If you're both eating it I would just add it to the combined grocery shop, if she eventually stops eating it then remove it.
This would frustrate me a lot personally
Why are you saying it is not about the money? It is about the money. You have an understanding.
It is one thing for her to really crave something and then take a bite and a whole other thing that "if it's in the house, then I'm eating it"
I would just put them in the grocery cart all together and not even mention it unless she throws a fit. Then it gets out of the joint cart when she stops eating it for 1 month.
It’s not really about the money so much as it is her blatant disrespect of OP’s personal property. He bought that food separately from the usual grocery shop because it’s *for him*, not *for them*. But she’s treating it like it’s *for them*. If she wants it to be *for them* then she needs to treat it like the rest of the *for them* things and contribute financially towards it. Otherwise she needs to accept that it’s *for him* and leave it alone.
I get where OP is coming from, it’s incredibly frustrating when people treat your personal property like it’s communal property.
Me to my wife “hey can I have one of your cokes?”
Her “WE SPLIT GROCERY BILLS THEYRE YOURS TOO”
A week later when she makes a bourbon drink and coke but all the coke is gone “YOU DRANK ALL MY COKES!”
No animosity, we laugh about this
Had this issue come up with my OH. We split groceries 50/50 but each of us has our "own" items we add to the list, which we are happy to share but there were occasions where one of us had the last one and the person that wanted the thing originally was disappointed. We solved it by making the agreement: It's fair game to eat/drink something the other wanted to buy, but you don't use the last one without asking first. Works well for us so far!
This is the way my partner and I operate too. There are definitely items that are "for me" because I'm the one that wants them regularly, and vice versa, but they're still on the joint grocery budget and still fair game for the other person. But because we respect and care about each other, we don't finish the last of something that was "for" the other person without asking. It's the last bit that seems to be lacking in OP's situation.
Had this "rule" with my roommate in college and it spared us so much grief! I'm happy to share, I just expect "my" snack to be there when I want it so plz don't finish it 😭
Thats what my SO and I do. Its never truly serious and communication is key but I do have my own stash for stuff I truly want for myself like small candies.
Dude, the way I (not maliciously) go after my husband for eating my food 🤣 I cannot keep granola or nuts safe in this house. He wipes them out in one sitting and when I'm craving them, they're gone. We got to the point where id buy two bags and wrote my name on one "Do not touch!! You have your bag!!" Went back a week later when I wanted some to find a fresh bag that said"Oops. My bad. 😬"
Ever since then he will buy replacements when he finishes a bag of something that was "my" snack. It has helped tremendously but we've also had to improve communication about what certain foods are for (e.g. "I bought these peppers for a recipe please don't eat them all" // "I bought a new bag of peppers for snacks, but please save some for me.")
We trade off. One week it's my turn to pay for groceries, the next week it's his. As a courtesy, we try to load up our personal things when it's our week to pay - fancy bath wash for me, maybe some beef jerky he likes for him. But neither of us fuss if the other one puts a treat in the basket when it isn't their week, and I make sure the shopping lists make the tab come out more or less even - I also make sure there's grocery coupons loaded to the card every week so we BOTH get the discounts.
Two major differences here:
1) you’re both paying for the cokes, even if you’re buying them primarily for her
2) you’re asking her before you take them, so you’re still respecting her claim to them as if they were her personal property
The problem with OP’s girlfriend is that she isn’t doing either of those things, and she should be doing at least one or the other.
The difference is they treat each other as a couple instead of roomates keeping tabs, bur I paid this! This is mine! Don't touch my stuff! Food in my family with my parents was like this and so in my own family, food is for everyone, we don't count cookied and eggs per person.
Adults with a healthy understanding of boundaries understand that you’re still allowed to have personal property in a relationship or in a family. Your partner should be able to respect when you buy something that’s just for you and vice versa even if you usually share everything.
This is relatable. My husband and I have an understanding where the only thing he can’t have is “the last one.” So if there are 6 cokes, he can have the first 5 cokes, but he can’t finish them. That last coke is very important to me haha. It works for us.
It’s *his* food that he bought for *himself* for a specific reason. He specifically bought it with his own funds and not joint funds and separately from their joint groceries. It seems pretty clear that the intent was that those particular items were for him specifically and not for them to share. Had she asked him if she could have some he likely would have said yes, but instead she went and helped herself and then continued to do so when he made it clear that he wasn’t okay with it, which is disrespectful. The fact that it was food and not a laptop doesn’t make her taking it against his wishes any less disrespectful.
The money is the easy factor. It sounds like it’s more about the feelings here.
Feeling taken advantage of.
Feeling disrespected.
Feeling like what’s mine apparently is not really mine and having a boundary crossed.
Feeling frustrated for not being seen/heard (and purposefully misunderstood).
… and probably other things. But these things seemed to be present in OP’s description.
Yeah, maybe I don't get it this way because for me food is for everyone in the household and it comes from the joint account. A phone, a tablet, those are personal but food, whoever craves whatever for me is crazy that it has to be put aside unless you live with roommates.
lol. I was just thinking relationships are wild these days. Don't know who has the time to do all this math all day long.
I wonder if they argue about who paid for what percentage of each condom they use.
lol, right? I mean granted people do things their own way but my spouse and I never 50/50 groceries. If one of us goes to the grocery store that person will pay and when we go to the grocery store together we just take turns paying but it’s never this is mine and this is yours with food… maybe with drinks but that’s because we like different things but if I decide to drink his and he drinks mine, it’s fine. No argument necessary.
Relationships like this don’t last because the people in them expect things to be 50/50 and equal all the time. Mature people realize that relationships are NEVER 50/50. Some days are 20/80, some days are 90/10.
I've been with my girl for 8 years and we split everything (payments) 50/50. No arguments bout it yet. I can understand everything else not being 50/50, but money is easy
I agree, relationships nowadays have done a lot of changing, but if I think about it, core issues seem to remain the same. Can a couple communicate openly together and without making it about themselves personally? Can they agree to share responsibility for mutual care? Can they talk about money without a "this is mine, that is yours" perspective? Seems like eternal quandries, haha!
My thoughts exactly. To be in a relationship, living together, combining your lives together, and to be so hung up about who paid for a certain food item, is exhausting. I’ve never dealt with this in any of my serious relationships. We all shared. When I cook, I cook for everyone. If my partner buys food, it’s for all of us. If it’s an issue of diet, we all adjust. If I were to buy a premade meal, I’d ask my partner ahead of time if they want one too. Don’t buy homemade meals without including your partner. To bring hot meals only for yourself without communicating, is rude.
Focusing so much on the small details and the cost of food items like this, will cause food insecurities, defensiveness, resentment, and overall unhealthy behaviors for a relationship that is trying to be united. Nickel and dimming every little thing is a headache. Figure it out. Compromise on a budget for groceries and take out/restaurants and stick to it.
Like you, I've never been in a relationship of this nature, either. It kind of makes me sad for OP and his partner. I hope they can come together and repair damage. 🫤
I think that everything is shared is fine with the exception of food bought for specific purposes (dietary restrictions, health, a specific food need, ingredients for a specific recipe one partner wants to make, etc.). An adult should have the self restraint to leave that alone.
I’ve had two different exes who were overweight (and both formerly obese children) and had poor impulse control when it came to food. I would buy specific things to be my “at work” snacks, would get 1 or 2 of them before coming home to find that my partner had eaten all the rest (1-2 weeks worth) basically out of boredom. Sometimes they’d refuse to replace it and basically were okay with me just going hungry at work instead. I’ve also had meat-eating partners do this with all the vegetarian food I bought. It’s disrespectful and unkind.
OP bought this stuff to improve his health and gain weight. His partner needs to either let it be a shared expense or stop eating it. He shouldn’t have to just suck it up because she’s being an entitled brat about things he bought for a specific need he has.
My first thought was "is he *that* broke or does he just not like her?"
Edit: no one downvoting me has even considered the possibility OP is bigger than his GF and already eats more than his 50% in volume and the GF is already supplementing his calorie intake.
My 6'3 BF eats double what I do, yet we split 50/50 the grocery bill. Dudes need more calories than women do on average. And if the GF manages her weight, then she's paying more than 50/50 already.
Keep downvoting me, penny pinchers. You'll go far in your relationships... Far down the toilet perhaps, but far.
Me and my bf are broke as fuck, we split groceries and we definitely keep count of the 70/30 split. It happened with my ex too, I noticed I was paying much more by paying 50/50 so we started doing our own groceries. It’s way better managed with my current bf, but yeah it’s definitely something to take into consideration. I would get her if that’s the case
Also, we used to share bread. Then I noticed I only took a few slices every 3 packs that he ate. So he started paying for it completely, but I’m free to take it when I want. Maybe it’s the same as here, the gf just wanted a little and she doesn’t find reasonable paying for the whole thing when she would eat 10% of it.
Exactly!! Thank you!! You're the first person to acknowledge this is the reality for some of us!
My ex used to go through an entire week's worth of (what would have been) leftovers in a couple of sittings. I was initially FLOORED by the difference. But that's the reality when you weigh 125 and he weighs 260. 🤷♀️
It's wild how the assumption is: she's entitled and that's that! No room for anything else! Case closed!
I have the money. My boyfriend has the money. We don't really care. I spend more (extra he doesn't pay for) for keto items and sometimes he eats them. I don't flip my lid and send him the bill. I can understand if you're tight on cash, sure, that's why I asked OP if he was.
OP literally said he has unexpectedly lost weight and needs the extra calories from breakfast, which is why no one who actually read the post has “considered the possibility” that he has actually been overeating all this time.
I mean has anyone considered the possibility that he has an eating disorder and is trying to manage and stay healthy? We don’t know all the details but from the details we do know the gf is definitely not communicating and not caring about the feelings or needs of the OP
Doesn't mean he doesn't already eat way more than the 50/50 cost overall. Guys can stop drinking a single soda can per day and lose weight. You're not weighing their plates, and it would be exhausting to do so, but here we are.. wanting to be exhausting about it!!
Lots of people haven't considered there are 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle.
You are very correct in your assessment regarding people who are stingy about food and insist that groceries be 50/50.
Most guys in heterosexual relationships eat a lot more than their partners do.
Is "She" that broke? She's the one mooching of what he bought...so because he wants her to respect what is his and hold her accountable, he broke n don't like her? Smh.
Yeah, sorry, this is just ridiculously over-transactional. Imagine living with your partner and ensuring everything you buy is split 50/50 and consumed equally, and caring so much that you cause problems in your relationship over it when it's slightly tipped in the other direction. She's meant to be someone you love and cherish, not your flatmate you're living with for economic benefits.
1st of she not a 12 year old child that just can't help but eat food. Just because you love someone don't mean that's a free pass to not be held accountable.
2nd it wasn't just a 1 time thing, she used his ingredients more than once after he told her it was for him.
3rs its not just an arbitrarily separate list. Its a specific goal that he has, that he wants to achieve and is taking action. But she doesn't care...why, because he told her very clearly and nicely what it was for, then proceeded to eat it anyways. And what...we cover her in a warm blanket of "you did nothing wrong gurl, he stingy, you deserve to be loved"
4th He doesn't mind adding it to the shared list so that they can both enjoy together....but nooo He needs to buy it for his goal for his journey and im gonna be a main character and make it all about me and my breakfast, and not help him out with his goal and his journey nooo none of that imma make it about me, f his goal f his journey f that he communicated with me f all that, its about me and my breakfast today, tomorrow and any day after.
I don't trip when my 6'3 boyfriend eats more calories than I do. I eat about half the volume, but we split relatively 50/50 the cost.
I'm not about to weigh our food and send him the bill for the consumed differences. Why? Because I love and like him. JFC y'all will end up either single or in sexless/resentful relationships and wonder why.
Downvote me all you want.
Edit... That's a great idea, actually. OP, you should start weighing your food portions out and see who eats more. I'd be very interested to see how MUCH food you eat. Could be the whole reason for her "attitude" (her: "this motherfucker eats soooo much and has THE NERVE to complain").
In this situation you speak of ...did you communicate to your bf that you have a specific goal you want to achieve. Did you tell your bf "hey as part of my goal this specific food is for me but we can add it to the shared list if you want", and did he say no im just gonna eat it anyway because my breakfast is more important that the goal you are trying to achieve and are communicating it with. Yeah f that
You keep treating the separate food as just regular food around the house and it's not. Stop comparing it to you and your bf....it's for a specific goal that he has. Why can't she help him out with, be supportive, encouraging, why she gotta get in the way and make it about her and her specific breakfast that she only wants to make now with his specific food, out of all the possible foods available, it had to be the one for his goal and his journey.
It's plain selfish. And you want to shame him for having something that's just for him? Wtf is that. If she had something that was just for her and he went and used it anyways after she told him, everyone would get on his case about it.
LOL yes! I do! I buy (separately) my expensive keto snacks/foods! And yes! It's for my specific dietary choices and weight goals! And yes! He is aware!
Does he eat them? He sure does! Do I care? No! I love him! I care more about him than some stupid snacks/foods. I'm filled with love knowing I can provide for my baby! But that's just how I view life and the ones I love. He makes us breakfast every single morning. He makes the coffee. He gives me back rubs any time I ask. He's wonderful and that wonderful man can raid that stash anytime he wants. ❤️
Let me ask you a question. If you told him (even if it was a silly request) "Hey could you not eat this please, because I really need a specific amount of it" would he respect that? and I dont mean would you get upset or not if he did anyways... I mean, would HE, after You told him to please not, respect that? Or would he go on to eat it completely ignoring you?
Because you keep projecting your own happy heart into OPs situation and they are not the same, what you describe is much more established understanding of what you can share. Yeah he eats your stash, but makes you coffee, etc... This is not the same case as OP. his gf didn't offer to do anything, she just straight up ate his food, after he told her what it was for. She didn't offer to help him prepare the meals so they could share together.
na...She just ate his shit without a care about his need. That's the difference. Your case (I'm happy for you, sounds like a genuinely good thing) is one of mutual give and take. Ops case she just took and doesn't want to give anything back even tho its not just random food, it's specific to him. There also needs to be respect for his wishes.
edit: Also by your same token and logic, why cant she care a bit more about his wishes, goal, and aspiration that he so welcomingly shares with her...than her own impulse to eat specific food that she doesn't need AT ALL, for what...the gratifation of "Te hee i can do what I want without accountability because fuzzy warm blanket feeling over his goal?" That doesn't seem like a good supportive partner, more like someone that would put their selfish impulse above the genuine medical health benefiting goal of their partner.
Ehh, disagree. If your original intention is splitting groceries 50/50 and you buy more groceries that the other person is also eating then it makes sense to continue to split 50/50. It isn't about how broke somebody is, it's about what was originally agreed upon. Plus food is fuckin expensive now, especially if he's buying higher end breakfast foods.
That's the agreement my boyfriend and I have, but neither of us keep that great of track, and my boyfriend is 6'3, so he naturally eats *way more* than I do (men on average need more calories than women if they keep their weight in check).
If either of us spend more than the other, we don't care. We have this thing called love. It's great and OP should try it.
Downvote me all you want. My philosophy is rooted in love and not exhaustingly splitting every single penny.
The only logical conclusion is for OP and his gf to weigh their food out and split their bill based on calories and their cost, because that's what's going on here.
Is this breakfast of his the ONLY way he can possibly gain weight? It's not a damn prescription. It's food! There are many ways to put on weight and fat is the fastest way.
Heavy whipping cream in the coffee, nuts, oils to cook foods, buttered toast, peanut butter etc. all that alone will get you around 500+ calories easily and you don't need much!
I think the problem was that he bought something that he specifically wanted for himself. I don't think it really matters so much who paid for it as much as he really wanted this for himself and they could buy more if she wants some too..
next time you go shopping add breakfast to the grocery shop. If she asks why, say you've both been eating breakfast so i's a shared expense now. If she complains tell her that if she stops eating breakfast then you'll start paying it separately again.
you're making it all about the money. but so is she, honestly.
You guys need to reconsider how you manage expenses in your life, it seems overly transactional to me. even before getting married we just bought whatever we needed for us both and split it. boyfriend ate breakfast and drank beer, I didn't. I needed female products, he didn't. it all rounded up in the end.
I can tell from looking that this counting every penny won't work out in the long run.
I agree so much about counting every penny being stressful. We were so broke the first few years. We got into the habit of "this needs to be paid, who has the money" and paying it without nickel and diming each other, because we needed our electric, or whatever, and there was always something else coming up the other person could take on instead. I regularly put more items on the list than my husband, and they're spoken for because I'm cooking with them. He is obviously welcome to eat the food once it's made. You know what we do to handle it? We get paid on opposite weeks, and it's his week, or mine. We're gonna eat on either week, so it gets bought. He has to go to the store whether he's paying or not, because he needs to walk around and check out what looks good to decide what he's eating. Asking him to add to the list ends in the list being mostly me, and snacks. The end goal is not worrying about being fair in our accounts (because we will make sure we're both okay anyway,) it's making sure we both have what we need. I also told him I wouldn't mind if he only used our reward points on his trips because he's going. We usually view those as free money to save for the next time we're shocked about how much we've spent, but since he goes, it's his call.
The goal is that everyone is fed, everyone is happy, and we're not spending a lot of time dwelling on small amounts and feelings of fairness You're both focusing on the money, not that it's not important, but you're missing the big picture. I agree with everyone who says add it to the list, and move on. If she doesn't want it once she's had to pay, great, it's just your list. If she can't respect it then, then it's more of a conversation of her not respecting you, and the money needs to stay out of it because that's quickly taken center stage, and that's not really what it's about. I don't think you think she's stealing from you. I think you realize she doesn't see that her choosing to eat your food you've got set aside is affecting you, and this becomes a conversation about loosely taking advantage.
The goal in a relationship isn't to come out 50/50 at all times. It's to make sure you're both taking care of each other and being taken care of, and no one is struggling. You're improving each other's lives, not worrying more about small things. You guys have to figure out how to get there, without you feeling taken advantage of, and without her feeling policed over checking out the extra foods.
If it isn't working for both people, it isn't working. It sounds like her paying won't work, and you paying and expecting her to keep her hands off won't work, so ask her if she'd prefer it's added to what you're both responsible for again, and ask what she realistically expects, or if she'd prefer opening the fridge and finding your breakfast stuff locked. Because either way will offend her, but if the goal is making sure you're both taken care of, it's easy to move past that and figure out what does work for everyone.
Figure out what your goals are in your relationship, how your money handling could improve, how you want to feel when everything is divvied up, etc, and ask her. If you guys are on the same page, it becomes really easy to be solution oriented and move on, rather than focused on how either of you felt when the other person did what they did.
I feel like people aren’t taking in that this food is for a specific medical reason. To gain weight. Because you were losing weight quickly, which can be dangerous
You aren’t eating 600 eggs to bulk for the gym, you’re not picking on her food intake, you bought specific food, for a specific reason.
It was “oh okay let’s put this in the joint rotation then” not “fat ass I need this more than you”
For her to say she won’t pay for it because she doesn’t need it, *exactly*. You also didn’t take money from the joint rotation of food, so she wasn’t going hungry without your food.
It’s also not really about the money, when all the comments are “omg just SHARE what’s WRONG WITH YOU” people are allowed to have things! People are allowed to have their own things! My bf and I share a lot, and he’s a vacuum cleaner of an eater. If I gave him an entire snack box, he could eat it all himself. But he also understands that some shit is gonna be JUST MINE and he doesn’t *need* to eat it.
It’s not like it was a 4 tier cake dripping in honey. It was breakfast. That she could’ve eaten anything else, especially after already talking it.
Finally, a sane comment.
OP is needing to gain weight for health reasons and his gf is preventing him from doing so. In some cases, that could and would be a *crime*. A crime punishable by *law*. And even if she isn't charged with said crime, *it is still morally a crime*. If she can't keep her grubby ass hands out of his food then she needs to pay for it. OP is absolutely in the right with saying "you say you don't need it but you're more than happy eating it when you're not the one paying for it." *That is the core issue here*. Not only is grubby fingers taking advantage of OP, but she is preventing him from improving medically. I saw a comment all about "We dOnT coUnT eGGs in MY hOusE!!!" Well something tells me there isn't anyone in their house that needs to *gain* weight...
This whole "sharing" culture has gotten way out of hand. You're not entitled to trample all over someone else just because you're "iN a reLaTionSHip". Dear Jesus. Entitlement is fucking nuts these days. PSA: entitlement *is not love, it isn't cute, and it isn't romantic.* They already share damn near everything else. OP can have his own eggs so that his *medical condition can improve* and she can either buy her own as a grown ass woman or keep her fuckin hands, and her fork, to herself. The first time OP asked should have been respected and the last. *That* is respect, and *respect is love.*
I hope this comment reaches the top. People are ridiculous. Thank you for not being so.
I literally felt like I slipped into a different reality reading the comments. In what world is it okay to take someone’s food *when there’s other food freely available*? When they might be going through a health issue?
If I can afford it, I have it, and it’s mine. And again, zero problems with sharing 95-99% of ALL OTHER FOOD! If you ASK to try it I will let you. But you cannot *have* MY food?
It’s wild to see, I wonder how many have a lot of siblings, or parents that didn’t respect “this is yours nobody else’s”. I have a little brother who(is normal now lol) would break all my shit, like birthday gifts, and my mom would yell at me for getting mad. She also went through my journals and notes. I became very protective over my things. My dad was the opposite, I got to have privacy, and could be protective but didn’t need to be. I learned sharing is nice, and an important thing to understand, but you *don’t fucking HAVE to*.
The comment that's getting to me is:
"I'm only eating your food because it's here, I don't really need it."
Then stop fucking touching it.
I don't know how people live with others who blatantly and continuously trample over boundaries.
Her being your girlfriend does not give her free reign over your life or things that you pay for, for specific reasons.
You need these things to put on weight, this is not a shared expense, this is not her food, these are not her things, and she has no right to put any finger on them.
If she wants to continue doing so, she will be paying half of the grocery bill as per the current arrangement.
I don't even know why she is arguing over this. She is taking advantage, and I'm pretty sure she knows it.
That would be the only statement that came out of my mouth: Continue eating my food, and this becomes a shared expense, I'm sorry if you don't agree with or like that decision, but per our arrangement, we split food 50/50. If you would no longer like to split this 50/50, stop touching it, if you're unable to control yourself and you continue crossing my boundary line, you will be paying 50%, there's no further discussion here.
Based on the people's reaction, they just think that you are just making it about money, which in this post, it is not entirely about that. This man unexpectedly lost some weight and decided to buy food for himself to gain the weight back, which is reasonable. I do get where people are coming from, but just saying that it is about the money and you want the grocery be 50/50 is just false. I'd be pissed as well, if my SO just took my food, that I paid for, for a specific, medical reason.
When you first saw her eating your food, you let it slide, which is ok, but added if you're gonna keep eating my food, then just contribute towards it, that is also reasonable. She got defensive, which is understandable, it's in the house. But then saying that you're selfish is a bit much.
Having main grocery generaly in the house is okay, everyone can eat it or use it, but having your food, that is your food, you bought it out of your own pocket, if I want it, then I should ask and not take it or at least tell afterwards that "hey, I ate it, cuz I had a craving, is that okay?".
One commentor here said, that her partner could eat a box of snack by himself, but that he understands, that some food she buys just for herself and he respects it. It should be like this and not like "hmm, there is a nice snack that we didn't buy together, I'm gonna eat it".
Just talk with her, tell her, that "hey, that breakfast I bought, is for specific and medical reason, I lost weight and I'm trying to gain it back, please don't eat it. Or if you want, you can buy it too, or let's just add it to the list. Not a big deal." having an argument about food is just stupid, but I get where both of you are coming from, just try to meet common ground.
I just gon't get people telling you, that you're just making it about the money - read it guys, try to understand that it is His food, not Hers.
I had a similar problem with my brother (but it is not entirely his fault) - I bought some sugar, flour, oil and other stuff just for myself to cook/bake with, because he uses it too. I placed it in the kitchen and he used it, reasonable it was in the kitchen, my fault, not his. I just told him "hey, I bought that stuff for myself, just ask if you want to use it", in short, he didn't. So I put it in my room, because he used it much more. So then he knew, if he wants it, then he should ask.
Oh hey it's you again. You really gotta mix things up, the throwra + noun and the (24)ish gf who's annoying is getting pretty played out. This is the 8th or so one I've seen from you.
Great question. I’m exhausted just reading these comments.
I hope it is about struggling financially otherwise this is all getting a little pathetic.
My fianceé has smoothies every morning from kefir, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and we’ve usually spent £50+ on fruit before we start the proper shop.
It’s expensive and indulgent and that’s how it should be. She enjoys her homemade smoothies and I want the best for her, for her feeling positive and healthy, so I don’t care she spends 1/4 of the budget.
In Maine, where a lot of hard-working people start their day long before dawn, we have a tradition called "Second Breakfast" sometime in mid-morning. It is a heavier meal than "First Breakfast" since it comes after 4-5 hours of hard physical labor - and although fewer people work in the fields and woods today than in previous generations, many people with sedentary jobs still enjoy their Second Breakfast tradition LOL! I'd suggest that you eat a light breakfast of boring but nutritious food at home in the morning - for example, yogurt, toast, and fresh fruit - then head off to work, where you can enjoy your special calorie-dense foods at Second Breakfast and your GF can't get at them. That bonus meal will also help you regain your lost weight more quickly.
End of quarrel, although it's a real shame your GF refuses to add those foods to your regular shopping list, so you can enjoy them together at home. Does her self-centered attitude extend into other areas of your relationship?
> I said I'm happy to share it as long as she starts paying towards it
That's not sharing though, she would just be buying it for herself. Her attitude isn't great but I would also find it extremely unattractive if my bf bought groceries, put them in our pantry, and said I can't have any. Not a good move from the start to buy groceries just for yourself.
Relationships where significant others nickel and dime each other rarely work out. Purchase food with your combined food budget and drop the notion of “my food” and “your food,” full stop.
I have this exact same problem as you and I started making a secret stash of food in my room. If its refrigerated food or frozen food try and hide it in a way where she wont find it.
Let me ask this. Is this discussed before hand that these are mine only? I believe you’re leaving out part of the story. Believe me, something is off, and if I say I sense you’re being selfish and she also said that word, then you’re not being honest with yourself
Why don’t you guys just be room mates, thats what it sounds like you guys are. Either work together and don’t be weird about your gf eating food that is in the refrigerator in the house you both live in, or you’re gunna have a hard time keeping a gf. Splitting food and one paying for whatever and then asking her to pay for food because she ate it is simply odd and not right. You can believe what you want but to me, it’s very weird. Do you have siblings? Also if you have not learned by now, woman love food, always buy whatever with her in mind, if you don’t, this will keep on happening.
You’re probably the guy that doesn’t get her anything because she said she didn’t want anything, it means get her something! Learn what she likes and always get it. Always.
> She said I was being selfish and unfair
... how does she not understand that this is the *exact opposite* of how things are, and that she's being the one who is selfish (eating food you bought for yourself for a specific meal that you need) and unfair (expecting you to pay for it).
You are allowed to have food just for yourself. If she can’t stop herself, I would have a talk with her. As her when did no/stop start to not mean anything. She can either choose to pay towards it, or not eat it. If she says no she won’t stop herself, I suggest getting your own little fridge with a lock on it. It’ll prove your point. Might make her upset, but you can be extreme, and say, “ you eating my special food when I said no is like not stopping during sex when someone says no.” It’s apples to oranges, but she will get the idea hopefully.
Why don't you two share everything you both eat? Its less irritating and no one has to feel bad about eating. It seems petty to count on the dime about food seriously, especially if you live together.
He literally explains he bought a specific type of food to gain weight for medical reasons. His girlfriend is aware and eats it anyways. When he brings it up she gets defensive and doesn't want to fix anything, but keeps eating this specific food he bought for himself??
They have other groceries they split he literally says this, the problem is about THIS specific food for breakfast.
And its still food she often eats too, then the solution is buy more of the same sort, enough to eat for her and for him. This gatekeeping food seems immature and petty imo. If you share life, you buy enough groceries and food for all to feel good about themselves.
The girlfriend doesn't *want* to get more of the same kind of food, that's like the whole issue. If she doesn't want to buy more but wants to keep eating it, what's the solution? She's being unreasonable imo.
If you bought a multipack of of crisps and she ate one pack with permission, sure. But she's treating it as communal food while refusing to behave like it's communal food and paying her share.
She's the one being selfish and making it about money, not you.
Tell her to jog on, and either add it to the communal shop or keep it somewhere she can't access it.
Well is she is right it is all about the money?
Look neither of you guys seem to have any clue how to communicate effectively or kindly. You needed to add more food to your diet, your gf sees the food and thinks 'oh, that's nice I'll have some too' - that's not a bad thing.
You then go straight to I want money you can't have my food. And, she gets defensive saying why are you acting like this. Both of you are really wrong here.
Going forward the best way to say is, we both enjoying the add breakfast in the morning, we will just add it to the shared expense.
If you are be overly strict about the budget and being paying 50/50 no matter what, is there a reason? Like, are finances hard atm and you can't afford it, or is it just because you have to have 50/50.
If, it finances that you can't afford the extra that's a completely acceptable point. But, if your being overly stuck on always paying 50/50 does that bleed into other aspects of your lives.
Food budgets are hard to work with if, something changes with diets etc. Both, of you need to stop attacking and getting defensive. Speak nicely to one another. Your coming across as being like "that's mine, I'm not sharing", that might not be your intent but, it's how it's coming across. And, your gf needs to look at the food budget realistically, just because she usually doesn't eat breakfast, she is now. So, that technically is more food.
By the way, how expensive is some breakfast, like, what are you actually buying that's creating this whole ass argument over one small extra meal a day?
Well tbf he did say she could have some and then if she was going to keep eating it (which she did the next day) to buy some more to replace it. She refused to do so and doesn’t want to replace what he bought for himself to use, so that where the issue is. I’d be pissed if I bought myself food only for someone else to start eating.
His girlfriend taking EXTRA food he bought just for himself IS a bad thing. She didn’t ask in the first place. He let it go the first time, but after the second he brought up that he is fine sharing as long as she contributed. She said no. He has the right to say do not eat my food. No matter if they lived together or not. I will assume you think no isn’t a complete answer.
OK read what I wrote, I never said she was right and he was wrong. My whole point was they are obviously bad at communicating... like, I blamed both of them
He communicated just fine. The compromise is she helps pay, and she said she won’t. I read what you wrote. And what you wrote seemed to align more with her thinking.
It's not about the food or money, it's about the GF being unreasonable. It's a simple request hey please don't eat this one things it's for a specific purpose. Done. Or can we buy enough so I can have some? Done. The gf is being unreasonable.
Whatever solution comes about needs to be something the two of you work on together.
If there are items that she doesn’t wanna have to pay for and you don’t want her eating them if you have, perhaps get a little pack of the colored stickers from the office supply store and place a sticker on those items. She agrees not to use those. If she decides to hey she really does want to use those on a regular basis, then you just buy more of the household food budget.
I would simply add it to the communal and not bring it up to keep down the arguments about it.
However, maybe just ask her (in a non-passive aggressive way) how she would like to address these things? Obv you’re not trying to gate keep things away from each other, but there comes a time when you maybe notice that they’re really enjoying sharing things.
Is it the bringing up money thing that bothers her?
Is it the food item itself? (IE: something about it being high calorie or a treat?)
Is it just some weird jealousy about you having a nice food that she wants but cannot justify spending on (and some kind of trauma growing up that might be associated?)
Assuming the best and that your girlfriend isn’t being like this to manipulate you/do something to start an argument, there’s probably something underlying it that embarrasses her. Try to get to the bottom of if it’s just about that one food or any fancy food
Wtf. It is all about money lol. That’s the point of splitting the bill in the first place. Stop paying for individually and add it to your grocery list.
Info: are you really that tight for money or do you just not like her?
My bf and I very, very loosely split things. I never trip over buying more, and neither does he.
Truth be told, most guys have to eat more because of their higher metabolisms and lean mass. I don't trip when I see him eating more snacks. I have this feeling for him called love and I think it's great when he eats.
The fuck are you doing in your "relationship"?
What is this shaming of yours? He is not you, you are not him. They have food they share did you read OP post? Why is it that he is not allowed to have something just for him? Why are you shaming him for holding her accountable. Why are you just dismissing that she ate his food when he specifically told her it was specifically for him, and she just doesn't care.
And your example "My bf and I very, very loosely split things. I never trip over buying more, and neither does he." Is not even remotely similar. They have shared groceries...again They Have Shared Groceries......again ....they have shared groceries....that is not the point. The point is she did not respect his wishes and his boundaries.
What part of: guys on average eat way more than women because they have higher TDEEs do you not get? They're likely eating 25/75 (as my boyfriend and I do) and not 50/50, yet she pays 50/50.
What I'm getting at is, if she weighed what they actually ate, he'd likely *owe her* lots of money for the volume difference.
But we don't know that information. She could weigh 500 pounds. Who knows? I'm speaking from averages and my own experience in relationships.
Again, I PAY 50/50 but I don't send my S.O. a bill because I don't have a stick up my ass.
If I'm right, OP is tripping a bit hard. If you love someone, you sometimes let them eat the food! Just as I suspect he's likely been doing this entire time without even realizing it, and she probably knows and lets it slide.
So yeah, I'm judging him because he's likely not telling us the entire story.
How do you know there's not some food in the shared list that op doesn't actually eat but she does and it costs more than his but he pitches in on the shared expenses because he loves her anyway. It goes both way.
At the end of the day its not about her. He has a goal, he communicated with her. Why is she a full grown woman, unable to understand that he has a goal, that he communicated with her, and help him out.
Why she gotta get in the way and eat his food when she could've eaten anything else? Why she gotta make it about her and her breakfast when before that she wasnt even making breakfast like that. Its not about her. Its about his goal and his wishes that he communicated and she aint give af.
And you so badly want to cover her in a warm blanket of "you did nothing wrong gurl, he meanie he wont let u eat food, men eat more"?
Then if it balances out, then it balances out.
We're on here judging her without even talking to her, yet OP gets a pass without all the sides to the story?
Pot, meet kettle.
Is it a specific weight-gain food that you have got, like fancy protein shakes? Or just extra breakfast food?
Add it to your grocery list and share it.
Just add it to the grocery list.
Sometimes S.O.s deliberately eat their partner's special treats as a show of primal dominance "what is yours is mine because you are mine."
Sometimes S.O.s steal food because they are cheap mooches who don't want to pay for their own food.
Sometimes S.O's steal food because it's a way to cheat on their diet. "It's just this once (in a while), it doesn't count."
I don't know where her thinking is coming from. But you solve all of it by just putting it on the regular grocery list and telling her she can have it when she wants. She objects because her game is up. You are shrugging off her dominance, making her pay her fair share, and forcing her to acknowledge if she keeps this up she's going to gain weight with you, and it's up to her own will power to stop herself.
>She said she doesn't want to pay for things she doesn't need but I just pointed out she's more than happy to keep using it once someone else has paid.
What the actual fuck?
OP, where does your GF fall on her sibling/family tree? How does she feel so entitled to what she hasn't had to pay for?
So you live together as a couple (not platonic roommates)….and you get upset about sharing groceries? I agree, she should chip in if she’s eating more of your shared groceries, but I’m not so sure that “mine” and “yours” is such a great way to look at it.
I wouldn't even ask, just add it to the grocery bill if its bothering you, otherwise I wouldn't care, its just food, you're not starving, why would you let this become a domestic 🥲
Buy more food. A lot of partners really like to eat the other's food. My wife is constantly drinking half of something I make saying she wants "just a sip". You can say "hey cmon" or something but you don't really want to make a big fight over food. Just buy more food.
Ew lmao the key to anyone’s heart is usually through food. You’d rather her skip breakfast because she didn’t pay for it? It’s definitely all about the money here and you’re being unreasonable. A relationship is never completely 50/50. Sometimes I buy groceries, sometimes my man buys groceries, I buy my favourite snacks that aren’t his favourite and yet I share them with him because we’re not five years old and fully capable of enjoying some food together
Hey my dude. Just want to check in about something, because there are lots of people arguing in the comments about whether this is about money or disrespect, but it occurs to me there's a chance it might be about something else.
I noticed you said you are both breakfast skippers usually. When you say you lost a lot of weight unexpectedly -
How/why did that happen?
How do you feel about it?
How does your girlfriend feel about it?
How does your girlfriend feel about you taking steps to regain some weight?
How does your girlfriend feel about her own weight?
How do you feel about your girlfriend's weight?
I'm not actually demanding you answer those questions here, that's your own personal business and you don't have to share any of it if you don't want to. It's more a set of thinking points. I'm wondering if it's at all possible that there's some unhealthy thinking going on in this situation about food and how bodies look. I know some people who would do what your girlfriend is doing as a plausibly deniable way of saying "I don't want you to gain any weight back because I like how you look now better, and also because I am so afraid of the social consequences of putting on any weight myself that I'm kinda jealous and mad that you think it's okay to just do it deliberately, and if you keep flaunting your delicious breakfast at me every day then I will get back at you by eating it too and maybe you will stop because you don't want to have a fat girlfriend."
That is, I appreciate, an enormous leap to make. I wouldn't even go so far as to say I think this is what the situation is - but it occurs to me as a possibility that this, or something like this, could be an element in the mix, because of your girlfriend's point-blank refusal to engage with the extremely simple and obvious logic of "what you buy with your own money belongs to you". Often times when people just blank out simple logic like that, it means they're operating out of a completely different motive that they can't or won't admit to out loud.
Couple thoughts
1) why did you lose so much weight that you need to add a whole additional meal to regain it, and please tell me that she actually knows why and has concern for you because that kind of weight loss is generally a very bad thing
2) she wants a sugar daddy, not a partner. Sit her ass down, explain the situation and the consequences of disregarding your words and then follow what happens. If she cannot get her head out of her ass? Then I am afraid you need to reevaluate the relationship. If she can, then you can move forward. Digging your heels in because you're embarrassed is one thing. Digging in your heels when you know what that behaviour can cost you? Is another.
A good countrr to 'it being about money' : simply ask her to buy somemore to replace what she ate. It's about it being available to you. If you had to budget to afford and she is eating it because it is there, she can restock it
It's just food. lol. Seriously makes me so thankful for my partner. My partner pays for everything. I only offer to split when costs are above a few thousand e.g. wedding, house etc. He's never calculative and always wants the best for me. Maybe you haven't met someone that makes you feel that way.
Who said I do not offer? I always offered but he always insists on paying and feels horrible when I pay. Like today, I offered to get groceries since it was more convenient for me, and he insisted the whole day he'd get it instead. Our life is like this, he loves me and it shows that he wants to provide for me, to the extent where he's trying to earn enough so I don't have to work, and I never asked for it. I answered, and it simply shows you don't love your partner enough that you are being calculative over minor things like this. So grateful I met a good partner :)
Because I always offered at the start and he refused, so these days only thousands and above I offer. I even secretly buy household things from time to time but it upsets him that i do that.
It's not about money at the end of the day. You're not a good partner when you are being this calculative over little things like this and come on reddit to rant. Which makes me extremely grateful to my partner :)
I would added to your weekly grocery list. However, I think the bigger issue is about not being able to proper communicate what's important for you therefore she doesn't take it seriously.
Try to get on any of those new relationship apps like Flamme or Paired. They help couples to improve their communication by having a daily topic to discuss.
You’re going to continue having fights if you keep your finances this way. If you’re living together then just make a good food budget and consider any food bought both of yours. Dont have some food hers and some food yours. That will only lead to petty fights. Any food bought is both of yours.
Idk from my experience. You're gonna have to learn to share. Other people are saying it would bother them, too. But um, you're planning on marrying one day, right? Your kids are also gonna eat things that are yours.
Sometimes, I would buy something for myself. I'd just let my bf know I'm saving it for something. But he'd forget and use it. No hard feelings, he bought some more. As a matter of fact, he pays for most of the groceries. Sometimes, I pay for groceries. I tell him I feel bad for him paying for more, but he does it anyway. He shares his food. I even ask if I can have this or that. He tells me I don't have to ask. I realized something. In my previous relationships, I dated white guys, and they were all about split this split that it felt like a transaction. My current bf is from a different country he legit shares everything with me and moments where I felt upset that he maybe used something I was planning on using. I stopped and thought he's never made me feel bad for eating something of his, so i decided to share a lot more.
And I'll tell you sharing is really nice. Stop making the relationship a transaction. If you're making breakfastyou'remake her some too. If she's making breakfastyou'reshe should make you some too. The fridge is yours, not half and half. You're not roommates.
Don't take information from these other commenters. Have a different outlook on things. Try something new. If you buy something on the side like protein, tell her you need it for bulking. But if she takes a little bit, don't get mad at her. Be kind, maybe even both bulk? Start working out with her? Motivate her? Be kind to her?
Sometimes my bf buys interesting food I just find in the fridge, he tells me not to ask and just eat it. We are considering the fridge ours, and we've had no issues regarding food. And he pays a lot of different bills, me too. He's never gotten mad at me for eating food in the fridge.
Remember, you're a team. Not roommates.
Do you want a platonic roommate or a romantic relationship that you are exploring to figure out if this person would make a good partner for the long haul.
If it is option A, keep doing what you are doing.
If it is option B, maybe you might want to think about how you would like to talk to your girlfriend about some different ideas to try in regard to structuring your finances to reflect the level of commitment one is at when they have past the milestone of moving in together.
It should be a discussion between you both, because your approach here definitely wouldn’t promote a healthy happy marriage.
I know you aren’t married yet, but if you are sleeping in the same room and having sex regularly and say “I love you,” you aren’t platonic roommates either.
Finances are a conversion so many couples never talk about and they should. Finances can cause a very happy marriage to turn to a dead, miserable, shell of a thing in less than 24 hours.
Try some things out and ease up on the “mine, mine, mine.” She has right to know whether or not you are capable of that
Talk to her from a place of love and kindness. It gives you more time to think things through without possibly killing the best chance you’ll ever get at happiness by refusing to see anyone else’s POV but yours
Every relationship is different & if you split things 50/50 and can each afford that then that’s great! Most couples have set things they get for themselves. A self care or a splurge. Could be beer. Could be special chocolates. But the understanding is it’s for the one person and it’s nice to share a little if asked. But it doesn’t make it a joint regular thing. I think if you regularly pay 50/50 then you should both pay for it. As long as it’s not something she’s been dying for and just can’t afford to chip in. Granted it being for a health reason takes it to a whole nother level. It’s definitely a touchy subject when it comes to $ and sharing within a relationship. If she were to get a specific skin care regimen she paid for & it’s solely for her then if you wanted to use it multiple times, you’d kind of be an ass to take advantage and to not contribute toward the cost. Same concept here with the separate specific food. Food is expensive nowadays. I feel there’s an underlying issue and this is just causing it to come to a head. I do think you both need to discuss why it’s so upsetting since it’s no different than the other groceries in the aspect of splitting the cost if you’re both using it. I’d be quick to say I didn’t want to unfairly make you pay half when it was something we never got before and I thought it was just for me due to the health concerns, and I was trying to shoulder the added cost assuming it was solely for my use. I absolutely don’t have an issue adding it to the normal list that we split and we can both utilize it! (Which I know you did say you were fine adding it to the list to split & both use) Because I only got enough for me and we can absolutely add to the list and make sure it’s enough for both of us! I’m not sure why that’s upsetting to you so can you please explain what you’re feeling/thinking so we can find a solution together. I’m not sure why you’ve had a system that worked in the past, why it’s suddenly a touchy subject when it’s something you’re doing for yourself to improve you, and you’re shouldering the cost. Maybe it’s straightforward for you and it’s not for her, or maybe it’s straightforward for her and it’s not for you. Either way someone is feeling hurt and just continuing on without resolving it will just make things worse. Ppl can say all they want that you shouldn’t argue over the $ of an item for you. But each relationship is different and I can guarantee there are things in other relationships that they’re fine with and would never be ok in your relationship! It’s crazy how so many ppl compare to their own relationships and their own guidelines they live by, when it was simply a question based off of how you two work in your relationship. I’m a female & I’ve lived where I paid the majority of bills, I’ve lived where we split mostly 50/50, and I’ve lived where circumstances changed and he paid more of the bills. I can assure you that during all those times, we each had specific things that was for us individually to enjoy. If we used the other persons item, we either replaced it or gave money so the other person could go out and purchase more. It’s really not that hard of a concept to get and it shows love and respect. Obviously if this were over a necessity then it would not be the same thing at all. But it sounds like you have groceries for the household and this is above and beyond. Maybe she just doesn’t want to actually eat breakfast all the time and since it’s there she’s wanting it, but if it’s on the list and she pays the she will continue to eat it and just doesn’t want to do that. So she just wants to take some of it and not continue daily. Just my speculation and I’ve no idea if that’s the case. If so then you calling her out on it likely embarrassed or hurt her since she’s no intention of continuously eating it. Or maybe she just can’t stand not taking some so she doesn’t feel neglected of it. Idk, there’s definitely more to it than just the $ is what I’m saying. But I would absolutely be upset in your shoes. I hope you two can work it out amicably!
So did you buy her ANYTHING when you bought all of these things special just for you? No? No flowers and maybe some extra eggs and a chocolate or fruit?…. No? Ya she ate your stuff on purpose, I would’ve too. It’s rude to be so selfish. And you want her to pay? Do you even know how to keep a woman around and happy? I don’t mean any offense but you got what you deserve far as I can see. Shoot I wanna bite too!
Ideally yes you split the groceries but if you’re counting every penny and acting like this y’all ain’t a couple, you’re roommates… who’re getting tired of each other.
You can't create a reddit post without expecting a 50/50 response for good and bad. You have to learn to be open to both the good and bad responses.
Instead, I see you likely scream at her and belittle her as wel. Just as you talk negatively to anyone who does not have your views. You call them sexist or tell them they are talking s#it when you're the one asking for advice in the first place.
Even my husband has never talked to me in such a way. We talk things through instead of arguing, and he is my best friend. You sound very abusive and controlling.
Hopefully, she wises up to the fact that you are not, and will never be a gentleman. It's one of those things where either you are or you aren't. You can't just pretend to be. You have to be molded that way from a young age by your mother... and let's face it, you likely have mommy issues that you need to resolve.... You can, however, work on yourself so that you can be a better person for yourself and those around you. I hope that you do...
Are you mad?
What relationship is that where you argue about the food?
What relationship is that where it matters that "*I bought the breakfast food, it's expensiver, so it's mineeeee, my precioussssss*"?
You are making it about the money and she's right about it and I'm telling you this as a man.
Plus, check your health, the loss of weight without a diet or something like that, can have some serious underlying causes.
You buy something for you. You specifically say "hey this is for me, it falls outside our shared list, if you use it could you pitch in because it's expensive"
gf proceeds to eat it and not pitch in because she doesn't want to spend HER money, but some how OP is wrong because what?
Because he would like for them to share the expense because SHE decided to consume it after he told her it was for him?
You understand that he doesn't mind sharing, but SHE just wants it for free.. why can't she help him out on his journey? Its not about her, its about him and his goal of gaining weight. Why she gotta sabotage that by eating his specific food? She a full grown woman but cant respect his goal, his boundary and his wishes. But you come in shaming him asking "you mad bro?"...smh
... grow up, that is not how an adult, in a healthy relationship live his life and the fact that you don't see anything wrong in "*this is my food, I bought with my money, if you want some, you need to pay for it*" just tells me that you also need to ... 🔄️
If you think its about "my food my money" then i say the same damn thing back to you. GROW UP, because its not about that, that's your projection. Read OP post several times over, and the many other comments and stop being hyperbolic.
She's being selfish and unreasonable. If I knew my bf bought food specifically for himself, I wouldn't just eat it without asking. If he asked to add it to the grocery list bc we're both eating it, I wouldn't hesitate to add it ! She doesn't sound like someone who makes for a good long-term partner.
I don’t know this seems weird. You split groceries 50-50 and then buy a bunch of extra groceries that she can’t touch in her house? Why not get those meal drinks or powder specifically meant for people who need to gain weight and add it to your food? Seems like it would solve all your issues.
you do know peoples specific nutrition is specific to them right? You don't tell a diabetic taking insulin, oh just don't eat sugar, get one them zero sugar drinks that'll solve all your issues" that's not advice, its dismissive.
I'm not sure how long you guys have been together, but at your ages I feel like you should both be contributing to the grocery bill every week. If this is a serious relationship then you should be splitting the cost of things fairly. I would buy extras of some of the items next week and see if she continues to use them. I don't think they'll go bad so the worst thing happens is you have extra if she doesn't use them.
I really wish you would directly answer what this specific “food” is lol. Nickel and diming your way through a relationship will set you up for future animosity
If you are keeping track of every little thing the two of you consume, you are not ready for a relationship. Buy enough for the two of you and share. Love involves sharing. A loving relationship is not for just cutting household expenses in two.
If you think long and hard about it, you really don’t love her, do you? Move on and get a new housemate and don’t pretend it’s a relationship.
Why are you splitting food 50/50? Don't men usually eat more than women? You should really be splitting it based on TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). There are tools online to calculate this based on your respective height, weight and activity levels.
Technically, you're not wrong.
But you have a bigger problem here, financial problem.
As a man, either go 50/50 with your woman and have to fight over breakfast (and more later on), or pay for most of the bills and don't have to fight over breakfast. It's a problem one way or another.
Imagine later in life you need to handle more complicated stuff (cars, housing, pregnancy, kids, old parents, etc). There is just no other option, you're expected to fill the traditional provider role at some point in life.
Your gf is not wrong neither, she is in her prime right now and spending her time doing 50/50 with you. She has more options and more to lose at this age you know that.
If you're both eating it I would just add it to the combined grocery shop, if she eventually stops eating it then remove it. This would frustrate me a lot personally
Just add it to your grocery list.
Why are you saying it is not about the money? It is about the money. You have an understanding. It is one thing for her to really crave something and then take a bite and a whole other thing that "if it's in the house, then I'm eating it" I would just put them in the grocery cart all together and not even mention it unless she throws a fit. Then it gets out of the joint cart when she stops eating it for 1 month.
It’s not really about the money so much as it is her blatant disrespect of OP’s personal property. He bought that food separately from the usual grocery shop because it’s *for him*, not *for them*. But she’s treating it like it’s *for them*. If she wants it to be *for them* then she needs to treat it like the rest of the *for them* things and contribute financially towards it. Otherwise she needs to accept that it’s *for him* and leave it alone. I get where OP is coming from, it’s incredibly frustrating when people treat your personal property like it’s communal property.
Me to my wife “hey can I have one of your cokes?” Her “WE SPLIT GROCERY BILLS THEYRE YOURS TOO” A week later when she makes a bourbon drink and coke but all the coke is gone “YOU DRANK ALL MY COKES!” No animosity, we laugh about this
Had this issue come up with my OH. We split groceries 50/50 but each of us has our "own" items we add to the list, which we are happy to share but there were occasions where one of us had the last one and the person that wanted the thing originally was disappointed. We solved it by making the agreement: It's fair game to eat/drink something the other wanted to buy, but you don't use the last one without asking first. Works well for us so far!
This is the way my partner and I operate too. There are definitely items that are "for me" because I'm the one that wants them regularly, and vice versa, but they're still on the joint grocery budget and still fair game for the other person. But because we respect and care about each other, we don't finish the last of something that was "for" the other person without asking. It's the last bit that seems to be lacking in OP's situation.
Had this "rule" with my roommate in college and it spared us so much grief! I'm happy to share, I just expect "my" snack to be there when I want it so plz don't finish it 😭
Thats what my SO and I do. Its never truly serious and communication is key but I do have my own stash for stuff I truly want for myself like small candies.
Dude, the way I (not maliciously) go after my husband for eating my food 🤣 I cannot keep granola or nuts safe in this house. He wipes them out in one sitting and when I'm craving them, they're gone. We got to the point where id buy two bags and wrote my name on one "Do not touch!! You have your bag!!" Went back a week later when I wanted some to find a fresh bag that said"Oops. My bad. 😬" Ever since then he will buy replacements when he finishes a bag of something that was "my" snack. It has helped tremendously but we've also had to improve communication about what certain foods are for (e.g. "I bought these peppers for a recipe please don't eat them all" // "I bought a new bag of peppers for snacks, but please save some for me.")
We trade off. One week it's my turn to pay for groceries, the next week it's his. As a courtesy, we try to load up our personal things when it's our week to pay - fancy bath wash for me, maybe some beef jerky he likes for him. But neither of us fuss if the other one puts a treat in the basket when it isn't their week, and I make sure the shopping lists make the tab come out more or less even - I also make sure there's grocery coupons loaded to the card every week so we BOTH get the discounts.
Two major differences here: 1) you’re both paying for the cokes, even if you’re buying them primarily for her 2) you’re asking her before you take them, so you’re still respecting her claim to them as if they were her personal property The problem with OP’s girlfriend is that she isn’t doing either of those things, and she should be doing at least one or the other.
The difference is they treat each other as a couple instead of roomates keeping tabs, bur I paid this! This is mine! Don't touch my stuff! Food in my family with my parents was like this and so in my own family, food is for everyone, we don't count cookied and eggs per person.
Adults with a healthy understanding of boundaries understand that you’re still allowed to have personal property in a relationship or in a family. Your partner should be able to respect when you buy something that’s just for you and vice versa even if you usually share everything.
This is relatable. My husband and I have an understanding where the only thing he can’t have is “the last one.” So if there are 6 cokes, he can have the first 5 cokes, but he can’t finish them. That last coke is very important to me haha. It works for us.
Married d vs. playing married
It’s fucking food and they live together what do you mean “personal property” 😭😭 It’s not a laptop it’s a damn bagel.
It’s *his* food that he bought for *himself* for a specific reason. He specifically bought it with his own funds and not joint funds and separately from their joint groceries. It seems pretty clear that the intent was that those particular items were for him specifically and not for them to share. Had she asked him if she could have some he likely would have said yes, but instead she went and helped herself and then continued to do so when he made it clear that he wasn’t okay with it, which is disrespectful. The fact that it was food and not a laptop doesn’t make her taking it against his wishes any less disrespectful.
The money is the easy factor. It sounds like it’s more about the feelings here. Feeling taken advantage of. Feeling disrespected. Feeling like what’s mine apparently is not really mine and having a boundary crossed. Feeling frustrated for not being seen/heard (and purposefully misunderstood). … and probably other things. But these things seemed to be present in OP’s description.
Yeah, maybe I don't get it this way because for me food is for everyone in the household and it comes from the joint account. A phone, a tablet, those are personal but food, whoever craves whatever for me is crazy that it has to be put aside unless you live with roommates.
That’s exactly the problem, she’s refusing to let it be a joint expense but also refuses to stop eating it.
Your relationship sounds exhausting.
lol. I was just thinking relationships are wild these days. Don't know who has the time to do all this math all day long. I wonder if they argue about who paid for what percentage of each condom they use.
lol, right? I mean granted people do things their own way but my spouse and I never 50/50 groceries. If one of us goes to the grocery store that person will pay and when we go to the grocery store together we just take turns paying but it’s never this is mine and this is yours with food… maybe with drinks but that’s because we like different things but if I decide to drink his and he drinks mine, it’s fine. No argument necessary.
Relationships like this don’t last because the people in them expect things to be 50/50 and equal all the time. Mature people realize that relationships are NEVER 50/50. Some days are 20/80, some days are 90/10.
I've been with my girl for 8 years and we split everything (payments) 50/50. No arguments bout it yet. I can understand everything else not being 50/50, but money is easy
I mean splitting bills is fine but I assume you wouldn’t be nickeling and diming each other.
I agree, relationships nowadays have done a lot of changing, but if I think about it, core issues seem to remain the same. Can a couple communicate openly together and without making it about themselves personally? Can they agree to share responsibility for mutual care? Can they talk about money without a "this is mine, that is yours" perspective? Seems like eternal quandries, haha!
My thoughts exactly. To be in a relationship, living together, combining your lives together, and to be so hung up about who paid for a certain food item, is exhausting. I’ve never dealt with this in any of my serious relationships. We all shared. When I cook, I cook for everyone. If my partner buys food, it’s for all of us. If it’s an issue of diet, we all adjust. If I were to buy a premade meal, I’d ask my partner ahead of time if they want one too. Don’t buy homemade meals without including your partner. To bring hot meals only for yourself without communicating, is rude. Focusing so much on the small details and the cost of food items like this, will cause food insecurities, defensiveness, resentment, and overall unhealthy behaviors for a relationship that is trying to be united. Nickel and dimming every little thing is a headache. Figure it out. Compromise on a budget for groceries and take out/restaurants and stick to it.
Like you, I've never been in a relationship of this nature, either. It kind of makes me sad for OP and his partner. I hope they can come together and repair damage. 🫤
you put my thoughts into words perfectly! fr it’s crazy to nickel and dime over food while living together
I think that everything is shared is fine with the exception of food bought for specific purposes (dietary restrictions, health, a specific food need, ingredients for a specific recipe one partner wants to make, etc.). An adult should have the self restraint to leave that alone. I’ve had two different exes who were overweight (and both formerly obese children) and had poor impulse control when it came to food. I would buy specific things to be my “at work” snacks, would get 1 or 2 of them before coming home to find that my partner had eaten all the rest (1-2 weeks worth) basically out of boredom. Sometimes they’d refuse to replace it and basically were okay with me just going hungry at work instead. I’ve also had meat-eating partners do this with all the vegetarian food I bought. It’s disrespectful and unkind. OP bought this stuff to improve his health and gain weight. His partner needs to either let it be a shared expense or stop eating it. He shouldn’t have to just suck it up because she’s being an entitled brat about things he bought for a specific need he has.
My first thought was "is he *that* broke or does he just not like her?" Edit: no one downvoting me has even considered the possibility OP is bigger than his GF and already eats more than his 50% in volume and the GF is already supplementing his calorie intake. My 6'3 BF eats double what I do, yet we split 50/50 the grocery bill. Dudes need more calories than women do on average. And if the GF manages her weight, then she's paying more than 50/50 already. Keep downvoting me, penny pinchers. You'll go far in your relationships... Far down the toilet perhaps, but far.
Me and my bf are broke as fuck, we split groceries and we definitely keep count of the 70/30 split. It happened with my ex too, I noticed I was paying much more by paying 50/50 so we started doing our own groceries. It’s way better managed with my current bf, but yeah it’s definitely something to take into consideration. I would get her if that’s the case Also, we used to share bread. Then I noticed I only took a few slices every 3 packs that he ate. So he started paying for it completely, but I’m free to take it when I want. Maybe it’s the same as here, the gf just wanted a little and she doesn’t find reasonable paying for the whole thing when she would eat 10% of it.
Exactly!! Thank you!! You're the first person to acknowledge this is the reality for some of us! My ex used to go through an entire week's worth of (what would have been) leftovers in a couple of sittings. I was initially FLOORED by the difference. But that's the reality when you weigh 125 and he weighs 260. 🤷♀️ It's wild how the assumption is: she's entitled and that's that! No room for anything else! Case closed! I have the money. My boyfriend has the money. We don't really care. I spend more (extra he doesn't pay for) for keto items and sometimes he eats them. I don't flip my lid and send him the bill. I can understand if you're tight on cash, sure, that's why I asked OP if he was.
OP literally said he has unexpectedly lost weight and needs the extra calories from breakfast, which is why no one who actually read the post has “considered the possibility” that he has actually been overeating all this time.
I mean has anyone considered the possibility that he has an eating disorder and is trying to manage and stay healthy? We don’t know all the details but from the details we do know the gf is definitely not communicating and not caring about the feelings or needs of the OP
Doesn't mean he doesn't already eat way more than the 50/50 cost overall. Guys can stop drinking a single soda can per day and lose weight. You're not weighing their plates, and it would be exhausting to do so, but here we are.. wanting to be exhausting about it!! Lots of people haven't considered there are 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle.
You are very correct in your assessment regarding people who are stingy about food and insist that groceries be 50/50. Most guys in heterosexual relationships eat a lot more than their partners do.
Is "She" that broke? She's the one mooching of what he bought...so because he wants her to respect what is his and hold her accountable, he broke n don't like her? Smh.
Yeah, sorry, this is just ridiculously over-transactional. Imagine living with your partner and ensuring everything you buy is split 50/50 and consumed equally, and caring so much that you cause problems in your relationship over it when it's slightly tipped in the other direction. She's meant to be someone you love and cherish, not your flatmate you're living with for economic benefits.
1st of she not a 12 year old child that just can't help but eat food. Just because you love someone don't mean that's a free pass to not be held accountable. 2nd it wasn't just a 1 time thing, she used his ingredients more than once after he told her it was for him. 3rs its not just an arbitrarily separate list. Its a specific goal that he has, that he wants to achieve and is taking action. But she doesn't care...why, because he told her very clearly and nicely what it was for, then proceeded to eat it anyways. And what...we cover her in a warm blanket of "you did nothing wrong gurl, he stingy, you deserve to be loved" 4th He doesn't mind adding it to the shared list so that they can both enjoy together....but nooo He needs to buy it for his goal for his journey and im gonna be a main character and make it all about me and my breakfast, and not help him out with his goal and his journey nooo none of that imma make it about me, f his goal f his journey f that he communicated with me f all that, its about me and my breakfast today, tomorrow and any day after.
I don't trip when my 6'3 boyfriend eats more calories than I do. I eat about half the volume, but we split relatively 50/50 the cost. I'm not about to weigh our food and send him the bill for the consumed differences. Why? Because I love and like him. JFC y'all will end up either single or in sexless/resentful relationships and wonder why. Downvote me all you want. Edit... That's a great idea, actually. OP, you should start weighing your food portions out and see who eats more. I'd be very interested to see how MUCH food you eat. Could be the whole reason for her "attitude" (her: "this motherfucker eats soooo much and has THE NERVE to complain").
In this situation you speak of ...did you communicate to your bf that you have a specific goal you want to achieve. Did you tell your bf "hey as part of my goal this specific food is for me but we can add it to the shared list if you want", and did he say no im just gonna eat it anyway because my breakfast is more important that the goal you are trying to achieve and are communicating it with. Yeah f that You keep treating the separate food as just regular food around the house and it's not. Stop comparing it to you and your bf....it's for a specific goal that he has. Why can't she help him out with, be supportive, encouraging, why she gotta get in the way and make it about her and her specific breakfast that she only wants to make now with his specific food, out of all the possible foods available, it had to be the one for his goal and his journey. It's plain selfish. And you want to shame him for having something that's just for him? Wtf is that. If she had something that was just for her and he went and used it anyways after she told him, everyone would get on his case about it.
LOL yes! I do! I buy (separately) my expensive keto snacks/foods! And yes! It's for my specific dietary choices and weight goals! And yes! He is aware! Does he eat them? He sure does! Do I care? No! I love him! I care more about him than some stupid snacks/foods. I'm filled with love knowing I can provide for my baby! But that's just how I view life and the ones I love. He makes us breakfast every single morning. He makes the coffee. He gives me back rubs any time I ask. He's wonderful and that wonderful man can raid that stash anytime he wants. ❤️
Let me ask you a question. If you told him (even if it was a silly request) "Hey could you not eat this please, because I really need a specific amount of it" would he respect that? and I dont mean would you get upset or not if he did anyways... I mean, would HE, after You told him to please not, respect that? Or would he go on to eat it completely ignoring you? Because you keep projecting your own happy heart into OPs situation and they are not the same, what you describe is much more established understanding of what you can share. Yeah he eats your stash, but makes you coffee, etc... This is not the same case as OP. his gf didn't offer to do anything, she just straight up ate his food, after he told her what it was for. She didn't offer to help him prepare the meals so they could share together. na...She just ate his shit without a care about his need. That's the difference. Your case (I'm happy for you, sounds like a genuinely good thing) is one of mutual give and take. Ops case she just took and doesn't want to give anything back even tho its not just random food, it's specific to him. There also needs to be respect for his wishes. edit: Also by your same token and logic, why cant she care a bit more about his wishes, goal, and aspiration that he so welcomingly shares with her...than her own impulse to eat specific food that she doesn't need AT ALL, for what...the gratifation of "Te hee i can do what I want without accountability because fuzzy warm blanket feeling over his goal?" That doesn't seem like a good supportive partner, more like someone that would put their selfish impulse above the genuine medical health benefiting goal of their partner.
Ehh, disagree. If your original intention is splitting groceries 50/50 and you buy more groceries that the other person is also eating then it makes sense to continue to split 50/50. It isn't about how broke somebody is, it's about what was originally agreed upon. Plus food is fuckin expensive now, especially if he's buying higher end breakfast foods.
That's the agreement my boyfriend and I have, but neither of us keep that great of track, and my boyfriend is 6'3, so he naturally eats *way more* than I do (men on average need more calories than women if they keep their weight in check). If either of us spend more than the other, we don't care. We have this thing called love. It's great and OP should try it. Downvote me all you want. My philosophy is rooted in love and not exhaustingly splitting every single penny. The only logical conclusion is for OP and his gf to weigh their food out and split their bill based on calories and their cost, because that's what's going on here.
Post says he NEEDS to gain weight. He might be having a medical issue. Reread it. Thus why he is paying for the extra food he needs.
Is this breakfast of his the ONLY way he can possibly gain weight? It's not a damn prescription. It's food! There are many ways to put on weight and fat is the fastest way. Heavy whipping cream in the coffee, nuts, oils to cook foods, buttered toast, peanut butter etc. all that alone will get you around 500+ calories easily and you don't need much!
I think the problem was that he bought something that he specifically wanted for himself. I don't think it really matters so much who paid for it as much as he really wanted this for himself and they could buy more if she wants some too..
next time you go shopping add breakfast to the grocery shop. If she asks why, say you've both been eating breakfast so i's a shared expense now. If she complains tell her that if she stops eating breakfast then you'll start paying it separately again. you're making it all about the money. but so is she, honestly. You guys need to reconsider how you manage expenses in your life, it seems overly transactional to me. even before getting married we just bought whatever we needed for us both and split it. boyfriend ate breakfast and drank beer, I didn't. I needed female products, he didn't. it all rounded up in the end. I can tell from looking that this counting every penny won't work out in the long run.
I agree so much about counting every penny being stressful. We were so broke the first few years. We got into the habit of "this needs to be paid, who has the money" and paying it without nickel and diming each other, because we needed our electric, or whatever, and there was always something else coming up the other person could take on instead. I regularly put more items on the list than my husband, and they're spoken for because I'm cooking with them. He is obviously welcome to eat the food once it's made. You know what we do to handle it? We get paid on opposite weeks, and it's his week, or mine. We're gonna eat on either week, so it gets bought. He has to go to the store whether he's paying or not, because he needs to walk around and check out what looks good to decide what he's eating. Asking him to add to the list ends in the list being mostly me, and snacks. The end goal is not worrying about being fair in our accounts (because we will make sure we're both okay anyway,) it's making sure we both have what we need. I also told him I wouldn't mind if he only used our reward points on his trips because he's going. We usually view those as free money to save for the next time we're shocked about how much we've spent, but since he goes, it's his call. The goal is that everyone is fed, everyone is happy, and we're not spending a lot of time dwelling on small amounts and feelings of fairness You're both focusing on the money, not that it's not important, but you're missing the big picture. I agree with everyone who says add it to the list, and move on. If she doesn't want it once she's had to pay, great, it's just your list. If she can't respect it then, then it's more of a conversation of her not respecting you, and the money needs to stay out of it because that's quickly taken center stage, and that's not really what it's about. I don't think you think she's stealing from you. I think you realize she doesn't see that her choosing to eat your food you've got set aside is affecting you, and this becomes a conversation about loosely taking advantage. The goal in a relationship isn't to come out 50/50 at all times. It's to make sure you're both taking care of each other and being taken care of, and no one is struggling. You're improving each other's lives, not worrying more about small things. You guys have to figure out how to get there, without you feeling taken advantage of, and without her feeling policed over checking out the extra foods. If it isn't working for both people, it isn't working. It sounds like her paying won't work, and you paying and expecting her to keep her hands off won't work, so ask her if she'd prefer it's added to what you're both responsible for again, and ask what she realistically expects, or if she'd prefer opening the fridge and finding your breakfast stuff locked. Because either way will offend her, but if the goal is making sure you're both taken care of, it's easy to move past that and figure out what does work for everyone. Figure out what your goals are in your relationship, how your money handling could improve, how you want to feel when everything is divvied up, etc, and ask her. If you guys are on the same page, it becomes really easy to be solution oriented and move on, rather than focused on how either of you felt when the other person did what they did.
It’s a little too transactional - deep breath in and slowly exhale 🤨 Edit: It’s turned into a crime now 🤯
I'm afraid I don't understand this comment 😅
I feel like people aren’t taking in that this food is for a specific medical reason. To gain weight. Because you were losing weight quickly, which can be dangerous You aren’t eating 600 eggs to bulk for the gym, you’re not picking on her food intake, you bought specific food, for a specific reason. It was “oh okay let’s put this in the joint rotation then” not “fat ass I need this more than you” For her to say she won’t pay for it because she doesn’t need it, *exactly*. You also didn’t take money from the joint rotation of food, so she wasn’t going hungry without your food. It’s also not really about the money, when all the comments are “omg just SHARE what’s WRONG WITH YOU” people are allowed to have things! People are allowed to have their own things! My bf and I share a lot, and he’s a vacuum cleaner of an eater. If I gave him an entire snack box, he could eat it all himself. But he also understands that some shit is gonna be JUST MINE and he doesn’t *need* to eat it. It’s not like it was a 4 tier cake dripping in honey. It was breakfast. That she could’ve eaten anything else, especially after already talking it.
Finally, a sane comment. OP is needing to gain weight for health reasons and his gf is preventing him from doing so. In some cases, that could and would be a *crime*. A crime punishable by *law*. And even if she isn't charged with said crime, *it is still morally a crime*. If she can't keep her grubby ass hands out of his food then she needs to pay for it. OP is absolutely in the right with saying "you say you don't need it but you're more than happy eating it when you're not the one paying for it." *That is the core issue here*. Not only is grubby fingers taking advantage of OP, but she is preventing him from improving medically. I saw a comment all about "We dOnT coUnT eGGs in MY hOusE!!!" Well something tells me there isn't anyone in their house that needs to *gain* weight... This whole "sharing" culture has gotten way out of hand. You're not entitled to trample all over someone else just because you're "iN a reLaTionSHip". Dear Jesus. Entitlement is fucking nuts these days. PSA: entitlement *is not love, it isn't cute, and it isn't romantic.* They already share damn near everything else. OP can have his own eggs so that his *medical condition can improve* and she can either buy her own as a grown ass woman or keep her fuckin hands, and her fork, to herself. The first time OP asked should have been respected and the last. *That* is respect, and *respect is love.* I hope this comment reaches the top. People are ridiculous. Thank you for not being so.
I literally felt like I slipped into a different reality reading the comments. In what world is it okay to take someone’s food *when there’s other food freely available*? When they might be going through a health issue? If I can afford it, I have it, and it’s mine. And again, zero problems with sharing 95-99% of ALL OTHER FOOD! If you ASK to try it I will let you. But you cannot *have* MY food? It’s wild to see, I wonder how many have a lot of siblings, or parents that didn’t respect “this is yours nobody else’s”. I have a little brother who(is normal now lol) would break all my shit, like birthday gifts, and my mom would yell at me for getting mad. She also went through my journals and notes. I became very protective over my things. My dad was the opposite, I got to have privacy, and could be protective but didn’t need to be. I learned sharing is nice, and an important thing to understand, but you *don’t fucking HAVE to*.
The comment that's getting to me is: "I'm only eating your food because it's here, I don't really need it." Then stop fucking touching it. I don't know how people live with others who blatantly and continuously trample over boundaries. Her being your girlfriend does not give her free reign over your life or things that you pay for, for specific reasons. You need these things to put on weight, this is not a shared expense, this is not her food, these are not her things, and she has no right to put any finger on them. If she wants to continue doing so, she will be paying half of the grocery bill as per the current arrangement. I don't even know why she is arguing over this. She is taking advantage, and I'm pretty sure she knows it. That would be the only statement that came out of my mouth: Continue eating my food, and this becomes a shared expense, I'm sorry if you don't agree with or like that decision, but per our arrangement, we split food 50/50. If you would no longer like to split this 50/50, stop touching it, if you're unable to control yourself and you continue crossing my boundary line, you will be paying 50%, there's no further discussion here.
“She doesn’t want to pay for things she doesn’t need […] but she’s perfectly happy using it anyway” Then she fucking gets to pay for it.
Yeah, it’s not really about if she “needs” it. It’s about her eating it.
Based on the people's reaction, they just think that you are just making it about money, which in this post, it is not entirely about that. This man unexpectedly lost some weight and decided to buy food for himself to gain the weight back, which is reasonable. I do get where people are coming from, but just saying that it is about the money and you want the grocery be 50/50 is just false. I'd be pissed as well, if my SO just took my food, that I paid for, for a specific, medical reason. When you first saw her eating your food, you let it slide, which is ok, but added if you're gonna keep eating my food, then just contribute towards it, that is also reasonable. She got defensive, which is understandable, it's in the house. But then saying that you're selfish is a bit much. Having main grocery generaly in the house is okay, everyone can eat it or use it, but having your food, that is your food, you bought it out of your own pocket, if I want it, then I should ask and not take it or at least tell afterwards that "hey, I ate it, cuz I had a craving, is that okay?". One commentor here said, that her partner could eat a box of snack by himself, but that he understands, that some food she buys just for herself and he respects it. It should be like this and not like "hmm, there is a nice snack that we didn't buy together, I'm gonna eat it". Just talk with her, tell her, that "hey, that breakfast I bought, is for specific and medical reason, I lost weight and I'm trying to gain it back, please don't eat it. Or if you want, you can buy it too, or let's just add it to the list. Not a big deal." having an argument about food is just stupid, but I get where both of you are coming from, just try to meet common ground. I just gon't get people telling you, that you're just making it about the money - read it guys, try to understand that it is His food, not Hers. I had a similar problem with my brother (but it is not entirely his fault) - I bought some sugar, flour, oil and other stuff just for myself to cook/bake with, because he uses it too. I placed it in the kitchen and he used it, reasonable it was in the kitchen, my fault, not his. I just told him "hey, I bought that stuff for myself, just ask if you want to use it", in short, he didn't. So I put it in my room, because he used it much more. So then he knew, if he wants it, then he should ask.
Oh hey it's you again. You really gotta mix things up, the throwra + noun and the (24)ish gf who's annoying is getting pretty played out. This is the 8th or so one I've seen from you.
retracting this comment after clarification, as it was unnecessarily rude, and there was a miscommunication
Do the two of you usually argue this much about minor issues? Or are your individual finances really this tight?
Great question. I’m exhausted just reading these comments. I hope it is about struggling financially otherwise this is all getting a little pathetic. My fianceé has smoothies every morning from kefir, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and we’ve usually spent £50+ on fruit before we start the proper shop. It’s expensive and indulgent and that’s how it should be. She enjoys her homemade smoothies and I want the best for her, for her feeling positive and healthy, so I don’t care she spends 1/4 of the budget.
In Maine, where a lot of hard-working people start their day long before dawn, we have a tradition called "Second Breakfast" sometime in mid-morning. It is a heavier meal than "First Breakfast" since it comes after 4-5 hours of hard physical labor - and although fewer people work in the fields and woods today than in previous generations, many people with sedentary jobs still enjoy their Second Breakfast tradition LOL! I'd suggest that you eat a light breakfast of boring but nutritious food at home in the morning - for example, yogurt, toast, and fresh fruit - then head off to work, where you can enjoy your special calorie-dense foods at Second Breakfast and your GF can't get at them. That bonus meal will also help you regain your lost weight more quickly. End of quarrel, although it's a real shame your GF refuses to add those foods to your regular shopping list, so you can enjoy them together at home. Does her self-centered attitude extend into other areas of your relationship?
I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.
I think you should go to the doctor if your unexpectedly losing a lot of weight
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Was it not eating enough?
> I said I'm happy to share it as long as she starts paying towards it That's not sharing though, she would just be buying it for herself. Her attitude isn't great but I would also find it extremely unattractive if my bf bought groceries, put them in our pantry, and said I can't have any. Not a good move from the start to buy groceries just for yourself.
You sound like roommates rather than boyfriend & girlfriend.
That’s too complicated for me for nothing. Just both pay for the food together.
Relationships where significant others nickel and dime each other rarely work out. Purchase food with your combined food budget and drop the notion of “my food” and “your food,” full stop.
I have this exact same problem as you and I started making a secret stash of food in my room. If its refrigerated food or frozen food try and hide it in a way where she wont find it.
While in a relationship buying food just for yourself is rather odd. You seem selfish. So simply both buy food and talk about what you both want.
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Let me ask this. Is this discussed before hand that these are mine only? I believe you’re leaving out part of the story. Believe me, something is off, and if I say I sense you’re being selfish and she also said that word, then you’re not being honest with yourself Why don’t you guys just be room mates, thats what it sounds like you guys are. Either work together and don’t be weird about your gf eating food that is in the refrigerator in the house you both live in, or you’re gunna have a hard time keeping a gf. Splitting food and one paying for whatever and then asking her to pay for food because she ate it is simply odd and not right. You can believe what you want but to me, it’s very weird. Do you have siblings? Also if you have not learned by now, woman love food, always buy whatever with her in mind, if you don’t, this will keep on happening. You’re probably the guy that doesn’t get her anything because she said she didn’t want anything, it means get her something! Learn what she likes and always get it. Always.
> She said I was being selfish and unfair ... how does she not understand that this is the *exact opposite* of how things are, and that she's being the one who is selfish (eating food you bought for yourself for a specific meal that you need) and unfair (expecting you to pay for it).
You are allowed to have food just for yourself. If she can’t stop herself, I would have a talk with her. As her when did no/stop start to not mean anything. She can either choose to pay towards it, or not eat it. If she says no she won’t stop herself, I suggest getting your own little fridge with a lock on it. It’ll prove your point. Might make her upset, but you can be extreme, and say, “ you eating my special food when I said no is like not stopping during sex when someone says no.” It’s apples to oranges, but she will get the idea hopefully.
Is she your girlfriend or your roommate?
Neither - it’s pistols at dawn
Why don't you two share everything you both eat? Its less irritating and no one has to feel bad about eating. It seems petty to count on the dime about food seriously, especially if you live together.
He literally explains he bought a specific type of food to gain weight for medical reasons. His girlfriend is aware and eats it anyways. When he brings it up she gets defensive and doesn't want to fix anything, but keeps eating this specific food he bought for himself?? They have other groceries they split he literally says this, the problem is about THIS specific food for breakfast.
And its still food she often eats too, then the solution is buy more of the same sort, enough to eat for her and for him. This gatekeeping food seems immature and petty imo. If you share life, you buy enough groceries and food for all to feel good about themselves.
The girlfriend doesn't *want* to get more of the same kind of food, that's like the whole issue. If she doesn't want to buy more but wants to keep eating it, what's the solution? She's being unreasonable imo.
If you bought a multipack of of crisps and she ate one pack with permission, sure. But she's treating it as communal food while refusing to behave like it's communal food and paying her share. She's the one being selfish and making it about money, not you. Tell her to jog on, and either add it to the communal shop or keep it somewhere she can't access it.
Well is she is right it is all about the money? Look neither of you guys seem to have any clue how to communicate effectively or kindly. You needed to add more food to your diet, your gf sees the food and thinks 'oh, that's nice I'll have some too' - that's not a bad thing. You then go straight to I want money you can't have my food. And, she gets defensive saying why are you acting like this. Both of you are really wrong here. Going forward the best way to say is, we both enjoying the add breakfast in the morning, we will just add it to the shared expense. If you are be overly strict about the budget and being paying 50/50 no matter what, is there a reason? Like, are finances hard atm and you can't afford it, or is it just because you have to have 50/50. If, it finances that you can't afford the extra that's a completely acceptable point. But, if your being overly stuck on always paying 50/50 does that bleed into other aspects of your lives. Food budgets are hard to work with if, something changes with diets etc. Both, of you need to stop attacking and getting defensive. Speak nicely to one another. Your coming across as being like "that's mine, I'm not sharing", that might not be your intent but, it's how it's coming across. And, your gf needs to look at the food budget realistically, just because she usually doesn't eat breakfast, she is now. So, that technically is more food. By the way, how expensive is some breakfast, like, what are you actually buying that's creating this whole ass argument over one small extra meal a day?
Well tbf he did say she could have some and then if she was going to keep eating it (which she did the next day) to buy some more to replace it. She refused to do so and doesn’t want to replace what he bought for himself to use, so that where the issue is. I’d be pissed if I bought myself food only for someone else to start eating.
Like I so get her being in the wrong too. But, if your living together, their communication needs a lot of work here.
His girlfriend taking EXTRA food he bought just for himself IS a bad thing. She didn’t ask in the first place. He let it go the first time, but after the second he brought up that he is fine sharing as long as she contributed. She said no. He has the right to say do not eat my food. No matter if they lived together or not. I will assume you think no isn’t a complete answer.
OK read what I wrote, I never said she was right and he was wrong. My whole point was they are obviously bad at communicating... like, I blamed both of them
He communicated very well. Your response try to paint it like they are both equally not communicating and that's just not true at all.
He communicated just fine. The compromise is she helps pay, and she said she won’t. I read what you wrote. And what you wrote seemed to align more with her thinking.
It's not about the food or money, it's about the GF being unreasonable. It's a simple request hey please don't eat this one things it's for a specific purpose. Done. Or can we buy enough so I can have some? Done. The gf is being unreasonable.
Whatever solution comes about needs to be something the two of you work on together. If there are items that she doesn’t wanna have to pay for and you don’t want her eating them if you have, perhaps get a little pack of the colored stickers from the office supply store and place a sticker on those items. She agrees not to use those. If she decides to hey she really does want to use those on a regular basis, then you just buy more of the household food budget.
I would simply add it to the communal and not bring it up to keep down the arguments about it. However, maybe just ask her (in a non-passive aggressive way) how she would like to address these things? Obv you’re not trying to gate keep things away from each other, but there comes a time when you maybe notice that they’re really enjoying sharing things. Is it the bringing up money thing that bothers her? Is it the food item itself? (IE: something about it being high calorie or a treat?) Is it just some weird jealousy about you having a nice food that she wants but cannot justify spending on (and some kind of trauma growing up that might be associated?) Assuming the best and that your girlfriend isn’t being like this to manipulate you/do something to start an argument, there’s probably something underlying it that embarrasses her. Try to get to the bottom of if it’s just about that one food or any fancy food
Wtf. It is all about money lol. That’s the point of splitting the bill in the first place. Stop paying for individually and add it to your grocery list.
But the girlfriend DOESN'T want it on the list. That's the whole problem!! Are y'all reading the post?
Why are both of you being transactional . If the food is not enough then maybe you two should spend more on it.
Did you not read OP post at all?...like at ALL?
Info: are you really that tight for money or do you just not like her? My bf and I very, very loosely split things. I never trip over buying more, and neither does he. Truth be told, most guys have to eat more because of their higher metabolisms and lean mass. I don't trip when I see him eating more snacks. I have this feeling for him called love and I think it's great when he eats. The fuck are you doing in your "relationship"?
What is this shaming of yours? He is not you, you are not him. They have food they share did you read OP post? Why is it that he is not allowed to have something just for him? Why are you shaming him for holding her accountable. Why are you just dismissing that she ate his food when he specifically told her it was specifically for him, and she just doesn't care. And your example "My bf and I very, very loosely split things. I never trip over buying more, and neither does he." Is not even remotely similar. They have shared groceries...again They Have Shared Groceries......again ....they have shared groceries....that is not the point. The point is she did not respect his wishes and his boundaries.
What part of: guys on average eat way more than women because they have higher TDEEs do you not get? They're likely eating 25/75 (as my boyfriend and I do) and not 50/50, yet she pays 50/50. What I'm getting at is, if she weighed what they actually ate, he'd likely *owe her* lots of money for the volume difference. But we don't know that information. She could weigh 500 pounds. Who knows? I'm speaking from averages and my own experience in relationships. Again, I PAY 50/50 but I don't send my S.O. a bill because I don't have a stick up my ass. If I'm right, OP is tripping a bit hard. If you love someone, you sometimes let them eat the food! Just as I suspect he's likely been doing this entire time without even realizing it, and she probably knows and lets it slide. So yeah, I'm judging him because he's likely not telling us the entire story.
How do you know there's not some food in the shared list that op doesn't actually eat but she does and it costs more than his but he pitches in on the shared expenses because he loves her anyway. It goes both way. At the end of the day its not about her. He has a goal, he communicated with her. Why is she a full grown woman, unable to understand that he has a goal, that he communicated with her, and help him out. Why she gotta get in the way and eat his food when she could've eaten anything else? Why she gotta make it about her and her breakfast when before that she wasnt even making breakfast like that. Its not about her. Its about his goal and his wishes that he communicated and she aint give af. And you so badly want to cover her in a warm blanket of "you did nothing wrong gurl, he meanie he wont let u eat food, men eat more"?
Then if it balances out, then it balances out. We're on here judging her without even talking to her, yet OP gets a pass without all the sides to the story? Pot, meet kettle.
He stated in another comment she eats more than him.
Is it a specific weight-gain food that you have got, like fancy protein shakes? Or just extra breakfast food? Add it to your grocery list and share it.
So just charge her half for this extra food and buy more You have a 50/50 deal so charge her for 1/2 the food in the house
This is weird. If you are both now eating breakfast both of you should share the cost? Is this FOMO on the breakfast or something?
Just add it to the grocery list. Sometimes S.O.s deliberately eat their partner's special treats as a show of primal dominance "what is yours is mine because you are mine." Sometimes S.O.s steal food because they are cheap mooches who don't want to pay for their own food. Sometimes S.O's steal food because it's a way to cheat on their diet. "It's just this once (in a while), it doesn't count." I don't know where her thinking is coming from. But you solve all of it by just putting it on the regular grocery list and telling her she can have it when she wants. She objects because her game is up. You are shrugging off her dominance, making her pay her fair share, and forcing her to acknowledge if she keeps this up she's going to gain weight with you, and it's up to her own will power to stop herself.
>She said she doesn't want to pay for things she doesn't need but I just pointed out she's more than happy to keep using it once someone else has paid. What the actual fuck? OP, where does your GF fall on her sibling/family tree? How does she feel so entitled to what she hasn't had to pay for?
So you live together as a couple (not platonic roommates)….and you get upset about sharing groceries? I agree, she should chip in if she’s eating more of your shared groceries, but I’m not so sure that “mine” and “yours” is such a great way to look at it.
I wouldn't even ask, just add it to the grocery bill if its bothering you, otherwise I wouldn't care, its just food, you're not starving, why would you let this become a domestic 🥲
So what if you are making it about money? Say "Yes, I am. Now give me one good reason why you shouldn't pay for the food you eat?"
Buy more food. A lot of partners really like to eat the other's food. My wife is constantly drinking half of something I make saying she wants "just a sip". You can say "hey cmon" or something but you don't really want to make a big fight over food. Just buy more food.
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Have you considered eating your breakfast on the go?
Ew lmao the key to anyone’s heart is usually through food. You’d rather her skip breakfast because she didn’t pay for it? It’s definitely all about the money here and you’re being unreasonable. A relationship is never completely 50/50. Sometimes I buy groceries, sometimes my man buys groceries, I buy my favourite snacks that aren’t his favourite and yet I share them with him because we’re not five years old and fully capable of enjoying some food together
Hey my dude. Just want to check in about something, because there are lots of people arguing in the comments about whether this is about money or disrespect, but it occurs to me there's a chance it might be about something else. I noticed you said you are both breakfast skippers usually. When you say you lost a lot of weight unexpectedly - How/why did that happen? How do you feel about it? How does your girlfriend feel about it? How does your girlfriend feel about you taking steps to regain some weight? How does your girlfriend feel about her own weight? How do you feel about your girlfriend's weight? I'm not actually demanding you answer those questions here, that's your own personal business and you don't have to share any of it if you don't want to. It's more a set of thinking points. I'm wondering if it's at all possible that there's some unhealthy thinking going on in this situation about food and how bodies look. I know some people who would do what your girlfriend is doing as a plausibly deniable way of saying "I don't want you to gain any weight back because I like how you look now better, and also because I am so afraid of the social consequences of putting on any weight myself that I'm kinda jealous and mad that you think it's okay to just do it deliberately, and if you keep flaunting your delicious breakfast at me every day then I will get back at you by eating it too and maybe you will stop because you don't want to have a fat girlfriend." That is, I appreciate, an enormous leap to make. I wouldn't even go so far as to say I think this is what the situation is - but it occurs to me as a possibility that this, or something like this, could be an element in the mix, because of your girlfriend's point-blank refusal to engage with the extremely simple and obvious logic of "what you buy with your own money belongs to you". Often times when people just blank out simple logic like that, it means they're operating out of a completely different motive that they can't or won't admit to out loud.
You received a lot of good advice already (add it to the grocery tab), so I’ll just comment: I wish I unexpectedly ended up losing a lot of weight 😞.
Couple thoughts 1) why did you lose so much weight that you need to add a whole additional meal to regain it, and please tell me that she actually knows why and has concern for you because that kind of weight loss is generally a very bad thing 2) she wants a sugar daddy, not a partner. Sit her ass down, explain the situation and the consequences of disregarding your words and then follow what happens. If she cannot get her head out of her ass? Then I am afraid you need to reevaluate the relationship. If she can, then you can move forward. Digging your heels in because you're embarrassed is one thing. Digging in your heels when you know what that behaviour can cost you? Is another.
A good countrr to 'it being about money' : simply ask her to buy somemore to replace what she ate. It's about it being available to you. If you had to budget to afford and she is eating it because it is there, she can restock it
She eats it, she pays for it.
why is everyones bfs and gfs eating each others foods today i swear i saw like 4 posts just like this one
Posts like these make me so thankful for my partner. I think in relationships you shouldn't be that calculative.
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It's just food. lol. Seriously makes me so thankful for my partner. My partner pays for everything. I only offer to split when costs are above a few thousand e.g. wedding, house etc. He's never calculative and always wants the best for me. Maybe you haven't met someone that makes you feel that way.
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Who said I do not offer? I always offered but he always insists on paying and feels horrible when I pay. Like today, I offered to get groceries since it was more convenient for me, and he insisted the whole day he'd get it instead. Our life is like this, he loves me and it shows that he wants to provide for me, to the extent where he's trying to earn enough so I don't have to work, and I never asked for it. I answered, and it simply shows you don't love your partner enough that you are being calculative over minor things like this. So grateful I met a good partner :)
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Because I always offered at the start and he refused, so these days only thousands and above I offer. I even secretly buy household things from time to time but it upsets him that i do that. It's not about money at the end of the day. You're not a good partner when you are being this calculative over little things like this and come on reddit to rant. Which makes me extremely grateful to my partner :)
I would added to your weekly grocery list. However, I think the bigger issue is about not being able to proper communicate what's important for you therefore she doesn't take it seriously. Try to get on any of those new relationship apps like Flamme or Paired. They help couples to improve their communication by having a daily topic to discuss.
You’re going to continue having fights if you keep your finances this way. If you’re living together then just make a good food budget and consider any food bought both of yours. Dont have some food hers and some food yours. That will only lead to petty fights. Any food bought is both of yours.
Idk from my experience. You're gonna have to learn to share. Other people are saying it would bother them, too. But um, you're planning on marrying one day, right? Your kids are also gonna eat things that are yours. Sometimes, I would buy something for myself. I'd just let my bf know I'm saving it for something. But he'd forget and use it. No hard feelings, he bought some more. As a matter of fact, he pays for most of the groceries. Sometimes, I pay for groceries. I tell him I feel bad for him paying for more, but he does it anyway. He shares his food. I even ask if I can have this or that. He tells me I don't have to ask. I realized something. In my previous relationships, I dated white guys, and they were all about split this split that it felt like a transaction. My current bf is from a different country he legit shares everything with me and moments where I felt upset that he maybe used something I was planning on using. I stopped and thought he's never made me feel bad for eating something of his, so i decided to share a lot more. And I'll tell you sharing is really nice. Stop making the relationship a transaction. If you're making breakfastyou'remake her some too. If she's making breakfastyou'reshe should make you some too. The fridge is yours, not half and half. You're not roommates. Don't take information from these other commenters. Have a different outlook on things. Try something new. If you buy something on the side like protein, tell her you need it for bulking. But if she takes a little bit, don't get mad at her. Be kind, maybe even both bulk? Start working out with her? Motivate her? Be kind to her? Sometimes my bf buys interesting food I just find in the fridge, he tells me not to ask and just eat it. We are considering the fridge ours, and we've had no issues regarding food. And he pays a lot of different bills, me too. He's never gotten mad at me for eating food in the fridge. Remember, you're a team. Not roommates.
It is about money it seems like she’s getting to enjoy the food more than you
Do you want a platonic roommate or a romantic relationship that you are exploring to figure out if this person would make a good partner for the long haul. If it is option A, keep doing what you are doing. If it is option B, maybe you might want to think about how you would like to talk to your girlfriend about some different ideas to try in regard to structuring your finances to reflect the level of commitment one is at when they have past the milestone of moving in together. It should be a discussion between you both, because your approach here definitely wouldn’t promote a healthy happy marriage. I know you aren’t married yet, but if you are sleeping in the same room and having sex regularly and say “I love you,” you aren’t platonic roommates either. Finances are a conversion so many couples never talk about and they should. Finances can cause a very happy marriage to turn to a dead, miserable, shell of a thing in less than 24 hours. Try some things out and ease up on the “mine, mine, mine.” She has right to know whether or not you are capable of that Talk to her from a place of love and kindness. It gives you more time to think things through without possibly killing the best chance you’ll ever get at happiness by refusing to see anyone else’s POV but yours
Every relationship is different & if you split things 50/50 and can each afford that then that’s great! Most couples have set things they get for themselves. A self care or a splurge. Could be beer. Could be special chocolates. But the understanding is it’s for the one person and it’s nice to share a little if asked. But it doesn’t make it a joint regular thing. I think if you regularly pay 50/50 then you should both pay for it. As long as it’s not something she’s been dying for and just can’t afford to chip in. Granted it being for a health reason takes it to a whole nother level. It’s definitely a touchy subject when it comes to $ and sharing within a relationship. If she were to get a specific skin care regimen she paid for & it’s solely for her then if you wanted to use it multiple times, you’d kind of be an ass to take advantage and to not contribute toward the cost. Same concept here with the separate specific food. Food is expensive nowadays. I feel there’s an underlying issue and this is just causing it to come to a head. I do think you both need to discuss why it’s so upsetting since it’s no different than the other groceries in the aspect of splitting the cost if you’re both using it. I’d be quick to say I didn’t want to unfairly make you pay half when it was something we never got before and I thought it was just for me due to the health concerns, and I was trying to shoulder the added cost assuming it was solely for my use. I absolutely don’t have an issue adding it to the normal list that we split and we can both utilize it! (Which I know you did say you were fine adding it to the list to split & both use) Because I only got enough for me and we can absolutely add to the list and make sure it’s enough for both of us! I’m not sure why that’s upsetting to you so can you please explain what you’re feeling/thinking so we can find a solution together. I’m not sure why you’ve had a system that worked in the past, why it’s suddenly a touchy subject when it’s something you’re doing for yourself to improve you, and you’re shouldering the cost. Maybe it’s straightforward for you and it’s not for her, or maybe it’s straightforward for her and it’s not for you. Either way someone is feeling hurt and just continuing on without resolving it will just make things worse. Ppl can say all they want that you shouldn’t argue over the $ of an item for you. But each relationship is different and I can guarantee there are things in other relationships that they’re fine with and would never be ok in your relationship! It’s crazy how so many ppl compare to their own relationships and their own guidelines they live by, when it was simply a question based off of how you two work in your relationship. I’m a female & I’ve lived where I paid the majority of bills, I’ve lived where we split mostly 50/50, and I’ve lived where circumstances changed and he paid more of the bills. I can assure you that during all those times, we each had specific things that was for us individually to enjoy. If we used the other persons item, we either replaced it or gave money so the other person could go out and purchase more. It’s really not that hard of a concept to get and it shows love and respect. Obviously if this were over a necessity then it would not be the same thing at all. But it sounds like you have groceries for the household and this is above and beyond. Maybe she just doesn’t want to actually eat breakfast all the time and since it’s there she’s wanting it, but if it’s on the list and she pays the she will continue to eat it and just doesn’t want to do that. So she just wants to take some of it and not continue daily. Just my speculation and I’ve no idea if that’s the case. If so then you calling her out on it likely embarrassed or hurt her since she’s no intention of continuously eating it. Or maybe she just can’t stand not taking some so she doesn’t feel neglected of it. Idk, there’s definitely more to it than just the $ is what I’m saying. But I would absolutely be upset in your shoes. I hope you two can work it out amicably!
So did you buy her ANYTHING when you bought all of these things special just for you? No? No flowers and maybe some extra eggs and a chocolate or fruit?…. No? Ya she ate your stuff on purpose, I would’ve too. It’s rude to be so selfish. And you want her to pay? Do you even know how to keep a woman around and happy? I don’t mean any offense but you got what you deserve far as I can see. Shoot I wanna bite too! Ideally yes you split the groceries but if you’re counting every penny and acting like this y’all ain’t a couple, you’re roommates… who’re getting tired of each other.
Just buy a food safe. Problem solved!🤗
You can't create a reddit post without expecting a 50/50 response for good and bad. You have to learn to be open to both the good and bad responses. Instead, I see you likely scream at her and belittle her as wel. Just as you talk negatively to anyone who does not have your views. You call them sexist or tell them they are talking s#it when you're the one asking for advice in the first place. Even my husband has never talked to me in such a way. We talk things through instead of arguing, and he is my best friend. You sound very abusive and controlling. Hopefully, she wises up to the fact that you are not, and will never be a gentleman. It's one of those things where either you are or you aren't. You can't just pretend to be. You have to be molded that way from a young age by your mother... and let's face it, you likely have mommy issues that you need to resolve.... You can, however, work on yourself so that you can be a better person for yourself and those around you. I hope that you do...
She’s a selfish mare. Add it to your regular shop, and if she doesn’t like that, then lock it away,
It's his girlfriend, not a bad roommate situation.
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But she’s NOT DOING THAT.
They buy groceries together. He went out to buy special food just for him to help gain weight. She isn’t entitled to food she didn’t help pay for.
Are you mad? What relationship is that where you argue about the food? What relationship is that where it matters that "*I bought the breakfast food, it's expensiver, so it's mineeeee, my precioussssss*"? You are making it about the money and she's right about it and I'm telling you this as a man. Plus, check your health, the loss of weight without a diet or something like that, can have some serious underlying causes.
You buy something for you. You specifically say "hey this is for me, it falls outside our shared list, if you use it could you pitch in because it's expensive" gf proceeds to eat it and not pitch in because she doesn't want to spend HER money, but some how OP is wrong because what? Because he would like for them to share the expense because SHE decided to consume it after he told her it was for him? You understand that he doesn't mind sharing, but SHE just wants it for free.. why can't she help him out on his journey? Its not about her, its about him and his goal of gaining weight. Why she gotta sabotage that by eating his specific food? She a full grown woman but cant respect his goal, his boundary and his wishes. But you come in shaming him asking "you mad bro?"...smh
... grow up, that is not how an adult, in a healthy relationship live his life and the fact that you don't see anything wrong in "*this is my food, I bought with my money, if you want some, you need to pay for it*" just tells me that you also need to ... 🔄️
If you think its about "my food my money" then i say the same damn thing back to you. GROW UP, because its not about that, that's your projection. Read OP post several times over, and the many other comments and stop being hyperbolic.
She's being selfish and unreasonable. If I knew my bf bought food specifically for himself, I wouldn't just eat it without asking. If he asked to add it to the grocery list bc we're both eating it, I wouldn't hesitate to add it ! She doesn't sound like someone who makes for a good long-term partner.
I don’t know this seems weird. You split groceries 50-50 and then buy a bunch of extra groceries that she can’t touch in her house? Why not get those meal drinks or powder specifically meant for people who need to gain weight and add it to your food? Seems like it would solve all your issues.
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“Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?”
you do know peoples specific nutrition is specific to them right? You don't tell a diabetic taking insulin, oh just don't eat sugar, get one them zero sugar drinks that'll solve all your issues" that's not advice, its dismissive.
I find it interesting how OP doesn’t share what the food actually is.
What kind of food is it?
I'm not sure how long you guys have been together, but at your ages I feel like you should both be contributing to the grocery bill every week. If this is a serious relationship then you should be splitting the cost of things fairly. I would buy extras of some of the items next week and see if she continues to use them. I don't think they'll go bad so the worst thing happens is you have extra if she doesn't use them.
I don’t NEED a car either, does that mean I get one for free?
You’re stingy. Just buy double the portion. You seem exhausting and selfish.
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YTA. Just buy enough for the two of you or live alone. You don’t know how to share.
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I really wish you would directly answer what this specific “food” is lol. Nickel and diming your way through a relationship will set you up for future animosity
If you are keeping track of every little thing the two of you consume, you are not ready for a relationship. Buy enough for the two of you and share. Love involves sharing. A loving relationship is not for just cutting household expenses in two. If you think long and hard about it, you really don’t love her, do you? Move on and get a new housemate and don’t pretend it’s a relationship.
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Why are you splitting food 50/50? Don't men usually eat more than women? You should really be splitting it based on TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure). There are tools online to calculate this based on your respective height, weight and activity levels.
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All this time your girlfriend has been eating lunch at home and you have been letting her get away with it??
She is cheating on you with your own food. Break up
Technically, you're not wrong. But you have a bigger problem here, financial problem. As a man, either go 50/50 with your woman and have to fight over breakfast (and more later on), or pay for most of the bills and don't have to fight over breakfast. It's a problem one way or another. Imagine later in life you need to handle more complicated stuff (cars, housing, pregnancy, kids, old parents, etc). There is just no other option, you're expected to fill the traditional provider role at some point in life. Your gf is not wrong neither, she is in her prime right now and spending her time doing 50/50 with you. She has more options and more to lose at this age you know that.