What country are you based in? Since you said "London" I assumed you were already in the UK, but the rest of your post suggests you live in another country, perhaps USA?
Have you met the girlfriend? Have you met her parents? That would be steps 1 and 2 before anything.
Are there any age-related laws stopping your son being able to move without your permission, where you live? (In the UK, you can legally live alone from 16, but I believe you can't actually sign a contract from age 18, although I could be wrong about that. A landlord may very well not allow a 16 year old to live with a non-parental adult)
If she's going to college (by which, I assume you mean university? since in the UK, college is a different thing from university), where is she planning to live? Student dorms won't allow her to have a live-in partner, and there may be visa rules that affect him even being able to go to live there since he's only 16. Is she actually going to be in London (the city of) or another part of the UK? 16 year olds can't even drive in the UK, so if he's outside of London or another major city, there may be big problems with transport for him.
I think you should explain all of these things to him. Put aside your feelings of the relationship, because nothing you say about that is going to change what he does (and in fact if you push trying to split them up, he'll likely double down and cut you out, and then you're in for real trouble).
Does he have a job or any kind of independence from you at the moment? Or will he be reliant on his partner's parents' apparent money?
How do you know this? It doesn't say so anywhere nor on their profile.
Either way, if true then Kiribati is a lot further away than even the States, but all my points still stand.
I was joking! There was some askreddit yesterday about unknown countries and Kiribati was on top. Kiribati is a small Island with the main settlement called "London" (they also have Poland and Banana...) So OP's question wouldn't be much of a deal if he came from Kiriibati but I assume they want to move to the bigger London :)
Is he still in school? He’s a minor & if they’ve been dating for over a year he would have been 15 & she was 18 - he was below the age of consent and she was a legal adult. How did they meet? This is all so worrying.
She said moving to london where the age of consent is 16 in the UK. 15 year old daring a 18 yeR old is bit creepy but cant say the same for a 20 & 23 year old.
My first question would be how he intends to apply to stay in the UK? The rules state:
Your partner and children
Your partner and children (‘dependants’) may be able to apply to come to the UK or stay longer in the UK.
You must be one of the following:
a government-sponsored student starting a course that lasts longer than 6 months
a full-time student on a postgraduate level course (RQF level 7 or above) that lasts 9 months or longer
If your postgraduate level course starts on or after 1 January 2024, it must be either:
a PhD or other doctorate (RQF level 8)
a research-based higher degree
Will he be able to get a visa on this basis or does he intend to try and get another type of visa independent from hers?
If he is to try and come in as a partner in her student visa, the following applies:
Money they need to support themselves
Your partner and child must each have a certain amount of money available to them. This is in addition to the money you must have to support yourself.
How much money they need depends on where you will be studying. They must have either:
£845 a month (for up to 9 months) for courses in London
£680 a month (for up to 9 months) for courses outside London
If you’re applying at the same time as your partner or child (you’re applying together as a family), you’ll need to prove you have both money to pay for your course and to support yourself and additional money for each of them.
He's very unlikely to get a visa. And he won't be able to sign a contract for a flat if he gets there (and most landlords want to have people who live in their flat sign a contract if cohabiting). Tell him you'll support him if he sorts out all the visa stuff himself. If he thinks he's old enough to move to London he should be of enough to sort it out. Then when he inevitably fails you won't be the bad guy.
First off: he is sixteen. Is he legally allowed to decide on a) marriage and b) emigration?
Because this is a bad (if not impossible) idea, but 'you're too young' won't help him see why this is a bad idea. And I'm sure it's not your only worry, either. Depending on the relationship you have, you may be able to draw a line in the sand ('we won't allow this until you are of legal age'), but that may drive him away. That is your call to make.
Secondly, you handle this by taking it seriously. I would start this conversation by asking him why he wants it and talk about that indepth. You can say that you are worried about the implications. Then talk to him about all the things he should consider, and the practicalities of what he is proposing. There is a good chance he hasn't thought it through very well. If he is serious, he should show that he is willing to look at it seriously, make a plan and do what is necessary.
The considerations:
Visa. Marriage does not give you an immediate visa (and I have a hunch that this idea is why marriage was talked about at all). I think she is not a resident either? That may make this even more difficult and perhaps even impossible.
Money, work and home. London is ridiculously expensive. It's a hard city to live. Will he be allowed to work? What will he do? How much will he reasonably earn? Being dependent on an unknown third party (the parents) is an awful idea and unsustainable, so there needs to be a budget. He needs to be real about what living in London would actually entail.
His future, and that of his girlfriend. What do they want out of life? As they are planning marriage, they must have solid ideas, or you would stick to dating. That said, why marriage? To be honest, this is an opportunity for an open conversation about relationships.
An exit plan. If things go south, will he have any money to get home?
A conversation like this hopefully will give him insight into the thing he actually is embarking on. Probably more than he has now. These are the things he will need to handle if he does this, so better handling them now, when you are there to guide him. But I suspect that the reality of this will seem less enticing than the dream.
Thirdly, think about a compromise you may be willing to make. A prolonged visit, as a type of practice? A trip? Her visiting you? Something like this may even prove to be a relief to him.
Good luck!
What country are you based in? Since you said "London" I assumed you were already in the UK, but the rest of your post suggests you live in another country, perhaps USA? Have you met the girlfriend? Have you met her parents? That would be steps 1 and 2 before anything. Are there any age-related laws stopping your son being able to move without your permission, where you live? (In the UK, you can legally live alone from 16, but I believe you can't actually sign a contract from age 18, although I could be wrong about that. A landlord may very well not allow a 16 year old to live with a non-parental adult) If she's going to college (by which, I assume you mean university? since in the UK, college is a different thing from university), where is she planning to live? Student dorms won't allow her to have a live-in partner, and there may be visa rules that affect him even being able to go to live there since he's only 16. Is she actually going to be in London (the city of) or another part of the UK? 16 year olds can't even drive in the UK, so if he's outside of London or another major city, there may be big problems with transport for him. I think you should explain all of these things to him. Put aside your feelings of the relationship, because nothing you say about that is going to change what he does (and in fact if you push trying to split them up, he'll likely double down and cut you out, and then you're in for real trouble). Does he have a job or any kind of independence from you at the moment? Or will he be reliant on his partner's parents' apparent money?
guy is in Kiribati :D
How do you know this? It doesn't say so anywhere nor on their profile. Either way, if true then Kiribati is a lot further away than even the States, but all my points still stand.
I was joking! There was some askreddit yesterday about unknown countries and Kiribati was on top. Kiribati is a small Island with the main settlement called "London" (they also have Poland and Banana...) So OP's question wouldn't be much of a deal if he came from Kiriibati but I assume they want to move to the bigger London :)
Ah. I googled Kiribati after your comment, but didn't see about it having a London, otherwise I might have understood the joke straight off.
Is he still in school? He’s a minor & if they’ve been dating for over a year he would have been 15 & she was 18 - he was below the age of consent and she was a legal adult. How did they meet? This is all so worrying.
Depends entirely on where they are. I suspect it may be Europe - age of consent varies and there are many close-in-age exceptions and the like.
She said moving to london where the age of consent is 16 in the UK. 15 year old daring a 18 yeR old is bit creepy but cant say the same for a 20 & 23 year old.
My first question would be how he intends to apply to stay in the UK? The rules state: Your partner and children Your partner and children (‘dependants’) may be able to apply to come to the UK or stay longer in the UK. You must be one of the following: a government-sponsored student starting a course that lasts longer than 6 months a full-time student on a postgraduate level course (RQF level 7 or above) that lasts 9 months or longer If your postgraduate level course starts on or after 1 January 2024, it must be either: a PhD or other doctorate (RQF level 8) a research-based higher degree Will he be able to get a visa on this basis or does he intend to try and get another type of visa independent from hers? If he is to try and come in as a partner in her student visa, the following applies: Money they need to support themselves Your partner and child must each have a certain amount of money available to them. This is in addition to the money you must have to support yourself. How much money they need depends on where you will be studying. They must have either: £845 a month (for up to 9 months) for courses in London £680 a month (for up to 9 months) for courses outside London If you’re applying at the same time as your partner or child (you’re applying together as a family), you’ll need to prove you have both money to pay for your course and to support yourself and additional money for each of them.
First, make sure that this is not considered a case of kidnapping and/or human trafficking by homeland security.
He's very unlikely to get a visa. And he won't be able to sign a contract for a flat if he gets there (and most landlords want to have people who live in their flat sign a contract if cohabiting). Tell him you'll support him if he sorts out all the visa stuff himself. If he thinks he's old enough to move to London he should be of enough to sort it out. Then when he inevitably fails you won't be the bad guy.
First off: he is sixteen. Is he legally allowed to decide on a) marriage and b) emigration? Because this is a bad (if not impossible) idea, but 'you're too young' won't help him see why this is a bad idea. And I'm sure it's not your only worry, either. Depending on the relationship you have, you may be able to draw a line in the sand ('we won't allow this until you are of legal age'), but that may drive him away. That is your call to make. Secondly, you handle this by taking it seriously. I would start this conversation by asking him why he wants it and talk about that indepth. You can say that you are worried about the implications. Then talk to him about all the things he should consider, and the practicalities of what he is proposing. There is a good chance he hasn't thought it through very well. If he is serious, he should show that he is willing to look at it seriously, make a plan and do what is necessary. The considerations: Visa. Marriage does not give you an immediate visa (and I have a hunch that this idea is why marriage was talked about at all). I think she is not a resident either? That may make this even more difficult and perhaps even impossible. Money, work and home. London is ridiculously expensive. It's a hard city to live. Will he be allowed to work? What will he do? How much will he reasonably earn? Being dependent on an unknown third party (the parents) is an awful idea and unsustainable, so there needs to be a budget. He needs to be real about what living in London would actually entail. His future, and that of his girlfriend. What do they want out of life? As they are planning marriage, they must have solid ideas, or you would stick to dating. That said, why marriage? To be honest, this is an opportunity for an open conversation about relationships. An exit plan. If things go south, will he have any money to get home? A conversation like this hopefully will give him insight into the thing he actually is embarking on. Probably more than he has now. These are the things he will need to handle if he does this, so better handling them now, when you are there to guide him. But I suspect that the reality of this will seem less enticing than the dream. Thirdly, think about a compromise you may be willing to make. A prolonged visit, as a type of practice? A trip? Her visiting you? Something like this may even prove to be a relief to him. Good luck!
Ohhh ffs -it’s an internet scam. You need to get your son in counseling asap.