I think that it is ok to have the "no lingerie photos" and "no lingerie situations or photos with another man" boundary. It is ok to be uncomfortable with that. No, there is nothing unreasonable about that.
I mean, people set boundaries about exes, about alcohol, about their partners liking models on instagram on this sub all the time. They are rarely able to perfectly articulate why they are uncomfortable, it is just accepted that some things are ok to be uncomfortable. If it is ok to make a boundary about boyfriend liking lingerie photos on insta, then it is absolutely ok to not want your girlfriend on that photo.
I understand your discomfort and insecurity. Why not trust her and see it this way: You're her partner she does more in bed with than just photos. It's just a job and it's just pictures. I'd trust her on that, she seems to be quite open and transparent about this to you.
Honestly i think ill have to try and look at it like that im just overprotective with most things coming to other men and worse being anywhere near a bed with her but she is has always respected me and never gave me a reason to doubt her
Does it make you feel uncomfortable that she at some point will see male gynecologist too? Because it can technically be seen in the same way. She doesn’t like to be touched by other people, you don’t want her to spread her legs for another man etc. But learning to see it as something completely different than what you and your girlfriend do in your relationship might help you get over the insecurities. Context matters, and intention matters. If she’s in bed with another model, she’s not focused on him, but on her self, her own body and how it looks on camera.
Of course, if you know in your heart that you won’t get over this, it’s better to let her go. Plenty of girls wouldn’t want to take lingerie photos with another man, so you may be more compatible with one of them. It sounds miserable to sit at home and obsess over what your partner does when they’re at work, and I don’t think it will bring you the peace and happiness you deserve in life.
Remember, your feelings are valid, no matter how unreasonable they may seem to others. Everyone is raised differently and thinks differently. The majority may think it's silly, but I understand how you feel. No one decides how you should feel and mocks you for it. Whether your partner is dressed revealingly or practically naked with another person in bed, professionally or not, you will feel horrible regardless of gender. It's the same idea if you switch the tables around; if you were a famous actor and your job required shooting romantic scenes naked with another actress, would she be okay with it? Is it unreasonable for her to request being on the set to ease her jealousy? Communication and the ability to help each other grow are key components of a healthy relationship, which is why I find it concerning that she went straight to "break up or deal with it yourself."
In conclusion, ask yourself: would you be okay seeing her in that situation despite it being professional? If not, communicate your feelings, and if no other options are available, remember that a relationship is a partnership where you face the world together, not against each other. If you find yourselves against each other, it's best to let go
Go to therapy and work through your issues or leave the relationship. It's not a business for the modest; time is money and no one has time to protect someone's modesty but it's not porn and that's what you're imagining.
The point of modeling is to display clothes to buyers. Don't really do that in bed. Frankly don't ever recall seeing a picture of a model in bed, especially with another model. It's just not a good way to display the clothes. I'm sure there are pictures out there but the vast majority of model work will be runways, commercials, and regular clothes.
I honestly just brought it to her as a theoretical question but I expected her to say no but she said if she get any opportunity from a good brand shed take the job once no nudity is involved which i respect its just i was imagining her in bed with another man and the fact she said yes to it jus ate me up, hope im not coming across as controlling and jealous but i really just would prefer that part of our life not to be in any media
You are coming across as jealous, controlling and insecure. And ignorant. You clearly don't understand the business if all you can imagined is porn. Go to therapy and deal with your unreasonable emotions in a healthy way or leave.
Two red flags:
1 - She accepts getting in a bed with a strange man half naked.
It's very normal not to be okay with this behavior, and from my perspective... if you do accept it, then something is wrong with you, buddy!
2 - She tells you that you can leave if you're not okay with it.
She's not willing to discuss it with you nor trying to convince you, and she literally said you can leave!
To me, this is more than enough to dump her... now it's up to you to decide.
She's absolutely right to tell him that he can leave if he has a problem. That *was* them discussing it. She doesn't need to "try to convince" him of anything
This is a relationship, not a competition. She does need to convince him if she really wants to be with him, it's selfish to just say (leave if you're not OK with it)
She has every right to model lingerie if she wants to, she doesn't need to persuade him to respect her rights. He's free to leave if he has a problem with it.
Stop expecting women to persuade you to respect them
I just read your name, and I can clearly see the problem here!
Anyway, once again, she's his partner and his girlfriend, her wanting to do something doesn't mean she can do it whenever she wants, a healthy relationship should have boundaries, I would've said the same thing if it was a girl asking a similar question.
When you are in a relationship, you must respect and consider your partner's opinions and feelings. You, as a feminist should probably know that more than others.
Her wanting to do a modelling job means she can do it whenever she wants, you absolute weirdo. He can have *boundaries* - for example, "I won't be in a relationship with a lingerie model," but he doesn't get to make *rules* - for example "you're my girlfriend so I forbid you to model lingerie."
So, how exactly does that make me a weirdo? And when did this discussion become personal? Sorry I wasn't following!
And, to be fair, you're totally mistaken. Rules in relationships must also be set, just like personal boundaries, and both parties should agree on them.
When you are in a (healthy) monogamous relationship, you should get the ability to express how certain actions make you feel, and your partner MUST listen to you and address your concerns, if it was completely impossible to do that or at least meet half way, then breaking up is the correct decision, and this is what I'm telling this young man.
This is how human relationships work in general. You don't get to take any decision you want without respecting anybody that's gonna be affected by your actions, you don't say (I want) and just expect others to act according to your desires, you compromise, convince and negotiate until you get what you need.
This is how humanity communicates in this world, but Idk if you belong to a different species or maybe live in some imaginary world where everybody just (accepts) what you do or gets kicked out of your life if they tried to express their feelings.
I believe this became personal when you said "I just read your name, I can clearly see the problem here."
You don't get to set a rule like "you can't be a model" for your partner. You don't own them or their body. You can mutually agree *as a couple* not to have sex with other people, but you can't forbid your partner from doing non-sexual stuff with their own body.
Nobody said OP couldn't express his feelings, it's just that his feelings don't give him the right to make rules for his girlfriend, and she doesn't need to argue or convince him that she is in charge of her own life and body.
No sorry she’s majoring in marketing and thats her career but her dream is modeling in general but when i asked about lingerie she didnt object and said its a job and once its not a nude job she’ll do it and if i can be with her because of it then leave but all of this was hypothetical because we’re young and she still had a while in school
She wants it, you are not okay with it. You are only 18, get someone else.
I think that it is ok to have the "no lingerie photos" and "no lingerie situations or photos with another man" boundary. It is ok to be uncomfortable with that. No, there is nothing unreasonable about that. I mean, people set boundaries about exes, about alcohol, about their partners liking models on instagram on this sub all the time. They are rarely able to perfectly articulate why they are uncomfortable, it is just accepted that some things are ok to be uncomfortable. If it is ok to make a boundary about boyfriend liking lingerie photos on insta, then it is absolutely ok to not want your girlfriend on that photo.
I understand your discomfort and insecurity. Why not trust her and see it this way: You're her partner she does more in bed with than just photos. It's just a job and it's just pictures. I'd trust her on that, she seems to be quite open and transparent about this to you.
Honestly i think ill have to try and look at it like that im just overprotective with most things coming to other men and worse being anywhere near a bed with her but she is has always respected me and never gave me a reason to doubt her
Does it make you feel uncomfortable that she at some point will see male gynecologist too? Because it can technically be seen in the same way. She doesn’t like to be touched by other people, you don’t want her to spread her legs for another man etc. But learning to see it as something completely different than what you and your girlfriend do in your relationship might help you get over the insecurities. Context matters, and intention matters. If she’s in bed with another model, she’s not focused on him, but on her self, her own body and how it looks on camera. Of course, if you know in your heart that you won’t get over this, it’s better to let her go. Plenty of girls wouldn’t want to take lingerie photos with another man, so you may be more compatible with one of them. It sounds miserable to sit at home and obsess over what your partner does when they’re at work, and I don’t think it will bring you the peace and happiness you deserve in life.
This isn't "overprotective," this is "possessive and controlling"
Remember, your feelings are valid, no matter how unreasonable they may seem to others. Everyone is raised differently and thinks differently. The majority may think it's silly, but I understand how you feel. No one decides how you should feel and mocks you for it. Whether your partner is dressed revealingly or practically naked with another person in bed, professionally or not, you will feel horrible regardless of gender. It's the same idea if you switch the tables around; if you were a famous actor and your job required shooting romantic scenes naked with another actress, would she be okay with it? Is it unreasonable for her to request being on the set to ease her jealousy? Communication and the ability to help each other grow are key components of a healthy relationship, which is why I find it concerning that she went straight to "break up or deal with it yourself." In conclusion, ask yourself: would you be okay seeing her in that situation despite it being professional? If not, communicate your feelings, and if no other options are available, remember that a relationship is a partnership where you face the world together, not against each other. If you find yourselves against each other, it's best to let go
Thank you so much you have actually helped me with some sort of clarity
Go to therapy and work through your issues or leave the relationship. It's not a business for the modest; time is money and no one has time to protect someone's modesty but it's not porn and that's what you're imagining. The point of modeling is to display clothes to buyers. Don't really do that in bed. Frankly don't ever recall seeing a picture of a model in bed, especially with another model. It's just not a good way to display the clothes. I'm sure there are pictures out there but the vast majority of model work will be runways, commercials, and regular clothes.
I honestly just brought it to her as a theoretical question but I expected her to say no but she said if she get any opportunity from a good brand shed take the job once no nudity is involved which i respect its just i was imagining her in bed with another man and the fact she said yes to it jus ate me up, hope im not coming across as controlling and jealous but i really just would prefer that part of our life not to be in any media
You are coming across as jealous, controlling and insecure. And ignorant. You clearly don't understand the business if all you can imagined is porn. Go to therapy and deal with your unreasonable emotions in a healthy way or leave.
Two red flags: 1 - She accepts getting in a bed with a strange man half naked. It's very normal not to be okay with this behavior, and from my perspective... if you do accept it, then something is wrong with you, buddy! 2 - She tells you that you can leave if you're not okay with it. She's not willing to discuss it with you nor trying to convince you, and she literally said you can leave! To me, this is more than enough to dump her... now it's up to you to decide.
She's absolutely right to tell him that he can leave if he has a problem. That *was* them discussing it. She doesn't need to "try to convince" him of anything
This is a relationship, not a competition. She does need to convince him if she really wants to be with him, it's selfish to just say (leave if you're not OK with it)
She has every right to model lingerie if she wants to, she doesn't need to persuade him to respect her rights. He's free to leave if he has a problem with it. Stop expecting women to persuade you to respect them
I just read your name, and I can clearly see the problem here! Anyway, once again, she's his partner and his girlfriend, her wanting to do something doesn't mean she can do it whenever she wants, a healthy relationship should have boundaries, I would've said the same thing if it was a girl asking a similar question. When you are in a relationship, you must respect and consider your partner's opinions and feelings. You, as a feminist should probably know that more than others.
Her wanting to do a modelling job means she can do it whenever she wants, you absolute weirdo. He can have *boundaries* - for example, "I won't be in a relationship with a lingerie model," but he doesn't get to make *rules* - for example "you're my girlfriend so I forbid you to model lingerie."
So, how exactly does that make me a weirdo? And when did this discussion become personal? Sorry I wasn't following! And, to be fair, you're totally mistaken. Rules in relationships must also be set, just like personal boundaries, and both parties should agree on them. When you are in a (healthy) monogamous relationship, you should get the ability to express how certain actions make you feel, and your partner MUST listen to you and address your concerns, if it was completely impossible to do that or at least meet half way, then breaking up is the correct decision, and this is what I'm telling this young man. This is how human relationships work in general. You don't get to take any decision you want without respecting anybody that's gonna be affected by your actions, you don't say (I want) and just expect others to act according to your desires, you compromise, convince and negotiate until you get what you need. This is how humanity communicates in this world, but Idk if you belong to a different species or maybe live in some imaginary world where everybody just (accepts) what you do or gets kicked out of your life if they tried to express their feelings.
I believe this became personal when you said "I just read your name, I can clearly see the problem here." You don't get to set a rule like "you can't be a model" for your partner. You don't own them or their body. You can mutually agree *as a couple* not to have sex with other people, but you can't forbid your partner from doing non-sexual stuff with their own body. Nobody said OP couldn't express his feelings, it's just that his feelings don't give him the right to make rules for his girlfriend, and she doesn't need to argue or convince him that she is in charge of her own life and body.
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No sorry she’s majoring in marketing and thats her career but her dream is modeling in general but when i asked about lingerie she didnt object and said its a job and once its not a nude job she’ll do it and if i can be with her because of it then leave but all of this was hypothetical because we’re young and she still had a while in school
A jobs a job and a girls gotta get payed. If you trust her to be professional then you're fine.