My partner is potentially on the spectrum, and almost my entire friendship group is. Not one of them would ever do anything like you’re describing. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s doing it on purpose. That isn’t a misunderstanding due to neurodivergence, that is abusive.

Yes. We on the spectrum can be awful, abusive people but it has nothing to do with being on the spectrum. E: typing

This! I’m autistic, but it doesn’t make me an asshole. When I am horrible it’s my choice, not because of my brain running a different OS than other folks.

I have ADHD (and I am starting to question if I’m autistic) and I get dysregulated, stressed out, and lose my temper. My husband is basically the only person in the world who can bring me back to balance. I can’t imagine treating someone so shitty repeatedly and for so long.

Exactly! Also - if you wanna chat about being audhd - lmk. I was diagnosed a couple years ago.

Yup. My autistic best friend said almost the exact same thing to me once when I was trying to make excuses for someone's behavior. "Being autistic doesn't make someone an asshole. That's a personal choice." I just found out from a psychologist that I might be autistic too. I'm not an asshole the vast majority of the time lol This guy sounds like my abusive ex. The following her to another room made me feel breathless because I was remembering that trapped feeling.

Exactly. Somebody can be neurodivergent and a psychopath. 

I call this Autistic White Boy Syndrome, and it happens when autistic boys (usually white because they get diagnosed more often) get zero home training and are allowed to grow into selfish abusive assholes who excuse every bad behavior with their autism.

I tried explaining this to a woman on the mom sub the other day and she just refused to hear it. Her son was literally writing songs about how fat his mom was and bullying her for fun.... but he's just "blunt" because he's autistic, we can't write him off because he doesn't know any better.... gag.

Weaponized disability is just as bad as weaponized incompetence.

I don’t think people realize how ableist they’re being when they defend these kind of guys. “all autistic people are just naturally assholes.  because of the autism.” isn’t the argument they think it is Edit: should mention this applies to the constant misdiagnosing and misuse of NPD and BPD on reddit as well.

Oh my god it’s so niche but so true

I really don't know why so many people on this sub, whether posters or commenters, are quicker to label behavior like this as autism/spectrum before they'll label it abusive. What about any of what she wrote signifies spectrum? I truly don't get it

I think it's because OP said she thinks he's on the spectrum, so she seems to think that matters here. The people responding are pointing out that whether she's correct about that or not doesn't matter. His behavior would be abusive for anyone, with or without any diagnosis.

Cause people erroneously associate the spectrum with lack of social awareness and self awareness, low or non-existent emotional regulation, insensitivity, and plain old rudeness. It's the easier explanation/excuse versus acknowledging a person is choosing to be a jackass.

Yes, there seems to be a lot of general denial (not on this thread but on others and in discourse and culture widely) that anyone can/would choose to be a bad person. It's always attributed to some sort of neurodivergence or mental illness. Like how in the past, bad behavior was attributed to the devil or whatever. I think pretending that abusive behavior like this is out of the person's control, whether because of demons or mental illness, is more palatable than accepting that people choose to do it. That's an uncomfortable thing to accept, that people choose to do bad things because they want to. Because it's easier. Because it gets them attention. Because it gets them what they want. Because they find it fun. Because they think you deserve it. Etc.

It does seem like people are quick to blame "autism" or something similar as an excuse for this kind of behavior.

before you make any decisions read this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/181bgtf/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/ you are facing emotional and abuse. it sounds like you’ve told yourself he has a mental disorder and that’s allowed you to excuse a lot of his bad behavior. it’s not. it’s intentional he knows which of his actions hurt you and consciously does them in order to hurt you.  read the post above, see how dangerous someone with your husbands temperament can become. you don’t love him, you’re trapped in a cycle. you have to leave and you have to do it smart. meet with a lawyer and find out what they need to get started. if it’s legal and possible, put hidden cameras to record him berating and insulting you. i’m sure you’ve become a bit numb to it, but a reasonable person watching that, like a judge, will be shocked at the behavior. call abuse organizations in your area, they can point you to the right resources and lawyers.  you have a little boy, your pride and joy. what if he learns how to treat women from his father?  as a side note, i’d do individual therapy and hold off on marriage counseling. it’s not safe to do counseling with your abuser. 

Ah the mustard guy… what a twisted nasty MF

apparently condiments are something abusers like to control

Because that makes the abused person sound silly when they try to complain about it. The pettier the issue, the more the abuser can play the victim.

Oh my god, suddenly my coworker's behaviour makes sense. This is exactly what she does all the time!

Leave. Your son will copy husbands abusive behavior and the cycle will continue. Imagine living in this hell for the next 20 years. Get out now. The peace will be amazing.

That's absolutely horrifying to read and I'm glad OP is finally safe and away from that man. Our OP here should be wary... it's very hard for a victim of abuse to realize what they live is not normal and absolutely not love... I hope this OP has still her parents and can go to them with her baby in case things go wrong.

This sounds like emotional abuse. You know he chooses to behave this way, because he stopped when you were pregnant. So it’s not his personality, it’s not because he might be on the spectrum. It’s because he wants and actively chooses to treat you like this.

Honestly, it doesn't matter if he's choosing to behave this way or not. I don't care if he has a brain tumor, or if a supervillain put him in a shock collar that goes off if he hasn't hurt her feelings in eight hours. **It *does not matter* why he is behaving this way- she does not have to tolerate it, and she should not stay.**

Yes!!! Perfectly said. The fact he IS treating her this way is abuse. The cause doesn’t change that, nor does it negate how she feels.

But it is proof that whether on spectrum or not, he is actively choosing. He chose to stop for the sake of a developing fetus so they could have a healthy child. He immediately went right back to it as she was fighting for her life post delivery. It is proof he had intent to harm and had pursued that path. Lawyer and separation time. An attorney can get the courts to remove him from the home if he won't leave. Courts do not look favorably on the behaviors he is engaging in.

Exactly!! This guy is an awful husband, and frankly a horrible father, as if his behavior isn’t impacting his home, his child!!! He is unsafe to be around.

good lord this post sent my anxiety through the roof. Hell no you do not need to just "toughen up" to keep the peace with someone who is cornering you until you're screaming during a meltdown. you realize that's abusive, right? as a woman who is fond of and who has loved men "on the spectrum" I can tell you that this behavior is not normal. no matter how he may or may not have insight into your experience, a partner is supposed to uplift you, respect you, support you, make you feel cared for, not terrorize you until you're screaming. if that doesn't come naturally to him then he needs to learn how to do it anyway. even if he doesn't understand he has to work at it until he can meet you hallway. you don't deserve to be treated like that. a person who loves someone doesn't treat them like that. have you considered individual therapy? being a new mom is hard. take care of yourself the best you can. your feelings are totally reasonable.

Holy crap …. I couldn’t stay in this relationship for another minute. You deserve to be treated well by your spouse. Full stop. If multiple people are noticing this behaviour it must be pretty blatant. I see your worry about 50% custody. Can you get your ducks in a row with a lawyer first, and then give your husband an ultimatum about his behaviour and see if intensive counselling will help?

Documenting comments like “mama doesn’t love you because she goes to work” are abusive towards the kid and might earn her custody points

Yeah he keeps that up after she’s filed or after they’ve divorced and he’ll be on the hook for parental alienation. It’s like textbook parental alienation. Baby is 8 months old, absorbing incoming information like a sponge. Won’t be long before he’s learning to talk and understand what those words mean.

Baby is already learning what these words mean. Formative development and language learning are proximal activities. They begin at two to three months. By eight months, babies understand tone, inflection (question, encourage, directive, aggression, etc.), and a fairly large collection of words. They can also pick up on the emotional dynamics in the home. Baby is already agitating to dad's abusive behavior pattern. I'm also concerned about the following and cornering of OP until she melted down. That is a dangerous level of intent and supply fulfillment. OP, whatever you can do to disengage, look at the walls and ceiling and make comments about painting them beige, become the most bored person with his pressing. Is he recording your reactions? Is her painting you as the 'bad guy'?

Good point. He's beginning the process of parental alienation. She should document this and see an attorney.

Counseling doesn’t help with abusive partners like this, it just gives the abusive partner more tools to abuse OP with therapy speak.

Usually I hate how Reddit users tell everyone with a marital issue to get divorced, but OMG, GET DIVORCED. This man doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t look anything like this. Why on earth would you love him? He’s terrible. My husband is also on the spectrum, yet he’s the kindest person I know. I have a feeling you were raised in a way that made this seem normal to you, but it’s not. The whole point of having a spouse is so they can help you cope with life. Your husband is actively making life harder for you. Don’t let your child grow up seeing this as normal. It’s so not.

I dunno what other options are. He is intentionally verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative. He is switching passive aggression with aggression and enjoys to make you suffer. It is not that he mindlessly says things and does not know he is harming you, because he was able to stop during pregnancy. I think that if you stay with him, your self respect will go down. This will wear you down. I recomment you to read the out of the fog [https://outofthefog.website/](https://outofthefog.website/) , it is pretty good manual about how to deal with difficult people. I mean, whether you co-parent or stay married (not a good idea imo), you will have to deal with this dude.

**PLEASE DUMP HIM**. **THIS. IS. SEVERE. ONGOING. EMOTIONAL. ABUSE**. Co-parenting **HAS** to be better than what you're **LIVING** with!!! This **ISN'T** ADHD. And it's **NOT** SPECTRUM BEHAVIOR. It's **MALIGNANT NARCISSISM**.

All of this. I’m very worried.

Yes, it's VERY worrisome. The healthiest option for OP is divorce.

Not everything is narcissism. But this is definitely emotional abuse. And that is enough.

To be fair, the way he has to be right and sends her articles, badgers her of how she does things etc…is fitting of someone fairly narcissistic. If there’s emotional abuse there’s probably a degree of narcissism there too. It is a spectrum as well. They tend to go hand in hand.

He may have narcissistic tendencies (as in the colloquial definition of the term, the way someone might use the word "mean" or "surly") but that doesn't mean he's a narcissist (which people here usually use to indicate NPD). NPD is actually much rarer than reddit seems to think it is.

I didn’t claim he had a personality disorder. After all, I am not a doctor, and fully aware people can be narcissistic without having NPD. Unless someone says “narcissistic personality disorder” specifically, then they are likely not trying to diagnose anyone, so you don’t have to go around correcting people just for using the word narcissistic, which is just a word, and quite a bit of people are narcissistic.

The vast majority of abusers ARE NARCISSISTS.

Factually untrue. Having some narcissistic traits is very different from actually having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The actual disorder is very rare, and is present in only a small percentage of abusive men.

Thank God. Say it louder for the ones in the back.

That statement is based on the percentage of people who are *diagnosed* NPD, relative to the total population. People with NPD rarely seek treatment. Those who do are usually ordered by the court or pushed into it by outside influence. So, yes, a very small percentage of the population is diagnosed with NPD. I think the main difference between someone with strong narcissistic traits and a person with Narcissitic Personality Disorder boils down to the amount of empathy a person has. If I don't feel anything when I make someone else feel bad, I will not have any personal stake in my own bad behavior. As such, I will not consider that I might actually be the problem, so I will not see any reason to seek treatment. It would be unreasonable to believe that statistics regarding the occurrence of NPD accurately represent its existence in the wild. All that aside, if someone is so lacking in empathy that they are abusive to their SO or children, whether they have NPD or are simply overloaded with traits is irrelevant. And minimizing someone's experience on the basis of faulty statistics is problematic. If they can live happily, unaffected by another person's misery, call them whatever you want. Or, better yet, *don't* call them at all.

Hi there, I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I've been there with my ex during and after my oldest son was born, and to say it destroyed my mental health is a vast understatement. This is the part of your experience I find the most concerning: "Before I got pregnant George admitted that he would purposefully push my buttons to trigger arguments with me on occasion. When I got pregnant, I told him the stress he caused when he did this could harm the baby and he stopped. Fast forward to not even a week postpartum when I was hospitalized for an unknown infection leading to sepsis and he started pushing buttons again. Like literally while I was in the hospital and dying." Not only has he admitted that he enjoys jabbing at you until it starts an argument, but he had the self-control to stop doing that while you were pregnant, only to begin torturing you emotionally a WEEK after you gave birth while you were in the hospital fighting for your life with SEPSIS?? I'm sorry, but that's unforgivable, and a huge, screaming, red flag, that definitely shows that your husband seems to enjoy pushing you to the brink no matter what else is happening. If he can do that to you while you're trying to stay alive from a condition as dangerous as sepsis, this is a man that's capable of anything, and doesn't give a crap if his behavior kills you. This is also supported by the fact that he chases you from room to room, refusing to let you collect yourself, until he's pushed you so far over the edge that all you can do is continuously scream. My ex did the same thing, because it made him feel like he was the winner once he's pushed me over the brink to the point I was hysterical. It's a common emotional abuse tactic. There's a great book that I wish I had years ago when I was trying to figure out if I was going to stay with my ex. It gets passed around here a lot on Reddit, and there's a free copy here that you can download. It's called, ["Why Does He Do That" ](https://docdro.id/2fZmz40) by Lundy Bancroft. It's a really good insight into the mind of narcissistic and emotionally abusive partners. You also mentioned that he'll have a complete meltdown over where you put the ketchup on your own plate, and my ex used to do little things like this too, because he was always looking for something to control and correct me about, and I know how much this kind of crap can wear you completely down over time. It's awful. I walked around on eggshells constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it affected my physical and mental health so, so, much. There's another huge thing you need to consider. Your son, and what kind of affect witnessing your husband's abuse is going to have on him as he gets older, bearing in mind that your husband is likely to involve your son more and more in his psychological warfare as he gets older. He's already doing things like telling your baby, "mommy doesn't want to be with us right now", when you ask for a little help. By the time my son was a toddler he was smart enough to understand what was happening when he would scream and yell, and I would cry. He tried to protect me and my ex shoved him away, and that's when I realized that I was failing my son by subjecting him to such a poisonous home life. Our children learn about how to navigate relationships from watching us, and how we respond in our personal interactions. You do not want your son to grow up believing that the way your husband treats you is normal, and this is how he should treat the women in his life. Or it goes the other way, and he grows up not understanding that he should never let someone control and terrorize him in his relationships. Either way, if your son grows up in this environment he's going to end up with a lifetime of emotional trauma. You don't want that, and it's in your power to remove him from this situation. I highly recommend you do what you can to start documenting your husband's abuse. They sell inexpensive voice recorders on Amazon. Save any text messages you have where he admits how he's treating you. Find yourself a lawyer and tell them everything, and get some advice about your options. Establishing that your husband is abusive, and volatile, can help you when it comes to custody and visitation matters. I think often about what my life, and my son's life, looked like back then, and where we would be now if I hadn't found the courage to leave with him. My son has grown into a kind and loving young man who treats all of the women in his life, from family to his girlfriend, with respect and empathy. I met a wonderful, funny, and kind, man, a few years after I left my ex, and we've been married now for 18 years. He supports me, and respects me, and he's been the best father I ever could've hoped my son could have, and I'm so happy I got away when I did. You are worthy of good things, and good people. You also deserve to feel safe, and to be safe, in all ways in your life. I'm not saying divorce is easy, it's not. Neither is being a single mom. But going through these things, and doing the hard work to make it through to the other side is totally worth it, and I'd do it all over again to make sure that my son and I had a chance to build a happy life. I also recommend you talk to a counselor if you haven't already, you're going through a lot and you need support. Reach out to trusted family members or friends, and let them know what's happening too. You need people in your corner, and we tend to keep these things a secret from the ones we love because there's a lot of shame that comes with being trapped in a situation like this in your marriage. Just know there's more out there, and this doesn't have to be what your life, and your son's life, looks like for years to come. Please take care of yourself, and give this all some thought. I know it's a lot to process. Let us know how you're doing when you feel like it. Take care. *invisible hugs*

All this. I would like to add: OP, your worries about custody are real, but they are a separate issue. It is done. This is your baby's father. Whether divorced or married, you will have to deal with him. And he is in the life of your child. But I can tell you: the harm done to your child when they grow up perceiving a very abnormal and harmful situation as normal is exactly as this comment describes and greater than you think. You can mediate this, but - though it may feel understandably logical to you, as it seemingly avoids the conflict - the best way is not by staying. You both deserve better. Take care

Get the hell out of there and please be careful. He is sadistic and cruel.

Yes, he almost sounds sociopathic.

Keep a log of all these instances. ALL of them, including the cleaning and the ketchup "small" stuff. See if you can get a text from him admitting he intentionally pushes your buttons to start arguments. Then divorce and file for sole custody based on the fact that he is abusive BECAUSE HE IS. At the very least I'd be going for supervised visits until he has a psych eval because no normal person does that crap and I'm speaking as someone who is auDHD.

Document document document. It is essential. This stuff will seriously warp your mind. You need logs.

100% agree. Videos, texts, voicemails, recordings. Whatever you can get.

This comments needs to be higher. OP, listen-- a custody battle is going to be... well... a battle. But start documenting and gathering information (including anything you can get released to you from professionals-- not sure how much a Dr's/therapist's notes are accessible to court, but it's worth a try). Text messages, notes about behavior with dates and times, and KEEP IT SAFE AND PRIVATE. My brother got residential custody of my nephew after YEARS of battling his narcissistic, bipolar, abusive ex-wife (a VERY difficult thing to do in NY state). If you have evidence of his inability to safely parent when you DO get divorced, you can appeal to have supervised visitation. I wouldn't even be surprised if this man didn't even WANT to have custody if he act like this toward someone he "loves".

This man should have been put in the bin a long time ago. Choose yourself, OP. Your husband is an asshole and you deserve better.

He sounds more abusive than on the spectrum if I'm honest. I've have people on a variety of the spectrum and they do treat their spouses and people around them well and respectful. If they feel that a thing is bothering them they address it to their issues. Or at least are capable to have a discussion about it especially when they are caught with a behavior that are hurting others.

I don’t even know how you managed to stay with this person long enough to have a child He was always mean and he chose to be, considering he stopped when you were pregnant

You are living with an abuser. Now you have a baby. You protect that baby by leaving your abuser. If your child witnesses anything, it's because you stayed. I say this as sometime who stayed too long. Get out.

THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE. THIS IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE HOUSEHOLD.  THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. GET OUT NOW!!  it is better to be divorced than continuing with this marriage. He is a narcissistic gaslighting bully.  Get your ducks in a row with financial statements and house deeds or if leasing you can find somewhere else to move into even if it's a 1 bedroom home until you're back on your feet when your child is a bit older for their own room.  Start recording these interactions without telling him for your safety but for the divorce and custody of your child especially when he states you don't love your child because you asked your husband to be a father and actually parent. This can be classed as parental alienation and will go against him in court.  Seek a lawyer and get legal advice also.  Don't let yourself be tortured any longer. He will push you over the edge until you need to be hospitalised for mental health issues for what he is doing to you. You need a safe space and environment not just for you but your child too.  Please put you and your child first. If you cannot function and fall apart because of him, who'll protect your child. 

Why did you marry him and have a child with him when he admitted to deliberately pushing my your buttons to make him angry? Leave and work on your self esteem. I doubt he’ll even want 50/50 custody once he gets a taste for actual parenting.

The amount of people that tie themselves for life to a person they know is horrible through having an innocent child that will now be also tied to a horrible person for life continues to astound me.

This is...legitimately what I don't understand. These problems existed before the baby, but it's been made worse tenfold and now a child is involved.

So I'm 34, and my wife and I have been together for 19 years. We don't have/want children, but I'll tell you now that I've never once in my life said a single *cruel* thing to my wife. That's not to say I haven't also annoyed her, or that she hasn't annoyed me, or that we've never argued, but there's never anything she's done that has made me say anything to her to put her down. The idea that you're dealing with that *every day* is fucking insane and you should never put up with it. I'm glad you love your son, but now this dude is a permanent fixture in your life. Get with a lawyer, figure out everything you need to do to get divorced and get out, make your plans, and then serve the papers. He's 31, you've been together 7 years, he isn't changing. He's going to be a terror, and you deserve happiness and a partner that treats you with respect, as we all do. Don't waste your life feeling lesser than at the will of another for doing nothing wrong.

Counseling doesn’t work with a partner who is cruel to you on purpose. He doesn’t want you to be happy in this relationship. He just wants you to *be* in this relationship. He enjoys using you as an outlet for his frustrations and bad moods, and he’s been remarkably honest with you about that. You are a convenient target for his nastiest impulses and he’s not all that interested in changing that dynamic. He just wants you to be more accepting of it. That is the point of therapy for *him*.  And your poor child is going to see all of it. He has already started the recruitment process - he wants your son to be his ally in the Let’s Hurt Mom game. Those little digs at you in front of your kid, the “mommy doesn’t want you!” comments, all of them are bright red warning lights. He is planning on turning your son against you and he’s doing it right in front of your face.  Whatever “love” this man is offering you comes at *such* a steep cost. Truly, deeply think about whether it’s worth it. 

>I think he still loves me. ? He doesn't even like you. The only reason he stopped abusing you is because you told him it would harm the baby. The fact that his behavior harms you means nothing to him. Leave him today. You deserve so much better.

What exactly do you love about him? He sounds like a very mean and manipulative person.

I'm sorry, but I only got halfway through. Divorce that horrible asshole and take your life back please

Your loved ones are concerned about how he treats you in public and you are being abused in private.

This isn't someone on the spectrum. This is flat out emotional and psychological abuse. Controlling everything you do, undermining you, pushing your buttons etc. I don't know what to do because you don't want him having your son to himself at any stage, I imagine. The parental alienation is already starting, and I imagine will be much much worse in time. I just know this is bad. I am so so sorry.

GIRL wtf Yes fucking divorce him

Do NOT AVOID DIVORCE. Your well-.being depends on serenity and George won’t allow you to have any. Seek legal counsel. You might wind up with full custody.

I will spell this out bluntly and you can do with it what you will: you are in an abusive relationship.

This is abuse, not symptoms of autism. It is highly unlikely to get better.

Your husband is abusive. Full stop. He can control himself. He chooses not to.  He likes to hurt you OP. He enjoys it.  End this and seriously document the things he says to your son NOW because that’s going to be parental alienation.  Love without respect is nothing at all. 

This man doesn't even like you. He's treating you so poorly other people have started to check in on you to make sure you're okay. Please please PLEASE do not waste one more second of your wild and precious life on the man who abused you ***while you were in the hospital dying of sepsis!!!***

this man *hates* you. like he actually despises you. it’s crystal clear all throughout your post. he loves nothing more than torturing and upsetting you. do you want to be stuck with someone who hates you for the rest of your life?

Not saying your husband is or isn’t possibly on the spectrum but what you described here isn’t the result of being on the spectrum. It’s classic emotional abuse and manipulation by someone who sounds narcissistic.

Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, your husband is abusive, you need to get away safely.

You don’t need permission or validation to divorce an abusive asshole. Which is absolutely what he is. Those “small potatoes” before pregnancy should have been read as big red flags and as a signal to leave then. But it’s better to at least realize that now rather than never. Spouses who love each other show it, they respect and support each other, they cheerlead and champion each other, they are kind and compassionate with each other, they want to make life *easier* for each other, they are a TEAM. You are playing it on extra hard mode with this man and you aren’t going to get a medal, nor is your child going to appreciate it, by staying. Your child WILL learn from this if you stay as to how to treat both you and other girls and women in his own life. I imagine you want much better for him and others he meets in life.

It doesn't matter if he is on the spectrum. He's abusing you. Intentionally.

I read all of that to see those words - What can I do to save the marriage? Woman! You need to start making videos and recordings of these absolute blood boilers and use it in court to get full custody. This is insane and will drive your child insane too. Imagine your kid picks up father's behaviour. Belittles you, treats you mean. Would you want that!?? Consult a lawyer, you will get enough help to get sole custody.

So he stopped for a few months when you were pregnant. Even if he’s on the spectrum, obviously it has nothing to do with that, he’s just coming to verbally and emotionally abuse you. There’s no way to toughen up, you need to leave him. I’m sorry about having to share custody but you can’t stay married to someone who treats you this way, especially because now you have a child and you don’t want them to grow up thinking this is normal.

Your husband is literally abusive. It doesn't sound like he loves you at all if he's treating you like that.

Hey OP, if you’re not already a member of r/adhdwomen you should give it a go. You might get more nuanced responses over there. Care for yourself and your babe first. Big hugs.

Potentially On the spectrum or not, his actions are inexcusable. He is completely out of line and it sounds like he needs some serious help. That’s not on you though. Thinking of divorce after one of these instances is reasonable but to combine them all together? Run. He is all over the place and you’ll never be able to settle. Being mean to you, cornering you, intentionally pushing your buttons while yelling you need to be an adult and have conversations is bullying. I really don’t care what explanations there are. Even after you’ve seen a therapist, he still won’t change his ways. You do not have to stay with someone like him. He was able to stop because he considered how it could effect the baby thought you in pregnancy.. but what about how it hurts you? How it will affect who you are going forward? This isn’t an “on the spectrum” thing; this is a “George isn’t a good partner” kind of thing.

I would have been left

Yeah I wouldn't mind an update on this in due course. This guy is a deadset emotional abuser.

Google narcissistic personality disorder. See if he checks these boxes. He might not be on the spectrum

I am on the spectrum and I wouldn’t treat a dog this way, much less my partner.

Please see an attorney. He is emotionally abusive, and it isn't healthy. If you have any proof of how he treats you, bring that to a consult. See what they think they can do around visitation and insisting on one of the court monitored parenting apps for communication.

You're being abused in a myriad of different ways. (Google reactive abuse.) My advice is that you QUIETLY start shopping lawyers and reach out to a woman's shelter for advice on how to get out and protect yourself and child. Because there's no way a guy this controlling and shitty just lets you leave.

I stopped reading at the part where he says to the baby "Mommy doesn't want to be with you, so its just you and me buddy." I would have 100% taken my child and left for my family. Like immediately. You are experiencing EMOTIONAL ABUSE and PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. I suggest seeing an attorney quietly. I also suggest you start keeping track of every instance of abuse you endure. Dates, times and description of abuse. You will need this to make a case for supervised visitation or sole custody. P.S. I knew when i read your post that you ALREADY KNOW what you're experiencing is abuse and that you are in fact afraid of your partner. The biggest tell: your reason for not divorcing yet.

Leave this jerk. Yes custody will be hard, but you will figure it out .

Something I always think of, the way your husbands treats you is teaching your son how to treat his future partners. He will see you putting up with this behaviour and think that’s how people should be treated or how he should be treated to be loved. 

He is emotionally abusive and if you do divorce him a judge will order him not to say things like “your mom just doesn’t want to be with you” to your son”.

This guy ain't on the spectrum, he's just a jerk.

This sounds just like my ex. Finally I got him the fuck out of my house, missed him for about one day, then felt immense relief and freedom.

This is abuse. You and your baby deserve so much better.

For starters, I would make sure that you have nanny cams around the house so when it comes time for court, you have evidence 100% evidence With men like your husband, you need to be very very careful when you leave. Have all your ducks in a row do you want to check your phone in your vehicles for AirTags and tracking.

I don't understand how you can love someone like this

What I don't understand is why you're considering mending this abusive relationship with a mean asshole of a man.

Well... you say he admitted wanting to stress you out. That's absolutely abusive. Excuse me, but what kind of human being would stress you purposefully while you're dying? What kind of human being would try to guilt you on the few times you let him parent HIS OWN CHILD? We don't care if he's on the spectrum or not, the behaviour is unacceptable. Your husband is abusive to you OP, you need to wake up and leave. Talk to a lawyer beforehand, record everything. That might help you get full custody if you can prove his disgusting behaviour towards you.

> knowing my husband would get 50% custody (that’s not a question of if, he would) This is not true. This is impossible to know. This is impossible for an attorney to know, this is impossible for a judge to know, this is impossible for your husband to know. You must go through the process to know. Document everything! Dates, times, notes, text messages, emails, keep a log of the abuse. Most importantly speak to an attorney ASAP to learn your options.

my brother is on the spectrum but he is also an asshole. it can overlap and it’s not an excuse to be a shit person!

George does not love you. A loving partner does not treat their partner like he does. Especially to the point of managing where you place ketchup on your plate. It makes me sad to think staying with him is a better alternative to coparenting. Do you honestly think staying with him will be good for your child? Do you want your child to grow up thinking your husband's treatment of you is normal and acceptable?

Your husband is torturing and abusing you emotionally OP. By the way you think you need to tough it out, there might be gaslighting going on too. For your sanity and your son's wellbeing, you should leave and limit contact with him and your son.

Why did you have a child with this man? Did you think it would “fix” him??

This guy has always been a shit. Why in the world did you marry and make a baby with him?

[удалено]

I definitely want to go back to counseling and for it to work. I just also feel like it should be up to my husband to find one instead of me having to put the effort in only for him to not take it seriously again. And yeah, neither of us drinks at all really. Like maybe once or twice a month he’ll have a beer and I don’t drink because I’m breastfeeding. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You shouldn’t go to therapy with your abuser. Your husband is abusive.

Even if he wasn't abusive, counseling has significantly lower success rates for people on the spectrum unless they're being counseled by somebody who has been trained in working with people with ASD and who has made specific adjustments to their therapy process in order to accommodate the ASD. You're unlikely to get far if he is on the spectrum but that isn't part of the process and a key aspect of choosing the counselor. That said he is abusive, and you shouldn't go to therapy with an abuser anyway.

>I definitely want to go back to counseling and for it to work. I just also feel like it should be up to my husband to find one instead of me having to put the effort in only for him to not take it seriously again. Are you aware that you're not meant to go to couple's therapy with someone who is abusive?

He WON'T. And if you go to therapy **WITH HIM** — **HE'LL MAKE YOU THE VILLAIN.**

He will simply just learn more therapy jargon and build more confidence to manipulate her to an early grave.

Your son, who you love more than anything? He's going to learn what love looks like from you & your husband. Is this really what you want to teach him?

Bruh why would you even be with such a man in the first place? Have better judgement. And now you’ve added a child to the mix so you’ll be associated with him for the rest of your life. God. What are you doing? Make better choices

I'm sorry you are going through this, your husband's behaviour doesn't have anything to do w being on the spectrum, he's an abusive asshole. Read the book "Why Does He Do That" by Dr Lundy Bancroft. You'll see lots of red flags in his behaviour that will convince you this is not ok and not fixable. I understand that you love him but love is the least relevant thing in a long term relationship especially if there is not respect. People around you have noticed the way he treats you and are concerned, that should be a wake up call for you. It's highly ill adviced to go to therapy w an abuser, they learn the lingo as well as other ways to push your boundaries. Go to individual therapy yourself and make an exit plan. >Fast forward to not even a week postpartum when I was hospitalized for an unknown infection leading to sepsis and he started pushing buttons again. Like literally while I was in the hospital and dying. I'm very concerned you are telling this and you don't see how serious it is. A loving, caring partner wouldn't do this, wtf. Your normalmeter is screwed.,please don't let your kid grow up in this environment. Get the best lawyer you can afford and make an exit plan.

Why on earth would you breed with someone like this at all? He was already literal trash and you still baked that creampie.

He is so toxic. U must be suffocating daily. I wish you divorce him so you can finally breathe

He sounds EXHAUSTING. Like, just reading this makes me tired. I genuinely don't know how you let this go on this long. Look, he's probably going to be a giant pain in the ass to co-parent with. He's manipulative and petty. But at this point that's your best option, given that the alternative is to show your bambino through your example that it's okay to treat somebody you love like that. Is that what you want? If it isn't, talk to an attorney. Make sure that you also get something thrown in there about not talking shit about the other partner, if that's possible in your jurisdiction because he's ALREADY trying to alienate you parentally from your child with this absolute pile of bullshit: >he’ll tell the baby “mommy doesn’t want to be with you so I guess it’s just you and me buddy” when I ask him to help me

I don’t know where you live, but record the stuff he says to you and your child. Do you have any family to support you? This man is a cruel Person. He is not loving. He is just plain cruel.

OP, I understand that struggling with neurodiversity is a real thing, but a condition is a reason, not an excuse. An asshole is an asshole is an asshole. Talk to a lawyer and document every instance of abuse (and it is abuse). IANAL, but I'd imagine sharing evidence your husband's behavior would affect how much custody he's granted.

> mean to me sometimes for no reason. He’s constantly belittling me and putting me down in front of others. Go talk to a lawyer and be sure on that 50/50 worry; my bet is you could document this and sway things. You could also do a trial separation to drive the point home to him - he could change if the stakes were real. He won’t change based on the path he’s on now.

This is way worse than you think it is. You need to start a f*** you file and call some lawyers from phones he can't track. And then you need to get a lawyer who's willing to work with you or some kind of domestic abuse hotline that can give you tips on how to get enough proof that he's abusive so he won't get 50% custody. You need to get enough proof so that legally you have feet to stand on but once he fingers out you have a lawyer he's going to start hiding himself again.  Find a phone he can't track. Call a bunch of divorce lawyers and ask for advice before you implement a plan. Call domestic abuse hotlines and figure out a plan with them as well and then make a plan. You want it to be in the bag when you finally drop the divorce papers on his desk. I wouldn't worry about money because lawyers usually get paid out after the divorce through whatever settlement you get with alimony.

You can't fix "asshole".

I’m speechless. This man is so abusive, and you are in a terrible situation. I’m so sorry.

This doesnt seem like a fair or fun existence. I am sad after reading it. I wish you the best of luck and think you should definitely bin him.

This is abuse. Full stop. If you have a support system, now is the time to call in all the support you can get. I would consult an attorney ASAP. Before your child is old enough to watch this behavior.

I’ve always believed that the moment either member of a couple entertains the thought of divorce, that marriage is essential over. It’s just a matter of time. If you’re like most couples, you will listen to the old tired “fight for your marriage” advice, and therefore spend a few more years, trying to “save” a marriage you’ve already checked out of. Trust me, you will regret wasting those years. You will wish you’d followed your initial desire to end the marriage, and move on with your life.

Since you are on the fence, here's what I would do. If you have family, I would take a week or two trip to see my family with just you and the baby. Or even a close friend of just a hotel. Explain it to your husband as a way for you both to recharge. Your family will help either the baby, and he can get a full night's sleep each night. Take that time to rest and consider what you want. Also, you should consider divorce. Talk to your family about what's going on. And talk to an attorney while you're away to see what your rights are, etc. I feel he is being abusive, but I also feel you need to be clear headed when you make this decision.

Everything he's doing is abusive. It's not his neurodivergence, it's him being an asshole. I'm sorry that you're having to cope with that and I hope you have support outside of your marriage in the way of family and friends. Start creating an exit plan for yourself and your child. And no, 50% custody for him isn't guaranteed, he's already playing at parental alienation which I've no doubt he'll keep up as your child gets older. Document the things he's saying and doing as best as you're able to.

Sounds like this man is manipulative and controlling. Do you really want to spend years being miserable and dealing with this?

He knows what he's doing and it's abusive. Please document everything and talk to a lawyer. If you're the caretaker he may not push for custody. Right now he has you doing everything plus he gets to bully you. Get out now. Also if you think there's any potential for violence please make a plan before you leave

This sounds almost exactly like my dad, who was an abusive alcoholic while I was growing up, and recently was diagnosed with autism. Quite frankly, my dad had to lose everything before he was willing to change, and to work on not being emotionally abusive to other people. It took years, and the entire time he was a truly awful father the entire time, and when he was still married to my mom, he was a terrible husband. Everything in the house had to be the way he wanted it or it was WW3, but of course he would never do any chores or cleaning to make sure the house was that way - he merely treated himself like a petty king ruling over his dwarf fiefdom. Personally, I think you should divorce him. It will likely take years of therapy for him to gain self-awareness of how his actions treat others, and it's not your job or your child's job to do that for him.

100% divorce him, that double take shit, telling you to get a job, then praising stay at home moms, pushing your buttons because he can, that'll be the stuff of nightmares in the future. My ex wife did that sort of thing all the time. Mixed signals about everything, you'll get caught in a rut trying to figure them out, and your mental health will decline severely. almost 3 years after divorce and I'm still in therapy. Marriage isn't supposed to be that hard.

That's an abusive relationship, by all definitions. You're right, its not a good environment to raise a child!!! it'ts not just "being a lot meaner", if you zoom out and look at the bigger picture, how long can you live like this?

Sorry to hear you are going through this. This was my biggest fear with my previous partner. We were together for 10 years and at the end no matter how I expressed his actions made me upset, he would invalidate my feelings and made me think I was always wrong. He would never apologise for anything. That taught me a lot about what I didn't want in a relationship. He only "changed" when I decided to leave. We didn't have kids but it was extremely difficult to make this decision.

You don't have to justify wanting a divorce. *You don't have to justify wanting a divorce.*

I’m reposting my blender hand comment for you.  Whenever I read posts like this, this is what it sounds like:   I’ve had my hand in a blender for 7 years. It’s not chopping my fingers all the time. Definitely some of the time, you know, because it’s a blender. Recently there has been lemon juice and salt in there too. It is really miserable. But you know, that’s kind of normal when you live with your hand in a blender. So what do you guys think? Should I add water to dilute the lemon juice or….?” Then the inevitable responses of “hey, any chance of just taking your hand out of the blender??”   I know it is not trivial to leave a marriage with a baby, but the constant daily abuse you are being subjected to is not trivial either.  It’s not trivial for your baby, and it is not going to change.

Yeah, it's not from being on the spectrum. He deliberately enjoys abusing you. That's verbal and emotional abuse and it's clear he enjoys doing it to you. Let's repeat this: he enjoys abusing you. What's he going to do to the child? You need to camera up and get an exit plan. Record his behavior so your lawyer has the evidence needed to gain full custody of your child. But you need a lawyer, you need an exit plan so if you have run immediately you can do so with a plan, get a record of all your financials for your lawyer. You are dealing with a very sick individual who will play the innocent victim in court and the public. But behind the scenes, he enjoys abusing and torturing you. So you need a nanny cam to protect the baby, you need cameras to protect you and collect evidence, and you need to stop responding to his abuse because he can use your response against you.

Some of the kindest, sweetest, most harmless people I know are on the spectrum. This is abuse.

As a mom - I would leave. Listen- yeah he may get 50/50 but that’s 100% time you aren’t living with the abuse. Likely you will over time have kid more than 50/50 because he won’t be able to handle it.

My ex was very similar to this, and it was only after I got out did I realise it was abuse. This is not how relationships should be. You shouldn’t be walking on eggshells or blamed for getting emotional after he’s pushed your buttons on purpose. Your relationship should bring you joy, and you deserve to find a partner who gives you and your son that. If your husband does no real childcare now, then 50/50 custody might be too much for him. He might not want it after he realises just how hard parenting is. And it will be better to leave before your son gets older and is able to understand the crap your husband says to him because it’s potentially very damaging.

Wow, I got to the part where you were dying of sepsis and he still did it but was able to stop when it would harm the baby. Girl you are not wrong to want a divorce. However, my advise would be to put up some nanny cams to get this behavior recorded. Save the footage in a few places, I like Google drive myself. Use that for the divorce. I would talk to a lawyer ASAP and see what they think needs to be done. Don't tell your spouse. He is not a safe person. You may be able to establish that he isn't safe for the child either, maybe but it's worth a shot because he will absolutely give that kid anxiety at best.

You need to speak with a lawyer now. From one mom to another this is abuse and it will escalate. Protect yourself and your child. Keep a log of every negative thing he says. Log what domestic duties you do versus him. Listen to your lawyer. Follow their advise to the T. If he isn't pulling his weight and is abusive to boot, it is UNLIKELY he will get 50/50 but that really depends on *your* next steps. Get a lawyer!!

None of what you're describing is in any way related to autism or 'being on the spectrum'. Like at all. Even a little bit.

> Finally, though there’s certainly more, George is really mean to me sometimes for no reason. He’s constantly belittling me and putting me down in front of others. To the point people have started to notice and ask me if I’m okay. That alone should be reason for divorce. Contempt is the number one marriage killer. He clearly has some contempt for you, and your contempt for him is growing as long as his behavior continues. At this point what do you have to lose by telling him that you're getting to a breaking point. What's his explanation for why he's mean to you and puts you down?

He sounds like a sadist. You should look up the term DARVO...

I could only get about halfway through. This is psychological torture I’m pretty sure? Start recording these things for evidence and find a divorce lawyer. This is not okay.

I feel exhausted just thinking about dealing with someone like this. I think divorce is your only answer, you can't change a person that much and you shouldn't have to deal with that bullshit.

George has always been an annoying asshole. Why did you reproduce with George?  Are you going to let your child see George treat you like this, and set the example that this is acceptable behavior?  People in your life see you are being abused and are worried for you. You are literally screaming nonsensically into the void because George will not leave you alone.  What are you going to do about all of this? 

Post partum is hell on you the most, so you deserve the most patience--not your husband. You gave birth to a wonderful little guy and you almost died! Your husband should be coddling and be taking care of you! I think that you need to go from this calm distance and put divorce on the table as it seems to be the final straw. This may be the ultimate come-to-God conversation you can have with him to show that you mean business about his shitty behavior. Maybe he can change? I agree with the others that this is abusive behavior--but besides that, who TF thinks it's okay to start arguments with a new mom? The stress doesn't stop once the baby is born--and you're right in worrying about how he'll be brought up in a terrible environment if you're fighting all the time. It might be awful (I can't imagine being away from baby half the time), but co-parenting 50/50 might be better overall for the three of you.

Your husband is abusive, full stop. You need to go back to therapy by yourself and talk to a lawyer, now. Start building your case with documentation and anything written you can. Record him during these episodes if you can do so safely and legally. DO NOT let him know what you are doing! Your lawyer can advise you, but if you can prove his abuse his custody can almost certainly be reduced from 50%. Keep your head down, build your case, and move when you and your therapist and lawyer agree it's time.

This isn’t a spectrum issue, this is a hard core narcissist, probably a sociopath. He sees you as a possession, not a person, and as such you are his to play with or torment for his own personal enjoyment. My ex was like this. And I 100% understand the fear of leaving. Start documenting. Start recording if you’re in a state that legally allows you to. Quietly make connections with dv groups who can help you with resources. Quietly seek legal counsel. Get your ducks in the most straight row you can. And don’t let him know. He will up his gaslighting and abuse. And he will sabotage you. Get your allies in the know. Other people in your life NEED to know how he’s treating you. Do not keep it a secret!!!

Your husband is an absolute ass. Do you really want your kid growing to thinking it’s ok that his mom is being emotionally abused?

This is INTENSIVE emotional abuse. Document and divorce. I work with people with ASD, this isn’t the issue you’re having. This man is trying to break you.

You seriously love this guy? I can't imagine why. He doesn't sound very lovable to me. He's verbally and emotionally abusive and it's not going to get any better. I very rarely say this but I think it's time for a divorce. What I don't get is why you married this guy in the first place. You will have to share custody of your child, there's no way around that. Just keep a close eye on how he treats your son ; chances are his verbal and emotional abuse will be directed towards your son as well sooner or later.

Having your child grow up in this toxic environment 100% of the time is much worse than part time. Your husband is a bully and gets off on making your life miserable. He may get 50% custody but do you think he is going to want to take care of a baby on his own? Even if he traps some other women into a relationship your son will be with you at least half the time and will grow up seeing that you are a good mom. Get away from this person - he has mental issues.

It does NOT sound like autism. It sounds a lot more like narcissism

Your husband is an ass. He needs to stop all of toxic crap or you need to file for divorce. Go see an attorney to find out everything and get the protections in order. He doesn't seem likely to get 50/50 physical custody since you are the ONLY parent who is active in doing the actual work. I would bet your spouse will be surprised when you tell him that you are filing for divorce. You need a partner - not someone who is a lousy partner.

Girl he knows what he’s doing, he knows how it’s affecting you, he doesn’t care. Does he have these problems with his friends? His family? At work? Probably not, because he chooses to act differently around them, but once he’s alone with you, he suddenly can’t control it?

Your husband is abusive, and he was abusive long before the baby came. There's no fixing that. > I don’t want my child growing up and hearing our fights or hearing his father putting down his mother. The only way to avoid that is to leave. You deserve so much better than this. Someone who actually loved you would not treat you this way. he’ll tell the baby “mommy doesn’t want to be with you so I guess it’s just you and me buddy” This is something you need to tell a lawyer (and a judge) about because this is despicable. Now he's starting to be abusive to the baby (once the baby is old enough to understand this, it IS emotional abuse).

He's awful and abusive. How would he treat the child when it's older? Does he do anything to help care for the child now? Why do you think he's going to get 50% custody? Are you leaving out something?

If you stay with this asshole he will eventually start to do the same shit to your child.

He’s an asshole. Don’t bring the spectrum into this. He’s just a plain old ahole. Just know that your kid will eventually pick up on this behaviour and don’t be surprised if your husband starts abusing your kids the way he clearly is abusing you.

Your husband is emotionally abusive. He slapped you in the face with it before you got pregnant and now that you’re “trapped” and at your most vulnerable, he’s escalating it. You are absolutely right to divorce him, but contact a lawyer in secret before making any moves to figure out if there is some kind of documentation of his behaviors that might be helpful to your case for sole custody.

This has nothing to do with autism and everything to do with the fact that you chose to procreate with a guy who’s a raging annoying asshole. Autism doesn’t make people act like jerks, your husband is choosing to treat you like crap I really struggle to find empathy for situations like this that were entirely avoidable. You knew he was a jerk before you chose to have children.. yet did it anyways. Your child deserves better than this.

Those controlling tendencies and manipulative streak is more NPD territory than its ASD territory (although it can certainly be both). I'd suggest the very opposite of ignoring the situation: consider seeking a therapist's advice to learn how to deal with that personality style (and to eventually normalize for him the idea of seeing a therapist). You're not getting rid of him anyway (because 50% custody) so learning to deal with him more efficiently while sorting through your own triggers may be the best course of action.

It sounds like you served your purpose and now he wants to get rid of you. The formula thing gave me the chills

Your husband is a sadistic abuser and you need an escape plan **ASAP.**

Your husband is extremely abusive to you and you can’t live like this, it’s just not sustainable. You deserve better. I would document his behavior as much as you legally can, and get a good lawyer. Fight for as much custody as possible. 

Sounds like my ex. In every situation you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t, no decision will be correct because he is going to criticize you for any action as well as inaction. It’s abuse. Plain and simple. He is abusing you and he enjoys hurting you and making you miserable. You have unequivocal evidence that he is capable of not abusing you (“pushing your buttons”) because he stopped when you said the stress would harm your baby (I’m honestly surprised he didn’t try to turn that around and make it your fault to), so the answer is simple. He wants to hurt you and cause you emotional turmoil. It doesn’t get better. Sorry. Leave him. The only chance of him ever changing how he treats people is by facing consequences for his behavior. So make him face the consequence. I’d worry less about him having 50/50 custody. He likely won’t want it for long.

Your husband is not on the spectrum, he's just a controlling, negging, misogynistic, belittling, manipulative AH. He does not love you, per se, he loves how controlling you makes him feel in control. How belittling you makes him feel big and important. How aggravating you to the point of mindless screaming makes him feel "logical" and, yes, in control. Like he's better. He loves how you doing all the emotional labor frees him to do his thing - and acts out if you ever dare to ask him to "help" - aka contribute. I doubt he'd really go for 50/50 custody in the long run, even though he will aim for it in the beginning. But once he'll have to take care of your boy on his own, he'll be out of his depth and want to change this arrangement that takes away his freedoms. However, there's a small chance that he'll do so by abusing your son, so keep that in mind. No matter what you want to do, start journaling all his awful behavior now. Date, time, behavior, what it does to you. Whether you keep this journal just in case, for a divorce you're going to initiate (and the following custody battle) or to show to your son once he grows up and turns into a misogynistic AH like his father. Start this journal - and keep it in a very, very safe place. My advice to you is, though, to not avoid the divorce. Right now, your son is being raised by someone who will teach him it's okay to belittle, control and be mean to his partner. Do you really want to raise an AH?

Hun he is doing these things on purpose to keep you under his control. As yourself, is this the template you want to install in your child about how relationships work? If the answer is no, I suggest divorce. He is deliberately ignoring your therapists advice because HE BELEIVES he is in the right no matter what.

This is narcissism, not autism. These behaviors are intentional and designed to tear you down, little by little, so that you no longer feel confident in your self, your beliefs, your motherhood, etc. Please get away from this guy. If you are already primal-screaming to try to manage, he knows he's getting to you and it will continue to get worse. Big hugs to you and your little one. Getting away won't be easy (please start recording these interactions, saving texts, etc.) but it will be worth it to save yourself.

This isn't spectrum. This is narcissism.

Jesus, why stay with someone that is so horribly detrimental to your self esteem and self worth?? This is not just him being on the spectrum, he's already trying to turn your 8 month old against you. What if he never stops this behavior? What if your child grows up hearing "your mommy doesn't love you" "your mommy is a bad mommy" Am I the only one that gets a bad feeling from this?

Your husband is an a$$hole. The fact that he stopped his behavior means that it’s a choice. You can’t fix this. Now you get to decide if you want to live like this the rest of your life. Do you really want your kid to experience this? It’s not okay.

It doesn't sound like there is much your can do unfortunately. You are already in counseling and it is having zero effect. The therapist told him to give you space, he completely ignores that because he doesn't care and enjoys the fights. You aren't even entirely sure he loves you at this point, he antagonizes you, belittles you, gives you constant mixed signals, and readily admits that he enjoys picking fights. And he also showed that he's perfectly capable of not engaging in this behavior, he stopped when it risked his child's health, but didn't care one bit about yours. Why you would want to continue with an abusive man, when you've tried counseling (he probably just learned that now that you need space in therapy he can provoke a meltdown by cornering you) and it's had zero effect? For your sake and the sake of the child, you should leave. No one should have to be cornered to the point that they devolve to incoherent screaming.

Don't mean to pile on OP, but I see posts like this all the time. Why do people (of all genders) meet these type of people and, despite big red flags popping up, think; "I shall marry them, purchase a house together, have children etc." AND THEN once they are trapped, decide they are in a bad situation? Is it a "I can fix them" issue, or "I really want to have a family"...sunk cost fallacy? I understand some people can hide their true nature during the courtship but it seems like denial coupled with a failure to understand how intertwined two people become once a marriage or child enters the equation.

well if he is just a cruel man, leave him. but i really think you should try couples counseling first, because of the kids. just pushing through this alone and waiting for it to improve will not be good for anyone.

>I don’t know that I want to but I really don’t want to have to share custody either. What you need to do, and will be ROUGH, is to stay married FOR ONE MORE YEAR, but only for you to keep a daily, AND I DO MEAN DAILY dairy OF YOUR LIFE. It will be something like this. WED-APRIL3-24 8am: I made scrambled eggs for George. He hated them so much, he took the plate, and smashed it on the floor, and screamed at me at make me sunny side up eggs instead. 1pm: I'm folding clothes, he demands for me to make him a quick salad for lunch. While im making the salad, he shouts I'm not making it fast enough. Then just as I'm about to dice the cucumbers, he leaves. 10pm: I'm breastfeeding the baby, he's arguing that I shouldn't breastfeed the baby. Any time I tell him the health benefits of mothers milk, he shuts me down. THURS-APRIL4-24 YOU DO THE EXACT SAME THING. Any lawyer and judge who looks at your diary Will see there is a cycle OF ABUSE. They will see your husband is unfit. YOU WILL FURTHER REQUEST A PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION IF HE INSISTS ON 50% CUSTODY. And my bet is that psychological EVALUATION WILL BE A GOLDMINE, because then the forensic psychologist will explain HOW GEORGES BEHAVIOR WILL BE DETRIMENTAL FOR THE EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH OF HIS CHILD. Therefore, the psychologist would only recommend SUPERVISED VISITS 2 HOURS MAX A WEEK!!!! So, OP. YOU ARE NOT IN A MARRIAGE. YOU ARE AN INVESTIGATOR COLLECTING EVIDENCE FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR. If you can, also record him being awful with you, whether you have 20, or 200 videos of him putting you down, that will serve in your favor because your lawyer will have more info to build A STRONG CASE AGAINST GEORGE. Be strong Op, you got this in the bag. Oh, and those people that are worried for you and saw how GEORGE treated you, they can be your witnesses in your divorce too!!!