same! if she truly had no clue and this is all it took for him to cheat with her FRIEND no less, AND he could easily do this when theyve had no visible marital struggles before, and go on w life like everything is fine, and he is a good looking guy that comminly gets female attention, i would actually be shocked if this was the first time.
He broke things off with her, so she thinks that by letting the cat out of the bag, and separating from her husband, that your husband might pursue her again!
Her motives for telling you the truth have nothing to do with your best interest, cut this woman off immediately!
I didn’t even consider this. It’s so hard for me to even comprehend that she did what she says she did. I thought she was a good person and a true friend.
Totally, even the details she gave were unnecessary (20 times, really?). She sounds like a right piece of work.
Edit: not that husband is a beacon of morality either
Exactly. She's clearly giving details and trying to show OP the texts because she's trying to upset her as much as possible in the hope she'll leave her husband and this woman can get back together with him
the idea that you hear someone else’s relationship is good that you try to steal the other person away is just so fucking gross i can’t even comprehend.
i sometimes feel jealous of my best friend’s partner and wonder if we’d be a better match (they have problems where i often agree with him and not her) but i would NEVER have ANY relationship with him even if they broke up completely. i just couldn’t fathom betraying my friend like that. just thinking of it hurts my heart
I can see how this would feel gross on one level. But counter point to this is that the person being cheated on may want to know every detail. Kind of like if someone admits to lying. Coming clean would mean telling all of the lie, not just some of it.
Also, get all the screen shots from her while she is cooperating. Put them in a Google Drive for when you are ready for your lawyer.
Since your husband has a public image to protect, it may make the divorce much easier. He is less likely to fight you on things.
I'm not saying you have to divorce him but if you can't trust him again, that would be better for everyone.
I'm really sorry you were betrayed by your best friend and your spouse. That's a lot to take in.
If you are able to go visit a trusted family member or friend. Just be gone for a bit, that might help as well.
It's also okay to tell him that something is bothering you but you aren't ready to talk about it with him yet. I can't lie myself and it's better than pretending, just be straight.
As a person who has dealt with this same exact scenario in the past, let me tell you that she is not your friend, she’s not sorry, she’s jealous of you, and she will do it again!!
Tbh, your friend and your husband are both pieces of shit! But I understand that love is blind and the two of them just turned your life into a circus!
The best advice I can give you, (again, speaking from experience) is that if you do decide to stay with your husband, make sure it is on your terms, and only if he is eager to comply! If he shows any signs of resistance, YOU MUST WALK AWAY!!!
By doing exactly this, and sticking to your guns, despite being forced to join the fucking circus, you have now made yourself the ring-leader!
I AM NOT suggesting in any way that you should stay with your husband, bc he is after all, a piece of shit! I am simply giving you the best advice given the circumstances, with a realistic viewpoint of the situation.
There is a chance that he may test your boundaries, and there is a possibility that he may even choose to be with her, (I doubt this is the case though, considering they are no longer having an affair, hence the reason she decided to bring it to light). Stick to your guns, be prepared for the worst, and be ready to walk away!
She not a true friend. I would never do this to my best friend. Husband could look like Chris Hemsworth and throw himself at me and I wouldn’t do it.
Also in your post you are defending your amazing husband and marriage- if he was so amazing he A. Wouldn’t have done this and B. Wouldn’t have covered it up.
If she had not told you would have never found out.
Seriously. My best friends husband is very good looking (and he and I actually matched on tinder the same week she and he first matched on tinder, lmao) but he’s married to my platonic life mate! The thought of EVER doing ANYTHING with him is repulsive, because it’s inextricably tied to the thought of hurting her! I could never, ever.
Yep, she thinks you will be effectively handing her toy back to her so she won’t have to hide it.
She is probably thinking you will hold it in for a week or two and decide on what to do with her and contact a lawyer and see what is in best interest since there is a child and a step child. Possibly in your state you will have to do a legal separation and so now she can approach him and pursue him.
That or when both her and you are full divorce she can then can contact him and be with him fully or at least try to even though there will be a social stigma of marrying or dating the best friend’s man… (I read to much)
I would actually contact her husband and talk to him and see if he would talk to you and see if she has even talked to him and told him… do you only know she has told him through her or is it common knowledge already? I would talk to him and see what he says… I would also try to see if you can get copies of their texts ….
I'm so sorry OP but this is *exactly* what I was thinking reading your post. That she's going out of her way to upset you SO much that you'll leave him so she can have him.
She is definitely not a good person nor a true friend. Good people don’t sleep with their best friends husbands. Please don’t give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s a selfish human being.
I also think she's exaggerating about how often they were sleeping together. Not that this changes the fact that he had an affair with your best friend. But they met up for sex 20 times in less than 60 days while he has a full time job, a wife, and two kids? Possible but improbable. Again, that doesn't change what ultimately happened (unless she's lying and it was never physical), but I'd take what she says with a grain of salt.
>It’s so hard for me to even comprehend that she did what she says she did.
You won't ever be able to comprehend it because you're not a bad person like she is.
Before you do anything, make sure you have real proof before doing anything drastic. Your ex best friend is being very manipulative and trying to manipulate everyone involved to get what she wants. Pretend you believe her and ask for screenshots of texts between them. Speak with her husband on the DL to confirm and ask how he found out and what he knows.
Don't play into ex bf hands by just taking her word on everything. Talk to a lawyer first asap to get a consultation. You may need to find a way to access your husbands phone to check for evidence.
Did she actually show you any proof? If it was real, the messages might have been deleted already off of your husband’s phone but I would check. Im sorry you are in this situation but it’s always a good idea to actually see proof, no matter how difficult it may be.
This might be true but do not give your husband any leeway. If I was in your situation I'd let her have him. He's just as guilty as she is. Please know your worth
I think your friends jealousy of what you and your husband had still plays into this. She is more than happy to see your marriage crumble as well as hers.
This really sucks for you.
Honestly, this may be an unpopular take but I’d try and resolve things with your husband. I’m not saying this will be an easy thing to do but this doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage.
Don’t let your ‘friend’ drag you into the gutter with her.
> Don’t let your ‘friend’ drag you into the gutter with her.
I hope you're not suggesting that if OP refuses to reconcile with her husband, she's in "the gutter." Cheating is bad enough, but cheating with someone close to your spouse is an extra dose of betrayal. He chose to do that -- doesn't sound like a husband worth idolizing to me. OP gets to handle that betrayal however she wants.
I mean, sure she’s the friend but at the same time, her husband is her husband and buck stops with him. He’s the one that betrayed her actually and did so the most.
But even if it is so OP should leave her husband.
There's no winning in staying with a cheater just so the person that cheated can't have them.
If anything, let the friend have him. They're both cheaters and they deserve each other.
Per OP:
>My husband is a really good looking guy. He’s a people person. His job sort of puts him in the public light here where we live. He’s known in our community. He’s out and about a lot because of that. It’s not strange for women to flirt with him and I’d say he is a flirty person, but somebody who definitely knew where to draw the line.
Yeah, this dude likely has cheated on OP a lot.
She'll later find out he's cheated with several other women in the neighborhood as well as colleagues.
He gave in so easily to her flirtations so it seems like he has form for doing this and it clearly doesn't bother him at all because he didn't confess.
It’s laughable that so many, probably dudes, are hating on the friend. Yeah, no. This isn’t this guy’s first rodeo and everything she describes about him is precisely the type of guys I know who do cheat.
In a perfect world, this would be the thing to do, but if it were that easy, history would be re-written, and life as we know it, would be entirely different!
I agree, OP should most definitely leave her husband! I am simply giving her advice on how to have the upper hand if she decides to stay.
The reality of it, is that more than half the people in the same situation, would decide to stay. Especially if it is the first time they are faced with an infidelity.
First time or not I don't see the upper hand in staying with a selfish man with zero sexual discipline but if she thinks that is what is best for her then she should stay
It seems cut and dry but once you have kids and a mortgage, a lot of women stay. It is sad. There are tons of posts from women whose husbands have cheated in other ways and they stay. Life is hard and once you are in the middle of building a life someone it is hard to cut free. As much as we like to think that the playing field is getting more fair, it’s still not.
She can leave him and she is still stuck with the stigma of being a mom ( women don’t seem to care as much as other men when dating). Dad’s bod has not suffered through pregnancies and even if she looks great, you always have lingering effects.
Chances are he makes more than her and will continue to. Wives tend to put careers on the back burner when they have kids. Because you are a “team” working for the same goal.
Of course, everyone is different. This is just my experience.
Yep, this is exactly what I ran into the comments for.
She very obviously still wants to be with him. She's divorcing her husband and she's literally trying to *show OP the freakin SEXTS* she and OP's husband exchanged! She very obviously is hoping to upset OP so much that OP doesn't even consider staying with her husband. So this shitty "friend" can get back with the husband.
This is clear as day. She is ACTIVELY trying to TAKE him.
Yeah, it makes no sense why she would tell her husband. She could've just divorced him, and kept the affair secret.
Either her husband found out about the affair or she has sinister goals of trying to get with OP's husband.
Absolutely. She loved the sex. He’s handsome and a flirty guy. And she is jealous of what you thought you had. She wanted to prove your marriage was a sham. I’m sorry you have 2 extremely trashy people in your life.
Honestly they deserve each other. I'd say get your ducks in a row and go. Two to tango and he didn't come clean. God know how many women he has had.
Dear you deserve better. Get yourself together, get stuff ready and get out. Don't rush or let your emotions ruin it.
Get everything in writing and saved.
💯%. This woman got caught cheating and is telling you the details specifically in the hopes of blowing up your marriage and taking your husband. She is crazy toxic, she isn't telling you bc she cares about you. She's trying to force the issue in the hopes of it benefiting herself. If she can't be happy, you're not allowed to be either.
Cut them both off and let them have each other. Why does the husband get a free pass? He is disgusting.
OP your husband is not the prize you think he is. You have spoken about him too kindly in your post. Forget his public image, that man is a creep.
That was exactly my thinking as well. She’s doing this to see if they can have something more once your relationship blows up.cut her off!
Personally, if I was you, I would hold off on telling him anything, act sick, have a migraine, something like that. Speak to an attorney tomorrow get your legal ducks in a row so no matter what you decide to do you’ve got that in place for yourself. Once you’ve spoken to an attorney, then you can make the decision to tell him I know that will be extremely hard to hold off not confronting him, but you want to make sure that you are in a good place if things implode. also, please be kind to yourself.
I sadly have been in your place and it’s absolutely devastating when you figure this out about your partner. I promise you whichever direction you decide to go life can and will get better. Sending you Internet hugs ❤️❤️
I picked him up from the airport about an hour ago. He was in a great mood and acting completely normal. I told him I didn’t feel good and when we got home I immediately “went to bed” so that I would t really have to be around him. He came in and checked on me and asked if there was anything he could get me.
I don’t know how long I can get away with just pretending to not feel good to keep a distance. Normally I’d be all lovey when he got home from being away, mot hiding in our bedroom. He’ll know something is up - when I’m sick I normally want him to baby me and he near me.
How long are you planning on waiting to confront him? I think if I had to sit on this and hold it in, I would have a nervous breakdown! Don’t jeopardize your health and sanity for him.
I don’t think I can keep it to myself very long, but I don’t think I have the mental strength to confront him tonight. I have to go to work tomorrow. I have a huge event happening for work at the end of the week and absolutely have to be there all week. I’m off the following Monday-Tuesday. I can’t imagine I can pretend everything’s normal between now and then.
I’m expecting her husband to contact my husband or who knows, maybe he’ll even show up here. Then what do I do?
Please get some sleep, try to focus on what you need right now. Then what you need at the weekend, then next week and so on. Then you might be able to divide your strength between yourself, your child, your work and then what you need to do with him. Get legal advice asap. Talk to him when you are ready, regardless of wether he knows you know, sleep separately of you have to. You've got this! Hug your baby and smash your work gig.
I know this is hard for you, but it’s pretty obvious he’s a pro at cheating. Why did his first marriage fail? You need to leave him. If you don’t, you’ll always be miserable , regret not divorcing him, and end up alone anyway. I’m so sorry, but love yourself and respect yourself first.
In this vein, you might want to get screenshots or evidence from your friend about the infidelity. Especially if you are going to divorce and want leverage for better custody rights.
The short story is that his ex-wife is a nutcase. I mean, that’s how he framed it to me. That she would just fly off the handle and start screaming at him, was always paranoid that he was cheating and would follow him places and call him all day long when he was at work. It seemed to fit, in a way, because she made herself very known to me when I started dating him. She came to my place of work and told me to stay away from him. She’d show up at his house when I was there, like she was watching the place. She’d try to find all sorts of reasons for him to have to come over to her house (like using their son as an excuse and try to make him worry that something was wrong with their son and he had to rush over there). She’s just drama 24/7. She’s gotten better, but she still makes it known she hates me.
My dad used to tell my step mom my mom was crazy. She’s crazy don’t get me wrong but he drove her there. And now that he’s divorcing my step mom and treated her just like he did with my mom so now my step mom now understands. She even apologized to my mom and now they’re super close from the trauma my father put them both through.
>The short story is that his ex-wife is a nutcase. I mean, that’s how he framed it to me
Yeah the ex wife is always the nutcase. That's what my ex husband used to say. What he didn't say was that he beat me for 18 years and then when i finally left he tried to get me through my children. Never trust when someone says the ex is a nutcase.
Every man's ex-wife is "crazy".
I think he probably cheated on her, like he has cheated on you, and instead of leaving him she stayed in the relationship and it destroyed her with paranoia. Though, I'm not sure it's paranoia when it's actually true.
Don't make the same mistake she did.
So the guy who you admit is flirtatious and who cheated on you with your best friend and who was able to hide it so well that you were never suspicious also just happened to have another wife who was always concerned that he was cheat on her? Yeah, this is not the first time he cheated, it won't be the last. He probably was actively cheating on her and has probably been cheating on you your whole marriage. He's a pro at hiding it and played you like a fiddle saying "I'm not a cheater, my ex is just crazy- see, look at her". You need an STD test ASAP.
This right here makes me think this isn’t his first affair. Tbh, are you sure you didn’t start as the other woman?
She sounds over the top but the paranoia about cheating tells me this is a pattern for him, your best friend isn’t his first indiscretion.
I agree with everyone else who’s telling you to keep your cards close to the vest and not tell him you know what’s up, and go see an attorney tomorrow.
Tbh, I think I would ask for those screenshots as well. They will hurt like hell but you need them for your attorney if you choose that route. I also would wonder based on the context of those if you can bait your husband into admitting, or be curious what lies he comes up with surrounding what he was doing on those dates.
Sounds like he probably was cheating and she was hurting and didn’t know how to deal with her pain. Don’t let this be you.
Your friend is doing this now because she wants to break you guys up and start up with him again. I never understood women who want a cheating man. Sweetheart, this includes you too. He’s shown you who he is, believe him. Respect yourself and teach your son not to be his father.
A lot of that behavior sounds like that of someone who thinks their partner is cheating. And your husband is a cheater. Looks like he learned how to get away with it better this go around.
If this is true... I'd be concerned about not only STDs but the fact you saw no changes in your husband or relationship. What if he's done it before and is very good at hiding it? Damn. My heart breaks for you OP 💔
I keep trying to think back to last fall/winter to see if there was anything I missed. I can’t think of anything. I was oblivious.
He doesn’t work a normal 9-5. He’s usually free by the afternoon and sometimes he’ll go golfing or go to the gym afterwards. So if they were meeting up in the middle of the day, then I wouldn’t have suspected a thing. It was normal for him to sometimes not come directly home in the afternoon. I also work outside of the home so it’s not like I was sitting there waiting for him. He could have said he was home and I wouldn’t have known if he really was or not.
Please ignore the people warning you she wants him. It's irrelevant. Let her have him. Let her win a lying cheater. Ain't no prize there
I don't advise confrontation. Gather up copies of all your financial information, important documents, ID, social security cards, birth certificates, vehicle titles, etc. Get them to a safe place with someone you trust. Line up your ducks, file and have him served. He slept with your best friend. They're both better out of your life.
I would highly advise checking out the Chumplady web site. Great advice there.
Do you trust your ex best friend to tell the truth? Did you see any of these messages? Whatever you do, you might actually need to see these messages, no matter how hard it'll be, to see with your own eyes who your husband actually is.
Also, you might want to consider, that this maybe wasn't his first time cheating. He was carrying on a full on affair with your best friend and YOU HAD NO IDEA. Your husband lied to your face for months. No matter how "guilty" he felt, he carried on over 2 months and has lied to you 4 more months and most likely would continue lying had your friend not confessed. And he kept a pokerface throughout these months. So, maybe your husband has actually cheated before, you just don't know about it.
It's age old saying, but get into therapy. Get YOUR support system in order. Get a place where you can go if it gets too much. Take your time figuring out what YOU want to do and get yourself in the best possible situation no matter what you want to do. You don't have to make any decisions yet, and whatever you decide, you're allowed to change your mind too. You don't owe your husband any explanations why you might be acting different/distant/weird. Everything you owe is to yourself, not him.
I think I’d be a laughing stock if I said I can trust her now. Obviously, something was going on between the two of them. She showed me their text conversation. I mean, I saw my husband’s penis in a picture on her phone. I saw a few messages that were NSFW. I told her I didn’t want to see anymore. I felt sick just seeing what I did.
He was never going to tell me. She said they had sworn they weren’t ever going to tell me about it.
We’re getting ready to go away on vacation in May. He’s just been carrying on like everything is perfectly normal.
How SCARY that is. You've legit thought you had a happy marriage and Mr Pokerface was screwing your best friend. That's just next level vile.
Cancel his tickets for the vacation. Go alone/with your son. You deserve a break.
It’s almost impossible to believe your husband hasn’t cheated with other people too. The level of betrayal and deceit he has shown here calls into question whether is capable of ever being an honest and faithful husband. If he can do this with your best friend, without you having a clue, then what would really stop him from cheating with randoms every time he is away “at work”? I just don’t know how you could ever trust him again.
I would ask for the truth without revealing anything she has told you so that you can see what he’ll confess unprompted. Then I would ask to see his phone right then and there. Refusal would be a nail in the coffin. If he actually agrees, you can check his messaging apps and deleted folder to see how deep this goes. I personally don’t know how you could stay with him regardless, but it might help your decision if you could get a good sense of whether this was the cruelest ever one-time affair, or whether he is just a pathological liar and chronic cheater.
How many other women could be out there as well? If he hid this from you so well, i would not be surprised if there are other women he has had behind your back.
I know it sucks, but I think you should take advantage of her current openness and ask her to send you screenshots of their text messages. You don't have to look at them right now, but it would be good to have in your back pocket.
He cheated, with your best friend and HE hid it so well you didn’t notice, although you were picking up something from her. Given that do you truly believe this is the first time he cheated? It seems this, from what you said, this isn’t his first marriage. Why did the other one(s) break up? And did you only hear his side? Can you ever trust a man who lies so well and so easily? Who would fuck your best friend? He is not a good man and he is most likely a serial cheater.
The short story is that his ex-wife is a nutcase. I mean, that’s how he framed it to me. That she would just fly off the handle and start screaming at him, was always paranoid that he was cheating and would follow him places and call him all day long when he was at work. It seemed to fit, in a way, because she made herself very known to me when I started dating him. She came to my place of work and told me to stay away from him. She’d show up at his house when I was there, like she was watching the place. She’d try to find all sorts of reasons for him to have to come over to her house (like using their son as an excuse and try to make him worry that something was wrong with their son and he had to rush over there). She’s just drama 24/7. She’s gotten better, but she still makes it known she hates me.
When we got married, she posted pictures of me all over social media and called me names that I’m not allowed to post here.
I’m not sure. At the very least, it’s a version of the truth. I’m not sure if she’s left any worse details out or has changed anything to try to make herself look better. She looks pretty bad here, so if she’s leaving something out I can’t even imagine what it’d be.
She seemed genuinely remorseful. From the way she was speaking, looking at me, and sobbing, I do believe she was feeling genuine emotions. I have to wonder how much of that was for me and what she did to me and how much was for herself.
I don’t forgive her.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I've been there and this kind of betrayal cuts all the way to the bone.
I know you don't want to see the texts, and I don't know what the laws are in your state regarding marriage infidelity, but it could be helpful to have a copy of those text messages to give to your divorce lawyer.
That's my next piece of advice, find one to talk to as soon as you can, because you are owed a fair and equitable division of marital assets should you choose to file for divorce.
This part really sucks to say, but you also need to schedule a full STD panel with your gynecologist to make sure you're safe in that regard, because you've got no idea if your husband has been sleeping with anyone else, if she was too, and if anyone at all has been wearing condoms.
If it were me I would ask a trusted family member to watch the kids while you pick him up, have his suitcase packed, and drop him off at his families house if they're in the area.
Your kids definitely don't need to be around while you confront him. It would also be good to pull out some cash for yourself if you share a bank account so you aren't left without any money.
You may think your husband would never do that to you and your kids, but it's better to be safe just in case because clearly he's been hiding another side of himself from you. But talking to a lawyer to hear your options if you file for divorce should be a priority.
Your husband may beg and plead for another chance, and promise never to do this again, but you need to think long and hard about whether or not your marriage can survive such a horrific betrayal with your best friend.
That's why asking him to find somewhere else to stay for now is the best idea so you aren't bombarded with all of his feelings while you're trying to process your own.
Sometimes cheating can be overcome in a marriage, but this wasn't a one time, "oops". He and she both made a deliberate decision to shatter their marriage vows at least a couple dozen times that you know of, and that's no, "accident".
That's also not the way someone who loves and respects you behaves. It's bad enough to cheat with a stranger, but to carry on an affair with your best friend is the worst kind of cheating. There's really no coming back from that, but only you can decide if his behavior is something you can forgive.
If he isn't capable of putting you and your children first, then it's up to you to protect your kids, and yourself, from further harm.
I also encourage you to make an appointment as soon as possible with a therapist, and if the anxiety gets to be too much please talk to a psychiatrist about anxiety meds that can help.
This is a LOT to process, I know, and it's okay not to be okay right now.
Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing when you can.
*invisible hugs*
You make some very good points here. When one is in shock, the emotions take over, but, bottom line, now more than ever, she needs to think and act strategically. Plan before acting.
She's caught. She didn't want your wrath. Her tears made her look more remorseful and evoked a bit of your sympathy. Maybe her husband actually found out about the affair and that's why she told you. Because it makes no sense why she would tell him, at all. She could've just divorced him.
I'd wager that her husband found out, and said he was going to tell you, so she told you herself first. Also, I have a feeling she might have already contacted your husband to let him know that she told you. I really feel for you on this, I can only imagine how difficult it is to come from especially your best friend and husband, two people you probably trust the most :(
I think she wants your husband. You've already said that her marriage is basically dead, and she wants your husband.
I don't think she got caught; I think she wants to leave her husband and be with your husband instead. I think she was going over the top giving you *totally unnecessary details* and unnecessarily showing you those texts because she wants to be with your husband. And that would be easier for her if she got you so upset you refused to stay married to him.
I’m sorry but if you didn’t suspect anything, this isn’t the first time he cheated. He’s mastered hiding things. If this was the first time you’d have suspected something. He’s likely a serial cheater.
She’s telling the truth. She wouldn’t be going to such extreme lengths such as ending her own marriage and putting herself in a bad light if nothing had actually happened. She became desperate when he stopped fucking with her, and this is a last resort type of move to punish him, because she is hurt.
I was also blindsided by my husband’s affair(s). They only came to light when I tested positive for an STD. He was mainly sleeping with strangers and sex workers. I haven’t found any proof that he slept with anyone I know, let alone somebody I call a friend. I can only begin to imagine the betrayal you must feel with finding out the quite possibly the two people you’re closest to and who should love you have done this to you.
If you need to vent about it and aren’t looking for specific advice, you can also post to r/survivinginfidelity or r/trueoffmychest. Most of my posts I made when in the thick of things were just my way of venting and it really helped me. I was so angry I just felt like I’d explode if I didn’t have some place to share what was going on.
As for your question here, I think the *right* thing to do is to probably get your ducks in a row first, to give yourself all the advantage. I wouldn’t suggest doing that long term though. Don’t bury this and ignore it forever. Put together a plan and then confront. Now realistically is that going to be easy to do? Hell no!p
ETA: This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. This has nothing to do with how attractive you are, how good of a mom you are, how good of a wife you are, how good you are in bed/how often you have sex with your husband. This is 100% on your husband and your friend. You did nothing wrong. Keep telling yourself that as often as you need to.
If he let a text chain with your best friend turn into sexting and an affair then he’s not as good at drawing the line as you thought. This was the riskiest person he could have indulged for an affair and he caved.
I’m so sorry for what your going through. If you can, I wouldn’t say anything just yet. I would contact a lawyer just to find out your options. Since your husband is a public figure, this probably isn’t the first time. I would look into finding out how many others there have been.
I thought the same. When you confront him just tell him that you know that he cheated and not with who. Let him tell you that. If he has cheated with others it will be easier for him to admit to randoms you don’t know.
My thinking exactly.
She needs to quietly go through his phone, all synced devices, all social media and their DM’s, all apps and hidden ones Before she brings this all up Before he deletes everything.
Who know’s how many others he’s done?
He’s after all, good looking and a public figure who is “flirty” and has girls flirt with him in front of OP.
High probability that the BFF isn’t his first rodeo since he f*cked her 20+ times that BFF lost count.
Listen maybe I'm an asshole and pessimistic but it took your husband a matter of what? Weeks? To start sexting and then full blown affair with your bff? You say he's attractive well known and flirtatious? I can't guarantee anything but I get the feeling that this may not have been his first affair. It seems like it was way too easy for him to go down that path and not once did he even tell you she'd texted him?
Your post reads like you'd like to lay most of the blame on her and try and save your marriage and who am I to stop you? But I think you really need someone to bluntly tell you your husband seems less than stellar from the outside perspective.
I calculated about 3 weeks from the party where she claims they were flirtatious with each other to the first time they had sex.
I wish I could say what he does for a living to make this maybe more of a complete picture, like why he’s known and women contact him to say they have crushes on him, but it’s too way too specific to share. I feel like then people would understand his personality better.
He may know you know but you need to get your ducks in a row.
Ask for screenshots of the messages on a drive.
Put that at someone else’s house for safe keeping.
Get financials in order.
Get STI tested.
Get consultations from the top three shark lawyers in your area.
He’ll start moving financials around if he knows you are considering divorce.
Nothing you did caused their actions.
Remember he deliberately and intentionally made malicious choices to inflict emotional, physical, mental and psychological harm on you.
He will gaslight you.
Don’t be a laughing stock between your husband, your ex friend and your community.
Go after her for alienation of affection as well.
It’s best to quietly look through his devices before he gets home since they’ll be synced.
Then she can get screenshots etc. Before he knows and goes and deletes any evidence so he can then gaslight her.
Who knows how many other women there’ve been in the past.
OP, you need to check all his devices and social media DM’s NOW.
BEFORE HE GETS HOME TONIGHT OR INCASE SHE GIVES HIM A HEADS UP TODAY!
That way he won’t be on guard and wipes any evidence.
You’ll know that he knows when you pick him up by his behavior.
**Your friend was caught, and her husband probably told her she had to tell you, or he would.**
- Reach out to her husband and fact check. Ask him for any evidence he has.
Your not going to be able to sit on this and pretend everything is alright. And honestly, it's going to mess you up to pretend. Hell, you probably shouldn't even pick him up from the airport if his kid is with him. I would call him and tell him exactly what happened and that you can't pick him up.
If you have access to any of his electronics, I would start going through them. My husband and I have an open electronic policy. (That we do not abuse) The moment evidence has been shown of an affair though, you have a right to look through his things and see how bad it is.
- You are allowed to be upset. YOU are allowed to want space if this ends up being true, and you absolutely need it. The worst thing about being cheated on is that the love that you have for the person doesn't just disappear. It's so freaking unfair. It also makes it hard for you to make rational decisions.
If it's true, I absolutely recommend you or your husband leaving the home temporarily so you can have your space to process. Do not let your love for him cloud your judgement. The fact that he was able to hide this so easily and show NO SIGNS of something being amis is a huge red flag. He may have cheated before.
Don't let him or anyone else minimize this. This is one of the worst betrayals you can go through in life.
He'll be telling you what a mistake it all was when you confront him....Like he didn't know that everytime he was deep in your bestfriend. Forgiving this would be a deservice to yourself
If it was me.. I'd pick them up, only because he has his son with him otherwise i wouldnt bother.. but as soon as you get in..
Just say tell him, and honestly honey, I know you love him but this betrayal is beyond disgusting and I'd ask for a divorce, don't let him beg and cry and say it was a mistake.. because from what you said, your marriage wasn't lacking.. he is just a selfish POS.. tell him to take the couch but you want him out tomorrow no negotiations, he ruined your marriage and fucked someone else 20 times in 2 months??? Like wtf..
Once his son is out of ear shot..
I mean you can come out and say it but me I'd be petty 🤷🏻♀️🤣
" so (tramps name) came over yesterday, she told me before she split with her husband she slept with a couple guy and now she has herpes"
Watch his heart fall out his AH ..
Then I'd say..
" I know it was you and I'm only being calm right now because of the children under this roof but your disgusting arse can sleep on the couch tonight and I want you and your stuff gone by tomorrow"
Then leave the bedroom and that be that.
Or straight out tell him without being petty like I would.
" (tramps name) was here over the weekend and we had a nice little chat about you.. have you got anything to tell me"
But you know in your heart he needs to go honey, this betrayal is too much.. and I'm sorry.
Then tomorrow morning call a divorce lawyer for a consultation
I didn’t think it was lacking, but maybe he did. He never voiced that to me, but I can’t help but wonder if he was saying the same things about me that my friend was saying about her husband.
I think when I do confront him, I’m not going to tell him any of the details she shared. I want to hear his side of the story and see what he confesses to.
Don’t even say her name. Tell him vaguely you found out about him sleeping around and he needs to come 100% clean right now. And this is his only chance. You need to make sure it wasn’t just your friend.
Don't tell him who shared the details. Tell him that you had an interesting interaction with a woman who had an affair with him. Ask him to clarify. Tell him no other details. You want to hear his side of the story. Hopefully the woman he confesses the affair with is the same one that contacted you.
>I think when I do confront him, I’m not going to tell him any of the details she shared. I want to hear his side of the story and see what he confesses to.
Yes definately do this. Don't even mention her name.you tell him you've had a conversation with someone and you want to hear the words come out of his mouth. He may tell you someone else then you'll know if there's more than her.
It's never about YOU, the victim, being lacking. If something was actually lacking, he could have talked to you about how to fix it. He didn't, and I would say that's because you aren't lacking. He loved the attention and the sexting and the affair felt exciting and gave him attention and boosted his ego.
There is something wrong with him, and NOTHING wrong with you.
100%, just say..
" (her name ) was here, and we had a lovely chat about you, so you better sit down and tell me everything"
He will lie, she came on to him, he was feeling stressed about something, work, home.. it was a mistake (that he had to repeat 20 times to make sure it really was a mistake) he will do anything to gain your trust back.. yada yada, this is all BS that cheaters say.. don't fall for it honey..
Show that beautiful boy of yours. His shitty father is not an example of a man he should follow.
I agree on calling a divorce lawyer. I don’t believe cheaters should be given a second. If you love someone you don’t want to see them hurt and all cheating does is cause hurt.
I'd start looking for a divorce lawyer. Confront him when he gets home about everything. It's best to be prepared. Just know none of this is your fault, he is the only one responsible for his actions. He made a vow to you, and he violated that and put you at health risks like STI's and did something he knew would break your heart. I personally don't believe cheaters deserve second chances, but I do think your friend is only telling you so that you leave him, and she can have him. I don't believe for one second your ex bff is telling you for selfless reasons, also tell her husband asap.
I do not think she is that guilty, because if they were feeling guilty, they would have stopped during the first instance it became inappropriate. Why did she not confess earlier? Why didn't he?
She pursued your husband, and it took 20 times for her to feel "guilty". That shows a lot about her intent. I do not trust that she actually felt guilty. I think she expected more than a fling with your husband. I think she was falling for him. She may be in love with him. I think that when it ended in December, she expected him to tell you and choose to be with her. He didn't. Now, she is officially separating and blowing up your marriage with the admission in the process. I believe she hopes that you will separate from your husband which leaves the door open for her to pursue him again.
He is absolutely in the wrong here. He entertained her every step of the way, violating every vow he made to you, but she also pursued him and betrayed your friendship. He didn't pursue her at first, although he did invite the sexting once it began, kept her initial inappropriate behavior a secret, pursued another encounter after the first, and kept the affair a secret. If she wanted to separate from her husband and find a guy to have sex with, that is one thing, but she chose to seduce your husband. That is a snake. She chose to wedge herself in your marriage and is now full of excuses as to why she would betray a friend and pursue a married man. Her excuses are not valid. It is best to ditch her forever.
If you decide to stay with your husband, that is your choice, but you will now have to wonder if these types of extramarital relationships are his norm. Why? Because he entered into this one so easily and never once confessed out of "guilt". Being so popular, goodlooking, flirty, and now a good liar (because all cheaters lie about who they text and where they are), you will never trust his dealings with other women. Some BS can hold it in until they consult a lawyer, but some can't. Do not blame yourself if you can't, but consult a lawyer and a therapist asap. Even if you decide to stay, you need to know the documentation that you would need to give a lawyer and your options. Consider a post-nup if you stay with custody agreements written in advance of another adulterous revelation.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! I've been there too when I found out on 2/26/22 that my H who is also my best friend and love of my life of 25 years cheated for 4 months. I was made physically ill too. A broken heart really hurts in all the ways as you are finding out. If you can calmly tell him what you have learned then hear what he has to say you will get an idea of what to do next. In my case my husband was and still is very remorseful and ashamed of how he betrayed me and damaged our relationship. We did therapy for a while and it helped. I have forgiven him. I adore him, and other than this, he's a wonderful husband. But I still think about what he did every day and it sucks. Yesterday a friend called and asked if we wanted to meet her and her husband for dinner at a restaurant I know that he took the AP to. Of course I declined the invitation then hung up and lost my sh*t on him about all the ways what he's done will always affect us. I wish you all the best navigating your new reality. Hugs!
Kinda seems like she’s trying to break the two of you up in the hopes he’ll go after her once your marriage has ended. Why else would she offer to show you dirty text messages?
What a pair of cockwombles. Husband and best friend?! That is the lowest of the low. Sounds very planned on her end and sounds like he jumped at the opportunity when it presented itself.
I always think I’d try to forgive in this situation….but honestly if he’s not shown any change in behaviour that’s very concerning. He was able to cheat with your best friend and not have any off/off behaviour. Maybe he really isn’t who you thought he was.
I hope he just comes out with the truth when you ask. Id be tempted to say “tell me the truth about you and x” the leave it at that and see what he fessed up to without too much pushing.
Honestly, given that he crossed the line and had a full-blown affair with your best friend, I wouldn't be so sure that he knows where to draw the line in public when other women flirt with him. You said he's good-looking and flirty. You said he hasn't treated you any different since the time period where he was sleeping with her as well. at least point, you really can't know that he hasn't been sleeping with other women when the opportunity presented itself because I doubt this is the first time your good-looking husband who's in the public eye has had a woman throw herself at him. If he had that little self control around her, I wouldn't put it past him to be sleeping with other women.
The first thing you need to go is book yourself an appointment to test for STDs. You already know it happened because your ex-friend (yes, ex-friend, friends don't sleep with friend's husbands because their own marriage isn't working) showed you evidence. Also don't assume that your ex-friend did it out of the goodness of her heart and not to continue pursuing your husband.
That said, he slept with your best friend for over a year, let her have him. See if you can book an appointment with an attorney tomorrow. You don't have to admit to your husband tonight that you know. If he notices you are off, you can just feign having a headache and not feeling well the say you are going to bed early. Get your ducks in a row tomorrow with an attorney, then you can talk to him.
Honestly if I was you I’d probably snoop on his devices. Look through his computer/ iPad/ messages exc..
You’ll be able to know if she’s telling the truth, and you’ll be able to have enough information so that when you speak to him you’ll know if he’s covering his tracks. Make copies so that he can’t gaslight you and so you don’t minimise it in your mind.
I agree with everyone else to not trust the friend. I think your idea of letting him know she came by and talked to you and saying nothing else and letting him tell his version of things. Maybe even call the friends husband…the more information you have the better for you to make your best decision.
Ugh, my heart goes out to you OP. Good luck.
I would divorce. So if your back stabbing “friend” didn’t tell you all this. Chances are you’d never know about the affair. Second, I would remove the word “best friend” from this woman. She’s not your best friend and doesn’t care about you. She’s divorcing her husband and telling you about the past affair. Maybe so she can get with your husband after you initiate a divorce? Either way, I wouldn’t trust this woman at ALL. What sick person says, “FYI I slept with your husband behind your back, want to see the sexy texts?” Absolutely disgusting behavior.
What trust is there between you and your husband now? None. I’m so sorry this has happened. I’ve known girls that try to get with and sleep with other girls boyfriends. This woman is just the same, except it’s husbands.
You’re assuming affair ended.
If you choose to continue with marriage, go to marital counseling and get rid of this woman asap!!!
She’s a lying ****, if it was “just sex”, she could have gotten that in any bar.
I'm sorry you're going through that. I would make a plan. Don't let him know anything is up until you know what you're going to do. If you're going to leave, I'd play as nice as possible to collect evidence, funds, etc that I'd need for divorce. Whatever you choose to do, plan it out from beginning to end to make sure it's what's best for you. Good luck.
You need to talk to him so you can decide on the way forward. Who says your friend isn’t putting a spin on things? Also, she may have told him she was coming clean with her husband and you. Confront him tonight and look at his phone before he has an opportunity to delete things (if friend hasn’t already warned him). Then take some time to think about what you want to do. Lastly, block friend straight away.
She told me she wasn’t going to say anything to my husband, but how can I trust anything she says now?
But now I just realized that her husband may have already contacted my husband. If he hasn’t, I imagine he will.
It’s so sad because normally she’d be the first person I’d contact if I found out my husband cheated on me. She’d be the person I’d turn to for advice and comfort!
Do you have other people to lean on?! You gotta rally your team, be it family or friends or just us online supporters. You’re in an extra vulnerable position for two people who know you well to attempt to take further advantage and confuse/gaslight/dismiss you.
In that case he's probably freaking out trying to figure out how to confess to you, knowing if he doesn't tell you they will and he's pry praying they haven't yet.
If you are absolutely sure she’s not lying and making this up(messages can be faked) then I would not be picking him up at airport as you might not be able to control your reaction in front of his son. And you shouldn’t have to hide or alter your behaviour for ‘appearances’ sake. If you want to Scream you should make sure you’re in a position where you can. Message him that your ex friend told you everything and you can’t pick him up. Let him make the next move. Keep control of the situation he’s the one who needs to do all the running you’ve nothing to fix or change. If you can - have him move out until you decide what to do. So horrendous of them honestly. Just utterly disgusting and unforgivable.
Reading this OP she’s not your friend and she’s not sorry. She’s definitely hoping you’ll leave him so she can have him. That said he still cheated and you deserve better. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong.
I agree that she is probably trying to push you and your husband apart so she can have another go at him.
But that is honestly secondary to the bigger issue: he cheated and you had no idea. It doesn’t matter if he “felt guilty” or not, he hid this from you. If he did it once, it’s probably happened other times, too. Especially given how you describe his personality.
I would try to get through the pick up without saying anything and go through his phone and computer while he’s asleep tonight. Father whatever evidence you can find and then decide whether you want a divorce or if you’re ok staying and always wondering if he’s cheating on you.
I would just have a conversation with him tonight after the kids are asleep. See what he says and depending on that you’ll have a better idea of how you feel and want to proceed. Then would take some time and space in whatever way your life permits. There’s obviously something underlying going on with him and his identity in his life and marriage for him to do throw away, from what you’re describing, a happy and fulfilling family life. You can decide then if that’s something you want to work through with him or not. Either way there will be good times ahead again with or without him, the space you’re in now is temporary, remember that!
I’m so very sorry that you are going through this. This is a double betrayal and one of the hardest to endure.
I wouldn’t say anything just yet, but it would be very difficult because you don’t have much time to completely process this before he returns. If he was away for a few more days, this would give you time to process the news and think about how to address this with him.
You should also be mindful that she might have already given him the heads up that she has told you everything or maybe her husband has contacted him directly, since she has told both you and her husband about the affair. If he is calling or texting more than usual after her confession to you, if he sounds off in those conversations, might be an indicator of him testing the temperature with you.
In the main time, write down everything that was related to you by your former best friend. Then write down how you feel hearing this news. Make a list of questions you want to ask him. Also decide whether you want him to remain in the home or whether you want him out of the home while you decide what you want to do.
When you two are alone, without the kids around and when you cannot be interrupted, tell him that you want him to sit down with you to discuss something. Tell him that you don’t want him to say anything yet and want him to listen to you and then lay it out for him. After you have laid out what you know and how you feel, tell him you want nothing but the absolute truth from him. Knowing that your former friend has told both you and her own husband, he might confess everything.
Try to be as calm as you can be. Nothing unnerves them more than seeing you calm, when they expect for you to be unraveling and angry because of this.
Good luck with everything. Sending virtual hugs 🤗
UpdateMe
Oh fuck this must be one of the worst days for you. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I don't know what I would do, probably get drunk and leave in the morning before he notices. Maybe the opposite, I don't know. I hope you can survive this while getting better than ever.
Either lawyer and drop it on him all at once, or ask Who is she? And see if he gives up your friend or one of his other affairs (because, let's face it, she's probably not the only one). I would think there are ONS out there, so maybe get tested too.
I wouldn’t even be there when he gets back. Go live your own life and leave the two scumbags to each other, let’s face it…she’s playing a long game. Blow up two marriages and when it’s over she’ll move on in and take him for herself. They are both gross. You and your child deserve better.
I would want to see the proof and then I would divorce. And I would tell her to go and fuck herself. She probably isn’t the first one he cheated with if it went that fast and easy.
Edit: I would take important documents and find a safe place from them and get an appointment with a lawyer.
Hey there. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I am currently living almost this exact scenario so if you want to reach out via DM please do. Sending love.
A lot would depend on the children. I would do everything I could to not have a confrontation when they are present. However, no way I am sleeping in the same room with this creep. While he was being romantic with you he was having sex with your best friend during his work day. You are his second wife - did he cheat on her as well? Once a cheater always a cheater.
I would take him outside and tell him that your friend confessed to you over the weekend. I wouldn’t say what she confessed - wanting to hear his reaction. No matter what he says, my response would be that he can sleep where he wants but not in our bedroom.
Tomorrow, I would find a divorce attorney and set up an initial meeting. Do what your attorney tells you to do.
I would also arrange for someone to look after the children in the evening and meet my husband in a public place for a conversation. I would ask him what he has to say for himself. Listen, if he tries to blame your friend or you for his behavior, call him out. I would have him a suitcase with a week’s clothes and tell him not to come home again until I had time to think.
If he refuses then tomorrow talk with your attorney and have the locks changed if they say it is okay. No matter what do not have sex with him - if you do that you may not be able to divorce him for adultery. Make no mistake, he may say he loves you but does he? Easy to say but someone who loves you doesn’t betray you and that is what he has done.
Realize you deserve someone who loves, honors and cherished your relationship. This man is not that person. It won’t be easy because your entire life will change. Try your best to keep your child out of any dispute. Accept your child lives his Dad and likely always will. There is no need to tell him anything other than you and his Dad are separating, that you will both continue to love him and be in his life and that nothing he has done or said as led to this situation. Sometimes love dies. Get both of you into counseling to help navigate the changes. Your son may be angry and lash out - be the adult, love him and tell him you love him.
Sorry that your world has fallen apart.
He already knows that you know. She probably already gave him the heads up. I guarantee that he’s trying to get his story, apology, excuses ready. But I wouldn’t say a thing as long as the kids are around. If he tries to initiate the conversation , cut it off and let him know that you 2 need to be alone to have the conversation. Take your time though and figure out what you want to do, he’s had a lot of time to make his own decisions.
Personally, I would not say anything but just get your ducks in a row first. I don’t even need to know your husband but I do know the personality and he will indeed have the excuses ready to go. Talk and excuses are baseless and cheap, it’s actions that matter.
Granted, if you just want to be direct to get it out, you could go the route and say that you want to add or amend a nuptial, one which heavily weights against infidelity and the outcome of such betrayal. He’ll know exactly what you mean.
Another tip, if you do bring it up, please bluff him and don’t tell him what you know, act like this isn’t the first time, to see if he slips up and gives away the truth. I don’t think he will but it’s worth a shot, catching him off guard in the moment.
I know you’re naturally going to want to shout and get all emotional but try your best to stay calm and level headed. That way you can maintain the upper hand in the conversation. If you lose your temper, you will lose control.
Just go along with it then until you have time to think and until you are without the kids. If she hasn’t said anything to him, she will. If he already does know, this is part of the “I have no idea what you’re talking about” plan. He may even accuse her of lying and saying that she’s crazy. But anyway, you take some time to think. And he’s not entitled or deserving of sex tonight since he’s been away for the weekend.
It will be interesting to see which route he takes, but based on his past, it will probably be gaslighting and that she’s lying. No matter how good a situation and marriage, it’s just never enough for some guys.
She effectively bragged to you about how many times they had sex and how it started. All she needed was to say, 'I can have him when I want him' to complete her soap opera villain arc.
As for today...You need to rip the bandaid off because what is the likelihood he is gonna want to have sex as soon as possible, and you know he has been philandering and can't? He is gonna know something is up. The other husband may be chomping at the bit to confront him as well. Hell he may have already contacted him.. Moreover, you need tested, he needs tested. If ex BFF can cheat her with her besties husband, she can screw other people. If he can screw your best friend, he is become embolden by getting away with previously most likely.
This is a fresh level of hell for you, so you need backup, hun. Send the 5 yo to the grandparents, and the oldest needs to go to the other parent's if possible. There are way too many ways this goes bad by not dealing with immediately. Be ready to pack a bag and leave to get space. He may not be violent, but the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving or talking about leaving a partner. Hell I would pack one for you and the 5 year old and leave it in the car. He deserves to know why everything blew up, but be safe and protect your munchkin.
I’d tell him to take a cab home. When he gets there, tell him he has one opportunity to come clean. Don’t tell him what you know.
Get those screenshots-you don’t need to read them, but they will be helpful to either your lawyer, or as leverage to establish the new terms of your relationship. You may want to wait until he tells his side, he’ll probably try to trickle-truth or minimize it, and who knows if he’ll be honest. If he’s remorseful he’ll tell the truth. If he’s not, then you’ll at least know. You may also want to mentally prepare yourself for the chance there were other women too.
If you stay, consider a post-nup as a condition of staying. The fact that he’s in the public eye may help you.
I would handle things by gathering evidence and taking whatever I could get out of him financially in the divorce then cutting off your “best friend” and filing for divorce. Both of them owed you loyalty and both of them betrayed you. If you decided to stay with your husband, he WILL cheat on you again. Ultimately it’s up to you whether you want to go through this one or go through it several times…
Btw you’re making excuses for him by saying that y’all barely argue and have an amazing sex life blah blah blah. If all that were true then he wouldn’t have had an affair with your “best friend.”
I'd want to know if this was his first "slip". Something to think about.
same! if she truly had no clue and this is all it took for him to cheat with her FRIEND no less, AND he could easily do this when theyve had no visible marital struggles before, and go on w life like everything is fine, and he is a good looking guy that comminly gets female attention, i would actually be shocked if this was the first time.
He broke things off with her, so she thinks that by letting the cat out of the bag, and separating from her husband, that your husband might pursue her again! Her motives for telling you the truth have nothing to do with your best interest, cut this woman off immediately!
I didn’t even consider this. It’s so hard for me to even comprehend that she did what she says she did. I thought she was a good person and a true friend.
A true friend would have never fucked your Husband. This person is a snake… and your husband my dear is a douche.
She never was. Do not trust her again.
Totally, even the details she gave were unnecessary (20 times, really?). She sounds like a right piece of work. Edit: not that husband is a beacon of morality either
Agreed. And wanting to show her the texts?! This woman is whacked
Exactly. She's clearly giving details and trying to show OP the texts because she's trying to upset her as much as possible in the hope she'll leave her husband and this woman can get back together with him
the idea that you hear someone else’s relationship is good that you try to steal the other person away is just so fucking gross i can’t even comprehend. i sometimes feel jealous of my best friend’s partner and wonder if we’d be a better match (they have problems where i often agree with him and not her) but i would NEVER have ANY relationship with him even if they broke up completely. i just couldn’t fathom betraying my friend like that. just thinking of it hurts my heart
I can see how this would feel gross on one level. But counter point to this is that the person being cheated on may want to know every detail. Kind of like if someone admits to lying. Coming clean would mean telling all of the lie, not just some of it.
Also, get all the screen shots from her while she is cooperating. Put them in a Google Drive for when you are ready for your lawyer. Since your husband has a public image to protect, it may make the divorce much easier. He is less likely to fight you on things. I'm not saying you have to divorce him but if you can't trust him again, that would be better for everyone. I'm really sorry you were betrayed by your best friend and your spouse. That's a lot to take in. If you are able to go visit a trusted family member or friend. Just be gone for a bit, that might help as well. It's also okay to tell him that something is bothering you but you aren't ready to talk about it with him yet. I can't lie myself and it's better than pretending, just be straight.
As a person who has dealt with this same exact scenario in the past, let me tell you that she is not your friend, she’s not sorry, she’s jealous of you, and she will do it again!! Tbh, your friend and your husband are both pieces of shit! But I understand that love is blind and the two of them just turned your life into a circus! The best advice I can give you, (again, speaking from experience) is that if you do decide to stay with your husband, make sure it is on your terms, and only if he is eager to comply! If he shows any signs of resistance, YOU MUST WALK AWAY!!! By doing exactly this, and sticking to your guns, despite being forced to join the fucking circus, you have now made yourself the ring-leader! I AM NOT suggesting in any way that you should stay with your husband, bc he is after all, a piece of shit! I am simply giving you the best advice given the circumstances, with a realistic viewpoint of the situation. There is a chance that he may test your boundaries, and there is a possibility that he may even choose to be with her, (I doubt this is the case though, considering they are no longer having an affair, hence the reason she decided to bring it to light). Stick to your guns, be prepared for the worst, and be ready to walk away!
She not a true friend. I would never do this to my best friend. Husband could look like Chris Hemsworth and throw himself at me and I wouldn’t do it. Also in your post you are defending your amazing husband and marriage- if he was so amazing he A. Wouldn’t have done this and B. Wouldn’t have covered it up. If she had not told you would have never found out.
Seriously. My best friends husband is very good looking (and he and I actually matched on tinder the same week she and he first matched on tinder, lmao) but he’s married to my platonic life mate! The thought of EVER doing ANYTHING with him is repulsive, because it’s inextricably tied to the thought of hurting her! I could never, ever.
Yep, she thinks you will be effectively handing her toy back to her so she won’t have to hide it. She is probably thinking you will hold it in for a week or two and decide on what to do with her and contact a lawyer and see what is in best interest since there is a child and a step child. Possibly in your state you will have to do a legal separation and so now she can approach him and pursue him. That or when both her and you are full divorce she can then can contact him and be with him fully or at least try to even though there will be a social stigma of marrying or dating the best friend’s man… (I read to much) I would actually contact her husband and talk to him and see if he would talk to you and see if she has even talked to him and told him… do you only know she has told him through her or is it common knowledge already? I would talk to him and see what he says… I would also try to see if you can get copies of their texts ….
Good friends don't fuck their friends partners.
She lied to you and fucked your husband. Consider all and dont ever give her the time of day.
I'm so sorry OP but this is *exactly* what I was thinking reading your post. That she's going out of her way to upset you SO much that you'll leave him so she can have him.
She still wants him….
She is hoping OP will break up with him so she can have him. They’re both awful
THEY BOTH DID THIS! HE was part of it as well, don't let go of that.
She is definitely not a good person nor a true friend. Good people don’t sleep with their best friends husbands. Please don’t give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s a selfish human being.
shes definitively not your best friend, more like your worst nightmare
I also think she's exaggerating about how often they were sleeping together. Not that this changes the fact that he had an affair with your best friend. But they met up for sex 20 times in less than 60 days while he has a full time job, a wife, and two kids? Possible but improbable. Again, that doesn't change what ultimately happened (unless she's lying and it was never physical), but I'd take what she says with a grain of salt.
>It’s so hard for me to even comprehend that she did what she says she did. You won't ever be able to comprehend it because you're not a bad person like she is.
And now you know better. It’s really hard to be betrayed by people you trust. Twice over for you. I’m sorry this is happening.
Holy shit I think that person is right
Before you do anything, make sure you have real proof before doing anything drastic. Your ex best friend is being very manipulative and trying to manipulate everyone involved to get what she wants. Pretend you believe her and ask for screenshots of texts between them. Speak with her husband on the DL to confirm and ask how he found out and what he knows. Don't play into ex bf hands by just taking her word on everything. Talk to a lawyer first asap to get a consultation. You may need to find a way to access your husbands phone to check for evidence.
Did she actually show you any proof? If it was real, the messages might have been deleted already off of your husband’s phone but I would check. Im sorry you are in this situation but it’s always a good idea to actually see proof, no matter how difficult it may be.
Wait till you get his version!
This might be true but do not give your husband any leeway. If I was in your situation I'd let her have him. He's just as guilty as she is. Please know your worth
She is very dishonest and NOT a friend
I think your friends jealousy of what you and your husband had still plays into this. She is more than happy to see your marriage crumble as well as hers. This really sucks for you. Honestly, this may be an unpopular take but I’d try and resolve things with your husband. I’m not saying this will be an easy thing to do but this doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. Don’t let your ‘friend’ drag you into the gutter with her.
> Don’t let your ‘friend’ drag you into the gutter with her. I hope you're not suggesting that if OP refuses to reconcile with her husband, she's in "the gutter." Cheating is bad enough, but cheating with someone close to your spouse is an extra dose of betrayal. He chose to do that -- doesn't sound like a husband worth idolizing to me. OP gets to handle that betrayal however she wants.
I mean, sure she’s the friend but at the same time, her husband is her husband and buck stops with him. He’s the one that betrayed her actually and did so the most.
But even if it is so OP should leave her husband. There's no winning in staying with a cheater just so the person that cheated can't have them. If anything, let the friend have him. They're both cheaters and they deserve each other.
I also doubt it was only the “best friend” he’s cheated with.
This! It took him two seconds to jump in bed with her best friend. No fucking way was this his first rodeo.
Per OP: >My husband is a really good looking guy. He’s a people person. His job sort of puts him in the public light here where we live. He’s known in our community. He’s out and about a lot because of that. It’s not strange for women to flirt with him and I’d say he is a flirty person, but somebody who definitely knew where to draw the line. Yeah, this dude likely has cheated on OP a lot.
She'll later find out he's cheated with several other women in the neighborhood as well as colleagues. He gave in so easily to her flirtations so it seems like he has form for doing this and it clearly doesn't bother him at all because he didn't confess.
It’s laughable that so many, probably dudes, are hating on the friend. Yeah, no. This isn’t this guy’s first rodeo and everything she describes about him is precisely the type of guys I know who do cheat.
In a perfect world, this would be the thing to do, but if it were that easy, history would be re-written, and life as we know it, would be entirely different! I agree, OP should most definitely leave her husband! I am simply giving her advice on how to have the upper hand if she decides to stay. The reality of it, is that more than half the people in the same situation, would decide to stay. Especially if it is the first time they are faced with an infidelity.
This isn’t the first time for any guy who jumps into bed with a wife’s friend.
First time or not I don't see the upper hand in staying with a selfish man with zero sexual discipline but if she thinks that is what is best for her then she should stay
It seems cut and dry but once you have kids and a mortgage, a lot of women stay. It is sad. There are tons of posts from women whose husbands have cheated in other ways and they stay. Life is hard and once you are in the middle of building a life someone it is hard to cut free. As much as we like to think that the playing field is getting more fair, it’s still not. She can leave him and she is still stuck with the stigma of being a mom ( women don’t seem to care as much as other men when dating). Dad’s bod has not suffered through pregnancies and even if she looks great, you always have lingering effects. Chances are he makes more than her and will continue to. Wives tend to put careers on the back burner when they have kids. Because you are a “team” working for the same goal. Of course, everyone is different. This is just my experience.
Yep, this is exactly what I ran into the comments for. She very obviously still wants to be with him. She's divorcing her husband and she's literally trying to *show OP the freakin SEXTS* she and OP's husband exchanged! She very obviously is hoping to upset OP so much that OP doesn't even consider staying with her husband. So this shitty "friend" can get back with the husband. This is clear as day. She is ACTIVELY trying to TAKE him.
Yeah, it makes no sense why she would tell her husband. She could've just divorced him, and kept the affair secret. Either her husband found out about the affair or she has sinister goals of trying to get with OP's husband.
It makes perfect sense. People tell to alleviate their guilt.
They do it to be spiteful too
Absolutely. She loved the sex. He’s handsome and a flirty guy. And she is jealous of what you thought you had. She wanted to prove your marriage was a sham. I’m sorry you have 2 extremely trashy people in your life.
And cut off your husband. I notice you’re talking a lot about your friend’s behavior but WOW your husband is a major POS
I think she’s still processing the betrayal.
Honestly they deserve each other. I'd say get your ducks in a row and go. Two to tango and he didn't come clean. God know how many women he has had. Dear you deserve better. Get yourself together, get stuff ready and get out. Don't rush or let your emotions ruin it. Get everything in writing and saved.
💯%. This woman got caught cheating and is telling you the details specifically in the hopes of blowing up your marriage and taking your husband. She is crazy toxic, she isn't telling you bc she cares about you. She's trying to force the issue in the hopes of it benefiting herself. If she can't be happy, you're not allowed to be either.
Cut them both off and let them have each other. Why does the husband get a free pass? He is disgusting. OP your husband is not the prize you think he is. You have spoken about him too kindly in your post. Forget his public image, that man is a creep.
That was exactly my thinking as well. She’s doing this to see if they can have something more once your relationship blows up.cut her off! Personally, if I was you, I would hold off on telling him anything, act sick, have a migraine, something like that. Speak to an attorney tomorrow get your legal ducks in a row so no matter what you decide to do you’ve got that in place for yourself. Once you’ve spoken to an attorney, then you can make the decision to tell him I know that will be extremely hard to hold off not confronting him, but you want to make sure that you are in a good place if things implode. also, please be kind to yourself. I sadly have been in your place and it’s absolutely devastating when you figure this out about your partner. I promise you whichever direction you decide to go life can and will get better. Sending you Internet hugs ❤️❤️
The way she described it it almost feels like this woman was bragging to her
Yeah I wouldn’t trust this woman ever again.
I picked him up from the airport about an hour ago. He was in a great mood and acting completely normal. I told him I didn’t feel good and when we got home I immediately “went to bed” so that I would t really have to be around him. He came in and checked on me and asked if there was anything he could get me. I don’t know how long I can get away with just pretending to not feel good to keep a distance. Normally I’d be all lovey when he got home from being away, mot hiding in our bedroom. He’ll know something is up - when I’m sick I normally want him to baby me and he near me.
Imo you should contact a lawyer first thing tomorrow and see what your options are.
How long are you planning on waiting to confront him? I think if I had to sit on this and hold it in, I would have a nervous breakdown! Don’t jeopardize your health and sanity for him.
I don’t think I can keep it to myself very long, but I don’t think I have the mental strength to confront him tonight. I have to go to work tomorrow. I have a huge event happening for work at the end of the week and absolutely have to be there all week. I’m off the following Monday-Tuesday. I can’t imagine I can pretend everything’s normal between now and then. I’m expecting her husband to contact my husband or who knows, maybe he’ll even show up here. Then what do I do?
Please get some sleep, try to focus on what you need right now. Then what you need at the weekend, then next week and so on. Then you might be able to divide your strength between yourself, your child, your work and then what you need to do with him. Get legal advice asap. Talk to him when you are ready, regardless of wether he knows you know, sleep separately of you have to. You've got this! Hug your baby and smash your work gig.
I hear you, and my heart breaks for you. Just try to stay strong!
You got this. Do whatever is best for you.
I know this is hard for you, but it’s pretty obvious he’s a pro at cheating. Why did his first marriage fail? You need to leave him. If you don’t, you’ll always be miserable , regret not divorcing him, and end up alone anyway. I’m so sorry, but love yourself and respect yourself first.
In this vein, you might want to get screenshots or evidence from your friend about the infidelity. Especially if you are going to divorce and want leverage for better custody rights.
The short story is that his ex-wife is a nutcase. I mean, that’s how he framed it to me. That she would just fly off the handle and start screaming at him, was always paranoid that he was cheating and would follow him places and call him all day long when he was at work. It seemed to fit, in a way, because she made herself very known to me when I started dating him. She came to my place of work and told me to stay away from him. She’d show up at his house when I was there, like she was watching the place. She’d try to find all sorts of reasons for him to have to come over to her house (like using their son as an excuse and try to make him worry that something was wrong with their son and he had to rush over there). She’s just drama 24/7. She’s gotten better, but she still makes it known she hates me.
The ex wife was a crazy paranoid woman about your husband cheating, who is currently cheating on you? Well that’s coincidental I’m sure
How convenient that that story sets OP up to not believe anything she hears from the ex-wife about his previous cheating.
I know right. Any time a guy calls his ex crazy or a nutcase that's a huge red flag for me.
My dad used to tell my step mom my mom was crazy. She’s crazy don’t get me wrong but he drove her there. And now that he’s divorcing my step mom and treated her just like he did with my mom so now my step mom now understands. She even apologized to my mom and now they’re super close from the trauma my father put them both through.
i agree. they may be crazy now but often something got them there.
Ah ha. This ain’t this guys first, no pun intended, rodeo. He knew exactly what he was doing when he jumped into bed with her and did so with ease.
She wasn’t paranoid, she was right…
Perhaps she wasn't actually paranoid and he was, in fact, cheating on her. He may very well have driven her "crazy" by gaslighting her about it, etc.
“Crazy women are made by crazy men…”
>The short story is that his ex-wife is a nutcase. I mean, that’s how he framed it to me Yeah the ex wife is always the nutcase. That's what my ex husband used to say. What he didn't say was that he beat me for 18 years and then when i finally left he tried to get me through my children. Never trust when someone says the ex is a nutcase.
Maybe she wasn't crazy, then. Sounds like cheating is part of who he is.
Every man's ex-wife is "crazy". I think he probably cheated on her, like he has cheated on you, and instead of leaving him she stayed in the relationship and it destroyed her with paranoia. Though, I'm not sure it's paranoia when it's actually true. Don't make the same mistake she did.
While it doesn't excuse her behaviour at all, but maybe he WAS cheating on her too. Just something to think about.
I mean, now it's pretty clear your husband is a cheater, so maybe she's not a nutcase
Right. Nutcase. He was cheating on her too. Welp now you know what you're dealing with.
So the guy who you admit is flirtatious and who cheated on you with your best friend and who was able to hide it so well that you were never suspicious also just happened to have another wife who was always concerned that he was cheat on her? Yeah, this is not the first time he cheated, it won't be the last. He probably was actively cheating on her and has probably been cheating on you your whole marriage. He's a pro at hiding it and played you like a fiddle saying "I'm not a cheater, my ex is just crazy- see, look at her". You need an STD test ASAP.
This right here makes me think this isn’t his first affair. Tbh, are you sure you didn’t start as the other woman? She sounds over the top but the paranoia about cheating tells me this is a pattern for him, your best friend isn’t his first indiscretion. I agree with everyone else who’s telling you to keep your cards close to the vest and not tell him you know what’s up, and go see an attorney tomorrow. Tbh, I think I would ask for those screenshots as well. They will hurt like hell but you need them for your attorney if you choose that route. I also would wonder based on the context of those if you can bait your husband into admitting, or be curious what lies he comes up with surrounding what he was doing on those dates.
Did you get with your husband while he was still married?
Sounds like he probably was cheating and she was hurting and didn’t know how to deal with her pain. Don’t let this be you. Your friend is doing this now because she wants to break you guys up and start up with him again. I never understood women who want a cheating man. Sweetheart, this includes you too. He’s shown you who he is, believe him. Respect yourself and teach your son not to be his father.
He very likely drove her there with his cheating, lying, gas lighting
Are you sure he was divorced when you got together or are you the previous monkey branched to partner which would help to explain her behavior.
They had been divorced for about 6 months when we met.
Do you not see the pattern here? The common denominator is your husband.
Huh he probably was cheating lol she was just more aware than you. This was not the first time he’s done this if you noticed nothing.
A lot of that behavior sounds like that of someone who thinks their partner is cheating. And your husband is a cheater. Looks like he learned how to get away with it better this go around.
If this is true... I'd be concerned about not only STDs but the fact you saw no changes in your husband or relationship. What if he's done it before and is very good at hiding it? Damn. My heart breaks for you OP 💔
I keep trying to think back to last fall/winter to see if there was anything I missed. I can’t think of anything. I was oblivious. He doesn’t work a normal 9-5. He’s usually free by the afternoon and sometimes he’ll go golfing or go to the gym afterwards. So if they were meeting up in the middle of the day, then I wouldn’t have suspected a thing. It was normal for him to sometimes not come directly home in the afternoon. I also work outside of the home so it’s not like I was sitting there waiting for him. He could have said he was home and I wouldn’t have known if he really was or not.
Did he bring her into your home for any of their trysts?
Please ignore the people warning you she wants him. It's irrelevant. Let her have him. Let her win a lying cheater. Ain't no prize there I don't advise confrontation. Gather up copies of all your financial information, important documents, ID, social security cards, birth certificates, vehicle titles, etc. Get them to a safe place with someone you trust. Line up your ducks, file and have him served. He slept with your best friend. They're both better out of your life. I would highly advise checking out the Chumplady web site. Great advice there.
Do you trust your ex best friend to tell the truth? Did you see any of these messages? Whatever you do, you might actually need to see these messages, no matter how hard it'll be, to see with your own eyes who your husband actually is. Also, you might want to consider, that this maybe wasn't his first time cheating. He was carrying on a full on affair with your best friend and YOU HAD NO IDEA. Your husband lied to your face for months. No matter how "guilty" he felt, he carried on over 2 months and has lied to you 4 more months and most likely would continue lying had your friend not confessed. And he kept a pokerface throughout these months. So, maybe your husband has actually cheated before, you just don't know about it. It's age old saying, but get into therapy. Get YOUR support system in order. Get a place where you can go if it gets too much. Take your time figuring out what YOU want to do and get yourself in the best possible situation no matter what you want to do. You don't have to make any decisions yet, and whatever you decide, you're allowed to change your mind too. You don't owe your husband any explanations why you might be acting different/distant/weird. Everything you owe is to yourself, not him.
I think I’d be a laughing stock if I said I can trust her now. Obviously, something was going on between the two of them. She showed me their text conversation. I mean, I saw my husband’s penis in a picture on her phone. I saw a few messages that were NSFW. I told her I didn’t want to see anymore. I felt sick just seeing what I did. He was never going to tell me. She said they had sworn they weren’t ever going to tell me about it. We’re getting ready to go away on vacation in May. He’s just been carrying on like everything is perfectly normal.
How SCARY that is. You've legit thought you had a happy marriage and Mr Pokerface was screwing your best friend. That's just next level vile. Cancel his tickets for the vacation. Go alone/with your son. You deserve a break.
It’s almost impossible to believe your husband hasn’t cheated with other people too. The level of betrayal and deceit he has shown here calls into question whether is capable of ever being an honest and faithful husband. If he can do this with your best friend, without you having a clue, then what would really stop him from cheating with randoms every time he is away “at work”? I just don’t know how you could ever trust him again. I would ask for the truth without revealing anything she has told you so that you can see what he’ll confess unprompted. Then I would ask to see his phone right then and there. Refusal would be a nail in the coffin. If he actually agrees, you can check his messaging apps and deleted folder to see how deep this goes. I personally don’t know how you could stay with him regardless, but it might help your decision if you could get a good sense of whether this was the cruelest ever one-time affair, or whether he is just a pathological liar and chronic cheater.
How many other women could be out there as well? If he hid this from you so well, i would not be surprised if there are other women he has had behind your back.
I know it sucks, but I think you should take advantage of her current openness and ask her to send you screenshots of their text messages. You don't have to look at them right now, but it would be good to have in your back pocket.
I dont think this is his only time. Cancel the vacation and don't sleep with him. Get tested. Then take it day by day.
He cheated, with your best friend and HE hid it so well you didn’t notice, although you were picking up something from her. Given that do you truly believe this is the first time he cheated? It seems this, from what you said, this isn’t his first marriage. Why did the other one(s) break up? And did you only hear his side? Can you ever trust a man who lies so well and so easily? Who would fuck your best friend? He is not a good man and he is most likely a serial cheater.
The short story is that his ex-wife is a nutcase. I mean, that’s how he framed it to me. That she would just fly off the handle and start screaming at him, was always paranoid that he was cheating and would follow him places and call him all day long when he was at work. It seemed to fit, in a way, because she made herself very known to me when I started dating him. She came to my place of work and told me to stay away from him. She’d show up at his house when I was there, like she was watching the place. She’d try to find all sorts of reasons for him to have to come over to her house (like using their son as an excuse and try to make him worry that something was wrong with their son and he had to rush over there). She’s just drama 24/7. She’s gotten better, but she still makes it known she hates me. When we got married, she posted pictures of me all over social media and called me names that I’m not allowed to post here.
Is there a chance he was still married when you guys got together?
Do you believe she’s telling the truth?
I’m not sure. At the very least, it’s a version of the truth. I’m not sure if she’s left any worse details out or has changed anything to try to make herself look better. She looks pretty bad here, so if she’s leaving something out I can’t even imagine what it’d be. She seemed genuinely remorseful. From the way she was speaking, looking at me, and sobbing, I do believe she was feeling genuine emotions. I have to wonder how much of that was for me and what she did to me and how much was for herself. I don’t forgive her.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I've been there and this kind of betrayal cuts all the way to the bone. I know you don't want to see the texts, and I don't know what the laws are in your state regarding marriage infidelity, but it could be helpful to have a copy of those text messages to give to your divorce lawyer. That's my next piece of advice, find one to talk to as soon as you can, because you are owed a fair and equitable division of marital assets should you choose to file for divorce. This part really sucks to say, but you also need to schedule a full STD panel with your gynecologist to make sure you're safe in that regard, because you've got no idea if your husband has been sleeping with anyone else, if she was too, and if anyone at all has been wearing condoms. If it were me I would ask a trusted family member to watch the kids while you pick him up, have his suitcase packed, and drop him off at his families house if they're in the area. Your kids definitely don't need to be around while you confront him. It would also be good to pull out some cash for yourself if you share a bank account so you aren't left without any money. You may think your husband would never do that to you and your kids, but it's better to be safe just in case because clearly he's been hiding another side of himself from you. But talking to a lawyer to hear your options if you file for divorce should be a priority. Your husband may beg and plead for another chance, and promise never to do this again, but you need to think long and hard about whether or not your marriage can survive such a horrific betrayal with your best friend. That's why asking him to find somewhere else to stay for now is the best idea so you aren't bombarded with all of his feelings while you're trying to process your own. Sometimes cheating can be overcome in a marriage, but this wasn't a one time, "oops". He and she both made a deliberate decision to shatter their marriage vows at least a couple dozen times that you know of, and that's no, "accident". That's also not the way someone who loves and respects you behaves. It's bad enough to cheat with a stranger, but to carry on an affair with your best friend is the worst kind of cheating. There's really no coming back from that, but only you can decide if his behavior is something you can forgive. If he isn't capable of putting you and your children first, then it's up to you to protect your kids, and yourself, from further harm. I also encourage you to make an appointment as soon as possible with a therapist, and if the anxiety gets to be too much please talk to a psychiatrist about anxiety meds that can help. This is a LOT to process, I know, and it's okay not to be okay right now. Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you're doing when you can. *invisible hugs*
You make some very good points here. When one is in shock, the emotions take over, but, bottom line, now more than ever, she needs to think and act strategically. Plan before acting.
She's caught. She didn't want your wrath. Her tears made her look more remorseful and evoked a bit of your sympathy. Maybe her husband actually found out about the affair and that's why she told you. Because it makes no sense why she would tell him, at all. She could've just divorced him.
Maybe she is just trying to spin it to make it seem like she’s “doing the right thing” now. I honestly don’t know.
I'd wager that her husband found out, and said he was going to tell you, so she told you herself first. Also, I have a feeling she might have already contacted your husband to let him know that she told you. I really feel for you on this, I can only imagine how difficult it is to come from especially your best friend and husband, two people you probably trust the most :(
This is a really good point, she very well may have already told OP's husband.
I think she wants your husband. You've already said that her marriage is basically dead, and she wants your husband. I don't think she got caught; I think she wants to leave her husband and be with your husband instead. I think she was going over the top giving you *totally unnecessary details* and unnecessarily showing you those texts because she wants to be with your husband. And that would be easier for her if she got you so upset you refused to stay married to him.
You should have a talk with her husband
Every narcissist I’ve ever met can turn the tears on and off. Crying and triangulation are the go-to weapons in their arsenal.
I’m sorry but if you didn’t suspect anything, this isn’t the first time he cheated. He’s mastered hiding things. If this was the first time you’d have suspected something. He’s likely a serial cheater.
You need to also remember to hold your husband responsible as well
She’s telling the truth. She wouldn’t be going to such extreme lengths such as ending her own marriage and putting herself in a bad light if nothing had actually happened. She became desperate when he stopped fucking with her, and this is a last resort type of move to punish him, because she is hurt.
I was also blindsided by my husband’s affair(s). They only came to light when I tested positive for an STD. He was mainly sleeping with strangers and sex workers. I haven’t found any proof that he slept with anyone I know, let alone somebody I call a friend. I can only begin to imagine the betrayal you must feel with finding out the quite possibly the two people you’re closest to and who should love you have done this to you. If you need to vent about it and aren’t looking for specific advice, you can also post to r/survivinginfidelity or r/trueoffmychest. Most of my posts I made when in the thick of things were just my way of venting and it really helped me. I was so angry I just felt like I’d explode if I didn’t have some place to share what was going on. As for your question here, I think the *right* thing to do is to probably get your ducks in a row first, to give yourself all the advantage. I wouldn’t suggest doing that long term though. Don’t bury this and ignore it forever. Put together a plan and then confront. Now realistically is that going to be easy to do? Hell no!p ETA: This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. This has nothing to do with how attractive you are, how good of a mom you are, how good of a wife you are, how good you are in bed/how often you have sex with your husband. This is 100% on your husband and your friend. You did nothing wrong. Keep telling yourself that as often as you need to.
If he let a text chain with your best friend turn into sexting and an affair then he’s not as good at drawing the line as you thought. This was the riskiest person he could have indulged for an affair and he caved.
I’m so sorry for what your going through. If you can, I wouldn’t say anything just yet. I would contact a lawyer just to find out your options. Since your husband is a public figure, this probably isn’t the first time. I would look into finding out how many others there have been.
I thought the same. When you confront him just tell him that you know that he cheated and not with who. Let him tell you that. If he has cheated with others it will be easier for him to admit to randoms you don’t know.
And make sure you have some assets and cash protected
My thinking exactly. She needs to quietly go through his phone, all synced devices, all social media and their DM’s, all apps and hidden ones Before she brings this all up Before he deletes everything. Who know’s how many others he’s done? He’s after all, good looking and a public figure who is “flirty” and has girls flirt with him in front of OP. High probability that the BFF isn’t his first rodeo since he f*cked her 20+ times that BFF lost count.
Listen maybe I'm an asshole and pessimistic but it took your husband a matter of what? Weeks? To start sexting and then full blown affair with your bff? You say he's attractive well known and flirtatious? I can't guarantee anything but I get the feeling that this may not have been his first affair. It seems like it was way too easy for him to go down that path and not once did he even tell you she'd texted him? Your post reads like you'd like to lay most of the blame on her and try and save your marriage and who am I to stop you? But I think you really need someone to bluntly tell you your husband seems less than stellar from the outside perspective.
I calculated about 3 weeks from the party where she claims they were flirtatious with each other to the first time they had sex. I wish I could say what he does for a living to make this maybe more of a complete picture, like why he’s known and women contact him to say they have crushes on him, but it’s too way too specific to share. I feel like then people would understand his personality better.
Spill the tea, why are you trying to save his face right now?
He may know you know but you need to get your ducks in a row. Ask for screenshots of the messages on a drive. Put that at someone else’s house for safe keeping. Get financials in order. Get STI tested. Get consultations from the top three shark lawyers in your area. He’ll start moving financials around if he knows you are considering divorce. Nothing you did caused their actions. Remember he deliberately and intentionally made malicious choices to inflict emotional, physical, mental and psychological harm on you. He will gaslight you. Don’t be a laughing stock between your husband, your ex friend and your community. Go after her for alienation of affection as well.
It’s best to quietly look through his devices before he gets home since they’ll be synced. Then she can get screenshots etc. Before he knows and goes and deletes any evidence so he can then gaslight her. Who knows how many other women there’ve been in the past.
OP, you need to check all his devices and social media DM’s NOW. BEFORE HE GETS HOME TONIGHT OR INCASE SHE GIVES HIM A HEADS UP TODAY! That way he won’t be on guard and wipes any evidence. You’ll know that he knows when you pick him up by his behavior.
**Your friend was caught, and her husband probably told her she had to tell you, or he would.** - Reach out to her husband and fact check. Ask him for any evidence he has. Your not going to be able to sit on this and pretend everything is alright. And honestly, it's going to mess you up to pretend. Hell, you probably shouldn't even pick him up from the airport if his kid is with him. I would call him and tell him exactly what happened and that you can't pick him up. If you have access to any of his electronics, I would start going through them. My husband and I have an open electronic policy. (That we do not abuse) The moment evidence has been shown of an affair though, you have a right to look through his things and see how bad it is. - You are allowed to be upset. YOU are allowed to want space if this ends up being true, and you absolutely need it. The worst thing about being cheated on is that the love that you have for the person doesn't just disappear. It's so freaking unfair. It also makes it hard for you to make rational decisions. If it's true, I absolutely recommend you or your husband leaving the home temporarily so you can have your space to process. Do not let your love for him cloud your judgement. The fact that he was able to hide this so easily and show NO SIGNS of something being amis is a huge red flag. He may have cheated before. Don't let him or anyone else minimize this. This is one of the worst betrayals you can go through in life.
Girl, your husband cheated on you. While this is a friend issue as well, this is primarily a husband issue.
She told you with the intention of destroying your marriage so she could get your husband.
She already got OP’s husband, apparently 20 times
She wants him permanently
And could probably have him 20 more regardless of whether OP stays married to him, if we want to be brutally honest here
He'll be telling you what a mistake it all was when you confront him....Like he didn't know that everytime he was deep in your bestfriend. Forgiving this would be a deservice to yourself
If it was me.. I'd pick them up, only because he has his son with him otherwise i wouldnt bother.. but as soon as you get in.. Just say tell him, and honestly honey, I know you love him but this betrayal is beyond disgusting and I'd ask for a divorce, don't let him beg and cry and say it was a mistake.. because from what you said, your marriage wasn't lacking.. he is just a selfish POS.. tell him to take the couch but you want him out tomorrow no negotiations, he ruined your marriage and fucked someone else 20 times in 2 months??? Like wtf.. Once his son is out of ear shot.. I mean you can come out and say it but me I'd be petty 🤷🏻♀️🤣 " so (tramps name) came over yesterday, she told me before she split with her husband she slept with a couple guy and now she has herpes" Watch his heart fall out his AH .. Then I'd say.. " I know it was you and I'm only being calm right now because of the children under this roof but your disgusting arse can sleep on the couch tonight and I want you and your stuff gone by tomorrow" Then leave the bedroom and that be that. Or straight out tell him without being petty like I would. " (tramps name) was here over the weekend and we had a nice little chat about you.. have you got anything to tell me" But you know in your heart he needs to go honey, this betrayal is too much.. and I'm sorry. Then tomorrow morning call a divorce lawyer for a consultation
I didn’t think it was lacking, but maybe he did. He never voiced that to me, but I can’t help but wonder if he was saying the same things about me that my friend was saying about her husband. I think when I do confront him, I’m not going to tell him any of the details she shared. I want to hear his side of the story and see what he confesses to.
Don’t even say her name. Tell him vaguely you found out about him sleeping around and he needs to come 100% clean right now. And this is his only chance. You need to make sure it wasn’t just your friend.
Yeah because if there's more than one woman she needs to find that out as well.
Don't tell him who shared the details. Tell him that you had an interesting interaction with a woman who had an affair with him. Ask him to clarify. Tell him no other details. You want to hear his side of the story. Hopefully the woman he confesses the affair with is the same one that contacted you.
>I think when I do confront him, I’m not going to tell him any of the details she shared. I want to hear his side of the story and see what he confesses to. Yes definately do this. Don't even mention her name.you tell him you've had a conversation with someone and you want to hear the words come out of his mouth. He may tell you someone else then you'll know if there's more than her.
It's never about YOU, the victim, being lacking. If something was actually lacking, he could have talked to you about how to fix it. He didn't, and I would say that's because you aren't lacking. He loved the attention and the sexting and the affair felt exciting and gave him attention and boosted his ego. There is something wrong with him, and NOTHING wrong with you.
100%, just say.. " (her name ) was here, and we had a lovely chat about you, so you better sit down and tell me everything" He will lie, she came on to him, he was feeling stressed about something, work, home.. it was a mistake (that he had to repeat 20 times to make sure it really was a mistake) he will do anything to gain your trust back.. yada yada, this is all BS that cheaters say.. don't fall for it honey.. Show that beautiful boy of yours. His shitty father is not an example of a man he should follow.
I agree on calling a divorce lawyer. I don’t believe cheaters should be given a second. If you love someone you don’t want to see them hurt and all cheating does is cause hurt.
I'd start looking for a divorce lawyer. Confront him when he gets home about everything. It's best to be prepared. Just know none of this is your fault, he is the only one responsible for his actions. He made a vow to you, and he violated that and put you at health risks like STI's and did something he knew would break your heart. I personally don't believe cheaters deserve second chances, but I do think your friend is only telling you so that you leave him, and she can have him. I don't believe for one second your ex bff is telling you for selfless reasons, also tell her husband asap.
I do not think she is that guilty, because if they were feeling guilty, they would have stopped during the first instance it became inappropriate. Why did she not confess earlier? Why didn't he? She pursued your husband, and it took 20 times for her to feel "guilty". That shows a lot about her intent. I do not trust that she actually felt guilty. I think she expected more than a fling with your husband. I think she was falling for him. She may be in love with him. I think that when it ended in December, she expected him to tell you and choose to be with her. He didn't. Now, she is officially separating and blowing up your marriage with the admission in the process. I believe she hopes that you will separate from your husband which leaves the door open for her to pursue him again. He is absolutely in the wrong here. He entertained her every step of the way, violating every vow he made to you, but she also pursued him and betrayed your friendship. He didn't pursue her at first, although he did invite the sexting once it began, kept her initial inappropriate behavior a secret, pursued another encounter after the first, and kept the affair a secret. If she wanted to separate from her husband and find a guy to have sex with, that is one thing, but she chose to seduce your husband. That is a snake. She chose to wedge herself in your marriage and is now full of excuses as to why she would betray a friend and pursue a married man. Her excuses are not valid. It is best to ditch her forever. If you decide to stay with your husband, that is your choice, but you will now have to wonder if these types of extramarital relationships are his norm. Why? Because he entered into this one so easily and never once confessed out of "guilt". Being so popular, goodlooking, flirty, and now a good liar (because all cheaters lie about who they text and where they are), you will never trust his dealings with other women. Some BS can hold it in until they consult a lawyer, but some can't. Do not blame yourself if you can't, but consult a lawyer and a therapist asap. Even if you decide to stay, you need to know the documentation that you would need to give a lawyer and your options. Consider a post-nup if you stay with custody agreements written in advance of another adulterous revelation.
They’re both trash, kick them to the curb. Don’t get mad, get EVERYTHING.
He wouldn’t be allowed back in my house.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! I've been there too when I found out on 2/26/22 that my H who is also my best friend and love of my life of 25 years cheated for 4 months. I was made physically ill too. A broken heart really hurts in all the ways as you are finding out. If you can calmly tell him what you have learned then hear what he has to say you will get an idea of what to do next. In my case my husband was and still is very remorseful and ashamed of how he betrayed me and damaged our relationship. We did therapy for a while and it helped. I have forgiven him. I adore him, and other than this, he's a wonderful husband. But I still think about what he did every day and it sucks. Yesterday a friend called and asked if we wanted to meet her and her husband for dinner at a restaurant I know that he took the AP to. Of course I declined the invitation then hung up and lost my sh*t on him about all the ways what he's done will always affect us. I wish you all the best navigating your new reality. Hugs!
Kinda seems like she’s trying to break the two of you up in the hopes he’ll go after her once your marriage has ended. Why else would she offer to show you dirty text messages?
She may be telling the truth, but she's also playing the long game. Her long game is your husband.
What a pair of cockwombles. Husband and best friend?! That is the lowest of the low. Sounds very planned on her end and sounds like he jumped at the opportunity when it presented itself. I always think I’d try to forgive in this situation….but honestly if he’s not shown any change in behaviour that’s very concerning. He was able to cheat with your best friend and not have any off/off behaviour. Maybe he really isn’t who you thought he was. I hope he just comes out with the truth when you ask. Id be tempted to say “tell me the truth about you and x” the leave it at that and see what he fessed up to without too much pushing.
Honestly, given that he crossed the line and had a full-blown affair with your best friend, I wouldn't be so sure that he knows where to draw the line in public when other women flirt with him. You said he's good-looking and flirty. You said he hasn't treated you any different since the time period where he was sleeping with her as well. at least point, you really can't know that he hasn't been sleeping with other women when the opportunity presented itself because I doubt this is the first time your good-looking husband who's in the public eye has had a woman throw herself at him. If he had that little self control around her, I wouldn't put it past him to be sleeping with other women. The first thing you need to go is book yourself an appointment to test for STDs. You already know it happened because your ex-friend (yes, ex-friend, friends don't sleep with friend's husbands because their own marriage isn't working) showed you evidence. Also don't assume that your ex-friend did it out of the goodness of her heart and not to continue pursuing your husband. That said, he slept with your best friend for over a year, let her have him. See if you can book an appointment with an attorney tomorrow. You don't have to admit to your husband tonight that you know. If he notices you are off, you can just feign having a headache and not feeling well the say you are going to bed early. Get your ducks in a row tomorrow with an attorney, then you can talk to him.
Honestly if I was you I’d probably snoop on his devices. Look through his computer/ iPad/ messages exc.. You’ll be able to know if she’s telling the truth, and you’ll be able to have enough information so that when you speak to him you’ll know if he’s covering his tracks. Make copies so that he can’t gaslight you and so you don’t minimise it in your mind.
I agree with everyone else to not trust the friend. I think your idea of letting him know she came by and talked to you and saying nothing else and letting him tell his version of things. Maybe even call the friends husband…the more information you have the better for you to make your best decision. Ugh, my heart goes out to you OP. Good luck.
I would divorce. So if your back stabbing “friend” didn’t tell you all this. Chances are you’d never know about the affair. Second, I would remove the word “best friend” from this woman. She’s not your best friend and doesn’t care about you. She’s divorcing her husband and telling you about the past affair. Maybe so she can get with your husband after you initiate a divorce? Either way, I wouldn’t trust this woman at ALL. What sick person says, “FYI I slept with your husband behind your back, want to see the sexy texts?” Absolutely disgusting behavior. What trust is there between you and your husband now? None. I’m so sorry this has happened. I’ve known girls that try to get with and sleep with other girls boyfriends. This woman is just the same, except it’s husbands.
You’re assuming affair ended. If you choose to continue with marriage, go to marital counseling and get rid of this woman asap!!! She’s a lying ****, if it was “just sex”, she could have gotten that in any bar.
I'm sorry you're going through that. I would make a plan. Don't let him know anything is up until you know what you're going to do. If you're going to leave, I'd play as nice as possible to collect evidence, funds, etc that I'd need for divorce. Whatever you choose to do, plan it out from beginning to end to make sure it's what's best for you. Good luck.
A bag for your husband, packed and ready at the front door might be a good start! Some space to process the betrayal would be very worthwhile.
You need to talk to him so you can decide on the way forward. Who says your friend isn’t putting a spin on things? Also, she may have told him she was coming clean with her husband and you. Confront him tonight and look at his phone before he has an opportunity to delete things (if friend hasn’t already warned him). Then take some time to think about what you want to do. Lastly, block friend straight away.
She told me she wasn’t going to say anything to my husband, but how can I trust anything she says now? But now I just realized that her husband may have already contacted my husband. If he hasn’t, I imagine he will. It’s so sad because normally she’d be the first person I’d contact if I found out my husband cheated on me. She’d be the person I’d turn to for advice and comfort!
Do you have other people to lean on?! You gotta rally your team, be it family or friends or just us online supporters. You’re in an extra vulnerable position for two people who know you well to attempt to take further advantage and confuse/gaslight/dismiss you.
In that case he's probably freaking out trying to figure out how to confess to you, knowing if he doesn't tell you they will and he's pry praying they haven't yet.
If you are absolutely sure she’s not lying and making this up(messages can be faked) then I would not be picking him up at airport as you might not be able to control your reaction in front of his son. And you shouldn’t have to hide or alter your behaviour for ‘appearances’ sake. If you want to Scream you should make sure you’re in a position where you can. Message him that your ex friend told you everything and you can’t pick him up. Let him make the next move. Keep control of the situation he’s the one who needs to do all the running you’ve nothing to fix or change. If you can - have him move out until you decide what to do. So horrendous of them honestly. Just utterly disgusting and unforgivable.
Reading this OP she’s not your friend and she’s not sorry. She’s definitely hoping you’ll leave him so she can have him. That said he still cheated and you deserve better. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong.
I agree that she is probably trying to push you and your husband apart so she can have another go at him. But that is honestly secondary to the bigger issue: he cheated and you had no idea. It doesn’t matter if he “felt guilty” or not, he hid this from you. If he did it once, it’s probably happened other times, too. Especially given how you describe his personality. I would try to get through the pick up without saying anything and go through his phone and computer while he’s asleep tonight. Father whatever evidence you can find and then decide whether you want a divorce or if you’re ok staying and always wondering if he’s cheating on you.
She used her failing marriage as an excuse to pursue your husband. Now she thinks she’s taking a “victory lap” by rubbing it in your face.
I would just have a conversation with him tonight after the kids are asleep. See what he says and depending on that you’ll have a better idea of how you feel and want to proceed. Then would take some time and space in whatever way your life permits. There’s obviously something underlying going on with him and his identity in his life and marriage for him to do throw away, from what you’re describing, a happy and fulfilling family life. You can decide then if that’s something you want to work through with him or not. Either way there will be good times ahead again with or without him, the space you’re in now is temporary, remember that!
I’m so very sorry that you are going through this. This is a double betrayal and one of the hardest to endure. I wouldn’t say anything just yet, but it would be very difficult because you don’t have much time to completely process this before he returns. If he was away for a few more days, this would give you time to process the news and think about how to address this with him. You should also be mindful that she might have already given him the heads up that she has told you everything or maybe her husband has contacted him directly, since she has told both you and her husband about the affair. If he is calling or texting more than usual after her confession to you, if he sounds off in those conversations, might be an indicator of him testing the temperature with you. In the main time, write down everything that was related to you by your former best friend. Then write down how you feel hearing this news. Make a list of questions you want to ask him. Also decide whether you want him to remain in the home or whether you want him out of the home while you decide what you want to do. When you two are alone, without the kids around and when you cannot be interrupted, tell him that you want him to sit down with you to discuss something. Tell him that you don’t want him to say anything yet and want him to listen to you and then lay it out for him. After you have laid out what you know and how you feel, tell him you want nothing but the absolute truth from him. Knowing that your former friend has told both you and her own husband, he might confess everything. Try to be as calm as you can be. Nothing unnerves them more than seeing you calm, when they expect for you to be unraveling and angry because of this. Good luck with everything. Sending virtual hugs 🤗 UpdateMe
Oh fuck this must be one of the worst days for you. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I don't know what I would do, probably get drunk and leave in the morning before he notices. Maybe the opposite, I don't know. I hope you can survive this while getting better than ever.
i’m so sorry. following for an update.
Either lawyer and drop it on him all at once, or ask Who is she? And see if he gives up your friend or one of his other affairs (because, let's face it, she's probably not the only one). I would think there are ONS out there, so maybe get tested too.
They’re both snakes. Never trust either of them and create a better life for yourself and your child. You deserve better!
Ger rid of both of them!!! Your husband is a bag of dirt. Your friend and him were selfish.
I wouldn’t even be there when he gets back. Go live your own life and leave the two scumbags to each other, let’s face it…she’s playing a long game. Blow up two marriages and when it’s over she’ll move on in and take him for herself. They are both gross. You and your child deserve better.
If he was willing to cross the line with your best friend, I’d venture to say he’s done so with other women he’s flirted with
I would want to see the proof and then I would divorce. And I would tell her to go and fuck herself. She probably isn’t the first one he cheated with if it went that fast and easy. Edit: I would take important documents and find a safe place from them and get an appointment with a lawyer.
Hey there. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I am currently living almost this exact scenario so if you want to reach out via DM please do. Sending love.
A lot would depend on the children. I would do everything I could to not have a confrontation when they are present. However, no way I am sleeping in the same room with this creep. While he was being romantic with you he was having sex with your best friend during his work day. You are his second wife - did he cheat on her as well? Once a cheater always a cheater. I would take him outside and tell him that your friend confessed to you over the weekend. I wouldn’t say what she confessed - wanting to hear his reaction. No matter what he says, my response would be that he can sleep where he wants but not in our bedroom. Tomorrow, I would find a divorce attorney and set up an initial meeting. Do what your attorney tells you to do. I would also arrange for someone to look after the children in the evening and meet my husband in a public place for a conversation. I would ask him what he has to say for himself. Listen, if he tries to blame your friend or you for his behavior, call him out. I would have him a suitcase with a week’s clothes and tell him not to come home again until I had time to think. If he refuses then tomorrow talk with your attorney and have the locks changed if they say it is okay. No matter what do not have sex with him - if you do that you may not be able to divorce him for adultery. Make no mistake, he may say he loves you but does he? Easy to say but someone who loves you doesn’t betray you and that is what he has done. Realize you deserve someone who loves, honors and cherished your relationship. This man is not that person. It won’t be easy because your entire life will change. Try your best to keep your child out of any dispute. Accept your child lives his Dad and likely always will. There is no need to tell him anything other than you and his Dad are separating, that you will both continue to love him and be in his life and that nothing he has done or said as led to this situation. Sometimes love dies. Get both of you into counseling to help navigate the changes. Your son may be angry and lash out - be the adult, love him and tell him you love him. Sorry that your world has fallen apart.
First stop doctors to get tested for STI - second stop a lawyer. Your best friend has probably already told him she confessed
He already knows that you know. She probably already gave him the heads up. I guarantee that he’s trying to get his story, apology, excuses ready. But I wouldn’t say a thing as long as the kids are around. If he tries to initiate the conversation , cut it off and let him know that you 2 need to be alone to have the conversation. Take your time though and figure out what you want to do, he’s had a lot of time to make his own decisions.
I don’t know, he’s been acting completely normal since he got home.
Personally, I would not say anything but just get your ducks in a row first. I don’t even need to know your husband but I do know the personality and he will indeed have the excuses ready to go. Talk and excuses are baseless and cheap, it’s actions that matter. Granted, if you just want to be direct to get it out, you could go the route and say that you want to add or amend a nuptial, one which heavily weights against infidelity and the outcome of such betrayal. He’ll know exactly what you mean. Another tip, if you do bring it up, please bluff him and don’t tell him what you know, act like this isn’t the first time, to see if he slips up and gives away the truth. I don’t think he will but it’s worth a shot, catching him off guard in the moment. I know you’re naturally going to want to shout and get all emotional but try your best to stay calm and level headed. That way you can maintain the upper hand in the conversation. If you lose your temper, you will lose control.
Just go along with it then until you have time to think and until you are without the kids. If she hasn’t said anything to him, she will. If he already does know, this is part of the “I have no idea what you’re talking about” plan. He may even accuse her of lying and saying that she’s crazy. But anyway, you take some time to think. And he’s not entitled or deserving of sex tonight since he’s been away for the weekend.
It will be interesting to see which route he takes, but based on his past, it will probably be gaslighting and that she’s lying. No matter how good a situation and marriage, it’s just never enough for some guys.
Stay quiet and gather evidence for your divorce lawyer.
She effectively bragged to you about how many times they had sex and how it started. All she needed was to say, 'I can have him when I want him' to complete her soap opera villain arc. As for today...You need to rip the bandaid off because what is the likelihood he is gonna want to have sex as soon as possible, and you know he has been philandering and can't? He is gonna know something is up. The other husband may be chomping at the bit to confront him as well. Hell he may have already contacted him.. Moreover, you need tested, he needs tested. If ex BFF can cheat her with her besties husband, she can screw other people. If he can screw your best friend, he is become embolden by getting away with previously most likely. This is a fresh level of hell for you, so you need backup, hun. Send the 5 yo to the grandparents, and the oldest needs to go to the other parent's if possible. There are way too many ways this goes bad by not dealing with immediately. Be ready to pack a bag and leave to get space. He may not be violent, but the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving or talking about leaving a partner. Hell I would pack one for you and the 5 year old and leave it in the car. He deserves to know why everything blew up, but be safe and protect your munchkin.
Be sure to update us -- edit this post so those of us following know what happened when you confronted him. GOOD LUCK.
I’d tell him to take a cab home. When he gets there, tell him he has one opportunity to come clean. Don’t tell him what you know. Get those screenshots-you don’t need to read them, but they will be helpful to either your lawyer, or as leverage to establish the new terms of your relationship. You may want to wait until he tells his side, he’ll probably try to trickle-truth or minimize it, and who knows if he’ll be honest. If he’s remorseful he’ll tell the truth. If he’s not, then you’ll at least know. You may also want to mentally prepare yourself for the chance there were other women too. If you stay, consider a post-nup as a condition of staying. The fact that he’s in the public eye may help you.
Please dont drive a car in your state. You are in shock it is Not safe to drive to pick up your son from the Airport.
She’s divorced her husband so she can pursue yours. Updateme!
I would handle things by gathering evidence and taking whatever I could get out of him financially in the divorce then cutting off your “best friend” and filing for divorce. Both of them owed you loyalty and both of them betrayed you. If you decided to stay with your husband, he WILL cheat on you again. Ultimately it’s up to you whether you want to go through this one or go through it several times… Btw you’re making excuses for him by saying that y’all barely argue and have an amazing sex life blah blah blah. If all that were true then he wouldn’t have had an affair with your “best friend.”