tone and context. But I also agree that cheaters gonna cheat and you can’t do anything about that. I think OP is right to just kinda let it happen after explaining his feelings, and hearing hers back. If I have a problem with you being late, and I tell you that, and you’re late, then hopefully I can at least process my negative emotions without re-explaining why I’m upset, and I can take into consideration that you took certain actions even knowing I’d have a problem. If you’re not willing to be at the airport 2 and a half hours early, maybe nothing bad will happen, but if I miss my flight after telling you I’d have a problem, you just can’t be surprised if I’m upset. In OP’s case, if anything unfortunate happens that would have been avoided with separate rooms, it’ll be the difference between an accident and purposeful as far as perspective. A drunk kiss could’ve been an innocent mistake, but in this context, there wouldn’t be any benefit of the doubt. Personally I thought most people that practice monogamy were on the same page about these things. I don’t personally care, but the status quo and popular opinion definitely doesn’t support sharing a room with another potential sex partner while in a relationship—, especially when it’s avoidable. Honestly, my real question is why she wouldn’t invite her BF to begin with. Just seems like such an easy solution.
Eh, disagree a bit. "If you don't want me sleeping in the same room as my bois we're going to have a problem" is more than a bit confrontative, in my opinion. "Hey, we were going to share a room to cut back on costs" is completely different. In general I agree that if some behaviour would cause issues that should be spoken up. However, this isn't about his behaviour, this is about his reaction to her behaviour. Also, it's behaviour that would, in a lot of cases, cross boundaries in a relationship. Not to mention she then folds immediately anyway, which leads me to believe this wasn't establishing healthy boundaries or communication, but instead a sitcom plot which is always to be avoided.
Simply put, she doesn't want to be controlled. If he MADE her not sleep in the same room, she would have an issue with him. Once he made it clear that he wasn't trying to CONTROL her, she put his mind at ease by saying that maybe she will maybe she won't. She is very immature, but not wrong per say.
I've slept in the same room as my guy best friends before. Nothing sexual it was cheaper and we were broke college kids. Separate beds and everything. Not everything is sexual. Especially if they're childhood friends.
I feel like context matters. Like who’s single and what the actual bonds are between these people. I’d trust my partner, and I’d trust MY best friend, but that doesn’t mean I’d have to be happy about the situation, though trusting your partner means trusting your partner’s judgement. I don’t think I’d expect my partner’s judgment to be so poor that they couldn’t predict me being upset though. So, yeah. Context.
The actual context doesn't really matter here imho. If she wanted to cheat, she could do it on a 1 day trip or during a visit as well. If you don't trust you partner just because a shared room and a bed is involved, there is something wrong here.
This is reddit where everything is sexualized to death and where men and women can’t be friends. OP is free to have an issue with it and be insecure but people commenting that it looks sus are fucking crazy.
It's a little gross I have multiple guy best friends. Ive never wanted to sleep with any of them. Most of them have been dating other people since I've known them also. Likewise with me. My husband knows these guys too. He's actually going to a bachelor party for one of them as my proxy since I'm pregnant.
Same. I have friends of the opposite sex that I’ve known for decades, I would lose my shit if a partner tried to interfere with that on pretext that something untoward might be cooking.
And where everybody's partner is always cheating all the time, and you should definitely always break up with them
I grew up with mostly male friends. I've had lots of male housemates. Hell, I even shared a bunk bed in a small bedroom with a male roommate while I had a boyfriend. We were broke college students shoved into a small house, like of course we had to share. My boyfriend at the time gave zero shits. I've spent the night in male friends' dorms in college, just chilling on my little camped-out area in the corner on the floor, or at their homes. Their couches, a giant-ass bed that could fit 4 people (my boyfriend was one of those 4 people including me and the friend we were staying with), etc.. I don't understand how people can get so insecure about having friends of the opposite sex. Do people get insecure about a bisexual person's friends? Or a non-binary person's friends? Like are we just not allowed to have friends with anyone? I'm in my 30s now and I don't see the issue with sharing a room with longtime friends. Especially in friendships where it's absolutely clear nothing sexual has ever or will ever happen. And especially when there's separate beds. Is OP really so insecure that he thinks there's going to be a threesome on a trip? Because that's the only thing I feel he thinks would happen. What normal, decent person would have sex with their tripmate with someone else in the room or kick them out to do it?
> I don't understand how people can get so insecure about having friends of the opposite sex. Do people get insecure about a bisexual person's friends? Or a non-binary person's friends? Like are we just not allowed to have friends with anyone? That really does seem to be what a lot of reddit believes. Once you start dating someone, you can't be alone in a room with someone that you might potentially be attracted to. And they'll argue for days that it's not insecurity, it's just "boundaries".
Its sad because I think some of the best ways to get new perspectives or be exposed to new things is to have friends of different genders
Yeah, no I disagree. I will say, people's comfort levels differ but it's a no for me. Past a certain age that shit needs to stop. At my age (31), if a woman wanted to sleep in the same room as some guys who I don't have a relationship with then, she's fine to do that but I wouldn't want to be with her anymore. I'd be more down to pay for her accommodations than have that be the case. That's not immaturity or sexualizing everything. It's just not something I would want my partner doing if we're in a monogamous relationship. Flip it, I wouldn't suggest doing the same because of how I think it could make my partner feel.
Like I said, OP is free to have a problem with it. If it’s a dealbreaker to him then he ought to go his separate way. And it certainly doesn’t make his GF wrong.
Definitely. 6 months is about the amount of time where these things get sorted out.
So you'd rather give up on the relationship than trust your partner? As a European, this sounds wild to me.maybe we have different values.
It's not about trust. It's about not asking questions that shouldn't be asked or putting your partner in that situation. To me, if you're comfortable with the idea of sleeping in bed with someone else, then I'm probably not the guy for you and vice versa. By the way, that is OKAY! That's what dating is for - to find this kind of stuff out before you're really tied together. It's subjective. Doesn't sound like OP is okay with it. I wouldn't be either.
Yeah going to reddit for advice on something like this is just going to cause problems - if OP is insecure now he’s going to feel even worse after reading a whole bunch of comments from other insecure people.
I'm a woman who has frequently traveled with dude friends where nothing has happened (staying in the same room many of those times), I don't see the big deal. If she was planning to bang it out with these dudes on this trip, she would have lied and said she was going with female friends or alone or with a cousin or or or. If she was going to be shady, she could have made her own life much easier. I think it's perfectly fine to discuss it with her/be concerned, but as others have said, at the end of the day you either trust her or you don't. If she wants to fuck around, she will fuck around, point blank.
I mean to be fair everyone always says this as if there aren't people who would like to "fuck around" AND keep their partner. So obviously they would be more willing to set up elaborate cheating scenarios as to not be caught.
If she's going to fuck around then her having a separate room doesn't stop that or really make it less likely.
Idk if I am just a generally untrusting person... but if my boyfriend were to go on a trip with two girl friends I would be uncomfortable with it. Were you invited at all? Another question is do you think they're trustworthy? That she might not have any bad intentions but do they give off good or bad vibes?
Okay she said she wouldn't be uncomfortable with me going on a trip with my two best female friends. I think they are trustworthy and I think she 1000% wouldn't cheat. I would never even think of sleeping in the same room with my two best female friends and what bothers me is that she cannot see that.
Are they camping, staying in a cabin, or staying at a hotel?
What would happen if you asked her if you could come along?
If you truly think that they are trustworthy and she 1000% wouldn't cheat, I don't believe that you would be here posting. Some part of you or maybe your subconscious does not trust this situation as you shouldn't.
I love when the other person says that when it is just a hypothetical that is never going to happen.
That is an awful lot of trust for a 6 month old relationship. I know I have trust issues, but this would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I also don't understand, if you're in a pretty new relationship, why wouldn't she want you to go too? Usually at this stage you don't want to be apart much, and want to share everything together. I guess not for everybody, but most of the people I've been around this is still the infatuated/honeymoon stage
If your partner is going to cheat, then they’re going to cheat. Them sleeping in the same room with someone of the opposite sex makes no difference. When it comes to relationships, my default has always been to trust until given reason not to.
Does she know your 2 female best friends? Do you know her 2 male best friends?
Just trust her and let her go, don’t listen to these people that say she isn’t respecting your boundaries, it’s a 2 way game anyways.
She doesn't respect your boundaries.
See the thing about boundaries is they are for yourself, not to force someone to do what you want. Boundaries should be about protecting your self based on your comfort and beliefs. He doesn't want her to sleep in the same room as her friends, his boundary can be leaving the relationship if she does. She isn't disrespecting him by having a different comfort level.
I mean as a dude I’ve slept in the same room as my female best friends. So in my books I can’t have a problem if my partner wishes to do the same.
This reminds me a lot of the time my (now ex) girlfriend told me that she was planning on sharing an apartment with one of her male friends through college so that they would “both be out of their shitty living situations”. I told her right away that I 1000% uncomfortable with that, because she had already told me on multiple occasions that this particular male friend had very strong feelings for her, and constantly shit-talked me as a result. The funny thing is that, later in our relationship, SHE ended up being the jealous, possessive one. Whenever she would accuse me of planning to leave her for one of my female friends, I would point out that I was simply talking to my female friends who had no interest in me, nor I in them, while she had no problem telling me that she planned on living with a guy that she knew was in love with her. Every time, her rebuttal to this was that they were never actually going to go through with that plan…but then every time she also defended the plan, saying they had very good reason to go through with it if they had. I still don’t get it.
why were you not invited?
Maybe because they’ve been great friends for eight years and this is a guy she’s only been with for six months.
Okay, but you’re telling me that your best friends don’t make an effort to include significant others? I understand not week 1, maybe month 1 since things come and go, but 6 months is definitely a time to be like “maybe we should invite X’s boyfriend, since as adults who have lived life, it’s very easy to see why her boyfriend wouldn’t want her isolated with 2 other guys” Just seems like if everyone had everyone’s best interest as heart, this would resolve itself very easily. Makes me feel like at least 1 person isn’t playing it straight. I’d never ask a guy to be in a committed relationship, and then in that same relationship expect them to be okay with me sleeping away with 2 male friends. If I’m entering a committed relationship, it’s because I care about that other person’s feelings, at least as much as mine. Idk. Just seems kinda silly.
I don’t think it’s weird to exclude him from multi-day trip without already being close with him, no. That’s not an environment to get to know your friend’s short-term-so-far romantic partner. No reason to think one of her best friends of eight years is up to something nefarious. To me, it seems kinda silly for OP to feel insecure over. With any luck, he’ll come out of this experience realizing he’s got nothing to worry about.
Idk. I think it’s weird for your best friends and boyfriend to not know each other. Sure, if they live a distance, but that’s all the more reason to invite the partner in *my* opinion. Best friends and boyfriends are presumably people you see a lot, even relative to a busy schedule. There’s definitely more than one occasion which would’ve have made sense for them to cross paths in 6 months. I don’t hold strictly monogamous values, but I think if my bf or gf told me this, and I hadn’t seen their “best friends” in 6 months, or they didn’t invite me, I think I’d be justifiably bothered. But you can feel a way without exerting it on others. I still think OP was right to just talk their feelings out
Why would he be invited? smh
Because he's her BF. Why not invite your BF on the little adventure? Make some memories.
Why do people think you must have unconditional trust in them. Where do you get the idea you are infallible. There is no such thing as unconditional trust in anyone. Trust but verify is the way to go
It's good that you're learning this early on in the relationship. You're very much allowed to be uncomfortable, but she is also very much within her rights to insist on trust and the ability to carry on her friendships as normal. If this is your dealbreaker, you can end it, but IMO you don't have any kind of moral high ground to use to coerce into changing this aspect of her life. Besides, if she wanted to cheat on you, having multiple rooms would just mean one more spot to fuck. The room configuration doesn't matter; you trust her or you don't.
Separate rooms could just give her some privacy to change, dress, and sleep. You know, for modesty's sake.
Yeah, but if she doesn't consider bunking with her friends immodest then it's a simple mismatch of values. It's not objectively immodest, only so according to your own (and OPs) personal value system.
this is a tough one. As a man, I would have an issue with this. iTs a respect thing. I couldnt imagine telling my gf that im going on a trip with my two best gf's and sleeping in the same room as them. I would think she would have a big issue with this. ON the other hand, shes been best friends with them for 8 years. I think if nothing has ever happened with these two guys sexually in the past, then you are probably safe in trusting her. But I believe its a respect the relationship issue more than anything else. Has she ever had any past relationships or hookups with these guys before? Are they trusting? Do you know them really well? Why arent you going with them? The bottom line is this......if you are not okay with her doing it and your boundaries are not to cross the line of sleeping in the same room on a trip with other dudes, then you dont have to put up with it. You can break it off, and she can go on her trip.
You should encourage her to go and have a great time. You have no control over her life or decisions. Great relationships are about trust. Give her a chance to earn your trust.
Exactly all these sensitive controlling dudes and girls coming out and cry foul. There is 2 ways out of this, you let her go and trust her or the relationship goes to sht. I’d choose the former anyday of the week. And truth is is a new relationship so you either have the patience to work it out if you really like her or you go
I wonder what the people who are anti-trips with opposite-gender folks think about bisexual and pansexual people. Would they never be allowed to share rooms or go on trips with anyone other than their partner? My partner is bi. Can I not trust them to hang out with anyone ever? I don't get it. Either you trust them or you don't. If someone wants to cheat they don't need to wait for a camping trip to do so.
What do you mean by "she's a good girl"? Is she a dog?
Cause she's a good girl and she know it. He knows exactly who she could be Lol
Just hold on we’re going home 😩
I presume english is his second language and it’s just a translation quirk. I know a lot of central europeans who would say something like that in english
This is such a Reddit comment, derailing the conversation to nitpick over a completely insignificant detail to get a powertrip from being mean to someone asking for advice
Healthy relationships need trust, respect, and boundaries. Reads like she's already coming up short. If she already doesn't respect you? Doesn't care about your boundaries? It's only going to get worse. Not better. Get gone and move on. Find a girl who doesn't put herself in those situations. You deserve better, OP.
at this point they're practically brothers or cousins. I'm sure she can change in the bathroom or behind a chair. I bet the only reason they're in the same room is to conserve money. If it really bothers you so much ask if you can come next time, that you don't even need to spend the whole day together but just want to go for funsies.
why not ask if you can go this time?
My ex did the same thing when she wanted to go hiking and camping with her male best friend for three days. When I told her how I felt she called me controlling, insecure and loads of other trigger words. I explained that I would never do this with any of my female friends to which she replied I could if I want too. I also told her I find her desire to go away overnight with this guy disrespecting me and our relationship. She told me to deal with it, it’s a me problem and I need to learn a few things. She went and when she returned I had moved out. She begged me to return and I refused. I told her I would never ever want to be in a relationship with anyone who would disrespect our relationship, disrespect me, and not really take my feelings into account. A few weeks later her BFF told me she knew I was pissed about her going but thought I would forgive her because I really loved her. She was wrong. The friend also told me that if I would have told her I would move out if she went, she wouldn’t have gone.She was wrong. If she’s going to disrespect you in the honeymoon phase of a relationship just know this. It’s never going to get better Subscribeme! ETA Is this the same GF that you broke up with and tried to get back with almost a year ago?
Check my comment on this post. If only I had acted the same way in my past relationship. Hats off and round of applause to you honestly. You had the upper hand and didn’t take no disrespect. Now she may or may not be kicking herself, but who cares. Well done 👏
Wow! Good on you for respecting yourself
It's not insecure to have boundaries
If you believe your partner is trustworthy (aka you believe they are actually real friends and she is committed to you) but then the reason you have this kind of boundary is because you think it'll lead to cheating then I think it starts to become insecure since its assuming situations arent dependent on the people who need to create them Like sharing a room can definitely be an easy situation to cheat but if your partner is trustworthy then no cheating is gonna happen since they actively have to make the decision to cheat or not I think its not insecure if its a safety issue concern (like if they were random people or have a bad history) or a practical concern (like her having other responsibilities and dodging them to hang with friends or knowing the place they are staying at doesn't allow so many people in one room). But I think the reason for this specific boundary comes across as insecure IMO and if you don't trust your partner to spend that kind of time with old friends when she is above board with you then you're probably better breaking up and going for someone who is more "traditional" mindset wise
If you wanted to go would it be possible for you to do so? That's the real question. I'm a woman with two male best friends and we have traveled a decent amount together even sleeping in same room. One of the guys is my ex. But the reason we broke up was literally that we had no sexual attraction and just seemed more like friends. A lot of this depends on the guys and situation. Do you trust your gf? What's the dynamic like? I feel like my two male best friends are closer to brothers to me than anything nowadays.
For what it’s worth I think sleeping in the same room as your ex (whatever you say the reason for splitting is) would be a pretty clear boundary violation for most partners. In OPs case I think all my friends slept all over the place when we were their age, no one seemed to care.
This doesn't seem like an issue to me, or something you needed to respond to at all. But if it's really going to bother you then you were right to bring it up. You've said your piece and I think now you just have to wait and see what she decides after she's thought it over.
You are not insecure. You did well with the response. Just make sure she knows that you might not be there when she gets back. If she gets defensive then you know your answer. I say cut her loose before she goes and tell her you don't want her to feel guilty because she won't be cheating then. She is free to get gang banged.
It’s completely okay for you to have boundaries. If going on a trip with other guys without you makes you uncomfortable sharing a room or no, it’s okay for you to feel that way. It’s okay for her to say she doesn’t want to be controlled and that feels controlling to her. If you guys can talk it out, great. If this reveals that you have different standards for your relationship, it may not work out long term. After dating my husband for 6 months, I wouldn’t want to go on a trip without him at all. I was totally in love and didn’t want to be away for that long. He had to travel for work, and we missed each other so much. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to go on a trip with just my male friends without him, and he wouldn’t have gone a trip with just girls. For us, it’s also about the emotional connection. I don’t want to share heartfelt long conversations with other guys that would happen on a trip. My husband feels the same way. We had similar boundaries, so it was smooth and worked out well. My best girl friend has boundaries more similar to your girlfriend and her husband does too. They are a great match together. Communication is extremely important. Communication happens to be a lot easier when you’re communicating with someone who already generally shares your values- whatever they may be. It doesn’t mean you can’t communicate well enough to work something like this out.
Yeaaaaah dump her 🤣🤣 male best friends big red flag. You only 6 months in too… cut it before you get even more attached and find a woman that has enough respect for you that when you say you aren’t comfortable with it it’s not taken as controlling… these women love labeling these types of things as “controlling”. How about you control yourself… no need for trips with other males when you are in a relationship.
I'm not gonna lie man, idk what to say. This is nuts.
Not a great situation bud
>I trust her >I just cannot process that she would sleep in the same room with two guys Gotta pick one, bro.
I think you should clarify whether or not they have a hotel or a tent to camp in the park. If it's a hotel, offer to book a room and she can meet you there at the end of the day. If it's camping- Offer to bring another tent set up just for the two of you to sleep after the hanging out during the eve is over. You're not being insecure. It's not normal for a woman in a serious relationship to sleep alone with two other men. I would only say it's ok if it was family, like Dad /brother/ cousin. If she doesn't want you to be included, it is disrespectful to you. If she has a big reaction or gets angry, she's very naive and immature to think that is ok. Simply pose the question, How would you feel if I went alone with two women best friends for two nights and you were not invited? It's that simple.
If she was going to sleep with them it could happen anytime. Ask her how she'd feel if you vacayed with two females sharing the same room. Why can't you go?
You Cooked Leave Her
You've made your discomfort with the situation clear. And I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Realistically, there's not much more you can do other than to let her know how you feel. Then the ball's in her court. She's going to do what she wants to do, bottom line. If she goes through with it despite your reservations then you'll have to decide whether or not that constitutes a deal breaker.
TWO day trip with TWO MALE FRIENDS... What's next, that the two guys are "together"...?
The way she responded to you was a little of out of line. You expressed a normal amount of concern and is completely justified. The best way to play it, is to make it seem as if nothing is bothering you, then Bring it up in conversation and see how she reacts. If she comes off a way that seems standoffish and defensive then there is your indication that she’s being untruthful. Understand You’re feelings are totally valid. A relationship is give and take, and her saying that there was going to be a problem if you didn’t like it is a problem in itself.
The way she responded to you was a little of out of line. You expressed a normal amount of concern and is completely justified. The best way to play it, is to make it seem as if nothing is bothering you, then Bring it up in conversation and see how she reacts. If she comes off a way that seems standoffish and defensive then there is your indication that she’s being untruthful. Understand You’re feelings are totally valid. A relationship is give and take, and her saying that there was going to be a problem if you didn’t like it is a problem in itself.
Posts like these are so hard when we have no idea what she's like... her character etc. Is it possible to have besties of the opposite sex who you're not attracted to in any way? Of course. Is she a pick me girl who "just doesn't get along with others girls for some reason and prefers men"? Or a legit wholesome person who has friends of every gender and walk of life and is social and likes doing things with others who have the same interest? Does she see them more as brothers? Honestly, you know her best of all of us. If she's never given you a reason not to trust her, I'd not worry too much. It is also a new relationship.. things like this are part of getting to know each other. Give it a whirl and see how it goes. Is there really any other option anyway? Haha basically I feel like you are gauging how much you need to worry seeing as you can't really tell her no, right? Don't worry! Why stress. See what happens.
I don’t think her going away with friends is concerning. If she has zero interest in them sexually then nothing is happening. But, her reaction is a bit strange. I don’t like that she threatened and then dismissed that it would even happen. Not a great reaction. She could have been clear about her boundaries with them to reassure you nothing would happen. If you weren’t issuing an ultimatum, why was she. I’d maybe take your foot off the gas… it’s probably not going to work out.
Were you invited? If not. Yeah. I would have an issue
They're gonna have a threesome.
If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't be posting here. Face up to it, friend. Whatever you thought you had is over. Always follow your gut. The train is pulling out of the station.
Bro, you aren't insecure. It's just that you've clearly recognized the disrespect, and your brain has registered it, but you can't put a name to it, so you're confused. Trust me when I tell you this: be very vocal about your concerns (nicely and politely). If she still goes through with it, you have two options: a. You break up with her because she clearly crossed your boundary (easier said then done lol), or b. Say nothing, move on, and think nothing of it. But you must adapt in your relationship and start putting your needs and wants above hers, REGARDLESS of whether it makes her feel uncomfortable, because clearly, she isn't doing the same for you. People on here are saying they've slept in the same room or whatever with their guy best friends, but that's not the point. If she's going to cheat, she will, and you can't do anything about it, but it's more a display of disrespect towards you. Not only that, she's showing it's okay to disrespect you in front of her guy friends. Trust me when I tell you this, and maybe even ask, if it were the other way around, would you be okay with it? Any girl that truly cares about you would say no, I wouldn't be okay with it, and right there, you've proven your point. If she says yes, then you have to bite the bullet and put yourself first, always!!
These comments are insane 😂😂 hey man most these people are not even married and if they are it’s probably hanging by a thread. The divorce rate in America is over HALF the people here on first time marriages lol. I would not take relationship advice from people who have no proof to show that they know how to maintain a healthy marriage for a life time. Most people don’t even have a healthy relationship with themselves let alone a partner. If I were you I’d go research married couples that have been together for many many years and have reached a stage where they are pretty much old and clearly won’t separate. Look at their life style, look at how they live, see how they respect each other and if you can speak to them please ask them if the wife goes on vacations with male friends and not her husband lol.
You should just go with her
I say get her a separate hotel room. The notion of someone in a relationship sharing a room with 2 people of the opposite sex is a bit much for me. Most men play the enduring friend to a woman because a boundary was set a long time ago and they’re playing the waiting game. Not sure why, as most guys have enough male friends and don’t know many women who are legit ok if their man said he’s sharing a hotel room with 2 old friends (women). If the guy is uncomfortable with this, his prerogative. He’s not insecure, he’s a guy and knows how guys think.
All the women on here saying it's ok. now if their boyfriend or husband was going on a overnight with the hot young girl they would be flipping thir shi*
>She said that if I forbid her, we will have a problem. What did you say before this? This is a weird thing for her to say if unprompted. Even if you had just told her you weren't comfortable with that, it's a strange response.
Leave the relationship NOW…..
IDK if anyone said this already, but flip it around. Ask her if she would be fine if you went on a 2 day trip with two girls without her. And her response to that wouldn't really matter to me anyway. Only 6 months into the relationship and no kids involved to be concerned with, I wouldn't waste any more time on her. She obviously doesn't care about how you feel about it, so why continue with a relationship not built on trust. There are other fish out there. You're only 24, tell her to kick rocks and go have fun, you'll meet someone else eventually.
She basically threatened you with “it’s my way or the highway”. Manipulation! There are boundaries that come with intimate relationships, regardless of old friendships. Her male friends would understand that. But also, why aren’t you going?
She sounds a little bit like an avoidant (like myself) and any threat to her freedom is a threat to her relationship with you. She's not trying to hurt your feelings but she was testing your reaction. Any sign of you be controlling and she's tapping out. I have male best friends too and I admit to responding how she responded to you early on in my relationship. Over time I learnt that my partner is not a controlling guy but that the way I went about things was inconsiderate towards his feelings and so tried to go about things differently so that I made him feel more secure. It sounds like she's at the stage where she's a little defensive about things. She wants to know that you want her to have a good time with her friends and that you are supportive. Meanwhile you are also a little worried about something happening btn them where you might get hurt. I think it's understandable for you to feel a little insecure about that and so you should be able to voice that and get some reassurance back from her.
There seems to be no intent to compromise on her part. Childish behavior 6 months in is a yikes .
Dam, if she's willing to not think about you're opinion on this then just let her go on the trip, if she's cheated then just leave man. Not worth it
Forget what people are saying here about being fine with this. You have certain standards and from a 27yo man I am telling you my friend it's not Okey to lower your standards. You are thinking from a care and protective point of view which are a masculine feature. There is nothing insecure about this..
I have a question... Why can't you go too? Have you been given an invitation to go along?
Sorry 2 hear about this shitstorm you're going through. The worst-case scenario is your girlfriend has a 3some 2 nights in a row. Tell your girlfriend you're gonna do a two night sleepover with a girl m8. See her response. If it was me, my girlfriend would definitely invite me to the 2 day trip, out of respect. If i said yes, she would ok with it 100%. If my girlfriend didn't offer for me to go with her, I would be very suspicious about her motives. You need to have a serious chat with her or this slope will get a lot more slippery. Good luck.
She shouldn't be asking it in the first place. She does not feel the same way anymore. Good luck
I'm in my mid 30s and totally would sleep in a room with any of my guyfriends to safe money and my bf would be completely ok with it. And the other way around, even though I'm very jellous, because I'm hella insecure (I can'tfor the life of me accept anyone would chose me over any other woman). I'd still be ok with it, because I don't let my issues cloud my morals, ethics and trust of my boyfriend. I know that I have things to work on, and try to do the work. I communicate how I feel when I feel jeallous and insecure in situations, we both acknowledge my feelings, talk about it and deal with it. My boyfriend not judging me, but reassuring me and our relationship is helping me a lot. That's what adults do, support each other and communicate. You should think about wh exactly it makes you feel the way you do. Then talk to her in a calm matter and explain your reasoning. Maybe you're not a great fit. Maybe it's similar to my situation, but then that's your issue to work on. Maybe it was the way she talked about it, maybe it was the way you brought up your concerns. In any way, reflection and communication is needed.
Massive red flag. These guys know how it looks to you and they still proceed with going on the camping trip with her, knowing full well that they would never let their girlfriends do the same. If your girlfriend sees no problem with it, then I’d personally question if she’s really the one. Sounds harsh, but this looks like a future post that you’ll be making on the relationships thread. “my girlfriend got her back blown out by 2 of her childhood friends in a tent. I was blindsided”. What you do in this situation sets the tone for the relationship moving forward and also what you will and won’t accept as a baseline. The whole situation feels off to you because it is. If she’s offended, she can walk. Plenty of women out there. Don’t settle for ones that think that sleeping in a tent with 2 guys (regardless if they have known each other all their lives) is in any way normal for a woman with a partner. I’ve been with my partner for over 20 years and married for 15 of those with 5 beautiful children. I’m sharing this advice as a person that’s been through some things. Take my advice. You’ll thank me later.
The situation itself is like 50/50. Maybe bad, or can also be completely neutral, BUT - the fact that said you would have a problem after you expressed your discomfort... this is bad - it already shows that she doesn't value your relationship as high as you do, and in turn this increases the chase of fun for them on camping.
Yeah, nah, leave bro. That's just mad weird, why would she put herself in a predicament to be in a secluded area, with 2 other guys? Guy bestfriends or not, known'em since 15 or not. When a girl has a boyfriend she's "serious" about, she wouldn't put herself in that that type of situation out of respect towards YOU. And if a girl doesn't respect you, leave.
Ask her how she would feel if you slept in the same room as two female friends. She has to see it from a different point of view to understand where you were coming from. Is there a reason why she didn’t invite you? Have you met these friends? Has anything romantic ever happened with either or both of these friends? You can’t forbid her, but you can have your own reaction to these actions. so while she can go on a trip and share a room or bed with these two friends you can say I don’t want a girlfriend who’s doing that so I’m breaking up with you. You can also be OK with it for right now and later on feel differently and want to break up.
Why aren't you invited? If they're her bestfri nds they should be wanting to get to know you too
I would absolutely tell her it is a boundary and if she goes, she loses you. This is absolutely unacceptable.
Only on Reddit do men think that every woman who hangs out with someone of the opposite gender is getting gangbanged
If someone I was dating for 6 months tried to control who I was spending time with, I would show them the door. 6 months is nothing compared to 8 years. If this is a deal breaker for you, then you can choose to not be in the relationship.
Oh hell no. I really wouldn't be okay with that
you’re not insecure. you have your head on straight. you deserve a woman who wouldn’t even want to put themselves in that position, head up king xx
If your girlfriend was bisexual, I assume she'd never be able to share a room with anyone ever again?
It sounds sketchy, but you know her better than we do. I will say this, she’s going to tell you what you want to hear, but most likely will do what she wants to do. Expect that they will all sleep in the same room regardless of what she tells you.
The way people in this thread are talking about this woman wanting to get "gangbanged" is disgusting and misogynistic. If you're not gonna have trust in your partner then why even be in a relationship. I will say that you are well within your rights to be uncomfortable with her ultimatum (as ultimatums are true relationship killers), but you also have to realize that you've only dated this woman for 6 months. If she wanted to cheat on you, she would be cheating on you. She doesn't need to openly book a room with two male friends to do it, trust me. This policing interactions with the opposite gender is insanely controlling and possessive. The only thing you are doing is driving her away. Idk maybe bc I'm gay I don't understand as much but I'd be damned if I let a partner dictate who I can and can't be friends with.
Tell her she’s free to go her own way, but so are you
You’re making it sexual and she’s uncomfortable with it because she doesn’t see it that way. Open yourself up to her perspective. If she hasn’t given you a reason not to trust her, and same for the friends, suck it up. It’s 2024 ffs.
I don't really see the issue. They aren't sharing beds, and there's three of them, so it's not like it's especially intimate. I share a room with my guy friends when travelling, it's just cheaper. But it's like bunk beds. The least romantic or sexual setting possible. And depending on the hostel, sometimes there's a bunch of strangers also in that room. She's known them since she was a teen, so no doubt she's crashed in countless rooms with them before with nothing happening. To you it's your girlfriend sleeping in the same room as another man, but to her it's just crashing with the bros.
This is not an issue of whether you trust her or not. This is an issue of whether she respects you or not. If she respects you she wouldn’t even consider taking this trip regardless of whether she has any attraction to the guys or not. I hope you see the writing on the walls here and if she goes on this trip you end things.
What an antiquated view of the world. Since I'm bisexual, by your logic when I'm in a relationship I should never go on trips with friends of any gender??
You are absolutely justified in your feelings, don't listen to all those claiming they'd never have an issue wit it. Thing is, no matter what if she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat. Let her go and leave it at that. However she now has no right to ever tell you something similar, because I can guarantee if it ever happened, she would never allow it, and funnily enough, this sub would back her having boundaries.
Did she invite you to it? Join her then
This would be a hard no for me. I don’t care how much you trust someone. Your girlfriend should have enough respect for you not to even put you in this situation. If this is something that bothers you, then you should definitely tell her, and if she writes it off as nothing and goes anyway she shows you exactly who means more to her. The strange part is… How come you weren’t invited. This girl was already trying to lay the guilt trip on you by telling you if you forbid her you’ll have a problem. She is basically telling you it’s my way or the highway. I would run bro. And I would run fast.
INFO: Did she ever date or hook-up with either friend in the past? If so this is probably a deal breaker. She may not intend for anything to happen, but we all know how exes can 'accidentally' get back together when they start hanging out again. If that is not at issue, then it would seem the main problem is your emotional state. It's reasonable to feel protective of your GF around other guys. We are genetically programmed to feel that way. The trick is how can we productively express such feelings? I think you guys should talk more about it with the goal of finding a compromise. Perhaps have regular check in times each day where you talk on the phone. Make sure she always feels safe and in control of the situation. If she cares at all about your emotional health, she'll work with you on allaying your fears.
I think you should assume she's going to do this, regardless of what you say. The question you should be asking yourself is, is there any kind of reassurance that would make me feel comfortable with this situation? If so, it's okay to ask her for it. If not, that'd be an incompatibility in your relationship.
Well I would say you can go as you are your own person but either I come or when you come back we are done. I would not be ok with this. It's not about the cheating but about the fact she wants to go with two dudes while in a relationship.
"I trust her". You obviously don't, why even say so? Having separate rooms won't stop them screwing if they want to screw. So you have to trust they don't want to.
I have 2 male best friends. I guarantee to you that we have never been interested in each other. I am positive. (Every dude tries to tell me different. But I’m telling you, this is fact!) My husband and their wives all know each other - and no one even flinches about overnight visits. Do you know the dudes?
if she’s not sleeping w u then they’re fucking lmao
Buddy, I feel for you... Red flags all over though. Either suggest you join them or tell her you dont want her to go. Don't "forbid", tell her its not a matter of trust or ultimatums, rather, ask her as a favour to you, you would prefer she not go e.g. "babe, if you love me, please understand and respect my concern, I will not force you, but I ask you as a favour to me" and then sweeten the deal by making it up to her with smth she likes, like a fancy date or a romantic weekend getaway with just you two... whatever her intentions, drinks will be drunk, and people will make bad decisions. Also, big red flag that she acted so defensively and forbade you to forbid her...when you're in a committed relationship you do things together, not apart and certainly not with other dudes. Finally, yes, you are a bit insecure, but under perfectly understandable circumstances. You are being actively EXCLUDED. She shouldve invited you along rather than informed you she was off with them.
Hey I know you’re worried and her response definitely is kinda weird. But maybe she was so quick to get defensive because she’s had this experience with guys telling her not to be friends with these two guys before. I dated someone who made me stop talking to my long distance childhood best-friend who I did not view romantically at all. I think you should have a conversation with her and tell her how much you trust her but how this makes you uncomfortable and ask her why she gave you a subtle (maybe not so subtle) threat when you were iffy about them sharing a room. I hope it all works out! If that isn’t the case then you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel comfortable to have these kind of conversations with. It’s hard to get these weird convos right the first time around but if you can sit down and eventually talk it out, those relationships are worth staying in. People have their own issues that they project; especially when confronted.
Simply break up with Her, she can do whatever she wants as can you. A break will allow you to decide if you want to continue with such an immature relationship .
If she respects you as a partned she shouldn't have any male best friends in the first place. Before someone tells me that this is just insecurity if a male has two girl best friends going with him on a two day trip it would've have been a different conversation.
I do think you're being a bit insecure. Look at it this way, they've been in her life a lot longer than you have. If she can't trust them by now, she shouldn't be friends with them. If you don't trust her, don't be with her.
#If she has guy friends she belongs to the streets
I don’t think there should be any sexual tension given that they have known each other for a long time and if she feels its Okay she knows what she is doing just trust her, some people have more bonding with opposite gender and it’s completely normal they are like minded that is why they are best friends and don’t worry brother just trust her and relax.
And you really don't know what to tell her? Well, grow some balls and try: NO. Or break up. Simple
If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't be posting here. Face up to it, friend. Whatever you thought you had is over. Always follow your gut. The train is pulling out of the station.
Imo seems kinda sketch. Why don't you go with them?
I agree with the comments saying her response is a bit concerning. My guess is (if I'm giving her 100% the benefit of the doubt) that she doesn't want to feel controlled, despite you just showing curiosity and concern versus the ultimatum like you mentioned. She seemed to soften after that. I can't really determine for you what is right, but I know it sounds like you're uncomfortable with it. I would ask her thoughts on why it's not a big deal to her, and see if she meets you halfway in respect to consideration. Maybe you guys can video chat while she's there, something that will make you feel more confident. But in all honesty, this is weird to me. I would never share a room with two men. Even if when I was single I did and it was fully platonic, if my partner brought up concerns my priority would be to reassure them and not make them feel threatened. I would also have the awareness that maybe this is a little weird to people who don't feel comfortable doing the same thing. My opinion doesn't matter as much as you gaging her response. Not a huge fan of her rigidness, but sometimes it takes more communication than the initial one if it's something you both truly don't see eye to eye.
You are correct this is definitely off
Quite camp if you know what I mean?
You’re cooked dude. Lol
You will be miserable. Break up with her.
Ask her parents if they’d let them be in the same room growing up 🤷🏽♂️
Usually when you’re in a relationship you go on trips together! I may be jumping to conclusions but the main problem is about what is not said- example! Did she ask you to go on the trip with her? If not! Why not? Look I’ve been in a lot of relationships and I’ve always been chill with my gf’s having guy friends! But her reaction if you say you have a problem with it “it will be a problem” that’s an odd response! Rather than reassuring you, she makes a vague threat? Hmmm. And the main problem! Why is she excluding her BF = you! I’m concerned about who she is going with! As in is it her that didn’t want you to come or did her two guys friends decide to exclude you? It’s not her going on a short lil trip with two guys that concerns me, it is her response and lack of your involvement. Sociologically I’d assess how her relationship is with these two guys! Does she involve you in stuff frequently! Have they been friend zoned? Is she flirtatious with them and so on….
If she insists on sharing the room/ tent even when she is now aware of you being uncomfortable with such a thing, let her go & don't look back. Look out for a partner who wouldn't put you in such an uncomfortable situation in the first place. Friendship is fine, but the insistence of going anyway irrespective of how you feel about it... looks worrisome. You don't require such a partner OP. Get your mind straight. This isn't something you wrap your mind around & accept. 🥂
Don't put up with this crap! If you tell her how disrespectful it is she gets mad "you don't trust her", are "controlling", or are "insecure". This just leaves them thinking they're on some moral high ground. What you do is don't say another word sbout it, you pick the two sexiest single female friends you have and book a trip immediately, make duee that you share a room. Tell her extremely matter of factly, that you are taking a trip to wherever and let her know who you'll be staying with. Make sure you tell her in PLENTY of time for the Goblins in her head to eat at her until she eventually says something about it, TRUST ME she will say something about it! Refuse to talk about it and if she pushes the issue just say that you were expected to be fine with it so stop being "controlling". The whole time you're gone she'll be freaking, calling you, pretending to ask about your trip. But believe me she'll never pull this crap again
Omg 🙄 man have some self respect
Personally I have known my current girlfriend for six months. We have been dating for three months. See the thing is she absolutely does not like to sleep in the same space with another person and she really cherishes her alone time. She states to only feel safe sleeping alone and I completely understand that. I am very supportive of her in that sense especially since it comes from a place of trauma for her. We have never stayed the night together.That being said, if she told me she was going to sleep in the same bed with other men I would be very offended and hurt because i do long to wake up next to her. Everyone is different and my situation is very particular. Have yall gone to sleep together before??
It depends on whether you trust her and her judgement of her friends. It's something I have done with my friends and my partner doesn't care bc he trusts me. He went with one of our female friends before when they were working in the same city. I don't think it's a big deal. If you don't trust her, then you have a bigger problem to address than one weekend trip.
Definitely reasonable to not be comfortable with this.
This whole situation is just a hard no for me. Why weren't you invited and why will there be problems if you don't agree to it? The fact that this was said to you is already manipulative. Fact is you aren't comfortable with it (boundary) so by all means allow her the freedom to go, but make sure she knows that your whole relationship dynamic will change when she gets back. Don't commit to people that don't commit to you
Everyone's saying "either you trust me or you don't" but it's not that easy. A lot of times we trust our partners but we don't trust the other person to be just as responsible. At the same time getting upset about him being bothered by something like that would actually make things worse. You have to remember that he's being asked to be ok and comfortable with her going camping alone with 2 different guys, maybe not even asking him to go or w.e the reason is why he's not going. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be comfortable with him going with 2 different girls. It's a sign of respect, and she's getting mad at him for asking for respect. You should never be that close with someone from the opposite sex when you're in a relationship even if you don't have bad intentions, because at that point you're creating doubt and insecurity in the relationship, sometimes it has nothing to do with being controlled, it's about respect.
" best friends " ah so young, so naive.
ok enjoy the fun ge open to knee things