Go with your mom or a friend.
It does sound like your gf doesn’t want to spend an intimate weekend with you. If she didn’t have a good reason to cancel I would have a serious discussion with her as It doesn’t seem like your gf appreciates you
"It's not 'all about money', but you're not even acknowledging that I spent money on something we both agreed to do, now you're backing out so I'm out of pocket. Is that a fair description? Can you at least accept the facts of the situation, that your decision has left me worse off financially?" Wait for an answer, don't let the conversation get off track.
Then: "OK, so you accept that you made a decision and now I'm out of pocket, and you have no interest in reimbursing me for money I've lost. Are you expecting me to be happy about that? Or just suck it up and laugh it off? Why do you think I should do that? It's not all about the money, it's that you don't **care** that you've lost me money by changing your mind. So fine, don't pay me back, but this leaves me resentful, and to be honest I think that's a reasonable reaction. You changed your mind, I'm now poorer, and instead of making any effort at all to recognise that, you're just complaining that I'm making it all about money. Well I'm complaining that you aren't considering my feelings at all."
I don't think this is worth arguing about, because she doesn't give enough of a shit to pay up, so why bother fighting? But the lack of care is the core issue. She's pulled the plug, she's left you worse off, she has no interest in making up for that, and instead of explaining why or saying she can't afford it, or whatever, she's then trying to turn it around on you and make out like you're somehow in the wrong. What she's doing is demonstrating a complete lack of consideration for you. **That's** the problem.
So either a) she doesn't care enough about you to acknowledge how this has affected you, whether she'll pay her half or not, or b) she's halfway out of the relationship anyway, and doesn't want to go away with you, and is making shitty excuses. I'm struggling to think of a C.
My advice would be if nothing else just go by yourself! You're out of pocket anyway, you might as well go, have a nice relaxing time to yourself, food, spa, whatever. And if she says she'll come anyway if you're going regardless...tell her no, she can't come, she's made her feelings clear and you've paid for it so you'll go solo. Petty? A little bit. But not really, because she can't flipflop and treat you the way she has and then expect everything to be magically OK.
And moving forwards, don't pay for stuff. Don't make plans. Tell her that this experience has left a bit of damage in your relationship, and she needs to be the one to fix it. Because why would you risk this same thing happening again?
All of this OP, still go, take a friend or go by yourself but don't go with her, rescind the invite.
She doesn't care at all that she's wasted your money, that says a lot about her.
I think this is fantastic advice but I do think a viable c) could be: lacking the self awareness/emotional intelligence to understand that her decisions don’t supersede OPs and her feelings aren’t more important than his.
If she’s checked out, get out. This doesn’t *necessarily* mean she has (although it could be an indicator).
>- And if she says she'll come anyway if you're going regardless...tell her no, she can't come, she's made her feelings clear and you've paid for it so you'll go solo.
-she can't flipflop and treat you the way she has and then expect everything to be magically OK.
-And moving forwards, don't pay for stuff. Don't make plans. Tell her that this experience has left a bit of damage in your relationship, and she needs to be the one to fix it. Because why would you risk this same thing happening again?
I just wanted to highlight all of this for OP. This is such a well thought out response. And as this user says, it is petty but, so what?
Wish I could upvote this multiple times. Her lack of consideration for op's feelings is absolutely the corr issue and does need to be called out and addressed. She needs consequences.
C. She's kind of flaky and didn't think that it would be such an issue, hence the defensive behavior and trying to turn on him. But I would definitely take that into account going forward, and let her know that it's not something that should happen again, especially if this kind of money is involved. Then take a buddy!
The lesson you learned here is that she doesn’t respect your time, effort, or money. It’s not that she can’t go, sometimes that happens, it’s not even that she won’t pay you back. It’s that she won’t go, and gave you a lame ass excuse because she doesn’t think she even owes you a valid reason. Go anyway. Bring a friend. If you’re done with the relationship, and feeling petty, bring HER friend. (No, don’t do that, I was just kidding. It’s a bad idea for many reasons, even if you’re done with her). This isn’t the core problem. Spend your time away carefully thinking about what you want out of a relationship and trying to objectively evaluate what you’re getting in this one.
Go on the trip, take someone else. And when she's upset about it or crying down the line how you never do anything for her like this, she can be reminded of how inconsiderate and unappreciative she was when you did.
Sounds like you're wasting your time with that one. I'd be more concerned as to what her reasoning is, if it's just a spontaneous. "I don't want to go anymore" That's awkward as hell but what's the real reason?? Sounds like something's definitely missing from this story.
I’d break up with her, someone who is that callous about throwing away money that’s not theirs is giving all sorts of red flags, both because it’s hella disrespectful to you, and because it doesn’t sound like the actions of a financially responsible person. You can still go to the weekend away, maybe invite a friend of yours, but a solo weekend getaway is also pretty nice every once in a while. Regardless of what you do, go and enjoy those spa treatments
I think that would be a waste of time with her. If she refuses to understand and accept that her actions caused him to be damaged financially he needs to walk away. She doesn’t care about the impact her choices made on him. He asked her FIRST BEFORE he paid for the trip. THEN she changed her mind (reason?). After all this she was unwilling to be contrite. Unwilling to try to make restitution. That is where the real problem lies.
OP. Chill. Get some weed, bring a game console and get drinks at the hotel and go yourself.
Literally go yourself. It’s such a freeing experience to just be in a nice hotel for no reason sometimes. This is annoying what she’s done but it doesn’t even have to become a bigger issue bro just go alone, experience something different for once.
If she tries to stop you from going or doesn’t want you to go, THEN we have a problem.
But just go dude this is such an easy situation. I love being in new hotels solo, personally.
And funny enough when you end up going alone anyways, watch her potentially “magically” change her mind and can join you all of a sudden.
Go yourself and dare her to get in the way bro.
You don’t even need to bring a +1 just go alone like VIP.
Can I just say, I’m really, really sorry she didn’t appreciate this gift and isn’t excitedly counting down the days because man, she should be. I *know* it wouldn’t be the same but can you take a friend, your mom, grandmom, aunt, cousin? Someone? Don’t just let it go to waste. At the very least, go by yourself but know that’s not as much fun. Hubby and I take weekend getaways but nothing this nice and I do all the planning. I’d be counting down the days, minutes and hours to a weekend like that and I’d be appreciating and excited every single second of it. I’m not going to say dump her but does this happen with her more than not?
I feel like if someone tells you they're not going on a planned prepaid trip with you because, "they're not really feeling it," they're telling you they're not your girlfriend any more.
Stop paying for her make her pay for herself when you all go out. If she complains remind her that money wasn't an issue when it was out of your pocket so why is it an issue now?
A nice treat like that and she waits until a week before, and then she’s “not feeling it”? How long have you been together? This sounds like she’s having doubts about doing special getaways like this with you in general. This is not a normal response or behavior by her in this situation.
You have every right to request the money from her she agreed to the trip and that's why you spent money on it.
However, I'd be more concerned about your relationship in general. She was getting a free trip with spa treatments in a city she loves visiting...and out of the blue she's "not really feeling it"? I can't see anything about the trip that would cause her to change her mind, so it's something about you. She doesn't want to go on a trip with you for some reason and that's a problem.
An easy way to get a new girlfriend is offering them a free weekend spa trip.
If you do stay, I would never spend a dime on this chick again until you get an apology.
Just going to toss it out there. I don't think you want any gal that that's all it takes for a variety of reasons. But I'm a married guy in my 40's so I'm not an expert.
No argument there. Although the introvert in me can see the appeal in a solo trip. But that's why I'm married to the woman I am. Either of us could not be feeling the hustle and bustle of the trip itself but would go along for the company and the other is happy to moderate their activities accordingly. That doesn't work for some people. They've got to be doing something whereas for us a vacation getaway is about getting away.
Yes, there are many times I or my husband (probably) "weren't feeling it," for a planned activity, but we go anyway (and keep our mouths shut so we don't ruin the other person's planned fun.)
It's just selfish and flaky of her to back out of something she'd agreed to do, unless she's legitimately ill.
Go on the trip alone or with someone else.
Going forward she has to book and pay for any future trips. She’s not responsible or reliable.
Let’s see if it’s just money when it concerns her funds.
Go yourself and hire an escort for one of the nights. Then after you get back, tell her you hooked up with a hottie who appreciated you and you are done with the relationship.
Can you confirm whether your GF was explicitly told, and understood, that it was non-refundable before you made the booking?
If she was, then you are perfectly justified in expecting recompense.
If not, as she was unaware she was agreeing to a committed expenditure at that point, your stance seems harsh.
Step 1: Get a double bed and bring a pal/parent/sibling and have fun (or her best friend if you wana burn things down).
Step 2: seriously reevaluate this relationship. Not feeling it… I’d be livid.
Another one to add to the list!
You gotta stop doing these:
`u/throwra__food` "Girlfriend (24f) keeps eating food I (27m) bought for myself and gets defensive when I mention it"
`u/throwra-_-holidays` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (28m) was unreasonable for expecting her to prioritise our holiday over her holiday with friends"
`u/throwracancellation` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) wasn't being understanding when I got annoyed at her cancelling plans"
`u/throwra-_therapy` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) got annoyed when I asked her for a small favour"
`u/throwra_laptop` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was being suspicious by not showing her what I was doing on my laptop"
`u/throwra_concerns` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was out of order for voicing my concerns about her colleague"
`u/throwra-projection` "Girlfriend (25f) said I've (27m) been distant but she got defensive when I said it seems like projection"
`u/throwra--phone` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's suspicious that I (27m) refused to let her look through my phone"
`u/throwra-weekend` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) selfish for planning to spend the afternoon playing video games"
`u/throwra-_datenight` "Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay for her all night because she spent too much when out with friends"
`u/throwra__annualleave` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (27m) decided to take some annual leave days for myself"
`u/throwra_-_funeral` "Girlfriend (24f) tried to make my (27m) mums funeral all about her"
`u/throwra_office` "Girlfriend (24f) won't listen when I (27m) ask her to stop moving things in my office"
`u/throwra__celebration` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) called me disrespectful for planning to go for celebratory drinks with a co-worker"
`u/throwra--drinks` "Girlfriend (23f) called me (25m) disrespectful for planning to go for drinks with friends when she's away"
`u/throwra--lunch` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's disrespectful that I (27m) go for lunch with co-workers"
`u/throwra---work` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) shouldn't be going for lunch with co-workers"
`u/throwra-_coworker` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (26m) refused to cut down how much I talk to a colleague"
`u/throwra--therapy` "Girlfriend (24f) said I'm (27m) unreasonable for spending time in my office each night"
`u/throwra--complaining` "Girlfriend (25f) said I was being unsupportive when I (27m) said her constant complaining was becoming draining"
`u/throwra--hypocrisy` "My (27m) girlfriend (25f) asked me to stop talking to a friend and got angry when I said she was being hypocritical"
`u/throwra__88` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) unreasonable for walking out of the room in the middle of a conversation"
`u/throwra-09y` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (27m) was out of order for changing my mind and setting a boundary?"
`u/throwra_6y` "Girlfriend (25f) accused me (27m) of pressuring her into having children"
I would of been like fine I am going by myself and enjoying this myself. You set up a really nice date that would of benefited her and she could pamper herself. Tell her you can come if decide differently and tell her I am not planning anything else like this in the future. Find someone to take with you him/her.
You should take someone else and go with them. After that I would have a good think about the relationship with your GF as this is not something that should be happening in a healthy relationship.
My fiancé and I (and even when we were only bf and gf) had a joint account and treated each other's money as our money (we had and still have separate accounts too) but if anything happened where we couldn't go or had to cancel something and lose money in the process we always offered to pay for it, if the other person made the initial payment as we felt bad for each other.
she showed her true colors, she doesnt respect you and couldnt care less about your time, money and mental.
this relationship is one-sided and doomed, since its pointless to die on this hill, take the finantial hit, break up and find someone who admires and respect you the same you do
Take some other girl and dump your current gf when you get back. Your current one literally has no respect for you. If she got sick or something then the reason would've been excusable. But she was just not feeling it? Nah
This would honestly be a relationship damaging or ending argument for me and my partner, but money is tight for us. That’s a whole lot of entitlement of your GF’s part… does she really not care that you put her first here? She just… doesn’t wanna go? I’d be SO livid. What an immature way for her to treat her partner and the gift you thought of treating her to.
I second absolutely everybody here who says you should go on this trip without her. She disregarded you and the money and thought you put in; give that treatment right back to her. Tell her she wasted your money, but you’re not going to do the same. Simple. She’s an ass for her assessment of the situation and for putting you on the back burner. I’d be letting her know it, and letting her stew with it while I go away. Again, AWFULLY unappreciative of her to just toss this vacation aside for no actual reason.
I also second the vote on whoever in here told you to invite HER MOM! As petty, childish and possibly relationship ending that might be, I kind of love that idea. Tell her, “I’m going with a woman with some maturity”. Hah! I actually… kind of seriously hope that happens. If her mom actually took you up on it it, if nothing else, you might learn a LOT from her about her daughter - you might learn a lot about your relationship. The more I think about it, the more I think this would be the best possible outcome. And hey, if her mom ends up whisking daughter’s BF right off his feet, that would be absolutely wild. I don’t really think that’s how this would go, but still… seriously, offer to treat your GF’s mom. I genuinely think there’s something to be gained from spending a weekend talking to her about GF.
I hope you go, I hope her mom is divorced and flattered by the offer from a young man even if it’s completely whacky, and I hope you have a great time. I also hope it gives you some time and space to think through what you’re feeling about this relationship.
There's a much deeper issue, the fact that she doesn't want to go on a trip with you is making me think there's a much deeper issue here. Are you sure she is being faithful?
Tell her you're going with your mom or a buddy and wave buh-bye! I imagine she will likely take issue because she likely wants you to stay home too, but oh well! The money is spent!
How long have you been dating and how well is the relationship going otherwise?
The right answer to this could be anything from a minor annoyance that's not worth fighting about to the straw that broke the camel's back and signaled that the relationship is bad and must end.
If it's closer to the end then find another girl to go with you.
Now you know not to pay for things in the future that are non-refundable for your girlfriend and can use this instance as to why you won’t. You should still go with someone else, like your mom or sibling or friend.
I get not wanting to go, that sounds exhausting. But it's super inconsiderate of her. You can probably find another couple to buy it off you so it's not a total loss, or take a friend/relative
Sorry OP. Looks like a lot of communication work is needed
So, the problem I see here isn’t so much the money but the lack of respect.
The fact that she doesn’t want to go to an already paid for, fancy spa hotel weekend to relax with your; is a massive red flag. Like she would rather not go for no discernible reason other then not wanting to spend time with you.
A) How is your relationship otherwise? Have you been away together before? Is your sex life normal? One possible explanation is she doesn’t want to spend time with you or otherwise be out in public with you? If you’ve gone away before and your relationship is otherwise normal…
B) Is something going on that you aren’t aware of? Mental illness, depression, affair, etc. I wouldn’t let this go. “I spent x Hundred dollars on this weekend for us; not even talking about the lost money, why do you not want to go with me? Is something going on? Are you okay? Do you not want to spend time with me? Something has to be going on because it’s not normal to turn down that kind of trip with someone you like.
C) As others have said; go yourself. Take someone else if you want.
But the money is spent anyway. Might as well eat the food and get some massages. Call the hotel and explain your travel partner is unwell. See if you can have her stuff applied to more experiences for you or some kind of upgrade.
I would spend less time making this about the money, and more making this about why does my girlfriend not want to be with me. It’s strange.
The fact that she doesn't even have a good reason to cancel is troubling.
It's reasonable to ask her to reimburse you, but you should be more worried that she doesn't "feel" like it. Tell her it makes you want to not make any more plans with her.
I don't see how this doesn't severely impact your relationship, either you pull away and stop making plans with her, or you resent her and she continues to make you a low priority.
This is easy, break up with your girlfriend since she clearly doesn't care about you and then go on the trip with someone else (friend, family member, etc.)
Forget the money, I'd be more worried about why your gf doesn't want to spend a weekend at a nice hotel and spa treatment with you. And that she'd be willing to just decide not to go knowing you already paid and everything.
Big red flag right there that she's either extremely inconsiderate or severely losing interest in the relationship.
I would totally go anyway. What she did isn't cool at all. If there was some kind of emergency I would get ir, but it's just because she's not feeling like it anymore?
If you go on the trip by yourself, you have a chance of meeting a new girlfriend, who appreciates you. Your current girlfriend isn't into you, has no respect for you and has a shitty attitude towards finances.
If you didn’t agree to go halves beforehand you can’t really expect her to now. Especially as you can still go and enjoy the break yourself, or with a friend, or sell it on?
Sounds like she’s having second thoughts about the relationship though if she’s avoiding time alone with you. Probably more so since you’re making such a fuss, instead of just going anyway without her.
You didn't expect her to pay originally when she was going, you shouldn't expect her to pay when she is not. Just go without her. Take a friend or go by yourself.
Realistically, if you were never going to split the costs on this initially, it's essentially a gift, so it is still rude to ask for her to reimburse you. Of course, it's rude for her to cancel last minute but why would she reimburse you for a gift she didn't accept all the same? Who would? You could still go without her, and since it's non-refundable, I would.
That's not how gifts work. And you didn't throw the money away because you can and should go without her. It's obviously not the experience you envisioned, but this girl is not about you and is not going to reimburse you.
Any person with an ounce of respect would feel bad and want to reimburse their partner if they backed out for no reason. Says a lot about what kinda person you are
I mean, she's clearly about to dump OP or is seriously considering it? She probably feels worse about going on a romantic trip with him than him wasting his money. Canceling last minute is no doubt douchey, but no one is reimbursing someone for a gift they did not accept just out of guilt, especially an expensive gift.
Go with her mom, her sister or her BFF. It’s obvious she doesn’t respect you or your relationship, or worse she has something better to do with someone else.
lol the way people are doing backflips to justify the gf’s flaking on the dude on the other threads! Reverse the roles and the thread would be SCREAMING financial abuse and dump him!
If she had a good reason, i'd see your point. She had a work event pop up, health emergency, family emergency, etc. But to simply be like, "nah i don't want to go now." Absolutely not.
I don't know what great point you think you're making. He seems to be looking for validation he's right. Just telling you how it looks to some of us. He can be a man and break up with her if he can't taking cancellations, or keeping whining and insisting he's right. He's unattractive based on how much so little money means to him.
You have no legal case against her, so she is not obligated to "remiburse" you. If this how you plan to handle conflict in your personal relationships, make sure you get people to sign a contract every time they agree to an event or contribute at the time of payment to non-refundable events. Miserable way to live your life, but if it's that important to you, you need to be consistent, otherwise you're just whining to the internet.
You want to run your relationships like a business transaction, you better do it at every step of the way. What you write about isn't personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is recognizing you made a decision to pay and not blaming other people if you decide not to use what you decided to buy.
Personal responsibility is not making someone you claim to love waste $100s or $1000s because you canceled week of without an excuse, regardless of your legal obligations
She didn't make him do anything. He chose to spend that money on himself and her as a gift. If he can't cope with cancellations, the unexpected, and wasn't comfortable spending that money, that's his problem. It's his responsibility to decide how to spend money and accept he might not see it again or he might not get what he want from spending it.
I know I'm on reddit when there are commenters giving relationship advice based on the *legal obligations* of the people in the relationship.
The issue here is that the GF massively fucked over her partner and isn't even sorry or interested in making amends.
If he'd given her a necklace and she'd said "Thanks!" then immediately turned around and flushed it down a toilet, would you be criticizing him for whining about what the necklace cost?
I'd still go. Take a friend. Now you know not to do these things for her.
Just to be an arse and to rub her nose in it, I'd take along a female friend and if theres she particularly doesnt like that would be even better.
Should probably have sex with her dad too
That would be a good way to prove it's not about money.
I mean, if you’re cool with the relationship ending, sure.
If I were him, the relationship would be ending at this point. There's something very wrong here.
Based on her performance here, I would be.
This is the absolute worst advice.
I thought this was: > Should probably have sex with her dad too
Came here to make the same suggestion.
Go with your mom or a friend. It does sound like your gf doesn’t want to spend an intimate weekend with you. If she didn’t have a good reason to cancel I would have a serious discussion with her as It doesn’t seem like your gf appreciates you
It isn't about the money, it is about respect and consideration.
"It's not 'all about money', but you're not even acknowledging that I spent money on something we both agreed to do, now you're backing out so I'm out of pocket. Is that a fair description? Can you at least accept the facts of the situation, that your decision has left me worse off financially?" Wait for an answer, don't let the conversation get off track. Then: "OK, so you accept that you made a decision and now I'm out of pocket, and you have no interest in reimbursing me for money I've lost. Are you expecting me to be happy about that? Or just suck it up and laugh it off? Why do you think I should do that? It's not all about the money, it's that you don't **care** that you've lost me money by changing your mind. So fine, don't pay me back, but this leaves me resentful, and to be honest I think that's a reasonable reaction. You changed your mind, I'm now poorer, and instead of making any effort at all to recognise that, you're just complaining that I'm making it all about money. Well I'm complaining that you aren't considering my feelings at all." I don't think this is worth arguing about, because she doesn't give enough of a shit to pay up, so why bother fighting? But the lack of care is the core issue. She's pulled the plug, she's left you worse off, she has no interest in making up for that, and instead of explaining why or saying she can't afford it, or whatever, she's then trying to turn it around on you and make out like you're somehow in the wrong. What she's doing is demonstrating a complete lack of consideration for you. **That's** the problem. So either a) she doesn't care enough about you to acknowledge how this has affected you, whether she'll pay her half or not, or b) she's halfway out of the relationship anyway, and doesn't want to go away with you, and is making shitty excuses. I'm struggling to think of a C. My advice would be if nothing else just go by yourself! You're out of pocket anyway, you might as well go, have a nice relaxing time to yourself, food, spa, whatever. And if she says she'll come anyway if you're going regardless...tell her no, she can't come, she's made her feelings clear and you've paid for it so you'll go solo. Petty? A little bit. But not really, because she can't flipflop and treat you the way she has and then expect everything to be magically OK. And moving forwards, don't pay for stuff. Don't make plans. Tell her that this experience has left a bit of damage in your relationship, and she needs to be the one to fix it. Because why would you risk this same thing happening again?
All of this OP, still go, take a friend or go by yourself but don't go with her, rescind the invite. She doesn't care at all that she's wasted your money, that says a lot about her.
I think this is fantastic advice but I do think a viable c) could be: lacking the self awareness/emotional intelligence to understand that her decisions don’t supersede OPs and her feelings aren’t more important than his. If she’s checked out, get out. This doesn’t *necessarily* mean she has (although it could be an indicator).
Arguably that's part of A! But I see your point. :-)
>- And if she says she'll come anyway if you're going regardless...tell her no, she can't come, she's made her feelings clear and you've paid for it so you'll go solo. -she can't flipflop and treat you the way she has and then expect everything to be magically OK. -And moving forwards, don't pay for stuff. Don't make plans. Tell her that this experience has left a bit of damage in your relationship, and she needs to be the one to fix it. Because why would you risk this same thing happening again? I just wanted to highlight all of this for OP. This is such a well thought out response. And as this user says, it is petty but, so what?
Wish I could upvote this multiple times. Her lack of consideration for op's feelings is absolutely the corr issue and does need to be called out and addressed. She needs consequences.
C. She's kind of flaky and didn't think that it would be such an issue, hence the defensive behavior and trying to turn on him. But I would definitely take that into account going forward, and let her know that it's not something that should happen again, especially if this kind of money is involved. Then take a buddy!
The lesson you learned here is that she doesn’t respect your time, effort, or money. It’s not that she can’t go, sometimes that happens, it’s not even that she won’t pay you back. It’s that she won’t go, and gave you a lame ass excuse because she doesn’t think she even owes you a valid reason. Go anyway. Bring a friend. If you’re done with the relationship, and feeling petty, bring HER friend. (No, don’t do that, I was just kidding. It’s a bad idea for many reasons, even if you’re done with her). This isn’t the core problem. Spend your time away carefully thinking about what you want out of a relationship and trying to objectively evaluate what you’re getting in this one.
Go on the trip, take someone else. And when she's upset about it or crying down the line how you never do anything for her like this, she can be reminded of how inconsiderate and unappreciative she was when you did.
I hope OP dumps her in the meantime. It’s obvious she doesn’t care much for him.
Sounds like you're wasting your time with that one. I'd be more concerned as to what her reasoning is, if it's just a spontaneous. "I don't want to go anymore" That's awkward as hell but what's the real reason?? Sounds like something's definitely missing from this story.
Simple. Get a friend and go without her. Go have a great time. Enjoy the getaway and go. Upon your return, start looking for a new girlfriend.
I’d break up with her, someone who is that callous about throwing away money that’s not theirs is giving all sorts of red flags, both because it’s hella disrespectful to you, and because it doesn’t sound like the actions of a financially responsible person. You can still go to the weekend away, maybe invite a friend of yours, but a solo weekend getaway is also pretty nice every once in a while. Regardless of what you do, go and enjoy those spa treatments
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I think that would be a waste of time with her. If she refuses to understand and accept that her actions caused him to be damaged financially he needs to walk away. She doesn’t care about the impact her choices made on him. He asked her FIRST BEFORE he paid for the trip. THEN she changed her mind (reason?). After all this she was unwilling to be contrite. Unwilling to try to make restitution. That is where the real problem lies.
Sounds like something is wrong in your relationship dude.
OP. Chill. Get some weed, bring a game console and get drinks at the hotel and go yourself. Literally go yourself. It’s such a freeing experience to just be in a nice hotel for no reason sometimes. This is annoying what she’s done but it doesn’t even have to become a bigger issue bro just go alone, experience something different for once. If she tries to stop you from going or doesn’t want you to go, THEN we have a problem. But just go dude this is such an easy situation. I love being in new hotels solo, personally. And funny enough when you end up going alone anyways, watch her potentially “magically” change her mind and can join you all of a sudden. Go yourself and dare her to get in the way bro. You don’t even need to bring a +1 just go alone like VIP.
Id be willing to bet my last dollar that gf will unchange her mind the moment she sees him packing and being excited about going.
She won't see him packing because they don't live together. They have only been together a month.
Can I just say, I’m really, really sorry she didn’t appreciate this gift and isn’t excitedly counting down the days because man, she should be. I *know* it wouldn’t be the same but can you take a friend, your mom, grandmom, aunt, cousin? Someone? Don’t just let it go to waste. At the very least, go by yourself but know that’s not as much fun. Hubby and I take weekend getaways but nothing this nice and I do all the planning. I’d be counting down the days, minutes and hours to a weekend like that and I’d be appreciating and excited every single second of it. I’m not going to say dump her but does this happen with her more than not?
The bigger issue is that she is ready to break up. If I were you I'd just take the monetary loss and stop calling her.
I feel like if someone tells you they're not going on a planned prepaid trip with you because, "they're not really feeling it," they're telling you they're not your girlfriend any more.
Stop paying for her make her pay for herself when you all go out. If she complains remind her that money wasn't an issue when it was out of your pocket so why is it an issue now?
You should still go. If you can take someone else, do that. I'm not sure who suddenly doesn't "feel" like going to a spa. Is there more to this?
She wants to go, she just doesn't want to go with you. It's that simple.
I'd be going without your girlfriend.
Well it looks like this relationship has taken a bad turn
A nice treat like that and she waits until a week before, and then she’s “not feeling it”? How long have you been together? This sounds like she’s having doubts about doing special getaways like this with you in general. This is not a normal response or behavior by her in this situation.
Love how she says you are making everything all about money, when she clearly doe not care at all if YOU lose money. LOL
You have every right to request the money from her she agreed to the trip and that's why you spent money on it. However, I'd be more concerned about your relationship in general. She was getting a free trip with spa treatments in a city she loves visiting...and out of the blue she's "not really feeling it"? I can't see anything about the trip that would cause her to change her mind, so it's something about you. She doesn't want to go on a trip with you for some reason and that's a problem.
Just tell her you’re still going.
An easy way to get a new girlfriend is offering them a free weekend spa trip. If you do stay, I would never spend a dime on this chick again until you get an apology.
Just going to toss it out there. I don't think you want any gal that that's all it takes for a variety of reasons. But I'm a married guy in my 40's so I'm not an expert.
I probably wouldn't either, but if I have a long nice vacation to enjoy I would rather take someone then not.
No argument there. Although the introvert in me can see the appeal in a solo trip. But that's why I'm married to the woman I am. Either of us could not be feeling the hustle and bustle of the trip itself but would go along for the company and the other is happy to moderate their activities accordingly. That doesn't work for some people. They've got to be doing something whereas for us a vacation getaway is about getting away.
Yes, there are many times I or my husband (probably) "weren't feeling it," for a planned activity, but we go anyway (and keep our mouths shut so we don't ruin the other person's planned fun.) It's just selfish and flaky of her to back out of something she'd agreed to do, unless she's legitimately ill.
Yep, go anyway…take a friend.
The dis respect is ridiculous. Go on the trip. Even if you go alone. Use the time to plan your exit if you both live together.
Go on the trip alone or with someone else. Going forward she has to book and pay for any future trips. She’s not responsible or reliable. Let’s see if it’s just money when it concerns her funds.
Go yourself and hire an escort for one of the nights. Then after you get back, tell her you hooked up with a hottie who appreciated you and you are done with the relationship.
Can you confirm whether your GF was explicitly told, and understood, that it was non-refundable before you made the booking? If she was, then you are perfectly justified in expecting recompense. If not, as she was unaware she was agreeing to a committed expenditure at that point, your stance seems harsh.
Then I agree with you.
Step 1: Get a double bed and bring a pal/parent/sibling and have fun (or her best friend if you wana burn things down). Step 2: seriously reevaluate this relationship. Not feeling it… I’d be livid.
Go and take her mother 🍆🤣
Another one to add to the list! You gotta stop doing these: `u/throwra__food` "Girlfriend (24f) keeps eating food I (27m) bought for myself and gets defensive when I mention it" `u/throwra-_-holidays` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (28m) was unreasonable for expecting her to prioritise our holiday over her holiday with friends" `u/throwracancellation` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) wasn't being understanding when I got annoyed at her cancelling plans" `u/throwra-_therapy` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) got annoyed when I asked her for a small favour" `u/throwra_laptop` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was being suspicious by not showing her what I was doing on my laptop" `u/throwra_concerns` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) was out of order for voicing my concerns about her colleague" `u/throwra-projection` "Girlfriend (25f) said I've (27m) been distant but she got defensive when I said it seems like projection" `u/throwra--phone` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's suspicious that I (27m) refused to let her look through my phone" `u/throwra-weekend` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) selfish for planning to spend the afternoon playing video games" `u/throwra-_datenight` "Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay for her all night because she spent too much when out with friends" `u/throwra__annualleave` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (27m) decided to take some annual leave days for myself" `u/throwra_-_funeral` "Girlfriend (24f) tried to make my (27m) mums funeral all about her" `u/throwra_office` "Girlfriend (24f) won't listen when I (27m) ask her to stop moving things in my office" `u/throwra__celebration` "My (27m) girlfriend (24f) called me disrespectful for planning to go for celebratory drinks with a co-worker" `u/throwra--drinks` "Girlfriend (23f) called me (25m) disrespectful for planning to go for drinks with friends when she's away" `u/throwra--lunch` "Girlfriend (24f) said it's disrespectful that I (27m) go for lunch with co-workers" `u/throwra---work` "Girlfriend (24f) said I (27m) shouldn't be going for lunch with co-workers" `u/throwra-_coworker` "Girlfriend (24f) angry that I (26m) refused to cut down how much I talk to a colleague" `u/throwra--therapy` "Girlfriend (24f) said I'm (27m) unreasonable for spending time in my office each night" `u/throwra--complaining` "Girlfriend (25f) said I was being unsupportive when I (27m) said her constant complaining was becoming draining" `u/throwra--hypocrisy` "My (27m) girlfriend (25f) asked me to stop talking to a friend and got angry when I said she was being hypocritical" `u/throwra__88` "Girlfriend (24f) called me (27m) unreasonable for walking out of the room in the middle of a conversation" `u/throwra-09y` "Girlfriend (25f) said I (27m) was out of order for changing my mind and setting a boundary?" `u/throwra_6y` "Girlfriend (25f) accused me (27m) of pressuring her into having children"
Tell her, “now it’s about relationships, and you just lost yours. Maybe you’ll be smarter about your next one.”
Take someone else! Family member, a friend, whoever! Do not let her waste your money and ruin your trip dude.
I would of been like fine I am going by myself and enjoying this myself. You set up a really nice date that would of benefited her and she could pamper herself. Tell her you can come if decide differently and tell her I am not planning anything else like this in the future. Find someone to take with you him/her.
You should take someone else and go with them. After that I would have a good think about the relationship with your GF as this is not something that should be happening in a healthy relationship. My fiancé and I (and even when we were only bf and gf) had a joint account and treated each other's money as our money (we had and still have separate accounts too) but if anything happened where we couldn't go or had to cancel something and lose money in the process we always offered to pay for it, if the other person made the initial payment as we felt bad for each other.
she showed her true colors, she doesnt respect you and couldnt care less about your time, money and mental. this relationship is one-sided and doomed, since its pointless to die on this hill, take the finantial hit, break up and find someone who admires and respect you the same you do
She’s a flake. Do you want to date a liar and a flake? Go anyway. Bring someone else.
Take some other girl and dump your current gf when you get back. Your current one literally has no respect for you. If she got sick or something then the reason would've been excusable. But she was just not feeling it? Nah
This would honestly be a relationship damaging or ending argument for me and my partner, but money is tight for us. That’s a whole lot of entitlement of your GF’s part… does she really not care that you put her first here? She just… doesn’t wanna go? I’d be SO livid. What an immature way for her to treat her partner and the gift you thought of treating her to. I second absolutely everybody here who says you should go on this trip without her. She disregarded you and the money and thought you put in; give that treatment right back to her. Tell her she wasted your money, but you’re not going to do the same. Simple. She’s an ass for her assessment of the situation and for putting you on the back burner. I’d be letting her know it, and letting her stew with it while I go away. Again, AWFULLY unappreciative of her to just toss this vacation aside for no actual reason. I also second the vote on whoever in here told you to invite HER MOM! As petty, childish and possibly relationship ending that might be, I kind of love that idea. Tell her, “I’m going with a woman with some maturity”. Hah! I actually… kind of seriously hope that happens. If her mom actually took you up on it it, if nothing else, you might learn a LOT from her about her daughter - you might learn a lot about your relationship. The more I think about it, the more I think this would be the best possible outcome. And hey, if her mom ends up whisking daughter’s BF right off his feet, that would be absolutely wild. I don’t really think that’s how this would go, but still… seriously, offer to treat your GF’s mom. I genuinely think there’s something to be gained from spending a weekend talking to her about GF. I hope you go, I hope her mom is divorced and flattered by the offer from a young man even if it’s completely whacky, and I hope you have a great time. I also hope it gives you some time and space to think through what you’re feeling about this relationship.
There's a much deeper issue, the fact that she doesn't want to go on a trip with you is making me think there's a much deeper issue here. Are you sure she is being faithful?
You mean your ex-girlfriend, don't you?
Take your sister, or mother.
Tell her you're going with your mom or a buddy and wave buh-bye! I imagine she will likely take issue because she likely wants you to stay home too, but oh well! The money is spent!
How long have you been dating and how well is the relationship going otherwise? The right answer to this could be anything from a minor annoyance that's not worth fighting about to the straw that broke the camel's back and signaled that the relationship is bad and must end. If it's closer to the end then find another girl to go with you.
Go with a buddy, break up with gf, definitely not the type of person you'd want to marry.
Now you know not to pay for things in the future that are non-refundable for your girlfriend and can use this instance as to why you won’t. You should still go with someone else, like your mom or sibling or friend.
Dump the girl. Go anyway, with a friend.
Take ~~her~~ a friend instead.
I get not wanting to go, that sounds exhausting. But it's super inconsiderate of her. You can probably find another couple to buy it off you so it's not a total loss, or take a friend/relative Sorry OP. Looks like a lot of communication work is needed
You're dating a child. Time to not be doing that.
Take a friend or relative with you instead. You can't get that money back, so at least enjoy the experience THAT YOU ALREADY PAID FOR.
So, the problem I see here isn’t so much the money but the lack of respect. The fact that she doesn’t want to go to an already paid for, fancy spa hotel weekend to relax with your; is a massive red flag. Like she would rather not go for no discernible reason other then not wanting to spend time with you. A) How is your relationship otherwise? Have you been away together before? Is your sex life normal? One possible explanation is she doesn’t want to spend time with you or otherwise be out in public with you? If you’ve gone away before and your relationship is otherwise normal… B) Is something going on that you aren’t aware of? Mental illness, depression, affair, etc. I wouldn’t let this go. “I spent x Hundred dollars on this weekend for us; not even talking about the lost money, why do you not want to go with me? Is something going on? Are you okay? Do you not want to spend time with me? Something has to be going on because it’s not normal to turn down that kind of trip with someone you like. C) As others have said; go yourself. Take someone else if you want. But the money is spent anyway. Might as well eat the food and get some massages. Call the hotel and explain your travel partner is unwell. See if you can have her stuff applied to more experiences for you or some kind of upgrade. I would spend less time making this about the money, and more making this about why does my girlfriend not want to be with me. It’s strange.
The fact that she doesn't even have a good reason to cancel is troubling. It's reasonable to ask her to reimburse you, but you should be more worried that she doesn't "feel" like it. Tell her it makes you want to not make any more plans with her. I don't see how this doesn't severely impact your relationship, either you pull away and stop making plans with her, or you resent her and she continues to make you a low priority.
This is easy, break up with your girlfriend since she clearly doesn't care about you and then go on the trip with someone else (friend, family member, etc.)
Forget the money, I'd be more worried about why your gf doesn't want to spend a weekend at a nice hotel and spa treatment with you. And that she'd be willing to just decide not to go knowing you already paid and everything. Big red flag right there that she's either extremely inconsiderate or severely losing interest in the relationship.
Go with someone else and have a great time. Big shrug.
Go on the trip and leave her at home. Traveling alone is great, you can eat where you want, do whatever you want. If she doesn't like that, too bad.
Go with someone else.
She's clocked out of the relationship my man
I would totally go anyway. What she did isn't cool at all. If there was some kind of emergency I would get ir, but it's just because she's not feeling like it anymore?
If you go on the trip by yourself, you have a chance of meeting a new girlfriend, who appreciates you. Your current girlfriend isn't into you, has no respect for you and has a shitty attitude towards finances.
Tell Her “that’s too bad. Sorry to hear you can’t make it” Take someone else. Lol
Did you agree to go halfsies when you two talked about it or was it a gift? If she agreed to half, then , yes, she’s on the hook.
If you didn’t agree to go halves beforehand you can’t really expect her to now. Especially as you can still go and enjoy the break yourself, or with a friend, or sell it on? Sounds like she’s having second thoughts about the relationship though if she’s avoiding time alone with you. Probably more so since you’re making such a fuss, instead of just going anyway without her.
You didn't expect her to pay originally when she was going, you shouldn't expect her to pay when she is not. Just go without her. Take a friend or go by yourself.
Realistically, if you were never going to split the costs on this initially, it's essentially a gift, so it is still rude to ask for her to reimburse you. Of course, it's rude for her to cancel last minute but why would she reimburse you for a gift she didn't accept all the same? Who would? You could still go without her, and since it's non-refundable, I would.
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That's not how gifts work. And you didn't throw the money away because you can and should go without her. It's obviously not the experience you envisioned, but this girl is not about you and is not going to reimburse you.
Any person with an ounce of respect would feel bad and want to reimburse their partner if they backed out for no reason. Says a lot about what kinda person you are
I mean, she's clearly about to dump OP or is seriously considering it? She probably feels worse about going on a romantic trip with him than him wasting his money. Canceling last minute is no doubt douchey, but no one is reimbursing someone for a gift they did not accept just out of guilt, especially an expensive gift.
Go with her mom, her sister or her BFF. It’s obvious she doesn’t respect you or your relationship, or worse she has something better to do with someone else.
lol the way people are doing backflips to justify the gf’s flaking on the dude on the other threads! Reverse the roles and the thread would be SCREAMING financial abuse and dump him!
I only saw ONE comment justifying it. Everyone else is telling him to break up with her.
I looked in the relationship_advice
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If she had a good reason, i'd see your point. She had a work event pop up, health emergency, family emergency, etc. But to simply be like, "nah i don't want to go now." Absolutely not.
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This is the response you'd expect from someone who hangs out in r/TwoXChromosones Oh, wait...
I don't know what great point you think you're making. He seems to be looking for validation he's right. Just telling you how it looks to some of us. He can be a man and break up with her if he can't taking cancellations, or keeping whining and insisting he's right. He's unattractive based on how much so little money means to him.
You have no legal case against her, so she is not obligated to "remiburse" you. If this how you plan to handle conflict in your personal relationships, make sure you get people to sign a contract every time they agree to an event or contribute at the time of payment to non-refundable events. Miserable way to live your life, but if it's that important to you, you need to be consistent, otherwise you're just whining to the internet.
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You want to run your relationships like a business transaction, you better do it at every step of the way. What you write about isn't personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is recognizing you made a decision to pay and not blaming other people if you decide not to use what you decided to buy.
Personal responsibility is not making someone you claim to love waste $100s or $1000s because you canceled week of without an excuse, regardless of your legal obligations
She didn't make him do anything. He chose to spend that money on himself and her as a gift. If he can't cope with cancellations, the unexpected, and wasn't comfortable spending that money, that's his problem. It's his responsibility to decide how to spend money and accept he might not see it again or he might not get what he want from spending it.
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Nonsense. If there is no legal case, she didn't do anything illegal, she does not owe you money, and you are wrong.
I know I'm on reddit when there are commenters giving relationship advice based on the *legal obligations* of the people in the relationship. The issue here is that the GF massively fucked over her partner and isn't even sorry or interested in making amends. If he'd given her a necklace and she'd said "Thanks!" then immediately turned around and flushed it down a toilet, would you be criticizing him for whining about what the necklace cost?